Raquel Willis is an esteemed activist, journalist, and media strategist committed to advancing the liberation and rights of Black transgender individuals. As an executive producer with iHeartMedia's LGBTQ+ podcast network, Outspoken, she not only hosts the poignant podcast "Afterlives," which honors the lives of trans individuals lost to violence but also spearheads discussions on critical LGBTQ+ issues.
Beyond her role in media, Raquel is celebrated for her literary contributions, including the impactful book "The Risk It Takes to Bloom: On Life and Liberation." Her career highlights encompass pivotal positions such as director of communications at the Ms. Foundation for Women and executive editor at Out magazine.
A trailblazer in activism, Raquel co-founded the Transgender Week of Visibility and Action and serves on several influential boards dedicated to advocacy and policy reform. Her groundbreaking initiatives, such as the GLAAD Media Award-winning “Trans Obituaries Project” and the Gold-winning “The Trans Youth Town Hall,” underscore her commitment to amplifying marginalized voices.
Raquel's writing, known for its depth and insight, is featured across various publications, where she offers profound perspectives on gender equity, racial justice, and the intersections of identity. She continues to shape public discourse as a prominent thought leader, paving the way for greater understanding and acceptance within broader societal frameworks.
Summary
The conversation covers the topics of liberation, mental health care, gender, and Pride Month. It delves into the historical significance of Pride Month, the fight for equality, and the support of the LGBTQIA community. The discussion also addresses the intersectionality of queer liberation and Black liberation, as well as the impact of police brutality and over-criminalization. The conversation covers a wide range of topics related to the LGBTQ+ community, activism, allyship, mental health, and the importance of diverse narratives. It also delves into the concept of legacy and lineage within the Black community. Raquel Willis shares insights on elevating queer stories, the impact of violence, and the need for allyship in various institutions. Dr. Raquel Martin discusses the significance of individual legacy and the importance of embracing one's identity.
Takeaways
Liberation encompasses the freeing of individuals from restrictive notions of identity under systems of oppression.
The fight for queer liberation is intertwined with the fight for Black liberation and addresses issues of police brutality and over-criminalization.
Pride Month has historical significance tied to the Stonewall riots, highlighting the ongoing struggle for equality and recognition.
Support for the LGBTQIA community extends beyond Pride Month and involves addressing issues such as decriminalization of sex work and police brutality.
The conversation emphasizes the intersectionality of gender, race, and identity in the context of liberation and mental health care. Elevating queer stories and the impact of violence
The importance of allyship in various institutions
Understanding the concept of legacy and lineage within the Black community
Embracing one's identity and the significance of individual legacy
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dr. Raquel Martin (00:00):
Steve, Hello everyone, and welcome to Mind
your mental just a reminder thatthis podcast is not meant to be
a substitute for a relationshipwith a licensed mental health
professional. I know they arehard to find, and I get that I
have a bunch of resources on mywebsite if you need them, but I
am not your clinician. I am apsychologist, but I am not your
(00:21):
psychologist, so if you need anyspecific help, please look for
the help of a licensed mentalhealth professional. Learn all
you can learn from the podcast.Enjoy the episode once again.
Thank you so much. Named twin ii wanted to start off talking
about liberation because I'm aliberation psychologist, which
means I focus on understandingand addressing the
(00:44):
psychological, the social, thecultural factors that contribute
to oppression and inequality andmental health, and looking at
everything you do and that biothat I just read off you are
integrated in liberation aswell, but I'm always interested
in individuals definition of it.So what does liberation mean to
(01:05):
you? Yeah,
Unknown (01:07):
I have not been asked this directly in a long time. I
think at its core, it'sobviously, for me, rooted in
personal experience, but it'sreally the freeing of all of us
from these restrictive notionsof who we're supposed to be
under all of these systems ofoppression, right? Like we can
rattle off white supremacy, CISheteropatriarchy, all of those
(01:31):
things, but at the core, that'swhat liberation is for me, and I
think we have to figure out whatour personal perspective or
desires for liberation are andhow those fit into the
collective so that we can allmove towards something that is
like a bunch of puzzle piecesput together, right? But that
(01:53):
can work for all of us. Sothat's what liberation is for
me. Now I often am articulatingthat through a gender and racial
lens, just as a black transwoman, that's those are the
parts of my identity andexperience that folks most want
to be articulated or feel themost salient to people. But I'm
(02:18):
a lot of things, I guess,focusing on the gender piece. I
think, as a trans person, as aqueer person, I want cisgender,
heterosexual people, straightpeople, to know that you also
are a
Dr. Raquel Martin (02:33):
failure. Hey, everyone, just a reminder that
mind, your mental is not just apodcast. It is also a amazing
community. If I do say somyself, it's phenomenal. I mean,
you get more access to me. Whatmore could you want in this
life? So if you want to join thecommunity, if you're not already
on the community, go to mysocial media. My social media is
(02:55):
the same Raquel Martin, PhD andDM me the word community, so you
can get details on joining thisamazing, flipping community, you
get more access to me. Y'alllike, I'm a delight. All right,
all right. Hope to see you there
Unknown (03:10):
under the CIS hetero patriarchy, right? Like, it's
not just me, like you are alsonever going to live up to these
ideals around manhood andwomanhood and masculinity and
femininity, especially underthis kind of white supremacist
framework. And so how can wework together so that we can all
(03:33):
get a bit freer? Because I wantmen and boys to be able to cry
right and experience the fullrange of human emotion, and be
able to like things like thecolor pink and whatever
interests them, and experiencesoftness and preciousness and
beauty. And I want women andgirls to be able to be the
drivers of their own destiniesand be strong, capable leaders
(03:57):
in their own lives withouthaving to be attached to
whatever random guy is rightbeside them. And I also want all
of us to tap into the kind ofsacred power that I think our
non binary fam showcase for usevery day. So that's how I
articulate it. For I love andappreciate
Dr. Raquel Martin (04:18):
that because one of my I gotta remember his
name favorite accounts on Tiktokhe he mentioned that like having
Men's Health Month and pridemonth in the same thing and the
same month is genius, because hesaid Men's Health is
significantly decreased by theirinability to think And like the
(04:40):
aspect of like, the range ofemotions and expression and
sexuality they're like so theyso people think they don't go
hand in hand, but they very muchgo hand in hand, because the
aspect of like, violence thatmen may and act against others
and including themselves isalways antithetical to what may
be deemed as being feminine. Inor deemed as having aspects.
(05:02):
He's like, is, he said, I thinkthat that was an evil genius.
You did that because, if youthink about it, it's hand in
hand. One of the main reasonswhy men have health issues is
because they're trying tosublimate certain aspects of
themselves, and they've neverbeen able to actually hone in on
what it means to be a manoutside of supremacy, outside of
patriarchy. And they were like,I think this, whoever did that
is an evil genius. And I'm like,Oh, that's a good post. I think
(05:24):
that went over a lot of people'sheads because, like, the it's
the worst thing you could benamed is, like, feminine. The
worst thing somebody can say toyou is, it used to be like, Oh,
that's gay. That's the worstthing. Oh, my God, you've
attacked my identity by statinggayness. And it's just like,
that's like, concerning, it is,but
Unknown (05:43):
also on the flip side of that right and I think
especially for black women, oneof the worst things that we can
be called is masculine, or toldwe look like a man. All of these
conversations about Simone Bilesand her muscle density, but also
like her being the successfulone out of her relationship. All
(06:06):
of those things are about, okay,well, who is enacting their
gender the way that we want themto? Yeah, right, the way that
they're supposed to. That'spalatable, even the way we so it
comes at all of us, I think
Dr. Raquel Martin (06:21):
so. And even the way we celebrate certain
things, because that wholething, with the whole like, the
remix of, like, bleach blondeButch body and stuff like that,
I'm gonna be honest, and I getit, like, as a psychologist,
y'all I get it. I think aboutstuff too intensely, but I did
not like it because I saw it asan attack on like, what about
(06:41):
Butch bodies? Well,
Unknown (06:43):
I wasn't that split on that right, but I get it right,
because there were a lot ofqueer women who were like, Yeah,
I can't rock with this, becausein our community there's so much
ire to masculine women, to womenhaving stronger bodies again, to
the Simone Biles point, right?Yeah, that's what I think of it.
(07:05):
That's a bunch body, becauseshe's the epitome of
musculature. And
Dr. Raquel Martin (07:10):
Serena Williams, obviously, like
Unknown (07:14):
someone Sierra, remember back in the day with
me,
Dr. Raquel Martin (07:16):
oh my god, back in the yo she used to get
and I know everybody like,because we're all adults now, so
like, we're celebrating, butSierra used to get heat for
those arms, like, like, forreal, I remember that. And I'm
just saying like, and noweverybody like, Oh, we love
Sierra. But I'm just like, oh,that took me back. She did,
because I remember the comments,Michelle Obama, Michelle Obama,
Unknown (07:39):
like, and Beyonce of the Super Bowl. Remember Beyonce
of the Super Bowl,
Dr. Raquel Martin (07:43):
and now, like, it's like, I think it's,
it's not how soon we forget,because Sierra was throwback.
But like, I don't know it'slike, how I feel about this is
very, this is very tangential,tangential. But like, people
talk about the fact that, like,they miss, like, messy Twitter,
like when Rihanna used to tweet,and they were like, it was a
time. It was a time like, whenPete, like, being like, like,
(08:07):
for example, when somethinghappened with a TLC interview,
when you know how they chopstuff up, and they had said
something about like her doingstuff without her sexuality, and
she changed her banner to likethem being dressed skimpily and
stuff like that, to be like,yes,
it was a time, like, when theyactually used to, like, like,
(08:29):
tweet. And I was just like, Ohmy God. Like, messy Rihanna,
honey. Like, that's when she gotme. I was like, Oh my God, yes,
your voice, great. But like, Ilike your style, yeah, like,
Unknown (08:42):
was, she wasn't holding nothing. Look, who can blame
her? After all, she had beenthrough. I'm just
Dr. Raquel Martin (08:49):
saying like, pre mama, some of y'all not
gonna get pre mama Rihanna. Yousee, I'm saying like, because,
like, they not gonna get it. Butpre mama Rihanna, like, it was a
fun time. That's what madeinternet fun for me. When,
before these celebrities got,like, all the PR about them
tweeting, and PR was like, hey,hey, what we supposed to do
about this? Did you see? Whatdid you see? What they just
(09:11):
tweeted? That was that was atime, in my opinion, none of
y'all gonna get pre mamaRihanna. That's about to be the
episode. That's about to be thetitle, pre mama Rihanna, I love
it. She's very much still avibe, but so we talked about
liberation. It's also June, andit's June. June is a significant
(09:31):
month with Pride celebrationshighlighting the fight for
equality and recognition.However, I feel like it's always
important, I think somethingthat's always missed or that I
think should be shared more, is,how can individuals and like
individuals community resources?How can they contribute to the
growth and support of theLGBTQIA community before and
(09:55):
after June? Like June, great,but what can we do before June?
What can we. Do after June, todo a to do a better job.
Unknown (10:03):
Let's take it back just for a second, because I think
that most people have this kindof basic notion around Pride
Month, that it's all aboutparades and glitter and parties
and mesh crop tops. And it isthat right? But part of the
reason we acknowledge pride inJune is because of the Stonewall
(10:26):
riots. And if folks don't know,this was a seminal moment in
queer history back in June 1969when a group of folks, an ad hoc
group of folks, came together,gender diverse, multiracial,
anything you can imagine interms of experience and
identity, they came together,and it was a queer militant
(10:48):
uprising against the New YorkPolice Department, because being
queer was really criminalized inthis time, and still is in a lot
of places around the world. Andalso we see the ramp ups of that
in the US. But people were beingarrested for not wearing enough
articles of clothing thatcorresponded to the gender they
were assigned at birth, whetherthey were what we would
(11:11):
eventually start calling transor not, right? It was also drag
performers. It was also theButch bodied folk, right? All
types of people. So this was anuprising, and I think we often
ignore that there is still thisfight today that is so tied up
in queer history, around policebrutality, right around over
(11:34):
criminalization, particularly ofblack and brown folks, of us
needing to decriminalize sexwork, all of these different
things are a part of not onlythe fight for queer liberation,
but go figure the fight forblack liberation and on and on.
So I think there are connectionshere that cisgender, straight
people, who may not care orunderstand why their liberation
(11:57):
is tied up in the liberation ofqueer people, should care. So
that's one thing, how I thinkthat folks can show up for the
community year round, and notjust in June. I think it's
continuing to elevate ourstories. Right? We are in a time
where Gen Z is identifying morequeer than ever before. Now you
(12:20):
can say, Oh, the agenda iswinning. The alphabet mafia is
out here to get your kids,whatever, whatever. I'm not even
gonna jump into that right now.Can
Dr. Raquel Martin (12:31):
I Real quick though? Let me real quick
though. I just want to state forexample, because I'm not, I'm
not rocking with that the sameso, like, I always give this
example when people say that,Bs, like, people mention the
fact that, like, this is arandom story, but like, there
are more. I think it was like50% more people who write with
their left hand. And individualsare like, oh, like, what's the
(12:52):
difference? The difference isthey used to literally say
individuals who wrote with theirleft hand were of the devil.
People used to get popped andhit and cane for writing with
their left hand. It's not thefact that there are more people
that are left handed. It's thefault. It's the fact that
individuals who are left handedare not being villainized
violence against them, and don'thave to sublimate their
(13:13):
identity. Okay? So wheneversomebody says that, I'm like,
right, right? So let me tell youhow you're wrong, and I can make
it a quick one, right? It's notabout like, the fact that there
are more individuals like thisis it's an agenda. It's about
the fact that people don't feelthe need to sublimate their
identity and violence won't behoused against them. Now there
is still violence againstindividuals who are queer and in
this community, which you canspeak to, of course. But when
(13:36):
people state that stuff at theagenda, and I know it seems so
basic, but it's just like, Okay,so like, when did you choose to
be heterosexual? When did youchoose, like, this aspect of it,
right? I remember one of myfavorite creators, she mentioned
that she had inadvertently comeout as queer, queer because she
had written about in a she gotan interview during college, and
they were like, oh, what'schanged about you during
(13:58):
college? Or, how have youevolved? And she's like, Oh, I
feel more comfortable withmyself, and it's awesome to
really embrace my queer identitymore, and it wasn't the magazine
for the college. And then, ofcourse, our parents read it, and
they were like, we didn't knowit wasn't a big deal. But she
was just like, I wasn't hidinganything. I just didn't find the
niece who come out as queerbecause I just, it's just who I
(14:18):
am, right? It's, I don't see itas an agenda, because if we talk
about the agenda, we need totalk about the heterosexual
agenda, the patriarchal agenda.People don't want to have that
conversation. It's the fact thatpeople are not being it's not
that they're not being attacked.They still are, but they're able
to find more of a sense of acommunity where they feel safe
in that it's one of it's one ofthe reasons why I say family of
origin and family of choice arecomparable, right? Because so
(14:40):
many people are not born intothe family that they deserve,
and now we're in a time whereyou can actually build that
right. And because when I thinkof pride, I think of activism,
it's the same way I think ofBlack History Month, I think of
activism right, because youcan't think of outside of that
right. Unhoused individuals,violence being being violence
being enacted. And individuals.People who are black, who are
(15:01):
black and trans, people who areunhoused because of that. Like,
you can't think about it outsideof activism, in my opinion. So
when people state that agenda,I'm like, it's a firm no. They
literally used to chop offpeople's hands who were left
handed. Yeah, no. It's
Unknown (15:19):
like so many groups of people that we understand to be
just a regular part of the richtape. Humanity were demonized.
Look albinism, right? There weretribes all over the world,
right? That would demonizepeople who were born with
albinism and go figure, one thegreatest pop star of all time,
(15:42):
have vitiligo, right? And thatcan only happen in a culture
that has moved away from some ofthose archaic notions. Yeah, and
let's be clear, older culturesdidn't get everything wrong,
right, because there are olderAfrican tribes and existing ones
still and also older indigenoustribes around the world that
(16:05):
acknowledged that there weremore than two gender
acknowledged that queerness wasa part of the fabric and
actually understood, many ofthem understood queerness as a
sacred thing, right? Actually,as something that enriched the
family structure and enrich theneighborhood, in the in the
culture. So I'm hoping that wecan get back to that. And I
(16:26):
think the other imperative,beyond the fact that there are,
I believe it's one in four ofGen Z identifying openly as
queer. Now it's also on the flipside of that, even in that
identification when we'rethinking about black, trans and
non binary youth, one in fourreport experiencing some form of
(16:47):
suicidal attempt or ideationwithin a year's time. So we
really need to be doing betteraround mental health, and I hope
that our community canunderstand that when it comes to
allyship, even though I don'tdull that label out often, and
I'm not giving anybody theircookies, honey, this ain't the
(17:08):
Boy Scouts, the Girl Scouts. Youain't getting a badge for me,
but for me, if I'm one, if youwant to strive to be an ally, we
need you to interrogate theworkplaces you're a part of the
institutions you're a part of,if you're in Greek
organizations, how are thoseorganizations actually building
a safe and affirming environmentfor queer, trans and non binary
(17:30):
folks? How are your places ofworship, right? Like, if you
really about it, you reallyabout the word of the Lord. I
need you to be able to see andhold accountable leadership that
is actually violent and harmful,which we see in many places of
worship around the world, andalso, I think even within our
families, those are some of thefirst places where we can start
(17:54):
to stretch this notion ofallyship. Yeah, I know it's work
and it's scary, but like, yougotta tell TT that she can't be
going around using this far andcompletely ignoring the pronouns
of your nibbling and all ofthese different things, right?
Like those are little parts ofviolences that can add up to
(18:17):
bigger violence later on. So Ithink it's about us being
creative and innovative aboutwhat our land is, what our
industry is, what institutionswe're a part of, and being able
to take stock of them, just likewe want white people to take
stock of the institutions thatwe share with them.
Dr. Raquel Martin (18:34):
Yes, because I think there is some confusion
about like, the fact that blackpeople can be anti black. You
being pro black is not onlybeing pro blackness that mirrors
your own. It's not supposed tobe protect black women until
protect black women untilthey're until they're overweight
or queer or sexually liberatedor trans. It's protect black
women. It's supposed to be fullstop. And I think one of the
(18:56):
best ways for individuals to getthat is to take in the
narratives of others. I thinkwe're only as educated as the
narratives that are shared,which really which brings me to
your book, the risk it takes tobloom on life and liberation,
which is a memoir. I was lookingat your interviews, and I like
the fact that you mentioned thatthis book provides you with an
(19:18):
opportunity to contribute to thenarrative, but it's nuanced,
because stories as transindividuals can't be painted
with one brush, right? How doyou feel like your book
contributes to diversifying thenarratives and painting with
more than one brush? Yeah,
Unknown (19:34):
well, I like to acknowledge it's taken an
immense amount of privilege toarrive at this moment, to have
the career that I've had, andand to be able to publish on a
major level like this, I am notunder any illusion that so much
of I won't say so much, right,but a piece of my journey has
(19:57):
been being educated on aparticular. Way, art,
articulate, quote, unquote, in aparticular way, and able to
sustain myself with employment,all of these things, right? So
with this story, I really wantedto be clear about those
privileges, but I also wanted toadd into the canon, whether it's
(20:18):
the trans canon, the black transcannon, if you want to call it
that, or just like the largerblack canon, or the canon of
women narrative, a southernblack trans story, because I
think so often we only think ofblack queer and trans people in
these major metropolitan areas,right? We only think of the
scene in New York City or thescene in Atlanta or the scene in
(20:42):
San Francisco. But even when Iwas growing up, the scene in
Atlanta wasn't really understoodas the black gay Mecca until I
was an adult, it was veryimportant to include that
Southern narrative. It was veryimportant to include a narrative
of someone who was who wasraised Catholic, right, and it's
still recovering, but also therehadn't been narratives around
(21:07):
what it was like to come intoconsciousness around social
justice in the era of themovement for black lives, and so
it also felt important to talkabout my experiences as a black
trans woman invested in this eraof the Trayvon Martins or the
mike browns or the Sandra blandsand on and on, when there were
(21:30):
also plenty of queer and transpeople who were also
experiencing violence but werenot palatable enough, or didn't
have palatable enough stories tobe seen as one of the main
characters of this journey thatwe've been on collectively,
those are the things I reallywas interested in adding, and I
feel really good about it. Youknow? It was a very beautiful
(21:55):
Capstone, I think, to that partof my life. Now, I feel like I'm
in a new era. But even with myfamily, right? I think people
latched on to, of course, thosebigger things, but they were
really interested in my journeywith my father. I really tried
to talk candidly about what itfelt like. That's why I joke
about being a failure, right?But what it felt like to be a
failure to his expectationsaround black masculinity, like I
(22:19):
knew I wasn't going to grow upand have the life that he
imagined from me, and that was aproblem, and I know that that is
something that binds a lot of uswithin the black community, is
that we feel like we have tohave a particular live up to a
particular image, and then whenwe Don't, then we're really hard
(22:41):
on ourselves, right? And then gofigure the outside world, white
society is hard on us too. Butwe can all just be failures
together. We
Dr. Raquel Martin (22:51):
can all be, you know, together,
Unknown (22:53):
let's fail these these gendered expectations and create
something new. If you'redivorced, make it through that,
and there's something on theother side, right? If you can't
have children. And I say that asa woman who is infertile, but I
know that my journey is ainfertile trans woman that's
tied to the journey of infertilecis women and intersex folks.
(23:15):
We're Yeah, we can fail on onthe reproductive tip, but like
what else, we can also createnew things, right? We can also
still be parents and guardiansand lovers and build beautiful
families and all of that too.
Dr. Raquel Martin (23:29):
I love that because I think it's also it's
inextricably linked with, like,I tell a lot of people,
especially within the blackcommunity, that, like, there's a
difference between legacy andlineage, and I'm a firm believer
that, like my children are mylineage, but they are I don't
wanna say they're not my legacy,but they're not the only aspect
of my legacy. And I think withthe black community as a whole,
(23:51):
we limit ourselves because theexpectations that you mentioned
of failing your dad and that somany parents have, that's their
expectations. And as a parent, Iknow I like I had views for for
my children before they're evenborn, but those are that's
that's more about me than them.I feel like being a parent
teaches me more about me than itwill ever teach me about my
children, because my childrenwill teach me about themselves,
(24:12):
right? But there's this aspectof like, people are like, my
children are my legacy, and Iget so much flack for that. I'm
like, your children are yourlineage, all right, your
relations. You are your legacy.And sometimes they limit
themselves because they weren'table to be what they wanted to
be, or they weren't able toachieve the goals that they
wanted to achieve. So they putthat on their children, and as a
psychologist, I always let themknow it's never too late. It's
never too late for you to dowhat you want to do, right?
(24:35):
Because so many times, just likethat was with the black
community, it's so linked,because it's just like they were
their legacy. We didn't wedidn't know we were going to
survive. Like, we put all ofthis into the children, but
like, I think that these othercommunities, they survive so
that we can thrive and flourish.So like, thank you for that. But
also, it's not too late for you.I hope that my children realize
that, like, I'm my legacy. Mywork is my legacy. How I leave
(24:58):
you feeling after I convert?With you as my legacy, the the
values that I I hope my childrenhave that could be an aspect of
my legacy, but they may choosethat some of my values were
trash, and they're like, Mom wasnuts, like, my children are my
lineage, but I'm my legacy. HowI leave people feeling after
that? That's my legacy, and Ithink it's really hard for black
people to get that, because whenI say it, I'm like, Oh no, I'm
(25:20):
my legacy, this art, this thiswork I'm doing. That's my
legacy. Like my children feelingaffirmed and being able to go
toe to toe with me, and as aresult, any other adults, if you
if you can go toe to toe withyour moms, you can go toe to toe
with that boss who lost theirfreaking mind thinking you gonna
work during your PTO like it'snothing. My children are my
lineage, and I think blackpeople, I really want y'all to
understand. When you think ofthat, anytime I have the
(25:41):
conversation, it's like, well, Iwant them to achieve what I
didn't see. Okay, so what? Let'stalk about what you didn't and
let's leave them out of it.Leave them out of it. Yeah?
Like, like, let's go. Why do youfeel like the story is over? Why
do you it's never too late,right? It's never too late. It's
never too late. Y'all, I'llfight which I'll go toe to toe
(26:01):
with y'all all day. I'm fromPhilly, North Philly, to be
specific, you know, I'm sayingmy life. Your children are not
your legacy. I'm my legacy. Mychildren. Parenting teaches me
about me. My children are goingto teach me about them. Like
what? But like people, I'd belike legacy, no.
Unknown (26:19):
And I feel like such a huge part of it, and it's not
just in the black community,although it's particularly
heightened it feels like for usbecause we're in in the thick of
it, right? What else do we knowbut an overcorrection right
around Yes? Are people havingbeen property, and are people
(26:39):
still dealing with the lingeringeffects of feeling like property
because we're still exploited,still dominated all of these
different things, especiallyfinancially and wanting to own
something, and so it isconvenient to own this person
that you birth into the world,right? Or it's and it's
(26:59):
acceptable to in our society,and then to also want to own
their trajectory and theirfuture, and we have to be able
to to interrogate that, becauseit's we also police each other.
Yep, right. How many timessomebody walk into the space
like, why she wear that? Oh, shewant me to use what what name
(27:21):
and what pronouns? Oh, who it?Who does she think she is to
demand something else? Amanda'slike, can we? We gotta
relinquish some of this, boo,it's enough out here for you to
be worried about you. Ain'tgotta be worried about me like
that, right? You ain't gottahold on to this other person's
way of navigating the world andand future in that way, right,
(27:45):
especially when it gets to beharmful and restrictive, because
then it's just a mirror of ofall of the things that you tell
yourself.
Dr. Raquel Martin (27:54):
Amen. Well, you know what? Name twin boo.
Can I call you that? I will.Yeah, everybody. No. Raquel, I
want to be special. Don't sugar.You're not allowed to call
anyone else that I'm I want tobe special. This isn't about
that. Okay, okay, thank you,doctor, okay, okay, okay, yes, I
(28:15):
like that. Thank you for comingon the show. Tell everybody
where they can find you. It'llbe in the show notes too, but I
want to hear you say it as well.Yeah. So you
Unknown (28:25):
can find me on all socials at Raquel Willis, R, A,
Q, U, E, L, W, I, L, L, i, s. Iassume y'all know how to spell
Raquel, obviously. But I'm alsoat Raquel willis.com the title
of my memoir is the risk ittakes to bloom. I also host two
podcasts. One is calledafterlives, which investigates
(28:46):
the lives of trans people we'velost too soon. The other is
queer Chronicles, and this firstseason focuses on queer and
trans youth and politicalbattlegrounds for the states,
political battleground statesacross the US. Yeah. So check
out all of that stuff. Check it
Dr. Raquel Martin (29:02):
all out. Thank you so much for coming on
the show. Everyone. Thanks fortuning in today. Remember to be
kind to yourself. Two stepsforward and one step back is
still one step forward. That isjust math. Have a good rest of
your day. You.
Steve, Hello everyone, and welcome to Mind
your mental just a reminder thatthis podcast is not meant to be
a substitute for a relationshipwith a licensed mental health
professional. I know they arehard to find, and I get that I
have a bunch of resources on mywebsite if you need them, but I
am not your clinician. I am apsychologist, but I am not your
(00:21):
psychologist, so if you need anyspecific help, please look for
the help of a licensed mentalhealth professional. Learn all
you can learn from the podcast.Enjoy the episode once again.
Thank you so much. Named twin ii wanted to start off talking
about liberation because I'm aliberation psychologist, which
means I focus on understandingand addressing the
(00:44):
psychological, the social, thecultural factors that contribute
to oppression and inequality andmental health, and looking at
everything you do and that biothat I just read off you are
integrated in liberation aswell, but I'm always interested
in individuals definition of it.So what does liberation mean to
(01:05):
you? Yeah,
Unknown (01:07):
I have not been asked this directly in a long time. I
think at its core, it'sobviously, for me, rooted in
personal experience, but it'sreally the freeing of all of us
from these restrictive notionsof who we're supposed to be
under all of these systems ofoppression, right? Like we can
rattle off white supremacy, CISheteropatriarchy, all of those
(01:31):
things, but at the core, that'swhat liberation is for me, and I
think we have to figure out whatour personal perspective or
desires for liberation are andhow those fit into the
collective so that we can allmove towards something that is
like a bunch of puzzle piecesput together, right? But that
(01:53):
can work for all of us. Sothat's what liberation is for
me. Now I often am articulatingthat through a gender and racial
lens, just as a black transwoman, that's those are the
parts of my identity andexperience that folks most want
to be articulated or feel themost salient to people. But I'm
(02:18):
a lot of things, I guess,focusing on the gender piece. I
think, as a trans person, as aqueer person, I want cisgender,
heterosexual people, straightpeople, to know that you also
are a
Dr. Raquel Martin (02:33):
failure. Hey, everyone, just a reminder that
mind, your mental is not just apodcast. It is also a amazing
community. If I do say somyself, it's phenomenal. I mean,
you get more access to me. Whatmore could you want in this
life? So if you want to join thecommunity, if you're not already
on the community, go to mysocial media. My social media is
(02:55):
the same Raquel Martin, PhD andDM me the word community, so you
can get details on joining thisamazing, flipping community, you
get more access to me. Y'alllike, I'm a delight. All right,
all right. Hope to see you there
Unknown (03:10):
under the CIS hetero patriarchy, right? Like, it's
not just me, like you are alsonever going to live up to these
ideals around manhood andwomanhood and masculinity and
femininity, especially underthis kind of white supremacist
framework. And so how can wework together so that we can all
(03:33):
get a bit freer? Because I wantmen and boys to be able to cry
right and experience the fullrange of human emotion, and be
able to like things like thecolor pink and whatever
interests them, and experiencesoftness and preciousness and
beauty. And I want women andgirls to be able to be the
drivers of their own destiniesand be strong, capable leaders
(03:57):
in their own lives withouthaving to be attached to
whatever random guy is rightbeside them. And I also want all
of us to tap into the kind ofsacred power that I think our
non binary fam showcase for usevery day. So that's how I
articulate it. For I love andappreciate
Dr. Raquel Martin (04:18):
that because one of my I gotta remember his
name favorite accounts on Tiktokhe he mentioned that like having
Men's Health Month and pridemonth in the same thing and the
same month is genius, because hesaid Men's Health is
significantly decreased by theirinability to think And like the
(04:40):
aspect of like, the range ofemotions and expression and
sexuality they're like so theyso people think they don't go
hand in hand, but they very muchgo hand in hand, because the
aspect of like, violence thatmen may and act against others
and including themselves isalways antithetical to what may
be deemed as being feminine. Inor deemed as having aspects.
(05:02):
He's like, is, he said, I thinkthat that was an evil genius.
You did that because, if youthink about it, it's hand in
hand. One of the main reasonswhy men have health issues is
because they're trying tosublimate certain aspects of
themselves, and they've neverbeen able to actually hone in on
what it means to be a manoutside of supremacy, outside of
patriarchy. And they were like,I think this, whoever did that
is an evil genius. And I'm like,Oh, that's a good post. I think
(05:24):
that went over a lot of people'sheads because, like, the it's
the worst thing you could benamed is, like, feminine. The
worst thing somebody can say toyou is, it used to be like, Oh,
that's gay. That's the worstthing. Oh, my God, you've
attacked my identity by statinggayness. And it's just like,
that's like, concerning, it is,but
Unknown (05:43):
also on the flip side of that right and I think
especially for black women, oneof the worst things that we can
be called is masculine, or toldwe look like a man. All of these
conversations about Simone Bilesand her muscle density, but also
like her being the successfulone out of her relationship. All
(06:06):
of those things are about, okay,well, who is enacting their
gender the way that we want themto? Yeah, right, the way that
they're supposed to. That'spalatable, even the way we so it
comes at all of us, I think
Dr. Raquel Martin (06:21):
so. And even the way we celebrate certain
things, because that wholething, with the whole like, the
remix of, like, bleach blondeButch body and stuff like that,
I'm gonna be honest, and I getit, like, as a psychologist,
y'all I get it. I think aboutstuff too intensely, but I did
not like it because I saw it asan attack on like, what about
(06:41):
Butch bodies? Well,
Unknown (06:43):
I wasn't that split on that right, but I get it right,
because there were a lot ofqueer women who were like, Yeah,
I can't rock with this, becausein our community there's so much
ire to masculine women, to womenhaving stronger bodies again, to
the Simone Biles point, right?Yeah, that's what I think of it.
(07:05):
That's a bunch body, becauseshe's the epitome of
musculature. And
Dr. Raquel Martin (07:10):
Serena Williams, obviously, like
Unknown (07:14):
someone Sierra, remember back in the day with
me,
Dr. Raquel Martin (07:16):
oh my god, back in the yo she used to get
and I know everybody like,because we're all adults now, so
like, we're celebrating, butSierra used to get heat for
those arms, like, like, forreal, I remember that. And I'm
just saying like, and noweverybody like, Oh, we love
Sierra. But I'm just like, oh,that took me back. She did,
because I remember the comments,Michelle Obama, Michelle Obama,
Unknown (07:39):
like, and Beyonce of the Super Bowl. Remember Beyonce
of the Super Bowl,
Dr. Raquel Martin (07:43):
and now, like, it's like, I think it's,
it's not how soon we forget,because Sierra was throwback.
But like, I don't know it'slike, how I feel about this is
very, this is very tangential,tangential. But like, people
talk about the fact that, like,they miss, like, messy Twitter,
like when Rihanna used to tweet,and they were like, it was a
time. It was a time like, whenPete, like, being like, like,
(08:07):
for example, when somethinghappened with a TLC interview,
when you know how they chopstuff up, and they had said
something about like her doingstuff without her sexuality, and
she changed her banner to likethem being dressed skimpily and
stuff like that, to be like,yes,
it was a time, like, when theyactually used to, like, like,
(08:29):
tweet. And I was just like, Ohmy God. Like, messy Rihanna,
honey. Like, that's when she gotme. I was like, Oh my God, yes,
your voice, great. But like, Ilike your style, yeah, like,
Unknown (08:42):
was, she wasn't holding nothing. Look, who can blame
her? After all, she had beenthrough. I'm just
Dr. Raquel Martin (08:49):
saying like, pre mama, some of y'all not
gonna get pre mama Rihanna. Yousee, I'm saying like, because,
like, they not gonna get it. Butpre mama Rihanna, like, it was a
fun time. That's what madeinternet fun for me. When,
before these celebrities got,like, all the PR about them
tweeting, and PR was like, hey,hey, what we supposed to do
about this? Did you see? Whatdid you see? What they just
(09:11):
tweeted? That was that was atime, in my opinion, none of
y'all gonna get pre mamaRihanna. That's about to be the
episode. That's about to be thetitle, pre mama Rihanna, I love
it. She's very much still avibe, but so we talked about
liberation. It's also June, andit's June. June is a significant
(09:31):
month with Pride celebrationshighlighting the fight for
equality and recognition.However, I feel like it's always
important, I think somethingthat's always missed or that I
think should be shared more, is,how can individuals and like
individuals community resources?How can they contribute to the
growth and support of theLGBTQIA community before and
(09:55):
after June? Like June, great,but what can we do before June?
What can we. Do after June, todo a to do a better job.
Unknown (10:03):
Let's take it back just for a second, because I think
that most people have this kindof basic notion around Pride
Month, that it's all aboutparades and glitter and parties
and mesh crop tops. And it isthat right? But part of the
reason we acknowledge pride inJune is because of the Stonewall
(10:26):
riots. And if folks don't know,this was a seminal moment in
queer history back in June 1969when a group of folks, an ad hoc
group of folks, came together,gender diverse, multiracial,
anything you can imagine interms of experience and
identity, they came together,and it was a queer militant
(10:48):
uprising against the New YorkPolice Department, because being
queer was really criminalized inthis time, and still is in a lot
of places around the world. Andalso we see the ramp ups of that
in the US. But people were beingarrested for not wearing enough
articles of clothing thatcorresponded to the gender they
were assigned at birth, whetherthey were what we would
(11:11):
eventually start calling transor not, right? It was also drag
performers. It was also theButch bodied folk, right? All
types of people. So this was anuprising, and I think we often
ignore that there is still thisfight today that is so tied up
in queer history, around policebrutality, right around over
(11:34):
criminalization, particularly ofblack and brown folks, of us
needing to decriminalize sexwork, all of these different
things are a part of not onlythe fight for queer liberation,
but go figure the fight forblack liberation and on and on.
So I think there are connectionshere that cisgender, straight
people, who may not care orunderstand why their liberation
(11:57):
is tied up in the liberation ofqueer people, should care. So
that's one thing, how I thinkthat folks can show up for the
community year round, and notjust in June. I think it's
continuing to elevate ourstories. Right? We are in a time
where Gen Z is identifying morequeer than ever before. Now you
(12:20):
can say, Oh, the agenda iswinning. The alphabet mafia is
out here to get your kids,whatever, whatever. I'm not even
gonna jump into that right now.Can
Dr. Raquel Martin (12:31):
I Real quick though? Let me real quick
though. I just want to state forexample, because I'm not, I'm
not rocking with that the sameso, like, I always give this
example when people say that,Bs, like, people mention the
fact that, like, this is arandom story, but like, there
are more. I think it was like50% more people who write with
their left hand. And individualsare like, oh, like, what's the
(12:52):
difference? The difference isthey used to literally say
individuals who wrote with theirleft hand were of the devil.
People used to get popped andhit and cane for writing with
their left hand. It's not thefact that there are more people
that are left handed. It's thefault. It's the fact that
individuals who are left handedare not being villainized
violence against them, and don'thave to sublimate their
(13:13):
identity. Okay? So wheneversomebody says that, I'm like,
right, right? So let me tell youhow you're wrong, and I can make
it a quick one, right? It's notabout like, the fact that there
are more individuals like thisis it's an agenda. It's about
the fact that people don't feelthe need to sublimate their
identity and violence won't behoused against them. Now there
is still violence againstindividuals who are queer and in
this community, which you canspeak to, of course. But when
(13:36):
people state that stuff at theagenda, and I know it seems so
basic, but it's just like, Okay,so like, when did you choose to
be heterosexual? When did youchoose, like, this aspect of it,
right? I remember one of myfavorite creators, she mentioned
that she had inadvertently comeout as queer, queer because she
had written about in a she gotan interview during college, and
they were like, oh, what'schanged about you during
(13:58):
college? Or, how have youevolved? And she's like, Oh, I
feel more comfortable withmyself, and it's awesome to
really embrace my queer identitymore, and it wasn't the magazine
for the college. And then, ofcourse, our parents read it, and
they were like, we didn't knowit wasn't a big deal. But she
was just like, I wasn't hidinganything. I just didn't find the
niece who come out as queerbecause I just, it's just who I
(14:18):
am, right? It's, I don't see itas an agenda, because if we talk
about the agenda, we need totalk about the heterosexual
agenda, the patriarchal agenda.People don't want to have that
conversation. It's the fact thatpeople are not being it's not
that they're not being attacked.They still are, but they're able
to find more of a sense of acommunity where they feel safe
in that it's one of it's one ofthe reasons why I say family of
origin and family of choice arecomparable, right? Because so
(14:40):
many people are not born intothe family that they deserve,
and now we're in a time whereyou can actually build that
right. And because when I thinkof pride, I think of activism,
it's the same way I think ofBlack History Month, I think of
activism right, because youcan't think of outside of that
right. Unhoused individuals,violence being being violence
being enacted. And individuals.People who are black, who are
(15:01):
black and trans, people who areunhoused because of that. Like,
you can't think about it outsideof activism, in my opinion. So
when people state that agenda,I'm like, it's a firm no. They
literally used to chop offpeople's hands who were left
handed. Yeah, no. It's
Unknown (15:19):
like so many groups of people that we understand to be
just a regular part of the richtape. Humanity were demonized.
Look albinism, right? There weretribes all over the world,
right? That would demonizepeople who were born with
albinism and go figure, one thegreatest pop star of all time,
(15:42):
have vitiligo, right? And thatcan only happen in a culture
that has moved away from some ofthose archaic notions. Yeah, and
let's be clear, older culturesdidn't get everything wrong,
right, because there are olderAfrican tribes and existing ones
still and also older indigenoustribes around the world that
(16:05):
acknowledged that there weremore than two gender
acknowledged that queerness wasa part of the fabric and
actually understood, many ofthem understood queerness as a
sacred thing, right? Actually,as something that enriched the
family structure and enrich theneighborhood, in the in the
culture. So I'm hoping that wecan get back to that. And I
(16:26):
think the other imperative,beyond the fact that there are,
I believe it's one in four ofGen Z identifying openly as
queer. Now it's also on the flipside of that, even in that
identification when we'rethinking about black, trans and
non binary youth, one in fourreport experiencing some form of
(16:47):
suicidal attempt or ideationwithin a year's time. So we
really need to be doing betteraround mental health, and I hope
that our community canunderstand that when it comes to
allyship, even though I don'tdull that label out often, and
I'm not giving anybody theircookies, honey, this ain't the
(17:08):
Boy Scouts, the Girl Scouts. Youain't getting a badge for me,
but for me, if I'm one, if youwant to strive to be an ally, we
need you to interrogate theworkplaces you're a part of the
institutions you're a part of,if you're in Greek
organizations, how are thoseorganizations actually building
a safe and affirming environmentfor queer, trans and non binary
(17:30):
folks? How are your places ofworship, right? Like, if you
really about it, you reallyabout the word of the Lord. I
need you to be able to see andhold accountable leadership that
is actually violent and harmful,which we see in many places of
worship around the world, andalso, I think even within our
families, those are some of thefirst places where we can start
(17:54):
to stretch this notion ofallyship. Yeah, I know it's work
and it's scary, but like, yougotta tell TT that she can't be
going around using this far andcompletely ignoring the pronouns
of your nibbling and all ofthese different things, right?
Like those are little parts ofviolences that can add up to
(18:17):
bigger violence later on. So Ithink it's about us being
creative and innovative aboutwhat our land is, what our
industry is, what institutionswe're a part of, and being able
to take stock of them, just likewe want white people to take
stock of the institutions thatwe share with them.
Dr. Raquel Martin (18:34):
Yes, because I think there is some confusion
about like, the fact that blackpeople can be anti black. You
being pro black is not onlybeing pro blackness that mirrors
your own. It's not supposed tobe protect black women until
protect black women untilthey're until they're overweight
or queer or sexually liberatedor trans. It's protect black
women. It's supposed to be fullstop. And I think one of the
(18:56):
best ways for individuals to getthat is to take in the
narratives of others. I thinkwe're only as educated as the
narratives that are shared,which really which brings me to
your book, the risk it takes tobloom on life and liberation,
which is a memoir. I was lookingat your interviews, and I like
the fact that you mentioned thatthis book provides you with an
(19:18):
opportunity to contribute to thenarrative, but it's nuanced,
because stories as transindividuals can't be painted
with one brush, right? How doyou feel like your book
contributes to diversifying thenarratives and painting with
more than one brush? Yeah,
Unknown (19:34):
well, I like to acknowledge it's taken an
immense amount of privilege toarrive at this moment, to have
the career that I've had, andand to be able to publish on a
major level like this, I am notunder any illusion that so much
of I won't say so much, right,but a piece of my journey has
(19:57):
been being educated on aparticular. Way, art,
articulate, quote, unquote, in aparticular way, and able to
sustain myself with employment,all of these things, right? So
with this story, I really wantedto be clear about those
privileges, but I also wanted toadd into the canon, whether it's
(20:18):
the trans canon, the black transcannon, if you want to call it
that, or just like the largerblack canon, or the canon of
women narrative, a southernblack trans story, because I
think so often we only think ofblack queer and trans people in
these major metropolitan areas,right? We only think of the
scene in New York City or thescene in Atlanta or the scene in
(20:42):
San Francisco. But even when Iwas growing up, the scene in
Atlanta wasn't really understoodas the black gay Mecca until I
was an adult, it was veryimportant to include that
Southern narrative. It was veryimportant to include a narrative
of someone who was who wasraised Catholic, right, and it's
still recovering, but also therehadn't been narratives around
(21:07):
what it was like to come intoconsciousness around social
justice in the era of themovement for black lives, and so
it also felt important to talkabout my experiences as a black
trans woman invested in this eraof the Trayvon Martins or the
mike browns or the Sandra blandsand on and on, when there were
(21:30):
also plenty of queer and transpeople who were also
experiencing violence but werenot palatable enough, or didn't
have palatable enough stories tobe seen as one of the main
characters of this journey thatwe've been on collectively,
those are the things I reallywas interested in adding, and I
feel really good about it. Youknow? It was a very beautiful
(21:55):
Capstone, I think, to that partof my life. Now, I feel like I'm
in a new era. But even with myfamily, right? I think people
latched on to, of course, thosebigger things, but they were
really interested in my journeywith my father. I really tried
to talk candidly about what itfelt like. That's why I joke
about being a failure, right?But what it felt like to be a
failure to his expectationsaround black masculinity, like I
(22:19):
knew I wasn't going to grow upand have the life that he
imagined from me, and that was aproblem, and I know that that is
something that binds a lot of uswithin the black community, is
that we feel like we have tohave a particular live up to a
particular image, and then whenwe Don't, then we're really hard
(22:41):
on ourselves, right? And then gofigure the outside world, white
society is hard on us too. Butwe can all just be failures
together. We
Dr. Raquel Martin (22:51):
can all be, you know, together,
Unknown (22:53):
let's fail these these gendered expectations and create
something new. If you'redivorced, make it through that,
and there's something on theother side, right? If you can't
have children. And I say that asa woman who is infertile, but I
know that my journey is ainfertile trans woman that's
tied to the journey of infertilecis women and intersex folks.
(23:15):
We're Yeah, we can fail on onthe reproductive tip, but like
what else, we can also createnew things, right? We can also
still be parents and guardiansand lovers and build beautiful
families and all of that too.
Dr. Raquel Martin (23:29):
I love that because I think it's also it's
inextricably linked with, like,I tell a lot of people,
especially within the blackcommunity, that, like, there's a
difference between legacy andlineage, and I'm a firm believer
that, like my children are mylineage, but they are I don't
wanna say they're not my legacy,but they're not the only aspect
of my legacy. And I think withthe black community as a whole,
(23:51):
we limit ourselves because theexpectations that you mentioned
of failing your dad and that somany parents have, that's their
expectations. And as a parent, Iknow I like I had views for for
my children before they're evenborn, but those are that's
that's more about me than them.I feel like being a parent
teaches me more about me than itwill ever teach me about my
children, because my childrenwill teach me about themselves,
(24:12):
right? But there's this aspectof like, people are like, my
children are my legacy, and Iget so much flack for that. I'm
like, your children are yourlineage, all right, your
relations. You are your legacy.And sometimes they limit
themselves because they weren'table to be what they wanted to
be, or they weren't able toachieve the goals that they
wanted to achieve. So they putthat on their children, and as a
psychologist, I always let themknow it's never too late. It's
never too late for you to dowhat you want to do, right?
(24:35):
Because so many times, just likethat was with the black
community, it's so linked,because it's just like they were
their legacy. We didn't wedidn't know we were going to
survive. Like, we put all ofthis into the children, but
like, I think that these othercommunities, they survive so
that we can thrive and flourish.So like, thank you for that. But
also, it's not too late for you.I hope that my children realize
that, like, I'm my legacy. Mywork is my legacy. How I leave
(24:58):
you feeling after I convert?With you as my legacy, the the
values that I I hope my childrenhave that could be an aspect of
my legacy, but they may choosethat some of my values were
trash, and they're like, Mom wasnuts, like, my children are my
lineage, but I'm my legacy. HowI leave people feeling after
that? That's my legacy, and Ithink it's really hard for black
people to get that, because whenI say it, I'm like, Oh no, I'm
(25:20):
my legacy, this art, this thiswork I'm doing. That's my
legacy. Like my children feelingaffirmed and being able to go
toe to toe with me, and as aresult, any other adults, if you
if you can go toe to toe withyour moms, you can go toe to toe
with that boss who lost theirfreaking mind thinking you gonna
work during your PTO like it'snothing. My children are my
lineage, and I think blackpeople, I really want y'all to
understand. When you think ofthat, anytime I have the
(25:41):
conversation, it's like, well, Iwant them to achieve what I
didn't see. Okay, so what? Let'stalk about what you didn't and
let's leave them out of it.Leave them out of it. Yeah?
Like, like, let's go. Why do youfeel like the story is over? Why
do you it's never too late,right? It's never too late. It's
never too late. Y'all, I'llfight which I'll go toe to toe
(26:01):
with y'all all day. I'm fromPhilly, North Philly, to be
specific, you know, I'm sayingmy life. Your children are not
your legacy. I'm my legacy. Mychildren. Parenting teaches me
about me. My children are goingto teach me about them. Like
what? But like people, I'd belike legacy, no.
Unknown (26:19):
And I feel like such a huge part of it, and it's not
just in the black community,although it's particularly
heightened it feels like for usbecause we're in in the thick of
it, right? What else do we knowbut an overcorrection right
around Yes? Are people havingbeen property, and are people
(26:39):
still dealing with the lingeringeffects of feeling like property
because we're still exploited,still dominated all of these
different things, especiallyfinancially and wanting to own
something, and so it isconvenient to own this person
that you birth into the world,right? Or it's and it's
(26:59):
acceptable to in our society,and then to also want to own
their trajectory and theirfuture, and we have to be able
to to interrogate that, becauseit's we also police each other.
Yep, right. How many timessomebody walk into the space
like, why she wear that? Oh, shewant me to use what what name
(27:21):
and what pronouns? Oh, who it?Who does she think she is to
demand something else? Amanda'slike, can we? We gotta
relinquish some of this, boo,it's enough out here for you to
be worried about you. Ain'tgotta be worried about me like
that, right? You ain't gottahold on to this other person's
way of navigating the world andand future in that way, right,
(27:45):
especially when it gets to beharmful and restrictive, because
then it's just a mirror of ofall of the things that you tell
yourself.
Dr. Raquel Martin (27:54):
Amen. Well, you know what? Name twin boo.
Can I call you that? I will.Yeah, everybody. No. Raquel, I
want to be special. Don't sugar.You're not allowed to call
anyone else that I'm I want tobe special. This isn't about
that. Okay, okay, thank you,doctor, okay, okay, okay, yes, I
(28:15):
like that. Thank you for comingon the show. Tell everybody
where they can find you. It'llbe in the show notes too, but I
want to hear you say it as well.Yeah. So you
Unknown (28:25):
can find me on all socials at Raquel Willis, R, A,
Q, U, E, L, W, I, L, L, i, s. Iassume y'all know how to spell
Raquel, obviously. But I'm alsoat Raquel willis.com the title
of my memoir is the risk ittakes to bloom. I also host two
podcasts. One is calledafterlives, which investigates
(28:46):
the lives of trans people we'velost too soon. The other is
queer Chronicles, and this firstseason focuses on queer and
trans youth and politicalbattlegrounds for the states,
political battleground statesacross the US. Yeah. So check
out all of that stuff. Check it
Dr. Raquel Martin (29:02):
all out. Thank you so much for coming on
the show. Everyone. Thanks fortuning in today. Remember to be
kind to yourself. Two stepsforward and one step back is
still one step forward. That isjust math. Have a good rest of
your day. You.
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