May 2, 2025 • 34 mins
Are you struggling with erectile dysfunction and wondering why Viagra isn't working for you? You're not alone! In this video, we'll dive into the common reasons why Viagra may not be effective for you, from underlying health conditions to lifestyle factors and more. Discover the surprising reasons why your Viagra may not be working as expected and what you can do to improve your sexual health. Whether you're experiencing erectile dysfunction for the first time or have been struggling with it for years, this video will give you the insights you need to take control of your intimate health. So, what's really stopping your Viagra from working?
Let's find out! Join the Libido Club to hear part 2 and get tips, techniques and so much more! MyLibidoDoc.com/club
Get Caitlin's Course: Hard as You Want: https://caitlinvneal.samcart.com/referral/LQaIeYf6/cFCYOVbqggiWCUnh
To Learn more about Caitlin Go here: caitlin@caitlinvneal.com youtube.com/caitlinv
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
In The United States.
Forty Percent of men in their forties, 50percent in their fifties, 60 percent in their
sixties, 70 percent in their seventies.
I don't think it needs to be this way.
I also think that doesn't take into accountthat there is a growing number of young boys
and men who are dealing with erectiledysfunction because of their relationship often
led by their relationship with porn.
A lot of couples just don't address it, andthis is, like, where sex ends.
(00:22):
This is, like, where intimacy goes to die intheir relationship.
It's been said that masculinity is made out ofmojo, money, and muscles.
Well, I am sex and relationship coach CaitlinV.
I have a YouTube channel with about 900,000subscribers, and I am the host of Good Sex on
HBO Max.
(00:42):
There are many ways for you to feel confidentin partnership.
There are many ways for you to providepleasure.
There are many ways for you to have a beautifuland expanded intimate relationship with your
partner that do not require you to be hard.
We we are so fortunate to have the bodies andthe abilities and the capacities that we do
(01:04):
today, but we are so misguided if we assumethat we are gonna have them forever.
If you are in your forties and you're gettinghard most of the time, 90% of the time.
You may actually and so your ability to get andstay hard is related often to the circumstances
in your life in which your body wants to
(01:26):
so prepare yourself that that that and knowthat change Hey, everybody.
Quick break on our episode to talk to you aboutour sponsor, My Libido Doc.
One of the things that we truly believe is thatgreat sex is available to everyone, but we just
have to learn how.
So head over to our site to get your free copyof our ebook, five steps to mind blowing
(01:54):
orgasms and romance.
Get the quick and easy tips to turn your sexlife around, rev up your engines, and fall in
deeper love and passion with yourself and yourpartner.
So if you just go to mysexdoc.com, you willfind that e book there for download.
Now back to our show.
(02:15):
Hey everybody.
Welcome back lovers, lovebirds.
Welcome back everybody to another episode ofThe Lounge.
I'm your host, libido expert, Doctor.
Diane, and I'm thrilled about our guest today.
As you just heard about, Caitlin V is just abreath of so much knowledge, and we are
(02:36):
focusing on ED and performance anxiety.
We're not just focusing on the men today, we'realso focusing on how their partners can show up
and navigate this process with them, helpsupport them, help stay connected during this,
and so much more.
So, thank you for being with us today, Caitlin.
Thank you for bringing all of your expertise toour audience today.
(03:00):
My pleasure.
You so having me.
Okay.
So let's start kind of picture.
So when somebody is, say, just starting withknowing that something is not working
correctly, when they're suspecting maybe it isa level of ED Mhmm.
Where do people start?
(03:21):
Where do the men start, and where do thepartners start at the very beginning to kinda
kick off the process of overcoming this and ofbringing their personal and their sex life back
into balance?
Where do we start?
Well, often they start with panic.
And and that's that's totally fair andreasonable, and and if you find yourself in
(03:44):
that situation, just know that you are notalone.
There are plenty of resources and lots ofexperts out there who are here to support you.
I recommend that everyone start with a actualphysical, from a qualified medical health
professional to give them an idea of what'sgoing on internally.
So let me back up even one step further.
(04:05):
There are several places or indications thatsomething is up, right?
It could be that a man stops having erectionswhen he is with his partner, when he's being
sexual with another person.
It could be that he starts having troublegetting hard when he's going to masturbate,
when he's being sexual solo.
And it could be that he notices a decline inhis, overall, erection frequency, in the
(04:28):
mornings, right?
He's not getting morning wood, as regularly ashe was before.
So if you experience any of those three, it'san indication that something should be looked
at.
We should we should be consulting with aprofessional and and making some changes.
One important distinction I would make is thatif you were only finding that you're not
getting hard with a partner and you are gettinghard when you're masturbating, or you are
(04:51):
getting hard when you wake up in the morning,then it probably is not physical in nature.
Right?
Because your body is capable of getting anerection.
But if you are not getting hard solo or firstthing in the morning, go straight to your
doctor because a lack of erections and erectiledysfunction is one of the best and earliest
signs of cardiovascular issues, of diabetesrelated issues, of something that is going to
(05:13):
go far beyond what a coach or therapist is ableto help you with and you've got to start there.
In fact, not getting hard is one of the corereasons that men go to the doctor to begin
with, right?
Yeah, it's true.
So that's typically the that's the right placeto start but that's not the right place to
stop, right?
Even if you find that it is purely aphysiological reason that is preventing you
(05:33):
from getting erect, it still is going to havean impact on your partner, it's still going
have an impact on your relationship, on yourdating life.
And so going to see a coach or a therapist or asex expert of some kind after that is still a
critical piece in taking care of yourself andplanning for a future that's still gonna have a
lot of pleasure and excitement and joy andconnection in it.
(05:54):
So then if a partner is involved, or likemeaning like, okay, there is this erection that
is working when it's masturbation, or the hardon's happening in the morning, and then they
try to have sex with a partner, and that's whenthey're noticing it.
So the partner's probably going to also noticein these scenarios, right?
And I feel like so much of the time, this getslike shoved under the rug for conversation
(06:20):
because, you know, it can be embarrassing.
There can be a lot of, of like this almostemasculating type of feelings that can come up
around this.
So at what point when there is that awarenessof like, oh gosh, this is only happening with
my partner, at what point do men start talkingto their partner about it, and and what do you
(06:40):
recommend there?
It's difficult for both men and for women indifferent ways.
Right?
And, you know, if you don't already have abaseline of great, vulnerable communication
around sexual subjects with your partner, thenthis can feel like an enormous, insurmountable,
like, burden that you are gonna have to dealwith either alone or it's gonna require an up
(07:04):
leveling of communication with you and yourpartner.
And, yeah, it will, but I guarantee the resultswill be so worth it.
Because if you can talk about this, you cantalk about other things as well.
Right?
Fantasies, desires, challenges, obstacles,etcetera.
So when it comes to addressing these things,with a partner, yeah, you're totally right.
(07:26):
A lot of couples just don't address it.
And this is like where sex ends.
This is like where intimacy goes to die intheir relationship.
One of the things that I like to point tothough is if you are getting hard in the
morning and when you're masturbating and you'renot getting hard with a partner, that's an
indication that something is in the way.
Right?
We think about erections.
I like to think about them as like a a a flow,like an energetic flow, a blood flow, a a flow
(07:49):
of of health and well-being and vitality inyour life and an indication that things are in
flow.
So if you're not getting hired with a partner,that's just an indication that things are not
flowing there.
Right?
Often that's the result of maybe unspokenresentment.
Right?
Maybe something happened in the relationshipeven years ago that is still bothering you and
(08:09):
you haven't expressed, you haven't worked outbetween you and your partner, but for you know,
your twenties, your thirties, into yourforties, you were able to kind of put put that
aside and still get hard and still be virile inthat way, And now your body's not supporting
you so much in the same way that it was.
And those things that are that are, you know,essentially plugging up the flow of love and
(08:29):
energy and connection between the two of youare now also stemming the flow and the tide of
your body being able to get and stay hard withyour partner.
And this is why I say it's also difficult forwomen too, right?
Because sometimes men especially will havesomething go on in the relationship and there
will be resentment or they will, you know,they'll push it down in favor of staying strong
(08:52):
and silent and stoic, right?
And so they don't address it and then laterthey're not getting hard and the woman is like,
do you not love me anymore?
Are you not attracted to me anymore?
Because we were all raised that if a man isattracted to you, he'll just like spring up at
a moment's notice and be able to stay hard andbe able to ejaculate, you know, at the perfect
time and all that.
You know, it's a bill of goods.
(09:13):
That's not actually how the bodies are designedto work, male or female.
But it can be difficult for, a female partnerwho who isn't on the inside, can only guess
from the outside, and can only support so muchher man in figuring out what's going on, for
him.
Yeah.
I think there's so much truth in that.
(09:34):
I think it's so easy as humans for us to justmake up stories, right?
The brain just fills in information for thingsthat we don't understand.
So, you know, it's like a really importantpoint to say, okay, well, if man's not getting
hard, it's so easy for the partner to be like,oh, it's gotta be me.
Right.
And we just fill in the gaps for things that wedon't understand, and it's true for everything,
(09:57):
you know, so.
And I think it's also a really good point tothink that, hey, the more practice we get at
having these hard conversations, and make themno big deal, the more we can talk about
anything in- in life, you know, anything inlife at all, and especially in the sex world,
really helping with, actually talking about ourneeds, preferences, our fantasies, as you
(10:19):
mentioned.
So, that's like the silver lining, I think,this, is like, can be that that ground that
helps flip people into, I guess we have to talkabout this now.
Right.
And remember, don't have
to jump in.
You don't have to like eat the whole elephantin one go.
Right?
Like, hey, have you noticed this thing?
I've also noticed this thing.
We talk about that thing.
(10:39):
Okay.
Let's talk about that thing.
Okay.
How do we wanna talk about that thing?
Okay.
Let's let's make some traction here.
Let's do this here.
Let's schedule a conversation there, then let'sschedule a follow-up conversation.
You don't have to try to make up for a wholebunch of lost time in a single conversation.
And if it is resentment related, bringing in aprofessional to act as a neutral third party to
help you to have those communications anduncover what's been buried can be very helpful
(11:04):
as well.
Yeah.
And I like what you're saying.
It's almost like the rules of engagement.
Right?
Like, we're gonna have this conversation.
How would you like this conversation to go andset up the framework for those conversations
versus just like, I'm gonna jump right in andmaybe throw in some shock value to something I
wasn't prepared for.
Right?
We do this all the time in communication.
(11:24):
We assume that this is kind of likecommunication and sex actually have a lot in
common in this way.
We kind of assume that they should just workfor us.
And if we just go in there and we just startdoing it, we'll just figure it out and
everything is gonna be fine and nothing isrequired especially not learning or setting
things up in advance of jumping in and doingit.
And communication and sex are the same in thatway.
(11:44):
We can learn how to do both of them better andthe more that we talk about how we want to
enjoy them, the better that they will go andwe'll have, you know it's hard to know what you
don't know with sex or communication.
Fortunately, there are tons of resources andthere are lots of experts available out there
can help us to identify where there are skillgaps where we can improve, and can help us to
(12:05):
develop the, the keen awareness that isrequired to do both of them very well.
Yeah.
And you're right.
They're both areas too that we're not reallytaught how to do them.
We're just thrown into life and be like, okay,well, there's just this inherent belief that,
yeah, we're just born with these skills orsomething, and and that's like couldn't be
further from the truth.
(12:26):
So, what about like another thing that reallyhappens, and I know all the men that are
listening to this and are struggling with this,probably relate to this around, like, like, the
confidence that goes down, and, like, thatperformance anxiety around, like, oh, crap,
it's happening again.
Here we go.
And it's, you know, it's like almost like thisself fulfilling prophecy of this vicious cycle
(12:48):
that as soon as it happens once or even a fewtimes, then I think it's like we can self
create more of it.
So, how do, how do men like begin to get out ofthat cycle that I think is inherent, you know,
inherent part of this?
Yeah.
Well, and and it
is so true that once you start your mind on thetract of this is how things are, I'm just
(13:13):
pointing her, it's gonna happen again.
Like if you if you really let your mind runaway with those things, you are setting up an
environment in which you are way more likely tocontinue to deal with these things, you're
almost like calling it in by allowing it tocontinue to persist in your mind and and it's
like a weed that takes root in the garden ofyour mind.
You have to be willing to pull it out.
(13:34):
Even if it continues to come back, continue toyank it out and plant something else in there
that is actually empowering.
That actually leaves you feeling that there'ssomething that can be done about this.
The confidence thing it's been said thatmasculinity is made out of mojo, money, and
muscles.
Right?
That masculinity needs to be, like, constantlyearned and created and proven, and some of the
(13:59):
most common ways that men do that is throughtheir physical body, through their ability to
earn money, and through their the sex that theyhave with a partner.
And it's true for if any of those three thingsgets taken away from you, your ability to earn
money, your ability to exercise and work outand feel powerful in your body, or your ability
to perform in the bedroom, that you may bedealing with a crisis of confidence.
(14:19):
Right?
So my first piece of advice to whether you'redealing with this or not is to make sure that
you have multiple sources of confidence in yourlife.
Make sure that you are not just reliant on onthose three things that you have multiple
identities and relationships and things thatsupport you in a holistic way so that if you
lose any one of the pillars of your life thatyou would not be left, you know, kind of just
(14:42):
standing on stilts.
Right?
You wanna make sure that you are supported inall the ways that, that are that are gonna
leave you feeling like you have more to rest onand rely on, and your identity is not just your
ability to make money and provide sex andorgasms.
That said, we may be speaking too late.
You may already have been dealing with this,confidence challenge in, in in losing your
(15:05):
ability to maybe get and stay hard or havingthat be, less certain or less predictable over
time.
And what I would say to you is there is a thereare many ways for you to feel confident in
partnership.
There are many ways for you to providepleasure.
(15:27):
There are many ways for you to have a beautifuland expanded intimate relationship with your
partner that do not require you to be hard.
They don't require you to get off.
They don't require you to perform in anyparticular way.
But it often when I say this to men, they,like, can't hear it right away because it it it
(15:49):
doesn't confirm and conform to what they haveknown about themselves and about, you know,
what they've been taught or or considered to bestandard, like typical normal sexuality for for
maybe their entire lives.
And so they say to me like, look, Caitlin, it'seasy for you to say.
You don't have a cock.
Right?
But I will tell you that all of us are justtemporarily abled at best.
(16:11):
Right?
We we are so fortunate to have the bodies andthe abilities and the capacities that we do
today, but we are so misguided if we assumethat we are gonna have them forever.
And women understand this inherently because wecycle throughout the month and throughout our
life, so we know that our bodies are gonnachange.
But men, the first time that your body changesin a significant way, especially if it has to
(16:31):
do with your cock and your sexuality, can beearth shattering.
So prepare yourself and know that change isinevitable, your body is going to change, and
then start to do the work of discerning whereyour confidence and groundedness and your self
(16:54):
identity are coming from, and make sure thatit's multiple sources, if you can before
something changes in your body.
And if it's already changed,
then do that work now.
I love this advice so much.
And, you know, I think it also also isimportant to, like, normalize ED from a
standpoint of this is so common.
Right?
I think it's so easy to feel like we'reisolated on this island when anything for women
(17:18):
or men, when anything happens in the sex spacebecause people aren't talking about it.
But if men live long enough, almost a hundredpercent of them are going to have some level of
ED, you know, come up in their life.
It's like that normal.
So I think just normalizing it too, and justlike making it non taboo is so important.
We should
I Go ahead, We should also qualify what we meanby ED.
(17:43):
Yeah.
Because it depends on who you ask, whatpercentage of the time that you go to get hard,
if you do not get hard, qualifies as erectiledysfunction.
Like, you know, are you getting hard 75 of thetime that you go to get hard?
Are you getting hard 90% of the time that yougo to get hard?
Are you getting hard 50% of the time that youwanna get hard?
(18:04):
So not all of these will qualify for erectiledysfunction, and it depends on, you know, whose
definition you're going based off of, like, theMasters and Johnson definition, which is, far
more forgiving than more current, morecontemporary definitions of erectile
dysfunction.
But, like, you are in your forties and you'regetting hard most of the time, eighty, ninety
(18:29):
percent of the time, you may actually notreally qualify as someone who has erectile
dysfunction.
The stats are pretty damning in The UnitedStates.
Forty Percent of men in their forties, 50percent in their fifties, 60 percent in their
sixties, 70 percent in their seventies.
I don't think it needs to be this way.
I also think that doesn't take into accountthat there is a growing number of young boys
and men who are dealing with erectiledysfunction because
(18:51):
of their relationship often led by theirrelationship with porn.
Hey, everybody.
Quick break on our episode to talk to you aboutour sponsor, My Libido Doc.
One of the things that we truly believe is thatgreat sex is available to everyone, but we just
have to learn how.
So head over to our site to get your free copyof our ebook, five steps to mind blowing
(19:18):
orgasms and romance.
Get the quick and easy tips to turn your sexlife around, rev up your engines, and fall in
deeper love and passion with yourself and yourpartner.
So if you just go to mysexdoc.com, you willfind that ebook there for download.
Now back to our show.
(19:39):
But it doesn't have to
be this way.
You do not have to be a statistic along thoselines.
And also, if you are dealing with this, you'reyou're not alone.
You're actually in the majority.
It's just that maybe these things aren't beingdiscussed by the men closest to you.
So then I'm curious because I I talk about thesame thing when it comes to the topic of low
libido, right?
So if we look at low libido in the medicaldefinition of hypoactive sexual desire
(20:03):
disorder, and how we define that for somebodyto get that diagnosis is so subjective.
It's basically saying, you know, reporting thatyou have a low sex drive for six months.
Well, low according to who?
So, my question for you is like similar then inlike the ED world, like, with stats that are
all over the place, right, and it not beingclear from that standpoint around like, okay,
(20:26):
well, truly, what are the percentages?
How often do I have to have a hard on in orderto be classified as ED?
What do you recommend men look out for from astandpoint of like, oh, this is, you know, this
is not happening, like, hardly at all.
It's just this random, you know, fluke here orthere.
Like, where is that line where men should say,this is actually a problem.
(20:47):
I should talk to my doctor.
I should talk to my partner.
I should look into this.
Where where is that line?
I would say when it happens, not the first timeit happens.
Right?
Because you are human and not a machine, andyour body is going to be have its ups and downs
and ebbs and flows.
But if it becomes a continual pattern of notbeing able to get hard when you regularly
(21:09):
expect to be able to get hard, including, veryimportantly, masturbation and in the morning.
Now you don't have to wake up with an erectionevery single morning.
You have to be best case scenario, you aregetting hard throughout your sleep.
Sometimes just like you wake up in the middleof the dream.
Right?
Sometimes you the dream completes before youwake up.
Same with erections.
Sometimes you wake up in the middle of theerections.
(21:30):
Sometimes the erection was fifteen minutes ago,now you're conscious.
But if you find that over time, you are notgetting erections when you expect them to, And
with a partner, if it is becoming an issue foryou, that, I think that is a good enough reason
to go and start working on addressing it.
And that doesn't mean addressing it with aprescription.
Right?
Prescriptions are great.
Little blue pills is very powerful, very, verypotent and important piece of medical
(21:54):
technology.
Very glad that it exists.
But I also think that a lot of doctors turn tothat immediately, instead of doing any of the
deeper work and and asking, like, you know,first of all, what is going on on a
physiological level, but also what's going onin emotional and mental and even a spiritual
level.
Are you very stressed at work?
Did you just lose a parent?
Are you caregiving a sick child?
Like, these are reasons that your body isn'tgetting hard, and these are very valid reasons
(22:18):
for your body not to get hard.
I mean, remember your ability to get anerection, an erection is nothing more than a
bridge for your DNA.
Right?
And so your ability to get and stay hard isrelated often to the circumstances in your life
in which your body wants to procreate.
Yeah.
You know, we we we are so focused on whaterections mean today in our, like, modern
(22:39):
world, and not what they meant for the fourhundred thousand years of homo sapiens sapiens
bleeding up to today.
Yeah.
It's such a good point.
It's such a good point.
I think what I hear in that too is an elementof, if you're feeling like this is a problem,
if it's like impacting your life and this iscoming up over and over again, well, yeah, you
know, find out and get medical help.
(22:59):
And even with our little blue pills, I thinkthere's an element of, back to your original
point of talk to your doctor, figure out what'sgoing on.
Could this be a cardiovascular disease?
Even if we're taking a little blue pill to helpwith the erection and do that acutely, it's
still not lending us to understandphysiologically what is out of balance and
potentially could be a bigger problem than justwhat's going on with the cock.
(23:22):
Right.
And we see and and the and Vagra Cialis, thePDE five inhibitors, they don't work for
everyone.
They are not stronger than your mind, right?
So a lot of the times I, I work with men whoare like, well yeah, I have a lot of resentment
for my wife, but I don't understand why Vagradoesn't work.
It's like, because sex dreads in your brain.
None of these pills give you an erection.
That's not how they work, right?
(23:43):
They're a PDE five inhibitor.
PDE five is what breaks down blood that isalready in an erection.
In other words, what they do is they stop anerection from going away.
They do not start an erection.
A lot of people have that experience.
I think that's just like the placebo effect.
They feel like it's easier to get hard.
No.
No.
No.
It's just easier for blood to stay.
Right?
So if your mind isn't willing to put blood inyour cock to begin with, you're not gonna get
(24:06):
an erection to begin with.
Right?
The the and of course you can build up atolerance to them over time.
Some men experience a lot of the side effects.
They're they're not well received by allbodies, right?
It's they're not they're not a They're not acure, right?
They are an option, and I think that they are alovely option, but we want you to be able to
(24:30):
use those as infrequently and as late in lifeas possible so that you can use them for the
length of and the duration of time that youactually, like, your body can really use them.
And up until that point, we want you to be ableto kind of experience erections and
ejaculations and the whole thing on your own.
(24:51):
And I've also seen them to, like, createproblems in partnership sometimes with women
feeling like, okay, well, the pill was used, wehave to have sex, and now I'm committed to it,
but not now I can't listen to my own body, andnow I feel the pressure, and it can create this
You know, there's like a point to them, but itcan also create this intensity that way and
have the impact on, you know, femalecounterparts.
(25:13):
So so now, other things like P Shot andGainsWave and all these other types of, you
know, tech that I'm sure people are readingabout?
Mhmm.
Do you advise those things, or what are yourfeeling on some of those other those other
techno technologies?
I think, you know, it really depends on theperson who I'm speaking to.
I have had clients who had really great resultswith GAINSWave.
(25:35):
I've had clients who married PRP with theirGAINSWave treatments, and saw increased
veininess or what they experienced is increasedhardness in their erections.
For me, are treatments that are best left tomen as they age.
I think that men who are initially experiencinglike a slight decrease in tragidity and
(25:59):
hardness, like this don't you don't necessarilyneed to just jump to, a lot of intense and
expensive medical options unless you have thedisposable income to, like, mess around with
those things.
But I think that there's a sort of a movementculturally in The United States right now, and
(26:19):
we just saw, you know, the largest medicalmalpractice suit ever awarded.
Biggest number ever awarded was against NewMale, Men's Health Clinic, when they, you know,
injected a man with a Trimix or somethingsimilar to that and gave him a sixty hour
injection, which caused his penis to becomeentirely scar tissue, and he was awarded, you
know, upwards of 420, 4 hundred 50 milliondollars.
(26:41):
But they're running this scam on a lot ofpeople.
Right?
And they they these these companies benefitfrom the lack of vulnerable and open
conversation that men have about these things.
And so they come in and they promise medicaltreatments to support the things that you feel
insecure about in order that you might be moreconfident, and so you're spending money in
(27:03):
secrecy often trying to buy confidence insteadof you know doing the the less sexy and more
long term work of working with someone like mewho's a coach or doing your research on YouTube
or reading you know or like the the doing thedeeper internal work, the reflecting, having
the hard conversations, like, totally lesssexy, takes longer, is free a lot of the time
(27:28):
we're working with a coach, not free, but likea lot of those resources, like the self
reflection part is totally free.
Learning how to communicate better, you canpretty much do for free.
That's what's actually gonna give you longlasting results and permanent results, at least
until, like, your physical body gives out, andI think it's worthwhile to explore those first.
Yeah.
It sounds like there's, in your opinion, somelevel of benefit in certain situations, but
(27:53):
tread carefully and cautiously and askquestions, and don't just jump in because
somebody is promising you this thing that maynot need anything that is as, you know, intense
as some of these other treatments.
Yeah.
One of my favorite things about working withmen in particular is that, like, they're
usually very eager to do the work.
Yeah.
Like, they're very and I, you know, this istrue for women too, but men have they have a
(28:15):
distinct flavor.
They're often like, yeah, throw me in coach,I'll figure it out, I'll do anything like, you
know, I'll try it, I'll read the book, I'llwatch the videos, I'll watch the course,
whatever it is.
And that is why I know that they fall victim tothese sort of empty promises out of shame, out
(28:40):
of a desire to keep, to keep up appearances outof a fear that they can't be vulnerable or, you
know, reveals that they're not really machinesto their lovers and partners.
And that's how companies can end up takingadvantage of you before or, you know, selling
you things that you don't really need or wantthat don't actually support your long term
(29:02):
health and your longevity.
Yeah.
And such good advice.
And we're gonna talk about so you guys, we'regonna film part two here in a second, and we're
gonna tell you how to access part two.
In part two, we're gonna talk about support forthe women, and how women can support their
partners during this.
But I wanna make sure before we wrap up andtell everybody how to get part two, that we
(29:23):
talk about your work and your course on Hard AsYou Want, because it sounds like like that's a
really great place for people to start, and formen to start to begin to repattern this.
So what does that course involve?
What does it entail?
What do people learn?
Can you
tell us about it?
So after almost a decade of working with men onthis, I decided to put my methodology into a
(29:46):
video course.
And that course is called Hard As You Want.
It is like very much a masterpiece, you know,kind of the capstone for all of this work.
And I'm actually working on a book right nowthat is based on the Heart as You Want course,
but you can watch it in video format.
And what it does is it takes you through thedifferent layers that make up your erection and
your erection health.
So we start with the physical layer.
(30:08):
I do I give you all the background informationthat you need, a cheat sheet to take to your
doctor to make sure that you are testing all ofthe because it's like, what's the difference
between testosterone and free testosterone andsex hormone binding hemoglobin?
Like, there's a lot.
So it walks you through what to do on aphysiological level, and then we go through the
emotional body.
So it walks you through what to do on aphysiological level, and then we go through the
(30:30):
emotional body, the mental body, therelationship, even all the way up to the
spiritual body.
And along the way, there are guided exercises,and there's homework, things for you to take
home and print out and keep track of, so itmakes it very very easy for you to not just
identify what the cause of your erectiledysfunction or erectile flow issue is, but also
(30:50):
what to do about it.
And the reason that this is so important iswhen I sat down to write the course, I sat down
and wrote a list of every single reason that aman had ever come to me with erectile
dysfunction, like what the underlying situationwas, and I came up with 45 different causes
that I had seen in my years coaching of ED,which is more than just, you know, what we've
(31:14):
discussed here.
And and and when I broke it down into, like,physical, emotional, mental, spiritual,
relational, social, and spiritual, and kind ofput those in a hierarchy, and made it a lot
easier for men to really pinpoint what wasgoing on.
Okay.
Amazing.
I am so excited to get everybody in thiscourse, and it sounds just completely thorough,
(31:37):
and you really have thought through everyaspect of how to to help relieve this, down to
how to be an advocate.
I think so many people with their doctors arejust not asking, they don't know the questions
to ask, So the ability to advocate and to teachpeople how to advocate to get the right test to
ask those questions is just so wonderful.
(31:58):
So thank you so much for bringing thatinformation.
We're gonna put that in the show notes, youguys.
The libido club information is where you willfind part two with Caitlyn.
I'm so excited about part two, you guys.
So you'll find information about that in theshow notes.
And is there anything else that you want toleave us with today?
Any final concluding thoughts that you have?
(32:21):
Yeah.
I wanna say that it's it's not all hard work.
No pun intended.
The results that you will get from approachingerections, ejaculation head on, the results
that you can really get, they I want you tothink about them more like an on ramp onto a
(32:47):
freeway.
For some people, that on ramp is a relationshipthat is sexless.
For some people, it's losing some form of theirability through injury early on in life.
But all of these on ramps lead to the samefreeway.
And this is a freeway where you can experiencemore pleasure, more self expression, more
(33:08):
satisfaction, more closeness, more security inthe relationships that matter most to you.
And even if it occurs to you at first, like,it's gonna be difficult, and I'm not saying
that it will never be difficult, but itactually can be really fun, and the results can
really speak for themselves.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you so much for being here with us today,and for this wealth of knowledge, and thank you
(33:33):
everybody for listening.
Remember, please don't keep us a secret.
Please share this with anybody that you thinkneeds this information.
We gotta get this information out there.
It's just so necessary to stop making this sotaboo.
So thank you everybody for listening.
Thank you for Caitlin for being here, and wewill see you guys soon on another episode of
The Lounge.
Take care.
(33:54):
Thank you for listening to the Libido Lounge.
Please don't keep me a secret.
Please share this with your friends.
You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, aswell as how to work with me at MyLibidoDoc.com
In The United States.
Forty Percent of men in their forties, 50percent in their fifties, 60 percent in their
sixties, 70 percent in their seventies.
I don't think it needs to be this way.
I also think that doesn't take into accountthat there is a growing number of young boys
and men who are dealing with erectiledysfunction because of their relationship often
led by their relationship with porn.
A lot of couples just don't address it, andthis is, like, where sex ends.
(00:22):
This is, like, where intimacy goes to die intheir relationship.
It's been said that masculinity is made out ofmojo, money, and muscles.
Well, I am sex and relationship coach CaitlinV.
I have a YouTube channel with about 900,000subscribers, and I am the host of Good Sex on
HBO Max.
(00:42):
There are many ways for you to feel confidentin partnership.
There are many ways for you to providepleasure.
There are many ways for you to have a beautifuland expanded intimate relationship with your
partner that do not require you to be hard.
We we are so fortunate to have the bodies andthe abilities and the capacities that we do
(01:04):
today, but we are so misguided if we assumethat we are gonna have them forever.
If you are in your forties and you're gettinghard most of the time, 90% of the time.
You may actually and so your ability to get andstay hard is related often to the circumstances
in your life in which your body wants to
(01:26):
so prepare yourself that that that and knowthat change Hey, everybody.
Quick break on our episode to talk to you aboutour sponsor, My Libido Doc.
One of the things that we truly believe is thatgreat sex is available to everyone, but we just
have to learn how.
So head over to our site to get your free copyof our ebook, five steps to mind blowing
(01:54):
orgasms and romance.
Get the quick and easy tips to turn your sexlife around, rev up your engines, and fall in
deeper love and passion with yourself and yourpartner.
So if you just go to mysexdoc.com, you willfind that e book there for download.
Now back to our show.
(02:15):
Hey everybody.
Welcome back lovers, lovebirds.
Welcome back everybody to another episode ofThe Lounge.
I'm your host, libido expert, Doctor.
Diane, and I'm thrilled about our guest today.
As you just heard about, Caitlin V is just abreath of so much knowledge, and we are
(02:36):
focusing on ED and performance anxiety.
We're not just focusing on the men today, we'realso focusing on how their partners can show up
and navigate this process with them, helpsupport them, help stay connected during this,
and so much more.
So, thank you for being with us today, Caitlin.
Thank you for bringing all of your expertise toour audience today.
(03:00):
My pleasure.
You so having me.
Okay.
So let's start kind of picture.
So when somebody is, say, just starting withknowing that something is not working
correctly, when they're suspecting maybe it isa level of ED Mhmm.
Where do people start?
(03:21):
Where do the men start, and where do thepartners start at the very beginning to kinda
kick off the process of overcoming this and ofbringing their personal and their sex life back
into balance?
Where do we start?
Well, often they start with panic.
And and that's that's totally fair andreasonable, and and if you find yourself in
(03:44):
that situation, just know that you are notalone.
There are plenty of resources and lots ofexperts out there who are here to support you.
I recommend that everyone start with a actualphysical, from a qualified medical health
professional to give them an idea of what'sgoing on internally.
So let me back up even one step further.
(04:05):
There are several places or indications thatsomething is up, right?
It could be that a man stops having erectionswhen he is with his partner, when he's being
sexual with another person.
It could be that he starts having troublegetting hard when he's going to masturbate,
when he's being sexual solo.
And it could be that he notices a decline inhis, overall, erection frequency, in the
(04:28):
mornings, right?
He's not getting morning wood, as regularly ashe was before.
So if you experience any of those three, it'san indication that something should be looked
at.
We should we should be consulting with aprofessional and and making some changes.
One important distinction I would make is thatif you were only finding that you're not
getting hard with a partner and you are gettinghard when you're masturbating, or you are
(04:51):
getting hard when you wake up in the morning,then it probably is not physical in nature.
Right?
Because your body is capable of getting anerection.
But if you are not getting hard solo or firstthing in the morning, go straight to your
doctor because a lack of erections and erectiledysfunction is one of the best and earliest
signs of cardiovascular issues, of diabetesrelated issues, of something that is going to
(05:13):
go far beyond what a coach or therapist is ableto help you with and you've got to start there.
In fact, not getting hard is one of the corereasons that men go to the doctor to begin
with, right?
Yeah, it's true.
So that's typically the that's the right placeto start but that's not the right place to
stop, right?
Even if you find that it is purely aphysiological reason that is preventing you
(05:33):
from getting erect, it still is going to havean impact on your partner, it's still going
have an impact on your relationship, on yourdating life.
And so going to see a coach or a therapist or asex expert of some kind after that is still a
critical piece in taking care of yourself andplanning for a future that's still gonna have a
lot of pleasure and excitement and joy andconnection in it.
(05:54):
So then if a partner is involved, or likemeaning like, okay, there is this erection that
is working when it's masturbation, or the hardon's happening in the morning, and then they
try to have sex with a partner, and that's whenthey're noticing it.
So the partner's probably going to also noticein these scenarios, right?
And I feel like so much of the time, this getslike shoved under the rug for conversation
(06:20):
because, you know, it can be embarrassing.
There can be a lot of, of like this almostemasculating type of feelings that can come up
around this.
So at what point when there is that awarenessof like, oh gosh, this is only happening with
my partner, at what point do men start talkingto their partner about it, and and what do you
(06:40):
recommend there?
It's difficult for both men and for women indifferent ways.
Right?
And, you know, if you don't already have abaseline of great, vulnerable communication
around sexual subjects with your partner, thenthis can feel like an enormous, insurmountable,
like, burden that you are gonna have to dealwith either alone or it's gonna require an up
(07:04):
leveling of communication with you and yourpartner.
And, yeah, it will, but I guarantee the resultswill be so worth it.
Because if you can talk about this, you cantalk about other things as well.
Right?
Fantasies, desires, challenges, obstacles,etcetera.
So when it comes to addressing these things,with a partner, yeah, you're totally right.
(07:26):
A lot of couples just don't address it.
And this is like where sex ends.
This is like where intimacy goes to die intheir relationship.
One of the things that I like to point tothough is if you are getting hard in the
morning and when you're masturbating and you'renot getting hard with a partner, that's an
indication that something is in the way.
Right?
We think about erections.
I like to think about them as like a a a flow,like an energetic flow, a blood flow, a a flow
(07:49):
of of health and well-being and vitality inyour life and an indication that things are in
flow.
So if you're not getting hired with a partner,that's just an indication that things are not
flowing there.
Right?
Often that's the result of maybe unspokenresentment.
Right?
Maybe something happened in the relationshipeven years ago that is still bothering you and
(08:09):
you haven't expressed, you haven't worked outbetween you and your partner, but for you know,
your twenties, your thirties, into yourforties, you were able to kind of put put that
aside and still get hard and still be virile inthat way, And now your body's not supporting
you so much in the same way that it was.
And those things that are that are, you know,essentially plugging up the flow of love and
(08:29):
energy and connection between the two of youare now also stemming the flow and the tide of
your body being able to get and stay hard withyour partner.
And this is why I say it's also difficult forwomen too, right?
Because sometimes men especially will havesomething go on in the relationship and there
will be resentment or they will, you know,they'll push it down in favor of staying strong
(08:52):
and silent and stoic, right?
And so they don't address it and then laterthey're not getting hard and the woman is like,
do you not love me anymore?
Are you not attracted to me anymore?
Because we were all raised that if a man isattracted to you, he'll just like spring up at
a moment's notice and be able to stay hard andbe able to ejaculate, you know, at the perfect
time and all that.
You know, it's a bill of goods.
(09:13):
That's not actually how the bodies are designedto work, male or female.
But it can be difficult for, a female partnerwho who isn't on the inside, can only guess
from the outside, and can only support so muchher man in figuring out what's going on, for
him.
Yeah.
I think there's so much truth in that.
(09:34):
I think it's so easy as humans for us to justmake up stories, right?
The brain just fills in information for thingsthat we don't understand.
So, you know, it's like a really importantpoint to say, okay, well, if man's not getting
hard, it's so easy for the partner to be like,oh, it's gotta be me.
Right.
And we just fill in the gaps for things that wedon't understand, and it's true for everything,
(09:57):
you know, so.
And I think it's also a really good point tothink that, hey, the more practice we get at
having these hard conversations, and make themno big deal, the more we can talk about
anything in- in life, you know, anything inlife at all, and especially in the sex world,
really helping with, actually talking about ourneeds, preferences, our fantasies, as you
(10:19):
mentioned.
So, that's like the silver lining, I think,this, is like, can be that that ground that
helps flip people into, I guess we have to talkabout this now.
Right.
And remember, don't have
to jump in.
You don't have to like eat the whole elephantin one go.
Right?
Like, hey, have you noticed this thing?
I've also noticed this thing.
We talk about that thing.
(10:39):
Okay.
Let's talk about that thing.
Okay.
How do we wanna talk about that thing?
Okay.
Let's let's make some traction here.
Let's do this here.
Let's schedule a conversation there, then let'sschedule a follow-up conversation.
You don't have to try to make up for a wholebunch of lost time in a single conversation.
And if it is resentment related, bringing in aprofessional to act as a neutral third party to
help you to have those communications anduncover what's been buried can be very helpful
(11:04):
as well.
Yeah.
And I like what you're saying.
It's almost like the rules of engagement.
Right?
Like, we're gonna have this conversation.
How would you like this conversation to go andset up the framework for those conversations
versus just like, I'm gonna jump right in andmaybe throw in some shock value to something I
wasn't prepared for.
Right?
We do this all the time in communication.
(11:24):
We assume that this is kind of likecommunication and sex actually have a lot in
common in this way.
We kind of assume that they should just workfor us.
And if we just go in there and we just startdoing it, we'll just figure it out and
everything is gonna be fine and nothing isrequired especially not learning or setting
things up in advance of jumping in and doingit.
And communication and sex are the same in thatway.
(11:44):
We can learn how to do both of them better andthe more that we talk about how we want to
enjoy them, the better that they will go andwe'll have, you know it's hard to know what you
don't know with sex or communication.
Fortunately, there are tons of resources andthere are lots of experts available out there
can help us to identify where there are skillgaps where we can improve, and can help us to
(12:05):
develop the, the keen awareness that isrequired to do both of them very well.
Yeah.
And you're right.
They're both areas too that we're not reallytaught how to do them.
We're just thrown into life and be like, okay,well, there's just this inherent belief that,
yeah, we're just born with these skills orsomething, and and that's like couldn't be
further from the truth.
(12:26):
So, what about like another thing that reallyhappens, and I know all the men that are
listening to this and are struggling with this,probably relate to this around, like, like, the
confidence that goes down, and, like, thatperformance anxiety around, like, oh, crap,
it's happening again.
Here we go.
And it's, you know, it's like almost like thisself fulfilling prophecy of this vicious cycle
(12:48):
that as soon as it happens once or even a fewtimes, then I think it's like we can self
create more of it.
So, how do, how do men like begin to get out ofthat cycle that I think is inherent, you know,
inherent part of this?
Yeah.
Well, and and it
is so true that once you start your mind on thetract of this is how things are, I'm just
(13:13):
pointing her, it's gonna happen again.
Like if you if you really let your mind runaway with those things, you are setting up an
environment in which you are way more likely tocontinue to deal with these things, you're
almost like calling it in by allowing it tocontinue to persist in your mind and and it's
like a weed that takes root in the garden ofyour mind.
You have to be willing to pull it out.
(13:34):
Even if it continues to come back, continue toyank it out and plant something else in there
that is actually empowering.
That actually leaves you feeling that there'ssomething that can be done about this.
The confidence thing it's been said thatmasculinity is made out of mojo, money, and
muscles.
Right?
That masculinity needs to be, like, constantlyearned and created and proven, and some of the
(13:59):
most common ways that men do that is throughtheir physical body, through their ability to
earn money, and through their the sex that theyhave with a partner.
And it's true for if any of those three thingsgets taken away from you, your ability to earn
money, your ability to exercise and work outand feel powerful in your body, or your ability
to perform in the bedroom, that you may bedealing with a crisis of confidence.
(14:19):
Right?
So my first piece of advice to whether you'redealing with this or not is to make sure that
you have multiple sources of confidence in yourlife.
Make sure that you are not just reliant on onthose three things that you have multiple
identities and relationships and things thatsupport you in a holistic way so that if you
lose any one of the pillars of your life thatyou would not be left, you know, kind of just
(14:42):
standing on stilts.
Right?
You wanna make sure that you are supported inall the ways that, that are that are gonna
leave you feeling like you have more to rest onand rely on, and your identity is not just your
ability to make money and provide sex andorgasms.
That said, we may be speaking too late.
You may already have been dealing with this,confidence challenge in, in in losing your
(15:05):
ability to maybe get and stay hard or havingthat be, less certain or less predictable over
time.
And what I would say to you is there is a thereare many ways for you to feel confident in
partnership.
There are many ways for you to providepleasure.
(15:27):
There are many ways for you to have a beautifuland expanded intimate relationship with your
partner that do not require you to be hard.
They don't require you to get off.
They don't require you to perform in anyparticular way.
But it often when I say this to men, they,like, can't hear it right away because it it it
(15:49):
doesn't confirm and conform to what they haveknown about themselves and about, you know,
what they've been taught or or considered to bestandard, like typical normal sexuality for for
maybe their entire lives.
And so they say to me like, look, Caitlin, it'seasy for you to say.
You don't have a cock.
Right?
But I will tell you that all of us are justtemporarily abled at best.
(16:11):
Right?
We we are so fortunate to have the bodies andthe abilities and the capacities that we do
today, but we are so misguided if we assumethat we are gonna have them forever.
And women understand this inherently because wecycle throughout the month and throughout our
life, so we know that our bodies are gonnachange.
But men, the first time that your body changesin a significant way, especially if it has to
(16:31):
do with your cock and your sexuality, can beearth shattering.
So prepare yourself and know that change isinevitable, your body is going to change, and
then start to do the work of discerning whereyour confidence and groundedness and your self
(16:54):
identity are coming from, and make sure thatit's multiple sources, if you can before
something changes in your body.
And if it's already changed,
then do that work now.
I love this advice so much.
And, you know, I think it also also isimportant to, like, normalize ED from a
standpoint of this is so common.
Right?
I think it's so easy to feel like we'reisolated on this island when anything for women
(17:18):
or men, when anything happens in the sex spacebecause people aren't talking about it.
But if men live long enough, almost a hundredpercent of them are going to have some level of
ED, you know, come up in their life.
It's like that normal.
So I think just normalizing it too, and justlike making it non taboo is so important.
We should
I Go ahead, We should also qualify what we meanby ED.
(17:43):
Yeah.
Because it depends on who you ask, whatpercentage of the time that you go to get hard,
if you do not get hard, qualifies as erectiledysfunction.
Like, you know, are you getting hard 75 of thetime that you go to get hard?
Are you getting hard 90% of the time that yougo to get hard?
Are you getting hard 50% of the time that youwanna get hard?
(18:04):
So not all of these will qualify for erectiledysfunction, and it depends on, you know, whose
definition you're going based off of, like, theMasters and Johnson definition, which is, far
more forgiving than more current, morecontemporary definitions of erectile
dysfunction.
But, like, you are in your forties and you'regetting hard most of the time, eighty, ninety
(18:29):
percent of the time, you may actually notreally qualify as someone who has erectile
dysfunction.
The stats are pretty damning in The UnitedStates.
Forty Percent of men in their forties, 50percent in their fifties, 60 percent in their
sixties, 70 percent in their seventies.
I don't think it needs to be this way.
I also think that doesn't take into accountthat there is a growing number of young boys
and men who are dealing with erectiledysfunction because
(18:51):
of their relationship often led by theirrelationship with porn.
Hey, everybody.
Quick break on our episode to talk to you aboutour sponsor, My Libido Doc.
One of the things that we truly believe is thatgreat sex is available to everyone, but we just
have to learn how.
So head over to our site to get your free copyof our ebook, five steps to mind blowing
(19:18):
orgasms and romance.
Get the quick and easy tips to turn your sexlife around, rev up your engines, and fall in
deeper love and passion with yourself and yourpartner.
So if you just go to mysexdoc.com, you willfind that ebook there for download.
Now back to our show.
(19:39):
But it doesn't have to
be this way.
You do not have to be a statistic along thoselines.
And also, if you are dealing with this, you'reyou're not alone.
You're actually in the majority.
It's just that maybe these things aren't beingdiscussed by the men closest to you.
So then I'm curious because I I talk about thesame thing when it comes to the topic of low
libido, right?
So if we look at low libido in the medicaldefinition of hypoactive sexual desire
(20:03):
disorder, and how we define that for somebodyto get that diagnosis is so subjective.
It's basically saying, you know, reporting thatyou have a low sex drive for six months.
Well, low according to who?
So, my question for you is like similar then inlike the ED world, like, with stats that are
all over the place, right, and it not beingclear from that standpoint around like, okay,
(20:26):
well, truly, what are the percentages?
How often do I have to have a hard on in orderto be classified as ED?
What do you recommend men look out for from astandpoint of like, oh, this is, you know, this
is not happening, like, hardly at all.
It's just this random, you know, fluke here orthere.
Like, where is that line where men should say,this is actually a problem.
(20:47):
I should talk to my doctor.
I should talk to my partner.
I should look into this.
Where where is that line?
I would say when it happens, not the first timeit happens.
Right?
Because you are human and not a machine, andyour body is going to be have its ups and downs
and ebbs and flows.
But if it becomes a continual pattern of notbeing able to get hard when you regularly
(21:09):
expect to be able to get hard, including, veryimportantly, masturbation and in the morning.
Now you don't have to wake up with an erectionevery single morning.
You have to be best case scenario, you aregetting hard throughout your sleep.
Sometimes just like you wake up in the middleof the dream.
Right?
Sometimes you the dream completes before youwake up.
Same with erections.
Sometimes you wake up in the middle of theerections.
(21:30):
Sometimes the erection was fifteen minutes ago,now you're conscious.
But if you find that over time, you are notgetting erections when you expect them to, And
with a partner, if it is becoming an issue foryou, that, I think that is a good enough reason
to go and start working on addressing it.
And that doesn't mean addressing it with aprescription.
Right?
Prescriptions are great.
Little blue pills is very powerful, very, verypotent and important piece of medical
(21:54):
technology.
Very glad that it exists.
But I also think that a lot of doctors turn tothat immediately, instead of doing any of the
deeper work and and asking, like, you know,first of all, what is going on on a
physiological level, but also what's going onin emotional and mental and even a spiritual
level.
Are you very stressed at work?
Did you just lose a parent?
Are you caregiving a sick child?
Like, these are reasons that your body isn'tgetting hard, and these are very valid reasons
(22:18):
for your body not to get hard.
I mean, remember your ability to get anerection, an erection is nothing more than a
bridge for your DNA.
Right?
And so your ability to get and stay hard isrelated often to the circumstances in your life
in which your body wants to procreate.
Yeah.
You know, we we we are so focused on whaterections mean today in our, like, modern
(22:39):
world, and not what they meant for the fourhundred thousand years of homo sapiens sapiens
bleeding up to today.
Yeah.
It's such a good point.
It's such a good point.
I think what I hear in that too is an elementof, if you're feeling like this is a problem,
if it's like impacting your life and this iscoming up over and over again, well, yeah, you
know, find out and get medical help.
(22:59):
And even with our little blue pills, I thinkthere's an element of, back to your original
point of talk to your doctor, figure out what'sgoing on.
Could this be a cardiovascular disease?
Even if we're taking a little blue pill to helpwith the erection and do that acutely, it's
still not lending us to understandphysiologically what is out of balance and
potentially could be a bigger problem than justwhat's going on with the cock.
(23:22):
Right.
And we see and and the and Vagra Cialis, thePDE five inhibitors, they don't work for
everyone.
They are not stronger than your mind, right?
So a lot of the times I, I work with men whoare like, well yeah, I have a lot of resentment
for my wife, but I don't understand why Vagradoesn't work.
It's like, because sex dreads in your brain.
None of these pills give you an erection.
That's not how they work, right?
(23:43):
They're a PDE five inhibitor.
PDE five is what breaks down blood that isalready in an erection.
In other words, what they do is they stop anerection from going away.
They do not start an erection.
A lot of people have that experience.
I think that's just like the placebo effect.
They feel like it's easier to get hard.
No.
No.
No.
It's just easier for blood to stay.
Right?
So if your mind isn't willing to put blood inyour cock to begin with, you're not gonna get
(24:06):
an erection to begin with.
Right?
The the and of course you can build up atolerance to them over time.
Some men experience a lot of the side effects.
They're they're not well received by allbodies, right?
It's they're not they're not a They're not acure, right?
They are an option, and I think that they are alovely option, but we want you to be able to
(24:30):
use those as infrequently and as late in lifeas possible so that you can use them for the
length of and the duration of time that youactually, like, your body can really use them.
And up until that point, we want you to be ableto kind of experience erections and
ejaculations and the whole thing on your own.
(24:51):
And I've also seen them to, like, createproblems in partnership sometimes with women
feeling like, okay, well, the pill was used, wehave to have sex, and now I'm committed to it,
but not now I can't listen to my own body, andnow I feel the pressure, and it can create this
You know, there's like a point to them, but itcan also create this intensity that way and
have the impact on, you know, femalecounterparts.
(25:13):
So so now, other things like P Shot andGainsWave and all these other types of, you
know, tech that I'm sure people are readingabout?
Mhmm.
Do you advise those things, or what are yourfeeling on some of those other those other
techno technologies?
I think, you know, it really depends on theperson who I'm speaking to.
I have had clients who had really great resultswith GAINSWave.
(25:35):
I've had clients who married PRP with theirGAINSWave treatments, and saw increased
veininess or what they experienced is increasedhardness in their erections.
For me, are treatments that are best left tomen as they age.
I think that men who are initially experiencinglike a slight decrease in tragidity and
(25:59):
hardness, like this don't you don't necessarilyneed to just jump to, a lot of intense and
expensive medical options unless you have thedisposable income to, like, mess around with
those things.
But I think that there's a sort of a movementculturally in The United States right now, and
(26:19):
we just saw, you know, the largest medicalmalpractice suit ever awarded.
Biggest number ever awarded was against NewMale, Men's Health Clinic, when they, you know,
injected a man with a Trimix or somethingsimilar to that and gave him a sixty hour
injection, which caused his penis to becomeentirely scar tissue, and he was awarded, you
know, upwards of 420, 4 hundred 50 milliondollars.
(26:41):
But they're running this scam on a lot ofpeople.
Right?
And they they these these companies benefitfrom the lack of vulnerable and open
conversation that men have about these things.
And so they come in and they promise medicaltreatments to support the things that you feel
insecure about in order that you might be moreconfident, and so you're spending money in
(27:03):
secrecy often trying to buy confidence insteadof you know doing the the less sexy and more
long term work of working with someone like mewho's a coach or doing your research on YouTube
or reading you know or like the the doing thedeeper internal work, the reflecting, having
the hard conversations, like, totally lesssexy, takes longer, is free a lot of the time
(27:28):
we're working with a coach, not free, but likea lot of those resources, like the self
reflection part is totally free.
Learning how to communicate better, you canpretty much do for free.
That's what's actually gonna give you longlasting results and permanent results, at least
until, like, your physical body gives out, andI think it's worthwhile to explore those first.
Yeah.
It sounds like there's, in your opinion, somelevel of benefit in certain situations, but
(27:53):
tread carefully and cautiously and askquestions, and don't just jump in because
somebody is promising you this thing that maynot need anything that is as, you know, intense
as some of these other treatments.
Yeah.
One of my favorite things about working withmen in particular is that, like, they're
usually very eager to do the work.
Yeah.
Like, they're very and I, you know, this istrue for women too, but men have they have a
(28:15):
distinct flavor.
They're often like, yeah, throw me in coach,I'll figure it out, I'll do anything like, you
know, I'll try it, I'll read the book, I'llwatch the videos, I'll watch the course,
whatever it is.
And that is why I know that they fall victim tothese sort of empty promises out of shame, out
(28:40):
of a desire to keep, to keep up appearances outof a fear that they can't be vulnerable or, you
know, reveals that they're not really machinesto their lovers and partners.
And that's how companies can end up takingadvantage of you before or, you know, selling
you things that you don't really need or wantthat don't actually support your long term
(29:02):
health and your longevity.
Yeah.
And such good advice.
And we're gonna talk about so you guys, we'regonna film part two here in a second, and we're
gonna tell you how to access part two.
In part two, we're gonna talk about support forthe women, and how women can support their
partners during this.
But I wanna make sure before we wrap up andtell everybody how to get part two, that we
(29:23):
talk about your work and your course on Hard AsYou Want, because it sounds like like that's a
really great place for people to start, and formen to start to begin to repattern this.
So what does that course involve?
What does it entail?
What do people learn?
Can you
tell us about it?
So after almost a decade of working with men onthis, I decided to put my methodology into a
(29:46):
video course.
And that course is called Hard As You Want.
It is like very much a masterpiece, you know,kind of the capstone for all of this work.
And I'm actually working on a book right nowthat is based on the Heart as You Want course,
but you can watch it in video format.
And what it does is it takes you through thedifferent layers that make up your erection and
your erection health.
So we start with the physical layer.
(30:08):
I do I give you all the background informationthat you need, a cheat sheet to take to your
doctor to make sure that you are testing all ofthe because it's like, what's the difference
between testosterone and free testosterone andsex hormone binding hemoglobin?
Like, there's a lot.
So it walks you through what to do on aphysiological level, and then we go through the
emotional body.
So it walks you through what to do on aphysiological level, and then we go through the
(30:30):
emotional body, the mental body, therelationship, even all the way up to the
spiritual body.
And along the way, there are guided exercises,and there's homework, things for you to take
home and print out and keep track of, so itmakes it very very easy for you to not just
identify what the cause of your erectiledysfunction or erectile flow issue is, but also
(30:50):
what to do about it.
And the reason that this is so important iswhen I sat down to write the course, I sat down
and wrote a list of every single reason that aman had ever come to me with erectile
dysfunction, like what the underlying situationwas, and I came up with 45 different causes
that I had seen in my years coaching of ED,which is more than just, you know, what we've
(31:14):
discussed here.
And and and when I broke it down into, like,physical, emotional, mental, spiritual,
relational, social, and spiritual, and kind ofput those in a hierarchy, and made it a lot
easier for men to really pinpoint what wasgoing on.
Okay.
Amazing.
I am so excited to get everybody in thiscourse, and it sounds just completely thorough,
(31:37):
and you really have thought through everyaspect of how to to help relieve this, down to
how to be an advocate.
I think so many people with their doctors arejust not asking, they don't know the questions
to ask, So the ability to advocate and to teachpeople how to advocate to get the right test to
ask those questions is just so wonderful.
(31:58):
So thank you so much for bringing thatinformation.
We're gonna put that in the show notes, youguys.
The libido club information is where you willfind part two with Caitlyn.
I'm so excited about part two, you guys.
So you'll find information about that in theshow notes.
And is there anything else that you want toleave us with today?
Any final concluding thoughts that you have?
(32:21):
Yeah.
I wanna say that it's it's not all hard work.
No pun intended.
The results that you will get from approachingerections, ejaculation head on, the results
that you can really get, they I want you tothink about them more like an on ramp onto a
(32:47):
freeway.
For some people, that on ramp is a relationshipthat is sexless.
For some people, it's losing some form of theirability through injury early on in life.
But all of these on ramps lead to the samefreeway.
And this is a freeway where you can experiencemore pleasure, more self expression, more
(33:08):
satisfaction, more closeness, more security inthe relationships that matter most to you.
And even if it occurs to you at first, like,it's gonna be difficult, and I'm not saying
that it will never be difficult, but itactually can be really fun, and the results can
really speak for themselves.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you so much for being here with us today,and for this wealth of knowledge, and thank you
(33:33):
everybody for listening.
Remember, please don't keep us a secret.
Please share this with anybody that you thinkneeds this information.
We gotta get this information out there.
It's just so necessary to stop making this sotaboo.
So thank you everybody for listening.
Thank you for Caitlin for being here, and wewill see you guys soon on another episode of
The Lounge.
Take care.
(33:54):
Thank you for listening to the Libido Lounge.
Please don't keep me a secret.
Please share this with your friends.
You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, aswell as how to work with me at MyLibidoDoc.com
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