Toxic Shame In Men Feat: Elise Micheals

 

### Introduction

- **Host**: Danny McMillan

- **Guest**: Elise Micheals, men's mental health coach

- **Overview**: Discussing the impact and management of toxic shame in men's mental health.

 

### Elise Micheals - Rise to Prominence

- **Social Media Insights**: Elise's knack for condensing complex mental health topics into short, impactful social media clips.

- **Understanding Her Message**: Elise’s appreciation for being able to refine her message through social media platforms.

 

### Journey to Men's Mental Health Coaching

- **Initial Focus**: Elise started as a women's coach.

- **Shift**: Found herself increasingly approached by men, leading her to refocus her coaching.

  

### The Elephant in the Room - Toxic Shame

- **Definition**: Differentiating toxic shame from healthy shame.

- **Impact on Men**: Elise explains how toxic shame manifests uniquely for men due to societal expectations.

 

### Understanding Shame

- **Healthy vs. Toxic**: Discussion on how healthy shame can motivate improvement, while toxic shame leads to self-destructive behavior.

- **Emotional Intelligence**: Importance of understanding emotional triggers.

 

### Society's Role in Toxic Shame

- **Suppression of Emotion**: Elise speaks on societal norms that expect men to be stoic.

- **Importance of Emotional Literacy**: Danny stresses that understanding emotions is critical even in masculine settings.

 

### The Critical Role of Emotional Literacy

- **Triggers and Outcomes**: How understanding your emotional triggers can mean the difference between a healthy life and self-imposed emotional imprisonment.

- **Elise's Agreement**: Emotional intelligence as a cornerstone of personal growth.

 

### Insights from Both Speakers

- **Anger as a Mask**: Anger often hides other emotions men find difficult to express.

- **Childhood Influences**: Unconscious emotional norms established in early life can carry into adulthood.

 

### The Nuances of Shame

- **Background Dependent**: The impact of shame can differ depending on upbringing and environment.

- **Attachment Styles**: How childhood experiences can influence shame and emotional reactions in adulthood.

 

### Overcoming Emotional Barriers

- **Strategies for Men**: Viewing help-seeking as an aspect of growth rather than weakness.

- **Coaching Comfort**: The established comfort men have with coaches should extend to mental health counseling.

 

### Shame and Destructive Behaviors

- **The Underlying Issue**: Toxic shame is often the core issue in destructive behaviors like addictions.

- **Self-Compassion**: The need to identify and treat the root causes of shame.

 

### Societal Dynamics and Changing Norms

- **Women's Role**: How women can provide safe emotional spaces for men.

- **Potential Backfires**: The risks men see in opening up emotionally.

 

### Victim Mentality vs. Genuine Help-Seeking

- **Striking a Balance**: The need to differentiate between genuine calls for help and a self-imposed victim mentality.

 

### Wrapping Up