November 29, 2024 • 21 mins
The holidays are here, and while they bring joy and celebration, they can also be a total intimacy killer. Between family dinners, endless to-do lists, and all the chaos, how do you find time to keep the spark alive? Dr. Diane shares her top tips and tricks for staying connected with your partner during the busiest time of the year.
Discover fun, creative ideas like making a fantasy basket for year-round excitement, turning your body into a playful scavenger hunt, and exploring ways to keep communication open and sexy. Plus, learn why a little planning can make all the difference in turning this holiday season into your steamiest yet.
Don’t miss her announcement about the upcoming deep dive episode with intimacy expert Susan Bratton, which is coming early next year. Get ready to end the year on a high note—emotionally and physically.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to the libido lounge where we focus onall things love, lust, and libido.
We believe that fabulous sex is important tohealth as exercise and good food.
Hey, everybody.
(00:21):
Doctor Diane here.
Happy holiday season.
Welcome back to another episode on the lounge.
I am thrilled to be wrapping up this year withthis episode.
We're gonna talk about how to stay sexy aroundthe holidays and your relationship, talk about
gift ideas, some that you can purchase, somethat are really cute homemade ways.
(00:42):
We're talking about just how to go through thisholiday season and not just enjoy, hopefully,
the fun, the family, the few the food, themarriness, but also coming back to connection
more deeply, more sexy, more close to yourpartner and yourself.
And before we do all that, I wanna let you guysknow that this whole year, I've been saying
(01:06):
vote for your favorite episode.
Download it, share it, and then I'm going toinvite the person that had the best the most
downloads back.
And I am thrilled to announce that it is myvery dear friend and intimacy expert, Susan
Bratton, who we had an episode where she wastalking about orgasms and talking about so many
different ways to experience orgasm andpleasure, what to do when you're stressed, how
(01:30):
to ask for what you want as a woman in yourrelationship, and more.
So we're gonna really go more deeply into that,in a episode.
She just confirmed that she will be coming backfor a deep dive.
I can't wait.
So look out for that episode.
We will release that very early on in the NewYear.
(01:51):
We're gonna take December off from recording tobe with, family and friends for the holiday
season and reput together our plan for all thegreat content we have coming out for you in
2025.
So let's begin with today's juicy episode.
Those are all of my announcements for you.
So the holidays can be, of course, a time ofgreat stress, but they can also be a time to
(02:16):
mix up some sexiness.
So I wanted to send you some ideas and gothrough some ideas for some homemade gifts that
you could consider giving your partner as a wayto just bring some novelty and some play back
in the bedroom.
So one of the first is a is getting a basket,putting all of your fantasies in in a basket,
(02:39):
and allowing your partner to choose one thatmaybe you will gift them and gift the two of
you during the holiday season.
You could even do something like create acalendar, right, where then once a month, if
you put 12 fantasies in there, this could be agift for the year.
And so once a month, they pull a secret fantasyor out of a fantasy box, and you guys get to
(03:02):
play and reenact that.
You could also do something such as give themthe, the ability to write down all of their
fantasies.
You can read them and choose the one that youresonate the most with to offer for them.
Another fun thing is to dress up in somethingfun and sassy and that feels makes you feel
(03:23):
confident, and that can look a lot of differentways.
But you could tape gifts, you know, ideas ofgifts, like ideas of things you want to do
together in the bedroom, maybe new things youwanna try.
You can tape them all over your body, and itcould be a self, like a like a, what is that
word?
I'm blanking on the word here, guys.
(03:44):
It could be like a a scavenger hunt.
That's what I'm looking for.
So it could be like a scavenger hunt over yourbody.
You know, here, look there.
You could play a game of hot and cold.
You know?
You could play a game of hiding sexy thingsaround the house and playing a hot and cold
game until they have found them.
So those are some of my ideas for you.
My favorite is, like, the basket idea and makeit last throughout the year.
(04:08):
Would definitely take this time during theholidays to have a conversation too with your
partner, especially if you've been pretty goodabout committing to intimacy.
Sometimes it can fall away during the holidayseason.
So it also can be a really helpful thing tohave a conversation advance around like, okay.
How are we gonna stay connected during theholiday season?
(04:29):
And I find that it can be a really fun time tore like, start just being very attentive to
those hugs in the morning, the hugs at night,and really embracing the hugs, you know, maybe
even allowing your genitals to touch a littlebit.
You're, you know, really just sinking into eachother's bodies.
And we even see that with oxytocin.
(04:50):
You know, I was doing more oxytocin research.
You you guys hear me talk about that on thispodcast a lot.
I was doing some more research on oxytocin thisweek and really looking at, okay, even with
hugging.
Right?
Because we know a twenty second hug deliversmore oxytocin, but there's actually more to it
than that.
Like, the emotional state that we show up to ahug, how present we are to the hug, how much we
(05:12):
drop into that embrace with whoever we'rehugging, All, like so it's not just about,
like, the length of the hug, but it's reallyabout, like, the sheer quality and the presence
that you have with the hug.
So during the holiday season, if there's not asmuch time to connect more intimately, Just
making sure you are taking those moments todrop into that long hug, to look into your
(05:34):
partner's eyes, to tell them all the amazingqualities they have about them.
And it's another time, I think, moving into theNew Year around what sort of New Year's
resolutions would be great to carry into theNew Year around your relationship.
So it could be something as simple as, okay.
Well, I'm going start saying to my partnerthree things I love about them every day.
(05:58):
Right?
And I encourage you, the biggest thing we seewith habits when it comes to New Year's
resolutions and habits in general, You know,what happens so often with New Year's
resolutions is that we make some sort of grandcommitments.
Right?
And then we're really good for that firstmonth, and then life gets in the way and it
peters off.
So, really, what we see around habits andaround making habits that last around making
(06:22):
these resolutions more parts of our life is thetinier and more specific they are and the more
actionable they are, the more they actually dostick.
So oftentimes, people go wrong by sayingsomething like in you know, from the libido
space, it might be like, okay.
Well, we are going to have sex three times aweek.
Well, in really busy weeks, that might not berealistic.
(06:43):
Right?
So you want to commit to what feels likesomething that you can commit to even on those
busiest of weeks to make sure that you havetime to come together.
I would encourage you as much as possible tomake an intimacy date once a week.
And if that's not realistic for you, though,follow that because habits that are met that
(07:07):
where you get that where you put that habitinto place and you get that reward because you
successfully did that habit, those are the onesthat really stick.
So if you're feeling like, wow, it's realisticfor you to do an intimacy date every three
weeks and that's the what you feel like in busytimes you can commit to, I would do that.
But then also work to try to add beyond that,But the idea is you want to commit that full
(07:32):
commitment to something that you're actuallygoing to meet and hopefully stretch it maybe a
little bit, but that you can do it.
You can maintain it on the busiest of weeksbecause where people tend to fall, at least
what we see in habit research, is when theyovercommit, they get busy.
And then once you fall out of that habit, thenall of the old habits tend to just sink back
in.
So it's better to make a little bit of a lessgoal that you know that you can meet, and then
(07:57):
you can make those stretch goals.
Right?
Those things that are like, okay.
That would be really cool if we did connectthat often and still work to achieve that, but
it's still a win if you meet that corefoundational goal.
So that's usually how people tend to makehabits that actually are lasting, that stick,
that they have, effectiveness that way.
So in moving into the new year, making thoseintimacy goals with your partner, with
(08:23):
yourself, being committed is very, very helpfulfor that.
And then let's go through some of my favoritegifts and stocking stuffers now for the New
Year.
So or for for the holiday season.
So one of these, this one is, intimacy cards.
So I can't remember if I showed you guys.
I might have showed you guys some of this onone of the podcast earlier this year, but I
(08:45):
just love these cards because these cards areanything from intimacy on your relationship.
So you can pull, like, a relationship card, andit's saying you know, this one that I just
pulled, it says, what's your biggest fear forthis relationship?
Right?
So the concept of these cards is anything from,like, sexual intimacy to emotional intimacy.
Right?
So we'll pull something that is a little bitmore playful.
(09:08):
So from the sexual intimacy, the first one Ipulled is, what do you wish we did more of in
our sex life?
But these can be really great converse like,questions too to help people get out of the
almost that relationship right around, like,okay.
We talk about the same things.
We have the same sort of conversations.
Sex looks similar.
(09:29):
We're managing the kids, the household, thework, etcetera.
And these can be really amazing, amazing,amazing ways to kinda break that state and get
people out of it.
And the in the sexual intimacy cards areawesome because when it comes to questions like
fantasy or your favorite things or what do youwant more of, it really like, having a deck
(09:49):
like this and coming together for the purposeof pulling a card like this, I find really it
it just puts people in this space oftentimesof, like, curiosity.
Right?
Because this the the card deck is all aboutthis open curiosity.
It's about listening.
It's about thinking creatively, answering morequestions.
So great stocking stuffer.
(10:10):
I'm gonna have links to everything I mentionedin the show notes below for you guys so you can
easily find these for yourself.
Another just lovely thing.
So kava is an amazing herb, and kava willreally help to calm anxiety.
Kava actually works on the same receptors inour body, like something like Xanax, but it's
(10:33):
an herb.
It's not addictive.
There's no, like, dependency that I've seenpeople develop around kava, and it tends to be
very safe without side effects.
And, of course, always talk to your doctorabout that.
But kava is oftentimes served as a tea in orderto get truly the herbal benefits that are
relaxing, that get people in the mood, thatjust calm them so that they can be more
(10:55):
present.
Kava is an amazing herb for this.
And the tea, though, is the traditional way tomake kava.
Kava tea is really, it just takes some time tobrew properly because it takes a while for the
the plant's, medicine to actually get into,say, a tea decoction.
And these pills, these COVID chill pills, I hadjust seen to be absolutely phenomenal.
(11:20):
They work really, really well for calming thebody.
I noticed them when I take them.
I actually took one earlier today because I wasjust feeling super busy in my head, and they're
super you can be super present with them.
It's just, you know, it's just an herbalmedicine, and you can find these on Amazon.
I put a link also in the description for it foryou.
So if you're feeling like, wow.
(11:41):
You know, so many times when getting ready forsex, maybe you're overwhelmed or your partner's
overwhelmed.
That's just the way to calm, to enjoy, to getinto the moment.
I really love these because of their impacts onthe body without side effects.
Okay.
Let's get into a couple more playful things.
So I want to introduce you to, this is MysteryVibes Poco.
(12:03):
I absolutely love this company.
So Mystery Vibe, I love this company.
I've talked about them before because they doso much research on massagers and vibrators.
They are FDA approved, many of their devices,because they have been showing that they help
with prostate problems for men, vulvar pain forwomen.
(12:24):
They can help women that have been, notorgasmic, get orgasms again.
And so what's so lovely, which I love aboutthis particular device, is it's really tiny, so
it's very travelable.
It's a great stocking stuffer, but it's alsobendable.
Right?
So you can bend it in these differentdirections.
And then the other thing that's so great that Ilove about this company is they will it will
(12:48):
come with, like, this very lovely guide ondifferent positions.
And, basically, we'll talk about, like, withcouples play, what's the best way to use it as
well as with solo play.
So it's an it's a really, really lovelyvibrator.
It travels super well.
Because it's so tiny, it's so easy to use incombination with partner play because you can
(13:10):
do a lot of different positions reallycomfortably with it.
So that's wonderful.
In that particular vibrator, I have, a couponcode for you.
So if you're interested in that, that's fromMystery Vibe.
Make sure you get the coupon code for that one.
It's called the poco.
The coupon code works for anything on MysteryVibe's site though.
(13:30):
And then this one is the Lioness.
So I've mentioned this one before on this,podcast as well.
The Lioness is just absolutely lovely.
So you can tell it's a rabbit shaped vibrator.
So the shape is pretty normal, but this is asmart vibrator, meaning it connects through an
app with your to your phone.
And in this app on your phone, you'll actuallybe able to track arousal of orgasm.
(13:53):
If you're doing this with partner play, you cansee that in real time.
So it can be really helpful in partner play tohelp your partner understand, oh, like, down to
the detail of, like, oh, this pressure, thisvibration, this pace, right, can be can, really
help.
And with the the internal research that thelioness has found is that when people are using
(14:15):
this, their arousal is going up, their orgasmquality is going up, their libido is going up
because just like anything.
Right?
Like, we see this with all these trackingdevices like the Fitbit.
When we track things, we do things better.
Things get better.
When people track their steps, they walk more.
So, of course, when people track their orgasms,they have better orgasms.
(14:37):
Right?
There's no surprise there.
So this is an amazing vibrator.
Also, I have a coupon code for you in the shownotes on that.
That, again, is the Lioness.
And then the last thing I wanna make sure toshow you is one of my favorite lube companies.
This is Phoria.
So the quickie kit is a phenomenal stuffingstocking stuffer.
(14:57):
So the quickie kit has all of these different,components in it.
The my favorite thing about FORIA is that it'san MCT oil base for their products.
Remember, we wanna be very careful about whatwe're putting on our genitals because there's
so many products out there.
There's so many lubes out there that havetoxins in them, and toxins are actually
(15:18):
endocrine disruptors.
Toxins can disrupt our hormones.
So we can be putting something on to help usfeel sexier in the mood that, like, might work
temporarily but might actually be disruptingour hormones.
So we wanna be very, very careful about what weput on our lady bits and on our man parts
because of that.
So MCT oil is absolutely wonderful because it'snatural, but it's also not a strong
(15:41):
antimicrobial.
Like, sometimes I hear people saying, oh, justuse coconut oil.
Coconut oil is not really the best thing forlube because it is it is very antimicrobial,
and we don't want all of this antimicrobialstuff in the vaginal canal.
The vaginal canal has all of these healthymicroorganisms.
Right?
We have a microbiome there, and that's keepingthe vaginal canal actually really healthy.
(16:05):
And so if we if we put something like coconutoil in, which is antimicrobial, what can wind
up happening is the vaginal floor can actuallyget dysregulated.
And when that happens, we can wind up havingthe situation occur where all of a sudden,
we're getting, say, either pain or we'regetting UTIs or something just feels off in our
(16:28):
vagina.
So we don't want any of that.
So m t c MCT oil is wonderful that for that.
For you, they have their so many of theirproducts, they have this arousal or oil that
you can use for, like, sensual massage that'samazing and a CBD in it.
Even their sex oil for actually play, intimateplay has CBD.
(16:48):
CBD is just wonderful for, like, keeping thattissue healthy and not inflamed, right,
especially as we age as humans.
Really making sure that tissue is not inflamedis so important.
And then one of my favorite parts of this isthese intimacy melt.
So the intimacy melt are these they're theselittle suppositories.
So these suppositories, what they are is youactually insert them intervaginally, and it
(17:13):
actually forms internal loop.
And it's amazing.
Like, when I first tried these, I was reallyconcerned that I was going to feel them or my
partner was going to feel them, but they meltedalmost instantly.
And it was wonderful because you can insertthese ahead of play, and then you're not
fumbling around for oil and and all of that inthe middle of play.
You're just ready to go, and the feeling issensational.
(17:36):
And the other thing, of course, with lubesometimes is sometimes it wears out and you
have to reapply.
Right?
I did not find that that you know, I'veactually never found that with this the CBD
with the, suppositories here.
So it's a really, really lovely gift, and thenit's in its, beautiful, beautiful kit.
It says better sex starts here on the back.
(17:58):
So just an all around great product to getaccompanied with or acquainted to because they
have such a great line and because theirproducts are so natural, nontoxic, and really
support the health of the microbiome.
So you also have a coupon code for that.
That's for you in your show notes.
So I wanna wish you guys all the best duringthis holiday season.
(18:20):
It's been super wonderful in this twenty twentyfour year to spend this year with you guys,
really getting this information out, and we hadso many great guests this year.
Thank you again for your support of thispodcast.
Please do share this with anybody that couldbenefit from this.
It really does help me reach others that needthis information because, ultimately, why I'm
(18:43):
doing this podcast like, I don't know if I'vetold you guys, like, why I'm doing this.
Like, there's a couple different reasons whyI'm doing this.
One is because in my early twenties, I wassuffering from a lot of vulvar pain, and I was
going to the doctors and had a lot of STD testsrun.
Luckily, they were negative.
(19:04):
Had a lot of UTI tests run.
They were negative, which was good, but alsoannoying because I didn't know what was wrong.
Right?
Because it's like, okay.
This pain was so severe.
It was keeping me up at night, and I didn'tknow what was wrong.
And so it was very frustrating.
And I actually lived at a roommate.
A friend of mine at the time had a masturbationpractice that she was just very open with
(19:26):
talking about.
She would just talk about her masturbationpractice.
So one night, I had never really done thatbefore.
And one night lying in bed, I decided to trythat, and my pain went away.
And that was really interesting to me andsurprising.
I was like, okay.
Well, maybe that's just a chance.
And the next night, I tried it again, and mypain went away again.
(19:47):
Interesting.
And it's three, four nights, and I did that.
And all of a sudden, after a little while, Ihad no pain.
So that just, was, like, the first thing thatgot me really curious in pleasure because and
that really, like, fundamentally from that,like, that's, like, one of the reasons.
There's many reasons why I say that pleasure isnot just about desire, but it's something we
(20:08):
require because we actually can see thatpleasure can help heal pain.
Pleasure can heal wounds.
Pleasure can help with bonding and pairbonding.
And so that was a huge thing for me.
And, you know, there's several thingsthroughout the year is, like, another thing
that happened when I started studyingneurolinguistic programming and Richard
(20:28):
Bandler's work.
And I was studying, with the studying throughhis lecture materials.
And in one lecture, he's talking about how whenhe got married, he was saying that people would
tell him that the sex was gonna get real badand it was gonna get boring.
Right?
And he basically was like, well, this is weird.
Like, why would I keep practicing something andget worse at it?
(20:52):
So I just really love that frame, and it alsojust opened up more curiosity to me around,
like, right.
Why would we practice something and get worseat it?
Like, that doesn't make any logical sense atall.
So that started me making me more curious tooin novelty, in sexuality, in intimacy, in what
happens in long term monogamous relationships,and what is the science behind when couples
(21:16):
stay healthy and connected.
And, really, the, you know, the final mainreason I could give you a lot of micro reasons,
but the final main reason for this podcast isreally in wanting to help couples
Welcome to the libido lounge where we focus onall things love, lust, and libido.
We believe that fabulous sex is important tohealth as exercise and good food.
Hey, everybody.
(00:21):
Doctor Diane here.
Happy holiday season.
Welcome back to another episode on the lounge.
I am thrilled to be wrapping up this year withthis episode.
We're gonna talk about how to stay sexy aroundthe holidays and your relationship, talk about
gift ideas, some that you can purchase, somethat are really cute homemade ways.
(00:42):
We're talking about just how to go through thisholiday season and not just enjoy, hopefully,
the fun, the family, the few the food, themarriness, but also coming back to connection
more deeply, more sexy, more close to yourpartner and yourself.
And before we do all that, I wanna let you guysknow that this whole year, I've been saying
(01:06):
vote for your favorite episode.
Download it, share it, and then I'm going toinvite the person that had the best the most
downloads back.
And I am thrilled to announce that it is myvery dear friend and intimacy expert, Susan
Bratton, who we had an episode where she wastalking about orgasms and talking about so many
different ways to experience orgasm andpleasure, what to do when you're stressed, how
(01:30):
to ask for what you want as a woman in yourrelationship, and more.
So we're gonna really go more deeply into that,in a episode.
She just confirmed that she will be coming backfor a deep dive.
I can't wait.
So look out for that episode.
We will release that very early on in the NewYear.
(01:51):
We're gonna take December off from recording tobe with, family and friends for the holiday
season and reput together our plan for all thegreat content we have coming out for you in
2025.
So let's begin with today's juicy episode.
Those are all of my announcements for you.
So the holidays can be, of course, a time ofgreat stress, but they can also be a time to
(02:16):
mix up some sexiness.
So I wanted to send you some ideas and gothrough some ideas for some homemade gifts that
you could consider giving your partner as a wayto just bring some novelty and some play back
in the bedroom.
So one of the first is a is getting a basket,putting all of your fantasies in in a basket,
(02:39):
and allowing your partner to choose one thatmaybe you will gift them and gift the two of
you during the holiday season.
You could even do something like create acalendar, right, where then once a month, if
you put 12 fantasies in there, this could be agift for the year.
And so once a month, they pull a secret fantasyor out of a fantasy box, and you guys get to
(03:02):
play and reenact that.
You could also do something such as give themthe, the ability to write down all of their
fantasies.
You can read them and choose the one that youresonate the most with to offer for them.
Another fun thing is to dress up in somethingfun and sassy and that feels makes you feel
(03:23):
confident, and that can look a lot of differentways.
But you could tape gifts, you know, ideas ofgifts, like ideas of things you want to do
together in the bedroom, maybe new things youwanna try.
You can tape them all over your body, and itcould be a self, like a like a, what is that
word?
I'm blanking on the word here, guys.
(03:44):
It could be like a a scavenger hunt.
That's what I'm looking for.
So it could be like a scavenger hunt over yourbody.
You know, here, look there.
You could play a game of hot and cold.
You know?
You could play a game of hiding sexy thingsaround the house and playing a hot and cold
game until they have found them.
So those are some of my ideas for you.
My favorite is, like, the basket idea and makeit last throughout the year.
(04:08):
Would definitely take this time during theholidays to have a conversation too with your
partner, especially if you've been pretty goodabout committing to intimacy.
Sometimes it can fall away during the holidayseason.
So it also can be a really helpful thing tohave a conversation advance around like, okay.
How are we gonna stay connected during theholiday season?
(04:29):
And I find that it can be a really fun time tore like, start just being very attentive to
those hugs in the morning, the hugs at night,and really embracing the hugs, you know, maybe
even allowing your genitals to touch a littlebit.
You're, you know, really just sinking into eachother's bodies.
And we even see that with oxytocin.
(04:50):
You know, I was doing more oxytocin research.
You you guys hear me talk about that on thispodcast a lot.
I was doing some more research on oxytocin thisweek and really looking at, okay, even with
hugging.
Right?
Because we know a twenty second hug deliversmore oxytocin, but there's actually more to it
than that.
Like, the emotional state that we show up to ahug, how present we are to the hug, how much we
(05:12):
drop into that embrace with whoever we'rehugging, All, like so it's not just about,
like, the length of the hug, but it's reallyabout, like, the sheer quality and the presence
that you have with the hug.
So during the holiday season, if there's not asmuch time to connect more intimately, Just
making sure you are taking those moments todrop into that long hug, to look into your
(05:34):
partner's eyes, to tell them all the amazingqualities they have about them.
And it's another time, I think, moving into theNew Year around what sort of New Year's
resolutions would be great to carry into theNew Year around your relationship.
So it could be something as simple as, okay.
Well, I'm going start saying to my partnerthree things I love about them every day.
(05:58):
Right?
And I encourage you, the biggest thing we seewith habits when it comes to New Year's
resolutions and habits in general, You know,what happens so often with New Year's
resolutions is that we make some sort of grandcommitments.
Right?
And then we're really good for that firstmonth, and then life gets in the way and it
peters off.
So, really, what we see around habits andaround making habits that last around making
(06:22):
these resolutions more parts of our life is thetinier and more specific they are and the more
actionable they are, the more they actually dostick.
So oftentimes, people go wrong by sayingsomething like in you know, from the libido
space, it might be like, okay.
Well, we are going to have sex three times aweek.
Well, in really busy weeks, that might not berealistic.
(06:43):
Right?
So you want to commit to what feels likesomething that you can commit to even on those
busiest of weeks to make sure that you havetime to come together.
I would encourage you as much as possible tomake an intimacy date once a week.
And if that's not realistic for you, though,follow that because habits that are met that
(07:07):
where you get that where you put that habitinto place and you get that reward because you
successfully did that habit, those are the onesthat really stick.
So if you're feeling like, wow, it's realisticfor you to do an intimacy date every three
weeks and that's the what you feel like in busytimes you can commit to, I would do that.
But then also work to try to add beyond that,But the idea is you want to commit that full
(07:32):
commitment to something that you're actuallygoing to meet and hopefully stretch it maybe a
little bit, but that you can do it.
You can maintain it on the busiest of weeksbecause where people tend to fall, at least
what we see in habit research, is when theyovercommit, they get busy.
And then once you fall out of that habit, thenall of the old habits tend to just sink back
in.
So it's better to make a little bit of a lessgoal that you know that you can meet, and then
(07:57):
you can make those stretch goals.
Right?
Those things that are like, okay.
That would be really cool if we did connectthat often and still work to achieve that, but
it's still a win if you meet that corefoundational goal.
So that's usually how people tend to makehabits that actually are lasting, that stick,
that they have, effectiveness that way.
So in moving into the new year, making thoseintimacy goals with your partner, with
(08:23):
yourself, being committed is very, very helpfulfor that.
And then let's go through some of my favoritegifts and stocking stuffers now for the New
Year.
So or for for the holiday season.
So one of these, this one is, intimacy cards.
So I can't remember if I showed you guys.
I might have showed you guys some of this onone of the podcast earlier this year, but I
(08:45):
just love these cards because these cards areanything from intimacy on your relationship.
So you can pull, like, a relationship card, andit's saying you know, this one that I just
pulled, it says, what's your biggest fear forthis relationship?
Right?
So the concept of these cards is anything from,like, sexual intimacy to emotional intimacy.
Right?
So we'll pull something that is a little bitmore playful.
(09:08):
So from the sexual intimacy, the first one Ipulled is, what do you wish we did more of in
our sex life?
But these can be really great converse like,questions too to help people get out of the
almost that relationship right around, like,okay.
We talk about the same things.
We have the same sort of conversations.
Sex looks similar.
(09:29):
We're managing the kids, the household, thework, etcetera.
And these can be really amazing, amazing,amazing ways to kinda break that state and get
people out of it.
And the in the sexual intimacy cards areawesome because when it comes to questions like
fantasy or your favorite things or what do youwant more of, it really like, having a deck
(09:49):
like this and coming together for the purposeof pulling a card like this, I find really it
it just puts people in this space oftentimesof, like, curiosity.
Right?
Because this the the card deck is all aboutthis open curiosity.
It's about listening.
It's about thinking creatively, answering morequestions.
So great stocking stuffer.
(10:10):
I'm gonna have links to everything I mentionedin the show notes below for you guys so you can
easily find these for yourself.
Another just lovely thing.
So kava is an amazing herb, and kava willreally help to calm anxiety.
Kava actually works on the same receptors inour body, like something like Xanax, but it's
(10:33):
an herb.
It's not addictive.
There's no, like, dependency that I've seenpeople develop around kava, and it tends to be
very safe without side effects.
And, of course, always talk to your doctorabout that.
But kava is oftentimes served as a tea in orderto get truly the herbal benefits that are
relaxing, that get people in the mood, thatjust calm them so that they can be more
(10:55):
present.
Kava is an amazing herb for this.
And the tea, though, is the traditional way tomake kava.
Kava tea is really, it just takes some time tobrew properly because it takes a while for the
the plant's, medicine to actually get into,say, a tea decoction.
And these pills, these COVID chill pills, I hadjust seen to be absolutely phenomenal.
(11:20):
They work really, really well for calming thebody.
I noticed them when I take them.
I actually took one earlier today because I wasjust feeling super busy in my head, and they're
super you can be super present with them.
It's just, you know, it's just an herbalmedicine, and you can find these on Amazon.
I put a link also in the description for it foryou.
So if you're feeling like, wow.
(11:41):
You know, so many times when getting ready forsex, maybe you're overwhelmed or your partner's
overwhelmed.
That's just the way to calm, to enjoy, to getinto the moment.
I really love these because of their impacts onthe body without side effects.
Okay.
Let's get into a couple more playful things.
So I want to introduce you to, this is MysteryVibes Poco.
(12:03):
I absolutely love this company.
So Mystery Vibe, I love this company.
I've talked about them before because they doso much research on massagers and vibrators.
They are FDA approved, many of their devices,because they have been showing that they help
with prostate problems for men, vulvar pain forwomen.
(12:24):
They can help women that have been, notorgasmic, get orgasms again.
And so what's so lovely, which I love aboutthis particular device, is it's really tiny, so
it's very travelable.
It's a great stocking stuffer, but it's alsobendable.
Right?
So you can bend it in these differentdirections.
And then the other thing that's so great that Ilove about this company is they will it will
(12:48):
come with, like, this very lovely guide ondifferent positions.
And, basically, we'll talk about, like, withcouples play, what's the best way to use it as
well as with solo play.
So it's an it's a really, really lovelyvibrator.
It travels super well.
Because it's so tiny, it's so easy to use incombination with partner play because you can
(13:10):
do a lot of different positions reallycomfortably with it.
So that's wonderful.
In that particular vibrator, I have, a couponcode for you.
So if you're interested in that, that's fromMystery Vibe.
Make sure you get the coupon code for that one.
It's called the poco.
The coupon code works for anything on MysteryVibe's site though.
(13:30):
And then this one is the Lioness.
So I've mentioned this one before on this,podcast as well.
The Lioness is just absolutely lovely.
So you can tell it's a rabbit shaped vibrator.
So the shape is pretty normal, but this is asmart vibrator, meaning it connects through an
app with your to your phone.
And in this app on your phone, you'll actuallybe able to track arousal of orgasm.
(13:53):
If you're doing this with partner play, you cansee that in real time.
So it can be really helpful in partner play tohelp your partner understand, oh, like, down to
the detail of, like, oh, this pressure, thisvibration, this pace, right, can be can, really
help.
And with the the internal research that thelioness has found is that when people are using
(14:15):
this, their arousal is going up, their orgasmquality is going up, their libido is going up
because just like anything.
Right?
Like, we see this with all these trackingdevices like the Fitbit.
When we track things, we do things better.
Things get better.
When people track their steps, they walk more.
So, of course, when people track their orgasms,they have better orgasms.
(14:37):
Right?
There's no surprise there.
So this is an amazing vibrator.
Also, I have a coupon code for you in the shownotes on that.
That, again, is the Lioness.
And then the last thing I wanna make sure toshow you is one of my favorite lube companies.
This is Phoria.
So the quickie kit is a phenomenal stuffingstocking stuffer.
(14:57):
So the quickie kit has all of these different,components in it.
The my favorite thing about FORIA is that it'san MCT oil base for their products.
Remember, we wanna be very careful about whatwe're putting on our genitals because there's
so many products out there.
There's so many lubes out there that havetoxins in them, and toxins are actually
(15:18):
endocrine disruptors.
Toxins can disrupt our hormones.
So we can be putting something on to help usfeel sexier in the mood that, like, might work
temporarily but might actually be disruptingour hormones.
So we wanna be very, very careful about what weput on our lady bits and on our man parts
because of that.
So MCT oil is absolutely wonderful because it'snatural, but it's also not a strong
(15:41):
antimicrobial.
Like, sometimes I hear people saying, oh, justuse coconut oil.
Coconut oil is not really the best thing forlube because it is it is very antimicrobial,
and we don't want all of this antimicrobialstuff in the vaginal canal.
The vaginal canal has all of these healthymicroorganisms.
Right?
We have a microbiome there, and that's keepingthe vaginal canal actually really healthy.
(16:05):
And so if we if we put something like coconutoil in, which is antimicrobial, what can wind
up happening is the vaginal floor can actuallyget dysregulated.
And when that happens, we can wind up havingthe situation occur where all of a sudden,
we're getting, say, either pain or we'regetting UTIs or something just feels off in our
(16:28):
vagina.
So we don't want any of that.
So m t c MCT oil is wonderful that for that.
For you, they have their so many of theirproducts, they have this arousal or oil that
you can use for, like, sensual massage that'samazing and a CBD in it.
Even their sex oil for actually play, intimateplay has CBD.
(16:48):
CBD is just wonderful for, like, keeping thattissue healthy and not inflamed, right,
especially as we age as humans.
Really making sure that tissue is not inflamedis so important.
And then one of my favorite parts of this isthese intimacy melt.
So the intimacy melt are these they're theselittle suppositories.
So these suppositories, what they are is youactually insert them intervaginally, and it
(17:13):
actually forms internal loop.
And it's amazing.
Like, when I first tried these, I was reallyconcerned that I was going to feel them or my
partner was going to feel them, but they meltedalmost instantly.
And it was wonderful because you can insertthese ahead of play, and then you're not
fumbling around for oil and and all of that inthe middle of play.
You're just ready to go, and the feeling issensational.
(17:36):
And the other thing, of course, with lubesometimes is sometimes it wears out and you
have to reapply.
Right?
I did not find that that you know, I'veactually never found that with this the CBD
with the, suppositories here.
So it's a really, really lovely gift, and thenit's in its, beautiful, beautiful kit.
It says better sex starts here on the back.
(17:58):
So just an all around great product to getaccompanied with or acquainted to because they
have such a great line and because theirproducts are so natural, nontoxic, and really
support the health of the microbiome.
So you also have a coupon code for that.
That's for you in your show notes.
So I wanna wish you guys all the best duringthis holiday season.
(18:20):
It's been super wonderful in this twenty twentyfour year to spend this year with you guys,
really getting this information out, and we hadso many great guests this year.
Thank you again for your support of thispodcast.
Please do share this with anybody that couldbenefit from this.
It really does help me reach others that needthis information because, ultimately, why I'm
(18:43):
doing this podcast like, I don't know if I'vetold you guys, like, why I'm doing this.
Like, there's a couple different reasons whyI'm doing this.
One is because in my early twenties, I wassuffering from a lot of vulvar pain, and I was
going to the doctors and had a lot of STD testsrun.
Luckily, they were negative.
(19:04):
Had a lot of UTI tests run.
They were negative, which was good, but alsoannoying because I didn't know what was wrong.
Right?
Because it's like, okay.
This pain was so severe.
It was keeping me up at night, and I didn'tknow what was wrong.
And so it was very frustrating.
And I actually lived at a roommate.
A friend of mine at the time had a masturbationpractice that she was just very open with
(19:26):
talking about.
She would just talk about her masturbationpractice.
So one night, I had never really done thatbefore.
And one night lying in bed, I decided to trythat, and my pain went away.
And that was really interesting to me andsurprising.
I was like, okay.
Well, maybe that's just a chance.
And the next night, I tried it again, and mypain went away again.
(19:47):
Interesting.
And it's three, four nights, and I did that.
And all of a sudden, after a little while, Ihad no pain.
So that just, was, like, the first thing thatgot me really curious in pleasure because and
that really, like, fundamentally from that,like, that's, like, one of the reasons.
There's many reasons why I say that pleasure isnot just about desire, but it's something we
(20:08):
require because we actually can see thatpleasure can help heal pain.
Pleasure can heal wounds.
Pleasure can help with bonding and pairbonding.
And so that was a huge thing for me.
And, you know, there's several thingsthroughout the year is, like, another thing
that happened when I started studyingneurolinguistic programming and Richard
(20:28):
Bandler's work.
And I was studying, with the studying throughhis lecture materials.
And in one lecture, he's talking about how whenhe got married, he was saying that people would
tell him that the sex was gonna get real badand it was gonna get boring.
Right?
And he basically was like, well, this is weird.
Like, why would I keep practicing something andget worse at it?
(20:52):
So I just really love that frame, and it alsojust opened up more curiosity to me around,
like, right.
Why would we practice something and get worseat it?
Like, that doesn't make any logical sense atall.
So that started me making me more curious tooin novelty, in sexuality, in intimacy, in what
happens in long term monogamous relationships,and what is the science behind when couples
(21:16):
stay healthy and connected.
And, really, the, you know, the final mainreason I could give you a lot of micro reasons,
but the final main reason for this podcast isreally in wanting to help couples
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