March 25, 2025 • 31 mins
Have you ever felt like your desire makes you “too much”? Or that your cycle is a curse, not a gift? In this fierce and freeing episode, Dr. Diane welcomes global pleasure advocate Melissa Louise for a juicy, no-holds-barred conversation on feminine sovereignty and erotic intelligence.
Together, they expose how our culture trains women to operate like men—burnt out, pleasure-starved, and disconnected. Melissa shares why honoring your body's natural rhythms, redefining orgasm, and embracing sensuality isn’t just hot—it’s healing.
You’ll learn why slowing down is your superpower, why faking orgasms is sabotaging your pleasure, and how to lovingly rewire the dynamics that keep you stuck. If you’re ready to ditch the shame, ignite your libido, and start living from your own turn-on—this episode is your permission slip.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
And around me was misery.
So I was always questioning those things, and Iwas just like, why would we be and I was raised
really Christian.
So why would God make everything so perfect?
But somehow, I'm a default because I'm a woman,I have a menstrual cycle, and because I
actually like sex.
So that's where it all started.
(00:32):
I also traveled a lot in Central And SouthAmerica and India and all of these places when
I was younger.
It's just the the masculine project.
And what's devoid in the masculine project iswomen's autonomy and sovereignty and pleasure.
It was to me, it was a revolution and it wasthe the rebellion in me.
It's like, I'm gonna find out more.
Half of the planet is female and we're all herebecause of women.
(00:54):
We have basically 13 to 15% of testosteronelevels than a man's body does.
So our testosterone runs out really quickly.
It's the push hormone.
So men's system, they run on a twenty four hourcycle, which is the sun cycle.
Our system works on a lunar cycle.
We're problematic because we have thismenstrual cycle.
(01:16):
Our cortisol levels become very, very high,which also decreases aloe verdos, so many
things, but it's so, it really messes with ourhealth and our ability to think.
We need to have our dopamine rebooted, and theeasiest way is through.
We have a pharmaceutical world that needs tomake a lot of money out of women, you know, by
(01:38):
one movie.
You know, when we're learning to speak to a mandifferently and listen differently, you better
be prepared.
Hey, everybody.
Welcome back to another episode on The Lounge.
I'm your host and board certified sexologist,doctor Diane.
And I have a treat for you guys today.
We talk sometimes on this show around theimportance of pleasure, which I think is such a
(02:02):
pivotal topic because it really takes us out ofthe conversation around, like, pleasure just
being about sex or just being about intisintimacy.
It's obviously that, but I think so many timespeople move into this world of thinking that if
it's just okay not to attend this.
Right?
And and for many of us that study sex, pleasurebecomes so important, and it can be as
(02:26):
important as all of the other self care thingswe do.
Good, you know, good food and movement andwater and all of these great things.
So I'm really excited to introduce you all toMelissa Louise who is a pleasure advocate.
She's an erotic blueprint coach.
She works around the world teaching andtraining and leading courses.
(02:47):
She really helps to help men and women justboth find their attraction within, helping them
to almost like be their own turn on.
And there's so many more things that thatMelissa is doing.
So we're gonna learn all about this and more,but we're gonna focus on pleasure, your why,
how to overcome this, and so much more.
So welcome.
(03:07):
Thank you for being here with me.
Oh my goodness, Diana.
I'm so excited for this conversation as well.
So thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Same here.
Same here.
And like I said, I think there's just so muchalignment between you and I around this
conversation of pleasure and how we look at it.
So we're gonna talk about the importance andwhy.
Think we should maybe start with the why it'srelated to physical health and emotional health
(03:32):
and spiritual health and how it's beyond justthis this intimate moment.
But I'm curious, like, for for learning alittle bit about you, like, how how did you
come to see pleasure as so much more than justthis intimate moment?
I love this question.
This is and it's not a short answer, but I'llI'll try and keep it short.
(03:56):
You know, as a as a woman being raised in theWestern world and also, you know, it really
comes back to where I was raised, which is inAustralia on the farm and on the land where
anything to do with the feminine, anything todo with how I operated in the world was, as a
woman, is completely considered defunctory.
(04:19):
Like, you've gotta produce, you gotta do thethings, and everything gives over to work.
And around me was misery.
You know, the misery of the women, how also soso there's many different layers to this.
So that you know, that's the beginning of thelayer of, you know, just the misery in the
women and also the illness that we experience,and then also the the part that, we have to be
(04:41):
ashamed of who we are as women cycle, and thishas a lot to do with pleasure.
So I was always questioning those things, and Iwas just like, Why would we be?
And I was raised really Christian.
So why would God make everything so perfect?
But somehow, I'm a default because I'm a woman,I have a menstrual cycle, and because I
actually like sex.
(05:02):
So apparently that's a default even though I'mcreated in the eyes of perfection.
So that's where it all started.
And then when I started really noticing justhow closed off I was expected to be as a woman
and how many people around me, like inmarriages and relationships and masculine
project, I was witnessing I also traveled a lotin Central And South America and India and all
(05:25):
of these places when I was younger.
It's just the the masculine project, and what'sdevoid in the masculine project is women's
autonomy and sovereignty and pleasure.
So that I just it was to me, was a revolutionand it was the rebellion in me.
It's like, I'm gonna find out more.
And then once I start finding out more aroundthe health of our menstrual cycle, where we
(05:47):
don't have a healthy menstrual cycle when we'redevoid of pleasure, and relationships and the
responsibility of our pleasure for ourselves.
So yeah.
Yeah.
It's so relatable.
I know it's so relatable for me.
I'm sure it's so relatable for so many peoplearound this.
Almost like this woman stigma, right, around,well, so many of us are giving our lives in a
(06:11):
service way, whether it's on our career or as amother or as a giver in some sort of way.
And I think there's been this, like, thisstigma, right, that we can't self care, we
can't self pleasure, we can't have these thingsbecause they're almost at the expense of
service instead of actually really beginning tofundamentally understand, which I think so many
(06:33):
people are starting to around, oh, thispleasure and attending to this is actually
which is what allows all those other things toto work.
I mean Definitely.
We So what ways, like, would you say that yousee, like, pleasure really related to, like,
then?
Like, physical, mental, emotional, spiritual,like, you know, tell me a little bit about,
(06:55):
like, kind of your perspective on, like, howall those interplay.
So if we're looking at the the masculineproject of how our world is run, it's based on
a testosterone driven and, amplified existence,which is produced, work, work, work, and going
you know, getting up with the sun where we'refollowing the sun calendar.
(07:16):
Now that works really effing well for a man'sbody.
And yet, I don't know if you've noticed abouthalf of the planet is female, and we're all
here because of women, by the way.
Like, every single person has come from awoman's body, but we will ignore the female
body.
So we're just looking at testosterone levels.
I mean, we have basically 13 to 15% oftestosterone levels than a man's body does.
(07:40):
So our testosterone runs out really quickly.
Now testosterone is the go out and get shitdone hormone.
You know?
It's it's the push hormone.
So men's system, they run on a twenty four hourcycle, which is the sun cycle.
Our system works on a lunar cycle.
So we're recording this on the new it is newyear today.
It wasn't January.
(08:00):
Today is the first moon cycle of 13 moon cyclesin in a whole, you know, iteration.
So I love that this is when we're recordingthis.
Yeah.
So happy new year, by the way.
Yeah.
Funny new year.
Yes.
So so then if a woman is existing in the man'sthe man's energetic cycle, she's in constant
(08:23):
depletion, and we see this.
We've created menopause.
Menopause is not the female body is notdesigned to always turn in on itself and to be
a fucking problem in itself, but our culturemakes us believe that we are.
We're problematic because we can't orgasm whenthe man orgasms.
We're problematic because we have thismenstrual cycle.
(08:43):
We're problematic because even though the worldneeds human beings to be born to keep
producing, to keep purchasing, we'reproblematic if we want time off to actually
care for them.
It's all of this stuff where we're soproblematic.
Therefore, we are in consistent depletion.
Our cortisol levels become very, very high,which also decreases our libido, so many
(09:05):
things, but it really messes with our healthand our ability to think.
So we women are consistently producing insurvival.
We're consistently producing from this place ofsurvival.
So a woman who is following her system is likeevery hour and a half, every two hours, there's
(09:25):
a need for a break and pleasure.
Now pleasure, yes, can be an orgasm, butpleasure is the way that we eat.
Pleasure is is like just taking standing out inthe sunshine and just taking 10 deep breaths.
I mean, science is proving all of this, butwomen are going, yeah.
This is how we need to exist.
You know?
Now that science is proving it, many people aregetting on the bandwagon.
But it actually we need to have our dopaminerebooted, and the easiest way is through
(09:50):
pleasure.
So and pleasure is our responsibility.
And I think too because much of the way of thefeminine has been dismissed because it doesn't
fit into the construct of of the masculineproject, then just the way that women are has
also been deemed as frivolous or it's it's notreally it's not to be taken seriously.
(10:14):
Yet a woman is born an orgasm.
Like, we are orgasmic by nature.
The way our whole system operates is an is soerotic.
The fact that, you know, the way that we fallin love, the way that we'll touch the skin of
our children, the way that we're so like, youknow, the silk that we wanna wear or the way
(10:35):
that we set up our houses.
Like, you know, there's people talk about howthe feminine just amplifies everything.
Well, that's all that is in an orgasmic manner.
It's an erotic turn on manner.
But because we vilified those words and we'vevilified the act of pleasure, it's being
removed from the human experience.
It's how we experience life.
(10:55):
So it's so necessary for the health ofrelationships and family, as well as our brain
and our heart health.
Our our hormones need to be reset throughpleasure, which is why we have so many issues
around our menstruation.
I mean, people we have a pharmaceutical worldthat needs to make a lot of money out of women,
(11:15):
you know, by relieving clutter.
Mean, follow the money and you will find theanswers.
Mhmm.
Mhmm.
Yeah.
One of the things I'm thinking about as youtalk that I've been just speaking out about,
just I feel a level of frustration around this,is when it comes to even describing female
anatomy, like, lot of what I find is happeningis we are oftentimes, like, looking at, like
(11:38):
and and we're comparing, like, okay.
The clitoris on a woman is like this part on aman and that type of thing.
And I I get really frustrated by it becausekind of like you're saying, it's like we've
gotten to this point where everything about afemale is almost looked at as like like, okay.
This is how to relate it to the masculineversus this is a completely different like, we
(12:00):
are structured very, very, very different, andboth, you know, man and women are, you know,
amazingly perfect in their uniqueness of theirstructure.
But I think we really are running into theseproblems of not supporting the female to
pleasure and orgasm by saying, like, okay.
Well, this body part, it's like the femaleversion of that.
And, like, that's not really what it is at all.
(12:23):
Yes.
So you you brought up, like, pleasure being ourresponsibility, which I totally agree with.
But I would love to, like, go deeper into that.
Like, what does that mean to you, and, like,what do you have to say about that?
Because I think that's an important thing.
Yeah.
I mean, first of all, knowing our body andknowing how our body responds to certain touch
(12:44):
and what we like and what our differentorgasmic gateways need.
The clitoris is well, clitoris is our labia isthe first gateway.
You know, our labia, many women don't you know,we're not even taught this, but our labia is
the most exquisite first gateway.
She's closed for many reasons.
It's like, I'm not effing ready, and she willopen when she's ready.
And how does she need to to feel safe enough tobe ready and to open?
(13:08):
That, you know, also to our our, well, the mapof arousal is completely opposite to a man.
So our responsibility is understanding havingboundaries.
It's like, no.
Not yet.
Or do you know what?
I need this first.
Or would you I wanna ask you some questionsfirst.
Or please, can you slow down?
Not clear.
Like, you need to slow down.
(13:28):
Yes.
You can say, please.
But it's like, you need to play down.
And then if the slowing down is still notenough, being able to keep on placing in more
and more boundaries.
So the responsibility of understanding what ourpleasure looks like, what we need, what do we
need?
You know?
And it's like it's also taking penetration outof the scenario that that solves what we're
(13:49):
always going for.
Like, this perception that if our body's notready, we don't want to receive penetration,
that it's not, you know, defunctory or just notfair if the man receives honoring and he gets
to receive a lot of pleasure and honinghonouring through different of us giving in a
different way.
Like, it's also changing our brain of, like, ifif we've kissed a guy, if we've gone out on a
(14:15):
date with a guy, if we've said yes to him tobeing in a house, that doesn't mean our body's
accessible to him.
It just means the next step.
So in responsibility, it's maintaining ourboundaries, having our boundaries, also
learning about our body and having thatcuriosity.
We it's kind of like being given the keys to acar.
(14:37):
I mean, I was raised driving manual cars, but Iknow a lot of people don't these days.
But it's like, you know, someone's not gonnagive you if you've always been driving an
automatic car, they're not just gonna hand youthe keys to their big full drive truck and say,
here, take this to the next city with all of myfurniture in it.
Like, you need to know how to fucking drive themanual.
You need to have lessons.
You need to so it's the same thing about ourbody.
(14:59):
You know?
Yeah.
I definitely know, and I think it's so wellsaid.
It's like, I think so many times there's almostthis, like, obligatory, like, oh, I'm here.
I'm naked with this person, and, you know, I'malready in it, so now I have to be in it
versus, like, well, there is this, like, notonly responsibility, but right, and to say,
actually, this is not what I want right now, orI want it slow, or I want it this way.
(15:22):
Like, all I think I think we just have gottento a point sometimes where there's this belief
that men are just supposed to, like,automatically, like, know and read our minds
and that sort of thing, and it just is not itdoesn't work that way.
What about orgasm and like
Can I just add sorry, darling?
I just wanna add to what you're saying aboutyour man.
(15:42):
It's like, you know, this thing of expecting aman to know, it's also really fucking unfair.
It really is unfair.
And the way that men operate in life is they'lljust keep going towards something to fix the
problem.
So I'm not saying that we're a problem, but ifyou think about that, it's like if you are
silent and you're not giving him the map andyou're not supporting him, well, problem to fix
(16:04):
is making sure there's pleasure or making surein many men's eyes, it's like there's gotta be
an orgasm.
So they're gonna keep on doing a plus b equalsc, but you're a y and a x and a z and then a w
and then a l and give me an s, you know, andhe's going, oh, we had to do it.
We're not.
It's not fair.
It's really not fair on him.
And many men will just keep on moving throughthe world doing what they think they know so
(16:27):
they get the result that they think they needto operate with.
And so, yeah, it's also not not fair on themthat way.
Yeah.
I think it's a really good point, and I thinkthat's where the faking orgasms and all of that
just comes into, like, the complication of thematter around, like, oh, if we see as the
orgasm and it's a plus b equals, like, a fakeorgasm, then it's, like, we're just sending
(16:48):
that signal like you're saying, have I andreally giving the information to the person
that's trying to provide pleasure that it'sworking.
So obviously, we're gonna get this whole thingbecause No.
We're sending the message that a plus b equalsc.
So it's Yeah.
Do you where do
you find
I'm gonna come back to the orgasm thing in aminute.
But where do you find from a standpoint becauseI know in some of your work, you talk about,
(17:10):
like, emasculation.
And I look at emasculation as, like, twodifferent parts.
Right?
I look at as men emasculate themselves andfemales emasculate men.
Right?
So it can happen externally or internally.
Where do you think that plays?
Like, how does that come in with, like, yourwork in this whole conversation of pleasure?
(17:31):
Oh, so much.
So much.
You know, many men that I work with, they knowthat they're being emasculated by their woman,
yet it's also just they kind of put up with it.
So then what that does also is separates theconnection so they feel they don't have a
place.
You know, the woman's, you know, often comessaying, he doesn't do this.
(17:55):
He doesn't listen to me.
He's not you know, I've told him so many times,and he's like, well, what's worth it?
You know, why should I do anything?
It's always wrong anyway.
So I love Alison Armstrong saying about women'smy favorite.
Yeah.
Women treat men like, you know, misbehavinghairy women.
Now this also comes from the space where we'revery critical of ourselves, and we women walk
(18:16):
through the world criticizing our own breath.
We criticize the way that our nose sits on ourface.
Men don't think that way.
So we're going towards the man as ifcriticism's going to change their behavior, and
it doesn't.
All it does is, like, well, they'll leave.
They'll leave the room.
They'll leave for the day.
They won't come home early, and that theymentally leave as well.
(18:39):
You know, they're kind of shut down.
So then also too, it's like once something'sproblematic, everything feels problematic.
So emasculation, when we are doing it to ourmen, we're actually not on we're needing and we
can be criticizing and we're requiring to bereally seen as a woman, but we're not seeing
them as a man.
And so we're wanting something from them thatwe're not willing to give.
(19:03):
And it also brings us to the point where we'remothering.
I mean, there's nothing fucking more unsexythan a relationship dynamic that feels like
your fucking mother.
Excuse my language.
And I thought it was actually you know, I wentout I have a new lover in my life, and we went
out we have a rule.
We worked out on our very first date.
Do not eat and then try to make love, so wemade up a new rule.
(19:25):
The first F comes first and then the feedingcomes second, so we're going after carcass
living in a thing, and I see it all around, allof these women telling their men off for paying
at the wrong place, for it was just insane, andI was just watching all of this stuff of, like,
how insidious emasculation is.
Like, these grown ass men that are obviously intheir fifties and sixties.
(19:47):
You know, they're on holiday.
The children like, these they they have a life.
You know?
They're they're they're fully fledged adults,and yet the bickering and the start and, of
course, it's coming I'm not women we have ourown stories of what's happening.
I'm not saying he's the most amazing man andshe's just annoying.
Like, it's also it takes two to tango, but thefirst thing to to unravel from the female side
(20:08):
is how we are masculinating our men and howwe're mothering them, which there's no way they
wanna come to us.
There's no way they're gonna slow theirtouchdown when it's just like, no.
It's gonna be wrong anyway type thing.
Yeah.
And I think, you know, to add on to that, Ithink another thing that I learned and Alison
is my favorite because she literally changed myentire life with how I approach masculine.
(20:30):
And and one of the reasons I'm four years intothe most successful relationship of my life is
I think so rooted in how much I've studied herwork.
Mhmm.
Because I think it's it's this thing, like,women, we are we do wanna speak up for things
that are bothering us, that are maybe creatingthat emotional distance.
(20:51):
But I think we do it, I get Allison's term as away of, like you say, like, looking at the the
man as like a big hairy woman when everythingis wired differently about him.
So the way he approaches the world, the way hedoes his focus awareness, like so many things,
are just not how we perceive things.
So it's not that he's necessarily doinganything wrong, in these thing in these times
(21:11):
where we may feel hurt.
Maybe he's doing something wrong, but itlargely is just, hey, a different perception of
the world that if we can come and come at itfrom this is how I perceive, this is how you
perceive, we can be on the same team againwithout creating that emasculation.
I mean, emasculation also comes from where thisbelief that or the misunderstanding.
(21:33):
I mean, what is it?
The man, all he wants to do is make his womanhappy.
Yeah.
But when we're emasculating, it was like theythey just believe they can't, so they just
don't do anything because they would rather notdo something if they're gonna get it wrong.
Whereas we as women operate very differently.
You know, we'll keep fucking up.
We'll keep losing.
We'll keep we'll do things consistentlyconsistently, but it's just a very different
(21:54):
way to how men operate.
And so there is this beautiful gift that menbring to the table, which is they just and I
tell you what, when a when a man knows thatwhat he does makes his woman happy, it, like I
mean, you know, I have this beautiful saying,and I've had a client experience it whereas,
you know, when we're learning to speak to a mandifferently and listen differently, you better
(22:16):
be prepared because you're gonna get your manin a way that you thought that you want, so
he's gonna give it to you, and you better beready because he's gonna give you his all, And
he will tell you everything.
But are you ready?
Yeah.
I mean, it's like this approach has made mecompletely fall in love with the masculine,
like, just as a general, you know, archetype ofjust everything that men are in the world, and
(22:40):
I did not always feel that way.
So I think it's a really it's a reallyimportant thing, and and I do think that when
we stop doing that and we give up our right inAllison's terms to do that and make it okay,
then there is so much more of even approachingthe sexual conversation with being on the same
same team
Yeah.
And asking for what we want and need, but doingit in a way where it's like people are
(23:04):
empowered and they're, like, happy to show upand they're not feeling belittled and they
can't get it right and all these things thatyou're that you're saying.
So Beautiful.
What about where do you do you feel likethere's any link with emasculation and any
ejaculatory problems?
Is there have you ever seen that sort of link?
Yeah.
(23:24):
It's definitely you know, when people say theword erectile dysfunction, I say it's fully
functional.
Your cock is fully functional.
It is telling you something that needsaddressing, whether that be physical health,
spiritual health, mental health.
And I see this I see this with my clients thatI work, you know, when they're putting in these
beautiful boundaries, like both men and women.
(23:45):
So if I'm working with men and where they getto, like, put in boundaries, but also where
it's like, okay.
Well, what's the message that she's tellingyou?
What are the things that you haven't beendoing?
Well, where have you been dropping, and wherecan you ask better questions?
I had one client who he was he spent the wholefirst part of our call expressing all of these
things about trying to work out what to do forhis beautiful wife.
(24:07):
They've got three children, and I leaned in.
Like, I I said I asked him, and they've beenmarried.
I can't remember how long like, many of theirchildren are seven, so they've been married for
a while.
And I asked him, I said, have you asked her?
He said, oh, no.
And I just and I just like I said, sweetheart.
I said, you I can't give you the answer.
I'm not her.
And he goes, but and I said, just ask her.
(24:29):
She would love it if you asked her.
Yeah.
And then what came from all of that is he feltlike he had more of a place and he was getting
things right.
He talked about that.
He's like, I he goes, I'm so fucking attractedto her.
It's like, win.
I get it right.
I he's going like, she's receiving me, like,when I put in a boundary.
When I've when I've told her I've got her, I'vegot her.
(24:50):
And when she softens, he goes, I just want hermore.
You know?
So that's also looking at where, you know, asyou talk about for men emasculating themselves,
where they're not asking the right questionsand they're not following through or they are
sort of in their little boy energy and it'slike, well, know, that's, yes, she's speaking
to that way because maybe you are acting, youknow, their actions are coming from.
She's already got children.
Especially when we're looking at relationshipswhere there's children, it's like, sweetheart,
(25:13):
she's already got So there's that part, youknow?
But then too, when I'm working with women andthey change the way that they speak to their
men and the way that they ask questions and theway that they listen and the way that they
offer all of the information that the man mightneed to support them is just like how quick and
also too, what I love about men, and this isthe big difference Yeah.
(25:37):
Is that they let go of things a hell of a lotquicker than we do.
Our system hangs on to things.
You apologize, and I've I've raised a boy.
You know, I had no idea what to do with a boy,and Alison changed my life.
That is you know, when he was eight, we livedin Peru, like I talk about it all the time,
changed everything.
And I know when I would apologize to my kid,you because he was so intense raising as a
(26:01):
teenager, I'm hanging on to the fight.
I'm hanging on to all of these things.
I'm in grief.
Once there's an apology, boom.
I'm just like, are you sure?
So, yeah, I'm fine, mom.
I'm fine.
And it took it takes a lot to go to believehim.
I have to believe him.
Yeah.
And the reason I'm bringing up my kid isbecause it was constant, and it was just this
constant reminder.
So when when we stop emasculating and we startusing different language that, you know, we
(26:27):
receive our men the way that we want.
They want us more.
They can come to us more because there's notthis thing in the middle that they're sort of
deflecting from or moving away from.
So, yeah.
Yeah.
It's not making each other wrong all the time.
Yeah.
Right?
It really changes things so much.
Mhmm.
So I know I think we should save orgasm for andtalk about orgasm here in part two.
(26:49):
So I think in part two, let's talk about, youknow, why orgasms are so important, but also
really talking about about what's happening if,like, if especially a female is not orgasming
from penetration with desire mismatch, youknow, some of these kinda conversations.
So Mhmm.
We will do that here in part two.
(27:10):
And everybody remember that part two, canaccess by joining my libido club.
So you have links for that in the show notes.
And I wanna make sure we wrap up part one,though, with everybody knowing how to get ahold
of you.
I know you have some really exciting retreatscoming up, both a, female, a feminine retreat,
well as a couples retreat.
So we'll put those information in the shownotes.
(27:30):
But looking at your, your pages online aboutthem, they just look divine.
So can you tell us a little bit about them?
Yes.
It's so exciting.
So I'm going to Europe for the whole month ofApril and the May.
And, actually, there's even there's a few morecoming on, but the major ones are in London.
So I have an all women's one in London and anall women's one in Romania, and I may be having
(27:50):
an all women's one in Spain after next week.
But these are two days these are two daysworkshops, and when I hold retreats here in
Mexico, I take care of everything, but becauseI'm traveling to London, it is, you know, it's
a two full days of workshops, and you will,like, need to find your own accommodation and
stuff like that, but we'll be together for twofull days.
And it's really around bringing safety in thefeminine body to open into our own arousal and
(28:13):
to really bring in, you know, these parts ofourselves that understand where how pleasure
arises.
So there's lots of somatic practices.
There's a lot of beauty you know, we'll bedoing rage rituals, all of these things that,
you know, bring that allow our system to befree to experience pleasure.
And then the couples one, I'm cocreating withan incredible, incredible colleague of mine,
Alex.
We've been working together, like, through manydifferent iterations over the last three years.
(28:37):
So it's so exciting that we're gonna be comingtogether in London and really bringing this
aspect of ravishing your partner.
So that's gonna be really delicious and sexy.
Yes.
Sounds delicious.
And I I wanna just name for everybody this, youknow, with the female retreat and the focus of
one of the points to learn on safety that whenyou know, as as studying sexology continually,
(29:01):
one of the things that I continually come backto is that I think safety is one of the key.
There's several keys, not the only key, but oneof the top key fundamental things that really
allow the female to experience pleasure.
And I think there's so many layer.
I mean, what I've discovered myself is, like,layer upon layer upon layer upon layer of of
(29:24):
blocks that have a lot to do oftentimes withsafety.
And every time I get to a layer and I uncoveranother layer and I work through another layer
subconsciously, pleasure and orgasms andeverything just, like, everything just levels
up.
So I think it's a really important thing, froma standpoint of pleasure, physical, emotional,
spiritual, all of that health and reallyunlocking that which what, holds us back from
(29:49):
experiencing that.
So I just really wanted to name that because Ithink it's a really powerful thing about what
you're offering.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think safety is often also sort of corneredas like, oh, I'm safe.
Like, something is not gonna physically happento me, but safety is so much deeper than that.
Am I safe that, you know, I'm not gonna beabandoned, like, after I have the orgasm?
(30:10):
And they also talk about that where they'vedone studies in the brain where when they've
looked at the brain when a woman's in fulldeep, what we call the g spot, but her sacred
area orgasm and cervical orgasms, her wholebrain is lit up except for two parts, and that
one part is like feeling safe.
Safety is like, is my heart safe?
Are my emotions safe?
(30:31):
Am I safe to be fully me where it doesn'tmatter what I look like, I've got snot coming
out of my nose and jacked with a piss comingout of everything, and I'm gonna be Jarvis.
Yeah.
So, yeah, so deeply.
It's it's what we need.
End of story.
It really is.
It really is.
So everybody go check out her work.
I know you have a great Instagram page as well,so we're gonna link all of that, all of your
(30:54):
offerings here in the And then we'll seeeverybody.
Please join the libido club, and we'll see youall over in the club for part two.
We're gonna talk about juicy, sexy, deliciousorgasm, so stay tuned.
Thanks, everybody.
Thanks, Melissa.
I'll see you guys all soon on The Loud.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you for listening to the Libido Lounge.
(31:16):
Please don't keep me a secret.
Please share this with your friends.
You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, aswell as how to work with me at mylibidodoc.com.
And around me was misery.
So I was always questioning those things, and Iwas just like, why would we be and I was raised
really Christian.
So why would God make everything so perfect?
But somehow, I'm a default because I'm a woman,I have a menstrual cycle, and because I
actually like sex.
So that's where it all started.
(00:32):
I also traveled a lot in Central And SouthAmerica and India and all of these places when
I was younger.
It's just the the masculine project.
And what's devoid in the masculine project iswomen's autonomy and sovereignty and pleasure.
It was to me, it was a revolution and it wasthe the rebellion in me.
It's like, I'm gonna find out more.
Half of the planet is female and we're all herebecause of women.
(00:54):
We have basically 13 to 15% of testosteronelevels than a man's body does.
So our testosterone runs out really quickly.
It's the push hormone.
So men's system, they run on a twenty four hourcycle, which is the sun cycle.
Our system works on a lunar cycle.
We're problematic because we have thismenstrual cycle.
(01:16):
Our cortisol levels become very, very high,which also decreases aloe verdos, so many
things, but it's so, it really messes with ourhealth and our ability to think.
We need to have our dopamine rebooted, and theeasiest way is through.
We have a pharmaceutical world that needs tomake a lot of money out of women, you know, by
(01:38):
one movie.
You know, when we're learning to speak to a mandifferently and listen differently, you better
be prepared.
Hey, everybody.
Welcome back to another episode on The Lounge.
I'm your host and board certified sexologist,doctor Diane.
And I have a treat for you guys today.
We talk sometimes on this show around theimportance of pleasure, which I think is such a
(02:02):
pivotal topic because it really takes us out ofthe conversation around, like, pleasure just
being about sex or just being about intisintimacy.
It's obviously that, but I think so many timespeople move into this world of thinking that if
it's just okay not to attend this.
Right?
And and for many of us that study sex, pleasurebecomes so important, and it can be as
(02:26):
important as all of the other self care thingswe do.
Good, you know, good food and movement andwater and all of these great things.
So I'm really excited to introduce you all toMelissa Louise who is a pleasure advocate.
She's an erotic blueprint coach.
She works around the world teaching andtraining and leading courses.
(02:47):
She really helps to help men and women justboth find their attraction within, helping them
to almost like be their own turn on.
And there's so many more things that thatMelissa is doing.
So we're gonna learn all about this and more,but we're gonna focus on pleasure, your why,
how to overcome this, and so much more.
So welcome.
(03:07):
Thank you for being here with me.
Oh my goodness, Diana.
I'm so excited for this conversation as well.
So thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Same here.
Same here.
And like I said, I think there's just so muchalignment between you and I around this
conversation of pleasure and how we look at it.
So we're gonna talk about the importance andwhy.
Think we should maybe start with the why it'srelated to physical health and emotional health
(03:32):
and spiritual health and how it's beyond justthis this intimate moment.
But I'm curious, like, for for learning alittle bit about you, like, how how did you
come to see pleasure as so much more than justthis intimate moment?
I love this question.
This is and it's not a short answer, but I'llI'll try and keep it short.
(03:56):
You know, as a as a woman being raised in theWestern world and also, you know, it really
comes back to where I was raised, which is inAustralia on the farm and on the land where
anything to do with the feminine, anything todo with how I operated in the world was, as a
woman, is completely considered defunctory.
(04:19):
Like, you've gotta produce, you gotta do thethings, and everything gives over to work.
And around me was misery.
You know, the misery of the women, how also soso there's many different layers to this.
So that you know, that's the beginning of thelayer of, you know, just the misery in the
women and also the illness that we experience,and then also the the part that, we have to be
(04:41):
ashamed of who we are as women cycle, and thishas a lot to do with pleasure.
So I was always questioning those things, and Iwas just like, Why would we be?
And I was raised really Christian.
So why would God make everything so perfect?
But somehow, I'm a default because I'm a woman,I have a menstrual cycle, and because I
actually like sex.
(05:02):
So apparently that's a default even though I'mcreated in the eyes of perfection.
So that's where it all started.
And then when I started really noticing justhow closed off I was expected to be as a woman
and how many people around me, like inmarriages and relationships and masculine
project, I was witnessing I also traveled a lotin Central And South America and India and all
(05:25):
of these places when I was younger.
It's just the the masculine project, and what'sdevoid in the masculine project is women's
autonomy and sovereignty and pleasure.
So that I just it was to me, was a revolutionand it was the rebellion in me.
It's like, I'm gonna find out more.
And then once I start finding out more aroundthe health of our menstrual cycle, where we
(05:47):
don't have a healthy menstrual cycle when we'redevoid of pleasure, and relationships and the
responsibility of our pleasure for ourselves.
So yeah.
Yeah.
It's so relatable.
I know it's so relatable for me.
I'm sure it's so relatable for so many peoplearound this.
Almost like this woman stigma, right, around,well, so many of us are giving our lives in a
(06:11):
service way, whether it's on our career or as amother or as a giver in some sort of way.
And I think there's been this, like, thisstigma, right, that we can't self care, we
can't self pleasure, we can't have these thingsbecause they're almost at the expense of
service instead of actually really beginning tofundamentally understand, which I think so many
(06:33):
people are starting to around, oh, thispleasure and attending to this is actually
which is what allows all those other things toto work.
I mean Definitely.
We So what ways, like, would you say that yousee, like, pleasure really related to, like,
then?
Like, physical, mental, emotional, spiritual,like, you know, tell me a little bit about,
(06:55):
like, kind of your perspective on, like, howall those interplay.
So if we're looking at the the masculineproject of how our world is run, it's based on
a testosterone driven and, amplified existence,which is produced, work, work, work, and going
you know, getting up with the sun where we'refollowing the sun calendar.
(07:16):
Now that works really effing well for a man'sbody.
And yet, I don't know if you've noticed abouthalf of the planet is female, and we're all
here because of women, by the way.
Like, every single person has come from awoman's body, but we will ignore the female
body.
So we're just looking at testosterone levels.
I mean, we have basically 13 to 15% oftestosterone levels than a man's body does.
(07:40):
So our testosterone runs out really quickly.
Now testosterone is the go out and get shitdone hormone.
You know?
It's it's the push hormone.
So men's system, they run on a twenty four hourcycle, which is the sun cycle.
Our system works on a lunar cycle.
So we're recording this on the new it is newyear today.
It wasn't January.
(08:00):
Today is the first moon cycle of 13 moon cyclesin in a whole, you know, iteration.
So I love that this is when we're recordingthis.
Yeah.
So happy new year, by the way.
Yeah.
Funny new year.
Yes.
So so then if a woman is existing in the man'sthe man's energetic cycle, she's in constant
(08:23):
depletion, and we see this.
We've created menopause.
Menopause is not the female body is notdesigned to always turn in on itself and to be
a fucking problem in itself, but our culturemakes us believe that we are.
We're problematic because we can't orgasm whenthe man orgasms.
We're problematic because we have thismenstrual cycle.
(08:43):
We're problematic because even though the worldneeds human beings to be born to keep
producing, to keep purchasing, we'reproblematic if we want time off to actually
care for them.
It's all of this stuff where we're soproblematic.
Therefore, we are in consistent depletion.
Our cortisol levels become very, very high,which also decreases our libido, so many
(09:05):
things, but it really messes with our healthand our ability to think.
So we women are consistently producing insurvival.
We're consistently producing from this place ofsurvival.
So a woman who is following her system is likeevery hour and a half, every two hours, there's
(09:25):
a need for a break and pleasure.
Now pleasure, yes, can be an orgasm, butpleasure is the way that we eat.
Pleasure is is like just taking standing out inthe sunshine and just taking 10 deep breaths.
I mean, science is proving all of this, butwomen are going, yeah.
This is how we need to exist.
You know?
Now that science is proving it, many people aregetting on the bandwagon.
But it actually we need to have our dopaminerebooted, and the easiest way is through
(09:50):
pleasure.
So and pleasure is our responsibility.
And I think too because much of the way of thefeminine has been dismissed because it doesn't
fit into the construct of of the masculineproject, then just the way that women are has
also been deemed as frivolous or it's it's notreally it's not to be taken seriously.
(10:14):
Yet a woman is born an orgasm.
Like, we are orgasmic by nature.
The way our whole system operates is an is soerotic.
The fact that, you know, the way that we fallin love, the way that we'll touch the skin of
our children, the way that we're so like, youknow, the silk that we wanna wear or the way
(10:35):
that we set up our houses.
Like, you know, there's people talk about howthe feminine just amplifies everything.
Well, that's all that is in an orgasmic manner.
It's an erotic turn on manner.
But because we vilified those words and we'vevilified the act of pleasure, it's being
removed from the human experience.
It's how we experience life.
(10:55):
So it's so necessary for the health ofrelationships and family, as well as our brain
and our heart health.
Our our hormones need to be reset throughpleasure, which is why we have so many issues
around our menstruation.
I mean, people we have a pharmaceutical worldthat needs to make a lot of money out of women,
(11:15):
you know, by relieving clutter.
Mean, follow the money and you will find theanswers.
Mhmm.
Mhmm.
Yeah.
One of the things I'm thinking about as youtalk that I've been just speaking out about,
just I feel a level of frustration around this,is when it comes to even describing female
anatomy, like, lot of what I find is happeningis we are oftentimes, like, looking at, like
(11:38):
and and we're comparing, like, okay.
The clitoris on a woman is like this part on aman and that type of thing.
And I I get really frustrated by it becausekind of like you're saying, it's like we've
gotten to this point where everything about afemale is almost looked at as like like, okay.
This is how to relate it to the masculineversus this is a completely different like, we
(12:00):
are structured very, very, very different, andboth, you know, man and women are, you know,
amazingly perfect in their uniqueness of theirstructure.
But I think we really are running into theseproblems of not supporting the female to
pleasure and orgasm by saying, like, okay.
Well, this body part, it's like the femaleversion of that.
And, like, that's not really what it is at all.
(12:23):
Yes.
So you you brought up, like, pleasure being ourresponsibility, which I totally agree with.
But I would love to, like, go deeper into that.
Like, what does that mean to you, and, like,what do you have to say about that?
Because I think that's an important thing.
Yeah.
I mean, first of all, knowing our body andknowing how our body responds to certain touch
(12:44):
and what we like and what our differentorgasmic gateways need.
The clitoris is well, clitoris is our labia isthe first gateway.
You know, our labia, many women don't you know,we're not even taught this, but our labia is
the most exquisite first gateway.
She's closed for many reasons.
It's like, I'm not effing ready, and she willopen when she's ready.
And how does she need to to feel safe enough tobe ready and to open?
(13:08):
That, you know, also to our our, well, the mapof arousal is completely opposite to a man.
So our responsibility is understanding havingboundaries.
It's like, no.
Not yet.
Or do you know what?
I need this first.
Or would you I wanna ask you some questionsfirst.
Or please, can you slow down?
Not clear.
Like, you need to slow down.
(13:28):
Yes.
You can say, please.
But it's like, you need to play down.
And then if the slowing down is still notenough, being able to keep on placing in more
and more boundaries.
So the responsibility of understanding what ourpleasure looks like, what we need, what do we
need?
You know?
And it's like it's also taking penetration outof the scenario that that solves what we're
(13:49):
always going for.
Like, this perception that if our body's notready, we don't want to receive penetration,
that it's not, you know, defunctory or just notfair if the man receives honoring and he gets
to receive a lot of pleasure and honinghonouring through different of us giving in a
different way.
Like, it's also changing our brain of, like, ifif we've kissed a guy, if we've gone out on a
(14:15):
date with a guy, if we've said yes to him tobeing in a house, that doesn't mean our body's
accessible to him.
It just means the next step.
So in responsibility, it's maintaining ourboundaries, having our boundaries, also
learning about our body and having thatcuriosity.
We it's kind of like being given the keys to acar.
(14:37):
I mean, I was raised driving manual cars, but Iknow a lot of people don't these days.
But it's like, you know, someone's not gonnagive you if you've always been driving an
automatic car, they're not just gonna hand youthe keys to their big full drive truck and say,
here, take this to the next city with all of myfurniture in it.
Like, you need to know how to fucking drive themanual.
You need to have lessons.
You need to so it's the same thing about ourbody.
(14:59):
You know?
Yeah.
I definitely know, and I think it's so wellsaid.
It's like, I think so many times there's almostthis, like, obligatory, like, oh, I'm here.
I'm naked with this person, and, you know, I'malready in it, so now I have to be in it
versus, like, well, there is this, like, notonly responsibility, but right, and to say,
actually, this is not what I want right now, orI want it slow, or I want it this way.
(15:22):
Like, all I think I think we just have gottento a point sometimes where there's this belief
that men are just supposed to, like,automatically, like, know and read our minds
and that sort of thing, and it just is not itdoesn't work that way.
What about orgasm and like
Can I just add sorry, darling?
I just wanna add to what you're saying aboutyour man.
(15:42):
It's like, you know, this thing of expecting aman to know, it's also really fucking unfair.
It really is unfair.
And the way that men operate in life is they'lljust keep going towards something to fix the
problem.
So I'm not saying that we're a problem, but ifyou think about that, it's like if you are
silent and you're not giving him the map andyou're not supporting him, well, problem to fix
(16:04):
is making sure there's pleasure or making surein many men's eyes, it's like there's gotta be
an orgasm.
So they're gonna keep on doing a plus b equalsc, but you're a y and a x and a z and then a w
and then a l and give me an s, you know, andhe's going, oh, we had to do it.
We're not.
It's not fair.
It's really not fair on him.
And many men will just keep on moving throughthe world doing what they think they know so
(16:27):
they get the result that they think they needto operate with.
And so, yeah, it's also not not fair on themthat way.
Yeah.
I think it's a really good point, and I thinkthat's where the faking orgasms and all of that
just comes into, like, the complication of thematter around, like, oh, if we see as the
orgasm and it's a plus b equals, like, a fakeorgasm, then it's, like, we're just sending
(16:48):
that signal like you're saying, have I andreally giving the information to the person
that's trying to provide pleasure that it'sworking.
So obviously, we're gonna get this whole thingbecause No.
We're sending the message that a plus b equalsc.
So it's Yeah.
Do you where do
you find
I'm gonna come back to the orgasm thing in aminute.
But where do you find from a standpoint becauseI know in some of your work, you talk about,
(17:10):
like, emasculation.
And I look at emasculation as, like, twodifferent parts.
Right?
I look at as men emasculate themselves andfemales emasculate men.
Right?
So it can happen externally or internally.
Where do you think that plays?
Like, how does that come in with, like, yourwork in this whole conversation of pleasure?
(17:31):
Oh, so much.
So much.
You know, many men that I work with, they knowthat they're being emasculated by their woman,
yet it's also just they kind of put up with it.
So then what that does also is separates theconnection so they feel they don't have a
place.
You know, the woman's, you know, often comessaying, he doesn't do this.
(17:55):
He doesn't listen to me.
He's not you know, I've told him so many times,and he's like, well, what's worth it?
You know, why should I do anything?
It's always wrong anyway.
So I love Alison Armstrong saying about women'smy favorite.
Yeah.
Women treat men like, you know, misbehavinghairy women.
Now this also comes from the space where we'revery critical of ourselves, and we women walk
(18:16):
through the world criticizing our own breath.
We criticize the way that our nose sits on ourface.
Men don't think that way.
So we're going towards the man as ifcriticism's going to change their behavior, and
it doesn't.
All it does is, like, well, they'll leave.
They'll leave the room.
They'll leave for the day.
They won't come home early, and that theymentally leave as well.
(18:39):
You know, they're kind of shut down.
So then also too, it's like once something'sproblematic, everything feels problematic.
So emasculation, when we are doing it to ourmen, we're actually not on we're needing and we
can be criticizing and we're requiring to bereally seen as a woman, but we're not seeing
them as a man.
And so we're wanting something from them thatwe're not willing to give.
(19:03):
And it also brings us to the point where we'remothering.
I mean, there's nothing fucking more unsexythan a relationship dynamic that feels like
your fucking mother.
Excuse my language.
And I thought it was actually you know, I wentout I have a new lover in my life, and we went
out we have a rule.
We worked out on our very first date.
Do not eat and then try to make love, so wemade up a new rule.
(19:25):
The first F comes first and then the feedingcomes second, so we're going after carcass
living in a thing, and I see it all around, allof these women telling their men off for paying
at the wrong place, for it was just insane, andI was just watching all of this stuff of, like,
how insidious emasculation is.
Like, these grown ass men that are obviously intheir fifties and sixties.
(19:47):
You know, they're on holiday.
The children like, these they they have a life.
You know?
They're they're they're fully fledged adults,and yet the bickering and the start and, of
course, it's coming I'm not women we have ourown stories of what's happening.
I'm not saying he's the most amazing man andshe's just annoying.
Like, it's also it takes two to tango, but thefirst thing to to unravel from the female side
(20:08):
is how we are masculinating our men and howwe're mothering them, which there's no way they
wanna come to us.
There's no way they're gonna slow theirtouchdown when it's just like, no.
It's gonna be wrong anyway type thing.
Yeah.
And I think, you know, to add on to that, Ithink another thing that I learned and Alison
is my favorite because she literally changed myentire life with how I approach masculine.
(20:30):
And and one of the reasons I'm four years intothe most successful relationship of my life is
I think so rooted in how much I've studied herwork.
Mhmm.
Because I think it's it's this thing, like,women, we are we do wanna speak up for things
that are bothering us, that are maybe creatingthat emotional distance.
(20:51):
But I think we do it, I get Allison's term as away of, like you say, like, looking at the the
man as like a big hairy woman when everythingis wired differently about him.
So the way he approaches the world, the way hedoes his focus awareness, like so many things,
are just not how we perceive things.
So it's not that he's necessarily doinganything wrong, in these thing in these times
(21:11):
where we may feel hurt.
Maybe he's doing something wrong, but itlargely is just, hey, a different perception of
the world that if we can come and come at itfrom this is how I perceive, this is how you
perceive, we can be on the same team againwithout creating that emasculation.
I mean, emasculation also comes from where thisbelief that or the misunderstanding.
(21:33):
I mean, what is it?
The man, all he wants to do is make his womanhappy.
Yeah.
But when we're emasculating, it was like theythey just believe they can't, so they just
don't do anything because they would rather notdo something if they're gonna get it wrong.
Whereas we as women operate very differently.
You know, we'll keep fucking up.
We'll keep losing.
We'll keep we'll do things consistentlyconsistently, but it's just a very different
(21:54):
way to how men operate.
And so there is this beautiful gift that menbring to the table, which is they just and I
tell you what, when a when a man knows thatwhat he does makes his woman happy, it, like I
mean, you know, I have this beautiful saying,and I've had a client experience it whereas,
you know, when we're learning to speak to a mandifferently and listen differently, you better
(22:16):
be prepared because you're gonna get your manin a way that you thought that you want, so
he's gonna give it to you, and you better beready because he's gonna give you his all, And
he will tell you everything.
But are you ready?
Yeah.
I mean, it's like this approach has made mecompletely fall in love with the masculine,
like, just as a general, you know, archetype ofjust everything that men are in the world, and
(22:40):
I did not always feel that way.
So I think it's a really it's a reallyimportant thing, and and I do think that when
we stop doing that and we give up our right inAllison's terms to do that and make it okay,
then there is so much more of even approachingthe sexual conversation with being on the same
same team
Yeah.
And asking for what we want and need, but doingit in a way where it's like people are
(23:04):
empowered and they're, like, happy to show upand they're not feeling belittled and they
can't get it right and all these things thatyou're that you're saying.
So Beautiful.
What about where do you do you feel likethere's any link with emasculation and any
ejaculatory problems?
Is there have you ever seen that sort of link?
Yeah.
(23:24):
It's definitely you know, when people say theword erectile dysfunction, I say it's fully
functional.
Your cock is fully functional.
It is telling you something that needsaddressing, whether that be physical health,
spiritual health, mental health.
And I see this I see this with my clients thatI work, you know, when they're putting in these
beautiful boundaries, like both men and women.
(23:45):
So if I'm working with men and where they getto, like, put in boundaries, but also where
it's like, okay.
Well, what's the message that she's tellingyou?
What are the things that you haven't beendoing?
Well, where have you been dropping, and wherecan you ask better questions?
I had one client who he was he spent the wholefirst part of our call expressing all of these
things about trying to work out what to do forhis beautiful wife.
(24:07):
They've got three children, and I leaned in.
Like, I I said I asked him, and they've beenmarried.
I can't remember how long like, many of theirchildren are seven, so they've been married for
a while.
And I asked him, I said, have you asked her?
He said, oh, no.
And I just and I just like I said, sweetheart.
I said, you I can't give you the answer.
I'm not her.
And he goes, but and I said, just ask her.
(24:29):
She would love it if you asked her.
Yeah.
And then what came from all of that is he feltlike he had more of a place and he was getting
things right.
He talked about that.
He's like, I he goes, I'm so fucking attractedto her.
It's like, win.
I get it right.
I he's going like, she's receiving me, like,when I put in a boundary.
When I've when I've told her I've got her, I'vegot her.
(24:50):
And when she softens, he goes, I just want hermore.
You know?
So that's also looking at where, you know, asyou talk about for men emasculating themselves,
where they're not asking the right questionsand they're not following through or they are
sort of in their little boy energy and it'slike, well, know, that's, yes, she's speaking
to that way because maybe you are acting, youknow, their actions are coming from.
She's already got children.
Especially when we're looking at relationshipswhere there's children, it's like, sweetheart,
(25:13):
she's already got So there's that part, youknow?
But then too, when I'm working with women andthey change the way that they speak to their
men and the way that they ask questions and theway that they listen and the way that they
offer all of the information that the man mightneed to support them is just like how quick and
also too, what I love about men, and this isthe big difference Yeah.
(25:37):
Is that they let go of things a hell of a lotquicker than we do.
Our system hangs on to things.
You apologize, and I've I've raised a boy.
You know, I had no idea what to do with a boy,and Alison changed my life.
That is you know, when he was eight, we livedin Peru, like I talk about it all the time,
changed everything.
And I know when I would apologize to my kid,you because he was so intense raising as a
(26:01):
teenager, I'm hanging on to the fight.
I'm hanging on to all of these things.
I'm in grief.
Once there's an apology, boom.
I'm just like, are you sure?
So, yeah, I'm fine, mom.
I'm fine.
And it took it takes a lot to go to believehim.
I have to believe him.
Yeah.
And the reason I'm bringing up my kid isbecause it was constant, and it was just this
constant reminder.
So when when we stop emasculating and we startusing different language that, you know, we
(26:27):
receive our men the way that we want.
They want us more.
They can come to us more because there's notthis thing in the middle that they're sort of
deflecting from or moving away from.
So, yeah.
Yeah.
It's not making each other wrong all the time.
Yeah.
Right?
It really changes things so much.
Mhmm.
So I know I think we should save orgasm for andtalk about orgasm here in part two.
(26:49):
So I think in part two, let's talk about, youknow, why orgasms are so important, but also
really talking about about what's happening if,like, if especially a female is not orgasming
from penetration with desire mismatch, youknow, some of these kinda conversations.
So Mhmm.
We will do that here in part two.
(27:10):
And everybody remember that part two, canaccess by joining my libido club.
So you have links for that in the show notes.
And I wanna make sure we wrap up part one,though, with everybody knowing how to get ahold
of you.
I know you have some really exciting retreatscoming up, both a, female, a feminine retreat,
well as a couples retreat.
So we'll put those information in the shownotes.
(27:30):
But looking at your, your pages online aboutthem, they just look divine.
So can you tell us a little bit about them?
Yes.
It's so exciting.
So I'm going to Europe for the whole month ofApril and the May.
And, actually, there's even there's a few morecoming on, but the major ones are in London.
So I have an all women's one in London and anall women's one in Romania, and I may be having
(27:50):
an all women's one in Spain after next week.
But these are two days these are two daysworkshops, and when I hold retreats here in
Mexico, I take care of everything, but becauseI'm traveling to London, it is, you know, it's
a two full days of workshops, and you will,like, need to find your own accommodation and
stuff like that, but we'll be together for twofull days.
And it's really around bringing safety in thefeminine body to open into our own arousal and
(28:13):
to really bring in, you know, these parts ofourselves that understand where how pleasure
arises.
So there's lots of somatic practices.
There's a lot of beauty you know, we'll bedoing rage rituals, all of these things that,
you know, bring that allow our system to befree to experience pleasure.
And then the couples one, I'm cocreating withan incredible, incredible colleague of mine,
Alex.
We've been working together, like, through manydifferent iterations over the last three years.
(28:37):
So it's so exciting that we're gonna be comingtogether in London and really bringing this
aspect of ravishing your partner.
So that's gonna be really delicious and sexy.
Yes.
Sounds delicious.
And I I wanna just name for everybody this, youknow, with the female retreat and the focus of
one of the points to learn on safety that whenyou know, as as studying sexology continually,
(29:01):
one of the things that I continually come backto is that I think safety is one of the key.
There's several keys, not the only key, but oneof the top key fundamental things that really
allow the female to experience pleasure.
And I think there's so many layer.
I mean, what I've discovered myself is, like,layer upon layer upon layer upon layer of of
(29:24):
blocks that have a lot to do oftentimes withsafety.
And every time I get to a layer and I uncoveranother layer and I work through another layer
subconsciously, pleasure and orgasms andeverything just, like, everything just levels
up.
So I think it's a really important thing, froma standpoint of pleasure, physical, emotional,
spiritual, all of that health and reallyunlocking that which what, holds us back from
(29:49):
experiencing that.
So I just really wanted to name that because Ithink it's a really powerful thing about what
you're offering.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think safety is often also sort of corneredas like, oh, I'm safe.
Like, something is not gonna physically happento me, but safety is so much deeper than that.
Am I safe that, you know, I'm not gonna beabandoned, like, after I have the orgasm?
(30:10):
And they also talk about that where they'vedone studies in the brain where when they've
looked at the brain when a woman's in fulldeep, what we call the g spot, but her sacred
area orgasm and cervical orgasms, her wholebrain is lit up except for two parts, and that
one part is like feeling safe.
Safety is like, is my heart safe?
Are my emotions safe?
(30:31):
Am I safe to be fully me where it doesn'tmatter what I look like, I've got snot coming
out of my nose and jacked with a piss comingout of everything, and I'm gonna be Jarvis.
Yeah.
So, yeah, so deeply.
It's it's what we need.
End of story.
It really is.
It really is.
So everybody go check out her work.
I know you have a great Instagram page as well,so we're gonna link all of that, all of your
(30:54):
offerings here in the And then we'll seeeverybody.
Please join the libido club, and we'll see youall over in the club for part two.
We're gonna talk about juicy, sexy, deliciousorgasm, so stay tuned.
Thanks, everybody.
Thanks, Melissa.
I'll see you guys all soon on The Loud.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you for listening to the Libido Lounge.
(31:16):
Please don't keep me a secret.
Please share this with your friends.
You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, aswell as how to work with me at mylibidodoc.com.
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