Episode 35 | Colors for Community

In this conversation, Rebecca and Daniella explore the intersections of fashion, identity, and race, discussing how personal expression through clothing can challenge societal norms. They delve into the complexities of navigating whiteness in diverse spaces, the cultural disconnect evident in social interactions, and the significance of color as a form of resistance. The discussion also touches on the importance of critiquing whiteness, understanding cult dynamics through the Byte model, and the value of personal narratives in shaping identity. They emphasize the role of community in fostering belonging and the dangers of rebranding historical trauma, particularly in the context of military experiences and cultural awareness. In this engaging conversation, Daniella and Rebecca explore various themes surrounding creativity, identity, privilege, and societal dynamics. They discuss the cultural differences in dance, the nature of self-expression, and the complexities of defining oneself as an artist. The conversation delves into the importance of self-definition, the impact of societal expectations, and the challenges of navigating personal fears and anxieties. They also touch on the military's culture, the role of storytelling, and the significance of understanding privilege and its implications in everyday life. Through humor and personal anecdotes, they encourage listeners to reflect on their own identities and the narratives they create.

Connect with Rebecca at:

The White Woman Whisperer Website

 

The White Woman Whisperer Patreon

 

The White Woman Whisperer TikTok

 

C

Episode Transcript

(00:04):
God forbid you stand out or quote, want to be seen or be full of yourself.
What else am I supposed to be full with by the way?
Like, I don't know.
I've just been questioning a lot of these things and, but being brave enough to wearcolor.
And that's clearly a choice on your part because you're not just like, well, I happen tohave this coat.

(00:26):
It's a pair of pants.
That's a kind of pink thing.
No, you're wearing colors.
You're saying something.
So before we started recording, I was looking at Danielle's top and I just was so excitedabout the colors, but especially how they like blend with the earrings.
And for some reason I keep doing this with my hands when I do it.
It feels very delicious to me.

(00:48):
If you can see it.
these earrings are my newest invention.
I'm calling them the Fringe Belief earrings.
Just, not invention, I'm just making earrings with tassels.
Like my newest thing that I've added to the knitting cult family, you know.
um All right, so I went out in this top this weekend, okay?
And I need to show it, because it's a very short cropped jacket with long sleeves, okay?

(01:14):
sleeve.
So I was wearing this and then some high-waisted sequin black pants.
um And, right, it was.
um And I went out like that, right?
And so my child was out at a party with like school friends, which we live in aneighborhood that for reasons.

(01:41):
that have to do with racism, black codes, et cetera, the school across the street is verymuch more white or that neighborhood that the school is in, right?
So I'm out at this neighborhood bar that we have, which became quite a hangout fornon-white and specifically black people in this neighborhood.

(02:04):
Unsurprisingly, it's closing Wednesday.
um
Anyway, so we're out there and I like, everybody was just giving me compliments, right?
It was just, my gosh, you look so great.
This is amazing.
You know, and it was great.

(02:26):
you know, I have trying to heal my body image post-cult, post-military, working on thewhite supremacy of it all.
Mm-hmm.
like, this summer, I am a couple sizes bigger than I was before.
I'm not letting that stop me.
I'm still gonna wear my crappies and do my thing.

(02:48):
But then it was just like, then I had to leave at 10 o'clock at night and go across and goget my kid.
So was like, that's it, I'm just going like this.
And I did, and it was just very...
silent and oh hey where you been?

(03:08):
And just like nobody said anything bad right but it was just like it was just so white.
Yeah, like sterile almost like.
Boring.
you know, when I talk about like best case scenarios in whiteness is that's what you get.

(03:29):
Like, whoa, great.
No one does anything extreme ever or like makes anyone feel anything like, cause that's.
think that's such a good way to put it, right?
It's like my outfit made people feel some kind of way.
And it was very different in these two different scenarios across one literal street fromeach other.

(03:52):
And then we like went back, we went back to the hangout and like my nine year old rockedthe house with karaoke and we just like continued to hang out in this very affirming
community.
um Literally one of the things I literally said to my husband as I was walking away.
I was like, we have to find that because I said it's closing, right?

(04:14):
I'm like, we have to find another space to hang out.
That's not dominated by white people because it's like been so good for us.
Like I'm so sad about it.
But anyways, I was walking back that night and I felt like I was like, this is anothercrack in the whiteness.
And I was like.
God, I want to talk to Rebecca, like, off recording.

(04:38):
And then I was like, well, that's not very brave.
So here we are.
No, that's yeah.
And that's everything though, right?
Like that's what I'm also inviting people to when I say, you know, when you getuncomfortable and like, this is what you're going to get.
Cause you're comfortable with your prison cell.

(04:59):
And I'm saying, okay, how about I'll let you come back.
You can go back at any time.
This is what I'm just saying.
Look over there.
Look, look what's happening over there.
And you've been taught to like,
mind your own business and looking over there and noticing things about other people isdangerous because that might make you feel something negative about your own experience.

(05:22):
You're just not including that thing.
It's like you enjoying your life makes other people uncomfortable, but it has nothing todo with you.
It, you sparked something in them.
You triggered something in them.
And that's what I tend to like.
so funny you said it just like that.
um It's so funny you said it just like that, because someone who's a Brazilian justliterally asked me today, like, why are Americans so like, strange?

(05:50):
Like you'll be talking to them, they just ghost you, you know, nobody knows each other inthe neighborhood.
You know, and I always talk about this as elevator culture, the difference between Braziland the US.
Like in the US, we get in the elevator and we kind of like, and this I think is probably awhite America thing too, right?

(06:11):
But we kind of just pretend that the other people don't exist or like we're in privatewhen we're in the elevator, right?
And like in Brazil, they just share the elevator like any other shared space.
It's just like, hey, bon dia, you know, good morning, what's up, blah, blah.
yeah.
You know, and it's like, it's so interesting to me to go back and forth between the two.

(06:32):
um And why, you know, it just strikes me that this is a white culture thing is because Ido often have lots of great conversations in elevators with black women about my outfits.
um but when you said like they're afraid of feeling something, like I think that's.
really what it is, right?

(06:53):
We don't, because I was later explaining to her that like, yeah, Americans like, andagain, probably white Americans, right?
Suburban Americans, like don't want to get to know their neighbors because then like, whatif you have an issue?
And then it's uncomfortable.
You know, and it's like, what if you do look and then you have to get involved?
Right.
And the only time that they experience what I've noticed, a sense of that camaraderie isin the us versus them.

(07:18):
If someone's in the neighborhood and you need to protect your community because of thesuspicious person, you know, if there's a black person, what I'm saying, if there are
black people around, then all of a you're like, I need to, I'm protecting my neighborhood.
This is my neighborhood.
These are my neighbors.
You live here.
And, um,
you know, when I, in my comments section, it be like white women only quote had eachother's back once they identified someone who seemed to be getting harmed by me and my

(07:49):
asking them to be uncomfortable or like my saying no or something.
Then well, maybe she did, any other time you cared nothing for each other.
You never identify with each other.
You know, you don't see each other and go, that's, I know something about this person.
If I see another black woman in the elevator, I know that's a black woman.
This is a, I'm a black woman and we know this.

(08:11):
We're not gonna, we're not lying about, we're not gonna deny that.
You guys get in an elevator and you just see another being?
I don't know, because there's this like, we don't associate with our white woman-ness, butwe do associate with our white woman-ness when, I'm not sure, right?
Cause I'm not white.
I don't have that perspective, but it's like something where,

(08:33):
It's like the trigger that needs to be touched on the sleeper cell energy that like youneed to push the nice guy to push to show that is he really a nice guy or is he a nice
guy?
Because everything is calm and settled and you're performing the way he expected andeverything is good.

(08:54):
It's like, well, how do you react when someone pushes back against you?
I don't know.
But once, and then once that,
is okay, because when you go out in your colors, you're saying, I'm okay with myself.
Or like, that's basically it, right?
Because...

(09:14):
was joking the other day that everything about my style is just intended to telegraph thatI did not vote for Donald Trump.
Right, right, and but at the, you know, when you start peeling all that stuff back.
Yeah, but it's also like it's color, right?
It's color, it's joy, it's, you know, and it was funny actually, because when I was tryingto like find an outfit to wear for like a date night, I was like, but I just like, I wear

(09:45):
all my great stuff all the time.
know, like, you know, it was funny to me.
I was like, none of this actually feels like that quote unquote special, because I'm justalways like,
putting together these great outfits and having fun with it.
um So much just like joy being created.

(10:07):
And for me, this really ties back to color is resistance.
like.
Just like existing as a person of color in America is resistance.
But for like white America, like I'm sure you've noticed the aesthetic is being pushed tolike beige.

(10:28):
my God, I have a sad beige kid.
Like they're like, they all getting blush pink manicures, you know, like it's just verylike homogenous right now.
it's also like kind of wearing all black like in New York.
know, it's this, it's safe, but it also makes you so, I can't imagine wearing white andbeige all the time.

(10:51):
You have to be so hyper vigilant.
Do not get a stain on that.
It will be very visible.
Everyone will know.
It restricts how you operate.
It's like operating with stray hair a bit.
it change, you think about that.
It's restrictive to wear all white or beige or something.
And
God forbid you stand out or quote, want to be seen or be full of yourself.

(11:15):
What else am I supposed to be full with by the way?
Like, I don't know.
I've just been questioning a lot of these things and, but being brave enough to wearcolor.
And that's clearly a choice on your part because you're not just like, well, I happen tohave this coat.
It's a pair of pants.
That's a kind of pink thing.
No, you're wearing colors.

(11:36):
You're saying something.
Easily, naturally in a way.
And that is the work that has to be done.
And people can see that black women understand context.
We know this.
We know when you choose to do this, that it's for you and we love to see it.
Yes.
More that's literally, but it takes.
Undoctrination and being uncomfortable with your other stuff first.

(12:00):
difference in the response, right?
Like the response from Black Roman was like, yes, get it, more, right?
And then the response from the white crowd is always kind of like, be a little bit less.
Like they don't know what to say and that makes them uncomfortable.
And I realized that's a lot of what the people had issues with me when I was saying theblack and white thinking thing.

(12:23):
was like, they just didn't want to be made to think about.
And I already did it by existing and saying what I think.
And they were like, but, I shouldn't have to, well, too late.
I mean, don't, I don't know.
So by the way, I wrote the note for my book on black and white thinking, right?
Because, uh so I can go through it I can get rid of all the notes to it, but then when Iquote people, like someone's gonna say that, right?

(12:49):
So the first time someone says it, I'm gonna have that pop-up note, you know, but that'slike in the page, so you have to read it.
And like when I wrote it out, right?
I was like, okay, so, you know, as white women whisper another.
scholars have talked about, right?
Like this language is uncomfortable, it's hierarchical for a reason.
And when you talk about white equals good and bad equals black.

(13:12):
And so we're gonna introduce red and blue thinking.
And you immediately see that it's like now when you say red and blue, you understand theirpolar opposites, but it doesn't immediately come with a hierarchy.
Like one is right and one is wrong.
Right.
Exactly.
And like
good.
It's so good.
You're obviously getting credit for it.

(13:34):
Like it's, yeah.
And then shades of purple, right?
It's gonna get messy.
You're gonna live in the real world.
And there are so many more shades of purple that I can think of than gray.
I mean, kinda, you know what I mean?
Like boring again.
Like, shades of gray.
You mean dark gray and light gray and then in the middle medium gray?

(13:54):
The amount of purples there are.
And they're all valuable in their own way.
It's not like lighter or darker.
That's very binary.
was also just thinking of mixing an outfit of a bunch of different grays versus mixingoutfits of a bunch of different purples, which I really like to do.
Right?
I mean, which one of those slaps, right?

(14:15):
Like which one of those hits hard?
Um, let's talk purple.
Also, I think it's good practice and it's for seeing people this way, because that's whatI need white people to start doing is humanizing people of red and blue.
Like it's seriously, the whole, you're doing the thing.
And so when red and blue, came out, I was like, that's perfect.

(14:36):
And now I want without even saying whatever, but they're, they're all people.
And if you want to deem one side good and one side bad, you're kind of doing that thing umand just rebranding it.
And that was my, that's always been my thing.
It's like rehumanizing people, not just seeking vengeance and revenge and all that stuffon owning other people.

(15:01):
Like, I gotta own them.
I, well.
As a concept, if you're ever like, want to hurt people as a group of people as a concept.
I don't know.
I don't think that's great.
I would say, you know, or like, I'm going to do something because it would make thosepeople so mad.
You know what would make white men really mad?
If you paid black women to just speak their thoughts that they didn't like, that wouldmake them so bad.

(15:27):
my goodness.
But that's not.
Yeah, but that's not what you're talking about.
You're talking about like, I'm going to wear a shirt that makes fun of the thing they makefun of.
And then, I don't know, I don't know, boring.
Again, I just, you're still centering harmful behavior and then like doing it back.
Like the death funnel tune, which we've talked about before.

(15:48):
Like let's kill people in the name of being mad about people who kill people.
It's like, I, what do you.
children to teach them not to hit.
Yeah, just like, no, no.
Doesn't really work that way.
when it comes to dogs.
And I'm going to just say that, right?
If you understand when it comes to dogs that it is wrong to do a positive reinforcementworks better than punishment, then what are we treating people like this for?

(16:18):
It's because that subhuman thing, that scarcity thing.
dehumanizing, right?
And I've been like, you know, I've started now to tell people like the difference betweenDaniella and Knitting Cult Lady is like, Daniella is a human that sometimes gets political
and was like maybe calling the other side maggots for like a day.

(16:41):
And then I have to turn the cult eye on myself and be like, no, that's actuallydehumanizing language.
It's not okay, right?
um
for you, right?
Like I'm just, when I talk about this stuff, it's just like, I see it in myself.
I see it out there and I'm just saying that this is what goes on in the back of my head.

(17:02):
And that is not judgment.
That is critiquing, right?
That's critiquing.
And I think we should be practicing critiquing things we are going to keep like ourselves,like critiquing people we intend to keep in our lives.
um
And if you're not planning on keeping that person, you don't enjoy that thing.
Why are you critiquing it?
Because I'm not just to feel better than it.

(17:25):
Moral superiority.
That's very scammy.
You're scamming yourself into like, this is why I don't need to change anything.
because critiquing is cool.
Like I critique shows I like, and I think it would be good practice for people to startonly critiquing things they see being around them in their future.

(17:47):
somehow, maybe, potentially, you know.
why it's like as uh a reader, right?
Like you only really take three and four star reviews seriously because like if someone'sgiving something a two or one star review, like they really hated it.
So they're just gonna like rant about it.
And that says more about them, right?

(18:08):
And a lot of five star reviews is people that just really loved it.
So they're not seeing the downsides, right?
So, know,
a lot of readers will just read like three and four star reviews.
This is why I love one of my audible reviews.
One of my three star audible reviews just says, don't read the second half.

(18:32):
And that's the one that always pops up.
Because she was so mad about what I was saying about the military, but like not mad enoughto tell people not to read my book.
Like the first half is still good.
Okay, okay, that's it.
Okay.
I'm like secretly you're really giving me quite a compliment there, you know

(18:53):
And then, you know, that'll make people want to read the second half.
What are you so upset about?
Sheesh.
He was so, so worked up.
Um, and so I was, you know, thinking before I was like, this is the perfect thing for meto talk about, because I was thinking about the bite bottle a little bit because, um, the
science Leah Remini Scientology, um, series is back up on Hulu, at least for now, at leastthe season, first season, I don't know some of it.

(19:18):
But I remember thinking, wow, I used to be able to see it a bunch of places.
much anymore, but it's back up anyway.
So I thinking about, you know, the bike model and how people find it useful.
And I think, sure.
Right.
I found it.
I remember it was Leah's documentary series that got Stephen Hasson to me, but he wentthrough this list of like, here are some questions to ask yourself about thing.

(19:42):
And I, recorded it and I was like, this feels like my job.
And so it's how I started kind of thinking corporate culty stuff.
Right.
Right.
Now.
And I was listening to his podcast.
Here's the thing.
He a white man.
He's a what?
Boomer white man.
So eventually I started being like, well, okay.

(20:03):
And I got to the point where like, no, I can't listen to this white man talk anymore.
Like I, I used it for what I used it for.
It got me into that conversation.
And I think there is elements of sharing your own legitimacy as a doctor of whatever.
But then I started thinking, right.
Right model and like.
Behavior, that's personal, right?
Information, okay.

(20:25):
Thoughts and emotions, right?
Because that's kind of, those are the last two, I believe.
Information is the one we can actually, like, we should be talking about.
Hey, there's one that has influence in it.
And that's why TikTok is now helping so many people get out.
And YouTube videos and just the CES letters or whatever for Mormons, like having theinformation.

(20:49):
It's not being convinced or whatever.
he didn't like, you could use this, right?
And then go miss you got psychology there.
Okay.
It's fine.
You know, judge, I can critique them without throwing them away, but also.
Yeah, but also, you know, talking to you has really helped me understand going throughthis, right?

(21:12):
And so for those who don't know, Dr.
Stephen Hassan is kind of like in the cult of homophobia now saying that, you know,transgenderism is a cult and it's not, it's an identity, right?
um But, so.
You know, doing my own anti-racism work and working with you, you know, I don't rememberwhere I first heard the concept, but like the oppressor always understands, sorry, the

(21:38):
oppressed always understands the oppressor the most, right?
So.
So because somebody was asking me what I thought about the Byte model, and I was justlike, honestly, you know, I said like, if it's helpful, it's helpful, right?
If it's valid, it stands up to identity to scrutiny, which, which is a Steve Hassan quote,right?
So even though he didn't stand up to scrutiny, right?

(22:00):
Like, if it's valid, it stands up to scrutiny.
But I was like, however, I have never really used the Byte model, because I didn't needit.
Because I had found
Janja Lalich, who's a woman, and Alexandra Stein, who's a woman, and Margaret Singer, notwhite feminist Margaret Sanger, Margaret Singer, who's a woman, and I had found their

(22:23):
models already to be more useful to me understanding my experience, right?
And then as, yeah, and then as I was explaining that, I was like, oh, so it's also validthat I, as a grown-up child of cults,
who does this work, believe that I understand even a little deeper than some of theseothers, right?

(22:49):
Because children are the most oppressed in cults, right?
So I understand that even at a deeper level, you know?
And so that's kind of now how I thought about it, like what you were saying.
It's like Steve Hassan is like...
he's the he's the crack in the brainwashing guy, you know, like, like his his his stuff iseasily palatable.

(23:12):
He doesn't enrage anyone.
That's why they put him on TV, you know, and it's just like when you just need somethingright there, and then you go a little deeper and then you go a little deeper and then
like, you're going to get to my stuff here.
You know, like you said on TikTok, where we can really like get into the emotions of itall and like

(23:33):
Like not for nothing, that is how I felt about defining cults, right?
Like I made a little listicle even though it made me uncomfortable because it's tooshallow, right?
And then I immediately set out to write a book on these concepts, right?
To explain like how deep they really go.

(23:53):
I, yeah, yeah, right.
this.
Right, but it's like I had to go deeper and like write the whole book.
And then because I got on social media at the same time, you know, I realized that you gotto go even deeper than a book, right?
You always got to go into like hundreds, if not thousands of like personal accounts,right?

(24:17):
And all of this to get like a richer understanding of your topic.
Yeah, it has to come from hearing first person.
That's why TikTok is good.
First person perspectives and experiences, not statistics, not academia, notintellectualizing experiences.
Actually hearing someone say, this was my experience with this type of experience.

(24:42):
That's literally it.
And then you can open, I heard some women say, you know, I was however many years old andI heard someone else say,
I don't want to have kids." And that opened her mind.
She said, you can want, you can choose these, you can choose this.
That's white women.
That was all.
And that's because you're not talking to each other.

(25:03):
You're having small talk, polite.
Polite says, don't offend me with all those colors and make me see you.
What do you mean?
Because you're not supposed to stand out, right?
The right thing is to be at the right place, the blah, blah.
So no one ever sees you.
with everybody else.
And if you choose to make this, it was kind of like me saying, I'm black and speakingabout black things and not from a biracial lens, but just black things.

(25:33):
And so that phrase, by the way, is from the army, right place, right time, right uniform.
And then we also add, and never volunteer for anything, right?
Like don't stand out.
And I had an epiphany on my anti-racism journey that I was like, oh, the whole militaryappearance standard is about making sure that you don't stand out, right?

(25:58):
And what they want you to look like generally, like the big army.
right, is a six foot two white blonde blue-eyed man, right?
That's what the soldier looks like.
And I'm married to that man, right?
That man exists, nothing wrong with that man.
But every degree you are away from that, it's harder for you.

(26:22):
You know, and I heard a black veteran describe it as you're not supposed to be servingwhile black.
You know, you're not supposed to be like, obviously black.
Yeah, yeah, because it's one thing to be black, but to make yourself known, to chooseanything that was a choice, that's an offense to the system of what should be.

(26:48):
you know, you're not supposed to be a woman, right?
You're supposed to make them forget you're a woman.
And so then obviously, if you're a black woman, you have to be policing yourself onmultiple fronts, right?
Like, don't let them see you're a woman.
Don't, you know, try to make them forget that you're black so that you can do this job.
And, you know, was so interesting is then I watched my husband go into the specialoperations helicopter unit and

(27:12):
I don't know where it came from, but the look they wanted was slightly different, right?
Their, like preferred look was more like 5'10 brunette and jacked white guy, right?
And my husband is not, he's the tall willowy soldier.
And he, you could literally see, like he didn't fit and it had just like these weirdrepercussions.

(27:38):
Like obviously he was still a straight white man, you know, but like.
It was just, there was this obvious difference of experience for him.
um
also, and I think there's a level of like, it's harder, know, imagining a black woman inthe military is harder, of course, by those standards in terms of being fitting in or

(27:58):
being a culture fit.
But at least with black women, you know, when you're probably in a room and you can find acouple other black women, there's an honesty happening there.
And there is, like, how I could see it.
Right.
And so when you are,
have camaraderie with anyone in uniform.

(28:18):
so there's like being this, it's like we talk about being the scapegoat in the family.
Post-family, you maybe have an easier time finding who you are because you're not beingrewarded by this system.
You could never be.
As a black woman, there's, you're not like almost there.
All you gotta do is, you know, so there's an honesty to being different.

(28:41):
Whereas with white women, it's like, that's how you get the
or the pick me energy or like patriarchy proximity and like, no, I am like that.
Whereas I feel like black women aren't necessarily trying to convince you like, no, I'mjust like you.
Like maybe I'll be quiet when you say things, but at least you have that.

(29:02):
there's something outside of it.
There's a community where you're not gonna be as incultible, right?
You're not gonna, your cultivability levels are just lower because you aren't trying toplease.
You're not, you know, it's like a trying to chase your tail contest and you guys havereally long tails and it's right there and you could get it.
And we're like, we don't have tails.

(29:23):
So I'm like, why would we do that?
We'll run around in circles for you, but like.
to me hearing you say this, that one of the ways I survived whiteness in America was justbecause I'm accepted in Hispanic communities.
Other people don't have that, other white women don't have that, but because of myspecific how I grew up, um yeah.

(29:49):
I think I would call that like social security, but like actual social security.
I realized once I typed that out, I was like,
but that I that's that's what it was.
That's what we were experiencing, right?
Like.
Friday night and like, look, my freaking nine year old at 10.30 at night was belting outtaste by Sabrina Carpenter, right?

(30:12):
And we were like, we are not good parents and like social security, social security, likeeverybody was rocking out, like everybody was having a good time.
Nobody was judging anyone.
Our kid was close to home and was obviously totally fine.
um
You didn't judge, you know, whatever you're not, you know, everything seems fine.

(30:34):
Like who the judgment comes at certain levels.
There's especially like, you know, if you got your baby outside without a jacket and it'sreally cold, uh-oh, we're going to judge you.
know, having a good time out at night once, but listen, context matters and we see it.
So.
Core memories are made at whatever time they're made at, especially with all the thingsgoing on.

(30:55):
We.
Right, we need, yeah, we need these times.
um Did you see that the first woman to ever complete the ranger challenge was a blackwoman, Gabrielle White, Lieutenant Gabrielle White?
um She just looks amazing.
Yeah.
like, so, you know, like, you know, and that was, I had made a post about, um, I made aPatreon post about white people and like not being able to dance.

(31:26):
Obviously not at all, but the history of being disconnected.
And I think, you know, where just like the whole, what I said when I was kind ofprocessing through it, it's like,
Men just decided like, nope, heads are the most important because they're the top.
And then, you know, we care the most about the top, being at the top of the pyramid, topof the, this is where I think from, the brain must be the most important.

(31:49):
It's the topest part of my head.
So it's, that's what matters.
Everything else, whatever, controlled by this.
And if you can control everything with your brain, you are better.
And you're not hungry.
Just tell yourself you're not hungry.
It's really weird.
disconnecting yourself from your body for hundreds of years and denying things that arenatural, um has led white people, especially from America, have no, like they're thinking

(32:20):
about rhythm.
They're trying to catch a beat.
They're trying to find it.
They're trying, you can see them, their brain's working.
Whereas that is not where dancing comes from.
It doesn't come from your brain.
It's in your body literally, but centuries epigenetically covering
what you are as, you know, that's craziness.

(32:40):
And I posted that and people made such good points.
Also, that's why probably they don't like spicy foods because that brings you into yourbody and like dancing and singing uh and why people are nervous to think in front of
people.
It just.
it's why they will throw an absolute fit if you don't have air conditioning somewherebecause it brings you into your body and you have to like feel something.

(33:02):
you sweat.
That's like a whole phrase.
I wrote that down at some point.
was like, uh, wow.
So you're just...
I also just want to say to my listeners, like, I happen to be a white woman that dancesquite well, and you can just choose to not get offended at what she said and just
understand that it's true about the majority and it's a good topic to talk about.

(33:25):
see, that's what language policing and the social policing that has gone on on TikTok andin these spaces, because I feel like that's what white people take from these lessons is
like, this is what you can and cannot do, and this is what you should and should not doand say.
And I am not giving you any easy answers like that.
I'm saying a lot of stuff, right?

(33:47):
It's not always going to be a book.
It's not.
It is in conversations and watching conversations happen in real time sometimes, likewatching me change my mind, people really appreciate that.
I'll change my mind mid-sentence because I'm not attached to every thought and my stanceon stuff, but.

(34:11):
Yeah, well, you know, and you have also really helped me when people are like, so whatyou're saying is, and I just come back and I say, I said what I said, and I choose my
words quite carefully, you know, like it's right there.
It's on the video.
literally, it is playing while you're commenting this.
And when people have bad faith, is a, like bad faith takes that they come to you with,it's okay to push them away.

(34:36):
But you know, this civilized thing and the politeness has you, it's so directional interms of power, right?
Like, so someone can come into my space where I've created my own little thing and theycan like spit at me.
And then when I shove them because that seemed primitive to you and don't put your handson people.
Okay.
But I shoved them away from me.

(34:56):
They're now away from me, but I'm the problem.
They just spit all over me, disrupt me, made the choice to go do it.
That's consequences, right?
But people don't want to get messy like that.
They like to say, it is never okay to put your hands on people.
Or you could have just ignored him or, you know, I'm going to police how you respond tothis, which you can.

(35:19):
but it's already happened.
um But I, which kind of makes me think like, there's a lot in whiteness, there's a lot offocus on moving forward and moving on sometimes.
And then also a lot of hindsight, rear view, rear driving, but like, we should be lookingback at different things like the challenger, right?

(35:42):
And then because when you send more people to space on live TV, I'm, do you guys, didanyone get?
therapy after those kids who were sought like sat in class and watched it.
Did they get therapy?
Did they know they were like, well, we just bad moving forward.
And then when I bring it up, I'm the problem.
I see this as a white people endeavor that we didn't learn from, didn't check out, didn'tlook into.

(36:05):
just, ah, that was bad.
Anyway, it's, it's like, it's like a white.
That's the microcosm of what you do in general.
That's like how gas lighting works.
You know, you go do a terrible thing.
and then act like it didn't happen because it was so bad.
That's the opposite of what you're supposed to do.

(36:27):
And that's a cult leader thing, right?
rebrand and the moving forward and the replacing rejoicing about something else, that'swhat the head of household would say, right?
You have a household shelter, you have this, you have that.
Stop complaining about the trauma.

(36:47):
yeah, I've told people this about their abusive single family cults, right?
When you have a family where someone in charge just starts yelling and throwing stuff andblah, blah, and then everyone just moves on right afterward like it never happened.
its own particular kind of gaslighting.

(37:07):
It's like it's the unresolved conflict that now persists, right?
Not the conflict itself that's always the traumatic thing.
It's how it was unacknowledged and you have to now deal with that, especially when you'reyoung, right?
But that is what America does.
America says, made an amendment and we changed the street name.

(37:28):
What do you want from us?
You know, we gave a holiday that will totally.
you know, play with and be like, you took your holiday.
um What about, no, because if they had acknowledged that we wouldn't have kept on goingwith the same exact system for another however many hundreds years with just a rebrand.

(37:51):
If there is a rebrand, you need to be worried.
How many rebrands, how many names does something go by?
I don't I don't believe in cult rebrands like the children of God literally literally TimeMagazine Time Magazine harem photo right full harem photo prophet 13 scantily clad women

(38:16):
Time Magazine children of God sex cult right
Then they just rebranded and in the 90s, the family of love performed twice at the WhiteHouse.
And see how if we had acknowledged, right?
Because see how if we had acknowledged that, cause it's not just that it's that you cameback under a rebrand and that this was able to go on.

(38:43):
like, that would tell us a lot more than focusing on hypothetical harms of what couldhappen and how terrible and all the future stuff.
If that, since that happened, that's how this is happening.
Like what...
We don't need to look very far for all of the information to make sense.
And that's why I don't like rhetorical questions from white people about like, how did we,what do we, how many, but it's because we keep moving on and saying, well, now that one's

(39:08):
over.
And like, you don't carry your past with you.
You need to be carrying your past with you.
You are those, the genes come from somewhere.
You can't dance not by coincidence.
Like white people really think all of our stuff is just like people stuff.
And everything else cultural is a them thing.
No, no.
Consequences.

(39:29):
It's okay.
I mean, it is what it is, but ignoring it and acting like, since it was bad, it should notbe discussed.
Ooh.
Uh-oh.
That's a cult.
We talk about all that stuff.
Do you remember when this video was going around and it was just like, it just said, doyou know that white people in the US and the UK send their children to school to learn to

(39:57):
dance?
And then it immediately just cut to pictures of children just all over the world on thestreets, just dancing in groups and like being amazing at it.
um Obviously not white children, right?
But just like.
I mean, it's just so, and it's so true, you know, and it's so funny, because even, so likeI learned how to salsa dance in Afghanistan, right?

(40:24):
But I grew up in Latin America.
So even though I was isolated, even though I was only taught choreographed white people,child performing dancing,
Mm-hmm.
was not taught to like be in my body or feel whatever, like they couldn't isolate us thatmuch, right?
At one point our commune was right next to a club.

(40:45):
We heard all the music, right?
So it was like part of it for me was just being like, I already know these beats, youknow, like these beats are in my soul and now I just need to learn to move my body.
It makes sense.
And I think people confuse like what is natural, maybe not always easy, but there is asimplicity to the things we should probably be doing.

(41:12):
what comes natural to you, comes natural to you for a reason, whether it's you're just ahuman or you're a human who likes this, but we are just taught that we get to choose who
we are and what we like and not that we exist as a person who already likes.
And enjoy at least, you know what?
That might be my autism talking, but like, know.

(41:32):
but also maybe you've just never been exposed to that thing or like, did I tell you aboutthe guitar thing?
So I, for my birthday, I'm getting a guitar and I'm going to learn to play guitar while Ilike write my musical and stuff.
But like I was thinking about it and I was like, why don't I, I just think of myself asnot musical, right?
Mm-hmm.

(41:52):
even though I've been music adjacent my whole life as a performer.
And that was when I realized like, oh yeah, like the boys played guitar and the girls sangand danced, right?
Like that was how we generally did it.
Not that there weren't obviously exceptions, but like why, right?
Like there's every indication that I could learn to play guitar.

(42:14):
I'm clearly good with my hands and good with, you know, languages and blah, blah, right?
So like just,
to do something, you do it.
you know?
Or like I had, even earlier than this, like my husband was talking to someone and he said,my wife and her book.
And he was talking about the book.

(42:35):
And then later in the conversation said, yeah, and her paintings.
And he was like, your wife paints too?
And he just said, yeah, my wife's an artist.
And when he said that to me, I mean, I was deeply involved with at least four forms ofart.
and had never thought of myself as just an artist.

(42:57):
Yeah.
Well, I also think the way we were brought up around those types of words, you know, thoselike career stuff.
An artist is a job.
And these don't feel like jobs anyway.
So like just the way that we have taken on labels and titles, you know, I, cause I go backand forth about that too.

(43:18):
Am I a writer?
I don't know.
I write, but the idea that I'm a writer, meh.
I like the term, I think creatives and creators, like I really like it.
You know, it's different to me, it's very different than influencer, you know, and whenpeople call me an influencer, I don't like it.
But it's like, you know, and I also use the language of I just say like, I'm aentrepreneur of words and ideas, you know, and like getting my ideas into a product and

(43:47):
out to the public started with writing them down.
And so that was, but I literally remember it being like, huh, I'm gonna go down as anauthor.
Like that's weird and not like the way I think of myself.
It's like I can do all of these things.
Like I can do.

(44:08):
You're not that, you're Daniela, right?
And in the artist, like you're an artist, yes, because that makes sense, but that's justnot how our society uses those words.
but also these ist words, right?
Like scientist, right?
So my husband is about to graduate with his bachelor's in plant science and go straightinto his master's.

(44:33):
And so every time I call him a scientist, he's like, well, almost.
And I'm like, me thinks actually the whole point of the term scientist is like, anyonethat does the scientific process, anyone that does the science, like.
Yeah.
a scientist and anyone that does the art like is an artist, you know, you don't have tohave sold it.

(44:57):
You don't have to be making a living by it.
Like you can just make things.
up my own words.
That's why I like word worker and edutainist, even edutainist.
was like, but that says it's for me, to me, right?
If I was an edutainer, then that's in my head for other people.
And especially because I like, make up words and then white women come and be like,really?

(45:19):
You think you're this thing?
I made it up.
White woman whisper, you think you're you're lying about that?
I mean, I decide what it is.
But like, you know,
But knowing those things, you just realize when you're black, you have to believe in itmore than the word.

(45:40):
I don't know.
think it's so interesting that as soon as you define yourself as what you are, right,people come and want to be like, oh, so you think you are, right?
Or, oh, like who made you?
And I see this in the way people police themselves, exactly, right?

(46:01):
And the way that people get mad at you, like, if you write a book, right?
Mm-hmm.
you can prove you have this entirely unique experience, they're like, well, what gives youthe right?
You know, and I said something like this to my agent and he just goes, Daniela, the firstamendment.
Like the first amendment gives you the right, right?

(46:24):
And like, right, exactly.
And I saw it happen with my audience when I went from calling myself group behavior gal,where everyone was like, oh really?
You think you can just, you think you are like,
all those things you were saying and then called myself knitting cult lady, which I assumeeveryone just goes, yeah, well, I can't do that, you know.

(46:47):
Great.
It's like wearing your color, right?
It's like, they kind of feel like, you just want us to say something, so we're not goingto say something.
But like, you're not centering them when you wear colors.
But in whiteness, that's like the white narcissism of like, you're doing this because youwant us to say something.

(47:11):
You want us to see you.
Those are bad things because they would feel bad.
they were seen as supply for someone else, but like, you're just living your life.
But that's what whiteness looks at blackness like.
it's like, so whiteness wants you to do it on their terms, right?
And that's also why insurgencies win.

(47:33):
That's why guerrilla tactics win, right?
Like I keep telling my audience, if the military fired one shot at Americans, like wewould just respond and smash them down so hard because the reason guerrilla tactics win is
because we're not fighting you the way you wanna be fought, right?
So in Afghanistan, right, America,
called it's always promised space travel, right?

(47:53):
And I think America has really built its image on we own the skies first in World War II,right?
And then we own space.
And so, you know, we'll uh put a base, we'll put a base deep in the mountains that has tobe resupplied every two days for fresh water.

(48:17):
and it has to be resupplied by two helicopters that fly low and slow.
And guess what?
Helicopters fly at 14,000 feet.
You know how high these mountains are?
And so, right.
And so all of a sudden, your helicopters really, really lose their power when people canshoot down at them, right?

(48:40):
And then all of a sudden, it's seen as like, hey, that's not fair, you know?
was like, what are we doing?
Like, it just reminded me of like the Mount Everest stuff and I'm like, we're putting aflag on this mountain.
Guys, people are dying.
Like, I don't know.
I, you know.
and I mean, this was kind of the whole point.

(49:02):
Like, what are we doing in the middle of these two mountain passes in Afghanistan with abase anyway?
Like, why are we even here, right?
Yeah, the whole Department of Defense, maybe we should stop being so terrible and peoplewouldn't want, but like we're not even, they're not even attacking.
So just like black people, they want to be left alone.
All those people want to be left alone.
And we're like, well, they hate us.

(49:23):
So we have to keep defending ourselves from how much they hate us for being there.
this is what's so funny, right?
Like the rest of the world right now is just disengaging, right?
They're just like, we're gonna just go buy our corn from India instead of from you, right?
Like Donald Trump's like, I own the world.
And all the other world leaders are like, okay, we're not gonna come to your partyanymore, you know?

(49:46):
Like.
Yeah, but that's because what do you mean?
And but a narcissist is like, why aren't you engaging with me?
Why aren't you calling me back?
And that's why white women need to stop arguing with someone who just sees you as supply.
And you are like you have limited time, energy and attention and you spent all of ityelling at someone who

(50:13):
themselves regularly.
Okay.
Allegedly.
I don't know.
Like you're not, not energy well spent in my opinion.
That's why black people are learning new line dances and we're like having all these greatmoments.
Cause once you, it's not that you don't care, but you critique, you critique, youcritique.

(50:36):
You're not listening to the critique.
I don't know.
I just.
doing something different.
it can be as simple as that.
So I don't think it's for everyone to wear color.
Maybe they have social anxiety or they have something.
I don't know.
You find your thing that comes naturally and easily, but it's like, you start to go, whycan't I do this again?

(50:58):
Why did I tell myself this was inappropriate?
Be unprofessional.
Well.
I advocate for being unprofessional.
so funny, because I have two things in my life, right?
Like people, I heard a lot of people from the cult that I grew up in say like, well, Ididn't join the army because I never could have gotten a secret clearance.
And they'd be like, wait, how did you get a secret clearance?

(51:19):
I was like, I applied.
I just didn't tell myself that I couldn't do it.
Turns out government loves kids from cults, right?
But like,
You know, and then the other one is traveling with knitting needles and crafting stuff,right?
People are always just like, huh, I just always assumed you couldn't take knitting needleson a plane.

(51:42):
And I was like, yeah, and I just don't assume that.
like, sometimes, like when you're traveling through Greece and Turkey, they will take onecrochet hook from you at every TSA stop.
But like most of the time it's not an issue.
And so I get to do my crafts on planes because I bring them and I don't just assume Iwon't be let through.

(52:02):
And how much of that is ruling people's lives and keeping them from stuff.
But then it's like that self-imposed suffering, sis.
Self-imposed suffering.
I'm trying to get y'all to stop because there is a lot that is going on and is bad andstuff.
like...
my God.

(52:23):
Have you already done?
it isn't that, isn't the thing it isn't.
But there is this like my attention is the same thing as my experience type of like, Idon't know.
I don't know.
The conversations are important.
And I think that it's it's not something you can read your way through.
So I don't really know.

(52:43):
I mean, this is how we're starting.
I guess it's like listening to conversations is something to.
it's even like, okay, so right now Donald Trump has put an executive order basicallysaying he wants to use the military, right?
It's not gonna get out of court, right?
Like it's not gonna happen.
But I keep saying, right, like I just can't, I was like, am I even gonna get on live todaybecause every other comment is gonna be like, what about the new EO?

(53:07):
What about the new EO?
What about martial law, right?
Like they're starting it again.
And so,
I did get on, but I just started being like, tell me what you're scared of.
What are you scared of?
National level military operations?
Not gonna happen.
What are you scared of?
You know?
think that's really good because I don't think

(53:28):
how that can't work, right?
What are you scared of?
Just keep going, just drill down to the level, I don't know if you've ever heard thisthing of five whys, when you're going through a deconstruction or a really deep thought of
something, and ask yourself why, and then why, and then why, and then why, and then why,right?

(53:50):
And like five, you know, and just like.
people live their lives?
But like, no, no, no, that might just be some of us.
But, know, just the like, drill down to the level of what you are afraid of, right?
So, example, okay?

(54:12):
So I, for four years straight, my husband was in the Special Operations helicopter unit,right?
These are flying some of the most dangerous missions in the world.
Meanwhile, I had just gotten out of the army and had a baby and my exact area of expertisewas how helicopter pilots die in Afghanistan.
Right?
So this was very scary, right?

(54:33):
So I spent four years, he's deployed six to nine months a year and it's very anxietyproducing for me.
So what I did is I asked myself, okay, what am I scared of?
And then I made a plan, right?
So what was I really scared of?
Right, which is that black car is gonna pull up to my house and those two people inuniform are gonna get out and my whole world is gonna go black Right.

(54:57):
Okay.
What does that mean?
I have a anywhere from a baby to a four-year-old right like I can't just fall apart soRight exactly So what I Yeah, right and it wouldn't um
So worked out my system, right?

(55:18):
I said, okay, I have 20 minutes.
I can hold it together for 20 minutes.
And in that time, I'm going to send four text messages and make one phone call.
And that's gonna get my sister on her way, my childcare on their way, my finance people ontheir way, and my own support on their way.
And then I can fall apart.

(55:40):
And that's going to be my plan.
And that's where...
my plan's gonna end because guess what?
Like it didn't happen, right?
Right.
And you would have your support system there to help you make better decisions orwhatever.
Yeah.
there's nothing much more you can do to prepare yourself, right?

(56:01):
As we've talked about before for like the worst case, right?
Like in the military, it's like, you know, our worst case is like, they have missiles,right?
If you're a helicopter intelligence officer, right?
And it's like, you there's sometimes you be briefing them and you're just like, you'llknow the worst thing when it happens to you.
Like that's when we're all gonna know together, right?

(56:22):
And in those moments,
you're just gonna have to respond.
So like.
will have more information about what's going on.
So like trying to be that version of you sitting on your couch is really, it's all thatbrain, just brain focus.
no matter how specific the plans you make are to respond to these disasters, right?

(56:48):
Like it's never gonna be the way you think, right?
It's never gonna be the way you think.
So like, what are you afraid of?
The other question that was funny, people are like, are you?
Are you prepping?
Are you buying food?
You know, because there's this rumor that it's gonna be a food shortage.
And I'm like, honey.
As though I didn't grow up in Latin America and I can't survive for basically ever onbeans and rice.

(57:13):
you know, like, as though I haven't already assessed my life and have the reasonableamount of things that I need in case individually or whatever things go wrong.
but in a society ending disaster or society changing disaster, you're just gonna have torespond to it as it comes up.
Nobody needed all that toilet paper during COVID.

(57:36):
Nobody needed it.
Yeah.
what is a prepper?
You're buying things.
What I see on, see, and that's very white, but like what I see is people talking aboutlike learning how to grow food and gardens and stuff and community.
And like that you should be talking about how you don't each need a whole house withprepper things and how long it's going to expire.

(57:59):
You can't even.
They just see these movies written by people like them that say that apparently just allthe internet and all capabilities just shut down.
And I think what I'm realizing is that with the apocalypse, you know, fan fiction is thatthere is no.
The accountability looks different in an apocalypse.

(58:21):
Like you get to get away with no one can hold you accountable.
Yeah.
with no rules.
And that's what people are looking forward to.
They already are in it.
Like if you are a white man, why would you?
And I've seen that in them.
They're like, we love it.
There's no cops on the road, no speed limits.
A ticket?
That was your big griping life that you might get a ticket, you might get pulled overbecause they're not saying we, know, I just, I need white people to realize who's writing

(58:50):
the things.
And like, what are the morals of the story being told?
And yet not every story is supposed to have a moral, but it does.
Like they wrote it for a reason.
They're telling you something, even if it's non impactful, not intellectual.
Fast and Furious 76 is going to have a moral to the story.
I don't know what it's going to be.
Probably terrible.
But you are still taking all those in with your precious time and energy.

(59:13):
And if they're all written by white men who have a dream of a world where you got to killpeople that look like the people you love, or maybe were the people you love to save the
people you love.
We're going in a bad direction.
think that's why people so either misunderstand or are so like, like entranced by what youand I do because it's like, we're just telling stories and like every story has a point.

(59:37):
If it doesn't, why are you talking?
Right?
But like.
If a story doesn't have a point, why are you telling it?
You know, there used to be these, I used to help soldiers with their resumes, right?
So like veterans getting out of the military and trying to put stuff on their resumes.
And these, some of these, so I would be like, okay, you gotta get this like 11, yourresume says that you were an 11B that did blah, blah, blah on the fob that did X, Y, Z.

(01:00:08):
And I'm like, nobody can read this.
You have to put that in civilian terms, right?
And they will like very earnestly be like, well, ma'am, there's no like equivalent to whatI did in civilian terms.
And then I would very earnestly tell them back that, then it doesn't need to be on yourresume, right?

(01:00:33):
Like when I was in physical security,
much of that.
When I was in physical security, there was a story on my resume about the coolest thing Idid being helping to secure the airfield in Afghanistan for President Obama's arrival,
right?
By the way, he locked me on the airfield on my birthday for 18 hours, her, girl.

(01:00:55):
But I got to meet him later, so it was cool.
But like, when I was in physical security, that story made a lot of sense on my resume.
As soon as I switched over to like learning and development, like,
Yeah, that's not.
resume because that's not the coolest thing I did in my job anymore.
Now it's all about how good I am at teaching adults thing and how I was the intelligenceofficer in charge of briefing XYZ, YA, eh right?

(01:01:25):
privilege is, but it's, it's not a privilege.
It's a privilege of them wanting to hire you, even though all the stories you told hadnothing to do with the job.
They just like, and that was a cool story.
And so they're like, sure.
Meanwhile, if I go in there and I tell you all the stories, just like they're like, whoo.
She just seems like that would be.
And you don't realize it because you're going there saying, oh, look, all of this stuff.

(01:01:48):
And they're just uncomfortable probably because you have too much experience.
But now you think you're just amazing at jobs.
You're just so good at everything, even though the data don't say it.
But people keep telling you how great you are.
I don't know.

(01:02:08):
Yeah, community would do wonders.
Like, consequences, I don't know, man.
Please.
It's no, it's very true in my, you know, my next book that I'll write after this onAmerica and that I'll finish writing out, but I have this chapter called White Privilege.
And, you know, this is the first time I hear the term White Privilege and we're deployedto Afghanistan.

(01:02:31):
And there's this man who once was a good friend of mine was like, again, literal six foottwo, but now he's not too skinny anymore.
So he's like six foot two, big.
blonde, blue-eyed man, literally named Apollo, okay, so you're have that image in yourhead.
And he was very earnestly explaining how his career had always been successful, notbecause he had privilege, but just because he always had a backpack and he was ready for

(01:03:03):
everything.
And like,
That's why he got to go to ranger school at the right time.
And that's why he got to get this school and this army badge.
And then because of that, he would be picked for the next thing.
And he's very earnestly explaining this to me, me who was in my last deployment, one ofthe first women on a ground combat team trying to take down women being banned from doing

(01:03:27):
these very things he talked about, right?
Like I took the ranger physical fitness test in officer school and
So did five other women and we smoked it and then they just laughed at us and told us wecouldn't go because we were women, right?
So it was like, he's like very earnestly explaining that he's like had no privilege andit's just like, you're just standing there looking at him like.

(01:03:51):
That's like every white woman who's like, well, as a white woman with autism, it's beenreally tough to socially understand what's going on.
ah
Every time I make a video telling people they need to kind of like calm down and walkthrough things and blah, blah, then I'll get like, well, okay, so as a disabled autistic

(01:04:15):
person, what do you think?
I just start saying back, well, as a disabled autistic person, I'm watching this closelyand I don't change my advice.
know, like.
I can't, I can't, like it's so, and so that's that kind of thing I was touching on before.
It's like, like this exceptionalism where you are the exception because you have thisother thing that isn't about whiteness.

(01:04:38):
was like, what, how do I, and I guess that maybe the bear thing did that, or if evensaying black and white thinking, taking things into an everyday scenario and saying, no,
see, you're not wanting.
know what it is, but they're just like, yeah, white women, right?
And I'm like, yeah.
And I think we're on the same page.
And then I make a video like, you know, but even versus a white man, you're, you're like aman of woman, you know, you're like the thing you're saying conceptually is what you do

(01:05:08):
conceptually.
And then they're like, no, no, no, no, no.
But no, me as a special kind of white person, autistic or gay, or I'm a trans or whatever.
You're still white.
Like you're making it worse every time you say something.
Cause your whiteness just shows so loud and it's in everything unspoken to you, invisibleto you.

(01:05:33):
Right.
And it's so there was someone was talking about, they're talking about black and whitethinking and they said, Oh, like white night, like the white night.
That's an interesting one too.
And I think about that as well.
Also want to say this night's and shining armor.
Probably smelled so bad.
Anyway, just want to throw that in there.

(01:05:53):
about White Night, which was what Jim Jones named his suicide rehearsals and then eventualthing.
Yeah.
knight, like um these knights that come and save you from something that they kind ofcreated.
uh That's like a whole theory.
someone responded to them.
said, I've never heard of white knight.
I have heard of knight in shining armor.

(01:06:15):
And I thought, oh, Like, why would you comment that?
They already said a phrase.
You have never heard of it.
And you just said, I never heard of that.
But now you have.
It's very confusing.
Like ignorance doesn't make sense after you've heard about it.
to AA people, right?
Because one thing a cult member will say as soon as you start talking about the negativestories of people who had experiences in their group, they'll be like, well, I never heard

(01:06:45):
about that.
Okay, then why are you talking right now?
Because I have collected thousands and thousands of stories from survivors, and I'm verywell versed in talking about this.
So if you haven't even gone out and done the work to listen to people, it is not, you canpost on any channel you like asking people if they've had negative experiences with AA and

(01:07:06):
you can have a following of 14 people and one of them is gonna talk to you about it.
Like it's not hard to go find the negative story.
over your eyes and being like, I don't see it that way.
Like, yeah, I know.
Yeah.
And here's something I just realized, right?
I've been explaining to people privilege as like, can understand your privilege in thethings you never noticed, right?

(01:07:31):
Like my husband, when I started talking about how the bun, the requirement for militarywomen to wear this perfect bun had.
all of these repercussions, including that when you have to lie down in what's called theprone to shoot, so when you have to shoot from a lying down position, that bun pushes your
helmet over your eyes, right?
So it makes you like operationally ineffective.

(01:07:53):
by the way, you have to shoot well twice a year to keep your job, right?
So I started talking about this and my husband goes, what, you have to wear a bun and ahelmet?
Like impossible, can't be done.
And I just looked at him and I was like, babe, you served?
for 20 years in the military with women the whole time.

(01:08:14):
You have for sure been in charge of women shooting and you don't understand this.
So what I just realized earlier when you were talking, I was like, privilege is yourability not to notice, which is your fucking blind spot, which is your fucking blind spot,
which in a threat assessment is bad, right?

(01:08:35):
Like, the less privilege you have, the less blind spots you have, the more, like, youunderstand the world.
I said like the opposite of privilege is consideration, is thinking about these things,considering them.
And to me, that has more.
Seeing more texture, texture is seen as bad in whiteness, right?

(01:08:58):
Like a blank canvas.
like consideration, right?
When people, people literally say like, I've never thought about myself as a, like, what,as a white man or a white woman, because everyone else has thought about, like you said,
like the black woman knows she's black, right?
Like she has considered that many times in her life.

(01:09:18):
And like you, you have maybe never stopped and considered that you are a white person andwhat that means.
and what that means for you.
like, I, so I, I was calling it set of white privilege, you know, white ignorance or whiteentitlement, but I mean, people like entitlement, but to me, ignorance is also a weird
word when you start thinking about it, cause it's like, you're ignoring something, but inorder to ignore it, you have to acknowledge it exists.

(01:09:40):
Like you can only be ignorant of something before you ignore it.
Kind of, but either way, like the word kind of negates itself.
Once you, once you decide to be ignorant, I don't know.
I don't know.
Right.
But.
You don't know stuff.
And I'm telling you, that doesn't help you.
Like, that's not a privilege in my opinion, but it's the privilege to sit on the pedestal.

(01:10:04):
Pedestals aren't known to be comfortable.
But okay.
from people.
They'd be like, you because I'm trilingual, so when that comes up, often I'll get thiskind of, not kind of, very ignorant response, right?
Of, well, I don't need to know any other languages because everyone speaks English.
And I'm like, great, that's an advantage to them.

(01:10:25):
That's not an advantage to you.
Like.
person speaks multiple languages.
You speak one and somehow they're not a, you're smarter, better.
Okay, okay.
Now do you think that everyone else believes that?
So that's where your privilege and ignorance come in.
You get to, you're privileged in thinking when I walk away, I just ate that.

(01:10:50):
Like I crushed it and no one else agrees with you.
But you get to go home, ignorance is bliss or something, and say, I totally gave it tothese minorities.
eh And we all go home and go, my God, you can't even.
He said, which side do you want to be on?
I don't know.
I'm good with my side.

(01:11:10):
The whole time you're saying this, I'm just picturing the white guy who's out theredancing like this and then goes home and is like, yeah!
You should have seen it.
They were all crowded around me.
They were amazed by my moves.
And meanwhile, we're just like, whoa.
go white guy, go white boy.
Right, right.
I mean, we gonna have fun regardless.

(01:11:31):
You show up all the time and there's this sound that goes around when you're black, you'renever really lonely because there's always a white person there.
So make sure you're doing all right.
um We'd be happy if it wasn't, but you'd be surprised.
uh They just show up in the back of people's videos.
You do to each other too.
It's so weird.
Your fun and your joy is like...

(01:11:53):
Dehumanizing, I guess.
Most of your games are like, how do you own people?
Make little people move.
Monopoly.
I'm not going to do Monopoly again.
But you know, an analogy, not analogy, an acronym, technically an initialism with AA.
Because you know, TikTok, everyone's like, well, it's technically not an acronym.
If it doesn't spell something, it's an initialism, like FBI.

(01:12:13):
And if it spells something, it's an acronym.
So AA.
I have been stuck on accountability apocalypse or apocalypse of accountability.
Now, not necessarily for Alcoholics Anonymous, but people kind of related to that.
And I do kind of feel like there is a level of once you're sober, so there's an, that'sanother like an identifier for someone to.

(01:12:36):
other themselves from the general public, if they are anything that people want to listento.
They have a story of something, right?
Now, to critique it is a problem.
Right.
Right.
And this is why, like, you know, I just made this video all about someone's like, what'sthe problem with AA?

(01:12:59):
So it's like, okay.
And I just like walk through all my stuff.
And it's like, just because you decided you're sober now doesn't mean your life beingsaved is the most important thing on earth.
Like, and people did not like that comment, right?
And I had to turn off comments.
And I'm just like, like, we're all struggling.
Like we are all struggling, you know?

(01:13:21):
And just like it, just cause you wanna categorize it as a disease doesn't make yousuddenly the most important person.
And this is what cults do, right?
It gives you the right to put like yourself and your mission first.
And speaking of acronyms versus initialisms, I know we've said this one before, but I'mgonna say it again.

(01:13:44):
Like,
when the military needed an acronym for, I believe it's ammonium, for some kind ofexplosive.
Like, let's just put it there.
The acronym that they chose that some general approved.
You ready for it?

(01:14:04):
A-N-A-L.
And then it was like the fun thing to do, not to tell lieutenants how it's pronounced,right?
Because then they will get up and brief about, we recovered today two jugs of anal.
And they just think it's so funny.
And it's funny.
the same group of the, what was it?
Lickies and chewies?

(01:14:25):
Cause I'm not forgetting that.
I'm not forgetting that.
Okay.
know, another one that is going on right now, they just got rid of the separation betweengenders of like the physical fitness test.
And they're like, ooh, how do feel about it now ladies?
We're like that, y'all decided, y'all decided that you need a certain level of physicalfitness to do this job.

(01:14:47):
And that was different for men and women.
And then y'all decided the different standards.
then y'all use those different standards to keep us out of the best jobs forever.
And now you think we're scared if they're gone?
literally, military women out there, please have fun with this.
Please, like I need videos of like a four foot eight woman just like smoking men and thenjust like walking up and being like, suck my D Sergeant.

(01:15:17):
Cause you know, they can do that now cause they got rid of all the sexual harassmentpolicies.
But, you know, and another one was like, men decided that women must have access torunning water every three days when they're on their periods.
And then men wrote that down in a handbook.
And then men used that to tell women that they couldn't be in these roles in the military,these combat roles, because they had to have access to running water every three days.

(01:15:47):
That's how they spend their time.
just turns out that when a group of people can't do something, you don't have to make lawsto keep them from doing it.
I didn't have to make any rules that Mr.
Knitting Cult Lady wasn't allowed to breastfeed the child.
It just didn't come up.

(01:16:09):
You know, I wonder about, so in the black community, there's a lot of conversations,especially now about, uh well, as far as I'm concerned, about what we call DL men, right?
So, and I feel like white people have the in the closet conversations.
I don't know that, I think community wise, it's very different.

(01:16:29):
And like, I don't think coming out is a thing that any, but like that's, I got lots ofissues with all of that, but.
The DL men, I don't know if white people have language for that, but it's like themilitary is giving so much between the Lickies and Chewies and the ANAL and the.
The language that we have for it is Grindr shutting down at the Republican NationalConvention because it was overrun.

(01:16:55):
That's the language.
white women.
So, and I think the conversation around DL men is usually had with black, black women needto know, right?
Because that's a lot of how HIV is contracted with women is that they're married to menwho engage in unprotected sex.
And there are signs that black women are sharing with each other to say this, lots of babymamas, Lots of baby mamas, uh likes to anal all the time, uh hates women.

(01:17:25):
Right?
But like wants them around all the time.
That's like whiteness, right?
It's a lot of this comes from a self-hatred uh because of the caste system and all of thatand the phobias and all of it.
But it turns people into terrible people to other people.
You are harmful.
And that is what we need to talk about.
And like in AA, it's like, no, no, you don't talk about the harm.

(01:17:47):
So it's just interesting.
And so literally in the military, I was, I was in my career was in between was when Don'tAsk Don't Tell came down, right?
So I was there before and after.
And they literally call it gay chicken.
right, that like these men are like, you know, doing one gay thing and then the other guydoes another gay thing and then another doesn't, okay, and then they'll have a saying

(01:18:12):
that'll be like, just fucked around and accidentally fuck somebody in the A &L, right?
um To win at gay chicken.
And it was always very, very obvious to me that the reason they didn't want gay men in themilitary

(01:18:32):
was because then you can't play all of your kind of like public homophobia, but reallydesiring it games, right?
It's like they don't want women there because we stopped the raping and the pillaging andthey don't want gay men there because it was like, because the military is like your last
sort of bastion of masculinity, right?

(01:18:55):
And like, this was my ex-husband, go listen to our episode three, y'all, like this was myex-husband.
openly a gay man decides he wants to change that, right?
Pump iron, go in the military, be rah rah rah, marry Barbie.
Nobody is ever gonna like suspect, right?
So now you can just literally play all of your fuck fuck games.

(01:19:18):
And like, Rebecca, when I tell you, like when you're in places like when you're in officerschool, where like everyone like the women and the men are all showering at the same time,
right?
And like the women are all just standing there.
in their towels, waiting for their turn to shower in front of everybody, right?
Like it's awkward enough, we don't have to make it any worse.

(01:19:38):
Meanwhile, the men are like, you know, playing naked towel fights with each other and justhaving like this ridiculous game of basically like homoerotic, but let's put some violence
and some pain in it.
And then, you know, in we'll walk.
the sergeant and start yelling at everyone and now you're doing naked pushups and now thisis like sexual violence being done to you.

(01:20:04):
And like, this is what they think creates like the best team morale, right?
This is why we can't have women and gay men in to mess this up.
And we say thank you for your service.
Right.
We pay for this and say thank you for these men to do this.
I just, I do think it is a conversation for white women to be having, you know, you talkabout narcissists.

(01:20:27):
I think that it's gotten a little villainous and a little like you're not humanizing thesemen and you need to, for your protection and maybe having these conversations about are
they DL?
It's not DL because that's black, but I don't, you need.
just, no, I just started it now.
Like you wanna come at me?
I'm gonna tell the public about your Jack Shacks.

(01:20:52):
maybe we leave it on that for today.
Yeah.
Wow.
I mean, but between like.
because we've so deified the image of soldier, right?
It's like when y'all know what they're really like Right, like because this is like wedon't this is like we don't talk about this outside outside the cult, you know But I've

(01:21:15):
decided I'm talking about it.
So There we go
and just another way white people could talk about it.
Did you know that?
So the KKK started as an MLM.
Sorry.
And well, it was one, like there's whole tiers and everything.
And I just want to tell you that multiple levels have the word KLEEGLE in it.
KLEEGLE.
It's a K, that's K-L-E-A-G-L-E.

(01:21:37):
There's a King KLEEGLE, there's a regular KLEEGLE, and there's Imperial KLEEGLE orsomething.
And they were boss babes.
They were literally out there like busy business boys selling their hate for black people.
But anyway, sorry.
Yeah, it's just men.

(01:21:58):
so much for hanging out with us today and listening to our conversations as we try todeconstruct the cult of white supremacy, like the cult that it is.
Go check out Rebecca's stuff.
Go specifically check out her stuff about black and white thinking.
I was just revisiting that today and it is excellent.
Yeah, follow, like, and subscribe.

(01:22:20):
See you next time.