Episode 37 | Are Red-Heads Black? - Hey White Women

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Hi everybody and welcome back to Hey White Women, the podcast where Rebecca and I, whitewoman whisperer, for those who don't know, sit around and crochet and knit and deconstruct

(00:13):
white supremacy like the cult that it is.
Thanks as always for being here.
No big deal.
just deconstructing whites and primacilical and uh knitting.
uh Love to see it.
So, but I wanted to talk about something, a big trend that happened on TikTok, which wasstarted by a black woman.

(00:33):
And I think that is important to note.
uh And there are things about that.
She's just a black woman.
Anyway.
uh
A black woman came on TikTok and said, Hey, everybody who is a redhead is black.
Anyone you see with red hair is a black person.
And she's like, makes maybe three videos about this, right?
They're pretty big.

(00:54):
One, she goes into the science and, and I'd like to point out the origins of this are alittle, you know, right?
But black people were like, yeah, we know that like just in terms of socially it's funny.
We are like, we love redhead people.
uh
so we thought like, ha ha ha ha.
Turns out this lady was kind of very serious.

(01:15):
Maybe let's not take it too seriously.
Um, but the response to it has been so interesting.
So very interesting.
and.
I think, to me it shows the very deep distinction between community and group, which wetalk about often, uh and being distinct, having distinction, being seen.

(01:40):
how that can either be dangerous, and it makes me think of the things we've talked aboutin terms of like never volunteering or standing out.
Or it can just be that you add texture and difference and you have something that peopleare like, that's interesting.
In the black community, we have redheads as well.
um And they have different experiences.

(02:02):
I am not one, if that is not clear.
uh But a lot of the response has just been like,
that I've seen anyway, is redheaded people finally feeling accepted or not never realizingthat they were considered a beauty standard in other cultures.
we love, red hair is gorgeous, right?

(02:22):
Like it is naturally, it's so bright.
That's should be an amazing thing.
But it makes me think of there's a lot of connections between.
It's all anti-blackness is what it is.
That's really what it comes down to.
A lot of connections between people with red hair, how they experience life and gingersand how they feel about being called that uh because nicknames in whiteness are dangerous.

(02:50):
They're threats or something.
It's a very different experience.
And a lot of black people are realizing like, whoa, the red-headed people are cryingonline, never feeling loved or never feeling accepted.
my goodness, they've been tormented.
The over sexualization of people with red hair is something that I didn't realize, butimmediately could connect to being black, obviously, especially if there's no black people

(03:17):
there.
What do I always say?
And then you're going to go after each other.
Um, and I think it's interesting that we have that conversation about blondes, right?
Like, what does it mean to be blonde?
And then you have this other end.
And so I consider blonde people like,
white people, right?
And then brunettes, which are like the middle ground, are like people of color.

(03:38):
They're just kind of like there, right?
And could sway, could be the ones who are actually, anyway.
And then there's redheads.
And then there's this phrase like, beat you like a redheaded stepchild.
Yeah, or just being the redheaded stepchild, but also there's a very common, genders haveno soul, right?

(04:01):
And it's kind of this whole joke.
They make jokes about, sorry, I get like, it's shocking because these are kids and thereare social scripts in here that it's like, to me, the pattern is crazy.
um And that that redheads never had community.
So now they're like having conversations online.
Like, wait, you experienced this too?
They're told they have no souls, right?
And I've heard that.

(04:22):
I thought it was like old wives tales type stuff.
Each freckle is a soul you took.
is crazy to hear as a child.
I can't even imagine.
But I think the one that really disturbs me is does the carpet match the drapes?
There are children, many, I'm hearing so many individual accounts of people at 10 yearsold hearing this.

(04:45):
11 years old from other children, from grown men.
I don't know which is worse.
They're both terrible because the children heard it from grown people.
Who even says drapes?
Drapes isn't a word we use.
Okay.
So it's just like, it's not even, it's so white in my opinion.
Right.
And there is room.

(05:06):
So the trend is also complicated, right?
Because white people aren't black people and gingers aren't black.
Redheads aren't black.
This isn't, you know, that's, it's a joke.
And of course some people take it too far.
And for me, look, white people are going to white people.
Shocking.
Like, you know,
This gives them permission to say bad stuff.
They were gonna say bad stuff anyway, in my opinion.

(05:27):
Like, I'm not worried.
I would rather look at the connections, but.
it's also like white people gonna other people, right?
They're gonna put you on the sideline and if you're different, right?
The worst thing to be in white America is different, right?
So like I'm relating to what you're saying as far as like, because I'm an invisibleimmigrant, because I grew up other places, but I look like

(05:57):
white people and I am and I've had that experience in the US and I've had all theprivilege that comes with it except for that like being accepted in the inner circle which
I'm happy for you know like I'm happy that the inner circle of whiteness rejects me and Iget to like figure out who else is here on the outside.

(06:21):
And that's the part that I focus on.
I'm like, see, but like, I think there is a tendency to cut off right at that.
I get it too.
Like I've also had, and I think that's just the first step.
It's identifying a connection and then moving on.
It's not equating them either.
know, it's not being, having red hair is not the same as being, you know, a descendant of400 years of chattel slavery.

(06:46):
No, and I don't think you should be even thinking those things, but.
You know, it's, what's the next thing now?
What, now that you see that, what else do you see?
What else can you connect and understand with and know that when you stand with blackpeople, you are safer.
Like emotionally safer, socially safe, but like that, that is what I got from this is thatpeople with red hair who grew up around black people didn't have the same traumas as those

(07:16):
who did not, who only had white people around them.
especially those who didn't have red hair and would go and they would, I think what'sreally interesting is they would get their trauma, certain traumas validated, you know,
like the ones that other people can relate to more blatant traumas.
But if they said something about like, yeah, but actually being othered for having justred hair and freckles was actually really bad.

(07:41):
They'll kind of go like, well, mean, yeah, but those are just, those are just.
Insert whatever kind, jokes.
Those are just jokes.
But that's interesting.
So like if you can relate to it, then it's something we're talking about.
But if it's something that you couldn't, that's in whiteness only, I find.
it's just joke.

(08:02):
Well, and not to mention the, you know, the white people is thinking from theirperspective of like, how many redheads have I made fun of?
You know, I've made a joke or two, but they're not thinking of it as like your whole lifeis a joke or two.
You know, like.
like, I didn't mean any harm.

(08:23):
they're, cause they probably, cause I'm not seeing a lot of videos.
don't, haven't seen any videos of people with that, that don't have red hair saying, dang,I feel bad for making those jokes.
Yeah.
Which I mean, this is white people business, right?
That's what a lot of black people have said.
Like, we had no idea because we don't mind your business, but we've, like, we heard thesekinds of things, but the realization is dang, these people are traumatized and they don't

(08:50):
realize until someone validates it and goes, we see you, that's it.
Like how powerful that is.
Cause so many people are crying on the internet going, I can't, this has been the bestdays of my life.
It feels so accepted and some people take it too far and they're like, look, I have rhythmand I have seasonings.
I could do without those.
I could do without those.

(09:12):
I was like, look, I know black people things.
uh It's fine though.
Like those things don't contribute to harm in my...
Well, okay, maybe.
I don't know.
But it's a nuanced thing in the black community.
This trend, I would say, especially with black women kind of being like, why would y'alldo this?
We don't invite people to the cookout, but I like that we could talk about it here.

(09:34):
think this is where the nuanced conversation could take place.
mixed emotions is part of emotional maturity.
That's what I've learned from reading stuff.
like you, if you can't have mixed emotions about something, then you're not ready totackle this kind of stuff.
People aren't wholly good or bad.

(09:56):
A trend isn't wholly.
good or bad or should have happened, shouldn't have happened.
It happened, so what are you taking from it?
But the...
It also, you know, it makes me think of something else that's been on my mind, which issomeone asked me recently, they're like, my gosh, I just found you, I'm obsessed with your
content, I'm going down rabbit holes, and like, how do I help?

(10:19):
Like, I'm so into this cult stuff, how do I help?
And it just made me think of like when white women discover racism and they're all like,what do I do?
How do I stop it?
And...
you my answer is ultimately gonna be like, you need to spend more time understanding theproblem first, you know?
And like, I can immediately relate to, why people make fun of redheads, right?

(10:43):
That must be so isolating.
But like, I don't know what the fix is on a larger level, but I'm sure redheaded peopledo, right?
I'm sure if we listen and explore this problem, I'm sure on this episode, we will haveredheaded people commenting like,
on the things that they need the rest of white America to change, the behaviors that theyneed to change in order to like stop this from happening.

(11:11):
Right, and like just to be on the lookout or whatever they, know, the little things thathave helped them to understand that this is being distinct is a good thing.
What do black women provide to the redheads that haven't experienced trauma, which is justseeing them?
um And we're offering nicknames like red velvet cupcakes instead of whatever they've beenhearing, which here's this other thing about, I don't know if it's like,

(11:40):
just calling people stuff they look like or being like, you know, carrot, well, carrottop, think white people say, but like Annie, what, I don't know, redhead characters and
things, they just call them that.
And I think that's really weird.
It's like something, I feel white people will be like, you look like Tracee Ellis Ross orsomething to me, right?
I'm like, this is weird.

(12:02):
Why do you guys do this?
It's like, there's something I've seen before and you have a thing, I'm just gonna.
It's this, I don't know.
That's something I would look into white people like y'all just, it's almost like thetouching.
Oh, sorry.
The touching.
They get touched all the time.
People with red hair.

(12:22):
And I, one woman said, yeah.
And one woman said, um, that a softball coach had every person touch her hair for goodluck before every game.
That's an adult.
Okay.
I mean.
adults to get it together.
um So, I think, you know, it's it's like, privilege.

(12:47):
I always have said, I don't know that privilege is the benefit you guys think it is.
It's like the benefit of the doubt.
Okay.
I don't even know what that is.
Doubt yourself for the benefits.
I don't like, you know, uh, bail, bail on all of that, you know.
be in places where people, there's more than one redhead in a room, I would say, isprobably a, if you can, I don't know.

(13:13):
this was what for me I couldn't describe when I was first trying to fit into Americanwhiteness and I just like didn't fit, right?
I just didn't.
Like in high school, I just couldn't make friends with anyone.
Like the white kids were like, you're not us.
The Mexican kids were like, you're not us.
The Brazilian kids were like, you're not us.

(13:33):
So it was very, very hard.
Then I go to college.
And in college, I get introduced to our chess team, which is my boyfriend's thing.
And we had the best chess team in the world at the time, the best college chess team.
And that meant we recruited from all over the world.

(13:54):
And so like in a group of 20 people, there were only two other Americans in the room.
And so I found that I fit there better because...
The literal way I described it is like when everyone's weird, when nobody's normal, thennobody's weird, right?
So like, I was still weird in that group if you looked further, but like I didn't come offas just so obviously different.

(14:23):
And also this group didn't have the mindset of you have to be just like one of us that Ifeel like white America really, really has.
Because being weird on its own is not harmful or dangerous.
Being distinct on its own, being deformed.

(14:45):
I like people to interrogate the negativity behind the word deformed.
uh Is not inherently dangerous unless you live in a society that says deformed peopleshould die.
Which we do.
uh
And that's the danger.
And that's happening only in these all-white areas.
I'd like people to consider the whole Jane Elliot experiment again.

(15:08):
I go through so many, I come back to this thing and I have a new perspective on it everytime.
But I'd like people to look at that as a study of white people and what happens when theteacher starts preference based on something in a room.
These kids turn into nightmares on themselves and each other.
And y'all are doing that still.

(15:29):
That was an experiment, but it's happening all the time.
what, and so stop, right?
Like create environments where difference is just difference.
But you said, you know, they kept saying, you're not us, you're not us.
Us and them is there.

(15:51):
And that only happens when you're, uh
especially in a narcissistic system, you're prepared for someone to be the target.
You walk in knowing this is a game.
You don't realize you know this is a game.
Everything's a game.
But some of us don't get the same game thing.
we're, especially when we're not told the rules of this game, we only know the rules ofour game.

(16:12):
But white people with the passive aggressive and what you say and don't say unspoken rulesand all that, that's part of the us.
And we don't know.
But like where I grew up, there was no standard.
Like so many biracial kids existed and types of biracial that I didn't feel weird.

(16:35):
I think, I feel like this is naturally occurring in Black communities.
Like in my family, right?
Like my husband and I are the same general brand of white, right?
I'm translucent Eastern European white and he's red pasty English white.
But like we're basically the same color and our child is also basically the same color.

(17:00):
Right, but I know that in black families, you can have like everybody kind of a differentcolor.
And not that that doesn't come from colonialism and all that stuff in the first place, butit's just almost like if you're born into a black family, you're gonna have that
acceptance of different skin color built in.

(17:22):
Whereas in a lot of white families, you don't have that or you have it where like my
Again, so I'm this kind of white person and then the six children my mom has with anotherwhite dude are the same kind of white.
And we have one sister who's a little bit more olive, because her dad was part Mexican.

(17:44):
And she's the one that stands out.
She's the one with the green eyes.
She's the one that's always just slightly different.
And I don't think...
because of our life and growing up around the world, that was like a negative thing forher.
But it's like even that little tiny bit, like we knew that was different and that wasalways like a thing.

(18:08):
Yeah.
So, cause for me, was almost like when someone would ask me, my friend started to ask meonce in high school and then she stopped herself cause she called, she said, is it weird
that, you know, is it weird for you that your mom is white type of thing?
But she didn't even finish the question cause she was like, no, it's your mom.
Like I think by the time she got to word mom, she was like, well, okay, got it.
Understood.

(18:29):
That can't be weird for you cause it's your mom.
um But they were just so many of us and like,
I can't, I wanna maybe just do a deep dive into T-NEXT, you where I grew up because Iwonder how some of my classmates feel now that they've come into this version of the
world.
um Because I mean, there were batmats, barmats, vasquince, and yaras, was just sweet 16s,we had all of the things.

(18:56):
uh I wasn't really invited to many of them, but it's not the point, I know they werethere.
like.
You know, I had my other stuff.
Like we still had traumas and weird kids and stuff like that, but race and looks weren'tnecessarily, you know, you just were, we had all the types there.
So that's so interesting.

(19:17):
And that's why I think I don't code switch the same way either.
Which is dangerous.
you that it's different based on whether you had appearance rules or not, right?
Because like, so my child, we're in Maryland, which is very diverse, and my child goes toschool at an elementary school that does not have dress code.

(19:39):
Like it doesn't have rules about hair, doesn't have rules about dress code.
Teachers have colorful hair, teachers have afros, and so the kids do also.
And I wonder,
how much even that right just even having rules about appearance versus just lettingpeople show up how they are.

(20:00):
rules, my goodness.
I mean, I remember to the point of like, okay, I don't think we were technically supposedto wear like spaghetti straps and stuff, you know, but like, other than that hair, we saw
all types of hair.
Now my hair was straight at the time.
So this was a different era in terms of natural hair progression.
And I think that's a different conversation.
But in terms of what people, I mean, people just look all how they look.

(20:24):
But rules are a tool for exploitation, in my opinion.
Like you've said, you know, don't need rules for things you can't do, like rules are just,they create the boundaries of the cult.
Like this is what we do, this is what we don't do.
If it isn't natural, the rule, then what is it for?

(20:45):
Who is it for?
What's the incentive behind it to make everyone think that conforming is best?
cause the kids are gonna display who they are.
So I, I remember I used to want a uniform because I just wanted to know the right thing towear all the time, but that's a whole other, you know, if we learn different types of

(21:08):
socialization, you know, brain styles and not try to fit in, fitting in is not worth it.
Like you don't, it doesn't work.
but also the neurodivergent brain often loves to wear the same thing every single day allthe time.
And that doesn't have to be weird either, right?
Like it's actually strange.

(21:29):
America's actually strange for changing your clothes every day, right?
Like a lot of other places don't do that.
You wear something till it's dirty and then you move on.
consumerism, that makes so much sense.
That right there makes so much sense.
And you should be able to wear the same thing every day.
And like, it's just for ease of use.
But when you create a rule that a good kid does this and a bad kid doesn't listen to therules, um what if the rule doesn't make sense and actually is stifling?

(21:58):
What if I feel so uncomfortable every day having to wear the same thing, you know, that itnow is creating
a caste system of, you know, good and bad and obedience.
That's where the rules become like, if they're moral and righteous, like, well, what arethey here for?

(22:21):
We don't need a system of rules.
I always get, oh.
think when you have these rules, they can like create oppression where there doesn't haveto be or create lack of privilege.
So one of the examples for me is like in the state of Maryland, you have to volunteer for75 hours to graduate from high school.

(22:48):
And when I bring up that like not all high school kids can afford to trade their time forfree.
And if you're doing it out, unless it's done during school hours with school resources toget you there and back, like that would have stopped me from graduating from high school.
And people will not engage in this discussion.
They're very like, no, but it's good.

(23:10):
It's a good thing to teach your children to volunteer.
you I'm like, you created an obstacle.
You created an obstacle.
You can make it that children have to do it.
but have some sort of an exemption policy, right?
But just like this concept that any one thing can be good or bad for all people, I thinkis culty, right?

(23:38):
Like.
Forced volunteering.
That's what you just said.
Forced?
Because it's good for them.
call that, in the army we call that voluntold.
You were voluntold.
But this is even, cause that, that defense of it makes no sense.

(23:58):
This teaches them when we force them to volunteer, like we do with people who break thelaw, we teach them what, who, what is this?
And, and there's a lot of correlations between school and prison.
I'd like to, you know, we talk about school to prison, right?
But like detention center.

(24:19):
Correctional facilities.
It, I make this illusion pretty clear in my memoir, Uncultured, where I'm, because thefirst time I'm in an American school, I'm 16 years old.
And I'm like, this looks like a prison.
Like this building looks like a prison.
And that is essentially what it is, you know?

(24:39):
And I, all the time, I feel lucky that my daughter like enjoys going to school.
Because for kids that don't enjoy it, like you're just sent to a prison for,
six to eight hours a day to be shut inside that has all of these insane dynamics.
oh And you're told like your future depends on how you doing here.

(25:02):
Everything matters.
We're keeping reports and records.
what's crazy is that that's not even true anymore because our school system is still basedon turning out good little factory workers and we don't live in the industrial age
anymore.
I like to, I've been thinking about what I also call like stagnation supremacy is whatwhite people have.

(25:23):
Like what is conservatism except for like stay, no, no, stay right where you are.
Don't move, don't make a sound, don't be heard, seen or don't, that's every, that's, butthey're like, but we should have started doing this in 1777.
We hate all the changes that have been made and like, okay, I'm not talking.

(25:47):
of those people, oh naysayers literally.
They're like, anything you say, no.
um But they've already said that.
So like, that's crazy.
But the, I'd like to start calling it the things that it is.
It's like, because it's always been this way, we should keep doing it.
Things have changed.
Things should change.
do you, what do you, and then they're just like, well, wages shouldn't, but, everythingelse is, things are already changing.

(26:11):
Like you can't prevent that.
I hear something, I'm changed by it.
Get over it, you know?
think this is very interesting.
I see this in the conversations about like robots and cyborgs and like people are like,oh, self-driving cars.
It's like people act like at some point we are gonna sit down as a society and have adebate on whether self-driving cars are acceptable.

(26:37):
No, we're already halfway there, just in luxury improvements, right?
Like I had a car that did the...
the breaking and speeding up for you if you were on cruise control, like it was amazing.
And we already have human beings with all kinds of mechanical parts implanted in them,right?

(26:57):
Like we already have cyborgs, like we already are, like it's just so silly.
I think I've always thought conservatism is so silly, because you're trying to stop changeand the literal only thing.
The literal only thing we know is, yeah.

(27:18):
It's gotta be, it's gotta be stop, silly, stop ignorant, something, something.
yeah, well, was gonna say like, no, like, uh silly stagnation supremacy or silliness.
I don't know, because just like I want to call all finance bureaus, like busy businessboys, because they don't know, we don't know, no one knows what they're doing.

(27:42):
They're just like computer numbers around and then there's like, but we're really busy.
We do it all or work really hard and we wear really uncomfortable clothes every day, butfor good, like, you know, the rules.
standards, standards, dress code, professionalism.
Professionalism.
That's what they're doing.
They are playing busy business boy and we have to stop going and trying to beat them sothat they will now play our game.

(28:09):
so this, you'll love this, right?
Because I have had, I mean, I've had thousands of men or people who appeared to bestraight white presenting men on the internet and off tell me, yeah, tell me that there's
no way for me to make a living with what I do, right?
With only discussing negative topics.
And it was pretty much like, unless you're willing to do the.

(28:32):
the toxic positivity and like build a leadership talk about things you can learn fromcults and whatever, you're never gonna make money.
And now that I have like totally found my niche, I'm saying like, when I buy Mr.
Knitting Cult Lady a boat with all the money that I got from talking about my negativetopics, I'm calling it Cassandra's Curse.

(28:55):
Just to have another laugh at these silly, silly men.
Think about the confidence and the delusion of clairvoyance, right?
Like they think they're Ms.
Cleo and Ms.
Cleo was in there, but like, they're just going to tell you, no, you'll never.
Why do you think you know what the future is?
That's a quick, like how many centuries of, who knew?

(29:18):
Do you need blockbuster?
Mary Kay, they didn't think that was gonna stop listening to men.
Don't go to men asking for validation on your ideas.
Spanx, the Spanx story.
Spanx, I think I've told this one before, but she, when, uh I'm blanking on her name.

(29:42):
Anyways, it'll come to me.
When she was trying to get her, Sarah Blakely, when she was trying to get her prototypemade, Spanx, right, shapewear, she could not get.
anyone to make it for her.
That's when she realized the problem with the pantyhose industry is that it was all thedecision makers were men.
Shocking.
And the guy who finally made it for her originally said no, and then went home and calledher changed his mind.

(30:09):
And she was like, what happened?
He said, I have three adult daughters and a wife.
And when I told them your idea, they all told me they would leave me if I didn't make yourthing.
And
You know, I've literally, because I was in the entrepreneurship space, I've heard so manymen be like, well, yeah, obviously you invest in Spanx, right?
Like making women feel better, but nobody did.

(30:32):
But she owned a $6 billion company outright because not one person would invest in her,even though it's like, because men couldn't see it.
and she's better for it.
Let them not see it.
You know, that's why I'm not in the business of convincing someone who doesn't alreadybelieve me.

(30:56):
Like, well, you're so far behind if you don't believe me.
Like, why would I ask you?
Just because you're so confident and you tell people stuff, oh you're never gonna, you'retotally, why would he know?
In what universe has he took a class that is actually gonna tell him?
Because what class was built on information given by the people who need to give it?

(31:16):
Never.
So like, but I need, especially like why would believe in yourself before you go askingthem to believe in you first.
Yeah, and that's was gonna say too, because also, like the thing I had to tell myself whenI was going on my book process and everyone was telling me it would never happen, I'm
like, but have they sold a six figure book deal?

(31:37):
No, if they haven't, like I'm not gonna listen to them about what they say won't work.
How the F do they know?
Right, like have any of these men, have any of these men ever spent time building aplatform on the internet and talking about cults and bad groups?
No.
No, and cause they're not even, they're not answering that question actually.

(31:58):
What they're answering is would you do this?
Right?
And their answer is no, I would not do this.
Well, of course they wouldn't do this.
They don't even, why are you, right?
But we're taught that like this merit thing, this myth of meritocracy, there are peopleare high on hindsight.
There's just this, we're all the same.
And so like, if I, if it's an opportunity that is good, we will all be able to see itbefore it is.

(32:23):
Wrong.
It is not for someone to give you opportunities aren't for you to take, take advantage ofor to give or to offer opportunities or things you first have to uncover.
You have to like understand it for yourself first, but we are just so taught that youdon't know what anything that's good for you.
You don't know what you should wear.

(32:43):
The trends tell you what you should wear.
You don't know when you're hungry.
The bell tells you when you're hungry.
You don't, know, when you have to go to the bathroom, you get all that stuff.
is so long lasting, but it's like, I think that's what makes me concerned for white womenis that they're, they're paralyzed, right?
They are not just decisions, but like you're pampered to paralysis.

(33:04):
That's what I think privilege has done is that you are waiting for someone, for something.
You've been told, you've been sold these romances, delusions of the Disney princesses andtheir privilege and being picked and being chosen and finally being heard and someone's
going to come in and save us all.
What?
What does that person look like?

(33:24):
If he is wearing a tie, my God, you are so wrong.
If he's wearing a whole dress made of metal, if he's walking around in a metal suit, likethat would make any sense.
That doesn't make any sense.
That man is not smart, okay?
The revolution isn't gonna look like what a man's revolution would look like.

(33:46):
Not necessarily gonna be fighting and everything.
Not gonna be people of the past.
say even that, right?
Like we have exported, we have packaged the idea that America equals freedom and that ifanything, think about movies, right?
If anything ever threatens American freedom, someone's gonna come in and save the day,right?

(34:08):
There's some special operations secret group that's just gonna like come save the day andlike, honey, James Bond is a myth.
ah Like.
the...
the...
You guys have so far like given up so much agency and so much like respect for yourself bybeing like, this is what makes you more comfortable than a future you don't know.

(34:35):
And no one is dictating to you.
That is scary to make decisions on your own.
I understand.
I would rather have a uniform than have to pick out my clothes every day, but you grow tolearn that.
Okay, maybe my uniform, maybe I can make that choice for myself.
Someone doesn't have to give me the role.
and also you can't have enforced uniform wear without dehumanization, right?

(34:58):
So like, even if it's something that you as an individual enjoy more, you still get thedehumanizing aspect of it, you know?
If it's not my choice to do it, if it's, if I'm not choosing on my own to do it, then thatchanges everything.
It's almost like when you walk through life and think that your choices are things thatare happening to you, right?

(35:21):
Like I gotta do this because I don't have a choice.
I gotta, you know, get, take this job because I got it.
got it.
None of that is true.
You are making all of those choices.
You are made to feel as though you have to pick the quote unquote right choice.
the safe choice, but who told you what those are?
And what is safe?
Is it that stable job?

(35:42):
I was in a nice, safe, stable job.
I went and did the right things.
I went to business school, became a follower.
Like I, it's a different kind of factory.
It's just a high functioning factory.
and also like our system is set up that you have to decide what you want to do when you're17 years old.
Like there is not, there is not one other decision that you could possibly make at the ageof 17 that we would take seriously, other than the path that you choose for your whole

(36:09):
adult life.
How are you gonna serve this country?
And if you don't know how you're gonna serve it, I got an idea for you.
You can serve it with your body.
But it's not about what the country can do for you, about what you could do for thecountry.
Excuse me, country's not real, country's made up.
That's an entity, it's an organization.
It doesn't give back what you are asking for.

(36:31):
So you have to, if you want to wear a uniform every day, that is for you.
That is not for you to say everyone should.
And that's what like America does.
America says we need to decide what everyone's, the standardized acceptable thoughts,SATs, if you will.
All right.
These are the things we believe to be true.

(36:53):
United States of all millions of us have to agree, like.
The binary thinking of you're either with us or against us.
This is what we like.
If you don't like this, then you must like the other thing.
That comes from anti-blackness.
Because the anti-blackness is you're anti.
Whatever those people are, we are not that.
And then masculinity, whatever feminine is, we are not that.

(37:16):
So it's a lack.
Operating from a lack of things is never going to make you whole.
And I always think this is so funny about the masculinity thing.
I'm like, y'all gave up everything that smells good, tastes good, feels good, or is fun todo, right?
Because all of that is girly and feminine.

(37:37):
um And I'm sure it's very similar with all the things we give up for whiteness.
Or I mean, I know it is.
Boring.
Whiteness is boring.
It is so boring.
It is, it is saying all things art are on this canvas that is this size and flat andsmooth.
That is the only art that exists and you only get two colors, black or white.

(38:03):
Go.
Okay.
But when you know, when we get to work with music, body language, we get to work with allthese things, right?
Your canvas should be your life.
not the piece of paper that is put in front of you, but they go, okay, here's this blankpaper.
Don't mess it up.
Is that the center?

(38:23):
Oh, you already started and you can't go back, right?
We're never going to give you another piece of paper again.
There's scarcity.
Whoa, that's intense.
And then we used to hear a lot about like permanent records.
I think about a lot.
I don't even know what that is, but like I remember we were supposed to fear things goingon it.
Calm down everybody.
Like,
What is this?

(38:44):
Why people are so stressed for having so much privilege because everything is a lack.
It's just making sure you're not the whatever.
but that's the problem with privilege, right?
When you have it, you're always afraid that other people are gonna come take it.
Hmm, you're trying to, it's the difference I've noticed between keeping an A and earningan A.

(39:06):
I've said this before, like you are policing other people because you're like, well, howmany A's can be, we can't all have A's.
We can't all have A's?
That's interesting.
So as I start to get, I get to start to raise my grade up, I'm starting from zero becauseI walk in and people assume the worst of me.
I have to earn my A, I have to build up every day.

(39:26):
At least I know I have a path.
At least I know I like.
Maybe I can get creative with how I earn my A, right?
But with privilege, you just have to keep it.
You walk in with your A and everything you're doing is to make sure you don't lose anypoints because one point that's closer to losing the whole A.
And like watching other people do well makes you nervous.

(39:49):
Why?
They're just living their lives and now you think they're trying to attack you.
Every time they do better, it's like they're just trying to take from me.
They don't want to.
Y'all need to chill.
Also, an A is just a letter.
How intense, man.
Like, calm down.
to be learning for knowledge.
We're not supposed to be learning for stack ranking.

(40:11):
I hear this in the chat GPT conversation, right?
And it's very, it really upsets me, but nobody will actually have the conversation, right?
Because there's, look, there's all kinds of concerns with AI, and I'm not saying they'renot valid, but the chat GPT, my gosh, nobody's gonna know how to write essays anymore.

(40:35):
Like to me, that is just saying, how are we gonna discriminate against people if everyonehas access to good writing?
Oh, that's interesting.
Yeah.
uh
part of how we judge whether you're going to get into our like adult Americaninstitutions.

(40:55):
Can you write well?
Worship of the written word.
Yep.
so now it's like, you're not gonna be able to judge because I tell you what, it hasn'tchanged that much for actual artists, right?
People ask me if I'm concerned and I'm like, no, because my job as a writer is to think ofways to say things in ways they've never been said or presented before.

(41:18):
It's not to just put words on paper.
Yeah, it's not to just put words on paper.
And in fact, you can do a lot.
of rough drafting stuff and then still go like build your art on top of that.
You know, but there's just so much about it.
I hear it in the like the GPS conversation and the cursive, right?

(41:41):
Cursive is my favorite one.
And they're like, my goodness, nobody's gonna know how to write cursive anymore.
And then all stuff is gonna be lost to history.
Like as though people don't still learn.
Ancient Greek and Latin in order to be able to go like study those texts

(42:02):
I made a post about this a couple of years ago because the cursive thing, the way theywere so intense, in third grade when we started learning cursive, adults, right, in
cursive, right, it was, it was aggressive just to be typing everything.
And if that doesn't, that should teach us something.
Instead, people get all worked up about how kids aren't learning cursive and the one thatreally, cause I was like, this is so silly, right?

(42:28):
But I, the one that, like I
But if they don't know how to recursive, they won't know what is written on theConstitution.
End.
Do they know what's written on the, like, do I care so little about this document, guys?
And also it's on the internet.
Like, it's,

(42:49):
also do you have to be able to read it?
No, no you don't.
You can even just listen to it read to you in any number of ways.
And so this about GPS, right?
Because this is, I really noticed it when the switch over to GPS and all of the white menbeing like, oh, nobody's gonna know how to read maps anymore.

(43:10):
Like Rebecca, in the past 10 years, have you had to use map reading as a skill?
oh
were upset about this.
That's funny.
no.
And also one time in the last decade has my cell phone catastrophically died and then Ididn't know where I was going.
And you know what?
I survived.
But in the last decade of not having to pay attention to where I was going, I've listenedto hundreds of audio books, podcasts, right?

(43:38):
Like used my brain space for something else.
I mean, nobody has a satisfactory answer.
They're just like, whoa.
It's a skill, that's a good skill to have.
So my husband who's doing his bachelor's degree, he's actually graduating on Thursday,yay.
um But in one of his classes, they had that icebreaker where you're playing like bingo,right?

(44:01):
And you have to find someone who's, you know, any of these things.
And he was the only one in class that knew how to read a map.
And that's treated like, oh!
And like, you know what?
These kids don't need to know how to read maps.
They can get directions dictated into their ears from the supercomputers that they hold intheir hands all the time.
But I also think it's not that hard to read a map.

(44:24):
It's not real.
It's not like code.
It's just, it's a map.
and I'm terrible with directions, and when I was in the military and I needed to learn howto read a map, I learned how to read a map.
Like, it's not, it...
it's a good map, here's the thing.
If it's good, it doesn't need a lot of training.
Like if it's a good, okay.

(44:46):
It reminds me of acronyms, right?
Like acronyms, I think one of the culty cues, of culty culture cues is acronyms.
And this is coming from me, right?
I love acronyms, but do the acronyms communicate something or do they confuscatesomething?
Do they make it more complicated?
Do they cut?
Do they make it like an inner working thing where you can only get it if you know it, ordoes it communicate things that actually help?

(45:11):
Like, wait, why am I talking?
Look at that.
That was great because it's in the word.
You know, it helps.
Does it help to like a map shouldn't a map is a map.
It's supposed to help everybody.
So like you could figure it out if you desperately needed to.
Cause it's
this goes back to like the problem of glorifying the past, right?

(45:34):
It's like, yeah, you needed that in the past.
Humans wrote an incredible amount of words by hand.
That's why most countries evolve to where adults are writing cursive, right?
As an author, I still write cursive because I have to write a lot of things and sign a lotof books, right?

(45:56):
But other people, like,
The reason the kids aren't learning cursive is because it's not a skill you need to havein today's world.
Same with map reading.
You know, it's also, like, I don't know if you've seen these memes, but like, that justsay like, all of us would like to have a word with our algebra teacher who said we

(46:19):
wouldn't have a calculator in our pockets for the rest of our lives.
You know, and it's like at the time, that was a true statement.
Now, that's not a true statement anymore.
Right.
And we, but I would like us to learn from this and go, okay, so the future will bedifferent.
Let's stop doing this proclamation thing where we're just like, this is the fact about thefuture.

(46:44):
You don't know.
You don't know.
You make me want to pull my hair out.
Like that's the whole thing is that we've never known, but we've made every decision asthough the people telling us what's going to happen knew something.
and that's the cult thing, right?
That's the cult thing.
And people all of the time when they get out of cults, they're paralyzed with fear.
They don't know how to make their own decisions because the cult gives you a framework forlife, tells you it's the correct way.

(47:10):
Everyone around you is doing it.
And so you do it.
And one of the things I tell people is exactly that, right?
Like you have no higher chance of your life going poorly, of your family members dying, ofany of these things you are afraid of happening.
Your chances are not higher now that you're out of the cult.
You just believed in the cult.

(47:31):
Like you believed that was gonna keep you safe.
It's not, you know, we're not any more, we're not any more professional with a button downshirt or wearing a fricking corset.
You know, turns out doesn't actually affect our brains and we could do white collar workdressed however we want to.

(47:52):
It make, and that's what it started to break me was when we were doing these, you know,everyone was working from home and we were all just wearing the, the business.
um what do you call that haircut?
my God.
Mullet.
The mullet.
Right.
The fact, and I'm like, okay guys, we're all doing this.

(48:17):
We're all just gonna keep.
And then that some, could tell like some people were just really in it and it's reallystarted to make me go like, this is so silly.
This is.
for it so hard.
this, this one has been fun for me with the army, right?
So Pete Kegsbreath, the secretary of defense just made the physical fitness test for menand women who want to go into combat arms equal.

(48:44):
And like the bros, the bros really think they have got something here.
But, but here's what actually happened, right?
The army decided, first of all, that you have to be a specific level of fitness to go towar.
Right?
They made that up, right?
They weren't having you run two miles in the Roman days and deciding whether or not youwere like fit enough to go to combat, right?

(49:07):
Like nobody in the Revolutionary War was giving you a physical fitness test.
So they made up this concept that you have to be a certain level of physically fit.
Then they made up the idea that men would be better at that.
Then they made up standards that they believe.
measured the level of fitness that you had to be and then they made up a separate lowerstandard for women.

(49:33):
And then every time we asked for equality in any way, like, oh, maybe we don't need towear buns all the time.
Oh, can you run as fast as a dude?
Yes, yes, I can.
Nah, nah, separate scales, separate scales.
You can't do it.
And so I think it's incredibly hilarious because

(49:55):
all of us women who wanted to be treated equal, like we've been daring them to give us theequal test the whole time.
We've been telling them to bring it the whole time.
But because like they believe their own made up shit that they made up and wrote down.

(50:16):
I'm like, just the level of clowning of women that are gonna be beating men and then justlike shoving it in their faces.
m
I need to see it.
Ladies, please send me the videos.
it's not gonna, I mean, it'll be good for the women, but it's like, here's the thing,there's no one.
the culture.

(50:36):
I just think that it's hilarious that in thinking, right, oh, DEI is ruining everything,like we're gonna blah, blah, blah, you just instead you're shilling for the feminists.
You're giving us exactly what we've been asking for, which is the opportunity to just giveus the same opportunity to prove ourselves as the men, right?
Women in the military have never asked for anything extra.

(51:00):
Just give us the same opportunities to prove ourselves and maybe give us armor thatactually fits our bodies.
Yeah, I just hate the proving yourselves part, but that's the cult, right?
Like you're already, you're yourselves, you know, I think, cause I've been on this likeparadox of proving yourself thing in my head.
It's like the second you start trying to prove yourself, to who?

(51:23):
To those guys?
Who gives you the like, okay, now you're, you know, gives you the seal of approval ofproof or whatever, you know?
so this one's funny, right?
Because people will be following me on social media and then after some time they'll reador listen to my book and then they'll come back and be like, yeah, I get it now.

(51:45):
Now I see why you just slammed these guys when they come up against you.
But there's always just a level that I wanna be like, yeah, I know.
I knew who I was the whole time.
Like I was there when I wrote my book.
Like I was there when I...
weren't waiting for this.
to Michelle Obama's, you know?
I know they're the one that is not knowing their enemy and is then coming for me.

(52:09):
I don't have to prove myself, I've done that.
It's out there.
And when you give that response, people just like, they don't know what to do.
They're like, what do you mean?
You're not gonna give me your credentials, what?
uh
why I don't have a lot of men in my comment sections at all.
Cause I think they already can tell like, Oh, well I don't have it.

(52:32):
Like there's nothing.
I'm not trying to prove myself.
I don't give credentials like you, like we've talked about, like I don't give you none ofthat.
Cause I don't not even talk to them.
I'm not here for the male gaze.
If they want to learn, then that is, that is voluntary.
That is voluntary.
They will step into a space where it is not designed for them and they know to be quiet.

(52:53):
And if they don't know to be quiet.
they will be spotted, I think it is okay to, you know, weed out the crowd for people whothink that they are there to judge whether you should be speaking.
I'm already speaking.
They're just like, don't, yeah, they don't get, I don't think they get that we give nofucks about their opinion.

(53:18):
Like I really truly don't think that like the white men have fully understood this yet.
Like they still think they're gonna be able to push us back into like subservience.
It keeps them busy over there.
And that's what I'm saying.
Like don't go arguing with conservative men.
They told you what they're going to do.

(53:40):
And now I'm going to blame you if you keep going over there to go debate them about human,like also human whites.
That's what I'm calling it from now on.
Cause what do mean?
That's the paradox of proving yourself to request rights from dudes.
We are on the wrong path.

(54:01):
think you are saying that I think we're on the same side.
I mean, I don't like sides, but like it's not for them to give.
it's like what you said about like earning the respect versus whatever, right?
Like I'm here or like earning your A versus keeping it.
Yeah, like I'm here to earn your respect in me as a creator because I consistently creategood content.

(54:28):
And like when you just show up and demand credentials, it's like, no, first of all, takethe time, hang out there here.
figure out what we're about, but like, I'm not getting to the point I'm trying to makehere, but.
No, I'm with you.
When you are in an, because earning can be boundless, right?

(54:50):
It's not necessarily an A, like, but I think starting there or when you're walking in,maybe to everybody else, you're trying to earn an A, right?
And that guy feels like he has one already.
So you walk it, yeah, go ahead.
Mm-hmm.
it's such a difference.
Every once in a while, I'll sit my husband down in front of my TikTok Lives and like,nobody questions.

(55:13):
When he says he's a 20 year veteran, nobody asks him to show any proof, any anything,blah, blah, blah, you know?
And.
Meanwhile, I've had men, like a lot of times I'll wear like my 101st combat badge on myshirt just while I'm making videos or doing a live.
And I recently had someone be like, I don't know a single soldier who would wear that likethat.

(55:35):
And I'm like, oh, probably because they're all men and nobody questions, nobody asks themto prove, right?
They just assume that they're good, right?
Like if I was a man.
people would just look and see that I have 130,000 followers on a given platform and belike, oh, she must know what she's talking about.

(55:56):
And this is one of the reasons that with the competency checking, I almost always knowit's a man.
Because I'm like, just don't tend to, women just don't tend to accuse someone of not beingwhat they say they are without knowing who they're talking to, right?
Right.
The competency checking.
I like that a lot because that's, that's all the time.

(56:19):
Right.
And they'll ask certain questions and like, have you read?
And they don't really do it to me as much anymore, but it's, because I'm not here for you.
Right.
But yeah, it's like, but earning it gives you more to, to, to stand on.
And like, you, you don't feel the need to go, no, I have an a, I have an a, I have an a,because we're not keeping it.

(56:42):
me tell you, like when you start playing their game, right, like people will be like, ohyeah, you and your advanced degree from where?
And I'll just look at them and be like, Harvard.
And they'll be like, oh well, Harvard's not the best school, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
You know, like there's no.
Like, in what universe, like the delusion to do that?

(57:03):
once you start defining what a woman is, they're gonna like use that definition to provethat you're not a good enough woman, you know.
narcissism.
There is no benefit to you.
Really.
It's only to them.
You are their supply.
They get to feel superior even just in having the conversation with you, whether they'reright or wrong does not matter, has never mattered.

(57:26):
The correctness of the story is not it.
It's the control of the story they want.
And as long as you're in it, there's a possibility for them to get control.
But if you're not talking to them,
And I found that the best way to shut up the trolls is just to tell them, hey, your hatecomments make me as much money as the positive ones.
And then they're stuck there like, uh

(57:52):
there's a lot more like sustainable energy in, the joy than in the rebuttals and the, andthe kind of proving them wrong.
Cause even that they don't ever feel wrong.
Shame is something you can't really put on someone.
You can try, but like, it's kind of like discipline or accountability.

(58:14):
You either have it and you care about it and it's something you do.
or other people want it from you or something.
um Ew, know, energy vampires, they want your dedication and it doesn't really go bothways.
And I think that's what like organizations and systems are.
They don't, it's not about being right.
So like debating with them or they say something that you've heard a thousand times,that's cause they're in a cult.

(58:40):
how do you hear the same, that's craziness.
People don't just say the same things.
Millions of,
the same rephrases, why didn't she leave?
I would like more people to start answering the, I don't know, like something about me,the way we engage with enablers and with flying monkeys or triangulated Tammies, I kind of
like triangulated Tammies, because there's conversations that go on the black communitynet right now, especially with like Halle Bailey and Diddy and stuff.

(59:09):
And we, think we can talk next week about how we refer to these powerful men who
don't look like our typical cult leaders, but those culty dynamics is that there willalways be people going, here's this random question that sparks a different conversation
that really gets you emotionally elevated and exhausted and tired and talking aboutdefending something that should not need defending.

(59:37):
That's why I say we ending defending, refraining from explaining is helpful even in thosesituations where someone is saying,
something about a victim and going, she does blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Why are they saying that?
Why are they saying that?
Probably because they're an abuser.
And you arguing with them is now you engaging with that person.

(59:58):
And now you are in this dynamic and that's what they want.
They are pulling you in, you're saying something like that.
ah But it's so, and I get it, I feel it.
And like, I'll watch these videos of people.
men, know, oh, you know, well, we don't see everything.
And then some women, some women, they just talk about these hypothetical, you know,they're hyper fixated on hypothetical false claims from other women.

(01:00:22):
Can we start answering these questions or something?
I don't know.
Why didn't you leave instead of saying, you know, getting all worked up?
Are you asking or do you, I don't know.
I want to kind of confront those differently.
I've found it like refaming it as a question and pushing it back on them can be veryeffective.

(01:00:45):
So like when I have people who are like, oh, so how do you make sure you're not a cultleader?
You're not becoming a cult leader, right?
And now I've just started being like, can you please show me what group I'm leading andwhere and how I'm exploiting their labor?
You know, or like when AA or Jehovah's Witnesses or whatever get upset that I'm callingthem a cult, I'm not gonna like, I don't engage in trying to convince them that that's a

(01:01:16):
cult.
I'm just like, please explain to me what you think makes Scientology or the Children ofGod a cult.
Cause that is what they're saying.
They're saying, convince me of whatever, anything, just go.
You know, it's like those people sitting on the streets.
They're like, ask me anything type of thing, or I don't know.
But they're saying, convince me of a position I don't already want to be in, like,convince me to feel something I'm against.

(01:01:45):
that, that.
Ew.
Like how self-important.
And I see these things though, and white people go for it.
um This guy, I only know his name because white people on the good side of stuff, knowCharlie Kirk or whatever.
He's a MAGA guy and he sits there and then people come in crowds to go debate with him orchange something.

(01:02:09):
And all his positions are inhumane and conservative.
They're points of view that old white men, other old white men have.
If your view is the same as just some random other person I can grab, I think that'sweird.
You're not going to find black people like that necessarily.
Like we'll have overwhelming like safety measures and stuff.
If a bunch of people start running, what do we do?

(01:02:30):
We don't ask no questions.
That's like a trick question.
If someone asks you, you you see a group of people running, what's the first thing youask?
You don't.
That's a trick question.
Right.
That's it.
So there's that type of stuff, but we, there isn't solid.
There's no monolithic view on anything except for hopefully slavery was bad.

(01:02:52):
Like we are humans.
That you're right.
You're right.
You know what?
That's why I said we are humans.
I'm to start with that.
Let me just, I hope we all understand we are humans.
Let's get there.
Um, but I'm not going to try and convince someone who doesn't agree with that.
That's complete waste of my time.

(01:03:13):
That's not someone I want on my side.
I want someone who is already down for, like, because they exist.
And I've had people online, you know, kind of, don't you want to prove and use me as anexample?
Like someone who already doesn't like what I'm saying.
They're like, we could be having a, you random internet stranger?
What?
of thousands of people who follow me already who have said, I like listening to you.

(01:03:38):
You said I don't prove, make me.
don't, I don't, sorry, I'm not your dad.
Like I'm not gonna do that.
I'm gonna make you volunteer.
Make me care about black people.
ah That's that weird community service stuff.
my favorite now is when I turn off comments and it just sends people into a conniption andI turn off comments and when I see someone that says, like, you turn off comments on your

(01:04:09):
other video, I just delete the comment, I don't even read it.
I just delete it right away.
I'm like, no, I turn off comments because I do not consent to having that conversation forwhatever reason, right?
For whatever reason.
I don't wanna have this conversation anymore.
Usually it's just because I don't want this to take up my feed.
This was viral five days ago.
I don't wanna keep having this discussion.

(01:04:30):
So I turn off the comments and the way, right?
And like, I've had to say so many times, like creators don't owe you content.
Oh, first amendment, right?
That's the government.
I'm not the government, sir.
I don't have to give you space to fight with me on my platform.

(01:04:51):
The entitlement, the entitlement is crazy.
When I, I, you know, posted about the parade a little, I posted a clip of a Patreon orsomething.
and you know, then stuff happened and, know, I said, I have a whole video on Patreon andsomeone's arguing with in the comments, like she needs to be, she posted it there where

(01:05:11):
she can't be held publicly accountable.
One.
It's a free video on a page, but even, but it's like, they can't conceive of I'm allowedto have things for myself that they can't.
that's what I said.
Accountability doesn't work that way.
You're publicly accountable.
You want to lynch me?
Anyway, like that's what I hear for having an opinion that you don't like.

(01:05:36):
Cause you can't change my mind.
Like I said, I can have, you can have your opinion.
You can't have my opinion.
You can't decide I better like what's happening.
and talk about it only this way.
But that's...
even this idea that they have a right to come for you if you say something wrong, right?
I made this video that went viral and I meant to say no modern country has ever won acounterinsurgency, but I said no modern country has ever won an insurgency, right?

(01:06:05):
It was very obvious from the rest of the context what I meant.
and the rest of the video was good and it was spawning good conversation.
And oh, by the way, the fact that I said a word wrong meant all the splainers were comingto correct me, which made my video viral, right?
Which made me more money, amazing.
But then I turned it off, then I turned off comments and I did make a video saying like, Imade a mistake, blah, blah, blah.

(01:06:31):
But like, they act like you owe them, right?
they're like, oh, you just turned it off because you don't wanna have to defend.
blah, blah, blah, and it's like, I don't have to explain to you.
Did you know that that's like a strategy people will do is they'll make one mistake in avideo and then post it so that it goes viral because people love to correct.

(01:06:53):
And I realized that's a white people thing.
Correctional Officer Cathy's.
Yep.
know that until this happened to me and I was like, y'all, makes me wanna post wrong stuffabout the internet just so the bros will come correct me.
And they were like, no, that's what creators do.
That's like uh apparently a strategy.
You give them, put a typo, a typo in something, but that's white people.

(01:07:15):
Like think about that.
That's what we're living with on the internet.
And that's what I have to live with on the internet as well.
Think about that.
As a black woman having these conversations, I know that if I mess up even a littlesomething and you hear the way I talk, I barely finish sentences, all that stuff that

(01:07:37):
people love.
If I mess up one word, like, well, I guess I just, do I not post it?
Because it's like, they're waiting.
They want something to say.
I get to correct her.
I get to put her in her place.
And it's absolutely based on your demographics.
So often I think when they choose to pick on, right?

(01:07:59):
So uncultured has what I call a very bad typo, right?
It only has two, but one of them is when I'm describing a hand grenade and I say holdingdown the spool instead of holding down the spoon.
And when I saw this, right?
I was like, they're gonna destroy me.
Like, because I'm a woman writing about the military.

(01:08:22):
Yup.
I can't mess up, I can't mess up even one word.
Fortunately, the audio book director let me say it right and men don't read, they justlisten.
But.
And like, but think about how many of us are out here who want to say and share and whocan see this.
think about black women, whenever I do these things, I think about black women who want toshare their opinions and their ideas and stuff.

(01:08:47):
And they see me and they see what happens to me when I make a little mistake.
And I've had them in my comments, like, oh, you make me rethink.
Not that I'm doing it, but the realities is that's what like you could.
They don't care about my intentions at all.
care about their intentions on correcting me.
My intentions are to spread like healing journeys, right?

(01:09:08):
And you care that I, FYI, this is, well, author of this thing and technically it's satire.
I'm talking about how Lord of the Flies was a weird choice, terrible choice to havemandatory in schools and what does this teach us and da da da da da.
I'm going through all that.
And then they just told me, well, yeah.
Like, they just tell me more information about this English man who wrote the book.

(01:09:31):
And then my favorite is when they try to be like, no, I totally forgot what I was saying.
I'm sorry.
What's about Lord of the Flies?
I don't even know.
No, it's fine.
I was like doing the thing of not interrupting and then it did the ADHD fly away thing.
We do pretty good though.

(01:09:51):
We've like, we've been on a roll.
was like, we forget stuff often, but we're pretty good.
But I think that something interesting about, like, I am so stuck on this like volunteerthing for like the forced volunteering and America and the fact that we're like very
charitable as a country.

(01:10:13):
Like that's, I remember seeing it in something.
They were like, we have charity, freedom.
yeah, we're very charitable because we don't have social services, so individuals have totake care of other people, like.
the charity help?
Like you can say you're charitable, but where does it go?
We don't care because we want to say we're charitable.

(01:10:35):
He is very philanthropic.
Well, he should be, and he's doing it for tax breaks and he's got billions.
No one can spend that much.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, does it matter if he's also a murderer?
Like I think America needs a little bit more self-acceptance and realization that like,okay.
So they taught us the wrong things.

(01:10:57):
Um, or just like to go beyond, right?
We can be so charitable.
How are people still sleeping on the streets?
Why do you think that's okay?
Or if you don't think that's okay, what are you doing?
And what, so I got this book from the Tik TOK shop and from, cause this is what I do,right?
Like I just share what I find.

(01:11:18):
her ads.
of angry, angry proletariat.
It's a big book in terms of like the size of it, but it's called know your revolutionaryrole.
And I think it's so helpful.
Um, and it gives like colorful little, if you can see um, breakdowns of like who you canbe in the revolution and places to, and there's a word search, which I love.
Um, it's new difference between group and community.

(01:11:40):
And I didn't even realize, and you know, I just bought it myself.
She reached out to me and said, my God, you love my book.
I'm so excited.
I loved it immediately.
Didn't know.
Um, but then she had the community versus group and this is like, there isn't a zero sum.
Like that feeds what I'm doing and I can feed what she's doing.
I didn't even realize she had made a video about me before I made a video about this book.

(01:12:03):
I just think there's so much that we can focus on in terms of.
Yeah, it's, it's so good.
I made a, a page on video.
think I want to make a TikTok shop video, but then people will think I'm a liar.
so funny to me in books, how people call books just like yours competitors.

(01:12:24):
Because I tell you one thing about readers, that's when we finish a good book, we wantanother book exactly like that book, right?
And so like, in, I mean,
Part of why I want you to write a book is because I know my audience is gonna love yourbook because our topics are so next to each other.

(01:12:47):
And I really thought this where like, think women get that.
And I think at least one of the things I'm trying to do is like build a model.
Right now I'm building the model, but ultimately it's gonna be like an incubator that.
we can, we, I can invest in women creators that want to like come up and publish theirbooks and build their brands.

(01:13:15):
And like, we don't actually have to do it the patriarchy's way.
Like we can just do it our way.
permission from them, right?
Like, I don't know how she made this book, but she did.
It's, think, you know, a man would never, especially just the way that she's using, like,I think neurodivergency in here, you know, just how, in just so many different action

(01:13:39):
plans, there's coloring sections.
is good to see because I'm going to do a workbook to accompany Culting of America and I'mgoing to have coloring sections.
I'm going to have like culty comics in it.
Yes, but you know, and that is such a good point, the whole like the competitor part,right?
What do you mean competitor?
Just like when we talked about redhead and black people, it's like, no, no, no, no, theseare connections.

(01:14:03):
These aren't comparisons for like ranking and filing each other and saying, who has itworse?
Who's good?
What does that, how does that help?
The ranking helps very little people, I think.
I think connecting things helps so much.
you know, when I saw that she had community and group in like a little diagram, I got soexcited.
No part of me said, but I talk about this.

(01:14:27):
So this is funny, because I did have that moment, right?
When I listened to this book called Educated and it had four million readers, right?
was owning the market.
And as soon as I got done and my first thought was, man, why didn't I write that bookfirst?
And then I was like, nope, that's the model, right?

(01:14:49):
Because that's exactly what we would tell people in entrepreneurship, just because.
someone has already done something.
Like you do not have to be the first idea to market to even be the one that owns it all,right?
Like you do not have to be the one, right?
Like maybe your Scientology book is not gonna be bigger than Leah Remini and your name isnot gonna be bigger than her.

(01:15:14):
Doesn't mean you can't write an amazing book, build a whole business off of it and go do,and by the way, like I...
did write The Next Educated, right?
Like I did go out and do this really big book.
So like, I feel like the, it was the whiteness, the competitiveness, right?
The like, why deny?
There's only space for one of these and like, no, that's not even true.

(01:15:37):
absolutely.
Like the more the better.
And that's, and I don't say that very often because that's a white people thing, but likein terms of work that heals, there's never going to be too many.
Look at all the stupid books they write.
These men write whatever, whenever L.
Ron Hubbard was a sci-fi writer and then he made a whole religion.

(01:15:58):
We're not even trying to do a piece of that.
We're just trying to have something that makes us feel good and we can share it to helpother people go through stuff.
And just because someone else has done it, if anything, it's like, well, that should makeyou more excited.
Being first to market is a businessy weird thing, and you don't have to own it at alleither.
what if you don't own the market?

(01:16:22):
Google was the 14th search engine on the market, right?
Like Facebook was not the first social network that we all signed up for, you know?
also say, think Bing isn't that great, but I'm sure whoever owns it feels pretty goodabout themselves.
I don't know.
You know, like, just because you're not the top.
Exactly.
Right?
So like, you know, that whole second place is the first loser thing.

(01:16:45):
White.
I remember hearing that and going, oh.
so many times.
I hearing that and it stuck with me and kind of in a positive but like yeah, no, that'sbad.
Nice guys finish last?
What's wrong with finishing last?
whiteness that we have like.
You know, this idea that if you didn't finish first, second, or third, it wasn't worthdoing.

(01:17:11):
Like, you can't be proud of it if you came in second place or fourth place or like...
Like would you rather not, like in whiteness, you would rather almost not make it to theOlympics than come in fourth.
Did you see, oh my gosh, this happened in the last Olympics.
It was in one of the male sprints and one guy was leading and then another guy came upfrom behind and took it and literally the first place guy rejoicing with his coach.

(01:17:42):
The third place guy rejoicing with his coach.
Second place guy over in the corner in tears with his people.
And it's like, that's what we like, you got a silver.
medal in the Olympics and you're crying.
Like you would rather because you're not the Beyonce of the Destiny's Child, you would notwant to be in Destiny's Child.

(01:18:07):
Come on.
And I get that though.
Like I've been there.
Like I, I got second in a thing that also doesn't matter.
Like also these things don't matter, but I, I, it drove me crazy for years probably.
Cause I was like, I could almost had first and I told that guy and that's why he did it.
And then I've, had just, then I would have had.

(01:18:27):
It was like a business, like a beginner thing, like a basic training for sales something.
And it bought, I got second and we were only two black people.
And I gave him like a tip and then he won first, I won second, and then all these otherwhite people.
And I'm like, whatever.

(01:18:49):
Either way, not good for us.
And finishing last is just finishing last.
Nice guys, you're fine.
Thank you.
think there's something so important about this for like the new model that we'rebuilding, you know?
And this will be a big thing.
I noticed this when I started writing a children's book, right?

(01:19:09):
Because like, I didn't have to be careful with my ideas for uncultured.
Nobody else had that life.
I didn't have to be careful with my ideas for culting of America because nobody else canwrite from those perspectives.
But as soon as I was working on a children's book,
I was worried, like if I tell you I have this great children's book, Mommy, I Lost MySmile, you can just take that idea and write it, right?

(01:19:33):
And I am working on training myself, but I think this is also the model of like not goingthere.
Like uh truly believing that my unique value proposition is me, right?
So even if,
someone goes and steals my title.

(01:19:56):
First of all, book titles are not copyrightable.
There is already a book called Culting of America and I'm not worried that this 1990s bookthat's not in print anymore is gonna, but this is funny, right?
So people tell me this.
People will find me on the internet and they'll go, do you know there's already anotherbook called the Culting of America?

(01:20:17):
And I'm like, yep, sure do.
Book titles are not copyrightable and I'm gonna outsell him.
They're bothered.
Right?
They're bothered.
Cause they weren't telling this to help me.
They wanted to ruin my day.
They wanted to ruin my day and have me go, Oh no, are you kidding?
Blah, blah, blah.
And it's just like, no, I'm...

(01:20:42):
But I think so much of what you and I do in our businesses, like why it works.
is because we believe that we bring a value that other people aren't bringing or aren'tbringing in quite that way, right?
That like there's something, yeah, exactly.

(01:21:03):
And when I started out on this seven years ago, right?
This is such a great time to have this conversation because they just hit the point in mybusiness where I told my team they can fly in for the book launch and my business will
cover everything and.
finished the second book, literally took the moment to look at myself in the mirror and belike, you did it, Daniella, you took the crap life that was handed to you and you built

(01:21:27):
this stuff.
And I can keep building stuff forever now.
But when I was first starting on this journey, right, and I got with my firstentrepreneurship incubator, and I was like, I'm gonna be the Brene Brown of culture.
And they were like, okay, what's your unique value proposition?
And I would look people in the eyes and I would say, me.
And people would just scoff at me, but like seven years later, knitting cult lady ismaking $1,000 on the internet for a video calling JD Vance, someone who has the charisma

(01:21:58):
of someone who puts his cast iron in the dishwasher.
You know?
That was good.
I like that.
And that inspires other people.
turns out that for both of us, it is very much true that our unique value proposition isus.
It's not one idea.
Uncultured was a great idea that I had.

(01:22:18):
So was Culting of America.
So is the musical I'm gonna write.
So is, you and I both had the idea for this podcast together.
um But it's like, there's a piece that we're still missing, which is women.
and creators just like marginalized demographics, believing, believing that like yourthing, your perspective is important, is valuable, and you don't need anyone's permission

(01:22:50):
to like put it out in the world.
Do you not need paperwork or permission from these patriarchs at all?
But it's like understanding, not just saying that, like believing in yourself as much asyou believe in the scripts that they're giving you and realizing, don't know, but it's
like just starting and right.

(01:23:12):
Like believing in your own thing.
And I think that's so interesting.
I actually took the TM, the trademark off of my name on
I think almost everything.
I had actually filed a trademark thing, but there's, think a man out there called WhiteMan Whisperer and this trademark, whatever.
And I started realizing like, I don't even believe in that stuff anyway.

(01:23:33):
I only just had it because I thought it was like something I should do.
So I let it go and I dropped it.
I abandoned the trademark thing because I'm not gonna go after anybody anyway.
No one can be White Woman Whisperer more than I'm White Woman Whisperer.
And if they can, whoa.
Let's talk.
Like, like, let's talk.
could we know it's good.

(01:23:56):
I've always said trademarks and copyrights are silly, right?
Because you still have to enforce it.
You still have to enforce it.
So all it's doing is proving that you said it first.
And I thought about this a little bit when I came up with the Skinny White Woman and I'mlike, no, what if Glennon Doyle starts saying, talking about it in her podcast, right?
And then she makes it bigger first.

(01:24:19):
it's it's, but.
go?
But it's also based in this idea of lack, right?
So like, let me give you another one.
I came up with a way to do signed audio books, which I'm gonna do for Culting of America.
You're gonna be able to get an art print of the cover and it's gonna have the QR code forthe audio on the back and a place for me to sign, right?

(01:24:41):
So I took this idea to the people who own uncultured and like they cannot do it.
because the big five companies do not distribute audios by selling you the digitalproduct.
They're licensing it to you because they're so worried about plagiarism.

(01:25:04):
And this is maybe my personal thing, because my background is intelligence, where there'sno such thing as plagiarism, but I'm just like, if people want my book enough.
to be stealing it or pirating, not plagiarism, sorry, but like pirating, people justtaking the audio and not paying for it or duplicating it or whatever.

(01:25:25):
And it's like, so you're actually like missing out on a whole extra market that you couldhave because you're worried about some people getting copies that they didn't pay for.
And like I liberally,
send out my PDF of Uncultured and my audio to people.

(01:25:46):
And I'm like, it doesn't like...
They don't think about network effects also, because there's so much in policing andownership of this thing.
And I think about with YouTube, people used to do like covers of stuff on YouTube and itwould dancing, dances and choreography, and that would spread and that would make the song
big.
But now you can't even do that because there's ownership of the song.

(01:26:08):
So you can't put it in the thing and you can't monetize.
How is this beneficial to anyone?
This ruins the experience because you're not being able to spread and communicate withthis thing because you're not, there's not enough control over it in every single
instance.
And, the lack, like you're saying, like avoidant.
get credit for it, you know?

(01:26:31):
Uhhhh
I'm pretty sure, I'm pretty sure I'm the first one that called Pete Keg's breath a DUIhire, and you know what?
I've seen other people say that, and I'm not upset that I didn't get credit for it.
no in community credit isn't really the point.
We all have shared experiences.
So it's like things can happen jokes.
Dion Cole made a joke about hotel shower heads.

(01:26:54):
way I had made that joke a couple of years ago and that they're racist.
I mean, you could tell there's no black people on the boards of these hotels because theygot the rain one and we don't black people don't use the rain and we're not trying to get
our hair wet.
Like it's controlled.
And so I had made that joke and I even joke just an observation.
Like fancy hotels tend to have the rain ones.
I'm like, hmm, interesting.

(01:27:16):
And Dion Cole made that joke on a Netflix special.
No part of me thought he saw my joke on my TikTok four years ago.
No, we're just both Black.
actually get this from veterans when they're like, hey, but we all call the army a cult.
And I'm like, yeah, I know.
I'm just the first one that wrote it down.
you know?
yeah, it's not not important.

(01:27:37):
have to say I've noticed this about gender where I'm like when they give you the blowdryer that is only for men because I don't know a single woman that uses a blow dryer
without an attachment, either the straightening or the diffuser, right?
Only if your only goal is to get your hair dry are you using that, right?

(01:28:01):
So it's like you...
use a hotel push.
I don't have any knee.
also, like, why don't we get makeup wipes in hotels?
oh
would be nice, especially if you're have rain water in the now, they don't even give theshower caps anymore.
I'm like, okay, you can't have both of these things.
You can't not give them the shower cap and be like, water only comes straight down or youget this little spritz.

(01:28:23):
think about racist showers.
um I'm happy to note that both of the showers in my home have both of those.
mean, listen, you're white people, it's okay.
I'm just saying if you were gonna own a hotel, you wouldn't be like, everyone thinks thatthese are the best.
You know, you could just tell.
men are on your on your thing, then you do you know?

(01:28:45):
oh
helps.
That's all, that's all we are ever saying.
Just like with redhead people, if they're around different types of people, they have lesstrauma.
You know, just, just chill out.
Everybody doesn't have to, there doesn't have to be a target.
Right.
And also like, when you're not trying to be the same as everyone else around you, then youget to be yourself.

(01:29:11):
And yourself is always the coolest person to be.
You've got so much to work with in there if you just start accepting all of it, likeradical self-acceptance is where all that good stuff is.
The rules are opposite of that.
The rules are like, you don't know.
And look, I'm telling you this, right?
Like I have frizzy hair, right?
Like I have whatever, I've heard it called white people afro.

(01:29:35):
I don't know if that's offensive, right?
But I have what is considered bad hair, right?
For white people.
And like one day I just looked at myself in the mirror and I said, I am going tounabashedly love my hair.
And you know what turns out?
Never had a bad hair day.
Hair isn't actually that important to your day if you just wanna put it back.

(01:29:56):
Your day's still the same.
absolutely, I thought I had bad hair and in black culture there is, has been historicallysomething known as bad hair, but we don't agree with that anymore.
But I didn't know I had this until I went through the process of self healing, at leastjust a little bit to say, wait, wait, wait, it can't be inherently a problem.

(01:30:18):
The way it goes out of my hair, no part of my brain even considered thinking what it mightlook like.
even a thought until it was.
And then that took another 10 years because I stopped relaxing it chemically and then justwas straightening it like that was something.
So, you know, the 10 year deconstruction period.
and I think that's part of it.

(01:30:40):
When you go on this journey, think people, you know, it's funny now, because people willlook at me and they'll be like, oh, your style is so amazing.
Like, how did you?
And I'm like, this is a culmination of a decade for me, you know, of going from so maskedand so policed and so trying to fit in to just accepting myself and then discovering who

(01:31:04):
that person is.
That's how you uncover those opportunities for how to, we were talking about how to help.
So it was a perfect thing to end it on.
was like when people learn that they're a part of something or connected to something,they want to know how to help.
And how you help is by healing.
It's not the sexy Katniss condition thing of like you go and you fight them all and youwear a cape and no, it's you sit and go, I think I was okay the whole time.

(01:31:29):
You were fine the whole time when they say you're not us.
That was true.
You aren't them.
They're not even them.
They were just nervous and scared and fearful and you were an easy target.
Turns out we were human beings the whole time, right?
Oh, who knew?
You did.
Oh my gosh, what a great conversation.

(01:31:49):
Thank you so much for this.
Not gonna lie, I didn't feel right last week because we didn't have our discussion and Iwas like, what's...
was like, it feels like it's been so long.
We skipped a week, but that's like, that tells me a lot.
We're doing some good stuff here.
And I was like, Ooh, the redhead thing was so interesting.
And I was like, I'm just so grateful.

(01:32:10):
have a place to have the conversation where it's, it can sit, it can marinate.
We can just let it be and not have an either or placement on it or anything like that.
I'm just like, now what?
You know, we can get to know our revolutionary role now.
That's what I would suggest.
But the first thing in this is gonna tell you, heal.

(01:32:32):
So.
Mm-hmm.
That's part of it.
That's part of it.
It's like you have to put on your own mask before you help someone else.
You know, like you gotta, you gotta make sure you're not hurting that community you wannahelp before you go help people.
Because the fact that you think that's the other thing is like the help.
mean help is a scary word.

(01:32:53):
I would take that one and put it in the four letter word category for a while because the,no, they're fine.
The whole thing is that they've been fine the whole time.
It's like leaving Scientology and being like, how do I clear the planet?
Hold on.
That wasn't a good goal.
That when you were in there, you were, no, no, that's a cult goal.
Helping everybody else.

(01:33:14):
No.
It's a you, you gotta sit for a second and find that out.
That's great, because I always say to my audience, like, it's okay for your mission to beyou.
And that can really be like, you should maybe do some healing before you try to go, youknow, be a.

(01:33:34):
use that healing and then that healing will heal others.
Like heal out loud.
I would say that's how I've been doing it for the last couple of years online is incommunity with the internet.
You have the internet.
that's, know, find out what's going on in there.
What have you been suppressing for the good of the group?
Cause I'm sure if you're white, it's been a lot.

(01:33:56):
I don't know.
Cause I'm only half white and it was a lot.
the redheaded thing, if it's something that has been pressing on you your whole life,there's probably other people out there who relate to that or who get that thing or who,
you know, just by me telling my stories about an extreme cult, like I've learned how muchmy life relates to other people's regular American life because I share that stuff and

(01:34:21):
then people tell me the connection.
the human experiences.
Let's connect on human experiences instead of hierarchical, like strategic emotions andtransactions.
do we agree?
Do we agree?
we, you O, B.
agree or disagree, just to understand.
Yeah, just for the more information, accepting it so that you have that now.

(01:34:47):
when people don't ask those rhetorical questions, how could this happen?
How can a, who?
Just accept them.
They go straight for those.
Who does that anymore?
Guys, so many people are still doing all of it.
wouldn't be talking about it if nobody did it anymore.
Right, I just told you about three people.

(01:35:08):
If you say, I've never heard of this, you had said that earlier.
Like someone said, like, we've never done this or we've never heard of this.
Well, now you have.
So catch up because it's been happening this whole time.
You know, and that's it.
to be a great thing when people wanna shut me down for talking about negative experiencesabout groups.
be like, well, I never heard about, well then sir, I don't think you have the perspectivein this field.

(01:35:32):
Tell you what, go to any social media of your choice and just ask if anyone has had anegative experience in whatever group.
And like, it's not hard to hear other people's stories if you go out and listen.
Yeah, you're just narrating at that point.
If you say, I've never heard, I've never blah, blah, blah.
You're just telling information to people about your life.

(01:35:56):
That doesn't mean it hasn't happened because you that's really weird.
Like I just told you that it happens and you say I've never that's
Like when people's proof to me that all veterans are MAGA is, well, all the veterans Iknow are MAGA.
making the point you think you're making.

(01:36:16):
You're also just, you're telling us, you're telling us who you hang out with, you know?
Like it's saying more about you than about, yeah, so.
okay, well, I guess we're all wrong because you like that means you think your personalexperience overrides mine, even though you've never like to me, that's the person who's

(01:36:37):
saying, convince me, convince me, convince me.
And we're not doing that.
There's too many people who are already convinced and we should be intentional about whowe give our energy to because we have limited energy, limited self control and time
management, all that stuff.
So, and I try to remember that when I see comments like,
I imagine all these people saying, this is amazing, I just learned so much, my God, andthen I respond to the one yelling at me?

(01:37:02):
That's not right, so I do that for myself to try and manage it.
Well, even, you know, what's been really helpful for me is like when you say that likeblack people don't need to read the books about anti-racism, like they can, you can get a
lot of richness out of it, but like you already know that stuff.
And that's how I feel like with cult stuff, with cult survive, with the books that I'vewritten, like people that think they had a cult experience don't need me to convince them

(01:37:30):
that it was a cult experience.
Like they will catch it when they're reading the thing or when.
hearing the stories, right?
It's the outside that you're trying to like explain it to.
Right, because it's, and it doesn't need to be defined.
If you connect with something, if something, you know, feels like you could relate to itor something, then that's all that matters.

(01:37:53):
Not whether you define it as a cult the way someone else defines it as a cult, but whitepeople and their definitions, you know.
It's only racism if the book says.
people don't ever have to be officially qualified as black by the official officials inorder for that trend to have had meaning to them, right?
oh
Because if it moved them, then that happened.

(01:38:15):
Whether I tell you, you shouldn't have, too late.
It already did.
It happened.
The trend happened.
They were immediate.
There was a positive association.
To me, I found that that's what community can do.
Just we see you.
Internet strangers can say, I see you.
I can't believe that so many black women coming on, like, what did you white people do tothe gingers?

(01:38:36):
They're crying all up and down the timeline.
That's so sweet.
We're defending.
You know, we had no idea how traumatized you guys were.
Come on, you can come sit with us.
That's literally all that happened.
But see how powerful that was?
You could do that for others, right?
In your own communities, redhead people found each other to say, I didn't know we were allgoing through the same thing because whiteness has you not talk, right?

(01:38:57):
You don't complain.
And so that's why you didn't even know that what you go through is a redhead experience.
Not great in whiteness, you know, like.
Mm-hmm.
There's so much to talk about there, but yeah, no, you're not black.
No one said, you know, we're fine.
We all know if you know, you know, if you need to be convinced.

(01:39:18):
Yeah.
And like, if you relate, you relate.
And that's why I think so much of, as we've said before, like the actual work.
You know, people, don't know if you get this, but people try to tell me every day that Ishould like go out and actually do something.
And I'm like, I am.
Like this is the work that I'm doing and it helps people every day.

(01:39:41):
of course.
I critique, and I don't even critique, I just said, you know, the what if men did aprotest like this, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And it's kind of like, it felt a little bit like the cult thing.
Like, well, you weren't there, you didn't go.
I don't like people who critique and don't do anything.
Like they don't do anything, they, excuse me, I don't do anything.
So if it's a white person telling me I don't do anything.

(01:40:03):
I'm not talking to those people.
guess you don't like me then.
You know what?
Oh darn, you're gonna go away?
Duh.
You know, they still expect us to fight for this.
Like that male thing.
It's like, don't you want to fight for this?
No, please go away.
Well fine, we just will never compliment you ever again.

(01:40:27):
Thank you.
So, you know, perspective.
That's all.
was just talking about that on my channel today.
I'm like, actually, no, I don't want weird 58 year old men commenting on how good thatdress looks on me.
Like when I need compliments about my appearance, I have people.
Like I know where to go get them.
I got it.
I, it's not why I wear it.

(01:40:47):
You know, you don't go out for the, like that's not, it's for me and I like it already.
Great.
But no, you know, because, I tell, try to tell white women like, you know, they're like, Ijust, but I love black women's hair.
I just want to compliment.
just can't.
And I said, okay.
But I'm just letting you know that it's like when a man compliments you on a dress,sometimes you think, I'm not going to wear this dress again.

(01:41:13):
Mm-hmm
and they meant it really, you know, they really meant it.
They really loved it.
It's just perspective, you know, like you can try and convince me all you want, but I'mjust going to tell you like that, interaction you're getting with that black woman, she's
smiling at you.
Yeah, she's smiling.
She don't want to, she doesn't want to smile at you or like as you walk away, oh, it comesdown and you've experienced that as a woman, I'm sure like as any woman has experienced

(01:41:40):
that whole.
Mm-hmm.
know, be someone's piece.
You don't have to be their like, compliments and...
Yeah, you also don't have to say a compliment just because it pops in your head.
Like, not gonna, yeah.
It wasn't like they were just waiting, you know, it's like, they were just hoping someonewould notice.
All right.
All right.

(01:42:01):
Yeah.
Why are you talking?
That's all.
am I talking?
Thank you so much everybody for joining us today for our episode of Hey White Women.
Please like and subscribe.
Rebecca's Patreon information is first thing in the show notes.
Please go check that out and we'll see you next week.

(01:42:22):
See ya.

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Episode 37 | Are Red-Heads Black?

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Episode 37 | Are Red-Heads Black?