June 5, 2025 • 23 mins
Have you ever found yourself stuck in fear, overthinking decisions, or wrestling with the pressure to get everything right? In this deeply personal June solo episode, I explore the transformative power of renewed thinking and how our mindset profoundly shapes our leadership effectiveness.
Drawing from Romans 12:2, I share my own journey confronting what I call the "shame, fear, and control triad" – a powerful framework that helped me understand how these three elements create limiting beliefs in leadership. During a sabbatical last year, I underwent what I affectionately call "spiritual therapy" where I confronted decades-old patterns of perfectionism and fear-based decision making.
The breakthrough came through identifying specific ungodly beliefs like "I have to do everything perfectly or I will be judged" and replacing them with scriptural truth. This practice of speaking truth aloud daily for 30 days began reshaping not just my thinking but my entire leadership approach.
Fear manifests differently for each of us – sometimes as logic, excessive planning, or analysis paralysis. Whatever form it takes, unaddressed fear leads to delay and indecision that limits our impact. That's why I share five practical tools for mindset transformation: naming patterns, replacing lies with truth, creating white space for clarity, surrounding yourself with truth-tellers, and leading from identity rather than insecurity.
As I navigate my own transition season with my youngest son graduating high school, I'm reminded that our journeys constantly evolve. The mindset work never truly ends, but it's worth it. You have unique gifts and perspective needed in this world. Don't let fear rob you or those you lead of these gifts. Grab your journal, reflect on the questions shared in this episode, and start your journey toward renewed thinking today.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Hey friends, welcome back to Entrusted to Lead.
I'm Danita Cummins, and I'm soglad that you're here with me
for our June solo episode.
This month, we're diving into atheme that's deeply personal
for me renewed thinking and ifyou've ever felt stuck in fear
or overthinking your decisionsor wrestling with the pressure
to get it all right, then thisconversation is for you.
(00:27):
We'll explore how mindsetaffects our leadership, what
scripture teaches us aboutthinking differently and some
practical steps to renew yourthoughts and move forward even
when fear wants to hold you back.
So grab a notebook, your cup ofcoffee and a quiet space and
let's get started.
Notebook your cup of coffee anda quiet space and let's get
(00:50):
started.
Leadership can feel really heavysometimes, especially when
you're carrying vision andpeople and purpose all on your
shoulders all at the same time.
You have got a big mission, butthe strategy feels fuzzy and
your team is looking at you forclarity that you're not sure you
actually have.
I get it.
It's hard.
I'm Danita Cummins.
I help faith-driven leaderslike you find clarity, align
(01:12):
with your values and lead withconfidence without burning out,
because that's never okay.
If you're ready to get unstuck,lead your team with courage and
to turn that God-given visioninto strategy that really works.
I want us to talk.
Take the free leadershipclarity quiz that I've created
today and I want you to scheduleyour no-pressure coaching call,
(01:32):
because together we can uncoverwhat's holding you back and how
to move forward in faith andconfidence.
Let's get started with ouranchor verse for today Do not
conform to the pattern of thisworld, but be transformed by the
renewing of your mind.
The world's patterns pushperformance, comparison and
(01:56):
image, but transformation thathappens from the inside out.
Friend, here's something I wantyou to consider today.
Are you leading from pressureor peace?
Here are some examples ofconformed thinking that leaders
fall into.
Sometimes we focus onpeople-pleasing perfectionism
(02:16):
and reactive decisions.
I don't know what that is foryou, but me and my own life I
can see how I have fallen victimto all three of those things,
if I'm honest, and sometimes Ireally do struggle between the
external pressures that Iexperience from others and this
internal transformation that theLord is trying to do in me and
(02:37):
in those that I love.
I have spent a good portion ofmy time in different seasons
navigating what fear looks likefear of failure, expectations
and for me it really falls downto perfectionism.
If I'm honest, I like to say Ilike Excel because straight
lines make me happy, but if yougot a chance to read my book or
(02:59):
if you've digging into any ofthose things that I've written
or shared about my struggles inthat area, it really comes down
from a focus on control.
If we're honest, last year Iwent through a really great
sabbatical spiritual therapy Iguess would be a really good way
(03:20):
to explain it and in thattraining I learned a lot about
this three-stooled thing.
I learned a lot about connectionbetween shame, fear and control
, and shame isn't something thatwe want to talk a lot about in
the world, especially not whenwe talk about leadership, but
it's a real part of how wenavigate our life and I think
(03:43):
it's also a great deception inour journey with faith, and so
perfectionism is really, from myperspective and the experiences
that I've had, a lot of ustrying to make sure that we
don't fail, and that looks a lotlike, or can be rooted in shame
, fear, control, and so todaywe're going to dive into this
(04:11):
topic about fear and conformedthinking and how we renew our
mindset, but I think we would beremiss as people of faith or
leaders in organizations if wejust lightly skipped over that
complex and how all of thosethings seem to be working
underneath the surface.
So let's talk a little bitabout fear and in my experiences
(04:33):
as a mom and as a leader, thebest way to do it is to just say
it out loud.
So let's name it, because fearisn't always loud.
Sometimes it whispers,sometimes it shows up and says
things like I'm not ready, orwhat if it flops, or what if
they think I'm unqualified.
So those are real conversationsthat we have with ourselves,
(04:56):
real thoughts that we strugglewith that keep us from opening
the door, stepping out in faithor running this race that God
has called us to run.
But it doesn't have to be big,like launching a company or
standing up a new product line,like I shared last month that
Hubby and I are working on withour own business.
It can be something as simpleas starting a blog or talking to
(05:18):
your kids about somethingthat's really hard, or
addressing a concern that youhave, where you're holding your
boundaries and your feelings andyour self-care, and putting
that at the forefront of yourlife, because your heart and
your mind and your emotionalhealth really do matter.
Right, there can be so manythings Last year when I went
through my sabbatical, throughrestoring the foundations, and I
(05:40):
worked a lot on the shame, fearcontrol triad.
One of the things that wediscovered as we were working
through the deep work that I wasworking through with my amazing
team of mentors and ministersthat were leading me through
this process, was this greatdegree of ungodly beliefs that I
had in my life that were reallycontrolling the thoughts and
the narrative that I had in myhead, and those were, candidly,
(06:03):
lies.
They were not truths.
They weren't truths about myidentity.
They weren't truths about myvalue.
They weren't truths about whoGod called me to be and how God
had built and designed me andthe love and the promises that
God has for me and so I.
Through that journey, we had toride out a bunch of ungodly
beliefs that we had and theministers were really great to
(06:25):
help uncover those lies.
As I went throughout my weekand different struggles that I
had, or if I kept tripping up onsomething like a root, like I'm
walking through the woods and Ikeep falling over this root
system, they were really greatand, objectively, could look at
it and say, hey, that's an.
Actually, that's a lie.
You're believing this lie aboutyourself.
Look at it and say, hey, that'san.
Actually, that's a lie.
(06:45):
You're believing this lie aboutyourself, your identity, and it
keeps tripping you up, so let'swrite that down.
So they were very gentle andkind.
All we did was we wrote it downand then, as we got through the
end of the week, I had thehomework and it was hard, but I
had the homework to go back, andeach night I had to spend some
time reading over these andreflecting and praying and
asking God like is this a truthor is it a lie?
(07:08):
And if it's a lie, then wherein scripture can I reinforce the
truth?
And so that was a very powerfulthing for me, because what it
enabled me to do was to writethem down on paper so that I can
see these are ungodly beliefs,these are lies about my identity
, these are thoughts that Icontinue to have about myself
and about my value.
(07:28):
And then here's the reverse.
So if that's an ungodly beliefor an ally, what's the opposite?
What's true?
And where can I back that up inscripture?
Because I'm going to need itfor the journey ahead.
And I can tell you with 100%certainty I came back from that
event last year and my homeworkwas to read those every single
day for 30 days.
(07:49):
So for every single day for 30days I sat in my little chair in
my office and I read theungodly beliefs and the lies out
loud, and then I replaced themwith the truths out loud and I
read them over myself.
And just last week, as I wasstruggling through a thing at
work and with the ministry, Iran into one of them.
(08:09):
I tripped over one again, andit was this lie that I'm alone,
that I'll always be alone andthat there will be no one there
to help me.
And I went back and I sat in mychair that morning I was
frustrated and I opened up mylittle yellow folder and there
it was my list of ungodlybeliefs from a year ago.
And I opened it up and Istarted to read them and there
(08:29):
it was, right in front of me,this ungodly belief staring at
me in the face.
And I thought here it is again,a year later, and I'm still
tripping over it.
And so those are some of theways for me that thoughts and
fears show up in the world.
They might look different foryou.
Your fear might disguise itselfas logic, or maybe your fear
(08:53):
looks like excellence or timing.
It's just not the right time,or this doesn't make sense.
This isn't strategic or logicalor linear, and I can't connect
all the dots and so therefore, Ishouldn't move forward, or I
shouldn't do X, y, z because,quite frankly, I can't put it
all into a nice little plan.
But fear leads us to delay orindecision if it's not addressed
(09:16):
, and that really does hinderourselves and it hinders the
world, because it keeps us fromgiving the gifts and the
blessings and the treasures thatGod has given us and wants us
to impart on them.
So I want you to, right now, aswe're sitting here talking and
you're doing whatever it isyou're doing washing dishes or
walking on the treadmill ordriving your car I want you to
(09:36):
think about one area where fearhas crept in in your life and
maybe it's unnoticed.
Maybe up until this very momentyou haven't really stopped and
thought is this fear that I'mseeing in my life?
I don't know what that lookslike for you, but I think it's
(09:58):
super important because, back tomy example of going to
restoring the foundations, Ididn't really know that they
were fears or lies or deceptionsthat were tripping me up.
I just kept falling down overand over and over again, and it
really took me, with the help ofother people, to uncover that
root system so that I could seehow it really was affecting
(10:22):
everything my life, my belief,my faith, my heart and my fear.
So let's dive into some reallypractical things.
What do you do when yourecognize the fear?
So you have the thing now right.
So we're driving, we're talking, we're doing dishes and you've
got a thing, whatever that is.
Hold on to that.
So what are you going to do nowthat you've recognized it?
(10:43):
You have to reframe your mindset, and I know that sounds super
easy on paper, but it's reallynot, I know.
So here are five tools that Iuse to reframe my mindset, and
I'm going to give them to youtoday.
Number one is I want to pauseand I name the pattern.
I like patterns.
I'm a systems thinker, I do.
(11:04):
I like repeatable patterns.
I love frameworks.
If I can get a five-stepframework or if I can find three
or four things that I canrepeat over and over again, I am
in heaven.
So I want you to pause, thinkabout the fear that you've just
identified and I want you toname the pattern.
Is there a pattern, we like tosay triggers?
Is there a trigger that keepsyou where?
(11:26):
You keep coming back around thesame mountain over and over and
over again?
I bet you there is, and if youtake the time to reflect on that
and to really think through itand analyze it, you will
probably start to see thisthread in your life where it
weaves through different things.
So that's the first thing Pauseand name the pattern.
(11:46):
Number two I want you to replacethe lie with a truth.
So I'm going to read you a fewexamples that I have from my
journey, just to get you started, and then you can build your
own.
Okay, and some of these mightbe a little bit vulnerable.
So I'm just being a little bitvulnerable with you.
I'll just be super honest, okay.
(12:07):
So here's my ungodly belief.
Number two it says I have to doeverything perfectly or I will
be judged and I will be punished.
Nothing short of perfection isacceptable and everything needs
to be judged and I will bepunished.
Nothing short of perfection isacceptable and everything needs
to be neat and in straight linesto prove that I have done it
right.
That's clearly a lie, right?
I mean, you would tell me thatif we were sitting on my kitchen
(12:28):
table having coffee, you wouldsay Danita, that's completely a
lie, but it was an ungodlybelief that I had carried for 45
years of my life.
So here is the truth.
The truth is that God loves andaccepts me just as I am.
I don't have to do anything toearn his love or to prove my
worth.
His blood has cleansed me andis restoring the true value,
(12:52):
goodness and honor that is dueto me, and I choose to humbly
rest in him and receive histruth.
That is a radically differentperspective.
That's my example for you.
I want you to take some timetoday and do the same thing for
(13:14):
yourself.
I want you to take some timetoday and do the same thing for
yourself, and in order to beable to do that, you have to
create white space to hearclarity, which is number three.
You just really do, friend.
Like I said, the only way I gotthrough these revelations was I
took a week and I left my houseand I drove away to the
mountains, which a lot of peoplecan't do.
I get it, and I found a groupof ministers who were trained
(13:37):
and could help me walk throughall of the hard stuff that I was
holding.
You might not have the luxuryof doing that today, but you can
create white space, you cantake space, you can find
reflection time in your schedulewhere you can just sit and be
still and you can hear theclarity that the Lord has for
you.
Number four is you surroundyourself with truth tellers.
(13:58):
I think my most favorite partabout this in a non-faith
perspective even though I thinkfaith is a part of everything we
do is getting to sit withentrepreneurs and startup
founders and people who arecreating businesses and products
.
They are the truth tellers.
They are going after a solution, they're trying to solve a
(14:19):
problem in the world and they'rethe ones who say, hey, it's not
going to be that bad, let's getout there, let's try it.
Everything is beta, we like tosay, and that has been such a
blessing to me, because if I amleft to my own devices, I'm
going to stay grounded in fearand I'm going to tell myself I
have imposter syndrome, that Ican't do it, I'm not smart
(14:39):
enough All the lies that we tellourself.
But if I surround myself withtruth tellers, if I surround
myself with truth tellers, ifI'm in rooms or in community
with people who are actuallydoing the thing.
Then I start to see it ispossible, I start to see it is
something that we can do, Istart to see that this might not
(15:01):
be as impossible as I thinkthat it is.
And number five is we lead fromidentity, not insecurity.
I had a leader that I workedwith a few years ago and she
unfortunately led from a placeof fear and insecurity.
She was very controlling, shewas very manipulative and she
just did a lot of things thatwere not good for the team and
(15:27):
for us as an organization.
And I saw her leading from thatscarcity mindset, and that is
not what we are called to do.
We are not called to do that asleaders and we are not called
to do that as children of God.
We are not.
That is not what God says aboutus, that is not our identity
found in Him, and so there isjust a mindset and a deception
(15:47):
that I think we struggle withevery single day spirits of
poverty, and it's not what Godhas designed us to be.
So if you find yourself leadingfrom a place of insecurity and
not identity, then we want tofocus on that.
So I want you to slow down forjust a minute and I want to give
you a few questions to reflecton the work this week, because I
know it's hard, I know.
(16:07):
So here are the questions.
Number one where has fear beenshaping your leadership
decisions?
Maybe you think nowhere.
Nowhere, fear's not shaping mydecisions at all.
But I would caution you.
I think every one of us havesome degree of fear somewhere,
and it might not be big, but itmight be little, so don't
(16:29):
dismiss it.
Number two what thoughtpatterns am I conforming to?
Thought patterns are soimportant, I say thoughts are
like clouds they come and theygo.
They are so powerful.
If we choose to hold onto them,they can destroy us truly.
I mean, how many times have yougotten up in the middle of the
night and not been able to sleepbecause your mind is running
(16:49):
and repeating over and over andover the things you should have
said or you shouldn't have said,or all the things?
So thought patterns are soconsuming.
That's why we focus on thatverse this week and we have to
take them captive.
That's what the Bible says, butwe really do.
As leaders, we have to make aconsorted effort to not get
(17:10):
consumed by our thoughts.
So what thought patterns areyou conforming to.
If you go back and listen, I'llput a link in the show notes.
Had a great conversation withAmy Kemp last year.
She released her book and cameon the show.
She is a habit finders, thoughtcoach, phenomenal, exceptional.
If you get a chance to checkout habit finders or any of
(17:31):
those things, I totallyencourage you to do it.
It's a radically differentshift from any kind of
personality assessment you'veever done.
So put the links in the shownotes.
Please go back and listen tothat episode Super powerful and
reach out to Amy if you needsome coaching, because she's
amazing, she loves what she doesand she's really good at it.
Number three is what truth do Ineed to speak over myself today?
(17:52):
Yours might be, I don't know.
Maybe it has something to dowith the ungodly beliefs that I
shared earlier.
Maybe yours is the truth thatyou're not alone.
That's what mine was last week,if I'm honest, and I had to go
back and I had to repeat myselfto tell myself and remind myself
that I am not alone.
So I don't know what it mightbe for you.
(18:13):
It could be about provision.
It could be about provision.
It could be about protection.
It could be about your purposeor your personhood, your
identity, your performance.
There could be lots of things,but what truth do you need to
speak over yourself today?
And number four is who do Iwant to become through this
mindset shift?
Sometimes we don't ask ourselveswho am I becoming?
Where am I going?
(18:34):
What is the point?
For me, that's an importantquestion right now in this
season, because my youngest songraduates tomorrow from high
school.
It's insane.
We were leaving the awardsbanquet and I looked at my
husband after we left and I wasjust in the car, just almost in
tears and I felt like I wasleaving a funeral, if I'm super
(18:55):
honest.
And we got in the car and Ilooked at Mark and I was like
he's the last one.
And we got in the car and Ilooked at Mark and I was like
he's the last one.
I can remember having 10-yearplans when all the kids were
going to graduate and Mark wasgoing to retire from the
government and we had all thesemilestones that we were tracking
in our life and this is thelast milestone I have on my plan
.
I have no other milestonesafter this.
(19:17):
I have no idea where we'regoing.
This is the last thing that Iwas waiting for and maybe
there'll be, you know, seasonsof grandchildren and I know
there will be a thousand morethings that come our way.
But for me, as a mom, my listjust ended.
It ends tomorrow, and so Idon't know where we're going,
(19:38):
and I share that, becausesometimes that's kind of how we
get into life.
So the question is who do youwant to become through this
mindset shift?
Where are you going?
And of course, I always offerand encourage you to consider
writing these things down.
Grab a journal, find some timeit doesn't have to be hours.
Most of us don't have hoursbecause life is crazy.
(19:59):
We have cats and coffee andjobs and traffic.
But find 15 minutes in a cornersomewhere.
I guarantee you can find 15minutes I know you can and just
write a few things down.
Think about these questions, usethem as a team check-in.
If you actually have a team, aministry team or a small team or
a small group of people at workwhere you can come in and say,
(20:23):
hey, I'm working on some growthmindset things and so I would
love some perspective.
If you don't have a ministryteam and you can't go off to the
mountains on a five-day retreat, I totally get that.
But I bet you have one friendor one colleague or somebody at
work that you take a walk withor you grab coffee in the break
(20:43):
room and just say hey, you knowI'm working on a few of my
leadership journey things.
One of them is about fear and Iwould really love your
perspective.
Or could you help me workthrough some thought patterns
that maybe I have, or maybethere are some truths that I
need to speak over myself.
Let them help you.
It doesn't have to be 20 people,it can just be two, but their
(21:06):
voices are so powerful becausewe can't see inside ourselves.
There's no way that you canknow about the great strengths
that you have by yourself.
We don't get those in a vacuum.
We get those in community, withothers, and so you got to let
them in friend, even if it'shard.
And the other thing I'll say isyou're worth it, right, you're
(21:26):
worth it.
Your life and your identitymatters, and in this season of
my life, I am super passionateabout helping people see the
opportunity and the endless hopethat there is in the world, and
I believe that for you, and Ibelieve that for you and I
believe that for me.
And so, as long as there isbreath in your lungs, then you
have work to do and you havelove and grace and hope that you
(21:49):
can offer the world in small orabundantly amazing ways.
Don't let fear be the cause ofyou not being able to do that to
offer the blessings and hope tothe world.
Okay, hey, friends, thanks forjoining me today.
This month is all aboutembracing a renewed mindset and
(22:11):
renewed thinking.
So don't rush past this.
Okay, let it sink in.
I know it's hard.
Might think you feel a littlesquirrely and you might wanna
get up and walk around, andthat's okay too, but let those
thoughts and ideas and thingswork in the background, because
it's super important.
Like I said, you're worth itand I truly believe that every
(22:31):
single one of you have somethingamazing and beautiful to offer
the world and my hope is thatyou find a way to do that and,
through God's love and his graceand his endless promises, that
you find the hope and the peacethat you can endure tomorrow.
So if this episode encouragedyou, would you share it with a
friend and make sure that you'vesigned up for the Entrusted to
(22:52):
Lead newsletter for leadershiptools and monthly encouragement?
It would be really, reallygreat if you did.
We had an amazing time with thePromise over purpose book club.
It finished out at the end ofMay, and so I just really had a
blessing doing that.
If there's more informationyou'd like to learn about that,
please pop over to the websiteand, of course, of course, of
(23:13):
course, leave a comment.
I would love to hear from you,so I want you to know that you
are doing better than you thinkyou are.
I know that right here fromwhere I sit today.
I know it, friend, so don'tforget to keep showing up every
day, even when it hurts, becauseyou matter.
All right, I'll talk soon,friend.
Have an amazing day.
Bye.
Hey friends, welcome back to Entrusted to Lead.
I'm Danita Cummins, and I'm soglad that you're here with me
for our June solo episode.
This month, we're diving into atheme that's deeply personal
for me renewed thinking and ifyou've ever felt stuck in fear
or overthinking your decisionsor wrestling with the pressure
to get it all right, then thisconversation is for you.
(00:27):
We'll explore how mindsetaffects our leadership, what
scripture teaches us aboutthinking differently and some
practical steps to renew yourthoughts and move forward even
when fear wants to hold you back.
So grab a notebook, your cup ofcoffee and a quiet space and
let's get started.
Notebook your cup of coffee anda quiet space and let's get
(00:50):
started.
Leadership can feel really heavysometimes, especially when
you're carrying vision andpeople and purpose all on your
shoulders all at the same time.
You have got a big mission, butthe strategy feels fuzzy and
your team is looking at you forclarity that you're not sure you
actually have.
I get it.
It's hard.
I'm Danita Cummins.
I help faith-driven leaderslike you find clarity, align
(01:12):
with your values and lead withconfidence without burning out,
because that's never okay.
If you're ready to get unstuck,lead your team with courage and
to turn that God-given visioninto strategy that really works.
I want us to talk.
Take the free leadershipclarity quiz that I've created
today and I want you to scheduleyour no-pressure coaching call,
(01:32):
because together we can uncoverwhat's holding you back and how
to move forward in faith andconfidence.
Let's get started with ouranchor verse for today Do not
conform to the pattern of thisworld, but be transformed by the
renewing of your mind.
The world's patterns pushperformance, comparison and
(01:56):
image, but transformation thathappens from the inside out.
Friend, here's something I wantyou to consider today.
Are you leading from pressureor peace?
Here are some examples ofconformed thinking that leaders
fall into.
Sometimes we focus onpeople-pleasing perfectionism
(02:16):
and reactive decisions.
I don't know what that is foryou, but me and my own life I
can see how I have fallen victimto all three of those things,
if I'm honest, and sometimes Ireally do struggle between the
external pressures that Iexperience from others and this
internal transformation that theLord is trying to do in me and
(02:37):
in those that I love.
I have spent a good portion ofmy time in different seasons
navigating what fear looks likefear of failure, expectations
and for me it really falls downto perfectionism.
If I'm honest, I like to say Ilike Excel because straight
lines make me happy, but if yougot a chance to read my book or
(02:59):
if you've digging into any ofthose things that I've written
or shared about my struggles inthat area, it really comes down
from a focus on control.
If we're honest, last year Iwent through a really great
sabbatical spiritual therapy Iguess would be a really good way
(03:20):
to explain it and in thattraining I learned a lot about
this three-stooled thing.
I learned a lot about connectionbetween shame, fear and control
, and shame isn't something thatwe want to talk a lot about in
the world, especially not whenwe talk about leadership, but
it's a real part of how wenavigate our life and I think
(03:43):
it's also a great deception inour journey with faith, and so
perfectionism is really, from myperspective and the experiences
that I've had, a lot of ustrying to make sure that we
don't fail, and that looks a lotlike, or can be rooted in shame
, fear, control, and so todaywe're going to dive into this
(04:11):
topic about fear and conformedthinking and how we renew our
mindset, but I think we would beremiss as people of faith or
leaders in organizations if wejust lightly skipped over that
complex and how all of thosethings seem to be working
underneath the surface.
So let's talk a little bitabout fear and in my experiences
(04:33):
as a mom and as a leader, thebest way to do it is to just say
it out loud.
So let's name it, because fearisn't always loud.
Sometimes it whispers,sometimes it shows up and says
things like I'm not ready, orwhat if it flops, or what if
they think I'm unqualified.
So those are real conversationsthat we have with ourselves,
(04:56):
real thoughts that we strugglewith that keep us from opening
the door, stepping out in faithor running this race that God
has called us to run.
But it doesn't have to be big,like launching a company or
standing up a new product line,like I shared last month that
Hubby and I are working on withour own business.
It can be something as simpleas starting a blog or talking to
(05:18):
your kids about somethingthat's really hard, or
addressing a concern that youhave, where you're holding your
boundaries and your feelings andyour self-care, and putting
that at the forefront of yourlife, because your heart and
your mind and your emotionalhealth really do matter.
Right, there can be so manythings Last year when I went
through my sabbatical, throughrestoring the foundations, and I
(05:40):
worked a lot on the shame, fearcontrol triad.
One of the things that wediscovered as we were working
through the deep work that I wasworking through with my amazing
team of mentors and ministersthat were leading me through
this process, was this greatdegree of ungodly beliefs that I
had in my life that were reallycontrolling the thoughts and
the narrative that I had in myhead, and those were, candidly,
(06:03):
lies.
They were not truths.
They weren't truths about myidentity.
They weren't truths about myvalue.
They weren't truths about whoGod called me to be and how God
had built and designed me andthe love and the promises that
God has for me and so I.
Through that journey, we had toride out a bunch of ungodly
beliefs that we had and theministers were really great to
(06:25):
help uncover those lies.
As I went throughout my weekand different struggles that I
had, or if I kept tripping up onsomething like a root, like I'm
walking through the woods and Ikeep falling over this root
system, they were really greatand, objectively, could look at
it and say, hey, that's an.
Actually, that's a lie.
You're believing this lie aboutyourself.
Look at it and say, hey, that'san.
Actually, that's a lie.
(06:45):
You're believing this lie aboutyourself, your identity, and it
keeps tripping you up, so let'swrite that down.
So they were very gentle andkind.
All we did was we wrote it downand then, as we got through the
end of the week, I had thehomework and it was hard, but I
had the homework to go back, andeach night I had to spend some
time reading over these andreflecting and praying and
asking God like is this a truthor is it a lie?
(07:08):
And if it's a lie, then wherein scripture can I reinforce the
truth?
And so that was a very powerfulthing for me, because what it
enabled me to do was to writethem down on paper so that I can
see these are ungodly beliefs,these are lies about my identity
, these are thoughts that Icontinue to have about myself
and about my value.
(07:28):
And then here's the reverse.
So if that's an ungodly beliefor an ally, what's the opposite?
What's true?
And where can I back that up inscripture?
Because I'm going to need itfor the journey ahead.
And I can tell you with 100%certainty I came back from that
event last year and my homeworkwas to read those every single
day for 30 days.
(07:49):
So for every single day for 30days I sat in my little chair in
my office and I read theungodly beliefs and the lies out
loud, and then I replaced themwith the truths out loud and I
read them over myself.
And just last week, as I wasstruggling through a thing at
work and with the ministry, Iran into one of them.
(08:09):
I tripped over one again, andit was this lie that I'm alone,
that I'll always be alone andthat there will be no one there
to help me.
And I went back and I sat in mychair that morning I was
frustrated and I opened up mylittle yellow folder and there
it was my list of ungodlybeliefs from a year ago.
And I opened it up and Istarted to read them and there
(08:29):
it was, right in front of me,this ungodly belief staring at
me in the face.
And I thought here it is again,a year later, and I'm still
tripping over it.
And so those are some of theways for me that thoughts and
fears show up in the world.
They might look different foryou.
Your fear might disguise itselfas logic, or maybe your fear
(08:53):
looks like excellence or timing.
It's just not the right time,or this doesn't make sense.
This isn't strategic or logicalor linear, and I can't connect
all the dots and so therefore, Ishouldn't move forward, or I
shouldn't do X, y, z because,quite frankly, I can't put it
all into a nice little plan.
But fear leads us to delay orindecision if it's not addressed
(09:16):
, and that really does hinderourselves and it hinders the
world, because it keeps us fromgiving the gifts and the
blessings and the treasures thatGod has given us and wants us
to impart on them.
So I want you to, right now, aswe're sitting here talking and
you're doing whatever it isyou're doing washing dishes or
walking on the treadmill ordriving your car I want you to
(09:36):
think about one area where fearhas crept in in your life and
maybe it's unnoticed.
Maybe up until this very momentyou haven't really stopped and
thought is this fear that I'mseeing in my life?
I don't know what that lookslike for you, but I think it's
(09:58):
super important because, back tomy example of going to
restoring the foundations, Ididn't really know that they
were fears or lies or deceptionsthat were tripping me up.
I just kept falling down overand over and over again, and it
really took me, with the help ofother people, to uncover that
root system so that I could seehow it really was affecting
(10:22):
everything my life, my belief,my faith, my heart and my fear.
So let's dive into some reallypractical things.
What do you do when yourecognize the fear?
So you have the thing now right.
So we're driving, we're talking, we're doing dishes and you've
got a thing, whatever that is.
Hold on to that.
So what are you going to do nowthat you've recognized it?
(10:43):
You have to reframe your mindset, and I know that sounds super
easy on paper, but it's reallynot, I know.
So here are five tools that Iuse to reframe my mindset, and
I'm going to give them to youtoday.
Number one is I want to pauseand I name the pattern.
I like patterns.
I'm a systems thinker, I do.
(11:04):
I like repeatable patterns.
I love frameworks.
If I can get a five-stepframework or if I can find three
or four things that I canrepeat over and over again, I am
in heaven.
So I want you to pause, thinkabout the fear that you've just
identified and I want you toname the pattern.
Is there a pattern, we like tosay triggers?
Is there a trigger that keepsyou where?
(11:26):
You keep coming back around thesame mountain over and over and
over again?
I bet you there is, and if youtake the time to reflect on that
and to really think through itand analyze it, you will
probably start to see thisthread in your life where it
weaves through different things.
So that's the first thing Pauseand name the pattern.
(11:46):
Number two I want you to replacethe lie with a truth.
So I'm going to read you a fewexamples that I have from my
journey, just to get you started, and then you can build your
own.
Okay, and some of these mightbe a little bit vulnerable.
So I'm just being a little bitvulnerable with you.
I'll just be super honest, okay.
(12:07):
So here's my ungodly belief.
Number two it says I have to doeverything perfectly or I will
be judged and I will be punished.
Nothing short of perfection isacceptable and everything needs
to be judged and I will bepunished.
Nothing short of perfection isacceptable and everything needs
to be neat and in straight linesto prove that I have done it
right.
That's clearly a lie, right?
I mean, you would tell me thatif we were sitting on my kitchen
(12:28):
table having coffee, you wouldsay Danita, that's completely a
lie, but it was an ungodlybelief that I had carried for 45
years of my life.
So here is the truth.
The truth is that God loves andaccepts me just as I am.
I don't have to do anything toearn his love or to prove my
worth.
His blood has cleansed me andis restoring the true value,
(12:52):
goodness and honor that is dueto me, and I choose to humbly
rest in him and receive histruth.
That is a radically differentperspective.
That's my example for you.
I want you to take some timetoday and do the same thing for
(13:14):
yourself.
I want you to take some timetoday and do the same thing for
yourself, and in order to beable to do that, you have to
create white space to hearclarity, which is number three.
You just really do, friend.
Like I said, the only way I gotthrough these revelations was I
took a week and I left my houseand I drove away to the
mountains, which a lot of peoplecan't do.
I get it, and I found a groupof ministers who were trained
(13:37):
and could help me walk throughall of the hard stuff that I was
holding.
You might not have the luxuryof doing that today, but you can
create white space, you cantake space, you can find
reflection time in your schedulewhere you can just sit and be
still and you can hear theclarity that the Lord has for
you.
Number four is you surroundyourself with truth tellers.
(13:58):
I think my most favorite partabout this in a non-faith
perspective even though I thinkfaith is a part of everything we
do is getting to sit withentrepreneurs and startup
founders and people who arecreating businesses and products
.
They are the truth tellers.
They are going after a solution, they're trying to solve a
(14:19):
problem in the world and they'rethe ones who say, hey, it's not
going to be that bad, let's getout there, let's try it.
Everything is beta, we like tosay, and that has been such a
blessing to me, because if I amleft to my own devices, I'm
going to stay grounded in fearand I'm going to tell myself I
have imposter syndrome, that Ican't do it, I'm not smart
(14:39):
enough All the lies that we tellourself.
But if I surround myself withtruth tellers, if I surround
myself with truth tellers, ifI'm in rooms or in community
with people who are actuallydoing the thing.
Then I start to see it ispossible, I start to see it is
something that we can do, Istart to see that this might not
(15:01):
be as impossible as I thinkthat it is.
And number five is we lead fromidentity, not insecurity.
I had a leader that I workedwith a few years ago and she
unfortunately led from a placeof fear and insecurity.
She was very controlling, shewas very manipulative and she
just did a lot of things thatwere not good for the team and
(15:27):
for us as an organization.
And I saw her leading from thatscarcity mindset, and that is
not what we are called to do.
We are not called to do that asleaders and we are not called
to do that as children of God.
We are not.
That is not what God says aboutus, that is not our identity
found in Him, and so there isjust a mindset and a deception
(15:47):
that I think we struggle withevery single day spirits of
poverty, and it's not what Godhas designed us to be.
So if you find yourself leadingfrom a place of insecurity and
not identity, then we want tofocus on that.
So I want you to slow down forjust a minute and I want to give
you a few questions to reflecton the work this week, because I
know it's hard, I know.
(16:07):
So here are the questions.
Number one where has fear beenshaping your leadership
decisions?
Maybe you think nowhere.
Nowhere, fear's not shaping mydecisions at all.
But I would caution you.
I think every one of us havesome degree of fear somewhere,
and it might not be big, but itmight be little, so don't
(16:29):
dismiss it.
Number two what thoughtpatterns am I conforming to?
Thought patterns are soimportant, I say thoughts are
like clouds they come and theygo.
They are so powerful.
If we choose to hold onto them,they can destroy us truly.
I mean, how many times have yougotten up in the middle of the
night and not been able to sleepbecause your mind is running
(16:49):
and repeating over and over andover the things you should have
said or you shouldn't have said,or all the things?
So thought patterns are soconsuming.
That's why we focus on thatverse this week and we have to
take them captive.
That's what the Bible says, butwe really do.
As leaders, we have to make aconsorted effort to not get
(17:10):
consumed by our thoughts.
So what thought patterns areyou conforming to.
If you go back and listen, I'llput a link in the show notes.
Had a great conversation withAmy Kemp last year.
She released her book and cameon the show.
She is a habit finders, thoughtcoach, phenomenal, exceptional.
If you get a chance to checkout habit finders or any of
(17:31):
those things, I totallyencourage you to do it.
It's a radically differentshift from any kind of
personality assessment you'veever done.
So put the links in the shownotes.
Please go back and listen tothat episode Super powerful and
reach out to Amy if you needsome coaching, because she's
amazing, she loves what she doesand she's really good at it.
Number three is what truth do Ineed to speak over myself today?
(17:52):
Yours might be, I don't know.
Maybe it has something to dowith the ungodly beliefs that I
shared earlier.
Maybe yours is the truth thatyou're not alone.
That's what mine was last week,if I'm honest, and I had to go
back and I had to repeat myselfto tell myself and remind myself
that I am not alone.
So I don't know what it mightbe for you.
(18:13):
It could be about provision.
It could be about provision.
It could be about protection.
It could be about your purposeor your personhood, your
identity, your performance.
There could be lots of things,but what truth do you need to
speak over yourself today?
And number four is who do Iwant to become through this
mindset shift?
Sometimes we don't ask ourselveswho am I becoming?
Where am I going?
(18:34):
What is the point?
For me, that's an importantquestion right now in this
season, because my youngest songraduates tomorrow from high
school.
It's insane.
We were leaving the awardsbanquet and I looked at my
husband after we left and I wasjust in the car, just almost in
tears and I felt like I wasleaving a funeral, if I'm super
(18:55):
honest.
And we got in the car and Ilooked at Mark and I was like
he's the last one.
And we got in the car and Ilooked at Mark and I was like
he's the last one.
I can remember having 10-yearplans when all the kids were
going to graduate and Mark wasgoing to retire from the
government and we had all thesemilestones that we were tracking
in our life and this is thelast milestone I have on my plan
.
I have no other milestonesafter this.
(19:17):
I have no idea where we'regoing.
This is the last thing that Iwas waiting for and maybe
there'll be, you know, seasonsof grandchildren and I know
there will be a thousand morethings that come our way.
But for me, as a mom, my listjust ended.
It ends tomorrow, and so Idon't know where we're going,
(19:38):
and I share that, becausesometimes that's kind of how we
get into life.
So the question is who do youwant to become through this
mindset shift?
Where are you going?
And of course, I always offerand encourage you to consider
writing these things down.
Grab a journal, find some timeit doesn't have to be hours.
Most of us don't have hoursbecause life is crazy.
(19:59):
We have cats and coffee andjobs and traffic.
But find 15 minutes in a cornersomewhere.
I guarantee you can find 15minutes I know you can and just
write a few things down.
Think about these questions, usethem as a team check-in.
If you actually have a team, aministry team or a small team or
a small group of people at workwhere you can come in and say,
(20:23):
hey, I'm working on some growthmindset things and so I would
love some perspective.
If you don't have a ministryteam and you can't go off to the
mountains on a five-day retreat, I totally get that.
But I bet you have one friendor one colleague or somebody at
work that you take a walk withor you grab coffee in the break
(20:43):
room and just say hey, you knowI'm working on a few of my
leadership journey things.
One of them is about fear and Iwould really love your
perspective.
Or could you help me workthrough some thought patterns
that maybe I have, or maybethere are some truths that I
need to speak over myself.
Let them help you.
It doesn't have to be 20 people,it can just be two, but their
(21:06):
voices are so powerful becausewe can't see inside ourselves.
There's no way that you canknow about the great strengths
that you have by yourself.
We don't get those in a vacuum.
We get those in community, withothers, and so you got to let
them in friend, even if it'shard.
And the other thing I'll say isyou're worth it, right, you're
(21:26):
worth it.
Your life and your identitymatters, and in this season of
my life, I am super passionateabout helping people see the
opportunity and the endless hopethat there is in the world, and
I believe that for you, and Ibelieve that for you and I
believe that for me.
And so, as long as there isbreath in your lungs, then you
have work to do and you havelove and grace and hope that you
(21:49):
can offer the world in small orabundantly amazing ways.
Don't let fear be the cause ofyou not being able to do that to
offer the blessings and hope tothe world.
Okay, hey, friends, thanks forjoining me today.
This month is all aboutembracing a renewed mindset and
(22:11):
renewed thinking.
So don't rush past this.
Okay, let it sink in.
I know it's hard.
Might think you feel a littlesquirrely and you might wanna
get up and walk around, andthat's okay too, but let those
thoughts and ideas and thingswork in the background, because
it's super important.
Like I said, you're worth itand I truly believe that every
(22:31):
single one of you have somethingamazing and beautiful to offer
the world and my hope is thatyou find a way to do that and,
through God's love and his graceand his endless promises, that
you find the hope and the peacethat you can endure tomorrow.
So if this episode encouragedyou, would you share it with a
friend and make sure that you'vesigned up for the Entrusted to
(22:52):
Lead newsletter for leadershiptools and monthly encouragement?
It would be really, reallygreat if you did.
We had an amazing time with thePromise over purpose book club.
It finished out at the end ofMay, and so I just really had a
blessing doing that.
If there's more informationyou'd like to learn about that,
please pop over to the websiteand, of course, of course, of
(23:13):
course, leave a comment.
I would love to hear from you,so I want you to know that you
are doing better than you thinkyou are.
I know that right here fromwhere I sit today.
I know it, friend, so don'tforget to keep showing up every
day, even when it hurts, becauseyou matter.
All right, I'll talk soon,friend.
Have an amazing day.
Bye.
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