July 30, 2024 • 40 mins
In this conversation, Dr. Raquel Martin interviews Minda Harts, author of 'The Memo: What Women of Color Need to Know to Secure a Seat at the Table.' They discuss the inspiration behind the book and the need for a resource specifically addressing the experiences of women of color in the workplace. They also explore the importance of mentorship and the different levels of mentorship that exist. The conversation touches on the challenges of transitioning from corporate work to entrepreneurship and the misconceptions surrounding entrepreneurship. They emphasize the need for transparency about the behind-the-scenes struggles and the importance of finding what works best for oneself. The conversation explores the importance of avoiding comparison, building a supportive squad, setting boundaries, and using one's voice to navigate the workplace and entrepreneurship as women of color. It emphasizes the need to embrace different definitions of success and to prioritize mental health and well-being.
Takeaways
- The Memo addresses the specific experiences of women of color in the workplace and provides guidance on how to secure a seat at the table.
- Mentorship is important, but it's crucial to have a working relationship with mentors and manage expectations.
- Entrepreneurship is not the only path to success for women of color, and it's important to explore all options.
- The transition from corporate work to entrepreneurship can be challenging, and there are behind-the-scenes struggles that are often not discussed.
Bio
Minda Harts is an accomplished bestselling author, widely acclaimed for her transformative books including "The Memo: What Women of Color Need to Know to Secure a Seat at the Table," "Right Within: How to Heal from Racial Trauma in the Workplace," and "You Are More Than Magic," her influential YA debut. A highly sought-after speaker and thought leader, Minda delivers impactful insights on leadership, diversity, and management, addressing audiences at prestigious venues such as Nike, Google, JP Morgan, Aspen Ideas Festival, and Forbes Inclusion in The Workplace. She serves as an assistant professor at NYU's Robert F. Wagner Graduate School of Public Service and is the visionary founder of The Memo LLC, a pioneering company dedicated to empowering individuals through career development.
Minda's commitment to equity and inclusion is underscored by her recognition as LinkedIn's #1 Top Voice for Equity in the Workplace in 2020, and her inclusion in Business Insider's prestigious list of the top 100 People Transforming Business in 2022. Her impactful influence extends through her weekly career podcast "Secure the Seat," where she fosters crucial conversations and shares invaluable advice. For more information on Minda Harts and her work, visit her website at www.mindaharts.com.
Join the Movement: Dr. Martin invites listeners to become part of the Mind Ya Mental community, offering exclusive access to webinars, book clubs, podcasts, and a platform for connection and growth among like-minded individuals.
You can follow Dr. Martin on Social Media at Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, LinkedIn, YouTube, and at her website www.raquelmartinphd.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dr. Raquel Martin (00:00):
Steve, Hello everyone, and welcome to Mind
your mental just a reminder thatthis podcast is not meant to be
a substitute for a relationshipwith a licensed mental health
professional. I know they arehard to find, and I get that I
have a bunch of resources on mywebsite if you need them, but I
am not your clinician. I am apsychologist, but I am not your
(00:21):
psychologist. So if you need anyspecific help, please look for
the help of a licensed mentalhealth professional. Learn all
you can learn from the podcast.Enjoy the episode. But what's up
everyone? Welcome again to mindyour mental once again, we have
Minda hearts today, someone whoI've been following for forever,
and the same way I meet all ofthe people that I end up like
meeting virtually and not inperson yet, was through a book.
(00:44):
I read her one of her manybooks. One, I don't know how
menta puts out so many books.You guys heard the bio. There's
a bunch of books. But I read thememo, what women of color need
to know to secure a seat at thetable. And I was like, Oh, I
like this person. I'm gonna signup for the memo and Instagram
stalk them. So let's talk aboutMinta, how are you doing today?
Unknown (01:02):
Great to see you. Dr Martin, and I'm so glad you did,
because, you know, I'm equallystalking you too. So wonderful
to be here with you. Thank you.
Dr. Raquel Martin (01:11):
Yeah, I love a bit of reciprocal stalking. I
always tell people like, youknow, I meet a lot of people
just by reaching out. Like, Hey,I like your stuff. You seem
cool. What's up? That's it.Like, I really just, that's why
I'm just like, people are like,you read a lot. I'm like, that's
how I meet everybody. Because ifI like your book, I'm going to
send you a message like, hey,this was awesome. I like the way
your brain works there. What doyou like to do for fun? And
(01:33):
that's why
Unknown (01:35):
it works. Y'all, it works. It works. Y'all,
Dr. Raquel Martin (01:38):
if you listen, you're already at no if
you don't ask, you're gonna staythere. Like nobody. There aren't
as many malicious people outthere as individuals think,
like, I have not had anyone belike, Oh, don't ever message me
again, you vagabond. Like mostpeople are like, Hey, what's up?
Or, yeah, I'm kind of busy. Butmaybe in the fall, you know,
like, it's people want to helppeople, especially black women.
(01:58):
Y'all like, for real, like, Weout here. But I wanted to start
off with you talk about this inthe book, but talk to the
listeners about what inspiresyou to write the memo in
particular, because it is verymuch like it's tangible. You
incorporate some of yourpersonal experience. But why did
you think there needed to be abook talking about what women of
color in particular need to knowto secure its seat at the table.
(02:21):
Hey, everyone, just a reminderthat mind, your mental is not
just a podcast. It is also aamazing community. If I do say
so myself, it's phenomenal. Imean, you get more access to me.
What more could you want in thislife? So if you want to join the
community, if you're not alreadyon the community, go to my
social media. My social media isthe same Raquel Martin, PhD and
(02:44):
DM me the word community, so youcan get details on joining this
amazing, flipping community. Youget more access to me. Y'all
like, I'm a delight. All right.All right. Hope to see you
there.
Unknown (02:57):
Yeah. You know, it's funny. You know, Toni Morrison
said, write the book you want toread. And that's exactly what I
did. I kept reading all of thesebusiness books. And, you know,
this girl don't get the corneroffice and, you know, lean ahead
and do all the things I'm like,you know, that's great and all.
But they're not talking to me.They're these are, you know,
(03:19):
people in positions of, youknow, racial privilege that are
in these rooms for variousreasons. And I wanted to write a
book where women that hadsimilar experiences in me or
felt like they were the only intheir working environment, or
one of you that they could shaketheir head and say, You know
what, I'm not crazy. I didn'tmake this up. Just because
somebody else doesn't want totalk about race at work doesn't
(03:40):
mean that it's not an issue,right? And that I haven't done
anything wrong, even though Imight be in the same spot that I
was in the workplace for thelast five years, but I'm one of
the top performers. So I justwanted to write a book, a love
letter, if you will, about whatit's like to be us in the
workplace.
Dr. Raquel Martin (03:59):
Yeah, and I very much felt that love letter
appeal, because I appreciate thefact that you're speaking
specifically to people of color,to black women like me, because
you're right. I remember, like,there was this instance in the
book where you mentioned youwere so used to hearing these
statistics about I think it waslike pay inequities, or women
being promoted. And youmentioned a good point of, like,
(04:20):
even when they share thosestatistics, they're actually not
the accurate statistics thatrepresent you. And people are
automatically, like, showing youwhere their energy lies, because
I'll see all those statisticsabout, oh, this is the pay gap.
This is how much women make. AndI'm like, no, because I make
less than that. Like, ingeneral, black women make less
than that. I said you're sharingstatistics about European
(04:42):
American women, what they makein comparison to European
American men, and it's justlike, even when I see stuff like
that, I'm like, you're alreadylike, you're saying you're being
inclusive, but even with thedata you're showing that doesn't
even include me. So why would Ithink that this is a space for
me in the first place? That
Unknown (04:59):
part in the first. Like, if we preface everything
with women, what women are youtalking about? Right? Then I
started to realize that youweren't actually talking about
me as a woman. So I needed tocreate content and writings that
would say, hey, for free for therest of us, here's what's
Dr. Raquel Martin (05:20):
Yeah, and it being more tangible, because I'm
sorry, there's only so manytimes I'm going to be told to
lean in before I be like, I'm onthe floor. How? How much more
can I What are we I made atangible Can you give me a step
like, I need? Like, this isridiculous. And the reason why I
really liked your book, becauseyour book was the first one and
to the state legit, the only onethat mentioned not only the
(05:42):
utility of mentors, but thedifferences and like, the levels
when it came to mentors, can youshare more about like, your
perspective in terms of, yes, weunderstand the utility of
mentors, but like, you need tocome at this a certain way.
There's different levels to thiskind of mentorship.
Unknown (05:57):
Yeah, you make a really great point. Dr Martin, because
I think the buzzword is like, Doyou have a mentor? Get a mentor,
okay, but once you have one,then is it actually working for
you? Do you have a workingrelationship? Is this a mentor?
You know, for example, I mightsay, oh, you know, Oprah is a
mentor, right? I watch herthings. But Oprah isn't
necessarily, at this point in mylife where we're recording,
(06:21):
invested in my successpersonally, like as a whole,
yes, right? But, and so yes,that's one way I can gain
mentorship. You know? I canlisten to read her books, watch
her shows. If I, you know, wantto be a journalist or I want to
be a good interviewer, I cantake tips from Oprah. That's a
great place to start, right? Butif I want somebody who's
(06:41):
actually invested that I haveaccess to right, then I can ask
the five questions that havebeen like keeping me up at
night, or, Hey, we have thismeeting on Monday, you know, in
last year. I can we follow upsix months from now? Because I'd
like to talk about, you know,what's happened since then,
maybe we could strategize, likehaving somebody, what I call a
(07:03):
success partner, somebody who isinvested in your success. And I
think that's where many peopleget tripped up, is like, Yeah,
somebody can give you greatadvice, but can we follow up
with them? And maybe it's a onetime thing, right? Somebody
could give you that one timeadvice, and it takes you and
propels you. But I think we haveto understand, like one rapper
said, There's levels to this,right?
Dr. Raquel Martin (07:24):
There's levels to this, levels.
Unknown (07:27):
I think we need to manage our expectations and be
clear and articulate what weneed from mentors and what the
expectation is. Because I thinkthen too we say, well, you know,
I have this mentor, but we nevertalk. I never know what's going
on. It's just in name only. AndI think part of the
responsibility is for us tomanage that relationship, just
(07:47):
like the workplace you mightmanage up. We have to manage
those mentorship relationshipsas well.
Dr. Raquel Martin (07:54):
Do you think there are certain signs for
people to look out for, whetherit's someone they identified as
a mentor or they think of it asa mentor, where it's like, this
is how you can tell that someoneis invested in you and like and
your well being and yoursuccess, like career wise. Or
this is possibly how you cantell that it's not as much the
case in the first place. Yeah, I
Unknown (08:15):
think, for example, right now, I'm seeking out
mentors for film and TV. So I'vebeen in book writing for a long
time, and I want to tell storiesin a different medium. Now, I'm
not in the entertainment, youknow? I'm adjacent to
entertainment, right? And so, soI've been seeking out mentors.
And I had a call with agentleman the other day or two
(08:37):
gentlemen, and they were both infilm and TV. They happen to be
white men. I see them as maybethey could be potential mentors,
right? But we are just meetingeach other, and I was very clear
on what I'm looking to do andhow I'd like them to help me.
It's almost like a relationship,right? I'm telling you what I
need. I have to be clear onthat, and then they can decide
(08:58):
if they want to be a part ofthat or not. One gentleman said,
Hey, once you get to this pointin your career, reach back out
to me, and I'll be I can be morehelpful. He was up front. He's
like, do these things before,and then reach back out to me.
Now, not to say that he's notinvested in my success, but I
know that instead of spinning mywheels, he's not going to be
like my mentor right now, right?He gave me good advice. It was
(09:21):
one time. Thing is going to helpme. Another man that I had a
conversation with, he's like,Here's my email. Send me your
pilot. I'll take a look at it.I'll review it. Let's get back
on a call, right? Those were twosituations where I'm like, this
is clear that there's somebodywho's willing to go the maybe
potentially go the distance withme. And I think we have to both
be honest with ourselves,because I might then keep
(09:43):
emailing the first guy, and henever responds to me, and now
I'm feeling some kind of wayabout it, when he already put it
out there, what type of mentorhe was more than likely going to
be, right?
Dr. Raquel Martin (09:55):
Yeah, and with this, it seems like you
also have to have, you have to,like, be empowered and.
Galvanized to, like, take thefirst step, because it sounds
like you found these people.There are people who maybe their
names kept coming up, and youdecided to reach out to them
yourself, right? Like it wasn'tlike, Oh, hey, I just randomly
saw you, and you'd look like aproducer, like you did the
research. It started off withthe work that you're putting in
(10:15):
to ask for their assistance inthe first place.
Unknown (10:17):
Yeah. So I think we just have to be clear. I think
that starts with us, right? Whattype of mentors do we need? How
can they be helpful? And justlike the saying says people are
in your life for a season,reason or lifetime, and we have
to understand what thosementorship buckets are as well.
Dr. Raquel Martin (10:35):
Yeah, and I think so, like with your book,
The memo, you're talking gettinga seat at the table. You
mentioned being in corporatework, but And you're also,
you're a significantentrepreneur, like an
entrepreneur author, you publicspeaker, like, you do all these
things. And as someone who'sentering into that space, or has
been in it for a little bit, butI always had, like, the cushion
(10:55):
of academia to, like, fall backon, like, Okay, well, at the end
of the day, yes, I can do thesespeaking engagements, but I got
four classes to teach you. Oh,yeah, but let's get booked for
this. But I also have patience,like I've always had. I haven't
ever felt like fully in theentrepreneurship space, because
it was always just something alittle just a little extra,
(11:16):
right? I'm still teaching fulltime, I'm still publishing
research, I'm still seeingpatients. People wanted to hear
me speak. I'm like, Oh, this isa great bonus. Like, Oh, great.
Now we have money to get newfloors, but I'm not fully
surviving off of it, becauseentrepreneurship has always
scared me. Like, I know people,I think, and it's interesting,
because your second book isright within how to heal from
(11:36):
racial trauma in the workplace.And I've always stated when I do
these talks that I'm just like,you know, I don't know. I don't
think all because black womenare like, the one of the biggest
groups of entrepreneurs. I waslike, I don't think all these
black women want to beentrepreneurs. I think there's a
significant amount of people whogot so sick of trying to fit and
conform into a space thatovertly and covertly says that
(11:57):
they didn't want you here, thatthey created their own space.
Because I'm just like,entrepreneurship is like, Oh,
I'll show you, instead ofworking 40 hours a week, I'm
going to work 140 because that'swhat you're doing. Yo. Like,
every time I'm just like, yeah,it's a bunch of black Olympian
entrepreneurs. But I bet you, ifyou could create a work
environment like a salary job,where they didn't feel excluded,
(12:18):
it wasn't oppressive, they wouldbe like, Sign me up. You write.
Let me just end this lease formy candle company tomorrow. And
I have no problem. So it's justlike, I totally get why some
people, I get why. There's somany of us in that space. But I
don't think it's always achoice. I think it's really just
choosing yourself, because it'slike, I'm not gonna keep getting
treated like this. I'm gonnahave to create something of my
(12:40):
own. Do you feel like you seethat too, and in terms of like
you're speaking at all theseplaces you're talking about,
like diversity and women beingwelcome and all of that? Do you
also feel like it's like, yeah,I feel like 70% of these people,
after this talk will realize,you know what, this ain't the
place for me, because Amandasaid, y'all doing all the wrong
things. Y'all brought her atonce, but like, we've been
(13:02):
having these issues, I thinkit's time for me to
Unknown (13:04):
dip, yeah, yeah. I'm glad you brought that up,
because, you know, you see thearticles that say, oh, black
women are the, you know, numberone entrepreneurship group,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,but yeah, and we celebrate that.
But what I write and my booksare not for people to have a
mass exodus out of corporate oracademia or nonprofit life.
That's not why I wrote thebooks. Yeah, I wrote them
(13:26):
because I want them to know thatwhat does it look like to
thrive, right? What does it looklike to be able to advocate for
yourself? You could potentiallydo that where you are. It
doesn't mean you have to leave,but it might mean that there's
another table, one you create,or one somebody else creates
that's better for you. I justwanted to remind people that we
have options, andentrepreneurship is very hard.
(13:46):
Even though we're one of thefastest growing groups, we still
get the least amount of moneywhen it comes to investments,
right? And to your point, yeah,I was working in my corporate
life. I worked probably 80 hoursa week. I'm now working probably
150 right? No, do it now? Do Ilike working, you know, for
myself, but there's days I neversaid, oh, I want to be an
(14:08):
entrepreneur. It was a means toan end. I could no longer
survive in the environmentbecause it was killing me. So I
had to leave. I had to figure itout. I had to take my, you know,
my loaves and my bread andcreate a miracle out of it and
move on. You know, yeah, and itworked out, but, and yes, but I
when people say, do you thinkyou never go back to corporate?
(14:28):
I never say never, because Inever planned on being in the
seat that I was, but I know thatI needed to be here to remind
people what is possible fortheir lives, for their careers,
for their well being, but it'sdifficult. It's a different type
of thing. So I think we have toalso be honest with ourselves
that, you know, it's nice tohave that cushion, right? I
didn't leave corporate Americauntil I had enough of a cushion
(14:50):
that if it didn't work out, thatI'm like, Okay, I got some
breathing room to figure it out.But what I do want at the end of
the day is for us to just knowthat we have. Options. And I
think that's the part that weget so stifled in to think
there's only a one size fitsall.
Dr. Raquel Martin (15:07):
Yeah, I think a lot of times the thought
process of entrepreneurship is,I think a lot of women just I
choose me, you know, like Ichoose my well being. And the
uncertainty of entrepreneurshipseems way more conducive to my
well being than the certainty ofthe fact that like this place is
awful, and I truly can't, like,keep coming in here. And it's
(15:30):
tough too, because I feel likewe're also in this space,
especially with social media,where it's just like, you know,
big boss energy is only if,like, you got your own LLC. I'm
just like, Yo, well, I go, I goto my office, and I feel like
the boss too, like it's justlike, sometimes there's also
that thought process that, like,well, if you don't own your own
stuff, like, what is you doing?Like, what? Yeah, I'm still
(15:52):
working. Like, I still feel likeI'm able to create change. Black
excellence doesn't only meanlike, I gotta be starting my own
business, because I feel likethat's tough as well. I'm
Unknown (16:02):
glad because it doesn't have it could it's yes and
right, it might be for a periodof time, but I think part of it
is just saying, Hey, I don'thave to stay here and be
oppressed and participate in theoppression. I can go to another
place, right? There might beanother nine to five that's for
me, or I might take a sabbaticalwhere I'm not doing anything
right. I just think that asblack women, we have to find
(16:25):
what works best for us. For solong, we've been kind of
socialized and conditioned towhat everybody else tells us
success is, and then we haven'tactually figured out what that
is for ourselves. And I thinkpart of it, rather, I stay in
entrepreneurship till the restof my life, where I go back, you
know, to a, you know, a moretraditional job. I'm glad that
I, to your point, bet on myself.I'm glad that I gave myself
(16:47):
permission to see what it's likeon the other side of the table
and I and it's a freedom that Iwish everyone at some point in
their life could taste just sothat they know what it looks
like on on both sides.
Dr. Raquel Martin (17:00):
Yeah. And as someone who with your
entrepreneur, like with yourbusiness, even today, I like, I
checked in to see if you wereactually at home, because, like,
you're constantly traveling,just like you're like, LinkedIn,
top voices, three books, likeconstantly speaking in all these
stages. Do you feel like, whatare Were there certain things
that were just so tough for youwhen you transitioned from
(17:22):
corporate to entrepreneurship,like you were just like, Huh? I
thought this part would beeasier, and it was in the first
place, because you are very muchlike, thriving and doing all the
stuff now. But with a lot oftransitions, there could be
something where you're lookingback like, oh, that part sucked.
I'm so glad I'm not in the thethroes of that anymore.
Unknown (17:42):
Yeah, you know, I think the behind the scenes, stuff
like the taxes, the you know,you know, paying your own health
insurance, or you know that inyour day job, you might get paid
once a month, and you know whatday it's going to come, or every
two weeks. And withentrepreneurship, one thing I
didn't realize some I chaseddown one fortune 500 company for
(18:03):
six months before they paid me,right? You know, and that the
average person cannot live offof not being paid for six
months, right? I was on my Ithought I was gonna have to go
to the check in cash place for asecond. You know what I mean?
Yeah, you know, you're like,touch and go. And I just don't
think that we talk about thosethings. You know, yes, Forbes
(18:28):
named you this, and LinkedInnamed you that, and Business
Insider. But at the end of theday, you know, you're chasing
the checks. You're have to buildyour business. There's just a
lot that goes into it, not justdoing the Talk or writing the
book. And I just think that, youknow, I love how you are,
because you're so transparentabout the things you know, like,
yeah, there's these great days,but there's also the days where
(18:49):
I call I'm sliding down thewall, right? I'm like, Oh, I
Dr. Raquel Martin (18:56):
feel like I have been having more sliding
down the wall days like, I tryto be very transparent. Like,
y'all Listen, this is an email Isent to someone who wasted, what
did they waste? Like, months ofmy time, and then was like, Oh,
my bad. We ain't got the money.I was like, you ain't got the
money, yo. When I be like, letme tell you something. People,
where I'm from, people getknocked out, but I gotta be an
(19:17):
adult, you know, I'm sayinglike, Oh, you know, I'm typing
the email, but I'm feverishlytyping like, Are you about to
get a lesson today? Because, youknow what? If nothing else, I'm
gonna, I'm gonna find somerelease from like, and then even
in that realm, still gotta do itprofessionally, because the
market is, you know, the placeis small. Or, you know, I people
ask how I get gigs. And I waslike, I pitched myself a lot,
(19:37):
like, in my speaking thing. Iwas like, my first year was
like, I'm pitching everybody. Mysecond year, I was like, Okay,
I'm coming up with my rates.This is like my third real year
of doing it, and I'm just like,I'm not pitching at all. Now,
mind you, that was my goal inJanuary. It's May, and I'm back
to pitching again. It's justlike you have to be able to
pivot and have the conversationsyou have to. It's very
frustrating to just be like,Hey, I'm really good at. You
(20:00):
want to have me on this stage?Oh, I guess you're not, because
you announced the speakers onsocial media, and I'm not one of
them. You couldn't have justtold me, No, bruh, all you could
have said was, like, it's notgonna happen, you know, like,
it's just and I think people seethe ups of it. And I always
Whenever someone's like, youmake it look so easy, that's
when I'm just like, oh my god,oh my god. I think I've
forgotten to give you a backseat, like, as soon as anytime I
(20:22):
see someone say, Oh, mygoodness, you just make it look
so effortless. That's my cue tolet you know that. Like, Oh, I
haven't done a basic face frontand face, yeah, you know, selfie
video, yeah? Because if I did,there is no way you would think,
I think this is
Unknown (20:36):
yes. You're like, wait, you know, here's what it really
looks like. Yes.
Dr. Raquel Martin (20:40):
That literally, when people say that,
I'm like, oh, it's time to do afront a selfie video. Again, my
bad, because we seem to beconfused. Like, it's not easy.
It is worth it, but it's noteasy by any way, in any way,
shape or form. Like, I getfrustrated when I say, flip a
tape. I have literally, like,thrown a book when I was just
like, you could have just toldme it was a no. Like, stuff like
(21:00):
that gets very frustrating. Andit's just like, it's why I try
to be way more transparent aboutlike, yeah, you guys, like, you
see me doing a speaking buty'all do know I still teach full
time, right? Like, y'all doknow, like, I can only do events
on certain days. I still gottacook, like, extra days to go out
of town. I think people only seeone side of it, and then I think
I want you to, I want you to. Iwant it to be appealing to a
(21:22):
certain extent, but I want youto. I want you to see the guts
and the glory like I want you tosee like I was on the fall floor
crying, and then I had happened,I got an email about, like, Oh,
you got this gig instead. Okay.But like,
Unknown (21:41):
I'm like, Thank you Jesus.
Dr. Raquel Martin (21:46):
Like, what are we gonna do? I'm about to be
on the street trying to givetherapy for some change, man,
because this is a working like,we'll provide you with an
affirmation for adults, becausethis is getting crazy, you know.
But like, I just, I want peopleto see both sides. Because when
we think about like, mentalhealth, well being, and we think
about black mental health, Ifeel like this aspect of black
(22:07):
excellence, I feel like it'sreally myopic most times, and I
think that we have gotten to aplace where we dehumanize
ourselves like we dehumanizepeople in the black community,
the same way that used to bedone to us, like we put ours.
The only way to be a boss, is tobe owning your own business. And
the only way to be doing it, tobe a black excellence, is to be
doing it this one way. And I'mjust like, man, Yo, people have
(22:30):
already put us in a box, like,we ain't gotta do it to
ourselves. You can be. You canvery much do it a different way.
Unknown (22:35):
I'm glad that you said that, Doctor Martin, because
even now I feel like with blackexcellence and mental health.
It's a real push, I mean, and Iknow it comes in waves, but
right now, I feel like we'reseeing if you're not a
millionaire, then you're notdoing anything. You know,
Dr. Raquel Martin (22:50):
this is like, you might as well give up on
life, like,
Unknown (22:54):
wait a second, life and success can look a whole bunch
of different ways. But I feel,especially in the black
community, you're not amillionaire, you're not going to
the retreat, you're not at thisplace, you're not place, you're
not you're just like losing andit's like, wait a second,
there's joy in what you're doingas well, right? And I just feel
like, again, that's what I lovewhen I hear you speak and the
(23:14):
content that you put out thereto show you, know, it can look a
lot of different ways. You know,it doesn't have to. And I think
that's important, you know, justto say, and I think in the black
community specifically,sometimes we get in these like
silos, where, if, well, if Ididn't get invited to this
place, that I must not be doingit right, right? Or, you know, I
see so and so is doing it and,you know, but so and so is going
(23:35):
through the same stuff we'rejust talking about right now,
but showing you, yo,
Dr. Raquel Martin (23:41):
I kid you not. There was, what was it? It
was like, culture con, or one ofthose really big things. And I
didn't even know what'shappening, but you see, like,
top mental health people. And Iwas like, oh, so I'm just trash.
Like, I genuine. My husbandlooked at me like, my god. Like,
what are you serious? Like, heit's also, it's good to have
someone who like the old Ialways state, because you, you
(24:02):
mentioned this as well as, likebuilding building your family,
like building your squad. Thereason why I do well, I'm always
going to be doing good becausethe people around me, they
believe in me more than I do,but they also are quick to be
like, have some freaking sense.Raquel, this. I'm not doing this
with you. Okay, please, yes,yes. Oh, you didn't get dating
for that. What did you were justtalking about something you got
(24:24):
published. Have some sense?Yeah, I'm not doing this with
you. Like, I very much. Havepeople to be like, ignore. She's
being insane. We're not doingshe's having a moment. And you
know, you need those people tojust be like, Girl, bye. Are we
going to get food or not?Because I'm not. I'm not doing
this with you. I don't have theenergy. Okay, today was about
me. Yeah, okay, I'm not talkingto you about your thing. So,
(24:45):
like, you mentioned that too,and I think it's important,
because we build ourfriendships, we build our
friendship so we have peopleover time. But when you talk
about building your squad, Ilove the fact that you also talk
about building like yourbusiness squad, it's just like,
all right, yo. Like, who's gonnabuy. You up like you want to
look around your squad and belike, Yo, you was. You were
talking about doing thisopportunity. I didn't even think
(25:06):
about that. Tell me more. Like,I like how you mentioned that,
what have been some ways thatyou have found to, like, build
your squad, or advice you wouldgive to people if they don't
already have one, to just be onthe lookout for it. Because I
agree it's something that youneed, and I love the fact that
you mentioned it as a necessity?Yeah. I
Unknown (25:21):
mean, we need that in our tool toolbox. You need, you
know, a squad internally,wherever you might be working or
what you're doing, so thatpeople are speaking your names
in the rooms that you're not in,being able to say, Hey, mind is
interested in that. Did youknow? Let me make a connection,
right? But if we don't havepeople that know what we're
working on, that we trust, thenthey can't be the connectors.
You know, Malcolm Gladwell wrotea book called, was it? No, it's,
(25:44):
is it the outliers? I might beMiss messing the outliers is
one? Yeah. And, you know, hetalks a lot about, you know,
these people on the fringes,which I think are great, but we
he also talks about how youactually have to have a team of
people, those connectors, thoseinfluencers, right? That help
you get to those places, right?And so for me, I realized very
(26:04):
quickly in my corporate lifethat I can't be an island. Yeah,
I'm really great at what I do.But, you know, do I have a
connection in HR? Do I havesomebody in the tech department
when, you know, things go downand I don't have 24 hours to
wait for the ticket to come upwith my name on it, right? Or,
you know, the executiveassistant to the CEO, like
everybody, has a role to playthat could be part of the team.
(26:25):
And if I'm the captain of myteam, I need some players to
help me play the best gamepossible. And I see that in
every facet of my life, right?So as an entrepreneur, I have a
group chat of public speakers,right? That are part of that. I
built a squad. So when somethingfunny or fishy comes up, hey, in
the group chat, they didn't, youjust speak there last year. What
(26:47):
did they do? Right? They tryingto give me exposure, you know,
like, or I can't do this. Canyou do this? Right? Just those
sorts of things, and realizingthat, oh, hey, the month has
been slow. Dei is on attack. Areyou getting work? I'm not
getting work. Oh, here's somework, right? Just having a space
where you don't have to be inisolation. And I know, for me,
(27:09):
the beginning of my career, Iwas so isolated because I was
the only one, and I wasn'tfinding my squad at the in the
workplace, but I realized that Iwas also part of creating that
squad. You know, you don't haveto wait, you know, I Dr Martin
for so long, and I'm still intherapy about it. I used to be
like, well, you know, I went tojunior college, and then I
transferred. I don't have theIvy League, you know, like
(27:30):
everybody else, so they can't bepart of my squad. And I was
talking myself out of who couldbe in my squad. And then I took
the power back and said, I getto create, right? And you don't
have to have a certain pedigreeor identity to be able to do
that. You know, that's where wedemocratize the the workplace in
our lives. We get to createthat. And you talked about doing
that as well. I mean you, andI'm sure at some point our paths
(27:52):
would have crossed. But youknow, you initiated that, and
I'm glad that you did right andand I just want all of us to
realize that we can build oursquad and and a lot of my squad
are people that nobody has evenknows, right? They don't have to
be people who are also LinkedInor, you know, essence, top this
and that. And I also want peopleto understand that everybody
(28:15):
plays value in the squad. Itdoesn't have to be someone with
a million followers. It can besomebody with a 50 followers,
someone who doesn't even have anInstagram. You know what I'm
saying? Like, let's also not beso fixated on who those people
have to be, being open minded.
Dr. Raquel Martin (28:31):
Yeah. And I think that's really important,
because, like, the same way youmentioned you work through that,
I work through that too thenumber of times. And I think the
thing I always apply this wholeaspect of like, healing in
public to help those healingprivate. Like, I try to make
sure I share the positivethings. But a lot of times I'm
like, everybody gotta get tohear the positive about
everyone. I want y'all to hearmy trash moments. Yo, like, this
(28:52):
is what, because they're so andI'm just like, you know, I keep
seeing all these peaks I need tosee. Like, I need y'all to if
you need someone to show you thepits of it, I will show you
like, Oh, my God, I didn't getchosen for this thing. I mean, I
didn't even know it was a thing,and I know I wanted it, until I
saw somebody else was not, youknow. And, you know, you
question things, and it'ssomeone on social media and all
(29:12):
that. I remember I was talkingto my colleague, and they were
like, oh, you know, oh, I wantedto get on social media, but my
stuff doesn't do as well as thispretty big content creator. And
I said, Yo, don't you ever andit's somebody I know for a fact.
And I was like, let me saysomething. I know him. Okay,
that man is a full time contentcreator. Okay, you will never
You understand me. You're notgoing to be as good as him. And
(29:34):
why would you be as good as him?He's not as good as you at
teaching full time in academiabecause he's not doing it. He's
a full time content creator, ifyou ever get a post that does as
well as him, please tell me whatyou did. Like, there's so many
people who are comparingthemselves to maybe they're
still in your same topic area,but they're full time content
creators. Like this is whatthey're doing, and they're
(29:56):
amazing at it. They should bedoing better than you at this.
They
Unknown (29:59):
should. Could be they started 10 years ago, and you
started last they started 10
Dr. Raquel Martin (30:03):
years ago. II genuinely was like, what? Like,
I look at them like, Yo,alright. Now, come on. Now,
let's have some sense. Alright,like, because it's easy to
compare things, and I used to dothat too. But if it's one thing
I don't do, I do not compare,listen, I don't compare myself
to full time content creators.Because I'm like, Oh, this is
amazing, yeah, yeah, you should,yeah. You look like you learned
(30:24):
a new technique that was tough.And even with stuff as simple
as, like, fitness, I followFitness accounts, but there's
only certain fitness accounts Ifollow that are not of parents,
yeah, because I need you,because the parent accounts will
also be like, Listen, this am Isupposed to work out this week,
this kid got sick. We all diedover here. I can't see too much
productivity. And I'll be honestwith y'all out there, just
(30:45):
listeners. I can't see too muchproductivity because it's just
too much. I just be like, Well,what you did? What you made
artisanal jam while before youwent to Pilates, and then you
made your husband a what? Oh,and then you got new lingerie
for that night too. That'swhat's up. It's too much
productivity. I can't see it.You see, I mean, like, this is
too
Unknown (31:05):
then you put a chocolate on your girl, okay?
Girl, I'd
Dr. Raquel Martin (31:08):
be like, you did. You did what? Oh, my God.
And it's not even I just belike, I love that for you, hate
it for me, love it for you. ButI, literally, I have a ceiling
on. They seem too productive. Ican't do it.
Unknown (31:23):
I think that's the best. Oh, you make some mental
health advice, not, you know,Comparison is the thief of joy
and one. As an entrepreneur andan author early on, I would be
like, Well, why am I not likeElaine welterock, well, you
know, she was the, you know,editor in chief of this
Dr. Raquel Martin (31:43):
but you know, I think people forget that men,
I think people forget thatbecause I genuinely, I really
think people think that, likesomebody mentioned it was a
music artist, and I had tofollow him for a minute, and
they were like, Oh, they were anovernight success. And I was
like, Oh, I guess it took adecade to be an overnight
success. You haven't I've beenlistening to this person for
forever. They just happen to geton the radio. It's like, they
it, I don't know, an overnightsuccess. Like, it's, I get
(32:06):
people that see, like, what'sabove the water, but like, no
one is an overnight it's notpossible, especially because
there's so much competition outthere, yeah? Like, it's not a
it's very much not a thing.Yeah, don't compare yourself.
And I also state, like, I thinksocial media is amazing. Like, I
when it's a good tool, it'sfantastic. It helps me to stop
people like you, and then justreach out, like, Hey, what's up?
What you want to be, want to befriends, and y'all, like,
(32:28):
seriously, That's literally howI reach out. Like, I like your
book, you seem cool. What'sthat? You know? Like, it's, it
doesn't have to be that deep,but like it when it's when
people need to realize that,like, if I'm looking at
something and it's making mefeel bad, like, I'll mute it,
and if I feel better aftermuting it, I might just
unfollow, right? That doesn'tmean you gotta write on
someone's page, saying doing toomuch. You could just, like, shut
(32:51):
your face and then just, youknow, mute or unfollow. You
know, like some people, I'd belike, why would you I didn't
need to know that you didn'tlike this girl. You commented on
my page, not sure I ain't comingon yours. Like, I just, I think
more people need to realizethere's an entrepreneurship and
stuff. There's so much aspectsof social media now. Like, I
think a lot of people aremarketing themselves on there.
(33:11):
You do? You do great on allplatforms, especially LinkedIn.
I can't stand me. But, like, Idon't know how you do it. Like,
you on top everything, and I'mlike, yeah, she's staying awake.
Unknown (33:22):
You have IG and Tiktok on live. I just be there, just
to have a pulse. That's all I'mlike, you post.
Dr. Raquel Martin (33:31):
I'll be like, but every time I see him, like,
Oh, look at this. This is somegood LinkedIn. I very much. Be
like, where are the videos? Ineed some memes, guys, I haven't
laughed in like, five minutes.Like, congratulations on your
promotions and Dang. Like, Ineed trash. Like, I need some
trash content and LinkedIn isnot for thank God we have that.
(33:54):
We can get what? Yes, that's whywe have all the platforms,
because it's like, Listen, Ineed some straight up trash. Let
me go. I'm gonna head on over totick tock real quick. Let me see
who's pissed off at WHO? Yes,for uh, for uh, doing this. But
like, yeah. I think it's reallyimportant for people to realize,
even with the aspect ofentrepreneurship, a lot of
people are on social media. Butone, it's a good tool to reach
(34:15):
out to people. I think with yoursquad, it sounds like your squad
is also pretty transparent withyou. I make sure my people, I
talk to my people about moneyall the time, and I wish more
people felt comfortable withthat, because if I make more
than you, ask me questions abouthow I got there, and if you make
more than me, Imma ask you somequestions, like, it's just
money, like, I'm not going to beashamed about making less. You
gonna help me make more? Help memake more?
Unknown (34:38):
That part? I mean, I think that's too part of
entrepreneurship, part of justbeing a human, is saying, okay,
yeah, we want I want you to besuccessful. I want your
listeners to be successful. Andit's like, we have to share some
of these things so that we allcan have the information to be
able to make our next best stepsright and our next best moves.
But when we hoard theinformation, when. Don't when
(35:00):
we're not saying here are twosides of the coin, then we are,
you know, misleading what'spossible. And to your point, I
think that there's no one way todo a thing, right, but we have
to. But I love that we can talkabout these things so that we
are just, if I can stop you frombumping your toe on the edge of
the couch, right, then that'swhat I want you,
Dr. Raquel Martin (35:21):
you know, that's how I see it too. Like I
literally, I be like, Yo, I madethis mistake. Don't do that. Do
not do that. Like I very much,that's how I see it. Is just
being like, oh, you know, here'sthe thing. I did it this way,
and I very much got to a pointwhere I survived that however. I
really want you not to make thismistake in terms of, like, that
encounter or that thing I'vebeen trying to get better at
(35:44):
lately, I've been responding toemails when I'm pissed. So,
like, I've been trying to tellpeople, like, take if you are
typing and you notice your heartrate is increasing. Like,
respond later, because I'm alsoat a space where, like, I think
I've done really well at, like,telling people off
professionally, however, later,sometimes I'm just like, I
didn't even really need to saythat. I was just mad. I was just
(36:07):
mad, like, and or irritated. Solike, even that, when people
reach out to me, I'm like, yo,wait 10 minutes. Yo. Like, go
drink some water, sit outside,eat a banana, and then, like,
come back. Because yes, thingsgo okay for me sometimes in this
scenario. But how do I not knowthat person was just like, yeah,
so we signed a contract withyou, and I'm gonna Tee hee with
(36:28):
you until, you know, pay youout. I ain't never booking your
behind again. You not gonna tellme about myself and then CC
everybody like, yeah, okay, wedid this contract. I never
worked with you again, yeah? AndI know the person who also is
the head of BuzzFeed, and youain't never working with them
either. Like, you never, youlegit, never know. So it's just
like, everybody's just like, oh,right, you you do so well with
(36:48):
that. I'm like, Yeah, but pleaserealize I do know that there are
going to be positive andnegative consequences. I'm just,
most of the time I'm okay withit, you know, sometimes I
literally do be like, I do needto tell you about yourself,
because I've heard that this isa problem for a lot of people,
and I'm okay with following onthis sword because I don't like
you and I don't want to workwith you again. So like, I'm
going to be honest about this,but I want people to know like,
(37:10):
Y'all be liking like, oh yeah,she told them off. Please be
aware that there are also manytimes where they be like, Girl,
I ain't working with you, butwill you call me? You call me
everything but a child of God,yeah, I love working with you.
And I'll be like, Yeah, I doremember that. I didn't know if
you did, but that was some of mybest work. So I'm actually kind
of happy that was really good.You know. Like, listen, one of
(37:31):
my favorite rappers is Jay Z,and I'm be real. I sometimes I
brag. Like, hope I'd be like,listen, okay, do you know you're
talking to okay, I don't getthis. Okay, I'm not gonna do
this. But in the same aspect ofit, you I like the fact that you
provide like, advice onnetworking and office politics
(37:51):
and financial aspects ofcorporate life and
entrepreneurship. What do youthink are some common mistakes
that you've seen women of colormake in these particular areas,
and what are some ways you thinkthat they can avoid them? You
Unknown (38:03):
know, I think all of it comes down to our voice and our
value. I think that oftentimes,rather we're inside the
workplace or outside theworkplace, we are silencing
ourselves at the expense of ourown well being, instead of
saying what we mean withoutsaying it mean you in your
industry, they call itboundaries, right? So in the
(38:27):
workplace, I think are critical.And I think that sometimes, as
black women in particular, andwomen, we think, Oh, well, you
know, I'll just work hard withmy head down. Or, you know, it's
only one time they didn't meanany harm. And and we participate
in those systems of oppressionsat times, too. And I think that
people who don't know what goodlooks like if you don't tell
them. And I think for so long inmy career, I did, I just went
(38:50):
along with the get along, and itwasn't helpful to me. I was
saying yes to things thatweren't getting me any closer to
my long term goals, you know,just to appease people. But once
I realized that I have morepower than I think, and part of
my freedom lies in using myvoice. Right? They hired you for
a reason. They booked you for areason, you know. So make sure
(39:10):
that you're clear. There's anauthor, and she says clarity is
kindness, and part of that isbeing very clear on what your
boundaries are, so that peoplecan never create a narrative
outside of you. You get to ownthe story. And that's what I
want us to do, inside andoutside the the workplace, own
the narrative document. If youneed to root things in fact,
(39:31):
right? I think sometimes we canroot things in emotion, and
emotions, you know, matter too.We need to check in with our
bodies. But when I'm havingconversations, I'm not, oh, I
felt like you were being racistor sexist or homophobic or
ageist. No at 1259, in Zoom Room10,
(39:52):
I wanted to talk about what youmight have, what you meant by
that, like, and once I was ableto do those. Sorts of things.
And I think, Oh, he's beingunfair. Well, what does that
mean? Yeah, like, and I had toacknowledge that to me first. So
acknowledge those things toyourself first, and then you can
acknowledge them to otherpeople. And you know, so for me,
(40:15):
it really is part of the voice.Our voice is so important, so
don't give your voice away.
Dr. Raquel Martin (40:21):
Don't give your voice away. I think that's
perfect. I think it's the firstthing to end the episode on.
Well, Minda, thank you so muchfor coming to the show. Tell
people where they can find you.I mean, they can find you
everywhere. You stay on a plane.I can't wait until you sit like
you start posting on yourprivate jet, because as much as
you fly, I mean, I was like, Iwonder where she's at today. Oh,
you're home today. That's what's
Unknown (40:42):
up your favorite internet Street, whether it's
LinkedIn, iG, formerly known asTwitter at Minda, hearts, thank
you so much.
Dr. Raquel Martin (40:52):
Thank you. Alright, y'all as always, be
kind to yourself. Remember thattwo steps forward and one step
back is still one step forward.That's just math. And have a
good day. You.
Steve, Hello everyone, and welcome to Mind
your mental just a reminder thatthis podcast is not meant to be
a substitute for a relationshipwith a licensed mental health
professional. I know they arehard to find, and I get that I
have a bunch of resources on mywebsite if you need them, but I
am not your clinician. I am apsychologist, but I am not your
(00:21):
psychologist. So if you need anyspecific help, please look for
the help of a licensed mentalhealth professional. Learn all
you can learn from the podcast.Enjoy the episode. But what's up
everyone? Welcome again to mindyour mental once again, we have
Minda hearts today, someone whoI've been following for forever,
and the same way I meet all ofthe people that I end up like
meeting virtually and not inperson yet, was through a book.
(00:44):
I read her one of her manybooks. One, I don't know how
menta puts out so many books.You guys heard the bio. There's
a bunch of books. But I read thememo, what women of color need
to know to secure a seat at thetable. And I was like, Oh, I
like this person. I'm gonna signup for the memo and Instagram
stalk them. So let's talk aboutMinta, how are you doing today?
Unknown (01:02):
Great to see you. Dr Martin, and I'm so glad you did,
because, you know, I'm equallystalking you too. So wonderful
to be here with you. Thank you.
Dr. Raquel Martin (01:11):
Yeah, I love a bit of reciprocal stalking. I
always tell people like, youknow, I meet a lot of people
just by reaching out. Like, Hey,I like your stuff. You seem
cool. What's up? That's it.Like, I really just, that's why
I'm just like, people are like,you read a lot. I'm like, that's
how I meet everybody. Because ifI like your book, I'm going to
send you a message like, hey,this was awesome. I like the way
your brain works there. What doyou like to do for fun? And
(01:33):
that's why
Unknown (01:35):
it works. Y'all, it works. It works. Y'all,
Dr. Raquel Martin (01:38):
if you listen, you're already at no if
you don't ask, you're gonna staythere. Like nobody. There aren't
as many malicious people outthere as individuals think,
like, I have not had anyone belike, Oh, don't ever message me
again, you vagabond. Like mostpeople are like, Hey, what's up?
Or, yeah, I'm kind of busy. Butmaybe in the fall, you know,
like, it's people want to helppeople, especially black women.
(01:58):
Y'all like, for real, like, Weout here. But I wanted to start
off with you talk about this inthe book, but talk to the
listeners about what inspiresyou to write the memo in
particular, because it is verymuch like it's tangible. You
incorporate some of yourpersonal experience. But why did
you think there needed to be abook talking about what women of
color in particular need to knowto secure its seat at the table.
(02:21):
Hey, everyone, just a reminderthat mind, your mental is not
just a podcast. It is also aamazing community. If I do say
so myself, it's phenomenal. Imean, you get more access to me.
What more could you want in thislife? So if you want to join the
community, if you're not alreadyon the community, go to my
social media. My social media isthe same Raquel Martin, PhD and
(02:44):
DM me the word community, so youcan get details on joining this
amazing, flipping community. Youget more access to me. Y'all
like, I'm a delight. All right.All right. Hope to see you
there.
Unknown (02:57):
Yeah. You know, it's funny. You know, Toni Morrison
said, write the book you want toread. And that's exactly what I
did. I kept reading all of thesebusiness books. And, you know,
this girl don't get the corneroffice and, you know, lean ahead
and do all the things I'm like,you know, that's great and all.
But they're not talking to me.They're these are, you know,
(03:19):
people in positions of, youknow, racial privilege that are
in these rooms for variousreasons. And I wanted to write a
book where women that hadsimilar experiences in me or
felt like they were the only intheir working environment, or
one of you that they could shaketheir head and say, You know
what, I'm not crazy. I didn'tmake this up. Just because
somebody else doesn't want totalk about race at work doesn't
(03:40):
mean that it's not an issue,right? And that I haven't done
anything wrong, even though Imight be in the same spot that I
was in the workplace for thelast five years, but I'm one of
the top performers. So I justwanted to write a book, a love
letter, if you will, about whatit's like to be us in the
workplace.
Dr. Raquel Martin (03:59):
Yeah, and I very much felt that love letter
appeal, because I appreciate thefact that you're speaking
specifically to people of color,to black women like me, because
you're right. I remember, like,there was this instance in the
book where you mentioned youwere so used to hearing these
statistics about I think it waslike pay inequities, or women
being promoted. And youmentioned a good point of, like,
(04:20):
even when they share thosestatistics, they're actually not
the accurate statistics thatrepresent you. And people are
automatically, like, showing youwhere their energy lies, because
I'll see all those statisticsabout, oh, this is the pay gap.
This is how much women make. AndI'm like, no, because I make
less than that. Like, ingeneral, black women make less
than that. I said you're sharingstatistics about European
(04:42):
American women, what they makein comparison to European
American men, and it's justlike, even when I see stuff like
that, I'm like, you're alreadylike, you're saying you're being
inclusive, but even with thedata you're showing that doesn't
even include me. So why would Ithink that this is a space for
me in the first place? That
Unknown (04:59):
part in the first. Like, if we preface everything
with women, what women are youtalking about? Right? Then I
started to realize that youweren't actually talking about
me as a woman. So I needed tocreate content and writings that
would say, hey, for free for therest of us, here's what's
Dr. Raquel Martin (05:20):
Yeah, and it being more tangible, because I'm
sorry, there's only so manytimes I'm going to be told to
lean in before I be like, I'm onthe floor. How? How much more
can I What are we I made atangible Can you give me a step
like, I need? Like, this isridiculous. And the reason why I
really liked your book, becauseyour book was the first one and
to the state legit, the only onethat mentioned not only the
(05:42):
utility of mentors, but thedifferences and like, the levels
when it came to mentors, can youshare more about like, your
perspective in terms of, yes, weunderstand the utility of
mentors, but like, you need tocome at this a certain way.
There's different levels to thiskind of mentorship.
Unknown (05:57):
Yeah, you make a really great point. Dr Martin, because
I think the buzzword is like, Doyou have a mentor? Get a mentor,
okay, but once you have one,then is it actually working for
you? Do you have a workingrelationship? Is this a mentor?
You know, for example, I mightsay, oh, you know, Oprah is a
mentor, right? I watch herthings. But Oprah isn't
necessarily, at this point in mylife where we're recording,
(06:21):
invested in my successpersonally, like as a whole,
yes, right? But, and so yes,that's one way I can gain
mentorship. You know? I canlisten to read her books, watch
her shows. If I, you know, wantto be a journalist or I want to
be a good interviewer, I cantake tips from Oprah. That's a
great place to start, right? Butif I want somebody who's
(06:41):
actually invested that I haveaccess to right, then I can ask
the five questions that havebeen like keeping me up at
night, or, Hey, we have thismeeting on Monday, you know, in
last year. I can we follow upsix months from now? Because I'd
like to talk about, you know,what's happened since then,
maybe we could strategize, likehaving somebody, what I call a
(07:03):
success partner, somebody who isinvested in your success. And I
think that's where many peopleget tripped up, is like, Yeah,
somebody can give you greatadvice, but can we follow up
with them? And maybe it's a onetime thing, right? Somebody
could give you that one timeadvice, and it takes you and
propels you. But I think we haveto understand, like one rapper
said, There's levels to this,right?
Dr. Raquel Martin (07:24):
There's levels to this, levels.
Unknown (07:27):
I think we need to manage our expectations and be
clear and articulate what weneed from mentors and what the
expectation is. Because I thinkthen too we say, well, you know,
I have this mentor, but we nevertalk. I never know what's going
on. It's just in name only. AndI think part of the
responsibility is for us tomanage that relationship, just
(07:47):
like the workplace you mightmanage up. We have to manage
those mentorship relationshipsas well.
Dr. Raquel Martin (07:54):
Do you think there are certain signs for
people to look out for, whetherit's someone they identified as
a mentor or they think of it asa mentor, where it's like, this
is how you can tell that someoneis invested in you and like and
your well being and yoursuccess, like career wise. Or
this is possibly how you cantell that it's not as much the
case in the first place. Yeah, I
Unknown (08:15):
think, for example, right now, I'm seeking out
mentors for film and TV. So I'vebeen in book writing for a long
time, and I want to tell storiesin a different medium. Now, I'm
not in the entertainment, youknow? I'm adjacent to
entertainment, right? And so, soI've been seeking out mentors.
And I had a call with agentleman the other day or two
(08:37):
gentlemen, and they were both infilm and TV. They happen to be
white men. I see them as maybethey could be potential mentors,
right? But we are just meetingeach other, and I was very clear
on what I'm looking to do andhow I'd like them to help me.
It's almost like a relationship,right? I'm telling you what I
need. I have to be clear onthat, and then they can decide
(08:58):
if they want to be a part ofthat or not. One gentleman said,
Hey, once you get to this pointin your career, reach back out
to me, and I'll be I can be morehelpful. He was up front. He's
like, do these things before,and then reach back out to me.
Now, not to say that he's notinvested in my success, but I
know that instead of spinning mywheels, he's not going to be
like my mentor right now, right?He gave me good advice. It was
(09:21):
one time. Thing is going to helpme. Another man that I had a
conversation with, he's like,Here's my email. Send me your
pilot. I'll take a look at it.I'll review it. Let's get back
on a call, right? Those were twosituations where I'm like, this
is clear that there's somebodywho's willing to go the maybe
potentially go the distance withme. And I think we have to both
be honest with ourselves,because I might then keep
(09:43):
emailing the first guy, and henever responds to me, and now
I'm feeling some kind of wayabout it, when he already put it
out there, what type of mentorhe was more than likely going to
be, right?
Dr. Raquel Martin (09:55):
Yeah, and with this, it seems like you
also have to have, you have to,like, be empowered and.
Galvanized to, like, take thefirst step, because it sounds
like you found these people.There are people who maybe their
names kept coming up, and youdecided to reach out to them
yourself, right? Like it wasn'tlike, Oh, hey, I just randomly
saw you, and you'd look like aproducer, like you did the
research. It started off withthe work that you're putting in
(10:15):
to ask for their assistance inthe first place.
Unknown (10:17):
Yeah. So I think we just have to be clear. I think
that starts with us, right? Whattype of mentors do we need? How
can they be helpful? And justlike the saying says people are
in your life for a season,reason or lifetime, and we have
to understand what thosementorship buckets are as well.
Dr. Raquel Martin (10:35):
Yeah, and I think so, like with your book,
The memo, you're talking gettinga seat at the table. You
mentioned being in corporatework, but And you're also,
you're a significantentrepreneur, like an
entrepreneur author, you publicspeaker, like, you do all these
things. And as someone who'sentering into that space, or has
been in it for a little bit, butI always had, like, the cushion
(10:55):
of academia to, like, fall backon, like, Okay, well, at the end
of the day, yes, I can do thesespeaking engagements, but I got
four classes to teach you. Oh,yeah, but let's get booked for
this. But I also have patience,like I've always had. I haven't
ever felt like fully in theentrepreneurship space, because
it was always just something alittle just a little extra,
(11:16):
right? I'm still teaching fulltime, I'm still publishing
research, I'm still seeingpatients. People wanted to hear
me speak. I'm like, Oh, this isa great bonus. Like, Oh, great.
Now we have money to get newfloors, but I'm not fully
surviving off of it, becauseentrepreneurship has always
scared me. Like, I know people,I think, and it's interesting,
because your second book isright within how to heal from
(11:36):
racial trauma in the workplace.And I've always stated when I do
these talks that I'm just like,you know, I don't know. I don't
think all because black womenare like, the one of the biggest
groups of entrepreneurs. I waslike, I don't think all these
black women want to beentrepreneurs. I think there's a
significant amount of people whogot so sick of trying to fit and
conform into a space thatovertly and covertly says that
(11:57):
they didn't want you here, thatthey created their own space.
Because I'm just like,entrepreneurship is like, Oh,
I'll show you, instead ofworking 40 hours a week, I'm
going to work 140 because that'swhat you're doing. Yo. Like,
every time I'm just like, yeah,it's a bunch of black Olympian
entrepreneurs. But I bet you, ifyou could create a work
environment like a salary job,where they didn't feel excluded,
(12:18):
it wasn't oppressive, they wouldbe like, Sign me up. You write.
Let me just end this lease formy candle company tomorrow. And
I have no problem. So it's justlike, I totally get why some
people, I get why. There's somany of us in that space. But I
don't think it's always achoice. I think it's really just
choosing yourself, because it'slike, I'm not gonna keep getting
treated like this. I'm gonnahave to create something of my
(12:40):
own. Do you feel like you seethat too, and in terms of like
you're speaking at all theseplaces you're talking about,
like diversity and women beingwelcome and all of that? Do you
also feel like it's like, yeah,I feel like 70% of these people,
after this talk will realize,you know what, this ain't the
place for me, because Amandasaid, y'all doing all the wrong
things. Y'all brought her atonce, but like, we've been
(13:02):
having these issues, I thinkit's time for me to
Unknown (13:04):
dip, yeah, yeah. I'm glad you brought that up,
because, you know, you see thearticles that say, oh, black
women are the, you know, numberone entrepreneurship group,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,but yeah, and we celebrate that.
But what I write and my booksare not for people to have a
mass exodus out of corporate oracademia or nonprofit life.
That's not why I wrote thebooks. Yeah, I wrote them
(13:26):
because I want them to know thatwhat does it look like to
thrive, right? What does it looklike to be able to advocate for
yourself? You could potentiallydo that where you are. It
doesn't mean you have to leave,but it might mean that there's
another table, one you create,or one somebody else creates
that's better for you. I justwanted to remind people that we
have options, andentrepreneurship is very hard.
(13:46):
Even though we're one of thefastest growing groups, we still
get the least amount of moneywhen it comes to investments,
right? And to your point, yeah,I was working in my corporate
life. I worked probably 80 hoursa week. I'm now working probably
150 right? No, do it now? Do Ilike working, you know, for
myself, but there's days I neversaid, oh, I want to be an
(14:08):
entrepreneur. It was a means toan end. I could no longer
survive in the environmentbecause it was killing me. So I
had to leave. I had to figure itout. I had to take my, you know,
my loaves and my bread andcreate a miracle out of it and
move on. You know, yeah, and itworked out, but, and yes, but I
when people say, do you thinkyou never go back to corporate?
(14:28):
I never say never, because Inever planned on being in the
seat that I was, but I know thatI needed to be here to remind
people what is possible fortheir lives, for their careers,
for their well being, but it'sdifficult. It's a different type
of thing. So I think we have toalso be honest with ourselves
that, you know, it's nice tohave that cushion, right? I
didn't leave corporate Americauntil I had enough of a cushion
(14:50):
that if it didn't work out, thatI'm like, Okay, I got some
breathing room to figure it out.But what I do want at the end of
the day is for us to just knowthat we have. Options. And I
think that's the part that weget so stifled in to think
there's only a one size fitsall.
Dr. Raquel Martin (15:07):
Yeah, I think a lot of times the thought
process of entrepreneurship is,I think a lot of women just I
choose me, you know, like Ichoose my well being. And the
uncertainty of entrepreneurshipseems way more conducive to my
well being than the certainty ofthe fact that like this place is
awful, and I truly can't, like,keep coming in here. And it's
(15:30):
tough too, because I feel likewe're also in this space,
especially with social media,where it's just like, you know,
big boss energy is only if,like, you got your own LLC. I'm
just like, Yo, well, I go, I goto my office, and I feel like
the boss too, like it's justlike, sometimes there's also
that thought process that, like,well, if you don't own your own
stuff, like, what is you doing?Like, what? Yeah, I'm still
(15:52):
working. Like, I still feel likeI'm able to create change. Black
excellence doesn't only meanlike, I gotta be starting my own
business, because I feel likethat's tough as well. I'm
Unknown (16:02):
glad because it doesn't have it could it's yes and
right, it might be for a periodof time, but I think part of it
is just saying, Hey, I don'thave to stay here and be
oppressed and participate in theoppression. I can go to another
place, right? There might beanother nine to five that's for
me, or I might take a sabbaticalwhere I'm not doing anything
right. I just think that asblack women, we have to find
(16:25):
what works best for us. For solong, we've been kind of
socialized and conditioned towhat everybody else tells us
success is, and then we haven'tactually figured out what that
is for ourselves. And I thinkpart of it, rather, I stay in
entrepreneurship till the restof my life, where I go back, you
know, to a, you know, a moretraditional job. I'm glad that
I, to your point, bet on myself.I'm glad that I gave myself
(16:47):
permission to see what it's likeon the other side of the table
and I and it's a freedom that Iwish everyone at some point in
their life could taste just sothat they know what it looks
like on on both sides.
Dr. Raquel Martin (17:00):
Yeah. And as someone who with your
entrepreneur, like with yourbusiness, even today, I like, I
checked in to see if you wereactually at home, because, like,
you're constantly traveling,just like you're like, LinkedIn,
top voices, three books, likeconstantly speaking in all these
stages. Do you feel like, whatare Were there certain things
that were just so tough for youwhen you transitioned from
(17:22):
corporate to entrepreneurship,like you were just like, Huh? I
thought this part would beeasier, and it was in the first
place, because you are very muchlike, thriving and doing all the
stuff now. But with a lot oftransitions, there could be
something where you're lookingback like, oh, that part sucked.
I'm so glad I'm not in the thethroes of that anymore.
Unknown (17:42):
Yeah, you know, I think the behind the scenes, stuff
like the taxes, the you know,you know, paying your own health
insurance, or you know that inyour day job, you might get paid
once a month, and you know whatday it's going to come, or every
two weeks. And withentrepreneurship, one thing I
didn't realize some I chaseddown one fortune 500 company for
(18:03):
six months before they paid me,right? You know, and that the
average person cannot live offof not being paid for six
months, right? I was on my Ithought I was gonna have to go
to the check in cash place for asecond. You know what I mean?
Yeah, you know, you're like,touch and go. And I just don't
think that we talk about thosethings. You know, yes, Forbes
(18:28):
named you this, and LinkedInnamed you that, and Business
Insider. But at the end of theday, you know, you're chasing
the checks. You're have to buildyour business. There's just a
lot that goes into it, not justdoing the Talk or writing the
book. And I just think that, youknow, I love how you are,
because you're so transparentabout the things you know, like,
yeah, there's these great days,but there's also the days where
(18:49):
I call I'm sliding down thewall, right? I'm like, Oh, I
Dr. Raquel Martin (18:56):
feel like I have been having more sliding
down the wall days like, I tryto be very transparent. Like,
y'all Listen, this is an email Isent to someone who wasted, what
did they waste? Like, months ofmy time, and then was like, Oh,
my bad. We ain't got the money.I was like, you ain't got the
money, yo. When I be like, letme tell you something. People,
where I'm from, people getknocked out, but I gotta be an
(19:17):
adult, you know, I'm sayinglike, Oh, you know, I'm typing
the email, but I'm feverishlytyping like, Are you about to
get a lesson today? Because, youknow what? If nothing else, I'm
gonna, I'm gonna find somerelease from like, and then even
in that realm, still gotta do itprofessionally, because the
market is, you know, the placeis small. Or, you know, I people
ask how I get gigs. And I waslike, I pitched myself a lot,
(19:37):
like, in my speaking thing. Iwas like, my first year was
like, I'm pitching everybody. Mysecond year, I was like, Okay,
I'm coming up with my rates.This is like my third real year
of doing it, and I'm just like,I'm not pitching at all. Now,
mind you, that was my goal inJanuary. It's May, and I'm back
to pitching again. It's justlike you have to be able to
pivot and have the conversationsyou have to. It's very
frustrating to just be like,Hey, I'm really good at. You
(20:00):
want to have me on this stage?Oh, I guess you're not, because
you announced the speakers onsocial media, and I'm not one of
them. You couldn't have justtold me, No, bruh, all you could
have said was, like, it's notgonna happen, you know, like,
it's just and I think people seethe ups of it. And I always
Whenever someone's like, youmake it look so easy, that's
when I'm just like, oh my god,oh my god. I think I've
forgotten to give you a backseat, like, as soon as anytime I
(20:22):
see someone say, Oh, mygoodness, you just make it look
so effortless. That's my cue tolet you know that. Like, Oh, I
haven't done a basic face frontand face, yeah, you know, selfie
video, yeah? Because if I did,there is no way you would think,
I think this is
Unknown (20:36):
yes. You're like, wait, you know, here's what it really
looks like. Yes.
Dr. Raquel Martin (20:40):
That literally, when people say that,
I'm like, oh, it's time to do afront a selfie video. Again, my
bad, because we seem to beconfused. Like, it's not easy.
It is worth it, but it's noteasy by any way, in any way,
shape or form. Like, I getfrustrated when I say, flip a
tape. I have literally, like,thrown a book when I was just
like, you could have just toldme it was a no. Like, stuff like
(21:00):
that gets very frustrating. Andit's just like, it's why I try
to be way more transparent aboutlike, yeah, you guys, like, you
see me doing a speaking buty'all do know I still teach full
time, right? Like, y'all doknow, like, I can only do events
on certain days. I still gottacook, like, extra days to go out
of town. I think people only seeone side of it, and then I think
I want you to, I want you to. Iwant it to be appealing to a
(21:22):
certain extent, but I want youto. I want you to see the guts
and the glory like I want you tosee like I was on the fall floor
crying, and then I had happened,I got an email about, like, Oh,
you got this gig instead. Okay.But like,
Unknown (21:41):
I'm like, Thank you Jesus.
Dr. Raquel Martin (21:46):
Like, what are we gonna do? I'm about to be
on the street trying to givetherapy for some change, man,
because this is a working like,we'll provide you with an
affirmation for adults, becausethis is getting crazy, you know.
But like, I just, I want peopleto see both sides. Because when
we think about like, mentalhealth, well being, and we think
about black mental health, Ifeel like this aspect of black
(22:07):
excellence, I feel like it'sreally myopic most times, and I
think that we have gotten to aplace where we dehumanize
ourselves like we dehumanizepeople in the black community,
the same way that used to bedone to us, like we put ours.
The only way to be a boss, is tobe owning your own business. And
the only way to be doing it, tobe a black excellence, is to be
doing it this one way. And I'mjust like, man, Yo, people have
(22:30):
already put us in a box, like,we ain't gotta do it to
ourselves. You can be. You canvery much do it a different way.
Unknown (22:35):
I'm glad that you said that, Doctor Martin, because
even now I feel like with blackexcellence and mental health.
It's a real push, I mean, and Iknow it comes in waves, but
right now, I feel like we'reseeing if you're not a
millionaire, then you're notdoing anything. You know,
Dr. Raquel Martin (22:50):
this is like, you might as well give up on
life, like,
Unknown (22:54):
wait a second, life and success can look a whole bunch
of different ways. But I feel,especially in the black
community, you're not amillionaire, you're not going to
the retreat, you're not at thisplace, you're not place, you're
not you're just like losing andit's like, wait a second,
there's joy in what you're doingas well, right? And I just feel
like, again, that's what I lovewhen I hear you speak and the
(23:14):
content that you put out thereto show you, know, it can look a
lot of different ways. You know,it doesn't have to. And I think
that's important, you know, justto say, and I think in the black
community specifically,sometimes we get in these like
silos, where, if, well, if Ididn't get invited to this
place, that I must not be doingit right, right? Or, you know, I
see so and so is doing it and,you know, but so and so is going
(23:35):
through the same stuff we'rejust talking about right now,
but showing you, yo,
Dr. Raquel Martin (23:41):
I kid you not. There was, what was it? It
was like, culture con, or one ofthose really big things. And I
didn't even know what'shappening, but you see, like,
top mental health people. And Iwas like, oh, so I'm just trash.
Like, I genuine. My husbandlooked at me like, my god. Like,
what are you serious? Like, heit's also, it's good to have
someone who like the old Ialways state, because you, you
(24:02):
mentioned this as well as, likebuilding building your family,
like building your squad. Thereason why I do well, I'm always
going to be doing good becausethe people around me, they
believe in me more than I do,but they also are quick to be
like, have some freaking sense.Raquel, this. I'm not doing this
with you. Okay, please, yes,yes. Oh, you didn't get dating
for that. What did you were justtalking about something you got
(24:24):
published. Have some sense?Yeah, I'm not doing this with
you. Like, I very much. Havepeople to be like, ignore. She's
being insane. We're not doingshe's having a moment. And you
know, you need those people tojust be like, Girl, bye. Are we
going to get food or not?Because I'm not. I'm not doing
this with you. I don't have theenergy. Okay, today was about
me. Yeah, okay, I'm not talkingto you about your thing. So,
(24:45):
like, you mentioned that too,and I think it's important,
because we build ourfriendships, we build our
friendship so we have peopleover time. But when you talk
about building your squad, Ilove the fact that you also talk
about building like yourbusiness squad, it's just like,
all right, yo. Like, who's gonnabuy. You up like you want to
look around your squad and belike, Yo, you was. You were
talking about doing thisopportunity. I didn't even think
(25:06):
about that. Tell me more. Like,I like how you mentioned that,
what have been some ways thatyou have found to, like, build
your squad, or advice you wouldgive to people if they don't
already have one, to just be onthe lookout for it. Because I
agree it's something that youneed, and I love the fact that
you mentioned it as a necessity?Yeah. I
Unknown (25:21):
mean, we need that in our tool toolbox. You need, you
know, a squad internally,wherever you might be working or
what you're doing, so thatpeople are speaking your names
in the rooms that you're not in,being able to say, Hey, mind is
interested in that. Did youknow? Let me make a connection,
right? But if we don't havepeople that know what we're
working on, that we trust, thenthey can't be the connectors.
You know, Malcolm Gladwell wrotea book called, was it? No, it's,
(25:44):
is it the outliers? I might beMiss messing the outliers is
one? Yeah. And, you know, hetalks a lot about, you know,
these people on the fringes,which I think are great, but we
he also talks about how youactually have to have a team of
people, those connectors, thoseinfluencers, right? That help
you get to those places, right?And so for me, I realized very
(26:04):
quickly in my corporate lifethat I can't be an island. Yeah,
I'm really great at what I do.But, you know, do I have a
connection in HR? Do I havesomebody in the tech department
when, you know, things go downand I don't have 24 hours to
wait for the ticket to come upwith my name on it, right? Or,
you know, the executiveassistant to the CEO, like
everybody, has a role to playthat could be part of the team.
(26:25):
And if I'm the captain of myteam, I need some players to
help me play the best gamepossible. And I see that in
every facet of my life, right?So as an entrepreneur, I have a
group chat of public speakers,right? That are part of that. I
built a squad. So when somethingfunny or fishy comes up, hey, in
the group chat, they didn't, youjust speak there last year. What
(26:47):
did they do? Right? They tryingto give me exposure, you know,
like, or I can't do this. Canyou do this? Right? Just those
sorts of things, and realizingthat, oh, hey, the month has
been slow. Dei is on attack. Areyou getting work? I'm not
getting work. Oh, here's somework, right? Just having a space
where you don't have to be inisolation. And I know, for me,
(27:09):
the beginning of my career, Iwas so isolated because I was
the only one, and I wasn'tfinding my squad at the in the
workplace, but I realized that Iwas also part of creating that
squad. You know, you don't haveto wait, you know, I Dr Martin
for so long, and I'm still intherapy about it. I used to be
like, well, you know, I went tojunior college, and then I
transferred. I don't have theIvy League, you know, like
(27:30):
everybody else, so they can't bepart of my squad. And I was
talking myself out of who couldbe in my squad. And then I took
the power back and said, I getto create, right? And you don't
have to have a certain pedigreeor identity to be able to do
that. You know, that's where wedemocratize the the workplace in
our lives. We get to createthat. And you talked about doing
that as well. I mean you, andI'm sure at some point our paths
(27:52):
would have crossed. But youknow, you initiated that, and
I'm glad that you did right andand I just want all of us to
realize that we can build oursquad and and a lot of my squad
are people that nobody has evenknows, right? They don't have to
be people who are also LinkedInor, you know, essence, top this
and that. And I also want peopleto understand that everybody
(28:15):
plays value in the squad. Itdoesn't have to be someone with
a million followers. It can besomebody with a 50 followers,
someone who doesn't even have anInstagram. You know what I'm
saying? Like, let's also not beso fixated on who those people
have to be, being open minded.
Dr. Raquel Martin (28:31):
Yeah. And I think that's really important,
because, like, the same way youmentioned you work through that,
I work through that too thenumber of times. And I think the
thing I always apply this wholeaspect of like, healing in
public to help those healingprivate. Like, I try to make
sure I share the positivethings. But a lot of times I'm
like, everybody gotta get tohear the positive about
everyone. I want y'all to hearmy trash moments. Yo, like, this
(28:52):
is what, because they're so andI'm just like, you know, I keep
seeing all these peaks I need tosee. Like, I need y'all to if
you need someone to show you thepits of it, I will show you
like, Oh, my God, I didn't getchosen for this thing. I mean, I
didn't even know it was a thing,and I know I wanted it, until I
saw somebody else was not, youknow. And, you know, you
question things, and it'ssomeone on social media and all
(29:12):
that. I remember I was talkingto my colleague, and they were
like, oh, you know, oh, I wantedto get on social media, but my
stuff doesn't do as well as thispretty big content creator. And
I said, Yo, don't you ever andit's somebody I know for a fact.
And I was like, let me saysomething. I know him. Okay,
that man is a full time contentcreator. Okay, you will never
You understand me. You're notgoing to be as good as him. And
(29:34):
why would you be as good as him?He's not as good as you at
teaching full time in academiabecause he's not doing it. He's
a full time content creator, ifyou ever get a post that does as
well as him, please tell me whatyou did. Like, there's so many
people who are comparingthemselves to maybe they're
still in your same topic area,but they're full time content
creators. Like this is whatthey're doing, and they're
(29:56):
amazing at it. They should bedoing better than you at this.
They
Unknown (29:59):
should. Could be they started 10 years ago, and you
started last they started 10
Dr. Raquel Martin (30:03):
years ago. II genuinely was like, what? Like,
I look at them like, Yo,alright. Now, come on. Now,
let's have some sense. Alright,like, because it's easy to
compare things, and I used to dothat too. But if it's one thing
I don't do, I do not compare,listen, I don't compare myself
to full time content creators.Because I'm like, Oh, this is
amazing, yeah, yeah, you should,yeah. You look like you learned
(30:24):
a new technique that was tough.And even with stuff as simple
as, like, fitness, I followFitness accounts, but there's
only certain fitness accounts Ifollow that are not of parents,
yeah, because I need you,because the parent accounts will
also be like, Listen, this am Isupposed to work out this week,
this kid got sick. We all diedover here. I can't see too much
productivity. And I'll be honestwith y'all out there, just
(30:45):
listeners. I can't see too muchproductivity because it's just
too much. I just be like, Well,what you did? What you made
artisanal jam while before youwent to Pilates, and then you
made your husband a what? Oh,and then you got new lingerie
for that night too. That'swhat's up. It's too much
productivity. I can't see it.You see, I mean, like, this is
too
Unknown (31:05):
then you put a chocolate on your girl, okay?
Girl, I'd
Dr. Raquel Martin (31:08):
be like, you did. You did what? Oh, my God.
And it's not even I just belike, I love that for you, hate
it for me, love it for you. ButI, literally, I have a ceiling
on. They seem too productive. Ican't do it.
Unknown (31:23):
I think that's the best. Oh, you make some mental
health advice, not, you know,Comparison is the thief of joy
and one. As an entrepreneur andan author early on, I would be
like, Well, why am I not likeElaine welterock, well, you
know, she was the, you know,editor in chief of this
Dr. Raquel Martin (31:43):
but you know, I think people forget that men,
I think people forget thatbecause I genuinely, I really
think people think that, likesomebody mentioned it was a
music artist, and I had tofollow him for a minute, and
they were like, Oh, they were anovernight success. And I was
like, Oh, I guess it took adecade to be an overnight
success. You haven't I've beenlistening to this person for
forever. They just happen to geton the radio. It's like, they
it, I don't know, an overnightsuccess. Like, it's, I get
(32:06):
people that see, like, what'sabove the water, but like, no
one is an overnight it's notpossible, especially because
there's so much competition outthere, yeah? Like, it's not a
it's very much not a thing.Yeah, don't compare yourself.
And I also state, like, I thinksocial media is amazing. Like, I
when it's a good tool, it'sfantastic. It helps me to stop
people like you, and then justreach out, like, Hey, what's up?
What you want to be, want to befriends, and y'all, like,
(32:28):
seriously, That's literally howI reach out. Like, I like your
book, you seem cool. What'sthat? You know? Like, it's, it
doesn't have to be that deep,but like it when it's when
people need to realize that,like, if I'm looking at
something and it's making mefeel bad, like, I'll mute it,
and if I feel better aftermuting it, I might just
unfollow, right? That doesn'tmean you gotta write on
someone's page, saying doing toomuch. You could just, like, shut
(32:51):
your face and then just, youknow, mute or unfollow. You
know, like some people, I'd belike, why would you I didn't
need to know that you didn'tlike this girl. You commented on
my page, not sure I ain't comingon yours. Like, I just, I think
more people need to realizethere's an entrepreneurship and
stuff. There's so much aspectsof social media now. Like, I
think a lot of people aremarketing themselves on there.
(33:11):
You do? You do great on allplatforms, especially LinkedIn.
I can't stand me. But, like, Idon't know how you do it. Like,
you on top everything, and I'mlike, yeah, she's staying awake.
Unknown (33:22):
You have IG and Tiktok on live. I just be there, just
to have a pulse. That's all I'mlike, you post.
Dr. Raquel Martin (33:31):
I'll be like, but every time I see him, like,
Oh, look at this. This is somegood LinkedIn. I very much. Be
like, where are the videos? Ineed some memes, guys, I haven't
laughed in like, five minutes.Like, congratulations on your
promotions and Dang. Like, Ineed trash. Like, I need some
trash content and LinkedIn isnot for thank God we have that.
(33:54):
We can get what? Yes, that's whywe have all the platforms,
because it's like, Listen, Ineed some straight up trash. Let
me go. I'm gonna head on over totick tock real quick. Let me see
who's pissed off at WHO? Yes,for uh, for uh, doing this. But
like, yeah. I think it's reallyimportant for people to realize,
even with the aspect ofentrepreneurship, a lot of
people are on social media. Butone, it's a good tool to reach
(34:15):
out to people. I think with yoursquad, it sounds like your squad
is also pretty transparent withyou. I make sure my people, I
talk to my people about moneyall the time, and I wish more
people felt comfortable withthat, because if I make more
than you, ask me questions abouthow I got there, and if you make
more than me, Imma ask you somequestions, like, it's just
money, like, I'm not going to beashamed about making less. You
gonna help me make more? Help memake more?
Unknown (34:38):
That part? I mean, I think that's too part of
entrepreneurship, part of justbeing a human, is saying, okay,
yeah, we want I want you to besuccessful. I want your
listeners to be successful. Andit's like, we have to share some
of these things so that we allcan have the information to be
able to make our next best stepsright and our next best moves.
But when we hoard theinformation, when. Don't when
(35:00):
we're not saying here are twosides of the coin, then we are,
you know, misleading what'spossible. And to your point, I
think that there's no one way todo a thing, right, but we have
to. But I love that we can talkabout these things so that we
are just, if I can stop you frombumping your toe on the edge of
the couch, right, then that'swhat I want you,
Dr. Raquel Martin (35:21):
you know, that's how I see it too. Like I
literally, I be like, Yo, I madethis mistake. Don't do that. Do
not do that. Like I very much,that's how I see it. Is just
being like, oh, you know, here'sthe thing. I did it this way,
and I very much got to a pointwhere I survived that however. I
really want you not to make thismistake in terms of, like, that
encounter or that thing I'vebeen trying to get better at
(35:44):
lately, I've been responding toemails when I'm pissed. So,
like, I've been trying to tellpeople, like, take if you are
typing and you notice your heartrate is increasing. Like,
respond later, because I'm alsoat a space where, like, I think
I've done really well at, like,telling people off
professionally, however, later,sometimes I'm just like, I
didn't even really need to saythat. I was just mad. I was just
(36:07):
mad, like, and or irritated. Solike, even that, when people
reach out to me, I'm like, yo,wait 10 minutes. Yo. Like, go
drink some water, sit outside,eat a banana, and then, like,
come back. Because yes, thingsgo okay for me sometimes in this
scenario. But how do I not knowthat person was just like, yeah,
so we signed a contract withyou, and I'm gonna Tee hee with
(36:28):
you until, you know, pay youout. I ain't never booking your
behind again. You not gonna tellme about myself and then CC
everybody like, yeah, okay, wedid this contract. I never
worked with you again, yeah? AndI know the person who also is
the head of BuzzFeed, and youain't never working with them
either. Like, you never, youlegit, never know. So it's just
like, everybody's just like, oh,right, you you do so well with
(36:48):
that. I'm like, Yeah, but pleaserealize I do know that there are
going to be positive andnegative consequences. I'm just,
most of the time I'm okay withit, you know, sometimes I
literally do be like, I do needto tell you about yourself,
because I've heard that this isa problem for a lot of people,
and I'm okay with following onthis sword because I don't like
you and I don't want to workwith you again. So like, I'm
going to be honest about this,but I want people to know like,
(37:10):
Y'all be liking like, oh yeah,she told them off. Please be
aware that there are also manytimes where they be like, Girl,
I ain't working with you, butwill you call me? You call me
everything but a child of God,yeah, I love working with you.
And I'll be like, Yeah, I doremember that. I didn't know if
you did, but that was some of mybest work. So I'm actually kind
of happy that was really good.You know. Like, listen, one of
(37:31):
my favorite rappers is Jay Z,and I'm be real. I sometimes I
brag. Like, hope I'd be like,listen, okay, do you know you're
talking to okay, I don't getthis. Okay, I'm not gonna do
this. But in the same aspect ofit, you I like the fact that you
provide like, advice onnetworking and office politics
(37:51):
and financial aspects ofcorporate life and
entrepreneurship. What do youthink are some common mistakes
that you've seen women of colormake in these particular areas,
and what are some ways you thinkthat they can avoid them? You
Unknown (38:03):
know, I think all of it comes down to our voice and our
value. I think that oftentimes,rather we're inside the
workplace or outside theworkplace, we are silencing
ourselves at the expense of ourown well being, instead of
saying what we mean withoutsaying it mean you in your
industry, they call itboundaries, right? So in the
(38:27):
workplace, I think are critical.And I think that sometimes, as
black women in particular, andwomen, we think, Oh, well, you
know, I'll just work hard withmy head down. Or, you know, it's
only one time they didn't meanany harm. And and we participate
in those systems of oppressionsat times, too. And I think that
people who don't know what goodlooks like if you don't tell
them. And I think for so long inmy career, I did, I just went
(38:50):
along with the get along, and itwasn't helpful to me. I was
saying yes to things thatweren't getting me any closer to
my long term goals, you know,just to appease people. But once
I realized that I have morepower than I think, and part of
my freedom lies in using myvoice. Right? They hired you for
a reason. They booked you for areason, you know. So make sure
(39:10):
that you're clear. There's anauthor, and she says clarity is
kindness, and part of that isbeing very clear on what your
boundaries are, so that peoplecan never create a narrative
outside of you. You get to ownthe story. And that's what I
want us to do, inside andoutside the the workplace, own
the narrative document. If youneed to root things in fact,
(39:31):
right? I think sometimes we canroot things in emotion, and
emotions, you know, matter too.We need to check in with our
bodies. But when I'm havingconversations, I'm not, oh, I
felt like you were being racistor sexist or homophobic or
ageist. No at 1259, in Zoom Room10,
(39:52):
I wanted to talk about what youmight have, what you meant by
that, like, and once I was ableto do those. Sorts of things.
And I think, Oh, he's beingunfair. Well, what does that
mean? Yeah, like, and I had toacknowledge that to me first. So
acknowledge those things toyourself first, and then you can
acknowledge them to otherpeople. And you know, so for me,
(40:15):
it really is part of the voice.Our voice is so important, so
don't give your voice away.
Dr. Raquel Martin (40:21):
Don't give your voice away. I think that's
perfect. I think it's the firstthing to end the episode on.
Well, Minda, thank you so muchfor coming to the show. Tell
people where they can find you.I mean, they can find you
everywhere. You stay on a plane.I can't wait until you sit like
you start posting on yourprivate jet, because as much as
you fly, I mean, I was like, Iwonder where she's at today. Oh,
you're home today. That's what's
Unknown (40:42):
up your favorite internet Street, whether it's
LinkedIn, iG, formerly known asTwitter at Minda, hearts, thank
you so much.
Dr. Raquel Martin (40:52):
Thank you. Alright, y'all as always, be
kind to yourself. Remember thattwo steps forward and one step
back is still one step forward.That's just math. And have a
good day. You.
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