December 18, 2024 • 30 mins
Are you stuck in a rut when it comes to your love life? This episode will change how you think about intimacy forever. Dr. Diane sits down with Susan Bratton, intimacy expert and self-proclaimed "orgasmonaut," to discuss the transformative power of understanding your own pleasure.
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(00:00):
Welcome to the libido lounge where we focus onall things love, lust, and libido.
We believe that fabulous sex is important tohealth and exercise and good food.
Hey, everybody.
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Welcome back to another episode on the lounge.
I'm so excited to bring on Susan Bratton,intimacy expert to millions.
Susan and I have had the fortune of meetingeach other a couple times on Summit.
I got to spend New Year's with her, and we havethe best episode for you guys today.
We're gonna talk about difficulty orgasming,how we can overcome this, really how we can
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focus more and more and more on our pleasure,the differences between women and men, and so
much more.
So welcome, Susan.
So happy to have this conversation with you.
Oh, it's so nice to see you again, doctorDiane.
We've been friends for quite a few years nowand done quite a few things together.
I think I met you first by doing a book blurbfor you.
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You did.
That was the first thing.
I was introduced you to write the badcommentary on my book.
You sent it to your daughter, and then we'vebeen bouncing around each other since.
So so fun.
I love it.
Good to see you again, and I'm glad you I'mglad that you wanna talk about orgasm because,
you know, I would say that if there's anythingthat I have thought about the most of my life,
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it's orgasms.
I study them.
It is my primary interest.
And it's interesting because I like to callmyself an orgasm and not, I imagine myself in a
silver Lamae jumpsuit out at the furthestregions of the most exquisite pleasure,
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learning how to have different kinds of orgasmsand hold incredible amounts of sensation in my
body and surrendering into it with a level ofheart connection to my lovers, with a level of
turn on with myself and with a level ofconnection to what I, what I call source or
(02:20):
Gaia, that connection to all of us as humanity.
So my orgasm is something that I consider to bea very alive part of my life, an evolving,
maturing, expanding fireball of pleasure andjoy that really fuels so much of what I do.
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And I went at now I'm 62.
I'll be 63 next month.
I'm having the best orgasms of my life.
Amazing sex.
And at 42, I started on the journey of learninghow to have orgasms because I could only have
one orgasm using my twenty years ago, rabbitvibrator.
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And I almost got divorced because I didn't wantto have sex with my husband because I wasn't
orgasming from intercourse.
And I had intercourse with him for twelve yearsand never had an orgasm and just was really
just disillusioned by it all.
And it almost ruined my life and my marriageI've been with him thirty two years.
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Now we have sex that keeps getting better.
I have 20 different kinds of orgasms and it'swhat I love to teach people to do.
And there's so many myths and misunderstandingsabout it.
That what I love about giving peopleinformation about their orgasmic potential is
that when I tell them things and they go, oh,oh, I didn't realize that was what it was.
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It's like an instant change.
There are so many things where it's like, Ijust was working under misinformation.
And now that I know what to do, I'm havingorgasms.
And so that's what's so nice about it.
It's very rewarding, for me and for the personhaving all the orgasms.
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Like, there's so much hope in what you justsaid because I know we have people listening
that are listening like, oh my gosh.
She's in 20 different types of orgasms.
Like, I would just like to have one.
Yeah.
Right?
And so and there there's so much hope in inexplaining that.
Like, where does somebody that either has neverhad an orgasm or is like, well, okay.
You they have this orgasm in, like, one type ofway like you're describing, and it is just like
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it's something.
It's not really, like, that exciting.
It's not very motivating.
Like, what what do you have to say to that?
Just from a standpoint of, like, encouragingpeople that are in that that camp.
Yeah.
When I talk about the 20 kinds of orgasms, Ithe last thing I wanna do is have people be
discouraged.
What I want you to understand is that there aremany, many paths to orgasm.
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What I like to call orgasmic cross training.
And essentially, once you start getting onepath to orgasm, you can spin up more paths so
that almost everything can make you come aftera while.
And there's a couple of different things thatyou need to know to.
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So, so put aside the discouragement that you'vehad, and let's talk about orgasmic activation
because it's very similar.
So you have, let's just talk about the three.
I'm gonna take you through a couple of bigpicture things.
There's three kinds of orgasms.
There's locations to touch your clitoris, yourg spot, your nipples, things like that.
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There are orgasmic techniques like erotichypnosis, where you can orgasm from the sig the
verbal suggestion of it.
That's a pretty interesting one or expandedorgasms, which is a practice, a clitoral
stroking practice that I've been practicing fordecades that has helped me really become
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orgasmic in a lot of other ways as well thatuses a five stroke technique.
It's like a a yoga form or any kind of thingthat you're doing to the operating system of
your body to elicit a specific response.
In this case, an orgasm that is stretched outwhere time is like taffy.
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And when you have the orgasm, it's not justthis fleeting little moment.
It's this really long, pleasurable orgasmicsensation.
That's the, you know, the kind of the, thestrategies, the technologies, if you will.
And then the third is objects of desire andobjects of desire could be anything that turns
you on.
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But one of my favorite categories for orgasmiccross training, learning how to activate all
these different parts of your body so that theyall kind of come online and become orgasmic is
using sex tools.
I don't think they're toys because I'm notplaying around Diane.
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They are tools, tools of pleasure.
And it turns out that for the female body,there are eight types of tools that you can use
to activate the different parts of your body sothat you can have different kinds of orgasms
and lots of stuff makes you come as you getbetter and better at it.
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So orgasms are a learned skill.
There are lots of kinds of them.
You can have more and more of them as youactivate different areas.
One link I want to give you right now is toorgasmiccrosstraining.com because
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orgasmiccrosstraining has the eight tools forthe female body and the four tools for the male
body that help you achieve all of thesedifferent kinds of orgasms.
So what's nice is that you can use the tools insolo pleasuring to wake up that mind body
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connection, which is the next piece I wannaintroduce to this.
And then when you're with a partner, it's mucheasier to have orgasms with or without the
tools, because you've had, you've created theneural pathways.
So one of my friends, Doctor.
Nan wise, she recently wrote a book called whygood sex matters.
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And she's a neuroscientist slash therapist,sexual therapist.
And she's done a great amount of work, clinicalresearch by putting women in MRIs and
stimulating different parts of their body andnoticing that it lights up different parts of
our brain.
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So there are a lot of parts of our body thatcan be orgasmic.
And if you're not currently having orgasms fromstimulating certain areas, like, I can orgasm
from clitoral stimulation, but I can't orgasmfrom, penile penetration.
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I can orgasm from, you know, from intercourse,but I can't orgasm when my g spot is pleasured.
I have never experienced female ejaculation orit happens to me every time I have sex.
People have different halves that they've kindof figured out or honed, but the other ones can
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just be added right in over time by stimulatingthe different parts of your genital system and
other erogenous zones, like core gasms fromyour belly, foot gasms, oral gasms, throat
gasms, nipple gasms, and breast gasms.
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These are all erogenous zones that can behighly orgasmic.
So I didn't used to have any kind of orgasm,but the one and done clitoral kind of, and that
was it.
And the thing is that we've been really underwhat I would call patriarchal sexuality mores,
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and still using things like the old nineteensixties Masters and Johnson's concept of
orgasm, which is really tied much more to amale ejaculatory orgasm, a one and done, when
actually all bodies, including male bodies,penis owning bodies, are massively multi
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orgasmic from lots of stimulation.
So when you touch a location in your body andyou you think to yourself, it feels numb or it
feels painful or it feels shameful instead ofpleasurable.
All I want you to know right now is that youcan transform, act to act, activate, awaken the
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pleasure by giving it loving touch that overtime, when you approach your orgasm as
expanding your sensation and the mind bodyconnection and bringing in some of the, the,
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the extra reinforcements that you might need.
And we can talk about what those are, the extrareinforcements to kind of activate the orgasm
so that once you have it, you can start havingthem reliably.
That's really a good way to think about it isthat the female body is massively multi
orgasmic and she learns more over time as youbegin to play with her.
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I love it.
It and I think where I wanna go.
I wanna come back to the extra enforcementsbecause I think that's important, but I also
wanna bring up this whole thing that I I seehappen so much time, which is, like, orgasmic
pressure.
Right?
Where it's like, there is this discrepancybetween the, you know, Rosemary Basson's
arousal, you know, model arousal and theMasters and Johnson and other models out there.
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But I think it's led to this cultural thingwhere there's this destination and men
oftentimes and partners in general, not justmen.
We have this desire to provide pleasure to ourpartners.
Right?
That's just a, I think, a human thing.
And so with orgasm, there can be, like, apressure for one partner to be like, oh, I
wanna make sure the other partner orgasmsbecause I don't wanna provide that person
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pleasure.
And then on that receiving end, it can be morelike, well, I wanna make sure I get to orgasm
in part because I wanna experience it, but alsoI want to that other person to know they did a
good job for me.
And it's just pressure, pressure, pressurearound orgasm.
So how do we get out of that?
How do we break down, like, the orgasmicpressure that comes, I think, bidirectionally
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in couples?
Yeah.
It's called performance anxiety, and it affectseveryone.
We all worry.
But the more that you learn to have orgasms,the more confident you get that they're going
to happen.
The more that you understand that it's notsomething that you can affect, but instead that
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it's something that you allow.
I think that's a big difference as well is thatall of your orgasms are in there and they want
to come out like a well spring.
A beautiful cool spring is just bursting fromthe earth and flowing out.
That's how they work.
Your you don't have to go in there and stick apipe down in the earth and suck orgasms out.
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You can actually just allow them to come up.
And I like to call that birthing your orgasm,which is much less about squeezing down and
trying and more about opening and allowing.
And so that's a nice little reframe as well.
There's another thing that I wanted to say too,which was that I will tell you if I had a
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nickel for every person who said to me, don'tdon't sex toys make it more difficult for you
to orgasm if you don't have one?
Don't they desensitize you?
I think that goes back to, religious repressedpatriarchal cultural mores again that we're
trying to break free of as women.
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And, no, in fact, it's the opposite.
And as a matter of fact, the newest toy thatit's funny.
I have it right here.
The newest toy that I'm working with, I workwith a company called Fun Factory quite a bit.
I'm a I'm a one of their, you know, fairlyimportant influencers.
And they they just launched this new toy calledthe Sundays.
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I can have one sent to you if you'd like me to.
And what I like about it is that they are now,designing this particular tool to simulate
three different types of, nerve endings.
Something called Merkle's discs, somethingcalled Pacinian corpuscles, and another one
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called Ruffini endings.
And the way that they're doing that is they'reactually taking this toy and they part of it is
penetrating vibration, part of it is tappingvibration.
And part of it is how you use it on the body.
And so tools are getting very sophisticated.
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And what happens is that when you use a toy andI'll show you Diane, I know we're really on
audio, but I will show you that I sitting nextto me, I have my mother's crystal candy bowl
full of all these cross training toys that areat Orgasmic Cross Training.
All the toys I recommend from all the differentcategories, the air stimulators, the liquors,
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the g spots, the thrusters, the rabbits, andthe wand.
The wand doesn't fit in my bowl, but it's righthere.
And what's important to understand is that eachone of these is actually stimulating different
parts of the vulvovaginal area.
And so what's happening as you're tapping,thrusting, licking, sucking all these areas is
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that your brain is going, Oh.
Oh.
Oh, I feel that.
Oh, do I like that?
And this is where you get into the adding inthe other components piece of having more
orgasmic capacity where all of a sudden you'relaying down these neural pathways, and your
body is like, oh, I I yeah.
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I like that.
Oh, that feels good.
Oh, oh, that's nice.
And pretty soon you're starting to have orgasmsfrom all kinds of different locations that
you're stimulating, in the, in, in your genitalanatomy.
Because though the tip of the clitoris, ofcourse, has the 10,000 nerve endings, it has
little arms, it has big legs, it has a clitoralbody, it has a urethral sponge, it has a
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perineal sponge, it has vaginal mucosal lining,It has the cervical area as what was your
friend who just did a good, that good episodeabout the cervical orgasms?
Jamie Thompson, Jamie Thompson.
She was really good.
If you didn't listen to that episode of Diane'sshow, go back and listen to Jamie.
I thought that was very nice.
She did a really good job.
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And so what's great about it is that thesetools.
Stimulate the signals to the brain.
So the brain wakes up and then they start tolight up more and more, and then it starts to
feel really good.
And then all of a sudden, boom, boom, boom,boom, boom, boom, boom, you're knocking down
all these kinds of orgasms.
They're flowing out of you.
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You have less performance anxiety.
You enter into a lovemaking date confident thatit's simply a matter of time.
Diane, I wanted to tell you about a love makingdate I had yesterday.
Just tell me story.
Yeah.
Tell me story.
AI?
Please.
So yesterday afternoon, the sunlight wasstreaming into my bed.
I'd gone on a bike ride with my lover, and wehad taken a shower, and we laid down on the bed
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right in the swath of the sunshine.
And I said, can you rub some of this THC paincream on my chest where I I got some sunburn
because my bikini top was lower than the lastone I wore the other day.
And sure, sweetheart, I can do that.
And then I said, could you rub this motherbutter into my my thighs, my shins, and my
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arms?
Sure.
Baby.
And then I said, could you rub this awakenarousal loyal on my whole vulva all the way out
to my groin, even including my moms and downkind of almost my perineum, but don't go inside
just all on the outside.
Sure.
Precious.
Let me do that for you.
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How's that?
Does it feel good?
Yes.
And then I said, okay, could you use the breastoil now?
And could you rub it on my breasts?
And could you play with my boobs and mynipples?
And could we make out now?
And he said, of course, I'd love to do that.
And so, you know, so, one guy would be like,well, he certainly takes direction well.
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You basically just bossing him around, but myboyfriend would never think about that.
What are the benefits for him?
Well, she always tells me exactly what sheneeds to surrender to her pleasure.
She always has new ideas for fun.
I love that every time we make love her bodywants something different and she's so tuned
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into it that she knows what it is.
And she just tells me, so I don't have toguess.
And I love how relaxing it is to be with her.
There's never any rush.
She takes her time and allows herself to getturned on at the pace that is whatever her body
is telling her that day.
And it just calms me down too because I don'thave performance anxiety because she doesn't
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have performance anxiety.
And I always love to give her so many orgasms.
I love how responsive she is.
And we kept going with that date.
But I think that for a lot of women, justhearing a story like that, where it would be
okay for them to ask for anything andeverything that they want in the moment in an
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ongoing conversation throughout every lovemaking date is still a very foreign thing.
And I just want women to feel like there is notonly nothing wrong with that.
That's what makes sex great because we aredifferent every moment of every day.
We run with the moon, and the moon waxes andwanes and changes us from kitty cats to to
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lionesses in any given moment.
And so we could start off feeling like reallyfar from our pleasure or super turned on and
ready to go.
But until we really listen to ourselves and weuse these lips to speak for these lips, we
can't really get to that full, you know,relaxation and the and having no performance
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anxiety.
And I think that's one of the biggest tips isjust what does she want?
What does your body want?
Listen to her and speak for her in all moments.
I love that.
And the other thing I wanna point out when yousaid that I think is so important is that that
allowing her to become turned on.
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Right, versus like, okay.
We are going right into intercourse in thismoment.
Live it up.
Go right in.
And that thing that winds up happening versussaying, like, oh, it's okay if she needs an
hour today.
She might need seven minutes tomorrow.
Like, there's there's that flexibility.
And and I also think there's so much to be saidabout from that safety perspective around,
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like, if we can speak in from a standpoint ofbeing self advocates, it does oftentimes lead
to that relaxation of our erogenous zones andand that allowing of that orgasm to occur.
So I just love all of that.
I I know we're running out of time today.
So my question for you is around this conceptof orgasm, what is, like, one final thing that
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you think we absolutely need to say today thatwe would just be completely amiss if we did
not?
Yeah.
I was thinking that we promised the, you know,what are the other things you can do to help
yourself come to orgasm?
I think that's what we should talk about toclose now.
The very first thing so a lot of solopleasuring with toys.
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I recommend that.
You don't have there's it's been you use anoral irrigator.
You use a toothbrush.
You use an instant pot.
You drive a car.
Use toys.
Fill up your pleasure chest with the orgasmicwhatever ones you want out of the orgasmic
cross training or whatever looks good for you.
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It's just nice to see the categories.
You could be like, oh, I'd like to try an airstimulator.
Oh, I'd like to try a thruster, you know,whatever it might be.
And the second thing is you can double up ontoys.
You can triple up on toys.
You can put a a little booty plug in.
You can put a thruster or a dildo inside you ora g spot wand.
You can add a wand or a vibrator or an airstimulator on your clitoris.
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Load them up, girls.
Ain't no shame in coming super well, superlong, super hard, and lots and lots.
That's another thing.
This the third thing is I have a a pleasureprotocol that I recommend, and I'll send you
some, Diane.
I I'm sorry.
I didn't think to send this to you earlier.
But, it's, three products.
(24:24):
I'll show it to you.
I'll get I'll get your address so I can send itto you.
There's an awake and arousal oil, and then andthat goes on the outer vulva.
That's what my boyfriend put on me.
And then there's melts.
Those go inside the vagina, and it's cocoabutter, CBD, and botanicals that melts
intravaginally.
They also have non CBD versions, by the way.
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It's all at pleasureprotocol.com.
And those really feel very nice forintercourse, and CBD activates the mind body
connection, which is what you're going for.
The reason your brain is your biggest sex organis that it's what processes stimulation into
pleasurable sensation.
It tells you it feels good.
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You gotta get the mind going with the vulva andthe CBD uses the endocannabinoid system to do
just that.
It's their hormones, signaling hormones.
And then the third one is Dexoil for as muchglide and glide as you want when you make love
or anytime that you're just wanting a good yonimassage or what have you.
(25:29):
And they work together really well.
So add those in.
So you're getting that activation.
The awaken is almost like a pre lubricant andthen do nipple stimulation while you're using
the tools on your genitals, because your mouthand your nipples and breasts are a three legged
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stool of your arousal.
And your arousal is not just directstimulation, it's full body stimulation.
So getting, and remember, even if you think toyourself, well, my breasts aren't very
sensitive.
My nipples aren't very sensitive.
I didn't have nipple orgasms until I startedpleasuring my nipples.
Now I can come and come and come just for mynipples being touched ever so slightly.
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And it's amazing.
And it gets your vulva, your internal erectiletissue, the three erectile tissue systems of
the vulva, which is as big as all the erectiletissue in the penis, it's just in three little
compartments, it it starts to get the bloodflow from the inside out rather than just
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expecting everything to come from the outsidein.
So it gives you a deep, really niceengorgement.
Engorgement is where the blood flows in.
It expands the erectile tissue.
It creates more surface area, which then whenit's stimulated, sends more pleasure signals to
your brain to register more pleasure.
So that woman who's like, I don't, I can'treally, I can't really, it doesn't feel like
(27:06):
much.
I feel like that's lack of engorgement.
And so stimulating the other areas and thenfantasy think the dirtiest things you can think
of the taboo things, the things you'd nevereven tell me.
And everybody tells me everything.
Think those dirty, dirty thoughts that turn youup because fantasy is healthy.
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Fantasy gets the juices running.
It really relaxes you and it gets you turnedon.
And everything that I've said today on thisshow, And thank you again for having me.
I love talking about orgasms.
You're gonna keep getting better and better andbetter as you do it.
So if your fancy start off pretty tame, give ita year.
(27:53):
Oh, girl, you're gonna be thinking the dirtiestthings.
And then over time, some of them might actuallybecome realities because you're just maturing
sexually.
You're entering into your orgasm era right thehell now.
And so those are some of the things that canreally, really help you.
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Fantastic.
This has been so wonderful.
And Sure.
I hope you guys have been scribbling notes downlike crazy.
Remember, you can download this episode,though, and go back and listen to it a million
times and definitely do that.
Because as I've been saying for this entireyear now, whichever guest has the most
downloads, the most shares, likes, comments,etcetera, We're gonna invite them back at the
(28:37):
end of twenty twenty four to do a very deepdive on all these topics and more.
And I I certainly want Susan back.
I could talk to you all day, Susan.
Thanks.
Also, just remember that it's a sexy season.
In sexy season, we have a ton of giveaways andpromotional things.
And remember, if you screenshot if you rate ourpodcast and screenshot it, send it into us, and
(29:00):
we have a lot of raffles and giveaways.
Our twenty one day libido jump start deep dive,we're giving away a thousand dollar value to
one person.
So a lot of cool things there.
Make sure you register.
Susan, we'll have your links for the, for theorgasmic cross training and the pleasure
protocol of all of those links of yours in theshow notes.
(29:21):
And just thank you again today for coming on.
It's a pleasure as always a talk to you.
Yeah.
Let me get you a Sundays for your giveaway.
Let me get you some Forria pleasure protocolsfor your giveaway.
How about that?
I would love like that.
Yeah.
It'd be my pleasure.
Let's give it.
That would be I can also give you a bunch of myprograms, my books and programs to give away if
you'd like to have those.
I'm thinking maybe Yeah.
(29:41):
Sexual soulmates, expand her orgasm tonight,female liquid orgasm, my steamy sex ed video
collection.
Why don't I give you one of each of those togive away as well?
That's amazing, you guys.
Sexy season just got sexier and hotter.
We have a whole many giveaways now.
So please do please do rate us.
Please do review.
We'll get you in this raffle.
(30:02):
And now not only do we have a bunch of stufffrom me, we have a bunch of stuff from the
amazing Susan Bratton to give away as well.
So gonna sign off for today reminding you allto feel sexy, sexy, stay classy, and always be
a little badass y.
See you next time.
Thank you for listening to the libido lounge.
Please don't keep me a secret.
(30:23):
Please share this with your friends.
You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, aswell as how to work with me at mylibido doc dot
com.
Welcome to the libido lounge where we focus onall things love, lust, and libido.
We believe that fabulous sex is important tohealth and exercise and good food.
Hey, everybody.
(00:20):
Welcome back to another episode on the lounge.
I'm so excited to bring on Susan Bratton,intimacy expert to millions.
Susan and I have had the fortune of meetingeach other a couple times on Summit.
I got to spend New Year's with her, and we havethe best episode for you guys today.
We're gonna talk about difficulty orgasming,how we can overcome this, really how we can
(00:44):
focus more and more and more on our pleasure,the differences between women and men, and so
much more.
So welcome, Susan.
So happy to have this conversation with you.
Oh, it's so nice to see you again, doctorDiane.
We've been friends for quite a few years nowand done quite a few things together.
I think I met you first by doing a book blurbfor you.
(01:05):
You did.
That was the first thing.
I was introduced you to write the badcommentary on my book.
You sent it to your daughter, and then we'vebeen bouncing around each other since.
So so fun.
I love it.
Good to see you again, and I'm glad you I'mglad that you wanna talk about orgasm because,
you know, I would say that if there's anythingthat I have thought about the most of my life,
(01:27):
it's orgasms.
I study them.
It is my primary interest.
And it's interesting because I like to callmyself an orgasm and not, I imagine myself in a
silver Lamae jumpsuit out at the furthestregions of the most exquisite pleasure,
(01:54):
learning how to have different kinds of orgasmsand hold incredible amounts of sensation in my
body and surrendering into it with a level ofheart connection to my lovers, with a level of
turn on with myself and with a level ofconnection to what I, what I call source or
(02:20):
Gaia, that connection to all of us as humanity.
So my orgasm is something that I consider to bea very alive part of my life, an evolving,
maturing, expanding fireball of pleasure andjoy that really fuels so much of what I do.
(02:48):
And I went at now I'm 62.
I'll be 63 next month.
I'm having the best orgasms of my life.
Amazing sex.
And at 42, I started on the journey of learninghow to have orgasms because I could only have
one orgasm using my twenty years ago, rabbitvibrator.
(03:12):
And I almost got divorced because I didn't wantto have sex with my husband because I wasn't
orgasming from intercourse.
And I had intercourse with him for twelve yearsand never had an orgasm and just was really
just disillusioned by it all.
And it almost ruined my life and my marriageI've been with him thirty two years.
(03:34):
Now we have sex that keeps getting better.
I have 20 different kinds of orgasms and it'swhat I love to teach people to do.
And there's so many myths and misunderstandingsabout it.
That what I love about giving peopleinformation about their orgasmic potential is
that when I tell them things and they go, oh,oh, I didn't realize that was what it was.
(04:00):
It's like an instant change.
There are so many things where it's like, Ijust was working under misinformation.
And now that I know what to do, I'm havingorgasms.
And so that's what's so nice about it.
It's very rewarding, for me and for the personhaving all the orgasms.
(04:20):
Like, there's so much hope in what you justsaid because I know we have people listening
that are listening like, oh my gosh.
She's in 20 different types of orgasms.
Like, I would just like to have one.
Yeah.
Right?
And so and there there's so much hope in inexplaining that.
Like, where does somebody that either has neverhad an orgasm or is like, well, okay.
You they have this orgasm in, like, one type ofway like you're describing, and it is just like
(04:45):
it's something.
It's not really, like, that exciting.
It's not very motivating.
Like, what what do you have to say to that?
Just from a standpoint of, like, encouragingpeople that are in that that camp.
Yeah.
When I talk about the 20 kinds of orgasms, Ithe last thing I wanna do is have people be
discouraged.
What I want you to understand is that there aremany, many paths to orgasm.
(05:06):
What I like to call orgasmic cross training.
And essentially, once you start getting onepath to orgasm, you can spin up more paths so
that almost everything can make you come aftera while.
And there's a couple of different things thatyou need to know to.
(05:27):
So, so put aside the discouragement that you'vehad, and let's talk about orgasmic activation
because it's very similar.
So you have, let's just talk about the three.
I'm gonna take you through a couple of bigpicture things.
There's three kinds of orgasms.
There's locations to touch your clitoris, yourg spot, your nipples, things like that.
(05:54):
There are orgasmic techniques like erotichypnosis, where you can orgasm from the sig the
verbal suggestion of it.
That's a pretty interesting one or expandedorgasms, which is a practice, a clitoral
stroking practice that I've been practicing fordecades that has helped me really become
(06:17):
orgasmic in a lot of other ways as well thatuses a five stroke technique.
It's like a a yoga form or any kind of thingthat you're doing to the operating system of
your body to elicit a specific response.
In this case, an orgasm that is stretched outwhere time is like taffy.
(06:38):
And when you have the orgasm, it's not justthis fleeting little moment.
It's this really long, pleasurable orgasmicsensation.
That's the, you know, the kind of the, thestrategies, the technologies, if you will.
And then the third is objects of desire andobjects of desire could be anything that turns
you on.
(06:59):
But one of my favorite categories for orgasmiccross training, learning how to activate all
these different parts of your body so that theyall kind of come online and become orgasmic is
using sex tools.
I don't think they're toys because I'm notplaying around Diane.
(07:19):
They are tools, tools of pleasure.
And it turns out that for the female body,there are eight types of tools that you can use
to activate the different parts of your body sothat you can have different kinds of orgasms
and lots of stuff makes you come as you getbetter and better at it.
(07:41):
So orgasms are a learned skill.
There are lots of kinds of them.
You can have more and more of them as youactivate different areas.
One link I want to give you right now is toorgasmiccrosstraining.com because
(08:01):
orgasmiccrosstraining has the eight tools forthe female body and the four tools for the male
body that help you achieve all of thesedifferent kinds of orgasms.
So what's nice is that you can use the tools insolo pleasuring to wake up that mind body
(08:23):
connection, which is the next piece I wannaintroduce to this.
And then when you're with a partner, it's mucheasier to have orgasms with or without the
tools, because you've had, you've created theneural pathways.
So one of my friends, Doctor.
Nan wise, she recently wrote a book called whygood sex matters.
(08:46):
And she's a neuroscientist slash therapist,sexual therapist.
And she's done a great amount of work, clinicalresearch by putting women in MRIs and
stimulating different parts of their body andnoticing that it lights up different parts of
our brain.
(09:06):
So there are a lot of parts of our body thatcan be orgasmic.
And if you're not currently having orgasms fromstimulating certain areas, like, I can orgasm
from clitoral stimulation, but I can't orgasmfrom, penile penetration.
(09:28):
I can orgasm from, you know, from intercourse,but I can't orgasm when my g spot is pleasured.
I have never experienced female ejaculation orit happens to me every time I have sex.
People have different halves that they've kindof figured out or honed, but the other ones can
(09:53):
just be added right in over time by stimulatingthe different parts of your genital system and
other erogenous zones, like core gasms fromyour belly, foot gasms, oral gasms, throat
gasms, nipple gasms, and breast gasms.
(10:16):
These are all erogenous zones that can behighly orgasmic.
So I didn't used to have any kind of orgasm,but the one and done clitoral kind of, and that
was it.
And the thing is that we've been really underwhat I would call patriarchal sexuality mores,
(10:42):
and still using things like the old nineteensixties Masters and Johnson's concept of
orgasm, which is really tied much more to amale ejaculatory orgasm, a one and done, when
actually all bodies, including male bodies,penis owning bodies, are massively multi
(11:03):
orgasmic from lots of stimulation.
So when you touch a location in your body andyou you think to yourself, it feels numb or it
feels painful or it feels shameful instead ofpleasurable.
All I want you to know right now is that youcan transform, act to act, activate, awaken the
(11:29):
pleasure by giving it loving touch that overtime, when you approach your orgasm as
expanding your sensation and the mind bodyconnection and bringing in some of the, the,
(11:49):
the extra reinforcements that you might need.
And we can talk about what those are, the extrareinforcements to kind of activate the orgasm
so that once you have it, you can start havingthem reliably.
That's really a good way to think about it isthat the female body is massively multi
orgasmic and she learns more over time as youbegin to play with her.
(12:16):
I love it.
It and I think where I wanna go.
I wanna come back to the extra enforcementsbecause I think that's important, but I also
wanna bring up this whole thing that I I seehappen so much time, which is, like, orgasmic
pressure.
Right?
Where it's like, there is this discrepancybetween the, you know, Rosemary Basson's
arousal, you know, model arousal and theMasters and Johnson and other models out there.
(12:38):
But I think it's led to this cultural thingwhere there's this destination and men
oftentimes and partners in general, not justmen.
We have this desire to provide pleasure to ourpartners.
Right?
That's just a, I think, a human thing.
And so with orgasm, there can be, like, apressure for one partner to be like, oh, I
wanna make sure the other partner orgasmsbecause I don't wanna provide that person
(13:00):
pleasure.
And then on that receiving end, it can be morelike, well, I wanna make sure I get to orgasm
in part because I wanna experience it, but alsoI want to that other person to know they did a
good job for me.
And it's just pressure, pressure, pressurearound orgasm.
So how do we get out of that?
How do we break down, like, the orgasmicpressure that comes, I think, bidirectionally
(13:22):
in couples?
Yeah.
It's called performance anxiety, and it affectseveryone.
We all worry.
But the more that you learn to have orgasms,the more confident you get that they're going
to happen.
The more that you understand that it's notsomething that you can affect, but instead that
(13:43):
it's something that you allow.
I think that's a big difference as well is thatall of your orgasms are in there and they want
to come out like a well spring.
A beautiful cool spring is just bursting fromthe earth and flowing out.
That's how they work.
Your you don't have to go in there and stick apipe down in the earth and suck orgasms out.
(14:05):
You can actually just allow them to come up.
And I like to call that birthing your orgasm,which is much less about squeezing down and
trying and more about opening and allowing.
And so that's a nice little reframe as well.
There's another thing that I wanted to say too,which was that I will tell you if I had a
(14:29):
nickel for every person who said to me, don'tdon't sex toys make it more difficult for you
to orgasm if you don't have one?
Don't they desensitize you?
I think that goes back to, religious repressedpatriarchal cultural mores again that we're
trying to break free of as women.
(14:51):
And, no, in fact, it's the opposite.
And as a matter of fact, the newest toy thatit's funny.
I have it right here.
The newest toy that I'm working with, I workwith a company called Fun Factory quite a bit.
I'm a I'm a one of their, you know, fairlyimportant influencers.
And they they just launched this new toy calledthe Sundays.
(15:12):
I can have one sent to you if you'd like me to.
And what I like about it is that they are now,designing this particular tool to simulate
three different types of, nerve endings.
Something called Merkle's discs, somethingcalled Pacinian corpuscles, and another one
(15:37):
called Ruffini endings.
And the way that they're doing that is they'reactually taking this toy and they part of it is
penetrating vibration, part of it is tappingvibration.
And part of it is how you use it on the body.
And so tools are getting very sophisticated.
(15:59):
And what happens is that when you use a toy andI'll show you Diane, I know we're really on
audio, but I will show you that I sitting nextto me, I have my mother's crystal candy bowl
full of all these cross training toys that areat Orgasmic Cross Training.
All the toys I recommend from all the differentcategories, the air stimulators, the liquors,
(16:21):
the g spots, the thrusters, the rabbits, andthe wand.
The wand doesn't fit in my bowl, but it's righthere.
And what's important to understand is that eachone of these is actually stimulating different
parts of the vulvovaginal area.
And so what's happening as you're tapping,thrusting, licking, sucking all these areas is
(16:46):
that your brain is going, Oh.
Oh.
Oh, I feel that.
Oh, do I like that?
And this is where you get into the adding inthe other components piece of having more
orgasmic capacity where all of a sudden you'relaying down these neural pathways, and your
body is like, oh, I I yeah.
(17:08):
I like that.
Oh, that feels good.
Oh, oh, that's nice.
And pretty soon you're starting to have orgasmsfrom all kinds of different locations that
you're stimulating, in the, in, in your genitalanatomy.
Because though the tip of the clitoris, ofcourse, has the 10,000 nerve endings, it has
little arms, it has big legs, it has a clitoralbody, it has a urethral sponge, it has a
(17:34):
perineal sponge, it has vaginal mucosal lining,It has the cervical area as what was your
friend who just did a good, that good episodeabout the cervical orgasms?
Jamie Thompson, Jamie Thompson.
She was really good.
If you didn't listen to that episode of Diane'sshow, go back and listen to Jamie.
I thought that was very nice.
She did a really good job.
(17:56):
And so what's great about it is that thesetools.
Stimulate the signals to the brain.
So the brain wakes up and then they start tolight up more and more, and then it starts to
feel really good.
And then all of a sudden, boom, boom, boom,boom, boom, boom, boom, you're knocking down
all these kinds of orgasms.
They're flowing out of you.
(18:16):
You have less performance anxiety.
You enter into a lovemaking date confident thatit's simply a matter of time.
Diane, I wanted to tell you about a love makingdate I had yesterday.
Just tell me story.
Yeah.
Tell me story.
AI?
Please.
So yesterday afternoon, the sunlight wasstreaming into my bed.
I'd gone on a bike ride with my lover, and wehad taken a shower, and we laid down on the bed
(18:41):
right in the swath of the sunshine.
And I said, can you rub some of this THC paincream on my chest where I I got some sunburn
because my bikini top was lower than the lastone I wore the other day.
And sure, sweetheart, I can do that.
And then I said, could you rub this motherbutter into my my thighs, my shins, and my
(19:03):
arms?
Sure.
Baby.
And then I said, could you rub this awakenarousal loyal on my whole vulva all the way out
to my groin, even including my moms and downkind of almost my perineum, but don't go inside
just all on the outside.
Sure.
Precious.
Let me do that for you.
(19:24):
How's that?
Does it feel good?
Yes.
And then I said, okay, could you use the breastoil now?
And could you rub it on my breasts?
And could you play with my boobs and mynipples?
And could we make out now?
And he said, of course, I'd love to do that.
And so, you know, so, one guy would be like,well, he certainly takes direction well.
(19:48):
You basically just bossing him around, but myboyfriend would never think about that.
What are the benefits for him?
Well, she always tells me exactly what sheneeds to surrender to her pleasure.
She always has new ideas for fun.
I love that every time we make love her bodywants something different and she's so tuned
(20:09):
into it that she knows what it is.
And she just tells me, so I don't have toguess.
And I love how relaxing it is to be with her.
There's never any rush.
She takes her time and allows herself to getturned on at the pace that is whatever her body
is telling her that day.
And it just calms me down too because I don'thave performance anxiety because she doesn't
(20:31):
have performance anxiety.
And I always love to give her so many orgasms.
I love how responsive she is.
And we kept going with that date.
But I think that for a lot of women, justhearing a story like that, where it would be
okay for them to ask for anything andeverything that they want in the moment in an
(20:54):
ongoing conversation throughout every lovemaking date is still a very foreign thing.
And I just want women to feel like there is notonly nothing wrong with that.
That's what makes sex great because we aredifferent every moment of every day.
We run with the moon, and the moon waxes andwanes and changes us from kitty cats to to
(21:21):
lionesses in any given moment.
And so we could start off feeling like reallyfar from our pleasure or super turned on and
ready to go.
But until we really listen to ourselves and weuse these lips to speak for these lips, we
can't really get to that full, you know,relaxation and the and having no performance
(21:46):
anxiety.
And I think that's one of the biggest tips isjust what does she want?
What does your body want?
Listen to her and speak for her in all moments.
I love that.
And the other thing I wanna point out when yousaid that I think is so important is that that
allowing her to become turned on.
(22:07):
Right, versus like, okay.
We are going right into intercourse in thismoment.
Live it up.
Go right in.
And that thing that winds up happening versussaying, like, oh, it's okay if she needs an
hour today.
She might need seven minutes tomorrow.
Like, there's there's that flexibility.
And and I also think there's so much to be saidabout from that safety perspective around,
(22:29):
like, if we can speak in from a standpoint ofbeing self advocates, it does oftentimes lead
to that relaxation of our erogenous zones andand that allowing of that orgasm to occur.
So I just love all of that.
I I know we're running out of time today.
So my question for you is around this conceptof orgasm, what is, like, one final thing that
(22:54):
you think we absolutely need to say today thatwe would just be completely amiss if we did
not?
Yeah.
I was thinking that we promised the, you know,what are the other things you can do to help
yourself come to orgasm?
I think that's what we should talk about toclose now.
The very first thing so a lot of solopleasuring with toys.
(23:16):
I recommend that.
You don't have there's it's been you use anoral irrigator.
You use a toothbrush.
You use an instant pot.
You drive a car.
Use toys.
Fill up your pleasure chest with the orgasmicwhatever ones you want out of the orgasmic
cross training or whatever looks good for you.
(23:37):
It's just nice to see the categories.
You could be like, oh, I'd like to try an airstimulator.
Oh, I'd like to try a thruster, you know,whatever it might be.
And the second thing is you can double up ontoys.
You can triple up on toys.
You can put a a little booty plug in.
You can put a thruster or a dildo inside you ora g spot wand.
You can add a wand or a vibrator or an airstimulator on your clitoris.
(24:01):
Load them up, girls.
Ain't no shame in coming super well, superlong, super hard, and lots and lots.
That's another thing.
This the third thing is I have a a pleasureprotocol that I recommend, and I'll send you
some, Diane.
I I'm sorry.
I didn't think to send this to you earlier.
But, it's, three products.
(24:24):
I'll show it to you.
I'll get I'll get your address so I can send itto you.
There's an awake and arousal oil, and then andthat goes on the outer vulva.
That's what my boyfriend put on me.
And then there's melts.
Those go inside the vagina, and it's cocoabutter, CBD, and botanicals that melts
intravaginally.
They also have non CBD versions, by the way.
(24:44):
It's all at pleasureprotocol.com.
And those really feel very nice forintercourse, and CBD activates the mind body
connection, which is what you're going for.
The reason your brain is your biggest sex organis that it's what processes stimulation into
pleasurable sensation.
It tells you it feels good.
(25:06):
You gotta get the mind going with the vulva andthe CBD uses the endocannabinoid system to do
just that.
It's their hormones, signaling hormones.
And then the third one is Dexoil for as muchglide and glide as you want when you make love
or anytime that you're just wanting a good yonimassage or what have you.
(25:29):
And they work together really well.
So add those in.
So you're getting that activation.
The awaken is almost like a pre lubricant andthen do nipple stimulation while you're using
the tools on your genitals, because your mouthand your nipples and breasts are a three legged
(25:53):
stool of your arousal.
And your arousal is not just directstimulation, it's full body stimulation.
So getting, and remember, even if you think toyourself, well, my breasts aren't very
sensitive.
My nipples aren't very sensitive.
I didn't have nipple orgasms until I startedpleasuring my nipples.
Now I can come and come and come just for mynipples being touched ever so slightly.
(26:21):
And it's amazing.
And it gets your vulva, your internal erectiletissue, the three erectile tissue systems of
the vulva, which is as big as all the erectiletissue in the penis, it's just in three little
compartments, it it starts to get the bloodflow from the inside out rather than just
(26:43):
expecting everything to come from the outsidein.
So it gives you a deep, really niceengorgement.
Engorgement is where the blood flows in.
It expands the erectile tissue.
It creates more surface area, which then whenit's stimulated, sends more pleasure signals to
your brain to register more pleasure.
So that woman who's like, I don't, I can'treally, I can't really, it doesn't feel like
(27:06):
much.
I feel like that's lack of engorgement.
And so stimulating the other areas and thenfantasy think the dirtiest things you can think
of the taboo things, the things you'd nevereven tell me.
And everybody tells me everything.
Think those dirty, dirty thoughts that turn youup because fantasy is healthy.
(27:31):
Fantasy gets the juices running.
It really relaxes you and it gets you turnedon.
And everything that I've said today on thisshow, And thank you again for having me.
I love talking about orgasms.
You're gonna keep getting better and better andbetter as you do it.
So if your fancy start off pretty tame, give ita year.
(27:53):
Oh, girl, you're gonna be thinking the dirtiestthings.
And then over time, some of them might actuallybecome realities because you're just maturing
sexually.
You're entering into your orgasm era right thehell now.
And so those are some of the things that canreally, really help you.
(28:15):
Fantastic.
This has been so wonderful.
And Sure.
I hope you guys have been scribbling notes downlike crazy.
Remember, you can download this episode,though, and go back and listen to it a million
times and definitely do that.
Because as I've been saying for this entireyear now, whichever guest has the most
downloads, the most shares, likes, comments,etcetera, We're gonna invite them back at the
(28:37):
end of twenty twenty four to do a very deepdive on all these topics and more.
And I I certainly want Susan back.
I could talk to you all day, Susan.
Thanks.
Also, just remember that it's a sexy season.
In sexy season, we have a ton of giveaways andpromotional things.
And remember, if you screenshot if you rate ourpodcast and screenshot it, send it into us, and
(29:00):
we have a lot of raffles and giveaways.
Our twenty one day libido jump start deep dive,we're giving away a thousand dollar value to
one person.
So a lot of cool things there.
Make sure you register.
Susan, we'll have your links for the, for theorgasmic cross training and the pleasure
protocol of all of those links of yours in theshow notes.
(29:21):
And just thank you again today for coming on.
It's a pleasure as always a talk to you.
Yeah.
Let me get you a Sundays for your giveaway.
Let me get you some Forria pleasure protocolsfor your giveaway.
How about that?
I would love like that.
Yeah.
It'd be my pleasure.
Let's give it.
That would be I can also give you a bunch of myprograms, my books and programs to give away if
you'd like to have those.
I'm thinking maybe Yeah.
(29:41):
Sexual soulmates, expand her orgasm tonight,female liquid orgasm, my steamy sex ed video
collection.
Why don't I give you one of each of those togive away as well?
That's amazing, you guys.
Sexy season just got sexier and hotter.
We have a whole many giveaways now.
So please do please do rate us.
Please do review.
We'll get you in this raffle.
(30:02):
And now not only do we have a bunch of stufffrom me, we have a bunch of stuff from the
amazing Susan Bratton to give away as well.
So gonna sign off for today reminding you allto feel sexy, sexy, stay classy, and always be
a little badass y.
See you next time.
Thank you for listening to the libido lounge.
Please don't keep me a secret.
(30:23):
Please share this with your friends.
You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, aswell as how to work with me at mylibido doc dot
com.
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