January 10, 2025 • 24 mins
What if a single word could help you reclaim your joy and power? In this _Girlfriend Edition_ of the _Libido Lounge_, Dr. Diane and her friends Ruby and Sapphire dive into what it means to "Tune Into Pussy." It’s about so much more than language—it’s about embracing pleasure, releasing shame, and connecting deeply with yourself.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Welcome to the libido lounge.
We focus on all things love, lust, and libido.
We believe that fabulous sex is important tohealth as exercise and good food.
(00:20):
Hey, everybody.
Welcome back to another episode of the libidolounge.
I'm your host, doctor Diane, and this isanother girlfriend edition.
We just did a girlfriend edition last week.
Welcome again to the new year.
We have so many exciting things coming out thisnew year, including coming up, there there is a
four day ignite your libido jump start.
(00:42):
So make sure you do that.
It's four days, and in four days, the promiseis that you will have better sex by the end of
those four days.
So you gotta do that, offering that totally forfree.
Go down into the show notes and click that linkin order to sign up for that.
That starts here just in a few weeks.
I wanna reintroduce you to a couple of mybesties that you got to meet on last Girlfriend
(01:03):
Edition.
And on this particular show, we're going by thenicknames that we use in our friend group.
So here is Ruby.
Hello.
And here is Sapphire.
Hi, everyone.
And so just to remind you, Ruby is abodyworker.
She does a lot with working with people, butgetting into their own bodies through radical
embodiment and a lot of other hands on and,deep rooted practices to get inside your own
(01:28):
body and feel feel everything, really.
And you can check out her other episode wherewe go more into
all of her work.
And then we have Sapphire who does a lot withboth social justice as well as conflict
resolution.
And so these are a couple of my friends, like Isaid.
Today's episode is about tuning in.
(01:51):
We're gonna talk about tuning into pleasure,and we're gonna talk about tuning into pussy.
And I know some of you guys are hearing thatword and thinking, like, what did she say?
As the reason for choosing that word is a fewdifferent reasons.
One, to get out of the medical, you know, toget out of the medical and into the pleasure,
(02:11):
and also to reclaim this word because innately,this word is talking about our female anatomy.
Right?
It's talking about this place of pleasure andpower and joy and so many different wonderful
things.
And to have this word that has this connotationabout some part of our female body that is
fabulous, that is pleasure, that is sacred isreally, really needs to be reclaimed.
(02:35):
If you have any sort of reaction to that word,you might consider going and reading a great
book by mama Gina called Pasea, a Reclamation.
And it goes deep into some of the reasoning forreally sinking into that word and owning that
word and what that really means.
And without further ado, we're gonna talk aboutit.
So welcome to girlfriend edition.
(02:57):
Yay.
Alright, ladies.
So let's start with just the question ofpleasure.
Tell me about, like, pleasure practices, howyou tune into pleasure.
Let's just open up the conversation topleasure.
Yeah.
I'll start actually on this one.
What I what first comes up for me you sayingthat is, at least in my experience and
(03:21):
especially some of the clients I work with,pleasure can seem, it's a it can be a little
bit of a charge of triggering worry.
It can seem so out of reach.
Or when we're thinking of pleasure.
Of course, this is the libido doc podcast.
So we are talking sex and sexuality andpleasure is so much more than that.
Pleasure is something that can act it be veryinnocent in nature as well.
(03:45):
And I think starting to also recognize thatindividually, if it is something that
somebody's feeling triggered around or like itfeels wrong or there's old shame, Think of a
baby.
You know, think of a toddler in different timeswhen they're just in their pleasure.
Right?
I think of you got my dog, Tula Rose.
Right?
She's so in her pleasure, and it's so innocent.
(04:07):
They're just go orienting around what do theyneed, what makes them feel good.
And something as simple as one of my favoritetimes a day is my morning coffee and wish you
know, when I have it, it's a very pleasurableexperience for me.
I mean, I love my I love coffee, and I like tojust sit and to the best of my ability,
(04:27):
depending on the day.
But more days than not, I don't do anything.
I just sit and I sip and I breathe, and I'mjust present with the taste, with my
environment.
And that's such a pleasurable experience forme.
It's such a great way to start my day to justtune in with how am I today?
What is my intention for today?
(04:47):
What do I wanna focus on today?
Right.
And tune into what is this, you know, beverageI'm drinking?
What does it taste like?
How is the texture?
So I think pleasure is such a broad.
It can mean, you know, it's so much.
And it's, I think, especially for us women,it's it's our such a gift and and essential for
us to be in pleasurable experiences, thenonsexual and the sexual.
(05:13):
So that's what I'll just, yeah, start with.
Yeah.
And it is it's such an important thing.
Right?
Because I think so many times when we'rethinking of pleasure, we're thinking of just,
like, sexual pleasure.
And I think it's so easy to forget thatpleasure actually can come from a point of just
the coffee.
Just all those little things that we actuallydo because pleasure is so oftentimes, I think,
(05:34):
taught to us as like, but I don't have time forthat.
Yeah.
Or that's not a priority.
It's indulgent.
It's an indulgent.
Right?
It's selfish.
Yeah.
Right?
And I think the more we can actually tune in tolike like like, what you're saying is like, oh,
but you're enjoying it.
You're breathing.
You're getting into that moment.
Like, setting yourself up for the day ispresencing.
(05:55):
Right.
I think.
Right.
When we're connecting into our pleasure, we'represencing.
Right.
Yeah.
Like, I think a lot with that too about, like,the giving and receiving.
Right?
And, like, giving and receiving of life issomething I've really been reflecting on a lot.
I just read this book, doctor Rosalyn, Ibelieve, is the the woman's name, called the
DPS.
Mhmm.
And it's just really all about all these areasin life Mhmm.
(06:18):
That, like, that we receive in and that that somany times we don't take that moment to, like,
deeply receive.
And when we do, like, we, like, push back onthat receiving, then it's a lot harder to give.
Because if I'm, like so, like, giving yourselfthat time in the morning, it is about the
pleasure.
It is about the joy, but it's also aboutfilling you up Yeah.
(06:39):
So that you can go into your day, right, with,like, being like your cup is full and
you can fully show up to your work and yourlife.
Yeah.
Right?
Totally.
Totally.
Totally.
Yeah.
Versus, like, chugging it, and I'm doing this.
I'm doing this.
Or, you know, I can drink a cup of coffee infive minutes, seven minutes.
You know, it doesn't have it it it doesn'tyeah.
(07:00):
And and how it sets me up and also then notjust going into scroll mentality, not going to
be you know, it just
I think it allows me to
be more efficient even.
Right?
If we are thinking of it's an indulgence, Idon't have the time.
It doesn't have to be coffee.
Right?
There's so many other ways to be But free andpleasure.
But Right.
Yeah.
I I am always trying to for myself or anyone Iwork with of how can we implement or bring some
(07:24):
of these practices in that's not just anotherto do, which also I think when we're checking
to dos off, it feels less pleasurable.
It's just, okay.
I did that thing.
I touched my pussy today because I'm in a
pussy course than I'm supposed to, or, youknow, or whatever it may be.
So at least for me, I don't I might be alone inthis, but sometimes those things can just
become another to do if that's.
(07:45):
And so how can it just me wanting to feel morepleasure, me wanting to just be more with
myself, tune in more with myself?
How can I weave that into what I'm alreadydoing?
Yeah.
Mhmm.
That's beautiful.
Yeah.
That's beautiful.
How about you?
What have you found with pleasure?
Yeah.
Something I've been thinking as I've beenlistening to Emily is, this quote that, someone
(08:08):
actually shared to me shared with me years agowhen I was writing my thesis.
So not exactly a pleasurable experience.
But he said energy flows where attention goes.
Yeah.
You know?
So where you place your attention, more energygoes there.
And I think with pleasure, it's something thatreally needs to be cultivated.
(08:30):
So finding at any anywhere without or anywherethroughout my day.
If I'm drinking my coffee, if I step outsideand I notice how the air feels, You know, I'm
taking a walk and notice how good it feels tojust be in my body, allowing myself to notice
(08:52):
the pleasure in that.
And I think for, especially for women, likeEmily is saying, there's this pressure to to do
a lot, to be there for others to, multitask.
Mhmm.
And that sometimes is a requirement.
Right?
Sometimes we just have to go there.
And what can we do to try to push up againstthat expectation or that conditioning in our
(09:19):
inner world, you know, to find the sourcing ofpleasure within our own system, that's
available to us all the time through presence,really, like Emily saying, you know, if I can
just kind of sink in with my coffee versuslooking at Instagram while I drink my coffee,
(09:40):
it allows a little bit more space andavailability to access pleasure.
So there's really, I think, something thatcould be, it could be quite difficult in that
it's sort of countercultural and maybe againstour routine and, and the habits that we're in.
And yet it's also quite simple because it'sthere for us if we can place our attention in
(10:04):
the ways that we really want to cultivate more.
Yes.
So may I ask you both this?
Have either of you ever had an orgasm whilethinking about something else?
Like, I'm a grocery.
Like, we're still here.
This question.
I was going, like, aren't you shopping?
Or you know?
Point being, like, is it possible to have anorgasm and not be present in your body?
(10:30):
For me, it's not.
For yeah.
Like, nothing's coming today.
I'm really, Lincoln.
No.
No.
I appreciate you.
Like, the easy people, you have much Nick,Derek, answer me.
Yeah.
Especially because in orgasm, my my body needsto be relaxed.
Yeah.
You know, present and relaxed, and there'ssomething inherent in if I'm thinking about my
(10:54):
to do list or my problem at work or, you know,a family issue, My body's not relaxed.
Yeah.
You know, it's the absolute opposite.
It's tight in addition to being in my head andbeing distracted and being somewhere else.
So makes sense to me that presence in pleasureis required for something like a climax or an
(11:17):
orgasmic experience.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
And so in my mind and the rest of the day, it'slike the, like our day to day activity as well
as our sensual activity is all just one bigpresence practice.
Right?
Mhmm.
Just like tuning into the body, to thesensuality, and all of that.
And, yeah, and and and
(11:37):
I think what I think feels important with thatYeah.
Especially in our modern, like, culture andworld that is, you know, at least in
The US, like, pretty, a lot of high level ofworth on productivity, a lot of high level
of worth on there's just a lot of distractionsand bombardments, whether or not, like, family,
(11:58):
like, requirements, obligations, but then alsoscreen notifications constantly, all of that.
And so just finding ways to set up reminders
Mhmm.
To help tune in.
You know, what is it that, like, can helptrigger that ex you know, trigger it meaning,
like, just help bring you back into you toremind myself, oh, right.
Okay.
(12:18):
Could I experience a little pleasure here?
Is there even a little bit of space?
I'm feeling really agitated.
I'm feeling really overwhelmed.
Whatever is okay.
That's fine.
We we talked about in our girlfriend episodethat in a little air before this, but Sapphire
mentioned the, noticing with approval.
So noticing that with approval first.
(12:39):
And then from there, I don't need to change it,but could I just have a is there a little space
on the scale for me to just slow that down
Yeah.
Mhmm.
A little bit, which I think invites a littlelittle more pleasure, a little more ease.
Mhmm.
But just finding, you know, whether it be maybeit is a reminder on your phone.
Maybe it's a, you know, a every time you go toyour mirror in the bathroom, you see a little
(13:03):
sticky.
But something to just help.
For me, I'm, again, very essential.
So I have texture.
So when I feel texture of when I walk my dog, Iusually always feel bark on a tree because that
just helps ground me.
It helps me feel the nature, feel the earth.
It's simple.
Right.
But it's a rich it's, you know, it's I thinkbecause you could call it a ritual.
Yeah.
It's not.
It's simple, but I just I always will touch atleast one tree every morning with her.
(13:25):
Mhmm.
Yeah.
So just finding ways to help remind us Yeah.
When we're not invited most of our life,
most of our day.
Yeah.
And I'd love to build on that for tuning intopussy.
That's is going next.
So let's go there.
Yeah.
Our favorite talk.
That's right here on the logon doc.
(13:45):
I've just really benefited so much from whatyou're talking about in terms of building
routine and ritual where I am placing myattention, bringing that attention to my pussy,
to that place, the actual physical place, to myvulva, to that that whole sex center throughout
(14:06):
the day.
So before I get out of bed in the morning,noticing just how is my pussy?
What's how am I feeling?
You know, sometimes like, is there anyinformation there?
Is there something, you know, is therediscomfort?
Is there pleasure?
Is there tightness?
Just, and again, noticing with approval, comingback in the middle of the day.
(14:30):
Oh, what's happening with my pussy?
And just, just checking in.
And what I've learned over time is that themore my attention is going there, the more I'm
actually feeling.
So if anybody's interested in trying this, Iwould recommend don't give up.
If you start this practice and aren't feelingmuch because it's new and and because of many
(14:55):
aspects of our history, we might experiencenumbness or even sort of fear or repulsion.
Right?
We're we're taught in many cultures that thisis some dirty part of our body to be ashamed
of.
And so it's natural to have a lot of resistanceto something like actually tuning into your
(15:16):
pussy.
And I would encourage people to stay with itand to just be present with no judgment to
whatever comes up because it seems like ourpussies are there ready to be attended to,
ready to be in relationship with us, and it cantake some time.
Yeah.
I love that.
(15:37):
Yeah.
One of the things that our friend who goes byLotus Aphrodite and I do when she and I ski and
snowboard, We will sometimes run experimentswhere we're like, well, we'll ski, snowboard
down the mountain, and then we'll say, okay.
Well, what do we do this time?
We're gonna lead from our pussy.
And we'll, like, drop into, like, that feelingand actually, like like, ride down the mountain
(15:59):
with, like, great attunement to that part and,you know, just combining, like, pleasure of
snowboarding with pleasure of pussy.
It's a really bloom.
Practice.
Okay.
Womb.
Because womb from them one of my practices iscoming home, coming into womb.
And so I opt in.
We'll orient around my womb and checking in andgoing home.
But, yeah, skiing from my womb.
(16:20):
Yeah.
I always feel confident, secure, grounded.
Right.
Yeah.
It's a really different experience.
So, like, in day to day life, you know, I thinkit's so easy for people to just be like, okay.
Well, what if I take a walk and just, like,really tune into this part of myself?
Like, you did such a good job with talkingabout integration and of, like, pleasure into
your daily life.
And so we can integrate, you know, pussy, likeyou're saying, into our daily life to just
(16:43):
bring more awareness there.
And just that awareness, like, where the mindgoes, like like, the body will follow.
Right?
And so bringing that awareness there is onemechanism for really helping with that
numbness.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I think about it.
Pussy is not only about pleasure.
Right?
Pussy is about it's our creative Center.
(17:03):
Yeah.
So Yeah.
Center of life force.
Mhmm.
And are we relating to it, tuning into it inthat way most of the time?
I would
say most women are not.
Probably not, I guess.
Not that.
So we need our girlfriends to do things like,yeah, how are we gonna ski down the mountain?
I love that.
(17:25):
Well, yeah.
Sad.
Really.
And I like how you said too there's a readinessthere that she's ready.
Right.
Yeah.
Right?
It might take time.
Totally.
Anytime we're checking out the body, if it'ssomething that isn't typical for us, numbness
can almost likely be expected.
Right?
So just having grace with that.
Mhmm.
But that doesn't mean, oh, it's not working forme.
(17:46):
It just means great.
Pause.
Tomorrow, check back at Yeah.
Tomorrow, and it will come, and she will.
Yeah.
That that she's there's so many messages there.
Yeah.
There is, like, this readiness.
Every time I check-in, especially with mypussy, it's like,
oh, hey.
She just feels so eager.
Us.
Told
Like, there's an yeah.
Yeah.
(18:06):
Yeah.
Mhmm.
Well, and another thing that you said that is,like, kind of combining something that you told
me a while ago, Ruby, which is so youmentioned, Sapphire, about, like, shame and
about, like, oh, we carry almost this lineage,I feel like, of women of so many years where it
was there's all this shame and there was thishysteria movement and all of this, like, kind
(18:26):
of movement of, like, disconnecting to thispart of our physical body, our spiritual body
in many ways.
And then, Ruby, you were the one that thatbrought to my awareness the root of the word
pudendal.
The iudendal nerve, which is the nerve thatinnervates the pelvic floor.
Right.
So it's the nerve that carries that conductionto the pelvic floor.
(18:47):
And and I've talked about this on this podcastonce before, inspired by you.
But I think because you mentioned that and justto bring that whole piece together around where
this comes from around, like, that gentleness.
Right?
Because like you said, like, go slow, begentle, and I think some of that is because of
that we carry a lot of this shame.
And so the nerve, if you wanna share
(19:08):
well, has these roots.
And so I learned this from Gil Headley who isif anyone's interested in the body,
understanding the body, definitely go toGilHeadley.com.
I have to put a plug.
He's incredible.
He's been doing dissections for over thirtyyears and holds, like, the deepest level of
reference for the human body.
And, so he's who I learned this from, but hethe pudendal nerve, the background, the Latin
(19:31):
root is around shame.
It means to shame.
And so how curious is it, right, that thenaming of our an anatomical parts of the nerve
itself that is innervating, that's giving this,I don't wanna say life force, but right the
inner like, this part of our body, our pelvicfloor from a very puritanical standpoint is
(19:53):
literally shame isn't that's the root of thename.
Wow.
Right.
And so I forget what he's he's him and aseveral other in the Rolfin community and the
fascial community have been working to renameofficially this nerve, and I forget what
they're calling it.
Yeah.
I forget what you told me.
Yeah.
I I don't remember it right now off the top ofmy head.
But that there is in the in that world, thereis work and momentum to try to actually get
(20:17):
this nerve renamed.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
That's nerve.
Yeah.
Watch out.
Right.
Yeah.
Steve.
Power.
Plus.
So we'll
have to
look that up and put that in the show notes.
What are their what name they're moving workingto move forward with and and then within their
my community, what we're just referring to itwith ourselves Yeah.
(20:39):
Until it's officially, hopefully, renamed.
Yeah.
And the takeaway point for me is just like likewhat you're saying.
It's like just that, oh, yeah.
We have this history.
Like, that's it's in the name.
So you're feeling numbness, if you're feeling,like, shame, you're feeling any of these
things, like, it's no surprise.
Right?
We're repatterning how we are approaching thispart of our pleasure body.
(21:00):
Yeah.
And there's a lot of history to repattern downto how we've been looking at this part of our
body medically.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's a revolution.
It is.
That's it.
It's a reclamation.
Oh, sorry.
Your reclamation.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Read that book for sure.
Yeah.
Is there anything else you
guys want to leave us with in
this episode today?
You feel anything was not said.
(21:22):
I I wanted to add just to what you just saidthat something that happens for me when I'm
doing this practice of tuning in with my pussyis sometimes it can be very emotional and
scary.
Sometimes I feel grief.
Sometimes I feel desperation.
I feel any type of sadness or embarrassment,and that it's I also find that to be an
(21:45):
invitation just to be Yeah.
What is.
Right?
So I don't go to that place and and feel griefand say, like, hey.
No.
You're supposed to be pleasure.
Right?
Like, that is also not what the the energy ofpussy is about.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's actually an authentic truth there thatI realize I may not be allowing myself to sense
(22:10):
into because I'm busy and thinking about manythings in my day, etcetera.
But there's there's this sort of rootedness ofsomething that needs to be experienced in my
system.
And so my my now, however imperfectly, mypractice is to attend to what's there and not
(22:32):
try to make it something different.
Yeah.
It's good to name that.
Yeah.
It is good to name that.
I also
I have a similar experience, I think, but,like, it in womb or which literally be center
point of of pelvis or pussy.
There's there's there's a different energybetween the two, but, yeah, just a broad
spectrum of emotion.
It's not just, oh, I tune in there and then,yes, with time, I'll feel pleasure.
(22:54):
It's and maybe, you know, I don't know your expoint, but sometimes it'd be like, oh, there's
grief and there's pleasure.
There's maybe there's a sense for me of whenI'm tuning in from that point, if there's grief
or sadness or anger, there's some sense atleast for me also that it feels good, though.
Yeah.
And I think that has to do because we're inresonance and in truth with ourself.
Right.
Yeah.
Versus deny.
Yeah.
Yep.
So Yeah.
(23:15):
Resonance and truth with ourselves.
Right.
Mhmm.
Mhmm.
That's a good place to end.
A castle teacher.
Oh, thank you, ladies.
Thank you so
much for being here on the to us.
It's your flesh.
Yeah.
What is a fleshy?
Yes.
It is a fleshy.
Yes.
Literally.
And so.
And thank you everybody for tuning in toanother episode of the Girlfriend Edition.
(23:38):
If you like this style, please do comment.
Please do share this with your with yourfriends.
Please do let us know.
I wanna know what is what you are enjoying,what you would like to see more of.
So if you like the style, please do let meknow.
I would appreciate that.
Sign up for the four day libido jump start deepdive.
Have better sex in four days.
That's what we're working on here in a fewweeks, totally for free.
(24:00):
Discount code below.
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Tell your friends.
I'd like to see everybody there because,really, when it comes down to it, who does not
want to have better sex, better pleasure, andreally better connection with theirselves, with
the world around them, and with the people theylove?
This is another episode of LaVita Lounge.
It's been fabulous to have you all.
(24:23):
Thank you so much.
Just reminding you to stay classy, stay sexy,and stay a little badass y.
See you next time.
Thank you for listening to the libido lounge.
Please don't keep me a secret.
Please share this with your friends.
You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, aswell as how to work with me at mylibidodoc.com.
Welcome to the libido lounge.
We focus on all things love, lust, and libido.
We believe that fabulous sex is important tohealth as exercise and good food.
(00:20):
Hey, everybody.
Welcome back to another episode of the libidolounge.
I'm your host, doctor Diane, and this isanother girlfriend edition.
We just did a girlfriend edition last week.
Welcome again to the new year.
We have so many exciting things coming out thisnew year, including coming up, there there is a
four day ignite your libido jump start.
(00:42):
So make sure you do that.
It's four days, and in four days, the promiseis that you will have better sex by the end of
those four days.
So you gotta do that, offering that totally forfree.
Go down into the show notes and click that linkin order to sign up for that.
That starts here just in a few weeks.
I wanna reintroduce you to a couple of mybesties that you got to meet on last Girlfriend
(01:03):
Edition.
And on this particular show, we're going by thenicknames that we use in our friend group.
So here is Ruby.
Hello.
And here is Sapphire.
Hi, everyone.
And so just to remind you, Ruby is abodyworker.
She does a lot with working with people, butgetting into their own bodies through radical
embodiment and a lot of other hands on and,deep rooted practices to get inside your own
(01:28):
body and feel feel everything, really.
And you can check out her other episode wherewe go more into
all of her work.
And then we have Sapphire who does a lot withboth social justice as well as conflict
resolution.
And so these are a couple of my friends, like Isaid.
Today's episode is about tuning in.
(01:51):
We're gonna talk about tuning into pleasure,and we're gonna talk about tuning into pussy.
And I know some of you guys are hearing thatword and thinking, like, what did she say?
As the reason for choosing that word is a fewdifferent reasons.
One, to get out of the medical, you know, toget out of the medical and into the pleasure,
(02:11):
and also to reclaim this word because innately,this word is talking about our female anatomy.
Right?
It's talking about this place of pleasure andpower and joy and so many different wonderful
things.
And to have this word that has this connotationabout some part of our female body that is
fabulous, that is pleasure, that is sacred isreally, really needs to be reclaimed.
(02:35):
If you have any sort of reaction to that word,you might consider going and reading a great
book by mama Gina called Pasea, a Reclamation.
And it goes deep into some of the reasoning forreally sinking into that word and owning that
word and what that really means.
And without further ado, we're gonna talk aboutit.
So welcome to girlfriend edition.
(02:57):
Yay.
Alright, ladies.
So let's start with just the question ofpleasure.
Tell me about, like, pleasure practices, howyou tune into pleasure.
Let's just open up the conversation topleasure.
Yeah.
I'll start actually on this one.
What I what first comes up for me you sayingthat is, at least in my experience and
(03:21):
especially some of the clients I work with,pleasure can seem, it's a it can be a little
bit of a charge of triggering worry.
It can seem so out of reach.
Or when we're thinking of pleasure.
Of course, this is the libido doc podcast.
So we are talking sex and sexuality andpleasure is so much more than that.
Pleasure is something that can act it be veryinnocent in nature as well.
(03:45):
And I think starting to also recognize thatindividually, if it is something that
somebody's feeling triggered around or like itfeels wrong or there's old shame, Think of a
baby.
You know, think of a toddler in different timeswhen they're just in their pleasure.
Right?
I think of you got my dog, Tula Rose.
Right?
She's so in her pleasure, and it's so innocent.
(04:07):
They're just go orienting around what do theyneed, what makes them feel good.
And something as simple as one of my favoritetimes a day is my morning coffee and wish you
know, when I have it, it's a very pleasurableexperience for me.
I mean, I love my I love coffee, and I like tojust sit and to the best of my ability,
(04:27):
depending on the day.
But more days than not, I don't do anything.
I just sit and I sip and I breathe, and I'mjust present with the taste, with my
environment.
And that's such a pleasurable experience forme.
It's such a great way to start my day to justtune in with how am I today?
What is my intention for today?
(04:47):
What do I wanna focus on today?
Right.
And tune into what is this, you know, beverageI'm drinking?
What does it taste like?
How is the texture?
So I think pleasure is such a broad.
It can mean, you know, it's so much.
And it's, I think, especially for us women,it's it's our such a gift and and essential for
us to be in pleasurable experiences, thenonsexual and the sexual.
(05:13):
So that's what I'll just, yeah, start with.
Yeah.
And it is it's such an important thing.
Right?
Because I think so many times when we'rethinking of pleasure, we're thinking of just,
like, sexual pleasure.
And I think it's so easy to forget thatpleasure actually can come from a point of just
the coffee.
Just all those little things that we actuallydo because pleasure is so oftentimes, I think,
(05:34):
taught to us as like, but I don't have time forthat.
Yeah.
Or that's not a priority.
It's indulgent.
It's an indulgent.
Right?
It's selfish.
Yeah.
Right?
And I think the more we can actually tune in tolike like like, what you're saying is like, oh,
but you're enjoying it.
You're breathing.
You're getting into that moment.
Like, setting yourself up for the day ispresencing.
(05:55):
Right.
I think.
Right.
When we're connecting into our pleasure, we'represencing.
Right.
Yeah.
Like, I think a lot with that too about, like,the giving and receiving.
Right?
And, like, giving and receiving of life issomething I've really been reflecting on a lot.
I just read this book, doctor Rosalyn, Ibelieve, is the the woman's name, called the
DPS.
Mhmm.
And it's just really all about all these areasin life Mhmm.
(06:18):
That, like, that we receive in and that that somany times we don't take that moment to, like,
deeply receive.
And when we do, like, we, like, push back onthat receiving, then it's a lot harder to give.
Because if I'm, like so, like, giving yourselfthat time in the morning, it is about the
pleasure.
It is about the joy, but it's also aboutfilling you up Yeah.
(06:39):
So that you can go into your day, right, with,like, being like your cup is full and
you can fully show up to your work and yourlife.
Yeah.
Right?
Totally.
Totally.
Totally.
Yeah.
Versus, like, chugging it, and I'm doing this.
I'm doing this.
Or, you know, I can drink a cup of coffee infive minutes, seven minutes.
You know, it doesn't have it it it doesn'tyeah.
(07:00):
And and how it sets me up and also then notjust going into scroll mentality, not going to
be you know, it just
I think it allows me to
be more efficient even.
Right?
If we are thinking of it's an indulgence, Idon't have the time.
It doesn't have to be coffee.
Right?
There's so many other ways to be But free andpleasure.
But Right.
Yeah.
I I am always trying to for myself or anyone Iwork with of how can we implement or bring some
(07:24):
of these practices in that's not just anotherto do, which also I think when we're checking
to dos off, it feels less pleasurable.
It's just, okay.
I did that thing.
I touched my pussy today because I'm in a
pussy course than I'm supposed to, or, youknow, or whatever it may be.
So at least for me, I don't I might be alone inthis, but sometimes those things can just
become another to do if that's.
(07:45):
And so how can it just me wanting to feel morepleasure, me wanting to just be more with
myself, tune in more with myself?
How can I weave that into what I'm alreadydoing?
Yeah.
Mhmm.
That's beautiful.
Yeah.
That's beautiful.
How about you?
What have you found with pleasure?
Yeah.
Something I've been thinking as I've beenlistening to Emily is, this quote that, someone
(08:08):
actually shared to me shared with me years agowhen I was writing my thesis.
So not exactly a pleasurable experience.
But he said energy flows where attention goes.
Yeah.
You know?
So where you place your attention, more energygoes there.
And I think with pleasure, it's something thatreally needs to be cultivated.
(08:30):
So finding at any anywhere without or anywherethroughout my day.
If I'm drinking my coffee, if I step outsideand I notice how the air feels, You know, I'm
taking a walk and notice how good it feels tojust be in my body, allowing myself to notice
(08:52):
the pleasure in that.
And I think for, especially for women, likeEmily is saying, there's this pressure to to do
a lot, to be there for others to, multitask.
Mhmm.
And that sometimes is a requirement.
Right?
Sometimes we just have to go there.
And what can we do to try to push up againstthat expectation or that conditioning in our
(09:19):
inner world, you know, to find the sourcing ofpleasure within our own system, that's
available to us all the time through presence,really, like Emily saying, you know, if I can
just kind of sink in with my coffee versuslooking at Instagram while I drink my coffee,
(09:40):
it allows a little bit more space andavailability to access pleasure.
So there's really, I think, something thatcould be, it could be quite difficult in that
it's sort of countercultural and maybe againstour routine and, and the habits that we're in.
And yet it's also quite simple because it'sthere for us if we can place our attention in
(10:04):
the ways that we really want to cultivate more.
Yes.
So may I ask you both this?
Have either of you ever had an orgasm whilethinking about something else?
Like, I'm a grocery.
Like, we're still here.
This question.
I was going, like, aren't you shopping?
Or you know?
Point being, like, is it possible to have anorgasm and not be present in your body?
(10:30):
For me, it's not.
For yeah.
Like, nothing's coming today.
I'm really, Lincoln.
No.
No.
I appreciate you.
Like, the easy people, you have much Nick,Derek, answer me.
Yeah.
Especially because in orgasm, my my body needsto be relaxed.
Yeah.
You know, present and relaxed, and there'ssomething inherent in if I'm thinking about my
(10:54):
to do list or my problem at work or, you know,a family issue, My body's not relaxed.
Yeah.
You know, it's the absolute opposite.
It's tight in addition to being in my head andbeing distracted and being somewhere else.
So makes sense to me that presence in pleasureis required for something like a climax or an
(11:17):
orgasmic experience.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
And so in my mind and the rest of the day, it'slike the, like our day to day activity as well
as our sensual activity is all just one bigpresence practice.
Right?
Mhmm.
Just like tuning into the body, to thesensuality, and all of that.
And, yeah, and and and
(11:37):
I think what I think feels important with thatYeah.
Especially in our modern, like, culture andworld that is, you know, at least in
The US, like, pretty, a lot of high level ofworth on productivity, a lot of high level
of worth on there's just a lot of distractionsand bombardments, whether or not, like, family,
(11:58):
like, requirements, obligations, but then alsoscreen notifications constantly, all of that.
And so just finding ways to set up reminders
Mhmm.
To help tune in.
You know, what is it that, like, can helptrigger that ex you know, trigger it meaning,
like, just help bring you back into you toremind myself, oh, right.
Okay.
(12:18):
Could I experience a little pleasure here?
Is there even a little bit of space?
I'm feeling really agitated.
I'm feeling really overwhelmed.
Whatever is okay.
That's fine.
We we talked about in our girlfriend episodethat in a little air before this, but Sapphire
mentioned the, noticing with approval.
So noticing that with approval first.
(12:39):
And then from there, I don't need to change it,but could I just have a is there a little space
on the scale for me to just slow that down
Yeah.
Mhmm.
A little bit, which I think invites a littlelittle more pleasure, a little more ease.
Mhmm.
But just finding, you know, whether it be maybeit is a reminder on your phone.
Maybe it's a, you know, a every time you go toyour mirror in the bathroom, you see a little
(13:03):
sticky.
But something to just help.
For me, I'm, again, very essential.
So I have texture.
So when I feel texture of when I walk my dog, Iusually always feel bark on a tree because that
just helps ground me.
It helps me feel the nature, feel the earth.
It's simple.
Right.
But it's a rich it's, you know, it's I thinkbecause you could call it a ritual.
Yeah.
It's not.
It's simple, but I just I always will touch atleast one tree every morning with her.
(13:25):
Mhmm.
Yeah.
So just finding ways to help remind us Yeah.
When we're not invited most of our life,
most of our day.
Yeah.
And I'd love to build on that for tuning intopussy.
That's is going next.
So let's go there.
Yeah.
Our favorite talk.
That's right here on the logon doc.
(13:45):
I've just really benefited so much from whatyou're talking about in terms of building
routine and ritual where I am placing myattention, bringing that attention to my pussy,
to that place, the actual physical place, to myvulva, to that that whole sex center throughout
(14:06):
the day.
So before I get out of bed in the morning,noticing just how is my pussy?
What's how am I feeling?
You know, sometimes like, is there anyinformation there?
Is there something, you know, is therediscomfort?
Is there pleasure?
Is there tightness?
Just, and again, noticing with approval, comingback in the middle of the day.
(14:30):
Oh, what's happening with my pussy?
And just, just checking in.
And what I've learned over time is that themore my attention is going there, the more I'm
actually feeling.
So if anybody's interested in trying this, Iwould recommend don't give up.
If you start this practice and aren't feelingmuch because it's new and and because of many
(14:55):
aspects of our history, we might experiencenumbness or even sort of fear or repulsion.
Right?
We're we're taught in many cultures that thisis some dirty part of our body to be ashamed
of.
And so it's natural to have a lot of resistanceto something like actually tuning into your
(15:16):
pussy.
And I would encourage people to stay with itand to just be present with no judgment to
whatever comes up because it seems like ourpussies are there ready to be attended to,
ready to be in relationship with us, and it cantake some time.
Yeah.
I love that.
(15:37):
Yeah.
One of the things that our friend who goes byLotus Aphrodite and I do when she and I ski and
snowboard, We will sometimes run experimentswhere we're like, well, we'll ski, snowboard
down the mountain, and then we'll say, okay.
Well, what do we do this time?
We're gonna lead from our pussy.
And we'll, like, drop into, like, that feelingand actually, like like, ride down the mountain
(15:59):
with, like, great attunement to that part and,you know, just combining, like, pleasure of
snowboarding with pleasure of pussy.
It's a really bloom.
Practice.
Okay.
Womb.
Because womb from them one of my practices iscoming home, coming into womb.
And so I opt in.
We'll orient around my womb and checking in andgoing home.
But, yeah, skiing from my womb.
(16:20):
Yeah.
I always feel confident, secure, grounded.
Right.
Yeah.
It's a really different experience.
So, like, in day to day life, you know, I thinkit's so easy for people to just be like, okay.
Well, what if I take a walk and just, like,really tune into this part of myself?
Like, you did such a good job with talkingabout integration and of, like, pleasure into
your daily life.
And so we can integrate, you know, pussy, likeyou're saying, into our daily life to just
(16:43):
bring more awareness there.
And just that awareness, like, where the mindgoes, like like, the body will follow.
Right?
And so bringing that awareness there is onemechanism for really helping with that
numbness.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I think about it.
Pussy is not only about pleasure.
Right?
Pussy is about it's our creative Center.
(17:03):
Yeah.
So Yeah.
Center of life force.
Mhmm.
And are we relating to it, tuning into it inthat way most of the time?
I would
say most women are not.
Probably not, I guess.
Not that.
So we need our girlfriends to do things like,yeah, how are we gonna ski down the mountain?
I love that.
(17:25):
Well, yeah.
Sad.
Really.
And I like how you said too there's a readinessthere that she's ready.
Right.
Yeah.
Right?
It might take time.
Totally.
Anytime we're checking out the body, if it'ssomething that isn't typical for us, numbness
can almost likely be expected.
Right?
So just having grace with that.
Mhmm.
But that doesn't mean, oh, it's not working forme.
(17:46):
It just means great.
Pause.
Tomorrow, check back at Yeah.
Tomorrow, and it will come, and she will.
Yeah.
That that she's there's so many messages there.
Yeah.
There is, like, this readiness.
Every time I check-in, especially with mypussy, it's like,
oh, hey.
She just feels so eager.
Us.
Told
Like, there's an yeah.
Yeah.
(18:06):
Yeah.
Mhmm.
Well, and another thing that you said that is,like, kind of combining something that you told
me a while ago, Ruby, which is so youmentioned, Sapphire, about, like, shame and
about, like, oh, we carry almost this lineage,I feel like, of women of so many years where it
was there's all this shame and there was thishysteria movement and all of this, like, kind
(18:26):
of movement of, like, disconnecting to thispart of our physical body, our spiritual body
in many ways.
And then, Ruby, you were the one that thatbrought to my awareness the root of the word
pudendal.
The iudendal nerve, which is the nerve thatinnervates the pelvic floor.
Right.
So it's the nerve that carries that conductionto the pelvic floor.
(18:47):
And and I've talked about this on this podcastonce before, inspired by you.
But I think because you mentioned that and justto bring that whole piece together around where
this comes from around, like, that gentleness.
Right?
Because like you said, like, go slow, begentle, and I think some of that is because of
that we carry a lot of this shame.
And so the nerve, if you wanna share
(19:08):
well, has these roots.
And so I learned this from Gil Headley who isif anyone's interested in the body,
understanding the body, definitely go toGilHeadley.com.
I have to put a plug.
He's incredible.
He's been doing dissections for over thirtyyears and holds, like, the deepest level of
reference for the human body.
And, so he's who I learned this from, but hethe pudendal nerve, the background, the Latin
(19:31):
root is around shame.
It means to shame.
And so how curious is it, right, that thenaming of our an anatomical parts of the nerve
itself that is innervating, that's giving this,I don't wanna say life force, but right the
inner like, this part of our body, our pelvicfloor from a very puritanical standpoint is
(19:53):
literally shame isn't that's the root of thename.
Wow.
Right.
And so I forget what he's he's him and aseveral other in the Rolfin community and the
fascial community have been working to renameofficially this nerve, and I forget what
they're calling it.
Yeah.
I forget what you told me.
Yeah.
I I don't remember it right now off the top ofmy head.
But that there is in the in that world, thereis work and momentum to try to actually get
(20:17):
this nerve renamed.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
That's nerve.
Yeah.
Watch out.
Right.
Yeah.
Steve.
Power.
Plus.
So we'll
have to
look that up and put that in the show notes.
What are their what name they're moving workingto move forward with and and then within their
my community, what we're just referring to itwith ourselves Yeah.
(20:39):
Until it's officially, hopefully, renamed.
Yeah.
And the takeaway point for me is just like likewhat you're saying.
It's like just that, oh, yeah.
We have this history.
Like, that's it's in the name.
So you're feeling numbness, if you're feeling,like, shame, you're feeling any of these
things, like, it's no surprise.
Right?
We're repatterning how we are approaching thispart of our pleasure body.
(21:00):
Yeah.
And there's a lot of history to repattern downto how we've been looking at this part of our
body medically.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's a revolution.
It is.
That's it.
It's a reclamation.
Oh, sorry.
Your reclamation.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Read that book for sure.
Yeah.
Is there anything else you
guys want to leave us with in
this episode today?
You feel anything was not said.
(21:22):
I I wanted to add just to what you just saidthat something that happens for me when I'm
doing this practice of tuning in with my pussyis sometimes it can be very emotional and
scary.
Sometimes I feel grief.
Sometimes I feel desperation.
I feel any type of sadness or embarrassment,and that it's I also find that to be an
(21:45):
invitation just to be Yeah.
What is.
Right?
So I don't go to that place and and feel griefand say, like, hey.
No.
You're supposed to be pleasure.
Right?
Like, that is also not what the the energy ofpussy is about.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's actually an authentic truth there thatI realize I may not be allowing myself to sense
(22:10):
into because I'm busy and thinking about manythings in my day, etcetera.
But there's there's this sort of rootedness ofsomething that needs to be experienced in my
system.
And so my my now, however imperfectly, mypractice is to attend to what's there and not
(22:32):
try to make it something different.
Yeah.
It's good to name that.
Yeah.
It is good to name that.
I also
I have a similar experience, I think, but,like, it in womb or which literally be center
point of of pelvis or pussy.
There's there's there's a different energybetween the two, but, yeah, just a broad
spectrum of emotion.
It's not just, oh, I tune in there and then,yes, with time, I'll feel pleasure.
(22:54):
It's and maybe, you know, I don't know your expoint, but sometimes it'd be like, oh, there's
grief and there's pleasure.
There's maybe there's a sense for me of whenI'm tuning in from that point, if there's grief
or sadness or anger, there's some sense atleast for me also that it feels good, though.
Yeah.
And I think that has to do because we're inresonance and in truth with ourself.
Right.
Yeah.
Versus deny.
Yeah.
Yep.
So Yeah.
(23:15):
Resonance and truth with ourselves.
Right.
Mhmm.
Mhmm.
That's a good place to end.
A castle teacher.
Oh, thank you, ladies.
Thank you so
much for being here on the to us.
It's your flesh.
Yeah.
What is a fleshy?
Yes.
It is a fleshy.
Yes.
Literally.
And so.
And thank you everybody for tuning in toanother episode of the Girlfriend Edition.
(23:38):
If you like this style, please do comment.
Please do share this with your with yourfriends.
Please do let us know.
I wanna know what is what you are enjoying,what you would like to see more of.
So if you like the style, please do let meknow.
I would appreciate that.
Sign up for the four day libido jump start deepdive.
Have better sex in four days.
That's what we're working on here in a fewweeks, totally for free.
(24:00):
Discount code below.
So sign up.
Tell your friends.
I'd like to see everybody there because,really, when it comes down to it, who does not
want to have better sex, better pleasure, andreally better connection with theirselves, with
the world around them, and with the people theylove?
This is another episode of LaVita Lounge.
It's been fabulous to have you all.
(24:23):
Thank you so much.
Just reminding you to stay classy, stay sexy,and stay a little badass y.
See you next time.
Thank you for listening to the libido lounge.
Please don't keep me a secret.
Please share this with your friends.
You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, aswell as how to work with me at mylibidodoc.com.
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