September 3, 2024 • 65 mins
In this conversation, Dr. Raquel Martin interviews Francesca Ramsey, discussing topics such as social justice, online harassment, and content creation. They touch on the importance of accredited voices in social justice conversations and the challenges of being attacked online. They also discuss the impact of social media fame and the need for boundaries and privacy. The conversation explores the power of representation and the diversity of the Black experience in media. Overall, the conversation highlights the complexities and nuances of navigating the online world and using platforms for positive change. The conversation explores the challenges and decision-making processes involved in creative work, including the difficulty of getting stories out there and the pressure to conform to commercial interests. The importance of staying true to one's values and mission is emphasized, as well as the need to navigate the complexities of the industry. The role of therapy in managing anxiety, imposter syndrome, and negative thought patterns is discussed. The conversation also touches on the impact of social media, the concept of resistance fatigue, and the need for mental health support in creative and activist spaces. In this conversation, Franchesca and Dr. Raquel Martin discuss the challenges of public speaking, dealing with difficult emotions, and maintaining friendships. They touch on topics such as the emotional toll of public speaking, the importance of empathy, the pressure to conform in the entertainment industry, and the value of investing in friendships. Franchesca shares personal experiences and insights, highlighting the need for self-care and authenticity. The conversation emphasizes the importance of being kind to oneself and others, and the power of genuine connections.
Takeaways
- Accredited voices are important in social justice conversations.
- Online harassment can be mentally and emotionally challenging.
- Social media fame comes with both benefits and drawbacks.
- Setting boundaries and maintaining privacy is crucial in the online world.
- Representation and diversity in media are essential for the Black experience. Getting stories out there and making a living from creative work can be challenging and involves navigating commercial interests
Bio
Franchesca "Chescaleigh'' Ramsey is a multifaceted talent whose career spans acting, writing, public speaking, and digital content creation. She gained prominence as the creator and star of the award-winning web series MTV Decoded, where she fearlessly tackles social issues with humor and insight. Franchesca's impact extends beyond her web series; she served as a writer and correspondent for Comedy Central’s The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore, contributing her unique perspective to late-night television.
Franchesca's debut book, "Well That Escalated Quickly," became a cultural phenomenon, earning a nomination for an NAACP award and landing on Amazon’s list of best books in 2018. Her viral video “Sh*t White Girls Say…to Black Girls” catapulted her into the spotlight, amassing over 11 million views and solidifying her reputation as a thought leader on race, identity, and social justice.
Currently, Franchesca co-hosts the engaging podcast "Lemme Fix It!" alongside De’lon Grant, exploring topics ranging from personal development to societal challenges. She also co
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dr. Raquel Martin (00:00):
Steve, Hello everyone, and welcome to Mind
your mental just a reminder thatthis podcast is not meant to be
a substitute for a relationshipwith a licensed mental health
professional. I know they arehard to find, and I get that I
have a bunch of resources on mywebsite if you need them, but I
am not your clinician. I am apsychologist, but I am not your
(00:21):
psychologist, so if you need anyspecific help, please look for
the help of a licensed mentalhealth professional. Learn all
you can learn from the podcast.Enjoy the episode. All right,
everyone, welcome again to thepodcast. Today we have Francesca
Ramsey. I have been girlcrushing on her for a minute
ever since, like you did MTVdecoded because it was one of
(00:42):
the few shows that I was justlike, oh, this is history. And
it was also funny, um, and Ithink most of the stuff you do
is, like, with a comedic tint toit, but it's also just very
informative. So I very muchappreciated that. Um, thank you.
So yeah, thank you. I
Unknown (00:58):
showed you, and I'm such a fan of and I'm afraid,
years, you know, we've beenmutuals on Tiktok and on
Instagram. And, you know, Ithink the thing that's really
missing in a lot of the socialjustice conversations, and I can
say this myself, is people whoare actually accredited. You
know, I'm so thankful that I'vebeen able to build and create a
(01:21):
carve a lane for myself, but Ioften have to remind people,
like, I'm not some scholar, likeI'm a comedian who, you know, I
still think I'm good at what Ido, but I think you really bring
a level of intelligence andnuance and actual receipts, you
know, not just Like, this is myopinion, right? Like, historical
(01:42):
context and and all of thosethings are so important. So I
really appreciate the way thatyou use your thank
Dr. Raquel Martin (01:47):
you. I knew that you were, like, a cool
person before, like, because youhad, you always used to show
your clothing. And I always sayI don't have, like, big feet. I
have small boats because my feetare huge. And you used to share
your shoes, and you had like,these bomb shoes, right? And
like you, I was like, I waslike, I really want to know
(02:09):
where she got these shoes from.And I messaged you, and you even
responded back instantly andtold me where you got them from.
And I was like, Yeah, becauseit's very hard for me to find
like, cute stuff that doesn'tlook insane, like it's
ridiculous.
Unknown (02:24):
No, I It's so true. The Bigfoot sisterhood is a very
tight knit community. We have towatch out for each other. I
always tell people, if you see agreen Mini Cooper with a shoe
box strapped to the roof, that'sprobably me, because my feet are
it's, it's a struggle, and wedeserve to have cute shoes. And
(02:45):
so whenever I meet somebody thathas I'm a size 1111, or up, I
always tell them, I go to theseplaces. I love Nordstrom Rack. I
love these places like we haveto look out for
Dr. Raquel Martin (02:57):
you. We do because, you know, I don't even
have the height to match it,like I am just doomed, because
I'm always like, with this feet,well, I deserve three more
inches of height, like Ideserve, yeah? I
Unknown (03:08):
mean, I am. I'm tall, I'm 510 but I'm friends with
some girls that are that are sixfoot, and they have the nerve to
have size eight. And then I waslike, now that how? That makes
no sense. That's not fair.
Dr. Raquel Martin (03:20):
Awful. Yeah, very much. My husband has big
feet too, and I tell my sons,like, their feet are huge. And
I'm like, man, we want thespecial we want the special
order these shows, like, earlyon, like, it's just, it's
ridiculous. For my husband, it'snot a thing. But I'm like, for
me, I'm like, Yeah, but I'm awoman and like, nobody cares
about your stuff. With me, I'mjust like, those are such cute
shoes, guys. Let me see if theyOh no, they don't. They don't
(03:42):
have my size those CharlotteBruce days and hard that's like
the back in the day when you getthose awful shoes. But yes, I
did. I very much. Was just soexcited to have you on the show,
because you, I feel like youembody so many different
talents. One of my favoritethings that you do is you're
very spot on with, I very muchget why your one of your
(04:04):
podcasts is called Fix it pod,because you, like, come at a
situation and you're like, Okay,I see what you did here, and I
can tell you how to do itbetter, not even judgmental,
just being like, justobjectively, just coming in,
this was awful. Okay, yeah. AndI just think that, you know, if
I were you and if I were goingto do a pivot, this is how I
(04:25):
would like do it in this realm.And I love that, because with
this podcast, I always want totalk about the black experience.
And I think your work on screenand off screen provides a really
good aspect of likerepresentation from from
different realms, like fromwriting the roles to also being
on screen, to even to decode it.I show decoded to my psych of
the black experience class,like, that's one of the things I
(04:48):
try not to do just books. Yeah,I try not to do just books
because, yeah, they don't.They're just like, you want me
to read. I'm sorry. What? Hey,everyone, just a reminder that
mind, your mental is not just apodcast. It is all. Also a
amazing community. If I do sayso myself, it's phenomenal. I
mean, you get more access to me.What more could you want in this
(05:09):
life? So if you want to join thecommunity, if you're not already
on the community, go to mysocial media. My social media is
the same Raquel Martin, PhD, andDM me the word community, so you
can get details on joining thisamazing, flipping community. You
get more access to me. Y'alllike, I'm a delight. All right.
All right. Hope to see
Unknown (05:30):
you there. Yeah, it's so real. I'm so heartened to
hear how many people anduniversities and classrooms are
showing decoded. It's alwaysreally cool, and people often DM
me and they say, like, I'm in atraining right now, or my RA is
showing one of your videos tothe floor. And it happens all
(05:52):
the time. And it's reallyawesome that the show has been
able to reach people andcontinues to keep opening
people's minds and introducingnew conversations and
perspectives. So thank you forsharing my work with you. Yeah,
I
Dr. Raquel Martin (06:05):
hate doing stuff just out the book. First
of all, books cost too muchmoney. And second of all, my
students look at me like youhave lost your freaking mind if
you think I'm going to read over20 pages that can't be
translated to chatgpt, no,ma'am, we're not doing it. So I
like the videos, but I rememberhearing you talk about, when you
were doing the show, that it waslike, mental health wise, like
it was really, really difficult,because you had never been so
(06:27):
attacked online due to thisshow.
Unknown (06:34):
Yeah, it was really hard. I was doing that show. I
was doing it for two yearsbefore I started at Nightly
Show, which was the late nightshow I was a writer and
contributor on on ComedyCentral, and that's when it was
really it was difficult beforethat, but I think it was the
combination of, like, increasedvisibility on TV, and it was
during Trump's firstpresidential election. So I was
(06:56):
on TV talking about Trump andand talking about social issues
in addition to online and so itreally was just a very different
time in the internet not to saythat people aren't dealing with
harassment when they talk aboutsocial issues now, but it feels
way less taboo to talk aboutrace on Social media and when,
(07:21):
when we were doing decoded, Iwas just constantly getting
harassed. And it was very muchthe era of people doing response
videos and reaction videos. Soan episode of the show would be
five minutes long, and thensomeone would make a 30 minute
long reaction or response to theepisode, where they would break
down every single thing that Isaid, they would edit clips
(07:43):
together to make me say thingsthat I hadn't said, or they
would cut the clips up so thatyou would remove the context, or
they would take a joke that Imade, and they would pretend
that I was being serious. And itwas, it was really difficult to
deal with. And so while, again,the show was incredible, and I'm
really proud of it. When I madethe decision to stop making the
(08:04):
show, it was like a huge weightoff of my shoulders, and I've
really, in the years past, triedto focus my content to me more
comedy forward, like it stillhas social issues underlying,
like I always want to make stuffthat's smart and meaningful and
aligns with my values, but I'mnot really making educational
content anymore, and I'm sothankful for that. Yeah,
Dr. Raquel Martin (08:27):
I actually I was supposed to do like a
content creation thing with acompany, and one of the things
they wanted me to tag was, like,it was like a police hashtag,
but it wasn't to be supportedthem. It was actually to be
antithetical to them. And I waslike, Man, I really had to
think, like, I'm not in the moodfor this smoke. Because even
with using certain hashtags, youalready know you're getting
(08:50):
different people, like differentaudience members. I don't even
show my children online. Ibarely show my husband, he's but
I don't even show them,
Unknown (08:58):
and that's you are making, and you're making a wise
decision in that respect, Imean, and that's something we've
seen too much of people showingyou know intimate moments and
violating their children'sprivacy. And you know, I can
speak from experience. Once youopen that door, you can't close
it, and people then feel as ifthey have a right to know more,
(09:22):
and like they are entitled tocomment on every single thing
that you do, and when it becomespart of your brand, it's really,
really hard to steer the ship ina different direction. So if I
could go back, I woulddefinitely not share certain
things, and I I have made aconscious effort to I think I do
(09:42):
a really good job of making youfeel like I'm really
transparent, while you don'treally know like what I do. Like
you see this one corner of myapartment, you see me on my
couch, but like, I don't I don'tmake content out in the world. I
don't talk about my day to daylife. Who? I hang out with who
I'm dating. I don't really talkabout my personal life in that
(10:04):
way, but I used to, I used to bevery much an open
Dr. Raquel Martin (10:07):
book. Yeah, my friends actually, we were out
somewhere at like, a brunch, andthis is a while ago, and they
were like, on their phones forstuff. And one of them is, is
someone who actually like, isshe trying to like, up and do
stuff with content creation. Andthey're like, Oh, I'm so
surprised you don't have yourum, phone out. Like, you you
post all the time. And I'm like,I post talking head videos and
(10:28):
skits that I record I'm home,and then you guys see them. But
that job is, like, a week or twoold. It's like, I don't share. I
was like, you know, I never getto go out. I don't even if I was
taking pictures, they wouldn'tgo up, you know, like we have
events and stuff in the houseall the time. I'm not recording,
you know, because it's kind ofjust like, I have no interest.
Even my students, I recently dida post where we were doing
(10:50):
something with them, but becausetheir presentations, because I
had a hip hop, mental health andactivism class, and they're just
so my students are so freakingamazing, but they always ask,
like, can I be on your socialmedia? And I'm like, it's gonna
be a firm though. Um, sometimesI let them be on my stories,
because it's just like, they'rein my office all the time eating
snacks. But I'm always justlike, No, you guys, you guys
(11:10):
think it's cool, but it's not.It's truly not. Um, like you you
don't want it. Yeah? I
Unknown (11:16):
think people, I think, yeah. And I think a lot of
people, well, I know a lot ofpeople seek visibility and fame.
And you know, Andy Warhol reallyknocked out of the park when he
said, In the future, everyonewill have 15 minutes of fame,
because that's what social mediahas been able to offer people.
And you will see folks share allsorts of wild things that that
(11:40):
should not leave their personalinner circle. It should be a DM
it should be a text message. Itshould go in the journal, but
people are so quick to share andhope that it will go viral. And
then what often happens is itgets lots of attention, and then
you realize, oh my God, I don'twant this attention. It's going
to the wrong corners. Thenpeople start digging through all
(12:01):
of your stuff, and you know,it's something that no one can
prepare you for. And and I knowthat you understand this because
you've gone viral many a times,but once it happens to you, it
changes your perspective on whatit means to get lots of
attention. And it's justsomething that you don't
understand unless you'veexperienced, yeah,
Dr. Raquel Martin (12:20):
and I think my students just see it as a fun
thing. And even I'll neverforget this student who said she
was like, she randomly, I canrandomly, came across her feed
on Tiktok, and she was like, Oh,I didn't know you were like,
Tiktok famous. I got to startlistening to you now. And we
were like, at mid like, we werelike, midway through the
semester. It was just like, asmany times as I tell you how few
(12:42):
black psychologists there are,as many times as I like, put an
effort in these courses, youshould have been listening to
me. I said, sit down before Ifeel you like I'm not playing
with you, yeah.
Unknown (12:52):
But you bring up, you bring up a really, you know, sad
fact that social media status isseen as like, a measure of
value. And, you know, I'm verythankful for the for the
audience that I've built and theopportunities that it's given
me, but I often feel frustratedwhen people ask me for things,
(13:13):
or ask me to weigh in on certainthings, and they put me on this
pedestal because I have thisaudience, and I think, you know
again, I don't take it forgranted, but I'm not better than
you and I'm not moreknowledgeable just because I
have this thing. It's acombination of talent and luck
and persistence that's gotten mehere. It doesn't mean that you
(13:38):
know, in your instance, you haveso many accolades and degrees
and intelligence and all ofthese things that make you worth
listening to. Tiktok is not thething that makes you worth
listening to. It's one part ofwho you
Dr. Raquel Martin (13:49):
are. And then, and then they'll ask about
going viral. And I'm like, Y'alldo realize I'm just sitting here
talking like, and most of thetime, well actually most of the
time, people I go viral fromjust being like, messy, not
messy, but, like, I'm a veryshady person. Um, it's, I think,
I genuinely think it's one of mybest qualities. But, like, most
of the time, it's not the thingthat I'm just like, oh, this,
(14:11):
this thing provides so muchinformation about black mental
health. And this
Unknown (14:14):
is, it's never, it's, it's rarely the thing that, you
know,
Dr. Raquel Martin (14:18):
it's me saying I refuse to take my kids
to the store with me. I'd rathermop the ocean. Viral, oh, um,
rather find out viral, like,it's never like, Hey guys, if
you want to work this is theanswer to best mental health in
the world. Um, we don't want it.We don't we don't want that.
Unknown (14:38):
Yeah, I mean, and that's not to say that, like,
that type of content can't dowell. It's just one of those
things where, like the internetis so fiction. So, you know,
look, we might, we might loseTiktok, and then that very well
could happen. And if it does,the landscape of the internet is
going to change. There are goingto be some people who are not
(14:58):
able to. Transition theiraudience elsewhere. There are
some people that do really wellin Tiktok that don't do as well
on Instagram. I'm alwaysfascinated by that. When I see
somebody that has millions offollowers on Tiktok, and then
when I go to their otherplatforms, they have no
audience. They just haven'tfigured out what their voice is
there, you know? So it's likeyou just don't know when
(15:20):
something's gonna do well, andit's a numbers game. It's also
kind of like just tryingdifferent things and pushing
yourself to experiment withdifferent formats. And I kind of
think of it like cooking, in away, because you're like mixing
different elements, like, Okay,this thing worked. This thing
worked. Let me put them togetherand see if this thing, this next
(15:42):
iteration, is successful. Yeah,that's why
Dr. Raquel Martin (15:43):
I got so excited when I saw you got on
Tiktok, because you weren't,you're when I saw you moved to
Tiktok and you came to mysuggested videos, it's like, oh,
I didn't even know Francesca wason
Unknown (15:51):
here. Yes, I was so I was so I dragged my feet, and I
I, I have a love, haterelationship with Tiktok, like
all platforms and I'm sure youcan relate, but, like,
I have uniquely specific gripesabout Tiktok.
But, yeah, I just was like, Idon't want to, I don't want
(16:11):
another platform and and I stillfeel that way, like when, when I
left Twitter, and people werelike, are you going to join blue
sky and masternoon and all theseother places, I was like, I
don't really want another place.I don't really want another
Dr. Raquel Martin (16:27):
responsibility. Just to be honest, like, it's
not, it's not as fun as it usedto be for me. In my opinion,
it's, it's work,
Unknown (16:33):
it's, it's work to learn the thing, and especially,
again, like the perilousness ofthese platforms you put all this
time and energy into building anaudience, and it can be gone
tomorrow, beyond your control.You know, outside of the
freaking band, you get, youknow, a content violation. Your
whole page gets taken down. Sofor me, I was just kind of like,
(16:55):
oh, Tiktok. I was also doing thething, like, Tiktok is for,
like, the Gen Z youth. And thenas soon as I got over there, I
was like, I actually kind oflove it. It's so interesting.
I've met so many cool people. I.
Steve, Hello everyone, and welcome to Mind
your mental just a reminder thatthis podcast is not meant to be
a substitute for a relationshipwith a licensed mental health
professional. I know they arehard to find, and I get that I
have a bunch of resources on mywebsite if you need them, but I
am not your clinician. I am apsychologist, but I am not your
(00:21):
psychologist, so if you need anyspecific help, please look for
the help of a licensed mentalhealth professional. Learn all
you can learn from the podcast.Enjoy the episode. All right,
everyone, welcome again to thepodcast. Today we have Francesca
Ramsey. I have been girlcrushing on her for a minute
ever since, like you did MTVdecoded because it was one of
(00:42):
the few shows that I was justlike, oh, this is history. And
it was also funny, um, and Ithink most of the stuff you do
is, like, with a comedic tint toit, but it's also just very
informative. So I very muchappreciated that. Um, thank you.
So yeah, thank you. I
Unknown (00:58):
showed you, and I'm such a fan of and I'm afraid,
years, you know, we've beenmutuals on Tiktok and on
Instagram. And, you know, Ithink the thing that's really
missing in a lot of the socialjustice conversations, and I can
say this myself, is people whoare actually accredited. You
know, I'm so thankful that I'vebeen able to build and create a
(01:21):
carve a lane for myself, but Ioften have to remind people,
like, I'm not some scholar, likeI'm a comedian who, you know, I
still think I'm good at what Ido, but I think you really bring
a level of intelligence andnuance and actual receipts, you
know, not just Like, this is myopinion, right? Like, historical
(01:42):
context and and all of thosethings are so important. So I
really appreciate the way thatyou use your thank
Dr. Raquel Martin (01:47):
you. I knew that you were, like, a cool
person before, like, because youhad, you always used to show
your clothing. And I always sayI don't have, like, big feet. I
have small boats because my feetare huge. And you used to share
your shoes, and you had like,these bomb shoes, right? And
like you, I was like, I waslike, I really want to know
(02:09):
where she got these shoes from.And I messaged you, and you even
responded back instantly andtold me where you got them from.
And I was like, Yeah, becauseit's very hard for me to find
like, cute stuff that doesn'tlook insane, like it's
ridiculous.
Unknown (02:24):
No, I It's so true. The Bigfoot sisterhood is a very
tight knit community. We have towatch out for each other. I
always tell people, if you see agreen Mini Cooper with a shoe
box strapped to the roof, that'sprobably me, because my feet are
it's, it's a struggle, and wedeserve to have cute shoes. And
(02:45):
so whenever I meet somebody thathas I'm a size 1111, or up, I
always tell them, I go to theseplaces. I love Nordstrom Rack. I
love these places like we haveto look out for
Dr. Raquel Martin (02:57):
you. We do because, you know, I don't even
have the height to match it,like I am just doomed, because
I'm always like, with this feet,well, I deserve three more
inches of height, like Ideserve, yeah? I
Unknown (03:08):
mean, I am. I'm tall, I'm 510 but I'm friends with
some girls that are that are sixfoot, and they have the nerve to
have size eight. And then I waslike, now that how? That makes
no sense. That's not fair.
Dr. Raquel Martin (03:20):
Awful. Yeah, very much. My husband has big
feet too, and I tell my sons,like, their feet are huge. And
I'm like, man, we want thespecial we want the special
order these shows, like, earlyon, like, it's just, it's
ridiculous. For my husband, it'snot a thing. But I'm like, for
me, I'm like, Yeah, but I'm awoman and like, nobody cares
about your stuff. With me, I'mjust like, those are such cute
shoes, guys. Let me see if theyOh no, they don't. They don't
(03:42):
have my size those CharlotteBruce days and hard that's like
the back in the day when you getthose awful shoes. But yes, I
did. I very much. Was just soexcited to have you on the show,
because you, I feel like youembody so many different
talents. One of my favoritethings that you do is you're
very spot on with, I very muchget why your one of your
(04:04):
podcasts is called Fix it pod,because you, like, come at a
situation and you're like, Okay,I see what you did here, and I
can tell you how to do itbetter, not even judgmental,
just being like, justobjectively, just coming in,
this was awful. Okay, yeah. AndI just think that, you know, if
I were you and if I were goingto do a pivot, this is how I
(04:25):
would like do it in this realm.And I love that, because with
this podcast, I always want totalk about the black experience.
And I think your work on screenand off screen provides a really
good aspect of likerepresentation from from
different realms, like fromwriting the roles to also being
on screen, to even to decode it.I show decoded to my psych of
the black experience class,like, that's one of the things I
(04:48):
try not to do just books. Yeah,I try not to do just books
because, yeah, they don't.They're just like, you want me
to read. I'm sorry. What? Hey,everyone, just a reminder that
mind, your mental is not just apodcast. It is all. Also a
amazing community. If I do sayso myself, it's phenomenal. I
mean, you get more access to me.What more could you want in this
(05:09):
life? So if you want to join thecommunity, if you're not already
on the community, go to mysocial media. My social media is
the same Raquel Martin, PhD, andDM me the word community, so you
can get details on joining thisamazing, flipping community. You
get more access to me. Y'alllike, I'm a delight. All right.
All right. Hope to see
Unknown (05:30):
you there. Yeah, it's so real. I'm so heartened to
hear how many people anduniversities and classrooms are
showing decoded. It's alwaysreally cool, and people often DM
me and they say, like, I'm in atraining right now, or my RA is
showing one of your videos tothe floor. And it happens all
(05:52):
the time. And it's reallyawesome that the show has been
able to reach people andcontinues to keep opening
people's minds and introducingnew conversations and
perspectives. So thank you forsharing my work with you. Yeah,
I
Dr. Raquel Martin (06:05):
hate doing stuff just out the book. First
of all, books cost too muchmoney. And second of all, my
students look at me like youhave lost your freaking mind if
you think I'm going to read over20 pages that can't be
translated to chatgpt, no,ma'am, we're not doing it. So I
like the videos, but I rememberhearing you talk about, when you
were doing the show, that it waslike, mental health wise, like
it was really, really difficult,because you had never been so
(06:27):
attacked online due to thisshow.
Unknown (06:34):
Yeah, it was really hard. I was doing that show. I
was doing it for two yearsbefore I started at Nightly
Show, which was the late nightshow I was a writer and
contributor on on ComedyCentral, and that's when it was
really it was difficult beforethat, but I think it was the
combination of, like, increasedvisibility on TV, and it was
during Trump's firstpresidential election. So I was
(06:56):
on TV talking about Trump andand talking about social issues
in addition to online and so itreally was just a very different
time in the internet not to saythat people aren't dealing with
harassment when they talk aboutsocial issues now, but it feels
way less taboo to talk aboutrace on Social media and when,
(07:21):
when we were doing decoded, Iwas just constantly getting
harassed. And it was very muchthe era of people doing response
videos and reaction videos. Soan episode of the show would be
five minutes long, and thensomeone would make a 30 minute
long reaction or response to theepisode, where they would break
down every single thing that Isaid, they would edit clips
(07:43):
together to make me say thingsthat I hadn't said, or they
would cut the clips up so thatyou would remove the context, or
they would take a joke that Imade, and they would pretend
that I was being serious. And itwas, it was really difficult to
deal with. And so while, again,the show was incredible, and I'm
really proud of it. When I madethe decision to stop making the
(08:04):
show, it was like a huge weightoff of my shoulders, and I've
really, in the years past, triedto focus my content to me more
comedy forward, like it stillhas social issues underlying,
like I always want to make stuffthat's smart and meaningful and
aligns with my values, but I'mnot really making educational
content anymore, and I'm sothankful for that. Yeah,
Dr. Raquel Martin (08:27):
I actually I was supposed to do like a
content creation thing with acompany, and one of the things
they wanted me to tag was, like,it was like a police hashtag,
but it wasn't to be supportedthem. It was actually to be
antithetical to them. And I waslike, Man, I really had to
think, like, I'm not in the moodfor this smoke. Because even
with using certain hashtags, youalready know you're getting
(08:50):
different people, like differentaudience members. I don't even
show my children online. Ibarely show my husband, he's but
I don't even show them,
Unknown (08:58):
and that's you are making, and you're making a wise
decision in that respect, Imean, and that's something we've
seen too much of people showingyou know intimate moments and
violating their children'sprivacy. And you know, I can
speak from experience. Once youopen that door, you can't close
it, and people then feel as ifthey have a right to know more,
(09:22):
and like they are entitled tocomment on every single thing
that you do, and when it becomespart of your brand, it's really,
really hard to steer the ship ina different direction. So if I
could go back, I woulddefinitely not share certain
things, and I I have made aconscious effort to I think I do
(09:42):
a really good job of making youfeel like I'm really
transparent, while you don'treally know like what I do. Like
you see this one corner of myapartment, you see me on my
couch, but like, I don't I don'tmake content out in the world. I
don't talk about my day to daylife. Who? I hang out with who
I'm dating. I don't really talkabout my personal life in that
(10:04):
way, but I used to, I used to bevery much an open
Dr. Raquel Martin (10:07):
book. Yeah, my friends actually, we were out
somewhere at like, a brunch, andthis is a while ago, and they
were like, on their phones forstuff. And one of them is, is
someone who actually like, isshe trying to like, up and do
stuff with content creation. Andthey're like, Oh, I'm so
surprised you don't have yourum, phone out. Like, you you
post all the time. And I'm like,I post talking head videos and
(10:28):
skits that I record I'm home,and then you guys see them. But
that job is, like, a week or twoold. It's like, I don't share. I
was like, you know, I never getto go out. I don't even if I was
taking pictures, they wouldn'tgo up, you know, like we have
events and stuff in the houseall the time. I'm not recording,
you know, because it's kind ofjust like, I have no interest.
Even my students, I recently dida post where we were doing
(10:50):
something with them, but becausetheir presentations, because I
had a hip hop, mental health andactivism class, and they're just
so my students are so freakingamazing, but they always ask,
like, can I be on your socialmedia? And I'm like, it's gonna
be a firm though. Um, sometimesI let them be on my stories,
because it's just like, they'rein my office all the time eating
snacks. But I'm always justlike, No, you guys, you guys
(11:10):
think it's cool, but it's not.It's truly not. Um, like you you
don't want it. Yeah? I
Unknown (11:16):
think people, I think, yeah. And I think a lot of
people, well, I know a lot ofpeople seek visibility and fame.
And you know, Andy Warhol reallyknocked out of the park when he
said, In the future, everyonewill have 15 minutes of fame,
because that's what social mediahas been able to offer people.
And you will see folks share allsorts of wild things that that
(11:40):
should not leave their personalinner circle. It should be a DM
it should be a text message. Itshould go in the journal, but
people are so quick to share andhope that it will go viral. And
then what often happens is itgets lots of attention, and then
you realize, oh my God, I don'twant this attention. It's going
to the wrong corners. Thenpeople start digging through all
(12:01):
of your stuff, and you know,it's something that no one can
prepare you for. And and I knowthat you understand this because
you've gone viral many a times,but once it happens to you, it
changes your perspective on whatit means to get lots of
attention. And it's justsomething that you don't
understand unless you'veexperienced, yeah,
Dr. Raquel Martin (12:20):
and I think my students just see it as a fun
thing. And even I'll neverforget this student who said she
was like, she randomly, I canrandomly, came across her feed
on Tiktok, and she was like, Oh,I didn't know you were like,
Tiktok famous. I got to startlistening to you now. And we
were like, at mid like, we werelike, midway through the
semester. It was just like, asmany times as I tell you how few
(12:42):
black psychologists there are,as many times as I like, put an
effort in these courses, youshould have been listening to
me. I said, sit down before Ifeel you like I'm not playing
with you, yeah.
Unknown (12:52):
But you bring up, you bring up a really, you know, sad
fact that social media status isseen as like, a measure of
value. And, you know, I'm verythankful for the for the
audience that I've built and theopportunities that it's given
me, but I often feel frustratedwhen people ask me for things,
(13:13):
or ask me to weigh in on certainthings, and they put me on this
pedestal because I have thisaudience, and I think, you know
again, I don't take it forgranted, but I'm not better than
you and I'm not moreknowledgeable just because I
have this thing. It's acombination of talent and luck
and persistence that's gotten mehere. It doesn't mean that you
(13:38):
know, in your instance, you haveso many accolades and degrees
and intelligence and all ofthese things that make you worth
listening to. Tiktok is not thething that makes you worth
listening to. It's one part ofwho you
Dr. Raquel Martin (13:49):
are. And then, and then they'll ask about
going viral. And I'm like, Y'alldo realize I'm just sitting here
talking like, and most of thetime, well actually most of the
time, people I go viral fromjust being like, messy, not
messy, but, like, I'm a veryshady person. Um, it's, I think,
I genuinely think it's one of mybest qualities. But, like, most
of the time, it's not the thingthat I'm just like, oh, this,
(14:11):
this thing provides so muchinformation about black mental
health. And this
Unknown (14:14):
is, it's never, it's, it's rarely the thing that, you
know,
Dr. Raquel Martin (14:18):
it's me saying I refuse to take my kids
to the store with me. I'd rathermop the ocean. Viral, oh, um,
rather find out viral, like,it's never like, Hey guys, if
you want to work this is theanswer to best mental health in
the world. Um, we don't want it.We don't we don't want that.
Unknown (14:38):
Yeah, I mean, and that's not to say that, like,
that type of content can't dowell. It's just one of those
things where, like the internetis so fiction. So, you know,
look, we might, we might loseTiktok, and then that very well
could happen. And if it does,the landscape of the internet is
going to change. There are goingto be some people who are not
(14:58):
able to. Transition theiraudience elsewhere. There are
some people that do really wellin Tiktok that don't do as well
on Instagram. I'm alwaysfascinated by that. When I see
somebody that has millions offollowers on Tiktok, and then
when I go to their otherplatforms, they have no
audience. They just haven'tfigured out what their voice is
there, you know? So it's likeyou just don't know when
(15:20):
something's gonna do well, andit's a numbers game. It's also
kind of like just tryingdifferent things and pushing
yourself to experiment withdifferent formats. And I kind of
think of it like cooking, in away, because you're like mixing
different elements, like, Okay,this thing worked. This thing
worked. Let me put them togetherand see if this thing, this next
(15:42):
iteration, is successful. Yeah,that's why
Dr. Raquel Martin (15:43):
I got so excited when I saw you got on
Tiktok, because you weren't,you're when I saw you moved to
Tiktok and you came to mysuggested videos, it's like, oh,
I didn't even know Francesca wason
Unknown (15:51):
here. Yes, I was so I was so I dragged my feet, and I
I, I have a love, haterelationship with Tiktok, like
all platforms and I'm sure youcan relate, but, like,
I have uniquely specific gripesabout Tiktok.
But, yeah, I just was like, Idon't want to, I don't want
(16:11):
another platform and and I stillfeel that way, like when, when I
left Twitter, and people werelike, are you going to join blue
sky and masternoon and all theseother places, I was like, I
don't really want another place.I don't really want another
Dr. Raquel Martin (16:27):
responsibility. Just to be honest, like, it's
not, it's not as fun as it usedto be for me. In my opinion,
it's, it's work,
Unknown (16:33):
it's, it's work to learn the thing, and especially,
again, like the perilousness ofthese platforms you put all this
time and energy into building anaudience, and it can be gone
tomorrow, beyond your control.You know, outside of the
freaking band, you get, youknow, a content violation. Your
whole page gets taken down. Sofor me, I was just kind of like,
(16:55):
oh, Tiktok. I was also doing thething, like, Tiktok is for,
like, the Gen Z youth. And thenas soon as I got over there, I
was like, I actually kind oflove it. It's so interesting.
I've met so many cool people. I.
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