November 21, 2024 • 23 mins
Do you ever wonder how to truly feel pleasure in your body? 🌟 "The practice of pleasure is the practice of presence." Join Dr. Diane Mueller and guest Cali David in the Libido Lounge.
Discover how slowing down and being in the moment can change your experience of pleasure and intimacy. Cali shares simple exercises to help you feel more present every day. Ready to dive in? Watch now!
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(00:00):
Welcome to the libido lounge where we focus onall things love, lust, and libido.
We believe that fabulous sex is important tohealth as exercise and good food.
Hey, everybody.
(00:21):
Welcome back to another episode on The Lounge.
I'm your libido expert, doctor Diane Mueller.
And I'm thrilled to be introducing you guys toanother dear friend of mine, Callie David.
And we're gonna talk about so many greatthings.
I first wanna introduce you.
Callie is an amazing holistic somatictherapist.
She has a background in family and marriagecounseling and is a very dear friend of mine.
(00:44):
And we're gonna have a great conversation todayabout presence and about this concept that in
order to feel pleasure, we actually have to bein our body and we have to be present to our
surroundings.
We have to be present to our feelings.
And so many times throughout the day, we findourselves thinking about something that's not
in the moment, worried about something that'snot in the moment, and we're not actually in
(01:07):
our bodies experiencing pleasure.
And and truly, the practice of pleasure is thepractice of presence.
So thank you for being with me today.
I'm gonna I'm really excited for ourconversation, Callie.
Thank you so much for having me, Diane.
This is just such an honor to be here with youtoday and excited to dive in.
It's going to be really juicy.
(01:29):
Yeah, it is.
Well, let's get right to it.
So let's jump into with, you know, with yourwork on holistic somatic therapy, how do you
really define this concept of presence or beinginside of one's body?
Maybe let's start with that foundation.
Yeah.
I love that because I get questions that allthe time.
People are like, what does that actually meanto be in my right body?
(01:53):
And it actually means to have slow your pacedown enough in life to actually be able to feel
the physical sensations in your body.
I'm not even talking about processing emotionsthat can come up when we are actually present
and here in the moment.
But it really is, like, can I just feel my,like, breath down to my toes?
(02:16):
Can I feel my sit bones?
Like, that's what it means to actually live abody here live a life here instead of
constantly in our head.
When we are in our head and we are thinking, weare not in the present moment.
Right?
We are either in the past or we are in thefuture.
So it's probably pretty obvious to people inlistening to that, but let's go a little bit
deeper within, like, how do you and your mindconnect that to the experience of pleasure to
(02:42):
libido to the whole human sexuality process?
Love this.
So I wanna first break down when I hear theword pleasure.
Right?
Many people, and I'm sure listeners arethinking, like, pleasure is so associated with
release of dopamine and serotonin and oxytocin,and it must feel gooey and yummy and
(03:05):
delightful.
Right?
That's how, like, society talks about whatpleasure is.
But pleasure can also be found in those momentsof feeling angst and despair and sadness and
frustration.
And that's where I really actually love thisconversation is when we can open it up beyond
just this idea of it feeling really juicy andyummy, that we can actually find pleasure, we
(03:30):
can find opening pathways when we just allowwhat is actually wanting to come through in the
present moment and not rejecting it.
So the second that we break free break freefrom that paradigm is when we can actually
allow the emotions to come through in thepresent.
And then when my heart is breaking or, like, mystomach is angsty, I can breathe into that.
(03:51):
Right?
I can get out of my head.
I can feel the sensations, and that actuallybecomes pleasurable.
And that's when I feel like we become, like,inner alchemist of our experiences.
Like, it actually allows those sensations tomove through quicker.
I love that.
And when when you're talking, it's reallybringing me back, and I'll let our audience
know that that you and I met in central danceclass.
(04:13):
And, you know, that's what we were doing,right, in our sensual dance classes was really
bringing in our anger, our frustration, ourgrief, our sadness, our joy, our laughter,
like, any emotion, and then feeling how it feltto be in our pleasure body experiencing that
emotion.
So I know this is a really new concept forpeople.
(04:34):
So do you have any thoughts before we get intomore techniques and how people do this?
Do you like how how does the the mental mindreally balance this whole thing?
Because it it's almost like paradoxical, right,around, like, wait, I can feel anger and
pleasure at the same time.
I can feel grief and pleasure at the same time.
So how does how does the mind really then
(04:56):
start to understand that and and manage what
seems so paradoxical in old ways, right, withneuroplasticity.
It's gonna wanna connect old patterns.
Old ways, right, with neuroplasticity.
It's gonna wanna connect old patterns.
So it's first just allowing it to actually allbe okay.
(05:18):
And we're not trying to actually cut off themind or the ego here.
So when you are actually trying to make thisconnection, it's just being aware of the mind's
thoughts, the mind's chatter, the mind's tryingto make this right or wrong, and just letting
that actually be there.
The more that we allow the mind, the thoughts,all that to be there, we simply come back to
(05:41):
present so much quicker.
Right?
A lot of practices I see talk about, like,keeping yourself coming back from present or
coming back from the past or the future.
And sometimes that can almost create shame,right, of, like, you can't experience pleasure
there.
Just realize when you're not there, and yourbody's natural alignment will be to come back
(06:02):
to present.
Does that make sense?
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
What's actually even coming up for me someright in this moment is one of the things I'll
talk about sometimes, especially in in groupwork, is asking women in particular, because I
think this is more of a tendency with womenduring, intercourse or sexual play for the mind
(06:25):
to wander.
So I'll ask women, like, how many of you guyshave ever found yourself doing the grocery list
during sex?
Right?
Or, like, the my like, what am I on, you know,the next day?
And it's really it's really common.
And I think what you're talking about therearound, like, oh, the mind wanders, like, bring
it back to pleasure is, like, that also we canwe can take into our sex life.
(06:47):
Right?
We can take into our intimate life.
We can take into our couple life, our ourpersonal play in order to just enjoy that
moment.
And if our mind wanders in that moment,bringing it back.
So it's essentially like a form of meditation.
Right?
It really is.
And I love how you frame that.
I was actually just this morning in my own justpractice of feeling my body, feeling what was
(07:09):
present.
Right?
This is my own, like, my pleasure practicedoesn't have to look a certain way.
It doesn't have to necessarily mean, like,masturbating or in love with your partner.
Right?
It could be in the own presence of your ownbed, own space, slowing it down.
And I realized I was like, oh, I kinda likebeing in my head.
Like, oh, I like distracting myself.
(07:30):
Oh, I like keeping myself from my body.
And just in that, when I took the shame awayand I kinda made it a little kinky of, like,
oh, you're kind of into that, I dropped into mybody.
It was like I was near where it was at.
I've like because it was wanting, you know,with everything going on in society today and
culturally and politically, it was wanting toget caught up in everything.
(07:51):
And I was like, oh, you're just, like, stuck inyour head today, aren't you?
And I swear, just meeting it there with alittle bit of kink and a little bit of play
brought me right back into my body.
And I've been able to heal that.
Yeah.
You're giving me
chills when you say that.
Right?
Because I think there's so much juiciness thereand, like, just like that self shame that
(08:13):
really gets in the way of us experiencingpleasure and just like like, like, finding,
like you said, like, the kink in it and findingthat, oh, I look at you.
You're being bad.
Do you like to be in your head right now?
Like, it's really it's really playful and it'sreally, compassionate and it really helps to
drop that shame.
So, you know, from the standpoint then of,like, more tools and exercises, and I know you
(08:35):
do so much in your work.
I've been since we've been friends, I've, like,been following every email you write.
So I track you closely on all the the greatofferings that that you're doing in the world.
And so with your work, what are you seeingaround pleasure, around getting back in one's
body, around being present as, like, techniquesand tools and starting places for people?
(08:58):
Yeah.
So as far as starting places and I would say,actually, no matter where you are in your
journey, let's simplify all of this.
And when we really start coming back topresence, like, just like you introduced
earlier.
Right?
We we can't incorporate pleasure if we don'tcome back to present.
So I love incorporating the senses, and that'sreally sensual for me.
(09:21):
Right?
We we just even break down senses.
I love coming back to sensory experiences toget myself into the present moment.
That not only allows the present moment, but itallows my body to start awakening to what's
around me.
And so when it comes to practices, it really iscoming back to basics.
(09:41):
First, safety.
That's always gonna be really big.
Notice where you are.
Find a space where you do feel safe, whetherit's in nature or your home.
Notice the doors, the walls.
Right?
You're just already starting to awaken yoursenses through what you see.
And then if you do feel safe enough, closingyour eyes and starting to hear the sounds and
(10:01):
not just connecting through the mind of, like,I hear the birds, but how does that sound
whisper and almost tickle your system?
So then you bring it in a little bit more.
How does the sound of the AC?
Is it kind of frustrating me?
Well, what does the frustration feel like inyour body?
So you're really just taking it's a groundedsensory approach to bringing your awareness
(10:24):
from the external to the internal, all whilestaying connected to your breath.
So our breath is gonna be and I teach breathwork day in and day out, and this is, like, the
core to everything.
Right?
It's like, if you aren't breathing, you're notallowing your body to soak in all this whole
experience.
So really bringing it down into, like, yoursacral, your lower belly, feeling that
(10:49):
expansion of life in you and letting it out.
So it's just a fun it's a somatic exercise andexploration, of really allowing yourself to
come back to what is without forcing anything.
It's such an important distinction.
I feel like you're making the, like, thelistening to the sound versus because that's I
feel like that's talked about a lot.
(11:10):
Right?
But it's a very, very different layer to add onthat.
Well, what is that what's truly happening in mybody in relationship to that?
That's such a, like, deeper layer of tuning in.
So I really love that.
And then I'm I'm also curious around what yousee from a standpoint of libido, of play, of
(11:30):
pleasure.
Like, where does that come in?
Like, is it do you see this as, like, somethingthat oftentimes when we're talking about breath
work and, pleasure exercise or presenceexercises, I should say?
Do you see this as things that people aredoing, like, both outside of the bedroom, just
kind of in their daily life to really work ontheir pleasure?
But then do you also see, like, hey, where likelike, is there space to come together and and
(11:54):
say do these types of present pleasure types ofactivities within the tie or the context of a
more intimate moment?
Yes.
Yes to both.
Yes.
So what you cultivate in your own practice ishow you're gonna show up with your partner.
And if you are struggling with, like, lowlibido, it really is, like, the simplicity of
(12:18):
it, taking the shame out of it.
It's this life force that actually is wantingto come through you.
And right?
And we create so much of our libido, our eros,our life energy, and our sacral.
And so I definitely recommend couples in theirown practices to start bringing breath,
awareness, aliveness into their own practice.
(12:40):
Right?
And when it comes to practices, at the end,I'll offer something, but, really, it could
just be as simple as in your own morningpractices, really grounding down, feeling your
life force, feeling any tension where you don'tfeel life force.
Right?
There's some also activating pranayama breaththat we can increase too.
(13:01):
But then my favorite is then coming togetherwhen you are in the bedroom with your partner,
not even actually in intercourse, but beforeintercourses, there's some really get on the
exercises that if we have time, I can or ifthis is a good time, I can kinda go into and
explain some of that as well.
Yeah.
Let's do that.
I think that sounds like a great place to go.
(13:22):
I'll be quick on this, but, so eye gazing.
And if that makes your whole body just clench,perfect.
That's your medicine.
Just slowing the system down enough to be ableto meet your partner eye to eye.
And so to get really logistical with this, Ilove saying the left eye.
(13:46):
I love having you know, you and I could evenpractice right now.
Just point to your left eye.
Right?
And because normally, it looks like the rightfrom your partner, and then you put the down.
And then just for, like, a few minutes, youreally just gaze into your partner's eyes
without leaving your body.
Right?
Because when we talk about presence, presenceisn't merging with someone else.
(14:09):
It's actually staying back.
It's leaning back, and it's wondering what iscoming up for me as I'm meeting in union my
partner, as I'm as I'm becoming present, as I'mcultivating this energy with them, what's
happening in my body.
I think a lot of times we talk about, like,merging with your partner and feeling their
energy and no.
(14:29):
No.
No.
A lot of this practice is actually, what do Ifeel?
How can I be present in my own body as I meetthem?
So eye gazing really big and then, you know,just for, like, a couple moments, a couple
minutes to start out with.
Notice the fear.
Notice the giggles.
All of it is perfect.
And then to even deepen it would be consensualtouch, not leading to foreplay, but one on one
(14:55):
to one really moving then to once the breath issynced.
Right?
Once you eye gaze, the breath naturally syncswith each other, and then it would be just like
a touch on someone's back or touch on yourpartner's leg.
And just notice right there, how do I feel withmy partner's touch feeling me?
(15:15):
And then you can get really playful with this.
You can eventually lead up to more eroticism,kind of teasing, playing with that energy flow.
You will literally feel the eros and thelibido, like, increasing through your system
before anything happens.
So, anyway, that was just a little bit of a lotof tools, but I'm always here to dive in more
with all of them.
(15:35):
Oh, it's this is so great because I know somany people.
Like, one of the things that comes up a lot forme and people I talk to and and work with is
this concept of maybe being in a long termrelationship.
Right?
And, like, forgetting how to flirt, not havingintimacy in a long time and it feels, like,
awkward to, like, dive right in and wanting toadd more foreplay.
(15:58):
Because even though you're saying, like, okay,well, we're not doing erotic touch, like, even
the eye gazing to me is still, like, kind of aform of foreplay.
Right?
Because we're still connecting.
Right?
There's still, in some ways, when we're holdingour energy back, when we're, you know,
connecting like that, to me, it's, like,actually very erotic because it's kind of that
tease of, like, I see you.
I'm here.
But I'm still way I'm still in my body.
(16:19):
So it's, like, almost as, like, there's a atease I feel in that as well.
So I think there's, like, so many opportunitiesto even use practices like this as ways for
couples that may have been out of the practicewith being intimate and close in a while, like,
for a while as a way of starting to reconnectin a way that feels gentle and safe and not
(16:40):
rushing it and just allowing their theirenergies to match, like you're talking about,
and to communicate and to touch each other,without losing oneself.
So I absolutely love all of that.
And I'm wondering if we should go into now intonow our, breath work practice that we're gonna
do for everybody and that we're gonna that youwanted to lead.
(17:02):
Before we do that, just in case people aredriving and, like, can't do this and have to
get off the, you know, the call here before wedo this this explorative exercise, I wanna make
sure that everybody knows how, to get a hold ofyou and that you have a free it's a free breath
work exercise that you're giving away.
Is that right?
Yeah.
(17:23):
So, it would be an honor to offer it to y'all,and it's just a just like what we talked about.
It's a breath, but also a somatic practice toreally keep you in your body and just be aware
of what's happening in the present moment.
You could practice this by yourself or you canbring this into your practice with your
partner.
(17:43):
Both of y'all lying down together, both ofy'all getting curious.
It's an amazing time just to kind of come backtogether in union, in presence, in slowness.
And the best way to get to, contact me wouldeither be through Instagram, underscore Cali
David or my website, www.CaliDavid.com.
(18:03):
And we'll, of course, have all of thatinformation and your freebie in there.
And I know we talked offline offline about aamazing group program you have coming up called
Beloved, and that people will have informationin the show notes of how to get a hold of that
as well.
So amazing.
Well, let's go into our experiential portion oftoday.
(18:24):
How do we wanna begin?
So this will just be about two to threeminutes.
But when you want to practice it, you can, youknow, of course, make it a little longer.
But first, finding a comfy place, making sureyou're not driving, get cozy, take that nice
big breath in.
On the exhale, let it
(18:44):
all out.
Begin to slowly close your eyes or lower yourgaze.
Feeling your sit bones underneath you, yourback against the chair or on the bed, hearing
(19:08):
any sounds around you.
Starting to bring your awareness in a littlebit closer into your body, and really breathing
in through the nose and having your bellyexpand on that inhale nice and slow and exhale
(19:33):
through your nose.
Nice and slow.
And so with each breath, imagine that you'rebringing and breathing in warmth, softness,
comfort, and just feel that filling up yourbody.
(19:53):
And on that exhale, just letting any tensiongo.
And then one last little practice in today willbe actually needing any tension.
So if you have somewhere in your body, maybeit's your neck or your stomach where you're
feeling tension, just breathe in right there.
(20:13):
Breathe in warmth and love.
Breathe into that sensation, and then let itall out.
Just notice how the gentle act of presence cansometimes even soften this tension.
And if you want to, after this practice, youcan come back and just stay curious around it.
(20:36):
You can ask some questions.
Whenever you're ready, we'll just take one lastbig breath in.
Fill up your body with joy, with love, withopenness.
And on that exhale, you'll open your eyes andjust shoot that energy out beyond your field.
(20:58):
And coming back to the here and the now.
So that was Two
minutes go so fast.
It was so wonderful.
And I I wanna make sure to, give a personaltestimony too about your work because I
remember the first time that we were, that youled me through breath work in dance class, and
(21:20):
we are out in our teacher's backyard layingdown in her on her grass.
And this exercise that you took me through,like, the closest thing that I can explain it
to is that, like, a cervical, like, divine typeof orgasm where there's, like, this connection
to something divine, right, something beyondus.
And it was just so incredible.
(21:42):
And that was, like, the moment I, like, totallyfell in love with you around, like, this woman
is a goddess.
She's amazing.
She's got this figured out.
So I'd hope everybody got a lot out of ourwhole our whole time together out of that
exercise.
And I really do encourage everybody go checkout your work because it's truly just a such a
gift to the world.
So thanks for being here with me today, Cali.
(22:03):
Thank you so much for having me.
The joy and the love for you just never ends.
I feel like it grows and grows.
So thank you for having me.
Thank you for everyone for listening, and feelfree to reach out if you have any questions or
wanna dive into the GCBRAD offering.
Perfect.
And then just as a reminder, everybody, we arecoming close to our end of 2024 year here.
(22:28):
And remember this year, we are downloading, weare sharing episodes, we are making comments,
and whoever gets the most download shares,comments, etcetera, we are inviting them back
for a deep dive at the end of the year.
So please download please download this, pleaseshare this with your friends, please don't keep
us a secret.
(22:48):
And thanks again for listening.
This is doctor Diane, your libido doc, signingoff here reminding you to always stay classy,
always stay sexy, and always be a littlebadassy.
We'll see you next time.
Thank you for listening to the libido lounge.
Please don't keep me a secret.
Please share this with your friends.
(23:08):
You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, aswell as how to work with me at mylibidodoc.com.
Welcome to the libido lounge where we focus onall things love, lust, and libido.
We believe that fabulous sex is important tohealth as exercise and good food.
Hey, everybody.
(00:21):
Welcome back to another episode on The Lounge.
I'm your libido expert, doctor Diane Mueller.
And I'm thrilled to be introducing you guys toanother dear friend of mine, Callie David.
And we're gonna talk about so many greatthings.
I first wanna introduce you.
Callie is an amazing holistic somatictherapist.
She has a background in family and marriagecounseling and is a very dear friend of mine.
(00:44):
And we're gonna have a great conversation todayabout presence and about this concept that in
order to feel pleasure, we actually have to bein our body and we have to be present to our
surroundings.
We have to be present to our feelings.
And so many times throughout the day, we findourselves thinking about something that's not
in the moment, worried about something that'snot in the moment, and we're not actually in
(01:07):
our bodies experiencing pleasure.
And and truly, the practice of pleasure is thepractice of presence.
So thank you for being with me today.
I'm gonna I'm really excited for ourconversation, Callie.
Thank you so much for having me, Diane.
This is just such an honor to be here with youtoday and excited to dive in.
It's going to be really juicy.
(01:29):
Yeah, it is.
Well, let's get right to it.
So let's jump into with, you know, with yourwork on holistic somatic therapy, how do you
really define this concept of presence or beinginside of one's body?
Maybe let's start with that foundation.
Yeah.
I love that because I get questions that allthe time.
People are like, what does that actually meanto be in my right body?
(01:53):
And it actually means to have slow your pacedown enough in life to actually be able to feel
the physical sensations in your body.
I'm not even talking about processing emotionsthat can come up when we are actually present
and here in the moment.
But it really is, like, can I just feel my,like, breath down to my toes?
(02:16):
Can I feel my sit bones?
Like, that's what it means to actually live abody here live a life here instead of
constantly in our head.
When we are in our head and we are thinking, weare not in the present moment.
Right?
We are either in the past or we are in thefuture.
So it's probably pretty obvious to people inlistening to that, but let's go a little bit
deeper within, like, how do you and your mindconnect that to the experience of pleasure to
(02:42):
libido to the whole human sexuality process?
Love this.
So I wanna first break down when I hear theword pleasure.
Right?
Many people, and I'm sure listeners arethinking, like, pleasure is so associated with
release of dopamine and serotonin and oxytocin,and it must feel gooey and yummy and
(03:05):
delightful.
Right?
That's how, like, society talks about whatpleasure is.
But pleasure can also be found in those momentsof feeling angst and despair and sadness and
frustration.
And that's where I really actually love thisconversation is when we can open it up beyond
just this idea of it feeling really juicy andyummy, that we can actually find pleasure, we
(03:30):
can find opening pathways when we just allowwhat is actually wanting to come through in the
present moment and not rejecting it.
So the second that we break free break freefrom that paradigm is when we can actually
allow the emotions to come through in thepresent.
And then when my heart is breaking or, like, mystomach is angsty, I can breathe into that.
(03:51):
Right?
I can get out of my head.
I can feel the sensations, and that actuallybecomes pleasurable.
And that's when I feel like we become, like,inner alchemist of our experiences.
Like, it actually allows those sensations tomove through quicker.
I love that.
And when when you're talking, it's reallybringing me back, and I'll let our audience
know that that you and I met in central danceclass.
(04:13):
And, you know, that's what we were doing,right, in our sensual dance classes was really
bringing in our anger, our frustration, ourgrief, our sadness, our joy, our laughter,
like, any emotion, and then feeling how it feltto be in our pleasure body experiencing that
emotion.
So I know this is a really new concept forpeople.
(04:34):
So do you have any thoughts before we get intomore techniques and how people do this?
Do you like how how does the the mental mindreally balance this whole thing?
Because it it's almost like paradoxical, right,around, like, wait, I can feel anger and
pleasure at the same time.
I can feel grief and pleasure at the same time.
So how does how does the mind really then
(04:56):
start to understand that and and manage what
seems so paradoxical in old ways, right, withneuroplasticity.
It's gonna wanna connect old patterns.
Old ways, right, with neuroplasticity.
It's gonna wanna connect old patterns.
So it's first just allowing it to actually allbe okay.
(05:18):
And we're not trying to actually cut off themind or the ego here.
So when you are actually trying to make thisconnection, it's just being aware of the mind's
thoughts, the mind's chatter, the mind's tryingto make this right or wrong, and just letting
that actually be there.
The more that we allow the mind, the thoughts,all that to be there, we simply come back to
(05:41):
present so much quicker.
Right?
A lot of practices I see talk about, like,keeping yourself coming back from present or
coming back from the past or the future.
And sometimes that can almost create shame,right, of, like, you can't experience pleasure
there.
Just realize when you're not there, and yourbody's natural alignment will be to come back
(06:02):
to present.
Does that make sense?
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
What's actually even coming up for me someright in this moment is one of the things I'll
talk about sometimes, especially in in groupwork, is asking women in particular, because I
think this is more of a tendency with womenduring, intercourse or sexual play for the mind
(06:25):
to wander.
So I'll ask women, like, how many of you guyshave ever found yourself doing the grocery list
during sex?
Right?
Or, like, the my like, what am I on, you know,the next day?
And it's really it's really common.
And I think what you're talking about therearound, like, oh, the mind wanders, like, bring
it back to pleasure is, like, that also we canwe can take into our sex life.
(06:47):
Right?
We can take into our intimate life.
We can take into our couple life, our ourpersonal play in order to just enjoy that
moment.
And if our mind wanders in that moment,bringing it back.
So it's essentially like a form of meditation.
Right?
It really is.
And I love how you frame that.
I was actually just this morning in my own justpractice of feeling my body, feeling what was
(07:09):
present.
Right?
This is my own, like, my pleasure practicedoesn't have to look a certain way.
It doesn't have to necessarily mean, like,masturbating or in love with your partner.
Right?
It could be in the own presence of your ownbed, own space, slowing it down.
And I realized I was like, oh, I kinda likebeing in my head.
Like, oh, I like distracting myself.
(07:30):
Oh, I like keeping myself from my body.
And just in that, when I took the shame awayand I kinda made it a little kinky of, like,
oh, you're kind of into that, I dropped into mybody.
It was like I was near where it was at.
I've like because it was wanting, you know,with everything going on in society today and
culturally and politically, it was wanting toget caught up in everything.
(07:51):
And I was like, oh, you're just, like, stuck inyour head today, aren't you?
And I swear, just meeting it there with alittle bit of kink and a little bit of play
brought me right back into my body.
And I've been able to heal that.
Yeah.
You're giving me
chills when you say that.
Right?
Because I think there's so much juiciness thereand, like, just like that self shame that
(08:13):
really gets in the way of us experiencingpleasure and just like like, like, finding,
like you said, like, the kink in it and findingthat, oh, I look at you.
You're being bad.
Do you like to be in your head right now?
Like, it's really it's really playful and it'sreally, compassionate and it really helps to
drop that shame.
So, you know, from the standpoint then of,like, more tools and exercises, and I know you
(08:35):
do so much in your work.
I've been since we've been friends, I've, like,been following every email you write.
So I track you closely on all the the greatofferings that that you're doing in the world.
And so with your work, what are you seeingaround pleasure, around getting back in one's
body, around being present as, like, techniquesand tools and starting places for people?
(08:58):
Yeah.
So as far as starting places and I would say,actually, no matter where you are in your
journey, let's simplify all of this.
And when we really start coming back topresence, like, just like you introduced
earlier.
Right?
We we can't incorporate pleasure if we don'tcome back to present.
So I love incorporating the senses, and that'sreally sensual for me.
(09:21):
Right?
We we just even break down senses.
I love coming back to sensory experiences toget myself into the present moment.
That not only allows the present moment, but itallows my body to start awakening to what's
around me.
And so when it comes to practices, it really iscoming back to basics.
(09:41):
First, safety.
That's always gonna be really big.
Notice where you are.
Find a space where you do feel safe, whetherit's in nature or your home.
Notice the doors, the walls.
Right?
You're just already starting to awaken yoursenses through what you see.
And then if you do feel safe enough, closingyour eyes and starting to hear the sounds and
(10:01):
not just connecting through the mind of, like,I hear the birds, but how does that sound
whisper and almost tickle your system?
So then you bring it in a little bit more.
How does the sound of the AC?
Is it kind of frustrating me?
Well, what does the frustration feel like inyour body?
So you're really just taking it's a groundedsensory approach to bringing your awareness
(10:24):
from the external to the internal, all whilestaying connected to your breath.
So our breath is gonna be and I teach breathwork day in and day out, and this is, like, the
core to everything.
Right?
It's like, if you aren't breathing, you're notallowing your body to soak in all this whole
experience.
So really bringing it down into, like, yoursacral, your lower belly, feeling that
(10:49):
expansion of life in you and letting it out.
So it's just a fun it's a somatic exercise andexploration, of really allowing yourself to
come back to what is without forcing anything.
It's such an important distinction.
I feel like you're making the, like, thelistening to the sound versus because that's I
feel like that's talked about a lot.
(11:10):
Right?
But it's a very, very different layer to add onthat.
Well, what is that what's truly happening in mybody in relationship to that?
That's such a, like, deeper layer of tuning in.
So I really love that.
And then I'm I'm also curious around what yousee from a standpoint of libido, of play, of
(11:30):
pleasure.
Like, where does that come in?
Like, is it do you see this as, like, somethingthat oftentimes when we're talking about breath
work and, pleasure exercise or presenceexercises, I should say?
Do you see this as things that people aredoing, like, both outside of the bedroom, just
kind of in their daily life to really work ontheir pleasure?
But then do you also see, like, hey, where likelike, is there space to come together and and
(11:54):
say do these types of present pleasure types ofactivities within the tie or the context of a
more intimate moment?
Yes.
Yes to both.
Yes.
So what you cultivate in your own practice ishow you're gonna show up with your partner.
And if you are struggling with, like, lowlibido, it really is, like, the simplicity of
(12:18):
it, taking the shame out of it.
It's this life force that actually is wantingto come through you.
And right?
And we create so much of our libido, our eros,our life energy, and our sacral.
And so I definitely recommend couples in theirown practices to start bringing breath,
awareness, aliveness into their own practice.
(12:40):
Right?
And when it comes to practices, at the end,I'll offer something, but, really, it could
just be as simple as in your own morningpractices, really grounding down, feeling your
life force, feeling any tension where you don'tfeel life force.
Right?
There's some also activating pranayama breaththat we can increase too.
(13:01):
But then my favorite is then coming togetherwhen you are in the bedroom with your partner,
not even actually in intercourse, but beforeintercourses, there's some really get on the
exercises that if we have time, I can or ifthis is a good time, I can kinda go into and
explain some of that as well.
Yeah.
Let's do that.
I think that sounds like a great place to go.
(13:22):
I'll be quick on this, but, so eye gazing.
And if that makes your whole body just clench,perfect.
That's your medicine.
Just slowing the system down enough to be ableto meet your partner eye to eye.
And so to get really logistical with this, Ilove saying the left eye.
(13:46):
I love having you know, you and I could evenpractice right now.
Just point to your left eye.
Right?
And because normally, it looks like the rightfrom your partner, and then you put the down.
And then just for, like, a few minutes, youreally just gaze into your partner's eyes
without leaving your body.
Right?
Because when we talk about presence, presenceisn't merging with someone else.
(14:09):
It's actually staying back.
It's leaning back, and it's wondering what iscoming up for me as I'm meeting in union my
partner, as I'm as I'm becoming present, as I'mcultivating this energy with them, what's
happening in my body.
I think a lot of times we talk about, like,merging with your partner and feeling their
energy and no.
(14:29):
No.
No.
A lot of this practice is actually, what do Ifeel?
How can I be present in my own body as I meetthem?
So eye gazing really big and then, you know,just for, like, a couple moments, a couple
minutes to start out with.
Notice the fear.
Notice the giggles.
All of it is perfect.
And then to even deepen it would be consensualtouch, not leading to foreplay, but one on one
(14:55):
to one really moving then to once the breath issynced.
Right?
Once you eye gaze, the breath naturally syncswith each other, and then it would be just like
a touch on someone's back or touch on yourpartner's leg.
And just notice right there, how do I feel withmy partner's touch feeling me?
(15:15):
And then you can get really playful with this.
You can eventually lead up to more eroticism,kind of teasing, playing with that energy flow.
You will literally feel the eros and thelibido, like, increasing through your system
before anything happens.
So, anyway, that was just a little bit of a lotof tools, but I'm always here to dive in more
with all of them.
(15:35):
Oh, it's this is so great because I know somany people.
Like, one of the things that comes up a lot forme and people I talk to and and work with is
this concept of maybe being in a long termrelationship.
Right?
And, like, forgetting how to flirt, not havingintimacy in a long time and it feels, like,
awkward to, like, dive right in and wanting toadd more foreplay.
(15:58):
Because even though you're saying, like, okay,well, we're not doing erotic touch, like, even
the eye gazing to me is still, like, kind of aform of foreplay.
Right?
Because we're still connecting.
Right?
There's still, in some ways, when we're holdingour energy back, when we're, you know,
connecting like that, to me, it's, like,actually very erotic because it's kind of that
tease of, like, I see you.
I'm here.
But I'm still way I'm still in my body.
(16:19):
So it's, like, almost as, like, there's a atease I feel in that as well.
So I think there's, like, so many opportunitiesto even use practices like this as ways for
couples that may have been out of the practicewith being intimate and close in a while, like,
for a while as a way of starting to reconnectin a way that feels gentle and safe and not
(16:40):
rushing it and just allowing their theirenergies to match, like you're talking about,
and to communicate and to touch each other,without losing oneself.
So I absolutely love all of that.
And I'm wondering if we should go into now intonow our, breath work practice that we're gonna
do for everybody and that we're gonna that youwanted to lead.
(17:02):
Before we do that, just in case people aredriving and, like, can't do this and have to
get off the, you know, the call here before wedo this this explorative exercise, I wanna make
sure that everybody knows how, to get a hold ofyou and that you have a free it's a free breath
work exercise that you're giving away.
Is that right?
Yeah.
(17:23):
So, it would be an honor to offer it to y'all,and it's just a just like what we talked about.
It's a breath, but also a somatic practice toreally keep you in your body and just be aware
of what's happening in the present moment.
You could practice this by yourself or you canbring this into your practice with your
partner.
(17:43):
Both of y'all lying down together, both ofy'all getting curious.
It's an amazing time just to kind of come backtogether in union, in presence, in slowness.
And the best way to get to, contact me wouldeither be through Instagram, underscore Cali
David or my website, www.CaliDavid.com.
(18:03):
And we'll, of course, have all of thatinformation and your freebie in there.
And I know we talked offline offline about aamazing group program you have coming up called
Beloved, and that people will have informationin the show notes of how to get a hold of that
as well.
So amazing.
Well, let's go into our experiential portion oftoday.
(18:24):
How do we wanna begin?
So this will just be about two to threeminutes.
But when you want to practice it, you can, youknow, of course, make it a little longer.
But first, finding a comfy place, making sureyou're not driving, get cozy, take that nice
big breath in.
On the exhale, let it
(18:44):
all out.
Begin to slowly close your eyes or lower yourgaze.
Feeling your sit bones underneath you, yourback against the chair or on the bed, hearing
(19:08):
any sounds around you.
Starting to bring your awareness in a littlebit closer into your body, and really breathing
in through the nose and having your bellyexpand on that inhale nice and slow and exhale
(19:33):
through your nose.
Nice and slow.
And so with each breath, imagine that you'rebringing and breathing in warmth, softness,
comfort, and just feel that filling up yourbody.
(19:53):
And on that exhale, just letting any tensiongo.
And then one last little practice in today willbe actually needing any tension.
So if you have somewhere in your body, maybeit's your neck or your stomach where you're
feeling tension, just breathe in right there.
(20:13):
Breathe in warmth and love.
Breathe into that sensation, and then let itall out.
Just notice how the gentle act of presence cansometimes even soften this tension.
And if you want to, after this practice, youcan come back and just stay curious around it.
(20:36):
You can ask some questions.
Whenever you're ready, we'll just take one lastbig breath in.
Fill up your body with joy, with love, withopenness.
And on that exhale, you'll open your eyes andjust shoot that energy out beyond your field.
(20:58):
And coming back to the here and the now.
So that was Two
minutes go so fast.
It was so wonderful.
And I I wanna make sure to, give a personaltestimony too about your work because I
remember the first time that we were, that youled me through breath work in dance class, and
(21:20):
we are out in our teacher's backyard layingdown in her on her grass.
And this exercise that you took me through,like, the closest thing that I can explain it
to is that, like, a cervical, like, divine typeof orgasm where there's, like, this connection
to something divine, right, something beyondus.
And it was just so incredible.
(21:42):
And that was, like, the moment I, like, totallyfell in love with you around, like, this woman
is a goddess.
She's amazing.
She's got this figured out.
So I'd hope everybody got a lot out of ourwhole our whole time together out of that
exercise.
And I really do encourage everybody go checkout your work because it's truly just a such a
gift to the world.
So thanks for being here with me today, Cali.
(22:03):
Thank you so much for having me.
The joy and the love for you just never ends.
I feel like it grows and grows.
So thank you for having me.
Thank you for everyone for listening, and feelfree to reach out if you have any questions or
wanna dive into the GCBRAD offering.
Perfect.
And then just as a reminder, everybody, we arecoming close to our end of 2024 year here.
(22:28):
And remember this year, we are downloading, weare sharing episodes, we are making comments,
and whoever gets the most download shares,comments, etcetera, we are inviting them back
for a deep dive at the end of the year.
So please download please download this, pleaseshare this with your friends, please don't keep
us a secret.
(22:48):
And thanks again for listening.
This is doctor Diane, your libido doc, signingoff here reminding you to always stay classy,
always stay sexy, and always be a littlebadassy.
We'll see you next time.
Thank you for listening to the libido lounge.
Please don't keep me a secret.
Please share this with your friends.
(23:08):
You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, aswell as how to work with me at mylibidodoc.com.
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