153 - Listener Quickie: Punxsutawney Problems - Florida Men

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Warning, no groundhogs were harmed inthe making of this episode. Listener discretion
is advised. A man a manmight be raving, maybe stupid, even
Welcome to this week's Listener Stories miniepisode of Florida Man. I'm Phil and

(00:21):
I'm Joel, and this is theshorter version of the show where we read
you the Florida Man type stories youthe listeners, have sent in from your
part of the world. New storiesshamir local area personal stories where someone you
know did something Florida Man like arethings you have experienced where you encounter some
dumbass or you were that dumbass.And in addition to naming some ducks after

(00:41):
us, Mia also sent us thisstory this week with the comment amorously tweaked
out Pennsylvania meth head, drunkard.You want to read this, I'll do
it all right, all right.Troopers arrest an intoxicated man who tried to
kiss him. This comes to usfrom w TAJ News. Pennsylvania State Police

(01:03):
out of Puxtani responded to it hada lot of letters. There are you
familiar with punk Setani? Yeah,that's I know, I know. That's
a Groundhog Day Bill Murray, greatmovie. Uh, respond, Ryerson lives
there. Yes, responded to acall litle knows ned and ned the head.
Are you done? Yeah? Ithink that's all that. Respond responded

(01:25):
to a call about a man tryingto get into a home in Young Township
before leaving the area, only tobe tracked down by police at his home.
Troopers report that Michael Allen Schaeffer,a forty one of punk Setani,
showed up to a woman's home onMarch the second and attempted to enter the
residence. He told the woman thathe was there to see a young boy.

(01:47):
This prompted the woman to lock thedoor and call her husband, who
was next door, because he wasvisiting meers or something. I'm sure he
didn't live next door's right. Uh, but that's weird that you to somebody's
random house and see, yeah,I'm here to see a young boy.
Police say that the husband was ableto give them the license plate numbers from

(02:08):
Schaeffer's red SUV. Police were ableto identify Schaeffer by the plate number and
found the red SUV outside of hisresidence upon arrival. Police work right there.
Upon arrival, Trooper's report they spottedhis red SUV and that his father
greeted them. The father with hisdad. The father said that Schaeffer was

(02:30):
sick in his room and took policeto him. He was reportedly observed with
dilated pupils, speaking irrationally, havinglunt involuntary body movements, and smelled like
alcohol. So originally I was goingto go with he was possessed, because
I've been reading a lot of possessionstuff recently. But well, the dilated
pupils, speaking irrationally, having involuntarybody movements, that all you know?

(02:52):
Yeah, that that fits with demonicpossession. Yeah. And then then the
alcohol, Yeah, yeah, youusually smell like sulfur possessed by Dan?
Do you? Is that what you'veuncovered in your research? Uh? If
you consider watching binge watching supernatural?Yeah? Okay. According to the complaint,
troopers put cuffs on Schaeffer and tookinto the patrol car to question him.

(03:14):
When they saw blood on his handsand socks, they asked Schaeffer what
injuries, what his injuries were,and he reportedly begin to shout methan fhetamine
over and over. Shaeffer was temphetaminedoesn't make you bleed out your hands and
feet, does it? Well,I don't know unless you got Unless you
can't hit the vein. Shaeffer wastaken to the emergency roo. Don't inject

(03:36):
beth? Sure you? No,you don't you inject it? You can't
injected? You can't? Yes,I don't know you can. We need
to get a new drug expert forthis show. You can? Are you
texting somebody? No? Oh,inject meth? Sure he can. Shooting
meth meth Addiction Treatment Center. Yeah, in a particular shooting. My conjectings
was the most addictive types. Yeah, I've seen it on the TV.

(03:59):
Okay, you watched different shows thanI do, Breaking Bad. They all
just smoked it. Troopers put cuffsand put him. Shaeffer was taken to
the emercy room, where he becameloud and uncooperative with troopers. Police say
he would not stay seated and keptyelling I love you guys to the two
troopers in the room with him.See that just sounds like alcohol. That

(04:20):
doesn't sound like meth to me.I don't know, or maybe ecstasy.
Shaffer reportedly tried to kiss the troopersmultiple times before he was forcibly placed in
bed and begin to struggle with thetroopers, kicking one of them. In
the shoulder where they lady troopers ormail didn't according to the complaint, Yeah,
that's a whole of a cop ina uniform. According to complaint,

(04:42):
troopers were able to shackle Schaeffer's legsto keep him from being rowdy. Blood
was drawn and a breath test showedSchaeffer had been drinking alcohol. He was
charged with aggravated assault, driving onthe influence, simple assault, disorderly conduct,
harassment police, public drunkenness, andother related charge. But it wasn't
meth amphetamine, huh, didn't sayso, just just drunk and showed it

(05:03):
up, showed up at some lady'shouse asking to just see a young boy.
Yep. I wonder if he actuallynamed the young boy and if that
boy did live at the house.It didn't specify that. I don't.
I don't know about those websites andthings. Maybe he got the address roll,
Oh yeah, he came there formaybe who's being catfished? Or oh
maybe it was Chris Hansen. Doeshe still do that where they pretend to

(05:26):
be a teenager and the pedophile showsup with a six pack and a pack
of condoms and he's like, whydon't you have a seat. Yeah,
they don't do that show anymore,do that? I don't think so that's
been a while. Oh and that'sour list of Quickie stories for this week.
Thank goodness, we did not haveanything to do with groundhogs, but
our goats. If you have astory you like us to cover on the

(05:46):
Quickie Show, whether it's a localnews or a personal store of some dumbass
you know, placed them as anemail at a Florida Men podcast at gmail
dot com. This podcast was recordedat Southern Audio Production Studios in Fort Myers,
Florida, and mixed in a redsuv and as always, ish up
tonight with the ballot of the FloridaMan. Florida Man, Florida Man.
It might be crazy, might bestupid. He's a Florida Man. He's

(06:13):
got his feet in the sin whilehe works on his tan. He's got
an annual pass to Disky Land Drakehis fear from a can. He lives
in his fans a mobile tiny houseinside is Florida Man, Florida Man.
Might be crazy, might be stupid. He's a Florida Man, Florida Man.

(06:42):
He's a dumb ass, but weloving Me's a Florida Man. The
preceding podcast is copyright twenty twenty ShittySide Media ll elsie, All rights reserved.

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153 - Listener Quickie: Punxsutawney Problems

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