157 - 911 Nitwit, Beastly Bloodletter, Disney Discovery, and Forgery Failure - Florida Men

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Morning. When Keano finds out aboutone of our stories this week, there's
gonna be hell to pay. Listenerdiscretion is advised. Coming to you from
America's Wayhing. This is Florida Man, the podcast for Tuesday, May the
twelfth, twenty twenty. Each weekwe bring you stories from the shady side

(00:21):
of the Sunshine State, starring America'smost prolific criminal, Florida Man, and
coming up this week in episode onefifty seven, Florida Man wants his roommate
to suck the worm out. FloridaMan finds his own private island is a
small world, after all. FloridaMan dialed the wrong number for Uber Eats,
and Florida Man does the right thingand wins a big gulp plus Florida

(00:43):
Man food fight, filling the blanklistener, email and email, and much
much more. Alrighty, here weare in day five thousand, two hundred
and sixty one of quarantine ish thingsstarting to reopen a little bit, little

(01:06):
people getting on in public. Someyeah, I uh. Somebody tweeted the
other day that nobody's even mentioned thefact that the last normal day was Friday
the thirteenth. Oh, that's true, of March mark Oh, February March
March. Seems like it's been along time. Yep, that's the last
day I was actually in this.You know, we should have done though.

(01:27):
During this I a friend of mine, a band that I worked with,
he um, he gave us usme in the intern a mask.
He made us a mask, uh, with their logo on it. We
should have done Florida Man mask.Oh yeah, yeah, my daughter was
was sewing a bunch of them up. I just didn't have any material that

(01:48):
had our logo on it. Wecould have done a yeah, we could
have done Ah. Well, youknow what, if there's a if there's
a second round of this ship thatcomes around, we'll do it on the
next up at them. I ain'twarrant. Yeah, we'll do it on
the next one, the next pandemicthat comes around. But we do have
an update this week from our fromMiya is it me or maya Miya Miya

(02:12):
about Duck Joel and Duck Phil,which we covered last week. So I'm
gonna read that to you now.We got an update. Uh, Duck
Joel and Duck Phil are clearly sohappy here and loving all of the grass
and sun. I don't think theyever had access to grass before. Just
mud. Joel is a real pimpwith the girls, but Phil is a

(02:36):
genuine gentle soul with giant balls.I'm going to keep adding to their album
of adventures, including Joel's romantic endeavors, which provide a classic view of duck
mating behavior. So she's making duckporn. Yeah, it totally looks like
duck rape to the unfamiliarized, andall of the males pile on one female

(02:58):
at the same time in a ridiculousdisplay of standardized breeding chaos. Have you
ever seen an orgies? Have youever seen a duck's penis? I've never
pulled the feathers back to look,Joel. They are shaped like a corkscrew,
and they got spikes all over them. It cannot be comfortable for the

(03:19):
duck for compilation. Huh, unlessit's as cootas must be. Uh.
I don't know if that would classifyas pleasurable coitas. Uh. Birds are
weird but eternally entertaining, almost asentertaining as Florida's everlasting font of jackassery.
I'll have to send you guys someeggs sometimes. Oh, that's going to

(03:42):
hope that maybe bowl them first.How about that they are exquisite organic and
from one hundred percent rescue chickens andducks. Amigos asta luego. You know
what that means for English speaking listeners? Yeah? I do. What does
it mean? Grosis amigos is thankyou friends, and osta loego is have
a nice steak close until then untilthen? Okay? Yeah, So I'm

(04:09):
a little concerned about deck up decks, eggs in the um, eggs in
the mail. It might be fine. You know, a lot of packaging,
a lot of spiro foam probably.How do you how do you prepare
your eggs? Phil oh? I? Well, I want to stove mostly
what style? Oh uh? Scrambledu or um? Is it overhard or

(04:33):
over? I don't know what thatwas called. You fry? I mean
just cracked the egg and putting afry and panting and bust through yolk and
then you just flip it just basicallyfried. Okay, but I like mine
mixed up with some uh some flourand some oil and some maybe some butter
and sugar and cocoa and then bakedin a oven for at three fifty for

(04:55):
about forty minutes. Makes a wonderfulchocolate cake. Oh so you don't eat
eggs? Is that what you're saying? Oh, that's where you're going.
I'm like, oh, okay,well that's fucking nasty, goddamn fixed and
breakfast so used toff. Yeah,I like eggs, So we're glad to
have her. Yeah this week,Yeah, thanks, getting back to a
little bit normal here here in SouthFlorida, a little bit more traffic.

(05:18):
This is when the stores are startingopen a little bit, so I wouldn't
know. I haven't left the housein almost a month. Really, we
went to home depot last week.That's not But did you wear a mask?
Oh? Fuck yeah, I gotan End ninety five mask that I
found in my workbench. Oh Ifound one too. I ain't going out
and where I go to the storeof an end and when I run out
of beer. That's about it now. Everything else we have delivered. Actually,

(05:41):
we have the beer delivered too.That's a lie, yeah exactly.
This is a This cameras backwards,Okay, so your part's like in the
middle of it is damn it.You can't use it as a mirror.
You can't use the camera as amirror. I know nobody's looking at them.
You. I hain't had a haircutin six months, so this is

(06:02):
yet six months. Yeah, theintern we bought some clippers and we had
a haircut last Thursday for day night. And uh wow, that's exciting.
I bet it was. It wasthat really got her engine going to oh
yeah, oh yeah. I ain'twanted to brag, but I will um.
Although the sound maybe maybe may havebeen had some Padlovian response, yeah

(06:24):
it could have been, but itwas uh yeah, it was quite traumatic,
the chunks of hair falling down onme. No, I definitely haven't
had a haircut because you know whomy my h barber or slash hair stylist
is, right, yes, yeah, she would kick my ass if I
want anywhere else to have it cut. Oh you know, I do the

(06:46):
sports clips thing. I like.I like to watch those sports into sports
now, but the uh yeah,I like to watch the sports things and
then they get the little hair massagething and the scout massage, you know
all that stuff in there. It'skind of Yeah. The hot towel is
nice. The hot was great.Sometimes you catch it, you'll catch a
deal. Then you get a twofur with the towels. Yeah, you
get the hot towel, then youdo the cool towel. Oh, I

(07:06):
don't do the cool. I don'tlike the cool. It's fucking Florida and
the middle of the summer. Yougotta do the cool towel once, no
no messes up the pores. Know, That's that's why you do the hot
towel first, and then the cooltowel. Oh is it? Yeah?
Well I ever told me that hottowel gets you to open it up,
open up the pores, and youget all the sweat out, and then
the cool towel absorbs it all andcools you off. I did not know

(07:28):
that. Well, I've learned somethingnew today. And before we get into
our first story, I do havea one small shout out one of my
best best as buddies as birthday istoday, So mister Baker, if you're
listening to uh Florida Man, happybirthday brother. Yeah. And we've got
a big anniversary coming up here thisSunday. As of Sunday following when this

(07:54):
episode drops, we have been doingthis podcast for two years. Two long
years. I'll say it's been long. Okay, I'm saying like it's been
two years. I mean I madea mistake. Know what, This last
month and a half, it seemslonger than the previous twenty two and a
half months. Oh, two years, Joel, So what are we gonna
do for our two year anniversary?Well, I think next Tuesday or yeah,

(08:16):
next tuesday. Uh, well,actually it'll be this Tuesday when when
this episode drops, we'll do,uh, we'll do a live stream.
We'll put a and that's gonna befor our patrons only. We'll do a
patron only live stream. We've gota new app called get Vocal, and
uh, that'll let all of ourpatrons they can just log in with their
Patreon log in and watch us,and and they can chat with us and

(08:43):
and uh, if they want to, they can jump in because we can
have a couple of guests on ouron our live stream. So and it
will definitely be more user friendly andeasier and we won't get cut off like
we did with the zoom call wedid before. Why is the intern choking
you? Um? Yeah, SoI had to get the lid for my
YETI, which turned out to bean Arctic, which is aggravated me a

(09:05):
little bit. But because they don'tmatch her, because it's like one millimeter.
Often size it just at one millimetermatters, Joel. So, if
this works and we're successful with it, we're going to attempt to be able
to allow all of our patrons towatch us as we record this and interact
with us as we record this hisworks going forward. Oh that's the perk

(09:28):
of being the patron subscriber. Yep. Now, we're not gonna do a
We're not gonna do a just straightout video feed. We're not editing video.
You're gonna hear the You're gonna hearall the bullshit and all the stuff
behind the scenes and where we haveto pause to go take a leak or
go get a refill. Yeah.Yeah, you'll have to deal with that.

(09:48):
Ch happens a lot. We're old. Phil's prostate is a little swallowing
up. Hey, speak for yourself. You're the slut remember um slutty duck
Joel. Oh, one of ourone of our peatures. I forget who
said it, but they liked theidea of the slutty Grim Reaper Halloween costume,

(10:09):
and that's gonna be her costume thisyear. I think it was Jessica.
Was it? A couple lives sowe're waiting on photos of that one.
We're gonna hold you to that.But that's October, right, yeah,
Halloween usually Yeah, Halloween's usually usualOctober? Is it? Did?
They didn't change it this year?Right? Because of the pandemic? Uh

(10:30):
not yet they might you never know. Alrighty, let's get into this week's
story. The first one comes fromclick Orlando dot com. Florida man stabs
roommate an attempt to release Satan fromhis blood. Now, I am I

(10:50):
am not in the I do lesssee how do I want to say this?
I am not what you might calla I do enjoy a good exorcism,
but I don't know. I've neverread anything. We're releasing the blood?
Is how you get Satan out ofyou? I think you kind of
have to have a priest or thecloth for that. I don't know if
have you ever watched Supernatural? No, when they when they stabbed somebody who's

(11:15):
uh, what's the word possessed bya demon? The demon will escape?
Oh really? Yeah, because theydon't know that they can't they can't inhabit
a dead body, so they gotto get out of there before the body
dies. Well, yeah, that'smurderer. I'm just talking about that.
If you don't want to kill thehost or kill the right. Yeah,
let's see. That's one of thedownsides on that particular show is Yeah,

(11:37):
to to really get the demon out, if they don't want to come out,
they kind of have to sacrifice thehost. That's a bad day usually.
Yeah, that doesn't usually end willall right? So Florida man is
behind bars after stabbing his roommate inthe chest before turning the knife on himself,
claiming he committed the crime to releaseSatan, according to the Seminole County

(11:58):
Sheriff's Office. Now, if youthink Satan is in your roommate, why
do you stab yourself? Yeah,And I mean I've had some roommates that
have acted like Satan, but Inever I never stabbed them. No,
poisoned him a few times, butnot. Oh no, I just I
just moved out. She wouldn't flushthe toilet at night, she'd leave a

(12:20):
floater. She'd leave a floater.She was if it's yellow, let it
mellow. If it's brown, flushit down in the morning. Oh that's
nice. Yeah, yeah, especiallywhen I'm the one that got up early
to go to work. She hadan afternoon shift. I'm just impressed she
had a female roommate. Oh.Deputy's responded to Vistahaven apartments along Geranium Lane

(12:43):
and Sanford Wednesday in reference to astabbing, and when they arrived, deputy's
found a subject cutting himself with aknife and a victim suffering from a stab
wound. According to a report,the male harming himself was restrained and identified
as twenty five year old Joseph Dolash. He attempted to resist, deputy said,
was held to the ground when hebegan making comments such as, Satan

(13:07):
will come out of my wound.You will see Satan is still in me.
Satan was a worm and is gonnacome out of me. And if
I can't talk, Satan will killme. Record show. I bet that
last one was in response to theyou have the right to remain silent,
yeah, deputy said. The victimlying on the ground appeared to have a
stab wound to his chest, andit was later determined that he was the

(13:31):
roommate of Delash. When deputies askedhim about his injured roommate, Dolash said,
can't say he's Satan. No,I stabbed him. Yeah, Satan
didn't come out, so it's nothim. Must This is a bad day,
this bad day. Egg is onmy face, O John. Yeah.

(13:52):
According to report, deputies then madetheir way to Dolash's apartment, where
blood was found on the walls andfloors. Deputy said they located a fixed
blade knife with a wooden handle coveredin blood. That's a that's a knife,
all right, Yeah, that's that'susually a fixed blade knife with a
wooden handle. I would have That'sthat's some crack police work right there.

(14:13):
I know, right if you thinkthat's the one they stabbed him with the
knife covered, No, no,let's let's make a mold of it,
and you know the entrance wound.Wondered if the bloods on and the walls
and doors was was just was itin the pentagram or what did they did
they do? Like the circle ofthe grams and things. The victim was
transported to a local hospital for hisinjuries, where he later told deputies the

(14:33):
Dolash held a kitchen knife to histhroat and then cut him multiple times.
He's lucky went for the chest andnot the throat, I know. Dolash
told the victim that the devil wasin him, and he needed to get
the worm out. Well, what'sthe worm had to do with? But
the word I've never seen. I'veseen this stuff now and I'm not a
novice at it. I've watched somemovies and i watched the Extra System.

(14:56):
I've never heard the satan inside ofa body preferred as a worm unless he's
in the blood and you got totravel through the veins at everything. I
want to be the best shape forthat. Before he proceeded to stab him,
according to the investigator, get theworm out before he proceeded to stab
him. Do Lash then tell thevictim to suck the worm and devil out
of his blood from the cut onhis wrist. So he cut his wrist

(15:20):
and then wanted the other guy tosuck the worm out. When witnesses saw
Dolash and the victim mouse sucked theworm. If you're thinking tequila, it's
not the It's either tequila or it'sit's not your wrist, damn. The
witness of Sawdlash and the victim outsidethe apartment. The victim still had the
knife in his chest fifty said Joel. Record showed. Delash was arrested on

(15:45):
one charge of first degree premeditated attemptedmurder and one count of sexual assault and
battery. WHOA where'd that come from? Sucking the worm? I just got
that? Oh sorry? Hi?Is that? Oh all right? How
did they get him for sexual assault? I think there's something they might not
be telling. They didn't put somethingin here. He's being held a Seminal

(16:07):
County jail. Something out of theguys, What the hell? How did
we get one count of sexual assaultwhen he sliced him on the did he
grab his junk? Wait a minute, what were these two like roommates but
partners? It doesn't say that.Wow, I don't wear the sexual I
don't know. They don't know that. That doesn't matter. I'm grasping as
Charles, but I don't know lostover that part in the story. Didn't

(16:27):
they Wow? That was a Iwant to know where the damn sexual assault
came from. Well, he's aSeminal County jail, so maybe so maybe
we should go ask him. He'sa Seminole County jail. Anybody up in
Seminole County go abart ask him nameddolash or we could just try to find
the We're a Seci county, butyou know that'd be working seminole counties on

(16:52):
the show. No, we don't. We don't investigate. We just read
story number two. Florida man arrestedfor trying to quarantine himself on a private
island in Disney World. I likethis one. This is creative. This
yeah, I liked this one alive. You know, you gotta expect that

(17:14):
there's probably not a lot of peopleare going to be looking for you there.
This story comes to us from Foxthirteen news dot com. Florida deputies
arrested a man who had been livingout his quarantine on a shuttered Disney World
island, telling authorities it felt likequote a tropical paradise. Well it was,
yeah, is in the middle ofAda's New Yeah, private island in
the middle of nowhere in Florida.Yeah, that's yeah, that's pretty tropical.

(17:37):
Orange County Sheriff's deputies found Richard McGuireon Disney's Discovery Island on Thursday.
He said he'd been there since Mondayor Tuesday and had planned to camp there
for a week. According to anarrest report, the forty two year old
said he didn't hear numerous deputies searchingthe private Island for him on foot,
by boat, and by air becausehe was asleep in a building. He
told deputies he didn't know what itwas. It was a restricted area,

(18:00):
despite there being numerous no trespassing signs. All right, so I want to
stop out there a second. Okay, now I need I we live with
three hours ish from Disney World.I don't go there very often. I've
only been a couple of times.Now. I'm not familiar with Discovery Island.

(18:21):
That's because it hasn't been opened forover twenty years. That's what I
thought, all right, So thatwas the one that they that was the
one they had, and then theyclosed it. And it's right. I
believe there's a bunch of there's somewebsites that have photos of a bunch of
defunct Disney parks. I don't knowif this is one of them that I've
seen, but a bunch of reallycool photos of these parks that they've just

(18:45):
basically closed down and let go tohell. I don't know if this is
one of them, but yeah,yeah, this was Discovery Island featured several
animals meant to display diverse wild wildlife, but was officially closed and abandoned.
In nine nine nine due to thepopularity of Animal Kingdom twenty one years ago.
Oh yeah, I guess that oneexplore Kingdom has been around for twenty

(19:07):
one years. Jesus One Explorer visitedthe park recently and snapped several eerie photos,
including snakes preserved in bottles, oldstaff photos, and some baby vultures.
Huh yeah, all right, Sothat's what I wanted to place that
people like urban explorers will go andtake pictures of, but not camp out
for a fucking week. Right,So that's this park with this part of

(19:29):
the park. For those of younot familiar with Disney World, this part
of the park is as has beenclosed and abandoned for twenty years. And
he broke into the place and decidedhe was going to camp out there for
a week. Now, what didhe bring with him too? Did it?
Didn't give? I don't know thathe gave out of the things that
forget the fact that Disney World isclosed. Discovery Island has been closed for

(19:52):
twenty years, with no trespassing signs, no way. You know, you
got to know what you're looking forto get there. But he'd he planned
to camp there for a week.I'm assuming he just assumed that security was
not even going to be bothering withthat one because it's closed. They just
gotta worry about people trying to getto the open parks or the park.

(20:12):
I guess now the island, ittruly is an island. Yeah, so
it is. It is an islandin the middle of Obviously it's one of
one of their lakes, but itis. It is truly an island.
So he had to have a boator some way to get there, right,
because you don't want to just swimin a random lake and not here
Flora no. Um. Now,the other part of the story that I'm

(20:36):
confused about is they didn't hear thenumerous deputies searching the private island for him.
Why were they searching for him?So did he did they see the
boat there or however? Maybe yeah, they probably figured out. I'm sure
there's some security cameras there or something. There's something that alerted them to the
fact that he was there. Butthen he went into a building. Now

(21:02):
I'm looking at the map. Yeah, there are some buildings there. They're
still yeah. Yeah, they're notgonna tear them down, They're just gonna
leave them. That's pretty funny totear buildings down. It truly is just
an abandoned island. And the yeah, there's there's buildings there because there's a
dock. Yeah interesting, that's youknow. You gotta give this guy credit
for having a great idea. Iguess he just took a he broke in,

(21:22):
I guess from and just took aboat over there, and they saw
the boat or whatever at the thing, and then that's when they went in
where they found him. Yeah huhSo, continuing on with the story,
quote Richard stated that he was unawareof that and that it looked like a
tropical paradise. According to the arrestreport, Orange County Marine deputies on Bay
Lake used a public address system totell McGuire he was not allowed to be

(21:44):
on the property, but he remainedon the island anyway. According to the
arrest report, a security representative forDisney said she saw McGuire using a company
boat Thursday, noting that the areahad several no trespassing signs and two closed
gates. So he stole one ofDisney's boats and get out there. That's
how they found him, and sheasked the agency to press charges. McGuire

(22:06):
was arrested on a trespassing charge andtaken to jail without incident. It was
not immediately clear whether he had anattorney who could contact. Previously called Treasure
Island, Discovery Island had been thesite of a zoological park before the island
was closed to the public in nineteenninety nine. Damn, guy's pretty cool.
Yea illegal, illegal, but stillcool. Yeah, there's a lot

(22:26):
of hidden stuff on Disney proper densityowns a lot of land, like thousands
and thousands of acres, and sometimestheir business ventures don't exactly end up being
as successful as you know, DisneyWorld Apcot. So when you got thousands
of acres, you can just closeone park and I'll open a couple more.

(22:53):
Story Number three are Trace for Spanishspeaking friends. Comes to us from
one of my favorite website, SmokingGun, and sent to us by Allison
Florida. Man tried to pin weaponsrap on John Wick. Now John Wick,
where I guess I'm assuming we're talkingabout the movie? Yes, Keanu
Reeves, John Wick? Okay,have you seen No? I have not.

(23:15):
I've only and I haven't really seenit. It was kind of on
in the room where I was atone time and I only saw John Wick
three but didn't really follow the plot. There was just a lot of shooting
and killing and stabbing and fighting,and I mean it looked like a good
movie. After cops found a pairof firearms and a kevlar vest in his

(23:37):
suv, a Florida man disavowed ownershipof the weapons, claiming he had sold
the vehicle quote to his cousin JohnWick, and arrest half of David states
another cousin, Yep, he hada cousin last week. That wasn't really
a cousin. Yeah. Responding earlyWednesday, very loosely. Responding early Wednesday
to a nine to eleven call abouta domestic vis incident, cops question,

(24:02):
keithrow gethrow keith h oh g throwstill no h gthrow Ghetro is how I
would say it? Like metro?Oh but a G. Yeah, I
should have picked up on that ghetro. Jellen Gellen one of those Gellen H
twenty seven as at his residence inPort Saint Lucy. A woman told police

(24:23):
that Gellen shoved her to the groundand threatened her with a farm. Well,
it's not very nice. After thevictim said that Gellon may have hidden
the gun in his Porsche, sayPorsche or Porsche. I would go Porsche,
Porsche SUV be in the Cayenne.I'm assuming cops serves the vehicle and

(24:45):
recovered the glock twenty one pistol,a semi automatic rifle, and a bulletproof
vest our bulletproof vest legal to own. I've heard, yeah, yeah,
I've heard varying things. The Bibleinternets. I mean, they wouldn't sell
him liberally on the internet. Ifyou couldn't, Yeah, you could buy
them. They're illegal. Yeah,they never sell anything on the internet does
not legal. But I mean it'snot. I'm saying it's but it's it's

(25:07):
on You can buy them at manydifferent websites. If it was illegal,
you'd have to go on there.You don't have to go on the dark
web, the black market, thedark market on the black web. Uh.
When asked about the guns in hisauto, Gellen replied he had sold
the Porsche to his cousin, JohnWick. Gallen subsequently stated he lied about

(25:29):
the name, but that he wouldnot reveal his cousin's name. Well,
if you sold it to him,shouldn't his name beyond the title. You
don't tie registration. You don't haveto register guns in Florida. No,
the Porsche, Oh, the Porsche. Yeah. True. M John Wick
is the title character in a bloodand bullet soaked movie franchise starring Keanu Reeves.
Wick is a retired hit man withan arsenal of weapons, for whom

(25:52):
gun play is part of his dailyroutine. Gallon was arrested a far aggravated
assault with a deadly weapon domestic battery. He's being held in the county jail
and lou of thirty five hundred dollarbond. What's your favorite KEIANU Reeves movie?
Easy? Um? None? Really? Oh? Actually all right,
I'm on gonna lie. Point Breakwas good. Point Break. Probably I'm

(26:15):
gonna go point break. The matrix. Keiana is not my most um appealing
actor, I guess really, No, he's not. I mean it's he's
a musician too. He plays bassand a star I know, I know,
but he's not one of those ohnew Kianu Reeves movies out you know.
But he's no Rambo, you know, he's no Terminator. No,

(26:37):
but he's neo. And that wasthat was just a good plot. Yeah,
well the first one was the firstone. The other three was alright,
uh Animatrix shorts, No, there'sthose are pretty good. I've actually
got a DVD that has uh,the three Matrix movies and then the Matrix

(27:00):
also, so it was like abox set, but all on one disc.
It was pretty good. No,I'm not watched these. I may
have to if I can check themout. Right now, I'm almost I'm
we're almost through with with a seasoneleven and about to start twelve. Big
Bang theory. I'm not seeing thelast episode. Jet very excited about this.

(27:22):
Now it's time for the Florida Manmove fine, and this week our
Florida Man food fight comes to usfrom NBC dashtwo dot com. Is that
here? That's ol urs right,Oh yes, yeah, Florida man arrested
after asking deputies for booze and icecream. That could be anybody we know?
Yeah, I know, right,what's that I said? In that

(27:45):
order? Punta Gorda man called nineone one multiple times and ask deputies to
deliver him some ice cream and liquor. According to Charlotte County deputies, all
right, sont Punta Gorda and yougotta out that right, it's Punta gorda,
not puta gorda right, because onemeans different point yeah, and the

(28:06):
other one means fat bitch. Correct. So I and H when you I
used to, I still so.The Weather channel not the weather channel,
sorry on on the CB are theradio the weather station. They changed it
a couple of years ago, butit used to every time they would come
up because it's a robot. It'sa synthesized voice reading the things you know,

(28:26):
and it would it always come poom. Doug Gordon changed it. It
was for years. I listened,it would listen thought it on the ID
on CB and you could throw iton the weather. Just listen to the
weather, the the tides and stufflike that, the weather offshore. It
is a boom Dug Gordon. Theyupgraded their h they did. They upgraded
the software. I guess they maybeit's kind of Syria like now gotcha?

(28:51):
Uh Well. Last Saturday, deputiesresponded to a poom to Gorda apartment after
Michael James Gables, age sixty five, called nine one one to report an
emergency. When deputies arrived at Gabele'sapartment, he asked them to take a
twenty dollar bill that was on thecouch and returned to his place with some
liquor. Yet nine one one isnot your handyman, go for yeah task

(29:15):
runner. Deputies told gabel that needinga liquor delivery was not an emergency and
if he called again then he wouldbe charged with misuse of nine one one.
Gables told the deputies that he understood. The next day, Gables made
another emergency, called the nine oneone operators, who dispatched deputies to his
apartment. According to the Sheriff's office, this time, Gables asked the deputies

(29:37):
to take his ice cream out ofthe freezer since he wasn't able to get
out of his recliner. Guess hefound the liquor. Since Gabeles wasn't in
distress or in need of medical attention, deputies placed him under arrest for misuse
of nine one one. At leasthe didn't ask him for the remote get
to go game m of the eyescame out the freez, Get your ass

(30:00):
off the couch and get your owndamn ice cream dude. All right,
now it's time for the headlines forthis week. Uh. These are stories
where really the headline tells the entirestory. These are stories from uh this
week in Florida that caught our attention, but didn't necessarily warrant an entire episode

(30:22):
of our entire Yeah Episodes segment.That's where I look for a segment as
devoted to it. So here wego. The first headline for this week,
Florida man coughed on a store employeeto expert to express frustration over social
distancing. Nice guy, Yeah,officials say Christopher can Flora told them he
didn't expect anyone to understand his senseof humor. Allison send us that one

(30:48):
Florida woman stimulus check which it wasdeposited to her bank account, but she
died in December. She's not gonnabe able to spend that. The woman's
son wants to know how to returnthe funds. So a lot of and
a bunch of that of where becausethey took all the stuff from twenty eight
If you hadn't filed twenty nineteen taxesyet then right, which got extended to
July, then you they just wentoff twenty eighteen information YEP. So they

(31:11):
got all these things as all thesechecks and out to get people that have
passed away. I mean a lotof people have died in the last year
and a half. Yeah, theydidn't really think that one through, did
they. Well, they're what onthe way they're gonna do it. Otherwise
you'd have had to go online andfill out an application and stuff and then
process it. And they wanted toget in the public's hand as quick as
possible, so they just sent itto everybody who filed. Florida woman faces

(31:33):
over two hundred and sixty prescription drugfraud charges. And this isn't the one
from No Whore Walgreens that we talkedcovered last week. In two years,
medical assistant Kelly Gaffney was able toget two thousand, seven hundred and sixty
morphine pills, five thousand, onehundred and sixty oxycoda on pills, and

(31:53):
one thousand, three hundred and thirtyLorenzo pam, Lorenzopam, lorazapam, LaRaza
pam pills using prescription forms she stolefrom her employer. You think she'd get
caught. That's a lot of pills. Yeah, And yeah, LaRaza pam
is at a van which is narcotic. I believe pain killer painkiller art.

(32:17):
This is what I actually saw today, m ninety pound barrel of marijuana washes
up on the Florida shore, andI went in. I did the math
on that. Actually, did youknow that there is a website that will
tell you the street value of marijuanain pretty much any city in the United
States? I didn't the current goingrate. And apparently the current going rate
in Fort Myers is thirteen hundred dollarsper pound. And why is my screen

(32:43):
blank? I screen shot? Yeah, thirteen hundred dollars a pound here at
Fort Myers. It didn't say wherethe marijuana washed up, but ninety pounds
at thirteen hundred dollars a pound isone hundred and seventeen thousand dollars. Wow,
it was in big It was ina big blue barrel. Yeah,
one of those big sixty gallons andyeah, rain barrel things. I guess.
Yeah, ninety pounds in one ofthose barrels isn't really going to fill

(33:05):
the whole thing up, so yeah, it'll float. That's the headlines for
this week. How come ninety pounds? We never washes up close to my
house because you don't live on thewater. Yeah, I guess it'd be
a hurricane at that point, wouldn'tit. Yeah, you'd have more to
worry about than unloading some freeweed.You're ready to u filling up blank this

(33:27):
time? Yep, I'm not.I'm not going to choose Python this week,
so I'm gonna ask you straight upas python. Answerth is all right,
So I'm not gonna do it thisweek, all right, So fill
in the blank. Florida man avoideda friend for a year after pawning his
blank, going incorrect, Florida house. He pawned his house. Think smaller,

(34:00):
Oh, not that big car?You are correct? You want to
go for double points. And guesswhat kind of a car it was.
I'll give you a hit. It'sa luxury brand Plexus. Think bigger um

(34:21):
Ferrari, not quite that big BMWA Jaguar Jagar jams Jaguar. Yeah,
if you made me say poor show, then we got to say Jaguar.
That's just so people don't call ita jaguar. H from Tampa Bay dot
Com as Saint Petersburg man has beenarrested on charges that he borrowed a sixty

(34:45):
thousand dollars Jaguar Jaguar from a longtime friend, then pawned the car and
avoided his friend for a year.That's the way you do it, ye
see Hine see Ley, age fortysix, was arrested Tuesday on charges of
grand theft auto and title fraud.According to arrest reports, the theft of

(35:06):
the car occurred in November of twentyeighteen. Lay borrowed the car from a
friend he had known for twenty years. Then he went to the DMV with
a forged power of attorney document andobtained the title for the car. Reports
stated, that's some balls, right, I know it. He's got bigger
balls than duck Phil. I knowthat's strong. With the title in his
hand, he went to a pawnshop in Tampa and pawned the car several

(35:29):
times over the next few days,ultimately losing the car to the shop when
he could no longer pay thirty thousanddollars to get it back. Report state,
he was pawning this car for almostthirty grand, so several times.
So it did several times. Soit means that they gave him thirty thousand,
because that's what they would if it'sa sixty thousands a car, they'll
give you half of it. Sothey pawned him thirty thousand. He paid

(35:52):
back the thirty went back and pawnedit again, and then probably two or
three times to get thirty thousand,and then the last time he couldn't.
He didn't have the money to paythe thirty thousand, so they sold it.
They kept it. Yeah, hisdog came in last place, and
that's a that's done now. Yea. I'm just assuming about the gambling.
But his friend tried for a yearto reach Lay and figure out what happened

(36:14):
to his car, but Lay avoidedhim. The friend eventually hired a private
investigator to try to find the car. Report states Panelli's Park Police investigated and
made the arrest. Ley was releasedfrom the Panellis County jail on seven thousand
dollars bail. I mean that's yeah, car's gone. He coust you seven
thousand and get out of jail,but you probably get seven hundred. Yeah,

(36:36):
you can out of jail. Yeah, but it's probably they're probably not
gonna be swapping Christmas cards this year. No, and being invited over for
i'd be I'm story about the friendfinally uh finding me. You kind of
gotta basically change your whole circle offriends at that point. See, this

(37:02):
is why I don't like artext mydamn sippy cup. Slipping is leaking?
Mind your head back, booze onyour shirt? No, ye, just
running down my beard either that.I just can't anyway, I'm struggling to
night. All right, Story numberfive comes to the rice will soak it
up? I know, Yeah,that's funny. Joel from forty one NBC

(37:25):
dot Com. Florida man faces twentyyears for possession of counterfeit one hundred dollar
bills. Now, Joel, letme do a little Uh. Who investigates
counterfeiting in the United States of America? That would be the Secret Service.
That is correct. My friend,a Florida man pled guilty in making today
and is facing up to twenty yearsin prison for possession counterfeit one hundred dollars

(37:50):
bills. Twenty seven year old tryNorris try Norris Lamar Jackson pled guilty to
one counts session of counterfeit money duringa video teleconference hearing Wednesday. So,
yeah, we're doing we're doing videosvideo conferencing, and they would do that
before too. They would think thejudge would be in the in the regular

(38:12):
courtroom, but the so they wouldn'thave to transport the prisoners to the courthouse.
They would just have them set upon CCTV or a webcam or something.
Um, you could see. Youknow, there's videos of the guys
in the oranger jumpsuits, just youknow, at the jail talking to the
judge on camera. That was happeningbefore. But okay, I think they're
doing a lot more often now.Jackson is facing better. Hope that your

(38:37):
lawyer shows up with a shirt onthough that's true. Jackson is facing up.
Oh do you see they're doing Umthey did the first Supreme Court US
Supreme Court arguments. I did seethat, and there was a dolet flushing
in the background. I did notsee that. Jackson is facing up to
twenty years in prison, a twohundred and fifty thousand dollars fine, and

(38:59):
three years supervised release. Was itRbge or was it Kavanaugh? Because he
likes beer, so you know,he's got a pee a lot. But
she's old, so I don't know. She's in a hospital. Yeah,
yeah, she's she's uh got somethinggoing on. In fact, Jackson.
Jackson will be sentenced on August thefifth. There is no parole in the

(39:19):
federal system. Uh Perry police officersfirst discovered counterfeit money during a traffic stop
on April twenty five, twenty eighteen. Oh they're quick about charging this guy.
Oh all right. The following day, officers conducted a legal search of
Howard Johnson Motel room in Perry theHojo. Yeah they This is like the
second time right in the Hojoe amonth that we've mentioned the Howard Johnson Motel.

(39:44):
During the search, officers found asmall amount of suspected marijuana, three
pairs of scissors. What the fuckare the scissor you could have? I've
got three pairs of scissors on mydesk, flore and more counterfeit one hundred
dollar bills unless he did them insheets and was cutting him up. All
of the bills were printed on normalprinter paper and had been hidden under the

(40:06):
mattress of one of the beds inthe room, a lucky mistake. A
large portion of the bills were uncut, though some of them had already been
cut out, so they were justprinting them on the scissors. They were
printing them on paper, just regularpaper. That's a rookie mistake. You
either got to get the good,high quality cotton paper or even then you

(40:27):
know how the watermark though, well, yeah, with one hundred dollar bill,
you want to have the right watermark. But um, if you
if you go with a twenty ora ten, they're not typically gonna check
those. So you could get alike a like a resume, like a
cotton resume paper and it feels closeenough that if you uh, you know,

(40:47):
roll it in the dirt and crumple. Yeah, you need to put
in the dry Yeah, it'll pass. Put in the put in the dryer
with some stones like stone washed it. You don't want to ruin the dryer.
But not I mean pummics, pummics, not rock okay, pump.
But if it's if you're if you'redoing hundreds, you want to take a
one dollar bill and you want tobleach it and uh so you've got the

(41:10):
right kind of paper and when theyuse the pen on it, it's going
to work right, Um, andthen you can just print on that paper.
It takes a lot longer to dothat though, So I can see
he was he was being lazy.That's interesting, Joel. How you know
all of this? I worked togoos. I got lots of lots of
training them from the keys on whatpeople, Yeah, what people do to
uh to try to get away withit. So Jackson, who was But

(41:35):
if you look at a if youlook at a dollar bill, I'm gonna
get Actually, I don't have anycash on me. Um. But if
you look at a dollar bill,there is uh, there are there's a
pattern of uh like yellow circles onit if you look closely at it.
And if that um, if thatpattern is detected when you're scanning it like
photoshop, will not scan that thatone hundred dollar bill or whatever into the

(42:00):
program because it's texts what they callis a counterfeit constellation. I did not
know that, ye Jackson, younever noticed any of our listeners too,
never noticed the pattern of yellow circleson on currency. And it's on euros,
it's on dollar bills. It's it'slike something that they've done, like
worldwide done. Yeah, they're good. Okay, just make sure before us

(42:23):
I want to make sure we canend up in the education section of iTunes.
So is that it okay? Yeah, and visited by the Secret Service
for you giving on information on howto counterfeit. This is all public knowledge,
fair enough. Jackson, who wasserving a federal probation sentence for counterfeiting,
Oh boy, was taken into custodyand taken to the Houston County jail.

(42:45):
At least he's consistent. He's aFlorida man, but Houston. Can't
we have Houston County in Florida?Or is this Texas? No? This
this took place in Georgia. Actually, yeah, making right, But but
he's from Florida. Okay. Thetransporting officer discovered shredded pieces of a counterfeit
one hundred dollar bill in the backseatof the vehicle. The officer shredded that's

(43:07):
that's not that oh, counterfeit though, okay, the officer. There is
a federal law against defacing the UScurrency, though, isn't it. It's
only coins when you try to makethe coin a different denomination. That's the
only thing I can get you tofacing is trying to make it a different
denomination. Because I saw a thingon TV, that YouTube video that where

(43:28):
people are that the actual copper anda penny is worth more than the penny.
Yes, and the new ones havezinc in them, so it's well,
that's even then they're they're taking thezinc, dissolving the zinc out,
and then getting the actual copper.Well, I think they should just do
away with the penny entirely. Well, what are we gonna do with this?
To the nearest five cents and callthat sales tax true. The officer

(43:54):
observed more pieces of counterfeit one hundreddollar bills being dropped behind Jackson as they
walked from a patrol vehicle to thejail. So he's shedding this stuff as
he walks. He's just falling out, falling out every once. In the
jail, the officer searched Jackson andfound more pieces of counterfeit one hundred hundred
bills inside of his pant legs.The bills have been printed on regular printer

(44:15):
paper and contained two of the sameserial numbers that were on the bills found
in the motel room. That's justlazy, Y's lazy and all. The
Perry Police Department recovered more than thirtythousand dollars in counterfeit bills. Jackson has
multiple convictions out of Hillsbury County,Florida, including a twenty sixteen felady conviction

(44:36):
of uttering a forged bill and grandtheft, and a twenty seventeen conviction for
possession possessing counterfeit money. So nothis first Rodeo Jackson was convicted on May
the twenty ninth, twenty nineteen,in the Middle District of Florida for passing
counterfeit money and was sentenced to threeyears probation in six months house arrest.
His probation was later revoked in theMiddle District of Florida to a term of

(44:59):
eight months. It's in prison forviolating the terms of probation in house,
or asked best that is set torun consecutively to his sentence in the present
case, consecutively, So that meansit will run after this or four together.
No, No, consecutive is ina row? Concurrent together? Oh,
at the same time. Well,it's a difference. One of them

(45:22):
is at the same time, andone of them is one after the other,
right after the other. Yeah,so that means one if he did
it concurrently, he would like say, you got a three year suspense,
three year sentence and a one yearsentence. You would get out after three
years, but if you did itconsecutively, you would get out after four
years. I'm just gonna take yourword because you'd make him my brain hurt.

(45:49):
Story number six Florida man returns twentythousand dollars after his customer loses the
cash. This comes to us fromWPTV dot com. They say actions speak
louder than words. One Riviera Beach, Florida man who will who will be
remembered for his honesty, helped savea local business. It's a wash and

(46:10):
wax job that James Stratford will neverforget. Quote. He asked me to
clean the truck. So before hegot to the truck, I said,
hey, whatever you want you takewith you. Whatever is in here goes
in the trash. He said,okay, no problem, says Stratford,
who owns my five mobile detailing.A few hours after he was done cleaning
Russell Meer's car, he got aphone call from Mirror about money he lost.

(46:35):
Yeah, you know, that's alwaysthe thing. Blame the cleaning or
blame the cleaning lady when something missing. Quote what kind of money are you
talking about? So he said twentythousand dollars and I jumped. I jumped
straight to my feet, said Stratford. Mirror owns several gas stations and convenience
stores in the area. He wasgoing to deposit the cash, but forgot

(46:55):
three bags full of money under thepassenger seat of his car before handing it
over to Stratford for a wash.Quote. I almost had a heart attack.
To be honest, I could notpay my employees. I couldn't keep
the doors open. I don't knowwhat I'd do, said Meir. Meir
looked in a dumpster where Stratford toldhim he threw away some of the trash
bags. He found one bag,but the other two were still missing.

(47:16):
After searching, Stratford found them ina garbage can nearby where he typically dumps
trash. Quote in the coronavirus whennobody's working. You know what twenty thousand
dollars could have did for me andmy family, said Stratford. But this
father of five says, after anearly life full of bad choices, the
decision was easy. Quote, yougot to plant the seeds how you wanted
to grow All my life. I'vebeen in the streets, in and out

(47:37):
of prison, so I'm tired ofthat, said Stratford. The new me
says, be honest and give itback. And that's what I did.
Quote not a single bill was missing. I almost cried right away. I
almost cried, said mere God iswatching us, and as much as I
like to see I hope our communitygets better. Honesty is important nowadays.
As a thank you Stratford and hisfamily, I'll have one year of unlimited

(48:01):
soda, slurpees or anything at year'sgas station. Anything at gas stations,
I take the gas. Yeah seriously. So as that I'll postash chill her
up. Damn. So we actuallyhave a gained at nine on a good
story from a Florida Man. Yep, Florida. But that's America's wing.
They prefer the Sunshine State. Wellthat's the show this week, folks.

(48:23):
Please subscribe to Florida Men wherever you'rehearing us right now our Florida Men podcast
dot com slash subscribe and please rateus five stars or leave review on Podchaser
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(48:44):
and our voicemail is five six sevenfour three two nine six seven four.
Oh, we got an email.I gotta read the email all right.
We got an email here. Hey, guys, thank you for keeping the
show going. It's always a pleasurelistening to your stories. From the Sunshine
State heard the true crime podcast generallyare losing listeners in the last week's hope
your numbers are fine anyway, yougot plenty of patrons, including myself,

(49:07):
so I trust you're doing just fine. All the best, Chris aka Kneth.
We've dropped a little bit, butum, I guess from what I
hear, comedy podcasts are still doingfine during the pandemic. People want to
be entertained, So yeah, wehaven't. Really we're doing good on our
recurring listeners. It's just new listeners. We really haven't added many lately,

(49:28):
so but yeah, we're doing prettygood. Thanks brother Baconeth is the one
that is that the one that overseesYeah, he's in Germany? Germany?
Docach? Is that a word?Is that's a couple of them? It's
a couple of them? Is that? What does that mean? In German?
Thank you? Thank you? Idid a good right, Yes,
second Matthew from Marshington State got itright? Um yeah, I remember is

(49:52):
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(50:13):
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important. A new episode of TheSecret Skinwalker Ranch is now on Hulu.
Sweet Skinwalker Ranch. Yes, herewatch a show. No, I've heard
of The Skinwalker Ranch. Yeah,they're doing it. Is What is the

(50:35):
guy that's been on a bunch ofdifferent um science shows and stuff that he's
They got him out there doing stuffnow this freaky ash ship? Who is
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(51:42):
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157 - 911 Nitwit, Beastly Bloodletter, Disney Discovery, and Forgery Failure

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}157 - 911 Nitwit, Beastly Bloodletter, Disney Discovery, and Forgery Failure