This week, we kick things off with the return of Space Karen’s meltdown tour: Elon Musk got flustered in an interview, sputtered out one-word answers, and called the journalist an “NPC,” which is rich coming from the guy whose only real upgrade since PayPal is yelling “freedom” in meme fonts. Meanwhile, 23andMe sold your DNA to Regeneron at a bankruptcy auction, proving once and for all that your spit is more valuable than most tech startups.
IN THE NEWS is a parade of corporate idiocy and dystopian fuckery. Coinbase employees got bribed into leaking user data (because clearly we didn’t have enough crypto chaos), Klarna keeps flip-flopping between AI and human workers like it’s a bad Tinder date, and OpenAI is out here buying Jony Ive’s design firm for $6.5 billion because sure, what’s another billion when you’re trying to build a surveillance device to stalk 100 million users? Meanwhile, the Chicago Sun-Times is publishing AI-generated trash with imaginary authors, Anthropic’s new model attempts blackmail, and researchers dumped two billion Discord messages online just for kicks. And yes, Elon’s Tesla robotaxis will now only roam the safest parts of Austin, which is code for “we still can’t make this thing turn left.”
In MEDIA CANDY, we’re watching Murderbot, Godfather of Harlem, and Hotel Cocaine because who doesn’t love a little synthetic assassin, crime drama, and coke-fueled nostalgia? Notepad.exe now writes for you (and probably files HR complaints too), and Audible is teaming up with publishers to replace narrators with robot voices. Yay, progress. Over in THE DARK SIDE WITH DAVE, Bittner brings the malware, monsters, and a new theme park review that’s somehow less terrifying than the news. Bookworms, don’t miss Curepedia and The AI Con — one’s about goth gods, the other’s about taking down our techno-overlords. And pour one out for George Wendt — Norm from Cheers is now drinking with the angels.
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23andMe (and Your Genetic Data) Sold to Regeneron in Bankruptcy Auction
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