Episode Transcript
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Dr. Raquel Martin (00:00):
Steve, Hello
everyone, and welcome to Mind
your mental just a reminder thatthis podcast is not meant to be
a substitute for a relationshipwith a licensed mental health
professional. I know they arehard to find, and I get that I
have a bunch of resources on mywebsite if you need them, but I
am not your clinician. I am apsychologist, but I am not your
(00:21):
psychologist. So if you need anyspecific help, please look for
the help of a licensed mentalhealth professional. Learn all
you can learn from the podcast.Enjoy the episode. So everyone
Welcome again to mind yourmental today, we are joined by
shaheem McLaurin, who is a blackgender queer licensed social
worker and therapist andinfluencer, born and raised in
Baltimore, Maryland, say dog,okay, okay. And they are
(00:48):
currently stationed in Brooklyn,New York, with upwards of 500
thought followers. Shaheem isuses their platforms to address
a wide range of social andmental health issues impacting
people of color. Patriarchyimpacted people, which is all of
us and members of the LGBTQ pluscommunity, they have built a
loyal community around theprovision of mental health,
(01:09):
advice, support, self care tips,and bashing sagittariuses as
well. Welcome to
Unknown (01:18):
I don't remember adding
that. Oh my gosh.
Dr. Raquel Martin (01:21):
You gotta
check out your website because,
like, it says that. I mean,don't check it out now, if it
has, if it happens to disappear,you won't have to believe it
that it was there. But yes,welcome to the show
Unknown (01:33):
to be here. Honestly,
this is a dream podcast. You
like
Dr. Raquel Martin (01:37):
one of my
favorite license therapist,
because you have some sense. Ilike being able to see licensed
clinicians actually speak about,you know, things from an
appropriate perspective. Youalso center marginalized voices,
which a lot of people do not door don't know how to do, and I
think you very much have a goodaspect of accountability within
your content space. I very muchappreciate it. Plus, you make me
(02:00):
laugh, because you'd be soshady. Sometimes I love it. I
love it. Hey, everyone. Just areminder that mind, your mental
is not just a podcast. It isalso a amazing community. If I
do say so myself, it'sphenomenal. I mean, you get more
access to me. What more couldyou want in this life if you
want to join the community. Ifyou're not already on the
(02:22):
community, go to my socialmedia. My social media is the
same Raquel Martin, PhD, and DMme the word community, so you
can get details on joining thisamazing, flipping community. You
get more access to me. Y'alllike, I'm a delight. All right.
All right. Hope to see youthere.
Unknown (02:39):
That makes a world
coming from you. I literally
shout you out in every I'm soserious I don't think you
understand. You are, like, myfavorite therapist, creator like
I literally shout you out onevery podcast I do, and always,
oh, who do you aspire to be likein the space I'm like, doctor,
rocket, minor like, that isthat's the pinnacle. You are the
standard to me. I think you areliterally eons ahead of like me,
(03:04):
and I just admire and supporteverything that
Dr. Raquel Martin (03:07):
you do. When
I first started following you,
it was, I forget what the videowas, but it just made me laugh.
And when you know with me, youmake me laugh. I'm a phone, you
know, like, I think somebody hadsaid something crazy to you, and
you realize you know thetextbook calls and you be like,
so Imma, Imma say something andy'all gonna be mad. I was like,
(03:27):
Ooh, anger me, and I just crackit. I like it just very good
but, but I love the fact thatyou center marginalized voices.
I love your best friend, eventhough I have not met your best
friend, but in my opinion, notyour best friend, and how
there's also, I think you do afantastic job of combining the
aspect of mental health andcontent creation and talking
(03:50):
about what you're sacrificing aswell as I love seeing your
hobbies to this day, your yourcheesecake cups and stuff. I
made yours and mine at a party.And my friend's best my
husband's best friend said,yours are better than my your
snickerdoodle cheesecake cups.He was like, made both of them,
but he didn't know they weren'tboth my recipe. So I gave him
(04:10):
the chocolate one, and he waslike, Oh, this is good. And then
I gave him the snickerdoodlerecipe, and he told my husband.
He was like, Yo, you gotta trythis one, though. And my husband
was like, Oh, look,
Unknown (04:19):
I do have a lot of
hobbies. My main goal in
everything that I do is tohumanize like being a therapist,
because there is we will getinto it when we talk about what
inspired me to be a therapist,because it was a long story. I
didn't even want to be one, butI am a human being first. Yes,
I'm a person first, everythingelse second. And I know like
(04:42):
that, there's this, like, weirdwall that is created through
society where people like view,like, often view us as these,
like, big, mighty figures. AndI'm just a person. I'm just a
girl. You know, I'm one of theworlds. That's it, the girl
standing in front
Dr. Raquel Martin (04:56):
of me. Okay,
so tell me about what made you
decide to want to be atherapist, because I. I decided
to wanted to be a psychologistbecause I just it was psyched in
black history, or like, one ofthe few classes that didn't bore
the heck out of me. So what madeyou decide to want to be a
clinician? So
Unknown (05:08):
I really didn't want to
be a therapist at all. I was
actually vehemently against it.It was I went into so it's such
a long and windy story, butthere's this thing where, if you
believe the universe just guidesyou where you need to go. I was
a community organizer since Iwas in high school. Like, I was
co founding organizations. Like,I, like, ran, like, community
(05:33):
like, cleanups, I did. I was aorganizer in Baltimore first,
and that was, like, the main, mymain focus, like, I wanted to
be, like, the best communityorganizer I could be. So I was
connected to so many people whenI was organizing in the
southeast of Baltimore that Icame across this one woman. I'll
(05:54):
never forget her. She's got herdown ago, and she was a social
worker, and I saw her get a busfull of people and took them
down to DC so they can protestfor DACA rights. And I was like,
so mesmerized at that. I wasjust like, how do I do this type
of work at this scale? Like, Iwanted to be the best community
(06:14):
organizer possible. And she waslike, I'm a social worker. And
she was specifically a communitysocial worker. I a macro social
worker. And I was like, okay,whatever. And then another
friend of mine had a socialworker friend who was a
therapist, and they were justlike, you have everything it
takes to be a social worker. Youwill be an excellent social
(06:35):
worker. You need to apply. And Iwent to go apply for NYU, which
is where I went for grad school,for social work, and it was I
went to go open a website toapply, and it was two weeks past
the deadline. And this is how Iknew it was like something that
was supposed to be, because myfriend I was like, oh, it looks
like I can't. And my friend waslike, email them and see if they
can make an exception for you. Idid. Lo and behold, they made an
(06:58):
exception. I got into NYU, andwon so many twists and turns in
grad school, but I went to gradschool on a macro track. I was
trying to be a macro socialworker. In fact, I beefed with
so many classmates of minebecause I really did not like
the way that they had viewed themacro lens, because they lacked
(07:19):
so much of it because they wentfor an easy route to being a
therapist, like, which I thoughtwas like, you know, I know you
probably isn't like, I'll justhave you have your own opinions
on social work, therapists,
Dr. Raquel Martin (07:31):
social
worker, like a lot of my social
workers, did listen, I grew upgoing on, what am I supposed to
on home visits, you know, no.Like you know, that was when it
wasn't illegal to keep yourchild in the car, but it was
always illegal, but, you know,but no. Social Worker, I think
that's why my lens is always sodifferent. Because I think some
(07:52):
people, when it comes to psychthey stay in the I've always
been brought up when it comes towraparound services, I think
that's why I see stuff waydifferently than most
clinicians. There's communitypsychologists. I didn't even
know about them beforehand, butapparently what I do, the way I
see stuff, is actually more likea community psychologist than a
clinical psychologist, andthat's because I was reared by a
social worker. I know I'd belike, okay, yeah, this is all,
(08:13):
well, a good depression. Do wehave a social program or
something? Or what are we? Canwe have some tan can we have
something about oh, they'redepressed. Yeah, they're
depressed. They can't eat, yo,let's get some food. Can we get
some tokens back in the day whenthey were tokens, but that's how
I always see stuff. If I had nothere was a such thing as
community site. I probably wouldhave went to a community psych
program, but I went to a medicaland clinical psych program, and
(08:35):
I just bring my mom with me inevery single room. So social
workers
Unknown (08:41):
love my classmates were
not those type of social
workers. They were very much sothe kind that were white and
very much oriented towards whitesupremacy, which was a big
problem for me, and just I alsohad my own the fact I was that I
was in school for social worker,I was in foster care at some
point as a kid, so I already hadmy contention with the state,
(09:05):
and like being a social worker,I never saw myself working for
like ACS, which is what I woundup doing eventually, which is
like Child Protective Servicesin New York, for those who don't
know. And it just was like sucha wild turn. I went through so
much racism at NYU googleablefact, actually, it's really, it
(09:26):
was a lot. But because of that,I was put in the purview of my
mentor, slash one of thegreatest women I've ever met in
my life, Dr Linda LaSalleBryant, who I started working
with as her graduate assistant,and she connected me with so
many people, like her friends,who actually ran ACS like she
(09:47):
did so much wonderful work inher day, and like when it came
time for me to graduate, I wasalready doing like my you know,
you have to do your clinicaltrack no matter what when you go
to school for social work. So Iwas already doing like my
practice. And stuff like that.And she was, I was gonna
graduate and go into like,admin, or go into more community
social work stuff. And she waslike, No, you should get your
(10:11):
boots on the ground, see if youlike it before you jump and do
the more macro stuff I need youto get your individual micro
stuff onto and I was like,whatever listening to her, I was
dragging my feet the whole time,and lo and behold, like when I
got my first job, which shehelped me to get, because she
(10:33):
connected me with her friend outof grad school, I was doing
family therapy, and it just Itook to it like a fish and
water. Like it was just such anatural click for me. And I just
fell in love with the practiceof doing, the practice of
therapy. It was, like, such abeautiful, like, experience. And
I noticed, like, even mycolleagues, like my supervisor,
(10:56):
like, everybody was just like,Wow, you are. Like, naturally.
Like, good at this. It's justbeen a marriage since I cannot
leave it alone. I did not wantto be this, though it's funny
how some sometimes the universework. Everything that I said I
would avoid I became, and Idon't regret it, because I feel
like my voice in this spacemakes sense, and I think we need
(11:18):
more people like you and like meand so many other people I can
name, like in this space, and Iuse social media like, part of
why I got into using social TikTok specifically was because I
was like, if I'm going to bedoing all this micro work, I'm
more of a macro leaning person.If I'm going to be doing more
more micro work, like, I need tobe trying to, like combat, like
(11:40):
something, some type of system.And my goal was to, like, try
and bring down the ivory tower alittle bit more, or that paywall
between people and mental healthresources and anything I could
do. So that's how I got here.But I definitely did not want to
be a therapist. That was not mygoal at all. My undergraduate
degrees are in political scienceand women and gender studies,
(12:02):
like I and no way it was notlike I came into school, like
I'm gonna be a therapist. Itjust happened, and I'm glad that
it did, because, you know, Ilove it. I actually love what I
do. I
Dr. Raquel Martin (12:13):
love that.
And I think it's obvious. I
think one of the differencesbetween I see more people on
social media like as licensedtherapists, and I think you have
to be more, I don't know, like,more jazzed about what you do,
but you can tell that you lovewhat you do, versus when I go
to, like, conferences, or if Igo to some kind of things, these
people miserable. These are theclinicians. And I'm like, I
(12:35):
mean, crack a smile, yo. Whatare we doing here? I feel like
the reason why I did socialmedia because I one, I wanted to
make resources more accessible,because I totally get there's
not enough resources. But two, Iwanted to humanize the aspect of
space. That's one of the that'sone of my favorite things, is,
yes, I love the fact that youare very good at translating
(12:55):
something that are prettycomplicated concepts into
something that somebody can getin, like a three minute video.
And not many people can do that.I've seen people try and they
suck at it, and I'd be like,let's stick to the articles. But
also, I like being able to seedifferent aspects of your life,
like you making rugs and likethe snickerdoodle cups and Afro
punk I like being able to seethat clinicians are people,
(13:17):
because it makes it lessdaunting to see these
individuals. There's no, youknow, you don't have to feel
like there are, there's ahierarchy, because we both know
that therapy is like acollaborative relationship. I
don't think people realize, youknow, I think it's because I
think I'm good at this too, but,like, we make it look so simple.
I don't think people realizethat they're taking in pretty
complicated concepts, or, like,really well researched and
(13:39):
thought out things when it comesto psycho education, because you
just happen to put your judge onit, and you were able to make it
into a minute and 30 seconds,but it's like, Yo, I went to
school for this. Yo, like, Iknow, I make it look easy, and I
mean to me, but, you know, like,this is actually you share very
good concepts. And I thinkpeople, I think it's why people
sometimes get it messed up. Whenit comes to therapy, it comes to
(14:00):
social media. Oh, it's, youknow, it's like folk ism and
it's not, I just do that. I dothis very well, so I make it
look simple, but it's not.That's
Unknown (14:07):
an honor. I cannot
emphasize. I've learned so much
from you. And yeah, I do try andmake that's, I'm glad that you
brought that up, because, as ahood, but myself, like somebody
who comes from, you know, I'm afirst generation student, like
I, like first gen graduate, likeI, I had to learn a lot of these
(14:29):
concepts from the from scratch.I had to learn how to go to
school and be in highereducation from scratch. It was
really important for me to havepeople translate a lot of these
things that were inaccessible tome for so long and to make the
transition into higher educationand stuff easier. So I
definitely try my best to makethis information as accessible
(14:52):
to people as possible. But Ialso know I will add this pin. I
also know that there are someconcepts that are complicated
and they have to be. Complicatedbecause they're complex
concepts. And that is anotherthing that, yeah, I try not to
do as much about challengingthese misconceptions around or
oversimplifications of thesevery daunting or like heavier
(15:14):
concepts. I hate pop psychologyso bad. It really irks my
nerves. Like the older overpathologizing, like simple
behavior like, really irks me.You know, we all fight in that
battle.
Dr. Raquel Martin (15:26):
I think so
too. There are certain words
that I just never thought Iwould just be so sick of. I
don't really like the word selfcare. I don't like triggers. I
don't like, you know, all thewords that have to use all the
time if I hear a narciss. Oh, myGod, Lord have mercy.
Unknown (15:42):
Oh my God, that's that
one. Everybody. Narcissist with,
like,
Dr. Raquel Martin (15:47):
you know,
with mother wounds, I just be
like, alrighty, yo. This is,this is a lot. And you know,
what's even, you know, as twopeople on social media, pop
psychology, like, It's sexier,so like, it makes it stuff seem
simple. And I'm like, it'll getclicked on more. And I just feel
like, That's ridiculous, becausepeople will want simplify.
Simplification for stuff is notsimple. Like, people are simple.
(16:09):
We're not black or white, we'regray. And it could be
frustrating, because I'msurprised I popped up on social
media because, to be honest, Iain't doing that. Listen, I'm
talking. My students one timewere just like, Dr Martin, I
know you. Was Tiktok famous. Igotta listen to you now. I said
you gotta listen to me now. I amyour professor. Listen to me
Unknown (16:30):
anyway. The clout
machine, clout is one hell of a
drug and make people go crazy.
Dr. Raquel Martin (16:37):
It does,
especially my students, that I
do
Unknown (16:39):
derogatory sense.
Dr. Raquel Martin (16:42):
That's
another thing about social
media, people telling me what Ican't say. I said, somebody was
like, you can't say the C word.I said, first of all, I can. But
I look back at my head, I said,Did I say the C word? What the
freak? Did I say that? And theysaid, crazy. I said, you don't
get out my face. If you don'tget out my face,
Unknown (17:04):
oh my god, oh my god,
oh my God. That's another thing
too. Specifically, as a blackclinician like this is one of my
goals, right? They try so badlyto divorce us from culture like
specifically black culture,because it's viewed as
inappropriate in the mentalhealth space. I have to say
(17:25):
this, because if you grow up ina black space, you know as and I
don't want to dismiss and flipit use of terms that are just no
longer appropriate. But youknow, crazy isn't always gonna
be like, it's gonna flip in fromtime to time, but it's not
always directed at somebody ordescribing someone's mental
health. I don't know. It's just,it is, it's, we might have to
(17:45):
edit that one out, because Idon't feel like going back and
forth about that. You know,people have tried to, people
tried it with me, and it's just,baby, we come on. You know, I
don't mean it in a derogatorysense. And I'm not like, it's
just, yeah, I say it on time. I
Dr. Raquel Martin (17:59):
do. I really,
one of the most common things I
say is that's crazy just likethat. Like, as I say, it on
time, you know, like, I'm verymuch saying all the time, and
I've had people say that. I'vehad one or two people and be
like, Do you think that's anegative statement? And I'm
like, do I What crazy I youknow, crazy isn't a clinical
diagnosis. I'm not, I'm notdiagnosing anyone. Also, this
(18:21):
isn't therapy. And you don'twant to hear me say crazy. God,
Unknown (18:24):
don't get me excited.
Dr. Raquel Martin (18:27):
You don't
want to hear me say crazy. You
should probably go so like, whenit comes to license therapy,
being online, I think people onehave an issue confusing therapy
and just we're providing psychoeducation. And I always say, you
wanna know the differencebetween being in session with me
and psychoeducation because youdidn't receive an invoice and
you're not my patient. Iremember someone saying, you
(18:48):
know, I would just think thatyou would be better. You know,
equipped to somebody saidsomething to me crazy. Of
course, I said something to acrazy girl, because I'm like,
really, I really want you torealize I'm not the one, and I
do this for fun. Please. It's mytime to shine. Thank you all. My
goodness, this is amazing. Ineeded a break. No, and they're
(19:09):
like, I would expect more fromyou. And I said, I don't know
why they're like, What if youhurt their feelings? I said, I
hope I did. I hope it stinks,because sometimes the reason why
people act like they don't haveany sense is because you there
are some people who just havenever been custody, and you can
tell, because what makes youthink that's an appropriate
thing to say to me? Well, Imean, a psychologist is what I
(19:29):
do. It's not who I am, but thepay scale, honey. My degrees
ain't changed, nothing but thepay scale. But I'm from North
Philly all day. Listen,
Unknown (19:36):
I'm from down the hill.
And I tell people I am a I'm a
Bucha queen, a gay from thehood, like baby who grew up with
a lot of sisters. I have a verynasty mouth. Please, don't I
like to keep it respectful, butI can get, I can get in the
garden with the mess. So pleaseleave me alone, and I leave you
(19:57):
alone. That's why, every timesomebody
Dr. Raquel Martin (19:58):
say something
to me. Crazy. I started to reply
by laughing, because I'm like,Oh, this about to be so fun.
Thank you for this. I was bored.I was, you know, I was in the
dark, but now I see that this isabout to this,
Unknown (20:12):
you're such a
Sagittarius. Oh, my God, you're
such a Sagittarius. You gottastop. Okay,
Dr. Raquel Martin (20:19):
this is a
very good point talking about
astrology, which anyone whoknows me knows it's not a thing.
I do not believe it's a thing.However, I will say one of the
one of the things I love aboutyour page is that I will
actually watch your astrologypost. You one of my favorite
series. Y'all need to watch thisseries. One of my favorite
(20:40):
series is when you do, you'relike, treating each side, and I
don't, I don't know specificallywith the individual signs, but
how they act. But either way,like, as a clinician, I relate,
and it just cracks me up whereeach Okay, you'd be like, thank
you so much for that 50 pagedissertation. In a response to
me just asking, how was yourday? But you also didn't answer
(21:02):
the question, and I didn't askfor this, you know, like, even
that, I'll be like, I totallyget it. And one of the reasons
why I was like, we want to talkabout this, because one of you,
one of your one of your posts,said, Listen, I'm not saying if
you Is anything wrong. Would notbe believing in astrology, but I
think you said I would reallylook at you. I don't really know
if I could trust you. And Isaid,
Unknown (21:23):
I mean, look at the
numbers. You know, Jay Z said,
men lie, women lie. Numbers.Don't lie.
Dr. Raquel Martin (21:29):
Where are the
numbers in astrology? Saying,
where are the numbers? Tell mewhere the numbers in astrology.
Unknown (21:33):
I mean, even
statistically, if you look at
like, full moons, like coincidewith and it's correlation, I
know correlation, not causation,but like, coincides with, like,
more violence. Like, that'sliterally a statistic that is
provable. There are morecalamities during eclipses. Like
that is a thing you canliterally Google that they're
(21:54):
like, you know, we could getinto it every day.
Dr. Raquel Martin (21:59):
I just, I
don't. I just, I never have. And
you said, it's very much aprofessor thing, but I, before I
was a professor, I just, wasjust like, You need to tell me,
oh, okay, like, you're
Unknown (22:11):
a Sagittarius. You were
born a professor. That's the
That's the reality. Like, Ijust, I can't Sagittarius rules
over the ninth house of highereducation. I
Dr. Raquel Martin (22:20):
don't even
know. I don't, I don't know you
even mentioned, what did yousay? You said that you're a
Sagittarius rising, even thoughanyone who looks at Shaheen
page, you tell me that they donot hate Sagittarius like
anyone. Listen, I like legitwhen I when I do the reel for
this, I want y'all this is gonnabe the clip. This is the sound
bite. You go to their page andyou tell me that they don't,
(22:43):
that they just, they can't standsuch a kid, you know, why? Why
did you tell? Why did you tell,you know, go through I spoke to
your page and be like, this isan example. This is an example
I'm happy to every time it'd belike, what are the top five
worst signs, and why are they?Sagittariuses, what are the what
(23:04):
are the people? I mean, what arethe people that will, you know,
try to destroy your life andsay, Get over it. And why are
they? Sagittariuses, what arelike?
Unknown (23:14):
I just feel like, oh,
no, are we? What are this?
What no sagittariuses wouldn'tdo that. Wouldn't do what?
That's more of a Capricorntrait.
Dr. Raquel Martin (23:27):
What are my
traits? You tell me my traits,
because I'm a Sagittarius Mybirthday is December, 19. Okay,
look
Unknown (23:34):
so look sad. Just are
so much more than just like a
loud mouth and not wanting to betied down. I know that's what
y'all are pegged down at, butit's true. Like y'all are like
people who are very flighty.Y'all don't like being
controlled whatsoever. Yourfreedom is very important. Yeah,
(23:54):
y'all are very brash. You willsay the you will say the thing
that nobody wants to hear, butmeet the people need to hear.
Y'all are very honest and veryblunt. Y'all know it isn't, I
think you know that. You knowthat's not everyone. But look,
it's so much more. So the ninthhouse in astrology, like every
(24:18):
sign rules over. In modernastrology, every sign rules
over, like a house is just likea different area of life. And
Sagittarius rules over the ninthhouse of like, higher education,
international travel andbusiness dealings, philosophy,
things like that. So like, youbeing a Sagittarius and a
professor is just kind of likeon the nose. And it's hilarious,
(24:40):
because that just makes a lot ofsense, okay, but
Dr. Raquel Martin (24:42):
what's the
other thing? Because you said
you're rising what's the risingthing? What's my rising thing?
Unknown (24:47):
Okay, we need to do
your birth chart. That's it. We
need to do your birth chart. Doyou know what time you were
born? I
Dr. Raquel Martin (24:51):
do. I was
born in 351
Unknown (24:54):
Yeah. We gotta do your
your birth chart. We can't just
keep so I just sent you. Yougotta. On there and do your
neighbors, because you you can'tnot know your chart, at least
your big three is reallyimportant in this day and age.
Dr. Raquel Martin (25:07):
Yeah, I will
tell you that's just the it's
your page that actually one ofmy best friends, Katie, and
she's been trying to get thischart. Thank you for a minute.
And every time I'm like, Girl,no, I told you I'm the only
person. I am, the only personaround me who's just and every
single time I say that, they saythe same thing. No, she's a
secretary, so just let her knowher thing. This is how she's
(25:30):
going to be.
Unknown (25:31):
I don't like to do
anything. Y'all not. Nobody can
tell y'all what to do. Trust me,and I'm a sad dresser, so I do
get it like many, like I'm notone who's quick to listen to
what other people have to sayabout what I should be doing.
But look, here's my thing.Astrology is also a great tool
when it comes to therapy andmental health. I don't use it a
(25:52):
lot. The only time that I use itwith my clients, because people
ask me this all the time, do youlike bring astrology into your
sessions? I'm like, no, like,why would I do that? That's not
what I'm trying to do. But if aclient comes to me, Hey, this is
my birth chart. I would like foryou to read it. We can look at
it, and then we can assess ittogether, because it's a good
tool to explore identity. Like,how do you feel about these
(26:15):
things? Like, what it says aboutyou? Do you agree with these
things? Do you align with thesethings? How do you feel about
like this area of your life. Doyou think this lines up with the
your chart? It's just a tool,and there are many tools that we
can use. I don't care if we usein a screwdriver or a bur chart.
What matters to me is that we'rebeing introspective and
exploring the self. That's it.
Dr. Raquel Martin (26:36):
Okay, so I
don't know much about it, but I
thought you saw a burst
Unknown (26:38):
through it, because
it's not a thing.
Dr. Raquel Martin (26:41):
I just don't,
I just don't, I just don't, I
just don't, I just, I can't evenI just don't, I don't, it's just
not a thing. You know, I'll behonest, I've answered this
question many times, and it'snever a real answer, because I'm
just like,
Unknown (26:57):
I just don't, it just I
don't, it's not fake. To me,
Dr. Raquel Martin (27:01):
I'm like, oh,
ooh, sagittariuses don't like to
get punched in the face. That'show ambiguous It is to me. I'm
like, doesn't everyone dislikegetting punched in the face? But
that's what I heard.
Unknown (27:12):
That's what you said.
That isn't everybody like blood
and no, everybody is not likethat. I promise you, everybody
is not like
Dr. Raquel Martin (27:20):
your
reaction, because I will tell
you, I do get the same reactionevery single time I mention
this. So my husband and myoldest, they're both Geminis.
Oh, Lord, that's the samereaction every time. What is
that? You know, I kid you not,every time I mention that,
they're like, oh, what's yourhusband sign? I'm like, Oh, he's
a Gemini and they're like, Whatabout your boys sister? Sign
(27:42):
like, Oh, my husband, my oldestis a, is a, is a Gemini, too.
And, oh, my God, you got two ofthem in the house. My youngest,
I don't know what. I don't knowwhat he is. His birthday is
March 9. Oh, that's crazy, evenif I don't believe it. Oh, I
will tell you. Let me saysomething. Okay. Now this was
the only time I was like, Imight believe in astrology. My
(28:04):
youngest is that's
Unknown (28:05):
gonna be your emotional
Dr. Raquel Martin (28:11):
I apologize.
I showed your name. That's
Unknown (28:14):
my nickname. That is my
nickname. So needy.
Dr. Raquel Martin (28:17):
Oh, my like I
had never experienced anything
like it. And I tell my bestfriends, Katie, who is very much
like she's very much into thatgives me crystals, tell me all
that she's just, oh yeah, I kidyou not you. He will when he was
(28:38):
little, he would be crying, evento this day, I'll be holding and
they'll be like, Why is hecrying? I'll pick him up, and
they're like, he's still crying.I have to put my face next to
his face. His face has to betouching, very sensitive.
Unknown (28:49):
I'm a Pisces moon, so I
too, am a very sensitive being.
I can tell you, your son isgoing to be very sensitive. That
is going to be that's going tobe your sensitive shot.
Dr. Raquel Martin (28:59):
I've never
experienced anything like this.
I have had patients as young asfour. I've done family and child
therapy. I've worked and I'mjust like, and my mom was like,
why is he still crying? I waslike, watch this. Put his face
next to my
Unknown (29:13):
it's sick.
Did you? Did you see how? Beforeyou even said anything, I said,
Oh, that's gonna be a sense of,
Dr. Raquel Martin (29:21):
I mean, and
nobody like he, he will, and has
slapped his brother in the faceto get to me. He don't play.
Don't touch me. I want my mom.
Unknown (29:31):
This is gonna be like,
you know how we 101, is like
star signs. This is gonna belike one, oh, it's gonna be like
103, because it's aspects y'allsquare each other. So he so in
astrology, right? It's a wheel,you know, like the different
degrees of a wheel, Sagittariusand Gemini are right across from
(29:53):
each other on the wheel. They'resister signs, so they're like,
right across from each other. Sothey oppose each other, meaning,
there is. Y'all want the samething, just in different ways.
And it's, it can be likesometimes translating the yo two
sides of the same coin, but justtwo very different sides, like
Geminis. Geminis are, and Iactually love, like, the pairing
(30:15):
of Gemini and Sagittarius,because Geminis are more like
thought like they're they willcontemplate things, they talk a
good game. Like they're down,like, for they're always very
busy social calendars and stuff.But like, they talk a lot, and
Sagittarius is a very actionlike, so it's the dichotomy of
like, thought and action. A sadmight get irritated with the
Gemini, because the Gemini mighttalk a lot, and they're just
(30:36):
like, can you just do it alreadyand shut the hell up, sad. And
Gemini are like this. Pisces andVirgo are like this. So they
are, they make up a square at a90 degree angle. And what that
means in astrology is that thereis tension between those
placements. So if you havePisces, for example, with a
(30:57):
Sagittarius and a Gemini,there's going to be a natural
tension there, because youaren't going to necessarily see
exactly eye to eye. You share amodality, but you don't share an
element, and you don't share,oh, my God, I'm blanking. You
don't share. You don't share anelement, and you it's the second
thing that you don't share. Butyou get the point being like,
(31:18):
there's tension. It's a naturaltension. Like, God, he will
probably be and keep an eye outfor this. He'll probably feel a
lot of the times like the oddman out. So make sure you just
give that baby some extranurturance, because where y'all
are like thought in action, he'sgoing to be feeling like that's
very much. So see what
Dr. Raquel Martin (31:34):
I always say
and people and you know what I
can always tell how peopleassociate like, what their
thought process is with feelingsor emotions, because I always
tell people like, I'm a veryemotional person. And people who
get me and who see emotions aslike a positive thing, will be
like, I can see that. But peoplewho see emotions as a weakness
(31:54):
will be like, Oh, I could neversee you as being emotional. And
it's because they're like, Oh,you're such a strong person. And
I'm like, I'm a very emotionalperson, and that's one of the
best things about me, is thatI'm incredibly emotional. Like,
I literally have to see peoplelike, I can I was like, I'm very
emotional. You think emotion isa weakness, and it's not like
Being emotional is, like, one ofthe best things about me
(32:16):
incredibly emotional. But Ithink that's positive, like, I
can genuinely feel like, Oh,it's a lot of feelings in here.
I have to go with
Unknown (32:24):
astrology, like with
astrology specifically, I think,
like, people process emotionsdifferently and where, and it's
mainly the moon sign, but wherelike fire, which is what you
are. You are more actionoriented when it comes to
emotion, like you would probablydo more, do better, like being
(32:45):
more expressive, likeemotionally versus air, where
they like analyze theirfeelings, they're more like,
Okay, this logically doesn'tmake sense, so I'm gonna move on
from this feeling for now, andI'll probably feel it later.
That is how like air, which isGemini, that's how they operate.
Water is very much. So I'm goingto inundate myself in this whole
emotion, and I'm going to let itlike, encompass, like, my entire
(33:09):
being. They're gonna sit in it,and they're gonna really feel it
like deeply, especially Pisces.Pisces feels it the deepest.
Some people will say Scorpio. Iwould say Pisces, but yeah, it's
gonna be it's different.
Dr. Raquel Martin (33:21):
It's very
different. It's a rock to our
household, and everybody knowshe does not want anybody but his
mom. And I'll just be like, Yo,this is excessive. That's gotta
be the most the common thing Isaid, Oh, this is excessive. I
can't fathom it. Yeah, I mightlook something up, but we'll
see, because No, I It's a lotthat I went I that is the first
(33:44):
time I was like, Man, if I everbelieve in astrology, it would
be because I have neverexperienced anyone like this
child in my life. Like
Unknown (33:52):
all I'm saying is, if
you get into that synastry, that
Family Center Street chart, youcan see how all y'all overlap
with each other, and how y'allcan vibe out. That's all I'm
saying. You ever
Dr. Raquel Martin (34:01):
seen that?
Mean where the little boy is the
teenager is texting his mom andhe's what time was I born? And
the mom texts back, get awayfrom that girl.
Unknown (34:15):
You can learn so much
about somebody if you believe in
astrology, because I know wehave non believers here, but
like you really could learn alot, like somebody's wounds, for
example, like when I read myclient's chart, my eyes zero in
on the Chiron and the Lilith.And if you know those are
(34:36):
asteroids that really talk aboutthe wounds that we face in life,
like the things that are thedeepest wounds that we have. I
think astrology is a beauty andaspects to the moon and Pluto,
but like both, astrology is abeautiful thing. And I think if
you use it as an introspectivetool, you either walk away, huh?
This actually doesn't resonatewith me in a Blad, or you walk
(34:56):
away with Damn. This is likesomething that I can work. One
I'll try and better in my life.And nine times out of 10, it's
the second one. No shade.
Dr. Raquel Martin (35:05):
The shade was
thick. The shade was thick
around these parts, please.Okay, so what about? Because
this is a question that we got.What about when people try to
use it to justify, like, poorbehaviors? Oh, how do people,
how do you deal with the peopletry to make it become their
entire personality, and without,yeah, without doing the work
(35:26):
needed to become their best selfand stating that, I think from
this question, they're kind ofsaying, if someone's just, oh,
I'm a, I don't know. I'm aSagittarius, I don't have to
soften my delivery or somethinglike that. Like, what?
Unknown (35:39):
Yeah, I was gonna say
this might be problematic, well,
but same thing I say aboutpeople who use their trauma to
justify your trauma is anexplanation.
Dr. Raquel Martin (35:48):
Yes, thank
you, God,
Unknown (35:51):
please to touch. I hate
to bring up people pleasers,
because the people pleasers arestill mad at me to this day.
They are not fans of mine.People pleasing, for example, is
something that is birthed out oftrauma. Often is birthed birth
out of trauma, and people often,when I say like people pleasing
is a manipulative behavior,they're like, you can't say that
because it's rooted from trauma.And it being rooted from trauma
(36:12):
does not mean that the behaviorthat is a result of that is not
any less like manipulative. Likea lot of the times people with
pathological liars like, havetrauma that caused them to lie
pathologically. It's not it'snot a shocking like people who
are actual narcissists, likethey often have, like, really
deep trauma and wounds that leadthem to that behavior, that it's
(36:36):
just an explanation. It's not ajustification. It doesn't mean
that you get to use that as ashield to do and perform any
type of behavior you want. Andit's important to be open to
reflection and growth no matterwhat it is. It could be
astrology, it could be trauma. Idon't care what it is. There's
no explaining something is notthe same as justifying it.
(36:58):
That's my response to that. It'snot because I think there's a, I
don't care if you wereSagittarius, to watch your mind.
I
Dr. Raquel Martin (37:03):
feel like
it's different. Okay, even
something such as, as simple as,oh, you know, I get overwhelmed
when there's a bunch of peopletalking to me. It's difficult.
That's different than singing. Ican't, you know, I can't control
how I act when, you know, whenI'm dealing with one of my
anxious spirals, like, that'sjust how it is. You can't
invalidate me. And I'm sorry,what? Well, that's, that's not
(37:26):
the same thing, you know, theaspect of it's not something
that controls you. And I alsothink it incredibly invalidates
the people who work on it everysingle day. Like, when people
try to stay, like, specificallywith Kanye West, it comes up all
the time, and I'm like, youknow, you still have, you have
your mental diagnosis, which isa fingerprint, but that also
intertwines with yourpersonality, if you were a jerk
(37:49):
beforehand, that's justintertwining with your you know,
it really, it completelyinvalidates all the work that
people with bipolar disorder orpeople with borderline
personality like it reallydisparages like the people who I
know, I was like, I know apatient who works on this daily,
and then, honestly, Kanye wasbeing diagnosed with this makes
them so pissed off. God, I don'teven want to tell nobody my
(38:11):
diagnosis, because they don'tthink I'm Kanye. And it's not
the same. You really have tounderstand that mental health
diagnoses are intertwined withpeople's personality, and the
same way you don't like certainaspects of people's personality,
you can just go on chance,because I got chance because I
got a diagnosis? No, that's whothey are, all right, exactly
which is ridiculous,
Unknown (38:29):
and I do want to say I
also with astrology, it's time
to turn it off. I won't be thefirst to say, because there have
been times when I will betalking about something dead,
dead serious, and somebody willbe like, What do you think about
this from an astrologer? I don'tcare about talking about world
(38:51):
events. I don't give a damnabout a goddamn astrology. So if
you're listening to this, thereshould be a balance like you do
have to turn it off, and often,even with the Megan thee
stallion situation, when she wasgoing through the Tory Lanez
thing, this is the best exampleI can think of. Somebody was
like, you do know she's anAquarius? I say you do know, you
sound ridiculous. So there is.It's all a balancing act. That's
(39:13):
my opinion on that. But yes toeverything you said, it is very
much so important for you tounderstand that, because, you
know racist, racism will slapthat. Oh, I have autism, I
guess. Like, autism does notbipolar disorder does not make
you racist. Depression doesn'tmake you racist. That's just not
(39:34):
how that works. Like,
Dr. Raquel Martin (39:36):
what does
that have to do with this? Oh, I
have a goldfish. What are youtalking about? What are you? I
thought we was just saying stuffthat didn't matter. I thought we
was just saying stuff thatdidn't have anything to do with
this material. Since we're justsaying stuff and people always,
I'm not sure people expect thesame thing for you. If you know,
as a clinician, you should. As aclinician, I can suss out some
BS. Don't play with me, okay, assomeone who has actually seen
(39:59):
it. Yes, as someone who like,no, that's your racism, honey. I
mean, you can be a person withADHD and autism and you're
racist, okay, like, I'm just,these are these are all things.
But no, I don't think, I don'tthink it was your autism to
decide that it was appropriateto call me the N word honey,
because I disagree with you.That's your racism. Yes, I
(40:19):
think, you know is, I think alot of people will be like, oh,
you know, clinicians are and youmay be different, so you tell me
if you're different, but it'slike the clinician aspect of it,
as being a psychologist, belike, Oh no, you're more
understanding, and I am moreunderstanding. And I actually my
threshold for stupidity is, Ithink it's lower than most,
because as someone who seespeople go through the hardest
things in their life, you usinga diagnosis as a justification,
(40:43):
you know, and I, the most basicthing that makes me upset is I
really don't mean people,because I'm like, you just said
this. I bet you somebody's inthere. Such a crying about this.
And you just like, like, being aclinician, honestly, if
anything, it makes me nothingyou buff more, to be honest,
because I'd be like, so youthought it was appropriate for
you to just disparage somebodybecause, oh, because that's your
(41:05):
journey. Because you healing,not healed, I'll knock you out.
That's not how you treat people.Do you see it different? Do you
feel like I'm
Unknown (41:12):
no different? And
that's what look that people
can't stand it. Sometimes I'llbe like and they just expect me
to they think that we'resupposed to be like, Kumbaya, my
Lord, for some reason I justthis never gonna happen for me.
In fact, I will probably be thefirst to tag you up if you say
something that's just like,unnecessarily cruel. And I won't
match energy, you know. And Idon't believe in letting too
(41:32):
many people control your energy,but I will match it if you try
to take me thinking, so I canguarantee you won't try to take
it back thinking,
Dr. Raquel Martin (41:39):
it's gonna be
cool by Yeah, and I'd be more
like, I'm get that up. I'll belike, Look, seems like we're
both here.
Unknown (41:45):
What you thought was
gonna happen? Genuinely
Dr. Raquel Martin (41:51):
like, I
genuinely like, when people are
mean to people, I do a good jobof checking with the person to
be like, can I because I'm aboutto go off. If they're like, I'm
not in the mood, fine. But ifyou're mean to someone around
me, and I give them a look andthey say, Fine, oh, I'm going
off. First of all, how dare thegauze you legit want to be mean
(42:13):
to somebody around me? It's abad idea. Don't be mean to
someone around you, likeeveryone out there. Like, just
don't. Because I just be like, Iknow you thought she was mean,
but I bet you didn't think thatthe meanest person in the room
was the psychologist, did you?And I'm so smart, it comes so
quick, it surprises me. I'm intherapy too, guys, I'm in
(42:33):
therapy too. I gotta be like,Yo, Doc. Actually, this was
actually pretty bad. I'm alsoconcerned it was also I'm
concerned at how entertaining itwas for me to
Unknown (42:46):
snap it though I'm no
better. I cannot say anything. I
can do nothing but justify it.Probably not the best. Have
Dr. Raquel Martin (42:56):
you come
back? Because I still want to
talk about I want to talk aboutsocial media and content
creation. Okay, so if that'syour, if that's your nickname,
can I call you Sean? Now, am Ilike, I just shorten your name?
Super real.
Unknown (43:13):
No, that's my that's
actually my nickname. A lot of
people don't call me that, butlike people who do, I'm like,
oh, cool, whatever. Okay,
Dr. Raquel Martin (43:21):
and one of
the cool kids, guys, like, just,
just the head, turn off thosesamples. So tell, okay. So tell
everybody where they can findyou. Because I guarantee you,
anybody who can get Raquel totalk about astrology, people are
going to want to find you. Iguarantee you. Because I just
say, Listen, I can. I'll belike, listen, every time
somebody asks me my sign, I'llbe like, please don't like,
(43:43):
please don't I don't want to dothis. I'm not going to do
Unknown (43:46):
it. I'm on Tiktok,
Instagram and YouTube under the
same name, Shaheen, but with afive, 5h, A, H, E, M, that's it.
Dr. Raquel Martin (43:58):
Yes, and be
prepared to learn and laugh. I,
you know, some of my favoriteaccounts are like edutainment,
like education andentertainment. And I'm always
like, you know, some people whobe I'll be trying to encourage
people, more people, to go onsocial media when they're
licensed therapists. And I'mlike, you know, you can do it.
You can really do this. But somepeople, I'll be like, nah, this
(44:18):
was dry. You should, you know, Ithink there has to be, there has
to be a combination. Okay,learning doesn't have to be
boring. Like, I can legit breakdown a research article with a,
I did a whole series with MeganEast Fauci, and I'm like, this
is, and this was some, this issome good stuff. Have to be
boring, you know. Like, I thinkmore of us need to be out there,
(44:42):
because you have whole accountswhere people are just like, just
think happy thoughts, and I justbe like, and how many followers?
72 million child brand branddeals, where they get $100,000
brand deals to to play with afidget spinner, and I we're. We
over here trying to break downthe Patriots. Provide voice to
(45:03):
the historically excluded,provide psycho education, and
they be like, Okay, so we want27 videos, and we'll give you
some bloom tea. What do you say?Be like? What I'm like? What's
your meat? I'm not the license.
Unknown (45:17):
I'm a Taurus. I don't
move. Don't be sorry. It won't
be me. Listen,
Dr. Raquel Martin (45:25):
I remember
this one time somebody sent me
something about an affiliatedeal, and I've been super tired,
and I remember responding. Icreate content for cash, not
merch. And after I sent it, Iread it the next day, and I was
like, dang, what time did I saidthis, this is, this is shorter
than normal.
Unknown (45:49):
I do not work for, no,
you, you're right. Though. I
don't work for gifts. I don'twork for for commission. I don't
do any of that, baby you need. Ineed the money up front. Yeah,
pay me my look, because it's atthe end of the day. I don't, but
that's the thing that they tryto do with us and helping
professionals. They try to makeus like work for compassion. And
(46:09):
you know all, no, my landlord, Idon't know if you own I got
landlord. He is not going totake Hey, they gave me some
bloom tea. Give that to you.Instead, I
Dr. Raquel Martin (46:21):
tell my
students all the time, I'd be
like, don't let anybody tell youthat this is supposed to be
solely about altruism, okay?Because nobody's gonna be
compassionate when you have towork to do okay. And I was like,
and this is actually typicallymy segue like, now, since I
mentioned that, let's also talkabout, let's talk about the
intersection of the unhousedpopulation, mental health and
(46:42):
the justice that's legit. Mysegue every time I'm like, since
we're talking about this, andI'm like, you know, because, you
know, I make a segue outanything. I'm like, tell me more
about liberation within policy.Tell me. Talk to me more about
abortion rights. I can make it.You know. Megan East variant,
okay, I did a whole I did avideo, when I did a video where
they were like, Don't nobodywant to hear about anybody's
(47:03):
pussy being depressed. I'm like,right? Well, one thing you need
to understand is that whensomeone is upset, their entire
body is upset. You know, someoneis depressed. So in all
actuality, what are we talkingabout when it comes to
diagnostic criteria, libido?Make sure you guys also ask
about libido during assessment.I'm like, Listen, give me
another I'm like, you also needto ask about libido. And over,
(47:27):
you know, talk about it, y'all.And they're like, she just, I'm
like, that's how it goes. Youcan also talk about numbing
behaviors and hyper sexuality.And I'm just like, it could be
their sex drive, or it's anaversion technique. Instead of
them deciding to be present,they just imma, just hang
everything, um, everything, andthen I'm not going to have to
deal with y'all. Can useeverything for um, learning,
(47:49):
guys. So once again, thank youfor coming on the show. You're
definitely coming back. Becausewe have to do, I have to do a
whole, I would absolutely do awhole like thing about now, I
wasn't even saying birth chart.
Unknown (48:04):
I was gonna say, sorry.
I'm bullying you into doing
Dr. Raquel Martin (48:10):
licensed
therapists on social media and
the Bs they deal with. That'swhat I was gonna say. We needed
an episode. Well, thank you forcoming to the show everyone. You
can see all the information onthe show notes, and remember, be
kind to yourself. Two stepsforward and one step back is
still one step forward. That isjust mad y'all so just chill a
little bit. All right. Have agood one. Bye.