Is Your Generosity Driven by Guilt or God?

Ever feel like giving gifts is more stress than joy? Is Your Generosity Driven by Guilt or God? Well, you’re not alone—40% of Americans feel pressured when it comes to gifting, and that number shoots up to 60% for millennials! In this episode, we’re diving deep into the idea that real generosity shouldn’t come with strings attached or leave you feeling drained. We’ll chat about how giving can sometimes turn into a performance rather than a genuine act of love. Plus, we’ll share some wisdom on setting healthy boundaries and knowing when to say no, so you can keep your holiday spirit intact without breaking the bank. So, grab your favorite drink, kick back, and let’s get into it!

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Gift-giving can be a real minefield, especially during the holidays when everyone feels the pressure to find that 'perfect' present. Did you know that a whopping 40% of Americans feel stressed when giving gifts? And it gets even crazier with millennials—60% of them are on a frantic quest for gifts that will blow everyone away. But here's the kicker: Ralph drops some serious wisdom by pointing out that this isn't about generosity; it's more like a performance. We’re not giving from the heart; we’re giving to impress. And let’s be real, when the giving starts to feel like a chore, that’s when the joy gets sucked right out of the holiday season.

In this episode, Ralph dives deep into the emotional rollercoaster that is holiday giving. With figures showing that 73% of folks say financial stress steals their holiday joy, it’s clear that we need to rethink how we approach giving. Ralph shares a staggering statistic: Americans waste $9.5 billion every year on unwanted gifts! That’s right—$71 per person on stuff nobody even wants. It’s time for a reality check, folks. We need to be giving out of love, not obligation, and Ralph’s got the lowdown on how to do just that.

The convo takes a turn when Ralph tackles a listener's question about the fine line between generous giving and giving out of guilt. He emphasizes that while generosity is vital, we need to set boundaries. Impulsive giving isn't a sign of faith; it can often be rooted in fear. Ralph offers five key points to consider before you whip out the credit card, like checking your motivation and ensuring your financial house is in order. It’s all about giving with purpose, peace, and a sprinkle of discernment. So, get ready to redefine your holiday spirit without going broke!

Takeaways:

• Did you know that 40% of Americans feel stressed out when it comes to gift giving?
• When it comes to millennials, that pressure jumps to 60% who want the perfect gift.
• Surprisingly, Americans waste a whopping $9.5 billion each year on gifts nobody wants.
• Guilt-driven giving usually leads to anxiety, not the warm fuzzies we hope for.

Links referenced in this episode:

• truthunveiledwithralph.com

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Episode Transcript

(00:28):
These numbers really surprisedme today. Listen to this. 40% of
Americans feel pressured whengiving gifts. Listen to this. That
jumps to 60% of millennialswho are desperately searching for
that perfect gift. Does thatperfect gift even exist? I'm not
sure. But I'm going to tellyou this right now. That's not generosity.
That's performance. Listen tothis one. 73% say financial stress

(00:51):
robs them of holiday joy, with65% stressed about their spending.
Hey, listen, let me tell youright now, when giving steals your
piece, something's wrong. Andlisten to this one, man. When Abby
brought this one in, this isperfect. Americans waste $9.5 billion.
That's B billion, every yearon unwanted gifts. I think I get

(01:13):
most of those. Listen to this.$71 per person on things that nobody
wanted. What does that tellus? It tells us we're given to feel
good, not to meet real needs.Let's jump to today's listener question.
Ralph, I've always been agiver, but sometimes I realize I'm
giving out of guilt orpressure, not joy. How do I know
when generosity crosses theline? Great question. Today, generosity

(01:38):
is godly. We'll start withthat. But unguarded generosity can
drain you joy and it drainsyou dry. Listen, even good intentions
need boundaries. So let's talkabout godly boundaries on today's
show.
This is Financially ConfidentChristian Daily dose of gospel grounded
insight and faith driven tipsto help you break the cycle of financial

(02:00):
shame with confidence.
Welcome to the show. I'mRalph. Thank you for joining me on
our daily show as I help youbreak that cycle of financial shame
with confidence as we continueour series of how to have a joyous
holiday without going broke.Now listen, I've been an accountant
and a Christian coach for 30years and I've seen people wreck
their budgets trying to bekind. So many people are trying to

(02:21):
be kind. And I've also learnedthat biblical giving, and that's
what we're really going tofocus on today, requires both love
and wisdom. It's not aboutguilt or performance. Let me tell
you a story. I once counseledthis woman. She became a friend of
mine. She had this friend ofhers who was really in need. I'm
talking about this lady laidit on thick, man. She was struggling,

(02:41):
having all kinds of financialissues when my friend stepped up
and actually took one of hercredit cards and ended up maxing
it out to help this friend inneed. Here's the problem. That friend
never repaid her. And myfriend even had a situation where
she Wasn't able to make herrent payments. Now forget. She looked
at me one day, we were out forcoffee and she said, ralph, I thought
I was being generous. When Ilook back at it, I was really being

(03:05):
impulsive. Talk about pain.Now she told me, she says, ralph,
I resent that. My friend. Wehad been lifelong friends from when
we were little girls. Andunfortunately, this generous gift
in so many ways became a wedgein their relationship. Because here's
the truth. Impulsive givingisn't faith, it's fear. Let's talk

(03:26):
about that fear for a second.It's that fear of saying no. Someone
approaches you and says, hey,can you help me out? Can you help
me get through this toughseason set? Fear is saying no. A
lot of us feel this fear, thatfear looking selfish. If we don't
do this, are we beingintrospective? Are we not helping
somebody in need? Here's agreat one. A lot of Christian people
feel this one. It's the feelof not being Christian enough. I'm

(03:49):
not sure what that means, butit's the truth is so many of us feel
that because here is the Godhonest truth. Generosity without
boundaries isn't biblical. Youburst a bubble right now. It's not
biblical at all. What itreally is is exhausting. And I love
what author Bob Goff oncesaid. He said love does, but it also
discerns. What he's gettingat. There is we, we have to love.

(04:12):
That's what the Bible commandsus to do. But it also commands us
to discern and to understandwhat we're getting into. So let's
restate our question today.And I love this question. How do
we know when generositycrosses the line? Well, I've got
five ways that I reallybelieve are ways to know that. Number
one, if it's guilt drivengiving. If your giving brings anxiety,
just stop right there. If itbrings anxiety at all, instead of

(04:35):
peace, it's likely motivatedby emotion and not the spirit. So
the first thing I'm going toencourage you to do is check your
motivation. What is motivatingyou do this? Is it a fear thing?
Is it, I want to be Christianenough? Or is it, I'm afraid that
if I don't do this, someone'sgoing to think less of me. See, it's
all about your mindset. So itstarts there. If this is a feeling
of guilt, chances are it's nota good thing to do. Second thing,

(04:59):
and my friend learned this thehard way, you can't give what you
don't have. So you Got tostart with your own stewardship first.
See, God never asked you toharm your family to help another.
When I work with people, whenI do counseling work, and they say,
ralph, I really want to leaninto your generosity. I said, that's
great. Well, you've got to getyour own financial house in order
first. So check. Hey, listen,if someone approaches you for help,

(05:22):
ask yourself, are my financesin order? Because if your finances
are in order, you're going towreck two people's finances, and
that's not a good place to be.Third thing, and today's listener
really alluded to this, thatemotional generosity, because sometimes
in our heart we feel this needto give. And you might ask yourself,
well, why do we do that? Well,honestly, I think it's because we

(05:44):
have this feel to be needed. Ithink that's a human emotion. We
want people to need us. Ithink of my mom when I was a young
baby. She needed me. Sheneeded me to take care of me because
she needed to feed me, sheneeded to clothe me and all that
sort of thing. And I think aswe grow into adults, we want that
feeling of being needed. Butif you're being honest with yourself,

(06:04):
recognize that's an impulse.And one of the greatest things you
can do is pray about it.Check. Impulses. This is one of the
big things they talk about inpsychology called codependency. And
I really think it leans intothis, that emotional generosity that
you have, this desire that youhave, this codependent need that
you've absolutely got to doit. So that's another one. If it's
emotional, number four, let'slean into something that can help

(06:27):
you, and that's boundaries.Saying no to unhealthy giving allows
you to say yes when it trulymatters. I'll give you a great example
as I do a weekly show. I don'tknow if you know about this or not.
It's called Truth Unveiledwith Ralph. And we're going to put
some links in the show notestoday. But I did a show all about
boundaries. You have tounderstand that when you say no to
somebody, it opens up a yes tosomebody else. It's that discernment.

(06:51):
It's that idea in your headabout what can I really help them
to do? And you've got to setthose boundaries. Because, listen,
people will test thoseboundaries. People will allow that
to go over and above thoseboundaries. But you got to set those
things. And finally, letprayer be your guide. I probably
should have started with thatfirst. But God's direction brings
peace Just. I want you to sitthere for a second. Just think about

(07:12):
that. If it's really God'sdirection, you will feel at peace
with that decision. Theproblem is human pressure. Human
usually brings stress. We allhave those situations where somebody
is leaning into us or maybeover the. Over the lunch or something.
Oh, I'm really having a toughtime. You ever been around that person?
It's always bellyaching abouthow bad they have it. Well, that's

(07:33):
emotional stuff, and you gotto steer clear that. And maybe you
need to help them, but prayabout it. Which leads me to our Bible
verse today. This one comesfrom the book of Proverbs, chapter
11, verse 25. And I justabsolutely love this. It fits perfectly
with what we're talking abouttoday. And it says this again, Proverbs
11:25. A generous person willprosper. Whoever refreshes others

(07:53):
will be refreshed. They mightsay, wait a second, Ralph, you just
spent the last five or sixminutes talking about not to give.
That's not at all what I said.If that's what you heard, you didn't
hear me. What I said isunderstand. Is your house in order?
Is this the right thing to do?Have you prayed about it? But listen,
being generous is a wonderfulthing. I think it's great. If you
want to give gifts to peopleand help people, the Bible says it

(08:15):
right here, a generous personwill prosper. If you want to prosper,
be generous. But be wise inhow you do it. How about we pray
together right now, Lord, wecome to you now, and we want to be
generous people. So, Lord, westart by asking you to help us see
when it's time to say yes.Lord, help us to see those opportunities
when it's truly your will forus to do this. But at the same time,

(08:35):
Lord, help us to understandwhen it's okay to say no, let's not
to feel that Christian guiltor that feeling of frustration or
anxiety about it. Lord, helpus to see wisdom in this and not
guilt. And teach us thehealthy stewardship honors you, Lord.
Help us to always be lockedinto that in a prayerful way. And,
Lord, we ask this in the nameof Jesus. Amen. Okay, well, here's

(08:57):
your action item for today.Before giving to any person or cost,
I'm talking about any of them.Take 24 hours and pray about it.
Check your budget. Is yourfinancial house in order? Because
if you do those two things,guess what? Peace is going to come
and it's going to confirm yourdecision. Because we should always
pause before giving ordeciding to help someone else. And

(09:18):
listen to this. If today'smessage hit home, I want to talk.
We talked about this showearlier. I would love for you to
come and listen to my weeklyshow. It's called Truth Unveiled
with Ralph. We ask one simplequestion. We talk about culture's
way or God's way. See, theworld gives us until we're empty.
God says give from theoverflow. So if you're interested
in that show, I would love tosee you over there. It's called truthunveiledwithRalph.com.

(09:41):
let's stop living by the worldstandards and start living by the
word of God. Well, thank youfor joining me on the show today.
Remember, generosity needswisdom and those boundaries honor
God. So go out there today andgive with joy, give with peace, but
give with a purpose. Be afinancially confident Christian.
Stay financially savvy. Godbless you. And and I'll see you again
next time on the show.