Doing Everything, Connecting with No One?

Holidays feeling like a whirlwind? Yeah, I feel ya. Turns out, a whopping 80% of us are so busy making everything magical for others that we totally forget about our own needs. Moms, in particular, are feeling the heat more than dads, with over half of working moms juggling guilt on top of their holiday to-do lists. Doing Everything, Connecting with No One? So, let’s get real: the best gift you can give this season isn’t something wrapped up with a bow; it’s simply your presence. Join me as we chat about slowing down, ditching the perfectionism, and truly connecting with the people that matter most. Let’s make this holiday about love, not just presents!

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Holidays can be a whirlwind, right? Like, one minute you’re decking the halls, and the next, it’s January 1st, and you’re left wondering where the time went. In this chat, Ralph lays down some truth bombs about how most of us get so wrapped up in making the holidays magical for everyone else, we forget to take a breather for ourselves. It’s wild to think that nearly 80% of us are hustling hard to spread cheer, while simultaneously neglecting our own needs. And let’s not even get started on how moms are feeling that holiday pressure way more than dads. They’re twice as likely to report stress, and over half feel guilty about balancing family time and work. Ralph gets real with a listener’s question about how to slow down and be present during the chaos. Spoiler alert: the greatest gift you can give isn’t a shiny new toy, but your actual presence. So, Ralph dives into some key strategies to ditch the busyness and embrace those meaningful moments that really matter during the holidays.

It’s not about the perfect dinner or the most Instagrammable tree. Ralph shares some heartwarming anecdotes about his own mom, who, despite her best efforts to create the perfect holiday experience, often ended up exhausted and missing out on the joy of connection. He emphasizes that love is shown in the little moments, the conversations, and the attention we give to our loved ones. The episode is packed with practical tips on how to set boundaries, unplug from our devices, and really connect with the people that matter most. By prioritizing presence over perfection, we can truly savor the holiday season and create lasting memories instead of just a blur of activity.

Takeaways:

• The holidays can be a total whirlwind, and it's super important to slow down.
• Many folks, especially moms, end up stressed out trying to make everything perfect.
• Your presence during the holidays is way more valuable than any gift you can buy.
• Connection with loved ones is what truly matters, not the hustle and bustle of holiday prep.
• It's all about being there for each other instead of getting caught up in perfection.
• Setting boundaries, like putting away phones, can help everyone connect better during the holidays.

Links referenced in this episode:

• financiallyconfidentchristian.com/follow
• financiallyconfidentchristian.com/rumble

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Episode Transcript

(00:28):
Do your holidays always feellike a blur? Listen to this. Nearly
8 in 10Americans are busymaking the holiday special for others
and they neglect their ownneeds. Here's one I thought that
you could really lean into ifyou're a mom listening to this show
or soon to be mother or youremember your own mother. Moms are
twice as likely as dads toreport high stress during the holidays.

(00:48):
Listen to this one. Over halfof working mothers feel guilty when
they try to balance familytime with work during the holidays.
Which leads me to today'slistener question. Ralph, I always
get so busy during theholidays trying to make everything
perfect that I barely havetime to just sit down with my family.
How can I slow down thisholiday and be more present? Well,

(01:08):
thank you for your question.And the truth is the greatest gift
you can give this Christmasisn't wrapped. That might be the
big takeaway for the show.It's your presence. See, because
people remember your attentionmore than I remember those presents,
those gifts under the tree. Solet's talk about building your presence
on today's show.

(01:30):
This is Financially ConfidentChristian, your daily dose of gospel,
grounded insight and faithdriven tips to help you break the
cycle of financial shame with confidence.
Welcome to the show. I'm Ralphand I just want to thank you again
for joining me on the showtoday. If you're new to the show,
this is the show where I tryto help you break that cycle of financial
shame and do it withconfidence. And you join us in the

(01:53):
middle of our series aboutChristmas, trying to keep the joy
in the holiday without goingbroke. And today we're talking about
that feeling of being so busy.And I've seen it in my own career
so many times that peopletrade connection for busyness. And
then when the holidays areover, it's that blur. You regret
it. You didn't make thoseconnections. And I've learned something

(02:15):
and it took me 53 years to doit, but I've learned the peace of
being present far outweighsthe pride of being productive. I
want to say that again becauseI want you to lean into that. The
peace of being present, beingthere for your family, your loved
ones, it far outweighs thepride of being productive. I'm not
saying don't be productive,but let's get to today's story. I

(02:36):
want to tell you about my mom.Now. My mom has since passed away
a couple years ago and I missher dearly, just about every day.
I never realized how much Iwould miss her. And then coming up
to the holidays man, it justreinforces that. But I want to share
something kind of funny today.My mom was one of those people, man.
She wanted the holidays to beperfect for everybody. She wanted
it to be everything justright. I mean, the food, the decorations,

(02:57):
the gifts. I mean, it was herday to shine. The problem is, looking
back at it now, by the timethey got after dinner, she was exhausted
and she was so busy that shelost the ability to enjoy any family
time. She didn't have the timeto sit on the couch with us and reminisce
about things. Finally, usuallyabout 7 o' clock at night, she'd

(03:19):
come in. You know, she'd stillhave her work. Her thing for cooking.
I can't think of what it'scalled. But the thing for when you're
cooking, she'd still have iton herself and she'd just plop down
on the sofa and you couldteach. She was tired. She didn't
even want to connect at thatpoint. It was just a blur afterwards.
And I love what Max Lucadosaid. I found this quote for today's
show. It doesn't quite fit,but I think it does in a lot of ways.

(03:39):
He said, God didn't tell me,clean up before you come in. He offered
this. He said, come in andI'll clean you up. It's not my grip
on him that matters, but hisgrip on me. And his grip is for sure.
So in his presence in my life,Christmas presents from Santa, that's

(04:00):
nice. But the perpetualpresence of Christ, that's life changing.
And I, you know, the reason Ipicked that is the presence of Christ.
We can all learn from that.It's not the season of the holiday.
It's not the gifts. It's notall the stuff that you're putting
out on the table and thedecorations. It's your presence.

(04:21):
Those are the things you'regoing to remember. So let's get back
to our question today. How dowe connect this Christmas, not lose
ourselves? I want to start bysaying this. First of all, stop looking
for perfection. Your presenceis greater than perfection. Nobody
is going to remember thatperfect dinner table. Sorry, Mom,
I hate to spoil it for you.Nobody's gonna remember that you

(04:41):
had the perfect tablecloth andthe perfect fork and the knife and
the cups and all the beautifulthings. She had the best china for
Christmas. I'm talking abouthad the holly and the Christmas trees
on it. That's not what Iremember. I remember the love. So
start there. You don't have tobe perfect. Just be present and don't

(05:02):
get stuck in the busynesstrap. It's so easy to get stuck in
that busyness trap. We feellike we have this need to overdo
to prove our love to somebody.You know, if I don't do it all, I
think it's my mom felt thatshe wanted to make sure she was going
overboard. She want us to feelthat love. But love's not felt that
way yet. That's part of it.But love is shown best through listening

(05:23):
and being there for somebody.And I had to realize that in my life.
That love sometimes is shownby listening. It's those conversations
that matter. Not the perfectmeal, not the perfect gifts, not
the perfect decoration, thatbeautiful Christmas tree. That's
all great. But it's thoseconversations that listening, connecting
with your loved ones. There'snothing I'm going to encourage you

(05:43):
to do. Slow down. Many peoplerun themselves ragged. One of the
things my wife does, and Ithink this is a great idea for any
of the highest Thanksgiving,Christmas, she prepares ahead of
time, she plans ahead, shecooks ahead, even. She prepares everything
in advance. That way she canhave those quiet moments together.
She doesn't have to be stuck.Not that she doesn't still have time
in the kitchen. Don'tmisunderstand. My wife puts out a

(06:04):
beautiful setting forChristmas or for Thanksgiving. Those
things are great. But it'sthose quiet moments, that togetherness,
that really matters. Andthat's what changes the whole day.
So here's another thing I'mgoing to encourage you to do. Set
some boundaries for yourfamily. Turn off that stupid phone.
Just stop during the holidays,put the phones in a basket. It gets
a great idea. Somebody told meabout this. They said, ralph, what

(06:24):
we do next to the front door,when you come into my house, there's
a basket. Everybody's cellphone or device gets put in there.
Here's the problem. They beblunt. Everybody's phone is also
their camera. Now, so youmight have to have a little grace
here. But listen, if you'resitting there scrolling, tell them,
stop scrolling. Let's talk.You know, leave it at the door because
here's the big takeaway fortoday. Connection wins. The people

(06:50):
you love need you. They needyour time. They don't need your schedule.
They don't need yourperformance. They don't need your
fanciness. They don't need allthe gifts. Those things are great.
Show love by doing thosethings. That's fantastic. But they
want you. It's all about therelationships. Which leads me to

(07:10):
today's Bible verse. This onecomes to us from the book of John,
probably the most poetic verseof the bible. John, chapter 15, verse
12. And it says this. Mycommand is this. Love each other
as I have loved you. And Ijust want to lean into that a minute
because that's how we reallyshow love, by our presence. Not those

(07:31):
things under tree, not thepresence, but your presence. That's
how we show love. My commandis this. Love each other as I have
loved you. That's what Christgives all of us, his presence in
our lives. Your loved onesneed the same thing. Your friends,
your family, that's whatthey're looking for from you. So
slow down. It doesn't have tobe perfect. It doesn't have to be

(07:53):
a big production. Let's praytogether, Lord, as we get into this
holiday season. Help me toslow down, Lord, and help me to be
fully present with those Ilove. Not so worried about that perfect
day. And I just ask right nowthat you would teach me to value
that connection over control.I feel like I got to control everything.
I feel like I got to be incharge. I got to make sure everything
is perfect. The table is set,the china is correct, the tree is

(08:15):
perfect, the lights arebeautiful. But help me to remember
that your presence is theimportant part. And my presence to
the people around me is whatreally brings peace. So help me reflect
that, your peace in everymoment of my life. Lord, I just ask
this in confidence. In thename of Jesus, Amen. So here's my
one action item for today.It's pretty super simple. I just

(08:38):
want you to pick one gatheringor family moment this week. Put away
your phone and give it yourfull attention. I'm going to go on
a little rant here right now.One of the things that really bothers
me, I go out to dinner with mywife a lot, and I look around the
restaurant and I see people,husband and wife, girlfriend, boyfriend,
whatever that looks like.Dating, it doesn't matter. And they're
both on their phones. They gottheir head down in their phones.
That's a communicationopportunity. Put the stupid phone

(09:00):
away and have a communication.You're not going. It doesn't matter
what's on Instagram, itdoesn't matter what's on TikTok.
Who cares about that stuff?You got somebody that cares about
you sitting across from you.Make eye contact with that person,
you know, listen to them, findout what's going on in their life.
Because when you do that,peace will follow. And listen, I'm

(09:22):
going to encourage yousomething right now. Don't let the
encouragement of today's show.Stop here. One of the things that
I'm going to encourage you todo is follow the show. You might
have just popped in for thefirst time. One of the things you
can do to reduce that frictionis you can actually follow the show.
We made it easy to do that. Ifyou go to financiallyconfidentchristian.com/follow,
you can see there how you canadd us straight to your repertoire.

(09:43):
Whatever you listen to us on,whether it be Apple or Android or
Spotify, whatever those thingsare. And here's something you might
not have known. We're actuallyon Rumble. You can actually see my
pretty face and you can hearmy voice at the same time. We even
do some cool graphics and allthat stuff. You want to check out
the Rumble show? It's releasedevery day. Made it super simple for
you to get to it. Just go tofinanciallyconfidentchristian.com/rumble. That's

(10:04):
R U m B L e. A lot of peoplesay, what's Rumble? It's kind of
like the competition toYouTube. But I'm encourage you to
go there. We're really tryingto build our Rumble presence and
keep choosing your presenceover pressure. One moment at a time,
one conversation, one day at atime. Because the truth is, this
presence is the mostmeaningful gift that you can give
this season. So slow down.Love shows up in those unhurried

(10:27):
moments. Be with your people.Everything else can wait. I'm going
to encourage you today. Be afinancially confident Christian,
stay financially savvy. Godbless you, and I hope you join me
again on tomorrow's show.