The Post-Rehab Surge

Heather and Zoe are back, gabbing away about everything from boxing fight nights (and why they found them weirdly hot) to sex therapy wins, post-rehab overconfidence, and Toronto’s crack-smoking mayor. They cover a lot in this one—addiction, accountability, intimacy in sobriety—and why staying humble matters, even when you’re feeling your post-rehab surge.

You can watch this episode on Youtube here. 

And thank you to @curiouselixirs‬ for the samples! Use code UNDRUNK10 for $10 off your order of $50 or more.

Grab your fav NA beverage and hit subscribe. Episodes every Wednesday. 
Proud of you! 💕

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
This podcast covers sensitive topicsthat may be difficult for some listeners.
Please take care while listening.
Oh, your hair's a little staticky.
Yeah, I'd imagine.
I'd imagine with all thefucking stress going on.
One second.
Everybody.
Everybody.
Hold on.
She just needs to fix her hair.

(00:20):
She was looking a little bit staticky.
Yeah, it wasn't looking good.
I wonder if that's what happensto her when she's stressed.
Her hair just goes, whoosh.
Gets away from her.
And you know, we still love her.
We're not judging anybody here.

(00:54):
I told my boyfriend to putsunscreen on my back last weekend.
Mm-hmm.
And I was like, don't put like too muchon, because you know, like guys like
just lather a bunch of sunscreen on you.
Yeah.
And so he put like the tiniest amount on.
I was like, you gotta putmore than that though.
And then I had, I got burnt last week.
Not that bad, but I could see likelittle streaks of his fingers, like

(01:15):
just trying to barely put it on my God.
Well, I think it was actually cute of himbecause I said, don't put too much on.
Mm-hmm.
So he was like probably stressedand then put like the tiniest amount
on, but that's not what I meant.
Yeah.
So maybe it was just bad communicationon my end, but it was adorable.
And now he knows that like, youneed to put more than like a
teaspoon of sunscreen on my back.
Like crashing on a little bit.

(01:36):
I have a sunburn.
I, um, we went to Zoe's pool this morning.
We did, we went to the pool.
Nice.
But it was hot.
It's like in the middle of all ofthese other hot, hot, shiny buildings.
And that felt, that might have somethingto do with the heat, but also the
UV was just at nine today too high.
I never checked the uv.
Oh, the UV is my stock market.

(01:57):
You know that, you know that TikTokof like No, the girls checking the UV
graph, like how it goes up and down.
Oh.
And there's like.
A TikTok that says like, thisis a girl's stock market.
Oh, I think, and that's truly mine.
I look at it every single day.
I think my natural cyclesis my stock market.
Mm. Like my aura ring.
Yeah, your A ring.
Because I do check that all the time.
Well, that's good thatyou check it every day.
When I was like deep into aneating disorder, my FitnessPal.

(02:19):
Mm. That was my stock market.
Mm. That was crazy.
The FitnessPal, did you ever use that?
I've never used it.
I mean, I look at my steps.
I don't look at my steps often though.
I check them like maybe twice a week.
Um, yeah, it always does makeme feel good when I look.
And I do like more than 10,000 though.
So Do you usually hit 10,000,like the amount that you walk?

(02:40):
I'd say I am usually hitting 10,000.
Yeah.
Wow.
That's great.
Uh, like probably four days out ofthe week I'm hitting more than 10.
That's good.
Yeah.
Are you really hot right now?
No.
Do you need a strip?
No.
I, I, I was gonna wear a tank top,but I was like, I'm so embarrassed.
You're too embarrassed.
Yeah.
I feel like I'm just like, I'm radiating,but I turned the, the, the air is on.

(03:01):
Yeah.
18. We're gonna drink thatwhole water bottle today.
I think you probablyare just dehydrated too.
Yeah.
You weren't drinking alot of water at the pool.
We were drinking a lot ofcurious elixir at the pool and
a lot of ginger ale at the pool.
I just like love to just.
Do nothing at the pool.
Yeah.
Heather is a child at heart.
She really loves the water.

(03:22):
I love to swim.
I love to swim.
I love to go upside down.
She was showing us all her tricks.
She was playing mermaids in the pool.
It was, it's fun.
Yeah, it's nice in there.
I like it in there.
I really do feel lighter.
Yeah.
Well, besides what just happened?
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Hi everyone.
Welcome back to Girl and Drunk.
Hi guys.
We are fresh off our stories.

(03:44):
Yeah.
Our last four episodes.
Yeah.
So we're back.
We're back.
Yeah.
We haven't recorded for what, two weeks?
I think just one.
Just one.
We missed one week last week.
Yeah.
So it's been, yeah.
Two weeks.
Yeah.
Since we've done one.
I feel it.
Yeah.
I really feel it.
Yeah.
I like recording every week.
I do too.
Yeah.
It was nice to have a break.
Yeah.
But I do like when we're inlike the swing of things.

(04:06):
Yeah.
And just like have a schedule.
Yeah.
It feels good.
How are you?
How are you?
I'm actually good.
I was thinking yesterday of themental health check-in, 'cause
the last two mental healthcheck-ins, we were both not great.
Mm-hmm.
I think we gave like fours or fives.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Yeah.
But I'm feeling really good.

(04:27):
I love the summer so much.
Yeah.
I had the best weekend last weekend.
Had the Best morning with you andBest Night with You last night?
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
That was fun.
And yeah, I feel like I'm like an eight.
Oh, that's great.
I feel like there's still some thingsI'm battling with, but honestly
everything has been working outin its own ways and I'm really.

(04:49):
Happy and content with life right now.
That's good.
Anything can come my way andI'll just BBBB, B. Pop it out.
'cause I'm a boxer now, guys.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Yep.
Exactly.
Um, how are you?
I don't know.
I think I'm like, just, I think I,I'm really drained a little bit.
Mm-hmm.
I think my social battery's a bit drained.

(05:09):
Yeah.
It's been a lot for you.
It's been a lot the past.
You've spent basically thepast 24 hours together.
Yeah.
And then before that I was with otherpeople, like it's just too much.
Yeah.
But no, it was good.
It's good the summer.
I like it.
I like to get out there.
I like on the, on my way homefrom brunch, I like ran into a
person I haven't seen in a while.
Mm-hmm.

(05:30):
And then we had like a really manicconversation and then yeah, like went
home like, okay, now we have to go to.
Dinner and boxing.
Zoe and I went to a fight.
We went to fight night last dayday we had Don't Fight Night.
It was so cool.
It was our first time that wewent to something like that.
Mm-hmm.
Like you don't even reallywatch UFC or boxing ever.
No, I don't like, I don't like violence.
I don't like punching.

(05:50):
I don't like being punched in the head.
I don't, when I watch I'll,I feel this way about soccer.
Mm-hmm.
Foot football.
I feel this way that I'm afraidthey're gonna kick a shin and I'm
gonna watch a shin split in half.
Yeah.
And I just am worried about that.
And I don't like to watchpeople get hit in the face.
I feel bad.
Yeah.
I feel sad.
Like it's like very vulnerableto get like, 'cause it hurts

(06:12):
to be punched in the face.
Have you ever gotten punched in the face?
Oh, well Karen and I used tolike punch each other all the
time or like hit each other.
Yeah.
But as like an adult?
No, no, no, no, no.
I definitely have gotten punchedin the face in high school.
I've been like elbowedand kicked in the face.
Yeah.
Like dancing.
But not ever with like.
Like an intent to punch.

(06:33):
Yeah.
Yeah.
You have?
Yeah.
Who's punched you in the facein high school at a party.
I ended up pucking up withthis girl's boyfriend and then
she punched me in the face.
Did you, did you knowthat he was with somebody?
I don't.
I probably, mm-hmm.
To be honest, yeah.
It was high school.
I was blackout Did, I don'tremember like hooking up with him.

(06:57):
I remember like getting punchedin the face and then leaving.
Did you cry?
I didn't punch her back.
I just like, was like, I get it.
Yeah.
I think that's fair.
I think I get it.
That's, but I'll go home now.
If someone punches you inthe face, they're probably
expecting you to punch back.
But also that's the, I don't know.
I feel like if that happened now, thegirl would punch the boy in the face

(07:18):
like, why did the girl have to punch me?
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Like I feel like back like 10plus years ago, the girls were
like always like mad at the girl.
Yeah.
The girls were mad at the girlsalways for hooking up with the boy.
Yeah.
But I feel like now girls aremore like on the girl's side
where it's like, oh, I don't know.
I don't care if you did it.
You're single.
I'm gonna punch my boyfriend'cause what the fuck is he doing?

(07:40):
Yeah.
But you also like, don't owethis like strange girl anything.
And I think it's like womenare such people pleasers.
Mm-hmm.
That I feel like we are like,okay, yeah, you cheated on me, but
like, I still want you to love me.
Love me, so I'm not gonna Yeah.
Especially when you're in high school.
Yeah.
Like that's all you really care about.
Yeah.
Well, but even like watchingVanderpump and the Scandal all mm-hmm.

(08:02):
The girl, I was talking to my sisterabout this the other day, the, when
Rachel hooked up with Tom Sandoval atthe reunion, the, all the girls and
the guys were like screaming at Rachel.
Mm. Because like Rachel.
Yeah.
Why are they taking it out on the girl?
Well, 'cause like Rachel and Arianawere like best friends, quote unquote.
And then Rachel hooked up with washooking up for months with Ariana's

(08:22):
boyfriend, well long term partner.
But it was like.
It was a pile on.
Yeah.
I was like, holy shit.
Yeah.
Okay.
She shouldn't have done that, butlike, but it's more on the guy.
I think so too.
It should be more on theguy because like what?
Yeah, sure.
That's her best friend.
That's shit that she did that.
Yeah.
But again, she was single.
He was the one in the relationship.

(08:43):
Yeah.
He's the one that did more wrong than her.
Yeah.
If we're looking at it that way.
Yeah.
But I, I, yeah, we, we reallydo a thing like women are
villainized much, much more.
Yeah.
Much more in all, in all aspects of life.
And men maybe.
Yeah.
Villainized and also menget away with way more.
Yeah.
Like Allah, Diddy, you know?
Yeah.
Like, it's, it's a really weird thing whenyou put things in perspective like that.

(09:06):
You're like, oh, on a ma on a microlevel, like she's mad at her for sleeping
with her boyfriend on a macro level.
Diddy's done all this shit, andhe gets a, he gets like two years
in prison and you're like, oh,everyone's fighting the wrong thing.
He's so mad.
It makes me mad too.
So our trainer, Rachel, Rachel had a fightlast night and we went, it was amazing.

(09:29):
I didn't realize that.
Well, AI didn't know anythingwhat we were about to see.
We like, I didn't know what wewere gonna walk into either.
Is that where the vintage stuff is?
Yeah, they do markets there.
It was at Parkdale Hall.
Yeah.
Um, it's so nice.
It's like there's just likea big hall and it was set up
like with this big boxing ring.
Yeah.
There was a lot of people there.
There was a lot of people.
I really assumed that it wasall gonna be women fighting.
I, I had no idea.

(09:50):
Same.
And it was like 21 fightsand 20 of them were men.
Yeah.
I think we got there like halfway through.
The fights We got there at eight.
It started at five, which is crazy.
Oh, did to be there all day.
Yeah, it started at five.
Whew.
Um, so yeah, I think we gotin when it was like halftime.
We left at 11.
Yeah, we left at 11.

(10:11):
Yeah.
I think that, yeah.
We must have watchedat least 10 guys fight.
Yeah.
At least.
And some of it at the beginningI was like, this is crazy.
And I'm like covering my eyes.
Yeah.
I really don't wanna watchpeople get punched in the face.
And then you got slowly into it.
Well then I got slowlylike turned on by it.
Yeah.
I was like, this is.
Bit erotic.
And the most erotic part waslike, uh, when they would break.

(10:32):
Yeah.
And the coaches would like just likebe coaching them from the sides.
Yeah.
And I was like, oh my.
It's like the men helping othermen that turn us on, you know?
Yeah.
Like when men are there foreach other and they're like
supportive, supporting each other.
I didn't wanna like be in that situation.
Yeah.
But it was like turning me on to watch it.
Mind you, I don't want that kindof aggression anywhere near me.
So I'm like, please stay with it.

(10:52):
It did make me wannawatch South Paw again.
I really do love that movie.
You wanted something weird?
What?
When I left your housetoday and I got in the Uber.
Yeah.
The guy was very chatty.
Ga Oh was he?
And he was saying how likehe's starting to run again.
I'm like, everybody in my life is running.
What is going on?
And he's like, yeah, I'mtrying to get fit again.
'cause I got a, I got a fight comingup and I was like, interesting.

(11:14):
And I was like, oh, what do you do boxing?
And he was like, Moay Hai.
And I was like, I don'tknow what that is, but Okay.
And he was like telling y'all about it.
And like telling me thetechniques and Yeah.
All of this stuff.
Talking about, did you tellhim that you're a boxer?
Well, I said I, I do boxing in the park.
Yeah.
For recreation.
Yeah.
Um, but he was like telling me all thisstuff and how, like the techniques of
things and how you hit someone in the headand sometimes you come on the, I'm sitting

(11:37):
in this car with this stranger and I waslike, oh my God, you could really kill me.
Yeah.
But I feel that way with anytime I'min a car with a man, I, I do too.
But in this case, I don'thave any way of getting out.
Mm-hmm.
Like other men, if you're justa regular person, there's a
world in which I can fight you.
This person would rip Yeah.

(11:57):
Me in half like that.
So I think for UFC fights,usually they have a Muay Thai
background or a boxing background.
Okay.
Um, and then like you can do both at UFC.
Oh yeah.
So it's UFC is not a. Style.
No.
UFC is everything.
UFC is punching MuayHai kickboxing, I think.

(12:17):
Yeah.
Ki You can also have a kickboxingbackground if you're a UFC fighter.
Oh, I love how we're likea sports podcast now.
Yeah.
Welcome back to the sports podcast.
I know a little bit.
Um, but yeah, you've never watched afight at all, like you didn't really
watch UFC or anything growing up?
No.
I've like been around.
All my friend's husband and hisfriends are watching a fight.

(12:38):
Yeah.
I feel like my brother likesto watch UFC every Saturday.
Mm. Yeah.
And my ex was into it a bit, soyeah, I would pay attention way more.
My dad was just watchinggolf all the time.
Well, did he watch anything else?
Yeah, yeah.
Basketball.
Yeah, soccer.
Yeah.
My grandpa would watch baseball.

(12:59):
My grandpa would watch curling.
Yeah.
I would go up to his room and he wasalways watching curling and I'm like.
Who is this?
This is like the least sport.
No, my dad literally watches everysingle sport, including curling,
including tennis, includinggolf, like literally all of them.
I like watching people watch tennis.
It's so embarrassing.
Yeah, like you reallyjust have to do your eyes.
Do you have the rackets?

(13:20):
I have pickleball rackets.
Right.
That's what it is.
But it was really cool.
Yeah.
And it was really cool to see Rachelfighting after all of these men.
Yeah.
It was so sick.
So Rachel was the main event.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They were the main event.
Two Two women fighting each other.
Yeah.
And it was intense.
There was no blood there, butthere was blood with the men.
Yeah.
Also, I will say few notesthat we pointed out last night.
Yeah.

(13:41):
The men do a lot of hugging.
Yeah.
Which, well, they do like huggingwhile they're like breaking breathing.
Yeah.
They like take a breakand they're hugging.
Yeah.
The women didn't do that.
The women don't need no breaks.
There was zero hugging going on.
Yeah.
Because every time they do the bear hug,then the ref is like strong stall hugging.
Yeah.
You clack.
Clack.
And then they have to take a break andthey breathe and they get water squirted

(14:02):
into their own mouse, which is so hot.
Yeah.
But the girls were like, that's fine.
Yeah.
And then the women, andthen after they fought Yeah.
Our, our coach won, by the way.
Yeah.
Uh, shout out Rachel.
Rachel.
And like I was blushing.
Yeah, I know.
We're in love with our trailer baby.
Yeah.
She was so hot.

(14:22):
She was like running around the placelike, like practicing warming up and
like, uh, her hair looked so hot.
Yeah.
And she's just so pretty perfect skin.
Yeah.
And she could, she just so confidentand she could like, punch me
through a wall, which I do like.
I like that too.
Yeah.
I did like seeing how some of the guyshad the cauliflower ear yesterday.
Like, I don't know why that turns me on.

(14:43):
Is that just from, that's frombeing punch, punch punched.
Yeah.
And you can't really fix that, right?
I don't think so.
You have to get someoneelse's ears Ear donation.
An ear donation.
An ear donation.
I think you can fix ita bit, but not really.
Do you remember that one time they hada mouse grow a human ear on its back

(15:05):
or they took a human ear and put iton the mouses back and fused it and
see if, to see if it could survive?
Absolutely not.
I definitely did not hear that one.
Okay.
That was like, before TikTok existed,it was like rumors and did it work?
It was just like me on Google being like,what's up in the science world today?
I don't really remember.
I didn't follow up.

(15:25):
Um, and then at the end when, whenthey were announcing the winner,
the mc came out and he was just aman and he all, I mean, the whole
time he's announcing the, the malewinners is just like blue but red.
But yeah.
And then with the women, he comesup and he goes, that was hot.
Yeah.
Wasn't that a great job?
Wasn't that hot guys?
Wasn't, wasn't that hot.
I told you guys to stick around.

(15:47):
I was like, why did youjust have to say that?
And ruined the whole thing?
I literally, I was like, that isso misogynist and so belittling.
Yeah.
I'm like, they just beat the fuck out ofeach other literally, and couldn't beat
any of the men that came before them.
Yeah.
And you just like reducethem to being hot.
Hot.
Yeah.

(16:08):
Alice.
It's crazy.
Yeah.
I did not love that.
I didn't love it either.
Rachel clocked it too.
Yeah, we texted her about it.
We texted her.
Um, we said, love that.
Here's the tea.
Yeah, yeah.
Just like get it, get it.
Right.
Like I get it.
He's old.
He fucking probably doesn't know shit.
But, but you had, that's not an excuse.

(16:28):
You had like 20 fights to practice.
Yeah.
And then the last secondyou're like, sexy, sexy girls.
Literally like, you justruined the whole thing.
Why?
This isn't even a vibe.
Why Yeah.
Ruined it for me.
And there was a man that was infront of me and Zoe who kept turning
around to like, well, because Ithink like Heather and I like the
commentary that we were saying.
That whole time was hilarious.

(16:50):
Do you think they could hear us?
I don't know if they could or not.
I'm gonna say they must havelike heard a couple things.
I think that's why they wereturning around because our
commentary was very funny.
That like sexual in nature at times.
Of course.
And like.
But I also feel like we were commenting onthe boxing, on the boxer's bodies, maybe.
Well, and some of youwear your shorts weird.

(17:10):
Yeah, they're too high up.
I had sex therapy.
I went to sex therapy guys.
Yes.
Zoe's godmother.
Yes.
So this was easy for me a little bitbecause A, I talk about sex all the time,
and I really have no qualms with it.
It's not like a nervous thing for me.
B Zoe's Godmother is a sex therapist,and I was, I've been having this issue

(17:31):
with sex where I'm getting reallynauseous and I'm getting anxiety.
And except I did have a panicattack the other night and I
put ice packs under my armpits.
Mm. And it helped a lot.
Was that panic attack one of the ones thathappened when you wake up in the middle
of the night and have a panic attack?
Yes.
But it was like when I went tobed, like it wasn't, you wanna

(17:51):
sleep in the middle of the night.
Yeah.
So it was, you know, whileI was still functioning.
Yeah.
Very strange.
Mm-hmm.
But Karen told me to do that.
My sister with the, wheredid she get that from?
One of her therapists maybe.
TikTok, I think.
Oh yeah.
Love that.
So I tried it and it helped, andthen I had to do it a few more times.
'cause I was just like havingmultiple panic attacks that night.
Yeah.
But so that's good to know mm-hmm.

(18:11):
That I can do that.
'cause I think also my bodythinks that when it's anxious,
it's getting ready to throw up.
Right.
Because that's what I do do.
Yeah.
You try to stop that.
Yeah.
And so maybe I don't need to throw up.
Yeah.
I just need to calm theanxiety a hundred percent.
But it's really hard whenyour body like wants to Yeah.
Like it knows what to do.
It's used to just likegetting really anxious Yeah.

(18:32):
And throwing up because, but now youhave to get anxious and not, and try to
calm yourself down without throwing up.
Kind of like the same way of likegetting nauseous and then drinking.
Mm. You had to stop that.
Yeah.
And now you're havingto deal with it again.
Yeah.
It's, and I, I also wonder too, I'm like,I think about it sometimes, like, I wonder
if sex would be easier if I was drinking.
Not that I'm gonna do that.

(18:53):
Yeah.
But I just am.
I wonder like, would that be.
Would that like bring me down a all Ithink you wouldn't be in your body again.
Like Yeah, but then I probably wouldn't benauseous 'cause I would just be like numb.
Yeah.
'cause you'd just be numb.
Yeah.
And then you wouldn't actually enjoy sex.
Yeah, because like, I don't know,like I guess if you have two to three
drinks you can still enjoy having sex.

(19:14):
But like I don't think I was enjoyinghaving sex when I was like 10 drinks in.
No, I don't think I could feel it really.
And then like I love feelingall these things out.
I was at the nude beach with my boyfriend.
Yeah.
With my shirt off and he was justtouching my nipples and I was
like, this is the best day ever.
It's so cool.
Were there a lot of people there?
There was like a few, yeah.

(19:34):
Was it mostly men?
Mostly men had their Dix.
So was it the gay beach?
It was the gay beach.
Okay.
There was a couplestreet couples around us.
Couple rais.
Couple rais.
Okay.
Yeah.
'cause I feel like it'smostly men over there.
I saw most men's penises.
Yeah.
Not I saw one girl vagina.

(19:55):
Oh.
Did you keep your bottoms on?
I kept my bottoms on at the beach.
It's sandy.
It's sandy, honestly.
Like maybe if I was.
In Sarnia or somewhere like, yeah,more clean than Toronto Island.
Maybe I would take my bottoms off.
Like I didn't go in the water.
Oh, you didn't?
No, absolutely not.
Okay.
Okay.
Do people go in the water?
Yeah.
It's scary.
It's the thing if a fish sws up,a fish swims up inside you in Lake

(20:18):
Ontario, you're absolutely not.
I, it's just, I never, my parents werealways like, don't swim in Lake Ontario.
Don't swim in Lake Ontario.
What's the like growing up?
And I was like, okay,I'm never gonna do that.
And now that I live here,some people swim in the water.
But I'm like, I would never, no,there's dead bodies in there.
I went to sex therapy and Iwas telling Zoe, I'm like,

(20:39):
God, I dunno what I'm gonna do.
Like I just don't feelgood when I'm having sex.
It's just too much.
Well, this has been likeprobably, what, a year?
A half a year at least.
No, last summer, remember?
Yeah.
Last summer it started getting nauseous.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so I just kind ofthought it was a phase.
I thought it was maybe my body catchingup with like sobriety and all that,
but it's just not getting better.
Mm-hmm.

(20:59):
And I'm like panicking even before.
And you're making out.
Yeah.
And like the anticipation ofhaving sex is freaking you out.
'cause like, you know, it's coming.
Yeah.
And I also kind of feel like wehave to have sex every time because
I'm, that's what I'm people do.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And 'cause I can't do it.
Yeah.
I'm like, just gonna keep trying.
Yeah.
But it's like not good for him.

(21:19):
We've gotten into like a weirdconversation about it where he's like, I
feel weird about you stopping and startingand then being anxious and crying and then
throwing up, wanting to have sex again.
And I'm like, fuck, I'm justtrying to figure it out.
Yeah.
So Zoe was like, oh,here, text my godmother.
And so that was really easy.
Yeah.
All that to say like, Ididn't have to go searching.

(21:41):
But yeah, she texted me and thenwithin two weeks we were on a Zoom
talking about sex and it was amazing.
Mm-hmm.
Because she just waslike, hi, how are you?
Tell me what kind of sex you're having.
And I'm like.
Perfect.
Yeah.
Like so immediate, so easy.
Mm-hmm.
Do you talk to her about sex?
Yeah.
Well she's the one that dropped me offat that guy's house in high school.
Mm-hmm.

(22:01):
And she was like, rememberthat blowjob are sex Zoe?
And I was like, good note.
That's a good note.
Walked out of the car andthen gave him a blowjob.
Oh.
And then had sex with him.
You're like, that feltlike the green light.
Yeah.
That felt like, you want me to do this?
Okay.
I like that.
Um, that's a good note too.
'cause I remember like growing upin this like rhetoric around like

(22:23):
L-G-B-T-Q and being like, well, it'snot really sex, like for like women.
Yeah.
It's, it's not sexbecause there's no penis.
And I'm like, is everybody okay?
Yeah.
Like I, as a child, mind you, I waswatching lesbian porn at a very young
age and like, that looks like sex to me.
Yeah.
But I'm like, it's just intimacyand like blow jobs are sex
fingering is sex like, yeah.

(22:45):
You know, it's all sex.
It's all sex.
Sex.
It's all sex.
Some of it feels more vulnerable,some of it is more vulnerable.
Well, it's just like it'spenetration or not penetration.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But it's all sex.
It's all sex.
Um, and in, in that case, but no, like welove sex and we love talking about sex.
And I think like, I do like mygodmother because it is very
like easy and open with her.
And whenever like I do have aproblem, I know I can go to her.

(23:08):
Yeah.
I even talked to her about that thingthat's happening with my family.
Mm-hmm.
And she was very supportive in that andhas my back, which was nice to hear.
Yeah.
She's like, do you wantme to fight anyone?
Yeah.
I feel like the fighting isjust like, I can't not relate
it to the boxing of it all.
I know.
I know.
Just wanna give him a old one too.
Yeah.
I need to give her awhole a 1 2 3 0, 2 1 6 3.

(23:37):
But she was saying like, okay, so thenausea, what it probably is, is I've made
a disassociation between sex and nausea.
So now I believe, and my bodybelieves that it's a person who
gets sick when they have sex.
Mm-hmm.
So that's just like whatmy body wants to do.
Mm-hmm.
And it's like these like triggers,like I start to get really hot and

(23:57):
then I'm like, oh, it's over for me.
Mm-hmm.
She was saying that is like whenyou're dissociating, so like literally
like on that full house episode whereMichelle Tanner falls off the horse
and then Mary Kate and Ashley are bothin the episode for the first time,
and then it's like, she like leavesher body and then it's both of them.
She's like, that's what you're doing.
Right.
And that's actually really nauseating.

(24:19):
'cause it's like taking your brain inyour eyes and it's blurring things.
Right.
I'm like, okay, thatmakes a little more sense.
Interesting.
And I'm doing that as like a traumaresponse or an anxiety response,
like I'm trying to leave my body.
Yeah.
Probably because of all the like.
Shit you have towards sex?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like all the, all the promiscuousand like dangerous sex.

(24:41):
And in terms of like dangerous sex,I mean like not safe for my body.
Yeah.
Not caring about my body.
You weren't doing it for yourself?
No.
You were doing it for the men Yeah.
At that point.
And now that you're, you're doingit for yourself or trying to Yeah.
It's like your body doesn'tknow how to like react to that.
No, because yeah.
It's, it's almost like it's confused asto why I am like so in it or like it.

(25:02):
Mm-hmm.
But like what you were sayingbefore, when it's like with drinking,
you didn't even really feel sex.
Mm. Mm-hmm.
I feel like that's whatmy body's trying to do.
Yeah.
It's go trying to dissociate again.
Yeah.
'cause it's used to that.
Yeah.
But it can't because there's likeno alcohol, but it's like trying.
Mm-hmm.
So what your godmother was saying tome is that I could say what my sex

(25:24):
therapist is saying to me mm-hmm.
Is that I need to keep myself in the room.
Mm-hmm.
So I'm gonna try to stay aspresent as possible and like.
She was like, so a scented candle,like a really strong scented candle.
Something that I like.
She's like, you can puta mint in your mouth.
Mint in his mouth.
Sexy.
Sexy.
Maybe some pop rocks.
She also told me like, there arethings that I can do with, I mean,

(25:48):
all of that was like the scent andall of that stuff, but she's like,
also, she's like, do you like BDSM?
And I was like, listen,this is a new relat.
Yeah.
We're not, you know,stabbing each other yet.
We're not slapping.
And also you don't know ifyou, if you do like that.
I also don't know if I like it.
Yeah.
I don't know what I like.
Yeah.
But I, I do like the scratching.

(26:09):
Mm-hmm.
And I feel like that's helpful.
And then she also said that I need toreaffirm to my body or like reteach
my body that it's safe having sex andthat it's comfy and it's a good thing.
So she's like, we're justgonna start from the beginning.
So she's like, do somemutual masturbation.
Mm-hmm.
So like, lie next toeach other, no touching.
She's like, you can watch porn oryou can just like talk or what, or be

(26:32):
silent or whatever is like, comfortable.
And she's like, just masturbate next toeach other and like, see how that feels.
And it should feel fine.
And then you can like, moveon to like missionary or like.
Other, you know, honestly, masturbatingbeside a partner sounds so hot to me.
Oh my god.
I know.
I haven't, we haven't done it yet'cause he went away, but yeah.
It's so hot to me.
Yeah.

(26:52):
It's all so hot to me.
Yeah.
Everything she was saying, I was like,this is my favorite conversation.
Yeah.
I love it.
I love it.
If you need to go to sex therapy.
Mm-hmm.
You know, it's weird.
I think I don't have any kind of likefear or like around, I mean, I have
a lot of fear around sex, but aboutlike being like, oh, I have an issue.
Yeah.
It doesn't really bother me.

(27:13):
It doesn't bother me either.
But I also think that that's,I think I got more open when I
started listening to call her Daddy.
Honestly.
I was like, oh my God, sex is so fun.
Sure.
Let's all be talking about this.
Yeah.
I also think like going to rehaband admitting to the whole Yeah.
World and God and everyonethat I'm an addict.
Yeah.
It's like nothing's scary.
Nothing is scary.
Yeah.
And people are kind of expecting it fromme now, so it kind of gives me space to

(27:37):
like talk about whatever the fuck I want.
Yeah.
But.
That being said, not everyoneis super open about it, but
yeah, sex therapy is super easy.
Yeah.
Like finding a sex therapist.
I don't know how, I mean, just Google it.
Even if you're having liketrouble with your partner.
Yeah.
And sex.
Yeah.
That's what she like does as well.
Well, she's a psychotherapist.
Yeah.
And I imagine most sextherapists are psychotherapists.

(27:58):
Yeah.
And then branch off into sex therapy.
Yeah.
But yeah, 'cause it's so muchabout the emotional of it all.
Mm-hmm.
And like CBT and I, I think it's areally good thing if you're at like
a. If you're just feeling weird aboutsex, if you're not having great sex,
if you don't wanna be having sex,if there's like tension if you Yeah.
If you don't know to ask.
If you don't know howto ask what you want.
Yeah.
Or if you don't know what you want.

(28:19):
Yeah.
But you wanna be able to findout what you want and ask for it.
Yeah.
I don't know.
There's, if there, yeah.
If you're struggling with like,getting along the road there.
Yeah.
That's definitely an option.
It totally is.
I was thinking that too.
'cause I was like, how?
Or like start talking to one ofyour, your girlfriends about it.
If you're not talking to any of yourfriends about it, like just bring it up.
I know.
I I And if your girlfriend judgesyou for that, then like, fuck her.

(28:42):
But, and try another friend.
I watched a fun documentary, you know,this, um, this, what would you call it?
Umbrella of the train wreck documentaries.
Have you seen this?
No.
It's like the poop cruise.
Oh, the, the Travis Scott one.
Oh, that was on there as well.
Yeah.
So it's like this.
So it's all under the same train wreck.

(29:03):
Okay.
Yeah.
Train wreck.
It's um, it's like just documentaries,like short documentaries.
And I watched the one on our boy Rob Ford.
Mm. And that Okay.
If you don't know, Rob Fordwas our, he was our mayor.
Yeah.
Currently we have his brother.
His brother.
Yeah.
Wait, Doug Ford's the premier.

(29:24):
Olivia Chow is the mayor.
Is she?
Yeah.
Oh.
But Rob, Rob Ford was our mayor ofToronto and um, he is a major drug addict.
Mm-hmm.
He was, you know, there was so muchstuff that came out in the press.
The late night guys took itand really ran with it that he
just was like smoking crack.
There's video footage, picturesof him smoking crack in.

(29:47):
Like he just, and he works in parliament.
Yeah.
Like he's got a big job here in Torontoand he just got caught smoking crack.
Mm. It's a really gooddocumentary actually.
They all are.
Yeah.
So like, if you have arainy day, watch them all.
Yeah.
You didn't watch it right?
I didn't watch it.
So tell me everything.
Okay.
First of all, when did he die?

(30:07):
He died in 2016.
He was caught smoking crack in the hotel.
I remember that.
Yeah.
I remember.
'cause 2016 I think I went to high schoolwas when I was going to high school.
Yeah.
'cause that's when I was going college.
Yeah.
I think like, I remember mygrandma being like, oh my god.
Yeah, because you guys were here.
Yeah.
Like, essentially.
Yeah.
So yeah.
It was so close to the action.

(30:28):
Yeah.
But people loved him.
Okay.
Yeah.
People loved rock.
Did they?
Yes.
Okay.
A lot of people really, really loved him.
He's like in a conservative mm-hmm.
Realm that's different inCanada than in business states.
Yeah.
But yeah.
Um, people really liked him.
So when people talk aboutRob Ford, it's like.
People who know him arelike, he's a great guy.

(30:49):
He's so helpful.
He was helpful in the community.
He was very boots on the ground.
He got stuff done.
It's like he genuinelycared about our city.
Okay.
He did weird shit.
Like also, so did Dougie, but Dougie,like, remember when he was like
shoveling people out of their, like hewas shoveling their cars out of the,
outta their snow banks a few years ago.
I feel like maybe it waslike all over the news.
Yeah.
But it was just like, oh,he's out here helping.

(31:11):
Yeah.
But Rob his brother.
Yeah.
The one who we're talking about,he would do shit like that too.
Okay.
He was like always likeshoveling neighbors.
Mm-hmm.
Uh, sidewalks.
He was, there was, he went into likea, a restaurant once and there was
no delivery guy to bring something tosomeone and he was like, I'll do it.
Yeah.
And he just like delivered their food.
Okay.
And I don't know, it's a little showy.
It's a little, yeah.

(31:31):
We don't know how much of it is set up.
It's a little manic.
Yeah.
But at the same time,people that know him mm-hmm.
Said like, no, he's a great guy.
Okay.
Um, so he loved Doug Fordor we loved Rob Ford.
I don't know.
And then did something like go off.
I did something.
I dunno if Switched loved RobFord to be like, I don't, I wasn't
like into politics at that time.

(31:52):
Yeah.
I wasn't into Toronto politics.
Yeah.
I think he was okay, butlike, don't come at me.
I don't know.
They don't have a great background.
The Fords like, theycome, they're like rural.
They, there was a lot ofalcohol around growing up.
Like, it just feels like thatwas very much in the family.
Got it.
And like as they go on to livetheir lives, like who robbed Ford?

(32:15):
Mary's, like his ex-wife just got a DUI.
Mm-hmm.
Like there's a lot of, there'sa lot of addiction in the fam.
Got it.
Well, they look like addicts, like,just like how, like red their faces are.
Yeah.
It looks like anyone with a redface, you know, they're an addict
or an alcoholic, like, you know.
Yeah.
Especially the men.
They get the like big beer bellyand then just like red, red, red.
Especially if you're a super white person.

(32:36):
I was even like, when I was drinking,my face would always be red and I
would like get like the skincare tocalm my red skin down and like that
doesn't really happen as much anymore.
'cause like I'm sober.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What is the, what is that?
I think it must be like the blood,something about the blood thinning.
I don't know.
Yeah.
I wonder what that is.
Yeah.
But yeah, I was always so hot and red.

(32:56):
But yeah, the, my initial thoughts mm-hmm.
I had an idea about Rob Ford.
I'm like, this fucking crack addict.
Mm-hmm.
Is like in parliament bullshit.
Mm-hmm.
Like, come on.
Mm-hmm.
You can't, you can do drugsall you want, I don't care.
But don't do it at work.
Like, don't do it.
As the mayor of our fucking city,we have enough problems here.

(33:18):
And as I'm watching it, I'm just likefeeling so much weird empathy for him.
Mm-hmm.
And I start thinking, well, because atthe end of the day, he is an addict.
Yeah.
Yeah.
At the end I'm like, let's swflip the script a little bit.
Yeah.
This is just a person mm-hmm.
Who probably has really good friends,really close friends who love him.

(33:41):
Yeah.
And he is addicted to drugs.
Mm-hmm.
That's it.
Yeah.
Unfortunately, he's gotten himselfinto a position of serious power.
Yeah.
And the ego and the like male bravado thatcomes with that didn't help the situation.
Yeah.
However, it's really interesting to meto think about the Rob Ford situation

(34:04):
from an empathy addict perspective.
Mm-hmm.
He had to, there was allegationsthat came out mm-hmm.
About him while he was themayor, that he was smoking crack.
Yeah.
There was a video.
Okay.
Someone had a video, someone textedor emailed the Toronto Star being
like, we have a video we wanna sellit to for a hundred thousand dollars.
They bought it.

(34:24):
Mm-hmm.
I remember that coming out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So that was thrilling.
Yeah.
And then more and more things started tocome out, but before a video actually hit
the press, there was allegations of it.
There was like, yeah.
Rumors about it.
Got it.
There's a video of RobFord addressing the nation.
Mm-hmm.
He's like live on camera.

(34:44):
I don't smoke crack.
I don't smoke crack, andI'm not addicted to crack.
Does he look addicted to crack?
In my video?
He's on crack cocaine.
Yeah.
Okay.
The man just did a line or just did a hit.
He's on drugs and I was thinking,yeah, fucking, of course he is.
Yeah.
Imagine the stress of having toaddress the nation about your

(35:05):
drug problem, and you're alreadya person who can't do anything.
Yeah.
Without drugs.
Yeah.
So now you have to go and lieto everyone in a really big way.
Yeah.
That's the biggest way ever.
It's crazy.
Yeah.
Oh man.
Hiding your addiction.
It's just like, well, like everyonearound him probably knew too.

(35:27):
Yeah.
And then like the shaming guiltthat like, he had to make all of
those people lie about it too.
Yeah.
You know, it just, it's not just him,it's like his whole circle of people are
now caught up in this big lie with him.
Mm-hmm.
Trying to protect Toronto.
Like, and they were, yeah.
So what they eventually did wasthey had like a, a vote within

(35:47):
Parliament, congress, uh, to.
He could stay being the mayor.
Mm-hmm.
But they were gonna take all of themayoral duties off of his plate so
he no longer had power like it wasgiven to his like, deputy mayor.
Why would they keep him then,if that was gonna be the case?
Just for him to like show face Like what?
I, I think for the look Yeah.

(36:07):
Of it.
They were like, we don't, itwould look too bad to like, yeah.
Like, we don't want ourmayor to, I don't know.
He, and he also Did he hadgone to rehab at this point?
No.
Okay.
He also did not want to leave.
Yeah.
He, when the video of him smokingCrack, crack came out so crazy.
It's crazy.
Crazy.
It's like, it's just like these aresupposed to be, and we know that

(36:28):
anyone in government is not the fuckingpillar of our society except a OC.
Mm-hmm.
But these are supposed to be thepillar pillars of our society,
and they are just smoking crack.
Yeah.
And I'm like, homie, you'redoing it in a hotel room also.
Like, you guys have so much money.
Why are you smoking crack?
Like, how did you get yourself here?
This is so.

(36:50):
Deep addiction.
Mm-hmm.
Is what it's, it's what it's like.
He must have been like doing coke forso long that he needed something else.
You know?
Yeah.
Also, it doesn't really matterhow much money you have.
It does, but it doesn't whenyou have a Coke addiction.
'cause that shit goes so fast.
Yeah.
Like the amount of people I knowwho have like, well, just like you
always want the new best thing.
Yeah.
And then like one day he probablydidn't have any cocaine around and
then there was someone smoking crackand he's like, okay, let's try this.

(37:11):
And then that got up.
I think like crack hits faster and harder.
Yeah.
But I think it's shorter lived.
It's shorter.
Yeah.
I think it's only like 30 minutes.
Mm.
Yeah.
And cocaine can last youa little longer than that.
But you also, cocaine, I feellike you kinda keep doing it.
You gotta keep doing it too.
So it's kind of the same.
Yeah.
It's interesting 'cause I waswondering with him, we, I mean

(37:32):
we talk about this all the time.
There's so many public figures whoare on drugs, doing drugs and some of
them handle it and some of them don't.
I mean, we have Justin Bieber right now.
Yeah.
Who's not handling it?
Who's not handling it, and like I'mjust sick of people being like, oh,
what's wrong with Justin Bieber?
Yeah.
What's wrong with Justin Bieber online?
Like showing videos of him.
And it's just like he'sclearly just on drugs.

(37:54):
He's on drugs, he's an addict.
Like someone fucking help him.
Yeah.
And it's like sad to see like thewhole, like all the guy, all the
people who have died of overdoses.
Yeah.
Everyone's always like, oh,what's happening to Mac Miller?
What's happening to this guy?
Why is this guy so miserable?
Why is he acting out like this?
Like, oh, they're addicts guys.
Yeah.
Help them.

(38:15):
Yeah.
Take them to a rehab.
Get them help.
Yeah.
Don't just watch them destroytheir lives and kill themselves.
And that's what I feel like we allwatched Amy Winehouse kill herself.
Like we, man, I lovedthat documentary of Amy.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Watch it.
Yeah, watch that too.
We should watch that.
Yeah, we'll do a review that.
Oh man.
And I just feel like that was so obvious.

(38:36):
Yeah.
What's happening with Justin isso obvious what's been happening
like math Matthew Perry.
Yeah.
When he did the reunion, the friendsreunion, he was slurring his words.
Yeah.
He, he was not there in the eyes.
Yeah.
I did not trust what was going on there.
Mm-hmm.
But we watch it happen.
Yeah.
And I saw a video of Justin, where was he?
Maybe London.
Yeah.
I dunno where they were.
There was just a festival.

(38:56):
Yeah.
And he was like dancing shirt off.
Yeah.
And I was like, you look meth to me.
Yeah.
And I say that respectfully,I'm not trying to be like,
you look whatever, whatever.
But it's like you here with your wife.
Yeah.
And you have friends and youwere like on serious drugs.
Yeah.
And there's so much happening in the mediaright now that I feel like affects him.
Yeah.
A lot.
Did he?
Yeah.

(39:16):
And I'm just like, we've been watchinghim just go say crazy shit about his wife.
Yeah.
On Instagram.
No, that's insane.
Yeah.
It's crazy.
It, I don't it feel, but it feels.
Druggie.
Yeah.
It feels druggy.
Apparently he has like no money right now.
Oh really?
Yeah.
Apparently he's like broke low key.
Well, yeah, I mean, I don't, I don't know.

(39:38):
There's probably just like a lot of stressgoing on for him and like, obviously he's
been drinking and doing drugs forever.
Like he's probably beendabbling with this ship forever.
And right now it just seemslike he's in a really bad spot.
Yeah.
And he's just abusing it more and hecan get whatever he wants whenever he
wants and he can get whatever he wants.
He's Justin Bieber.
He like, I'm sure he's, he'sgoing to do it no matter what.

(40:01):
Yeah.
And even if it's just like Adderallprescribed, which it's not.
Yeah.
Also adderall's meth.
But even if it was just that,it's like no, you're taking more.
Yeah.
Something's not right.
Yeah.
And I, I do worry, I do worry thathe's gonna be the next one Yeah.
To fall out of a window.
Like same it, it happens all the time.
Yeah.
Like you said.
Yeah.
It's just like we're watching them do it.

(40:23):
Yeah.
And we're just likebeing too naive about it.
Yeah.
Like of co Like they're not okay guys.
They're not okay.
And so when I watch this documentary andwhen that comes out, so many people are so
mad, like, and they're making fun of him.
It's all of these things.
And I'm like, yeah.
I mean, it is ridiculous that,I don't know, I'm sick of like,
don't make fun of an addict.

(40:43):
Like that's like a disease guys.
Yeah.
Like, that's like making fun ofsomeone for having cancer, bro.
Like, yeah.
Stop this, stop this.
Shame.
Help them.
Yeah.
I think the plot has kind of been lost.
Yeah.
Um, lost are just like miseducated.
Yeah.
Because now what's happened,he's under like, so much stress.
Mm-hmm.
And people know about it and he mightlose his job and like his whole world is

(41:06):
being rocked by like everyone finding out.
Mm-hmm.
Um, and those are the moments where I'mlike, oh my God, he's gonna kill himself.
Like those are the scarymoments when people get caught,
but then he doubles down.
He doubles down and says,I'm not smoking crack.
He says, I'm not smoking.
Crack crack.
That's crazy.
And he runs for mayoragain and he gets it.

(41:26):
Yes.
That's crazy.
I don't know anything about this shit.
It is.
Here are my two thought processes.
We love a drug addict, mayor.
I love it.
It's chaos.
My two thought processes are empathy.
Empathy.
He's an addict.
Yeah.
He needs help.
And my other processes are.

(41:47):
Get the fuck out of parliament.
Well, my A third is like, whatthe fuck are these like people in
power by his time, like his team?
Well, they're enabling it.
Like they're taking way,they're enabling it.
That's the thing.
That's the people around him areresponsible for him and clearly
they don't give a shit about him.
And that's where I'm like, that those arethe people that can actually help him.

(42:09):
Yeah.
And they're not doing anything.
And that's where I think I have troublewith it, because Yeah, he will never,
he won't admit to it unless some, unlesssome things start going downhill and
he starts losing some things, you know?
Yes.
And he needs to know thathe's fucking shit up.
But if he doesn't realize that.
He's fucking anything up.
Yeah.
He's just gonna keep going withit and act like everything's okay.

(42:31):
And then you have Dougie Ford who'salso enabling his brother by just
acting like nothing's happening.
Kind of comes in, swoopsin, like helps out.
There's everyone around him.
Yeah, yeah.
Is like, oh, there's a problem here.
I mean, but we're gonna avoid it.
You, you know this clip of DougFord, Rob Ford of when he was
like, and God, I can't with him.

(42:52):
And another thing the press saidthat I harassed this woman and I
said I wanted to eat her pussy.
I got enough to eat at home.
The original Donald Trump, it soundslike the original Donald Duck.
It's just like chaos and confusionand I'm like, this is our mayor.
Literally.
It is the responsibility, the, it's weird.
'cause it's like, yeah, addictionis your own responsibility, but it's

(43:12):
also like he's in a position of power,everyone around him for the country's
sake, for like the, the city's sake.
The province.
Yeah.
It's like you can't be in power, youcan't handle your drug addiction and
the responsibility of being mayor.
Well, no, because if, if we didn't loseanything, we wouldn't want to get sober.
Yeah.
You know, like if, if youdidn't gain a hundred pounds,

(43:34):
you know, if you didn't Yeah.
If you didn't have to get, quit yourjob, if your boyfriend didn't break
up with you, if none of those thingshappened, and if you were just like skinny
and perfect and still had a boyfriendand still was working that job, yeah.
You wouldn't have gotten sober.
Would you have?
Probably not.
No.
Well, I say this all the time too.
The skinny thing was huge for me.

(43:54):
Yeah.
If I, I had friends in rehab whothey were at rehab so, so skinny.
Yeah.
Because they don't eat when they drink.
Yeah.
I was like, fuck man.
If I was skinny, if I was drinkingand I wasn't eating, I don't
know if I would've stopped.
I certainly wouldn'thave stopped when I did.
Yeah.
Like I would've kept that going ifyou weren't, if you were skinny.

(44:15):
Yeah.
If I wasn't as big as a house.
'cause that was so unbelievablydepressing and I was like, any bigger,
and I'm gonna be on TLC, they'regonna have to crane me outta here.
Wasn't even that big guysman, though vanity Yeah.
Is real.
It is real.
And it goes both ways too, becauseit's like, I was not, I was so ugly.

(44:36):
Yeah.
You know, relatively inthe, in hindsight, yeah.
In my brain.
Well, like also like yeah.
Our faces were humongous.
Like my face was humongous.
Sure.
I wasn't like that fat.
I wasn't really that fat.
Bits and pieces where I waslike 40 pounds heavier or 30.
Mm-hmm.
But I relatively stayedaround the same weight.
Yeah.
But yeah.
No, my face was fat and red.

(44:59):
Yeah.
Like raw boards.
Yeah.
But vanity is huge.
Like when I, when I startedlosing weight fast Yeah.
After I stopped drinking, Iwas like, oh, this is helpful.
Yeah.
Because I can like seesomething happening quickly.
Yeah.
I, and I know that if I startdrinking, this goes away.
Yeah.
And like, yeah, I have eating disorders,I have all kinds of body issues.

(45:19):
Yeah.
That was kind of helpful for me.
Yeah.
But anyway, um, but yeah, ifhe, if someone took something
away from him, maybe he wouldrecognize that there was a problem.
He did know.
Like he, once he knew, we all knew.
Yeah.
He eventually.

(45:40):
Took accountability eventually.
Yeah.
But, well, yeah, it doesn't,it doesn't happen immediately.
Like I wouldn't get caught andbe like, oh yeah, I do this.
You know?
Same.
Like that's the thing.
That's the thing.
If someone had a video of me likedrinking, and I was pretending
to be sober for a month.
Yeah.
You know, I'd be like, that wasn't me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like you can only, you can only deny,deny, deny until we have a literal video

(46:03):
of your face with a crack pipe in it.
But then you can probably still kindabe like, ah, nah, that's not me.
Well, now you can just say it's ai.
Yeah.
Which is crazy.
True.
Oh my God, she did not have that luxury.
We saw you, babe.
Yeah.
We saw you smoking crackin your button up shirt.
Things should have beentaken away from him.
Yeah.
He should have been fired.

(46:23):
They should have.
Yeah.
And it should have been immediate.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because you're puttingother people in danger.
You're a ser, you're a like what?
A public servant.
Yeah.
You can't be on drugs.
It's, but then look atDonald Trump right now.
Like he sucks too.
We can't get into that.
'cause we can't get that.
We get into that, thenthings are gonna go crazy.
Yeah.

(46:44):
Well that's the other end of the spectrum.
If you've never drank anythingin your life, I don't trust you.
Yeah.
That's not true foreverybody, but whatever.
So then what happened?
Okay, so he went to rehabeventually, so Yeah.
Eventually after all thevideos, all the evidence is out.
Yeah.
He says he, he, you know, headdresses the nation and he does
say like, yo, yo, I fucked up.

(47:07):
I did.
I did.
I do.
I have a, he didn't sayhe has an addiction.
He said, do I have an addiction?
No.
Have I smoked crack before?
Yeah.
Probably in my, in my drunken stupor.
Yeah.
And I, you know what?
I want you guys, I wantthat video to come out.
I want you guys to see the stateI was in because I was probably in
a drunken stupor when I did that.

(47:27):
So he's like half taking account of money.
Yeah.
Like, and I get it.
Yeah.
I get it.
It takes, it takes time.
Yeah.
You know, it wasn't until likeafter, after rehab, I mm-hmm.
I told my sister that Iwas like, also taking Oxy.
Yeah.
Like, it was, you know, you, you tellthe truth and pieces, things come.
Yeah.
Things come out.
Yeah.
And he's in front of everybody,so that's way scarier.
Yeah.
But he, he takes a little bit ofaccountability and then he goes to rehab.

(47:50):
Mm-hmm.
What I know through my rehabpeople is that Doug Ford did
not take it very seriously.
I mean, Rob Ford did nottake it very seriously.
You guys were discussingRob Ford in your rehab.
Yeah.
Because there was like somecounselors who like knew him Yeah.
Had like been through the circuit andalso like, you hear things from like Yeah.
When there's like drama mm-hmm.

(48:12):
At another rehab, you hear about it.
Yeah.
Um, like, well, if they're like closetogether, but apparently he allegedly
was like, well, first of all not soberwhen he showed up to rehab and also was
like having alcohol delivered mm-hmm.
To rehab and then they kicked him out.
Mm-hmm.
That's what I was toldfrom the inner circle.
However, on this documentary, whenhe leaves rehab, he comes back.

(48:35):
And mind you, when he's in rehab,I think this is when like Rob Ford,
Doug Ford comes in, his brothercomes in and like takes the job.
It's so confusing 'causethey both sound the same.
Look Rob.
And they look the the same.
They look the same.
Yeah.
So when Rob Ford comes back,he's like 30 pounds lighter.
His like bodyguard issaying like, he look great.
He's been working out.
Mm-hmm.
He's healthy.
Did he look better?

(48:55):
Yeah.
Yeah, he did.
He actually did look a lot better.
Okay.
And I'm like, well, yeah.
Okay.
So you were in rehab.
Yeah.
And you whatever, lost 30 pounds I guess.
Um.
That's good.
Yeah.
That's really, really good.
Now I am watching this, wanting to judgehim be like, oh, he's not fucking sober.
But I'm like, no, I thinkhe actually might be.
I'm gonna give him thebenefit of the doubt.
He actually might be.

(49:16):
Yeah.
What I think I was watching, I'mgonna just create like a new term.
Mm. I feel like it's the postrehab surge where you come home and
you're like, I know everything now.
Yeah.
I have had revelations mylife is this, this, and this.

(49:36):
Because of that, that and that.
Yeah.
I don't need to drink.
When I do, it reminds me of thislike, yeah, you can't be too
cocky about it when you get out.
You can't be like, I know now everything.
Yeah, I know everything and nothing.
I could never make a mistake again.
Yeah.
And I'm on fire and I'm amazing.
You can't be too cocky coming outta rehab.

(49:57):
You have to stay humblethroughout the whole thing.
Did they tell you that in rehab?
Like humble?
'cause they did.
They told us that.
I don't know.
I feel like I just made thatup because I am amazing.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
But, but they did tell us that.
I feel like it's just like, I alwaysjust took so much time with everything
that I did and I didn't like Yeah.
Overcompensate or like do like,that's just like, not in my nature.

(50:19):
I feel Well that's the thing, right?
Yeah.
Like going to rehab and thencoming right back into your job.
But someone's, yeah.
Someone who's a mayor of a city, likeof course they're gonna act like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And they like, they also, there is athing with these political leaders,
public figures, there is an ego.
Mm-hmm.
That comes with it.
Yeah.
For sure.
And I, and I think that, andwe see it in Jax Taylor too.

(50:41):
Yeah.
Jax Taylor went to rehab and then camehome from rehab and I don't think he
went, but he's still sober though too, eh?
No.
What?
Oh, he is not, he's, oh, not, okay.
Look at his eyes.
That guy is never been sober.
Okay.
That person is wackadoo, but heleft rehab and then he went to a
party and he like wasn't drinking.
And he's like, mm-hmm.

(51:01):
Yeah.
Well I don't wanna drink.
Drinking isn't my problem,anger's my problem.
That's what Rob or Jack said.
That's what Jack said.
Said, but it's this like ideathat you leave rehab with this
like new knowledge of sobriety.
Yeah.
And you just think you'resmarter than, than everybody.
You're not, you're not, you're notsmarter just because you went to rehab.
You're at the very beginning and you'reat the very beginning, like maybe Yes.

(51:24):
If you're 20 years sober, I willlisten to, to what you have to say
when you're not even a year sober,even when you're four years sober.
Yeah.
I'm probably not gonna listento a thing you fucking say.
Yeah.
Like if you're having allthese new pro new Yeah.
Profound perspectives, you know,and that's what I, it takes time.
I need to learn to trust you.
Yeah.
And that's why I like our mental healthcheck-in, because it's like if I ask

(51:47):
anybody, but especially an addict thatI know, if I ask you How you doing?
Yeah.
And you say, I'm great.
Yeah.
And that's it.
Oh, I don't believe you.
Yeah.
You're a liar.
What's actually happening.
Yeah.
And if you are great, sure.
But what else is going on?
Yeah.
Because I don't trust that also,none of us are great, great, great.
Yeah.
Like you're great.
But there's, there's still some things.

(52:07):
There's gonna be things like, and I, Ifeel like when I watched him do it, it
almost felt like when, in Grey's Anatomy,when Mick Steamy was in the plane crash
and he was fine, and then they broughthim back to the hospital and he was like.
He was gonna die.
But then one day he was like up and hewas having this thing called the surge.

(52:28):
Yeah.
And he was talking andlaughing and before they die.
Yeah.
And that happens against a lot of people.
And is that what happened to Rob?
That's No, but that's whatI feel like it is, is yeah.
After rehab, it's that sameidea of like, I feel great.
I'm having all of theselike good feelings.
Yeah.
My like hormones have leveled out.
I know everything.

(52:49):
And I'm in charge obviously too, likeafter rehab, like you are on a high.
Yeah.
Like you, you do feel amazing,but you are not ready to go back
to being the mayor of a big city.
Yeah.
Like you do get a high after you leaverehab, but that doesn't mean that
you should be giving out like mm-hmm.
Amazing advice to everybody and yeah.
Thinking that you are now God, likeno, you have to stay humble and

(53:11):
like respect people's boundaries andknow that you don't know everything.
Yeah.
Like there's people out there thathave so much more sobriety than
you and you should be asking them.
You shouldn't be thinking that you're.
Better than everybody elsenow that you are out of rehab
and have one month sobriety.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They were like, you have to stay humble.
You have to understand like youguys are just fresh outta rehab.

(53:32):
Yeah.
Like you just learned the tools.
Mm-hmm.
But now you're gonna walk outside andyou're gonna be hit with all the triggers.
Yeah.
And you're not, you're not cured.
And I was very aware of that.
Yeah.
I felt like very scared Yeah.
To leave.
But this, and maybe it's overcompensating.
Yeah.
Maybe you're like, ohno, everything's fine.
I'm good.
I learned a lot.
Yeah.
You know what?
It's over.
You don't wanna think about likehow you're actually feeling.

(53:54):
Yeah.
So you're just pretendinglike everything's okay.
But when I watched him, Iwas like, no, no, no, no.
This boy is not ready.
He is new, fresh baby outta rehab.
He is in no way readyto get back to his job.
Mm-hmm.
This is insane.
Yeah.
But he did.
Mm-hmm.
And then a few months later,he got cancer and he had like

(54:16):
two months and then he died.
Well that's why I said it's kindof is like the surge because
like he did end up dying.
Yeah, yeah.
So it's a little bit eerie.
Yeah.
But listen, we can't, we can't say whetheror not that's alcohol slash drug related.
Yeah.
But we can surmise.
We can assume one'slifestyle has to do with it.
And did he die sober?

(54:36):
Yeah.
Do we know?
Apparently.
Apparently.
Yeah.
That's great.
Yeah.
Good for you Rob.
Yeah, I'm glad that he died sober.
If he did die sober, obviously him too.
Like that sucks to get, that would suck.
To get sober and to like, I don'tknow if he was like doing good
with his sobriety or anything.
Yeah.
But that would be awfulthen to just, I dunno.

(55:00):
I mean if get an illness and dieif scare tactics work for you.
Yeah.
Don't fucking do drugs and alcoholbecause it will ruin your life.
It will, it will ruin your body.
It's, it's gonna take you, it will.
It's just slowly killing you.
It is just one glass of wine is poison.
Mm-hmm.
That is true.
It is.
That is true.

(55:20):
And not to be prohibitionist about it.
Yeah.
But it's true.
It's true.
And no one's telling you that.
Mm-hmm.
And I really do like thisconversation about like everyone
around him enabling him.
Yeah.
Because we as addicts knowthat you're not ready to go and
get clean until you are ready.
Well, I talk about this like, Ithink a lot of my friends didn't cut

(55:41):
me out of their lives because theyliked having me there because they.
Could Dr. Drink and feel good aboutthemselves still, because at least they
were not getting as drunk as I was.
You were the worst.
I was the worst.
So it made everyone around me feellike good about their drinking.
Yeah.
Because at least like they weren't asfucked up as Zoe over there, you know?

(56:03):
Yeah.
I think that's a lot.
Uh, I don't know per se.
Like, I'm not saying that isa bad thing for my friends.
I'm just saying that, that I've thoughtabout that recently, that maybe that's
a reason why I didn't have as manylike friend breakups as some people.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Obviously I'm, I'm also just like agood person at the end of the day, and
I think, like my friends did know thatI was trying to control my drinking or

(56:28):
be a good person at the end of the day.
Yeah.
Um, but you never know.
Like, it could have taken one moremonth and all your friends would've
been like, honestly, fuck this.
Truly, I think it was.
Yeah.
Because I didn't.
I didn't meet them for a hangout likea week before I went to rehab because I
couldn't, I couldn't go to the subway.
I didn't know how to do anything.
Yeah.
Oh, the subway.
Oh, the subway.

(56:49):
Not to say that myfriends were enabling me.
That's a bit of a different situation.
Yeah.
'cause you're all drinking.
Yeah.
You're not doing a job that'shurting somebody or that you
could be hurting somebody.
You're all kind of doing the same thing.
You're just a little crazier.
Yeah.
And everyone is enabling everybody.

(57:10):
Yeah.
Right.
Like your presence.
Yeah.
Was enabling other people to drink more.
Yeah.
That's not.
Actively your fault.
Yeah.
In the same way that I don't thinkit was actively, I mean, I don't
know, but actively their faultthat you were drinking so much.
No.
Either way, I was gonnabe drinking that much.
Yeah.
But I think that now that I'm notdrinking around my friends, there's
other people now that are the worst.

(57:32):
Yeah.
You know, and that's just showing otherthings that maybe my friends didn't see
before in themselves or in each other.
Yeah.
It is really hard when he, you'redoing something because someone else is
doing it, and then they decide to notdo it anymore and you're like, fuck.
Mm-hmm.
I, I guess I just wanted to bring up thisone point that when these videos came

(57:52):
out, mm of, of Robbie smoking crack, hewas being harassed at work and at home.
Like they were on his front lawn,all these reporters and everything.
And I was just thinking like.
What if you're a person who has a secretaddiction, a secret crack addiction, and
you're like, family doesn't even know.

(58:12):
Mm-hmm.
And then all of a sudden everybody knows.
And it's not even just embarrassingfor like you, and you have to
admit it to your family now.
Like everybody knows and you arenow having to control everyone's Mm.
Thoughts and feelings and what they know.
Like you're gonna haveto mediate all of that.
Yeah.
I can't even think about that.
No, it's actually so much.

(58:33):
I would just quit.
Yeah.
The fact that he didn'tquit is shocking to me.
Yeah.
It might have been like everyonein his power, like everyone around
him, didn't want him to quit,which is like, what the fuck, guys?
I also wonder how many peoplearound him are also smoking crack.
That's another thing.
Right?
That's another thing.
You're a product of your environmentin ways and who's around you.
Yeah.
You can't stop anyone.

(58:54):
I mean, you really can't, butwhat you can do is what you said
is take their fucking power away.
Yeah.
Take their power away.
He's not allowed to havethis job, and yet it sucks.
Having an addiction is having a disease.
But the consequence of it is that youdon't get to have your job right now.
Yeah, exactly.
Until you get clean.
Yeah.
Just like cancer patients can'treally do anything because

(59:16):
they're doing radiation and Yeah.
Have to lay down all day, you know?
Yeah.
It's really, oh, it's really frustrating.
I, um, I also find, I find it confusing,and I also think there's a relation
between the forwards, like they're.
Their, like inabilityto take accountability.
Their, this bravado, this ego, becauseDoug Ford is the one, he's the premier

(59:43):
and he's the one that's shuttingdown all the safe injection sites.
Mm-hmm.
Which is where Rob, yeah.
It's where people go,go to do drugs safely.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's a place where you can go andsit down and if your drugs are bad,
they'll know in 15 minutes when youoverdose and they'll give you Narcan.
Mm-hmm.
And then you go on your merry way.

(01:00:04):
Like he's shutting these placesdown and it, it, now watching this
documentary and seeing like howmuch cover up there is, how much
enablement and how much, like, just,just blurring of it all I'm thinking.
Are you so embarrassed and ashamed, andwhen you like, think about safe injection

(01:00:24):
sites, you just of think about yourfamily and you just can't handle it.
That's like so sad too, because you shouldremember him as being like, at least
like he tried to get sober, I guess.
Like Yeah.
You can't think of him as an addict.
Yeah.
Or like, I, that's really sadif he does, because that Yeah.
That's just like a reallyshitty outlook to have.
Yeah.

(01:00:45):
And I don't actually know if, ifhe, I mean, in the documentary it
didn't say anything blasphemous abouthim in terms of like, you know, he
ever did anything racist or mm-hmm.
Homophobic or sexist.
Yeah.
It didn't say any of that.
Um, but what was kind of nice, and Ionly, I only say that to preface like,
yeah, if he has, like, if he has, wedon't, I don't, we don't support, I don't
love the, we don't love this person.

(01:01:05):
We just are from an addict perspective.
From an addict perspective, likeI'm sure Rob Ford wasn't a great.
Person, but he's at the endof the addict and people can
still help him and treat that.
Yeah.
He's like doing somethinghe can't stop doing.
Yeah.
Like he has an addiction, he cannotstop doing it and he has to do his job.

(01:01:25):
And he's like, how am I gonna figureout how to do drugs and my job?
I'm not gonna stop doing drugs.
Yeah.
So I have to figure out how to do my job.
Both.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Both.
And you can't, what I did like isat the end of the documentary, and
that's why I brought up all like the,we don't really know him, but mm-hmm.
Um, at the end they weretalking about his legacy.
Mm. And yeah, there's all this bullshit,but they were going like, okay, if you

(01:01:50):
could describe him in one word, and it waslike, kind, helpful, a go-getter, um, you
know, someone was like, outrageous or likewould just kind of say what's on his mind.
It was like positive thingsand that made me feel very sad.
Yeah.

(01:02:11):
And I was like, yeah, he's a human.
Yeah, he was a little boy at one time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And whatever got him here.
I mean, you should nothave been in parliament.
Yeah.
But whatever got you here, it's just like,that must have been so hard and stressful.
Yeah.
And trying to hide thataddiction from everybody, God.
And then to get sober and then to die.
It's just, it feels so sad.

(01:02:33):
Yeah, it does.
It's a really good documentary.
Yeah.
And I think that weshould, we should watch it.
Well, you also watched theTravis Scott one, you said.
I watched the Travis Scottone and I was not happy.
Not happy.
And I think it's like noone takes accountability.
Yeah.
Is what it is.
Bingo.
I feel like, yeah, I, I feel like womendo actually, I feel like women do.

(01:02:54):
I feel like I don't have a choicebut to take, like, I literally
like accidentally used a tonewith you and felt so fucking bad.
I was like, I need to make surethat you're okay, because I
never want you to feel like that.
But I also think that that'sus being addicts too, though.
Yeah.
I think it's like we.
Know that we have to like make sure thatwe don't do anything that we regret.

(01:03:14):
Yeah.
Because we will sit on that and likethink about that all night later.
Yeah.
So it's better to just apologize.
Yeah.
And to take accountability than to justthink about it while we're up at night
and three in the morning, you know?
That's true.
And then we grow resentmentsand then we drink.
Yeah.
So I think as addicts we know that wehave to take accountability right away and
be honest and just say it in the moment.

(01:03:34):
Yeah.
But they don't want to, they don't Yeah.
Want to admit that they're wrong becausethey can't because of their fucking egos.
Yeah.
And I think that is likehuge in sobriety too.
Yeah.
And just to be a little binary about it.
Yeah.
It does feel from experience thatwomen, we do sobriety in a little
bit of a more emotional way.
Yeah.

(01:03:55):
'cause we're also born and bredto be a little more emotional.
Yeah.
We're, we have access to talkingto our girlfriends like this.
Yeah.
We are allowed to be alittle more vulnerable.
Yeah.
Where the men don't necessarily have that.
So I think it's almost.
They wanna be on off.
Yeah.
I was drinking, now I'm not drinking.
Yeah.
I was smoking crack and nowI'm not and everything's good.

(01:04:17):
We know that's not true.
Yeah.
I wake up every day beinglike, how am I, yeah.
Like, I'm an addict.
Yeah.
I'm just, and then we're gonna havea great day, you know, let's do this.
It's, let's take on this day.
And I have male friends who areaddicts who I worry about them because
they'll say things to me like, oh,I'll, I'm never gonna drink again.
Yeah.
I know.
I'll never drink again.
Yeah.
You know what, if I had, if Ihad a bender this weekend, yeah.

(01:04:39):
I'd be fine.
I'm like, I don't evenwanna hear that from you.
Yeah.
Because that's not true.
I don't feel like that.
Mm-hmm.
I don't even wanna like,say that to myself.
Yeah.
It's not an option.
No.
And I, I, I think that moving forward inlike addiction and mental health and men,
it's like we really gotta start fosteringthese like, vulnerable conversations.

(01:05:00):
Yeah.
And that's why like.
Meetings are great for men tolike open up and like actually
talk about their feelings.
Like when I'm in a meeting and aman's talking about like how he's
feeling, I'm like, okay, perfect.
I love that.
Yeah.
Amazing.
Mm-hmm.
Good for you.
Let's do this more.
You know, it is really nice to see that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's a great outlet.
Um, well, I mean, like Dak,she had Brad Pitt on his Yes.

(01:05:23):
Podcast and Brad Pitt's an addict.
Yes.
He didn't talk about as muchas I would've wanted him to.
No.
But like he definitely has never done along form conversation like that, ever.
No.
That clear ever.
And he.
I don't know.
He just seems like a little shy boy.
He, which is like, kind of really cute.
I wanna like get into himand open him up and fuck him.

(01:05:44):
Yeah.
Fuck.
He's hot.
Put my face on it.
It was really nice though to like,hear him and, and I did like that
he was a little shy about it.
Yeah.
And he said that too.
He is like going into the meetings.
Yeah.
Because I feel like you.
Like the way that you talk about meetings,you're like, just go to meetings.
Like, yeah, not to me, but like to otherpeople you're like, you just gotta go.
It's good.
Yeah.
And I think that that's supernerve wracking for some people.

(01:06:04):
Yeah.
And I imagine for the men it'seven worse because it's like, for
sure I have to like meet othermen and admit I have the problem.
I guess.
I don't know where they land.
It's just like I was neverscared of it because I was going
there originally for a boy Yeah.
That I liked.
So I never like got to be scared of it.
I was always like, okay, thisis what me and my boy are doing.

(01:06:27):
So maybe if you're a man andyou're an addict, find a man
that you have a crush on.
Yes.
Who's also an addict who can bring you tothe meeting, confess that you are a little
bit bi to yourself, and then find a manand hold hands with him at the meeting.
And that just brings us us to our overalltheme of the podcast, that if you want
to be an evolved man, kiss another man.
Kiss another man.

(01:06:48):
Right on the mouth.
Yeah.
It was pride last weekend.
It was pride last weekend.
And all I want is for my boyfriendto kiss another man on the mouth.
Well, I think our boyfriends will kiss.
Yeah, I know.
I'm excited.
I'm excited.
Um, it was Pride last weekend.
I went to Electric Island with Matt boy.
Yeah.
And you guys are cute.
Was really fun.
Your outfits.

(01:07:09):
Thank you.
These are little bunnies.
And yeah, his friend got us like guestlist, which got us free tickets for VIP.
Mm-hmm.
Which was really cool.
I guess his friend works forLive Nation so he can just
get whoever he wants on Jay-Z.
Yeah.
I have no idea.
I have no idea.
I just was like along for the ride.
Yeah.
Um, but I got to meet his friend,which was really cool because.

(01:07:32):
You could tell, like he, hegoes to these things often.
He goes to like every electric islandthat happens in the city, it happens every
long weekend in Toronto during the summer.
Oh.
So you can tell, like hegoes to these things often.
He likes it, but he does likedrugs and drinks at everyone.
So it's kind of like refreshingfor him to see us to sober people.

(01:07:52):
Mm-hmm.
Like at this rave together.
Yeah.
Um, and like probably kissing and liketouching and having fun and dancing
and generally having a good time.
You know, like he was really.
He said that he was really proud of usand happy that we were there because
Yeah, he went home early that night.
He didn't really get that fucked up.

(01:08:13):
He, I think he left early the nightbefore, like the next night too.
And he was just like looking at hisdrinking a little bit better and
he was like, it's just hard to, Idon't want to drink every mm-hmm.
Event.
I don't want to do drugs at every event.
Yeah.
But all the people that arehere at this event with me
are drinking and doing drugs.
So having you two here is helpfulthat I don't need to do that.

(01:08:34):
Yeah.
Around you.
It kind of reminds me of the factthat I thought that my parents
hated seeing me in the city becauseI, they don't drink around me.
And I thought that that made them likesad that they can't drink around me.
Yeah.
Like it's like a burdenthat you're not drinking.
Exactly.
But he, my dad actually waslike, no, it's actually.
I love that we don'thave to drink around you.

(01:08:57):
Mm-hmm.
Because it's refreshing and I don'tfeel like I have to drink with you
when my dad's out with his friendsor with other family members,
he feels like he has to drink.
Yeah.
Because everyone is drinking.
He doesn't feel thatway when he's around me.
And he said it's nice.
Yeah.
And I just love to be someone,like a sober person to look up to.
I really do.
It's, yeah.

(01:09:17):
All these interactions that I'vebeen having in the past week has just
shown me that I value my sobrietyso much and I just am here to now
help other people along the way.
And yeah, shit's sofucking hard sometimes.
But yeah, it's really beautiful.
I really love that he said that to us.
You're doing a great job.
I like heard snippets of like aconversation you were having today

(01:09:39):
with someone who was like, needed some.
Guidance.
Guidance.
And I was like, fuck yeah, Zoe.
Like, that's what I would've needed.
Yeah.
Like, I don't know if I would'veasked for it, but even, yeah.
Yeah.
Like, well, I've been just tellingthis girl that's trying to get sober.
Like, just keep us, keep callingme when you are feeling sad.
Please don't do anythinguntil you call me.
If you still wanna do, if you still wannadrink or do drugs after you call me, fine.

(01:10:03):
Yeah.
But maybe call me first.
Well, we were talking about thistoday too, while we were getting
sunburned that there is somethingabout putting it out into the universe.
Yeah.
You're like saying little things.
Like, I was texting my friendPaige, like, I need to go to
rehab and then deleting it.
But she didn't have theupdate so she saw the text.
Yeah.
And like I was saying, little thingshere and there, like, I think I need
to go, or I think something's wrong.

(01:10:25):
And you're like, you'reamping yourself up.
Yeah.
So like those people that are coming inand out being like, I wanna get sober.
Yeah.
It's, it's just like sayingit's, it's just like a sign that.
They want to and they kind oflike are acknowledge and they're
looking at their drinking.
Yeah.
Is what it is.
And they're acknow.
Yeah.
They're preparing themselves.
Yeah.
Because you're gonnahave to go and get sober.
Yeah.

(01:10:45):
That's cool.
Okay.
Well 30-year-old Heather signing off.
Oh my God.
Next time you see me, I'll be 31.
31 and thriving 31.
It's just another year.
And like we are so fortunate tobe getting older and to be on this
life and not be dead in a ditch.
Oh my God.
Or are you like dead in your piss?

(01:11:06):
Like, you know my throw up on parent?
Yeah.
You know, my decomposing giantbody just fusing to the sofa.
Horrible.
I'm so happy that you're turning31 and that you're here and that
you're alive and that you're sober.
Oh my God.
And that you're my best friend.
Oh, I'm so, even though I used a tonewith you before, even though you used a
tone with you, are we okay more than Okay.

(01:11:28):
Okay.
I'm glad everyone was here to know that.
'cause I was very nervous.
Don't let me use a tone with you.
Okay.
I'll call you out next time.
Now that I feel like I caughtmyself immediately though.
Yeah, you did.
Love you.
Love you.
See you.
Uh, see you.
See you next time.
See you Wednesday.
See you.
When do I see you?
You will see me on Wednesday.
What's Wednesday?
Boxing and dinner.
Boxing and dinner.

(01:11:48):
Oh, it's my birthday.
Yeah.
Proud of you babe.
Perfect.
Proud of you.
Love you.
Goodbye.
Thanks for listening to Girl Un Drunk.
You can follow us on Instagram and TikTokat Girl Un Drunk podcast and or send

(01:12:10):
me an email at [e-mail].
What happened the last 10 minutesof that was fucking chaotic.
I love it.
It's kind of funny.
I love it.