November 12, 2024 • 53 mins
In this engaging conversation, Dr. Raquel Martin interviews Fawn Weaver, exploring her journey as an entrepreneur, the impact of her book, and her unique perspective on introversion and community. They delve into the significance of Fawn's work with Uncle Nearest, the misconceptions surrounding imposter syndrome, and the importance of self-education. Fawn shares her experiences with isolation, leadership, and the power of storytelling in preserving history. In this engaging conversation, Fawn Weaver and Dr. Raquel Martin explore the themes of purpose, resilience, and authenticity in entrepreneurship. Weaver shares her journey of overcoming personal challenges and emphasizes the importance of understanding one's purpose as a driving force in life and business. They discuss the significance of authenticity in the workplace, the impact of respectability politics, and the necessity of owning one's brand and online presence. The conversation highlights the mental energy spent on masking one's true self and the freedom that comes from embracing authenticity. Weaver also touches on the intersection of faith and business, advocating for a mindset that prioritizes purpose over legacy.
Takeaways
- Fawn's book resonates with both men and women, leading to rapid readership.
- Isolation can be a choice for introverts, who thrive in their own company.
- Community should be chosen wisely to avoid draining energy.
- Imposter syndrome is often a mislabeling of justified reactions to oppressive environments.
- Fawn emphasizes the importance of self-education and reading.
- The story of Uncle Nearest highlights the significance of representation in history.
- Jack Daniel's relationship with Nearest Green challenges historical narratives.
Bio
Fawn Weaver, a USA Today and New York Times and bestselling author, is an investor, marriage advocate, TEDx alum and the founder of the Happy Wives Club, a community of nearly 1,000,000 women in more than 110 countries.
The Club's website, HappyWivesClub.com, is an upbeat blog dedicated to positively changing the tone about marriage. Twice named the Best Marriage Site on the web by About.com, HappyWivesClub.com is the go-to place for women wanting to read about the "sunny side" of marriage and get tips on taking a marriage from good to great and from great to extraordinary.
Happy Wives Club, Weaver's debut book is a journey to 12 countries and 6 continents in search of the universal secret to a happy marriage. Weaver's next book the Argument-Free Marriage, takes couples through a 28-day day challenge to creating the marriage of their dreams with the spouse they already have.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:00):
Steve, Hello everyone, and welcome to Mind your mental
just a reminder that thispodcast is not meant to be a
substitute for a relationshipwith a licensed mental health
professional. I know they arehard to find, and I get that I
have a bunch of resources on mywebsite if you need them, but I
am not your clinician. I am apsychologist, but I am not your
(00:21):
psychologist. So if you need anyspecific help, please look for
the help of a licensed mentalhealth professional. Learn all
you can learn from the podcast.Enjoy the episode. So once
again, we have fawn Weaver. I'mgonna put the in front of that.
You know how like Ohio State,they say the Ohio State, I'm
gonna say the fawn Weaver, yeah,thank you. Um on this show. If
(00:42):
you don't know about her, you'reunder a rock. I'm not even gonna
waste time going over all thebio. Y'all got it ahead of time
read a book. It willspecifically Wait, wait, you
can read this one. I'll
be so grateful.
I'm
always telling people to readbooks anyway. Y'all always see
(01:03):
my books behind me. Here you go,and y'all see it was within
arm's reach. That's what I'msaying. Like, only the ones I
actually go back to are in armsreach. So, yeah, just putting
that out there, and so manywomen are buying it for their
their men, because it sayswhiskey. I said, y'all, you're
gonna have to couple the lovewith the whiskey. This is for
women and men equally and andit's been amazing to me, though
(01:27):
I will say about the responsefrom men is that almost every
man that has reached into meafter having read the book has
said they read it in two days,something that they had never
done with a book before. Sothere is something I will say in
the book that is calling to men,whatever that is I don't know,
that keeps them from being ableto put it down till they know
(01:49):
the end result of the story. Youknow what I think it is. I think
you're very much like a do a bigkind of person, right? When it
comes to your roll out. I'mgonna be everywhere. I'm
signing. I'm sorry we won't. Wedo 24 hours breaking records
when it comes to the rollout,and that's the roll out the
book. Let's talk about thewhiskey and saying, I want to be
in 50 states in two years, andeveryone be like, not gonna
(02:10):
happen. But it did, when it cameto being making sure that you
were in the forefront, butbecause you were always on the
plane, like you were at themeetings, like, it's like, no
one's gonna say was one of thequotes no one's gonna say, my
brand didn't work because of thestrip. Distributors. Yeah, no
one's gonna say that. Yeah,right. And I think a lot of
like, women, of course, wealways do a big but I think men,
(02:30):
I think it's the aspect ofseeing how big you do it. And I
do think that there's thismisconception about where you
came from, right? Like, I think.And you know what it is, I think
a lot of times people seeindividuals who carry themselves
well, and they're like, Well,let me, let me go look at their
CV. I'm sure you got a hub, butin there I'm sure, I'm sure they
started this billion with somemillion dollar loan. They don't
(02:52):
think that. They don't expect tohave someone who was given an
ultimatum at 15, shape up orship out. And you said, Well,
I'm gonna ship out. I'm gonna dothat. They don't think to get
someone who made it a point tolike you. You mentioned it's a
club Covenant House, and you hadto go out and you either go to
school or you go to or you finda job and you came back one day.
(03:13):
Yeah, or is that not COVIDhouse? I was it is Covenant
House, and it was the very firstday that I was there. That was
my third home. My third and lasthomeless shelter was exactly
yeah. And you said, this is oneof the moments when you realized
you were different becausepeople were you guys had to look
for jobs. You got to go out lookfor jobs. And everyone's talking
about like, man, it's just soit's just so hard, I can't find
(03:34):
anything. And how many, how manyjobs did you come back with?
Phone Weaver, four, four, yeah,and
three of them, by the way,
and you just sitting here, like,I don't have these kind of
problems. I actually gotmultiple
times, you know, a CovenantHouse, you do this night fire
(03:55):
thing, you sit around acampfire, and that's how you
connect and you talk, and that'swhat they did. Then I recently
went to visit the one in in inAtlanta, and they have a
campfire. And I was like, Oh, Iremember that I was at the one
in Hollywood, California, but,but still, everybody was
lamenting about that, and Ididn't have that issue. But
here's the thing, I dropped outof high school, but I never
(04:17):
stopped reading, so my teacherbecame books to this day, when
people ask me to be theirmentor, I say, you don't need
me. Every American Titan, everysingle one has written their
blueprint before they died, orsomebody did it after they died.
Pick up a book, and now wereally have no excuse with AI,
(04:37):
because AI will just like, giveyou the synopsis. Tell me
exactly how John D Rockefellerbuilt his business. Every
challenge, yeah, every success.What mistakes did he make? And
AI takes him three seconds totell you how JD Rockefeller did
it. I didn't have that benefit.I had to read a whole book on
how JD Rockefeller did it. But Iam, I am truly self taught.
(05:00):
When I went back to school andgraduated perfect GPA, summa cum
laude, University of Alabama,roll tied for anybody that's out
there. But the reality is thatwas 30 years later, and an
entire semester, they let meargue for the credits that all
of the courses that I would betaking in that semester I could
teach,
(05:21):
and I argued and got all 30credits. Hey, everyone, just a
reminder that mind, your mentalis not just a podcast. It is
also a amazing community. If Ido say so myself, it's
phenomenal. I mean, you get moreaccess to me. What more could
you want in this life? So if youwant to join the community, if
you're not already on thecommunity. Go to my social
(05:42):
media. My social media is thesame Raquel Martin, PhD, and DM
me the word community, so youcan get details on joining this
amazing, flipping community. Youget more access to me. Y'all
like,
I'm a delight. All right. Allright. Hope to see you there. So
what do you think in terms ofwhenever? Okay, I have this as a
psychologist, and I used to dosignificant amount of
(06:05):
assessments, and I could look atsomeone's assessment, like,
three days of testing, be like,Oh, this person's an artist.
This person is like, you know,I've always felt that, like the
geniuses of the world, there's areason why, most of the time
they get written off, becauseyou have to think differently to
be an artist. You have to beable to be able to create
something out of nothing. To bean entrepreneur, you got to be
okay going it alone. Yes. Haveyou found that to be
(06:30):
isolating at times? Like, haveyou how have you dealt with
that as a person? Because inorder to go forward, you have to
tell a lot of people, they haveto look at you crazy a lot and
be like, we're doing it, yeah,and they had to be willing to
follow and lead. And that can beisolating at times. So I as an
introvert, I wish people wouldlet me isolate.
(06:54):
So to be
clear, I was one of those peoplein coming out of COVID going no
zoom is perfect. Why do we haveto go back to in person
meetings? We could see eachother. We can hug like, you
know? And so, yeah, no. So forme, isolation doesn't mean the
same thing. And I think thatwhat people when they're
(07:15):
generalizing, they forget thatmore than 50% of the world are
introverts. We're happy to beisolated, not to say that we
don't. We don't need to havecommunity. We do, but we choose
our community wisely. We choosecommunity. Yes, that doesn't
drain us. And so the people thatI've chosen, they give me life.
But when it comes to feelingisolated, I've never felt
(07:38):
isolated. What I will say is thehigher you go, the thinner the
oxygen is, and there's lesspeople that know how to breathe
in that oxygen. And so you haveto be really careful about
having conversations when peopleare second guessing you from a
lower oxygen level, because theycan breathe, and you're having
(08:00):
to do the same thing. So it'slike the when you are when you
have Olympians that aremarathoners, they will go up
into the mountains and train, orthey'll wear those masks that
pull out some of the oxygen toemulate what it is like to be
running in the mountains. Thereason why you do that is, is
because if you can do it at thatlevel, then when you're at sea
(08:23):
level, you're gonna smokeeverybody who hasn't learned to
be able to run at such a highlevel. And so that that is the
place where I don't consider itisolating again, because I'm an
introvert, but what I dorecognize is is going back and
forth with people that don'tunderstand what you're doing
(08:44):
makes no sense. All you reallyhave to do is to prove over and
over again that in the end, thedecision you made, it wasn't
understood, but it was right.And once you prove that a number
of times, what happens with yourteam is they look at it and go,
I don't know what she's doing,but I trust her, because I've
(09:05):
seen her do this 10 other timesExactly. Yeah, I love that. I
always tell people I love totravel, but two places, I'm not
going this back and forth withyou. Okay, so this is not it's
not gonna be a thing. It's notgonna be a thing, honey.
No, it doesn't involve aCenturion lounge. I'm not going,
honey. No, thank you.
(09:29):
I totally get that, and I reallyappreciate you mention that as
an aspect of like, introverts,because as psychologists, a lot
of times people will, I'll seethese articles, and people will
be like, Oh, how to be lessintroverted. And I'm like, it's
so interesting, the way y'alleven framed that, because I've
never seen an article that saysextroverts. Have you ever
thought about ways to makeintroverts feel more
comfortable? It's all in theframing.
(09:50):
Look at all of the offices thatpopped up before COVID. It were
these offices in which peopledidn't have walls, and they're
like, oh my gosh, this will makepeople.
Collaborative. I'm like, Yeah,50% of them, the other 50%
you're going to slow them down,because that's not the way we
work. So I'm in my home officeright now my distillery. I have
(10:11):
an office at the distillery thatis four times as big as my
office at home, and I go to thatdistiller to there when I have
meetings, because otherwise itslows me down every time someone
pops in to say hello. For anintrovert, that gives energy for
me when they pop in to say helloand see how things were going,
(10:33):
that small talk, it absolutelyis draining for me, because I'm
not wired to small talk. And thebeautiful thing is, is most
people who have been with me fora while, they know fawns not
wire for small talk, even if youif you scroll through my social
media feed, people are alwayslike, Oh my gosh, you're almost
always dropping gems. Yes,because I don't waste my voice,
(10:54):
I don't waste my breath. If I'mgoing to say something, it's
going to mean something. And soI personally don't understand
small talk, and so we are asociety that is trying to create
extroversion in everybody, and50% of us. By the way, the
majority of the people at thetop of the Forbes list are
introverts. You've always beenin that realm. I've found that,
(11:18):
like some of my colleagues, whodo more speaking than they used
to. Like, if we're coming fromout of academia, they've
actually converted a bit. It's,it's the more that they do these
events, the less they're like,Yeah, I know I used to go to
cocktail parties every week, butI do three speaking events a
month minimum. I don't even wantto leave the house if I'm not
doing it for work. Like I'veI've noticed a conversion of
people who have to be in apublic space so much, who have
(11:40):
to be in camera. So much beinglike, Okay, we'll do this for
work, but if I'm not on theclock, don't call me okay. Like,
I want to be in my bubble.
But the thing is, and I'munapologetic about it, like
there are, I have a really goodfriends that are up in
Nashville. We've been trying toget together forever. And
finally I said, Listen, theissue is is I'm traveling every
(12:05):
single day of the week, for themost part. When I come home on
Saturdays, that's when I'mgetting caught up on emails and
slacks and all the things thatweren't time sensitive that I
didn't get to during the week.So when I get to Sunday, and
it's the Sabbath, I'm notinterested in leaving. I want to
be in my VJs, in my ropes. So ifyou'll come to my house
(12:25):
and I'm not getting dressed,putting on makeup, and I'm gonna
be in my pajamas, we can have ablast. And and by the way, I am
not cooking, I am going to orderin and so what we have to do
better as introverts is creatinga world that allows us to
thrive. Extroverts have donethat from the beginning of
America. We now need to bebetter about doing that for
(12:46):
ourselves and helping extrovertsto understand what brings us
joy. We haven't done that wellbefore, and so I do that really,
really well, and everybodyaround me knows I'm an
introvert, and but that doesn'tmean I don't love people. It
doesn't mean that I don't lovebeing around people I absolutely
do. The best way I can describeit, though, is I'm essentially a
(13:07):
Tesla. When I get to the end ofthat day, I gotta be plugged up
or I'm not running the next day.Yeah, it doesn't mean that I
don't like to be out and about.It doesn't mean that I'm not an
efficient car. It means that Ihave a time frame in which I can
expend energy before it's gone.
Yeah, I very much. For thelongest I, you know, I've always
(13:28):
thrived on, like, a small set offriends out for the East Coast.
We have trust issues, and that'sjust what it is, right? So,
like, we really do, like,
what is it about New Yorkers? Itis like, but you could be
walking somewhere, somebody wastrying to cozy up to you, and
it's because they about to robyou. You see what I'm saying. So
you really, you can't be I'm notlike, I was very much like, what
(13:51):
you trying to have aconversation for what's going
on? Did you have a question?What's to answer your question?
But like, you need to take astep back, because I feel like
you're trying to Jack me. It'sjust very much. I'm married. I'm
married. I'm in Nashvillebecause my husband's from
Nashville. Yeah, I married alocal. Anytime I meet somebody
here, they're like, I don't you,you're not from here, are you?
You're super loud, you talksuper fast, and you seem like
(14:11):
you say pretty much everything Ido. Life's too short. What like,
you know? So it's very adifferent mindset. But I when
I've always had a closer circlewith friends when I started
going into psychology and doingthese events and stuff like
that. I'm very good at theevents, and my friends are
always like you. It's so funny.You good at these events, but
you always say you don't likemeet new people. You're a people
(14:32):
person, but how? And my thinghas always been, I like my
people, right? And when you havesuch a good group around you, I
just never seen the purpose ofmeeting, and it's a terrible I
just never saw the purpose ofbeing like, Oh, I got five
really good friends. I don't Ithink I'm good for the rest of
my life, but I've never felt aneed to add, yeah, so I love
(14:52):
everybody. I don't really have aMy people I love I love
everybody. I love meetingpeople. I love being around
people that don't.
Look like me. Don't think likeme. Different backgrounds like
that. To me, I absolutely lovebut again, I gotta then come
home and plug in my car. Yeah,that's just so it's, it's not a
different bite. But also, I havefive siblings, and so I never,
(15:16):
I've never sought outfriendships, because that's
enough. That's enough. Like wehave a great my siblings and I
have a great relationship. Welove hanging out together. If
you ever want to eat a really,really, really good meal, come
around these Wilson kids,because we eat the whole time.
It's like a part of our
like, if we are saying, Hey, youall want to get together, that
(15:40):
is the equivalent of saying,What are we eating? Like that,
yeah. But we know, we know thatabout each other, right? And and
so we we're able to speak ashorthand that doesn't need to
be explained. And so that's whoI'm usually if I'm talking to
hanging with is my family. Buteven then, we're on text 95% of
(16:01):
the time, and that's just andthat works for both my
extroverted siblings and myintroverted siblings. Although
my introverted sibling, there'sbasically two of us and three
extroverts and the otherintrovert, she puts us on mute.
Listen.
Some people will be like,they'll be like, can I text you?
(16:23):
And I'm like, well, let's do agroup me, because I can mute
that. I like they update theiPhones. But you didn't used to
be able to mute these groupmessages, and I would just be
like, is everything okay? Yousent me five messages at 6am Are
you safe? Don't do this like
my sister Tracy, she muted theshe muted the group permanently.
(16:44):
And so she only pops in when shewants to, because when we start
going back and forth aboutsomething, it could be funny
like yesterday. Christy joy, mylittle sister says she's got
five kids, and they allbasically look like her husband.
They'll come out looking likeher, but they will switch. So
she sends all of five of herkids photos with each one, with
(17:04):
her baby pic next to him. Andshe says, In case you're
wondering what I'm doing thismorning, I'm trying to see if
any of my kids still look likeme. So that chain was back and
forth, and we're laughing andgoing, Nope, you lost that one.
Nope, you lost that one. Youlost it. Tracy, meanwhile, is
like, Y'all muted. I ain't seennone of this.
No, I thought I totally get it.I very much. I call the myself
(17:27):
who's just like, oh, there's nopoint in, like, engaging with
people, my toddler self, and nowI'm like, as an adult, grow up,
you know, like, very one of thereasons why my favorite patients
used to be angry teens, and I'mjust like, oh, because that was
me. Like, if you weren't assomeone who read books, I would
just be like, this is a boringconversation, so I'm gonna go
back to my books I don't enjoy,I don't enjoy this, and this
(17:48):
will just be like, Yeah, I don'twant to do this anymore, but
that's very much my toddler. Soit's interesting. You mentioned
social media because I don'tknow if you know, but one of
your clips is going a little, alittle viral. You the one with
Jordan, yeah, the one withJordan talking about not
believing imposter syndrome. AndI stitched it, and I was like,
(18:09):
There's no such thing asimposter syndrome. Jordan. I
want y'all to understand this.Oh, Morgan. Morgan, Morgan,
Morgan. Devon, yeah, okay, yeah,Morgan. I'm sorry. Okay, please,
when I see you at brunch, do notcuss me out. I am so sorry.
She lives in Nashville, too. Soof course,
I was like, you know, as apsychologist, I want you to
understand it doesn't exist. Iwant I said, I've never met a
black person who's had impostersyndrome. I've never met a black
(18:31):
woman, black man, black person.Yeah, what I have had people
have is a justified reaction toan oppressive environment. So
how are you gonna react to thatoppressive environment, right?
Like, are you going to be? Like,oh, they're asking. Why are you
here? Where else would I be?Where else am I supposed to be?
Yeah, I'm supposed to be whereI'm at. So when people mention,
like, imposter syndrome, I'mjust like, well, the way they do
that is, like, if it's impostersyndrome, I need to work on
(18:53):
myself. But if it's a justifiedreaction to an oppressive
relation, an oppressiveenvironment, you're like, Oh,
this isn't a me problem. This isa them problem. And I need to
get out. I don't need to be andI need to get out. Get out or
burn it down and build my ownYeah, but that's what you need
to do. You want to be in thatyou feel called to be in, that
you know is helpful for you tobe in and be uncomfortable in
(19:14):
that space. Absolutely not,yeah, and that so many people
remember when WebMD came out,and people would just start
throwing stuff in there, andthey'd be diagnosing themselves.
That's what I listen I'mhappening with imposter
syndrome. Is it syndrome?Looking for people and and and,
and people are finding it.Because everybody is saying, I
(19:35):
really gotta work on thisimposter syndrome. No, you
don't. It's not a thing. Yeah, Iknow women D, they very much
will be like, Oh, you're, you'regonna have a, you have a stomach
ache, and it's gonna be yourlast, it's your last stomach
ache, because I hate to be theone to tell you, girl, but you
got an ulcer that's about toerupt. And it's like, wait,
(19:56):
wait, a
pet.
So they'd be like, No, that'sgonna be your last stomach. It
could be like, it's the end.Yeah, no, I don't believe in it.
And I think a lot of the reasonwhy a lot of times, a lot of
people have been commenting andlooking at it just being like,
I've never heard a psychologistsay they don't believe in a
syndrome. I was like, becauseit's not a syndrome. People
don't realize that the researchon imposter syndrome as a
(20:18):
phenomenon was done by twoEuropean American psychologists
who were researching middle andupper class European American
women and why they didn't feellike they belonged in their work
environment. Does any of thatfit the people that they always
trying to say have impostersyndrome? Yeah. So if the
science did, it wasn't based onus, why are we applying it to
us? Well And and, and more andmore importantly, it was so
(20:39):
limited in scope. And so you'renow taking on something that was
so limited in scope period, noteven just in the group of people
that it was. I mean, this is nota this is not a study that's
been vetted, and I just thinkit's a bunch of nonsense. And so
(21:00):
I say it.
Well, yeah, you should. I alsothought it's a bunch of
nonsense, and I and I said,agree, because sometimes we
have, sometimes we forget. Oneof the things that I gravitated
towards when with your story andtalking about why you decided to
look into uncle nearest in thefirst place, I wrote it down
because you said, if this wasanother story where it was the
(21:22):
fact that we were being takenadvantage of or we weren't
treated right, I wouldn't havebeen interested in it, not at
all. But that's not what thisstory was. Can you share more
about that? Absolutely. So thestory at the time that I I saw
it and first read about it wasthe same time everybody else
did. It was the cover of The NewYork Times International here in
(21:42):
the US, it was on the cover ofThe New York Times food section,
and the headline was, JackDaniels embraces a secret
ingredient help from a slave.And you had this photo of Jack
Daniel which all of us know whathe looks like, whether or not we
drink Jack, we know what helooks like. People around the
world knows what he looks like.So the question was, who's this
(22:02):
African American to hisimmediate right? How did that
person get such a prominentposition in the only known photo
that Jack has ever taken withother people? And so for
whatever reason, we as aculture, really, it started on
Black Twitter very quickly,determined. And when I say
within hours, I mean hours, veryquickly, determined, without any
(22:24):
research done whatsoever, thatJack Daniel was a slave owner.
He stole the recipe, he hid theslave, and I saw it, and thought
this photo was either taken atin the 19th century or the top
of the 20th century, if a famouswhite man, which he was already,
at that time, not famous aroundthe world like he is now, but
certainly where he was located.If a famous white man chose to
(22:47):
put an African American man tohis immediate right, he was not
trying to erase that person. Hewas making a statement. So I
wanted to know what thatstatement was, and began diving
into it. And the more I learned,the more I was convinced that
Jack Daniel was quite possiblythe first business ally that we
know of.
(23:08):
Yeah, especially since youmentioned you had to, you got
the full photo. And when youzoom out, what's the difference
in the in the full photo versusthe one that most people see? Is
it seated the center position ofthe entire photograph to the
African American Jack is offcenter. The center of the photo
is George Green, nearest greensun,
exactly like that's and it's theframing of it, right? Because
(23:30):
just simply by cropping and it'slike, oh, it's to their right.
You zoom on it's like, noactually, dead center. Dead
Center. Where do we put the mostimportant piece, if we taking a
picture with grandma or greatgrandma that we want to keep
forever at Thanksgiving, wheredo we make sure? Where do we
make sure they are and they'rein the dead center? Because
every time
so so what it said to me was,Jack wasn't trying to hide him.
(23:52):
He was trying to make sureAmerica would never be able to
erase him. And so then myquestion became, if Jack didn't
want him erased, that means hewas very significant. So I want
to know the significance. That'swhat drew me into the story.
Yeah. And I really appreciatethat. I also appreciate the when
you mentioned, like, the aspectof erasure, it brought me back
to one of your advocacy when,when I when I want to learn
(24:13):
about people, I not only readthe things that they've written,
which I really always appreciatewhen y'all write your own books,
because when you write yourbook, so I can just be like,
Okay, I start with the book,yeah. So before I ask for a
guest, I start with I'ma startwith the book. But also, like
the interviews is you, you arejust you go into detail about so
many different aspects. But whenyou mentioned erasure, it
brought me back to one of yourinterviews, and the top you were
(24:34):
talking about charcoal, yeah,and the process when it comes to
whiskey, and the filteringprocess. But then you also
brought it back to, there's acycle when it comes, when I
think of charcoal, I also thinkabout my suicide attempts, yeah.
And you mentioned because theyalso had to use charcoal. I
think you said in your secondattempt, yeah. And I was just
(24:55):
like, the way,
the way you framed that, likethe the fact.
That you mentioned this as beinga mission, the fact that you
state that the reason why thisis amazing, and what's your
secret ingredient, you alwayssay, God, but your ability to
kind of, like, put this cycle ofjust being like. When I think of
the charcoal, I not only thinkabout it in terms of we, we need
this to make the whiskey, but Ialso think about the aspect of
(25:15):
like, when I realized that I hada purpose on being on this
earth, yeah, and that was duringthis this second attempt,
absolutely well, what? What wasbeing filtered out of my
stomach? What was used to filterout the impurities in my stomach
is the same thing that we use tofilter out the impurities in
whiskey. So that's why peoplewill be sitting on and tipping
on Uncle nearest all night andwake up the next morning and not
(25:37):
have a headache. Is becausewe've removed those things that
would give a person a headache.Now you add sugar to it, you add
carbonation to it. All bets areoff. But if you're just sipping
on Uncle nurse and you and youand you're not going overboard
to a place where you'redehydrating yourself, it has no
impact in that regard. And andthat's the reason why. And so I
(25:59):
will say this is the beautyabout having a really, really
great editor of a book, is she'sactually a person who who pulled
that out. I didn't, I never putthe two and two together. And I
remember going back and readingit for edits and going, Oh,
that's profound. I but I'm notthe one who made that
connection. She did.
It is amazing because you, youstated that, like you decided,
(26:22):
if I, if this, can't take meout, nobody can. I'm meant to be
nobody, nobody, right now. Imean, what I what I'm doing,
like, right? I thought you weretalking I've had a few things go
viral in the last few weeks, andand one of them is this tequila
takedown I'm doing because mostof the tequilas we drink in
America, people think it'sclean. They think that, you
know, their 1942 is is top toptier, which is what I thought,
(26:45):
or their class of soul is toptier. So it's had all of the the
the fat, the sugar, the carbs,all that stuff distilled out,
which is what is supposed tohappen. And most of us don't
realize when we're buyingsomething that says 100% blue
agave. Blue Weber agave, thatfor many of the of the most
popular brands, yes, theydistilled out the sugar, but
(27:08):
then on the other side of it,they went back in and put Agave
back in, like, the same stuff webuy from Whole Foods. It's sugar
and and I don't have an issuewith it, if I knew that's what I
was consuming. And so I damn youknow tequila, take down three
parts. The third part is goingup as soon as soon as you and I
get off of this and, and, butthe first two went viral. And, I
(27:28):
mean, folks in the agavecommunity, mad, mad, that's it,
y'all that you can't become thenumber one spirit in America and
not tell us that we're consumingsomething with additives and
sugar. It's cool if we choosethat, but we should be we should
have the option. We should knowwhat we're consuming. So there,
(27:48):
in that regard, all of a sudden,everybody around me is, like,
scared because of the cartel andand how you know much
involvement there is there, andthe the Mexican tequila
government, and how strong armthey are and
and this is, this goes back tomy thing. I said, Listen, if
they want to get to me, they'regoing to have to go through guns
(28:10):
in Georgia, guns in Alabama,guns in Tennessee, sharp
shooters on my own property. Andif they can go through all
three, they still gotta getthrough God to get to me. And
that's just my mentality. Soeverybody was really afraid when
I started this series that harm,physical harm, could come to me.
And I was like, Y'all, can't,you can't hurt me without going
(28:32):
through God. And I don't knowthat I would have that level of
strength without having tried totake myself out twice and been
like, oh crap God, don't is noteven letting me take me out. So
he certainly isn't going to letsomebody else take me out. Do
you think that mindset isnecessary to in the decision to
(28:53):
become an entrepreneur anyway?Because one of the clips I saw
you share was just the factthat, like, don't go in
entrepreneurship without astrong SWOT analysis. If you if
you don't look at this businessplan and want to talk yourself
out five times, don't do it,yep, and it's absolutely it's
absolutely accurate. Because Idon't care how amazing the
business is that you want to gointo, you are going to run into
(29:14):
so many surprises, so manychallenges that can knock you
off your game that can end yourcompany if you don't keep going.
And for us, as black women, weare the number one group
starting businesses, but we'realso the number one group
failing at business. And a partof that is not having the
(29:37):
business plans with the SWOTanalysis, just jumping in and
going, I have a good idea. I'mgoing to go for it and not doing
the planning. Another part ofthat is, is that if you, if your
life has shown that you're thequitting kind,
entrepreneurialism is not foryou, because there are going to
be so many things on a dailybasis that are going to cause
(29:59):
you to want to quit.
So unless you have that in yourbody, to not that not quit bone,
if you don't have a not quitbone, you need to work for
somebody else.
I also think there's that thethought process of, like, I want
this to be my legacy, like Iwant my name to be out there.
And you mentioned that if nobodyremembers fawn Weaver, in two,
(30:21):
three decades. I don't care atall. So, you know, one of the
things I've discovered is a lotof a lot of people make really
bad decision, because they'reliving for their obituary.
They're living for what peoplewill say when they're gone. And
instead, and by the way, itspeeds up their timeline,
instead of just saying, You knowwhat, however, the Lord opens
(30:43):
the doors, whatever he decidesis for me, is for me, this, this
amazing pathway that he'screated for me, I'm going to
make the decision to choose thedirection that he wants to go
in. What ends up happening is,if you're living for your
legacy, you short change that,because you don't know how long
that's going to take. And sothen you start forcing things.
And for me, I literally, whenI'm gone,
(31:07):
I do not care if the name fauneWeaver is remembered at all. And
there's an enormous freedom tothat that I have found a lot of
a lot of entrepreneurs, a lot ofpeople in this oxygen level they
don't have. I was literally justspeaking to a group of there
were about 100 people. And I go,and I'm paid to speak to people
(31:32):
all over this country and, well,really all over the world, but
this particular group, 100people, $160 billion in that
room,
and the question they had for me
was, how do they find purpose?Because that's what you lead
with. You know, that's thatthat, like the underlying thing
of all your interviews and allyour stories is like, Oh, this
(31:54):
is what I was called to do.Yeah,
everything you do in everyseason when you are aligned with
what you were called to do inthat season, you're in your
purpose, because you are yourpurpose, the the challenge, and
you see it all the time, andit's probably a lot harder for
you, because you got to peelback all these layers. But most
people in life show up asrepresentatives of themselves.
(32:18):
Oh, masking, uh huh. You can'tbe a rep for yourself and be in
your purpose. Your purpose isattached to you, personally,
authentically. You literallycannot be in your purpose and be
a rep of yourself. And so Ialways try to get people, if you
do nothing else, peel back tobeing who you were created to be
(32:38):
authentically, because that isyour purpose, and then being in
every season, being where you'resupposed to be, and doing what
you're supposed to do in thatseason. And how do you know what
that thing is that you'resupposed to do? That thing will
come knocking on your door, ifyou are you, if you are
authentic, and it will connectwith the for me, I always tell
(33:00):
people, I'm I'm falling sevenyears old. Realized that child
who refused to read non fictionbooks because all she wanted to
read was every every page of theEncyclopedia Britannica that is
me to this day. You are notgoing to get me riled up on
social media about something youdidn't do research on. Everybody
is up in arms, a Mad, Mad, Mad,Mad, and I'm going to go and do
(33:24):
my own research and decide tobypass that conversation
altogether. Why? Because thatseven year old Fauci she got a
whole thing of EncyclopediaBritannica. Remember at that
time, I'm almost 50 years old,so at that time, the
encyclopedia people were comingdoor to door to sell them. Oh,
(33:44):
if you remember the letters,there was so much they'd be
split into two. So it'd be like,it'd be like, SM, through, you
know, sn, through the type ofthing. And so I, I would get
lost in Encyclopedia Britannica,and I only wanted to spend my
time on things that were nonfiction. I believe that that has
(34:07):
greatly benefited me in my life.
Do you think that authenticityis more difficult for
individuals in the blackpopulation who have to deal with
this realm of likerespectability politics, because
your story about how you'resharing about how you had to
answer the the phone. It's abeautiful day at the Wilson
residence. Well, when I was akid, and I didn't do that very
long, yeah, yeah, I didn't. Youdidn't do that very long. And
(34:29):
you mentioned the fact that thefirst thing you said was, what?
What if it wasn't a beautifulday? Yeah. And why do I have to
say this? I wouldn't answer thephone, and so mom and dad would
be like, fawn, pick up thephone. No, because it's not a
beautiful day, and you want meto pick up the phone and say
it's a beautiful day. At theWilson house, beautiful day at
the Wilson household. And sothat I you know, I do believe
that me leaving home at 15 wasmy greatest blessing. I believe
(34:51):
that to this day, because aroundthe time that people would have
been so focused on molding me,i.
Moved into an environment wherepeople did not care about
molding me. They didn't careabout me enough to think about
molding me. And that was when Iwhen I moved to the hood where
you don't like the parents arenot trying to hoard over their
(35:13):
kids and all the rest of thatstuff. And so for me, I left a
beautiful, huge home inPasadena, California, and moved
to Jordan, downs and watts, andI felt so great with them,
roaches and my food stamps,where I could buy honey buns
every day, microwave them for 20seconds and it tasted like a
cinnamon roll like that. Feltcomfortable to me. Why? Because
(35:35):
I was insistent on being me,something that's not realized
when it comes to the blackcommunity a lot, right? Like
when you mention, how do youfind purpose? A lot of people,
they're calling up, freaking uprepresentation of themselves
that's masking that. Yeah, thewhole Oh say it's a good day,
even if it's not a good day,that's because black people are
taught respectability politics.It doesn't matter how you
feeling. We need to put offthis, this image of yourself.
(35:57):
And one of the things that youmentioned a lot, you're, you're
free and grace, is just beinglike this. I'm gonna be this is
who I am. This is who I am. Oflove. I come from a place of
grace and and so my wordsreflect that. But make no
mistake about it, you're gonnaknow how I feel, you're going to
know what I think, you're goingto know what I believe. And
(36:17):
that's the choice that I madevery early on, and I've never
wavered in that. What tips doyou have for individuals who
look like us, who feel as thoughthat's going to cost them their
job, if I if I become if I actthe way that I want to act, and
I actually share things, and Icritically think and I ask
questions, which are all aspectsof higher learning, guys. And
one of the reasons why I say mykids can go toe to toe with me
(36:37):
is if you're asking a questionthat's not being disrespectful,
that's not talking back, youshould ask questions. If you
can't ask questions, can't askquestions of me. How are you
going to ask questions of theworld when they do stupid stuff?
We've always done it this way.How are you going to build what
kind of messaging would you sayto these people? Like, well, I'm
going to lose my job if I dothat. I can't I can't just like,
that's disrespectful. Worktoward a company that embraces
that. There are plenty ofcompanies at this point in
(37:00):
America. It's what I love aboutGen Z Neil, they're like, we're
not gonna be fake for you, and
like we're not,
and if you try to force it,guess what? We're not showing
up.
Wait and I'm gonna quit onsocial
to you. You're going to learn onmy feed that I quit and so. So I
(37:26):
do think that this priorgeneration that boxed people in
are not going to do well withtheir companies if they continue
to so you might as well spendthe time instead of being
frustrated, do your work aspaying your bills, but also be
looking for the cultures in thecommunities that embrace you as
(37:46):
you are. As an African Americanguy who works for me in a market
that is majority AfricanAmerican, but there is still a
very large, wealthy whitepopulation, and I would watch
him shape shift, and I literallyhad to sit him down. And I said,
Don't do that. And he's like,Yeah, but they won't understand
me. Yes, they will show up asyou at all times. And if anybody
(38:10):
has an issue with that, keep itmoving. And I remember him
saying to me, because he likesto call me boss lady, and I
remember him saying to me, BossLady, you know, this isn't
anything I've ever heard in mycareer. It's going to take me a
second to be able to do this. Isaid, I'm okay with that, but I
need you to show up as you. Andthen when I I'm always with with
(38:30):
my team members their families.And so when his wife was around,
I was like, did he tell you? Itold him he need to stop being
somebody who he's not and showup as who he is. He's an
educated black man with amaster's degree from Morehouse.
Show up exactly who you are,with your culture, with your
background, allow people tolearn from you, but if you're
(38:53):
shape shifting into who they areor who they expect you to be,
they can never learn from you.And the way that we are going to
grow more in this country, inthis society, is we have to get
people they don't have torespect us. I don't care if you
respect me, but I do want you toactually understand who I am.
(39:15):
And I can't do that if I won'tshow you who I am.
And it also takes too muchenergy. One of the things my
husband says a lot is I, Iunderestimate other people's
processing speed when it comesto like, doing things. I was
like, Well, I think fast and Italk fast. And my friend, she
mentioned, she was like, Well,you don't really spend a lot of
energy with masking. And I don'tthink y'all realize, like,
(39:36):
creating these avatars ofyourself, that's taking energy,
absolutely it's taking energyfrom your brain. You're
wondering why you can't completethis task. You more so concerned
about like making sure your hairlooks appropriate, or making
sure you're saying a certainway, or making sure you look the
way that they want you to, whereyou could actually be critically
thinking a solution that willfix the issue that they complain
about in the first place. Idon't, I don't spend a lot of
time masking. I'm just like, I'mjust gonna, I'm gonna bring out.
(39:58):
We're gonna problem solve. We'regonna create.
Think, because my energy alwaysgoes directly to that. People
who think that it's really goingto help you grow in your
environment, you don't evenrealize your potential because
you're capping it, becauseyou're spending so much mental
energy, yep, saying, How am Igoing to Okay, so this is how I
think about the solution in mybrain. But how do I put it into
my my my translator to make itcome out the way I think they're
(40:19):
going to receive it. You put acap on everything. When you do
that, I'm able to process fast,because I really am just like,
oh, this is what came into myhead. This is how I process it.
This is how I'm gonna walkthrough it, right? And I'm able
to problem solve very, a lotfaster than most people for the
same reason, because where's myI'm not gonna translate. I'm
gonna be like, you understandwhat I'm saying? Yeah, cool.
Let's go with it. Let's Yeah,
(40:41):
this whole new thing of peoplesaying, so I hear what you're
saying is, and then they repeatback to you every I was like,
who taught that? Come on, y'all,who taught that? Why? Why do we
just teach people to waste time?Yeah, so, so, yes, I do think
that that over the years, we'vegotten information that isn't
the best for us, and if we justfocus on being authentically us.
(41:05):
But the key though is is comingfrom a kind place, a coming from
a place of kindness, from aplace of love, pull every fruit
of the Spirit in Galatians,coming from those places, then
your words, even if they hurtsomeone, that's not your
problem.
(41:26):
And that's it's, I think it'sthe best thing, because when you
mentioned coming from Galatians,I really like the fact that you
say some people will have aproblem with you, saying, you
know, I drink whiskey every day,and I'm also a God fearing
woman, and God is at thebackbone of this. And they're
like, Well, the Bible says notdrinking. No, the Bible talks
about drunkenness exactly. Iwill. I don't, don't go toe to
(41:46):
toe with me on the Bible. I
know that's
nobody will invite me to
come on. I'm like, show me theshow me the passage. I just want
to see it. I just want to seeit. Because just you don't even
have to show me multiples. Giveme one. Give me one, where it's
(42:08):
talking about drinking insteadof drunkenness, not the same
thing. Yeah. And then explain tome why God chose the first
miracle that he chose for Jesus.That wasn't just that he his
mother asked him to make winefor this wedding. That's the way
that we sell it in the church.No, his mother insisted that he
make wine for a wedding that hadrun out of the wine. And in
(42:33):
Galilee during that period oftime, running out of wine was
such an embarrassment, becauseyou'd have so much of it, and so
you never run out of wine atthat time in Galilee. So that
means that those people had tohave been drinking so much
so she wasn't asking them tomake wine for a party that was
(42:55):
dry, that people were sober.She's asking them to make wine
for people. And how do we knowthis? Because the bridegroom
comes to Jesus, or comes to theto the actual group, and says,
Most of most of these weddings,the people put out the good
stuff first, but you waiteduntil everybody had been
(43:15):
drinking to put out the goodstuff.
And I'm like, I'm sorry.
Let's rewind on this. So, yes,show me your scripture, which
doesn't exist. But can we justsit here for
my mom anytime? Because my dad,he drinks beers at times, and
he'll talk about my mom when shedrinks wine, and she'll be like,
(43:37):
Jesus turned water into wine. Mymom is a God fearing woman, yes,
okay. She said Jesus turnedwater into wine. Yeah, he
absolutely.
And tell her to add the line forpeople who had been drinking for
three days, you know, like, whatdo you you're not about to out
scripture her every time shejust like, okay, that's not
happening. I'm the same way. Idon't go to bed without having
(44:00):
read the Bible that day, someportion of it. And so, no,
don't, don't. Don't do that likesomeone. I did an interview with
someone recently, and they weretalking about the fact that
women, women want want love, andmen want respect. And I said,
Oh, yeah, so that ain't biblicaland and I said, Listen,
(44:21):
so let me, let me because,listen, we coming towards time.
So let me cannot get into themental implications of the
patriarchal thought process ofbeing like we don't want, we
don't want respect to because alot of times when I talk about
black love, and they're like,Well, you got to love the black
community. My black love is alsoaccountability. So don't expect
me to just blow smoke up yourbehind. I could be a
psychologist and also be like,No, that was wholeheartedly your
(44:42):
fault, and my black love isaccountability.
I was just, I was speaking tothe chief network yesterday in
DC, or two days ago, whenever Iwas there and and the the person
was asking me the question said,Yeah, I've heard you say,
because people always say, youknow, I'm not playing checkers.
I'm playing.
Chess, but you tell peopleyou're not playing chess, you
(45:03):
play and go and and so Iexplained to this audience of
women how patriarchal the gameof chess is. The game of chess
the nature is every piece on theboard is sacrificed to protect
the king, including the queen.So we grow up thinking the game
that we are supposed to bemastering is the game that
(45:25):
protects the king at ourexpense. I don't play chess. I
play Go. That's about expandingterritory. And so we have to
even change and question thethings that we did when we were
younger that we thought washelping us to become more
strategic, because then, whenwomen, when the queen is sitting
(45:46):
across, negotiating with theking, what is her instinct to
do? Protect the king? Why?Because we learned how to play
chess.
I love that. Well, I want to endon one, one thing, because, um,
I don't think that the and letme make sure my information is
correct. The spirits industry asa whole was based in, like, a
lot of it was back withillegalities, right, like the
(46:09):
mafia, right? Like, in terms ofduring Prohibition. So, during
Prohibition, right? Yeah, yeah.And there's still, there's very
much still residue of that.
The only way, the only reason Ibelieve God chose me for this
industry is, as my husband wouldsay, foreign you got hood
tendencies. And I listen, and Iliterally had conversations with
(46:33):
people, and I go, you don't wantto go toe to toe with me in the
boardroom. Why? Because I gothood tendencies.
I love that. Okay, so, andthat's why it's so important,
like, because, when youmentioned the tequila aspect and
you walking into these rooms, Idon't I think people see it as
just a business, but it's notjust a business. No, there's
very much residue about how thissystem had been run during
Prohibition, and there's stillaspects of that. Can you share
(46:54):
with everyone why tequila is whyare you doing this? Why the
aspect of thinking of tequilaand that takedown is so
important to your brand. Like,is there anything happening with
tequila that, like, why this?I'm not starting at tequila
ground. I have no desire. And Itell people, the reason I have
no desire is that I don'tbelieve if you, if you don't own
the land, I don't believe youown the brand. I believe, Oh,
(47:15):
that's the other thing I wantedto talk about. Okay, can you
talk about that
until you see me walking thegrounds of Jalisco and buying
agave, which is impossible todo, is to go into there, and
maybe down the road, that may bethe case, where I could go in
there and buy a distillery andand, but until that happens,
which I don't see that happeningin the next decade or so, until,
(47:36):
until that happens, you're notseeing a tequila coming from me.
The tequila takedown was verysimple. I had been drinking Don
Julio 1942 in class size, foryears, thinking that what I was
having was as pure as thebourbon I make was as pure as
Uncle nearest. And then Ilearned recently that not only
were they adding agave andglycerin and all the rest of
(47:58):
this stuff, which takes it frombeing what uncle nearest is, fat
free, gluten free, sugar free,carb free, it's that's what,
what in its purest state. That'swhat tequila is. That's what
vodka is, that's what, what,what bourbon is. And so I
learned that not only was I notdrinking pure tequila, but even
more importantly, is theirgoverning body had recently told
(48:22):
all additive free tequilas, theyweren't allowed to say they were
additive free. So they'reprotecting the big guys, the Don
Julio 1940 twos of the world.And they're protecting them at
the expense of the little guys,because the little guys, the
only differentiator that they'veever had to promote their
product is we're additive free.Now the governing body has said,
(48:42):
if you even claim to be additivefree, we will find you to next
year, like, and so I was like,Oh, y'all are trying to take
down the little guys. You can'ttouch me. So yeah, how about I'm
about to showcase all of theadded to free. So my takedown
wasn't a tequila as theindustry, it was a big tequila
(49:05):
that has been lying and sayingthat tequila was more pure than
bourbon.
Okay, so I'm gonna, I want toactually end on the own, the
land, own, the brand thing,because you also attribute. You
got the land first, first ofall, and there's so there's so
much serendipity, trademarksfirst, and and, yes, and the
online real estate first,because if you don't have any
(49:25):
online real estate, the URLs,the social media handles, you
don't own the brand. Yeah. Andthere's so much serendipity on
the fact that like being shownthe land, yeah, where you bought
everything, in terms of theperson who's that, the realtor
saying, you know, if you everdecide to do something with
this. I will come out ofretirement, yep, to to help you,
to make sure you get it right,because they were the descendant
(49:47):
of Jack Daniels. Yeah. Like, youcan't, you can't make that up,
but you mentioned, yeah, own theland, own the brand. Yeah, is
something that a lot ofcompanies black on.
Companies that are strugglingwith the liquor business. Like,
it's because you own your land,like, no matter what, it's
always going to
(50:08):
start there, can you see? And,yeah, it's not even just the
liquor business. Like, there's areally popular, well, I guess
you know this is across theboard, but you see it all the
times with restaurants, you'llhave a restaurant that has been
popular growing for a decade,two decades, and all of a sudden
they're closing. Why? Becausetheir landlord decided not to
(50:28):
renew their lease. So you justspent a full generation building
a business that you are nowclosing. But meanwhile, that
entire time that you've beenrenting from that landlord,
you've been increasing the valueof their property. That's what I
mean by that. That's myquestion. How would you apply
that to other individuals andentrepreneurs to understand that
(50:50):
that's you attribute your yoursuccess for so many things, but
you always say, just like youmentioned, I'm not going into
tequila until I can own theland. Yeah. How can people think
about as that is a way to eitherkeep going or stop until you can
own the land. Like, what doesthat look like in other
businesses? It may it may justbe digital. So, for instance,
people that are building theirtheir businesses on YouTube.
(51:15):
Let's take what's the gal'sname, Candace Owen. Is it
Candace Owen? Really, she's likea fire brand, like people love
her hate her African Oh yeah,and she's in Tennessee now too.
Yeah, is she really? Yeah, sheher, Well, I don't know. She
still has the show, but yeah,she she was in Tennessee. For
me, I didn't know that. So, yo,she does have a show, but
recently where she makes allthis money on her YouTube
(51:37):
videos, and YouTube decided todemonetize her platform, so now
she can't make any money there.This is what it means by this.
If your entire business is setup where you're having to go
through something you don't own,you don't own the brand. So if
you don't so if it's if you twocan take if YouTube goes down
(51:58):
and it takes your business, youdon't own it. If Instagram goes
down and it takes your business,you didn't own it. And so the
online real estate is, at thevery least, making sure people
that is where people can findyou. So if, if Instagram, I
mean, I'm on Instagram everyday, so much stuff, but if my
account on Instagram goes down,Uncle nears isn't going to lose
(52:21):
business, because I'm going tobe in the press every single day
talking about why Instagram tookme down, and
Uncle nears
people, you know what I mean?Yeah, and so that's what I mean
by. You gotta own the land,either it's whether it's online
real estate or physical realestate, whatever it is that if
(52:43):
somebody else makes a decisionto stop allowing you to do
something through theirplatform, and you can no longer
do business you didn't own it tobegin with. Yeah, social media
is renting your audience. Youneed an email list. You need to
purchase your URLs if they don'tallow you to do it on so if on
Instagram, be like, okay, buty'all know where my website is,
(53:04):
right? I be streaming live fromthe website from now on, because
you're not about to take thisfor
me, yeah. Well, thank you somuch for coming on the show,
father. We have so many amazingtidbits. I really wanted to
focus on, not only theentrepreneurship, but the fact
that, like you work in yourpurpose. I tell so many people
like, it's not about a job,because my purpose is to
(53:26):
increase the mental wealth ofthe black community. But I can
do that as a psychologist. I cando that as a speaker. I can do
that as an author. When youalign yourself with the purpose,
no matter what, yeah, you makesure your purpose is driving
what you're doing. If so manypeople are getting like, oh, I
want this job. Okay, whathappens if you lose that job?
Does that mean you have nopurpose? Well? But this goes
back to my belief that I don'tbelieve purpose has anything to
(53:48):
do with what you do. Purpose iswho you are, and everything that
you do is because you recognizewho you are.
So the purpose is you,
the purpose is you well. Thankyou so much for coming on the
show. Everyone remember to bekind to yourself. Two steps
forward and one step back isstill one step forward. That is
(54:09):
just math, and have it the restof your day.
Steve, Hello everyone, and welcome to Mind your mental
just a reminder that thispodcast is not meant to be a
substitute for a relationshipwith a licensed mental health
professional. I know they arehard to find, and I get that I
have a bunch of resources on mywebsite if you need them, but I
am not your clinician. I am apsychologist, but I am not your
(00:21):
psychologist. So if you need anyspecific help, please look for
the help of a licensed mentalhealth professional. Learn all
you can learn from the podcast.Enjoy the episode. So once
again, we have fawn Weaver. I'mgonna put the in front of that.
You know how like Ohio State,they say the Ohio State, I'm
gonna say the fawn Weaver, yeah,thank you. Um on this show. If
(00:42):
you don't know about her, you'reunder a rock. I'm not even gonna
waste time going over all thebio. Y'all got it ahead of time
read a book. It willspecifically Wait, wait, you
can read this one. I'll
be so grateful.
I'm
always telling people to readbooks anyway. Y'all always see
(01:03):
my books behind me. Here you go,and y'all see it was within
arm's reach. That's what I'msaying. Like, only the ones I
actually go back to are in armsreach. So, yeah, just putting
that out there, and so manywomen are buying it for their
their men, because it sayswhiskey. I said, y'all, you're
gonna have to couple the lovewith the whiskey. This is for
women and men equally and andit's been amazing to me, though
(01:27):
I will say about the responsefrom men is that almost every
man that has reached into meafter having read the book has
said they read it in two days,something that they had never
done with a book before. Sothere is something I will say in
the book that is calling to men,whatever that is I don't know,
that keeps them from being ableto put it down till they know
(01:49):
the end result of the story. Youknow what I think it is. I think
you're very much like a do a bigkind of person, right? When it
comes to your roll out. I'mgonna be everywhere. I'm
signing. I'm sorry we won't. Wedo 24 hours breaking records
when it comes to the rollout,and that's the roll out the
book. Let's talk about thewhiskey and saying, I want to be
in 50 states in two years, andeveryone be like, not gonna
(02:10):
happen. But it did, when it cameto being making sure that you
were in the forefront, butbecause you were always on the
plane, like you were at themeetings, like, it's like, no
one's gonna say was one of thequotes no one's gonna say, my
brand didn't work because of thestrip. Distributors. Yeah, no
one's gonna say that. Yeah,right. And I think a lot of
like, women, of course, wealways do a big but I think men,
(02:30):
I think it's the aspect ofseeing how big you do it. And I
do think that there's thismisconception about where you
came from, right? Like, I think.And you know what it is, I think
a lot of times people seeindividuals who carry themselves
well, and they're like, Well,let me, let me go look at their
CV. I'm sure you got a hub, butin there I'm sure, I'm sure they
started this billion with somemillion dollar loan. They don't
(02:52):
think that. They don't expect tohave someone who was given an
ultimatum at 15, shape up orship out. And you said, Well,
I'm gonna ship out. I'm gonna dothat. They don't think to get
someone who made it a point tolike you. You mentioned it's a
club Covenant House, and you hadto go out and you either go to
school or you go to or you finda job and you came back one day.
(03:13):
Yeah, or is that not COVIDhouse? I was it is Covenant
House, and it was the very firstday that I was there. That was
my third home. My third and lasthomeless shelter was exactly
yeah. And you said, this is oneof the moments when you realized
you were different becausepeople were you guys had to look
for jobs. You got to go out lookfor jobs. And everyone's talking
about like, man, it's just soit's just so hard, I can't find
(03:34):
anything. And how many, how manyjobs did you come back with?
Phone Weaver, four, four, yeah,and
three of them, by the way,
and you just sitting here, like,I don't have these kind of
problems. I actually gotmultiple
times, you know, a CovenantHouse, you do this night fire
(03:55):
thing, you sit around acampfire, and that's how you
connect and you talk, and that'swhat they did. Then I recently
went to visit the one in in inAtlanta, and they have a
campfire. And I was like, Oh, Iremember that I was at the one
in Hollywood, California, but,but still, everybody was
lamenting about that, and Ididn't have that issue. But
here's the thing, I dropped outof high school, but I never
(04:17):
stopped reading, so my teacherbecame books to this day, when
people ask me to be theirmentor, I say, you don't need
me. Every American Titan, everysingle one has written their
blueprint before they died, orsomebody did it after they died.
Pick up a book, and now wereally have no excuse with AI,
(04:37):
because AI will just like, giveyou the synopsis. Tell me
exactly how John D Rockefellerbuilt his business. Every
challenge, yeah, every success.What mistakes did he make? And
AI takes him three seconds totell you how JD Rockefeller did
it. I didn't have that benefit.I had to read a whole book on
how JD Rockefeller did it. But Iam, I am truly self taught.
(05:00):
When I went back to school andgraduated perfect GPA, summa cum
laude, University of Alabama,roll tied for anybody that's out
there. But the reality is thatwas 30 years later, and an
entire semester, they let meargue for the credits that all
of the courses that I would betaking in that semester I could
teach,
(05:21):
and I argued and got all 30credits. Hey, everyone, just a
reminder that mind, your mentalis not just a podcast. It is
also a amazing community. If Ido say so myself, it's
phenomenal. I mean, you get moreaccess to me. What more could
you want in this life? So if youwant to join the community, if
you're not already on thecommunity. Go to my social
(05:42):
media. My social media is thesame Raquel Martin, PhD, and DM
me the word community, so youcan get details on joining this
amazing, flipping community. Youget more access to me. Y'all
like,
I'm a delight. All right. Allright. Hope to see you there. So
what do you think in terms ofwhenever? Okay, I have this as a
psychologist, and I used to dosignificant amount of
(06:05):
assessments, and I could look atsomeone's assessment, like,
three days of testing, be like,Oh, this person's an artist.
This person is like, you know,I've always felt that, like the
geniuses of the world, there's areason why, most of the time
they get written off, becauseyou have to think differently to
be an artist. You have to beable to be able to create
something out of nothing. To bean entrepreneur, you got to be
okay going it alone. Yes. Haveyou found that to be
(06:30):
isolating at times? Like, haveyou how have you dealt with
that as a person? Because inorder to go forward, you have to
tell a lot of people, they haveto look at you crazy a lot and
be like, we're doing it, yeah,and they had to be willing to
follow and lead. And that can beisolating at times. So I as an
introvert, I wish people wouldlet me isolate.
(06:54):
So to be
clear, I was one of those peoplein coming out of COVID going no
zoom is perfect. Why do we haveto go back to in person
meetings? We could see eachother. We can hug like, you
know? And so, yeah, no. So forme, isolation doesn't mean the
same thing. And I think thatwhat people when they're
(07:15):
generalizing, they forget thatmore than 50% of the world are
introverts. We're happy to beisolated, not to say that we
don't. We don't need to havecommunity. We do, but we choose
our community wisely. We choosecommunity. Yes, that doesn't
drain us. And so the people thatI've chosen, they give me life.
But when it comes to feelingisolated, I've never felt
(07:38):
isolated. What I will say is thehigher you go, the thinner the
oxygen is, and there's lesspeople that know how to breathe
in that oxygen. And so you haveto be really careful about
having conversations when peopleare second guessing you from a
lower oxygen level, because theycan breathe, and you're having
(08:00):
to do the same thing. So it'slike the when you are when you
have Olympians that aremarathoners, they will go up
into the mountains and train, orthey'll wear those masks that
pull out some of the oxygen toemulate what it is like to be
running in the mountains. Thereason why you do that is, is
because if you can do it at thatlevel, then when you're at sea
(08:23):
level, you're gonna smokeeverybody who hasn't learned to
be able to run at such a highlevel. And so that that is the
place where I don't consider itisolating again, because I'm an
introvert, but what I dorecognize is is going back and
forth with people that don'tunderstand what you're doing
(08:44):
makes no sense. All you reallyhave to do is to prove over and
over again that in the end, thedecision you made, it wasn't
understood, but it was right.And once you prove that a number
of times, what happens with yourteam is they look at it and go,
I don't know what she's doing,but I trust her, because I've
(09:05):
seen her do this 10 other timesExactly. Yeah, I love that. I
always tell people I love totravel, but two places, I'm not
going this back and forth withyou. Okay, so this is not it's
not gonna be a thing. It's notgonna be a thing, honey.
No, it doesn't involve aCenturion lounge. I'm not going,
honey. No, thank you.
(09:29):
I totally get that, and I reallyappreciate you mention that as
an aspect of like, introverts,because as psychologists, a lot
of times people will, I'll seethese articles, and people will
be like, Oh, how to be lessintroverted. And I'm like, it's
so interesting, the way y'alleven framed that, because I've
never seen an article that saysextroverts. Have you ever
thought about ways to makeintroverts feel more
comfortable? It's all in theframing.
(09:50):
Look at all of the offices thatpopped up before COVID. It were
these offices in which peopledidn't have walls, and they're
like, oh my gosh, this will makepeople.
Collaborative. I'm like, Yeah,50% of them, the other 50%
you're going to slow them down,because that's not the way we
work. So I'm in my home officeright now my distillery. I have
(10:11):
an office at the distillery thatis four times as big as my
office at home, and I go to thatdistiller to there when I have
meetings, because otherwise itslows me down every time someone
pops in to say hello. For anintrovert, that gives energy for
me when they pop in to say helloand see how things were going,
(10:33):
that small talk, it absolutelyis draining for me, because I'm
not wired to small talk. And thebeautiful thing is, is most
people who have been with me fora while, they know fawns not
wire for small talk, even if youif you scroll through my social
media feed, people are alwayslike, Oh my gosh, you're almost
always dropping gems. Yes,because I don't waste my voice,
(10:54):
I don't waste my breath. If I'mgoing to say something, it's
going to mean something. And soI personally don't understand
small talk, and so we are asociety that is trying to create
extroversion in everybody, and50% of us. By the way, the
majority of the people at thetop of the Forbes list are
introverts. You've always beenin that realm. I've found that,
(11:18):
like some of my colleagues, whodo more speaking than they used
to. Like, if we're coming fromout of academia, they've
actually converted a bit. It's,it's the more that they do these
events, the less they're like,Yeah, I know I used to go to
cocktail parties every week, butI do three speaking events a
month minimum. I don't even wantto leave the house if I'm not
doing it for work. Like I'veI've noticed a conversion of
people who have to be in apublic space so much, who have
(11:40):
to be in camera. So much beinglike, Okay, we'll do this for
work, but if I'm not on theclock, don't call me okay. Like,
I want to be in my bubble.
But the thing is, and I'munapologetic about it, like
there are, I have a really goodfriends that are up in
Nashville. We've been trying toget together forever. And
finally I said, Listen, theissue is is I'm traveling every
(12:05):
single day of the week, for themost part. When I come home on
Saturdays, that's when I'mgetting caught up on emails and
slacks and all the things thatweren't time sensitive that I
didn't get to during the week.So when I get to Sunday, and
it's the Sabbath, I'm notinterested in leaving. I want to
be in my VJs, in my ropes. So ifyou'll come to my house
(12:25):
and I'm not getting dressed,putting on makeup, and I'm gonna
be in my pajamas, we can have ablast. And and by the way, I am
not cooking, I am going to orderin and so what we have to do
better as introverts is creatinga world that allows us to
thrive. Extroverts have donethat from the beginning of
America. We now need to bebetter about doing that for
(12:46):
ourselves and helping extrovertsto understand what brings us
joy. We haven't done that wellbefore, and so I do that really,
really well, and everybodyaround me knows I'm an
introvert, and but that doesn'tmean I don't love people. It
doesn't mean that I don't lovebeing around people I absolutely
do. The best way I can describeit, though, is I'm essentially a
(13:07):
Tesla. When I get to the end ofthat day, I gotta be plugged up
or I'm not running the next day.Yeah, it doesn't mean that I
don't like to be out and about.It doesn't mean that I'm not an
efficient car. It means that Ihave a time frame in which I can
expend energy before it's gone.
Yeah, I very much. For thelongest I, you know, I've always
(13:28):
thrived on, like, a small set offriends out for the East Coast.
We have trust issues, and that'sjust what it is, right? So,
like, we really do, like,
what is it about New Yorkers? Itis like, but you could be
walking somewhere, somebody wastrying to cozy up to you, and
it's because they about to robyou. You see what I'm saying. So
you really, you can't be I'm notlike, I was very much like, what
(13:51):
you trying to have aconversation for what's going
on? Did you have a question?What's to answer your question?
But like, you need to take astep back, because I feel like
you're trying to Jack me. It'sjust very much. I'm married. I'm
married. I'm in Nashvillebecause my husband's from
Nashville. Yeah, I married alocal. Anytime I meet somebody
here, they're like, I don't you,you're not from here, are you?
You're super loud, you talksuper fast, and you seem like
(14:11):
you say pretty much everything Ido. Life's too short. What like,
you know? So it's very adifferent mindset. But I when
I've always had a closer circlewith friends when I started
going into psychology and doingthese events and stuff like
that. I'm very good at theevents, and my friends are
always like you. It's so funny.You good at these events, but
you always say you don't likemeet new people. You're a people
(14:32):
person, but how? And my thinghas always been, I like my
people, right? And when you havesuch a good group around you, I
just never seen the purpose ofmeeting, and it's a terrible I
just never saw the purpose ofbeing like, Oh, I got five
really good friends. I don't Ithink I'm good for the rest of
my life, but I've never felt aneed to add, yeah, so I love
(14:52):
everybody. I don't really have aMy people I love I love
everybody. I love meetingpeople. I love being around
people that don't.
Look like me. Don't think likeme. Different backgrounds like
that. To me, I absolutely lovebut again, I gotta then come
home and plug in my car. Yeah,that's just so it's, it's not a
different bite. But also, I havefive siblings, and so I never,
(15:16):
I've never sought outfriendships, because that's
enough. That's enough. Like wehave a great my siblings and I
have a great relationship. Welove hanging out together. If
you ever want to eat a really,really, really good meal, come
around these Wilson kids,because we eat the whole time.
It's like a part of our
like, if we are saying, Hey, youall want to get together, that
(15:40):
is the equivalent of saying,What are we eating? Like that,
yeah. But we know, we know thatabout each other, right? And and
so we we're able to speak ashorthand that doesn't need to
be explained. And so that's whoI'm usually if I'm talking to
hanging with is my family. Buteven then, we're on text 95% of
(16:01):
the time, and that's just andthat works for both my
extroverted siblings and myintroverted siblings. Although
my introverted sibling, there'sbasically two of us and three
extroverts and the otherintrovert, she puts us on mute.
Listen.
Some people will be like,they'll be like, can I text you?
(16:23):
And I'm like, well, let's do agroup me, because I can mute
that. I like they update theiPhones. But you didn't used to
be able to mute these groupmessages, and I would just be
like, is everything okay? Yousent me five messages at 6am Are
you safe? Don't do this like
my sister Tracy, she muted theshe muted the group permanently.
(16:44):
And so she only pops in when shewants to, because when we start
going back and forth aboutsomething, it could be funny
like yesterday. Christy joy, mylittle sister says she's got
five kids, and they allbasically look like her husband.
They'll come out looking likeher, but they will switch. So
she sends all of five of herkids photos with each one, with
(17:04):
her baby pic next to him. Andshe says, In case you're
wondering what I'm doing thismorning, I'm trying to see if
any of my kids still look likeme. So that chain was back and
forth, and we're laughing andgoing, Nope, you lost that one.
Nope, you lost that one. Youlost it. Tracy, meanwhile, is
like, Y'all muted. I ain't seennone of this.
No, I thought I totally get it.I very much. I call the myself
(17:27):
who's just like, oh, there's nopoint in, like, engaging with
people, my toddler self, and nowI'm like, as an adult, grow up,
you know, like, very one of thereasons why my favorite patients
used to be angry teens, and I'mjust like, oh, because that was
me. Like, if you weren't assomeone who read books, I would
just be like, this is a boringconversation, so I'm gonna go
back to my books I don't enjoy,I don't enjoy this, and this
(17:48):
will just be like, Yeah, I don'twant to do this anymore, but
that's very much my toddler. Soit's interesting. You mentioned
social media because I don'tknow if you know, but one of
your clips is going a little, alittle viral. You the one with
Jordan, yeah, the one withJordan talking about not
believing imposter syndrome. AndI stitched it, and I was like,
(18:09):
There's no such thing asimposter syndrome. Jordan. I
want y'all to understand this.Oh, Morgan. Morgan, Morgan,
Morgan. Devon, yeah, okay, yeah,Morgan. I'm sorry. Okay, please,
when I see you at brunch, do notcuss me out. I am so sorry.
She lives in Nashville, too. Soof course,
I was like, you know, as apsychologist, I want you to
understand it doesn't exist. Iwant I said, I've never met a
black person who's had impostersyndrome. I've never met a black
(18:31):
woman, black man, black person.Yeah, what I have had people
have is a justified reaction toan oppressive environment. So
how are you gonna react to thatoppressive environment, right?
Like, are you going to be? Like,oh, they're asking. Why are you
here? Where else would I be?Where else am I supposed to be?
Yeah, I'm supposed to be whereI'm at. So when people mention,
like, imposter syndrome, I'mjust like, well, the way they do
that is, like, if it's impostersyndrome, I need to work on
(18:53):
myself. But if it's a justifiedreaction to an oppressive
relation, an oppressiveenvironment, you're like, Oh,
this isn't a me problem. This isa them problem. And I need to
get out. I don't need to be andI need to get out. Get out or
burn it down and build my ownYeah, but that's what you need
to do. You want to be in thatyou feel called to be in, that
you know is helpful for you tobe in and be uncomfortable in
(19:14):
that space. Absolutely not,yeah, and that so many people
remember when WebMD came out,and people would just start
throwing stuff in there, andthey'd be diagnosing themselves.
That's what I listen I'mhappening with imposter
syndrome. Is it syndrome?Looking for people and and and,
and people are finding it.Because everybody is saying, I
(19:35):
really gotta work on thisimposter syndrome. No, you
don't. It's not a thing. Yeah, Iknow women D, they very much
will be like, Oh, you're, you'regonna have a, you have a stomach
ache, and it's gonna be yourlast, it's your last stomach
ache, because I hate to be theone to tell you, girl, but you
got an ulcer that's about toerupt. And it's like, wait,
(19:56):
wait, a
pet.
So they'd be like, No, that'sgonna be your last stomach. It
could be like, it's the end.Yeah, no, I don't believe in it.
And I think a lot of the reasonwhy a lot of times, a lot of
people have been commenting andlooking at it just being like,
I've never heard a psychologistsay they don't believe in a
syndrome. I was like, becauseit's not a syndrome. People
don't realize that the researchon imposter syndrome as a
(20:18):
phenomenon was done by twoEuropean American psychologists
who were researching middle andupper class European American
women and why they didn't feellike they belonged in their work
environment. Does any of thatfit the people that they always
trying to say have impostersyndrome? Yeah. So if the
science did, it wasn't based onus, why are we applying it to
us? Well And and, and more andmore importantly, it was so
(20:39):
limited in scope. And so you'renow taking on something that was
so limited in scope period, noteven just in the group of people
that it was. I mean, this is nota this is not a study that's
been vetted, and I just thinkit's a bunch of nonsense. And so
(21:00):
I say it.
Well, yeah, you should. I alsothought it's a bunch of
nonsense, and I and I said,agree, because sometimes we
have, sometimes we forget. Oneof the things that I gravitated
towards when with your story andtalking about why you decided to
look into uncle nearest in thefirst place, I wrote it down
because you said, if this wasanother story where it was the
(21:22):
fact that we were being takenadvantage of or we weren't
treated right, I wouldn't havebeen interested in it, not at
all. But that's not what thisstory was. Can you share more
about that? Absolutely. So thestory at the time that I I saw
it and first read about it wasthe same time everybody else
did. It was the cover of The NewYork Times International here in
(21:42):
the US, it was on the cover ofThe New York Times food section,
and the headline was, JackDaniels embraces a secret
ingredient help from a slave.And you had this photo of Jack
Daniel which all of us know whathe looks like, whether or not we
drink Jack, we know what helooks like. People around the
world knows what he looks like.So the question was, who's this
(22:02):
African American to hisimmediate right? How did that
person get such a prominentposition in the only known photo
that Jack has ever taken withother people? And so for
whatever reason, we as aculture, really, it started on
Black Twitter very quickly,determined. And when I say
within hours, I mean hours, veryquickly, determined, without any
(22:24):
research done whatsoever, thatJack Daniel was a slave owner.
He stole the recipe, he hid theslave, and I saw it, and thought
this photo was either taken atin the 19th century or the top
of the 20th century, if a famouswhite man, which he was already,
at that time, not famous aroundthe world like he is now, but
certainly where he was located.If a famous white man chose to
(22:47):
put an African American man tohis immediate right, he was not
trying to erase that person. Hewas making a statement. So I
wanted to know what thatstatement was, and began diving
into it. And the more I learned,the more I was convinced that
Jack Daniel was quite possiblythe first business ally that we
know of.
(23:08):
Yeah, especially since youmentioned you had to, you got
the full photo. And when youzoom out, what's the difference
in the in the full photo versusthe one that most people see? Is
it seated the center position ofthe entire photograph to the
African American Jack is offcenter. The center of the photo
is George Green, nearest greensun,
exactly like that's and it's theframing of it, right? Because
(23:30):
just simply by cropping and it'slike, oh, it's to their right.
You zoom on it's like, noactually, dead center. Dead
Center. Where do we put the mostimportant piece, if we taking a
picture with grandma or greatgrandma that we want to keep
forever at Thanksgiving, wheredo we make sure? Where do we
make sure they are and they'rein the dead center? Because
every time
so so what it said to me was,Jack wasn't trying to hide him.
(23:52):
He was trying to make sureAmerica would never be able to
erase him. And so then myquestion became, if Jack didn't
want him erased, that means hewas very significant. So I want
to know the significance. That'swhat drew me into the story.
Yeah. And I really appreciatethat. I also appreciate the when
you mentioned, like, the aspectof erasure, it brought me back
to one of your advocacy when,when I when I want to learn
(24:13):
about people, I not only readthe things that they've written,
which I really always appreciatewhen y'all write your own books,
because when you write yourbook, so I can just be like,
Okay, I start with the book,yeah. So before I ask for a
guest, I start with I'ma startwith the book. But also, like
the interviews is you, you arejust you go into detail about so
many different aspects. But whenyou mentioned erasure, it
brought me back to one of yourinterviews, and the top you were
(24:34):
talking about charcoal, yeah,and the process when it comes to
whiskey, and the filteringprocess. But then you also
brought it back to, there's acycle when it comes, when I
think of charcoal, I also thinkabout my suicide attempts, yeah.
And you mentioned because theyalso had to use charcoal. I
think you said in your secondattempt, yeah. And I was just
(24:55):
like, the way,
the way you framed that, likethe the fact.
That you mentioned this as beinga mission, the fact that you
state that the reason why thisis amazing, and what's your
secret ingredient, you alwayssay, God, but your ability to
kind of, like, put this cycle ofjust being like. When I think of
the charcoal, I not only thinkabout it in terms of we, we need
this to make the whiskey, but Ialso think about the aspect of
(25:15):
like, when I realized that I hada purpose on being on this
earth, yeah, and that was duringthis this second attempt,
absolutely well, what? What wasbeing filtered out of my
stomach? What was used to filterout the impurities in my stomach
is the same thing that we use tofilter out the impurities in
whiskey. So that's why peoplewill be sitting on and tipping
on Uncle nearest all night andwake up the next morning and not
(25:37):
have a headache. Is becausewe've removed those things that
would give a person a headache.Now you add sugar to it, you add
carbonation to it. All bets areoff. But if you're just sipping
on Uncle nurse and you and youand you're not going overboard
to a place where you'redehydrating yourself, it has no
impact in that regard. And andthat's the reason why. And so I
(25:59):
will say this is the beautyabout having a really, really
great editor of a book, is she'sactually a person who who pulled
that out. I didn't, I never putthe two and two together. And I
remember going back and readingit for edits and going, Oh,
that's profound. I but I'm notthe one who made that
connection. She did.
It is amazing because you, youstated that, like you decided,
(26:22):
if I, if this, can't take meout, nobody can. I'm meant to be
nobody, nobody, right now. Imean, what I what I'm doing,
like, right? I thought you weretalking I've had a few things go
viral in the last few weeks, andand one of them is this tequila
takedown I'm doing because mostof the tequilas we drink in
America, people think it'sclean. They think that, you
know, their 1942 is is top toptier, which is what I thought,
(26:45):
or their class of soul is toptier. So it's had all of the the
the fat, the sugar, the carbs,all that stuff distilled out,
which is what is supposed tohappen. And most of us don't
realize when we're buyingsomething that says 100% blue
agave. Blue Weber agave, thatfor many of the of the most
popular brands, yes, theydistilled out the sugar, but
(27:08):
then on the other side of it,they went back in and put Agave
back in, like, the same stuff webuy from Whole Foods. It's sugar
and and I don't have an issuewith it, if I knew that's what I
was consuming. And so I damn youknow tequila, take down three
parts. The third part is goingup as soon as soon as you and I
get off of this and, and, butthe first two went viral. And, I
(27:28):
mean, folks in the agavecommunity, mad, mad, that's it,
y'all that you can't become thenumber one spirit in America and
not tell us that we're consumingsomething with additives and
sugar. It's cool if we choosethat, but we should be we should
have the option. We should knowwhat we're consuming. So there,
(27:48):
in that regard, all of a sudden,everybody around me is, like,
scared because of the cartel andand how you know much
involvement there is there, andthe the Mexican tequila
government, and how strong armthey are and
and this is, this goes back tomy thing. I said, Listen, if
they want to get to me, they'regoing to have to go through guns
(28:10):
in Georgia, guns in Alabama,guns in Tennessee, sharp
shooters on my own property. Andif they can go through all
three, they still gotta getthrough God to get to me. And
that's just my mentality. Soeverybody was really afraid when
I started this series that harm,physical harm, could come to me.
And I was like, Y'all, can't,you can't hurt me without going
(28:32):
through God. And I don't knowthat I would have that level of
strength without having tried totake myself out twice and been
like, oh crap God, don't is noteven letting me take me out. So
he certainly isn't going to letsomebody else take me out. Do
you think that mindset isnecessary to in the decision to
(28:53):
become an entrepreneur anyway?Because one of the clips I saw
you share was just the factthat, like, don't go in
entrepreneurship without astrong SWOT analysis. If you if
you don't look at this businessplan and want to talk yourself
out five times, don't do it,yep, and it's absolutely it's
absolutely accurate. Because Idon't care how amazing the
business is that you want to gointo, you are going to run into
(29:14):
so many surprises, so manychallenges that can knock you
off your game that can end yourcompany if you don't keep going.
And for us, as black women, weare the number one group
starting businesses, but we'realso the number one group
failing at business. And a partof that is not having the
(29:37):
business plans with the SWOTanalysis, just jumping in and
going, I have a good idea. I'mgoing to go for it and not doing
the planning. Another part ofthat is, is that if you, if your
life has shown that you're thequitting kind,
entrepreneurialism is not foryou, because there are going to
be so many things on a dailybasis that are going to cause
(29:59):
you to want to quit.
So unless you have that in yourbody, to not that not quit bone,
if you don't have a not quitbone, you need to work for
somebody else.
I also think there's that thethought process of, like, I want
this to be my legacy, like Iwant my name to be out there.
And you mentioned that if nobodyremembers fawn Weaver, in two,
(30:21):
three decades. I don't care atall. So, you know, one of the
things I've discovered is a lotof a lot of people make really
bad decision, because they'reliving for their obituary.
They're living for what peoplewill say when they're gone. And
instead, and by the way, itspeeds up their timeline,
instead of just saying, You knowwhat, however, the Lord opens
(30:43):
the doors, whatever he decidesis for me, is for me, this, this
amazing pathway that he'screated for me, I'm going to
make the decision to choose thedirection that he wants to go
in. What ends up happening is,if you're living for your
legacy, you short change that,because you don't know how long
that's going to take. And sothen you start forcing things.
And for me, I literally, whenI'm gone,
(31:07):
I do not care if the name fauneWeaver is remembered at all. And
there's an enormous freedom tothat that I have found a lot of
a lot of entrepreneurs, a lot ofpeople in this oxygen level they
don't have. I was literally justspeaking to a group of there
were about 100 people. And I go,and I'm paid to speak to people
(31:32):
all over this country and, well,really all over the world, but
this particular group, 100people, $160 billion in that
room,
and the question they had for me
was, how do they find purpose?Because that's what you lead
with. You know, that's thatthat, like the underlying thing
of all your interviews and allyour stories is like, Oh, this
(31:54):
is what I was called to do.Yeah,
everything you do in everyseason when you are aligned with
what you were called to do inthat season, you're in your
purpose, because you are yourpurpose, the the challenge, and
you see it all the time, andit's probably a lot harder for
you, because you got to peelback all these layers. But most
people in life show up asrepresentatives of themselves.
(32:18):
Oh, masking, uh huh. You can'tbe a rep for yourself and be in
your purpose. Your purpose isattached to you, personally,
authentically. You literallycannot be in your purpose and be
a rep of yourself. And so Ialways try to get people, if you
do nothing else, peel back tobeing who you were created to be
(32:38):
authentically, because that isyour purpose, and then being in
every season, being where you'resupposed to be, and doing what
you're supposed to do in thatseason. And how do you know what
that thing is that you'resupposed to do? That thing will
come knocking on your door, ifyou are you, if you are
authentic, and it will connectwith the for me, I always tell
(33:00):
people, I'm I'm falling sevenyears old. Realized that child
who refused to read non fictionbooks because all she wanted to
read was every every page of theEncyclopedia Britannica that is
me to this day. You are notgoing to get me riled up on
social media about something youdidn't do research on. Everybody
is up in arms, a Mad, Mad, Mad,Mad, and I'm going to go and do
(33:24):
my own research and decide tobypass that conversation
altogether. Why? Because thatseven year old Fauci she got a
whole thing of EncyclopediaBritannica. Remember at that
time, I'm almost 50 years old,so at that time, the
encyclopedia people were comingdoor to door to sell them. Oh,
(33:44):
if you remember the letters,there was so much they'd be
split into two. So it'd be like,it'd be like, SM, through, you
know, sn, through the type ofthing. And so I, I would get
lost in Encyclopedia Britannica,and I only wanted to spend my
time on things that were nonfiction. I believe that that has
(34:07):
greatly benefited me in my life.
Do you think that authenticityis more difficult for
individuals in the blackpopulation who have to deal with
this realm of likerespectability politics, because
your story about how you'resharing about how you had to
answer the the phone. It's abeautiful day at the Wilson
residence. Well, when I was akid, and I didn't do that very
long, yeah, yeah, I didn't. Youdidn't do that very long. And
(34:29):
you mentioned the fact that thefirst thing you said was, what?
What if it wasn't a beautifulday? Yeah. And why do I have to
say this? I wouldn't answer thephone, and so mom and dad would
be like, fawn, pick up thephone. No, because it's not a
beautiful day, and you want meto pick up the phone and say
it's a beautiful day. At theWilson house, beautiful day at
the Wilson household. And sothat I you know, I do believe
that me leaving home at 15 wasmy greatest blessing. I believe
(34:51):
that to this day, because aroundthe time that people would have
been so focused on molding me,i.
Moved into an environment wherepeople did not care about
molding me. They didn't careabout me enough to think about
molding me. And that was when Iwhen I moved to the hood where
you don't like the parents arenot trying to hoard over their
(35:13):
kids and all the rest of thatstuff. And so for me, I left a
beautiful, huge home inPasadena, California, and moved
to Jordan, downs and watts, andI felt so great with them,
roaches and my food stamps,where I could buy honey buns
every day, microwave them for 20seconds and it tasted like a
cinnamon roll like that. Feltcomfortable to me. Why? Because
(35:35):
I was insistent on being me,something that's not realized
when it comes to the blackcommunity a lot, right? Like
when you mention, how do youfind purpose? A lot of people,
they're calling up, freaking uprepresentation of themselves
that's masking that. Yeah, thewhole Oh say it's a good day,
even if it's not a good day,that's because black people are
taught respectability politics.It doesn't matter how you
feeling. We need to put offthis, this image of yourself.
(35:57):
And one of the things that youmentioned a lot, you're, you're
free and grace, is just beinglike this. I'm gonna be this is
who I am. This is who I am. Oflove. I come from a place of
grace and and so my wordsreflect that. But make no
mistake about it, you're gonnaknow how I feel, you're going to
know what I think, you're goingto know what I believe. And
(36:17):
that's the choice that I madevery early on, and I've never
wavered in that. What tips doyou have for individuals who
look like us, who feel as thoughthat's going to cost them their
job, if I if I become if I actthe way that I want to act, and
I actually share things, and Icritically think and I ask
questions, which are all aspectsof higher learning, guys. And
one of the reasons why I say mykids can go toe to toe with me
(36:37):
is if you're asking a questionthat's not being disrespectful,
that's not talking back, youshould ask questions. If you
can't ask questions, can't askquestions of me. How are you
going to ask questions of theworld when they do stupid stuff?
We've always done it this way.How are you going to build what
kind of messaging would you sayto these people? Like, well, I'm
going to lose my job if I dothat. I can't I can't just like,
that's disrespectful. Worktoward a company that embraces
that. There are plenty ofcompanies at this point in
(37:00):
America. It's what I love aboutGen Z Neil, they're like, we're
not gonna be fake for you, and
like we're not,
and if you try to force it,guess what? We're not showing
up.
Wait and I'm gonna quit onsocial
to you. You're going to learn onmy feed that I quit and so. So I
(37:26):
do think that this priorgeneration that boxed people in
are not going to do well withtheir companies if they continue
to so you might as well spendthe time instead of being
frustrated, do your work aspaying your bills, but also be
looking for the cultures in thecommunities that embrace you as
(37:46):
you are. As an African Americanguy who works for me in a market
that is majority AfricanAmerican, but there is still a
very large, wealthy whitepopulation, and I would watch
him shape shift, and I literallyhad to sit him down. And I said,
Don't do that. And he's like,Yeah, but they won't understand
me. Yes, they will show up asyou at all times. And if anybody
(38:10):
has an issue with that, keep itmoving. And I remember him
saying to me, because he likesto call me boss lady, and I
remember him saying to me, BossLady, you know, this isn't
anything I've ever heard in mycareer. It's going to take me a
second to be able to do this. Isaid, I'm okay with that, but I
need you to show up as you. Andthen when I I'm always with with
(38:30):
my team members their families.And so when his wife was around,
I was like, did he tell you? Itold him he need to stop being
somebody who he's not and showup as who he is. He's an
educated black man with amaster's degree from Morehouse.
Show up exactly who you are,with your culture, with your
background, allow people tolearn from you, but if you're
(38:53):
shape shifting into who they areor who they expect you to be,
they can never learn from you.And the way that we are going to
grow more in this country, inthis society, is we have to get
people they don't have torespect us. I don't care if you
respect me, but I do want you toactually understand who I am.
(39:15):
And I can't do that if I won'tshow you who I am.
And it also takes too muchenergy. One of the things my
husband says a lot is I, Iunderestimate other people's
processing speed when it comesto like, doing things. I was
like, Well, I think fast and Italk fast. And my friend, she
mentioned, she was like, Well,you don't really spend a lot of
energy with masking. And I don'tthink y'all realize, like,
(39:36):
creating these avatars ofyourself, that's taking energy,
absolutely it's taking energyfrom your brain. You're
wondering why you can't completethis task. You more so concerned
about like making sure your hairlooks appropriate, or making
sure you're saying a certainway, or making sure you look the
way that they want you to, whereyou could actually be critically
thinking a solution that willfix the issue that they complain
about in the first place. Idon't, I don't spend a lot of
time masking. I'm just like, I'mjust gonna, I'm gonna bring out.
(39:58):
We're gonna problem solve. We'regonna create.
Think, because my energy alwaysgoes directly to that. People
who think that it's really goingto help you grow in your
environment, you don't evenrealize your potential because
you're capping it, becauseyou're spending so much mental
energy, yep, saying, How am Igoing to Okay, so this is how I
think about the solution in mybrain. But how do I put it into
my my my translator to make itcome out the way I think they're
(40:19):
going to receive it. You put acap on everything. When you do
that, I'm able to process fast,because I really am just like,
oh, this is what came into myhead. This is how I process it.
This is how I'm gonna walkthrough it, right? And I'm able
to problem solve very, a lotfaster than most people for the
same reason, because where's myI'm not gonna translate. I'm
gonna be like, you understandwhat I'm saying? Yeah, cool.
Let's go with it. Let's Yeah,
(40:41):
this whole new thing of peoplesaying, so I hear what you're
saying is, and then they repeatback to you every I was like,
who taught that? Come on, y'all,who taught that? Why? Why do we
just teach people to waste time?Yeah, so, so, yes, I do think
that that over the years, we'vegotten information that isn't
the best for us, and if we justfocus on being authentically us.
(41:05):
But the key though is is comingfrom a kind place, a coming from
a place of kindness, from aplace of love, pull every fruit
of the Spirit in Galatians,coming from those places, then
your words, even if they hurtsomeone, that's not your
problem.
(41:26):
And that's it's, I think it'sthe best thing, because when you
mentioned coming from Galatians,I really like the fact that you
say some people will have aproblem with you, saying, you
know, I drink whiskey every day,and I'm also a God fearing
woman, and God is at thebackbone of this. And they're
like, Well, the Bible says notdrinking. No, the Bible talks
about drunkenness exactly. Iwill. I don't, don't go toe to
(41:46):
toe with me on the Bible. I
know that's
nobody will invite me to
come on. I'm like, show me theshow me the passage. I just want
to see it. I just want to seeit. Because just you don't even
have to show me multiples. Giveme one. Give me one, where it's
(42:08):
talking about drinking insteadof drunkenness, not the same
thing. Yeah. And then explain tome why God chose the first
miracle that he chose for Jesus.That wasn't just that he his
mother asked him to make winefor this wedding. That's the way
that we sell it in the church.No, his mother insisted that he
make wine for a wedding that hadrun out of the wine. And in
(42:33):
Galilee during that period oftime, running out of wine was
such an embarrassment, becauseyou'd have so much of it, and so
you never run out of wine atthat time in Galilee. So that
means that those people had tohave been drinking so much
so she wasn't asking them tomake wine for a party that was
(42:55):
dry, that people were sober.She's asking them to make wine
for people. And how do we knowthis? Because the bridegroom
comes to Jesus, or comes to theto the actual group, and says,
Most of most of these weddings,the people put out the good
stuff first, but you waiteduntil everybody had been
(43:15):
drinking to put out the goodstuff.
And I'm like, I'm sorry.
Let's rewind on this. So, yes,show me your scripture, which
doesn't exist. But can we justsit here for
my mom anytime? Because my dad,he drinks beers at times, and
he'll talk about my mom when shedrinks wine, and she'll be like,
(43:37):
Jesus turned water into wine. Mymom is a God fearing woman, yes,
okay. She said Jesus turnedwater into wine. Yeah, he
absolutely.
And tell her to add the line forpeople who had been drinking for
three days, you know, like, whatdo you you're not about to out
scripture her every time shejust like, okay, that's not
happening. I'm the same way. Idon't go to bed without having
(44:00):
read the Bible that day, someportion of it. And so, no,
don't, don't. Don't do that likesomeone. I did an interview with
someone recently, and they weretalking about the fact that
women, women want want love, andmen want respect. And I said,
Oh, yeah, so that ain't biblicaland and I said, Listen,
(44:21):
so let me, let me because,listen, we coming towards time.
So let me cannot get into themental implications of the
patriarchal thought process ofbeing like we don't want, we
don't want respect to because alot of times when I talk about
black love, and they're like,Well, you got to love the black
community. My black love is alsoaccountability. So don't expect
me to just blow smoke up yourbehind. I could be a
psychologist and also be like,No, that was wholeheartedly your
(44:42):
fault, and my black love isaccountability.
I was just, I was speaking tothe chief network yesterday in
DC, or two days ago, whenever Iwas there and and the the person
was asking me the question said,Yeah, I've heard you say,
because people always say, youknow, I'm not playing checkers.
I'm playing.
Chess, but you tell peopleyou're not playing chess, you
(45:03):
play and go and and so Iexplained to this audience of
women how patriarchal the gameof chess is. The game of chess
the nature is every piece on theboard is sacrificed to protect
the king, including the queen.So we grow up thinking the game
that we are supposed to bemastering is the game that
(45:25):
protects the king at ourexpense. I don't play chess. I
play Go. That's about expandingterritory. And so we have to
even change and question thethings that we did when we were
younger that we thought washelping us to become more
strategic, because then, whenwomen, when the queen is sitting
(45:46):
across, negotiating with theking, what is her instinct to
do? Protect the king? Why?Because we learned how to play
chess.
I love that. Well, I want to endon one, one thing, because, um,
I don't think that the and letme make sure my information is
correct. The spirits industry asa whole was based in, like, a
lot of it was back withillegalities, right, like the
(46:09):
mafia, right? Like, in terms ofduring Prohibition. So, during
Prohibition, right? Yeah, yeah.And there's still, there's very
much still residue of that.
The only way, the only reason Ibelieve God chose me for this
industry is, as my husband wouldsay, foreign you got hood
tendencies. And I listen, and Iliterally had conversations with
(46:33):
people, and I go, you don't wantto go toe to toe with me in the
boardroom. Why? Because I gothood tendencies.
I love that. Okay, so, andthat's why it's so important,
like, because, when youmentioned the tequila aspect and
you walking into these rooms, Idon't I think people see it as
just a business, but it's notjust a business. No, there's
very much residue about how thissystem had been run during
Prohibition, and there's stillaspects of that. Can you share
(46:54):
with everyone why tequila is whyare you doing this? Why the
aspect of thinking of tequilaand that takedown is so
important to your brand. Like,is there anything happening with
tequila that, like, why this?I'm not starting at tequila
ground. I have no desire. And Itell people, the reason I have
no desire is that I don'tbelieve if you, if you don't own
the land, I don't believe youown the brand. I believe, Oh,
(47:15):
that's the other thing I wantedto talk about. Okay, can you
talk about that
until you see me walking thegrounds of Jalisco and buying
agave, which is impossible todo, is to go into there, and
maybe down the road, that may bethe case, where I could go in
there and buy a distillery andand, but until that happens,
which I don't see that happeningin the next decade or so, until,
(47:36):
until that happens, you're notseeing a tequila coming from me.
The tequila takedown was verysimple. I had been drinking Don
Julio 1942 in class size, foryears, thinking that what I was
having was as pure as thebourbon I make was as pure as
Uncle nearest. And then Ilearned recently that not only
were they adding agave andglycerin and all the rest of
(47:58):
this stuff, which takes it frombeing what uncle nearest is, fat
free, gluten free, sugar free,carb free, it's that's what,
what in its purest state. That'swhat tequila is. That's what
vodka is, that's what, what,what bourbon is. And so I
learned that not only was I notdrinking pure tequila, but even
more importantly, is theirgoverning body had recently told
(48:22):
all additive free tequilas, theyweren't allowed to say they were
additive free. So they'reprotecting the big guys, the Don
Julio 1940 twos of the world.And they're protecting them at
the expense of the little guys,because the little guys, the
only differentiator that they'veever had to promote their
product is we're additive free.Now the governing body has said,
(48:42):
if you even claim to be additivefree, we will find you to next
year, like, and so I was like,Oh, y'all are trying to take
down the little guys. You can'ttouch me. So yeah, how about I'm
about to showcase all of theadded to free. So my takedown
wasn't a tequila as theindustry, it was a big tequila
(49:05):
that has been lying and sayingthat tequila was more pure than
bourbon.
Okay, so I'm gonna, I want toactually end on the own, the
land, own, the brand thing,because you also attribute. You
got the land first, first ofall, and there's so there's so
much serendipity, trademarksfirst, and and, yes, and the
online real estate first,because if you don't have any
(49:25):
online real estate, the URLs,the social media handles, you
don't own the brand. Yeah. Andthere's so much serendipity on
the fact that like being shownthe land, yeah, where you bought
everything, in terms of theperson who's that, the realtor
saying, you know, if you everdecide to do something with
this. I will come out ofretirement, yep, to to help you,
to make sure you get it right,because they were the descendant
(49:47):
of Jack Daniels. Yeah. Like, youcan't, you can't make that up,
but you mentioned, yeah, own theland, own the brand. Yeah, is
something that a lot ofcompanies black on.
Companies that are strugglingwith the liquor business. Like,
it's because you own your land,like, no matter what, it's
always going to
(50:08):
start there, can you see? And,yeah, it's not even just the
liquor business. Like, there's areally popular, well, I guess
you know this is across theboard, but you see it all the
times with restaurants, you'llhave a restaurant that has been
popular growing for a decade,two decades, and all of a sudden
they're closing. Why? Becausetheir landlord decided not to
(50:28):
renew their lease. So you justspent a full generation building
a business that you are nowclosing. But meanwhile, that
entire time that you've beenrenting from that landlord,
you've been increasing the valueof their property. That's what I
mean by that. That's myquestion. How would you apply
that to other individuals andentrepreneurs to understand that
(50:50):
that's you attribute your yoursuccess for so many things, but
you always say, just like youmentioned, I'm not going into
tequila until I can own theland. Yeah. How can people think
about as that is a way to eitherkeep going or stop until you can
own the land. Like, what doesthat look like in other
businesses? It may it may justbe digital. So, for instance,
people that are building theirtheir businesses on YouTube.
(51:15):
Let's take what's the gal'sname, Candace Owen. Is it
Candace Owen? Really, she's likea fire brand, like people love
her hate her African Oh yeah,and she's in Tennessee now too.
Yeah, is she really? Yeah, sheher, Well, I don't know. She
still has the show, but yeah,she she was in Tennessee. For
me, I didn't know that. So, yo,she does have a show, but
recently where she makes allthis money on her YouTube
(51:37):
videos, and YouTube decided todemonetize her platform, so now
she can't make any money there.This is what it means by this.
If your entire business is setup where you're having to go
through something you don't own,you don't own the brand. So if
you don't so if it's if you twocan take if YouTube goes down
(51:58):
and it takes your business, youdon't own it. If Instagram goes
down and it takes your business,you didn't own it. And so the
online real estate is, at thevery least, making sure people
that is where people can findyou. So if, if Instagram, I
mean, I'm on Instagram everyday, so much stuff, but if my
account on Instagram goes down,Uncle nears isn't going to lose
(52:21):
business, because I'm going tobe in the press every single day
talking about why Instagram tookme down, and
Uncle nears
people, you know what I mean?Yeah, and so that's what I mean
by. You gotta own the land,either it's whether it's online
real estate or physical realestate, whatever it is that if
(52:43):
somebody else makes a decisionto stop allowing you to do
something through theirplatform, and you can no longer
do business you didn't own it tobegin with. Yeah, social media
is renting your audience. Youneed an email list. You need to
purchase your URLs if they don'tallow you to do it on so if on
Instagram, be like, okay, buty'all know where my website is,
(53:04):
right? I be streaming live fromthe website from now on, because
you're not about to take thisfor
me, yeah. Well, thank you somuch for coming on the show,
father. We have so many amazingtidbits. I really wanted to
focus on, not only theentrepreneurship, but the fact
that, like you work in yourpurpose. I tell so many people
like, it's not about a job,because my purpose is to
(53:26):
increase the mental wealth ofthe black community. But I can
do that as a psychologist. I cando that as a speaker. I can do
that as an author. When youalign yourself with the purpose,
no matter what, yeah, you makesure your purpose is driving
what you're doing. If so manypeople are getting like, oh, I
want this job. Okay, whathappens if you lose that job?
Does that mean you have nopurpose? Well? But this goes
back to my belief that I don'tbelieve purpose has anything to
(53:48):
do with what you do. Purpose iswho you are, and everything that
you do is because you recognizewho you are.
So the purpose is you,
the purpose is you well. Thankyou so much for coming on the
show. Everyone remember to bekind to yourself. Two steps
forward and one step back isstill one step forward. That is
(54:09):
just math, and have it the restof your day.
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