162 - Wild Dogs, Dead Birds, and Animatronic Rats - Florida Men

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Warning, Florida Man and Florida Womangot pretty violent this week, and there's
a lot of grab assing too.Listener discretion is advised. Coming to you
from America's winning This is Florida Man, the podcast for Tuesday, June the
second, twenty twenty. Each weekwe bring you stories from the shady side
of the Sunshine State, starring America'smost prolific criminals, Florida Man and coming

(00:25):
up. In this week's episode onesixty two, Florida Woman was attacked by
a pack of wild dogs, butthat wasn't even the deadliest thing that happened
to her. Florida Man likes petbirds almost as much as Joel does.
Florida Woman proves my theory about badpizza still being good is totally wrong.
And Florida Man is running around nakedagain or still who the hell can tell?

(00:45):
Plus a Florida Man food fight fillin the blank listener, email and
email, and much much more.Well, we're still in separate studios this
week. Yeah, hopefully my soundsounds a little bit better. I got
my good microphone hooked back up again. No, justin we don't have the

(01:08):
music in the background. Yeah,that's all done. Post, he said,
it's weird not having it. Yeah, for our for our patrons that
we are doing this live streaming thingso they can actually watch us while they're
listening to us record. Yeah,Justin just popped into the chat to say

(01:30):
that when we're doing this live,there's no music, so none of the
sound effects or anything. The littlestingers between the stories. I do that
all after the words. So yeah, they just don't you mean we we
do that? Oh yeah, wethe Royal We Yeah, I don't do
that. I'm just kidding. Um, well we did. Um, how

(01:51):
is your Memorial Day? Did youaccomplish anything? Uh? What did I
do? I seated the lawn?Seated the lawn. Yeah, that's that's
riveting entertainment, Joe. Yeah,that was about half an hour. Um,
didn't get any naps in, whichis unusual for three days we can.
Yeah you were you were out campingand clamping. Yeah. Uh oh

(02:15):
but well yeah we did the uhshady side trivia. We didn't trivia.
I was, I was? Ilost, Um, oh not by much
by much. Came in second,which I'm still I'm all. We need
to talk about this format and theway that the points thing works because I
don't. I don't know. Wegot we gotta well, I don't know
if it was exactly fair, becauseit's actually every person doesn't get the equal

(02:38):
opportunity to get answered the question.Yeah, every person gets a chance to
answer the question first and then yeah, but whoever goes but then there's not
a but then the next person inthe queue gets to get it. Well,
what if I knew the answer?It's just random like So it's if
you follow somebody that's very knowledgeable,or you follow somebody that's not, then
the person in front of you hasa better chance of of stealing the answer.

(03:00):
But if you're if you're the knowledgeableperson, you should get it on
your turn. But yeah, Isee what you're saying. If if if
you follow somebody who's not that bright, you have a better chance of getting
more points. I said, Ihad I had me on my team,
so I mean she was in there, so yeah, that was on your
team. She was your opponent.Oh she was my opponent. That's right,

(03:20):
we were. Yeah, so ifyou would have went after her,
I know she's under I was Iwould Uh yeah, Alston did good.
The chickens. The chickens were distractingthe chickens were very distracting. Yeah,
in the duck she was. Shewas throwing you off. Yeah. Plus,
the WiFi in the camp area isnot that fantastic, gotcha. I
had to stick my phone up inthe corner of the camp or as high

(03:45):
as I could to get a cellsignal so I could tell her to it.
Oh I thought that campground had likeWiFi for Oh it does. It's
just not very good. Is itlike eight or two dot eleven? Bu?
I don't know, it doesn't.Um, let's just say it ain't
exactly swoofed. God, you usedto have the option years ago that you
a couple of years ago you hadthe option of you could pay like five

(04:05):
bucks for three days to get thehigh speed piece of it. And now
it was fine, which stream stuffthere, you know, and take the
TV of the Apple TV up thereand stuff. But no, not anymore.
Well, yeah, it was alot of consumption of adult beverages.
Uh. Race uh, race myboat a little bit and a little of
r C boat. R C boatbroken. Yeah. Did it sink,

(04:27):
No it didn't. It was close. It was close. My um my
tube came out of my Uh ithas a water intake for to cool the
into motor in the electronics in it, and the SPS spits it out the
side. Well, my my tubecame actually wasn't sticking outside. It came
loose and was pumping water back intothe boat. That's not good with electronics.
Uh no, it's all waterproof,but um, but yeah, it

(04:50):
was. It was getting progressively slowerand slower and sinking rapidly because I was
pumping water back into it. Gotcha. And then we had an alligator.
Uh yeah, and then uh Stevelost his boat one time. Uh he
actually uh he hit a rope thatwas holding a uh what was a fountain

(05:10):
out there, and he hit therope and hit it. Yeah, he
hit it so hard that um,he was rope in the water holding the
fountain in the middle was a floatfloating fountain, and he hit the rope
and it hit so hard that itdislodged his battery from the from the power
coupler. So he had He actuallytook his shirt off and swam out and
got it with the gator out therewith the gator. Yeah, with the
gator was a little that's a true. You know, you should have videotaped

(05:32):
that or we did we have justin case the alligator got him? Yeah?
I had. I had the bigPanasonic you know, the with I
put my VCR tape in it,you know what, had it up on
my shoulder and got you. No, Joel actually had my phone and we
video to him. Yes, Iyou know, just force of habit,

(05:53):
the language. Yeah, with thetechnology, just as as he almost broke
himself Monday. Um, I didn'tbreak it in Monday. What was yesterday?
Tuesday? Yes? I was Tuesday? Yeah, what's the one right
before broke it was? I don'tremember. We need to write that ship.
We need to write it down.I was that one. We need
a real intern that actually does theship. We ask too, I know.

(06:15):
But the um, yeah, theywere at the restaurant. They were
trying some designer cocktails and apparently Iwas up on the list to uh taste
tests. Oh yeah, so youwere. You were drinking from the garbage
can basically huh drinking from the garbagecan? Oh, I just tasting it.

(06:38):
Yeah, it was just a yeah, it was. They were doing
luxury cocktails and stuff. So whatis an example of a luxury cocktail?
I had a kangaroo. Um,I'm not real sure, and I think
that may have been the problem.It was just it was vodka and something
in French, something French and vodka. So so the Russians invaded France and

(06:59):
been and something else. I don'tknow what it was. I don't know
how that becomes a kangaroo because ithad nothing to do with down under.
Uh. Then actually may have yeah, because then uh, then we had
some other kind of um. Wehad a bunch of old fashions, real
old fashions, um. And thensomething else that we had, which I
wasn't sure what that one was.I think that's where I went wrong.
Yeah, Usually when you can't rememberwhat it was that you drank, that's

(07:23):
that's when the problem started to it. No, I didn't know I did.
I just didn't know what the Ohno, it was just sit there
here, try this one. Okay, we'll try this one. Oh that's
good, all right, what's thisone? That doesn't matter, We'll try
this one. That's that's trust.That's when you have trust in your friends.
Yeah, and uh, I trustmyself not to ever do that again.

(07:43):
Apparently the intern had to sleep onthe couch. That's bad. Were
you just sprawled out over the wholebed or just going the wrong direction.
It's hard to tell. Not forthe public airways, gotcha? All right?
Yeah, I still haven't. Istill haven't broken into my my new

(08:07):
liquor cabinet full of secondhand liquor thatI got. Yeah, I'm doing I'm
uh waiting for the uh the policeofficer that's in the next room over there
to uh go out and looking fora night look the other way. Yeah,
all right, So today also waswhen this comes out UM. Actually

(08:28):
we'll know they'll try again. Butdid you watch the UM Did you watch
the space X launch today? Yeah? I tried to watch it today but
it got scrubbed grow up for badweather. We got we got weather here
in Florida. That was kind ofit. That was kind of cool.
Yeah. The broadcast that they hadwas you know, they had the scouse.
We saw the Yeah, we sawthat. We saw them shoot one
of the UM runs the young manwhen that was taking supplies to the space

(08:54):
station when we were in our ohOrlando. Yeah, yeah, for for
pod Fast we were up there andh Yeah, it was a night waunch,
which was really cool because we're gonnatry They're gonna try again on Saturday.
So we'll know Saturday at three twentytwo, I think be something like
that, three between two and four. Hopefully they'll go up again. That
was kind of neat though. Ohyeah. I was watching the ABC version
and it was just like, ohmy god. Then I said forget this

(09:16):
and I just I got on theNASA one and just streamed it to the
TV. Oh. I went toSpaceX dot com. Are you watching from
there? I was watching the NASAfeed straight from the horse's mouth. I
like the space suits better now.The space suits yeah, oh yeah.
They looked like real space suits,like not like uh, like you see
something in sci fi that was couldit was? It was pretty I don't

(09:39):
know, it's I think there area lot of people tuned in. We
haven't had a lot of interest inspace traveling things since the Apollo missions.
Are the Space Shuttle and then yes, since like like the the first several
Space Shuttle launches that went up inthe early eighties, and then the first
few that went up after the Challengerright acts eventum, and then towards the

(10:01):
end of the run of the Spaceshuttles they got popular again. But but
yeah, it's been it's been almosta decade. Since yeah, twenty eleven,
since the last shuttle mission was done. So good to have it back
on us soiling though it didn't goup yet today. Yeah, hopefully we'll
know by Saturday we get a betterwindow of weather. All right, well,

(10:26):
let's get into this week's stories.The first one here was sent to
us by Allison Thank you from Foxthirteen news dot com. Naked Florida man
bites elderly's neighbors here and tries tostab him with broken glass. I'll cut
you. A Florida man was arrestedfor allegedly attacking his neighbor on Hill Chris

(10:50):
Drive in Riverview, Florida. TheHillsbury County Sheriff's Office said the suspect also
attacked deputies who responded to the sceneto help the elderly them. It happened
Monday afternoon. Someone called nine oneafter a man allegedly bit an elderly neighbor's
ear and then tried to stab theman with broken glass. That was it,

(11:11):
Mike Tayson. That's what I wasat. I was about to play
that. When deputies got there,they tried to talk to twenty one year
old Isaiah Valles as he walked undressedalong Hillcrest Drive. According to the Sheriff's
office. By undressed, I meanthat's probably where the naked part came in.
Usually, Yeah, that's that's thefirst prerequisite of being naked is being

(11:33):
undressed. Yeah. Um. Theirefforts to de escalate the situation were unsuccessful.
Deputy said they had to deploy theirtasers when vales begin to attack.
Now, where do you aim ona neked man for the tasers? The
balls? I wonder if they gothim in the balls that's here. Yeah,
you wanted some hurt quickly as possible. That's got to hurt. What

(11:56):
was that that was my stomach growling? Oooh? Yeah. Allison is uh
all over the naked Florida man stories. She was the one that she's our
go to. What's that it dependson? Yeah, she's our go to
for nudity arrest in Florida. Yeah, she sent us two last week.

(12:18):
So after Hillsbury Fire Rescue arrived andtreated Vallese for scratches, deputies are arrested.
That's where the barbs from the tasergot him. Probably. Deputies are
arrested and charged him with a temptedburglary of an occupied dwelling, criminal mischief,
aggravated assault with a deadly weapon,resisting an officer with violence, grand
theft, motor theft, Oh no, grand theft, motor vehicle, loot,

(12:41):
and livacious I said that wrong,livicious behaviors that word uh, and
behavior, battery of a victim oversixty five and four counts of battery on
laws and four counts of battery onlaw enforcement officer. Damn, he's got
one. Don't take the old people. Three four, five, six,

(13:01):
seven eight counts oh eight plus eightseven plus four's eleven eleven counts. Wow,
that's strong, that's coming out strong. And he did naked, and
he did a naked Yeah. Where'dhe get the broken glass from? Its
bad reporting? Yep, but hey, we need to know where the glass
came from. B How big wasthe glass? See where did the tasers

(13:24):
actually hid him when he was naked? Yep? Exactly. So yeah,
the broken so it wasn't a brokenglass, it was broken glass. So
he either I mean, it couldbe anything. He could have taken a
bottle and just went sh and butthey would have said a broken bottle right
um. Or he could have brokea window, or it could have just
been some glass that was just layingthere. You don't he's going to Uh,

(13:48):
he's gonna be paying for this onefor a while. Luckily, he's
only twenty one years old, andit's got h He's got a long life
ahead. He got a long lifeahead of him. Unless he keeps going
the way he's going with this storyeight or eleven in one night, he
may be in getting some free mealsfor a while. Story number two,

(14:09):
Florida woman scammed one hundred and eightythousand dollars out of an elderly woman who
thought the scammer was psychic. Andthis one come psychic? Uh No,
but I could. I could fakebe in a psychic you could. I
could do it. I could doa psychic greeting for you right now.
Do you would you use cards orwhat would you use as the medium to

(14:31):
connect to my inner A healthy lineof bullshit? I can. Well,
that's probably not what you want togo into the well. You don't tell
him that, tell him that,But I'm just saying you probably would want
to have something a little stronger.Yeah, you so you want to you
want to need cards? I meanyou need you need you know, you

(14:52):
know you need bats, blood,you know all that kind of stuff you
do need you do need props.Okay, so you want to set up
the the room that you're going todo the reading in. Uh, it
needs to be kind of dark.But but candles lit um. The bigger
the candle the better. So ifyou've got a big you know, a
big old candle with some wax drippingdown the side, that's nice. Um.

(15:13):
Some some old books, uh setmaybe aigi board, a weigi board,
but you don't want to use theWeuiji board. You just want to
have it sitting there to to setthe stage. Um, like a big
overstuffed plush chair with some ugly assold pattern um in the in the fabric,

(15:35):
that would be good, just toyou know, something that smells dusty
and musty and old. Uh,maybe have some incense burning to um.
Anything that looks like old fashioned orold timey or antique is going to set
the stage really well. Um.Because now how do you want to smell?
How does something smell dusty, youknow, like musty? Like you

(15:58):
said you have you ever said itwould? You said it would smell dusty
and musty. So how does somethingsmeil dusty? Have you ever like,
like smelled an old book from alibrary. Oh, I have them in
the library in thirty years. Okay, well I suggest you go to it.
Not not a newer library that youknow, not something that's been built
in the last ten fifteen years whereeverything's electronic. You want to go to

(16:19):
like one of the older ones indowntown or whatever, and just just find
their their fiction section and just um, look for the oldest book you can
find and and uh just sniff that. Yeah, that's the uh, the
look you're going for. So youwant to you know, just kind of
chit chat a little bit um withthe person when they first get there,

(16:41):
just kind of build a little rapportum and then just start, you know,
dropping hints about things that you yousee from them, because most people
they want to know about, um, their love life or money, their
career or their health. Those arelike the big ones. So if you

(17:03):
talk about things like that and justkind of talk speak vaguely, June says,
you need people reading skills and alack of morality. That is exactly
what you need. So our storyhere. A Saint Augustine woman who is
listed online as an international spiritual medium, has been charged with exploiting an elderly

(17:27):
person after investigator said she used overone hundred and eighty thousand dollars of the
victim's money to start a business andfor other personal use. Jackie Ronco,
age thirty, is listed as aco owner of the Purple Lotus Metaphysical boutique
on San Marco Avenue in Saint Augustine, which was recently evicted for not paying

(17:51):
rent. You'd think she'd be ableto predict that she was going to get
evicted. I wouldn't even ga havepsychic powers for that. You don't pay
rich, you're going to get evicted. Yep. Ronco is also facing a
viction from her home and has beensued by two credit card companies for failure
to pay thirty six hundred dollars inbills. Now, if she scammed one
hundred and eighty grand off this oldlady, why is she not paying her

(18:15):
rent? What'd she do with it? Does Dallas exactly? Uh? Well,
it says she started a business andother personal use, so uh uh
uh. And I looked at hermug shot. She's actually probably one of
the best looking people we've seen havemug shots on this show. Justin says

(18:37):
it went up the who ha uh. Ronco's relationship to the victim has been
redacted from the arrest report, butthe report indicates that she was the victim's
power of attorney and a signer onthe victim's bank account. But yeah,
it sounds like she might be arelative of some kind. Huh. The

(18:59):
victim's aid has also been redacted,but the report said she has suffered from
dementia for many years, So thislady is all kinds of like June said,
lack of morality. According to thereport, Ronko put the victim in
an assisted living facility and withdrew largesums of money from the victim's investment accounts
to pay for her care. Thereport shows Ronco used the victim's money for

(19:22):
daily expenses, her children's daycare,and to start a business. Deputies said
Ronco failed to play sorry. Deputiessaid Ronco failed to pay the healthcare facility
and then moved the victim to anotherfacility, where she also failed to make
payments and didn't visit the victim.The facilities are owed more than thirty thousand

(19:44):
dollars, and Ronco also failed topay the victim's health insurance premiums, causing
her insurance to lapse. The reportsaid, Now if she's shouldn't she have
Medicare? I don't know. Ithink covers the whole thing. Obviously not.
But yeah, couldn't pay her rent, couldn't pay the old ladies rent
or whatever they call the it's nottuition either whatever your room and board or

(20:07):
whatever. It is assisted living facility, tuition to assisted living facility. What's
that? Fees? Fees? Yeah, the bill News for Jack's Crime and
safety expert Ken Jefferson said investigators willbe looking for a money trail quote.
They're going to do a thorough investigationand trace every step. Jefferson said the

(20:30):
state takes exploitation of the elderly veryseriously. The report shows Ronco used one
hundred and eighty four thousand, sevenhundred and sixty eight dollars and thirty cents
for personal use, leaving the victimwith just over three thousand dollars in her
account. Fuck. Ronco told deputyshe planned to use the business to pay

(20:51):
for the victim's care, but thebusiness failed. Yeah. Maybe because your
business is metaphysical boutique. Not alot of money to be made in bullshit
if you're a Purple Lotus metaphysical boutique. Yeah, oh, actually I'm wrong.
There is a lot of money tobe made in bullshit bilking people out

(21:12):
of their money, but you gottabe good at it first, So don't
really invest in a psychic business ifyou're not good at being a psychic.
Joel, whin's the last time youate? When's the last time I ate?
I was about noon. Here's mystomach just yes, you're just hearing

(21:33):
there. The beer just goes down, brear gurgling. All right, Moving
on. Story number three comes tous from the New York Post New York
City bloord A woman made to buya pack of dolls. That's like dolls,
You said dolls. She didn't getmalled by dolls? All that would

(22:00):
been a funny story. Florida womanmauled by pack of dogs, then contracts
coronavirus and rehab. That's just addinginsult to injury. A Florida woman miraculous
miraculously survived a terrifying attack by apack of dogs, but ended up contracting
the coronavirus while recovering at a rehabcenter, according to reports. Debbie,

(22:22):
Debbie, I thought you were fromCajun country. I am you should know
how to pronounce this blue? Sure, why not? We're gonna call her
Debbie. Was in her backyard inspring Hill on February the seventh when the
vicious man eating blood soaked canines attackedher and her own dogs. According to
WFLA, wouldn't they be a womaneating Yeah? I made up that of

(22:44):
the part. Yeah, they werejust vicious canines. I don't even know
to this day how she survived that. The woman's son in law, Falcon
Dennis, told the station, thatis an awesome name. How would you
like to be named falcon? Falcon? He's one of the falcons, one
of the one the Avengers, isn'the? Or is he the falcon?
I like it better than dragon?Do you like are? Yeah? I

(23:07):
think? I? Oh, youknow what would be a good name?
Falcon pen dragon? Falcon pen dragon? Yeah, balcon huh no? Not
really? Almost think with phil um. What about her skull is completely from
here to the entire back What theword that that? That adds a lot

(23:29):
to the story. Her skull isgone completely from here to the entire back.
Her leg it was pretty much eatingaway. They had to shorten her
leg two inches to make all ofthe blood vessels connection. You would think
they could like stretch the blood vesselsrather than like shorten the leg. Yeah,

(23:52):
that's on to leave a mark.Yeah, uh, betty, Betty
Debbie. Debbie's injuries were so severethat she flatlined twice amid several surgeries,
he said. But her bad luckturned even worse after she was sent to
a rehab center. She ended upcontracting the coronavirus and at that at the
moment she fought it through, Denistold the outlet, And I don't know

(24:14):
how she does it. That's that'sshe's dodged a couple of bullets there,
because that's I mean, well thirdthird time, well, no, not
third times. A charm. Shesuggested. She must be a cat because
she's got nine lives, because she'sdied twice on the on the surgical table.
Yeah. Debbie's daughter Christina described theterrifying attack a few days after it

(24:37):
happened. She was pretty much tossedaround like a chew toy by the four
dogs. She told WFTS. She'sa tiny little woman, so the fact
she's alive is amazing. Falcon toldw FLA that she's worried about how she
will pay the bills, and Itell her all the time I speak to
her, I tell her, youdon't have nothing to worry about. Mom,
I got it all, he said. Just keep fighting and the rest
will take care of her. NanCounty Sheriff's office has said there were no

(25:02):
records of complaints for aggressive behavior bythe dogs in the previous years, according
to WFTS, but neighbors told thestation that many people, including Betty,
had filed complaints with the county.What did I say, you said,
Betty? Puck me? Betty's mymom. I don't want to know about
I don't want to know that,Joel. She attacked by dogs ill,

(25:26):
But the neighbors told the station thatmany people, including Debbie I had to
look back up the top, hadfiled complaints with the county, saying the
dogs often roamed freely imposed a threatto the community, so the dogs knew
she was after them. Three ofthe dogs, as owners, face faced
civil citations because the animals were notlicensed with the county. They were left

(25:48):
unrestrained and bit several people, Theoutlet reported. So there's not one owner,
there's three owner. They're all ownedby different people. So they got
their own little dog gang. Debbie'sfamily roam around the streets with uh with
the neighbor. Yeah, if youI got a cat I can throw in
if you wanna, you wanna youwant to start a gang without you know?

(26:11):
The one dog, uh, thethe uh, the one that's a
service dog loves to chase cats.But about three weeks ago, she got
loose in the front yard and noticedthere was a cat walking down the street.
So she takes off after this cat. Uh. This is not a

(26:32):
cat she has dealt with before.This cat stood its ground, it did
not move. She she got aboutten feet away from this cat and saw
that the cat was now running awayfrom her like all the other cats she's
ever chased after before. And shejust stopped. And she turned around and
looked at us, like, whatam I supposed to do? You need
to turn your ass around because thatcat is gonna fight you. Yeah.

(26:56):
This one. Uh. Watching thesetwo here engage at the house is yeah.
The cat has Yeah. The dogwants nothing to do with the cat.
The dog could just be laying therein a cattle bobbar and just swipe
him across the head. He ain'tdone nothing. He just looks at her
and just goes back to sleep.They need to be held one responsible,

(27:17):
Christina told WFTS jail time, dowhat you gotta do. But this is
because of their negligence. I don'tblame any breed of dog. I don't.
She expressed her gratitude for the braveneighbors who fought off the dogs during
the attack. They saved her,saved her life. I'm so grateful for
them. The bites they took wouldhave been more on her, but could
have killed her completely. Meanwhile,Falcon said Debbie will be released from the

(27:40):
hospital soon. Wow's that's good.She's she recovered from Corona, recovered from
dog bites. Now, think ifyou think of the name Falcon, that
that's who you want piloting. There'stwo names that you would want as far
as piloting your plane. If you'rea Paverick and Falcon No. Three then
Maverick Falcon and Nigel Nigel. Nigelis a good name for a pirate pilot,

(28:03):
not a pirate a pilot, willI will. I want a Nigel
in that cock pib. Nigel's justyep, that's it. I want to
Nigel. I want a Nigel inthat cock I was gonna say cock seat
night right, that's a cross between. Yeah, I want him in the
cock seat, all right, that'swho I want. Heather's here. Oh

(28:26):
yeah, y, Heather's here.Oh she's gonna kick your ass. Yes,
we know you love the cock seat, Heather. That's That's not all.
I'm about to edit that out again. All right. Now, it's
time for the Florida Man, andthis week our Florida Food Fight. Florida
Man Food Fight is actually an essaywritten by Stephanie Hayes at the Tampa Bay

(28:51):
Times, and it's titled Florida womanorders pizza from quote Pasqualies on Grubhub and
receives quote pizza from Chuck E.Cheese. So in nineteen seventy seven,
the first Chucky Cheese Pizza Time Theaterboldly opened in San Jose, California.

(29:11):
It ushered in a new era ofarcade games, cardboardy pies, singing robots,
ticket streams, plastic prizes, anda chance for parents and kids to
get away from each other. Intwenty twenty, year of our destruction,
Pasqually's Pizza and Wings quietly opened onfood delivery app grub Hub. People ordered

(29:33):
what they thought was a new localpizza, but because Chucky Cheese children cannot
be fooled. A sleuth in Philadelphiafigured out that it was actually Chucky Cheese
Pizza, and the internet agreed.Pasqually pe pie plate is Chuck's chef character.
A wave of gleeful news stories Mondayexplored the strategy, along with a

(29:56):
similar one from Applebee's. In theera of Uber eats and the like,
virtual restaurants are nothing new. Representativesent a statement Tuesday that the company was
quote creatively adjusting to meet the needsof consumers in a unique way unquote.
I should have been outraged at thecynical corporate gambit, this dark, rodent
subterfuge, but I was delighted.I immediately I immediately checked grub Hub for

(30:22):
a local Pasqualies. There it wasat the same address as the Clearwater Chucky
Cheese on US Nineteen Forty minutes later, a driver handed over a nondescript pizza
box and a plane styrofoam container.Is this from Chuck e Cheese? I
asked, yes, he said.We laughed merrily, wielding mental mallets upon

(30:42):
a whack a mole. It feltso good to laugh as far as money
moves go, this feels pretty harmless. In the grand scheme of our national
nightmare, Chuck E. Cheese isstruggling in the crisis. According to Business
Insider, would you punch the samecoin slot as a hundred other kids right
now? Charles Entertainment Cheese that's hisreal name, look it up is an

(31:04):
icon for children. The early restaurantswere dark and twisty, like an elementary
school studio fifty four. Fire upa candy cigarette and kick back with munches,
Make Believe Band, Jasper Helen,Henry Munch and Pasqually and the rat,
that glorious rat. But the bestpart was the freedom. Kids could

(31:26):
scamper like squirrels, dashing back tothe table every twenty minutes to slam a
slice and make sure adults still existed. It was a safe way to test
boundaries and go out of your mindon excess. I do not mean to
embarrass my parents, but they tookus to Chuck's Way longer than they should
have. My brother and I practicallyhad four oh one k's. We would
play skiball for hours while they nibbledthe salad bar and had quote conversations.

(31:49):
I get it now. No oneknows what the future holds for places like
Chuck's, these temples of togetherness.So if they want to get a few
bucks from Grubhub, I can deal. Speaking of the delivery, pizza was
wooden and greasy, the boneless wingswere soggy nuggets. The cheese bread came
with ranch to mask it. I'mskeptical of the company line that quote it

(32:12):
is a different pizza that features athicker crust and extra sauce, giving consumers
a more flavorful, more premium pizzaexperience. Unquote. Either way, this
moment offered a brief connection to aneasy memory. Fruit punch, mustaches,
ball pits, running in socks,bottom shelf prizes, other people, cheesy,
terrible, wonderful And once again,that essay is from Stephanie Hayes at

(32:36):
the Tampa Bay Times. I knewChucky Cheese was going to have a problem
when I actually drove by the onein Naples just after the State of Florida
restaurant Scotch closed. When that firsthappened, because there was a handwritten sign

(32:57):
in front of well in the themedian actually across from the Chucky Cheese that
said, uh had their phone numberand said Chucky Cheese, large Pepperoni pizza
and ten wings five ninety nine.I saw that sign and I thought,
yeah, that's overpriced. I guessa little too much for it. Yeah.

(33:20):
Have you ever had Chucky cheese pizzalike in the last decade? No?
I know, your son's kind ofgrown up now, So what's that?
No, I have not. Ihave not, so the girls haven't
had you. No. No,I do think though, Chucky cheese is
one of the best birth controls thatthere is. Oh. Absolutely, do

(33:40):
you want to go there? You'llyou'll wrap that shit up tighter and a
damn us. So did you haveChucky cheese when and in your area when
you were a kid? Me?No? Wow, No, I've to
grow up in the country. Wehad two stop. We didn't have restaurants,
but I mean, did you wasthere one like when you went into
the city, was there one thatit was an hour? It was two

(34:04):
hours to the city? Really?Okay? Well, we didn't have Chucky
Cheese, but we had Showbizz Pizza, which was a similar theme. They
had the Animatronicum animal band that wouldyou know, play cover songs and they
had the arcade and the pizza.The pizza. I mean I had one
of my birthday parties there. Ithink I was like ten or eleven and

(34:28):
I had a birthday party there.I thought the pizza was good, but
I was ten or eleven, soI didn't really know any better. But
yeah, so, um, eventuallyI think Showbiz Pizza and Chuck e Cheese
merged and they got rid of thewhole showbiz brand. But yeah, it

(34:52):
was Did you see a therapist aboutthis? I mean, this is this
a regular topic of your therapy?No? No, I just bottle it
all up, drink a lot.I'm glad. I'm glad you could get
it out. I'm glad you couldget this out, you know, on
the podcast. All right, well, let's move on from your sad pizza
story. Um, it is sadpizza because Chucky Cheese pizza is terrible.

(35:15):
Oh yeah, horrible. It's cardboard. I mean it's just it's yeah,
it's greasy cardboard with fake cheese onit. All right, here we go
into our we're getting sued. Wehave an opinion in our opinion as it
sucks headlines. These are stories fromthe past week where the headline says it's

(35:39):
all not quite enough content to makea full blown story. Well, let
them speak for themselves. First headline, Florida man is accused of shooting his
neighbors chicken with a baby gun.Yep, Sean Ramsey, age thirty seven,
is accused of shooting his neighbors chickenwith a pellet pistol. Did did
he kill it? I didn't readthe story, I just grabbed the headline.

(36:00):
Our next one, Florida man arrestedin Alabama in an suv stolen from
a tender date. This one actuallywas from Pensacola, I believe, and
got a tender He goes on atender date and uh he stole her suv
and got arrested in Alabama. Seethat's that's the They're gonna be able to
track you. Yeah, just likeon the Yeah, I just like this

(36:22):
one. A wanted Florida man wasarrested at for revealing his location on Facebook
Live. I saw that one guns, ammunition, and drugs were found in
his vehicle. He had a lotof shit in his vehicle. He was
wanted for. I don't know whathe wanted, but it's he got on
Facebook live and then Tracey h yeah, h here here in Daytona. Did
you see where where they caught him? He was trying to he was trying

(36:43):
to rent a jet ski. Thatwas like, I don't know, six
blocks from the hotel we stay atand when we go to Datona. Yeah,
this one's here. Just a krssI seventy five Lehigh Acres man was
arrested and accused of using roosters forcock fighting or what else are you gonna
use for cock fighting? I don'tknow. You'd have to ask Nigel in
the cock seat. He'd be theexpert on that. M here we go.

(37:12):
Florida man was indicted on a terrorismcharge after spitting on a police officer
and claimed he had the coronavirus.So I'm gonna I've decided, after going
through all the stories that I waslooking for this week. Next week,
we're gonna have a new segment ofjust Florida men and women who are spitting
on people. There is a lotof them. I guess that's the thing

(37:34):
to do when you don't want toput a mask on, is you spit
on the people who are telling you. So Alison said we should name Alison
said we should name the segment theCorona Crimes. I like it. It's
got a good ring to it.Both start with C. Easy to pronounce
alliteration, yeah, easy to pronounce. Moving on, an unemployed Florida man
says he robbed a store just sohe could feed his family. That's sad.

(37:57):
It is sad, but they stilltook him to jail anyway. Nine
a year old Florida man was arrestedfor the second time in a week after
feeding the homeless. Again. Thiswas actually over somewhere on the East Coast.
They passed a law that you couldneed to hook up with the guy
in the previous story. I knowyou can't. Um, there's a there's
one of these towns has a lawthat you can't feed the homeless. That's

(38:19):
bullshit. And lastly, this onedeserves a little bit more research. I
caught it and didn't have enough timeto read the whole story. However,
she picked the wrong county to messwith, and Orlando woman is charged with
making bomb threats at a Polk Countyat the Polk County jail. Orlando is
close enough to Polk County that GreedyJudd's reputation should have been enough for her

(38:40):
to know not to do that.Yeah, it didn't work out. Well,
did you see the monk shot?No? I didn't see that one
at all. Oh, I sentit in the email. Look at the
email that I sent you with theheadlines that I did. I just copied
and paste the texts without and that'sour headlines for this week. All right?
Are you ready to fill in theblank? Phil? I got it.

(39:02):
I'm on it this time. Justinyou gonna help me, I'll try.
All right, here we go,all right. Florida man hit his
girlfriend in the face when she suggestedthey go to a blank club anaconda no
kidding? Yeah? Um um?Uh speak easy incorrect, said uh when

(39:24):
she suggested they go to a blankclub. Yes, she suggested to a
blank club, and he punched inthe face. A bondage club. Uh
close, I will I'll give youa mulligan on that one. All right?
Can we go swingers them? Thatis the correct word. I was
like, way to go, June. Yes, this strip club, but

(39:45):
that was obvious. Yes, theygo to a swingers club. Yes.
The story comes from the Smoking Gun. After his girlfriend expressed interest in going
to a swingers club, a Floridaman allegedly struck her in the face multiple
time, according to police. Copssay that Zachary Nelson, age thirty two,
and the victim got into a oneam argument last Tuesday in their residence

(40:07):
at the Palm Grove Village Mobile homePark in Penellis Park. Nelson reportedly told
police that the quote physical altercation unquotestemmed from an argument in relation to the
victim expressing interest in going to aswingers club. Now they have So where's
this that? Now? Penellis Park? So the Tampa area, So where

(40:29):
would so where would one go?I mean, where do you where do
you find that in the Yellow pages? Or to for swingers? I'm pretty
sure that I'm pretty sure on thatone. I'm pretty sure that only you
gotta know somebody. You gotta knowsomebody who knows somebody who has a friend
that's heard of it. Now yougot to know somebody who who's already got

(40:51):
got an invitation in there. Mm. So something tells me she already had
an invitation. And that's about Sohe was mad because he wasn't in his
mind, he was not fulfilling herfantasies. He was not scratching the itch,
uh to the way the apparently hethought he was all she needed so
that it sounds like uh. Investigatorsalleged that the two hundred and seventy five

(41:15):
pound Nelson struck his girlfriend of fouryears in the cheek slash chin three or
four times. The victim suffered quoteminor redness on her face unquote, the
cops reported in the arrest Affidat chargedwith misdemeanor domestic battery. Nelson was released
from the county lock up on hisown recognizance. A judge ordered him to

(41:37):
be outfitted with a bracelet that monitorsalcohol consumption. They have those. Uh,
yeah, you want one? No, I bet you could order one
on Amazon. No, No,you want to see how you can get
it. You don't have to doYou don't have to report it to the
you know. No, if youbuy it, it's on your account.

(41:58):
I realized I could do. Youhave their scientific purposes. I can see
that setting on the setting on theseat of the jeep. You know,
as I get pulled over, Igotta bother the blow Here. You got
a damn bracelet. The victim hassought continued contact with Nelson. He is
not barred from returning to the residencethey share. So damn he slapped around

(42:19):
a little, but she uh,she still wanted him back. Unfortunately.
Alright, interns input, she said, but if she liked being slapped around,
she may have been into that.But if she was into it,
then she would well, Like wesaid, it's a swingers club, not
a bondage club. So right,have you ever been to bondage club,
Joel? I have not. Isaw some videos one time, though,

(42:43):
I was gonna say, yeah,there's there's plenty of videos online that I
know, right, I just youknow, that's that doesn't do it for
me. I don't know. Idon't. I don't. I don't necessarily
want to be No, I don't. I don't want to be tied up,
and I don't want to be beator whipped. I don't want to
be beat and I don't want toto to hit some either. That's just
I bruise easily. I don't,you know, It's just that's not a

(43:04):
track I prefer. Well, youknow, I'm the the ampute is really
what gets me going, is it? Yeah, let's let's let's let's limbs
to fend you off with. Sothat it's just they're getting the way,
they're getting the way. Uh huh. All right from this before we get
sued even more. Yes, yeah, Joel is big in the ampute porn.

(43:31):
Alison needs to go away back inthe uh in the archives. I
think like episode five or so itwas, it was pretty early. Yes,
it's a sad fact of reality,Alison. We're not proud of him,
but we still we don't judge.You know, it doesn't hurt anybody.

(43:51):
I know, It's not like I'msmacking people in the face. Some
people like farm animals, some peoplelike amputees. You know. All right?
Uh, story number five do youwant to know elaborate on on?
No likes the farm animals me growup in the country. Had no connection

(44:15):
to that last statement. Oh wow, Bill, that is a bad thing
for you to do. You needto move on to the next story.
I think we broke justin. Yeah, I honestly lost it when you do

(44:35):
when you had your ice cream punsat both times I've heard it. Yeah,
that is our highest rated episode thatWe've had more downloads of that episode
than any other one. I thinkpeople go back and listen to it every
once in a while. Just thatlike episode twenty seven when you made that
freaking move over song. Oh youknow what I've I've got another one too

(44:59):
that I I need to There's somethere's some back backing vocals I need to
RERECORDU. So yeah, coming upsoon. There's there's gonna be another parody
song, another Florida man parody song. So nice, all right, let's

(45:21):
get on the story. Number fivecomes to us from click Orlando dot com.
Florida man kills a pet bird perchedon his sister's shoulder. A pomp
What Florida man kills pet bird perchedon his sister's shoulder? Okay? A
Palm Bay man is facing charges ofattempted murder and felony animal cruelty after he

(45:43):
held a gun to his sister's head, fired shots at her, then killed
a pet bird perched on her shoulder. According to the Bavard County Sheriff's Office,
Wow Thomas Morgan, age fifty seven, was arrested Saturday at a home
on Dear Court after he struck hissister in the face during a verbal argument,
then proceeded to grab a lot ofthat going around this then proceeded to

(46:06):
grab a small pet bird perched onher shoulder, throwing it to the ground
and killing it. A report showso he shot at the sister and then
grabbed the bird of the ground.I guess, yeah, that's what The
bird was smaller than she wasn't hemissed her so because he wouldn't take not
a good shot as his sister.As his sister took the dead bird back

(46:30):
to its cage, why which wasredundant at that point, Morgan morge more
higgle more, he grabbed a firearmand fired rounds at his sister, striking
the floor just behind the area whereshe was standing. A report showed dance.
Morgan then put the barrel of thefire onto his sister's head and told

(46:52):
her he would kill her. Accordingto the deputies, investigators found that Morgan's
sister was eventually able to call forhelp, but after he called to nine
when one was placed, Morgan onceagain shot at his sister, put her
in a headlock, and then heldthe gun to her neck. Still didn't
hit her, though, damn hither, which is good, Let's let's
be honest. So well, no, because what it means is if he

(47:15):
was that he was close enough tograb her and put her in a headlock
and then held hold the gun toher head, that means he was shooting
just to scare her and not warningshots because in the industry, but exactly,
you know you shouldn't be doing thateither. Nope. Morgan was arrested
and taken to the Bavard County Jail, where he's being held on charges of

(47:37):
attempted murder, felony, animal cruelty, faust in prison, in battery with
great bodily horror, along with otherjail record show Morgan was denied bail.
He didn't even charge him with chokingher chicken. Okay, Phil, I'm
messing job. Don't pay enough,Joel? All right. Our final story

(48:12):
comes to us from w ea artvdot com. Florida woman arrested for battery
after grabbing a deputy's genitals. Wewant to end it on a happier note
tonight, Florida woman. Was ita Was it a male genital or a
female genital? Uh? Let's seeoff. Pensacola woman is behind bars for

(48:32):
battery on an officer after a reportsays she grabbed a deputy's genitals to prevent
him from arresting her mail. Theincident happened on October eleventh in the fourteen
thousand block of Canal Drive, Accordingto an Escambia County arrest report, a
deputy saw forty five year old PatriciaLowe exiting the property on Lynn Avenue,

(48:53):
which is in close proximity of theproperty. He was following up on an
investigation through ads. Low resembled thesuspect in the case he was investigating.
The deputy asked her if she wasSandy Door, and Lowe said she was
not, the report states. Thereport says she refused to stop or discussed
the issue with the deputy. Aslow walked away. She was walking on

(49:15):
the right side of Canal Drive withher left shoulder to the road, which
is in violation of Florida state statute. According to the report, so that's
why he detained her is because shewas walking on the wrong side of the
road. Because technically she didn't haveto stop if she was not the person
he was looking for, she didn'thave to stop, wow, But he

(49:37):
detained her because she was walking onthe right side, not the left side.
The deputy asked low to stop atthe intersection of Canal Drive in Winford
Street, but she refused to stayand began to walk away. The report
reveals the deputy gained control of Lowe'sarm and wrist and began escorting her told
toward his patrol vehicle, but shepulled away, the report says. The

(49:58):
report adds the deputy placed Low onthe ground and attempted to place her in
handcuffs. You know all about that, don't you? Other? Uh?
Low then pulled her arms into herstomach area and would not comply with verbal
commands joint mutilation or pressure points.According to the joint mutilation, what is

(50:19):
that a police technique? You mutilate, like you grab the elbow or something?
Oh? Is that where you twistthat? Oh? Okay, I
would I would think that would becalled manipulation, But mutilization, hey,
whatever. The report reveals, whilethe deputy was trying to detain her,
Low grabbed his testicles and began tosqueeze and pull. Oo. Good technique,

(50:42):
but don't do it to a cop. Usually that'll that'll be to your
advantage in a fight. But whenthe cops already got the handcuffs out,
just comply. Low continued to disregardverbal commands from another deputy who arrived on
the scene. According to the report, the first deputy used elbow strikes on
Low, which were not immediately effective. The report states the two deputies were

(51:06):
eventually able to restrain Low in handcuffs. The report adds Low refused to have
EMS on scene, and according tothe Escambia County Jail, log Low is
charged with battery and resisting an officer. She's being held on a ten thousand
dollars bond. That's a bad day. Yeah, you're just walking down the
street on the wrong side, onthe wrong side. That's that, and

(51:28):
that's all they got her for untilshe started hitting the cop. Walking on
the wrong side of the street,Nade, we need to look at I
don't. I thought this was America. I'm still I'm struggling with the walking
on the wrong side of the road. She was walking on the right side
of the road with her left shoulderto the road, which is a violation.
Pedestrian. You're supposed to work onthe left side. You're supposed to

(51:51):
walk against traffic. Oh okay,that way a car doesn't clip you from
behind. Well, you know what, I'm really in enjoying this video thing
because you know how about how rivetingit is to set her and have to
watch Heather eat her spaghettios. Yeah, that's fantastic. I haven't had a
chance to eat, okay, andthen it's like I'm a god. Heather

(52:12):
like join in, don't you know? Zoom and drive. So this is
what you get. She's on aschedule, that's what she's saying. Phil.
But man, I'm on a schedule. I just got back from the
gym, and so we got fairenough Florida, but that's America's wing.
They prefer the Sunshine State. Allright, Well that's the show for this
week. Folks. Please subscribe toFlorida Man wherever you're hearing us right now

(52:34):
or at Florida min podcast dot com, slash subscribe, and please read us
five stars or lee review on Podchaseror Apple podcasts. We'll read your review
on the show and it really helpsus get found by new listeners. Do
what see where it says Phil?Oh, I got it. You're supposed
to read it comes out. Iknow. I'm sorry. I got distracted.

(52:54):
The spaghettios are killing me. Weare at Florida Man Pod on all
the social media thing. He's ouremails Flourida Man Podcast at gmail dot com
and our voicemail is five six sevenfour three two nine six seven four oh
mean twice the Space Coast. Hesend us an email sticker alert posted a
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(53:19):
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(53:43):
to thank our Patreon subscribers personally.They are at the Jacksonville Tier, Cassandra
and Wally at the Tapa Teer,Colin, David, Jason, Julia,
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(54:30):
Wicked Spades. That's you, justinright, yes, sir, all right,
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up to one of our headlines fromlast week, the story about the guy
who claimed he was a rocket scientistand war hero and he got somebody to
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(55:10):
reproduction, and retransmission of Express writtenConcenter Major League Baseball is prohibited,
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a court of law. This podcastwas recorded at Southern Audio Production Studios in
Fort Myers, Florida, and Shelteredin Place Studios in Beneita Springs, Florida,
and mixed in an empty Chucky Cheese'skitchen with Pasqually and as always,

(55:31):
will finish up tonight with the ballotof the Florida Man. Florida Man,
Florida Man. It might be crazy, my bestupid. He's the Florida Man.
He's got his feet in the sinwhile he works on his ten.
He's got an annual pass to diskyLand Drakes his fear from a can.

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Florida Man. Might be crazy,might be stupid. He's a Florida
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(56:16):
He's a Florida Man. Okay,pause though, Okay, so I
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(56:37):
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162 - Wild Dogs, Dead Birds, and Animatronic Rats

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}162 - Wild Dogs, Dead Birds, and Animatronic Rats