Episode 22 | Treat Yourself - Hey White Women

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
my best friend who works with me now.

(00:03):
And I said, you know, I kind of want to splurge on this thing.
And she's, you know, we were working together.
So I told her what they were knitting needles.
And she said, if you don't get those needles, like, and I needed maybe needed that.
I did splurge on a pair of fancy knitting needles.

(00:29):
And I don't know, something about it feels so uncomfortably good.
but knitting needles, how nice to be so excited about, but also like, but they're so nice.
like a circular set or is it just like, okay, yeah.

(00:50):
set, but it's like I saw a lot of reviews on these needles, Chiagu or something.
It's just like, they're so smooth and I really love the like the, the sensory ofeverything and the, this part has no memory.

(01:11):
So it's not like extra firm and round like the other ones were.
I know, it's just like, is this what adulthood feels like?
But it feels similar to being a kid, because I'm like, you don't need those.
But, it's like my little gift to myself, knitting needles.
sometimes we need that, Like we need just like, I just get this because I want to.

(01:35):
On the flip side, I will tell you, I'm often reminding myself of that as a parent, thatlike, they should just get some things for existing just because they want to.
Because like we give ourselves little treats all the time, you know.
you shouldn't need a holiday because I think about certain things that are on holidayslike this forced fun and it's like these kids, even the kids that get so excited about

(01:58):
like a light switch, something very not exciting, a box.
Why doesn't it just, why can't you do that more often?
Look how excited.
What's wrong with, you're going to spoil the child by giving them, you know, what theyenjoy.
You know, but I did have to kind of go to
you know,

(02:18):
my best friend who works with me now.
And I said, you know, I kind of want to splurge on this thing.
And she's, you know, we were working together.
So I told her what they were knitting needles.
And she said, if you don't get those needles, like, and I needed maybe needed that.
And because I've done that for my mom, too, where she's like, you know, I'm going reasonwith myself.

(02:41):
And this is why I deserve this small air fryer.
Get it.
If you don't hurry up and spend that on yourself, you know, it's interesting growing up,making your own adult choices.
think also part of this is we're not taught as women to buy ourselves nice things or justuse our money for ourselves.

(03:11):
for ourselves for no good reason, quote unquote, right?
And because I'm not in a relationship right now, I don't want to ask for something for aholiday.
know, I've never, my family never did like Christmas lists and stuff like that.
You know, I think once I got a Game Boy and I was like, I really want that thing.

(03:32):
That's the one thing I can remember.
But it feels wrong sometimes.
I remember when I got my trampoline, it felt like,
Did I just do that for myself?
I can just, because as a kid I always wanted one.
I'm an adult now, does that mean I shouldn't get it?
No, get it.
I can be the trampoline and knitting needles person.

(03:55):
You know, inner child, inner elder.
yeah.
And let me tell you what, as someone who didn't really get a childhood, I threw myself aprincess party for my 36th birthday.
And like, we did it up.
We literally threw ourselves basically a wedding with no men.
Like it was very high quality, except for the man that was there to pour our wine for ourenchanted wine tasting.

(04:23):
It's inclusive.
He's allowed to come surf.
We literally got a white bouncy castle and like me and my co-author of my book jumped init together with the book.
And then I, and then I serenaded everyone with part of your world because come to find outa lot of us, like controlled childhood children got, that didn't get much access to media,

(04:50):
but we got to watch Little Mermaid.
because they were like, because it's a Jesus narrative, because he sacrifices himself forher.
And I was just there going like, yeah, but she gets away from him in the end.
You know, like, I'm gonna grow up and away from all of you.

(05:10):
Wait, they saw- Little Mermaid's okay because...
who's-
Little Mermaid, we weren't really allowed to watch the witch parts.
But I found this is true for like a lot of evangelical children, right?
We're the ones that weren't allowed to watch or read Harry Potter, right?
Because it was witchcraft, right?
And so varying levels of control in there.

(05:33):
But like we in the children of God, which was very controlled, like we were allowed towatch it because to them,
It was this Jesus sacrificing himself for his daughter narrative.
And I'm like, yeah, the father.
And I'm like, but what they don't understand maybe because they didn't watch it to the endor something is like she gets away in the end.

(05:59):
If that, that is perfect actually, because of course, so it's like in whiteness, when youwatch something, you're watching for how you are portrayed.
And that's all that matters.
Cause who watches the little mermaid from the perspective of the dad?
It's called the little mermaid.

(06:23):
And so,
It makes so much sense, though, because I hear this.
I mean, you hear the white women, too.
It's like when they identify, they're like, this is the character I am.
And so that's the good character, even though they do terrible things a lot.
If you actually watch some movies where it's like or Game of Thrones with Daenerys,they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

(06:43):
What happened there at the end?
Nope.
She was she was always she was always that she was.
It's just that you saw victimhood as.
whitewashing and that because she went through something bad, now nothing she does couldever be a problem until it was too far for you.
And it's like, but remember in the beginning when she said, deserve to rule everybody, youknow, so.

(07:13):
and this whole like demanding loyalty to I think this is like loyalty is a terribleorganizational value.
I just finished reading about this.
And like, I'm sure this ties to whiteness somehow, but it definitely ties to the upcomingpresidency where he's like, you know, okay, so the way I explain it is that like, if I'm

(07:36):
loyal to you, right?
That means that like, if you are my ride or die, right?
Like you call me and you tell me there's a body in your house and like, we are going to beon the beach in Brazil before I ask you like what he did to deserve it, right?
So I am willing therefore to like betray my own like values and morals because I'm loyalto you, right?

(08:03):
When an organization asks for your loyalty or like a leader,
I feel like that's, they're gonna ask you, they're eventually always gonna ask you tobetray your morals or values for the organization.
in the concept almost because why even make the word?
Cause I don't under, I, every time I hear loyalty, I'm hearing dedication, deferring likedeference.

(08:32):
no, who said that's a virtue?
Loyalty.
It's literally nothing.
it's one of the US Army's seven values that they're very proud of.
First one, loyalty.
see, what do you mean, right?
It's one way.
Because you decide when it's true.
Yeah.

(08:53):
And also what they mean is you need to be loyal to the organization, right?
So remember Hillary and all her emails and that whole scandal?
Like, I was the intelligence officer, I was the one in charge of the secrets, and I wasordered to do illegal things with secrets by like every major boss that I had.
And, you know, I would tell them once and I would warn them twice, and then I would haveto do it.

(09:17):
You know, and basically like I'm supposed to choose the organization and my career in theorganization.
But if things go wrong here, like whoever set that up for, for Hillary, right?
Like I'm, I'm, I'm in jail or definitely out of a career, you know?
And like, that's how it goes.

(09:39):
And also one of the military's values is honesty, but
You're just kind of required to lie as part of your job all of the time.
I like that bombastic side eye there.
yeah, it's like the whole United States, right?
It first brings me back to the original gas light.

(09:59):
You're saying two things, indivisible, you listen to me only.
Like, what do you, you are not people, you are America.
Like, I don't know.
Indivisible except by state is ridiculous.
you know, separate church and state, they teach us as we have to stand with our hands overour hearts and say the word God.

(10:20):
I've never, you know, so it always, this, the, our phraseology.
was literally the craziest thing to me when I was dropped out of a cult into America, intohigh school, and then the first day, right, these students all just get to their feet and
put their hands over their hearts and like start chanting.

(10:42):
And in Texas, we do the Texas flag pledge right after the national flag pledge.
And like it,
was so creepy and I was like, literally have only seen this in the context of like cultsor like the USSR, right?
And, and, and, and did you know, you probably did, that originally it wasn't hand overheart.

(11:08):
It was hand straight forward in the air.
Very similar, exactly the same actually as the one in Germany.
It straight up was a salute.
So like, it's right there.
It's been in our faces playing right in our faces.
mean, we go by our job titles.

(11:30):
Yeah.
you know, literally, and especially the good ones, you know, if it's, and the bad ones,prisoner convict, doctor, you know, president.
It's on the, it's so dehumanizing.
I hate so much of it.
you know, this in an interesting way ties into what's going on with me right now, becauseI feel like people are panicking.

(11:51):
Like it's apocalyptia out there.
I'm being asked every day if like martial law is going to be declared, if police are goingto be shooting prisoners.
And so I'm in this weird position, first of all, of like defending the military, but alsojust like reminding people that like you think of the military an organization.

(12:11):
Right?
But these are two million individual American humans who have lives and jobs and who, bythe way, train and talk every day about how they're not supposed to follow illegal and
immoral orders.
And, you know, I think like apocalypsia always is.

(12:33):
It's distracting from the actual issue.
Right.
Like when we feel like, the world's going to end tomorrow.
Like we're not.
paying attention to like the fact that they're putting a Nazi in as Secretary of Defenseas we speak.
Yeah, but it also makes us kind of exhausted, dizzy, like we said, the whole chasing yourtail while on a hamster wheel and they just throw more information at you and make it that

(13:02):
like, what's the point?
couldn't even, I'm going against a whole military unless you start humanizing,rehumanizing the people in it.
this is another thing going back to the individual, right?
That like, I've been telling people over and over again, there are 340 million Americans.
There are under 3 million people in the military.

(13:24):
So like, they can't control us.
if we all refuse it, right?
South Korea just did this.
They tried martial law and the population was like, yeah, no.
I think you've said on here before, like, do not comply in advance, right?
Don't give up your voices in advance.

(13:46):
Yeah, I said do a bad job, but I like the way you said it much better.
But yeah, do a bad job.
No, yes, malicious compliance is so important too, because that's another thing I'mtelling people.
I'm like, if you're just listening to his bloviating and like basically performing for hisfan base, right?

(14:06):
Then you're not like, I live in DC, right?
It takes hundreds of thousands of people to run the American government.
It takes millions of highly trained at every level individuals to run the United Statesmilitary.
like, you know, they keep saying like, he's going to replace them with loyalists.

(14:27):
Like where, where are they getting these people from?
Nobody's joining the military right now.
And the energy spent on predictions of terrible things is energy that could be spent doingso much other stuff that would actually help.
Like even in the best case scenario, all those people will get to do is go, see, I wasright in a little bit of a terrible thing.

(14:54):
So you're not doing anything to prevent it with that information.
could tell you, black people could come in and be telling you a bunch of bad stuff.
that could happen to you.
Because guess what?
We have the blueprint.
It happened already.
Like what you fear is what, anything.
But that's not what black people spend time doing.
You have to form, like community is almost like the cure to incultedness, I feel like.

(15:19):
But it's like you have to see people as potentially inculted and then potential communitymembers.
gosh, my god, I wrote, I finished the book, and I wrote the last part and it's the introinto your chapter.
And that's basically what I'm saying.
I'm like, we basically we ended up in these groups.

(15:39):
And the problem is the groups, right, and the whiteness and the patriarchy and thecapitalism.
And like, it's it doesn't work.
Anyway, I'm so excited.
And for me, I'm like, goodness.
So I'm excited.
It's like, okay, how much do I, I don't want to come in straight, like white people,right?
Obviously, because he has a community versus group and where it kind of comes in, butwhiteness has to in a way be discussed and, not saying it is, is like the whole thing.

(16:12):
So it's, interesting to, to be
I'll send it to you here in a little bit, but I think I gave you a good lead in, because Ispecifically call out whiteness and patriarchy and capitalism, like right before I hand it
over.
And I also say that I think part of the reason we're not getting the answers is becausewe're asking the wrong people, right?
So when people look at me and they're like, well, then what's your answer to addiction?

(16:34):
I'm like, I don't know.
I'm not an addiction expert, right?
But I know about toxic groups, and I can tell you this one sucks.
So I'm like, I don't think we're asking the right people.
And I don't think people that have the solutions look like this.
In parentheses, I'm like, because typically people with my lack of melanin are not thegood guys here, right?

(16:57):
And so we need to pass it over.
But then also, I think you have the skinny white woman chapter.
Like in the first chapter, we really lay in for the whiteness.
So I'm hoping.
Yeah, they'll be.
like a thread that I've pulled all the way through.
But now I'm going back and like finding more like, I found this beautiful article on theweaponization of hair.

(17:21):
which is so perfect.
And we did an episode on that.
by the way, when I was researching today on body coverage and like modesty and cults, itwas hard to find what I was looking for.
But definitely the first thing that comes up is our YouTube episode on that.
So yes.

(17:42):
See, because it's like that simple, people are looking for just human answers to thesethings.
I was just gonna.
kind of the, like my answer to the addiction thing.
And I wrote this in the book because I'm like, what people want is a simple solution.

(18:03):
You know, and we've talked about this before and like, we know that the answer toaddiction is they definitely need therapy.
They've probably got some kind of trauma that they need to overcome.
They could certainly almost certainly use some helpful medications and they're definitelygoing to need an entire community willing to support them.

(18:25):
Right.
But that's not what people want when they're asking me what my solution is.
They just want me to give them a group that I have certified for them is not problematicthat they can just hand their addict off to and be like, there we did something.
Right.
to send away a problem and then receive something back that is already fixed.

(18:47):
And that's how you end up with the troubled teen industry.
It's just slavery.
why I give like my bombastic side eye to any organization who's like, we have a policyhere, don't bring up a problem unless you have a solution, which is the military is like
official basically stance on everything.

(19:07):
And it's just like, this is it's so short sighted, number one, to think that the sameperson that comes that can identify the problem can identify
can also identify the solution.
But also, I think sometimes you need to get the problem, the F out of the way before youcan like start building something new and then identify the solutions, right?

(19:33):
Like.
things get messy before they get cleaner often.
And people who are overwhelmed or already on edge don't wanna see any other mess or likefeel they're like walking on a tightrope because they actually don't know what's going on,
but they're pretending they do all the time.
I don't know, like these people, they're seeking comfort in no one knows or something.

(19:59):
And it's like, well,
know.
people know some things about some stuff, actually.
In whiteness, there's a big focus on identifying stuff.
That's what it is.
because now I basically feel like now my TikTok activity is like, I'm just giving you yourAmerica threat brief every day, you know, I'm like, I used to do this, I know how to do
this.

(20:20):
Um, and so then one person was like, you know, you, you come off, like, you can't make anymistakes.
And like, you said yourself, nobody knows what's gonna happen.
And I'm like, oh my gosh.
It's so the same thing happens in the military to the intelligence officer.
Like, of course, nobody knows what's going to happen.
We're making predictions.

(20:40):
That's a given, right?
Like, I don't have a crystal ball, but I used to have to say that all the time to, youknow, the military pilots anyway.
But it's like, we with the best information we have, we can make predictions about what'sgoing to happen.
And then when that happens or doesn't happen, because nothing ever really happens the wayyou predict it, then like adjust and go forward with the best, you know, knowledge that

(21:10):
you have then.
like prepping and planning, preppers, that's a whole white people segment of people.
And I don't understand it at all.
I do understand it.
mean, but do they feel the, it's.
So I heard somebody say that zombie apocalypse fiction was like KKK fiction or it was likewhite supremacist fan fiction.

(21:43):
And I immediately was like, ooh, creepy.
Like I don't understand why, but yes, right?
Cause those are the types of people that are obsessed with it.
And then.
know, black people educated me that it's like, yeah, if you can dehumanize any part of apopulation, like then you can justify doing whatever to them.
goodness.

(22:04):
That's so I have never heard anybody else have the theory, but I've had it.
So I remember rewatching the walking dead and I filmed myself.
never posted it anywhere.
So that's funny.
But I was like, hold on.
Am I team zombie right now?
And, I'm like a processing cause I watched it a little bit with like an X at one point.

(22:27):
And then I was like, hold on.
And then I'm watching it thinking.
So what you're saying is they look and sound like humans and like people just like you,but you gotta, you know, shoot them in the head because there's like, and it gets to the
point where it's like the kids and like the desensitization to, and now the moral beingsare the ones who can do it without, for their friends and their family and like, yeah.

(23:00):
Yeah.
And also, you know, we know that I think we've discussed this in the past on this podcast,but that the perception of persecution is as powerful in getting people to conduct
violence in defense of their in group as actual oppression.
So I just feel like so I feel like, you know, cult members, right, they want theapocalypse to come soldiers they want to deploy.

(23:27):
and preppers, they want to go out there with a rifle and do things.
And so it's just like.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Anyway.
Yeah.
Yeah.

(23:47):
It's a culture and that's okay, but we have to stop thinking eventually we're gonna getsomething out of that too, aspiration wise.
They're not actually right or prepared for that actual thing because community would doit.
I think about the billionaires making bunkers.
like, you're not prepared to actually live in a bunker.

(24:08):
You're not gonna be able to.
people manage the way you need to to make a whole bunker work out?
I don't think so.
Even if you could like technically, physically create one, you're gonna have people cleanand manage and then do all the technological work for you?
You think they're gonna, they're the ones cooking and cleaning and you're gonna be, youhaven't learned how to do any of that?

(24:29):
I don't know.
I would rather community and like up here where things are and people are.
I mean, I say that.
Yeah, well, I mean, even an interesting thing somebody said on one of my videos where Iwas like, martial law is not going to be effective against 340 million Americans,

(24:51):
especially over such a vast territory as the US, right?
Like, but, right.
But,
Somebody's comment was like, you know, they're not coming in and I don't like to use thisword, but you're like, you know, they're not coming in the deep ghetto.
Like they're scared of that, right?

(25:14):
And this is interesting too.
Like I grew up in Brazil post dictatorship era where the slum villages, right?
Are kind of taking over and like you were kind of safe.
And same thing with the cartels in Mexico, right?
Like you're kind of safe if you're in these areas that are considered the bad areasbecause like the law and order people are not going there.

(25:42):
And, you know, but I also think about that and then stories of how like,
white people go into countries and like, we're going to give everyone apartments.
And then they just take them from their slums.
And supposedly that's better.
But now you've actually taken people out of community where everyone was watchingeveryone's child and you've given them like these nice little prison cells.

(26:07):
Right.
And, you know, it makes me think about the whole value of convenience.
And when I really slow down and it's like, if we didn't do all this, you wouldn't haveyour cell phones in your microwaves.
And I think a lot of people would go, well, OK, I think if it if it's this or that, youknow, slave labor or my microwave, take my microwave.

(26:28):
You know, if it's it just doesn't have the value that we.
Give it when it comes to human lives, but.
we weren't knowledgeable in making that decision.
Slow life isn't bad just because it's slow.
And I even think this about air conditioning.
Have I done my air conditioning rant on our podcast yet?

(26:49):
So like, I
think about 100 years ago, right?
And I live in this little block of townhouses and like a planned community that has a nicetrail that goes to the university.
And like 100 years ago, we would have all just got done sitting on our front stoops forlike five months for a certain period of the day, right?

(27:11):
When it was just too hot to be inside.
Mm!
That's not the rant I was gonna...
know each other much better.
And then we would be able to let our kids run around and be kind of like taken care of bythe community.
And all of a sudden I'm like, this is why slower cultures, which are almost always kind oflike equatorial and warm and just deal with it, I think have some answers to community.

(27:41):
Cause when you slow down enough, the answers are right there.
We are meant to exist.
It doesn't have to be that complex.
We were born as humans.
We're not some thing.
got to figure out how to make a ladder to get to the bruh.
It's fine.
Like, cause I remember even on TikTok finding this account of a woman who lives in Africaand she's just living her life.

(28:04):
And she's like, you guys think I want your stuff.
I enjoy this life I have with.
We do this, we walk to this, we see the weather, we interact with our cows and like, itlooks so peaceful.
this, putting it on her that she should want this life of America.

(28:24):
And she was like, I've been there, I've seen it, I don't want it.
I even saw this meme that was like, people will say nostalgically that college was thebest time of their life.
But for a lot of people, that's because that's the only time you lived in a small,walkable, relatively affordable, at least to the student, right, community.

(28:46):
And you just don't have that.
I mean, we drove all over the country looking for something like that, that we could livein.
And we did the best we could.
But
It's not like even any city in Europe that I feel just has so much more community and lessisolation.
I don't necessarily know how to explain it all, but.

(29:06):
Well, cause there's no, you don't have your built in, they need the conflict here.
I was reading something about, I think it was in corporate cults that, you know, was oneof the CEOs who said, if there isn't a fight, we find it or we make one or something.
No, we make one.
And what they mean is a fight with the outside.

(29:28):
I was thinking, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
If there isn't something wrong, you got to find the thing that's, no, they meant.
There's always must be conflict with someone coming to get us.
And I was like, so close, but so culty.
And actually.
think this is why entrepreneurship

(29:49):
took over with cultiness, all the social media, all this stuff, right?
Because it was never, and you see this really clearly in the rise and fall of WeWork,right?
Like it was no longer okay to just build a multimillion dollar business and then just be amultimillion dollar business that just provides good services to people like IBM, like,
you know, like a lot of these companies had done in the past, right?

(30:12):
Like now it was just, it's always about showing growth, always, always, always, always.
And like,
You know, they love to use this airplane analogy and from being married to a pilot, I cantell you if you go too high, you will also die, you know, like.
wait, what's the airplane analogy?
in entrepreneurship that like when you find your product market fit, I'm actuallyhilariously kind of going through this right now as my knitting cult lady brand takes off

(30:40):
because of political stuff.
And it's like, can you run fast enough to get off the ground?
Can you make enough money quickly enough before you go out of business, basically?
So.
And then when you have to build, right?
Like, can you make money?
But then it just becomes this whole thing that like, you're always supposed to be showinggrowth.

(31:05):
And then when you're a public company and you have shareholders, like you're alwayssupposed to be making them more money.
And it's not, like, it's not okay anymore to just be a stable company that makes money.
And they call that a lifestyle business.
And it's very like derogatory.
You know, like, you just want to make a couple million dollars to support your family.

(31:28):
Like, you're not trying to be a billionaire.
Who even are you?
Right, lazy.
You're not trying to exploit?
Wow, wow, that's real stupid of you, which is really how it feels sometimes, but it's.
Literally, I even had someone be like, know, Daniela, you got to grind, you got to grindall the time.

(31:51):
And I was like, I don't work weekends.
What are you talking about?
You're never going to build your thing.
And I was like, I have a two year old, I don't work weekends.
And like, even if it was like,
I sold my book for way more money than that guy ever sold his anything for, right?
But like, even if it was true that I wouldn't have built my thing, like I'm not gonnatrade my child's growing up for I wanna be a billionaire, you know, like.

(32:19):
No, no, no, and no, they're not gonna convince me of it, but it's like almost thisinherent given in the hierarchy.
But progress equals bigger or more is a tenet of white supremacy as well.
It's just like with time, what do you mean you haven't changed in a better and bigger,larger, more profitable way in the last however much time, it doesn't matter.

(32:49):
But like, where's the value in that?
this is why nonprofits are like super problematic in under capitalism because like theanswer, again, the answers to addressing society's big problems should probably not just
be left to rich people and their pet projects, but anyway, that's where we are.

(33:13):
But the answer to, yeah, yeah.
believe in giving back.
What?
But like the answer to these big problems.
gosh, where was I going with that?
it's almost certainly going to be varying solutions for different people, different times,right?

(33:35):
Like, you you brought up the troubled teen industry, right?
And, somebody was actually contacting me and they were like, I would love to start anonprofit that does sheep farming that addresses the school to prison pipeline.
Like where
start and I said okay that's gonna be you know super rife for abuse right so start therebut also

(33:59):
The problem with nonprofits is you have to get funding, right?
And in order to get funding, you have to have metrics.
And in order to get metrics, you have to do a lot of the same things for people, right?
You have to show this program has helped this many people, right?
Instead of being like, we're working through all of these things and helping all of thesepeople find their own solutions.

(34:23):
Like that's never gonna be what makes the money.
And because these businesses, right,
don't sometimes don't understand that like nonprofits still have to make money to stay inbusiness.
You know, it's just like it's never gonna be the right solution, right?

(34:44):
so many ways too.
And then because people want so badly to do something for a good, to do a good thing andyou say nonprofit, sounds good, but did you know that like the NRA, believe?
I don't know.
Did you know that Goodwill is not a non-profit?
It's just a for-profit business.

(35:06):
See, like we can't.
that just benefits from the concept that it's a nonprofit.
And that's why it's like, the giving back in all of our typical ways.
but also, you know, I've started on the cult side telling people that like, any timeyou're in a space of personal transformation, right, it's super open to predators, which

(35:29):
by the way, includes like refugees from war or climate change.
This includes college, this includes moving.
This includes, but like a lot of these things around which you need to build nonprofits orfor which you need to build nonprofits are also like spaces of personal transformation.
So it's really easy to victimize people, right?

(35:53):
Like.
And well, you know, that's why we're here.
my rant about nonprofits.
No, yeah.
And within capitalism, it's just the same thing with a moralized undertone and like adifferent type of exploitation of things.

(36:13):
And they're not designed to cure them or make them go away, just like any business is notdesigned to solve, solve a problem.
It's designed to create a market and fill that like pet rocks.
love the part of the skinny white woman chapter where I talk about how white women incorporate America are there to like whitewash the sins of capitalism and like white women

(36:41):
tear, clean them off, like make them good, good spaces, you know, like Sheryl Crow is abillionaire, but it's not Sheryl Crow.
What's her name?
Sheryl Sandberg.
like, I saying break.
but it's okay because, you know, she tells women to lean in and fights for pregnancyparking spaces instead of just like, why are you a billionaire?

(37:03):
It's scary.
think white women, you have such a, you know, there's such a powerful position there, butin both ways, it's not just, you know, we talk victim Victor, but it's like powerful
doesn't mean always good.
And I think that's very patriarchal thinking that white women have.
I say that, it's like powerful.

(37:24):
I don't mean good.
I just mean impactful.
It could be bad too, if you don't know what you're doing, right?
And you can't just be like,
the safety is on on my personal weapon and I'm like, you don't even know where the safetyis.
And you're like, but it's on cause I'm nice.
Anyway.
I don't remember what my, no, I do remember.

(37:46):
Yay.
Okay.
Gillian Maxwell, right?
And I remember having this whole thing, you know, when, when white women get nervousabout, or talk to me about men and I'm trying to say, Hey, but you have a place in this
power structure.
I really want women to think about Gillian Maxwell, but not just like, she was there.
It's like as a 16 year old girl out in the world, who are you prepared to encounter andturn away?

(38:12):
Jeffrey Epstein or Gillian Maxwell.
And that's why she's more dangerous because she's more dangerous, not like, she betrayedwomen.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But you're not, it's the whitewashing of the scariness is what makes her so good at thatand was able to do this for however long with however many of these women.

(38:35):
Yes, she's bad, but it's not about her.
It's about how we need to be saying women are.
Women can be dangerous and powerful.
Yeah, so and I've been thinking about this for years like ever since Allison Mack andnexium I was like, what is it with these white women, right?
But then it wasn't until gilane maxwell and the sex trafficking of children Of course, Iam from sex trafficking of children cult and I was like, She's exactly Who you want next

(39:09):
to you if you are sex trafficking children, right?
Because people look at her and say no way right and that
all really ties into like the purity of white women and that whole like gross concept.
Yeah.
And that purity is what keeps like the puritanical nature and like the objectivity of yesor no, good, bad, and just like either or sets us up so that really, like you said, any

(39:38):
group, any nonprofit, anything under this system, if you aren't deconstructed enough tochallenge all of those values that are going to make their way in, because you're going to
bring in people that haven't deconstructed.
So even if you want a good group and you
have deconstructed from all the tenants of white supremacy and you, there's new peopleevery day.

(40:00):
You have to come in contact with them.
go, well, why don't you just start telling this thing or that thing or all these subtleways that you're going to have to interact with.
So I think, as I do the work on the groups and communities, like this, it's so essentialto slow it down.

(40:22):
in this, me a list, give me a right or wrong things to do.
You know, what do I, how do I?
That's the opposite.
If you're looking for that, you're kind of, you're just looking for your next cult, yourcult hopping.
You're good.
I could sell you a list of do this and you'll never be racist again.
you

(40:43):
But then you need to come back to me.
You know, if you want, if you want to know that's a cult or that could be one anyway, I'm,just trying to.
say this right at the end of the book.
I'm like, as a cult baby, I hate your cult definition.
I hate my cult definition because I understand that it cannot be contained in a listicle.

(41:05):
And I also understand how once you put a definition to it, the cult people are going touse and manipulate that definition to convince their people that they're not a cult,
right?
So it's just like.
It's almost like the giving someone your credentials bit.
It's like, yeah, but once I decide to share with you why you should listen, once I startto the convincing process, then I've lost the plot.

(41:35):
Cause you, I should only really be interacting with someone who already agrees with me, atleast in a basic level that we're having the same conversation.
If you're going back to the definition, my goodness.
Okay.
You know,
Because it's like when white people are like, well, the definition of racism.
Like, okay.
You tell me.
Sure.
like I learned from you to stop flashing my credentials as much.

(41:59):
also what I've learned is it infuriates white men.
It infuriates them.
Yeah, when they're like, so did you deploy or like, how long were in the military?
What rank were you?
what?
And I just I'm like, I don't respond to you.
But Google is free, you know, or just
you know that if you did, when you know that the answer actually is a good one and youstill don't give it and then, and then you get the community part of my community knows

(42:28):
the truth.
So, okay.
So when people come to my page for a while and you know, when white women would clearly benew and it's the, you new here?
We love that.
cause then I don't have to do the work, right?
and why wouldn't come and go, well, I'm just saying as a
as a neurodivergent person and then, you know, are you saying you don't care aboutneurodivergent?

(42:50):
Whatever, right?
You know, clearly, or if, you know, Judaism came up and they'd be like, well, you know,you shouldn't appropriate Jewish holidays.
And then I go, and just instead of, not gonna go, well, I am, right?
I'm not gonna say anything.
I just, or I'll feed into it.

(43:11):
Why not?
What do you mean?
Tell me more about these.
Someone said, Jewish blacks do exist, you know?
And I said, tell me more.
I am shocked and bewildered.
But it takes some breathing and self-awareness and Darvo to deactivate, to have fun withit in a way that doesn't, I don't know, they want you to engage with them.

(43:40):
I think that's what it is.
Because when you tell them,
directly to their question, then it's like, she's talking to me.
But if you're kind of like, mm-mm, then it's, it's subtleties of.
also like, you know, like this one guy showed up from nowhere and was like, I don't thinkyou were in the military, you're lying, your uniforms wrong, show us your like DD two for

(44:04):
like your literal world military paperwork.
And I was like, No, I don't have to do anything.
Yeah
kept kind of going and making noise.
And I was like, okay, I'm going to teach you a class.
If you want to check someone's military credentials, this is what you do.
You file this form, blah, blah, with Congress, blah, blah, blah.

(44:25):
You can walk into any VA hospital and ask them.
and I just like, no, I'm not giving you like, I'm not doing your work for you.
And it's just so much fun.
It's I do the same thing when they ask me for citations.
And then I'm like, no, sorry, I don't do citations.
I'm like this, my free content you are engaging with as it is.

(44:51):
And then they're like, well, I thought you were a scholar.
And then I'm always like, sir, any product that you pay me for will have extensivecitations.
Like have a day.
Internet strangers, internet stranger.
And I like to remind them, I'd be like, go away internet stranger.
Or I like to now use, please leave.

(45:12):
Well, I don't really comment anymore, but please leave the conference room.
your job?
And I'm like, yes, but you're not the one I work for.
And if you would like my consulting rights started $230 an hour, and it's a minimum twohour for your first booking.
Here's my Venmo.
And then they just go away.
And I made up my name and they'll be like, well, aren't you, say, you say you're like thewhite woman whisper.

(45:37):
So shouldn't you?
What?
I made this up.
Why do you think you get to tell me what the job role entails?
And it's the whiteness of just for a long time.
It's just interesting how I think if someone says, so are you saying that's usually whenI'm shut it down.
That's my white noise, red flag.
That's like a big one lately.

(45:58):
So you're saying, I'm not going to waste my energy.
already said what I said.
and sources, I just said it.
There's your source, you know, since when is you're looking for some white guy to haveapproved.
I remember people asking for sources on stuff that was just my opinion, but where do youget this from?

(46:22):
So did I tell you that one of my classes at Harvard, I wrote this whole paper called, NiceGirls Don't Join the Army.
And it was basically just systematically debunking everything that the Secretary ofDefense is saying right now.
And then I got cited.
I got points off for not citing my own experience in the military.

(46:46):
Like was also supposed to find it written down somewhere.
that someone else have gone through this, even though I've literally writtengroundbreaking stuff as far as women in the military go, yes, the two witness rule of
Jehovah's Witnesses for those who don't know, this is you can't claim that you were abusedunless you have a witness.

(47:10):
And this just generally is why children can almost never get any justice in America alsois because children make bad witnesses.
and nobody listens.
and then it brings me back to credibility.
Fran, she's gonna know.

(47:32):
I know.
Credibility as a concept, right?
Like whether it's a good or a bad witness has always had to do with, is this a deservinghuman of your respect?
Could they, it doesn't matter if, this a feasible truth?
Is this a credible human?
And this is how we decide, are they a criminal?

(47:55):
How does that have to do with whether you just caught her almost murdered?
Like you caught someone in the act of murdering, but it doesn't matter.
This was one of the serial killers who was finally caught, but he knew to attackindigenous and black women and prostitutes at the time, unquote, you know, and they'll
just say, well, she's not a good witness because she's a prostitute.

(48:17):
What?
What does that have to do with anything else?
But that's not a good person is what they're saying.
And that's according to these white men DAs who go visit these ladies.
I mean, hey.
And it's also so like, it just so smacks of telling us to like, watch our tone too, thatit like makes me really upset.
So what I'm doing now with my book is like, I am when I like, it's all cited, right?

(48:42):
It's a research book.
But when I'm talking about military, and when I'm talking about children of God,
I don't cite any, I quote myself sometimes from Uncultured, but it's like, I just expectyou to trust me on this, like on my own recognizance, because just by reading this book,
you should already understand that I know what I'm talking about in these two areas.

(49:06):
And I think people lose the plot, right?
And it's like, it true unless it's, you know, is this a valuable thing unless this wasperfectly cited in this research to wake people away?
Like, so you don't have any value to folklore.
You don't have any value to actual storytelling.
Well, and it limits perspective, right?
So I have this exact example that I'm dealing with in the cult world, right?

(49:30):
Because I'm the one who compares the military to a cult, right?
And I'm the only one that has military experience, you know?
So now I have this situation where like one...
grandmotheress is of cult studies.
So I've read everything she's written.
I love most of what she says, except she has this like 19 reasons the Marine Corps isn't acult.

(49:55):
Right.
And which I can do.
And you chose the Marine Corps, which is the cultist is the cultist of them, right.
But what happens here is
only have the rhetoric and the language and the context to talk about my stuff because ofthese books that these other experts have written.

(50:22):
But also we've been waiting for someone to come along that understood cults as well assinger and knowledge, but that also had military experience.
Right now.
Imagine another perspective if we got a black woman with military experience whounderstood cults, right?
Like there are even more perspectives there.

(50:43):
But just like, I can't cite another expert that really says the military is a cult, eventhough I can show you in all of their books, them using the military as examples of cult
stuff.
And I can't cite it.
Right.
That's kind of where I'm at.

(51:03):
I'm like...
If you weren't a man, no one would expect that of you.
They pioneer and stuff.
All you're doing is saying, if two plus two is four and four plus four is this, put it alltogether.
I'm reading, when I read corporate cults and I got halfway through and I had to put itdown because it's good thing I read it.

(51:25):
When it's not by a black woman, it's really hard.
and I figured corporate cults, if one thing a white man is going to write about, that'sokay.
But even in his little thing about the military, it was like, it's a cult, but we need it.
We need it.
He doesn't, I don't even know if he says good, but it's just like, it's just in there.
He's just kind of, it's like, but you gotta.

(51:46):
cult, but we have to have it, right?
The rest of them are like, no, it's not a cult because of this.
And it's just like.
to be some other thing because they say cult bad and this and that, you know, there's thisbad is bad and things can be harmful.
there's just like the cognitive conflict behind labeling something that has existed for along time, because if it has existed for a long time and it's also bad, what else could be

(52:16):
bad?
You know, it's like.
like people get very upset when I'm like rehab is also a cult experience, right?
As is the trouble teen industry, right?
But people are like, no, rehab, good, right?
So like it can't be.
say anything because I had good experience, guys, no, you have to be able to hold thecognitive conflict with like black people and church.

(52:38):
They that's, and you know, there are churches that are culty and black churches, you know,but there's a lot of people who understand they can leave the church without leaving the
church.
There is more community involved than cult because there's family.
that goes behind it and every family's got some people that aren't gonna go and like, it'snot all or nothing.

(53:03):
You don't, unless it's a cult church.
is knowing you can leave and come back.
Yeah.
I was able to, went to a black church a couple of times.
enjoyed myself.
didn't, it was weird cause I'm Jewish, but like nothing.
They just really, Hey, you know, and yeah, the basket went and then they passed me and Ijust let my, my boyfriend at the time do pay whatever.

(53:25):
it, and it wasn't culty.
I was looking for it.
Cause I was prepared, but you know, music was nice and I could see how within a church,you could maybe even have a culty group of people.
but there is this ability to exist outside of it.

(53:46):
and not feel like existential threat, which I think is what happens with cult, you know,leaving the exit cost is like livelihood.
Yeah.
I think so there was something that was going on this week on the internet that I realizedwhite women have been getting confused about.

(54:08):
Well, not confused about, but you know, white women and black hair, and there's thiscultural awareness.
I'm gonna give you guys a little insight.
I did it on my Patreon.
There's a video on my Patreon about this, but it's this cultural awareness black womenhave that white women tend to compliment our hair right before it's time for us to get it
done, meaning it has been grown out.

(54:29):
And we just know this, right?
So there's this video of a black woman reading a compliment from a white woman going, oh,I love your hair, it looks so good.
And she says, black woman, you know what's happening.
She pulls out the scissors and she starts cutting the bottoms of the braids.
So she's gonna take it out, get it redone.
And white women are, are you, do you think, are we, no, I really mean it.

(54:50):
What do I, I didn't, do you think we're trying to lie?
Could you?
I need, like that's where community could exist with white women and stuff.
When you hear something like this, you just accept, believe, consider, like I say, theABCs, because it wasn't an insult to a white woman that was happening.
It was a conversation amongst black women that it's almost like as a woman, if a man, if acouple men tell you, like those pants, you might not wear those pants anymore or

(55:23):
something.
I just had this version of this conversation on my channel where was like, dude wasmansplaining me and I was like, ladies, how do we know this is a man?
Right?
And they all came in and were like,
okay.
Like, and you're not like, I'm not mad.
No one's mad.
It's it's being able to exist with that conflict, and know that multiple things can betrue.

(55:45):
This white woman is trying to compliment me.
But what happens is because white women don't know black hair the way we know black hair,we it just tends to be that the roots are fuzzy, when we need our hair redone.
And that's when white women start to go, my God, it looks so funny.
Nothing's wrong.
Nothing, no one's attacking anybody.
No one's racist.

(56:05):
Well, but not for this specific instance, your compliment isn't like hurting anyone'sfeelings.
It's just information.
So what's the reason?
I'm fascinated by this now.
I'm like, what are we doing?
Why?
no, you're not doing anything.
I think you're just noticing when you notice it.

(56:30):
It's, yeah, I think it's just, what we, what I've noticed and some black women are tryingto explain it in a way, but white women are like freaking out.
It's not a freak out worthy thing.
This is cultural.
So like it's been happening.
I think it's that when,
our roots are fuzzy enough.
don't know.
Somehow your eye, it reminds me of this conversation that happened on TikTok where a blackwoman said, wait, wait a minute.

(56:54):
Why do y'all do this thing with your hair?
You fluff it up.
It was so good right before you did that.
Like do this sleek look.
We like it.
it like, you know, embrace that straight hair.
Why are you teasing and fluffing?
And then, so we're thinking maybe you guys think that there's like, when there's likefluff at the root of our hair, that that's

(57:15):
us.
Yeah, maybe that's what it is.
And we like it a little bit more tame.
And you guys tend to notice it when it's when it's not as tame as we would like it.
Nothing like I don't know.
It's just a cultural.
It's like, a couple white women complimented me on my hair must be grown out must be timefor a wash.

(57:38):
And it's Yeah, it's one of those things where it's
like, I don't even know how to say it.
Like, someone told me like, she knows that, like, she just notices that like white womentell her she's beautiful all the time, like so much from white women.
And she thinks it's like, like, because they're trying to be like, I'm fine with how youlook, I'm a good one.

(58:02):
I'm, you know,
someone said to me, it's like they'll white women will say I like something as a way to asa synonym for I acknowledge I see that thing.
Yes.
And that's weird guys, stop it.
And maybe it's like that too.

(58:23):
So maybe that's what it is.
It's a connection of a couple of those things.
like it stands out more and so we're like messaging that we're okay with it or something.
I don't know.
hair.
And we're like, ooh, okay.
Okay.
I think that's literally exactly it.
that fluffy thing, but with my curly hair, like I can never get it big enough.

(58:46):
And then I go to the Dominican Republic and my hair is just like, and I'm like, or Brazil.
yeah, and Dominican, yeah, well, Dominican and hair and blackness has its own just sweetspot of anti-black racism, but like the chemicals and the Dominican salon is where you go.

(59:10):
And then there's theories that they put conditioner, mean, relaxer, so that chemical intheir like shampoos and conditioners to just make it easier to do our hair.
And it was like.
But they still, know, but, but Dominican, there's a whole thing about Dominicans are like,I know black, I'm Dominican.
It's like a whole thing.

(59:32):
And so, you know, black people are not a monolith.
We'll just say that.
It's like, we can look at us and, but community and culture says we can look at each otherand go, white women have complimented my hair today.
I gotta go, I gotta set me up an appointment.
And it's just like a
a point for us to connect.
It's really not to dog on anybody or to say anything.

(59:56):
Is it nothing about, you know, it's not about white men, it's about us.
I'm just so fascinated by how people think because I'm just like, cool.
That's a new thing that I didn't know, which also means that I've had enough hours ofconversation with a black woman that I now know about it.
You know, like, I just, that's cool.

(01:00:16):
Like, I'm wondering, I'm sure I've done it, right?
And I just don't know why.
But maybe that's the neurodivergent thing coming back in.
maybe.
And like where we've been, right?
And I don't know that I would have all of these awarenesses without having one moved awayfrom my town and been inundated in like TikTok to just all different aspects of when

(01:00:44):
communities are segregated, things happen, you know, and
Yeah, and you're just not gonna know stuff.
Yeah.
just like, how my whole life has just been analyzing like, what makes these two thingsdifferent?
Well, there's a big difference here, black and white.
I can work with that.
I never saw it as like a bad, different.

(01:01:08):
so good to do what you do though, right?
Because you can understand.
You know, I always say that the person who's like on the ground getting people out ofcults still has to be kind of like a little bit culty themselves, because just to be able
to be there in that fight.
But what I'm just saying is like you understand the whiteness, like the cult of thewhiteness, because you also grew up with that.

(01:01:35):
Yeah.
And I've got it in me, right?
I, every once in a while, you know, like, Ooh, that was the white side really came outthere.
I really attacked myself, you know?
And I think I just like to model it.
And it's the reason I'm able to give any kind of quote unquote advice.
It's not advice.
I don't know what it is is because I've had to do it first.
You know, I am a biracial woman.

(01:01:56):
I'm black, biracial with a white mom.
And those things could impact how I and did, but
I, like we said, I'm fortunate enough, both with my ability to like, the pattern seekingthat I have to do the white black thing.
Cause I'm just like, this is who I am.
might as well.
And she fostered that and she knew I was black and said, yeah, you're, you look like this.

(01:02:20):
I look like this, but you know, you gave me a lot of the like, and then it's notfetishizing because I don't know why, because I said so.
like,
you know, you won't get sickle cell, you won't get Tay-Sachs.
These are the strengths of kind of blending together and not segregating.

(01:02:41):
And this is what happens, you know, when you, you dispell people.
And so, you know, I don't have the trauma aspect of being biracial that I know so many do.
And we talk about that, you know, so I feel like, yeah, I'm suited for this, but peopledon't.

(01:03:01):
I twice thought I was close to being in a long-term relationship with a black man.
One was Dominican and one was an African-American.
And I'm just like, I read stuff now, I know stuff about moms of biracial kids who haven'tworked on their own stuff.

(01:03:22):
And I'm just like, glad.
that I didn't do that because it's not fun to learn about how you've traumatized yourchildren in reverse, as I have still learned.
But yeah.
mom now, you know, to this day, she'll randomly, I think I've said this before, she'llcall me and be like, you know, I think about this thing.
I'm sorry that I, you know, I, with the grandparents who went from like regular Grammy andPapa to Bubby and Zadie, cause it was a little bit more Jewish or something.

(01:03:51):
That's what they wanted.
And she thinks about it now.
goes, I shouldn't have done that.
It was cute when you called them your own names.
And now am I, I'm not sitting here thinking about that, but it's nice to have someone andyou know, if it comes to something.
that she learns from me here, she's still learning from me now.
She's been my mom 35 years.
And like, it's the open-mindedness that I don't see as much on the like Christmas whiteside, know, on the Christmas whites who like the performance of goodness and happiness and

(01:04:23):
cheer and glee and all that.
Cause that's not the kind of white I grew up with.
Like, you know, I keep saying like when people have to tell you it's not a call it's acall and when people are telling you know, I'm people are on Facebook talking about how
much they love their spouse you're like something's going on and when the Oompa Loompasare marching around saying how great their life is and I'm like, but but nobody asked like

(01:04:49):
why do you have to keep telling us?
And it reminds me of the beautiful thing.
And like, we all know it was not joy and peace and love getting in those photos.
Like that's not what was going on there.
No.
like, yeah, the when I would talk, there was a whole phase where I was talking about mymom, because some lady came on TikTok crying about her son at seven years old.

(01:05:16):
And now she's just now.
And then she go on a TikTok to ask all the biracial people.
And so I was like, here's what I think.
And there were a lot of people saying I was attacking this lady.
I was not, you know, if my mom can listen to me now, I think, you know, people should beable to.
Yeah.
But there was, I don't know.

(01:05:38):
I don't remember what my point was gonna be actually.
Now that think about it, something about her.
Tick tock.
White moms.
space for the idea that like it's a journey.
mean, like our kids are teaching us stuff all the time.
I don't see why I don't get that part of it either.

(01:06:00):
That like people think like parenting needs to be this kind of like top-down hierarchy.
And we talked about that last time too.
And I think there's like a lot of white in that.
You know, I tell my kid all the time, I'm like, I don't know how to be a mom either.
Like I'm learning by being your mom.
So like, you know.

(01:06:21):
Yeah.
And that's the human thing to do.
Like it should be, because you're modeling adulthood, right?
Too.
And you know, a hard going, no, I know exactly what I would do all the time.
And, um,
And she's aged up, so she's soon nine.

(01:06:42):
And apparently for nine, we like mom.
Dad's less cool, but at nine years old, we like mom, so I'm happy.
Nice.
And I think like those things can be different than what we were taught because that wasbased on property.
Something I've been thinking about, like the word proper T.

(01:07:07):
What's up with that?
Like the proper things to do.
Property is right there.
Property.
You're right.
How, how, you know, and if you're treated the
connected purity and puritanical earlier.
And this one, you need to do something with that.
Yeah, it's there.

(01:07:28):
It's all down to the same thing.
There's no creativity within these systems.
It's the like Russian doll thing where it's just like smaller versions of the same.
And maybe our relationships, the way we've been taught to have them don't have to go theway they always went because moms don't have to be in like in control.

(01:07:51):
predicting everything, giving up of everything, giving the shirt off your back.
So let's stop saying that.
We have a lot of clothes in this country.
That's one thing that I don't think we need to be worrying about is women taking clothesbecause it's usually a woman who's going to give you the shirt off her back.
There's a man with three jackets on right there.
Keep your shirt on, lady.

(01:08:13):
It's cold out here.
Just like the things we value.
like, that one I hear a lot now.
I saw something that said it really well that like as Millennials one of our contributionsis ending the parenting that was you will love and respect me and Starting the parenting
that is like we are gonna love and respect each other You know, we teach you how you knowlike the concept of like you don't teach You know for some reason people that hit their

(01:08:42):
children hang on to the idea that you have to hit your children if they're being violent
instead of being like hitting someone to teach them not to hit is bonkers.
Well, you know, we do live in the country where we kill people for killing people.
So, you know, you know, or like don't hit, I'll teach you not to hit.

(01:09:06):
If you hit.
I was a 18 year old criminal justice major three years out of a cult and I thought Iwanted to be a prosecutor in the state of Texas and then we went to the the maximum

(01:09:26):
security prison where they executed people and we stood in that room and I passed out andI
literally, because I mean, everyone's like, it just looks like a hospital bed.
It looks like a padded crucifix.
And there is just an energy in that room.

(01:09:47):
And I didn't have any way to explain it that I was just like, it's not like it's not okayto just like, execute people that are not a threat.
I would go on to be in the military.
So you know,
I, well, it just shows you though.
of my thoughts out but yeah.

(01:10:10):
shows you like, these are all the good roles.
These are the, like these are your choices?
And.
and that's why I very quickly realized I was like I'm not going to be able to be aprosecutor in the state of Texas if I'm anti-death penalty so I guess I should change my
major and I did.
And it's like perpetuates more of the same, not that that's what you should have done isgo do that so that you, you know, it's, it's, would just hope that we stop expecting the

(01:10:38):
system to be different because look, this is what it does.
It finds people who are okay with that and it hires ex like executioners in Game ofThrones.
They say the person who cast the, the thing they have to do the deed, you know, we removeourselves from.
these things we're asking for, the death penalty, but it's like some guy on the phone,like, yeah, keep doing it.

(01:11:03):
And they were like, call him up so it doesn't happen.
There's a man who's hired just to kill people and like, that's kind of weird.
We should check him out.
And people have done documentaries on these people.
Like, that's a job.
I don't, and I'm pretty sure our taxes pay it.
And like, ugh.

(01:11:26):
and it hasn't even stopped one crime.
There's no proof of it that it says, yeah, no, these are just numbers.
We're just playing with numbers.
there is no proof that punishment stops crime in general.
that we're wrong a lot, that one in nine people who have been executed were falsely.
don't understand how anyone can, like, even if just the possibility that, like, it couldbe found out later, like, even if it just happened once, I would feel like as human

(01:11:57):
beings, we should be like, okay, now we're done.
it's more of that like, but if it's bad, then we've been doing it for a really long time.
How could it have been bad this whole time?
What are you saying about my dad type of thing?
But yeah, no, your dad was a bad guy, whether he meant to do it or not.
He was following the rules.
I'm gonna, you have to release yourself of like, yeah, we've been doing bad stuff a longtime.

(01:12:22):
And we can't just keep doing it because we've been doing it for so long.
This I think is why white millennials are so afraid of talking about race.
And I think it's because like we all know that our parents were even worse than we are inthat area.

(01:12:43):
And then our grandparents were even worse going all the way back to who knows, right?
But like, and that.
I think that was the difference for me, was just like, have absolutely no need to defendthe people from whence I came.
So, like, I can dig into that, but I see it with people when it's like...

(01:13:03):
Yeah, it's just like, I don't want to face all of that, but if you don't bring with you,they're now bad people, gotta let them go, gotta yell at them, gotta spit at them, gotta,
no one's saying that.
They had bad information too.
But like, you, when you don't acknowledge it, that doesn't make it not there.

(01:13:26):
And there's still so much you can learn.
afterwards.
Yeah, it's bright.
It's like, oh, you know, oh, gosh, that's so much information.
But at least it's true and things start making sense and you start to feel some agency.
But that I don't have the experience of my family also being like super inundated, though.
So my family is here.

(01:13:49):
They're either Jehovah's Witnesses still or they're out and they're just kind of like,yeah, she'd be talking a lot.
So, you know, it's fine.
A black and Jewish and a woman neurodivergent moved to Chicago.
You know, it's like there's, we're all dealing with some different stuff, but.
things that I've realized the answer for when your family is hostile to your content, youjust create so much content that they can't possibly keep up with it.

(01:14:15):
And then it doesn't matter because they're not listening to you.
So true.
For a while my dad was like, he was just like, he didn't get it.
And then he was just like, I don't get it.
And then time passes and they are just like, well, I don't know.
She hasn't asked me for anything.
So I guess I can't.
You know, just keep going.
I think we do too much coddling of, or like the immediate reactions of people.

(01:14:38):
Like let it be confusing and misunderstood at first.
And like when you were deciding to go to Knitting Cult Lady, some people might think thisor think that it's about a knitting cult.
And then, okay, they'll be all right.
They'll figure it out or they won't or they'll stay or they, we respect our audience alittle bit more, I think, than the average producer of content because there's a lot of

(01:15:04):
like, you gotta give them the intro and then this and then the agenda and then tell themwhat you told them and tell them what you're tell them, you all that stuff.
Yeah, I guess if you wanted to make it so that Fox,
moves could easily, you know, dissect it.
sound bites.
Yeah, I mean, I'm definitely not afraid of telling people anymore.

(01:15:25):
I'm like, you just need some more prerequisites before you take this course, you know,
Yeah, not everything's for everybody and people don't like to hear.
Why people don't like to hear that one.
And that surprises me.
Like you because because I.
that's for sure.
Yeah, because it's like, I don't get it.
I don't get it.
I'm confused.

(01:15:46):
That's okay.
That's okay.
so much about, you know, so first of all, every time I see an article that's like firstblack something, I just go straight to the comments to find the white people going, how
long is this gonna be news?
Because I love to get in their faces and be like, you know when something's not news, whenit's not news.

(01:16:13):
Like we don't get stories about when black people are drafted into the NFL because that'snot news anymore.
But when the first black woman to become a neurosurgeon at Johns Hopkins makes the news,like it's because it's still new, right?
But I think that because white people have been told that you can't have things not thataren't for everyone, right?

(01:16:39):
Like we don't have to tell the men that our book clubs aren't for them.
They just get it and they don't come.
Like you can build something that's not for people.
White people have just been told you can't build white only people things anymore becauseyou've lost your privilege.
And so then they're upset, right?
So when it was like white dudes for Kamala phone call, right?

(01:17:00):
I'm sure you saw all these people being like, imagine if I did black dudes for Trump like,or.
No, imagine if this was white dudes for Trump, right?
They were saying, or imagine if, and I just don't think people like to be told like,you've lost your privilege for bad acting.

(01:17:21):
Like that's why we can't have white only groups.
You can have a black only group because black people have not abused this privilege andwhite people have.
That's kind of how I think.
that's why they say we don't get to do this.
That whole get to, you don't get, they don't like that I get to just say white womanwhisperer and they can't make a page that's because I all the time.

(01:17:46):
If what if I imagine they love a good imagine, imagine I made black woman whisperer.
I've imagined it so many times over the last four years.
In fact,
A couple people have made one just to see what happens, like on my side, they just madeone.
Nothing happens to them.
They just have the name.
You know, but it's just this, but it's the, don't get to do what you're doing.

(01:18:10):
And that's not fair.
But why is that my fault?
Fairness is a tenet of white supremacy,
I guess, because like, what did, they don't even know why they're mad, you know, but it'sjust like, because I, because if it were me, and I don't know the if it were me thing, why

(01:18:33):
that's a whole, I think that's a way people think too.
Yeah, mean, it definitely is this, like I see it with men right now, right?
Where it's just kind of like, no one, no one wants to hear from straight white men rightnow, right?
Kind of just like sit down, your perspective has been had.

(01:18:53):
And like, unfortunately for you, being born a straight white man right now, this is notyour perfect time, which
it hasn't been for any other demographic for the rest of history, right?
So like, unfortunately for you, you were not born.
Yeah, and this is what's going on with all these angry white young men, right?

(01:19:16):
Is they're pissed off that they are not at the top of the pyramid anymore.
Because if they had been born 50 years earlier, they would have been.
And this is why I think the whole go back nostalgia kind of stuff is so popular.
Those men were mad too, you know?
Because men have always been mad.
And they're always feeling, you know, if they take in, even at the peak times, I'm surethey were romanticizing a different time, you know?

(01:19:43):
also being a cult leader is not fun.
I think people are controlling people all the time.
Like cult leaders are never happy.
Every president of America, right?
We watch them just immediately age, right?
I used to see this with military commanders when you deploy, like I literally saw myboss's hair get less white when we came back from a difficult deployment.

(01:20:10):
And it's
aren't happy.
I mean, the popular girls aren't happy.
Like, we're much happier than we would have been shooting for the man goals of likeconfidence in their way.
Because like I said, confidence is not the way they do it.
It's just like, I can do it because anyone could do it.
And if anyone could do it, I can do it.
My confidence is like, well, I've done all of that.

(01:20:33):
So I could probably do this.
And if I can't, then I'll just stop and I'll bail and I'll keep on going.
I'll have compassion for myself.
That's the kind of confidence I'm working with.
fear of failure is probably a tenet of white supremacy.
Yeah, cause it, well, I think that has a lot to do also with like progress is bigger andmore and more.

(01:20:54):
It's not shutting down when you realize you're not needed anymore.
You know, dissolve yourself because tobacco is bad.
Stop making it.
And then it's like, but then I won't be successful, but you'll have, but who says, causeyou have all that money, right?
I don't know.
Like it's questioning all your goals because being like,

(01:21:18):
a cool aunt, cool like inspiration.
That's really cool, but like that's not on the white man list of successful things.
But they're so loud is the problem.
They're so loud and they're so angry.
They're so worried.
They're so fearful.
They're also very psychic.

(01:21:40):
They're always telling you what's about to happen, but not stopping it.
So I mean, we are, it's probably a great place to wrap up now as we are like, what ournext time are we post inauguration or we're getting very close, but you know, like they're
getting into power, but I like to remind people that just like, it's like, we are breakingout of this, you know, like I think we're breaking all the systems right now and we're

(01:22:11):
going to get a chance to like do them over and like.
true.
We get to be a part of this.
It's not like happening.
It is happening to us, but it's not just happening to us.
We are making this happen.
And the reason they're afraid is because, you know, coercive control only works like whenpeople are buying in, right?

(01:22:31):
Outside of like children, right?
But even that, right?
I remember there was a day where I was taken in front of the commune and stripped andphysically punished.
And then after that, I looked my dad in the face and I said, I'm 13 years old, you're donehitting me.
And then he stopped because these people are also bullies and cowards quite often.

(01:22:58):
Right.
And like, you have to do that in ways that is safe for you, obviously, but there is thispoint, especially for people in cults where you realize like,
What are they gonna do to me that's worse than what we have?

(01:23:19):
And that's when people start getting willing to fight back.
And this is usually kind of like the crack in the brainwashing moment for people.
So.
I realized for me, like, I even just in corporate America, it was like, I'm going to keepclimbing, but wait, if I don't want to be here, does it really matter where I'm, if I'm

(01:23:42):
successful going in this direction?
I don't want to do it.
I don't want to be involved in my own life.
Come on.
And I did all that work and dedication and all that move just for, just to not enjoy itand be a part of it.
and like grieving our goals.
just like, ooh, they were based on sour information, but now we know and we can expose itfrom the inside.

(01:24:10):
Mm-hmm.
Right?
I like that one too, because I think that's a hard one for at least, especially for a lotof black women, I think, because we go get the degrees and degrees and degrees thinking
this will prove it.
This will do the thing I need it to do or make me, I don't know.
But no amount of proof of your smartness is gonna tell the narcissism of this thing thatyou're good to go.

(01:24:34):
You can rest now.
Yeah.
Which that's also, by the way, a crack in the brainwashing for people in cults is usuallyaround a medical emergency because they'll realize like there's no point of sacrifice
where the cult is like, okay, you're done now.
Like, they will just take and take from you up to and including your life.

(01:24:57):
You know, so I think that is also like that's a thing that we are learning right now withcapitalism, I think, right?
It's like there's no point.
bluff of like a lot of these.
done.
And so at some point, we just start opting out and it's all going to get very interesting.
Yeah, it's going to get very colorful.

(01:25:19):
If I if I have anything to do with it.
well, color is a good way to resist, so...
You know, here we are practicing resistance and figuring out the complicated answers tothe complicated questions.
Thank you all so much for listening and knitting and crocheting along with us today.
I love so much how all of you tell us that you are finding us because of the fiber arts.

(01:25:43):
It is totally lovely.
If you are listening, please like and subscribe.
If you're not seeing our lovely awesome faces and our super cool creations, then you cancome check us out on YouTube.
at knitting cult ladies channel please check out Rebecca's Patreon this is where she doesmost of her work and it is so so so so so so good but don't keep her too busy because she

(01:26:09):
has to write a chapter for culting of America
am.
It's so exciting.
Thank you everybody.
Have a great day.
Thanks.

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Episode 22 | Treat Yourself

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Episode 22 | Treat Yourself