159 - Naked Neighbors, Knifing Ninja, Cadillac Catastrophe, and Over the Limit and Over It All - Florida Men

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Warning, We're being swarmed this weekin South Florida with lovebugs. Contrary to
one particular Patreon listener, they arenot and I quote fireflies fucking unquote listening
discretion is advised. Coming to youfrom America's waying. This is Florida Man,

(00:21):
the podcast for Tuesday May the nineteenth, twenty twenty. Each week we'll
bring you stories from the shady sideof the Sunshine State, starring America's most
prolific criminal, Florida Man, andcoming up this weekend, episode one fifty
nine, Florida Man really loves hisgaiters on the grill and on the gridiron,
Florida Man is a ninja coming atyou. Florida Woman Ain't got time

(00:42):
for this bullshit, and Florida Manproves while there should be a driving test
every year or senior sis plus aFlorida Man food fight fill in the blank
listener, email and email and muchmuch more. Well. Welcome everyone.

(01:03):
We are trying to a news service. We've done a couple of video service.
UM. Service is that the rightword? We should I should be
using platform platform that sounds more professional? Um? And uh, we're going
we've we've we've we're trying out ourthird one and this one actually integrate integrates

(01:25):
with uh Patreon, so this willbe an additional perk that you get as
a Patreon listener. You get theUM, you're able to interact and UH
watch as we record the Weekly FloridaMan podcast, So you get tons of
extra content because all the shit thatwe cut out because it is just random

(01:46):
garbage that we don't want to putout for you know, easy with easy
with the garbage, Easy with thegarbage comment. Okay, come on now,
as I well, I yeah,so as I mentioned before we started
recording that you guys get to seehow the sausage is made. And Phil
doesn't like that. I don't likeit. I don't like it that phrase.
But yeah, so that comes fromyou know, when when sausage is

(02:10):
being made. If you if youif you saw how the sausage was actually
made, you would not we getthe contacted. So next time on this,
maybe you should get a what's theword I'm looking for? Draperies or
a blind over your window that's infront of you, because you look like
it is the blinds closed. Youneed a blanket or something because you look
ghostly, kind of washed out youlook ghostly. Well here, let me

(02:32):
see what don't mean you got tochange your right now? At least you
made the bed. I did makethe bed. Well, this is the
dusk that I work at. Thisis actually worse, worse the blinds,
and it's actually worse. I'm morewashed out. Yeah, um, but
yeah, this is the room thatwork all day and I've got zoom conferences
with my work teap excuse me,with my work team all day, and
so yeah, I kind of haveto make the bed. Actually, we

(02:54):
use Microsoft Teams, and there's away to customize your background so you don't
even need a green screen. It'scool. Every day I upload a different
different background. Yesterday I was inSeinfeld's apartment from the show. That's nice.
Today I was in the uh thestudy hall for community. Oh well,
last last Monday or Tuesday, whateverMay the fourth was, I was

(03:15):
in Jaba's palace for Star Wars Day. For Star Wars Day, yep,
yeah, is that on the fifth, the fifth, May the fourth,
May the fourth, May the fourthwith you May the fifth a Cinco de
Mayo, that's right, which wecelebrated with Corona all right, So I

(03:36):
had tequila. Yeah, we hadto quil the last week. Um so,
yes, as we mentioned in theUH as I mentioned in the UH
in the intro, we are nowin the heart in the in the peak
of love bug season. And forthose of you up north then do not
know what love bugs are, lookit up. You're lucky, You are
lucky. These things are a littleblack. They're about a half inch long.

(03:58):
But they they they do look likea firefly. They do like a
fireflight up. Yeah, they're aboutthat shape and and and configuration. But
they fly but to butt, sothe male and the female are joined at
the I don't know what the UHanatomically correct abdomen abdomen. I guess so
I was going with thora. Iwas going with thorax, but I don't

(04:20):
think that's right now. Thorax ishigher, closer to the head um and
and they they fly butt to butt, and the male I think is on
the back and the female is onnot their butts fill with back to back.
But anyway, there's millions, upone trillions of these things. And
as soon as you drive down theroad, it's it's just splatter after splatter

(04:41):
after splatter. You could be ina swamp driving, you know, on
the highway and it would be likea cloud, like a fog. It's
like driving through a black fog.They're so thick sometimes and it's just yeah,
covers coats the front end of yourcar. And the lovely thing about
them is they're inwards. I guessthe liquid that comes out of them when

(05:02):
you smash into them will eat awayat the clear coat on your paint on
your vehicle. Kind of it's kindof like the acid from an alien,
yeah, except tiny and less potent. But thousands of them. Yeah,
And they're a bitch to get offtoo. You got to use like a
dryer sheet or some kind of likea microfiber cloth because just spraying them with
the hose or the pot pressure washerdoesn't get that off. So we're going

(05:25):
through that right now, which is, uh, we're used to it.
Oh, we had them just asbad and grown up in Mississippi. So
I think it's I don't know wherethe line is like in the US,
what's below whether it's maybe they maybebelow the Mason you know, below Mississippi,
or I don't know if we didn'thave that many in Tennessee when I
lived there, So it may bekind of central Mississippi, Central, Alabama
and Georgia bound. They don't havethem up north that I'm aware of.

(05:47):
You're lucky. So we got todollalue. We have quarantines, we have
we've got the love bug plague rightnow. Good thing is you don't have
to drive to work every day tohave to be washing them off all the
time. Alrighty, anything else youwant to talk about today, Joel,
you're ready to get started. I'mready to get started. Story number one.

(06:12):
This comes to us from w EA r t V, Florida.
Man arrested after attack with a homemadeninja star. Now, did you ever
make the paper ninja stars when youwere a kid? Paper ninja stars?
No? I did not. Iused to make paper paper footballs. Is
that is that what you're talking?Abousks? It's similar to the paper football
except uh you use two pieces ofpaper and uh, basically you make a

(06:34):
little ninja star and those things willfly good if they fly better than the
paper airplane. Well they did.Yep. I'm out of Tito's this week,
so we're having to go with atpar from Okay, now you're talking
in my language. I'm just inthe silver bullets tonight rep and we're out
of and we're out of coke zero. So I got let it to day.

(06:57):
Oh I gotta get on the intern. Okay. A man was arrested
that Thursday night. Huh isn't thatThursday night that you get on the intern?
Kate night? Yeah, that's funny. Yeah, Thursday's date night.
A man was arrested in downtown Pensacolaafter the victim says he stabbed him with
a homemade throwing star unquote. Apolice report states Robert Harsock Harsock yep Age

(07:24):
twenty eight of Pensacola, is chargedwith aggravated battery with a deadly weapon.
Pensacola Police report they responded to thecorner of South Palafox Street and East Garden
Street Thursday around two pm to findthe victim holding Harsock's face in a flower
bed. Does he give him likea swirling? I don't know, a
dirty, dirty swirling. The victimtold officers Harsock had a knife that looked

(07:48):
like a homemade throwing star that hejust cut him with. Now, being
an amateur ninja ass as, Iam, um, yeah, you know
you've got you three phase is verystealthy. I know you can sneak up
on it. Yeah, you gotyou got you three phases of of your
martial arts. Where'd you go?Sorry? The damn dogs? As I

(08:11):
was to be, I was tryingto be stealthy and you called my called
I did, but I'm I'm lookingat you talking. So even though you
still have your headphones on, it'syou left me. So it's not I
wasn't saying anything. You were talking, Oh fine, As I was saying,
you have your three disciplines, majordisciplines of martial arts that I am
familiar with and very excelled in.Um, you got you. You got

(08:35):
your karate, karate chops, yougot your Judy chops, and you got
your Ninja chops. So that's thethree that you need to be disciplined in.
So I don't know where he couldhe any of those three disciplines could
have worked, because all three Iwould think with the Ninja star, it
probably goes with ninji, right,he didn't say it with Judy. It
what a Judy star, and itwas a karate star. You had been
a Ninja star okay, yep uh. The victim states he was talking to

(09:00):
someone when Harstock walked up to himand started quote mouthing off to him,
then pulled out a sharp object andcame at him. According to a police
report, the victim held Harstock ina headlock until the police arrived. He
didn't throw the star at him,He just pulling at him last night.
Something you probably want to just keepin your pockets. No, you want
a special case for that, Yeah, because I mean if it pokes,

(09:22):
if it pokes through your pocket,yeah, you go your sheath, a
ninja star sheath, oh whither orsomething between you and there, between you
and your junk. So yeah,that's a lot of pointy things. Is
bump into the wall and have yourninja star go and cut one of your
boys off. Agreed, that wouldbe a bad day. The victim must

(09:43):
say hard about all right. Thevictim was treated for a minor cut on
his arm by MS. A minorcut they called MS first scratch. All
right. Harstock was arrested and takento Ascama County Jail, where he's held
on one thousand dollars by Now dothey give a picture of the of said
ninja star on this They don't showthe star. They only show the ninja

(10:05):
himself. Was he wearing a nijaeoutfit? He was not. Uh,
they've got some kind of it lookslike some kind of bulletproof or padded vest
on him. But uh, thequote unquote victim in this case looks like
they fucked him up pretty bad.He looks like his his nose is not
in the center of his face anymore, and he's got a pretty swollen black

(10:26):
eye. Alrighty oh the next one. Okay, you get the next one.
I would have liked to add thenext one, but I know,
but I took it. Story numbertwo comes to us from The Smoking Gun.
Florida woman busted after allowing her brubesbrew allowing her boobs to break quarantine.

(10:48):
What are broubes? Yeah? That'shell? Does a brube? Is
that like a bro boob? Isthat like it's like like man boobs.
You call it a brub? Yeah, Like that's what you put in the
brom Us in peace Jerry Stiller,Florida woman who insisted to cops that she

(11:11):
was allowed to go topless while cleaningout her garage in full view of her
neighbors, was arrested for indecent exposure, according to a police report. Now
I gotta say, who in thehill would call that house? Who would
call that in? If I sawmy neighbor out Karen? Karen called it
in responding to a nine one onecall reference to an exposure of sexual or

(11:33):
are they called nine one one onit? They called nine one one on
titties. Cops spoke with a VeroBeach resident who said that a neighbor who
lives across the street pulled down hershirt quote and exposed her breasts to the
victim and her children on the victim, Oh, she's a victim now,
yes. The miners, the reportnoted, ranged an age from eleven to

(11:56):
five. At one point, thewitness said, the topless him unquote,
bent over with her top down andstarted pounding on her blue plastic recycling bin,
making sure that the victim and thekids were looking unquote. She just
wanted to show him off. Imean, if I had good boobs,
i'd want to show him off.I don't, but I did. Upon

(12:18):
confronting the subjects, identified by policeas Stephanie Wright, age fifty six,
quote, her tan tank top wastucked under her breasts and I could visibly
see her breasts unquote, reported DeputyDavid Ragley, So she showed him to
the cop too. Oh really,I mean that usually will get you off
two for one speeding ticket. Really, that's chauvinistic, Joel. How do
you know saying what I hear?What? How do you know that you

(12:41):
might get you out of a ticket. Well, I mean I don't know
personally, but I've had people tellme that maybe. So next time,
why don't we do Why don't yougo down, go down down in the
benita, start speeding really fast andtry to get caught. Unbutton your top
button there and see if he getsyou out of a ticket. I'd drive
a jeep. I can't go fast. Also, minor Verry Harry, Oh,
exactly though aesthetic that I don't youhave Harry Titties. I got a

(13:07):
Harry chest. Yeah, you don'tkeep that shit trash shave it, don't
shave it, you just keep it. You gotta keep it trimmed. You
got Harry Titties. Oh, nobody'slooking at him. Thank god. I
know better than to show him off. Right. Refused Ragley's initial request to
cover up. Quote. No,I'm in my garage and I don't have
to unquote, she reportedly said aftereventually pulling her top up. Right explained

(13:30):
that she had been quote cleaning outher garage unquote. Ask why she was
doing this topless, Right stated,quote she was allowed to. I mean,
I it is, it's hot,but I don't know. I don't
think. I don't I'm not gonnaI'm not I'm not going to. I'm
nervous about this one. Garages aren'ttypically air conditioned. So agree now,
ay, you should be able todo what you want in your privacy over

(13:52):
your own home. But I thinkwith the garage open and children around,
there's going to be issues with that. I don't know what she said the
state right, state is she wasallowed to? Who allowed her? Well,
as long as she's not behaving ina sexual manner. I think nudity
is legal, isn't it. Imean, as long as she's not.

(14:13):
Uh no, no, because we'vehad the thing before that we've we've done
the stories before where the guy wasout mowing his grass or doing something working
in his front yard with his pantsoff. Well, that's hose. He
was rolling up his hose. That'sagainst the law because that's exposure of organs
and that's no. But I don'tknow if boobs fall under the under the
under the of the thing of umexposure of sexual organs. I don't know

(14:37):
if boobs are in or what ifshe had a baby and it was hungry
and was feeding time. Well that'sdifferent. Now that you can you can't.
You can't. You can do itin privacy. I mean you can
do it and have it an youcan nurse, but you can't just whip
out a boob and start nursing.You have to do it discreetly. Right,
I don't think. I don't thinkyou have to be discreet. I
mean most people want to be discreet. But I don't know. I don't

(15:01):
know about this. But at fiftysix, she's not nursing anybody except oh
she's fifty six. Yeah, oh, never mind. Then, man,
After explaining to Right that she wasnot permitted to be topless if the neighbors
could see her, the deputy saidthat, quote, she does not have
an expectation of privacy with the openview of the street and neighbors. Unquote.

(15:22):
Right was then handcuffed and told shewas under arrest for exposure of sexual
organs. So it is then,yeah, so they got her for boobs,
so they're considering female breast as sexualorgans. Yeah. Right was leased
from the county jail Friday after postinga five hundred dollar bond, so she
had to pay fifty bucks to getout. Yep. A judge today ordered
Right to have no contact with thevictims. Her arraignment is scheduled for June

(15:46):
second. Okay, June says itdepends on the titties. There are definitely
some that are not to be seen. Yeah, I'll have to agree with
that. That's Allison, isn't it. I recognize that little the bunny.
That's Allison. Allison's here yet,Julia, where did natim go? I
think he might have some connection issues. He's He's all the way on the
other side of the planet, soconnecting to Australia might be a little It's

(16:08):
always fine, hey, Alliston?All right? Moving on, So I
the one thing I've learned on this, I got two things. Number one,
I've now that you can be arrestedfor exposures. I've learned that.
Well, I knew that. Butas far that women's breasts are considered sexual
organs, I knew that. Andit only costs you five hundred bucks.

(16:29):
So think about the reward versus risk. Yeah, I bet, I bet
she could set up a Kickstarter anduh get that thing. You have that
covered in a minute. Ugreed Storynumber three, our Traces for Spanish speaking
Friends, comes to us from theDaytona Beach News Journal. I'm pissed we

(16:52):
didn't get to go to Daytona thisyear. Um October though it should be
nice in October still and I wason hurricanes. Um. One Florida man
finds another Florida man naked in hispool cage. Now, do you have
a pool cage. I've had apool cage, not in this house pool,
but but I've never gone out back. I've seen, you know,

(17:14):
animals, things that might get in, but I've never seen a naked man
in my pool cage. Where Iwas at the in laws house and we
had to help a bird out ofthe pool cage because it flew in when
the door was open and kind ofgot lost. I got assaulted outside of
a pool cage once. Really yeah, uh, all this long time ago.
But yeah, my golden retriever JosephMarie, she uh wouldn't need to

(17:36):
go outside, which she would.She knew something was outside, so she
was barking at the like she wantedhead to go potty. She went out
the side of the pool cage andcommenced to get uh, chasing her an
armadilla. Well, the armadilla wentforward and then then he made it about
faced and came back to me.And you were assaulted by I was assaulted
by an armadilla. Yeah? Diddid your ankles ever recover from that?

(17:56):
Uh? I don't remember. Uh. I moved pretty quick. I didn't
know. I didn't know I couldmove that fast. Oh. Yeah,
scared the shit out of me.I mean, like, I ain't been
around armadillos, but you gotta watch. Armadillas did not carry v D Alison.
No, they carry leprosy. Leprosy, leprosy. The bacteria or virus

(18:18):
or whatever it is that causes leprosyis carried by armadillos. Things I did
not know. All right, let'sget into this. Lucky, you could
have been a leper. I couldhave. Doesn't eden limes help that?
Oh? That's that's curvy, anotherold fashioned disease that we've pretty much.
Oh, let's see a Deltona homeowner, alerted by his barking dog early on

(18:41):
Tuesday, found a neckd man.It's the dog. Yeah, found a
naked neckd man in this pool enclosureof Lucy County deputy sent a Deltona homeowner
alerted by his barking dog early onTuesday. Really, I just said that.
Did you put it in here?Twice? I copy and paste error.
Sorry, you have one job,one job. I have all the
jobs. You have one job asthe point. Timothy gilb Age, thirty

(19:06):
eight, who appeared to be underthe influence of drugs, was taken to
a hospital and then to jail.He was charged with indecent exposure an unarmed
burglary of an occupied dwelling. Iwonder if there's a charge of naked of
indecent exposure while burglarizing an occupied dwelling, and if that's different from unexposed of

(19:29):
an unarmed burglary of an occupied dwelling. Now I said that wrong. Yeah,
is it a different charge if you'renaked and the place is occupied?
Is that different than if you're notnaked and they're at home and they're not
at home? But then if hewouldn't home, he wouldn't got called.
Otherwise it's just just burglary. Yeah, just burglary. Oh, they wouldn't
got called because he wouldn't home.Yeah. True, he was in jail
on Thursday, and they're naked andthere's cameras. Then the homeowner can get

(19:56):
cited for child pornography. Seriously.Ye all right, Uh he went to
jail Tuesday on fifty five hundred dollarsbill. Now let's think about that.
A second exposure of naked boobs inyour garage cost you five hundred dollars.
A naked man on your on yourin your pool cage, it's gonna cost
you fifty five hundred dollars. Yeah, I guess you got that thing of

(20:18):
that unarmed burglary. That true?Okay, she was in her own house
right. The homeowner at Carlo Courtcalled deputies around two twenty nine a m.
And reported that a naked man wasin his pool enclosure on his back
porch. GiB was holding a poolbrush, which the holder wrestled from him.
He told the homeowner clean the poolout for him cold, I can

(20:40):
be here. I'm really really late, and then he ran away. But
I know I'm way behind my pads. I lost my shirt, but I'm
gonna clean your pool and then heran away, responding deputy saw a completely
ned Gilb walking along the road atsix fifteen Anderson Drive. Yep, he
didn't even try to get in thebushes or nothing. Oh, this is

(21:03):
bad Gilb. Who was Gilb whowas covered in feces, appeared to be
under the influence of narcotics. Hewas taken to advent Health, Orange City
and once it was medically cleared,he was taking Bluesi County jail. So
he so he shit on himself.Well, it doesn't say it was covered
in his feces. I know whereto get feces from. Well, you

(21:26):
want to hope for the best andhope that he like maybe that was why
it was in the pool cage.Maybe that's why it was. He was
trying to get the he was tryingto get the poop off of him in
the pool cage with the brush off. She was gonna wash off the ship
in the pool. Yep, that'swhy he had the brush, right,
He's gonna brush it off. Howwould you like to have that as a
homeowner? And if you didn't knowthat and the chemical and all of a

(21:47):
sudden, you're your pool turns,you got a turd floating, and you
got a baby Ruth floating in thepool, and then and then cough.
So the dog was barking because theguy was just walking along naked down the
street and he stepped in the dogshit. He went to the people's house,
he broke in to wash it off. Yep, that's it. We
should be detectives. We're good atthe ship. Shouldn't be We're good at

(22:08):
the ship. Naked in the pool, gage covered in dukie. All right,
now it's time for the Florida Man. Where'd you go, Joel,
I'm right here. I'm just I'mempty. So oh, sorry, me
too. See this is the partthrough this hole, Alison said, I
thought you said camels. Camels saycamels. We will work camera. We

(22:33):
will work camels into the next story. Though at least by the end of
the night we will get oh itwas a while back, Okay, all
right, so here here we go. Allison, all right, here's the
deal. I like, I likeCorey go on with us camel thing.
So we're gonna do the Florida Manfood fight, and then we're gonna go
to then we're gonna go to headlines, and then story four is when they
do fill in the blank. SoI need you to help me out with
filling the blank all right, soyou give me your answers on what the

(22:56):
feeling the blank things should be.And if we can work camel in there
would be great because apparently Anna condain't never gonna show up. All right,
Nice time for the Florida Man andthis week our Florida man food fight
comes to us. Also from theDaytona Beach News Journal, Florida man steals

(23:22):
gator meat and he's ided by hisGators license plate. A Florida man driving
a car with a Florida Gators Specialtylicense plate broke into a seafood store to
seal to steal gatortail meat. Policesaid, I didn't realize you could buy
gatortail meat. Yeah, I hada seafood store. Oh I didn't either.
Yeah, James Ellison age, youever had gator meat? Oh?

(23:44):
Yeah, I love it. Ihaven't had it in a while. Gatortail
gator has to be seasoned, right, Yeah, but see the problem with
gator bites. I want to know, I want to like really cooked right
like gator bytes. All your tasteis the deep bride thing. You might
as well be shreight, you know, So I want to like a we
need we need to get some gatormeat. We do. We knew where
to find a gator I got aguy, okay, So yeah, well

(24:07):
we'll talk after the show, allright. James Ellison, age thirty,
of Port Orange, already already suspectedin other burglaries, was arrested on Tuesday
and charged with two counts of armedburglary by Port Orange Police. Ellison,
who was previously arrested in a boatburglary by Volusia County deputies, was in
jail on Wednesday without bail. PortOrange Police said they were called by the

(24:32):
owners of the Port Orange Seafood Stormat six seventeen Lemon Street on April thirtieth.
So he's in Port Orange on LemonStreet, not around the corner from
Lime Avenue and Tangerine Drive. Atthe business, police learned that someone stole

(24:52):
gator tail meat, amber jack meat, two mistakes, and Alaskan king crab
from the stores outside Freeze their problem. They had it outside. They had
it outside. I like king crab. Now do you ever watch you ever
watch it? You ever watch ashow, the Discovery show, Oh the
what the Hills it called? Yeah, the one with the crabbers. Yeah,
but what the hills it called atleast catch least catch that. Yeah,

(25:15):
that's a good show. I loveme some king crab. My my
brother in law is a crabber.Yes, your brother in law has crabs?
Would you say? Day he sellsthem? Oh yeah, no he
yeah, he goes out and hecatches them out in the gulf. Have
you ever had crabs? Do youever? Hear right? Crabs? Have
I ever ate crabs? Have youhad cramps? Std? No? No,
that's a little personal question, isn'tit. It's all fine and dandy,

(25:40):
hunt til uh until the real questionstart. Yeah, all right,
uh but yeah, prevat seafood?What prevat seafood? If you want blue
crabber or stone crab? Okay,that's where to go. All right,
thank you. I'll charge him forthe advertisement. Well, I thought we
talked about gators. We were,but they had gator two meet Amberjack,

(26:00):
meet Tuner stakes and King crab andthat they were keeping in coolers or freezers
outside. All right. Port Orangepolice were able to quickly identify Ellison based
on information gathered by Voluia deputies whenthey arrested the Port Orange man for a
boat burglary. In April, deputiesobtained video showing Ellison's hand that had his
daughter's names tattooed on it. Inthe video, deputies obtained a Hunday car

(26:23):
with a Gator's front license plate isalso seen. Port Orange police saw the
same hand tattoo and the specialty licensedplate in the seafood stores video surveillance of
Port Orange. Report states, sothey're putting two and two together, they
got four. Police also got helpedfrom Ellison's wife, who confirmed the tattoos
and his identity, and reported thatEllison had stolen from the seafood store on

(26:45):
several other occasions. Port Orange policeinvestments. So he got ran it out
by his own wife. That's fuckedup, Yeah, that's him. Shit.
Ellison's wife also reported that her husbandhad a penchant for fishing equipment,
but had also stolen law and equipmentand firearms. She's doing told police some
of the stolen items were in Ellison'sgarage. Report shows she just as Oh

(27:08):
my god, she just wanted aneasy, easy way to get rid of
him, didn't she. Damn,she's she's you know what it is.
She's sick of him being home duringthe quarantine. Probably that's what it is.
I'm sick of being home in thequarantine. Is the internsick of you
being home during the quarantine? Uh? I'm going to refrain from answering this.
And she's behind me, and Ican't see what's coming at me from

(27:30):
the rear. Usually can't. OnTuesday, the Port Orange Police, after
discovering that Ellison had pawned off somestolen property at two Holly Hill stores,
executed a search warrant at his FifthStreet home. Investigators said in the garage,
police found fish, crab, amberjackand gattailed meat, along with the
two mistakes taken from the Port OrangeSeafood business. Of report details knives and

(27:53):
fishing reels from another burglary. We'realso located in Ellison's garage. Police said,
well, headed work out. Well, I'm going with two place.
He made it easy for the police. He kept it all in one place.
They didn't have to tear the wholetime the whole they didn't have to
tear the whole house up looking forit. They found it all right in
the garage. I am Joel.I am loving this right now. I

(28:14):
am multitasking like no tomorrow. Isee that you're you're adding I'm chatting in
the chat room. I'm trying toI'm paying attention to you. I'm following
along with the story, and I'mwatching my overall. I'm watching the recording
thing too. I'm getting a headache. I need some Who's got the tile
on monitor, don't you? Yeah, well you're at least you're face itting
so washed out now, so atleast I guess the sun's going down.
Huh, yeah, the sun isgoing down, alrighty uh. Now we're

(28:37):
gonna get into a fun little thingwe started a couple of weeks ago called
headlines. Headlines is uh stories thatpretty much just the headline says it all.
There's not quite enough content here todo a whole story on or a
whole little riff on, so wejust want we're gonna read you some stories.
So here's some. You got someof the Joel's already written on here,

(29:00):
and uh I found some others todaytoo, we're gonna talk about.
So here we go. These areheadlines we should is it? Do you
put the look john to dot dotdot dot dom thing in there? There's
yeah, there's a sound effect.I found you found it? Okay,
stinger intro. Yeah, if Iactually listen to the recording, I'd probably
know that. Yeah you would.Um, Okay, here we go first,
one Florida woman allegedly engages an extremesexual video call with a jailed boyfriend

(29:26):
in front of her child. Yeah, she got arrested for that one.
So what do you think extremely sexualwould be? Uh? Yeah, I
think they were in animate objects wereinvolved? Uh no, it was.
It was pretty animate. I thinkit moved Double A's two cyclemotors. She
got probably he's okay. Uh,this is a follow up, Um,

(29:49):
Judge nine volt Alison? Is that? Um? Are you weighing in on
that shirt? Sounds like she said, it sounds like he's big from experience
here? Uh uh Florida? Ohwait where is uh? What had been
follow up? Follow up? Judgesanctioned the story before what it first hit?

(30:10):
Oh she said Double A's Uh youcan't no, no, no take
back. Sorry you already said anine vote. Um, she said Double
A's Bah, it's the little one. It's the little ones. I know.
I'm gonna get to the story thisheadline. Uh. Judge sanctions Florida
man who penned States sued for trademarkin Fridgeman. I remember the story.
Yeah, the guy was selling Tshirts with Yeah. Paul L. Parsh

(30:32):
of Naples will have to pay theuniversity's legal fees following his handwritten response to
the suit, handwritten, good name, couldn't eaven put it on a couldn't
even find a typewriter? And theysaid it was one one sentence responses to
all the questions that he was actuallysupposed to be submitting documents for. Can
you still buy typewriters? When's thelast time he went through an office depot
or something. I actually found atypewriter. I'm sure Amazon has him any

(30:56):
just thinking? All right? Nextheadline, Florida teens ran around wall Mart?
All right, never mind, Floridateens ran around Walmart? Or how
you feel about Walmart coughing on patronsfor a prank video. Well that's not
funny at all. He gets ourass kicked. Florida Man. Yeah,
Florida Man and friends perform push upsand squats outside Clearwater Courthouse and protests of

(31:18):
closed gems, proving that you canliterally take exercise anywhere. Now I found
a few more. Okay, Ohlet me check, I don't okay,
got it? Make sure we don'thave these in upcoming stories. Florida woman
charged with setting fire to a homeover a missing towel. Uh, this
happened this week. Florida man andwoman who are arrested for shooting flare guns
at victims that were serving legal papers. Florida man punch's officer after refusing to

(31:44):
pay a chili's bill. I mean, yeah, I was here. That
was Pine Allen Road. That washere? Oh was it NBC two?
Yeah? Um, Florida man shootsand they are fifteen at dirt bikers who
were quote tormenting the neighborhood. Hesay, yeah, I can sympathize.
So that's just some of the headlinesfrom this week, folks, Things that

(32:07):
make you go hmmm, yeah,Well, philp are you are you ready
to fill in the blank here?Oh? I got helped this week.
I got helped this week. Gothelped. YEP. I don't think you're
gonna need it. I really thinkyou can get this right off the headline,
you think, so? All right? All right, Alison, you're
I mean, you're ready. Floridawoman charged with setting fire to a home

(32:31):
over a missing blank We just didit exactly. Why didn't you tell me,
you tell me we were gonna dothat story because you already read it.
I damn it, all right,you just read it. I had
no idea. God, dang it. Why didn't you tell me that was
in here? Because then that wouldthat would mean I would have to look
up another one. You could havetold me not to do it, all

(32:54):
right. So it's not anaconda,thank you? No shit. So it's
not anacondas it's not camels. Ireally wanted to be camels. How cool
would have been. But think aboutit, though, think about it.
Florida woman charged with setting fire toher home over missing camels, camel cigarettes,
who knows? Just camels? Imean if she's got more than one.

(33:17):
You saw a video of a Boaconstrictor that ate a camel. June,
what need you to back that up? You're gonna have to explain this,
June. Oh hey, oh no, huh oh heyes, she is
here, she is. I sawvideos that should have been pulling um that
the item that was caused the house. He gets set on fire out of
a um hout of either a bookconstructor an anaconda, like at the BET's

(33:42):
office. So the the towel,Yeah, Holy shit, a beach tat
that the bogas are e eighth thebeach towel. Wow. Yeah, that's
almost as cool as a camel.It's a pretty cool video if you watch
it. Oh, we gotta findthat they actually pulled it out, that

(34:04):
they actually pulled the Oh, wegot to find that video of they pulled
in the beachtail out of a outof an anaconda. Yeah. I'll try
and find the link for you.Guys. Oh, you send it to
me if you see. If youfind it, send it in the chat.
Thank you, Maggs. That isgreat. That is great. Okay,
So a Florida woman set Oh thisis from click Orlando dot com.

(34:24):
A Florida woman set fire to aconverted wood shed. Uh, well,
says a wood shed. But it'sit's converted, so it might be a
she shed Okay, Uh, convertedwoodshed that another woman was living in following
an argument over a missing towel.So, yeah, shed because she lived
in it. She lived in it. Robin Hamilton, age fifty seven,

(34:45):
was arrested shortly after Saturday's fire behinda Hawthorne trailer home. The Gainesville Sun
reported, So, there's a shedbehind a trailer that they converted to a
living space and rent it out.All right, full of disclosure. When
I was in high school, Idid live in a trailer park in a

(35:05):
trailer. So I'm not disparaging trailerlife. Uh, but if you live
in a shed behind a trailer,come on, man, come on,
come on, come on, arewe really go in there? Are we
really going there? No? Youjust need to are we really go in
there? Today? Life? Imean, have you ever watched Trailer Park

(35:25):
Boys? No? I grew upin a trailer Well, not the whole
time, but until I was like, right, thirty two thirteen, Yeah,
so not Disney trailer show, TrailerPark Boys. No? All right,
Bubbles lives in a shed behind atrailer. That's all I'm gonna say.
Bubbles Listeners that know trailer bubbles,Okay, you know why they call
them bubbles? If it's a fuckingclown, I don't want to know.

(35:45):
Uh No, he's got a bubblemachine. He likes watching the bubbles.
Bubbles awesome anyway. Uh. Awoman told the Latchua County deputies that she
was running out the shed from Hamiltonand living there with her two dogs.
The woman said Hamilton had been drunkand threatened to quote burn her out because
of a missing towel that had sentimentalvalue to Hamilton's all right, so about

(36:08):
what kind of towel? So let'sthink about what what towel would have sentimental
value? It's a it's a hairloom, a hairloom, hairloom, hairloom.
Um. What if it was awhat if it was a special towel?
Is it her wiping up towel?Hey? It could be a blue drag,
That's what I'm saying. Yeah,I was a little more classy than
you. Wouldn't that make a greatname for like a for a rock band.

(36:34):
It was the white towel. Wouldn'tit be a great name for a
for a rock band? Think aboutit. I've thought too much already.
About twenty minutes after the fighting,tenant said she smelled something burning and then
saw smoke. The woman said shegot out of the shed, but her

(36:58):
puppy fled under the furniture and diedin the fire. This's bitch burned down,
spy. Oh she burned a puppy. Oh, that's puppy murder yep.
Hamilton's wow. She didn't know howthe fire started. A neighbor's surveillance
camera showed Hamilton's crouching next to theshed several times just before the building caught
fire. M I wonder what shewas doing. She wasn't lighting her camels,

(37:22):
that's for sure. Uh. Hamiltonfaces charges of attempted murder, arson
and animal cruelty. She was beingheld on eighty eighty thousand dollars. Wow,
good Dale records didn't list an attorney. Eighty thousand. She should have
done, should have got off cheaperif she would just flashed her titties at
the league. That only costs herfive. That's fucking h. I do

(37:45):
have issue. I do have Ido have issues. Oh oh, I
have a cat story. Do youhave a cat story? Your cat?
Well, the interns cat. Soshe's being nice recently, which means she's
just drop your guard. Yeah,so didn't drop my guard yet. I'm
on. I'm onto her game.So I know where she's going with this.
So she's buttering me up or somethingshe's going she's going to. It's

(38:07):
coming down pretty soon, so she'sgot something planned. So I love how
the intern is behind you with thebottle of rum in her hand and drinking
Classic here um, so today Iactually had a she's shedding like crazy.
So we we just the one ofthe kids that just bathed the dog and

(38:29):
they had the you know those brushesthat removed you know, the yeah,
extra her. So she's laying down. I'm like, and she comes up
in the morning every morning. SoI sit out on the couch every morning.
She comes up next to me andshe starts purring and she snuggles up
by me and the eyebrubber and thenwhen I'm rubbing HER's like all the burs
coming up, like I wonder ifI could rush her. I brushed her

(38:49):
and she loved it. Really,Oh, she went like cat orgasm.
She was just oh she would rememberthat. She hit an extra level of
purring and it was like she wentcrazy. And then she got over it
and she bit me. But itwas that's beyond before I went too long
with her. I pushed it.I pushed the envelope too far. The
cat, not the intern. Ididn't brush her with it. Jesus,

(39:12):
June, come on, got withthe program. That is funny. So
yeah, I got the cat.The cats is she she's buttered me up
for something. She's got something planned, all right, let's move on to
story number five. Florias comes tous from wc JB. I don't know

(39:36):
if I know that one BC JBFlorida woman emptied wine bottle inside the car,
told deputy to just put me inhandcuffs. You got me. You
know the bad thing about doing lifethings. We can't burp like we normally
would. We burped a lot inthese In these shows, you have to
kind of do it all. SoI have to do us do it off

(39:57):
the side a little bit. It'sgonna be classy. A Florida woman who
was driving with children in her car, oh Haill, was arrested in Marion
County Wednesday night after deputy says shepoured out a wine bottle inside her car
and told a deputy to handcuffed herduring a traffic stop. And how would
you pour it inside the car?I don't know. It poured out out

(40:19):
a cower. An off duty o'callapolice officer. Off duty police officer stopped
zan Zantana. I would say,yeah, Zantenna, like Santana, but
with a z Zantana. Seante Cannon, age twenty seven, after seeing her
drive erratically, swerving and running astop sign. During the stop, the
officer saw Cannon empty a bottle ofwine onto the passenger side of the floorboard

(40:44):
and discovered she had three children inthe car, so she was trying to
hide it is why she didn't dumpit outside, so she poured it on
the kid's side. When a MarionCounty deputy arrived to conduct d yeah,
conduct a sobriety test, Enna said, no, I try to keep it,
but he just he had five ofbeans for dinner and he wanted a
nice kiante. Yeah, this oneis uh, this is classic. When

(41:06):
a Marion County deputy arrived to conducta sobriety test, Kennon said, nope,
I'm drunk. I'm telling you I'mdrunk. Just putting me in handcuffs.
I ain't got time for all thisbullshit. Nice, I'm done.
You got me. Cannon was chargedwith DUI and three counts of child neglect.
She was booked at the Marion CountyJail and is waiting her first of
court appearance on Thursday. Damn,well, you know that makes the cops

(41:29):
job that much easier. That wasnice of her. I have so yeah,
we're gonna get onto the story numbersix because I have been waiting for
this one for a while. Thisis a good This is a good one.
There's another driver's story. Story sixcomes to us from Fox thirty five
Orlando dot com. Florida man backsup his Cadillac onto two parked cars in

(41:53):
a bank parking lot. Yeah,and he didn't just take him from one
end of the parking lot to No, he went out into traffic to do
it. Deputies in Citrus County saya Florida man accidentally backed up onto two
other cars in a bank parking lot. Accidentally accidentally. Oops, it does
not look intentional A lot. Iwill give you that. The crash occurred

(42:15):
Monday. According to the Sheriff's office, the adult mail driver reversed out of
the sun Trust drive through and overa curb onto County Road four eighty six.
Then, they said, he cutthe wheel and continued reversing around the
curve and through the intersection until hehopped the curb again back into the SunTrust
parking lot along forest Ridge Boulevard.So he went out the parking lot on

(42:42):
one street, cut through the intersectionbackwards. You got the video of this
one. I've got the video thisone. So he backs up. Oh,
I should probably cute one missed twocars, miss three cars back into
the parking lot on the other street. Here's a closer view of it,
just barely. You almost want tohear the yakety sacks plan during this.

(43:06):
But he came to arrest on topof two of the cars to the parking
lot. That's yeah, that's abad that's a bad day. It's gonna
be hard. That's he just almostcan't explain that to the to the insurance
company pretty much not And those puttwo poor cars that's are in the parking
lot. Yeah, they got adamn catallac sitting on top of boat.

(43:31):
Uh so this is why, youknow, idea did not. I'm very
close to staying your citizenship, butthis is yeah, we got some drive.
Where's this? Where does this happen? Citrus County? Citrus County?
Yeah, so, uh, deputysaved there. Still investigating what caused the
incident. I can tell you whatcaused the incident. He had in reverse
and he hit the gas and hestayed on it. And there was a

(43:53):
there was a picture on Reddit thatthey took down really quick. But yeah,
this dude was old. Was hegrandpa got the keys, somebody Grandpa
the keys. And he had apassenger. So he said, the passenger,
the passenger here, let me bringthe passenger doors open. No,
that's the cop going in there.That's the cop. No, but there

(44:15):
was a he had a passenger too. He did people in the car at
the time. Yeah. Wow,that's the Blues Brothers shit as well.
Damn right, that is holy cow. Finally we found somebody who backs up
worse than me. Y'all don't knowthe whole story we have been although he
didn't hit anybody until the end.So Joel is notorious, I mean notorious

(44:38):
for shitty backing up. I tookout a tree. Yeah, he hit
He's hit trees. It's if anythingone tree, the trees. You carried
the log around on your damn jeepfor years. Yeah, the stick or
a couple of months ago that thatthe log? Did it fall off?
Yeah on I seventy five seventy five, Yeah, yeah, that's a fantastic

(45:02):
I put it back on after itput the winch on too. I took
the log off the front. Wewere in Tennessee. We were in Tennessee
and on up in the mountains,and there was this one section. It
was really it was. We werethrough the woods and it was this really
hairy section and Joe got pinned betweena bunch of trees and literally, I
just I swearted. I literally turnedthe jeep off and just set there and

(45:23):
and just and just watched it inamazement because it was like, yeah,
I knew, because I might aswell. I might as well say,
my gas, this is gonna taketwenty minutes for him to get out of
this. He hit every tree atleast once before he finally pinned balled his
way out of it. I hitone tree. So now we got Did
we get you a backup camera?Or you have one? Now? Oh
you don't have one. It's onthe wish list on Amazon if if anybody

(45:44):
wants to follow the link in theshow notes to U on our website to
uh yeah, our Amazon wish list. There is a backup camera on that
list that will not that will notgo to fell Oh give me the the
pink, the pink sunflower speeds seeds, Betune. Yeah, I need to

(46:05):
dig that thing out. I don'teat sunflower seeds, but I can't eat
them on airy anymore. I gotyelled at, yes you did. Who
was that yelled at me. Severalpeople, that's more than one. Yeah.
But so so this is this wedo down in southern where I don't
know a city. This is we'reCitrus County. That's that's Ocalla around area

(46:25):
and it is it Citrus. Ithink that's uh like central Florida. I'm
thinking between uh Tampa and Orlando,but north I could be totally wrong.
Gust No, south of south ofOcala, north of yeah, Tampa on
the west coast. That's it.Okay, Oh yeah, we're Citrus Wildlife

(46:45):
Management Area right uh Inverness. Sowe we have here in and so this
is obviously we have a lot ofretirees here, um a lot of snowbirds
that come down in the um.The probably if you're a motorcycle probably if
you can survive South Florida on amotorcycle, you can ride anywhere because it

(47:06):
is you. You're well. Asfar as as far as dodging other vehicles,
yeah, but as far as likethe terrain, you've got no challenges
whatsoever because everything is fun. Everythingsat now this is uh if then as
far as kids learning to drive,yeah, this is the you are.
You are defensive driving as soon asyou turn the ignition key, your head's

(47:29):
on a swivel, waiting for somebodyto run a stop sign, waiting for
somebody to run a light. Youjust, you know, you go out.
You might as well have the mentalityI'm going to get hit, So
you just you go out with thatmentality and defensive, trying not to have
somebody to run over you. Andthen you got this this guy who yeah,
and a damn parking lot. Hehad to be going pretty high rate

(47:49):
of steam. Being defensive has nothingto do with it. You. I
mean, you're in the bank,your car is parked in the parking lot.
How would you like to come comeout and like, what the fucking
fuckan, there's a deep cattle likeon top of my car. He had
to be hidden, he was.He was doing some serious speed, us
doing probably about thirty to go upon to baby to run up on top

(48:09):
of a car like that. Twoof them, two of them Florida.
But that's America's wing. They preferthe Sunshine State. Oh my god.
All right, well that's the showfor this week. Folks. Please subscribe
to Florida Men wherever you're hearing usright now. Our Florida Men cup podcast
dot com, slash subscribe and pleaserate us five stars or leave a review

(48:30):
on pod Chaser, Apple Podcasts orSpotify. We'll read your review on the
show and it really helps us getfound by new listeners. We are at
Florida Manpod on all the social mediathinkies. Our email is Florida Men Podcast
at gmail dot com and our voicemailis five six seven four three two ninety
six seven four. Did we getany updates owned Duck, Joel and Duckfield

(48:51):
this week? We did not getDuck updates, but we did get a
few emails that I didn't paste injust because there were a bunch of them.
But James from Coco let us know. Hey guys, this is James
from Coco. I finally got aroundto becoming a patron subscriber. You two
cracked me up while driving my truckmaking deliveries here in Florida. Thank you,
James. We had Naton who wason here. He said, how's

(49:15):
it going fellows, Hope you're allsafe and in self isolation. Everything is
going good here in Australia. Ifyou haven't already got this new sent to
you, here's something I recently foundabout Florida Man. And this was a
quick little story about a guy thatjumped into a canal to avoid a rust
and then the cops picked him upon the other side of the canal.
I could have gone into headlines too, but yeah, anyway, Coneth sent

(49:37):
us a big long email here aboutthe story we did on the Quickie last
week. In Germany. We callit pizza salami instead of pepperoni. Let's
go go in a little bit backstoryon this one in case, so we
were questioning whether they actually had pepperonipizza in Germany. In Germany, Yeah,
so they they call pepperoni salami inGermany apparently, because what they call

(50:01):
pepperoni is what we would call pepperoncini. The green the pepperci I've never heard
of. So you know, youever order from Papa John's and you get
that little pepper in there, thatlittle green pepper but no, it's a
it's a pepperoncini or pepperoncini. Sothat's what they call pepperoni. So it's

(50:22):
a yeah, like sliced pepper ringsif you order pepperoni pizza in Germany.
Um, so, yeah, Pepperoniis an American variety of salami made from
a cured mixture of pork and beefseason I didn't read that story because I
knew that's screwed up too bad.So he says. Fun fact, if
you order a pizza pepperoni in Germany, he will most likely get spicy bell
Pepper's aka chili pepper on it withno sausage. In the story, it

(50:45):
says that the delivery boy ut wasleaving after collecting the payment. Around here,
it's common, even when ordering foodonline, to pay on delivery.
The driver will have a credit cardreader with them. And by the way,
Joel, you nailed the pronunciation thatearns you a German shepherd high five?
And he sent a picture of aGerman shepherd giving a high five.
Yeah, what I mean? Iwouldn't go try, And he says,

(51:06):
Phil Donca Shane for trying, youget a purple participation from task and he
sent a picture of a ribbon likefrom a like a kid's field participant.
Yeah, I get I get aparticipation in Yeah, I saw it in
that. I saw it in thenotes and I'm like, hell no,
I ain't ain't no way in hellI'm reading this one. Uh No,
he said, better luck next time. Love your show, Cone so Oh

(51:27):
and Conath also sent us a separateemail giving me some tips on upgrading my
mac os, so I might haveto hack that and try that. If
you want to support the show,you can send us something from our Amazon
wish list, or you can dropsomething in our online tip jar at PayPal
dot me slash Florida Men. Orto get early access and extended ad free
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Men. And links to all threeof those are in the show notes.
We'd like to thank our Patreon subscriberspersonally, and they are at the Jacksonville
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(52:10):
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(52:52):
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(53:12):
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159 - Naked Neighbors, Knifing Ninja, Cadillac Catastrophe, and Over the Limit and Over It All

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}159 - Naked Neighbors, Knifing Ninja, Cadillac Catastrophe, and Over the Limit and Over It All