Black Excellence ft Trell Thomas

Episode Transcript
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Dr. Raquel Martin (00:00):
Steve, Hello everyone, and welcome to Mind
your mental just a reminder thatthis podcast is not meant to be
a substitute for a relationshipwith a licensed mental health
professional. I know they arehard to find, and I get that I
have a bunch of resources on mywebsite if you need them, but I
am not your clinician. I am apsychologist, but I am not your

(00:21):
psychologist, so if you need anyspecific help, please look for
the help of a licensed mentalhealth professional. Learn all
you can learn from the podcast.Enjoy the episode. Welcome.
Welcome again. You heard theamazing bio for Cho Thomas.
Welcome to mind your mentalcommunity. Welcome to the
podcast. Actually, I have acommunity and the podcast, so I
wanted to talk to you about abunch of different things, but I

(00:41):
wanted to start off with theetiology of the black black
excellence brunch overall. Iknow that it was inspired by
Sunday dinners of your childhoodin South Carolina. Can you share
a particularly fond memory fromthose dinners that you strive to
maybe recreate at each brunch?

Unknown (01:00):
Yeah, so I have to totally give the credit to my
mother and my grandmother who,like really, kept the tradition
of Sunday dinner alive and wellin and my home growing up and my
mom was hosted at our home,actually, every Sunday and
everything is etched in mymemory, right from the smell to

(01:21):
the sounds of laughter, to, youknow, just the embracing of like
family members and friends andchurch members and the community
and neighbors, you know. So Ithink the the fondest memories
that I have are just beingsurrounded with love and
feeling, you know, I mean notjust seeing and hearing love,

(01:41):
but actually feeling that. AndI, you know, I haven't lived in
South Carolina in so long, butthat feeling never left me.
Yeah,

I think that definitely gets embedded
generation to generation with myhusband. I very much know for a
fact that if I like craft a bigSunday dinner, I could pretty
much get away with murder forthe next week, right? Because,
like, it instantly takes himback to he's from Nashville. I
live in Nashville now. His momthrows down, like, it like,
after church, you already knowwhat you're getting. And I used

(02:14):
to, I we had that some Sundays.But to me, it always reminds me
of, like, the way we would havebig events for dinner, for,
like, holidays and stuff likethat. A lot of people were
actually blessed to have thatevery single Sunday. And even
when I was little, I felt like,in addition to the house was
always warmer because you werecooking and stuff like that, I
genuinely felt like the love waspalpable, like just being around

(02:37):
a bunch of like, family andfriends, and everybody was
family at that point, andeverybody's talking it just
reminds me of home. Because tome, home is it's never been
like, a physical place, becauseI move around a lot. It's just
my family, right? So I very muchone. I use it as a cheat code if
I don't messed up, like, youknow what? I apologize, but, you
know I'm gonna do. I'm frying.You want some chicken? I'm about

(02:58):
to go to the farmer's market.I'm about to get a bag of green
like, like, it, like Yo, listen,everyone wants to talk about,
listen, I want to tell y'allthere are some cheat codes and
this, if I give this man cookedfood, I'm I can get away with
murder. I'm good. I think it'sbecause the food, but also
because a lot of people havethat aspect of connection. And I

(03:19):
think about it in terms of love,but I also think about it as a
form of luxury, because I thinkit wasn't until I went to
college that I didn't realizethat everybody didn't come from
a home where people cooked like,I would be talking about missing
my mom's food, and they'd belike, what? Like, yeah, it's
Sunday and I'm over here eatingpizza in the cab. This is a

(03:42):
travesty. You see what I'msaying?

Unknown (03:44):
Like, what is happening? No, that's real.
That's real. I mean, it's such aconnection point, like so much
is shared over a meal, right?You know, some of the biggest
deals I've done have been overmeals, not like in a corporate
boardroom, right? Like, some ofthe best friends that I've ever
made have been like throughfood, you know, and through
like, there's something thatlike allows you to really let

(04:08):
down your guard and show upauthentically and and just, you
know, be Yeah, which I thinkreally leads us to the best of
everything for ourselves when weshow up authentically. And I
feel like there's somethingabout having a meal and breaking
bread with people that allowsyou to do that. Yeah,

and I think that you've done an amazing job
with that, because you very muchcreated just luxurious space.
Every time I see thetablescapes, I'm like, like, it
is a luxurious space for blackpeople to be celebrated,
discussed and pampered. Why isit so important for you to
provide this experience, and howdo you make sure it remains
inclusive and welcoming? Becauseit always, you know, from where

(04:49):
it came from, just looking fromoutside, looking in, it looks
like it's just a family event,but it's more luxurious, like
it's like, oh, it's a familyaffair. But we also had a cater,
you know I'm saying, and you cantake pictures. Yeah,

Unknown (05:02):
I love that you're able to feel that like digitally and
like the things that you readand see, because you haven't
been to one yet, which we got tofix that. I think, Hey,

everyone, just a reminder that mind, your
mental is not just a podcast. Itis also a amazing community. If
I do say so myself, it'sphenomenal. I mean, you get more
access to me. What more couldyou want in this life? So if you
want to join the community, ifyou're not already on the
community, go to my socialmedia. My social media is the

(05:32):
same Raquel Martin, PhD and DMme the word community, so you
can get details on joining thisamazing, flipping community. You
get more access to me. Y'alllike, I'm a delight. All right,
all right. Hope to see youthere.

Unknown (05:47):
You know, for me, it was always, I always lead with
love. Like everything that I do,right? Like, from the brands
that I partner with to thepeople that I invite the guest
list to, like, even the way Ithink about, like, okay, you
know, I get with my eventplanner, and I'll be like, You
know what I want, you know, amoment where people have this or

(06:10):
where they have this experience,or when, you know, I'm always
thinking through every singleportion of it, from the time you
pull up in your car, you know.And I think that really, you
know, it's felt. You know youcan feel that. You can feel the
intention. So I'm big onintentionality, and I always,
you know, I was doing these inmy home before I started doing

(06:31):
them in at venues and at SoFistadium and in museums. You
know, I was doing it in myapartment, and I never wanted to
lose, like the the feeling thatpeople have, like coming around
your table. So I build in all ofthese components into the black
excellence brunch that make itfeel like home, right from

(06:52):
sometimes, I'll bring the foodto people, you know, we have a
caterer, but I'll be the onebringing it to people's table.
I'll stop by every single tableand talk to people and love on
them. You know, I'll I build inmoments at the brunch where, you
know, there can be like thatfamilial like cousin to cousin
kind of like conversation orlike things that you had at

(07:13):
family dinner. So I'm veryintentional about building the
program so that people feel thatkind of love and family bond and
that tradition, yeah, all theway through. But like for me, it
was to your point about luxury.It was also really important for
when people for to give peoplethe feeling when they walked in,

(07:33):
of being celebrated, of beingloved on, of being pampered. So
I also just build that in atevery step, whether it be like
having ballet for people, orhaving, you know, taking
people's coats, etc, when theycome in the door to, like, you
know, having like theseluxurious florals and pamper
moments, right? Like, we'll havelike massages, or like different

(07:55):
things where you feel like, Oh,wow. Like, this is for me. Yeah,
specifically, you know, I lovethat, because

I focus on black mental health, and my
expertise is in black mentalhealth and black identity
development. And there's so manytimes where we as a culture,
don't feel as though we'redeserving of any aspect of
luxury. We feel as thougheverything has to be working
24/7 and we feel like anythingother than the bare minimum at
that time could be extra, and Ijust always feel like, you know

(08:23):
what's wrong with what's wrongwith having moments of extra?
Like, you know what's wrong withhaving moments of indulgence and
being pampered? Like, we're apopulation that has, literally,
we're brought here against ourwill, and have consistently
worked and worked, we have totry every single day to be
humanized. What's wrong withgetting your flowers and
literally just being like, Oh, Igot the flowers because I wanted

(08:43):
them, not because they have autility. I got the outfit for
any occasion. A special occasionis me. It's not a special event.
I just wanted to be celebrated.And I think that's something
that us as a culture and acommunity, we're talking about
building your mental well being.That's something that we need to
understand, that you cancelebrate yourself. There
doesn't have to be a specialoccasion. It's okay. Occasion.
It's okay to indulge likeeverything doesn't have to be,

(09:05):
you know, just the what's thepurpose? The purpose is you
enjoy it and you deserve it. Andblack people don't get it, you
know, like we deserve that. Wewe're allowed to state, I don't
know where I'm aware it is to,well, we're to the grocery
store. You look amazing, youknow, like it doesn't have to
always be a thing. And I thinkthat's something that, you know,
it was very much a utility ofmaking us feel as though we

(09:26):
deserve less means that we don'task for more. But I think it's
something that we're we'reclimbing out of, right? And I
really liked your events,because it's just like, it's
obvious that's something thatyou center right? Like, oh well,
you know, we don't have to havevalet. We don't have to have
anything. We could literally eatpeanut butter and jelly every
single day. But why? But why?Like, why have that? But I will

(09:48):
say so. Like looking at yourentire career like you've done a
bunch of stuff, like when itcomes to broadcast journalism,
the Obama campaign, the the theblack excellence, the. Boxes
where you center, like blackbusinesses and stuff like that.
And now the black excellencebrunch, you're also, you're
you're doing executive producingon Discovery plus as well,

(10:10):
correct like you're doing abunch I created,

Unknown (10:13):
and I created an executive produced series, a
five part Docu series aboutblack men. Yes. Profile the
black man, yeah, but go on likeI want you to finish your

question. I was gonna say dealing with that,
with your aspect of your career,and not only centering, you
know, this experience with otherpeople when it comes to
compassion, but also inyourself. You I read an
interview. I read a bunch ofthem, but I read an interview
where you stated that youadvised your younger self not to
let perfect be the enemy ofgood, right? How would you

(10:43):
advise someone who's juststarting their career, who's
interested and, you know, doingas much stuff as if you as
you've done? I mean, sometimesthat's like a lifetime goal.
You're actually pretty young.But how do you advise someone
who is starting their career tobalance that aspect of ambition?
Because you do have to haveambition and goals in order to
achieve that with selfcompassion, because it does have

(11:06):
to be a balance of okay, like,maybe I didn't make it this way,
but maybe I need to try adifferent way. Maybe it's not
perfect, but is it still goodenough so that people would get
something for what I'm trying toput

Unknown (11:18):
out? Yeah, I think my advice is to give yourself so
much grace, yeah, and then ontop of that grace, give yourself
more grace than that, you know,in addition to having to work so
hard, you know, or feel like youhave to work so hard as a black
person, and also feeling likenot good enough, a lot of times,
I think that we don't giveourselves enough grace and and I

(11:40):
speak from personal experience,right? Like, I wouldn't stop and
say, You know what trail you dida good job on that thing. You
know, it was like, all this, andespecially, like, even we're
talking about black excellencebrunch a lot, in the beginning
of black excellence brunch, whenI would be done and it would be
time to go home, I'd be like,Oh, I didn't do that, right? I
didn't do this, right? I wish Ihad done this and be you know,

(12:03):
mentors, loved ones, would cometo me and they would say, troll,
like, that's people's firstexperience with it. Like you
might be have all these thingsin your head, but you gotta
watch how people areexperiencing this thing and like
what you're doing for people andwhat this space provides and
give yourself grace. And it tookme a while to get to a point

(12:24):
where I be like, You know what?That was good. Yeah, that was
good, or that was good enough.You know what I mean. Instead of
being like, oh, that could havebeen better. Oh, I wish I had
done that. So I just entered theseason of giving myself grace,
and it did wonders for myanxiety that I was having for
my, you know, mental health ormy physical health, you know. So

(12:46):
that would be the advice that Iwould give. You know, it's we
also deserve grace. Yeah, wedeserve that. And we don't have
to like, fight to get it. Wedon't have to like struggle to
get it, like we can have itinherently. Um, so I would, that
would be the advice that I wouldgive, because I didn't give
myself a lot of grace for a longtime, like, throughout, like, a

(13:07):
lot of those things that youmentioned, I was like, you know,
beating myself up along the way,and which is why I'm so grateful
I think about, you know, Imentioned mentors, but I'm so
grateful for, you know, wisdomand mentorship and the love that
surrounded me because itsustained me so, like, give
yourself grace. Also, you know,surround yourself with great

(13:30):
people that love you, peoplethat you feel good around,
people that you feel good whenyou have a meeting with them and
you leave, like, surroundyourself with those types of
people, because they are goingto be a constant reminder and a
constant Edifier of you, and aconstant like, source of that
grace. You know, I love that,because

one of the things I sometimes I'll get
asked like, Well, how do youfigure out what you're going to
do next? Or how do you feel likeconfident what you're doing? Or
how do you not get like boggeddown by all the stuff you do?
And I always state that like Iam surrounded by people who
believe in me more than me,which is saying a lot, because I
very much believe in myself alot. I very I feel as though
centering black mental likewealth and healthy and well

(14:12):
being and building generationalbonds, this is literally what I
was put on this earth to do. Buteven with that, sometimes it's
just like, Man, my submissiondidn't get approved, that grant
didn't get approved. And I'lltalk to my friends, and I'll be
like, and they're lost. Listen.So like, let's take a minute. I
don't want to deny how you'refeeling, but like, this is what
you do. So I think that'shelpful in the first place,

(14:34):
because I'm surrounded by peoplewho believe in me more than me,
and I believe in myself a lot,you know. And even the power of
mentorship, I think that moreindividuals should, you know,
delve into the aspect ofmentorship, because there are so
many different realms that Idon't really know certain levels
of expertise. And one thing Iwill always do is I will just

(14:54):
ask. And I think so many peopleare uncomfortable asking, and
I've never really gotten that,because I. Grew up in a house
with my mom that we had to,like, if we wanted to go
somewhere. We had to have theparents name and number we I
made me Darner. Had to havetheir Social Security, mom. We
had to have, like, who, pick youup, who, drop you off. I'm not
doing both. I will either pickyou up or drop you off. I'm not
doing both. Where do theyparents work? So we had to,

(15:16):
like, ask a bunch of questionsto be able to go somewhere. So I
got very comfortable being likeso I do need your mom's and your
dad's cell phone. If I could geta blood test, that would also be
helpful. There's definitely notgoing to be a sleepover, because
we don't do those, but I will beable to, you know, like, come to
this event. And my mom alwaystold me that if you there's no
issue with asking, becauseyou're already at no and if you

(15:38):
don't ask, you're gonna staythere, you know. So I always
feel like I've been trying totell people, like, listen, ask,
because what are they going tosay? Most people are not
malicious. Most people are notmalicious, like some people are.
Maybe they're too busy, or maybethey didn't get the email. But I
have never asked someonesomething and then they just,
like, verbally, like, slap me inthe face. A lot of times it's

(16:01):
like, oh, well, I can or oh,well, let's think about later,
or Oh, I'd love to. It might,but it might be later down the
line. Even the no's aretypically full of grace, right?
But if you don't ask, you'rejust gonna stand no. I don't
feel like there's any you knowissue. And also, just being like
a note isn't the end of theworld. So I think more people
need to ask yourself stuff aboutmentors, even with even

(16:24):
audience, even with troll comingon the pockets, I was like, I
just love your stuff. Can youcome on my podcast? You just
say, yeah. Just like, Y'all justask, what's the big deal?

Unknown (16:36):
Such good advice for your mom, too. You that was your
mom that gave you already at nolike it's only up. That's really
great advice. I

love it. Yeah, it helps with the
confidence in the first place.So it sounds like you're you
said, give yourself grace. Ithink Grace can look different
for a lot of people. Your Grace,it sounds like is slowing down
and appreciating all that you'redoing, and then also gratitude
in the first place.

Unknown (17:01):
Yeah, yeah. Gratitude has played such a substantial
part in my journey. You know, Ieven get it's at the point now
where I search for things to begrateful for. Like, I'm
constantly searching for eventhe smallest things to be
grateful for, because if onceyou really can, like, set your
mind, they're like, Wow, I like,I woke up. I'm able to do this

(17:23):
for myself. I, you know, have aphone to make a phone call. I
have a computer and Wi Fi that,like, you know, makes the things
work. Once you really can senseyourself and like I have,
there's so much around me to begrateful for. Like you realize
just how abundant blessings are.You realize how abundant you

(17:44):
are. You realize, like so manythings, and you get into this
space of expectation of moregreat things, you know, and
being in a place of gratitudeand expectation of the great
game changer, because it's like,oh, like, what's gonna happen
today? Yeah, and that's how Iget up every single day, like,

(18:05):
oh, what's gonna happen today?Who am I gonna meet today? What
cool thing am I gonna beinvolved in today? And I'm
telling you, like, it justbrings me, like, more and more
things. You know, sometimes I'm,like, overwhelmed by them, to be
completely honest with you,that's

amazing. That's a blessing. I feel like
when it comes to breaking itdown, I think that's helpful in
so many different realms. Iremember working with a patient
who felt like they had nochoices. They felt like they
were hopeless, and they're like,I have no choice in anything.
And I'm like, Okay, so let'sbreak it down like, one, you
came into session today. Whatmade you come into session? Like
you came on your own? It's like,oh, well, I decided to do that.

(18:41):
Okay? Two, I broke downeverything from like, I mean,
did you eat today? What did youeat? Did you how did you decide
to come here? You they werewearing shorts. I was like, you
could have came here just inyour drawers. I'm not saying I
agree with it, but like, youknow, like, sometimes we I'm not
saying that you don't have I'mnot saying that there aren't
opportunities or and options inyour life where you feel as
though the choice was made foryou. But I also want you to

(19:03):
break things down and slow itdown, to think about the choices
that led to you even being herein session. And while there may
be one realm where choices arebeing taken away from you, or
you don't feel as it's like thesome choices, you know,
sometimes I think people think achoice is going to be like a Oh,
it's going to be like a clear asday, win lose situation or a win
win situation. Sometimes thechoice is like, okay, so I could

(19:24):
either chop off your big toe oryour pinky toe. Some getting
chopped off, though, you know,and either way, it's like, I
mean, can there be a I don'twant anything chopped off? Nah,
some it's gonna suck. I justwhich one. And those are the
decisions that I think areharder for people. And I'm just
like, let's just break it down.Let's talk about the choices you
do have. Let's have. Let's slowdown. And it's one of the
reasons why therapy, or outsideof therapy, or journaling or

(19:48):
gratitude and taking moments canbe so helpful, because the world
doesn't really provide you theopportunity to slow down most of
the time, and because of that,you miss out on those little
things, like when you wake up.You know, even some people just.
Wake up, jump up. Look on theirphone. The way you can change
your life by waking up, justbreathing for a second and
before you even move, just havea thought of like, All right, so

(20:09):
I'm up. Look at that. I wonderwhat today's gonna be like. But
some people just All right,well, I got these emails. I even
tell people not to actually plugtheir phone up by their bed. I
plug my phone up downstairs. Soit's not the first thing I reach
for, because it's actually not,it's not the best thing for you.
And knowing me, I'm not about toget out this bed to get my
phone. So some stuff you have toprep, because y'all shouldn't be

(20:31):
looking at screens as soon asyou go to bed, and then as soon
as you wake up. Do you do that?True is your phone plugged up on
your bed.

Unknown (20:40):
It's close, it's close. Yes, it is close. It is it is
definitely within arms or alittle stretch, a

little stretch, yeah, okay, I wouldn't
hate if you move that black,

Unknown (20:54):
as you were talking. I'm like, Where can I Where else
can I put it like so you did isthat you're definitely having an
if, no, I think it makes perfectsense. I usually start, like,
though, with, like, some sort ofjournaling, or like writing,
like I have very close, like,definitely within arm's reach, a
dream journal. And, like, I lovethat, a notebook. And I

(21:14):
definitely start off with that,yeah, I

love that. Have you actually, have you read
the book by Alexandra L, how weheal?

Unknown (21:24):
No, I haven't read I've read some of her work.
Definitely follow her on socialsand stuff, but I haven't read
that one. No,

it has a bunch of she does healing
through writing. So it has abunch of prompts and stuff like
that that have helped her. So Ialways think like, I always
appreciate when there's moretangible stuff. Just in case you
since you are a journaler aswell. But I will also state that
one of the amazing things thatyou do is you give people their
flowers, figuratively andliterally. And in one of it,
Taraji P Henson toasted you asthe man who came to Hollywood to

(21:55):
give in that realm, how do youdefine like success, and how was
this definition evolved overyour career, because you have
someone who's, you know, peoplecould be like, and that was the
pinnacle, and I was good like,when it came to my success, I
feel as though I was able to, Ithink the aspect of what you're

(22:18):
doing is to give like You'retrying to provide this
experience, and you're trying tocenter luxury and even just the
diversity of black experience.Like, to me, that is a very
successful thing, and it seemslike it's also being seen. And I
feel like so many times successis like, I want my message to be
seen. I want it to beunderstood. I want it to be

(22:38):
felt. I want it to be embodied.And it seems like, if you think
of success that way, you'realready pretty successful. So
how do you define because I seeit, everybody else see it. How
do you define success with allof your ventures, and how has
that possibly evolved over yourcareer?

Unknown (22:55):
You know, I think it's, yeah, it's definitely changed
over time. Like I used to feellike success was, it was more
outwardly for me, like it was,you know, how many people are
talking about it, or how manyawards or accolades like come
with it right and now, and Ithink those are some measures of
success, but now, like mymeasure of success is more like,

(23:18):
how does this make me feel, Andhow is it making other people
feel? Yeah, like, so for thatmeasure, like I and that helped
me change, like what I wasdoing, and like how I was
showing up, and like how I wasarranging or organizing the
things that I was going, oh,what I was saying yes to and

(23:38):
what I was saying no to, right?So for me, it's how do I feel,
you know? And that measure ofsuccess is both, like,
professionally and personally.Like, how do I feel with this
person? How do I feel in thisroom? How do I feel at this
party? How do I feel, you knowwhat I mean. And that
determines, like, how long Istay and be a part of it. How

(24:02):
long you know that person mightbe a part of my life in that
capacity, all of those things.So I, for me, it's more so how
it makes you feel. And like theTaraji is so interesting that
you brought up the Tarajicomment because, like, I've been
getting a lot more of thosetypes of reactions to the things
that I'm doing, like KellyRowland says something really

(24:24):
beautiful, and Danielle Brookssays something really beautiful
at that same brunch, and ShirleyRalph and so what I had learned
through that, why I feel likethat, has become a measure of,
like, the success of blackexcellence, but because I've
been in a lot of celebrityspaces, right? Like from the
Obama campaign to all of theincredible work I've done and

(24:47):
get to do with Miss Tina knowsLawson with her ventures and the
wearable art Gala, which is justa star studded like moments and
events, and it has been like allof my career, where I've ended
up in those. Spaces in some sortof way. So I've seen like
celebrities move and throughthose spaces, and I recognize

(25:08):
the difference of how they showup at like a black excellence
brunch, or at like a wearableart Gala, or like in these
spaces with where people feelsafe, to be authentic, to stick
around for a while, to let theirguard down, to share, you know,

(25:29):
to cry, to laugh like and to me,that is a measure of success of
the black excellence brush. Andit's not just you know, people
that are recognizable, quote,unquote, like people, right?
It's also like just guests thatcome and say, like, trail, like,
I've never experienced anythinglike this before, or like they

(25:50):
like, tell me, like, how theyfeel in the space. And it's like
me having to literally extendthe time that we have in the
venue because people want tostay. They want to stay longer.
You know, those have becomemeasures of of success. And
like, I think another bigmeasure of success for me is

(26:11):
like, the freedom. Like, I don'tknow how many people, like, are
working a job or at a placewhere they don't feel free. You
know, for me, I feel so free inthe things that I'm doing now,
like, in the conversations thatI have, in the meetings that I
take, in the interviews that Ido, like, there is an amount of

(26:31):
freedom to show up like as me,and that's it, you know what? I
mean, I don't have to, like,code switch or pretend to be
this, or, like, wear a threepiece suit, or, you know, or
talk a certain way, like I amfree to be myself, and I like
to, like, extend that freedom toother people. So that is also a

(26:52):
big measure of success. Yeah,

you provide an opportunity, a space that
allows individuals to take themask off, right? Because a lot
of times people mention codeswitching, and code switching
just refers to language, butmasking is what I find most of
my patients and most of myclients doing, because they're
creating whole avatars. They'resublimating whole aspects of
themselves. I always tell thestory of, there was a I had a

(27:17):
black man who was a patient, andhe was kind of tall, he would
physically shrink himself down.Either he would always be
sitting because he was a tallblack a tall dark skinned dude,
he would either always besitting during things, or he
would kind of just be, like, Iunderstand, like, how some
people may find like a black manthreatening, let alone a tall
black man. And he wouldphysical. Like, can you imagine,
like, not even being able to situp straight and like events

(27:38):
because it what he didn't pullit out of somewhere. Like it was
always be, it was always be, itwould always be something people
commented on, oh, you're a bigone. Like, what is, first of
all, Hello, I'm the CEO of this,you know, like, it's just, it
would just be a lot if youprovide a space for people to
unmask, which is so important,because that code switching and
that creating a whole differentavatar, that putting that mask

(27:59):
on, it's like the movie, themovie the mask, the longer he
kept it on, the harder it wasfor him to take it off. Right.
Your weekends become lessrejuvenative, like you, most
people are at work or at schoollonger than they're at home.
They you have loss of identity.You're more likely to be burnt
out. You're already dealing withstuff in the world, and then you
have to do that while not beingable to wear your hair the way
you want say things you want tosay, always having to check and

(28:22):
double check yourself. Like,providing a space where people
are able to take the mask, like,that's take the mask off. That's
very powerful, right? Like, notonly in the aspect of like, the
brunch and sharing that, butjust as someone in mental
health, people wearing the mask,it contributes to the detriment
of their mental health. They'reexhausted. They don't know who
they are outside of theserealms. And also, I want to also

(28:43):
mention, to acknowledge that,like the brunch doesn't only
honor black celebrities, butit's also the community at
large, overall, correct? How doyou when you're coming up with
this event, how do you balancecelebrating high profile
achievements, well, alsohighlighting everyday black
excellence within the community?Because you do both,

Unknown (29:02):
yeah, like, one of the ways, like the, I guess the most
like, visible way, is like, I, Icreate, like, this luxurious,
like environment, right? Andthat everybody gets access to
that luxury. You know what? Imean? It's not like, oh, this
person is is separate. Or, like,there's this velvet rope that
separates people, like people,everyone is in the same space.

(29:25):
Everybody is a VIP. There's nota separate band that this person
gets, and this person gets that.And I work with, like, event
companies or brands, they'relike, Okay, so for our VIPs,
we're gonna do this. And I'mjust like, everybody is a VIP.
There's no that's not adifference, you know? So for me,
that's one way, because peoplewalk into the space, they're
like, wait a minute, I'm sittingright next to Kelly Rowland. How

(29:48):
many times does that happen forpeople? And I think that, you
know, it's beautiful for bothends of it, right? Like you have
to sell a celebrity that gets.To feel like, for lack of a
better word, normal, you knowwhat I mean? And more people
desire that than you know. Ithink that's one way. And for

(30:10):
me, like, in addition to likeour honoree or our celebrant
celebrate our celebratoryguests, I also carve out a
moment to just shine a light onpeople in the room. So I like,
I'll call it like, spotlightingblack excellence. So I always do
at a bunch of like, I just wantto spotlight some of the black
excellence in the room, and I'llrandomly pick people that are at

(30:33):
different tables in differentparts of the room, and just
acknowledge them because andwhat, and tell why I believe
that they're incredible and whythey are adding to the beautiful
excellence in this in the room.And that's a part that I make
sure to do, or I'll do a toastto black excellence, and then
I'll highlight those people. ButI do it every single event, and

(30:54):
it's become like a it is a veryimportant part of the event, and
I feel like the last way, orlike one of the the other ways
is I literally hand select everysingle person that comes into
the event that is like somethingthat is a non negotiable for me,
because I want to make sure thatI'm spreading the love that I've

(31:18):
got like different types ofPeople. I you know, I'm
connecting people that may havenever got the chance to sit at
the same table or to connectbefore. So I do that as well.
I'm really intentional aboutthat. I

love that. And I mean, one thing that's
obvious to me is that, just likethe tradition of Sunday dinners,
serves as a healing space formany, I think the black
excellence brunch also serves asa healing place for many too.
How do you view the blackbrunches? Yeah, how do you black
excellence? How you view thebibs role? I have to shorten
everything. It's being aroundstudents.

Unknown (31:51):
I'm not gonna lie to you, I

actually being around students. I list. I
will actually shorten things inmy head. And I'm just like, Why
did I do that? Like, it's justmy the youth, have they? But how
do you view the brunch's role insupporting the mental health of
the black community?

Unknown (32:11):
Yeah, I feel like it is affirming space, like I more
than anything, like and for me,it's, you know, it's a healing
space for me, like I just forme. I needed to be affirmed. I
needed to know that it was okayto be myself. You know, I went
through a very tough time beforeI I moved to LA and went on this

(32:35):
full time entrepreneurialjourney, right? And at that
time, what I needed most was theaffirmation that I was enough
like as and a lot of that leakedover into the building of and
the pieces and the elements ofblack excellence brunch like at

(32:56):
every point, I wanted to affirmand love on people where they
were, as they were. You knowwhat I mean, even though all
white is not just because, like,oh, like, I'm trying to, like,
make people wear different, butI wanted people to love this. I
wanted to see the skin right? Iwanted to see all these shades

(33:18):
of, like, black and brown, sothe contrast of the skin tones
against the white, like I wantedpeople to be able to look and,
wow, you know what I mean? Like,that skin that I'm in is
beautiful, the skin thatperson's in is beautiful. So
there was intentionality betweenevery piece, because it was it
also came at a time where Ididn't feel like because of my

(33:43):
blackness, I felt likeunderappreciated, undervalued. I
felt like set aside in a lot ofplaces that I was in, and I'm
just it was a reminder tomyself, like, no true, like,
your skin is actually one of themost beautiful attributes about
you. You know what I mean. So,you know, for me, I feel like

(34:05):
the way that black excellencebranch aids to the mental aids
in like being a affirmer or anas far as like mental health is
concerned, is is providing aspace that just loves on people
and meets them where they are.And I think that's so overlooked
when it comes to a lot ofcommunities, right? But

(34:27):
specifically we talk about like,the black community is so
overlooked that it's just it'simportant, and sometimes it
doesn't have to be somathematical. All of these like,
it can be very simple. It can beas simple as, like, creating a
space, not charging people toattend. I don't charge people,
don't buy a ticket, or anythingthat like, because a lot of

(34:50):
times people show up, or they'llmessage you and be like, how
much? Or how do I get it's justlike, No, you just, you're just
inviting you. They

can't believe it, because. You're not used to,
you know, a space, yeah, I

Unknown (35:02):
can't believe it. People and discipline. I'm like,
No, I want you to bringyourself. Oh, well, how can I
get no, just, you know. And Ieven tell people like, you know,
even with social media, which ishow the brunch has grown so
much, it's like people share itand they tell somebody else, and
they tell somebody else, andthey share the video. Like, even
with that, I tell peoplejokingly, at the bunch, I'll be

(35:23):
like, if you enjoyed yourself,share it if you didn't, don't
say nothing, you know. I justwant you to. I just want to,
like, affirm you and the love onyou, that's it. And it's because
I needed that too. Yeah, youknow, I needed that love, and I
didn't even realize that, youknow, a part of like, when I was

(35:45):
building this, it was building aplace where I felt like I could
leave and feel better.

So yeah, I love that. One of the exercises
I tell my patients is like whenthey identify, like when we hit
a wall, that they feel likethey're not being affirmed, or
they realize the theme keepscoming up, like a negative
thoughts spiral. I asked them tothink about, like, when's the
first time you remember thesenegative thoughts about yourself
coming up and, like, say, it'slike, oh, you know, I was in my

(36:13):
room and I was like, 15, andsomething happened and all that.
And I'm like, Okay, so right nowI want you to speak to yourself.
I want you to give that 15 yearold you. I want you to say what
they needed to hear at thatmoment, right? Like, the reason
why this is still prevalent inyou is because, you know,
there's the way difficultieshappen is I ask, tell patients,

(36:34):
like, you need to ask, like,what did you get versus what did
you need? When those thingsmatch, when you got what you
wanted to get if you got whatyou needed most of the time we
could it's smooth sailing,right? But where conflict comes
in and rumination comes in andeither like, even like guilt or
shame is like, the aspect ofwhat you got versus what you
needed was not the same, right?So when you experience that

(36:58):
first negative thought that youcan clearly remember you say
those words to yourself the sameway that you did when you were
15. I'm like, Okay, what did youget? I got silence. Nobody knew
how to deal with me. I got toldpeople had it worse than me. I
got told I'm a teenager. What'sthe big deal? I don't have no
job. I live here, right? Free,you know, right? And I'm like,
What did you need? I neededsomebody to tell me that it was
okay for me to feel that way. Ineeded somebody to tell me, just

(37:20):
because I have a roof over myhead doesn't mean that my
problems aren't valid. I neededsomeone to honestly just, you
know, sit with me even if theyweren't saying anything. I'm
like, okay, so say all thosethings to yourself, and if you
have a support system, that'swhat you need. Like, a lot of
the stuff that people areneeding now is what they need
when they were younger, too,they just didn't get it right.
So I love how you provide thatspace, because it's a space

(37:43):
where everyone gets the benefit,and that's amazing, but it was
also what you needed. I honestlyfeel the same way about the
podcast. Before I knew I wasbringing season three, I'm like,
these are all these people Iwant to talk to. Why don't
y'all, you know, let's advertiseso people can listen to but
these are people I want to talkto. I'm excited to talk to them.
So, like, so it's just like, Imean, I'm recording, y'all get
to be here too. But like, Imean, I'm geeks. I want to talk

(38:06):
to these people. I would talk ifit was recorded or not, you
know. So it's just like,sometimes you just gotta you do
something for you, and then ifsomething benefits you, just
because I feel like there's acollective consciousness and
collective identity with theblack community overall, very
rarely is something like, veryrarely are we isolated in terms

(38:27):
of, like, the pain or the joy. Ifind that things that, like,
pipe us up individually, youwill be able to find someone
else that will benefit. And Ireally try to focus on that
like, Okay, this is somethingthat you need. This is something
that benefited you. This issomething that made you smile? I
guarantee you. Was somethingthat made somebody else smile,
right? Like sharing the blackexcellence brunch. I bet you.

(38:47):
There's so many people who arejust like that. Looks so much
fun. Looks like so much fun.When's the last time we had a
Sunday dinner? Oh, that looksamazing. What's the last time I
saw so and so? Oh, that looksgreat. You know what? I'm gonna
do it up a little bit this weekon a Wednesday, like, I have a
little bit extra time. Why don'tI send the table like I, you
know, it benefits. That's why Ifeel like social media, social

(39:07):
media gets a bad rap. But whensocial media is done, well,
seeing stuff that like, brings asmile to your face, and then
people share it. There's thisone page I follow, and all they
do is, it's like they alwaysshare, like, black kids smiling.
I love it. Like, literally, Ijust get to look at, I don't
even know, these kids, and I'mlike, This is amazing, like,

(39:30):
just having black joy. So I lovethat. I also wanted to, so I
feel like we've covered a lot,but I wanted to talk about,
like, the giving the flowersaspect. Because you do it,
you're giving people theirflowers, but you also give them
flowers, which I love, to thepeople who brought you joy
through their work. Unless thisis a significant aspect of your
brunches, how do you see thispractice of acknowledgement,

(39:54):
this practice of celebration, asa contributor to the overall
mental well being? Of thehonorees, as well as the
attendees, because just like youmentioned, it's like everybody's
VIP and everybody's VIP, you allget to see this practice of
acknowledgement and celebrationas well.

Unknown (40:10):
Yeah, I think people want to be seen like they want
to be seen like really seen. Andfor me, I'll even, you know, go
to the length of what's theirfavorite color. Like, what is
their favorite this? Or, what isit? What are they like, what?
And I'll make sure toincorporate like, I'll get, if

(40:31):
your favorite color is green,I'll get you some green flowers
and like, make sure that thedorm, like, I'm very intentional
about that, because I want theperson to know that I see them,
yeah, I really see them, youknow. And it's different, and
it's different, it's differentfrom like, getting a Grammy, if

(40:52):
you're Kelly Rowland, orgetting, you know, a Ad Week
acknowledgement if you areBozeman Saint John, right? It's
different to be acknowledged andseen by your people, yes, and to
be loved on in a veryintentional way. And so for me,
I always try to personalizeeverything that I do, even you

(41:13):
know, down to like, you know,the the past black acting as
much we did in partnership withHulu. For me, it was just like,
I wanted to bring that 90snostalgia to it, and I made sure
that I invited people who werevery connected to the 90s,
right? And guesses. And then Ilike, was like, Okay, how can I
make all these touch points andmake them remember, from the

(41:35):
things that we ate to, like, youknow, the tablescapes and the
photo moments? But then I was,like, out of budget, right,
completely out of one of thoseairbrush teas that everybody
really loved. And I know formyself in the night, I had, like
an airbrush. I had everything,all these exactly, and I was

(41:58):
like, I'm gonna get someone toairbrush like, T shirts that say
black excellence on, and Iwanted everybody to go home with
them. And so for me, it's, I'mjust thinking about all those
things. I'm like, You know what?I would really love that if
somebody did that for me. And soat the end, like, people were so
full from the food they had,like they watched the film I had
given them, like, you know,snacks and all these things, and

(42:21):
then as a surprise and delightmoment, as they're walking out,
they get this like airbrushpersonalized, like T shirt. So I
think, to answer your question,just giving people their flowers
and really allowing them to beseen, it makes so much of a
difference. I can't tell you howmany people have come up to me

(42:42):
afterward, like some of yourfavorite names that have been a
part of it, like trail, I haveto tell you that I've never
experienced anything like thisbefore, like I've never felt so
much love. I've never, you knowwhat I mean, like in a space at
an event, and that I feel likethat's the difference, and

(43:05):
that's the extra mile that wetake with black excellence
brunch to make sure that, andthat's how I also show up in my
life, right? Like I am one ofthose people during the
holidays. I will study you thewhole year. What did you say you
What did you say you did? What'sthat one time we were in the car
and you couldn't do this becauseyou didn't have this or like

(43:26):
you, you know, like anyanything, I'm paying attention.
And then I make sure that Iincorporate all the knowledge
that I gain into like the giftthat I give, or the thing that I
say, or, you know, and it allowsyou to be seen. It allows you to
feel heard. And again, it's toyour point, which I love, that

(43:47):
I'm talking to somebody who,like, really does this like it
is what I find it more oftenthat it is all the things that I
needed, yeah, or I felt like Ineeded at some point in my life,
you know. And I'm able to, like,give those things to myself and
to give them to other people. SoI really,

I love that. I will say I have a Notes app of
everybody in my life, and whenthey say something similar, like
that, like, yeah, man, I wastrying to get, I was trying to
get this perfume, but, you know,I was a little too indulgent, or
something like that. And myfriends and family, they don't
like random gifts. They got tobe a holiday. So it really, it's
just an excuse for me to belike, Girl, I was going to get

(44:24):
this to I didn't have this for amonth. I was going to give this
to you in a month. But if I gaveit to you a month ago, you would
have been like, what's theoccasion? Or whatever. So I just
saved it for your birthday andfor Christmas. You know, like, I
just because that's me, theaspect of you celebrating. I
like the fact that you practicethat and make you practice that,

(44:44):
and you make it a point to dothat, simply because so many
people feel like it'sinappropriate to celebrate
themselves. Oh, I'm not tryingto be egotistical. You know,
like, well, you know, you can'tsay too much about yourself
because they don't be seenbragging. Some people even feel
uncomfortable doing it becausethey think someone. Going to
take it away from them, right?So I love the fact that you
normalize. I'm luxury and familyin a place of love, allowing

(45:07):
people to take the mask off.Because as a as someone who does
this, one of the biggest things,in addition to like, what you
got versus what you needed,wasn't, they weren't the same
thing. People not feeling seen,feeling like, like, even if it's
in a room full of people, evenit's during, if it's during a
time where it should have beenlike a happy event, and just
feeling like there's still likea gap there, they're still not

(45:29):
fully understood and embraced.That disparity is just
stressful. People questionthemselves, and it leads to your
mental health difficulties.Because you know, when you
mentioned the aspect ofcelebrities and them stating
they've never felt more seen.Yes, they have, you know,
celebrities are people, yeah.Like, they have a they, some of
them have much cooler jobs, yes.But like, think about how often,

(45:52):
like, it's also your job to bein the public eye, you know,
like, it's also, how often doyou get to take the mask off?
You're consistently, you know,the black excellence brunch. One
of the things is it's like afamily affair, meaning, like
black people, it's a familyaffair because we're a
collective identity. But thinkabout how many spaces they're in
where there's not that manyblack people that you know
there, or they're still beingexpected to, you know, be

(46:15):
grateful when it's just like, begrateful. I wanted the best to
ever do it. The pleasure was allyours, honey. You know what I'm
saying? Like, you know, like,just, so I just, I love that you
provide that space ofnormalizing that. And I really
want all the listeners tounderstand that, like, this is
something that contributes tohealing. Taking the mask off
first, you gotta acknowledgethat it's on, but like taking

(46:36):
the mask off and realizing thatthe special occasion is you, and
that you are allowed tocelebrate yourself, and you can
have flowers just to have them,and maybe, just maybe, all this
hustle and bustle in life istaking you away from your
community, and you haven't beento a family dinner or created
one in a minute, and communityis healing, because y'all will
hear me say this a milliontimes, you don't need therapy to
heal, but you can't heal inisolation. You do need

(46:58):
community, right? Therapy is atool, but community is
necessary, right? Like, I'veseen many people, they do
amazing stuff with them, withtheir well being and their
evolution of thought. And theydidn't go to therapy. They had a
support system. They took thetime to slow down as black
people like our community iseverything. That's why your
space is where people are. Like,I've never been to anything like
that. Yeah, it's probably themost black. When last time you

(47:19):
got to be around all these blackpeople with good food, you got
all this stuff, and we get tojust change it, you know, like,
I bet you people probably gotthese shoes off at your event.
Like,

Unknown (47:30):
definitely a family affair, for sure. And I think
that, you know, to your point,like in place, especially in
places like I do, a lot of themin LA, but also just all over
the country and all the world,like we've done South Africa and
Ghana, but like so many placeswhere people don't have their
family, yeah, right, they don'thave, like, those you know,

(47:51):
familiar faces, or they don'tget to feel that love as often.
And so this, in addition to,like, all the things that we
mentioned it, it provides, like,a sense of extended family,
right? And I think that reallymakes a difference. It makes a
difference for me, yeah, like,I'm such a family, like, my
family is huge, and mygrandmother had 12 kids, so it's

(48:12):
like, when I when we would dothose, my mother would do those
dinners, and so it waseverybody. I mean, our house
wasn't huge, but, like, it wasfilled to the brim. And like,
like rotating, you know, therewould be like, like sections of
people. There would be like, thepeople that came to the three
and then the people that camefrom four, you know, it was
like, well into the night. And Ifeel like I get to experience

(48:36):
that every single time overagain when we do these black
excess brushes. And somebodyasked me the other day, like,
try, do you get tired? Try, doyou get tired? And honestly, I
don't, it is such a reenergized. There are moments
right, where you're like, Ohman, this, I gotta do this. Or,
oh man. Like, I wonder if thisis gonna come together, or
please, like, let this space beavailable, whatever the thing

(48:57):
is. But I'm telling you, I feelsuch re energizing, like, when
I'm there and I feel better. Itell people after it happens, I
it takes me the longest time togo to sleep that night. Yeah,
because I'm so excited and I'mso pumped up and I'm so
energized, and, yeah, I'm reallyit just brings me back to like,

(49:18):
gratitude. Like, brings me backto like, where we started the
conversation, right on thisplace of, like, just being
super, super grateful, yeah?

Like, I get to do this. Like, yes, I want to
make sure things happen on time,and the food is hot and stuff
like that. But I think it's theexact, it's the difference
between I have to do this and Iget to do this right? Like,
yeah, there's going to be abunch of points where you're
just like, Oh man, I gottareserve this and, like, there's
stress, but you wouldn't That'smotivation. It's not like, the
kind of stress that takes youout. It's just like, stress get

(49:47):
stuff done. If people weren'tstressed out enough to, like,
complete tasks, nothing wouldget done. It's like, yes, i
These are tasks that are allbuilt into this amazing thing
that I get to do. Like, I get toy'all just my job. Like, I do
this. Like, this is. Yes, I getto create these spaces, and you
guys feel seen in that. So Ilove that, because everything in
it, everything that you'veshared, is very much what I feel

(50:08):
as though, is missing in the dayto day lives of black people
feeling seen, being able tocelebrate themselves, and
providing a space where they getto be around community and
family. Because, you know, whenit comes to mental health, and I
work with a lot of people, and alot of people weren't provided
the family that they deserve,like the family that respects
them and honors them and areconcerned about them. And

(50:30):
because of that, I state thatfamily of origin and family of
choice are the same right, likemy the people that I went to
college with, I've been talkingto forever, the, you know,
license, all that we this myfamily, right? Like, I'm okay
for them. It could be somebody Iknew since the womb, or it'll be
somebody I used to hang out onthe yard with, but, like, that's
my family. You see, I'm saying,like, being able to craft that

(50:50):
space black people, it's justlike, it's about community,
like, it's very much like we,you know, we've been having
aunties and uncles, like I, Idon't even know which ones are
actual cousins, but, you know,I've known them for over 10
years. That's my cousin. Likethat. Like, that's the rule, you
know. Like, man, you know, like,we did sleepovers. That's my
cousin. I didn't know them forover six years. That's literally
the rule. I don't, I don't makethe rules. I just follow them,

(51:12):
you know. And I feel like that'sa very good that's a very
important point within the blackcommunity, because especially
during a time where, you know, alot of times, if you think all
the way back to enslavement, wedidn't know you know you weren't
around your blood family, and somany aspects of like family
being taken away and stuff likethat. And still being able to
build that community, andunderstanding that even though

(51:33):
it was intentional to try tosever our ties with each other,
we built that like we understoodthat, like, Okay, this is my
family. These are the people whoI get up with. These are the
people who I talk to. These arethe people who I work with,
laugh with, cry with. This is myfamily. So I love that. Well, I
want to end on discussing like,Do you have any Well, I'm sure
you do, but I don't know. Youknow, some people can't share

(51:54):
everything, and so like anyupcoming projects or initiatives
that you're most excited aboutand continuing this amazing
legacy, and it very much is alegacy. I hope you like, you
know, you know, you goteverybody giving your flowers,
but like, I very much see likeand feel the energy that people
feel seen in your events. Um,whether you were doing them with
the boxes and highlighting blackbrands that I'm sure people

(52:16):
never even heard of, what areyou doing with the sponsorship
and being like, This is whowe're going to prioritize, and
people get to show up like, Ireally do hope you understand,
like, the aspect of legacy thatyou're creating that like
people. I'm very sure thatpeople feel seen in that. So do
you have any I'm giving youflowers like, but

Unknown (52:36):
I've been trying to do a better job of just like,
receiving, you know, my, yeah,my initial reaction used to be
like, Oh no. Like, it's not, youknow what I mean. But I'm very
intentional now about just like,hearing and receiving that I've
never heard like that. I'mbuilding a legacy. People say,
like, nice things. So that's avery beautiful and like, just, I

(52:59):
feel good. I felt all warm. I'mgrateful that, like, I was given
this or trusted, and trustedwith this purpose and this and
this responsibility. And I wantto do right by, you know, I want
to do right by everyoneinvolved. And as far as like
things that are coming up, yes,we are going to continue to do

(53:22):
the black excellence branches.There are tons of them. The
calendar this year is filledwith them. We're going to be
showing up at some of yourfavorite places, like essence
festival. And we're heading forlike, international again. So my
goal is to also, like, continueto expand it globally. And then
in addition to that, I'mactually getting back into the

(53:43):
executive producer see. So I'mvery excited about that, to
create content for Us, By Us,that really helps shift the
narrative and helps, like,educate people in the way that a
Freaknik documentary did, rightin the way that profile the
black man did, I'm getting backinto the executive producer c

(54:03):
and this year, and I couldn't bemore excited to do that. And
another thing that I feel likeas a part of, like all of this,
right, like, from the blackexcellence boxes to the black
excellence brunch to even likeexecutive producing and
creating, is I feel a part of myresponsibility is to to hold
brands accountable. Right tohold brands that that wouldn't

(54:28):
like like exist if had it notbeen for us, for black people,
for the culture, right to makesure that they're doing their
part, to give back to us, topour into this community that so
much comes from. So that'sanother part of my like I found
that as a part of myresponsibility, and I really
take so much joy in doing andI've had so much not only

(54:52):
success, but just positivefeedback from and especially in
a climate that's trying to get.Heard of D and I right? Yeah,
y'all watching

this on video. My smile went away so
quick. Y'all

Unknown (55:10):
continue to like, move things forward, yeah, because
it's important.

I love that, and I can't wait to see more of
the things that you'reproducing. I have two boys, and
one of the things that I'venoticed, and one of the things
that I'm trying to do more of,is I've always focused more on,
like, the black culture overall,but a lot of my work was with
black girls and black women andand then I got these two boys,
and in the search for thingswhere, like, they're centered,

(55:35):
and even from board books tomentoring programs, it's not
comparable to and black girlsstill and black women still need
more, but it's in no waycomparable with black men as it
is, or black boys as it is withblack girls. And I love the fact
that you did a project centeringblack men, because I get asked a
lot like, why aren't there moreblack men clinicians, and I

(55:56):
always state that, like, youknow, it starts with childhood.
If we have an entire group ofindividuals who aren't allowed
to have their emotions oracknowledge them or feel them.
Why would they go into a careerpath where that's their whole
job, right? Like we don't evenprovide a space or an
opportunity to normalize likeblack boys are can be anything
they want to be. They're able toacknowledge emotions, feel them.

(56:20):
Many people don't realize thatchildren only learn how to
regulate emotions that they'reallowed to have. They're not
allowed to have anger, they'renot allowed to have frustration
or sadness or even, you know,just confusion. They're never
going to learn how to regulatean emotion they're not allowed
to have, right? And not evenjust in the home. But the world
is a lot of times fearful ofblack men, the black body
overall, but black men, so ifthey're not even allowed to have

(56:42):
anger from childhood, how arethey ever going to learn how to
regulate it, like, how are theyever going to get that so I
just, I can't wait to watch moreof what you're doing. And I just
really, I really appreciate thefact that you did a whole entire
piece on black men, because Ilisten. I'm every single day,
I'm looking out for more stufffor my boys, like trying to just
create a space where they'reable to be safe. I understand

(57:04):
that. Like, you know, proximityis an experience, but you know,
I don't even like my husbandgoing out after dark to take the
trash out. Like, I, I literallybe like, Man, it's not, we don't
need this right now. Like,you're making me uncomfortable.
Like, yo. Like, it's 10 of watchhe got taken out 11 o'clock at
night. Like, what go to sleep,you know, like waiting by the
door. So, like, I appreciatethat, because when you have the

(57:26):
aspect of representation, andit's not just in books, but in
media, it causes a rippleeffect, and that's why I really
try to focus on representationin media, for people to
understand that, like, yourlegacies are these events, but
that those things that youproduce, it causes a ripple
effect. Like, there's no waysomeone is not going to see that

(57:46):
and feel seen. And it just itcontributes to it makes what I
do easier. I'll be real with youwhen there's appropriate
representation, when I haveother referral sources where I
could be like, watch thisdocumentary, and the documentary
is out there. It makes all jobsfor mental health professionals
easier, because we can givelike, a touch point of like a
tangible thing. So I appreciatethat. Tell the people where to

(58:07):
find you, and it'll be in theshow notes too, but just share
where they can find you and keeptrack of all the amazing things
that you're

Unknown (58:13):
doing. Yeah, sure. So I'm most active on Instagram, so
I'll give you my Instagram. It'sjust trail world, T, R, E, L, W,
O, R, L, D and black excellence.Brunch is black excellence
brunch on all platforms. Sowe're on Tiktok, we're on
Instagram. Instagram is the mostlike active and Facebook. So at
Black excellence brunch, at allof those spaces and yeah, those

(58:33):
are where you can like, find andkeep up with a majority of the
things that I'm doing. Yeah,check me out. Hopefully, you
know, maybe we'll see some ofyou at a black excellence
brunch. And I'm just and I justwant to express gratitude for
you for like, making space onyour platform and inviting me

(58:54):
on. And I, you know, I want tospeak also, speak life into what
you're doing. I hope that youcontinue to do it. You're
changing and impact packinglives, mine, including today. So
thank you so much.

Thank you. I appreciate it. I too, am working
on accepting compliments. I usedto do the same thing, and I one
time I was talking to mypsychologist, and I'm like, It's
like someone singing HappyBirthday to you at a restaurant.
Like, what? What do I do with myhands? What am I so I just, you
know, I'd be like, thank you. Solike, listen, we're both on this

(59:26):
journey together, because I toohave to be like, Yeah, okay. So
thank you so much for coming. Iappreciate it. All of his
information will be in the shownotes, and y'all have a
fantastic rest of your day. You.

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