Sex: Starting the Conversation Around Sexual Anorexia

Kyle sits awake at 2 AM, the glow of his laptop revealing a single word in the search bar: "avoidance." He scrolls past harsh phrases like fear of intimacy and sexual withdrawal that feel like accusations. Then one term stops him—"sexual anorexia." For the first time, he wonders: What if I'm not broken, but scared? And what if scared has a name?

This episode of Mental Health Rewritten explores the little-discussed realm of sexual anorexia, a term for fear-driven intimacy avoidance often rooted in trauma. Though not officially listed in the DSM-5, sexual anorexia is a profoundly real experience, marked not by mere disinterest but by an instinctual, protective shutdown of the body and emotions in the face of intimacy. It's a concept that can help survivors put a name to what was once shrouded in shame.

Narrative storytelling and expert insight intertwine as we follow Kyle's journey and others like him. Survivor Janet Bentley shares her struggle with physical closeness after sexual abuse, describing how discovering the term sexual anorexia transformed her self-understanding from silent shame to shared understanding. Janet's personal account — from feeling isolated and "broken" to finding hope in healing after sexual abuse — illustrates the power of naming trauma and seeking support. Her experience led her to found the Courageous Survivors nonprofit, creating a safe space for those with similar stories.

Renowned clinician Dr. Alexandra Katehakis offers compassionate commentary on why the mind and body respond this way. She explains how deeply embedded trauma can hijack the nervous system (drawing on the Polyvagal Theory of Dr. Stephen Porges) and cause a fight, flight, or freeze response during intimacy. Listeners learn how the body may literally shut down or go numb when triggered — not as dysfunction, but as the nervous system's attempt to feel safe. Dr. Katehakis discusses somatic healing techniques and the slow rebuilding of safety, trust, and consent in a relationship, highlighting the neurobiology behind why "the body remembers what the mind wants to forget."

The episode also explores how these trauma responses fit (or don't fit) into clinical labels. We delve into Female Sexual Interest/Arousal Disorder (FSIAD), the official diagnosis for low sexual desire in women, and why such labels often fail to capture the nuance of trauma-related intimacy avoidance. This discussion shines light on the inadequacy of one-size-fits-all diagnostic terms when intergenerational shame and personal trauma histories are involved. By blending Kyle's fictional story, Janet's real-life testimony, and Dr. Katehakis's scientific expertise, the narrative challenges the stigma around sexual avoidance. Intimacy avoidance born from trauma is recast not as a life sentence of dysfunction, but as a protective response that can gradually be understood and healed.

Join host Dominic Lawson in this conversation that destigmatizes sexual anorexia and offers hope for trauma recovery. From the quiet pain of avoidance to the slow steps of reconnection, Mental Health Rewritten invites you to reconsider intimacy after trauma through a new lens — one of empathy, understanding, and the radical act of naming our truth out loud. This episode is a compassionate guide toward healing after sexual abuse, reminding listeners that what feels like "brokenness" can, in time, become a story of courage and reconnection.

Mental Health Rewritten, created by the OWLS Education Company, in collaboration with theUmmah Collective Group is hosted, written and produced by me, Dominic Lawson

 

Executive Producers Kenda Lawson and Dr. Whitney Howzell

 

Cover art was created by Alexandria Eddings of Art Life Connections. 

 

Some music was provided by DJ Krate Digga of the Mighty SoundChampz Crew

Major Themes Covered

Understanding Sexual Anorexia: Defining sexual anorexia as an extreme fear of sexual intimacy and compulsive avoidance of sex, viewed through a trauma-informed lens rather than as mere lack of desire.

Intimacy as a Triggering Threat: How past sexual abuse or deep-seated shame can make intimacy avoidance a self-protective response, with the body's nervous system instinctively shielding the survivor (e.g. freezing or shutting down during closeness).

Personal Story of Recovery: Janet Bentley's candid account of her journey healing after sexual abuse – from decades of f