Improve Your Sex Life with Adult Sex Educator and Coach, Ruth Ramsay

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Before we go on to the interview, have you already
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With that, let's dig into the interview.
As we get older, we learn to question the things that we've
been taught, and we learn that sometimes the things that we
were taught were incorrect. It might be that many of the
things that that particular source taught us were incorrect,
and we learn that partly throughtalking with other people and

(01:07):
hearing about other people's experiences, having our own
experiences as well. And we learn, OK, that source
wasn't correct on many things, but we don't tend to apply the
same thing to sex. Welcome everyone, to another
episode here on the IPS podcast.I'm Elise Fass, the founder of
the IPS Project and your host here on the show.

(01:30):
Now, in this episode, I had the pleasure of welcoming adult sex
educator and coach Rude Ramsey to talk about.
Well, I guess you might guess it's about sex.
Sex is a very interesting topic,right?
It evokes a lot of different emotions for for people ranging
from pleasurable, too traumatic to something in between.

(01:54):
I mean, there's so much on this topic.
Shame is a big part of it too, that many people actually feel
we don't talk a lot about sex with other people, right?
Maybe we talk with our partner about it, even though there it's
not always a topic that many people talk about with their
partner. But outside of our relationship,

(02:16):
we don't discuss sex often, eventhough it is such a big part of
many people life you know, of being a human.
So therefore, I was very, very excited to invite someone such
as sex educator and coach Ruth Ramsey who has and who is still

(02:37):
doing, I mean so much incrediblework on this topic in breaking
the stigma and that shame that often is associated around six
and who helps people to build a six life that they're dreaming
of. Now here is a short bio about
Ruth to highlight her expertise and experience.

(02:59):
Ruth has made notable appearances in the media,
boasting a rich background that spends over a decade as a
striptious artist. Beyond this, she has contributed
to the discussions about the intricate world of sex through a
riding, engaged in modeling, andplayed a pivotal role in
establishing the first union foradult workers in the UK.

(03:21):
She is also a passionate activist for sexual rights,
earning recognition through an award for her advocacy of the
erotic rights of people with disabilities.
Notably, her Ted X talk revamp Your Sex Life in 6 minutes
ranked up an extraordinary 1.5 million views within just a few

(03:41):
months. I am very confident to say that
you will learn more than a thingor two here in this episode with
Root Ramsey to break maybe some of that stigma that you might be
feeling or to improve your sex life.
Now to find any of the resourcesmentioned by Roots, as she does
share quite a lot of great resources in this episode.

(04:02):
Check out these show notes located in the description of
these episodes. Or you can also go directly to
the ipsproject.com/podcast and search for Roots there as well.
You can find all the ways to connect with her.
Now having said all that, I hopethat you will enjoy this episode
with adult sex educator and coach Roots Ramsey Roots.

(04:27):
A warm welcome here to the IPS podcast I am.
I'm really excited to be chatting with you today.
Thank you so much for inviting me on.
So we are, of course going to talk about, you know, the work
that you do today as a sex educator and coach, and also the
work you did as a strictest artist.
But I think a great place to kick off this interview would be

(04:53):
to already talk about sex and shame.
Because, I mean, most people enjoy sex.
Most people have fantasies aboutsex, but also most people have
some shame around sex. And I mean, some people have a
lot of shame around it, right? And there are of course a lot of

(05:13):
reasons why people have shame that I can already think of.
But I don't talk about sex with people as frequently as you do.
So I want to throw the question at you.
What have you seen in your work where this shame, negativity and
stigma around the topic of sex, Eroticism and sexuality many
times comes from? Well, you've already given an

(05:38):
element of that answer. When you said I don't talk to
people about sex like you do now, obviously I know you meant
in a work context. The majority of people aren't
talking about sex in a work context, but the majority of
people aren't talking about sex at all.
The shame around it is part of that.
But then the silence around it perpetuates that shape.

(06:02):
So for most of us, the messages that sex is something either
dirty and wrong or if not that, then certainly very private,
something you do not talk about.I speak to people who are from
faith backgrounds, who have beentaught that they will go to
hell. We have from that extreme to the

(06:23):
extreme. I quite kind of the other
extreme people say, oh, I was never taught it was wrong, but
at the same time it was never talked about.
Or it might be a situation, suchas with my upbringing, where I
was given the impression sex is this wonderful, beautiful thing,
but only for one special person.But whatever the background,

(06:47):
wherever we originate from in that picture, the fact that we
then don't talk about it, as I say, perpetuates that shame.
We never shown in film or TV or culture.
We're never shown conversations about sex.
Yeah. Yeah, and that's a big part of

(07:07):
the ongoing problem. But yeah, going back to our
early years, it's incredibly rare for me to hear of anyone
who was given an upbringing and education around sex that didn't
involve shame. And for someone listening who
has a lot of shame around sex because, like you said, you
know, they might have a religionthat tells them it's a sin or

(07:29):
because of their upbringing or because of whichever other
reason, what is something you would already want them to know
around shame going into this interview?
Well, what I would like them to do is to think back to where the
sources of that shame come from and whether life has proved

(07:54):
those sources always to be rightin other areas.
So very often the sources of shame might come from, as we've
said, from faith backgrounds or from parents, caregivers,
teachers, etcetera. And as we get older, we learn to
question the things that we've been taught and we learn that

(08:15):
sometimes the things that we were taught were incorrect.
It might be that many of the things that that particular
source taught us were incorrect and we learn that partly through
talking with other people and hearing about other people's
experiences, having our own experiences as well.
And we learn, OK, that source wasn't cracked on many things,
but we don't tend to apply the same thing to sex.

(08:39):
And we can realise when we do that we can realise, hang on,
I'm believing outright the source of this information.
Or it could be, for example, an early boyfriend, girlfriend,
partner who said something horrible to you about how you
were sexually, for example, and that stayed with you and you've
continued believing it when you can recognise that a lot of the

(09:02):
things, most of the things they said maybe were incorrect.
So look back at where this source of the shame comes from.
Can you actually trust that? And you'll probably find that
life experiences to what you know.
And so then that's to the starting point then to try to
kind of create your own new set of beliefs around sex.

(09:23):
But I suppose the thing that I would want people to know, which
I think was your question, was that you're entirely normal if
you feel shame and you struggle to even think about your sex
life, let alone talk around about it.
We think everyone's talking about it, but actually most

(09:43):
people aren't, so you're entirely normal.
OK, Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, often hearing that that it's normal to feel this can
already be a big comfort to manypeople, right?
Yeah. So we are of course going to
talk more about Shame throughoutthis interview.

(10:04):
It's such a big topic that it's impossible to not, you know, pop
up again. But I'm curious to just shift
gears a little bit and to ask you a couple of things about the
work that you did as a striptious artists.
Very curious about that actually.
So, and correct me if I'm wrong,right?

(10:25):
But you worked for 10 for a decade as a striptease artist,
right? Just over a decade, yeah.
Or just over. Yeah.
OK. I know this question might have
been thrown a lot at you, so I apologize for asking it.
You know, once again, but what got you interested in becoming a

(10:47):
striptease artist and how did you get introduced to that
world? Because it's not, you know, in
school, you don't see data on the list of jobs to pick, right?
So yeah, how how did this all started actually?
Well, I had an awareness somehowof what a striptease artist was,
or this concept of someone standing on the stage and slowly

(11:10):
taking their clothes off. I had an awareness of that from
a young age. I don't know where or how.
I do know that my parents had all of the Ian Fleming James
Bond books, the books that the films were based on, and I know
that there's various scenes in striptease clubs in the Bond

(11:30):
books. So maybe flicking through books
I found something. But I had this this kind of
vision and I just thought it wasseemed like the most amazing
thing in the world. But as you say, it's not
something you talk about. I do remember in my kind of
early to mid teens being given aset of kind of silk scarves by

(11:54):
an auntie for Christmas or something like that and tying
them all round myself and dancing in my bedroom and taking
one off at a time. So I I had that awareness.
But this is the what would that this be like, late 80s, early
90s? You say being a strip tease
artist isn't on anyone's career plan, but these days I think it

(12:15):
actually is with Instagram and the glamorisation of the
industry. But back then, I mean, I never
thought in a million years that it could actually happen.
So I worked hard on my other bigpassion, which was writing.
And I wanted to be a journalist and write about women's issues
for the big glossy magazines. And I went to journalism

(12:38):
college, got what was at the time the best journalism degree
in the country, worked very hardto get that.
And I was working in fashion business, journalism in my mid
20s when I saw an advert for London School of Strict Tease
and it was brand new. This is around 2001.
I wasn't into fitness or dance or anything like that very much

(13:01):
at all. But a friend of mine had
convinced me to go to this dancefitness class with her.
And on the notice board in this dance studio I saw London School
of Strict Tease and I was like, wow, you know, I'd never
confided this fantasy in anybodyever, Because I thought I'd just
be laughed at. I thought it was ridiculous, but
I thought, oh, here's an opportunity to go and explore

(13:23):
this fantasy. So that's what I did.
And I had no idea that that was going to lead to me ditching the
fashion journalism job and becoming a full time striptease
artist. But that's that's how it
started. How long is the training
actually or like the, you know, at the school there?

(13:43):
Well, as I say, this was in 2001.
Yeah. So I don't, I don't think London
School of striptease exists anymore, but back then they were
very new and if I remember correctly, there was a beginners
course and it was either 8 or 12weeks, that kind of duration and

(14:04):
about 12 women there for all sorts of reasons.
All very, very nervous. But we, if I recall correctly,
everyone finished the course andgot so much from it.
So then I signed up for the intermediate course which again
was maybe 8810 weeks or so. And at the end of both of the

(14:30):
courses we had a guest performance from a real life
stripper and I was so excited. I was like wow, starstruck.
And then they stayed on and watched our like end of course
little shows that we did for each other.
And in both cases they came up to me afterwards and said if you
wanted to actually do this for aliving, you could do it.

(14:50):
You're you're good, you've got it.
So off I went. So for a year I did the
journalism and dancing sort of side by side and then packed in
the journalism all together and became a full time striptease
artist. What did you do differently?
You know why? Why did they come up to you?

(15:13):
You know, what did they see in? UK Oh, I don't know.
They might have said that to everyone to be nice and boost
their confidence. I don't know.
But I do. I do know that I'd worked hard
on putting my routine together and my outfit and things, and I
absolutely loved it. So if I would guess, if I was to

(15:34):
be able to contact them now, my guess would be it was
enthusiasm, enthusiasm and passion for it that.
Does a lot. That is a lot.
Yeah. Your Your strictest name or
strictest artist name was Solitaire, right?
Solitaire, yeah. Why that name?
Did you choose it or did they give it to you or how does that?

(15:55):
Work well. Solitaire was one of the Bond
girls. Yes, Jane Seymour in Live and
Let Die, the Bond film. So I've already mentioned
thinking that the Bond books might have been part of my
inspiration. I know that when James Bond
films were on the TV at Christmas, I would love the
opening sequences with typicallyscantily clad dancing girls at

(16:18):
the start. And I already had in my mind
that one of my kind of USPS as astripper was going to be dancing
to the James Bond theme tunes tothe music.
So I was talking about this withthe woman who was running the
course, the striptease courses, because we'd often to all go for

(16:39):
a drink in the bar around the corner from the dance studio
afterwards and talking about, oh, what, what would your stage
name be? And I said, oh, I want a Bond
girl name. And a lot of the Bond girl names
are very ridiculous. I mean, Solitaire's a little bit
ridiculous, but it's all like, oh, that that Jane Seymour.
She was tall, long, long brown hair.

(17:01):
What was her state? What was her Bond girl name?
And then someone said, oh, Solitaire.
And I was like, yes, yeah. So that's then what it became.
We talked a little bit about shame, right?
And I'm just curious, did you feel some shame or hesitation in
the beginning telling people that you were strict as artists?

(17:22):
And if you did, how did you became comfortable with it?
I didn't feel any shame. So for me this was stepping into
into what felt like my life's purpose.
And actually it was kind of the opposite of shame.
I was so full of it, if you understand that term.

(17:45):
I was so full of it and like bursting with enthusiasm and joy
and excitement. And I, for some people who were
uncomfortable hearing about it, I recognise, looking back, that
I went on and on and on about it.
And I didn't take into account other people's discomfort,
necessarily so. I wasn't ashamed.

(18:05):
But I did have a lot of people try to put shame on me.
So I was told you'll never get aproper job again after this.
No employer will ever want you. No man will ever want you.
You'll never find a husband. Not that I was thinking about
that at 25, but no man will everwant you.
No man will ever respect you again.

(18:29):
All sorts of all sorts of things.
People tried to put shame on me,but I was so certain that this
was my path that it didn't didn't really affect me.
Yeah, I mean, that's amazing. Right, another yeah, another
thing related to that is that the woman who ran under school

(18:50):
of strict tease joking she's still involved in the industry.
That was her real name. She said to me two bits of
advice. She said #1 register as a
self-employed worker immediatelybecause people will try to tell
you it's not a proper proper job, it's dirty, it's wrong and
you need to be able to look themin the eye and say I'm a

(19:13):
self-employed worker, you know Ifile my taxes with HMRC, the tax
body here. This is a legitimate job that
I'm working hard at and buildinga career in and you can hold
your chin high. Then the other piece of advice
from her was when you audition at a club or a pub, if you get
turned down, don't take it personally that there's going to

(19:37):
be so many knock backs and you've got no idea why they've
turned you down and never take anything personally.
But yeah, around shame. That first point of being able
to say I'm an entrepreneur, I'm a business woman and I'm
building this career, that was part of it as well.
Yeah, that's a good piece of advice, actually, that she gave
you. Yeah, yeah.

(19:59):
And you, you also, you said thatit's becoming more glamour,
right, with Instagram and TikTokand everything, this job, do you
see that? And I'm just curious, right?
Do you see it as a good thing oras a bad thing or how do you
look on that? I think overall I think it's

(20:21):
it's a tricky balance. I'm struggling to have an
instant reply to that. I think it it partly depends
what lens you're looking at it through.
So in terms of people feeling empowered to express themselves
as sexual beings for their own pleasure and enjoyment, that is

(20:42):
a good thing. However, I'm, I'm not in the
industry now, so I'm not fully up to date on what's actually
happening on the ground in stripclubs.
But I would imagine there's a lot of people, especially young
women, going into the industry thinking it's going to be easy
glamorous, they're going to makelots of money very, very

(21:03):
quickly. And it's not like that.
I mean, we had that issue back when I was dancing, so I danced
from let's say around 2002 to 2014.
So during that time, particularly in the latter part
of that time, it was just starting to become more
acceptable and glamorous and Spirit Rhino was in London and

(21:26):
String Fellows and all this. And there'd be stories in the
paper about lap dancers making 10 grand a night from a star
footballer who came into the club, all that kind of stuff.
And we would have young women turn up, as I say, thinking it
was going to be incredibly easy and they were going to make a
fortune. There's an amazing Instagram

(21:49):
account. Can I call out recommended an
account? So there's an account called The
Dance. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So there's a great Instagram account called the Dancers
Resource. I would have to double check the
precise hashtag for that. And it's for strippers and
people who are interested in andsupportive of the community.

(22:11):
And there's a lot of retired strippers on there as well.
And that's great for giving you an insight of what the
industry's actually like. And they are very against these
tik toks of girls saying, look, here's the five grand I made
last night and here's the six grand I made the night before of
giving the impression that it's a very easy job, which it it

(22:35):
isn't. So that's the downside.
I guess that's a bit true for many jobs these days because of,
you know, social media that theyjust show like, yeah, you just
have to do this and that and then you will earn a lot of
money that they just kind of make it sound like it's so easy.
But yeah, most of the time the truth is that hard work is

(22:57):
required and it's just as true in this field of job, right?
So wait, what was the Instagram account again?
The dances resource. Well, I will link it up in the
show notes for people listening to find it.
Before we continue with the interview, I just like to take a
moment to mention. If you feel that you've gained

(23:18):
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(23:39):
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(24:00):
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(24:22):
Having said that, let's return back to the interview today.
You work as a sex coach and educator right?
What inspired you to start coaching?
And as well, let me also ask, because I think many people
don't know and neither do I, what happens during such

(24:44):
coaching sessions? Well, the way I became an adult
sex educator and coach, so I danced for 12 years.
Within that time I also started strip teaching strip tease quite
quickly after I became a strip tease artist because my
experience of learning it had been so incredible.
So I was teaching. I started running events with

(25:07):
other dancers. I was doing modelling, I was
doing activism around sexual rights, I was doing bits of
journalism, all sorts of stuff in and around that world.
Very, very busy, mostly in the UK, but a bit internationally.
And I was totally consumed by itand I loved it.
But towards the end of that 12 years, I'd met my now husband.

(25:32):
To be with him meant moving to the countryside, basically
leaving the city, so leaving theenvironment where all the strip
venues are and becoming a step mum, which was something I'd
never imagined happening having children in my life.
So my life changed a lot and then the kind of venues that I
loved dancing in were closing down with gentrification of the

(25:56):
East End of London, stuff like that.
So add together a lot of things.Also, I was getting into my late
30s and stripping mainstream stripping does have an expiry
date of 40 generally. So I moved out of London.
I threw myself into this new project of let's create a Happy

(26:18):
Step family. And that's the thing that I'm
actually the most proud of in mylife is that that happened
during that time. I qualified and trained as a
personal fitness trainer becauseI thought it's going to be like
stripping. I'll be on my feet, there'll be
music on, I'll be self-employed,I'll be meeting lots of people
and I'll be in a intimate situation with people quickly.

(26:43):
So in a strip club you might chat to someone for 10 minutes
and then go for a lap dance withthem.
As a personal trainer, someone comes into your studio, you chat
with them for 10 minutes and then they're sweating on the
floor in front of you. So it's an intimate situation,
you know? So I did that and I was kind of

(27:03):
happy, but I didn't have that deep, deep fulfilment the
striptease and working in the sex industry and the adult
industries have given me. And about once a year I'd get my
big suitcase of striptease outfits out and think I need to
get rid of most of this and I'd end up just crying and not able
to get rid of anything. So I hadn't hadn't moved on from

(27:24):
there and so Fast forward another couple of years when my
step kids were old enough to know step mum used to be a
stripper and it meant so much toher and she won awards and she
did all this amazing stuff. I then started to allow myself
to think, what do I want to do next for me in my life.

(27:45):
I'm not fulfilled running this PT studio and I knew I wanted to
get back into the Sexy World, but had no idea how to do that,
still living in a little village, etcetera, etcetera.
But lots of people had said to me you'd make a great life
coach. Now as you said 5 minutes ago,
we're constantly told, oh this industry, it's a boom industry,

(28:08):
you're going to make a fortune, it's going to be easy.
And at that time, it was life coaching.
Adverts everywhere become a life.
Coach. Or certainly here in the UK.
No, here in Belgium, like, yeah,too, yeah.
Yeah yeah and everything from like offers.
Do a two day weekend course for £20 online and become a life

(28:31):
coach because it's not regulated.
But anyway I found I found a course that I like the look of
and thought I'd like to learn this.
Just my own self knowledge as well.
And I did this nine months life coaching diploma and I didn't
know what my niche would be, howI would use it.
But then somebody who knew aboutmy past, so that whole 12:00-ish

(28:56):
years of experience, she knew about that and she knew I'd done
this diploma. And she came to me and said,
I've got a proposition for you or I want to ask you something,
would you coach me around my sexlife?
She said, Can you use your new coaching skills?

(29:20):
She didn't say it quite like this, but what she was saying
was, can you combine your new coaching skills with your life
experience and with the life experience where that comes in?
She said to me, I feel so much shame around sex, around many of
my desires. I'm turning 40 and she thought
her time was limited, she said. I'm turning 40.

(29:41):
I've got a finite number of shags left, is how she puts it.
I've got desires I've never explored.
But she said I can't even talk to my partner.
I can't talk to anyone about sex.
But I feel that I could talk to you because of all the things
that you did in striptease, etcetera.
You're not going to judge me. I don't have to worry.

(30:03):
You're slut. Shame me.
I've never met anyone who I feltI could talk to.
But I can talk to you. Do you think you can coach me
about sex? And so that was the light bulb
moment of this is where it all comes together and this is what
I'm going to do going forward. So then I naively thought that I
was just going to start as a sexcoach and coaching.

(30:27):
Just to clarify that for people,sex coaching is a conversational
based process. It's not a physical process.
People who have had business coaching understand it as
sitting down and talking about your goals, etcetera, etcetera.
But people outside of the business world maybe think of
football coaching or that kind of thing and they think sex

(30:48):
coaching, you're going to be in the bedroom with us.
So no, it's a conversational based process and it's for
people who are able to look forward positively at their
future and people who are able to take positive action steps
forward. For some people who have trauma,

(31:11):
sexual trauma in their past thatthey haven't yet resolved
through therapy or counselling, they're not in a place yet for
coaching and I would say. On discovery.
Pools, which is sorry. It's too triggering or why?
Yeah, because you're not able topositively look forward and take
action steps when you're being held back by unresolved trauma.

(31:34):
So if somebody said to me, I want to have a better sex life,
but anytime I try to get close to someone sexually, I just shut
down, I freeze. And I think it's because I had
an abusive relationship, I wouldsay you need therapy or
counselling to move through that.
But if that same person came to me six months, a year later,

(31:57):
which has happened to say through therapy, I've dealt with
that, It doesn't mean it didn't happen.
It's always there as part of my past.
But I can now look forward and I'm ready to make positive
change. That's where coaching comes in.
But before people can make the most of that, of coaching, they

(32:19):
need to have a certain basic level of understanding about how
sex works, about anatomy, about desire, the kind of sex
education that we should have had but didn't have at school.
And I became aware of this quitequickly, trying to coach, for
example, a woman to have more pleasure and then realising that

(32:39):
she didn't actually know where her clitoris was and that kind
of thing. So it's like, OK, there's
education needed first. And so then I from there
developed an online course and various webinars, built up a
list of amazing resources of books, podcasts, etcetera.
And that's why I now call myselfan adult sex educator and sex

(32:59):
coach. Because for the vast majority of
people, the two need to go hand in hand.
Yeah, it's absolutely true. Yes.
Yeah. OK.
And how long have you been doingthis now?
3 1/2 years since I first started, so it was challenging
timing happening just as a pandemic hit.
But that did give me a lot of time on the initial kind of

(33:22):
planning stages of the business.So and then in terms of how the
business is going, it was steadily, steadily building.
Anyone watching this who's started a business knows that
there's lots of challenges, but then the big thing happened and
the reason you've contacted me, which is my Ted X talk, yeah.

(33:45):
So that has had a very, very positive impact as you can
imagine. So now I'm busy with a full
roster of 1 to one clients running my online course and
getting lots of opportunities tospeak in the press.
And looking back, If all of thishad happened when I started the
business, I wouldn't have been ready for it because I've now

(34:07):
had 3 1/2 years of life experience of talking to people
endlessly about sex, both clients and non clients who are
curious. And I've learnt so much and I've
been able to become much more realistic about the challenges
people are facing. So at the very start of this
interview, you said everyone enjoys sex.
Everyone this, everyone that most people, right?

(34:29):
Or you might have said most people, most people.
But I would say that the majority of people aren't
enjoying sex anywhere near as much as they could.
OK, yeah, and I now have much more of an appreciation of that.
So yeah, everything everything'shappened at the right time.
Well, I mean also talking about the Ted X talk, I mean a big

(34:52):
Congrats rights that's I I wanted to ask actually before we
started, but I forgot about it. But yeah, did it change your
life a lot? Yes, not quite as much as one
might fantasize if you'd said tome your Ted X is going to go
live in June and by mid Novemberit's going to have had 1.4

(35:17):
million views. What do you think your life will
be like? I would have said I'm going to
have a waiting list a year long of 1 to one clients and I'm
going to have 1000 people on my course etcetera.
It's not been quite like that, but it has been a very, very
positive impact both kind of internally for me as well as

(35:37):
externally. So in terms of my confidence
that yes, this is an area where people can change their lives,
that's I think the most amazing thing about the talk going viral
is it shown that when it's presented in a certain way, the
topic of sex and of improving one's sex lives, when it's

(35:58):
presented in a certain way, people can lose that shame and
they'll share it with their friends.
Someone said to me that they were at dinner at their
boyfriend's house is to someone in their 20s, and her
boyfriend's dad at dinner started talking about my Ted
Talk, not knowing that she knew me.
And the fact that people are talking about it and sharing it

(36:21):
is proof that we can make positive change in this area.
So yeah, it's very, very validating for me.
Yeah, it must be. I mean and like it's crazy
because it had it has over 1,000,000 views in just a couple
of months, right. Which like you said, it shows
that people are very interested in this topic.
Plus I will also say the title, Amazing title, right?

(36:43):
Revamp your sex life in 6 minutes.
That's such a good title. And for people listening, I will
also put it in the show notes because I can really recommend
watching it. It's a good FedEx talk, really.
You said you know the the education part, right?
That you're a sex coach and an educator.
And like you said, the sex education is something that we

(37:05):
didn't really get in school, which we should have.
Now, everyone had some kind of sex education, right?
Where you learn about, Oh yeah, the importance of protection and
but all the horrific diseases that you can end up with, right?
But like most people, I learned only that part.
I learned nothing about what mengenerally tend to like, or what

(37:28):
women generally tend to like, orjust beautiful sights of what
sex can be. Learn nothing about that.
And most people learn nothing about that, right?
Let's say that you had to teach a class for a year of young
people. And first of all, what age group

(37:49):
would you want to focus on? And secondly, what topics would
you teach them? Well, first of all, I'll very
much agree with you that the sexeducation most of us had was
reproductive biology and diseaseprevention.
That's what it was. Yeah.
It's true. Yeah.
Yeah, wow. So in terms of age group, so as

(38:14):
you know, I'm an adult sex educator.
I always prefix the adult because sometimes people
misunderstand and think I teach in schools, which I don't.
When it comes to teaching younger people younger than 16,
I would always hand over to someone who's knowledgeable and
qualified in child and young person psychology, etcetera.

(38:37):
There is an incredible resource sex positivefamilies.com, which
provides resources and guidance,age appropriate information
starting right from kind of toddlerhood.
At which point we are they're sort of suggesting teaching that

(38:58):
your body is your own. So bodily autonomy can start
right from a very young age for me.
Ideally, if I was teaching, if Iwas qualified to teach younger
people, one would want to do that before they'd started
learning too many negative lessons.

(39:23):
And the starting point would be learning about themselves and
their bodies as their own sourceof pleasure, including sexual
pleasure. So before we even begin thinking
about bringing someone else or other people into the picture,
that your body is your own, thatit is an amazing, wonderful

(39:46):
generator of pleasure, that that's healthy, physically,
mentally, and to kind of developone's own sovereignty.
So a sense of one's own right, rights and power when it comes
to one's own body. Then from that place, we can

(40:06):
then consider if or when to bring somebody else into it.
But I think so many people and something I hear from so many
women who I coach, who've reached a point where they've
decided they want a better sex life and they're ready to take
action steps through coaching, They'll say sex has always been

(40:28):
for someone else. It's always been for my
partner's pleasure, and sometimes they'll say not
because the partners I've had have been selfish or horrible at
all. It's just how it's always been.
Very often I hear from women I was told as a woman it's it's
your duty to your boyfriend or husband or whatever, that it's

(40:49):
about his pleasure. Women who are in midlife or
older tell me that they were very much taught that.
Don't expect it to be fun. Don't expect it to be
pleasurable, but just lie back and get on with it.
But unfortunately, even when I coach younger women, you know,
late 20s, early 30s, they'll saysex has always been something

(41:12):
done to me and for somebody else's pleasure.
So that would be the fundamentalfirst lesson that I would teach
in that scenario that you described, because your body is
your own for your pleasure. Yeah, this sounds wait.
Well, let me first ask is, wouldthere be another topic you would
teach in that year to people? Well, I was going to say you

(41:35):
gave me a year. So we have a lot of topics.
I mean not like it. Would be not like 100 topics
now, but just what would be another like essential topic
that you feel like? Wow, we should have learnt about
this from an earlier age. Anatomy and sexual science.
The science of how the human body experiences desire what

(41:57):
we've shown in film and TV and culture as what sex should be.
So if it's a heterosexual encounter, the penetrative
intercourse is real sex and nothing else is real sex, for
example. So I would try to help people
vastly broaden their minds around what sex is.

(42:19):
We've talked already about a sense of their own bodily
autonomy and right to pleasure, anatomy and sexual science and
communication. Actually there would be a big
module on communication. Verbal communication.
So learn about yourself. Learn about yourself.
First. Understand yourself and then how
do you then explain those things?

(42:41):
Explain your sexual self to a partner.
And how do you listen and understand when they're
explaining themselves to you? And for someone listening, you
know, since we didn't get that class from you, how what would
be a good first step to learn about, you know, what you like

(43:03):
yourself? Is there something of an
exercise or something of a resource that you could
recommend? Well, in terms of the first step
of understanding anatomy and sexscience, there is the book that
I recommend the most to people, which is called Come as You Are
by Emily Nagoski. So she's a big speaker on the

(43:26):
Ted platform as well. When you look at it, it's kind
of aimed at people with vulvas, but it's it's an amazing read
and suitable for absolutely everyone.
And within that there's also exercises and suggestions about
how to learn what what turns youon and what gives you pleasure.

(43:50):
But understanding your anatomy is something that needs to
happen 1st, and understanding how sexual desire works.
OK. All right, so.
And then to to answer your question a bit more precisely,
though, in terms of learning what we like, the first step to
that is trying to get rid of allthe conditioning of what we

(44:10):
should like. So what we've seen on TV,
penetrative intercourse in missionary position should make
you orgasm in 3 minutes. If you love your partner, if
you're a functioning woman, if things are right, you know,
unlearning all of that and starting again.
And in fact, one of the best resources that I've read for
that. Again, it's a book.

(44:31):
It's called Trans Sex, it's by an author called Lucy Luc i.e.
Lucy Fielding and It's a book for coaches, therapists, medical
professionals working with people who are transgender for
them to create an enjoyable sex life.

(44:52):
And an exercise that she suggests for that kind of client
is a kind of re imagining of thebody trying to get out of the
idea that as she puts it, a penis must be bobbed and a
clitoris must be swirled. You know, we think of the
typical movements and the way that I share this with clients

(45:15):
is if you were an alien spirit sort of suddenly dropped into
your body and you knew nothing, you know you've never seen any
porn or mainstream is just as bad as porn.
You don't know anything. All you know is suddenly you
have this physical body and wow,things feel nice.

(45:39):
What would you do? How would you explore?
Lucy Fielding calls it a reimagining of the body.
So I would encourage everyone, literally everyone watching if
possible to have a bit of a think about that.
And if you have a masturbation, self pleasure practice to kind

(46:00):
of explore yourself from the sense of yeah, if I was suddenly
dropped into this body so we wouldn't go straight to the
genitals necessarily, we might find we have amazing sensation
elsewhere. Another exercise is if you could
develop orgasmic. Orgasmic levels of pleasurable

(46:21):
sensation in a part of the body that wasn't the genitals, where
would that be? Because we just go straight to
the genitals in sex. I know I'm rambling a bit now,
but as you can tell, it's interesting it's.
Really interesting. There's.
There's a concept called transfer orgasms.
So I did a lot of campaigning and activism work around the

(46:42):
rights of people with physical disabilities to have a sexual
life and to be recognised as sexual beings and within that
community. I learnt so much and one of them
was that people with paralysis affecting the genitals can
develop orgasmic sensation capacity elsewhere.
So I like to say to clients, foryou, where would that be?

(47:04):
And I'll typically share that for me it would be my hands and
forearms. Feet is a popular one and that's
part of this reimagining the body as a sexual tool for you
uniquely. Where's that sensation?
And I had feedback once from a guy who was on my course who had

(47:25):
said that I think he was 38, late 30s.
He said for the first time. Thanks to this I've been able to
acknowledge within myself 1st and then tell my partner that
actually I get more turned on byhaving my ears lightly touched
and sort of blown against and whispered in than by having my

(47:46):
penis touched. And I've always felt wrong and
ashamed because I'm a man. I should want that genital
stimulation, but actually my ears and that recognising that
had unlocked this whole new pleasure experience for him and
his partner. So yeah.
OK, wow, very interesting. Yeah.

(48:07):
Also, all the resources that youmentioned for people listening
again will be linked up in the show notes.
Just curious what what are your thoughts like 'cause you hear
Tantra, you hear this quite a lot at the moment, where that's
at least what I think. What are your thoughts around
that? Around Tantra, yeah.
'Cause it also sounds like something if I I don't know that

(48:28):
much about it. But it also sounds like it is
something where you explore yoursexual energy and what you like
yourself physically. Or like, it's about it's not
just about sex, right? It's about sexual energy, if I
get that right. But it also sounds like a way to
learn what you as an individual like.

(48:49):
But I could be wrong in this, I don't know.
So I haven't done any Tantra courses.
I'm not qualified in Tantra in any way, but from my
understanding of it, from the work, few workshops and stuff
like that that I've been on, well, for a start it's a vast
area, there's ancient Tantra, there's Neo Tantra, there's lots

(49:12):
of different schools of Tantra. So if it's something that you're
curious about, first of all I would say try and learn about
the differences and I don't havea resource at the front of my
mind to suggest with that. I know there is a great book
called Urban Tantra. I can't think who it's by.
But yeah, at its core, from my understanding, Tantra is

(49:35):
recognising that ultimately we are all about energy.
Energy flow through the body, cultivating and building our
erotic energy before then sharing it with somebody else.
OK, well I'll link. A and ultimate, yeah.
And ultimately, it's mindfulness, yeah.

(49:55):
Yeah, I've heard you use the words in an interview that you
did sex surgery. What is What is sex surgery?
Because I didn't know it, I had to look it up.
But for people listening who don't know what that word means,
what is it? Sex surrogacy?
Oh, sorry. Wow, that's my bad English

(50:17):
there. Yes, that's.
OK. Yeah.
Yes, yeah. OK, so this isn't a field that
I'm directly involved in, but it's something which I have
knowledge around. Sex surrogacy is physical,
physical, sexual sessions to help people become more

(50:41):
confident, more knowledgeable and more empowered about their
bodies and about the bodies of partners.
So when I was saying about transfer orgasms for people with
physical, with paralysis affecting sensation in the
genitals, the way I first found out about that was by meeting a

(51:02):
sex surrogate. She worked with people with
physical disabilities who or who'd had accidents or injuries
in getting to know their sexual bodies, and she actually worked
with them physically. Another typical area for sex
surrogacy is adult virgins. So imagine if you're a 40 year

(51:26):
old guy. You've never had physical,
sexual contact with someone else.
So imagine all the shame around that.
Imagine how impossible it might feel if the opportunity were
there to have that kind of experience and to learn.
Now somebody in that situation might not want to visit a sex

(51:50):
worker. So what we would have called
years ago a prostitute, They might want instead an experience
of learning, basically teaching sex.
Surrogates teach people how to have sex but in a physical,
hands on way. So the legality of this is
obviously different. In different countries.

(52:11):
They might work with people withextreme physical disabilities
who otherwise wouldn't have any kind of sexual experience or
learning about themselves as sexual beings.
But crucially, they're working on a kind of educational
framework specific to that client to move them to a point
where they can then go forward confidently in their own sexual

(52:35):
life. OK, OK.
So a key difference between thatand a sex worker.
A sex worker might want this person to keep coming back as a
repeat client, repeat client, repeat client.
Whereas a sex surrogate will want to get you to the them to
the point where they go, off yougo into your new gloriously
empowered sexual life. There's a blog piece on my

(52:58):
website about this, and actuallyit's out of my blogs.
It's one that gets the biggest number of hits.
And I interview a sex surrogate on there about what exactly is
the work about and if people areinterested, how do they find a
surrogate? Ah, right.
Very interesting. There was also a there was also
a great film called The The Sessions.

(53:20):
I think it was called With HelenHunt, based on a true story of a
man with a degenerative condition who knew he only had a
few years left of life who'd never had sex.
The only touch he'd experienced was medicalised and he wanted to
experience sex. So he found a surrogate, because

(53:42):
a surrogate will also be very skilled around how to do that.
So actually I know someone who does do this work now and she
knows which hotels in London have hoists above the bars, for
example, to help someone with limited physical ability get in
and out of the bath. She knows where all the
wheelchair accessible places are.

(54:04):
Yeah, I think it is incredible work.
Yeah, it is, Yeah. Really amazing.
Yeah. And you know someone who does
that? Yes, I wouldn't be comfortable
sharing her name on here, and I also know she's extremely,
extremely busy. But if anybody watching did want

(54:24):
a London-based recommendation, then reach out to me and I can
share that with her consent. I see.
Yeah, yeah. But it is beautiful work, right?
And yeah, it's. Amazing.
It's teaching, yeah. People like you said, it's not
just about sex, it's but it's about dedication in the end and.
Yeah, yeah. OK.

(54:45):
Can I just say one more thing actually related to the sex
surrogacy? Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I I believe that the majority of us are sexual
beings. It's part of the make up of
being human and the to not be recognised as such.
To have that denied is very damaging.
When I was doing work around thecause of the sexual rights of

(55:09):
people with disabilities, it wasincredible work because, for
example, there was a annual strip show that I was involved
in that was for an audience of people with physical
disabilities, and it would be men and women.
And the most amazing thing was the women they'd come in with

(55:29):
like corsets draped across them in wheelchairs, feather Bowers,
make up. And they were very enthusiastic
about the show. And I remember after the first
time I'd done that, we'd go out and mingle in the audience.
And this woman said to me, thankyou for giving me, just for this
one evening, an environment where I can express myself as a

(55:51):
sexual woman because the rest ofthe time I'm treated as if I am
sexless. It's this attitude when people
are younger, if they're never going to have sex within the
very narrow confines of we thinksex is penetrative intercourse,
they're never going to have sex.So don't teach them about it,
don't tell them anything about it, and certainly don't ever

(56:12):
treat them as if they're a sexual being.
I think that's massively damaging and I saw myself the
power in simply being recognised.
And if I look at you and you look at me and we have this
recognition, you know if I'm dancing of hey, I'm sexy, you're
sexy, we're both sexy. That doesn't translate into

(56:33):
therefore we have to want to go to bed together.
It's a separate thing. Erotic and sexual energy is a
beautiful, I think nourishing, healthy and important thing in
its own right that doesn't have to then lead to an act of sex.
And I think that's something that people have got so wrong
and it's something that stops people talking about sex.

(56:53):
Oh, but if I talk about sex withmy friend, what if we get a bit
turned on and what if we want togo to bed with each other?
I'm trying not to use F word or anything here, but it's I think
it's it's not like that. And yeah, that recognition that
we're sexual beings is so important, and that's a part of
sex surrogacy. Yeah, and that's maybe

(57:14):
suppressed by a lot of people too, right?
Yeah, yeah. Anyway, on to your question.
Sorry. No, no.
Anything more that you can shareon this is, I mean, it's super
interesting. So don't mind.
I mean talking actually about, you know, the work that you did
with disabled people. It was a workshop workshop that

(57:35):
you did there, right? So I did various things.
I took part in this annual striptease show that was
dedicated for an audience of people with disabilities.
I danced at care homes I had. I met a guy who worked for a
charity called Deaf Blind. Uki met him when he bought a

(57:57):
group of deaf blind guys into the strip club that I was
working at. He then eventually got sacked by
the charity for taking clients to strip clubs.
But he felt these guys, why shouldn't they go to a strip
club if they want to go to a strip club just because they're
deaf and blind? And he would organise these
trips to this club that I used to work at that was very open,

(58:18):
friendly and welcoming to all sorts of audiences.
So that's How I Met him and thendid some work with one client in
particular who was deaf and blind on him, recognising
himself as as an erotic being, as someone who could enjoy a
striptease show. And we actually did that on

(58:41):
stage at the Royal College of Medicine here in London, when
they were voting to decide whether to recognise sex work as
something positive for people with disabilities or not.
That's also where I met the surrogate who I mentioned, and
actually there's coverage of this still exists online.

(59:02):
I'll send you a link. And so I performed on stage to
this audience of medics for Jimmy, my deaf blind client, And
then he explained to the audience afterwards what it had
meant to him in his journey withme to be recognised as an erotic
being. So I didn't blind, deaf and

(59:23):
blind, yeah. And how?
So he. How did he How did this look
like in in you? Know.
Do you know what I. Like he had.
Yeah, yeah, I know he had his assistant signing on his hand,
explaining what I was doing. And then he would say, for

(59:45):
example, OK, she's coming closer, she's going to run her
hair across your hand. And I would do that.
So I would be communicating withJJ, his interpreter, so that he
would have time to say now this is going to happen, she's going
to take. She's just taking her dress off.
She's going to put it in your lap so you can feel the fabric,

(01:00:08):
for example, performing for him.It would be very much about how
things felt about perfume, softness of hair, all that kind
of thing. But I'll send you a link to the
report on that Royal College of Medicine day.
But then otherwise, I was doing a lot of fundraising for a

(01:00:29):
charity called Outsiders, which helps people with disabilities
find romantic and sexual partners.
And there's an annual award showin support of that called the
Erotic Awards. And I was nominated in the
Stripper of the Year category. Nominated didn't win in like my
second year stripping, and then became very involved.

(01:00:51):
I sat on the judging panel one year.
I presented the award show a fewyears running, lap danced for
charity at their parties endlessly and after 10 years I
got recognised with an erotic award myself, recognising that
10 years of campaigning for the 'cause.
Now what's amazing now in 2023 as we're recording this is that

(01:01:12):
the the disabled community no longer kind of need someone like
me as an ally and promotional tool because of social media.
And so back then in 2004, if youwanted to get a story in the
press about the sexual rights ofpeople with disabilities, the
way to frame that was, oh look, there's this 6 foot four strip

(01:01:33):
of solitaire dancing at a care home for people with
disabilities. That was what would get people
interested and get the press writing.
Whereas, as I say these days, happily with the online world
and with social media and with accessibility, you don't need
someone like me to do that. People can speak up and advocate

(01:01:56):
for themselves now, which is amazing, obviously.
Yeah, it is. That's an amazing part of it.
Yeah. And amazing work that you did,
right? That's so beautiful, actually.
And it's such a part that you, Imean, not being disabled, don't
think about right That they too are indeed sexual beings.
So that's beautiful. Yeah, the resource for that in

(01:02:20):
the UK certainly is a charity group called Undressing
Disability, so I'll send you a link to share and anyone who's
interested in that topic and in learning more should check them
out. Cool.
Yeah, definitely send it to me now.
There are also, you know, many people listening now who might

(01:02:43):
not be disabled but who also don't see themselves as erotic
or sexy. What would you suggest to
someone listening who feels thisway?
To think what? So if they don't think they are
erotic or sexy, how are they defining that?

(01:03:04):
Who do they consider to be erotic and sexy?
And maybe they'll bring to mind a character on ATV Show or
something. Or maybe a real life celebrity
who typically will fit society'sstandards of attractiveness,
physical ability, age, all thesethings.

(01:03:24):
And then to think, OK, well, whoor what has taught you that
that's what a sexually empowereda sexy person is?
And it's that same process that we discussed at the start of
where has this belief come from?Can I trust the source of this
belief? Is that source always correct?

(01:03:44):
Then also, though, to think in whose benefit is it for me to
feel that I'm not a sexual being, I'm not attractive being
shut down like that, in whose benefit is it?
Is it commercial corporations whose products I'm going to be
buying in the hope that my skin will glow and that I'll achieve
a certain body shape? For example, there's a concept

(01:04:06):
of pleasure activism, which is saying I don't fit the rule
society sets of who's allowed tobe sexual, but I'm going to go
ahead and be it anyway. And then the last bit of advice
would be to go out and look for the communities of people who

(01:04:27):
mainstream society would shoot, would say they're not allowed to
be sexual, such as people with disabilities, and realise that
all sorts of people who the mainstream might think aren't
having a great sexy time are having a better time than the
mainstream people. So again, this is where the

(01:04:49):
online world is a fantastic resource.
So maybe everybody should go andcheck out Undressing Disability,
in fact. And then one more book
recommendation, Magnificent Sex Lessons from Extraordinary
Lovers by doctor Peggy Klein Platts.

(01:05:11):
She set out to survey couples who'd been together for 25 years
or longer and who reported themselves as having incredible
sex. And she had far, far more
responses than she'd imagined ofcouples saying, yeah, yeah, This
Is Us. And she interviewed them about

(01:05:32):
the keys to this long term, epicsex life.
And they were not about age, looks, physical ability, socio,
economic status, kinky or vanilla tastes.
It was not about that at all. It was about education, knowing

(01:05:53):
one's body, being able to communicate with a partner, and
approaching sex with a kind of curious and playful mindset.
And that's something that all ofus can do.
And when you start to think in that way, combine all those last

(01:06:13):
few things that I've said and hopefully you then start to feel
more comfortable within yourselfas a sexual being.
And how would you say for someone listening because
talking about what you want and being shy or insecure about it,
you know, to talk about that with your partner, it's a real

(01:06:34):
thing, right? And especially if you've been in
a marriage for 1020 years and you never did that, it's really
how do you do that right? Maybe you're, you know, with
clients that you work with who have that problem.
What? How do you do this?
How do you start communicating about your desires to your
partner when it is not the usualthat you do?

(01:06:59):
Well, this could be a whole podcast in its own right.
I actually have. I have a workshop called Let's
Talk About Sex, which is a workshop on sexual
communication. The first, the first step is to
acknowledge that it's difficult.Acknowledge with your partner.
This is embarrassing and strange, and isn't it weird?

(01:07:19):
We talk about everything, but we've never talked about this.
But a great tip is to use an outside tool.
So this is where my Ted X talk has proven to be magic.
I've had so many messages from people around the world saying
my partner and I have never talked about sex.
But I watched your talk and I shared it with my partner and

(01:07:40):
then we talked about it. So it's much less threatening
than sitting down. You and I are going to talk
about our sex life. Instead, we're going to watch
and discuss this other thing andthis other thing that is
positive and has lots of actionable tips in it.
And it's going to help us move forward by Ted X talk rather

(01:08:03):
than let's talk about how bad things are as a coach.
I'm very, kind of very positive and upbeat and saying let's be
led by pleasure. And then the other big tip
around making communication easier is to listen to podcasts
about sex, because we never hearthese words out loud.

(01:08:26):
You know, you and I have have talked to a degree now, but as
we recognised at the very start,when you asked about shame and I
said, the reason the shame remains partly is because we
never talk about sex. So you listen to podcasts on sex
and on a reputable podcast platform.
If you put sex in, you'll get education, not porn, and you'll
be like, hearing all these things said out loud.

(01:08:49):
Oh, I never knew how that was pronounced, even with certain
words. Obviously you're learning
through the content educationally, but you're
learning that it's OK to talk about sex.
I do on my webinar webinars. There's lots of great sex
educators there. Just become comfortable hearing

(01:09:09):
sex spoken about, and hopefully if you have a partner, they're
up for doing the same thing, doing some listening, not
necessarily together. Normalise the process of talking
about it, and then you should bea lot more comfortable actually
talking about it together. Do you have any podcast
suggestions? Well, there's lots, lots and

(01:09:29):
lots of sex education podcasts out there.
Yeah. Yeah.
I personally love one that's simply called Sexology Podcast
with Doctor Nazanin Mahali. But that's I was about to say
it's quite sciencey. It's not sciencey, but for me as

(01:09:52):
a sex educator, I absolutely love it.
It teaches me new things. It gets me thinking about
things, but it might not be for everyone.
Put sex into your podcast platform and you will I'm sure,
find one that suits your tone ofvoice, if you know what I mean.
Yeah. And also if you, you know, type
in sexology podcast and you get other, you will get other

(01:10:15):
suggestions here too normally, right?
So yeah, I mean, there's so manypodcasts on this, but OK.
Yeah, and there's ones aimed at different age groups and all
sorts. There's dedicated ones for
people who had faith upbringingsthat have caused some problems.
There's dedicated ones for monogamous married couples.
There's there's all sorts out there, so enjoy exploring.

(01:10:36):
Which is good, because it's really about, like you said,
normalizing this topic. If it's if it's difficult for
you to talk about it or to hear things about it, then yeah,
normalize it and it will become a lot.
It's like exposing yourself to something that you're afraid of
in a way. And if you do that more and more
each time, yeah, it will become more normal and less scary.

(01:10:56):
So Ruth, I could throw. I mean literally so many more
questions that you. There's so much, you know, sex.
Such an interesting topic. I skipped over quite a few
questions because I also wanted to be respectful, you know, for
your time. But who knows?
In the future we'll do a round two or something.

(01:11:17):
But thank you. Yeah, viewers, if you want.
If you want a round two, yeah, let us know in the comments.
Exactly, yeah. But thank you for for, you know,
doing this interview and really for this work that you're doing.
I mean, you're a really well spoken person, very
knowledgeable and very passionate about this topic and

(01:11:40):
we need more people like you doing this.
So I'm really appreciate it. I really appreciate it that you
share all this out there in the world and that you do this work.
Before we end the interview, there is one last end question
that I have for you that I ask all my guests.
But before I ask that question, what is the best place for

(01:12:02):
people to connect with you? Or is there a specific, you
know, place that you would like to send listeners to?
My website whichisruthramsay.com.
Now if you're typing in Ramsay, the end is AY not EY.
People often misspell Ramsay. So ruthramsay.com and then from

(01:12:23):
there you can access my Instagram, etcetera, etcetera.
But I think the thing that I'm most proud of that people can
easily access is my weekend newsletter.
So it's called Something for theWeekend.
It lands in inboxes at 7:00 on aSaturday morning.
And what I aim to do each week is share something that readers

(01:12:44):
can put into practice that weekend in their sex lives,
whether they're single or partnered.
So maybe there's been a new piece of research come out about
sexual pleasure that I share andthen say, how does this apply to
you? Maybe it's there's been a theme
that's kept coming up in my coaching that month that I write

(01:13:05):
about and then share a coaching exercise to help people
understand more about that. That's my intent every week is
to help people learn and also toprovide a talking point so
people will say on a Saturday morning soon as I've woken up, I
find your e-mail and my partner and I snuggle in bed and we read

(01:13:26):
it and we talk about it. So you can sign up for that at
ruthramsay.com/weekend and if any viewers are on sub stack.
So sub Stack is a social media writing platform.
I'm on sub sub stack as well nowwith the with the newsletter.

(01:13:48):
So just search for Ruth Ramsay on Sub Stack.
So for everyone listening that will be linked up in the show
notes, sounds like a new e-mail newsletter that I should sign up
to. Sounds very interesting so
you'll see me added to it too. Then I also saw your website, by
the way that you have a couple of online workshops like Feel
Confident, Naked, Naked, Understanding Your Erotic Minds,

(01:14:11):
How to Please a woman, which actually catched my eye
immediately. I will also link them up in the
show notes for people listening because they they looked very
interesting. And I will also add, and I'm not
saying that you, you know, that that might not change in the
future, but they're also priced at a range that, I mean everyone

(01:14:32):
could buy it. It's not like some ridiculous
thousandth euro or dollar, you know, price tag on it.
So I do appreciate that actuallyas well everyone can buy this.
So yeah, yeah, that's good. Yeah, that's my intention.
Business coaches will say to me,oh, the price needs to be way,
way higher times it by 7:00 or 8:00.

(01:14:52):
But I want everybody to be able to access this information.
So those are three of the workshops that I've found are
most useful among the 1012 or soworkshops I have, and so that's
why I've made those ones available instantly via the
website I. See.
OK, so also they will be linked up in the show notes, Roots, the

(01:15:14):
final end question that I have for you.
And take your time with this. It can be very short, or you can
make it as long as you want. But from everything that you've
seen, experienced, lived and learned in your life, what is
the one thing you know to be true?
That everybody who wishes to experience it has the capacity

(01:15:40):
to enjoy sexual pleasure. Ruth, thank you again for being
here on the show. Pleasure.
And that concludes my episode with adult sex educator and
coach Ruth Ramsey. I hope that you did learn a
whole bunch of things here in this episode and that it might
have helped you maybe to break some of that stigma around sex

(01:16:02):
or two, help you just consciously better your sex
life. Now to find any of the resources
mentioned in this episode, because Root did mention quite
some of, well, quite a lot of resources, a lot of great
resources. So to find any of them, check
out the show notes located in the description of this episode.

(01:16:24):
Or if you can't find them there,you can also go directly to the
ipsproject.com/podcast and search for Roots there as well.
In the show notes you can find all ways to connect with her.
With that, thank you once again for being here and maybe I get
to welcome you soon once again here on the IPS Podcast.

(01:16:46):
Until then, this is your host Yalisfas signing off Before you
take off, if you already feel like you've gained many lessons
and insights from this episode and you want to continue your
journey of personal growth, be sure to take a look at the IPS
Academy where we offer in depth,quality and fun online courses

(01:17:09):
from experts that have appeared here on the podcast.
Learn from a two time world record holder how to master goal
setting and confidence. Learn from a certified stress
educator how to manage your stress and live a more balanced
life. Learn from a therapist how to
yield pest wounds and learn froma neuroscientist to master your

(01:17:30):
mindsets. These are but some of the course
topics you can find at the IPS Academy.
Each course we offer is made with fun animations and and
stunning illustrations. There are also a few lessons to
try for free so you can get a taste of what the course is
like. We have countless reviews from
other students so you can see what others think.

(01:17:52):
And last but not least, there isa 30 day money back guarantee if
you end up not liking the course.
If any of this sounds interesting to you, you can
check out our courses by going to the ipsproject.com/academy or
by clicking on the link in the description of these episodes.

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