July 10, 2025 • 36 mins
Is your intimate life filled with awkward moments that are leaving you and your partner feeling frustrated and disconnected? In this Girlfriend Edition of the Libido Lounge, Dr. Diane and her friends Ruby, Cosmos, and Yonisun talk about their moments of awkward bedroom moments and how to make them more normal and hot! From uncomfortable conversations to awkward positions, we're covering it all. Whether you're in a new relationship or have been with your partner for years, this video is for anyone who wants to improve their intimacy and strengthen their bond. So if you're ready to stop letting awkward moments hold you back and start building a more fulfilling relationship, then keep watching!
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(00:05):
Awkward sex.
So let's go there.
First time I farted on somebody when they wentdown.
I am so sorry.
(00:25):
You let me spend to Vegas with you.
With you.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Three.
We okay.
We had the best time in Vegas.
Unfortunately, no one walked in on you.
So my husband looks up a sex club to go to.
Definitely very awkward to to be a part of.
So we had all this, like, nervous energy just,like, charging up, and we go to a room and just
(00:49):
have sex ourselves.
And we're, like, 25 outside of the strip, andwe're, like, already feeling uncomfortable.
Like, did we make a mistake?
Like, there was one point I remember there wasthis big thunderstorm, and we were alone in the
car reading Walden.
And he let me have his copy, and I was like,oh, yes.
But I just, like, didn't wanna even cuddle himafter that.
(01:11):
My body wasn't a no, but it was, like, aneutral.
I feel like I have a lot of awkward sex.
It just happens naturally.
Being a human and, like, we're being primaland, like, naked and, like, messy, and that's
just, like, it's part of it.
Being so kind to ourselves right now.
It's okay.
Sex is a way that I deeply feel connected andclose with Saudi.
(01:34):
It's it's something I use to feel close withpeople.
Oh, interesting.
Hey, everybody, welcome back to my libidolounge podcast.
I'm your host board certified sexologistDoctor.
Diane, and I'm going to be introducing you to afew of my friends.
We're talking today about how to keep yourlibido high and how to keep your libido high
(01:57):
during the ebbs and flows of a relationship.
Or if you are between relationships, how tostill stoke your own libido so you can still
have all that juicy energy to put back intoyour work to your life to help balance your
hormones, balance stress and more.
So this is our third and final edition of thisround of the Girlfriend episode.
(02:18):
So you will meet my friends again in a second.
And we will do more Girlfriend episodes here inthe future several months down the road.
So please do subscribe so you make sure to stayabreast of when we release new episodes.
Alright, everybody, let me bring on my friendsand let's get started.
Hey, everybody.
Welcome back to another episode of the libidolounge.
(02:39):
I'm your host, board certified sexologist,Doctor.
Diane, and I have another girlfriend editioncoming up today.
I have a super good treat.
So I'm gonna introduce you to my girlfriends,and as we did last time, we're gonna use some
alter ego names to protect everybody's privacy.
And we're gonna talk about awkward sex.
We're gonna talk about how we work with awkwardsex.
(03:00):
What do we do?
How to make it not awkward?
Or how to just go with it anyways today.
We're gonna tell some great stories andhopefully get you laughing.
So I'm gonna first introduce you to Yoni Sun.
Hi, Libido fam.
And to Venus Ruby.
Hi.
And to Cosmos, and to our furry friend on thecouch, to LaRose.
(03:22):
All right.
So, for our first question today, guys, awkwardsex.
So, let's go there.
So, my first experience with awkward sex wasfirst time I farted on somebody when they went
down on me.
And, You know, it's like the early times inawkward sex, it's like mortifying because it's
(03:44):
already We're already getting our confidenceup.
And then to have like a moment like that andhave no idea how somebody's gonna respond or no
idea what to do, I think it could have reallygone so many different ways.
Like, what happened was this very kind man, wetook a moment and a step back, and I just said,
(04:04):
I am so sorry.
And he did the best thing, which is he justsaid, Don't worry about it, baby.
And he just kept on going.
That's great.
And I just love this because I look back intime of like, what could have happened, And he
could have got up.
He could have been weird about it.
He could have walked out of the room.
He could have, like, shaved me for it.
(04:25):
And it could have really left a scar.
So I think it's such an important conversationfor how we care for each other in these moments
of awkwardness.
Just to, like, not have those types ofpermanent memories and realize that these are
human bodies and they're gonna do some It'slike human things, and farting and cleefing is
(04:45):
sometimes part of what
They be making some sounds.
They be making some sounds.
So do
you find now that you feel okay farting duringsexual encounters?
Do you
guys fart?
Do you feel more relaxed about it or do youavoid it?
I mean, I still try to avoid it.
It's definitely not like, like, something I Istill really do appreciate, like, things that
(05:08):
feel sensual.
So I do try to avoid it, but if it's likesomething that just happens, it's it doesn't
feel I don't have that shame or that worryabout it.
It's just more like, this is this is somethingthat just happens sometimes, and that's okay,
and moving on.
And But yeah, it's not like, I I still try to,like, not do that.
That's my preference.
(05:32):
Yeah.
Who else has an awkward story to share?
When I think about awkward sex, gosh, my mindgoes immediately to my first and only time
going to a sex club, actually, with my he's myboyfriend at the time.
(05:52):
He's my husband now, so I'll just refer to himas my husband because that's little bit easier.
We were in Vegas for the first time, and Idon't know.
Have you ladies been to Vegas?
With you.
With you?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
It's really weird.
Okay.
We had the best time in Vegas.
It was a question just for the podcast.
It was a gasket that set up.
(06:13):
Get set up.
Vegans can bring out, like, your inner sexkitten, whether you are anticipating that or
not.
It was my first time I was not anticipatingthat.
And so my husband looks up a sex club to go to,and we talked about it.
We made sure that we had our agreements aroundgoing in, kind of our intentions, and we we
(06:36):
went for it.
And I had all these ideas in my mind about whatthe experience was going to be.
I even wore this black, like, cut out bathingsuit that was really ultra sexy with black
pants.
And in my mind, I was imagining it was gonna belike a lot of dancing and, like, angels dancing
in cages and dark and mysterious and shit.
(06:57):
It was none of that.
It was neon lights and and, like, you know,fluorescent lights above and and really kind
of, like, tacky and and seedy, quite honestly.
So we call our Uber, and we're, like, twentyfive minutes outside of the strip, and we're,
like, already feeling uncomfortable.
Like, did we make a mistake?
Like, it it just it was not quite tracking theway we thought it was, and we get dropped off
(07:22):
in this very quiet, dark, random area ofwarehouses, and we're like, okay, you know, we
we made it out here.
Might as well go in.
And we walk inside, and there's, like, no musicplaying, bright lights, just, like, a lot of
random people kinda sitting at tables, anddefinitely no sex happening.
(07:42):
So I immediately just, like, zip up my jacketall the way up to my chin to cover what I was
wearing because it was completely it just feltso inappropriate for the environment.
And we proceed to sit down and just have someconversations with people, and a couple people
kind of approached us, but nothing that we werereally interested in.
So we had all this, like, nervous energy just,like, charging up, and we go to a room and just
(08:04):
have sex ourselves.
And the whole time, we're hoping that someonewill just walk in on us, but unfortunately,
that did not happen.
So it was the most sexless sex club I couldhave even imagined.
So we hang out for a little bit longer and thenfinally, this young hot couple walks in and my
husband goes up to them and says something andbefore I know it, we're like walking into this
(08:25):
room together.
So my husband starts going down on me and thenthe other couple starts having sex and the guy
is trying to get me and his lady to kiss, but Ihad had some cannabis beforehand and so my
mouth was so dry and I was so nervous that likeI couldn't even do that and anyway, we just got
through the experience.
We ended up closing out on the Retroster.
(08:47):
And the couple drove us back to the strip andit was very lovely.
And so now it's just this, you know, kindasilly memory that we get to reflect on, but
definitely very awkward to be a part of.
I think it's like, it's just another goodexample of those of, like, taking something,
like, awkward and just, like, making it like,normalizing it and, like, not putting any,
(09:10):
like, words or rules or meaning behind it andjust being like, Okay, that was
was that.
-ASHLEY (09:15):
was was
-ASHLEY:
was
Right?
Yeah, I'm very, very brave, you know, very,very,
very brave to, like, try completely trysomething new like that and just go for it and
have the agreements and have the rules
and all of that.
Which a lot of people, I think, they try thingsnew, they don't always, like, there's not
(09:35):
always that understanding of having thoseagreements.
So it's also very, I think, wise of you guys toknow to do that before walking into a situation
like that.
Through some potential scenarios before goingin, but unfortunately, none of them came out
from Australia, Aimee.
Unfortunately, no one walked in on you.
Not yet.
(09:56):
Yeah.
But they go to another sex I would go toanother sex club, but I would want it to be
like the angels in cages dancing, you know.
We could fuck that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think there's something that we could I think
I watched Body That the other night in Denver.
So I think Yeah.
Yeah.
It's The theater.
Yeah.
Amazing.
What other opera moments do we have to share?
(10:18):
Yeah.
Well, what comes to mind for me is interestingboth of your stories of like, the growth
opportunity in it.
I don't I don't wanna say that mine I don'tknow that mine did have necessarily like a a
huge growth opportunity or there was.
I don't know if I saw it as a growth moment.
It was just awkward, and I didn't go into storyor anything around it.
(10:41):
So, this was many moons back, and there was aguy who was in the same friend group as mine.
And so we'd show up a lot at the same party orthe same, like, gatherings, you know, dinners
at friends' houses.
And we'd known each other for several months,and then there was this camping trip that we
were all on.
And something shifted in that camping tripwhere there was a definite, like, attraction
(11:02):
and sexual tension between us.
Like, there was one point I remember there wasthis big thunderstorm, and we were alone in the
car reading Walden.
And he let me have his copy, and I was like,oh, yes.
Anyway and so it was several months after thatthat we were at a party again, and we're
talking and chatting and rode back to his houseon his bike.
(11:23):
I rode on his handlebars, and I was reallyunsure about it, but he made me feel really
safe and confident.
And, you know, so there had been kissing andsome, like, you know, touch, not, like, really
deep touch, but, you know, just some contact.
Definite sexual chemistry and between us.
And so we hooked up that night, and it was justreally bad.
(11:44):
Like, once it got beyond just kissing, like,there was just no connection there.
It wasn't just that, like, the sex was bad.
There was just, like, nothing there.
And so that was an experience that was reallyawkward.
And honestly, it just it left me reallyconfused because I just, like, didn't know that
that could happen.
Like, I didn't know that you could feel suchattraction and have that chemistry with
(12:09):
somebody, and then you actually have sex, andit's just like
Dud.
It's a dead.
It's a dud.
Like, I keep wanting to use the word bad, butthat doesn't quite feel right.
It just yeah.
A dud feels more like it.
Like, just nothing was really really there.
And we didn't talk about it.
You know, now if something like that wouldhappen, I would, you know, have a conversation.
(12:29):
But at that time period, I think I was alsojust shocked.
I was more in shock because I just didn't havewords.
I was like, what do I do with this?
So, you know, I had stayed the night at hisplace.
One of us was in the bed.
One was on the floor.
Earlier, I had shared the story, and I actuallythink I said it wrong.
Like, pretty sure he was on the floor.
I was on the bed.
He was a gentleman.
But I just, like, didn't wanna even cuddle himafter that.
Later that week, I had to go and meet him topick up an earring of mine, and that was, like,
(12:52):
our last, like, true one on one interaction.
So, yeah.
It was just a weird, awkward, like, outlier.
Like, I'm like, maybe that happens for people.
I don't know.
I I that's yeah.
Makes me curious about just, like, theintelligence in our own bodies.
Mhmm.
You know, like, we have this innateintelligence, and maybe the body just knows
(13:14):
when something is not right.
And maybe it's tied to biology, procreation,like, nope, that is not
Maybe not what you're supposed to procreate.
I 1000% believe in that, in the intelligence ofour body.
I think that was just so interesting because,contact, kissing, there was a lot vibing.
But it was more than that, that it wasn't.
You know that scene in Back to the Future whereMarty goes back and his mom kisses him because
(13:40):
she has a crush on him.
And she's like, I don't
know what it is, but it's
like kissing my brother and it feels reallyweird.
Like, if he's like your long, distantly removedcousin?
But kissing it wasn't there.
Mean Kissing your No.
It's a different I like that example though.
What if you're like That's good something?
And or another yeah, that's a good point.
Yeah.
There's just no yeah.
I think it was just ultimately really curiousbecause there was attraction with like kissing
(14:03):
and other touch, but it was like when it wasmore than that, that it totally Yeah.
What if he's gay now?
He's married now to a female.
Oh, okay.
Still could be gay.
I don't know.
But I hope that they're really happy and havinggreat sex.
I was just shocked.
I was like, oh,
it's not Did you take any of that
personally in like, wondering if it was, youknow, like, what about you, or if it was just
(14:25):
the chemistry?
It's a good question.
I am proud of myself in saying that I didn't,because at that time, I did have a lot of
insecurity and insecurity around my body.
And if I think back on that, like, didn't Ididn't make it mean anything about me.
I didn't make it mean anything about him.
I just was like, that was weird.
(14:45):
I'm confused and shocked and like, clearly notgonna butt canoodle again.
So, yeah.
No, yeah, it didn't but I didn't it didn't itdidn't influence any sexual interactions I had
moving forward.
Like, it wasn't in my field.
It wasn't something that I carried in my brainfor a while.
It's not actually something I don't thinkabout.
Well, enough because you've had
(15:06):
so much great sex.
Was like, don't know.
I'm pretty fortunate.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Curious.
Did he give any indication that it was mindblowing for him?
Well, like, we didn't have, like did we'relike, did he seem like, oh, oh, you know, where
were there any, like, sound effects going?
Or I think he did have some sound effects.
Yeah.
(15:26):
Actually, I have to think about that.
I don't know that he gave indications that itwas mind blowing for him.
I think he was in Resonant, that, like, it wasjust it was awkward.
Yeah.
It just wasn't, like this is why ladies Was it
Was it meant to make make your orgasm.
Just so demands, you know, whoever it is
Yeah.
Knows the truth.
Yeah.
Yeah, didn't fake anything.
(15:48):
I can't really fake, if I'm being honest.
I don't hide what I'm feeling well at all inany scenario.
It just comes out.
So, yeah.
No, I think that
yeah.
I don't think so.
I think he also, you know?
I don't know if he thought it was as weird as,like, surprising as I did.
But I
don't think Every time for him might have beenmediocre?
(16:08):
Well, I happen to know a story I learned abouta couple months ago.
That's why this story has more come up of aanyway, someone else that he had had sex with
that was also really not good.
So I don't know.
And they had sex years, years, years, years,years ago.
But yeah.
Also.
So
One of my curiosities is so interesting to mehow, like, kissing in that part was like you're
(16:31):
like, that was a yes, right?
I'm like, Yeah.
It's, like, fascinating to me too around, like,what shifts in the body where it's like, Yes,
yes, yes, all of a sudden, Oh, hell no.
This is not not interesting to me. -ASHLEY:
And I think Interesting.
I think in like the and the most takeawaypoints, like important points of this is like,
whatever the body is saying at any given point,like, can be yes, and it's okay if it's a no,
(16:54):
and, the body is allowed to change its mind.
A thousand percent.
And to say, like, a thousand percent listen tothe body like, the body's intelligence.
And I wasn't my body wasn't a no, but it was,like, a neutral.
Yeah.
It You know what I mean?
It also wasn't charged.
It was like, Well, let's see, you know?
And we we completed the You know, whatever.
It wasn't like it was a long lasting thing.
So definitely wasn't like disregarding body.
(17:16):
-NANCY:
Yeah.
And there just wasn't anything there.
It's kinda weird to unusual to be neutral or adud.
Yeah.
When you felt really turned on, like there wasa lot, there was a lot building for months, at
least like eight months, maybe like between himand I.
-So And really that goes together.
You know, I oftentimes like was just Oftentimeslike hot make out sessions are a good indicator
(17:40):
of like the chemistry to come, but it's a goodexample.
Just like not always, like Yeah.
And the
first night we kissed was that night too.
For Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
Got it.
But that was enjoyable and fun.
Sometimes,
even with awkward sex, it's the journey to getthere, and not necessarily the destination.
Alright, Jania.
That's gonna be sad, but like sex in general.
(18:02):
Like, destination's amazing, but the journey'salso amazing.
And we skip over the journey, I think, rush thedestination so frequently.
I agree.
That's what I find more and more I need is is alonger sensual journey towards a destination.
Those are my best experiences.
I'm a very sensual person, so I need a lot oftouch and contact and Yeah.
(18:23):
Slow.
Yeah.
A lot of slow build.
Yeah.
Me too.
So, Cosmos.
We're so angry.
I feel like I have a lot of awkward sex thatjust happens naturally because, like I think
it's true with dancing too.
Like, I'm not very good at following a leaderin dancing.
(18:43):
It's like a like a practice for me.
And I think that happens in sex, too, where,like, it just gets a little clumsy and mismatch
or like I've, like, farted so many times duringsex at this point that, like, it could be like,
oh, well, can we take, a quick pause and like,maybe this is hydration break because I really
have to fart or whatever it is.
So, yeah, I think that it just happens in my,like, clumsiness and and I don't take it, like,
(19:09):
into my next sexual experience because I feellike that's just part of, like, being a human
and, like, we're being primal and, like, nakedand, like, messy and that's just, like, it's
part of it.
But when I think about an awkward sexualexperience, the one that comes up for me and it
wasn't me being awkward necessarily, but havingsex with a woman who had a lot of buildup.
(19:31):
And I don't know if this happens for you, butsometimes if I have a really good masturbation
session, like intense crying will follow andnot because I'm sad, but just because, like,
there's that release that happens that feelsreally good.
And it's like a really good cry, especially inthe shower or wherever that is.
And that's what happened with this woman where,like, we we both came and at at the end of her
(19:52):
orgasm was, like, heavy sobbing and, like,needing friendship.
And, like, I held her hand and maybe that wasawkward for her.
And, like, there was some awkwardness because Iwas just having fun, you know, and it was,
like, this heavy thing for her, and it'd been along time for her too.
She's had sex.
I hope she's doing well wherever she is, butlike, that was like seemed really awkward for
(20:18):
her in a very vulnerable moment and very rawand not the way that she wanted that to end,
I'm guessing, or Yeah.
Or like me either.
But
Yeah.
Really unexpected when the body just decidesit's time to have that release.
Yeah.
Were the two of
you newer sexual partners, or had you beensexual before?
No.
We'd been friends for some time.
(20:41):
Yeah.
We've been friends for for years and had, like,you know, like, flirted a bit, but never had
sex.
And she, like, she came to visit me in Denver.
And it was and it was understood too.
Like, we were both, like, hooking up.
And and so, you know, I was very honest aboutthat, but we didn't really talk about, like,
what our relationship would look like afterthat.
(21:02):
And I think there were a lot of feelings aboutthat too.
Like, she wanted it to be a thing, and we livedin different cities.
So I didn't even consider that as apossibility.
It was just honestly sex for me.
And maybe that was also part of what came upfor her too, is like knowing it was finite.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
And it feels almost like insensitive to callthat an awkward moment because I wouldn't want
(21:25):
her to feel that way.
Yeah.
But it wasn't like Well, think awkward is
un I'd say there's a word like unexpectedbecause you maybe didn't imagine you're having
fun and play and it does lead sometimes toreally deep and emotionally connected
vulnerable experience, you know?
So
I think those words can be sometimes, you know,interchanged.
And I think what comes to is, like, she musthave just felt or her her nervous system and I
(21:48):
mean, unconscious of it or unconscious of it,like, really safe with you.
God.
Maybe that comes from, like, the friendshipthat was there too before to help her, allow
her to have that level of release.
Yeah.
That's a good point.
That's nice to think about.
I
also think, like, this whole conversation to meon awkwardness, in part, is about making it
(22:12):
okay for things to be awkward, and, like,taking out, like, the good or the bad or, like,
the charge one way or the other, and just, likelike, as humans, like, sometimes it's okay.
Like, experiences can be can be awkward, andthat's, like, totally okay.
It's like, does it It doesn't mean anything.
Right?
And it's just like, okay if we feel that way orif somebody else feels that way, and it doesn't
(22:33):
mean anybody's a bad lover or anybody didanything wrong, or like, it doesn't have to be
bad, I feel like, to feel that it's just, like,information that our body is giving us in the
It's just part of the experience.
Right.
Exactly.
I feel like what really helps, set the tone foreasy awkwardness is if after the first time you
have sex with someone is you make sure youfart.
(22:54):
Afterwards?
Which is a truth out of the way or yeah.
It's a true story.
The first time that my partner and I made love,I farted immediately afterwards.
And I was like, you know, just so you know,this is who I am.
Like, this is what you give.
If you're not okay with this, we're not gonnawork out.
So just to, like, get that up.
Yeah.
Yeah.
As well.
Mhmm.
I don't normally that know that I have the urgeto but, like, I'm gonna sit with that now.
(23:17):
I'm like, okay.
Like, okay.
It wasn't a choice.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I love that as, like, your sex tip.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Advice.
Just have it you want.
Yeah.
Well, and I think that both of what you Diamondand Cosmos said of, like, aqua like, it is part
of being human.
And, you know, when your body's moving andslippery and you're in the moment, things will
happen and body hearts will hit or this willhurt, you know, and and just rolling with it
(23:38):
and allow, like, humor or lightness if that'savailable or not yeah.
Not needing to make a story or not needing tomake it right or wrong and just recognizing.
Yeah.
We're just humans being
in
our bodies.
We're doing a very primal thing.
And, yeah, sometimes it feels totally in sync,and sometimes, oh, something's a little, like,
off or funny, or what do we need torecalibrate?
(24:00):
And just using that as information to becurious.
Yeah.
And I think, like, noticing too, like, thedifference with awkward, like, it can just be
like a normal part of, like, a very healthyrelationship of having an awkward moment, and
differentiating that between, like, your storyaround, Oh, this is actually information for
me, of, like, This is not the person.
Right?
So there's like that momentary awkwardnessaround like, Oh, yeah, versus the body being
(24:23):
like, Oh, no, this is not for me.
And they're actually They're very different,but they're both examples of awkward moments.
But what we do with that information is verydifferent.
Yeah.
I feel like it's more embarrassing even thansex to, like, accidentally hit the person on
the face or, you know, like
I like clumping this.
Head with my leg before.
(24:45):
Like, the head head?
Yeah, like, I've kicked his head Oh, yeah.
Right.
Like, that's a really good example.
And you're like, oof, I'm so sorry.
And, like, you have to get back in the momentor Take a pause.
Or take a pause.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So you just Yeah.
And that's fair, right?
Because you're moving your your limbs inhorizontal ways, which you're not normally
(25:07):
doing in your day to day.
So it's fair.
It's fair.
Yeah.
Being so kind to ourselves right now.
It's okay.
I think it's also, like, a testament of just,like, as women, we're always, like, associating
experiences and ourselves to perfection.
It's like comparing ourselves to this idea ofperfection always.
(25:30):
And I think it's just a really gentle reminderthat we don't have to do that.
We don't have to hold ourselves to theseexorbitantly high expectations, and we could
just be present in the moment.
Yeah.
Exactly.
I think men do that also.
Like, have that performance anxiety becausethey're often doing more more of the act
action.
(25:51):
Right?
Like, I wonder I'm curious if men questiontheir performance in that same way that we,
like, you know, think about our our perfectionor lack of perfection.
Imagine it comes up.
Right?
But I don't know that that's like the regulardialogue in a man's mind.
I don't know.
I Yeah, I I don't know.
(26:12):
Do not It would
be cute.
This would be a
good, maybe, conversation for a libido lunch,but
Yeah, I'm gonna do boyfriend edition someday.
It's like
Yes, yeah.
I want the boys to spill over hype edition.
Yes.
I do think there is something that unique tothe female brain and just our effort, like the
orientation of, like, getting it right, gettingit perfect, setting things up, that the more we
(26:33):
can soften just being in the brain and the mindand more what is here, what's in our body,
what's in that feminine essence, which isreally primal and really raw and unraveled,
there's less of that performative.
You know, the energy of performative comes whenI think of what you shared around, like, you
need to be perfect or whatever and just gettingto be more real.
(26:54):
And with realness is some awkwardness, becauseit's unexpected.
Yeah.
Have you heard that saying, that men need tohave sex to feel close, and women need to feel
close to have sex?
For sure.
Yeah.
Did and that holds true.
I mean, does for me.
I I'm an You are?
(27:14):
You don't need to feel close.
I I do.
And sex is a way that I deeply feel connectedand close with Saudi.
It's something I use to feel close with people.
Oh, interesting.
But I
know that's not the most common.
Yeah.
I definitely think there's research andevidence, like, showing that even from arousal.
Right?
Like, from a standpoint of arousal, like,there's a level of touch and closeness and
(27:37):
being, engaged in that before, like, this iswhere the twenty minute rule comes in for many
women around.
It takes sometimes twenty minutes into actuallybeing sexually engaged before women sometimes
are even turned on.
Right?
And I think some of that is related to exactlywhat you're saying there around, like, we need
that closeness in order to actually feel likethey're in we're interested in sex more
(28:00):
commonly as women Yeah.
In their generalities.
But I think they do hold some level of truth tothem.
Well, where do you think the one night standthen falls on that spectrum?
It's in is it is it just like in the chase?
Like, or is it is it not even about closenessat all?
Is it just something that's completelydifferent and instincts?
(28:20):
Sexual desires too, right, that that lieoutside of relationships.
So maybe that's part of it, but I forgot what Iwas gonna say.
Yeah.
I I feel like I I won't say much because thatwould be I feel like a whole I have a lot of
episodes.
Yeah.
Have a whole lot of thoughts I have a whole lotof thoughts on that, but I do think it's a very
(28:44):
I think generally, like, think exactly whatwe're saying is very true.
What you had to say, Cosmos, right, about womenneeding more time or more maybe emotional
connection versus, you know, men just you know?
And I think individually, we're all reallydifferent.
And so I think even individually, the one nightstand, you could probably make some big
generalizations of what that's about.
But I think for each person, uniquely, for somepeople, would totally not be right.
(29:07):
For others, it can be a really informative partof their journey and really important, and
maybe get a lot a lot of yeah.
Not only just pleasure, but, like, a lot outout of that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'll sit my lips there.
That women tend
to
have more intense orgasms if they feel apotential long term connection to a partner.
(29:31):
And, I mean, I've just heard that in my I'm aserial monogamist, so I don't have a lot of
data points.
But maybe that's part of the one night standtoo is, like like, thinking about this person
as a potential mate, whether consciously orsubconsciously, right, like, inform how your
sexual experience is.
(29:52):
Maybe.
Probably for most.
I think there's some Wait a minute.
Maybe I shouldn't answer these I don't know.
I mean, I've obviously changed.
I'm not in that zone anymore, but I One ofthings has been a big part of my sexual
experience.
And doesn't fulfill me anymore, and there'ssomething that I really sought out in them.
There's something about the novelty of it.
(30:14):
Yes, probably my some of my more profoundorgasms were in container of relationship, and
I have found it, for me, in the past, very easyto have really pretty incredible orgasms in one
night stands.
And I think that has to do more I don't wanna,like, share too much because it does feel
pretty vulnerable and personal.
(30:35):
But the high level would be, like, there's thenovelty of, like, there's no attachment.
Like, I there's no expectation.
I feel so free to just let whatever wants tocome up.
There's a freedom that I feel in those Inposition.
Exactly, those experiences, in the past.
Yeah.
If it gets really awkward, you don't have
(30:55):
to see that person ever at Gary, so you couldjust be, See you.
Or, like, leave.
That's happened by old girls.
Bye.
Sorry.
No.
That and that's with with Karen.
You're, of course, very respectable.
I actually no.
I know.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's interesting.
My my experience with them, which was likemostly in my twenties, was novelty, and I feel
(31:23):
like there was, like, you know, you mentionedthat, I feel like it was a huge part of me just
exploring different humans, and learning, andgrowing, and just having experiences that were
so vastly different.
So I feel like there was such a important partof them for me blossoming into my sexual self.
(31:44):
And then, I At one point, decided they wereThat was not for me anymore, and it was, like,
starting to notice the differentiation of,like, when I was in relationship, and the depth
that I could feel like I could get into withpleasure and orgasms, versus I had that
experience that you're bringing up around,Yeah, it was, like, it was rewarding and
fulfilling in some ways, but from a standpointof, like, the depths of the orgasm and the
(32:07):
depths of where I felt like I could go in mysexual experiences, I was finding that it was
just not the same at all, which which made mebecome, you know, decide that I was just no
longer interested in that kind of experience.
I wanted to clarify, yes, I agree witheverything you're saying.
That was like but it served me really stronglyfor a solid period of my life and my sexual
(32:29):
evolution as a female, also being raised superCatholic
Mhmm.
And not being that.
So I think I had to go the other spectrum.
But yes, I think what you're all saying, like,agree.
Like yeah.
Just wanted to, Love it.
Hopefully, I'm coming clear, just like, yeah, Istill love it.
No.
Like, I I really desire and crave more thatcontained long term relationship.
(32:49):
Mhmm.
May likely monogamous, but I don't know at thispoint for myself.
But to, yeah, experience greater depths ofintimacy.
And it's crazy how much it changes based onwhere you are in your life or what you're
seeking in relationships.
And the example that came up for me is that asa, like, as a queer woman, when I was wanting
(33:10):
to get pregnant, I all of my sexual fantasieswere heterosexual.
Like, very, very clearly, where it was prettymixed or, like -NANCY: Interesting.
Even biological.
Yeah.
Even more like, because I'm I happen to be in aheterosexual relationship, that when I have
masturbation fantasies, they're usually aboutwomen, because that's like, what I'm not yeah,
(33:31):
what I'm not getting currently, but when Iwanted to get pregnant.
And even during my pregnancy, like, it was,like, men only.
And even, like, men that I wouldn't normally beattracted to, I was suddenly attracted to.
So Because of their, like, stability orkindness or whatever, like, totally not even my
types.
But weird how my body, like, knew what I reallywanted sexually, which didn't match up with my
(33:54):
life experience.
So interesting.
Yeah.
Know.
It's true.
And now that now it's switched kinda back, incase you wanna know.
Like, you have a Now that's three of them.
Well, now that I have a child, I'm, like, likemore split down the middle because I don't,
like, I don't have that.
The trolley anymore.
Mhmm.
Yep.
Already gotten the dough, injured, and alldone.
(34:15):
All
done?
So interesting.
I'd love to know, like, the hormone part ofOnce
a thousand percent What do you know about that?
And other stories of others, right, who aresimilar.
Yeah.
But if that's, like, a similar experience, Imean, would imagine.
I don't wanna assume, but I would imagine.
Would be hilarious to me.
Yeah.
What others have experience.
(34:35):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wow.
So I'd love for you guys.
We have like like created so many questions.
I'd love for you guys to leave in the comments,like, your thoughts on some of these things.
So if anybody's listening that is bisexual andhave had any sort of experiences like Cosmos
has shared around craving one sex versusanother, one gender versus another, when you
(34:58):
are looking to have a child?
Would love to hear about that.
Would also love to hear from both men and womenaround, like, performance anxiety, or just
anxiety in general.
Like, does this ever come up for you whereyou're feeling a sense of, like, really needing
to perform, and- and- and it's actuallyinterrupting or changing your ability to be
present and enjoying your intimaterelationships.
(35:21):
Feel free to remain anonymous in your comments,if that would help your, you know, your ability
to comment.
We'd just love to hear from you.
It'll help us create more amazing episodes tosupport you and your journey.
I wanna thank my girlfriends for being herewith me today.
And just to remind you guys that you can go tohotterlife.com to get a free copy of my ebook,
(35:43):
Five Easy Steps to Mind Blowing Orgasms andRomance.
So that's hotterlife.com.
I'm doctor Diane.
We'll see you on another episode.
Ciao for now.
Well, that's a wrap for today.
I hope this conversation around emotions andjealousy has helped you a lot.
Please do subscribe to the channel because wehave another girlfriend edition coming out.
(36:05):
Don't want you to miss that.
We're talking about how to stoke your libidothrough the ebbs and flows of relationships as
well as being in and out of relationshipsduring that in between time.
And please make sure you go to hotterlife.comto download my free ebook, five easy steps for
mind blowing orgasms and romance.
See you soon.
Ciao for now.
(36:29):
Thank you for listening to the Libido Lounge.
Please don't keep me a secret.
Please share this with your friends.
You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, aswell as how to work with me at mylibidodoc.com
Awkward sex.
So let's go there.
First time I farted on somebody when they wentdown.
I am so sorry.
(00:25):
You let me spend to Vegas with you.
With you.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Three.
We okay.
We had the best time in Vegas.
Unfortunately, no one walked in on you.
So my husband looks up a sex club to go to.
Definitely very awkward to to be a part of.
So we had all this, like, nervous energy just,like, charging up, and we go to a room and just
(00:49):
have sex ourselves.
And we're, like, 25 outside of the strip, andwe're, like, already feeling uncomfortable.
Like, did we make a mistake?
Like, there was one point I remember there wasthis big thunderstorm, and we were alone in the
car reading Walden.
And he let me have his copy, and I was like,oh, yes.
But I just, like, didn't wanna even cuddle himafter that.
(01:11):
My body wasn't a no, but it was, like, aneutral.
I feel like I have a lot of awkward sex.
It just happens naturally.
Being a human and, like, we're being primaland, like, naked and, like, messy, and that's
just, like, it's part of it.
Being so kind to ourselves right now.
It's okay.
Sex is a way that I deeply feel connected andclose with Saudi.
(01:34):
It's it's something I use to feel close withpeople.
Oh, interesting.
Hey, everybody, welcome back to my libidolounge podcast.
I'm your host board certified sexologistDoctor.
Diane, and I'm going to be introducing you to afew of my friends.
We're talking today about how to keep yourlibido high and how to keep your libido high
(01:57):
during the ebbs and flows of a relationship.
Or if you are between relationships, how tostill stoke your own libido so you can still
have all that juicy energy to put back intoyour work to your life to help balance your
hormones, balance stress and more.
So this is our third and final edition of thisround of the Girlfriend episode.
(02:18):
So you will meet my friends again in a second.
And we will do more Girlfriend episodes here inthe future several months down the road.
So please do subscribe so you make sure to stayabreast of when we release new episodes.
Alright, everybody, let me bring on my friendsand let's get started.
Hey, everybody.
Welcome back to another episode of the libidolounge.
(02:39):
I'm your host, board certified sexologist,Doctor.
Diane, and I have another girlfriend editioncoming up today.
I have a super good treat.
So I'm gonna introduce you to my girlfriends,and as we did last time, we're gonna use some
alter ego names to protect everybody's privacy.
And we're gonna talk about awkward sex.
We're gonna talk about how we work with awkwardsex.
(03:00):
What do we do?
How to make it not awkward?
Or how to just go with it anyways today.
We're gonna tell some great stories andhopefully get you laughing.
So I'm gonna first introduce you to Yoni Sun.
Hi, Libido fam.
And to Venus Ruby.
Hi.
And to Cosmos, and to our furry friend on thecouch, to LaRose.
(03:22):
All right.
So, for our first question today, guys, awkwardsex.
So, let's go there.
So, my first experience with awkward sex wasfirst time I farted on somebody when they went
down on me.
And, You know, it's like the early times inawkward sex, it's like mortifying because it's
(03:44):
already We're already getting our confidenceup.
And then to have like a moment like that andhave no idea how somebody's gonna respond or no
idea what to do, I think it could have reallygone so many different ways.
Like, what happened was this very kind man, wetook a moment and a step back, and I just said,
(04:04):
I am so sorry.
And he did the best thing, which is he justsaid, Don't worry about it, baby.
And he just kept on going.
That's great.
And I just love this because I look back intime of like, what could have happened, And he
could have got up.
He could have been weird about it.
He could have walked out of the room.
He could have, like, shaved me for it.
(04:25):
And it could have really left a scar.
So I think it's such an important conversationfor how we care for each other in these moments
of awkwardness.
Just to, like, not have those types ofpermanent memories and realize that these are
human bodies and they're gonna do some It'slike human things, and farting and cleefing is
(04:45):
sometimes part of what
They be making some sounds.
They be making some sounds.
So do
you find now that you feel okay farting duringsexual encounters?
Do you
guys fart?
Do you feel more relaxed about it or do youavoid it?
I mean, I still try to avoid it.
It's definitely not like, like, something I Istill really do appreciate, like, things that
(05:08):
feel sensual.
So I do try to avoid it, but if it's likesomething that just happens, it's it doesn't
feel I don't have that shame or that worryabout it.
It's just more like, this is this is somethingthat just happens sometimes, and that's okay,
and moving on.
And But yeah, it's not like, I I still try to,like, not do that.
That's my preference.
(05:32):
Yeah.
Who else has an awkward story to share?
When I think about awkward sex, gosh, my mindgoes immediately to my first and only time
going to a sex club, actually, with my he's myboyfriend at the time.
(05:52):
He's my husband now, so I'll just refer to himas my husband because that's little bit easier.
We were in Vegas for the first time, and Idon't know.
Have you ladies been to Vegas?
With you.
With you?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
It's really weird.
Okay.
We had the best time in Vegas.
It was a question just for the podcast.
It was a gasket that set up.
(06:13):
Get set up.
Vegans can bring out, like, your inner sexkitten, whether you are anticipating that or
not.
It was my first time I was not anticipatingthat.
And so my husband looks up a sex club to go to,and we talked about it.
We made sure that we had our agreements aroundgoing in, kind of our intentions, and we we
(06:36):
went for it.
And I had all these ideas in my mind about whatthe experience was going to be.
I even wore this black, like, cut out bathingsuit that was really ultra sexy with black
pants.
And in my mind, I was imagining it was gonna belike a lot of dancing and, like, angels dancing
in cages and dark and mysterious and shit.
(06:57):
It was none of that.
It was neon lights and and, like, you know,fluorescent lights above and and really kind
of, like, tacky and and seedy, quite honestly.
So we call our Uber, and we're, like, twentyfive minutes outside of the strip, and we're,
like, already feeling uncomfortable.
Like, did we make a mistake?
Like, it it just it was not quite tracking theway we thought it was, and we get dropped off
(07:22):
in this very quiet, dark, random area ofwarehouses, and we're like, okay, you know, we
we made it out here.
Might as well go in.
And we walk inside, and there's, like, no musicplaying, bright lights, just, like, a lot of
random people kinda sitting at tables, anddefinitely no sex happening.
(07:42):
So I immediately just, like, zip up my jacketall the way up to my chin to cover what I was
wearing because it was completely it just feltso inappropriate for the environment.
And we proceed to sit down and just have someconversations with people, and a couple people
kind of approached us, but nothing that we werereally interested in.
So we had all this, like, nervous energy just,like, charging up, and we go to a room and just
(08:04):
have sex ourselves.
And the whole time, we're hoping that someonewill just walk in on us, but unfortunately,
that did not happen.
So it was the most sexless sex club I couldhave even imagined.
So we hang out for a little bit longer and thenfinally, this young hot couple walks in and my
husband goes up to them and says something andbefore I know it, we're like walking into this
(08:25):
room together.
So my husband starts going down on me and thenthe other couple starts having sex and the guy
is trying to get me and his lady to kiss, but Ihad had some cannabis beforehand and so my
mouth was so dry and I was so nervous that likeI couldn't even do that and anyway, we just got
through the experience.
We ended up closing out on the Retroster.
(08:47):
And the couple drove us back to the strip andit was very lovely.
And so now it's just this, you know, kindasilly memory that we get to reflect on, but
definitely very awkward to be a part of.
I think it's like, it's just another goodexample of those of, like, taking something,
like, awkward and just, like, making it like,normalizing it and, like, not putting any,
(09:10):
like, words or rules or meaning behind it andjust being like, Okay, that was
was that.
-ASHLEY (09:15):
was was
-ASHLEY:
was
Right?
Yeah, I'm very, very brave, you know, very,very,
very brave to, like, try completely trysomething new like that and just go for it and
have the agreements and have the rules
and all of that.
Which a lot of people, I think, they try thingsnew, they don't always, like, there's not
(09:35):
always that understanding of having thoseagreements.
So it's also very, I think, wise of you guys toknow to do that before walking into a situation
like that.
Through some potential scenarios before goingin, but unfortunately, none of them came out
from Australia, Aimee.
Unfortunately, no one walked in on you.
Not yet.
(09:56):
Yeah.
But they go to another sex I would go toanother sex club, but I would want it to be
like the angels in cages dancing, you know.
We could fuck that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think there's something that we could I think
I watched Body That the other night in Denver.
So I think Yeah.
Yeah.
It's The theater.
Yeah.
Amazing.
What other opera moments do we have to share?
(10:18):
Yeah.
Well, what comes to mind for me is interestingboth of your stories of like, the growth
opportunity in it.
I don't I don't wanna say that mine I don'tknow that mine did have necessarily like a a
huge growth opportunity or there was.
I don't know if I saw it as a growth moment.
It was just awkward, and I didn't go into storyor anything around it.
(10:41):
So, this was many moons back, and there was aguy who was in the same friend group as mine.
And so we'd show up a lot at the same party orthe same, like, gatherings, you know, dinners
at friends' houses.
And we'd known each other for several months,and then there was this camping trip that we
were all on.
And something shifted in that camping tripwhere there was a definite, like, attraction
(11:02):
and sexual tension between us.
Like, there was one point I remember there wasthis big thunderstorm, and we were alone in the
car reading Walden.
And he let me have his copy, and I was like,oh, yes.
Anyway and so it was several months after thatthat we were at a party again, and we're
talking and chatting and rode back to his houseon his bike.
(11:23):
I rode on his handlebars, and I was reallyunsure about it, but he made me feel really
safe and confident.
And, you know, so there had been kissing andsome, like, you know, touch, not, like, really
deep touch, but, you know, just some contact.
Definite sexual chemistry and between us.
And so we hooked up that night, and it was justreally bad.
(11:44):
Like, once it got beyond just kissing, like,there was just no connection there.
It wasn't just that, like, the sex was bad.
There was just, like, nothing there.
And so that was an experience that was reallyawkward.
And honestly, it just it left me reallyconfused because I just, like, didn't know that
that could happen.
Like, I didn't know that you could feel suchattraction and have that chemistry with
(12:09):
somebody, and then you actually have sex, andit's just like
Dud.
It's a dead.
It's a dud.
Like, I keep wanting to use the word bad, butthat doesn't quite feel right.
It just yeah.
A dud feels more like it.
Like, just nothing was really really there.
And we didn't talk about it.
You know, now if something like that wouldhappen, I would, you know, have a conversation.
(12:29):
But at that time period, I think I was alsojust shocked.
I was more in shock because I just didn't havewords.
I was like, what do I do with this?
So, you know, I had stayed the night at hisplace.
One of us was in the bed.
One was on the floor.
Earlier, I had shared the story, and I actuallythink I said it wrong.
Like, pretty sure he was on the floor.
I was on the bed.
He was a gentleman.
But I just, like, didn't wanna even cuddle himafter that.
Later that week, I had to go and meet him topick up an earring of mine, and that was, like,
(12:52):
our last, like, true one on one interaction.
So, yeah.
It was just a weird, awkward, like, outlier.
Like, I'm like, maybe that happens for people.
I don't know.
I I that's yeah.
Makes me curious about just, like, theintelligence in our own bodies.
Mhmm.
You know, like, we have this innateintelligence, and maybe the body just knows
(13:14):
when something is not right.
And maybe it's tied to biology, procreation,like, nope, that is not
Maybe not what you're supposed to procreate.
I 1000% believe in that, in the intelligence ofour body.
I think that was just so interesting because,contact, kissing, there was a lot vibing.
But it was more than that, that it wasn't.
You know that scene in Back to the Future whereMarty goes back and his mom kisses him because
(13:40):
she has a crush on him.
And she's like, I don't
know what it is, but it's
like kissing my brother and it feels reallyweird.
Like, if he's like your long, distantly removedcousin?
But kissing it wasn't there.
Mean Kissing your No.
It's a different I like that example though.
What if you're like That's good something?
And or another yeah, that's a good point.
Yeah.
There's just no yeah.
I think it was just ultimately really curiousbecause there was attraction with like kissing
(14:03):
and other touch, but it was like when it wasmore than that, that it totally Yeah.
What if he's gay now?
He's married now to a female.
Oh, okay.
Still could be gay.
I don't know.
But I hope that they're really happy and havinggreat sex.
I was just shocked.
I was like, oh,
it's not Did you take any of that
personally in like, wondering if it was, youknow, like, what about you, or if it was just
(14:25):
the chemistry?
It's a good question.
I am proud of myself in saying that I didn't,because at that time, I did have a lot of
insecurity and insecurity around my body.
And if I think back on that, like, didn't Ididn't make it mean anything about me.
I didn't make it mean anything about him.
I just was like, that was weird.
(14:45):
I'm confused and shocked and like, clearly notgonna butt canoodle again.
So, yeah.
No, yeah, it didn't but I didn't it didn't itdidn't influence any sexual interactions I had
moving forward.
Like, it wasn't in my field.
It wasn't something that I carried in my brainfor a while.
It's not actually something I don't thinkabout.
Well, enough because you've had
(15:06):
so much great sex.
Was like, don't know.
I'm pretty fortunate.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Curious.
Did he give any indication that it was mindblowing for him?
Well, like, we didn't have, like did we'relike, did he seem like, oh, oh, you know, where
were there any, like, sound effects going?
Or I think he did have some sound effects.
Yeah.
(15:26):
Actually, I have to think about that.
I don't know that he gave indications that itwas mind blowing for him.
I think he was in Resonant, that, like, it wasjust it was awkward.
Yeah.
It just wasn't, like this is why ladies Was it
Was it meant to make make your orgasm.
Just so demands, you know, whoever it is
Yeah.
Knows the truth.
Yeah.
Yeah, didn't fake anything.
(15:48):
I can't really fake, if I'm being honest.
I don't hide what I'm feeling well at all inany scenario.
It just comes out.
So, yeah.
No, I think that
yeah.
I don't think so.
I think he also, you know?
I don't know if he thought it was as weird as,like, surprising as I did.
But I
don't think Every time for him might have beenmediocre?
(16:08):
Well, I happen to know a story I learned abouta couple months ago.
That's why this story has more come up of aanyway, someone else that he had had sex with
that was also really not good.
So I don't know.
And they had sex years, years, years, years,years ago.
But yeah.
Also.
So
One of my curiosities is so interesting to mehow, like, kissing in that part was like you're
(16:31):
like, that was a yes, right?
I'm like, Yeah.
It's, like, fascinating to me too around, like,what shifts in the body where it's like, Yes,
yes, yes, all of a sudden, Oh, hell no.
This is not not interesting to me. -ASHLEY:
And I think Interesting.
I think in like the and the most takeawaypoints, like important points of this is like,
whatever the body is saying at any given point,like, can be yes, and it's okay if it's a no,
(16:54):
and, the body is allowed to change its mind.
A thousand percent.
And to say, like, a thousand percent listen tothe body like, the body's intelligence.
And I wasn't my body wasn't a no, but it was,like, a neutral.
Yeah.
It You know what I mean?
It also wasn't charged.
It was like, Well, let's see, you know?
And we we completed the You know, whatever.
It wasn't like it was a long lasting thing.
So definitely wasn't like disregarding body.
(17:16):
-NANCY:
Yeah.
And there just wasn't anything there.
It's kinda weird to unusual to be neutral or adud.
Yeah.
When you felt really turned on, like there wasa lot, there was a lot building for months, at
least like eight months, maybe like between himand I.
-So And really that goes together.
You know, I oftentimes like was just Oftentimeslike hot make out sessions are a good indicator
(17:40):
of like the chemistry to come, but it's a goodexample.
Just like not always, like Yeah.
And the
first night we kissed was that night too.
For Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
Got it.
But that was enjoyable and fun.
Sometimes,
even with awkward sex, it's the journey to getthere, and not necessarily the destination.
Alright, Jania.
That's gonna be sad, but like sex in general.
(18:02):
Like, destination's amazing, but the journey'salso amazing.
And we skip over the journey, I think, rush thedestination so frequently.
I agree.
That's what I find more and more I need is is alonger sensual journey towards a destination.
Those are my best experiences.
I'm a very sensual person, so I need a lot oftouch and contact and Yeah.
(18:23):
Slow.
Yeah.
A lot of slow build.
Yeah.
Me too.
So, Cosmos.
We're so angry.
I feel like I have a lot of awkward sex thatjust happens naturally because, like I think
it's true with dancing too.
Like, I'm not very good at following a leaderin dancing.
(18:43):
It's like a like a practice for me.
And I think that happens in sex, too, where,like, it just gets a little clumsy and mismatch
or like I've, like, farted so many times duringsex at this point that, like, it could be like,
oh, well, can we take, a quick pause and like,maybe this is hydration break because I really
have to fart or whatever it is.
So, yeah, I think that it just happens in my,like, clumsiness and and I don't take it, like,
(19:09):
into my next sexual experience because I feellike that's just part of, like, being a human
and, like, we're being primal and, like, nakedand, like, messy and that's just, like, it's
part of it.
But when I think about an awkward sexualexperience, the one that comes up for me and it
wasn't me being awkward necessarily, but havingsex with a woman who had a lot of buildup.
(19:31):
And I don't know if this happens for you, butsometimes if I have a really good masturbation
session, like intense crying will follow andnot because I'm sad, but just because, like,
there's that release that happens that feelsreally good.
And it's like a really good cry, especially inthe shower or wherever that is.
And that's what happened with this woman where,like, we we both came and at at the end of her
(19:52):
orgasm was, like, heavy sobbing and, like,needing friendship.
And, like, I held her hand and maybe that wasawkward for her.
And, like, there was some awkwardness because Iwas just having fun, you know, and it was,
like, this heavy thing for her, and it'd been along time for her too.
She's had sex.
I hope she's doing well wherever she is, butlike, that was like seemed really awkward for
(20:18):
her in a very vulnerable moment and very rawand not the way that she wanted that to end,
I'm guessing, or Yeah.
Or like me either.
But
Yeah.
Really unexpected when the body just decidesit's time to have that release.
Yeah.
Were the two of
you newer sexual partners, or had you beensexual before?
No.
We'd been friends for some time.
(20:41):
Yeah.
We've been friends for for years and had, like,you know, like, flirted a bit, but never had
sex.
And she, like, she came to visit me in Denver.
And it was and it was understood too.
Like, we were both, like, hooking up.
And and so, you know, I was very honest aboutthat, but we didn't really talk about, like,
what our relationship would look like afterthat.
(21:02):
And I think there were a lot of feelings aboutthat too.
Like, she wanted it to be a thing, and we livedin different cities.
So I didn't even consider that as apossibility.
It was just honestly sex for me.
And maybe that was also part of what came upfor her too, is like knowing it was finite.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
And it feels almost like insensitive to callthat an awkward moment because I wouldn't want
(21:25):
her to feel that way.
Yeah.
But it wasn't like Well, think awkward is
un I'd say there's a word like unexpectedbecause you maybe didn't imagine you're having
fun and play and it does lead sometimes toreally deep and emotionally connected
vulnerable experience, you know?
So
I think those words can be sometimes, you know,interchanged.
And I think what comes to is, like, she musthave just felt or her her nervous system and I
(21:48):
mean, unconscious of it or unconscious of it,like, really safe with you.
God.
Maybe that comes from, like, the friendshipthat was there too before to help her, allow
her to have that level of release.
Yeah.
That's a good point.
That's nice to think about.
I
also think, like, this whole conversation to meon awkwardness, in part, is about making it
(22:12):
okay for things to be awkward, and, like,taking out, like, the good or the bad or, like,
the charge one way or the other, and just, likelike, as humans, like, sometimes it's okay.
Like, experiences can be can be awkward, andthat's, like, totally okay.
It's like, does it It doesn't mean anything.
Right?
And it's just like, okay if we feel that way orif somebody else feels that way, and it doesn't
(22:33):
mean anybody's a bad lover or anybody didanything wrong, or like, it doesn't have to be
bad, I feel like, to feel that it's just, like,information that our body is giving us in the
It's just part of the experience.
Right.
Exactly.
I feel like what really helps, set the tone foreasy awkwardness is if after the first time you
have sex with someone is you make sure youfart.
(22:54):
Afterwards?
Which is a truth out of the way or yeah.
It's a true story.
The first time that my partner and I made love,I farted immediately afterwards.
And I was like, you know, just so you know,this is who I am.
Like, this is what you give.
If you're not okay with this, we're not gonnawork out.
So just to, like, get that up.
Yeah.
Yeah.
As well.
Mhmm.
I don't normally that know that I have the urgeto but, like, I'm gonna sit with that now.
(23:17):
I'm like, okay.
Like, okay.
It wasn't a choice.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I love that as, like, your sex tip.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Advice.
Just have it you want.
Yeah.
Well, and I think that both of what you Diamondand Cosmos said of, like, aqua like, it is part
of being human.
And, you know, when your body's moving andslippery and you're in the moment, things will
happen and body hearts will hit or this willhurt, you know, and and just rolling with it
(23:38):
and allow, like, humor or lightness if that'savailable or not yeah.
Not needing to make a story or not needing tomake it right or wrong and just recognizing.
Yeah.
We're just humans being
in
our bodies.
We're doing a very primal thing.
And, yeah, sometimes it feels totally in sync,and sometimes, oh, something's a little, like,
off or funny, or what do we need torecalibrate?
(24:00):
And just using that as information to becurious.
Yeah.
And I think, like, noticing too, like, thedifference with awkward, like, it can just be
like a normal part of, like, a very healthyrelationship of having an awkward moment, and
differentiating that between, like, your storyaround, Oh, this is actually information for
me, of, like, This is not the person.
Right?
So there's like that momentary awkwardnessaround like, Oh, yeah, versus the body being
(24:23):
like, Oh, no, this is not for me.
And they're actually They're very different,but they're both examples of awkward moments.
But what we do with that information is verydifferent.
Yeah.
I feel like it's more embarrassing even thansex to, like, accidentally hit the person on
the face or, you know, like
I like clumping this.
Head with my leg before.
(24:45):
Like, the head head?
Yeah, like, I've kicked his head Oh, yeah.
Right.
Like, that's a really good example.
And you're like, oof, I'm so sorry.
And, like, you have to get back in the momentor Take a pause.
Or take a pause.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So you just Yeah.
And that's fair, right?
Because you're moving your your limbs inhorizontal ways, which you're not normally
(25:07):
doing in your day to day.
So it's fair.
It's fair.
Yeah.
Being so kind to ourselves right now.
It's okay.
I think it's also, like, a testament of just,like, as women, we're always, like, associating
experiences and ourselves to perfection.
It's like comparing ourselves to this idea ofperfection always.
(25:30):
And I think it's just a really gentle reminderthat we don't have to do that.
We don't have to hold ourselves to theseexorbitantly high expectations, and we could
just be present in the moment.
Yeah.
Exactly.
I think men do that also.
Like, have that performance anxiety becausethey're often doing more more of the act
action.
(25:51):
Right?
Like, I wonder I'm curious if men questiontheir performance in that same way that we,
like, you know, think about our our perfectionor lack of perfection.
Imagine it comes up.
Right?
But I don't know that that's like the regulardialogue in a man's mind.
I don't know.
I Yeah, I I don't know.
(26:12):
Do not It would
be cute.
This would be a
good, maybe, conversation for a libido lunch,but
Yeah, I'm gonna do boyfriend edition someday.
It's like
Yes, yeah.
I want the boys to spill over hype edition.
Yes.
I do think there is something that unique tothe female brain and just our effort, like the
orientation of, like, getting it right, gettingit perfect, setting things up, that the more we
(26:33):
can soften just being in the brain and the mindand more what is here, what's in our body,
what's in that feminine essence, which isreally primal and really raw and unraveled,
there's less of that performative.
You know, the energy of performative comes whenI think of what you shared around, like, you
need to be perfect or whatever and just gettingto be more real.
(26:54):
And with realness is some awkwardness, becauseit's unexpected.
Yeah.
Have you heard that saying, that men need tohave sex to feel close, and women need to feel
close to have sex?
For sure.
Yeah.
Did and that holds true.
I mean, does for me.
I I'm an You are?
(27:14):
You don't need to feel close.
I I do.
And sex is a way that I deeply feel connectedand close with Saudi.
It's something I use to feel close with people.
Oh, interesting.
But I
know that's not the most common.
Yeah.
I definitely think there's research andevidence, like, showing that even from arousal.
Right?
Like, from a standpoint of arousal, like,there's a level of touch and closeness and
(27:37):
being, engaged in that before, like, this iswhere the twenty minute rule comes in for many
women around.
It takes sometimes twenty minutes into actuallybeing sexually engaged before women sometimes
are even turned on.
Right?
And I think some of that is related to exactlywhat you're saying there around, like, we need
that closeness in order to actually feel likethey're in we're interested in sex more
(28:00):
commonly as women Yeah.
In their generalities.
But I think they do hold some level of truth tothem.
Well, where do you think the one night standthen falls on that spectrum?
It's in is it is it just like in the chase?
Like, or is it is it not even about closenessat all?
Is it just something that's completelydifferent and instincts?
(28:20):
Sexual desires too, right, that that lieoutside of relationships.
So maybe that's part of it, but I forgot what Iwas gonna say.
Yeah.
I I feel like I I won't say much because thatwould be I feel like a whole I have a lot of
episodes.
Yeah.
Have a whole lot of thoughts I have a whole lotof thoughts on that, but I do think it's a very
(28:44):
I think generally, like, think exactly whatwe're saying is very true.
What you had to say, Cosmos, right, about womenneeding more time or more maybe emotional
connection versus, you know, men just you know?
And I think individually, we're all reallydifferent.
And so I think even individually, the one nightstand, you could probably make some big
generalizations of what that's about.
But I think for each person, uniquely, for somepeople, would totally not be right.
(29:07):
For others, it can be a really informative partof their journey and really important, and
maybe get a lot a lot of yeah.
Not only just pleasure, but, like, a lot outout of that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'll sit my lips there.
That women tend
to
have more intense orgasms if they feel apotential long term connection to a partner.
(29:31):
And, I mean, I've just heard that in my I'm aserial monogamist, so I don't have a lot of
data points.
But maybe that's part of the one night standtoo is, like like, thinking about this person
as a potential mate, whether consciously orsubconsciously, right, like, inform how your
sexual experience is.
(29:52):
Maybe.
Probably for most.
I think there's some Wait a minute.
Maybe I shouldn't answer these I don't know.
I mean, I've obviously changed.
I'm not in that zone anymore, but I One ofthings has been a big part of my sexual
experience.
And doesn't fulfill me anymore, and there'ssomething that I really sought out in them.
There's something about the novelty of it.
(30:14):
Yes, probably my some of my more profoundorgasms were in container of relationship, and
I have found it, for me, in the past, very easyto have really pretty incredible orgasms in one
night stands.
And I think that has to do more I don't wanna,like, share too much because it does feel
pretty vulnerable and personal.
(30:35):
But the high level would be, like, there's thenovelty of, like, there's no attachment.
Like, I there's no expectation.
I feel so free to just let whatever wants tocome up.
There's a freedom that I feel in those Inposition.
Exactly, those experiences, in the past.
Yeah.
If it gets really awkward, you don't have
(30:55):
to see that person ever at Gary, so you couldjust be, See you.
Or, like, leave.
That's happened by old girls.
Bye.
Sorry.
No.
That and that's with with Karen.
You're, of course, very respectable.
I actually no.
I know.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's interesting.
My my experience with them, which was likemostly in my twenties, was novelty, and I feel
(31:23):
like there was, like, you know, you mentionedthat, I feel like it was a huge part of me just
exploring different humans, and learning, andgrowing, and just having experiences that were
so vastly different.
So I feel like there was such a important partof them for me blossoming into my sexual self.
(31:44):
And then, I At one point, decided they wereThat was not for me anymore, and it was, like,
starting to notice the differentiation of,like, when I was in relationship, and the depth
that I could feel like I could get into withpleasure and orgasms, versus I had that
experience that you're bringing up around,Yeah, it was, like, it was rewarding and
fulfilling in some ways, but from a standpointof, like, the depths of the orgasm and the
(32:07):
depths of where I felt like I could go in mysexual experiences, I was finding that it was
just not the same at all, which which made mebecome, you know, decide that I was just no
longer interested in that kind of experience.
I wanted to clarify, yes, I agree witheverything you're saying.
That was like but it served me really stronglyfor a solid period of my life and my sexual
(32:29):
evolution as a female, also being raised superCatholic
Mhmm.
And not being that.
So I think I had to go the other spectrum.
But yes, I think what you're all saying, like,agree.
Like yeah.
Just wanted to, Love it.
Hopefully, I'm coming clear, just like, yeah, Istill love it.
No.
Like, I I really desire and crave more thatcontained long term relationship.
(32:49):
Mhmm.
May likely monogamous, but I don't know at thispoint for myself.
But to, yeah, experience greater depths ofintimacy.
And it's crazy how much it changes based onwhere you are in your life or what you're
seeking in relationships.
And the example that came up for me is that asa, like, as a queer woman, when I was wanting
(33:10):
to get pregnant, I all of my sexual fantasieswere heterosexual.
Like, very, very clearly, where it was prettymixed or, like -NANCY: Interesting.
Even biological.
Yeah.
Even more like, because I'm I happen to be in aheterosexual relationship, that when I have
masturbation fantasies, they're usually aboutwomen, because that's like, what I'm not yeah,
(33:31):
what I'm not getting currently, but when Iwanted to get pregnant.
And even during my pregnancy, like, it was,like, men only.
And even, like, men that I wouldn't normally beattracted to, I was suddenly attracted to.
So Because of their, like, stability orkindness or whatever, like, totally not even my
types.
But weird how my body, like, knew what I reallywanted sexually, which didn't match up with my
(33:54):
life experience.
So interesting.
Yeah.
Know.
It's true.
And now that now it's switched kinda back, incase you wanna know.
Like, you have a Now that's three of them.
Well, now that I have a child, I'm, like, likemore split down the middle because I don't,
like, I don't have that.
The trolley anymore.
Mhmm.
Yep.
Already gotten the dough, injured, and alldone.
(34:15):
All
done?
So interesting.
I'd love to know, like, the hormone part ofOnce
a thousand percent What do you know about that?
And other stories of others, right, who aresimilar.
Yeah.
But if that's, like, a similar experience, Imean, would imagine.
I don't wanna assume, but I would imagine.
Would be hilarious to me.
Yeah.
What others have experience.
(34:35):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wow.
So I'd love for you guys.
We have like like created so many questions.
I'd love for you guys to leave in the comments,like, your thoughts on some of these things.
So if anybody's listening that is bisexual andhave had any sort of experiences like Cosmos
has shared around craving one sex versusanother, one gender versus another, when you
(34:58):
are looking to have a child?
Would love to hear about that.
Would also love to hear from both men and womenaround, like, performance anxiety, or just
anxiety in general.
Like, does this ever come up for you whereyou're feeling a sense of, like, really needing
to perform, and- and- and it's actuallyinterrupting or changing your ability to be
present and enjoying your intimaterelationships.
(35:21):
Feel free to remain anonymous in your comments,if that would help your, you know, your ability
to comment.
We'd just love to hear from you.
It'll help us create more amazing episodes tosupport you and your journey.
I wanna thank my girlfriends for being herewith me today.
And just to remind you guys that you can go tohotterlife.com to get a free copy of my ebook,
(35:43):
Five Easy Steps to Mind Blowing Orgasms andRomance.
So that's hotterlife.com.
I'm doctor Diane.
We'll see you on another episode.
Ciao for now.
Well, that's a wrap for today.
I hope this conversation around emotions andjealousy has helped you a lot.
Please do subscribe to the channel because wehave another girlfriend edition coming out.
(36:05):
Don't want you to miss that.
We're talking about how to stoke your libidothrough the ebbs and flows of relationships as
well as being in and out of relationshipsduring that in between time.
And please make sure you go to hotterlife.comto download my free ebook, five easy steps for
mind blowing orgasms and romance.
See you soon.
Ciao for now.
(36:29):
Thank you for listening to the Libido Lounge.
Please don't keep me a secret.
Please share this with your friends.
You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, aswell as how to work with me at mylibidodoc.com
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