075: Mastering Boundaries: Are You the CEO of Your Own Boardroom? with Dana Skaggs

As leaders, are we truly the CEO of our own boardroom, or are we letting external and internal forces dictate our behavior? This profound question formed the crux of a recent conversation with Dana Skaggs who has worked with many leaders in her practice, Dana Skaggs is a licensed psychotherapist known as "The Queen of Boundaries" with 16 years of experience in private practice, specializing in anxiety and trauma work. She serves as a board member for the Intermountain Psychological Association and frequently appears as a guest on ABC-affiliate WJHL Daytime Tri-Cities, where she discusses the emotional aspects of everyday problems.

Dana has contributed to the article “Second Opinions: How You Can Leverage Mindset to Change Behaviour” in the journal “A Plus” from the Hong Kong Institute of Certified Public Accountants and is a regular contributor to “The Maverick Paradox Magazine.” She also hosts the podcast "Phoenix and Flame," which is globally ranked in the top 5%, and provides online Boundary courses and coaching.

🔑 Key Themes & Takeaways:

• Understanding Boundaries: Dana emphasizes that boundaries are crucial for self-management and effective leadership. They help individuals take responsibility for their own thoughts, feelings, and actions while allowing others to do the same. 📏
  
  

• People-Pleasing: Dana discusses the common issue of people-pleasing and how it often leads to unnecessary stress and emotional turmoil. She highlights the importance of recognizing and stepping away from this behavior. 🚫
  
  

• The Boardroom Analogy: Dana introduces the concept of the internal boardroom, where different parts of oneself are acknowledged and managed by the 'CEO' part, helping maintain control during challenging interactions. 🏢
  
  

• The Hook Visualization: She provides a visualization technique to avoid getting 'hooked' by provocative comments or situations, maintaining emotional composure and focus. 🎣
  
  

• Handling Hard Conversations: Dana shares strategies for approaching difficult conversations with calm and clarity, ensuring they are productive and respectful. 🗣️
  
  

• The Boomerang Effect: She explains the 'boomerang' effect of unresolved issues that return as intrusive thoughts and how addressing them directly can prevent emotional outbursts and build trust. 🪃
  
  

• Trust and Boundaries: The conversation ties into Brene Brown's BRAVING trust framework, emphasizing how boundaries are fundamental to building trust in leadership and teamwork. 🤝

We talk about:

• 00:00 Intro

• 02:42 Understanding Boundaries at Work

• 04:05 The Concept of People Pleasing

• 07:52 Managing Emotional Responses

• 10:25 The Boardroom Technique

• 18:53 Practical Steps for Setting Boundaries

• 21:38 Understanding Emotional Triggers

• 25:13 The Boomerang Effect