April 23, 2025 • 46 mins
Let’s be real—parenting isn’t just about raising kids; it’s about surviving the emotional rollercoaster of motherhood while still trying to hold onto who you are. In this episode, I sit down with parent coach and comic relief queen Juliet Jansen to talk about what it actually looks like to mother in 2025—when you’re not only trying to meet your kid’s needs, but your own needs, dreams, and identity too.
We talk about how parenting isn’t one-size-fits-all, how traditional “mom advice” often misses the mark, and what it really takes to create peace inside your home (hint: it starts with you). Juliet shares her refreshingly real “PEACE” method and gets into the nitty-gritty of practical expectations, power struggles, and communication breakdowns—not just with your kids, but with yourself. This convo is part strategy, part therapy, and all permission slip.
If you've ever cried in your pillow, questioned your parenting, or just wanted to disappear for 24 hours (or a week 🙃), this one’s for you. It's not about being a perfect mom—it’s about being a whole human while being a mom.
What we cover:
- Juliet’s PEACE framework: Practical Expectations & Communicate Effectively
- Why regulating your own emotions is the parenting superpower no one talks about
- The real reason “mom guilt” isn’t actually real (this one’s gonna blow your mind)
- How to stop the power struggles and make parenting feel less like a battle
- Why holding onto your identity is one of the greatest gifts you can give your kids
Tune in for an honest, funny, and deeply affirming conversation that will leave you feeling lighter, more equipped, and totally seen.
Stay Connected with Juliet:
-
Follow her on instagram @julietmariecoach
Ready to find out which Goal Slayer Archetype you are? [CLICK HERE] to take the quiz, and start slaying your goals with a whole new level of clarity and confidence!
If you enjoyed this week’s episode, I’d so appreciate you doing a few things for me:
- Please subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen
- Rate and review the podcast on Apple podcasts
- Tag me @thebeamlife on your IG stories and I’ll be sure to share your post!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Hey, girl, hey.
Okay, y'all don't even know buckle up because if you haven't had your coffee or yourmid-afternoon pick me up, Juliet is here to fill in the gap, okay?
I am so excited to have you, girl.
How is it going?
It's going great.
(00:22):
I thank you so much for having me.
I am so so excited.
Been waiting to get to catch up and chat.
So I am.
I'm here for it all.
I'm excited.
Yes, girl.
it's so great how the content of what we're going to be talking about and why it took usso long to even do this.
(00:47):
We have been talking about this now since last October.
We are now in March.
And it's such a good example of being patient.
And also, the conversation is going to happen when the timing needs to happen because
What we're, what we're going to dive into y'all is parenting and really not just like,okay, here's how you parent your kids.
(01:12):
This is more about like how you are treating yourself as the mom, the business owner, thewife, the human going through life and wanting to pursue your dreams while also navigating
challenges.
And what's so interesting about that is all of, know, I've got, you know, my business, thebeam life.
(01:33):
But I also have my daughter that has a high sensory and emotional need.
And I can't always control when she's going to super need me.
And sometimes life has to stop for a moment.
And that's why it's taken us a little while to get here.
So I'm just so excited to have you and dive into one of my most topics that I love talkingabout, which is motherhood, but not
(02:02):
traditional motherhood.
So tell us a little bit more about like why I asked you specifically to talk about thistopic.
Like tell us a little bit about your background, what you're doing now, all the things.
Yeah, sure.
So, well, I think you invited me and asked me to be here because I'm make like comicrelief.
I make you laugh.
(02:22):
But that's the first thing, right?
But you know, when you work with kids and families, like you got to be able to laugh.
You got, mean, just with what, you know, you deal with on a day to day basis.
So I've been doing it for a long time.
So, I mean, I've been in the realm of helping families and
working with parents for, I mean, at least like the last 20 years or so.
(02:47):
So, you know, started out working directly with kids and, you know, it's kind of evolvedinto like, I would like coaching, but it's more like, like consulting, like hands on, like
helping families navigate the challenges of being parents and all that that entails.
And I mean, being a parent is hard.
(03:09):
It's overwhelming.
It sucks sometimes.
Like it's amazing.
It's all the things.
And so it has just been like the joy of my life to help parents and work with families.
And I love kids so much, regardless of where they take us emotionally on a day-to-daybasis.
(03:32):
I mean, I'm here for it all.
I'm just so lucky that, you know, families look to me for help and guidance and, you know,that they keep in touch with me for years and years and years because, you know, the
things that I've helped them with has helped make changes in their family that has lastedand that they've been able to adhere to and they've been like, you'll never guess.
(03:59):
what so and so said, or you'll never guess what they did, and this is because of what youtold us and what you helped us with.
And I mean, that just fills my bucket.
And I mean, I can't ask for anything more than that.
I just, I mean, that's what I'm here for.
That's what I was put on this planet to do is help people.
(04:20):
And my favorite way to do that is connecting with parents and their families and bringingsome
some a little bit more peace and calm to their house, you know, and helping them withwhat, you know, they deal with challenges on a day-to-day basis.
And I'm like, here I am.
(04:40):
I got you, boo.
Got you.
You know, it takes a special human because all I know is if I didn't have to do this, Iwould not do it.
So...
I mean, I have the patience of a saint and I thank my dad for that.
It comes from him.
(05:00):
But that has served me so well in this line of work because I'm just super patient and youknow, cause you know me, like I'm also laid back and I got a sense of humor.
Like those things are perfect for, you know, what I do.
And I think it, you know, it makes kids feel comfortable and at ease and it makes parentsfeel like.
(05:24):
Okay, she's not judging me.
She's here with me.
So give us an example of like, okay, let's say I brought you in to help coach me like, Ithink that people don't understand that concept.
They get a coat like a business coach, they get a traditional life coach.
(05:48):
But if I were to hire you to come like coach me in parenting, what would that look like?
Yeah, so it's gonna look different for everybody.
So if you ask me to come and coach you as a parent, help me, I would say, okay, what areyou struggling with?
What's driving you insane right now?
(06:09):
What can you just not get a handle on?
What have you been doing that's sucking?
What have you been feeling?
You know, what are you dealing with that you just can't quite get in the way you want?
you know, or like is there something specific like for you for example like you knowyou're dealing with you were you told me about dealing with like the tantrum and the big
(06:36):
emotions like what what's been working for you with that and where do you need somesupport because i'm sure you have answers to both of those
I was like, what if my answer is everything?
then that's where, then we start with one piece of that, right?
Because I actually have heard that response.
(06:59):
I was like, I'm sure listeners are like, okay, but what if we're that person that's like,my Yeah, everything's on fire.
I'm crying in my pillow.
Right?
I mean, my life is on fire.
My household's in flames.
My household's trash.
It's a mess.
My emotions are not regulated.
(07:20):
Like, I'm struggling.
The mom guilt is off the hook right now.
And I don't know what to do.
I'm gonna say, all right, let's start with one thing.
Mmm.
one thing that'll help you today?
See, you thought I was asking you on here for comedic relief, but I also was asking youfor my own personal coaching session.
(07:42):
Because I am like, I need this now.
No, seriously, it's really one of those things.
And I know everyone is like laughing slash shaking their head because we as moms have likeall been there where and the worst part about it, I think, is that when we're going
(08:02):
through it, I've been so
fortunate that I feel very, I've worked through a lot of like, I don't care about beingjudged and I don't sugar coat like my kids on the spectrum.
I also don't sugar coat that I struggle.
also don't sugar coat what goes on behind closed doors, even though I tell everyone thereis no behind the scenes.
(08:23):
I keep obviously the intimate stuff private between my, my daughter and I as that's noneof it, the world's business.
in terms of the struggle, I I'm pretty,
vocal about it.
But I think what I see is that many are not because then they're like, if I tell the othermoms at school, that this is what I'm experiencing.
(08:44):
I'm afraid that I'm going to be like that mom, they're going to judge me or like they'renot going to want their kids to play with my kid.
And I would hate to like ostracize my child, let alone not fit in.
So like, how can moms navigate this challenge and like
do is it just like, we'll get over it, find your people because it's not that simple.
(09:05):
What are because I really feel like that's the first layer is just admitting thatmotherhood is fucking hard.
And we need just to get out of this like insular isolation thing.
Right, for sure.
mean, I think, you you make a good point in that, like, you should be open about your,especially in 2025, where everything is like out there, you know?
(09:32):
And I think it's some of the stigma of like the struggles with being a parent and not theperfect Instagram perfect that a lot of people put out there, but like the real every day.
I think the stigma is coming off of that in terms of
Now it's like, okay, guess what?
It's okay to show what you're struggling with.
(09:53):
It's okay to show that this is not perfect.
And of course I love my kids more than anything, but don't get it twisted.
It still sucks sometimes and I'm gonna keep it real, you know?
And I support that.
And I feel like in this day and age, it's, that is what's important is not only beingreal.
with how you show up, you know, and show everybody who you are as a person and parent, youknow, but also being honest and real with your kids.
(10:25):
You can't not be real with your kids.
I'm not saying treat your kids like adults.
You you can't.
They're kids.
They're not even in that space, you know.
They can't be on that same level regardless of who your kid is, even if they're freakinggeniuses.
They're not on that level.
you know, don't treat them beyond their level, but be real, be honest.
(10:48):
Like I'm not saying share like intimate personal things with your kids, but how else doyou expect them to learn how to handle their own stress, their own anxieties, manage their
own emotions?
Like we've talked a little bit about that emotion regulation and how important that is.
And in my opinion, a lot of kids nowadays don't know how to do it.
(11:12):
They don't learn it.
It's not taught.
Guess what?
It's taught by us.
It's taught by, yeah, it's taught by their parents.
It's taught by their teachers and their counselors and whoever, know, if they're playtherapists, so if they're with their therapist or whatever, that's when they're learning
that.
But guess what?
The first place they're learning that is at home.
(11:34):
And part of how they learn how to regulate is by seeing their parents regulate.
is by seeing what you go through as a parent and you keeping it real.
Like, you know, I hear what you're asking me and I really want to help you with that rightnow.
Can you give me five minutes?
(11:56):
Because I'm just having a moment that I'm really overwhelmed.
And I don't want to take attention away from this important thing that you asked me about.
Like, I'm gonna answer your question, I promise.
I'm gonna come and look at what you did, I promise.
I just need five minutes.
In fact, I'm gonna set a timer on this phone right here and you can look at it.
(12:17):
I just need five minutes and I'll be right with you.
So good.
And I will never forget when I first started therapy with my daughter, I feel so lucky forlike the group we were at because they were like, okay, great.
So her therapy times was this and then parent training is this time.
(12:37):
And I was like, what do mean parent training?
I was like, what does that even mean?
And that's when I got an education that, you know, just sending your kid to a therapy or
enough.
even like ABA or OT or all the layers, like that's only a blip in their week.
(12:57):
So what they're exposed to is us, right?
And to your point, like how we manage and take care of ourselves is ultimately like do asI say, not as I do that whole concept.
It's like, no, do as I do, because I want to represent.
(13:18):
what it's like to also, you I always look back and both my parents, God love them, I'mclose with both of them, but they both deal with conflict by icing you out.
Like they just don't talk to you.
And that is like the way I was raised is where they just like go inward.
And I was like, that doesn't feel good.
(13:41):
You know, and I, I think like, gosh, that's probably what they were taught.
is how to deal with conflict.
And I'm like, we...
that too.
I mean that's generational too, you know, it's like not just the not just traumagenerational and bringing that and putting that on your kids.
That's a whole nother podcast.
But the generations of our parents and their parents like they're not taught to be honestabout what they're going through.
(14:07):
They're not taught to share who they really are as a person outside of being mom or dad.
Like they're not
not taught like yes, you're also an individual human being beyond just being mom or dad,like, they're not taught to be, you know, sharing things with their kids and showing them,
(14:27):
you know, it's more of that authoritative parenting, which, you know, there's some amazingthings about having that authoritative parenting.
I am not knocking that at all.
But you know, you've got to have pieces of everything, you know.
And knowing like how I always think back to the book love languages.
(14:50):
And it's like, some kids might work really well with that like authority slashdisciplinarian rigid structure and other kids are like, fuck that.
Like I'm gonna rebel if you do that.
I'm only gonna do it more if you give that to me.
I actually need super tenderness, TLC, lots of touching and loving and you know that
(15:13):
takes takes training.
And so I wanted to like, you normalize that parent training is actually so vital.
And I think whether your kid is like three or 17 or 18, like almost grown, because here'sthe thing too, is like the training, the techniques we were getting at three are different
(15:34):
than now when she's at eight.
And we're like at that pre pubescent stage.
And so she's still like this really sweet.
like young girl, we haven't gotten to like preteen yet, but I can see, God, I am bracingmyself, girl, bracing myself.
(15:54):
I'm lit, literally, I'm like, so do I need to be building an ADU in the back of my houseor what's happening?
So yeah, I mean, I think that it's, it's
it's okay to say like, yeah, I'm actually just like we would go and get knowledge tobecome a life coach, right?
(16:18):
Like we don't just go out and become life coaches.
go through a certification program and I don't know.
I feel like parenting is the weirdest thing because you go in, no.
have a handbook unless I write one.
Just kidding.
And...
There's no like, this is how you do it and you have to do with it.
(16:38):
Like everybody's different, yes, but like also you can't be expected to just magicallyknow like you need skills.
You need to learn certain things and how to handle things and how to deal with things andalso how to deal with your own stuff at the same time.
You know, you need all of that.
(16:59):
And we're kind of past those days of getting away with what you were saying before, whichis the do as I say, not as I do.
Kids are too aware of shit now.
They're exposed to so much now.
There's no way.
Don't even say that phrase, because it does not apply.
It does not apply.
(17:19):
It does not.
And I'm curious, because you said techniques, skills, tools.
So when in your history of doing this, when you think about parents, because again, wecould talk all day long about how tools to give our kids, but I really don't want this to
be kid focused, because I think that puts a lot on them.
I really feel like the biggest shifts I've seen inside my house are when I am working onme.
(17:45):
Yes.
I really want to focus our conversation on that.
So when you think about the families and the people that you like to work with and howtransformation has actually happened, what would you say like are the one or two universal
skills that we need to be equipped with as parents that like just knowing these one or twolittle things might shift everything.
(18:15):
Yeah, so actually, that's a perfect time for me to mention that.
Kind of like the basis of what I essentially am about, which is parenting is peace.
And I know every parent's gonna be like, delete, what's this girl talking about?
(18:36):
Parenting ain't no peace.
Well, I mean by peace, because I love some anagrams, is practical.
expectations and communicate effectively.
So those two things.
Practical expectations, effective communication.
So what I mean by practical expectations is meeting your kids where you are.
(19:00):
And this isn't just meeting your kids where you are, it's meeting you where you are.
It's meeting your partner where they are.
And it's having expectations that are in alignment.
with where the person is that you're trying to get through to or that you're communicatingwith.
That goes with kids, that goes with you, that goes with your partner.
(19:20):
It's with everything.
But like you as the parent, like you know you can't, for example, you're trying to tellyour kid to go and do, you know, whatever it is.
They're three years old.
Like you have to eat like not that you can't have them do something but you've got toapproach it in a certain way based on where they are developmentally and here you go if
(19:43):
you're dealing with a tween you which you will be Not just developmentally but emotionallymeeting them where they are So not judging where they're at not expecting them to be
farther there than they are but meeting them where they are.
So that's why I say
Like it's got to be logical and practical in terms of dealing with that.
(20:08):
I love that you say this and I want to, can't wait to hear like the, the more about theother, the a and the C two is like, but with this practical expectation, it brings me to,
you know, my daughter's in second grade now and where we really started noticingbehaviors, especially like the school resistance was in first grade.
Like she missed so many days of first grade and then
(20:34):
you know, now in second grade, we're well into the school year as we're approachingsummer, of course.
And I'll never forget, like when we were meeting with her therapist, this was at thebeginning of the school year, of her second grade, and she was like, well,
I had shared with her like McLean still missed a couple of days and she's like, I justwant to put this into perspective.
(20:56):
Like this time last year, she had missed X number of days and now she's only missed thisnumber of days.
So while she still has missed more days than like the average kid or than we'd like herto, like, let's actually manage realistic expectations.
And she might not be the kid that has perfect attendance or where you get to school ontime.
(21:17):
maybe the first goal is just to like arrive at school.
And even if she doesn't go in, we just put our feet on the campus.
And if she decides she doesn't want to go, then that's okay.
But we need to lower expectations.
And like, that permission.
I was like, fucking a thank you.
(21:38):
Thank you.
Yes.
literally, I was just like, I feel like
So something's wrong with me.
I can't get my kid to school.
She's going to have to repeat the grade.
And then I was like, whatever.
What if she has to repeat the grade?
OK.
OK.
Like that we will deal with that when we get there.
(22:01):
So that is so huge.
some advice if I can you know, which this applies to i'm speaking to you specifically butalso this can apply to the rest of the audience too but in terms of like what you deal
with with your daughter's circumstances like Children with those type of struggles,appreciate the choices so they appreciate having choice and
(22:30):
It being up to them.
So the key is is making sure that the choices are all Directions you want them to go, youknow, that's kind of the key But and but this doesn't doesn't just apply to you Of course
that applies to every parent like you have to keep in mind that some of what's gonna becreating that Shitstorm in your household is the power struggles, you know, that's such a
(22:56):
huge thing for every every parent but
that stems from kids want to be in control.
Doesn't matter what they're in control of.
They want the blue cup over the purple cup.
How dare you?
Like, you know, it could be something small or it could be something big, but is it gonnahurt you to give them more choices?
Nah.
Is it gonna make your life easier?
(23:18):
Yes.
Is it gonna, you know, show them good examples of like, if I just have this, you know,logical discussion about
I would like this and this, thank you.
Okay, we can do this.
know, like offering as many, I'm all for offering as many choices as able to.
(23:40):
mean, literally even with like, with her iPad now, I'm like, do you want 30 or 40 minutes?
Most of the time she'll say like, give me a choice.
Sometimes she'll say 60.
And I'll be like, you know what?
It's, but even then I'm like, okay, sometimes if it's reasonable, if it's reasonable,because then I'm like, I'll say something like, you know what?
(24:05):
That wasn't one of the choices, but.
We'll roll with it today because guess what?
You did your homework.
So yeah, extra 20 minutes of screen time.
No big deal.
And you asked politely.
You didn't demand, you know, I mean, yeah, there's points for that.
I mean, what a good human.
I think I tried to, one of the things I learned, this is specific to my daughter with PDA,but I think it's with other kids too.
(24:30):
You said it, power struggle.
So she gets like the dopamine hit from the struggle.
So I try to remove the struggle and have her like get the dopamine in a different wayversus the, you know?
And so I am like, all right.
I've had to let go of like, OK, again, that expectation, that thing is I'm such a passiveparent.
(24:52):
She's walking all over me.
I'm shitty.
What's wrong with me?
And then I'm like, actually, no.
Because what makes me shitty is when we get into a power struggle, and then I'm literallylowering myself down to an eight-year-old level.
And I find myself being like, no, you can't do that.
Oh, no, because I said.
And then I'm like, oh, my god.
Are you literally eight?
(25:12):
What is wrong with you?
So OK.
We get practical expectations.
Bring us to the next letters, AC.
so well, this is how I did it.
The A is and, so let's not get crazy, right?
And communicate effectively, so that's the C and E.
(25:34):
Which obviously that all ties together, of course, because learning communicationstrategies are gonna be more effective if you're meeting people where they're at based on
those.
You know the expectations of where they are But in terms of like communicating effectivelyobviously that is gonna look different in every household especially depending on what
(25:59):
their struggles are and what their children are like and what their households like But Imean certainly you can work on your ability to communicate and that's not just with your
words, but with your
with your body language.
I mean kids are freaking sponges and they are like on you too.
(26:22):
They pick up on everything.
So if your body language is showing something that's a way of communicating and you havelike I know it seems like a lot to be aware of but that's only gonna benefit you in the
long run as well being that self aware of
(26:43):
how you react, not just what you say, not just the, you know, but your whole body and howthat reacts to things.
And like, for example, I mean, if you're saying like, I told you to clean your room orwhatever, or you're saying like, thought we talked about that you were gonna get your room
(27:03):
clean.
It seems like you're struggling with that.
So let's make a plan.
Like let's do it together or whatever, instead of like.
told you to clean your room or whatever, but you see the difference in like, I mean, youmake me go off, but you see the difference in like how that appears to the person viewing
it.
Like imagine how that's gonna affect how they then react to what you're trying tocommunicate with them, you know.
(27:28):
that cleaning room is such an actual great example because, so like, I really struggledhaving a clean room growing up.
You know, I'm a kid of the 90s.
So we didn't do all this emotional regulation shit.
We didn't have parents asking if we were fine.
(27:48):
It was like, my way or the highway.
I'm the parent.
You're the child.
You respect me.
And I'm making my parents sound like tyrants.
They're wonderful humans, but like they were, they were normal nineties parents.
Okay.
So, um, I always, I love your example because it brings me back to how many times I heard,why haven't you cleaned your room?
(28:11):
I asked you to clean your room.
I can't believe you'd want to live it, right?
Bringing on all this like shame and embarrassment, which I wasn't diagnosed with ADHDuntil I was 33 years old.
huh.
like what in the actual fuck when I told my sister who's a nurse practitioner, she waslike, duh, I've known this forever.
You had to find your own way.
(28:32):
I was like, F you.
I love you.
But she's like, this is not a surprise.
But part of my issue with cleaning my room was not that I liked a dirty room.
I was literally not able to.
didn't I was lacking some skill and that's how and I needed some support and
(28:53):
But you could you were too young to communicate that with your parents like I need helpright?
You don't tell them you just do what they say
Yeah, I didn't even know what I needed.
And so I love the way you even framed that room question because a lot of parentslistening to us, especially if the kids might be older and like able I put able in quotes
(29:13):
in case you're just listening to clean their room, they might not be able to clean theirroom.
So rephrasing it the way you did like, I noticed you still haven't cleaned your room.
Love to talk about it.
It sounds and looks like maybe you need a plan.
What would be helpful?
What do you need in order for you to clean your room?
(29:35):
And then it can open up a brand.
I get chills thinking about it because then your kid feels like, damn, I just got askedthe question.
I actually don't know why I'm struggling to clean my room.
I don't know.
Yes.
They don't feel like you're judging them or that you're mad at them or anything like that.
Then you get, that's like another opportunity for that bond, you know, to like as parentchild, which I mean, it is always an amazing thing when you're able to do something else
(30:07):
or say something that can help strengthen that bond, you know.
Yes.
And teach them something as well and you're teaching them that like it's okay if you'restruggling with something Let's talk about it, you know
And it opens, like, I feel like if we create a safe space for something as simple ascleaning a room, they can then come to us for bigger things, like when they're feeling
(30:33):
peer pressure, when they're being bullied, when they feel like they're having weirdthoughts or things or just whatever, like we become a more comfortable space for them.
The other thing I wanted to talk about communication and why I feel like people sodesperately need
you and your offerings and what you do is, it's one thing to say, well, communicateeffectively.
(30:58):
But I don't know that a lot of adults actually know how to even communicate withthemselves.
Yeah, that's why I included self when I was describing that because I think it's easy toforget about the self in that.
But of course that's part of everything you do as a parent and as an individual, you know,is not forgetting about that self piece.
(31:20):
It's, you know, I do these like little strategy sessions for business owners.
And like one of the questions is like, okay, this section is all about like effectivecommunication.
If you don't have a team, just answer how you would communicate with yourself.
And I'll be like, okay, on a scale of one to 10, like how effective do you think your,communication is?
Like, what do you mean communicate with myself?
(31:43):
They're like, do you mean like talking to myself?
I'm like, well, kind of, but also
Yeah.
How often are you saying, I'm going to get up today when the alarm goes off and you don'tand you snooze?
Or how often do you say, I'm going to follow through on calling this person, making thisappointment, I need to go see this doctor, whatever it is, and we don't do it.
(32:08):
That's communication, right?
There's a communication block.
So or even as simple as like
I'm feeling overwhelmed right now.
I should ask myself, what do I need?
So, yes.
of ignoring it.
We always think I think that's one of the powers of life coaching and going throughcertification like the both of us have is we recognize that communication is not just like
(32:38):
this between two people.
It's absolutely inside as well.
And I feel like if there's if you notice patterns, right?
In other areas, it's probably like, the common factor is here.
How are we communicating?
So okay.
Well, and that's a good reminder too of something that I think about when I'm chattingwith parents and learning about what they're struggling with is that, you know, so many
(33:08):
parents, I don't want to say get lost in the fact that they're parents, but like just kindof operate under the assumption that once they become parents, that's it.
But the case is that that ain't exactly the truth, right?
Because...
They were an individual before they became a parent and they're still an individual beyondbeing a parent.
(33:31):
Being a parent is just a part of them.
It's not their complete and total identity.
And I think that your listeners can take this as permission to acknowledge that they areindividual people with needs that have nothing to do with being a parent.
(33:52):
Permission granted.
You are a person, you are an individual, and you are worthy and meaningful, and you aresomeone beyond just being mom or dad.
Right?
And don't frickin' forget it.
Yes.
It's when we lose that identity.
(34:13):
I mean, and I have, I, that was one of the hardest parts.
Cause I honestly did not have, yeah, I didn't have being a mom on my bingo card.
That was not something, you know, there's some people that like from a little girl,they're like, I can't wait to be a mom.
was never that person.
Never.
And even now I look at kids and I'm like, no,
(34:33):
No, thank you.
I've got mine.
She's amazing.
I love her.
That's it.
I know more.
you know, I just think that that's when I had her, I was like, wait a second.
I had all these other like hopes and dreams and ambitions and like, now what?
Like, am I just this mom?
And it's like, no, we actually can be still those things and better.
(34:57):
I actually, really do feel like having this, this parent,
skill set that it takes to to raise a kid if you want to do it the right way becausethere's no right way but I use that in quotes meaning the way that's the best supported
for your family that it even makes you a stronger person and whatever you're doing yourcareer your life your dreams your business so I love that you bring that up and that's for
(35:22):
sure something
about the example you're setting for your kids by showing them who you are and what youare and what you do as the individual and how you show up for yourself and how you take
care of yourself and go on and go on your spa day.
Go on and go to the gym and meet up with your friends.
(35:42):
Go on and hang out with your colleagues or whatever it is.
Like, I mean, it could be going to your doctor's appointment without children, like withyou or whatever it is.
Like, look at the example you're setting for your kids by showing them like, it's okay todo, to be me and do the things I did before you got here.
Amen.
(36:03):
Amen.
A freaking man.
I want to I want to like wrap our podcast by talking about mom guilt because I don't wantto I know you have like your own twist on this that I know is going to be like, what, but
I want to talk about that.
But I want to reiterate.
So peace stands for practical expectations and communicate effectively.
(36:25):
let me a good little system.
So putting a bow on that wrapping that up.
digest that for a moment as we transition into the ultimate, like, I would say thisparalyzes so many women.
So let's get into it.
Tell us all about your mom guilt theory.
(36:47):
I want to hear it all.
I'm ready.
my mom guilt theory is that it's not real.
I don't know about that.
Tell me more.
Mom guilt ain't real.
This is what I mean by that.
I'm not saying the feeling isn't real.
I completely understand the feeling is real.
(37:07):
I'm saying that the the phrase mom guilt isn't real because this is my opinion, obviously.
But mom guilt is like a construct, essentially a label created.
It's not like a real actual thing.
Yes.
Do we feel guilty sometimes for doing things for ourselves?
(37:31):
Yes.
But where did that come from?
Who said we have to feel guilty for doing stuff that's for us?
Who said that we have to feel guilty for continuing to be an individual person outside ofbeing a mom?
Like, what mom, you know, should feel guilty for going to their OB appointment instead of
(37:56):
coming to this when they had this scheduled for six months and they couldn't make this andso it has to be recorded instead or you know, whatever it is.
But I'm not saying, like I said, I'm not saying the feeling of guilt is not real.
Of course, that's your feeling and that's real.
I'm saying the reasoning behind that and that label of mom guilt, not a real thing.
(38:19):
Not a real thing.
It's fricking construct.
Put upon women.
Yup.
society men, by society, right?
Patriarchy, mean, that's another podcast people, but it's something put upon us, notsomething we agreed to and something we took, but something put upon us as a label, not a
(38:46):
real thing.
So stop feeling that.
Or if you do feel that, pause and be like, hold up.
Just kidding, not real.
Let me go do this.
So yeah, like that backpack we've been carrying permission to remove.
We're going to just leave her right there as we keep hiking up this hill, you know.
(39:08):
to acknowledge mom guilt.
Oh, who said that?
Bye bye.
What mom guilt?
never heard this before and I love it so much because you're 100 % right.
It's not real.
It's not a real actual thing.
It's something put upon us.
Why do we have to carry that?
Why do we have to keep that?
Get rid of it.
(39:29):
Bye bye.
think about something that is quote unquote real, which would be like anxiety, right?
It's like anxiety is something that like, you know, actually like chemically changes ourbody.
makes us have all these like physical and emotional and mental changes versus guilt isliterally because mom guilt specifically is because we are choosing to put ourselves
(39:52):
first.
Girl, I think you might just broke my brain on this one.
Well that's why I like, that's why I tell everyone I was like, wait till you hear what Isay about mom guilt.
I think my brain just broke in the best way possible.
Seriously, like if someone listening to this hears that and it and feels like that givesthem permission to let go of that entire frickin idea.
(40:19):
Yeah
Mmm, we're here for it.
And with that, tell us how we can find you work with you soak in this comedic reliefbecause let's be real.
We need it.
We need it out here when we are in the trenches of motherhood.
yes, if you're about this energy and you want to work with me, you can find me.
(40:40):
I mean, right?
I mean, let's say that first.
You can find me on Instagram at Juliet Marie coach and send me a message, know comment onmy ridiculousness whatever it is reach out to me anytime I am so excited to meet you and
(41:02):
and work with you and help you Burn mom Gillum in a dumpster fire and you know
Take on those challenges head-on and yeah, give you permission to continue being you
love it.
I love it.
And I'm going to link that all in the show notes.
(41:22):
Thank you so much for literally giving us such a practical tactical, effective sessionbecause we I think we all just needed all of these permission slips.
And I'm like, I am leaving this conversation lighter than when we started.
So thank you.
Love you to pieces.
(41:43):
The work you're doing is so needed.
And again, you guys
find all the information to connect with Juliet in the show notes.
See you back next week.
Yay!
Hey, girl, hey.
Okay, y'all don't even know buckle up because if you haven't had your coffee or yourmid-afternoon pick me up, Juliet is here to fill in the gap, okay?
I am so excited to have you, girl.
How is it going?
It's going great.
(00:22):
I thank you so much for having me.
I am so so excited.
Been waiting to get to catch up and chat.
So I am.
I'm here for it all.
I'm excited.
Yes, girl.
it's so great how the content of what we're going to be talking about and why it took usso long to even do this.
(00:47):
We have been talking about this now since last October.
We are now in March.
And it's such a good example of being patient.
And also, the conversation is going to happen when the timing needs to happen because
What we're, what we're going to dive into y'all is parenting and really not just like,okay, here's how you parent your kids.
(01:12):
This is more about like how you are treating yourself as the mom, the business owner, thewife, the human going through life and wanting to pursue your dreams while also navigating
challenges.
And what's so interesting about that is all of, know, I've got, you know, my business, thebeam life.
(01:33):
But I also have my daughter that has a high sensory and emotional need.
And I can't always control when she's going to super need me.
And sometimes life has to stop for a moment.
And that's why it's taken us a little while to get here.
So I'm just so excited to have you and dive into one of my most topics that I love talkingabout, which is motherhood, but not
(02:02):
traditional motherhood.
So tell us a little bit more about like why I asked you specifically to talk about thistopic.
Like tell us a little bit about your background, what you're doing now, all the things.
Yeah, sure.
So, well, I think you invited me and asked me to be here because I'm make like comicrelief.
I make you laugh.
(02:22):
But that's the first thing, right?
But you know, when you work with kids and families, like you got to be able to laugh.
You got, mean, just with what, you know, you deal with on a day to day basis.
So I've been doing it for a long time.
So, I mean, I've been in the realm of helping families and
working with parents for, I mean, at least like the last 20 years or so.
(02:47):
So, you know, started out working directly with kids and, you know, it's kind of evolvedinto like, I would like coaching, but it's more like, like consulting, like hands on, like
helping families navigate the challenges of being parents and all that that entails.
And I mean, being a parent is hard.
(03:09):
It's overwhelming.
It sucks sometimes.
Like it's amazing.
It's all the things.
And so it has just been like the joy of my life to help parents and work with families.
And I love kids so much, regardless of where they take us emotionally on a day-to-daybasis.
(03:32):
I mean, I'm here for it all.
I'm just so lucky that, you know, families look to me for help and guidance and, you know,that they keep in touch with me for years and years and years because, you know, the
things that I've helped them with has helped make changes in their family that has lastedand that they've been able to adhere to and they've been like, you'll never guess.
(03:59):
what so and so said, or you'll never guess what they did, and this is because of what youtold us and what you helped us with.
And I mean, that just fills my bucket.
And I mean, I can't ask for anything more than that.
I just, I mean, that's what I'm here for.
That's what I was put on this planet to do is help people.
(04:20):
And my favorite way to do that is connecting with parents and their families and bringingsome
some a little bit more peace and calm to their house, you know, and helping them withwhat, you know, they deal with challenges on a day-to-day basis.
And I'm like, here I am.
(04:40):
I got you, boo.
Got you.
You know, it takes a special human because all I know is if I didn't have to do this, Iwould not do it.
So...
I mean, I have the patience of a saint and I thank my dad for that.
It comes from him.
(05:00):
But that has served me so well in this line of work because I'm just super patient and youknow, cause you know me, like I'm also laid back and I got a sense of humor.
Like those things are perfect for, you know, what I do.
And I think it, you know, it makes kids feel comfortable and at ease and it makes parentsfeel like.
(05:24):
Okay, she's not judging me.
She's here with me.
So give us an example of like, okay, let's say I brought you in to help coach me like, Ithink that people don't understand that concept.
They get a coat like a business coach, they get a traditional life coach.
(05:48):
But if I were to hire you to come like coach me in parenting, what would that look like?
Yeah, so it's gonna look different for everybody.
So if you ask me to come and coach you as a parent, help me, I would say, okay, what areyou struggling with?
What's driving you insane right now?
(06:09):
What can you just not get a handle on?
What have you been doing that's sucking?
What have you been feeling?
You know, what are you dealing with that you just can't quite get in the way you want?
you know, or like is there something specific like for you for example like you knowyou're dealing with you were you told me about dealing with like the tantrum and the big
(06:36):
emotions like what what's been working for you with that and where do you need somesupport because i'm sure you have answers to both of those
I was like, what if my answer is everything?
then that's where, then we start with one piece of that, right?
Because I actually have heard that response.
(06:59):
I was like, I'm sure listeners are like, okay, but what if we're that person that's like,my Yeah, everything's on fire.
I'm crying in my pillow.
Right?
I mean, my life is on fire.
My household's in flames.
My household's trash.
It's a mess.
My emotions are not regulated.
(07:20):
Like, I'm struggling.
The mom guilt is off the hook right now.
And I don't know what to do.
I'm gonna say, all right, let's start with one thing.
Mmm.
one thing that'll help you today?
See, you thought I was asking you on here for comedic relief, but I also was asking youfor my own personal coaching session.
(07:42):
Because I am like, I need this now.
No, seriously, it's really one of those things.
And I know everyone is like laughing slash shaking their head because we as moms have likeall been there where and the worst part about it, I think, is that when we're going
(08:02):
through it, I've been so
fortunate that I feel very, I've worked through a lot of like, I don't care about beingjudged and I don't sugar coat like my kids on the spectrum.
I also don't sugar coat that I struggle.
also don't sugar coat what goes on behind closed doors, even though I tell everyone thereis no behind the scenes.
(08:23):
I keep obviously the intimate stuff private between my, my daughter and I as that's noneof it, the world's business.
in terms of the struggle, I I'm pretty,
vocal about it.
But I think what I see is that many are not because then they're like, if I tell the othermoms at school, that this is what I'm experiencing.
(08:44):
I'm afraid that I'm going to be like that mom, they're going to judge me or like they'renot going to want their kids to play with my kid.
And I would hate to like ostracize my child, let alone not fit in.
So like, how can moms navigate this challenge and like
do is it just like, we'll get over it, find your people because it's not that simple.
(09:05):
What are because I really feel like that's the first layer is just admitting thatmotherhood is fucking hard.
And we need just to get out of this like insular isolation thing.
Right, for sure.
mean, I think, you you make a good point in that, like, you should be open about your,especially in 2025, where everything is like out there, you know?
(09:32):
And I think it's some of the stigma of like the struggles with being a parent and not theperfect Instagram perfect that a lot of people put out there, but like the real every day.
I think the stigma is coming off of that in terms of
Now it's like, okay, guess what?
It's okay to show what you're struggling with.
(09:53):
It's okay to show that this is not perfect.
And of course I love my kids more than anything, but don't get it twisted.
It still sucks sometimes and I'm gonna keep it real, you know?
And I support that.
And I feel like in this day and age, it's, that is what's important is not only beingreal.
with how you show up, you know, and show everybody who you are as a person and parent, youknow, but also being honest and real with your kids.
(10:25):
You can't not be real with your kids.
I'm not saying treat your kids like adults.
You you can't.
They're kids.
They're not even in that space, you know.
They can't be on that same level regardless of who your kid is, even if they're freakinggeniuses.
They're not on that level.
you know, don't treat them beyond their level, but be real, be honest.
(10:48):
Like I'm not saying share like intimate personal things with your kids, but how else doyou expect them to learn how to handle their own stress, their own anxieties, manage their
own emotions?
Like we've talked a little bit about that emotion regulation and how important that is.
And in my opinion, a lot of kids nowadays don't know how to do it.
(11:12):
They don't learn it.
It's not taught.
Guess what?
It's taught by us.
It's taught by, yeah, it's taught by their parents.
It's taught by their teachers and their counselors and whoever, know, if they're playtherapists, so if they're with their therapist or whatever, that's when they're learning
that.
But guess what?
The first place they're learning that is at home.
(11:34):
And part of how they learn how to regulate is by seeing their parents regulate.
is by seeing what you go through as a parent and you keeping it real.
Like, you know, I hear what you're asking me and I really want to help you with that rightnow.
Can you give me five minutes?
(11:56):
Because I'm just having a moment that I'm really overwhelmed.
And I don't want to take attention away from this important thing that you asked me about.
Like, I'm gonna answer your question, I promise.
I'm gonna come and look at what you did, I promise.
I just need five minutes.
In fact, I'm gonna set a timer on this phone right here and you can look at it.
(12:17):
I just need five minutes and I'll be right with you.
So good.
And I will never forget when I first started therapy with my daughter, I feel so lucky forlike the group we were at because they were like, okay, great.
So her therapy times was this and then parent training is this time.
(12:37):
And I was like, what do mean parent training?
I was like, what does that even mean?
And that's when I got an education that, you know, just sending your kid to a therapy or
enough.
even like ABA or OT or all the layers, like that's only a blip in their week.
(12:57):
So what they're exposed to is us, right?
And to your point, like how we manage and take care of ourselves is ultimately like do asI say, not as I do that whole concept.
It's like, no, do as I do, because I want to represent.
(13:18):
what it's like to also, you I always look back and both my parents, God love them, I'mclose with both of them, but they both deal with conflict by icing you out.
Like they just don't talk to you.
And that is like the way I was raised is where they just like go inward.
And I was like, that doesn't feel good.
(13:41):
You know, and I, I think like, gosh, that's probably what they were taught.
is how to deal with conflict.
And I'm like, we...
that too.
I mean that's generational too, you know, it's like not just the not just traumagenerational and bringing that and putting that on your kids.
That's a whole nother podcast.
But the generations of our parents and their parents like they're not taught to be honestabout what they're going through.
(14:07):
They're not taught to share who they really are as a person outside of being mom or dad.
Like they're not
not taught like yes, you're also an individual human being beyond just being mom or dad,like, they're not taught to be, you know, sharing things with their kids and showing them,
(14:27):
you know, it's more of that authoritative parenting, which, you know, there's some amazingthings about having that authoritative parenting.
I am not knocking that at all.
But you know, you've got to have pieces of everything, you know.
And knowing like how I always think back to the book love languages.
(14:50):
And it's like, some kids might work really well with that like authority slashdisciplinarian rigid structure and other kids are like, fuck that.
Like I'm gonna rebel if you do that.
I'm only gonna do it more if you give that to me.
I actually need super tenderness, TLC, lots of touching and loving and you know that
(15:13):
takes takes training.
And so I wanted to like, you normalize that parent training is actually so vital.
And I think whether your kid is like three or 17 or 18, like almost grown, because here'sthe thing too, is like the training, the techniques we were getting at three are different
(15:34):
than now when she's at eight.
And we're like at that pre pubescent stage.
And so she's still like this really sweet.
like young girl, we haven't gotten to like preteen yet, but I can see, God, I am bracingmyself, girl, bracing myself.
(15:54):
I'm lit, literally, I'm like, so do I need to be building an ADU in the back of my houseor what's happening?
So yeah, I mean, I think that it's, it's
it's okay to say like, yeah, I'm actually just like we would go and get knowledge tobecome a life coach, right?
(16:18):
Like we don't just go out and become life coaches.
go through a certification program and I don't know.
I feel like parenting is the weirdest thing because you go in, no.
have a handbook unless I write one.
Just kidding.
And...
There's no like, this is how you do it and you have to do with it.
(16:38):
Like everybody's different, yes, but like also you can't be expected to just magicallyknow like you need skills.
You need to learn certain things and how to handle things and how to deal with things andalso how to deal with your own stuff at the same time.
You know, you need all of that.
(16:59):
And we're kind of past those days of getting away with what you were saying before, whichis the do as I say, not as I do.
Kids are too aware of shit now.
They're exposed to so much now.
There's no way.
Don't even say that phrase, because it does not apply.
It does not apply.
(17:19):
It does not.
And I'm curious, because you said techniques, skills, tools.
So when in your history of doing this, when you think about parents, because again, wecould talk all day long about how tools to give our kids, but I really don't want this to
be kid focused, because I think that puts a lot on them.
I really feel like the biggest shifts I've seen inside my house are when I am working onme.
(17:45):
Yes.
I really want to focus our conversation on that.
So when you think about the families and the people that you like to work with and howtransformation has actually happened, what would you say like are the one or two universal
skills that we need to be equipped with as parents that like just knowing these one or twolittle things might shift everything.
(18:15):
Yeah, so actually, that's a perfect time for me to mention that.
Kind of like the basis of what I essentially am about, which is parenting is peace.
And I know every parent's gonna be like, delete, what's this girl talking about?
(18:36):
Parenting ain't no peace.
Well, I mean by peace, because I love some anagrams, is practical.
expectations and communicate effectively.
So those two things.
Practical expectations, effective communication.
So what I mean by practical expectations is meeting your kids where you are.
(19:00):
And this isn't just meeting your kids where you are, it's meeting you where you are.
It's meeting your partner where they are.
And it's having expectations that are in alignment.
with where the person is that you're trying to get through to or that you're communicatingwith.
That goes with kids, that goes with you, that goes with your partner.
(19:20):
It's with everything.
But like you as the parent, like you know you can't, for example, you're trying to tellyour kid to go and do, you know, whatever it is.
They're three years old.
Like you have to eat like not that you can't have them do something but you've got toapproach it in a certain way based on where they are developmentally and here you go if
(19:43):
you're dealing with a tween you which you will be Not just developmentally but emotionallymeeting them where they are So not judging where they're at not expecting them to be
farther there than they are but meeting them where they are.
So that's why I say
Like it's got to be logical and practical in terms of dealing with that.
(20:08):
I love that you say this and I want to, can't wait to hear like the, the more about theother, the a and the C two is like, but with this practical expectation, it brings me to,
you know, my daughter's in second grade now and where we really started noticingbehaviors, especially like the school resistance was in first grade.
Like she missed so many days of first grade and then
(20:34):
you know, now in second grade, we're well into the school year as we're approachingsummer, of course.
And I'll never forget, like when we were meeting with her therapist, this was at thebeginning of the school year, of her second grade, and she was like, well,
I had shared with her like McLean still missed a couple of days and she's like, I justwant to put this into perspective.
(20:56):
Like this time last year, she had missed X number of days and now she's only missed thisnumber of days.
So while she still has missed more days than like the average kid or than we'd like herto, like, let's actually manage realistic expectations.
And she might not be the kid that has perfect attendance or where you get to school ontime.
(21:17):
maybe the first goal is just to like arrive at school.
And even if she doesn't go in, we just put our feet on the campus.
And if she decides she doesn't want to go, then that's okay.
But we need to lower expectations.
And like, that permission.
I was like, fucking a thank you.
(21:38):
Thank you.
Yes.
literally, I was just like, I feel like
So something's wrong with me.
I can't get my kid to school.
She's going to have to repeat the grade.
And then I was like, whatever.
What if she has to repeat the grade?
OK.
OK.
Like that we will deal with that when we get there.
(22:01):
So that is so huge.
some advice if I can you know, which this applies to i'm speaking to you specifically butalso this can apply to the rest of the audience too but in terms of like what you deal
with with your daughter's circumstances like Children with those type of struggles,appreciate the choices so they appreciate having choice and
(22:30):
It being up to them.
So the key is is making sure that the choices are all Directions you want them to go, youknow, that's kind of the key But and but this doesn't doesn't just apply to you Of course
that applies to every parent like you have to keep in mind that some of what's gonna becreating that Shitstorm in your household is the power struggles, you know, that's such a
(22:56):
huge thing for every every parent but
that stems from kids want to be in control.
Doesn't matter what they're in control of.
They want the blue cup over the purple cup.
How dare you?
Like, you know, it could be something small or it could be something big, but is it gonnahurt you to give them more choices?
Nah.
Is it gonna make your life easier?
(23:18):
Yes.
Is it gonna, you know, show them good examples of like, if I just have this, you know,logical discussion about
I would like this and this, thank you.
Okay, we can do this.
know, like offering as many, I'm all for offering as many choices as able to.
(23:40):
mean, literally even with like, with her iPad now, I'm like, do you want 30 or 40 minutes?
Most of the time she'll say like, give me a choice.
Sometimes she'll say 60.
And I'll be like, you know what?
It's, but even then I'm like, okay, sometimes if it's reasonable, if it's reasonable,because then I'm like, I'll say something like, you know what?
(24:05):
That wasn't one of the choices, but.
We'll roll with it today because guess what?
You did your homework.
So yeah, extra 20 minutes of screen time.
No big deal.
And you asked politely.
You didn't demand, you know, I mean, yeah, there's points for that.
I mean, what a good human.
I think I tried to, one of the things I learned, this is specific to my daughter with PDA,but I think it's with other kids too.
(24:30):
You said it, power struggle.
So she gets like the dopamine hit from the struggle.
So I try to remove the struggle and have her like get the dopamine in a different wayversus the, you know?
And so I am like, all right.
I've had to let go of like, OK, again, that expectation, that thing is I'm such a passiveparent.
(24:52):
She's walking all over me.
I'm shitty.
What's wrong with me?
And then I'm like, actually, no.
Because what makes me shitty is when we get into a power struggle, and then I'm literallylowering myself down to an eight-year-old level.
And I find myself being like, no, you can't do that.
Oh, no, because I said.
And then I'm like, oh, my god.
Are you literally eight?
(25:12):
What is wrong with you?
So OK.
We get practical expectations.
Bring us to the next letters, AC.
so well, this is how I did it.
The A is and, so let's not get crazy, right?
And communicate effectively, so that's the C and E.
(25:34):
Which obviously that all ties together, of course, because learning communicationstrategies are gonna be more effective if you're meeting people where they're at based on
those.
You know the expectations of where they are But in terms of like communicating effectivelyobviously that is gonna look different in every household especially depending on what
(25:59):
their struggles are and what their children are like and what their households like But Imean certainly you can work on your ability to communicate and that's not just with your
words, but with your
with your body language.
I mean kids are freaking sponges and they are like on you too.
(26:22):
They pick up on everything.
So if your body language is showing something that's a way of communicating and you havelike I know it seems like a lot to be aware of but that's only gonna benefit you in the
long run as well being that self aware of
(26:43):
how you react, not just what you say, not just the, you know, but your whole body and howthat reacts to things.
And like, for example, I mean, if you're saying like, I told you to clean your room orwhatever, or you're saying like, thought we talked about that you were gonna get your room
(27:03):
clean.
It seems like you're struggling with that.
So let's make a plan.
Like let's do it together or whatever, instead of like.
told you to clean your room or whatever, but you see the difference in like, I mean, youmake me go off, but you see the difference in like how that appears to the person viewing
it.
Like imagine how that's gonna affect how they then react to what you're trying tocommunicate with them, you know.
(27:28):
that cleaning room is such an actual great example because, so like, I really struggledhaving a clean room growing up.
You know, I'm a kid of the 90s.
So we didn't do all this emotional regulation shit.
We didn't have parents asking if we were fine.
(27:48):
It was like, my way or the highway.
I'm the parent.
You're the child.
You respect me.
And I'm making my parents sound like tyrants.
They're wonderful humans, but like they were, they were normal nineties parents.
Okay.
So, um, I always, I love your example because it brings me back to how many times I heard,why haven't you cleaned your room?
(28:11):
I asked you to clean your room.
I can't believe you'd want to live it, right?
Bringing on all this like shame and embarrassment, which I wasn't diagnosed with ADHDuntil I was 33 years old.
huh.
like what in the actual fuck when I told my sister who's a nurse practitioner, she waslike, duh, I've known this forever.
You had to find your own way.
(28:32):
I was like, F you.
I love you.
But she's like, this is not a surprise.
But part of my issue with cleaning my room was not that I liked a dirty room.
I was literally not able to.
didn't I was lacking some skill and that's how and I needed some support and
(28:53):
But you could you were too young to communicate that with your parents like I need helpright?
You don't tell them you just do what they say
Yeah, I didn't even know what I needed.
And so I love the way you even framed that room question because a lot of parentslistening to us, especially if the kids might be older and like able I put able in quotes
(29:13):
in case you're just listening to clean their room, they might not be able to clean theirroom.
So rephrasing it the way you did like, I noticed you still haven't cleaned your room.
Love to talk about it.
It sounds and looks like maybe you need a plan.
What would be helpful?
What do you need in order for you to clean your room?
(29:35):
And then it can open up a brand.
I get chills thinking about it because then your kid feels like, damn, I just got askedthe question.
I actually don't know why I'm struggling to clean my room.
I don't know.
Yes.
They don't feel like you're judging them or that you're mad at them or anything like that.
Then you get, that's like another opportunity for that bond, you know, to like as parentchild, which I mean, it is always an amazing thing when you're able to do something else
(30:07):
or say something that can help strengthen that bond, you know.
Yes.
And teach them something as well and you're teaching them that like it's okay if you'restruggling with something Let's talk about it, you know
And it opens, like, I feel like if we create a safe space for something as simple ascleaning a room, they can then come to us for bigger things, like when they're feeling
(30:33):
peer pressure, when they're being bullied, when they feel like they're having weirdthoughts or things or just whatever, like we become a more comfortable space for them.
The other thing I wanted to talk about communication and why I feel like people sodesperately need
you and your offerings and what you do is, it's one thing to say, well, communicateeffectively.
(30:58):
But I don't know that a lot of adults actually know how to even communicate withthemselves.
Yeah, that's why I included self when I was describing that because I think it's easy toforget about the self in that.
But of course that's part of everything you do as a parent and as an individual, you know,is not forgetting about that self piece.
(31:20):
It's, you know, I do these like little strategy sessions for business owners.
And like one of the questions is like, okay, this section is all about like effectivecommunication.
If you don't have a team, just answer how you would communicate with yourself.
And I'll be like, okay, on a scale of one to 10, like how effective do you think your,communication is?
Like, what do you mean communicate with myself?
(31:43):
They're like, do you mean like talking to myself?
I'm like, well, kind of, but also
Yeah.
How often are you saying, I'm going to get up today when the alarm goes off and you don'tand you snooze?
Or how often do you say, I'm going to follow through on calling this person, making thisappointment, I need to go see this doctor, whatever it is, and we don't do it.
(32:08):
That's communication, right?
There's a communication block.
So or even as simple as like
I'm feeling overwhelmed right now.
I should ask myself, what do I need?
So, yes.
of ignoring it.
We always think I think that's one of the powers of life coaching and going throughcertification like the both of us have is we recognize that communication is not just like
(32:38):
this between two people.
It's absolutely inside as well.
And I feel like if there's if you notice patterns, right?
In other areas, it's probably like, the common factor is here.
How are we communicating?
So okay.
Well, and that's a good reminder too of something that I think about when I'm chattingwith parents and learning about what they're struggling with is that, you know, so many
(33:08):
parents, I don't want to say get lost in the fact that they're parents, but like just kindof operate under the assumption that once they become parents, that's it.
But the case is that that ain't exactly the truth, right?
Because...
They were an individual before they became a parent and they're still an individual beyondbeing a parent.
(33:31):
Being a parent is just a part of them.
It's not their complete and total identity.
And I think that your listeners can take this as permission to acknowledge that they areindividual people with needs that have nothing to do with being a parent.
(33:52):
Permission granted.
You are a person, you are an individual, and you are worthy and meaningful, and you aresomeone beyond just being mom or dad.
Right?
And don't frickin' forget it.
Yes.
It's when we lose that identity.
(34:13):
I mean, and I have, I, that was one of the hardest parts.
Cause I honestly did not have, yeah, I didn't have being a mom on my bingo card.
That was not something, you know, there's some people that like from a little girl,they're like, I can't wait to be a mom.
was never that person.
Never.
And even now I look at kids and I'm like, no,
(34:33):
No, thank you.
I've got mine.
She's amazing.
I love her.
That's it.
I know more.
you know, I just think that that's when I had her, I was like, wait a second.
I had all these other like hopes and dreams and ambitions and like, now what?
Like, am I just this mom?
And it's like, no, we actually can be still those things and better.
(34:57):
I actually, really do feel like having this, this parent,
skill set that it takes to to raise a kid if you want to do it the right way becausethere's no right way but I use that in quotes meaning the way that's the best supported
for your family that it even makes you a stronger person and whatever you're doing yourcareer your life your dreams your business so I love that you bring that up and that's for
(35:22):
sure something
about the example you're setting for your kids by showing them who you are and what youare and what you do as the individual and how you show up for yourself and how you take
care of yourself and go on and go on your spa day.
Go on and go to the gym and meet up with your friends.
(35:42):
Go on and hang out with your colleagues or whatever it is.
Like, I mean, it could be going to your doctor's appointment without children, like withyou or whatever it is.
Like, look at the example you're setting for your kids by showing them like, it's okay todo, to be me and do the things I did before you got here.
Amen.
(36:03):
Amen.
A freaking man.
I want to I want to like wrap our podcast by talking about mom guilt because I don't wantto I know you have like your own twist on this that I know is going to be like, what, but
I want to talk about that.
But I want to reiterate.
So peace stands for practical expectations and communicate effectively.
(36:25):
let me a good little system.
So putting a bow on that wrapping that up.
digest that for a moment as we transition into the ultimate, like, I would say thisparalyzes so many women.
So let's get into it.
Tell us all about your mom guilt theory.
(36:47):
I want to hear it all.
I'm ready.
my mom guilt theory is that it's not real.
I don't know about that.
Tell me more.
Mom guilt ain't real.
This is what I mean by that.
I'm not saying the feeling isn't real.
I completely understand the feeling is real.
(37:07):
I'm saying that the the phrase mom guilt isn't real because this is my opinion, obviously.
But mom guilt is like a construct, essentially a label created.
It's not like a real actual thing.
Yes.
Do we feel guilty sometimes for doing things for ourselves?
(37:31):
Yes.
But where did that come from?
Who said we have to feel guilty for doing stuff that's for us?
Who said that we have to feel guilty for continuing to be an individual person outside ofbeing a mom?
Like, what mom, you know, should feel guilty for going to their OB appointment instead of
(37:56):
coming to this when they had this scheduled for six months and they couldn't make this andso it has to be recorded instead or you know, whatever it is.
But I'm not saying, like I said, I'm not saying the feeling of guilt is not real.
Of course, that's your feeling and that's real.
I'm saying the reasoning behind that and that label of mom guilt, not a real thing.
(38:19):
Not a real thing.
It's fricking construct.
Put upon women.
Yup.
society men, by society, right?
Patriarchy, mean, that's another podcast people, but it's something put upon us, notsomething we agreed to and something we took, but something put upon us as a label, not a
(38:46):
real thing.
So stop feeling that.
Or if you do feel that, pause and be like, hold up.
Just kidding, not real.
Let me go do this.
So yeah, like that backpack we've been carrying permission to remove.
We're going to just leave her right there as we keep hiking up this hill, you know.
(39:08):
to acknowledge mom guilt.
Oh, who said that?
Bye bye.
What mom guilt?
never heard this before and I love it so much because you're 100 % right.
It's not real.
It's not a real actual thing.
It's something put upon us.
Why do we have to carry that?
Why do we have to keep that?
Get rid of it.
(39:29):
Bye bye.
think about something that is quote unquote real, which would be like anxiety, right?
It's like anxiety is something that like, you know, actually like chemically changes ourbody.
makes us have all these like physical and emotional and mental changes versus guilt isliterally because mom guilt specifically is because we are choosing to put ourselves
(39:52):
first.
Girl, I think you might just broke my brain on this one.
Well that's why I like, that's why I tell everyone I was like, wait till you hear what Isay about mom guilt.
I think my brain just broke in the best way possible.
Seriously, like if someone listening to this hears that and it and feels like that givesthem permission to let go of that entire frickin idea.
(40:19):
Yeah
Mmm, we're here for it.
And with that, tell us how we can find you work with you soak in this comedic reliefbecause let's be real.
We need it.
We need it out here when we are in the trenches of motherhood.
yes, if you're about this energy and you want to work with me, you can find me.
(40:40):
I mean, right?
I mean, let's say that first.
You can find me on Instagram at Juliet Marie coach and send me a message, know comment onmy ridiculousness whatever it is reach out to me anytime I am so excited to meet you and
(41:02):
and work with you and help you Burn mom Gillum in a dumpster fire and you know
Take on those challenges head-on and yeah, give you permission to continue being you
love it.
I love it.
And I'm going to link that all in the show notes.
(41:22):
Thank you so much for literally giving us such a practical tactical, effective sessionbecause we I think we all just needed all of these permission slips.
And I'm like, I am leaving this conversation lighter than when we started.
So thank you.
Love you to pieces.
(41:43):
The work you're doing is so needed.
And again, you guys
find all the information to connect with Juliet in the show notes.
See you back next week.
Yay!
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