March 12, 2025 • 55 mins
Ever feel like your clutter is holding you back? Turns out, it probably is. In this episode, I sit down with decluttering and organizing coach Amelia Shoptaugh (aka the badass behind Fuck The Perfect Life) to talk about how the state of your space directly impacts your ability to focus, stay motivated, and achieve your goals.
We dive into why decluttering is so much deeper than just tidying up—it’s about mental clarity, energy management, and removing subconscious roadblocks that keep you stuck. Whether you're drowning in laundry, overwhelmed by dishes, or constantly losing your keys (been there), Amelia shares a fresh perspective that makes organizing feel good instead of like another chore on your to-do list.
If you've ever thought, I’ll get my life together once my space is in order, this episode is your permission slip to start now—without the guilt, perfectionism, or Pinterest-worthy expectations.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
- The unexpected link between clutter and mental health
- How a messy space can drain your energy and decision-making power
- Simple, realistic decluttering strategies (no, you don’t have to go full minimalist)
- Why traditional organizing advice doesn’t work for everyone—and what to do instead
- The power of "functional organization" (spoiler: it’s all about what works for you)
- How to declutter in a way that actually sticks so you don’t rebound into chaos
Stay Connected with Amelia:
- Follow her on instagram @fucktheperfectlife
- Work with Amelia [click here]
Ready to find out which Goal Slayer Archetype you are? [CLICK HERE] to take the quiz, and start slaying your goals with a whole new level of clarity and confidence!
If you enjoyed this week’s episode, I’d so appreciate you doing a few things for me:
- Please subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen
- Rate and review the podcast on Apple podcasts
- Tag me @thebeamlife on your IG stories and I’ll be sure to share your post!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Hey girl, welcome to Goal Slayer.
I'm so excited to have you.
I'm so excited to be here!
So this has been a long time coming.
mean, how many times now?
Bless people like Amelia, you guys, because she truly practices the art of which she does,which is immense patience and allowing us just to be messy humans, because you really do
(00:27):
help messy humans.
so, life has been a bit chaotic.
we've shifted this around a number of times.
I just feel like, you know what?
just sharing with Amelia, we're going to record and get this out because we are in theenergy of this eclipse season, which is all about like clearing energy and decluttering.
(00:48):
And that's literally your magic sauce.
So tell tell us like, what is it you actually do?
Because I know everyone thinks decluttering and I know my mind goes like Marie Kondo.
So like, how, how is it so much more than that?
And like,
Who are you?
(01:08):
Give us the rundown here.
absolutely.
Yes, so I mean, thinking of Marie Kondo isn't wrong.
But that's just one way of approaching it.
So yes, I am a declutter and organizing coach.
And what that means is that I help people figure out like how to organize their stuff.
(01:37):
in ways that work the best for them.
So sometimes it's using tips that I've learned from maybe Marie Kondo or the home edit orthis person or that person or the other.
And maybe it's like totally new.
I saw on Instagram earlier, this is an old post, but I saw it linked to it where KristenBell has a coffee bar in her bathroom.
(02:04):
And I'm like, that's awesome.
If that works for her, like, if that's what is gonna help her, cool, I don't care.
Yeah, right?
So, yeah, I am all about helping you figure out ways to organize your stuff so that itmakes sense to you, so that it's functional to you, so that you're not spending all this
(02:27):
time looking for stuff or, you know, don't remember what you own or, you know, it's moreabout
being intentional.
And if you want to be minimalist, if you want to be maximalist, I don't, I don't care.
It's just, it needs to function for you.
Yeah.
(02:48):
and I don't know.
I mean, if I judged people on their, their homes, I wouldn't have a business, right?
Like nobody would let me come in if I just came in and like told them their, their shitwas messy.
So.
I love it.
I love it.
so yeah, that's what I do.
(03:09):
Because okay, so like, my mess sometimes like, one of my biggest struggles is dishes.
And I've talked about it on social media.
I've talked about it, like, even with like dishes and laundry, those two things, like,they literally kill my soul.
And I realized, you know, it's funny, I was just telling you how I'm like working fromhome because of computer and all of these things.
(03:34):
And I'm not used to
broadcasting here and it's like before even working from here, I had to completely changemy space because it's so it acts my ability to focus.
Do you feel like that's the case for most people or is it just because I'm neurodivergentand I have shiny
(03:54):
I I do think that there is a little bit to be said about being neurodivergent, that themore stuff in your periphery, the more distracted you can easily become.
But I do think it is pretty much across the board that our physical environments totallyimpact our mental space.
(04:16):
So if our environments are super cluttered, our brains are cluttered and usually viceversa.
there's a very big connection between the two.
And I think, you know, part of it is that when you're stressed, you don't maybe have theenergy or the executive function to like clean up, tidy up.
(04:40):
But I think it's also like, like it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, you know, it's like a,that when your space is all messy, you don't feel calm, you don't feel peace, you just
feel.
frazzled and everywhere you look there's another task essentially.
It's like having a physical to-do list looking around.
(05:03):
which actually like, you set a really good point.
I didn't want people listening to miss it because you made a great post about this too,that like totally piqued my interest, where you were like, if you don't have time, and
you're like executive function is just like blah melted.
And I and I, I love that you posted about if you keep a tidy space.
(05:26):
Notice you didn't say like minimalist, you just said tidy.
Mm-hmm.
it actually reduces the amount of time that it takes you to clean and I was like, that'san incentive and motivator right there because that is it's not a lot of times speaking
for myself personally, my space doesn't get messy because I enjoy messy spaces.
(05:48):
It just is like, I am so overwhelmed with the amount of things going on.
The sheer thought of doing a dish, let alone dishes.
Mm-hmm.
makes me just want to scream and explode.
But like, I love this thought of, well, maybe if you pare down the amount of dishes youactually owned, then the time it would take you because you wouldn't have the option you
(06:17):
would have to like, use and wash.
And so I just think you bring in so much extra thought.
around like how we could look at minimalism and how it's not something of like living withless, it's actually living more abundantly.
How did you get into this?
Because I can't even deal with my own mess, let alone everyone else's.
(06:40):
So it takes a special human.
Well, thank you.
yeah, I mean...
one of the most special humans I know.
Thank you.
I like many don't receive compliments well, but I read somewhere recently or heardsomewhere recently, like when you get a compliment, roll in it.
(07:04):
Like just roll in it.
Like just like roll around in it.
Yeah.
So I'm trying to do that.
So.
to roll around in because you're minimalist.
So there you go.
I don't know that I'm a minimalist, but...
(07:27):
I'm not moving my camera because...
See?
Okay, so here's the thing.
Like, I...
I'm not immune.
Like, I have my messes.
I have my times when I'm completely overwhelmed with stuff or tasks or executivedysfunction.
Thank you for making us feel normal, okay?
(07:50):
Because,
so I think that's something that people worry about too, is that like, I have a veryperfect, perfect home and I'm going to come in and I'm going to judge your sock on the
floor and I'm like, no, no, there's probably a hair tie somewhere in this house that'sbeen there on the floor for months because every time I see it, I think I should pick that
(08:14):
up, but I can't.
So then I don't.
Okay.
So I just want to say that right now.
Um, and also I have ADHD.
I have issues with organization with all this stuff too.
Um, but I also have figured out a lot of ways to deal with it.
(08:34):
Um, and to give myself grace and patience when I maybe don't have it all together, quoteunquote.
So,
I think that's part of it too.
That's part of the coaching, the mindset coaching that I do is like, okay, how do we havesome grace around this situation?
(08:55):
And you know, like, it's like why I call my business fuck the perfect life, right?
Because it's like, I'm not about trying to get your house into a perfect place and justtrying to get it into a more functional place and a more peaceful place so that your home
is actually relaxing.
So I want to still hear how you did this, but it makes me laugh.
(09:20):
For some reason, this is a show we would never watch.
But you know, sometimes when like Netflix just like automatically prompts you like thenext show you should watch.
So it started playing the new like Meghan Markle, which I guess she's like Duchesssomething now why her new home show.
And I and it's funny because like D was so into it.
(09:40):
And I was like,
why are you watching this person because she's like the epitome of what we would call thethe perfect life.
Everything from like the tag that she puts on these like homemade candles with likebeautiful calligraphy and just like fresh picked flowers and the perfect cup and vase and
pot for everything she's cooking.
(10:01):
And I'm just like, I literally was like, can't even with this person.
Like I literally I was like watching this gives me it because I
I'm so repulsed by perfection.
so just your business name being Fuck the Perfect Life, I didn't even need to know onemore thing about you.
(10:23):
I was like, this is this is my person.
I was like, yes, someone who rebels because we do not need to look like Pinterest and it'sokay.
100%.
And I, you know, again, this is where it's like, I know because I am a, I don't know,recovering perfectionist or whatever you want to call it.
(10:45):
And so there are definitely times where people will be like, you're trying to makesomething perfect.
Stop it.
And I'll be like, fuck, you're right.
I'm not listening to my own self.
Yes, we all need that other person to be like, Hello.
Hello.
Okay, so if you guys are not if you guys are not a tune yet, these were bothneurodivergent having a conversation that trails on many different things, which is the
(11:13):
beauty of podcasting.
Like I'm always like, is my show we get to do what we want to do.
So all right, going back to what got you started on this because I am so curious.
yeah, so it's really interesting because I feel like the decluttering the organizing partis something I've just kind of always been good at in a way that like I was the friend
(11:40):
that you would call if you were like, I really need to go through all the clothes in mycloset and get rid of stuff.
But I know that I need somebody there even just to sit there.
Or, you know, and I always would ask really good questions about, they'd be like, youknow, I almost never wear this, but I feel like I should keep it because of blank.
(12:04):
like, so, you know, urging them to get rid of it if it seemed like they wanted to.
I'm never gonna make you get rid of something that you don't wanna get rid of.
But sometimes you can sense that it's like, I just need permission or something.
Yes, yeah, I think we do though.
(12:25):
yeah, we do.
Even if it's just like, it doesn't even matter from who, we just need somebody to say it'sokay.
And so, but sometimes there's a question of like, know, why did you buy this?
Why don't you wear it?
Because they'll be like, I spent so much money on this.
And it's like, okay, well, the money's already gone.
(12:48):
And you don't wear it because it doesn't fit or it's scratchy or
it doesn't you don't like the color on you or whatever it is, but you feel like you haveto keep it because you quote unquote spent the money on it.
And it's just like, it's too late for that.
If you want to try to sell it to get some of that money back, you can.
That's totally valid.
But are you actually going to do that?
Like if you're going to do that within a two week span, do it.
(13:11):
But if you're not put it in a box, we're taking it out.
And so it's a little bit of that kind of stuff.
And people would be like, my kitchen is just like a mess and totally disorganized.
And I'd be like,
Can I come over?
If you've ever watched Marie Kondo's Netflix show, there's like an episode, I think it'spretty, it's like the first episode or something where like, she says like, I love mess.
(13:39):
And it's like a GIF that I've seen out there of her saying, I love mess.
And I love that GIF because I feel that way too.
And I think it's partly like for me,
it's easier to go through other people's stuff than it is to other people's stuff.
Okay, that's fair, so fair.
(14:02):
Like seeing the physical transformation is just so like, I love seeing that physicaltransformation because it's like, this looks messy and I just feel agitated.
I feel anxious.
And when that mess is gone, I feel calm and I can, and it's a very tangible visceral likething.
(14:24):
And I think that's true for most people.
And so I think it brings me a lot of satisfaction to do that.
and it's funny because you were saying how like, we're both neurodivergent and we can gooff on tangents and whatever.
I didn't realize I was neurodivergent for 30 some odd years.
(14:46):
but, yeah.
but as a, but looking back, I realize now that like, I think like,
staying tidy was somewhat of a reaction to some of that kind of thing.
And that like, also having a parent who is probably neurodivergent, who also goes off ontangents that like at some point early on, I learned how to like keep track of things, if
(15:18):
that makes sense, or like in a conversation, keep track of the question.
And so like, I'm the person who's always like,
Okay, that question that you asked like 30 minutes ago, I'm coming back to that because Iremember.
too and people are like, I forgot I even asked you that.
So I think it's like, it's some of that too, of like, just like keeping people on track.
(15:42):
Like I do that a lot with decluttering as well.
It's like, they get distracted by this item they just found and it's like, okay, we'll putthat down.
We'll come back to that later.
Let's move on to the next thing.
I am so the memes you see of like, when someone cleans out their closet, and then it islike at the end wearing all this fucking wild shit like old necklaces and scarves and hats
(16:05):
and jackets.
And it's just like, you got so lost and like trying things on that you like forgot thatthe closet was being organized.
It's why like, I made a commitment to cleaning out my closet and my daughter's room aboutthree weeks ago.
And I literally had
our housekeeper because God bless her.
I was like, Can I please pay you to just come and do this room with me?
(16:28):
Because I was like, I know, could I do it by myself?
Absolutely.
Will I do it by myself?
No.
And she is not emotionally attached to the items.
And so like you said, she just was like, you know, I love her like
She's this like fierce Mexican woman and just has this like strong Latina woman energy.
(16:50):
And so she's just like, no, no, no, no.
And I was like, my God, but wait, she's like, no, you already said he didn't wear it.
No.
And just kept putting it in the bag.
And it's so funny because what she did is she like bundled it all up and she brought it toher friend to like bring stuff down to Tijuana.
And it was so crazy.
I was like having anxiety.
(17:11):
I was like, what if I changed my mind about something that she took?
Okay, it's been gone for three weeks.
I couldn't even tell you what was in those bags.
And that, mean, I don't know if there's a study out there about this.
I should look, but I feel like 99 % of the time that's what happens.
(17:32):
And that is, I mean, that's what one of the things that scares people is they're like,well, what if I regret giving this away or throwing this away?
And that almost never happens.
Almost never happens.
you literally could be like, I will give you $1,000 if you remember something that went inthat bag.
And I'd be like, well, shit, I guess I'm not gonna get $1,000.
(17:53):
Because I can't remember.
So okay, I love that this has been sort of like, and it's funny you said it's part oflike, now you're looking back, you can see those like ADHD qualities that like came out
that helped you be good at this.
Because I would say like,
It's
I am organized in other aspects of my life.
But growing up, I looked like I lived in a tornado.
(18:16):
My room was horribly scary.
I mean, there was just stuff on the floor.
And my mom would just get to the point where she's like, I'm not going to change you.
I'm just going to close the door.
Because if you want to live in that massive in your room, that's fine.
And I so respect that now that she wasn't like forcing that on me.
But now I could never live that way.
You know, like literally never.
(18:37):
And so how do you do
do you do what you do?
Do you physically always go into people's homes?
Can you do this virtually?
Like how does this work?
Yeah, so I do both.
I will go into your home.
Generally speaking, that's gonna be people in my local area.
(18:58):
So if you live in a Twin Cities, Minnesota metro area, look me up.
And I mean, if you live outside of that,
It's not impossible, but you might have to pay for some travel costs.
(19:19):
So maybe not.
Yeah.
I mean, that's my goal some days to like have a very, so successful that I can just flyoff and just like, you know, be able to.
Yeah.
the universe, know, manifestation.
(19:41):
But yeah, but I also will work with people virtually.
It is a little bit different.
I would say, you you need to be maybe a little bit more of a self-starter than you wouldbe if you, if I came into your home, cause there's probably gonna be, cause you're gonna
be doing physically more of the work, right?
(20:02):
But since a lot of what I do is like mindset and coaching around like,
you know, why you feel the need to keep these items or why are these items sentimental or,you know, giving you tips and help and advice and consultation around like trying
(20:27):
different ways of storing your stuff, organizing your stuff.
So in a lot of ways, you have to be doing a lot of the physical labor.
regardless of if I'm there in person or not.
But it is a little, maybe a little bit easier when I'm there to measure and like see allthe nooks and crannies.
(20:53):
But I mean, with Zoom and your phone, we can do a lot.
And I've done a lot with clients just over Zoom.
So yeah, it's,
bodily but not bodily body doubling concept, you know, where it's like, okay, you're notnecessarily here with me in person.
(21:16):
But like, I do feel like even if I had you on zoom, and it was like, all right, I'm goingto go through this drawer now, I'm going to do this.
It's just like having, I feel like it could be just as powerful to experience that.
virtually as well.
So I like that, you know, it can expand in that way possible.
(21:38):
So those that are listening that because that's the other cool thing.
It is a very, it's what you do is very intimate, you know, like you are seeing people'sthings, you're going into their homes, like you're, it's emotional, as you said, like this
detachment is so emotional.
(21:59):
feeling really safe with
with the person that you're doing this is is paramount in my opinion, like you really needto feel like you've got someone you feel comfortable with to do this.
So I love that you can also offer that virtually excited having this conversation.
I'm sure people are gonna be like, she's like my people like the way I felt.
So yes, I'm I am.
(22:22):
I want everyone to know to like
because not everyone gets to the end of podcasts, which if you're like me, I don't either.
So don't feel guilty.
But I'm gonna drop it right now that if you're already thinking like, hey, I could usesome decluttering, I definitely have had this on my we're going into spring, spring
cleaning all of the things like Amelia's information is all in the show notes, but alsonot hard to forget, fuck the perfect life.
(22:48):
So we can very easily memorable.
Tell me a little bit more.
mean, I know we kind of touched on that.
But what does that actually mean?
And how can embracing this philosophy help us like really get to where we want to go?
Yeah, so I think like, kind of like I said earlier that, you know, our mental statemanifests in our physical state and our physical state really impacts our mental state.
(23:18):
And so if you are super busy, stressed all the time, you want to come home to a relaxingenvironment.
And a lot of people don't.
And whether that's because of mess or kids or whatever.
Like that's always gonna be there, right?
But like there are some things you can do to control that to a degree.
(23:42):
so cleaning up those spaces, tidying them up to make them more relaxing for your brain isgonna be more relaxing for your body.
And yeah, the less time you spend cleaning, the more free time you have.
So yeah, there's just like a lot of,
(24:03):
mental and physical reasons to declutter.
mean, also too, like if you have so much stuff that you're tripping over it, I mean,that's like literally a safety hazard, right?
So, so like it affects your health and the more stuff you have, the more dust you have andlike all these things.
so it's yeah, it's, it's like all tied together so much, but just getting down to like,
(24:32):
the more you have to think about your stuff, the more that you, even if it's justsubconsciously, like in the back of my mind, I know that I'm thinking about this pile of
stuff next to me that you can't see that I need to deal with.
(24:52):
So even subconsciously, it seeps in.
The more your brain is full of that,
stuff, the less room you have for the things that actually bring you life and joy.
Right?
So like, if, if you can save an hour a day cleaning, go look at my post on Instagram andyou'll see the math.
(25:20):
If you can save an hour a day cleaning or seven hours a week cleaning, that's seven morehours you could spend
playing with your kids, walking your dog, going after that big dream that you have,slaying those goals.
So, yeah, and it has a tremendous impact, you know, that like, I had to completely redothis office that I'm in right now before I could really launch my business because this
(25:53):
room was the room where everything went to
hide, where that I didn't know what to do with.
And I couldn't work around that because all I would think about is the work that needed tobe done about the stuff.
So yeah, it's, it's amazing how much all of that like weighs on your brain consciously,subconsciously, unconsciously, whatever, and gets in the way of like, yeah, like I said,
(26:21):
the things that bring you joy.
Yeah.
And I think too, from a like financial and energy standpoint, like if you're spending moremoney than you have, like, like it's all tied to over consumption in a way, right?
So like, you know, however you feel about consumption and consumer culture and all ofthat, the more time you're spending shopping, purchasing, storing,
(26:52):
all of these things, like the less money you'll have for experiences and energy you'llhave for experiences.
And so while I may not be a minimalist, I do really value experiences over items becausein five years, I'm going to remember a trip I took.
(27:14):
I'm not going to remember buying this fancy lotion at wherever.
No.
I am.
is awesome and it changes your entire life and that's totally fair, whatever, broadlyspeaking.
Yes.
Yeah, I'm so with you too, is having those experiences that ultimately catapult your lifeinto such different paths than you may be anticipated versus just having another thing.
(27:49):
And sometimes things are necessary.
I went through a really big awakening in 2023.
I realized I was.
really, I mean, I say this out loud, but like a shopping addict, and it's people laughwhen you say that, because they think it's funny.
And I'm like, well, no, there's actually nothing really funny.
(28:11):
Like, would you laugh if I told you I was an alcoholic?
And so there's a real thing where it's like, I, that's how I was getting my dopamine,right?
And it was just like, I was buying the thing, it was something new.
And then it would just like go somewhere and collect dust.
Mm-hmm.
I really needed to get to the root of what was going on because it wasn't actually fixingthe problem.
(28:37):
And I needed to, you know, that was like so much of the, of the inner work that had to do.
which I share that story, not to just tell people about a shopping addiction, but to pullback the layers a little bit because.
You know, we didn't mention this yet, but you and I met because of IGC and we are both.
You know, certified coaches out there in the world who have actually gone and had formaltraining and are impacting at a deeper level.
(29:03):
But what we do with our coaching is really different, which I think is so cool is how wewe've made it individual to what we really enjoy.
But I think people miss that.
What you do is so much more than just, I'm gonna go in and organize all your pencils inone color and make your closet tidy.
(29:29):
And you've mentioned it a couple of times.
So what is that like mental health aspect look of it?
Like when you're coaching them and you've used that word coaching a couple of times, howis it more than just the organization?
Yeah, I mean, I think for me, know, I think a lot of professional organizers, not all ofthem, but a lot of them, people pay them to come into their home and organize their
(29:59):
closet, whatever, and they pay the person to come in, do it for them.
And that's great.
I do not do that for you.
I mean, I'm not afraid to come in there and...
push up my sleeves and do heavy lifting and physically moving stuff around and puttingstuff in boxes.
Like I'm part of it if I'm there, but it's your choice at the end of the day.
(30:27):
It's your work and it's about your, like your own process and your own organizationalstyle.
And you are maybe sitting here going, I don't have an organizational style.
You do.
You do, you just don't know what it is.
Um, and I can't say it's a B or C.
(30:51):
Um, I don't really put them in boxes that way.
I put your stuff in boxes.
Um, but, um, yeah.
And that like, so part of it is like I've said, mindset coaching.
is, it is.
(31:11):
getting you to look at the deeper cause of your collecting items, maybe over consuming.
Maybe it's looking at why you hold on to things or why, you know, cause some people, Ifeel like a lot of people, most people find some items sentimental.
(31:39):
They have some sentimental attachment to some items.
Some have very little and some have a sentimental attachment to like just abouteverything.
And there's a reason for those.
there's psychological reasons for those things.
so addressing that, and I'm not a therapist.
(32:01):
And in fact have had conversations with clients about like maybe you should talk to atherapist about blank, but.
In the meantime, let's work on the mindset around this and do what we can physically tolike, at least clear some space.
But yeah, so it's a lot of like, know, okay, so this is sentimental.
(32:25):
Are you gonna display it somewhere so that you can see it?
Or is it in a box in the back of a closet?
Because then what's the point?
You only remember that it's there every time you go through this box and...
to get rid of stuff.
And so it's like, is there a way you can display it or like?
(32:46):
that sentimentality actually be important or you know and it's coaching through like
It's like so many different things.
It's just like a lot of like, like at the end of the day though, as we say in coachtraining, the client is the expert on their own life.
(33:12):
You're just coaching around like getting them to ask the right questions, to see the blindspots, to really think through at a deeper level what is,
holding them back, what's in their way, what's, you know, keeping them from living thelife that they want.
(33:38):
And yeah, maybe getting rid of all of your clothes from three sizes back is not gonnalike, you know, bring you to the life of your dreams.
I mean, holding onto them thinking that you're going to do the work to fit back into themwhen
(33:59):
you've proven time and time again that that's not your priority.
And that's fine.
If it is cool, like this has nothing to do with body size, shame, any of that.
It just has to do with like, what are our priorities?
And if you're constantly showing that that's not your priority, then all that thoseclothes in the back of your closet are doing are just like taunting you saying like, I'm
(34:25):
not your priority.
Don't you want to be this?
And it's the same thing with like anything, you know, if you have items from crafts thatyou used to do or a hobby or something, it's just like either you're gonna use them or
they're sitting in a corner somewhere mocking you saying like, why aren't you crossstitching or whatever it is.
(34:51):
why aren't you cross stitching today?
Yeah, I'm gonna now part putting totally I'm gonna now start putting like little faces onthings.
And like pretending it's talking to me and be like, Hello, you're not using me.
want to stress at the same time that things don't have feelings, okay?
So like, on the one hand, I know I'm anthropomorphizing items, but it's more about yourbrain looking at them and taunting you than it is the item taunting you.
(35:25):
And that's a really good point.
Like, I think we forget that.
I mean, even when you just said that, I'm like, duh.
But then also, oh, yeah, you're right.
You know, because, yes.
feel bad throwing this away.
And you're like, why?
I don't know, it just seems mean.
It's a piece of paper.
It's not alive.
It doesn't have feelings.
(35:45):
like, I don't want to be cold, but you know, it's at the end of the day, it's like.
It's so funny.
My mom is so sentimental.
Like she's been paying for a storage unit.
Okay.
My, my brother moved out.
(36:06):
my mom moved in with my, my stepdad when my brother moved for college at 18.
He is now 33.
and she's been paying for a storage unit ever since cause she left our childhood home,moved in with him.
And she finally has like started going through it.
And she's like, all right, guys, so I have box of all of your crafts from when you werelittle.
(36:26):
I was like, I, she's like, what do want me to do with it?
And I was like, throw it away.
I don't even know why you're paying for an entire, she's like, but don't you want it?
I'm like, I have lived literally the last 20, 15, 20 years without it.
Like I'm good.
I'm good.
Um,
So it's so interesting.
(36:47):
I feel very opposite about stuff.
when we were recently evacuated for the fires, it really actually highlighted somethingwhere we had to leave quickly.
And I grabbed next to nothing except underwear and my laptop.
And I was like, that's it.
And when I was sitting there thinking, because the first thing my mom said, of course,because her sentimentality, things like, did you grab this?
(37:13):
Did you grab that?
Did you grab this?
I said, no.
I didn't like we left, it was like an emergency, like we had to go.
And in hindsight, I was like, honestly, it can all be replaced.
there's very, there are certain things that like from my daughter's like baby, baby box,or, you know, things like that, like those items can't actually be replaced.
(37:37):
But it really put into perspective and, and, and my partner and I like collectively justsaid to each other,
Why are we holding on to so much stuff if if it all literally could have been gone andit's replaceable?
Like?
Why?
Why are we?
Why?
Why are we doing this to ourselves?
(37:57):
It doesn't.
It's like not serving a purpose.
So yeah, it's interesting the emotional components and the coaching that's needed to gothrough this versus it's not as simple as just like emptying out a drawer.
So
Right.
And yeah, I mean, like I said, it's also a little bit of like accountability coachingsometimes because it's like, OK, I do have this half finished project and I do want to
(38:23):
finish it.
so, you know, I try to work with you on like, OK, then let's create a timeline for that.
And if you haven't finished this project in the timeline, it's time to go.
Like you either make it a priority or it's got to go.
Because yeah, I mean, I think it's a quote that I've heard somewhere and I'm not sureit's, we know who it's attributed to or whatever, but it's something about like, have
(38:54):
nothing in your home you don't deem to be useful or beautiful, something like that.
And to me it's like, yeah, there are things in our home that maybe we don't love, but wehave them because they're useful, because they're.
You know, like I'm not looking at the scissors going like, my God, I love it so much.
brings me joy.
(39:16):
But I have a scissors in every room of my house because I use them all the time.
time.
my god, I love that you said scissors.
That is the number one conversation in our house.
Where are the scissors?
Where are the scissors?
put one in like every room.
Look, I'm not even kidding.
I have one in the living room.
I have one in the kitchen.
I have one in my bedroom.
I have one in the office.
(39:37):
yeah, yeah.
Tape too I have in many places.
Like, and this is what I'm talking about is like, that isn't quote unquote normal or likewhere people normally keep their scissors or whatever.
I don't care.
It's where it's functional for me.
like exactly it works for me.
Mm-hmm.
(39:58):
But yes, so it's like, okay, so some things we have in our home are not gonna bring us joyand we are, we just have them because they're useful.
And some items we have because they do just bring us joy, you know, that like, okay, soyeah, if I had to grab things because of a fire or a disaster or something like that,
(40:18):
there would be things in my home that I'd be sad to lose, but I wouldn't grab them, right?
Like, so it's like,
It's not an either or, it's not black or white.
You know, that like, I have a record player.
Do I need a record player?
Is it useful, quote unquote?
No, I can listen to music on my phone, right?
(40:40):
But I like it and it's fun and it brings me joy.
Yeah.
That's maybe why I thought it.
was like subconsciously in the back of my mind, because I've been looking at it this wholetime.
Yes, and it's so different than playing it on our little speaker device.
So I can't say her name or she'll turn on.
(41:00):
So anyway.
So, so, know, but like, I love that idea of like, okay, so maybe not everything is goingto be joyful.
And not everything's going to be useful either.
But like, have an intention, like have a reason to have the item and know what's in yourhome so that when you need it, want it, you
(41:28):
confined it or at least know where to look.
mean, does everything having a home means that this thing, this item has to sit on thiscorner of this shelf?
No, but just knowing what room it's in, what room it's kept in is a good thing.
And so like I try to work with people on some sort of like home inventory so that at leastthere's like something.
(41:58):
But yeah, or like people buy duplicates of stuff all the time because they're like, Iforgot I had this.
Like stop wasting your time and your money.
I'm so guilty of that.
I've so done that so many times.
And I'm like, why do we have seven of these?
So as we like, start to kind of wrap up, I would love for you to share with us like one ortwo little tips we can immediately implement.
(42:29):
If you know, we want to get started on this like spring cleaning adventure, if you willuse this equinox energy.
or eclipse energy, I should say.
So yeah, what would you say are like some easy DIY things that we could just be like, allright.
And then, you said accountability.
(42:49):
So here's what we're gonna do, y'all.
We're gonna hear her tips, we're gonna do the thing, and then we're gonna tag you at thefuck of perfect life and be like, we did it.
Okay, so there's our accountability, y'all.
So tips, mean, again, because the way I operate is like, we have to find what's functionalfor you, that like I sometimes struggle giving people tips because I'm like, not every tip
(43:20):
is going to work for everybody.
But I do have a couple of things.
So
And I guess that's maybe my number one tip is know that like, everybody's different andthat if you organize something the way that somebody else does, it might be great or it
(43:41):
might be horrible for you and that's okay.
And that it's gonna be a little bit of trial and error.
And so recognizing that like,
keeping things this way is maybe not working for me.
I'm gonna tweak the system and figure something else out.
So that's a big tip.
(44:02):
But I think also just start with one thing.
Like every day, just throw one thing away or pick one thing up and put it in a donationbox.
big person around the environment, sustainability, all of that.
(44:26):
But I also know that sometimes you just got to throw it away.
Like, if it's too much effort, if it's too much, like, I would get so stuck.
mean, like, I know Goodwill won't take this, but I feel like it could be useful forsomebody.
(44:48):
So where do I take it?
Where does it go?
And I would do that, but sometimes you just got to throw it away because you just don'thave the time and energy to do that.
And it just makes you feel shame that you don't have the time or energy to do that.
and everything that exists already exists.
(45:10):
like throwing things in the garbage, like doesn't change that it exists, you know, the wayit's going to end up somewhere.
and decompose or not.
So yeah, but just starting with like one thing a day or if you have a very messy home,just five things in your immediate view, put away.
(45:40):
Now, again, if you don't have, if the concept of put away is not like, cause I thinkthat's,
one thing that people struggle with a lot is that they're like, well, this doesn't have ahome.
This doesn't have a place.
And that makes it harder because you're like, where am going to put it?
Where am I going to make its home?
And I would say if that's your issue, that's when you maybe call in somebody like mebecause it's a bigger thing.
(46:11):
But if it's just having a lot of clutter that doesn't get put away a lot, but does havehomes.
even just putting away five things in your immediate view will bring your anxiety down.
Like that is proven.
So that's a tip.
(46:32):
What else was I gonna say?
so if you're somebody who loses something a lot or like loses stuff a lot or forgets thatthey have something and buys duplicates a lot, put things in the first place you looked
for it.
So if you're like, I can never find, let's go back to the scissors.
(46:58):
Like I can never find scissors.
I don't know where the scissors are.
Keep the scissors in the first place you looked.
because it's always this one drawer.
We always go there first.
So I love that idea.
It's so simple.
right, if it's not there, then why don't you like, it should stay there.
And, you know, if it's, again, I was, I was talking to somebody who was like, I was usingcabinets in my kitchen for non-kitchen stuff, because I didn't have any other storage in
(47:28):
my apartment.
And I was like, so?
And they were like, well, that doesn't belong in the kitchen.
And was like,
but you didn't have space for it and you wanted to keep it and you didn't have kitchenstuff to fill that cabinet, right?
Like it was an empty cabinet?
And they were like, yeah, like then who cares?
Permission.
Thank you.
Yeah, this is your permission to throw that thing away, to give that thing away, to putthings in non-traditional places where it makes the most sense for you.
(47:58):
This is your permission to fuck the perfect life.
Woo.
Yes, girl.
Tell us.
She's like mic drop.
I'm out by piece.
Tell us where we can find you work with you connect with you all the things because I knowpeople now are like, all right, I'm feeling it.
This is like, I'm getting the sign from the universe.
(48:20):
I know I've been needing to do it.
So give us give us the goods.
Where can we find you?
Yeah, so you can find me at Fuck The Perfect Life, all spelled out on Instagram.
If you just Google that, you'll find everything pretty much.
My website, Instagram, those are the main places I'm at.
(48:42):
I do have a Facebook page, I do have a LinkedIn, but those are the two main ones.
That's where I would go.
So yeah, and you can book a.
You can book a consultation call totally free to just chat about like what it is you'restruggling with.
If it's something I can help with or not, that's what we talk about on the call.
(49:06):
And yeah, we'll see if it works and I'd love to work with you.
Amazing.
I'm so grateful for your time and just all the permission you gave us to really I mean,the biggest thing for me was like, it's okay to just throw it away.
Because I think yeah, eventually, it's so funny, my entire clutter that was once in myhouse somehow ends up in my car and then drives around with me for like three months.
(49:34):
So it's just like, no girl, just give it away.
Just put it you know, and so
Yes.
Thank you for the permission slip.
Thank you for being you.
And I'm so excited to see everyone following through and, and decluttering doing thethings.
Yeah, I would love to see, I would love to see your posts about, I always lose blank and Ifinally put it in the fucking drawer that I always look for it in.
(50:03):
I'm gonna do.
I'm just gonna put all the 17,000 things that I mean, it's so funny.
will wrap on this.
But it's like, everyone's like, my god, what did he give you for Christmas?
And I was like, Well, I got a what are those little air pod things that you can like findyour devices I said, because I lose my keys.
(50:24):
Seven.
Air tag.
Yeah.
I go, lose my keys 5 million times a day and it's going to improve our marriage.
Me not having to ask Dee to look for my keys 50 times a day.
So now that I have a tag and they live in this magical drawer that is always where thekeys should go.
I don't lose my keys anymore.
(50:45):
It's so great.
yeah.
See, I put a 3M hook like literally right inside my back door to hold my keys.
It's the key hook because if I don't put it there right away, I will forget and I will notknow where they are.
So yes, it's that kind of stuff.
Whatever works for you.
If it's not aesthetically pleasing, like
(51:07):
Who cares?
If you do care, that's fine too, but we can find ways to make it aesthetically pleasing.
like, yes, it's, yeah.
was that girl that like literally has missed very important life events because I couldnot find my car keys.
I mean, like that it was so bad.
So I, I get it.
(51:28):
Well, thank you again.
I'm so grateful for you.
This was so fun.
And yeah, make sure you tag us.
Bye y'all.
Yep, bye.
Hey girl, welcome to Goal Slayer.
I'm so excited to have you.
I'm so excited to be here!
So this has been a long time coming.
mean, how many times now?
Bless people like Amelia, you guys, because she truly practices the art of which she does,which is immense patience and allowing us just to be messy humans, because you really do
(00:27):
help messy humans.
so, life has been a bit chaotic.
we've shifted this around a number of times.
I just feel like, you know what?
just sharing with Amelia, we're going to record and get this out because we are in theenergy of this eclipse season, which is all about like clearing energy and decluttering.
(00:48):
And that's literally your magic sauce.
So tell tell us like, what is it you actually do?
Because I know everyone thinks decluttering and I know my mind goes like Marie Kondo.
So like, how, how is it so much more than that?
And like,
Who are you?
(01:08):
Give us the rundown here.
absolutely.
Yes, so I mean, thinking of Marie Kondo isn't wrong.
But that's just one way of approaching it.
So yes, I am a declutter and organizing coach.
And what that means is that I help people figure out like how to organize their stuff.
(01:37):
in ways that work the best for them.
So sometimes it's using tips that I've learned from maybe Marie Kondo or the home edit orthis person or that person or the other.
And maybe it's like totally new.
I saw on Instagram earlier, this is an old post, but I saw it linked to it where KristenBell has a coffee bar in her bathroom.
(02:04):
And I'm like, that's awesome.
If that works for her, like, if that's what is gonna help her, cool, I don't care.
Yeah, right?
So, yeah, I am all about helping you figure out ways to organize your stuff so that itmakes sense to you, so that it's functional to you, so that you're not spending all this
(02:27):
time looking for stuff or, you know, don't remember what you own or, you know, it's moreabout
being intentional.
And if you want to be minimalist, if you want to be maximalist, I don't, I don't care.
It's just, it needs to function for you.
Yeah.
(02:48):
and I don't know.
I mean, if I judged people on their, their homes, I wouldn't have a business, right?
Like nobody would let me come in if I just came in and like told them their, their shitwas messy.
So.
I love it.
I love it.
so yeah, that's what I do.
(03:09):
Because okay, so like, my mess sometimes like, one of my biggest struggles is dishes.
And I've talked about it on social media.
I've talked about it, like, even with like dishes and laundry, those two things, like,they literally kill my soul.
And I realized, you know, it's funny, I was just telling you how I'm like working fromhome because of computer and all of these things.
(03:34):
And I'm not used to
broadcasting here and it's like before even working from here, I had to completely changemy space because it's so it acts my ability to focus.
Do you feel like that's the case for most people or is it just because I'm neurodivergentand I have shiny
(03:54):
I I do think that there is a little bit to be said about being neurodivergent, that themore stuff in your periphery, the more distracted you can easily become.
But I do think it is pretty much across the board that our physical environments totallyimpact our mental space.
(04:16):
So if our environments are super cluttered, our brains are cluttered and usually viceversa.
there's a very big connection between the two.
And I think, you know, part of it is that when you're stressed, you don't maybe have theenergy or the executive function to like clean up, tidy up.
(04:40):
But I think it's also like, like it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, you know, it's like a,that when your space is all messy, you don't feel calm, you don't feel peace, you just
feel.
frazzled and everywhere you look there's another task essentially.
It's like having a physical to-do list looking around.
(05:03):
which actually like, you set a really good point.
I didn't want people listening to miss it because you made a great post about this too,that like totally piqued my interest, where you were like, if you don't have time, and
you're like executive function is just like blah melted.
And I and I, I love that you posted about if you keep a tidy space.
(05:26):
Notice you didn't say like minimalist, you just said tidy.
Mm-hmm.
it actually reduces the amount of time that it takes you to clean and I was like, that'san incentive and motivator right there because that is it's not a lot of times speaking
for myself personally, my space doesn't get messy because I enjoy messy spaces.
(05:48):
It just is like, I am so overwhelmed with the amount of things going on.
The sheer thought of doing a dish, let alone dishes.
Mm-hmm.
makes me just want to scream and explode.
But like, I love this thought of, well, maybe if you pare down the amount of dishes youactually owned, then the time it would take you because you wouldn't have the option you
(06:17):
would have to like, use and wash.
And so I just think you bring in so much extra thought.
around like how we could look at minimalism and how it's not something of like living withless, it's actually living more abundantly.
How did you get into this?
Because I can't even deal with my own mess, let alone everyone else's.
(06:40):
So it takes a special human.
Well, thank you.
yeah, I mean...
one of the most special humans I know.
Thank you.
I like many don't receive compliments well, but I read somewhere recently or heardsomewhere recently, like when you get a compliment, roll in it.
(07:04):
Like just roll in it.
Like just like roll around in it.
Yeah.
So I'm trying to do that.
So.
to roll around in because you're minimalist.
So there you go.
I don't know that I'm a minimalist, but...
(07:27):
I'm not moving my camera because...
See?
Okay, so here's the thing.
Like, I...
I'm not immune.
Like, I have my messes.
I have my times when I'm completely overwhelmed with stuff or tasks or executivedysfunction.
Thank you for making us feel normal, okay?
(07:50):
Because,
so I think that's something that people worry about too, is that like, I have a veryperfect, perfect home and I'm going to come in and I'm going to judge your sock on the
floor and I'm like, no, no, there's probably a hair tie somewhere in this house that'sbeen there on the floor for months because every time I see it, I think I should pick that
(08:14):
up, but I can't.
So then I don't.
Okay.
So I just want to say that right now.
Um, and also I have ADHD.
I have issues with organization with all this stuff too.
Um, but I also have figured out a lot of ways to deal with it.
(08:34):
Um, and to give myself grace and patience when I maybe don't have it all together, quoteunquote.
So,
I think that's part of it too.
That's part of the coaching, the mindset coaching that I do is like, okay, how do we havesome grace around this situation?
(08:55):
And you know, like, it's like why I call my business fuck the perfect life, right?
Because it's like, I'm not about trying to get your house into a perfect place and justtrying to get it into a more functional place and a more peaceful place so that your home
is actually relaxing.
So I want to still hear how you did this, but it makes me laugh.
(09:20):
For some reason, this is a show we would never watch.
But you know, sometimes when like Netflix just like automatically prompts you like thenext show you should watch.
So it started playing the new like Meghan Markle, which I guess she's like Duchesssomething now why her new home show.
And I and it's funny because like D was so into it.
(09:40):
And I was like,
why are you watching this person because she's like the epitome of what we would call thethe perfect life.
Everything from like the tag that she puts on these like homemade candles with likebeautiful calligraphy and just like fresh picked flowers and the perfect cup and vase and
pot for everything she's cooking.
(10:01):
And I'm just like, I literally was like, can't even with this person.
Like I literally I was like watching this gives me it because I
I'm so repulsed by perfection.
so just your business name being Fuck the Perfect Life, I didn't even need to know onemore thing about you.
(10:23):
I was like, this is this is my person.
I was like, yes, someone who rebels because we do not need to look like Pinterest and it'sokay.
100%.
And I, you know, again, this is where it's like, I know because I am a, I don't know,recovering perfectionist or whatever you want to call it.
(10:45):
And so there are definitely times where people will be like, you're trying to makesomething perfect.
Stop it.
And I'll be like, fuck, you're right.
I'm not listening to my own self.
Yes, we all need that other person to be like, Hello.
Hello.
Okay, so if you guys are not if you guys are not a tune yet, these were bothneurodivergent having a conversation that trails on many different things, which is the
(11:13):
beauty of podcasting.
Like I'm always like, is my show we get to do what we want to do.
So all right, going back to what got you started on this because I am so curious.
yeah, so it's really interesting because I feel like the decluttering the organizing partis something I've just kind of always been good at in a way that like I was the friend
(11:40):
that you would call if you were like, I really need to go through all the clothes in mycloset and get rid of stuff.
But I know that I need somebody there even just to sit there.
Or, you know, and I always would ask really good questions about, they'd be like, youknow, I almost never wear this, but I feel like I should keep it because of blank.
(12:04):
like, so, you know, urging them to get rid of it if it seemed like they wanted to.
I'm never gonna make you get rid of something that you don't wanna get rid of.
But sometimes you can sense that it's like, I just need permission or something.
Yes, yeah, I think we do though.
(12:25):
yeah, we do.
Even if it's just like, it doesn't even matter from who, we just need somebody to say it'sokay.
And so, but sometimes there's a question of like, know, why did you buy this?
Why don't you wear it?
Because they'll be like, I spent so much money on this.
And it's like, okay, well, the money's already gone.
(12:48):
And you don't wear it because it doesn't fit or it's scratchy or
it doesn't you don't like the color on you or whatever it is, but you feel like you haveto keep it because you quote unquote spent the money on it.
And it's just like, it's too late for that.
If you want to try to sell it to get some of that money back, you can.
That's totally valid.
But are you actually going to do that?
Like if you're going to do that within a two week span, do it.
(13:11):
But if you're not put it in a box, we're taking it out.
And so it's a little bit of that kind of stuff.
And people would be like, my kitchen is just like a mess and totally disorganized.
And I'd be like,
Can I come over?
If you've ever watched Marie Kondo's Netflix show, there's like an episode, I think it'spretty, it's like the first episode or something where like, she says like, I love mess.
(13:39):
And it's like a GIF that I've seen out there of her saying, I love mess.
And I love that GIF because I feel that way too.
And I think it's partly like for me,
it's easier to go through other people's stuff than it is to other people's stuff.
Okay, that's fair, so fair.
(14:02):
Like seeing the physical transformation is just so like, I love seeing that physicaltransformation because it's like, this looks messy and I just feel agitated.
I feel anxious.
And when that mess is gone, I feel calm and I can, and it's a very tangible visceral likething.
(14:24):
And I think that's true for most people.
And so I think it brings me a lot of satisfaction to do that.
and it's funny because you were saying how like, we're both neurodivergent and we can gooff on tangents and whatever.
I didn't realize I was neurodivergent for 30 some odd years.
(14:46):
but, yeah.
but as a, but looking back, I realize now that like, I think like,
staying tidy was somewhat of a reaction to some of that kind of thing.
And that like, also having a parent who is probably neurodivergent, who also goes off ontangents that like at some point early on, I learned how to like keep track of things, if
(15:18):
that makes sense, or like in a conversation, keep track of the question.
And so like, I'm the person who's always like,
Okay, that question that you asked like 30 minutes ago, I'm coming back to that because Iremember.
too and people are like, I forgot I even asked you that.
So I think it's like, it's some of that too, of like, just like keeping people on track.
(15:42):
Like I do that a lot with decluttering as well.
It's like, they get distracted by this item they just found and it's like, okay, we'll putthat down.
We'll come back to that later.
Let's move on to the next thing.
I am so the memes you see of like, when someone cleans out their closet, and then it islike at the end wearing all this fucking wild shit like old necklaces and scarves and hats
(16:05):
and jackets.
And it's just like, you got so lost and like trying things on that you like forgot thatthe closet was being organized.
It's why like, I made a commitment to cleaning out my closet and my daughter's room aboutthree weeks ago.
And I literally had
our housekeeper because God bless her.
I was like, Can I please pay you to just come and do this room with me?
(16:28):
Because I was like, I know, could I do it by myself?
Absolutely.
Will I do it by myself?
No.
And she is not emotionally attached to the items.
And so like you said, she just was like, you know, I love her like
She's this like fierce Mexican woman and just has this like strong Latina woman energy.
(16:50):
And so she's just like, no, no, no, no.
And I was like, my God, but wait, she's like, no, you already said he didn't wear it.
No.
And just kept putting it in the bag.
And it's so funny because what she did is she like bundled it all up and she brought it toher friend to like bring stuff down to Tijuana.
And it was so crazy.
I was like having anxiety.
(17:11):
I was like, what if I changed my mind about something that she took?
Okay, it's been gone for three weeks.
I couldn't even tell you what was in those bags.
And that, mean, I don't know if there's a study out there about this.
I should look, but I feel like 99 % of the time that's what happens.
(17:32):
And that is, I mean, that's what one of the things that scares people is they're like,well, what if I regret giving this away or throwing this away?
And that almost never happens.
Almost never happens.
you literally could be like, I will give you $1,000 if you remember something that went inthat bag.
And I'd be like, well, shit, I guess I'm not gonna get $1,000.
(17:53):
Because I can't remember.
So okay, I love that this has been sort of like, and it's funny you said it's part oflike, now you're looking back, you can see those like ADHD qualities that like came out
that helped you be good at this.
Because I would say like,
It's
I am organized in other aspects of my life.
But growing up, I looked like I lived in a tornado.
(18:16):
My room was horribly scary.
I mean, there was just stuff on the floor.
And my mom would just get to the point where she's like, I'm not going to change you.
I'm just going to close the door.
Because if you want to live in that massive in your room, that's fine.
And I so respect that now that she wasn't like forcing that on me.
But now I could never live that way.
You know, like literally never.
(18:37):
And so how do you do
do you do what you do?
Do you physically always go into people's homes?
Can you do this virtually?
Like how does this work?
Yeah, so I do both.
I will go into your home.
Generally speaking, that's gonna be people in my local area.
(18:58):
So if you live in a Twin Cities, Minnesota metro area, look me up.
And I mean, if you live outside of that,
It's not impossible, but you might have to pay for some travel costs.
(19:19):
So maybe not.
Yeah.
I mean, that's my goal some days to like have a very, so successful that I can just flyoff and just like, you know, be able to.
Yeah.
the universe, know, manifestation.
(19:41):
But yeah, but I also will work with people virtually.
It is a little bit different.
I would say, you you need to be maybe a little bit more of a self-starter than you wouldbe if you, if I came into your home, cause there's probably gonna be, cause you're gonna
be doing physically more of the work, right?
(20:02):
But since a lot of what I do is like mindset and coaching around like,
you know, why you feel the need to keep these items or why are these items sentimental or,you know, giving you tips and help and advice and consultation around like trying
(20:27):
different ways of storing your stuff, organizing your stuff.
So in a lot of ways, you have to be doing a lot of the physical labor.
regardless of if I'm there in person or not.
But it is a little, maybe a little bit easier when I'm there to measure and like see allthe nooks and crannies.
(20:53):
But I mean, with Zoom and your phone, we can do a lot.
And I've done a lot with clients just over Zoom.
So yeah, it's,
bodily but not bodily body doubling concept, you know, where it's like, okay, you're notnecessarily here with me in person.
(21:16):
But like, I do feel like even if I had you on zoom, and it was like, all right, I'm goingto go through this drawer now, I'm going to do this.
It's just like having, I feel like it could be just as powerful to experience that.
virtually as well.
So I like that, you know, it can expand in that way possible.
(21:38):
So those that are listening that because that's the other cool thing.
It is a very, it's what you do is very intimate, you know, like you are seeing people'sthings, you're going into their homes, like you're, it's emotional, as you said, like this
detachment is so emotional.
(21:59):
feeling really safe with
with the person that you're doing this is is paramount in my opinion, like you really needto feel like you've got someone you feel comfortable with to do this.
So I love that you can also offer that virtually excited having this conversation.
I'm sure people are gonna be like, she's like my people like the way I felt.
So yes, I'm I am.
(22:22):
I want everyone to know to like
because not everyone gets to the end of podcasts, which if you're like me, I don't either.
So don't feel guilty.
But I'm gonna drop it right now that if you're already thinking like, hey, I could usesome decluttering, I definitely have had this on my we're going into spring, spring
cleaning all of the things like Amelia's information is all in the show notes, but alsonot hard to forget, fuck the perfect life.
(22:48):
So we can very easily memorable.
Tell me a little bit more.
mean, I know we kind of touched on that.
But what does that actually mean?
And how can embracing this philosophy help us like really get to where we want to go?
Yeah, so I think like, kind of like I said earlier that, you know, our mental statemanifests in our physical state and our physical state really impacts our mental state.
(23:18):
And so if you are super busy, stressed all the time, you want to come home to a relaxingenvironment.
And a lot of people don't.
And whether that's because of mess or kids or whatever.
Like that's always gonna be there, right?
But like there are some things you can do to control that to a degree.
(23:42):
so cleaning up those spaces, tidying them up to make them more relaxing for your brain isgonna be more relaxing for your body.
And yeah, the less time you spend cleaning, the more free time you have.
So yeah, there's just like a lot of,
(24:03):
mental and physical reasons to declutter.
mean, also too, like if you have so much stuff that you're tripping over it, I mean,that's like literally a safety hazard, right?
So, so like it affects your health and the more stuff you have, the more dust you have andlike all these things.
so it's yeah, it's, it's like all tied together so much, but just getting down to like,
(24:32):
the more you have to think about your stuff, the more that you, even if it's justsubconsciously, like in the back of my mind, I know that I'm thinking about this pile of
stuff next to me that you can't see that I need to deal with.
(24:52):
So even subconsciously, it seeps in.
The more your brain is full of that,
stuff, the less room you have for the things that actually bring you life and joy.
Right?
So like, if, if you can save an hour a day cleaning, go look at my post on Instagram andyou'll see the math.
(25:20):
If you can save an hour a day cleaning or seven hours a week cleaning, that's seven morehours you could spend
playing with your kids, walking your dog, going after that big dream that you have,slaying those goals.
So, yeah, and it has a tremendous impact, you know, that like, I had to completely redothis office that I'm in right now before I could really launch my business because this
(25:53):
room was the room where everything went to
hide, where that I didn't know what to do with.
And I couldn't work around that because all I would think about is the work that needed tobe done about the stuff.
So yeah, it's, it's amazing how much all of that like weighs on your brain consciously,subconsciously, unconsciously, whatever, and gets in the way of like, yeah, like I said,
(26:21):
the things that bring you joy.
Yeah.
And I think too, from a like financial and energy standpoint, like if you're spending moremoney than you have, like, like it's all tied to over consumption in a way, right?
So like, you know, however you feel about consumption and consumer culture and all ofthat, the more time you're spending shopping, purchasing, storing,
(26:52):
all of these things, like the less money you'll have for experiences and energy you'llhave for experiences.
And so while I may not be a minimalist, I do really value experiences over items becausein five years, I'm going to remember a trip I took.
(27:14):
I'm not going to remember buying this fancy lotion at wherever.
No.
I am.
is awesome and it changes your entire life and that's totally fair, whatever, broadlyspeaking.
Yes.
Yeah, I'm so with you too, is having those experiences that ultimately catapult your lifeinto such different paths than you may be anticipated versus just having another thing.
(27:49):
And sometimes things are necessary.
I went through a really big awakening in 2023.
I realized I was.
really, I mean, I say this out loud, but like a shopping addict, and it's people laughwhen you say that, because they think it's funny.
And I'm like, well, no, there's actually nothing really funny.
(28:11):
Like, would you laugh if I told you I was an alcoholic?
And so there's a real thing where it's like, I, that's how I was getting my dopamine,right?
And it was just like, I was buying the thing, it was something new.
And then it would just like go somewhere and collect dust.
Mm-hmm.
I really needed to get to the root of what was going on because it wasn't actually fixingthe problem.
(28:37):
And I needed to, you know, that was like so much of the, of the inner work that had to do.
which I share that story, not to just tell people about a shopping addiction, but to pullback the layers a little bit because.
You know, we didn't mention this yet, but you and I met because of IGC and we are both.
You know, certified coaches out there in the world who have actually gone and had formaltraining and are impacting at a deeper level.
(29:03):
But what we do with our coaching is really different, which I think is so cool is how wewe've made it individual to what we really enjoy.
But I think people miss that.
What you do is so much more than just, I'm gonna go in and organize all your pencils inone color and make your closet tidy.
(29:29):
And you've mentioned it a couple of times.
So what is that like mental health aspect look of it?
Like when you're coaching them and you've used that word coaching a couple of times, howis it more than just the organization?
Yeah, I mean, I think for me, know, I think a lot of professional organizers, not all ofthem, but a lot of them, people pay them to come into their home and organize their
(29:59):
closet, whatever, and they pay the person to come in, do it for them.
And that's great.
I do not do that for you.
I mean, I'm not afraid to come in there and...
push up my sleeves and do heavy lifting and physically moving stuff around and puttingstuff in boxes.
Like I'm part of it if I'm there, but it's your choice at the end of the day.
(30:27):
It's your work and it's about your, like your own process and your own organizationalstyle.
And you are maybe sitting here going, I don't have an organizational style.
You do.
You do, you just don't know what it is.
Um, and I can't say it's a B or C.
(30:51):
Um, I don't really put them in boxes that way.
I put your stuff in boxes.
Um, but, um, yeah.
And that like, so part of it is like I've said, mindset coaching.
is, it is.
(31:11):
getting you to look at the deeper cause of your collecting items, maybe over consuming.
Maybe it's looking at why you hold on to things or why, you know, cause some people, Ifeel like a lot of people, most people find some items sentimental.
(31:39):
They have some sentimental attachment to some items.
Some have very little and some have a sentimental attachment to like just abouteverything.
And there's a reason for those.
there's psychological reasons for those things.
so addressing that, and I'm not a therapist.
(32:01):
And in fact have had conversations with clients about like maybe you should talk to atherapist about blank, but.
In the meantime, let's work on the mindset around this and do what we can physically tolike, at least clear some space.
But yeah, so it's a lot of like, know, okay, so this is sentimental.
(32:25):
Are you gonna display it somewhere so that you can see it?
Or is it in a box in the back of a closet?
Because then what's the point?
You only remember that it's there every time you go through this box and...
to get rid of stuff.
And so it's like, is there a way you can display it or like?
(32:46):
that sentimentality actually be important or you know and it's coaching through like
It's like so many different things.
It's just like a lot of like, like at the end of the day though, as we say in coachtraining, the client is the expert on their own life.
(33:12):
You're just coaching around like getting them to ask the right questions, to see the blindspots, to really think through at a deeper level what is,
holding them back, what's in their way, what's, you know, keeping them from living thelife that they want.
(33:38):
And yeah, maybe getting rid of all of your clothes from three sizes back is not gonnalike, you know, bring you to the life of your dreams.
I mean, holding onto them thinking that you're going to do the work to fit back into themwhen
(33:59):
you've proven time and time again that that's not your priority.
And that's fine.
If it is cool, like this has nothing to do with body size, shame, any of that.
It just has to do with like, what are our priorities?
And if you're constantly showing that that's not your priority, then all that thoseclothes in the back of your closet are doing are just like taunting you saying like, I'm
(34:25):
not your priority.
Don't you want to be this?
And it's the same thing with like anything, you know, if you have items from crafts thatyou used to do or a hobby or something, it's just like either you're gonna use them or
they're sitting in a corner somewhere mocking you saying like, why aren't you crossstitching or whatever it is.
(34:51):
why aren't you cross stitching today?
Yeah, I'm gonna now part putting totally I'm gonna now start putting like little faces onthings.
And like pretending it's talking to me and be like, Hello, you're not using me.
want to stress at the same time that things don't have feelings, okay?
So like, on the one hand, I know I'm anthropomorphizing items, but it's more about yourbrain looking at them and taunting you than it is the item taunting you.
(35:25):
And that's a really good point.
Like, I think we forget that.
I mean, even when you just said that, I'm like, duh.
But then also, oh, yeah, you're right.
You know, because, yes.
feel bad throwing this away.
And you're like, why?
I don't know, it just seems mean.
It's a piece of paper.
It's not alive.
It doesn't have feelings.
(35:45):
like, I don't want to be cold, but you know, it's at the end of the day, it's like.
It's so funny.
My mom is so sentimental.
Like she's been paying for a storage unit.
Okay.
My, my brother moved out.
(36:06):
my mom moved in with my, my stepdad when my brother moved for college at 18.
He is now 33.
and she's been paying for a storage unit ever since cause she left our childhood home,moved in with him.
And she finally has like started going through it.
And she's like, all right, guys, so I have box of all of your crafts from when you werelittle.
(36:26):
I was like, I, she's like, what do want me to do with it?
And I was like, throw it away.
I don't even know why you're paying for an entire, she's like, but don't you want it?
I'm like, I have lived literally the last 20, 15, 20 years without it.
Like I'm good.
I'm good.
Um,
So it's so interesting.
(36:47):
I feel very opposite about stuff.
when we were recently evacuated for the fires, it really actually highlighted somethingwhere we had to leave quickly.
And I grabbed next to nothing except underwear and my laptop.
And I was like, that's it.
And when I was sitting there thinking, because the first thing my mom said, of course,because her sentimentality, things like, did you grab this?
(37:13):
Did you grab that?
Did you grab this?
I said, no.
I didn't like we left, it was like an emergency, like we had to go.
And in hindsight, I was like, honestly, it can all be replaced.
there's very, there are certain things that like from my daughter's like baby, baby box,or, you know, things like that, like those items can't actually be replaced.
(37:37):
But it really put into perspective and, and, and my partner and I like collectively justsaid to each other,
Why are we holding on to so much stuff if if it all literally could have been gone andit's replaceable?
Like?
Why?
Why are we?
Why?
Why are we doing this to ourselves?
(37:57):
It doesn't.
It's like not serving a purpose.
So yeah, it's interesting the emotional components and the coaching that's needed to gothrough this versus it's not as simple as just like emptying out a drawer.
So
Right.
And yeah, I mean, like I said, it's also a little bit of like accountability coachingsometimes because it's like, OK, I do have this half finished project and I do want to
(38:23):
finish it.
so, you know, I try to work with you on like, OK, then let's create a timeline for that.
And if you haven't finished this project in the timeline, it's time to go.
Like you either make it a priority or it's got to go.
Because yeah, I mean, I think it's a quote that I've heard somewhere and I'm not sureit's, we know who it's attributed to or whatever, but it's something about like, have
(38:54):
nothing in your home you don't deem to be useful or beautiful, something like that.
And to me it's like, yeah, there are things in our home that maybe we don't love, but wehave them because they're useful, because they're.
You know, like I'm not looking at the scissors going like, my God, I love it so much.
brings me joy.
(39:16):
But I have a scissors in every room of my house because I use them all the time.
time.
my god, I love that you said scissors.
That is the number one conversation in our house.
Where are the scissors?
Where are the scissors?
put one in like every room.
Look, I'm not even kidding.
I have one in the living room.
I have one in the kitchen.
I have one in my bedroom.
I have one in the office.
(39:37):
yeah, yeah.
Tape too I have in many places.
Like, and this is what I'm talking about is like, that isn't quote unquote normal or likewhere people normally keep their scissors or whatever.
I don't care.
It's where it's functional for me.
like exactly it works for me.
Mm-hmm.
(39:58):
But yes, so it's like, okay, so some things we have in our home are not gonna bring us joyand we are, we just have them because they're useful.
And some items we have because they do just bring us joy, you know, that like, okay, soyeah, if I had to grab things because of a fire or a disaster or something like that,
(40:18):
there would be things in my home that I'd be sad to lose, but I wouldn't grab them, right?
Like, so it's like,
It's not an either or, it's not black or white.
You know, that like, I have a record player.
Do I need a record player?
Is it useful, quote unquote?
No, I can listen to music on my phone, right?
(40:40):
But I like it and it's fun and it brings me joy.
Yeah.
That's maybe why I thought it.
was like subconsciously in the back of my mind, because I've been looking at it this wholetime.
Yes, and it's so different than playing it on our little speaker device.
So I can't say her name or she'll turn on.
(41:00):
So anyway.
So, so, know, but like, I love that idea of like, okay, so maybe not everything is goingto be joyful.
And not everything's going to be useful either.
But like, have an intention, like have a reason to have the item and know what's in yourhome so that when you need it, want it, you
(41:28):
confined it or at least know where to look.
mean, does everything having a home means that this thing, this item has to sit on thiscorner of this shelf?
No, but just knowing what room it's in, what room it's kept in is a good thing.
And so like I try to work with people on some sort of like home inventory so that at leastthere's like something.
(41:58):
But yeah, or like people buy duplicates of stuff all the time because they're like, Iforgot I had this.
Like stop wasting your time and your money.
I'm so guilty of that.
I've so done that so many times.
And I'm like, why do we have seven of these?
So as we like, start to kind of wrap up, I would love for you to share with us like one ortwo little tips we can immediately implement.
(42:29):
If you know, we want to get started on this like spring cleaning adventure, if you willuse this equinox energy.
or eclipse energy, I should say.
So yeah, what would you say are like some easy DIY things that we could just be like, allright.
And then, you said accountability.
(42:49):
So here's what we're gonna do, y'all.
We're gonna hear her tips, we're gonna do the thing, and then we're gonna tag you at thefuck of perfect life and be like, we did it.
Okay, so there's our accountability, y'all.
So tips, mean, again, because the way I operate is like, we have to find what's functionalfor you, that like I sometimes struggle giving people tips because I'm like, not every tip
(43:20):
is going to work for everybody.
But I do have a couple of things.
So
And I guess that's maybe my number one tip is know that like, everybody's different andthat if you organize something the way that somebody else does, it might be great or it
(43:41):
might be horrible for you and that's okay.
And that it's gonna be a little bit of trial and error.
And so recognizing that like,
keeping things this way is maybe not working for me.
I'm gonna tweak the system and figure something else out.
So that's a big tip.
(44:02):
But I think also just start with one thing.
Like every day, just throw one thing away or pick one thing up and put it in a donationbox.
big person around the environment, sustainability, all of that.
(44:26):
But I also know that sometimes you just got to throw it away.
Like, if it's too much effort, if it's too much, like, I would get so stuck.
mean, like, I know Goodwill won't take this, but I feel like it could be useful forsomebody.
(44:48):
So where do I take it?
Where does it go?
And I would do that, but sometimes you just got to throw it away because you just don'thave the time and energy to do that.
And it just makes you feel shame that you don't have the time or energy to do that.
and everything that exists already exists.
(45:10):
like throwing things in the garbage, like doesn't change that it exists, you know, the wayit's going to end up somewhere.
and decompose or not.
So yeah, but just starting with like one thing a day or if you have a very messy home,just five things in your immediate view, put away.
(45:40):
Now, again, if you don't have, if the concept of put away is not like, cause I thinkthat's,
one thing that people struggle with a lot is that they're like, well, this doesn't have ahome.
This doesn't have a place.
And that makes it harder because you're like, where am going to put it?
Where am I going to make its home?
And I would say if that's your issue, that's when you maybe call in somebody like mebecause it's a bigger thing.
(46:11):
But if it's just having a lot of clutter that doesn't get put away a lot, but does havehomes.
even just putting away five things in your immediate view will bring your anxiety down.
Like that is proven.
So that's a tip.
(46:32):
What else was I gonna say?
so if you're somebody who loses something a lot or like loses stuff a lot or forgets thatthey have something and buys duplicates a lot, put things in the first place you looked
for it.
So if you're like, I can never find, let's go back to the scissors.
(46:58):
Like I can never find scissors.
I don't know where the scissors are.
Keep the scissors in the first place you looked.
because it's always this one drawer.
We always go there first.
So I love that idea.
It's so simple.
right, if it's not there, then why don't you like, it should stay there.
And, you know, if it's, again, I was, I was talking to somebody who was like, I was usingcabinets in my kitchen for non-kitchen stuff, because I didn't have any other storage in
(47:28):
my apartment.
And I was like, so?
And they were like, well, that doesn't belong in the kitchen.
And was like,
but you didn't have space for it and you wanted to keep it and you didn't have kitchenstuff to fill that cabinet, right?
Like it was an empty cabinet?
And they were like, yeah, like then who cares?
Permission.
Thank you.
Yeah, this is your permission to throw that thing away, to give that thing away, to putthings in non-traditional places where it makes the most sense for you.
(47:58):
This is your permission to fuck the perfect life.
Woo.
Yes, girl.
Tell us.
She's like mic drop.
I'm out by piece.
Tell us where we can find you work with you connect with you all the things because I knowpeople now are like, all right, I'm feeling it.
This is like, I'm getting the sign from the universe.
(48:20):
I know I've been needing to do it.
So give us give us the goods.
Where can we find you?
Yeah, so you can find me at Fuck The Perfect Life, all spelled out on Instagram.
If you just Google that, you'll find everything pretty much.
My website, Instagram, those are the main places I'm at.
(48:42):
I do have a Facebook page, I do have a LinkedIn, but those are the two main ones.
That's where I would go.
So yeah, and you can book a.
You can book a consultation call totally free to just chat about like what it is you'restruggling with.
If it's something I can help with or not, that's what we talk about on the call.
(49:06):
And yeah, we'll see if it works and I'd love to work with you.
Amazing.
I'm so grateful for your time and just all the permission you gave us to really I mean,the biggest thing for me was like, it's okay to just throw it away.
Because I think yeah, eventually, it's so funny, my entire clutter that was once in myhouse somehow ends up in my car and then drives around with me for like three months.
(49:34):
So it's just like, no girl, just give it away.
Just put it you know, and so
Yes.
Thank you for the permission slip.
Thank you for being you.
And I'm so excited to see everyone following through and, and decluttering doing thethings.
Yeah, I would love to see, I would love to see your posts about, I always lose blank and Ifinally put it in the fucking drawer that I always look for it in.
(50:03):
I'm gonna do.
I'm just gonna put all the 17,000 things that I mean, it's so funny.
will wrap on this.
But it's like, everyone's like, my god, what did he give you for Christmas?
And I was like, Well, I got a what are those little air pod things that you can like findyour devices I said, because I lose my keys.
(50:24):
Seven.
Air tag.
Yeah.
I go, lose my keys 5 million times a day and it's going to improve our marriage.
Me not having to ask Dee to look for my keys 50 times a day.
So now that I have a tag and they live in this magical drawer that is always where thekeys should go.
I don't lose my keys anymore.
(50:45):
It's so great.
yeah.
See, I put a 3M hook like literally right inside my back door to hold my keys.
It's the key hook because if I don't put it there right away, I will forget and I will notknow where they are.
So yes, it's that kind of stuff.
Whatever works for you.
If it's not aesthetically pleasing, like
(51:07):
Who cares?
If you do care, that's fine too, but we can find ways to make it aesthetically pleasing.
like, yes, it's, yeah.
was that girl that like literally has missed very important life events because I couldnot find my car keys.
I mean, like that it was so bad.
So I, I get it.
(51:28):
Well, thank you again.
I'm so grateful for you.
This was so fun.
And yeah, make sure you tag us.
Bye y'all.
Yep, bye.
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