158 - Listener Quickie: Kinder Keisterer - Florida Men

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Warning, The photos in this week'squickie are the best part of the story,
so make sure you follow the linkin the episode notes. Also,
listener discretion is advised. We saythat each week, but what does listener
discretion actually mean. It means thatwe're gonna probably curse Florida Man. Florida
Man, might be crazy, mightbe stupid man. Welcome to this week's

(00:26):
Listener Stories mini episode of Florida Man. My name's Phil and I'm Joelia.
This is the shorter version of ourshow where we read you the Florida Man
type stories you the listeners, aresending from your part of the world.
News stories from your local area,personal stories where someone you noted something Florida
Man like. Are things you haveexperienced where you encounter some damn lass?
Are you were that dumbass? AndAllison sent us this story with the message

(00:49):
might make for a good quickie episode. This guy's photo and old boris looking
at the scans is wicked funny.So I'm not even going to read the
title. We just need to getright into it. This is the fun
part of of doing this and ifthis is one of the few for all
of you out there listening to this. We love getting these stories from across
the world. This one is fromuh Unity k This is from England,

(01:11):
I guess Unity Kingdom, and Alisonis not from there right now, but
we we get We get stories fromGermany. We've had them from Australia.
We love the That was a greatone we did from down down Under.
So getting Florida Man stories from acrossthe world is actually is absolutely hilarious.
We love doing these. So pleaseif you come across any and you're part
of the world, uh some somedumb asses done, please send them to

(01:34):
us. These are these are funyep. So this comes to us from
the Sun Dot UK, which anotherwebsite I visit quite often. A prisoner
who shoved a kinder egg full ofdrugs up his bottom, stunning the Prime
Minister when he saw the skins mustnow serve longer in prison. Do you
know what kinder egg is? Isthat like the Russian eggs that have the

(01:55):
egg inside of an egg, insideof an egg inside of an egg.
So we can't have these here inthe United States because apparently American kids are
dumb and bilt just eat the toy. But basically it's a chocolate egg with
a toy inside. Okay, butwe can't put the toy inside because it's
a choking hazard. Oh, sowe have we have Kinder Joy, which

(02:16):
is not the Kinder Egg, butit's a plastic egg container that you you
split apart and then there's the twoplastic halves of the egg and there's like
a like a white cream with twolike little malted milk balls inside of it.
That's your candy. And then onthe other side is the toy.
So yeah, but you have tosplit it apart so that the toy and

(02:37):
the candy are not together. Basically, got it. So I'm looking at
I just opened the link. Yeah, I had not seen that. I
got to the sun Cloud often andI have not seen this one. The
dude, it looks he is ballinghis eyes out in the mug showed in
the mug photo. Well that's theface you make when you have a chocolate
egg shop in Borotte. It's like, what the fucking fuck? Okay,

(03:07):
all right. Zachary Bowler, agedtwenty seven, was jailed last year for
beating his girlfriend with a cricket bat. Now those are like, I've seen
it. You're in a cricket bat. Yeah, it's like a flat it's
like a paddle, but it's abig paddle. Bower has had eighteen weeks
added to his sentence for attempting tosmuggle drugs into prison or fourteen What did

(03:29):
I say? Eighteen was close?Last year? Boors a man? Last
years it he suffered enough. BorisJohnson went viral when he was shown scans
of drug filled kinder egg up bowler'sass bum bomb because he's British, so

(03:50):
we say bum in Britain. Okay, sure for bottom the plastic container was
found when when when he was scannedup on a rival at prison to start
his two and a half year sentit, Boris Johnson was shown the image
on a tour of Leeds Prison lastAugust to demonstrate the jail's body scanner.
And that's that They've got this onesaved. Oh yeah, yeah, you

(04:10):
gotta see this. Come on.He had first thought the egg had been
swallowed, but when when ada wasexplained how I got there, he was
shocked. Mister Johnson grimace when helooked at the images said you're joking.
He plugged it. Footage of thepo hadn't listened to our show. Footage
of the prime minister stunning reaction whenviral on social media. Valorous from Boston,

(04:32):
SPA, West York's admitted smuggling.Oh lord, uh print the line
printer tables in the prison. I'vealso known as okay, which is you
just google that, right I did? Yeah, you'd like you that you
want to make me well, theytreat it's kind of like, uh,

(04:54):
that's used for treating opioid addiction,but they can abuse it too. That's
kind of like Mythodo methodon that's whatever. You yeah, but they can snort
it or they can inject it.So the addectotal he's counted court. They
were for personal use as he wastrying to kick his hair in addiction.
He must now serve an extra fourteenweeks in jail. Now I'm to another

(05:14):
fourteen weeks that he can. Yeah, you have to go look at the
pictures of this, absolutely so inthe links. So the first one,
dude is bawling it. He's gotred eyes and he seriously looks like he's
constipated beyond belief and he's it's horrible. Then you got Boris Johnson here with
the scan tech looking with his handson his hips, going huh. Then

(05:35):
he's looking a little bit. Thenthey're pointing to the to the scans and
showing where it is. He's like, look like, no, however,
do you have this up jol Scrolldown see where he's so scroll down all
about halfway where he's pointing to theX ray of the egg and the one
underneath where Boris is looking at thecloser at the screen. Uh, look

(05:56):
at the beard on this dude.Oh, he's he's got he's got some
white like That's what I'm saying.He looks like the so it's like when
you first look at it, he'sgot white gray hair just on his on
the sides, like if he hada goatee, the sides of the goatee
would be white, right, butblack, and his mustache is black and
his china right. And then thevideo of him looking at that, Morris

(06:23):
has got his hands on his handscalled, you gotta be shitting me.
He did what with what? Oh? He looks like he's trying to figure
out He's like trying to in thestuff photo. He looks like he's like
trying to make out where the wherethe egg actually is and how it entered.
Yeah, did put does he putthe short ended in first, Oh

(06:45):
my god, Oh that's hilarious.All right, Well that's our listener quickie
story for this week. Folks.If you have a story you're like a
scover on the Quickie Show, whetherit's in your local news or a personal
store of some dumb ass you know, please send us an email to Florida
Man podcast at gmail dot com.This podcast was recorded at Southern Audio Production
Studios in Fort Myers, Florida,and sheltered in Play Studios in Benita Springs,
Florida, and mixed in a kinderegg hidden inside a prisoner's butthole.

(07:09):
That's a gross and you should beashamed of yourself. Ah. And as
always, we'll finish up tonight witha ballot of the Florida Man. Didn't
stick the kinder egg got my butthole. That's just gross. Ah. Two
years we'd been doing this shit.Florida Man, Florida Man. It might
be crazy, might be stupid.He's a Florida Man. He's got his

(07:33):
feet in the sin while he workson his tan. He's got an annual
past to diste Land. He drinkshis fear from a can. He lives
in his fan. It's a mobaltiny house. Inside, it's Florida Man.
Florida Man. Might be crazy,might be stupid. He's a Florida

(07:59):
Man. Florida Man. He's adumbass, but we love in Me's a
Florida Man. The preceding podcast iscopyright twenty twenty Shady Side Media LLC.
All rights reserved.

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158 - Listener Quickie: Kinder Keisterer

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