156 - Listener Quickie Aachen A-Hole - Florida Men

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Warning. Apparently today we have topronounce words in German and Italian because screw
us right, Listener discretion is adviseda man Florida Man, might be crazy,
might be Stupidiesla Man. Welcome tothis week's Listener Stories mini episode of

(00:21):
Florida Man. I'm Phil and I'mJoel, and this is the shorter version
of the show where we read youthe Florida Man type stories you the listeners,
have sent in from your part ofthe world. News stories from your
local area, personal stories where someoneyou know did something Florida Man like.
Are things you have experienced where youencounter some dumbass? Are you were that
dumbass? And this week our emailcomes to us from Coneth, one of

(00:43):
our patrons, and he says,Hey, guys, your patron Kneth,
here here's a hilarious piece of newsI found on German Twitter. The sources
are DPA news agency and the policereport. I translated and rewrote the story
for you and may have taken slightliberties with regards to phrasing. Hey,
no problem, we aren't going tobe able to tell the difference if it
was in German originally. Uh specialwords and how to pronounce them and what

(01:04):
they mean. H Phil, youwant to pronounce along with me, I'll
say it first and you can allthat's what the that's what the listeners want
to hear. I think that's whatI can, so I can screw it
up. Yeah, exactly, Okay, So all right, So the first
one is, uh, the nameof the city in uh the name of
the city west of Germany is achian achen huh ah ah ah, all

(01:32):
right, I'm gonna take your wordfor that one. Uh. The other
one's Italian. Oh, furious womanin Italian is uh Farociosa. So close.
And we have a friend with aname that's like one letter off from
this, and you still got itwrong. It's Furiosa, Furiosa, it's
close. The last one is thepolice in German. Uh die policia so

(01:57):
close that I think this is theclosest one. D polize D d police
die It's it's d all right,Okay. Anyways, uh, Conan says,
hell, I prefer frozen pizza overdelivery anyway, because it's not cold
and all the toppings aren't messed upwhen it's ready. I disagree there are
and it might just be where wellwhere Well, yeah, I will tell

(02:19):
you though. Did you get thosein on a good on a good Um?
Well there's two. There's two timesthat this is the best. Those
uh cheap Tony's. Yeah yeah thosethose uh in the morning after a good
drunk and uh before you go tobed after a good drunk. I like
I like a red baron pizza.I like a red The best one is
the one, the one with themustache on it. Uh uh screaming Sicilian.

(02:43):
Yeah, oh yeah those Oh thoseare good. Yeah, those are
good. There's but those are yeahthose are you gotta wait for a coupon
or a sale. Yeah, public'sbogo on them. But uh, there's
too many good pizza places around here. Oh yeah, So I'm not gonna
turn down pizza either way. No, no, even even like well what
do they say, uh, pizzaslike sex, even when it's bad,

(03:04):
it's still pretty good. I've neverheard that, Joel. I mean,
that's what they set up in Michigan, but we didn't say that in Mississippi.
Well, i'll refrain from gid.I'm not getting into this one.
Did your sister make your pizza?What? Okay? Uh? So you
don't want to read this story negative. All right, So the stories title

(03:24):
is pizza delivered to the face.A food delivery in Achen escalated quickly because
the customer didn't like the topping shereceived. And this took place in Aachen,
Germany. A angry lady is facingbattery charges after she beat her food
delivery driver around the head with thepizza she had ordered. Wow, that's

(03:45):
that's just a waste of pizza.Police are investigating the Thursday incident in which
a woman allegedly shoveled a slice inthe face of a delivery boy. The
twenty nine year old had already collecteda payment and he was about to leave
when the customer started beefing about thetopping on her food. So the delivery
dud's twenty nine and they're calling hima delivery boy. Well, yeah,

(04:08):
that might be something. Just losthad already collected her payment, her and
he was about to leave her.Her was the customer? Nope, yeah,
nope, yeah, the woman,oh delivery boy? Yeah, okay,
all right, oh okay, allright, collected the payment I get
in German means she's already paid forit. Yeah, okay, I'm not
thinking of collecting I'm thinking, yeahthe restaurant, okay, I got,

(04:30):
I got, I get. Buthe collected her payment and he was about
to leave when the customer started beefingabout the topping on her food. She
claimed that she had not ordered hissalami, but the printed receipt of her
online order instantly proved her wrong.Well, no, that just proves that
whoever took the order, who andwho? Who are salami? Well,
I'm wondering if they do salami overthere instead of pepperoni. I don't know

(04:54):
how. Well, yes, ifyou get Italian sometimes you could get salami
on there. Yeah, but inyou know, Germany, would I would
think they do. They do lotsof different varieties of sausage in Germany.
I've been there, and I reallyappreciated that as somebody who is more of
a carnivore, they really they reallystep up their game. Yeah, but

(05:16):
of the two, Pepperoni is thehigher quality pizza topping. Okay, I
would not disagree with it. SoI just don't know if you can get
pepperoni in Germany. That's a goodquestion for Please send us a can you
get pepperoni in German? Still notsated, she requested to speak to the
manager of the Italian restaurant on thephone, but they too made mincemeat of

(05:36):
her arguments, so she asked totalk to the manager. Is Karen a
German name? Did she have thehaircut that? May I speak to your
manager? Haircut? You know,I don't know where you No, it's
the one where it's where it's uhabout even with her with her jaw in
the front, but but trimmed upreally high in the back so it's like
almost buzzed and it's got that lightangle down the sides. Yeah, that's

(05:59):
the may I speak to your managerhaircut? And typically the woman who has
that haircut is named Karen. Ohpop, not heard that, but that's
yeah, that's and now Karen.People named Karen are are complaining. There's
actually a story on the news thatthey're saying that Karen is a slur now
on par with the N word.Really, yes, And I am not

(06:20):
familiar with any of this. Areyou just making this up? No?
I'm not google Karen N word.But to paraphrase John Mulaney, it's not
nearly as bad because one of themyou say, and one of them you
just say the initial of If you'retrying to figure out which word is the
worst word. It's the one thatyou won't even say, the word yeah.

(06:42):
All right anyways. Finally, outof options, the furiosa grabbed the
steaming hot slices and shoved them rightin the young man's face. When de
Politzei eventually arrived at the scene,they found various splatters of pizza topping on
the ground, as well as inthe man's face and hair. The ingredients
indeed matched his account of the crime, as well as the receipts and the
restaurant's menu. Police ended their reportwith the note, we usually send court

(07:06):
summons by priority mail, but inthis case we chose not to require a
signature on delivery. Fair enough.She's sounds like she gets pretty angry when
damn you show up on her doorstepwith not what she ordered. I bet
she's vegan too, That's why shegot so mad about the pepperoni or the

(07:28):
salami. Probably got need one ofthe gluten free Oh yeah, gluten free
vegan. Have you ever had vegancheese? Not on purpose, I haven't
eaten it, but my nephew isallergic to dairy. I believe something he
has to eat vegan cheese and thatship is rank nasty. Oh yeah,
Travis will back me up on this, that's his boy. Oh. I

(07:51):
would not ever eat, even tryto eat a vegan pizza, even if
I, god forbid ever went veganor French cherry or whatever. Yeah.
No, I'm gonna stick with theI'm closer to the caveman type diets.
Yeah, the paleo whatever that oneis. Yeah. Yeah, meats and
nuts from keto. Yeah. What'sketo ketogenic? Uh? Basically high protein.

(08:15):
Yeah, it's still it's working wondersfor my body. Yea, yep,
yep, luckily. Well, actuallythe beach has just opened a little
bit here, so I need todo a couple setups tonight and I should
be based to be back to normal. Just a couple yep, two should
be fine. Well that's our listenerstory for this week. Folks. If
you have a story you'd like usto cover on the quick At show with
us in your local news or apersonal store of some dumb ass you knowe,

(08:39):
send us the email to Florida ManPodcast at gmail dot com. This
podcast was recorded at Southern Audio ProductionStudios in Fort Myers, Florida, and
sheltered in play studios in Benita Springs, Florida and mixed in a German pizzeria
and as always, will finish uptonight with the ballot of the Florida Man.
Florida Man, Florida Man, Mightbe Crazy, might be stupid.

(09:00):
He's a Florida Man. He's gothis feet in the sand while he works
on his pan He's got an annualpass to this land. He drinks his
fear from a can. He livesin his fan It's a local tiny house.
Inside is Florida Man. Florida Man, Might be Crazy, might be

(09:28):
stupid. He's a Florida Man,Florida Man. He's a dumb ass,
but we loving me. He's aFlorida Man. The preceding podcast is copyright
twenty twenty Shitty Side Media LLCIE,All rights reserved.

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156 - Listener Quickie Aachen A-Hole

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