155 - Beach Reaper, Homework Hostage, Backyard Back Nine, and Idaho Idiot - Florida Men

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Warning, we now have ducks namedafter us and in the immortal words of
mister Paul Harvey, now you willknow the rest of the story. Listener,
discretion is advised. Coming to youfrom America's waying. This is Florida

(00:21):
Ban the podcast for Tuesday, thefifth, twenty twenty. Each week we
bring you stories from the shady sideof the Sunshine State, starring America's most
prolific criminal, Florida Man, andcoming up this week. In episode one
fifty six, Florida Woman starts anew loss prevention initiative at Walgreens. Florida
Woman survived nine days in a ravine. Living in a house on a golf

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course wasn't nearly close enough for aFlorida Man golfer and Florida Man showed another
Florida man some brotherly love, plusa Florida Man food fight. Fill in
the blank listener, email and emailand much much more. When this episode

(01:03):
comes out. I don't know ifyou notice that when you said the date,
but it's Sinco de Mayo where wewill be celebrating Corona Corona with Corona.
And not only is it Sinco Demyo, it's Taco Tuesday Taco Tuesday,
Taco Tuesday on Sinko Demyo. Hopey'all are celebrating in the same way that

(01:26):
I am with with some You gota damn mini. I got a mini
tequila that I've been saving for Sincode Mayo. Oh oh, you're got
drinking it? You drinking it now? I'm pouring it right, I've been
saving. No, i'd be atequila sunrise. Yes. Well as um.
Uh, this week we've been We'vegot a little different Uh what's the

(01:49):
word I'm looking for. We gota little different format this week. Um,
a little bit, not anything major. We have a new episode we're
gonna try. Um, I'm goingto there. We have so many stories
of Florida Man that the headlines areare are really funny, but there's not
enough context to them to really doa whole story over. So we're going
to we're gonna do a We're gonnastart doing a like a just a quick

(02:15):
read of Florida Man headlines where theheadline tells from the week story correct and
that's that's yeah, you don't evenreally need the rest of the story.
No, but this week, uh, I will tell you that that we
we got we got a voicemail thisweek, Yes we did. And uh
and as as we talked about lastweek, we now have ducks named after

(02:36):
us, yes, um. Andnow we're going to learn the rest of
the story of the ducks. Butwe're going to play you the voicemail.
But I have some things I wantto talk about as the voicemail progresses,
because I was um partaking of adultbeverages while I heard this voicemail at a
friend's house, practicing social distancing andand broke out into high as I was

(03:00):
laughing so hard. I was inthe backyard. I can go to friends
houses and be six feet apart.I was outside, Okay, do you
have a mask on? All right? So I didn't need a mask.
I was outside, Okay, allright. So I'm going to play the
voicemail, and I'm going to startand stop at on certain points of this.
So this is from our good friendMia, who I believe lives in

(03:23):
Pennsylvania. Is that correct? Ithink so yes, I think she's I
think in Pennsylvania. And she's theone that rescued the two ducks and decided
to name them Duck Phille and DuckJoel. So here we go. With
the message, Hi guys, thisis me. I'm Dack. I'll try
to keep it under nine minutes thistime. I'm not promising anything though,

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because once we start talking about theanimals like email, it's I have no
idea what's going to happen. Sobut in any case, I wanted to
give you an update on Duck Pilland Duck Joel, and you will be
getting photos and some videos of themtoo. Uh. They are doing great.
And they did come from Ohio,uh specifically a rescue called Hackey Trails,

(04:06):
UM, which is where I getall my all my babies and so
UM, I wanted to give youa little business story. I when I
showed up, so I was toldthese guys came from a you know,
a humane like a seizure from uhyou know, by the police, uh
somewhere in Ohio. And I wastold and I thought they were like,

(04:26):
you know, I had been throughquote the worth of the worst, Like
these guys have really really had arock and um and I and I knew
that the one had like crazy medicalissues and I was like that cool them
all about it special needs that's myjam. And so when I want to
take get them and I already toldthem, like, oh yeah, they're
give me the name back at theBegains, like you know, vill and
Joel from Formamente because you know,I tell them all to listen because you
know, Frank joyed everyone and um, but so anyway I should when I

(04:51):
showed up them, So one ofthem is like, they're two dudes,
and I knew beforehand that they weredue, and so I show up and
I knew that if you hear thats Omar, he's my sad ass off
and Rooster, one of them mightgout a few but um, but so
in any case, uh, youknow, one of them like super pep.
These are Peakans, they're white,they're awesome, and so uh you

(05:14):
know one is just you know,super gorgeous whatever, and then the other
one is like busted as fuck,like supported he had like one massive hataracts,
he's blind in one eye, gotthe other cataracts on the other eye
he's got and he you know,he's just kind of all fucked up.
But um, and I took buthere's the deal. So I was like,
oh, dude, one of theseguys give me pretty disappointed. But

(05:39):
he's a trooper and a hero andthat he's been through more shit and overcoming.
All right, so we're gonna pauseit right there. So we've got
one good looking duck, one normalsomething duck, and one broke, big
busted duck. So I'm thinking,as as I'm listening to this, I'm
like, well, this okay,So somebody's gonna be disappointed as as be

(06:00):
or if she even said it,I'm like, oh, I mean,
because the choice is obvious. Ohyeah, totally. So I'm thinking I'm
thinking through this whole process, I'mgonna spend the next week and a half
trying to console Joel because he gotbroke dick duck. Uh, broke the
busted ass duck. So I'm thinking, well, there is no there,
there is no king the exact samething about you, Phil. Really,
well, that's so there. I'mthinking, this is no contest. So

(06:23):
I'm I'm a poor Joel is gonnaget stuck with this bro busted ass damn
duck, and and I've got theI've got the pretty duck. So I'm
like, because obviously I'm better lookingthan you, and that should be no
contest. So now we'll go intothe decision face. So at this point,
i am happy. I'm thinking like, oh, this is this is,
this is, this is not gonnabe a problem on how she's going

(06:43):
to decide who's going to name what. So I was like, how do
I decide these names? And Ican someone so um, But so in
any case, uh, Phil,you get super banged up duck Phil.
Uh, and Joel you get handsomePhil who ever? Sorry handsome Joel.

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So, by the way, isPhil seeing I duck? All right?
So so in the proverbial out ofleft field, this friend of I call
her friend, this this, thislistener of the show has completely blown me
off guard, thrown me off guardand like throwing a wrench in everything because
now I'm like, wait, shechose I get stuck with broke dick duck

(07:30):
blind blind broke dick duck, andshe you get the good one. So
now I'm like, what the helljust happened? How does this? How
does this even come about? Sonow we'll keep going, yoke Joel.
If he's seeing I duck and hehe follows, He allows Phil to explore,
they go on big journeys yah yah, and he protects him from anything

(07:54):
that might bother him. If anyonetries to bother him because he's like super
blind and stuff like, you know, Joel comes in and saves the day.
So anyways, I take I'm Supermana little just to make sure everything's
okay, and they're like, oh, yeah, you know, it's pretty
fucked up. We gotta give himlike all this stuff, and I'm like
that cool, all right. Sothat's where the first first spoil ended.
So we're going to open the secondone. So at this point, Okay,
not only do I get broke DickDuck, I have to rely on

(08:18):
pretty Joel as my seeing I Duckto show me around the farm. And
I'm thinking, how I need why? Why why I wrote it? But
then I think about it makes sense. It kind of makes sense. Yeah,
it makes sense. It's it's ait's a good decision. But I'm
still pissed a little bit about,you know that I get stuck with broke
Dick duck. And but I've gotJoel carry mere. He's got to he's

(08:41):
got it, he's got he's myhe's he's like my my friends. By
seeing I Duck, that's got tobe able to show me around the farm
and take care of me, makesure I don't do something stupid, which
kind of is the way things arein real life if you think about it.
All right, now is all thework and Phil just shows up and
hangs out there. Everybody laugh therewe go, okay, part two,

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So this is great. So Itake you know, Phil in to be
checked out, and YadA YadA,they take some X rays in there,
and I get a call later andthey're like, okay, all this stuff.
Yeah, he's got some you know, leg issues whatever working with it,
you know, like, but hehas some biggest balls we've ever seen
on this ducks. So for thoseof you that listening to this that did

(09:24):
not quite comprehend what she said,I want to make sure you heard that
he has the biggest balls we've everseen on a duck. So broke Dick
duck. Phil has got some seriouskhonas Dick might be broke, but the
balls are big. The balls arebig. He's got I got big balls
on my duck. So now nowI'm laughing, but I'm thinking, I'm

(09:46):
okay with this. You know,I'm actually okay with this. I'm okay
with having broke Dick duck. ButI got big balls. You know.
Swallen testicles could be a sign ofcancer. Oh, it turns out duck
Phil has a giant go and sohe is, you know, a drake's
drake, a man's man, Andso I thought that that might balance it

(10:07):
our a little bit. You know. Joel is you know a looker.
Uh. And he immediately, bythe way, started hooking up with all
the ladies as soon as he gothere. It's like instantaneous. And the
whole Phil is you know, moreof a trucker trooper that's tying on fighting
the good fight. Now gets tolive in glorious luxury. Uh. He
may look like, you know,shit, but he has giant fucking balls

(10:31):
up in the world. What sumsup right there? My entire last year
of my life, I'm fighting thegood fight. I look like shit,
but I got good balls. Igot big balls. Yep, yep,
the biggest they've ever seen. Itthe biggest they've ever seen in the about
the rest of his life, superhappy and super spoiled. So that's to

(10:52):
deal with that. You guys witha bomb, you're gonna get videos of
dust Bill and dust Joel and youknow Phil, Please do not be disappointed,
because he's awesome and these guys areyou know, they have been through
the masks and we are all veryhappy to have them and listen to you
guys and keep us laughing. Sothank you all again very much. Thank

(11:15):
you for your patience and for puttingup with me because you know I'm eccentric,
So thank you again and I lookforward to keep listening to all um
you guys in best. Thanks alot and uh yeah nice. So that
is the story of Duck Phil andDuck Joel. Somehow, Duck Joel is
now ravishing the uh the the farmyard. Old McDonald over here. Yeah,

(11:39):
she who is an email too,they said, Uh, duck Joel is
cleaning up with the ladies just sooh yeah, total total slut Joel.
As a question for you, ofall the words people have used to describe
you over your lifetime, has slutever been one of them? Uh?

(12:00):
No, negative, No, Ididn't think so. So, so get
your slot ass over here and helpme get to the damn water and hole,
okay, because I can't see thedamn pond. Yeah, my face
has pretty much prevented me from everbeing a slut. Miya. That is
awesome. You made my damn day. I laughed so freaking harder than I
had it played over the bluetooth speakerfor our friends, and it was that

(12:22):
everybody's dying laughing. Yep, brokeDick duck feels as I got some big
ass Cojonas. And with that weenter into story number one. Coming to
us from the Miami Herald. Floridawoman said she stole Percocet and Zanex from
her store so the store wouldn't berobbed. Brilliant, We'll read that again.

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Florida woman said she stole Percocet andXenix from her store so that it
wouldn't be robbed. She's protecting it, she's putting it in a safe spot,
exactly, all right. A BelleGlade Walgreen's pharmacy technician had a novel
explanation for her theft of hundreds ofZanex and Percoset tablets. Police say she

(13:09):
wanted to keep a cousin from robbingthe store. So she wanted to keep
a cousin so so much she knewshe had inside information, inside information about
it. So you know what I'mthinking here, No clue, No,
I'm not saying she could oh fuckum everything, Okay, just hanging on.
I had it. I lost it. Oh, okay, got it

(13:31):
all right, here we go.So here's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking
National treasure, Nicholas Cage stealing theDeclaration of Independence, except it's percocet and
xanex. Yeah, because he knewit was going to be stolen. There
was gonna be an right. That'saccording to the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office
via Tealsah sure Talasah McGhee's arrest form, Though the form said the twenty three

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old eventually admitted that the person wasn'ta true cousin, the lack of a
family tree didn't prevent her from gettingthis from getting the switch. Administratively and
legally, the Florida Department of Healthsuspended McGee's license last month. She was
arrested after she posted a twenty fourthousand dollars bond. Prosecutors decided to take

(14:16):
no action on the charges of possessionof oxycodone, possession of zanex, grand
theft, and one count of traffickingin twenty five grams of one hundred grams
of oxycodone in trafficking in twenty fiveoh twenty five two one hundred grams of
oxycodone okay. McGee still faces onecount of trafficking in twenty five grams to
one hundred grams of oxycodone, possessionof xanax, and organized scheme to defraud

(14:41):
under twenty thousand dollars. Well,that's a hell of a charge. That's
a new one. Organized a newone, scheme to defraud, organized scheme
to defraud under twenty thousand. McGeemaintained her innocence in the in the incident
that both the arrest report and theHealth Departments of Emergency Suspension Order said sparked
a Walgreens investigation. A customer sayinga ninety tablet Percoset prescription was thirty tablets

(15:07):
short in October. Oh, soshe's been skimming off the top, she
exactly. She was taking it outof the She just figured they weren't going
to count them. Sixty looks likeninety. Yeah, until you get to
the until you get to you getto the number three. Yeah. After
an in house investigation, Walgreens calledthe Palm Beach County Sheriff's office. According

(15:31):
to the rest report, McGee admittedtaking five hundred oxycodone and three hundred alipro
aliproxam nope. I said that wrong. Just say the Xenex, oh,
Zenix and three hundred Zanex tablets worthtwenty three hundred dollars from the Walgreens at
this at one on one North MainStreet. She would be accused of taking

(15:52):
five hundred and sixty four Percoset andone thousand and forty five Zenix tablets.
Damn, that's a good buzz thatthat'll keep you going for a while.
McGhee says she did so while fillingprescriptions, dropping the pills or an entire
bottle into her pocket. Later,when speaking with Sheriff's office investigator, she
said she said she took them becauseher cousin threatened to rob the Walgreen's pharmacy.

(16:17):
Otherwise to the cousin, yeah,I'm yeah, I'm gonna give to
her so otherwise she's coming to robthe place? Are he? McGee then
admitted he wasn't her cousin, butsomeone she'd grown up with in Sarah Soda
didn't. She claims she didn't knowhis name, just the nickname Yellow in
her cell phone his number grew upwith them. How wouldn't How would she

(16:40):
not know his real name? Thisstory has lots of holes in it from
the nine four one area code waslistening under Vegas business. According to the
report. Yeah, nine four oneis not a Florida area code. Yeah
yeah, Sara Sarah. All right, let's take that part out because that
sounds stupid. All right, Yeah, that's the yeah, but between two

(17:04):
three nine and eight one three isnine four one. It used to be.
Actually that used to be the areacode here. Okay, what the
intern say? I don't, Itdoesn't matter. I can't. I can't
hear unless I take the headphones off, and then I'm like what what?
She won't talk because she don't wantto be caught on the mic, and
it's like, I can't hear you. Speak up. She went through the

(17:26):
nine four one, then the eightthree nine, and then the two three
nine. It was eight one threenine two three nine. That's what I
said, all right. Story numbertwo Florida girl put quote help get me
out of here sign on a windowbecause she was struggling with her homework.
Oh God, that's not our kids, are they? Uh Mike, well

(17:48):
now it's pretty close, but it'snot quite your city. But uh,
actually you're the intern did send thisone to me earlier today, So I
want to give her credit. Asign that read help get me out of
here alarmed Florida deputies, but itturned out a little girl just needed help
with her math homework. A maintenanceworker in North Naples noticed the signing an
apartment window and notified the Collier CountySheriff's Office. When deputies arrived, they

(18:12):
learned the ten year old girl's mothersent her to her room to finish the
assignment. Quote. The girl decidedto take an unorthodox approach. According to
the Sheriff's office, deputy has learnedshe wrote the impassioned plea on a piece
of paper, then placed it againstthe window of her bedroom. Quote.
While we were happy to know thatno one was in danger, we totally

(18:33):
relate to the frustration that comes withmath homework quote. According to a statement,
deputy provided the family with his personalcell phone, saying the child can
call any time with homework questions toavoid another scary call to service. Yea,
they help get me out of here. They mean well, but sometimes
they could cause board problems than theyintended to, all right. Story number

(19:02):
three comes to us from Fox twentythree dot com. Florida man bills a
backyard golf course Uh, golf coursesare open during the coronavirus pandemic really got
all of them. But a manin Fleming Island, where is that Fleming
Island, Florida, no idea,uh, decided to take matters into his
own hands to keep his golf gameup to par that you wanted to be

(19:26):
under par. You've heard of mancaves and basement bars and maybe this is
the newest trend. Quarantine or noquarantine. How about a golf course in
your own backyard? Now, weused to have when I was in college,
we had a golf course around Weplayed with wolf those Wolfe golf balls,
and we used to have a littlenine whole course that we had around

(19:48):
the pool, uh in our backyard, I mean behind in our apartment complex
and that Yeah, it was untilwe chili dipped all the grass into the
pool and the management got a littlefull chili dipp because he kind of,
yeah, you don't play golf toyou. The chili dip is when you
yeah, he hit it, youthe chili dar's skull fuck it. I

(20:11):
mean it's when you hit more dirtthan you do ball and the dirt goes
flying up. So anyway, theydidn't like it, so we chopped up
the whole yard and they that didn'twork out anyway. Ah, Mowing the
lawn can feel like a hazardous chore. Not for Scott Jones. He turned
his grass into greens made of turf. Well, that's what most greens are
made of. I came up withthis idea and it started with a putting

(20:34):
green and it just continued to grow. There was never any drawings or any
plans. It was just kind ofall in my head. So let's do
it, Jones said. Jones usedevery bit of his backyard and now gets
to use everything in his golf bagas a golfer. I could hit all
fourteen clubs in the bag. I'veset up a net between two trees that
off net I have. He's gotthe net. I have a launch monitor.

(20:57):
It functions as well as being prettycool too. The practical use is
obvious. There is also an emotionalattachment for Jones. The name of his
course is Angel Country Club. Angelwas my cat really that I had for
twenty years. Twenty years? Goodlord, is that's an old I know

(21:18):
who could years? What a greatthing? Call it Angel country Club.
Name it after her. Kind ofin her memory. Jones said, this
might be the most exclusive club inAmerica. Just one member, unless you
count Rory Mchael Roy Uh, notthat famous golfer who won the Player's Championship
in twenty nineteen, but Jones's dog. I can always say this guy's a

(21:45):
real golf golf fan if he namedhis dog after a golfer, I can
always say that Rory has been anAngel country club hanging out with me.
And that's it, Jones said.The best part about backyard golfing an Angel
country Club up. It's just afew short steps to burgers and beverages at
the nineteenth Bowl bo. Yeah,something tells me he's not married. Now

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it's time for the Florida Man andthis week our Florida Man food fight comes
to us from localten dot com.Florida man punched a food donor at a
distribution event. I was just tryingto do something good for the community and
gets a fist to the face.A pastor was arrested Tuesday and Opallaca for

(22:37):
punching a seventy year old man whowas trying to deliver food to those in
need. Authority said the victim,Phelippe, a Madrigal spoke to local ten
news reporter Jeff Winas ear Thursday ashe was going into the emergency room to
get his neck checked out. Hetold Winas here he was still having a
lot of pain in his neck andhead. That's good, you know what.

(23:00):
Make sure that's on the record forthe eventual for the civil suit.
Philippe's he's thinking. The incident wasreported outside a church in the area of
Lincoln Avenue in Johnson Street. Accordingto the arrest report, the victim,
who is the president of the RotaryClub of Durral, told police he had

(23:22):
gone to the area to deliver twelvepalettes of food to people when Bernice Lee
s Michel, age sixty four,approached him and asked what he was doing
there. According to his business card, Michel is the pastor of Mount Tabor
Ministries. A woman who identified herselfas the church administrator for another church,
the Opalaca Church of God, saidMichel is not affiliated with her church,

(23:48):
However, they allow him to usea building across from the church when he
is feeding the community. The victimsaid he told Michel he was there to
provide food to people, but Michaelgot angry that the victim did not contact
him first before arriving, so he'sapparently got a monopoly on giving food to
the pastor apparently thought the food wasgoing to be donated to his church and

(24:11):
not handed out that day. Quotewhen I said, why don't you help
us? At that moment, hehit me and I went backwards on the
sidewalk and landed on the street.My phone went flying. It's broken,
Madrigal said. Police said Michel punchedthe victim in the face, knocking him
out. Wow. One punch,one punch ko. According to the rust
report, Michael told police he hitMadrigal because he feared for his life,

(24:34):
but witnesses told officers Michel struck thevictim for no apparent reason. Winnas Here
also spoke to Michael on Thursday,and he again stated that he was in
fear of Madrigal. Quote, wedo not do food distribution on Tuesday.
We do food distribution on Thursday.Nut he was right close up on me.
I thought he was going to hitme. I thought he was going

(24:55):
to hit me. I was defendingmyself unquote, because it was Tuesday,
not Thursday. Yeah, I wouldn'ttaco. It wasn't it wasn't free food
Tuesday. That's on Thursday, right, So Phil, Um, when you're
hungry on Tuesday, do you typicallywait till Thursday to get something to eat
or would you rather have the foodon Tuesday? Well, it's it's uh,
you know it, it's it isa little Usually Monday's oat meal Okay,

(25:19):
Monday's oatmeal day. Sometimes they tryto do French toast. But I
don't eat French toast on Mondays becauseMonday's are oat milt day. Okay.
Do you have a bowl for yourkeys? I have a bowl, and
um, you put the keys inthe bowl. That way your keys don't
get lost because they're in the bowl. Okay, Yes, I am a

(25:42):
monstrous big bang theory thing. Allright. Anyways, Madrigal isn't buying the
claim. Quote, I'm seventy yearolds old brother, he said. All
I want to do is help people, and we were there to help people
in need. Michel held his weeklyfood distribution on Thursday, as schedule wold.
After being knocked out, Madrigal didn'tgo to the hospital, but instead

(26:03):
took his twelve palates of food andheaded to city Hall to hand it out
there. Quote, it's very sad, Jeff. He said, we're there
to help the most needy people,and it's so sad that's a pastor of
a church and he acts the wayhe did. Michol was taken into custody
on a charge of aggravated battery onan elderly person, but he has since
bonded out. Records show the pastorhas had a long criminal record that dates

(26:26):
back to nineteen seventy six that includescharges such as theft, battery, and
possession of cocaine. M that's atough one to overcome as a pastor.
H Well, I mean, youknow, you got to be down in
the down of the trenches with thewith the flock. You know, you
can't preach to him on how tobetter yourself unless you've you've, you know,

(26:47):
crawled out of the gutter yourself.He was recently charged with kidnapping,
false imprisonment, robbery, and batteryfor an incident involving his wife. Doesn't
say how recently. It didn't sayyep, oh great guy, Greig guy,
Yeah, stand up, yeah,punches an old man for trying to
donate some food. There we go, all right, So now we're gonna

(27:11):
try a new segment. Uh,these are stories that um, you know,
we we've came across this week,good stories from a headline standpoint,
not enough substance to do a wholeyou know, to do a whole um
a whole bit on. So itjust we're just gonna read the headlines to
you in a little bit about it, Okay, So um as you um,

(27:34):
I'm going a little different order herethan what we've got. Um Uh.
The Buccaneers fans here in uh SouthFlorida are all excited about mister Tom
Brady and Rob Gronkowski now and Gronkowskiuh adjoining Um. However, it didn't
take mister Brady long to uh gainFlorida man notoriety. Yes, um uh

(27:59):
Tom Brady stakely enters Florida Man's home. Quote, Am I in the wrong
house, the new Buccaneers quarterback ask. So the story behind this one is
he, uh, he went tovisit I think the quarterbacks coach or one
of them, and the houses werewas there to work out because he brought
his he brought his bag of gear, and um he went and he went
to the wrong house and didn't knock, just walked in and um he went

(28:23):
in the wrong house. Well,he encountered one of those phenomenon that I
don't know. It's not exclusively Florida, but it's definitely prevalent here the gated
community where every house looks exactly theYeah, yeah, he thought he was
going in the coach's house and walkedinto the neighbor's house because yeah, he
thought he was at the right.He was close, just missed it by
one. Here's another headline, Floridaman crashes his homemade plane. Yep,

(28:48):
we make our own planes here.You know, if you if you build
your own plane from a kit,you don't The FAA doesn't even uh investigate
the crash or the NTSB that doesnot investigate the crash because they just stick
here. It's gonna fucking happen.It's gonna die anyway, It's gonna die.
It's gonna crash anyway. Um here'sanother good one. I loved Drugs
found at a Florida home with quotecome back with a warrant doormat. Uh

(29:12):
that one came to um welcome matat the front door of a Florida home
red come back with a warrant.And that's just what the dipity's did.
Before fighting drugs and drug paraphernali insidethey got must have busted from meth.
So what I learned here is ifyou're going to do illegal things in the
house, don't put a doormat outthat says come back with a warrant.

(29:33):
Oh you know, if if you'rethe type of person that the cops are
always knocking on your door anyway andalways asking can I come in, you
gotta tell him no anyways, Sojust put it on the doormat. You
don't. They won't even bother.They just know the perfect Florida want.
Yeah, Florida woman spits chewed foodinto fruit bins laughs when question about COVID

(29:56):
nineteen. Police say she destroyed almostthree hundred and fifty dollars worth of food.
Well just shoot it up and spitit back in the buffet. Didn't
say which um, which store itwas because you know we're doing the headlines.
It wasn't in the headline, okay, because public said would be a
lot of fruit at something like uh, Whole Foods. I mean three or
four three or four bananas? Youknow, all right, times are hard.

(30:18):
Man in surgical mask accused of robbinga I Drive hotel clerk. He
took two hundred and fifty bucks.Um. The funny thing about this one
is he was arrested on a chargeof robbery with a weapon while wearing a
mask. That's that's bullshit because thegovernment's saying you should be wearing a mask,

(30:38):
and they got him on wearing amask, so they get you an
extra got him an extra charge becausehe tried to rob the place while wearing
a mask. See I drive,So that's International drive in Orlando. I'm
assuming I don't know. Uh.Next, Florida man charged with pointing him
to be gun of golfers. Yipu he uh this this guy on the
golf course was upset because people weredriving their carts on the putting greens and

(31:02):
over a wooden bridge designed for walking. Ah. He couldn't get authorities to
do anything about it, so hetook betters in his own hand and threatened
people with a BB gun. Nowyou know, yep, they're driving a
golf cart, not a car.You should threaten him with a BB gun,
not a real gun. Yep.And this one the last one here?
Did you put this one? InFlorida woman's ex husband found guilty of

(31:23):
mailing her a dead rat. Yep, he's a Florida man now because they
got him in Tampa to put himin jail, so they extrad outed him
to Tampa. Yep, he wasn'the was an Illinois man. I believe
those are just some of the story. This is what we deal with here,
folks. So these are just thisweek. This is the kind of
stuff we usually have to weed outbecause the story really is kind of it's
not a lot of substance to it. Yes, it's kind of shorts down

(31:45):
all that stuff. Then the headlineskind of you know, it is what
it is. Did I tell youabout my dead rat that I found?
Yes? You did. Actually whenyou send me pictures, you actually sent
me pictures of it too. IsI found it completely disgusting, engross.
It's kind of cool though it wasa skeleton. Not really, No,
not really. I'm thinking, uh, y'all are gonna be on the next
episode of Hoarders. Well, thiswas at my we no o, the

(32:07):
shed at my mom's house. Sowe had stuff, We had boxes of
stuff just stored there. Because wasthere a key to that shad that you
couldn't find today? Was it inthe bowl? It was a different shed
different shady. Are you ready?Yeah, I got us yep, all

(32:29):
right. Fill in the blank.Florida lawyer will dress as blank to protest
beach reopenings. Anaconda incorrect, puckum dolphin incorrect. He wants to I'll
give you a hit. He wantsto prevent people from going to the beach.

(32:55):
Who addressed as a prevent people fromcoin um a hooker incorrect? Shit,

(33:17):
He wants to relay the message thatit could be deadly to go so
uh. Because the number of Floridiansinfected with COVID nineteen continues to rise,
Attorney Daniel Oldfelder thinks it's ridiculous thatGovernor Ronda Santis has allowed the state speeches
to begin reopening. So old Feldercame up with an equally ridiculous protest idea,

(33:39):
dressing as the Grim Reaper to persuadepeople to remain home and stay alive.
The Grim Reaper, the Grim Reaper, and I went. I went
with stripper, You went with Stripper, the exact opposite. The Grim Reaper
is so covered up that the onlything you can see is his bony,
fricking fingers, And I wait forthe slutty, I went for the slutty
stripper. Yeah, well, youknow what, that would be a good

(34:00):
Halloween costume, the slutty Grim Reaper. What do you have? Jolie is
like, so he's got the cape, you know, you just what?
She cuts out the what the how? She's just wearing like a gray bikini
with the hood on and the scytheand she can and the scythe doubles as
a stripper pole and she could spinaround it. Fantastic. Yep. Send
all protests to Joel please not me. Old Felder, a Miami native who

(34:23):
lives in Santa Rosa Beach, whichis in the Panhandle, this week vowed
on Twitter to embark on what hecalls the Florida Grim Reaper Tour. Quote.
I was thinking about ways to articulatethe message that this is a serious,
deadly virus that is easily communicated,and we don't need to be drawing
thousands to our beaches, he tellsthe Miami New Times. And that's where

(34:44):
this story comes from, Miami NewTimes. I couldn't think of anything more
deadly as a symbol than the GrimReaper. After closing in March Beaches in
Jacksonville infamously reopened last week, allowingpeople to flock together and prompting the hashtag
hashtag Florida morons. Sometimes that seemsa little redundant. Old Felder said he

(35:04):
is normally an advocate for free accessto Florida's beaches. In the past,
he is sued to open private beachesin the Panhandle to the general public,
but the current circumstances have changed histune. Quote. I want to get
back to normal more than anyone,he says. I love our beaches,
but the suffering will be shorter ifwe follow the rules and flatten the curve.
Before you ask, no, OldFelder did not have a grim Reaper

(35:25):
costume and scythe already hanging in hiscloset waiting for just such an occasion,
but he says his online order ison the way. By next Friday,
he plans to start his tour ofcoastal towns to spread his grim but hopeful
message. I'm sure that will havemassive effect on people. Oh yeah.
You know what's going to happen istons of people are going to find out

(35:46):
and they're going to go to thebeach just to take pictures of him.
Oh yeah. Quote, there won'tbe a lack of choices, he says,
pointing out that beaches are opening withrestricted hours in Duval, Dixie,
and Flaggler Counties, among others,including right here in Lee County. Old
Felder says he'll practice social distancing whiletelling people about the dangers of gathering in
groups during the pandemic, and we'lltry to get his message across with a

(36:08):
mix of looks and logic. Withany luck, he won't be taking any
souls. He says he'd like tomake it down to Miami Beach, despite
the long drive. Mayor Dan Gelberhas been adamant about not reopening the beaches
for now, despite protests from onecity commissioner. This isn't the first time
old Felder has dressed up to takehis message of personal safety to the seashore.

(36:29):
A month ago, he put ona hazmat suit and grabbed a microphone
to explain to locals in Pensacola whythey should not gather in groups during a
national health emergency. Old Felder sayshe's not worried about angry beach goers confronting
him. His experience in the legalsystem has toughened him up enough. I'm
a trial lawyer. He says,I'll be fine. He's gonna get his
ass kicked. H I think it'sjust going to be a bunch of idiots

(36:53):
shown up to take pictures with him. All right. This comes to us
from SPOS fifty one h Story numberfive are Sinko for our Spanish speaking friends,
Sinko Demo. A seventy five yearold almost Tequila. A seventy five

(37:15):
year old Florida woman found alive ina ravine nine days after going missing.
You know, I've been in alot of different places in Florida. I
don't think I've ever seen a ravine. Is that like a ditch? No,
it's more like a cliff. Wellyeah, I guess kind of it
would be a cliffs ditch, butlike with the cliffs on both sides,

(37:37):
so it's a ditch, very steepditch. Yes, okay, well with
no water. A seventy five yearold Citrus County woman was found alive on
Thursday morning after being missing for ninedays. And it's all thanks to two
Walmart employees, not the missing part, the found part. So Walmart actually
Walmart employees actually did something good fora change. That's fantastic. I figured

(37:59):
to read about a good Walmart story. Yeah, you were wrong. The
Sitchers County Sheriff's Office had been lookingfor Diane mckinnis since April the seventh,
when she was reported missing. Deputysearched by aaron on the ground and with
knines, but had no luck findingher. Apparently they didn't look in a
ravine ditch while performing a traffic stopon Thursday in front of the Walmart.

(38:23):
What the hell is that? Homo, sassam sasa? I think you might
be right, Walmart, the Sheriff'soffice said, two employees approached Sergeant Callahan
and described hearing strange noises coming fromthe wooded area behind the store. Now
typically strange noises coming from behind aWalmart. Yeah, you'd want the cops

(38:45):
involved, I would think. Ashe searched the area, Sergeant Callahan heard
the faint sounds of a woman's voice. That's when he found McGinnis in a
five foot ravine ditch. That yeah, emergency crews were called and she was
transported to a hospital. I sawthe pure I saw the missing pictures of
her. She doesn't look like alittle person, so I'm confused as to

(39:08):
how she couldn't just crawl out ofa five foot ravine. I mean she
had nine days. She had ninedays to figure out how to get out.
Our citizens are amazing and if notfor these two employees following their instincts
and reporting suspicious noises, this casewould have ended much differently, said Sheriff

(39:31):
Mike Printer Guest. I could notbe more proud of the deputies, detectives
and volunteers who spent hundreds of cumulativehours searching for missus mckinnis. So this
is a happy story in Florida.Yea, and thanks to to Walmart employees
in Holmassassa. In Holmossassa. Ourfinal story comes to a from the Tampa

(40:00):
Bay Times, Idaho man drove onclosed Florida beach quote out of boredom,
and I just wanted, since thisis about a story from Idaho, one
of our listeners, Dustin, who'sfrom the Atheist Nomad's podcast, send us
an email. And he said,hello again. I hate to do this,
but Phil was kind of onto somethingwith a river between Wyoming and Oregon.

(40:23):
That was your when you were tellingus the story about the crossrod puzzle.
Right answer was Idaho? He said, It's called the Snake River with
headwaters in Wyoming and after crossing Idaho, it serves as most of the border
between Oregon and Idaho. So youwere onto something there with river. Yeah,
I just that would have fit.It's got the same number of letters.
I know. I know, I'llstill scrooge it up. But thank

(40:45):
you. I appreciate uh, Dustin, thanks for trying trying to help me
out. Yep. But another Idahoman, and Dustin's from Idaho. By
the way, about another Idaho Ihave never been to Idaho. What's that?
I have never been to Idaho.I haven't either. I haven't been
anywhere in the Pacific Northwest other stuff. Ben is uh? I think San
Francisco, I have never I've neverbeen to Washington, Oregon, Idaho.

(41:07):
Yeah. The closest we should dothat would be Dustin. We're coming to
stay with you. Um, we'regoing to We're going to uh take a
road trip. I think he doesa big camping trip every year, do
you. I mean I have anRV. Yeah, maybe well we'll hit
him up go camping. I'd liketo go to Idaho, somewhere up in
the Northwest. I think we justinvited ourselves to go to his next dext

(41:28):
camping trip. All right anyway,another Idaho man, John McGarry. He
isn't from Florida, but he channeledhis inner Florida man. On Saturday,
the twenty five year old Idaho nativeled police on a thirty five mile per
hour chase on sand Key Beach afteronlookers saw him cruising through the empty beach.
Officers from the Clearwater Police Department thenpursued and arrested him in the parking

(41:50):
lot of the Sheraton sand Key aroundtwo forty five pm. Police say sand
Key Beach was close to the publicdude to the coronavirus pandemic when Garry drove
on it. Even when open,however, vehicles are not allowed on that
beach. Hope. This is typicallythe week that we are driving on a
beach, though we usually we usuallyare this time year. We are usually
in Daytona this weekend. I hateFacebook for giving me all of these Hey,

(42:15):
look what you were doing last yearat this time, four years ago,
Hey years ago, three years ago, at this time. Yes,
I know I was on the beachyep. But the beach being closed to
vehicles didn't stop McGary, however,who said he went from the streets to
the sand purely out of boredom.According to police, McGarry now faces misdemeanor

(42:36):
charges of reckless driving, resisting arrestwithout violence, and for driving with a
suspended license. We draw all theway from Idaho with a suspended license.
Well, I actually went and checkedout his arrest report, and he actually
lists Clearwater as his home, butas a transient, so he doesn't have
an address, but he lives here, so he's homeless. But he's got

(43:00):
a car, which I assume iswelcome to Florida. Yep. McGarry has
been booked into the Panellis County Jail. His bail for the three charges has
been set at six hundred and fiftydollars. Yep. I could be driving
on the beach this weekend, pastweekend, but no, no Florida.
But that's America's wing. They preferthe Sunshine State. All right, Well

(43:22):
that's the show for this week,folks. Please subscribe to Florida Man wherever
you're hitting us right now, orat Florida Men podcast dot com slash subscribe
Man. Please rate us five starsor leave a review on pod Chaser or
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(43:45):
or voicemail is five six seven fourthree two nine six seven four. And
if hey, you know what weneed to do, huh we need to
We need to look at the lettersnine to six seven four and see if
that spells anything Florida Managed. Idid and it doesn't nothing nothing, all
right, Yeah, I know.If you want to support the show,

(44:06):
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(44:29):
Tampa Tier, Colin, David,Jason, Kat Michael d Michael m One
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(44:53):
Daytona Tier, Jessica, Katie Kimand Mia are dot Com our duck rang,
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(45:15):
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(45:57):
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kiss my ass. Florida Man,Florida Man. Might be crazy, might
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(46:22):
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Tracy's fear from a can. Helives in his fan. He's a
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(46:44):
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155 - Beach Reaper, Homework Hostage, Backyard Back Nine, and Idaho Idiot

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}155 - Beach Reaper, Homework Hostage, Backyard Back Nine, and Idaho Idiot