May 29, 2025 • 32 mins
Discover the power of pleasure in overcoming eating disorders and ADHD! In this video, we'll explore how focusing on pleasure can help you break free from the restrictive patterns of eating disorders and find freedom in your relationship with food. By incorporating pleasure into your daily life, you can also improve your focus, motivation, and overall well-being, making it an effective strategy for managing ADHD symptoms. Get ready to transform your relationship with food and your body, and find joy and pleasure in the process!
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(00:00):
Women in particular are getting diagnosed moreoften is because our brains weren't studied as
(00:04):
much.
It wasn't expected to be a thing for women, andit might present differently.
You can't just push the stop button on thoughtsand they disappear.
They actually the more we try to that, thelouder they can be.
I think it's really important to have a alittle bit of a game plan if that happens to
you.
I developed a very severe eating disorder.
I did talk therapy.
(00:24):
I met with a dietitian.
There was kind of like this day program I wasdoing.
And nothing was really helping very much.
But I was sitting in this college classroom,and one day we were talking about sex, which
floored me.
Because even though I had had sex andconsidered myself into sex, I had realized I
(00:47):
never talked about it.
Like, even with the person I was having itwith, whatever those things are to make it more
pleasurable for yourself, I think is totallyworth it.
Just because you started sex doesn't mean youhave to keep doing it exactly as you were and
stay at it.
A good partner wants to know how they can makethings more pleasurable for you.
So I really see ADHD as a totally just uniquekind of brain style, and it feels very
(01:11):
disordered.
So the challenges I see often are things likeone big strength and beautiful thing that I
find is that people with ADHD tend to if you'rehaving the same sex over and over and over
again, it it's just not gonna be as fun foryou.
Hey, everybody.
(01:32):
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Now back to our show.
(02:16):
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to another episode of The Lounge.
I'm your host, doctor Diane, board certifiedsexologist, libido expert, and I have an
amazing guest for you today.
We're talking about body image.
We're talking about how you feel during sex toactually enjoy sex.
We're talking about eating disorders and therelationship to their sex to your sexuality, as
(02:39):
well as things like ADHD, which is just rampantin today's society.
And we're gonna talk about that and how thatcan impact your ability to be present during
sex, to enjoy intimacy with your partner, andso much more.
And, you know, I think this conversationapplies to almost anybody because all these
simple things that can happen during sex suchas, I'm sure people can relate to this, right,
(03:03):
where it's like you turn one way and yourpartner touches your thigh or your belly or
whatever, and it's like, you know, you can feelyourself sometimes, like, shrinking back or
wanting to pull away or, like, not beingcomfortable with, like, being touched in that
particular part of your body.
All of these types of things are actuallylimiting the capacity to be present with your
(03:24):
partner, with yourself, to enjoy intimacy, andso much more.
So that's why I wanted to bring this expert onfor you guys today.
So everybody meet August, and welcome to theshow, August.
Thank you so much for having me.
It's it's such a pleasure, and I know you have,you know, your own history with eating
disorders, and I know that that this is a hugepart of what we wanna talk about today is,
(03:48):
like, how can we have more body confidence?
How can we just love our body and all of thoseparts that we may judge ourselves for or feel
shame before shame for?
How can we get through all this in order toreally deeply enjoy sex?
And I think because it's such a, you know, asensitive conversation, it would be really
(04:10):
lovely if if you would mind sharing your storyon your process with this and why you've now
dedicated so much of your life to helpingpeople with this similar type of scenario.
Yeah.
So I grew up, like a lot of folks, not learninga lot about sex, and I learned some pretty
negative things.
And I didn't really realize that it wasaffecting me.
(04:32):
I didn't even know I had any shame aroundsexuality.
I had had my first boyfriend, and I'd had asexual relationship with him, and I enjoyed
sex.
And I was traveling after high school.
I started traveling in the fashion industry,and I developed a very severe eating disorder.
I was living in Paris at the time.
(04:53):
I actually collapsed during a morning run, andit was a very scary situation.
And when I went back to my hometown inMinnesota, I tried all the conventional stuff.
I did talk therapy.
I met with a dietitian.
There was kind of, like, this day program I wasdoing, and nothing was really helping very
(05:15):
much.
And that's not to say the treatment wasn'tquality.
It's just that what helped me was so surprisingto me.
And I saw a lot of it in hindsight, howimpactful, but I was sitting in this college
classroom, basically taking classes so I'd havesomething besides treatment to think about, and
it was a psychology of women course.
And one day, we were talking about sex, whichfloored me when the teacher announced the
(05:39):
topic.
Because even though I had had sex andconsidered myself into sex, I realized I'd
never talked about it.
Like, even with the person I was having itwith, we didn't we didn't really talk about it.
And so I felt myself, like, glancing around theroom, like, is is anyone else feeling this
(06:00):
strange disconnect right now?
Like, are we supposed to talk about this?
And that led to this whole deep dive,introspective journey.
I got angry in a really healthy way about thesocietal things that had stood in the way of me
embracing my sexuality, respecting my full bodyand full self.
(06:24):
Like, there was this big missing piece, like,big gap.
And I started to just dive very deeply intothat, like, why didn't I learn about sex?
I couldn't I literally couldn't stop talkingabout sex.
It started to kind of frighten some of the shyMinnesotans around me, but it was really
empowering for me.
And later, I realized that that truly was theday that I stopped wanting to hurt my body.
(06:50):
I stopped wanting to starve myself.
I stopped wanting to restrict.
And it's not like, poof, I was better, ofcourse.
As I'm sure you know, it's a very complicatedillness.
I was originally diagnosed with anorexia, thenI dealt with a lot of binge eating.
And it was probably a ten year process of fullymoving past it, and I consider myself fully
(07:13):
recovered.
But the most impactful things were, for me, Idon't think I would have healed without talking
about sex and without deciding to reallyexplore.
And I really started exploring after that anddiscovering my body's capacity for pleasure,
and it brought this whole new respect for mybody and then, by extension, myself.
(07:37):
So this is so important, so interesting.
I'm I'm curious from a standpoint of, you know,that turning point.
Right?
That turning point moment where, like, wow.
I'm I'm going to make different decisions.
I'm not gonna hurt myself in these ways.
Was it anything that can you think of, like, aspecific thing that was said?
Was there an moment?
Was it more just, like, bigger picture, like,understanding, oh, my body has the capacity for
(08:02):
all of these things, and the more we, like,respect our body's, like, ability for pleasure,
it leads to, you know, perhaps more respect inother areas, or is it something else?
I'm just throwing out random ideas Yeah.
To Do you have any idea what what that turningpoint really was?
Yeah.
I think there were multiple turning points, andone was the oh my gosh, I haven't talked about
(08:24):
sex for sure.
Another was then this feeling of really trulyletting go during sex, which I don't think I
had done before.
There were a couple of times where I just feltmyself not thinking about my body or what my
partner was thinking of my body.
(08:45):
That was huge.
And then a very profound moment for me wasyears later, I was around 30 years old when I
masturbated to orgasm for the first time.
Mhmm.
And I didn't think that I could do that.
I didn't think I, quote, unquote, needed orwanted to do that.
I was like, well, if I'm in a relationship, youknow, and circumstances just led to this
(09:10):
impromptu self pleasure session.
And when I reached orgasm, I burst into tears.
It was so powerful, and it actually is whatinspired me to start Girl Boner first as a blog
series because it showed me that I had beenseeing sex as something that was dependent on
(09:30):
another person, that my sexuality was not myown, that it was a shared thing or it was a
responsive thing.
And truly, it it's mine, and that changedeverything.
It changed the course of my career.
And importantly, it changed all of my intimateand, you know, romantic and sexual experiences
(09:51):
moving forward.
So then tell me because I I love, like, thewhole concept, right, of, like, pleasure as a
gateway for healing, and that's actually whatgot me into this work too, and we'll talk about
that.
You know, I'm sure on, the show when youinterview me, like, one of the intro things for
me, just, like, two seconds was I wasexperiencing this really crazy vulvar pain for
(10:13):
many, many, many months.
Nobody could figure out it was all normal testsfor this were normal, where all tests for this
were normal, couldn't sleep, etcetera,etcetera.
Did my first masturbation session of my life.
This was in my early twenties, and pain wentaway.
And I did it again, and the pain went away and,like, did this a few times, and it was, like,
after months.
And then all of a sudden, it was just, oh mygosh.
(10:34):
Like, I don't have pain anymore, like, throughself pleasure.
So, you know, kind of a similar, you know,pleasure heals kind of experience for you.
And so I'm curious then for, like, your work,right, then, like, how like, if somebody is
struggling with whether it's a, you know, fullblown eating order, whether it's just, like,
body dysmorphia, not feeling uncomfortable inone's body, judging oneself after they eat.
(10:59):
It well, there's so many different versions,right, of what healthy eating versus eating
disorder looks like.
And I think because of our society, so manyhumans and and probably, you know, more women
than men, but I think I think men too havethese a lot of self judgment on how their
bodies look.
So where do people, like, in your methodologywith what you've seen with, like, pleasure as a
(11:24):
supportive tool for that, where do people,like, begin to help, like, start unwinding this
and, you know, really start to heal their bodyfrom this, you know, this negative self talk
and on and on and on and on.
Yeah.
I love journaling as an entry point becausewhen people are really gripped by self shame
(11:44):
and really intense negative thoughts abouttheir body and their appearance and food and
eating and all of that, journaling provides aplace whether you freehand write it, you can do
it audio files.
There's so many ways to journal.
You can paint your thoughts out.
But really expressing what you do feel aboutyour body and about sex.
And ask yourself what you learned about sex andabout appearance and about your body.
(12:09):
And really, just without any self judgment,just let the words pour onto a page.
You can put someone else's name on it, throw itaway later, whatever you need to do to just
feel totally private about it.
I think that's a really, really powerful toolbecause often we're having thoughts we aren't
even really realizing.
They're so embedded in us.
(12:29):
And then start questioning those thoughts.
Take what if you have a thought that reallykinda haunts you, like, oh, my my breasts are
too small or too flabby or too saggy orwhatever it is.
Like, take a thought and really question it,and really go through kind of your own self
awareness process with debunking that thoughtas much as you can.
(12:51):
I think that's really powerful.
I think spending time with your own body is sokey because, really, if you think about it,
when we are being critical of our body, it hasso much to do with how we feel other people or
our partner, for example, are perceiving it.
Right?
So take them out of the picture and spend timewhether it's naked or maybe in your skivvies,
(13:15):
whatever your comfort level is.
Spend a few minutes, five minutes, twentyminutes alone naked, and really start to try to
feel a little more comfortable with your bodybeing a body.
Like, just let it be a body.
I think that's really powerful.
And then when you're having sex with a partneror partners, I think it's really important to
(13:38):
let yourself have tools.
You don't have to I think we can have shameabout having shame.
You know what I mean?
Where
it's like Oh, absolutely.
Oh my gosh.
I'm I believe in you know, I'm a feminist.
I should just love my body the way it is, and Ishouldn't care what other people think.
Just toss that stuff out into the garbage.
Put it in, like, a brain spam folder becauseit's not your fault, and thoughts and feelings
(14:00):
just happen.
So if you can just put that aside somehow andlet yourself use a tool.
If it helps you to feel more comfortable byhaving the lights really dim when you're having
sex, great.
Start there.
Maybe it's lighting candles.
Some people like because it's a little moreflattering.
Maybe it's not having sex right after a mealwhen you feel a little, like, bloaty or gassy.
(14:23):
You know, just whatever those things are tomake it more pleasurable for yourself, I think,
is totally worth it.
Yeah.
I I really like in the beginning part of whatyou're saying with journaling.
There's a, you know, there's a thing that Ithink we do as humans, which is believe
everything that goes through our head as true.
And, you know, it's like just because we havethe thought doesn't actually mean that it's
(14:44):
true at all.
So that journaling, like, you're talking aboutaround, like, okay.
Well, what is the thought and, like, disprovingit, debunking it?
Like, is this actually, like, true?
Meaning, like, you know, from a truthperspective, like, everybody in the world
believes this.
Right?
Like, we could say, like, okay.
How we're gonna define truth.
There are so many truths that we say are truththat are actually not true at all.
(15:05):
It's just like a random thought that we decideto to hold onto there.
And what about so I understand, you know, fromwhat you're saying around, okay.
Let's take a a moment, and let's actually,like, be with our body and, like, just look at
it as a body and and all of that.
What about, like, when somebody is, say, in themiddle of being with a partner?
(15:26):
So, like, now we're intimate.
We're in that moment.
We've done some of the suggestions.
We're not, you know, having sex right after ameal.
We're having sex maybe before, so we feel,like, a little more in our body and comfortable
there.
And we're doing all these things, but we stillget into the bedroom and our partner touches us
in this way and we feel our body contract ormove their hand.
(15:47):
Or here's another story that I think peoplesometimes do, which is, like, okay.
So partner touches you here.
Right?
So maybe it's a belly.
Right?
Partner touches belly and then partner moves ahand away real fast.
And it's so easy in those moments to be likelike that moment can literally just be like
like your partner just is wanting to touch adifferent part of your body now, and that's
(16:09):
probably what it is.
But I think it's so easy in those moments thento make up a story and have this thought that
it's like, oh, they're moving their handbecause it is what I think.
Like, they they did feel my roles and theydon't like them or whatever the story may be.
So so my question is, like, in real time, howdo we stop, like, in the middle of that
(16:31):
intimate act, how do we stop in real time thosethoughts from taking over and and really
beginning to, like, drop deeper into, hey.
No.
I'm actually present with my body, myself, mypartner, the intimacy, on and on and on.
Yeah.
That can be so tricky.
I totally get that.
And it's hard because you
Just a quick break to let you know that eightypercent of women do not have orgasms from
(16:54):
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(17:17):
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Now back to our show.
(17:37):
You can't just push the stop button onthoughts, and they disappear.
They actually the more we try to do that, thelouder they can be sometimes.
So Yeah.
I think it's really important to have a alittle bit of a game plan if that happens to
you, you know, pretty regularly.
I would say one thing is to redirect yourenergy to a sensation somewhere.
(17:58):
So if you are having these thoughts, okay.
So I have these thoughts about the hand movingaway from my belly, my belly this, my belly
that.
You go into this big dive into that.
Think about something that feels good in yourbody.
It could be your feet, feeling the sheets downbelow.
It could be touching your partner and reallyfocusing on the pleasure of feeling your
(18:20):
partner's face or, you know, or their pelvicregion or their their thighs.
It's totally okay to divert the activity.
And I think when those thoughts are reallygripping, if you're really struggling, it's
totally okay and sometimes very healing to takea pause and and just gently say, hey.
Could we could we just stop for one second?
(18:40):
I'm telling myself a story about something,about my body.
I'm just feeling a little off right now.
And maybe you have a conversation about it, ormaybe you do something else.
Maybe you play a game, or you, you know, putyour clothes on and go for a walk or something.
You don't just because you started sex doesn'tmean you have to keep doing it exactly as you
were and stay at it.
(19:01):
But sometimes those conversations, even if theydon't happen during sex, which just can be a
tough time, I realize, it's good to put a pinin it and and bring it up at some point if it's
with a committed partner because a good partnerwants to know how they can make things more
pleasurable for you.
And wouldn't you hate it if you were, you know,having sex with a partner and they are sitting
(19:21):
there thinking, oh my gosh.
She just looked at my, you know, my belly in acertain way, and now I can't stop thinking
about how much she hates my belly.
And, you know, I think it could be really goodto bring light to those things because it is a
very human thing.
And when we say it out loud sometimes, it takesthe steam out
of it.
Yeah.
And I think so many times we just, like, like,either shame ourselves like we're talking about
(19:42):
or push it under the rug and not address iteven as later like you're talking about.
And these things, like, they don't go away.
Like, that's that's the thing.
It's like they don't go away when we justignore them and don't bring them to the
surface.
So I think it's really important advice.
And I know we could stay on this topic all day,but I want to make sure we have time to talk
about the ADHD's component of things as wellsince that's another area that you specialize
(20:07):
in.
And, you know, we're just seeing more and moreand more people that have an ADHD diagnosis,
which I think there's a lot of differentreasons for.
But I am curious about what you've seen then inyour work as pleasure, as a way to help work
with ADHD.
And and I guess to take a step back, maybelet's start with how have you seen that ADHD
(20:29):
can actually impact sex and intimacy and and besomething that is maybe preventing people from
experiencing the fullness of pleasure?
Sure.
So I really see ADHD as a totally just uniquekind of brain style.
Right?
And it feels very disordered, I know, from myown experience, in a world or certain
(20:50):
environments that are not set up for a brainlike yours.
So I think it's important to have the selfawareness because, especially now, I think one
reason women in particular are gettingdiagnosed more often is because our brains
weren't studied as much.
It wasn't expected to be a thing for women, andit might present differently.
So I think learning what you can and learningabout your ADHD strengths can really help.
(21:14):
But from a sex standpoint, I think the brain isso huge in every person's sexuality.
So it's not like an ADHD person is like theADHD person is this anomaly where their brain
is totally impacting sex.
Everyone's brain does.
Right?
Just totally in different ways, and we bringstrengths to the table too.
(21:36):
So the challenges I see often are things likehaving ruminating thoughts that are not just,
like, these thoughts that are a littletroublesome, but, like, a hyperfocus ruminating
where it just won't stop for days, weeks.
I mean, it's very, very severe.
That's one that can keep you from wanting toengage in sex at all if they have to do with
(21:58):
your body or they have to do with sexuality.
Sometimes it's that you're just so scattered,and you're, like your brain is going a million
different directions, and something else isreally distracting you.
So it's very hard to be present, and you feellike you're supposed to be totally present,
which is a myth, by the way.
I think you can be semi present and still enjoysex, and sometimes it's the sex that brings us
(22:23):
into the present.
Mhmm.
One big strength and beautiful thing that Ifind is that people with ADHD tend to often
have a very zen benefit from sex becausesometimes it's the one place that we feel very
mindful and present in the now.
And it's very hard for anybody with any kind ofbrain to think about something that's stressful
(22:49):
or bothersome during orgasm.
I mean, it's it kinda overtakes everything.
Yeah.
So it can be so therapeutic, and I think that'sbeautiful.
I also find that ADHD folks tend to be creativethinkers, very passionate people, and those are
huge strengths that you can bring to sexuality.
At the same time, you might have to reallyadvocate for that because novelty is exciting
(23:15):
for most people in terms of sex, especially inlong term relationships.
But if you're an ADHD person, it's, I wouldsay, vital to have some way to infuse novelty
and exploration.
Because if you're having the same sex over andover and over again, it it's just not gonna be
as fun for you, and I think that can causedisconnect and libido challenges.
(23:36):
So just being aware of those things and and notfeeling like you have to try to be like another
style brained person.
Like, bring all of your you ness to thebedroom, and that includes your brain, however
it functions.
Yeah.
I love that so much.
I think there's just so much permission in whatyou say, and and I think sometimes we can
(23:57):
listen to, you know, sexologists and podcastsand all the different things we learn, and it's
like, oh, like, if it doesn't it's not this oneway, it has it's it's wrong or any of that, and
there's just so much permission to be like, youknow what?
If your mind it's it's about the practice ofbeing present and your mind wanders, like, just
bring it back when you notice it kinda thing,and and allow yourself the permission without
the shaming.
(24:18):
Right?
Yes.
Yes.
Absolutely.
And let your chattery brain chatter.
Yeah.
Like, it's okay if like, you know how they'dsay with meditation, some people think, oh, you
can only meditate if you are completely stilland have no Right.
Right?
Like, it's the same type of thing.
There's actually research around this that youdon't have to have a totally you know, I think
(24:39):
it was called, like, monkey mind.
You could have monkey mind and still enjoy yoursex.
So it's okay.
Bring your busy mind to the to sex whenever youwant.
And if you need to talk something through firstand get it off your chest, go for it.
But I I think that's a really big thing is isthat permission to give yourself and say, it's
okay.
Let those thoughts just party away, andeventually, that orgasm will probably take
(25:01):
over.
Yeah.
I I actually studied meditation for a very longtime, got certified in a certain form of it,
and went pretty deep down.
And one of the one of my teachers over theyears, he like, one of the things that he would
say is, like, meditation is not the practice ofa still mind.
Meditation is recognizing, like, oh, then mymind went over there, and now I'm gonna
practice bringing it back to the to the moment.
(25:23):
So it's just like with sex, we can apply thesame thing.
Right?
It's not that it's about being present theentire time, but it's about having that that
awareness or that intention around like, oh,maybe, like, my mind's over there.
When I notice it, I'm just gonna bring it back.
It's then I'm just gonna focus on the pleasureand the orgasm in those moments, and nobody's
doing it wrong just because that happens.
(25:45):
Right?
So well said.
Yes.
I wanna have you all set.
When thinking about, you know, when thinkingabout this, like, have you then seen any other
benefits?
Like, know, you know, we're we can say abazillion different things.
And actually, I'm gonna take a step backbecause there's something I wanna ask you
first, which is you said something aboutnovelty earlier, and that's another a question
or a conversation I have a lot on this podcast.
(26:07):
And I am since that is something you broughtup, I am very interested in, like, in working
with couples.
What are some of the ways that you like toencourage, like, the conversation or the ways
to help people that are especially in long termrelationships, bring novelty back?
What are some ways to help people engage inthat convo?
Sure.
(26:28):
So a lot of my work is storytelling.
Right?
And I love listening to reading stories.
I think that that is a really powerful way forfolks to get ideas for things.
So I interview folks about their mostextraordinary sex experiences, and then I
create these narrative episodes for my podcast.
(26:49):
And then I also have books that are full ofstories too.
And so I think that one really powerful way isto whether it's through podcasts or books,
there's wonderful erotica anthologies.
I don't know if you know Rebecca Kramer Bustle,but she has edited a whole bunch of amazing
erotica anthologies.
Her final one, I think.
(27:11):
I think it's her final one just released.
They have different themes.
Some of them are kink themed.
Some of them are orgasm themed, And it's awonderful way to get a taste for all different
kinds of ways that people engage in pleasure.
Now, not all of them might be realistic.
Like, I think she has some there's sex with analien.
Like, there's some things that are, like, kindof might feel kind of out there to you.
(27:33):
But even still, there's something so sexy aboutthese fantasies.
So you get to learn what your fantasies are.
You can maybe trade maybe you hear a story on apodcast or you read a story in a book, and it
really gets you excited or curious.
It's a really fun thing to share with a partnerand say, like, hey.
What do you think of this?
(27:55):
I think it's a really powerful way to do it.
And then what you can do is you could eventake, like, let's say, thirty days where you,
either by yourself or if you have a partner andyou want them to engage too, you each jot down
these ideas that come to you.
They don't have to be ideas that you totallywanna do.
Just potential things that maybe you haven'ttried or you haven't tried together.
(28:19):
You know, maybe it's trying a feather wand thatyou heard about that you, you know, brush over
the skin.
Maybe it's temperature play with a massagecandle.
Maybe it's a certain type of role play.
Maybe it's reading sexy things to each other.
So you just jot these things down, and then atthe end of the month, you could just put them
all into, like, a jar or just keep them in listfashion.
(28:40):
If you use the jar, you just pull one out andsay, do we wanna try this?
And either you try it or at least you talkabout it.
And I think talking about it can sometimes bethe fun activity.
It's great.
Or you can turn it into a yes, no, maybe listwhere both of you go through each item and
decide, like, is this is this a yes for you?
Is this something you don't wanna try rightnow?
(29:01):
So really using other people's experiences andstories and even, like, fiction.
Even in movies, maybe you jot down a scene froma movie that touched you in a certain way.
It's a really fun, way that takes out thewhole, like, I have to think of something part
that can feel like homework.
There's so many ideas already out there.
Oh, it's I love this advice so much, becauseeven in thinking about, like, fantasy, like
(29:25):
you're talking about, like, one is the creationof the fantasy, but two, sometimes, if couples
haven't talked about this, sometimes I findthat there's this, you know, this apprehension
or almost this, like, like, fear that comes uparound starting to share their fantasies for
the first time.
So when it's, like, initially presented as,like, hey, I read this in a book.
(29:46):
Like, what do you think about it?
It has a different sort of energy of of, like,bringing something to the table to, like, co
talk about it from, a yes, no, maybe wayversus, wow.
I've been fantasizing this for for years.
And I think those things are also great to talkabout.
But as an intro, sometimes it's like, okay,where is the softer, easier first step to
getting into it?
(30:06):
And and I absolutely love, love, love, lovethis advice so much.
So is there anything we're we're actuallygetting close to the time here.
It just goes so fast.
Is there anything though in this episode andthen everybody, I mean, we are for the libido
club gonna be talking about part two withAugust, which is all gonna be about your brain
(30:26):
on orgasm.
So I'm gonna ask August here a question around,like, what are we missing?
What do you guys need to know?
And talk to you talk to you guys a little bitabout where to get ahold of her, how to find
some of the literature she's talking about, herpodcast, all these amazing things.
And just remember, if you go tomylibidoclub.com, you can get access to part
two.
(30:46):
So without further ado, August, like, how like,what do you think from this conversation today?
Is there anything that we did not say thatwe're like, we gotta say this today for for the
audience?
I will share the tiniest teaser for the orgasmMRI brain stuff we're gonna talk about because
this is an important fact that we can divedeeper into.
But fantasy and imagination are just aspowerful, sometimes more, than the physical
(31:14):
act.
Yeah.
So knowing that, give yourself permission to tofantasize, to get creative, and to just
daydream about the sex life you want.
Yeah.
It is so freaking powerful.
And it's this freedom because it's all justlike this mental cloud of your sexy thoughts,
and it can really put a spark in your day.
(31:35):
Just spend even a few minutes a day or maybelike once a week.
And if you feel like it, add journaling to thatsame mix.
I think that it's a really powerfulcombination.
That's such good advice.
I can't wait for part two, you guys.
Okay.
So where do people get ahold of you?
The best kind of spot for all of my things isaugustmclaughlin.com.
(31:55):
It's mclaugh,lin,.com.
And you can find my podcast by searching girlboner or girl boner radio, with spaces in
between, on any podcast app.
And my show releases every two weeks.
And we have so many fun steamy stories, and Ican't wait to share yours coming up soon.
(32:15):
Yeah.
Amazing.
And we'll have all those links for you guys inthe show notes, of course, for easy
clickability.
And and thank you so much, August.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom with theworld today.
Such a pleasure.
Thank you so much for having me and for yourgreat questions.
Amazing.
And everybody, take good care, and we'll seeyou real soon on another episode of the lounge.
Bye bye.
(32:36):
Thank you for listening to the libido lounge.
Please don't keep me a secret.
Please share this with your friends.
You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, aswell as how to work with me at mylibidodoc.com.
Women in particular are getting diagnosed moreoften is because our brains weren't studied as
(00:04):
much.
It wasn't expected to be a thing for women, andit might present differently.
You can't just push the stop button on thoughtsand they disappear.
They actually the more we try to that, thelouder they can be.
I think it's really important to have a alittle bit of a game plan if that happens to
you.
I developed a very severe eating disorder.
I did talk therapy.
(00:24):
I met with a dietitian.
There was kind of like this day program I wasdoing.
And nothing was really helping very much.
But I was sitting in this college classroom,and one day we were talking about sex, which
floored me.
Because even though I had had sex andconsidered myself into sex, I had realized I
(00:47):
never talked about it.
Like, even with the person I was having itwith, whatever those things are to make it more
pleasurable for yourself, I think is totallyworth it.
Just because you started sex doesn't mean youhave to keep doing it exactly as you were and
stay at it.
A good partner wants to know how they can makethings more pleasurable for you.
So I really see ADHD as a totally just uniquekind of brain style, and it feels very
(01:11):
disordered.
So the challenges I see often are things likeone big strength and beautiful thing that I
find is that people with ADHD tend to if you'rehaving the same sex over and over and over
again, it it's just not gonna be as fun foryou.
Hey, everybody.
(01:32):
Quick break out our episode to talk to youabout our sponsor, My Libido Doc.
One of the things that we truly believe is thatgreat sex is available to everyone, but we just
have to learn how.
So head over to our site to get your free copyof our e book, Five Steps to Mind Blowing
(01:54):
Orgasms and Romance.
Get the quick and easy tips to turn your sexlife around, rev up your engines, and fall in
deeper love and passion with yourself and yourpartner.
So if you just go to mysexdoc.com, you willfind that e book there for download.
Now back to our show.
(02:16):
Hi, everybody.
Welcome to another episode of The Lounge.
I'm your host, doctor Diane, board certifiedsexologist, libido expert, and I have an
amazing guest for you today.
We're talking about body image.
We're talking about how you feel during sex toactually enjoy sex.
We're talking about eating disorders and therelationship to their sex to your sexuality, as
(02:39):
well as things like ADHD, which is just rampantin today's society.
And we're gonna talk about that and how thatcan impact your ability to be present during
sex, to enjoy intimacy with your partner, andso much more.
And, you know, I think this conversationapplies to almost anybody because all these
simple things that can happen during sex suchas, I'm sure people can relate to this, right,
(03:03):
where it's like you turn one way and yourpartner touches your thigh or your belly or
whatever, and it's like, you know, you can feelyourself sometimes, like, shrinking back or
wanting to pull away or, like, not beingcomfortable with, like, being touched in that
particular part of your body.
All of these types of things are actuallylimiting the capacity to be present with your
(03:24):
partner, with yourself, to enjoy intimacy, andso much more.
So that's why I wanted to bring this expert onfor you guys today.
So everybody meet August, and welcome to theshow, August.
Thank you so much for having me.
It's it's such a pleasure, and I know you have,you know, your own history with eating
disorders, and I know that that this is a hugepart of what we wanna talk about today is,
(03:48):
like, how can we have more body confidence?
How can we just love our body and all of thoseparts that we may judge ourselves for or feel
shame before shame for?
How can we get through all this in order toreally deeply enjoy sex?
And I think because it's such a, you know, asensitive conversation, it would be really
(04:10):
lovely if if you would mind sharing your storyon your process with this and why you've now
dedicated so much of your life to helpingpeople with this similar type of scenario.
Yeah.
So I grew up, like a lot of folks, not learninga lot about sex, and I learned some pretty
negative things.
And I didn't really realize that it wasaffecting me.
(04:32):
I didn't even know I had any shame aroundsexuality.
I had had my first boyfriend, and I'd had asexual relationship with him, and I enjoyed
sex.
And I was traveling after high school.
I started traveling in the fashion industry,and I developed a very severe eating disorder.
I was living in Paris at the time.
(04:53):
I actually collapsed during a morning run, andit was a very scary situation.
And when I went back to my hometown inMinnesota, I tried all the conventional stuff.
I did talk therapy.
I met with a dietitian.
There was kind of, like, this day program I wasdoing, and nothing was really helping very
(05:15):
much.
And that's not to say the treatment wasn'tquality.
It's just that what helped me was so surprisingto me.
And I saw a lot of it in hindsight, howimpactful, but I was sitting in this college
classroom, basically taking classes so I'd havesomething besides treatment to think about, and
it was a psychology of women course.
And one day, we were talking about sex, whichfloored me when the teacher announced the
(05:39):
topic.
Because even though I had had sex andconsidered myself into sex, I realized I'd
never talked about it.
Like, even with the person I was having itwith, we didn't we didn't really talk about it.
And so I felt myself, like, glancing around theroom, like, is is anyone else feeling this
(06:00):
strange disconnect right now?
Like, are we supposed to talk about this?
And that led to this whole deep dive,introspective journey.
I got angry in a really healthy way about thesocietal things that had stood in the way of me
embracing my sexuality, respecting my full bodyand full self.
(06:24):
Like, there was this big missing piece, like,big gap.
And I started to just dive very deeply intothat, like, why didn't I learn about sex?
I couldn't I literally couldn't stop talkingabout sex.
It started to kind of frighten some of the shyMinnesotans around me, but it was really
empowering for me.
And later, I realized that that truly was theday that I stopped wanting to hurt my body.
(06:50):
I stopped wanting to starve myself.
I stopped wanting to restrict.
And it's not like, poof, I was better, ofcourse.
As I'm sure you know, it's a very complicatedillness.
I was originally diagnosed with anorexia, thenI dealt with a lot of binge eating.
And it was probably a ten year process of fullymoving past it, and I consider myself fully
(07:13):
recovered.
But the most impactful things were, for me, Idon't think I would have healed without talking
about sex and without deciding to reallyexplore.
And I really started exploring after that anddiscovering my body's capacity for pleasure,
and it brought this whole new respect for mybody and then, by extension, myself.
(07:37):
So this is so important, so interesting.
I'm I'm curious from a standpoint of, you know,that turning point.
Right?
That turning point moment where, like, wow.
I'm I'm going to make different decisions.
I'm not gonna hurt myself in these ways.
Was it anything that can you think of, like, aspecific thing that was said?
Was there an moment?
Was it more just, like, bigger picture, like,understanding, oh, my body has the capacity for
(08:02):
all of these things, and the more we, like,respect our body's, like, ability for pleasure,
it leads to, you know, perhaps more respect inother areas, or is it something else?
I'm just throwing out random ideas Yeah.
To Do you have any idea what what that turningpoint really was?
Yeah.
I think there were multiple turning points, andone was the oh my gosh, I haven't talked about
(08:24):
sex for sure.
Another was then this feeling of really trulyletting go during sex, which I don't think I
had done before.
There were a couple of times where I just feltmyself not thinking about my body or what my
partner was thinking of my body.
(08:45):
That was huge.
And then a very profound moment for me wasyears later, I was around 30 years old when I
masturbated to orgasm for the first time.
Mhmm.
And I didn't think that I could do that.
I didn't think I, quote, unquote, needed orwanted to do that.
I was like, well, if I'm in a relationship, youknow, and circumstances just led to this
(09:10):
impromptu self pleasure session.
And when I reached orgasm, I burst into tears.
It was so powerful, and it actually is whatinspired me to start Girl Boner first as a blog
series because it showed me that I had beenseeing sex as something that was dependent on
(09:30):
another person, that my sexuality was not myown, that it was a shared thing or it was a
responsive thing.
And truly, it it's mine, and that changedeverything.
It changed the course of my career.
And importantly, it changed all of my intimateand, you know, romantic and sexual experiences
(09:51):
moving forward.
So then tell me because I I love, like, thewhole concept, right, of, like, pleasure as a
gateway for healing, and that's actually whatgot me into this work too, and we'll talk about
that.
You know, I'm sure on, the show when youinterview me, like, one of the intro things for
me, just, like, two seconds was I wasexperiencing this really crazy vulvar pain for
(10:13):
many, many, many months.
Nobody could figure out it was all normal testsfor this were normal, where all tests for this
were normal, couldn't sleep, etcetera,etcetera.
Did my first masturbation session of my life.
This was in my early twenties, and pain wentaway.
And I did it again, and the pain went away and,like, did this a few times, and it was, like,
after months.
And then all of a sudden, it was just, oh mygosh.
(10:34):
Like, I don't have pain anymore, like, throughself pleasure.
So, you know, kind of a similar, you know,pleasure heals kind of experience for you.
And so I'm curious then for, like, your work,right, then, like, how like, if somebody is
struggling with whether it's a, you know, fullblown eating order, whether it's just, like,
body dysmorphia, not feeling uncomfortable inone's body, judging oneself after they eat.
(10:59):
It well, there's so many different versions,right, of what healthy eating versus eating
disorder looks like.
And I think because of our society, so manyhumans and and probably, you know, more women
than men, but I think I think men too havethese a lot of self judgment on how their
bodies look.
So where do people, like, in your methodologywith what you've seen with, like, pleasure as a
(11:24):
supportive tool for that, where do people,like, begin to help, like, start unwinding this
and, you know, really start to heal their bodyfrom this, you know, this negative self talk
and on and on and on and on.
Yeah.
I love journaling as an entry point becausewhen people are really gripped by self shame
(11:44):
and really intense negative thoughts abouttheir body and their appearance and food and
eating and all of that, journaling provides aplace whether you freehand write it, you can do
it audio files.
There's so many ways to journal.
You can paint your thoughts out.
But really expressing what you do feel aboutyour body and about sex.
And ask yourself what you learned about sex andabout appearance and about your body.
(12:09):
And really, just without any self judgment,just let the words pour onto a page.
You can put someone else's name on it, throw itaway later, whatever you need to do to just
feel totally private about it.
I think that's a really, really powerful toolbecause often we're having thoughts we aren't
even really realizing.
They're so embedded in us.
(12:29):
And then start questioning those thoughts.
Take what if you have a thought that reallykinda haunts you, like, oh, my my breasts are
too small or too flabby or too saggy orwhatever it is.
Like, take a thought and really question it,and really go through kind of your own self
awareness process with debunking that thoughtas much as you can.
(12:51):
I think that's really powerful.
I think spending time with your own body is sokey because, really, if you think about it,
when we are being critical of our body, it hasso much to do with how we feel other people or
our partner, for example, are perceiving it.
Right?
So take them out of the picture and spend timewhether it's naked or maybe in your skivvies,
(13:15):
whatever your comfort level is.
Spend a few minutes, five minutes, twentyminutes alone naked, and really start to try to
feel a little more comfortable with your bodybeing a body.
Like, just let it be a body.
I think that's really powerful.
And then when you're having sex with a partneror partners, I think it's really important to
(13:38):
let yourself have tools.
You don't have to I think we can have shameabout having shame.
You know what I mean?
Where
it's like Oh, absolutely.
Oh my gosh.
I'm I believe in you know, I'm a feminist.
I should just love my body the way it is, and Ishouldn't care what other people think.
Just toss that stuff out into the garbage.
Put it in, like, a brain spam folder becauseit's not your fault, and thoughts and feelings
(14:00):
just happen.
So if you can just put that aside somehow andlet yourself use a tool.
If it helps you to feel more comfortable byhaving the lights really dim when you're having
sex, great.
Start there.
Maybe it's lighting candles.
Some people like because it's a little moreflattering.
Maybe it's not having sex right after a mealwhen you feel a little, like, bloaty or gassy.
(14:23):
You know, just whatever those things are tomake it more pleasurable for yourself, I think,
is totally worth it.
Yeah.
I I really like in the beginning part of whatyou're saying with journaling.
There's a, you know, there's a thing that Ithink we do as humans, which is believe
everything that goes through our head as true.
And, you know, it's like just because we havethe thought doesn't actually mean that it's
(14:44):
true at all.
So that journaling, like, you're talking aboutaround, like, okay.
Well, what is the thought and, like, disprovingit, debunking it?
Like, is this actually, like, true?
Meaning, like, you know, from a truthperspective, like, everybody in the world
believes this.
Right?
Like, we could say, like, okay.
How we're gonna define truth.
There are so many truths that we say are truththat are actually not true at all.
(15:05):
It's just like a random thought that we decideto to hold onto there.
And what about so I understand, you know, fromwhat you're saying around, okay.
Let's take a a moment, and let's actually,like, be with our body and, like, just look at
it as a body and and all of that.
What about, like, when somebody is, say, in themiddle of being with a partner?
(15:26):
So, like, now we're intimate.
We're in that moment.
We've done some of the suggestions.
We're not, you know, having sex right after ameal.
We're having sex maybe before, so we feel,like, a little more in our body and comfortable
there.
And we're doing all these things, but we stillget into the bedroom and our partner touches us
in this way and we feel our body contract ormove their hand.
(15:47):
Or here's another story that I think peoplesometimes do, which is, like, okay.
So partner touches you here.
Right?
So maybe it's a belly.
Right?
Partner touches belly and then partner moves ahand away real fast.
And it's so easy in those moments to be likelike that moment can literally just be like
like your partner just is wanting to touch adifferent part of your body now, and that's
(16:09):
probably what it is.
But I think it's so easy in those moments thento make up a story and have this thought that
it's like, oh, they're moving their handbecause it is what I think.
Like, they they did feel my roles and theydon't like them or whatever the story may be.
So so my question is, like, in real time, howdo we stop, like, in the middle of that
(16:31):
intimate act, how do we stop in real time thosethoughts from taking over and and really
beginning to, like, drop deeper into, hey.
No.
I'm actually present with my body, myself, mypartner, the intimacy, on and on and on.
Yeah.
That can be so tricky.
I totally get that.
And it's hard because you
Just a quick break to let you know that eightypercent of women do not have orgasms from
(16:54):
vaginal intercourse alone.
So many people are not having the type of sexthat is healing, that brings them closer, that
brings them more connected, that is full of somuch pleasure and passion that it can build
bones, reduce stress, help serotonin, bringhappiness, lower anxiety, improve sleep, and
build a better connection with your partner.
(17:17):
That is what hot and modern monogamy is, ismodern monogamy that brings in all of that
passion, that desire, that closeness, and thathealing, and that's what you can get at the Hot
and Modern Monogamy Club.
So if you're interested in that and I can helpyou, please go to modernmonogamyclub.com.
Now back to our show.
(17:37):
You can't just push the stop button onthoughts, and they disappear.
They actually the more we try to do that, thelouder they can be sometimes.
So Yeah.
I think it's really important to have a alittle bit of a game plan if that happens to
you, you know, pretty regularly.
I would say one thing is to redirect yourenergy to a sensation somewhere.
(17:58):
So if you are having these thoughts, okay.
So I have these thoughts about the hand movingaway from my belly, my belly this, my belly
that.
You go into this big dive into that.
Think about something that feels good in yourbody.
It could be your feet, feeling the sheets downbelow.
It could be touching your partner and reallyfocusing on the pleasure of feeling your
(18:20):
partner's face or, you know, or their pelvicregion or their their thighs.
It's totally okay to divert the activity.
And I think when those thoughts are reallygripping, if you're really struggling, it's
totally okay and sometimes very healing to takea pause and and just gently say, hey.
Could we could we just stop for one second?
(18:40):
I'm telling myself a story about something,about my body.
I'm just feeling a little off right now.
And maybe you have a conversation about it, ormaybe you do something else.
Maybe you play a game, or you, you know, putyour clothes on and go for a walk or something.
You don't just because you started sex doesn'tmean you have to keep doing it exactly as you
were and stay at it.
(19:01):
But sometimes those conversations, even if theydon't happen during sex, which just can be a
tough time, I realize, it's good to put a pinin it and and bring it up at some point if it's
with a committed partner because a good partnerwants to know how they can make things more
pleasurable for you.
And wouldn't you hate it if you were, you know,having sex with a partner and they are sitting
(19:21):
there thinking, oh my gosh.
She just looked at my, you know, my belly in acertain way, and now I can't stop thinking
about how much she hates my belly.
And, you know, I think it could be really goodto bring light to those things because it is a
very human thing.
And when we say it out loud sometimes, it takesthe steam out
of it.
Yeah.
And I think so many times we just, like, like,either shame ourselves like we're talking about
(19:42):
or push it under the rug and not address iteven as later like you're talking about.
And these things, like, they don't go away.
Like, that's that's the thing.
It's like they don't go away when we justignore them and don't bring them to the
surface.
So I think it's really important advice.
And I know we could stay on this topic all day,but I want to make sure we have time to talk
about the ADHD's component of things as wellsince that's another area that you specialize
(20:07):
in.
And, you know, we're just seeing more and moreand more people that have an ADHD diagnosis,
which I think there's a lot of differentreasons for.
But I am curious about what you've seen then inyour work as pleasure, as a way to help work
with ADHD.
And and I guess to take a step back, maybelet's start with how have you seen that ADHD
(20:29):
can actually impact sex and intimacy and and besomething that is maybe preventing people from
experiencing the fullness of pleasure?
Sure.
So I really see ADHD as a totally just uniquekind of brain style.
Right?
And it feels very disordered, I know, from myown experience, in a world or certain
(20:50):
environments that are not set up for a brainlike yours.
So I think it's important to have the selfawareness because, especially now, I think one
reason women in particular are gettingdiagnosed more often is because our brains
weren't studied as much.
It wasn't expected to be a thing for women, andit might present differently.
So I think learning what you can and learningabout your ADHD strengths can really help.
(21:14):
But from a sex standpoint, I think the brain isso huge in every person's sexuality.
So it's not like an ADHD person is like theADHD person is this anomaly where their brain
is totally impacting sex.
Everyone's brain does.
Right?
Just totally in different ways, and we bringstrengths to the table too.
(21:36):
So the challenges I see often are things likehaving ruminating thoughts that are not just,
like, these thoughts that are a littletroublesome, but, like, a hyperfocus ruminating
where it just won't stop for days, weeks.
I mean, it's very, very severe.
That's one that can keep you from wanting toengage in sex at all if they have to do with
(21:58):
your body or they have to do with sexuality.
Sometimes it's that you're just so scattered,and you're, like your brain is going a million
different directions, and something else isreally distracting you.
So it's very hard to be present, and you feellike you're supposed to be totally present,
which is a myth, by the way.
I think you can be semi present and still enjoysex, and sometimes it's the sex that brings us
(22:23):
into the present.
Mhmm.
One big strength and beautiful thing that Ifind is that people with ADHD tend to often
have a very zen benefit from sex becausesometimes it's the one place that we feel very
mindful and present in the now.
And it's very hard for anybody with any kind ofbrain to think about something that's stressful
(22:49):
or bothersome during orgasm.
I mean, it's it kinda overtakes everything.
Yeah.
So it can be so therapeutic, and I think that'sbeautiful.
I also find that ADHD folks tend to be creativethinkers, very passionate people, and those are
huge strengths that you can bring to sexuality.
At the same time, you might have to reallyadvocate for that because novelty is exciting
(23:15):
for most people in terms of sex, especially inlong term relationships.
But if you're an ADHD person, it's, I wouldsay, vital to have some way to infuse novelty
and exploration.
Because if you're having the same sex over andover and over again, it it's just not gonna be
as fun for you, and I think that can causedisconnect and libido challenges.
(23:36):
So just being aware of those things and and notfeeling like you have to try to be like another
style brained person.
Like, bring all of your you ness to thebedroom, and that includes your brain, however
it functions.
Yeah.
I love that so much.
I think there's just so much permission in whatyou say, and and I think sometimes we can
(23:57):
listen to, you know, sexologists and podcastsand all the different things we learn, and it's
like, oh, like, if it doesn't it's not this oneway, it has it's it's wrong or any of that, and
there's just so much permission to be like, youknow what?
If your mind it's it's about the practice ofbeing present and your mind wanders, like, just
bring it back when you notice it kinda thing,and and allow yourself the permission without
the shaming.
(24:18):
Right?
Yes.
Yes.
Absolutely.
And let your chattery brain chatter.
Yeah.
Like, it's okay if like, you know how they'dsay with meditation, some people think, oh, you
can only meditate if you are completely stilland have no Right.
Right?
Like, it's the same type of thing.
There's actually research around this that youdon't have to have a totally you know, I think
(24:39):
it was called, like, monkey mind.
You could have monkey mind and still enjoy yoursex.
So it's okay.
Bring your busy mind to the to sex whenever youwant.
And if you need to talk something through firstand get it off your chest, go for it.
But I I think that's a really big thing is isthat permission to give yourself and say, it's
okay.
Let those thoughts just party away, andeventually, that orgasm will probably take
(25:01):
over.
Yeah.
I I actually studied meditation for a very longtime, got certified in a certain form of it,
and went pretty deep down.
And one of the one of my teachers over theyears, he like, one of the things that he would
say is, like, meditation is not the practice ofa still mind.
Meditation is recognizing, like, oh, then mymind went over there, and now I'm gonna
practice bringing it back to the to the moment.
(25:23):
So it's just like with sex, we can apply thesame thing.
Right?
It's not that it's about being present theentire time, but it's about having that that
awareness or that intention around like, oh,maybe, like, my mind's over there.
When I notice it, I'm just gonna bring it back.
It's then I'm just gonna focus on the pleasureand the orgasm in those moments, and nobody's
doing it wrong just because that happens.
(25:45):
Right?
So well said.
Yes.
I wanna have you all set.
When thinking about, you know, when thinkingabout this, like, have you then seen any other
benefits?
Like, know, you know, we're we can say abazillion different things.
And actually, I'm gonna take a step backbecause there's something I wanna ask you
first, which is you said something aboutnovelty earlier, and that's another a question
or a conversation I have a lot on this podcast.
(26:07):
And I am since that is something you broughtup, I am very interested in, like, in working
with couples.
What are some of the ways that you like toencourage, like, the conversation or the ways
to help people that are especially in long termrelationships, bring novelty back?
What are some ways to help people engage inthat convo?
Sure.
(26:28):
So a lot of my work is storytelling.
Right?
And I love listening to reading stories.
I think that that is a really powerful way forfolks to get ideas for things.
So I interview folks about their mostextraordinary sex experiences, and then I
create these narrative episodes for my podcast.
(26:49):
And then I also have books that are full ofstories too.
And so I think that one really powerful way isto whether it's through podcasts or books,
there's wonderful erotica anthologies.
I don't know if you know Rebecca Kramer Bustle,but she has edited a whole bunch of amazing
erotica anthologies.
Her final one, I think.
(27:11):
I think it's her final one just released.
They have different themes.
Some of them are kink themed.
Some of them are orgasm themed, And it's awonderful way to get a taste for all different
kinds of ways that people engage in pleasure.
Now, not all of them might be realistic.
Like, I think she has some there's sex with analien.
Like, there's some things that are, like, kindof might feel kind of out there to you.
(27:33):
But even still, there's something so sexy aboutthese fantasies.
So you get to learn what your fantasies are.
You can maybe trade maybe you hear a story on apodcast or you read a story in a book, and it
really gets you excited or curious.
It's a really fun thing to share with a partnerand say, like, hey.
What do you think of this?
(27:55):
I think it's a really powerful way to do it.
And then what you can do is you could eventake, like, let's say, thirty days where you,
either by yourself or if you have a partner andyou want them to engage too, you each jot down
these ideas that come to you.
They don't have to be ideas that you totallywanna do.
Just potential things that maybe you haven'ttried or you haven't tried together.
(28:19):
You know, maybe it's trying a feather wand thatyou heard about that you, you know, brush over
the skin.
Maybe it's temperature play with a massagecandle.
Maybe it's a certain type of role play.
Maybe it's reading sexy things to each other.
So you just jot these things down, and then atthe end of the month, you could just put them
all into, like, a jar or just keep them in listfashion.
(28:40):
If you use the jar, you just pull one out andsay, do we wanna try this?
And either you try it or at least you talkabout it.
And I think talking about it can sometimes bethe fun activity.
It's great.
Or you can turn it into a yes, no, maybe listwhere both of you go through each item and
decide, like, is this is this a yes for you?
Is this something you don't wanna try rightnow?
(29:01):
So really using other people's experiences andstories and even, like, fiction.
Even in movies, maybe you jot down a scene froma movie that touched you in a certain way.
It's a really fun, way that takes out thewhole, like, I have to think of something part
that can feel like homework.
There's so many ideas already out there.
Oh, it's I love this advice so much, becauseeven in thinking about, like, fantasy, like
(29:25):
you're talking about, like, one is the creationof the fantasy, but two, sometimes, if couples
haven't talked about this, sometimes I findthat there's this, you know, this apprehension
or almost this, like, like, fear that comes uparound starting to share their fantasies for
the first time.
So when it's, like, initially presented as,like, hey, I read this in a book.
(29:46):
Like, what do you think about it?
It has a different sort of energy of of, like,bringing something to the table to, like, co
talk about it from, a yes, no, maybe wayversus, wow.
I've been fantasizing this for for years.
And I think those things are also great to talkabout.
But as an intro, sometimes it's like, okay,where is the softer, easier first step to
getting into it?
(30:06):
And and I absolutely love, love, love, lovethis advice so much.
So is there anything we're we're actuallygetting close to the time here.
It just goes so fast.
Is there anything though in this episode andthen everybody, I mean, we are for the libido
club gonna be talking about part two withAugust, which is all gonna be about your brain
(30:26):
on orgasm.
So I'm gonna ask August here a question around,like, what are we missing?
What do you guys need to know?
And talk to you talk to you guys a little bitabout where to get ahold of her, how to find
some of the literature she's talking about, herpodcast, all these amazing things.
And just remember, if you go tomylibidoclub.com, you can get access to part
two.
(30:46):
So without further ado, August, like, how like,what do you think from this conversation today?
Is there anything that we did not say thatwe're like, we gotta say this today for for the
audience?
I will share the tiniest teaser for the orgasmMRI brain stuff we're gonna talk about because
this is an important fact that we can divedeeper into.
But fantasy and imagination are just aspowerful, sometimes more, than the physical
(31:14):
act.
Yeah.
So knowing that, give yourself permission to tofantasize, to get creative, and to just
daydream about the sex life you want.
Yeah.
It is so freaking powerful.
And it's this freedom because it's all justlike this mental cloud of your sexy thoughts,
and it can really put a spark in your day.
(31:35):
Just spend even a few minutes a day or maybelike once a week.
And if you feel like it, add journaling to thatsame mix.
I think that it's a really powerfulcombination.
That's such good advice.
I can't wait for part two, you guys.
Okay.
So where do people get ahold of you?
The best kind of spot for all of my things isaugustmclaughlin.com.
(31:55):
It's mclaugh,lin,.com.
And you can find my podcast by searching girlboner or girl boner radio, with spaces in
between, on any podcast app.
And my show releases every two weeks.
And we have so many fun steamy stories, and Ican't wait to share yours coming up soon.
(32:15):
Yeah.
Amazing.
And we'll have all those links for you guys inthe show notes, of course, for easy
clickability.
And and thank you so much, August.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom with theworld today.
Such a pleasure.
Thank you so much for having me and for yourgreat questions.
Amazing.
And everybody, take good care, and we'll seeyou real soon on another episode of the lounge.
Bye bye.
(32:36):
Thank you for listening to the libido lounge.
Please don't keep me a secret.
Please share this with your friends.
You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, aswell as how to work with me at mylibidodoc.com.
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