The Role of Social Media in Our Lives The Impact of Parenting on Personal Values ft Jessica Schrody

In this episode of the Mind Your Mental Podcast, host Dr. Martin welcomes Jessica Schrody, a multifaceted content creator and entrepreneur. They delve into the complexities of parenting, the challenges of homeschooling, and the transition back to traditional schooling. The conversation also explores Jessica's engagement and the dynamics of her relationship, as well as the struggles of balancing personal and professional life. They discuss the impact of social media and consumerism on mental health, the journey of sobriety, and the importance of authenticity in content creation. Throughout the episode, humor and candidness shine through as they navigate the ups and downs of motherhood and personal growth. In this conversation, Jessica Schrody and Dr. Martin discuss the complexities of parenthood, emphasizing the importance of informed consent and the challenges that come with parenting. They explore the necessity of teaching children boundaries and the impact of social media on personal values and financial independence. The dialogue also touches on the struggles of content creation and maintaining integrity in a monetized world, while highlighting the significance of emotional health and the realities of parenting.

 

Takeaways 

• AI technology is evolving rapidly and unpredictably.
• Parenting can be both humorous and challenging.
• Homeschooling presents unique challenges and rewards.
• Transitioning from homeschooling to traditional schooling can be complex.
• Engagement brings new dynamics to parenting and relationships.
• Marriage requires constant communication and effort.
• Content creation should be authentic and aligned with personal values.

Bio

Jessica Schrody is a full-time writer, content creator, and founder of She Really Had A Baby. In 2017, Jessica started a blog as a creative outlet to share her experiences and insights as a single mother in Los Angeles. Once she shifted to video content and creating parody raps, she quickly gained recognition across all social media platforms as a safe space where mothers can come to laugh and relate to the varying pains and satisfactions of motherhood.  With her unique way of developing her personal story into content that all moms can enjoy, Jessica has successfully turned her fears about motherhood into her purpose. She Really Had A Baby has become a community where mothers of all relationship statuses can come and laugh, cry, and be proud of whatever kind of mama they are.

Episode Transcript

Dr. Raquel Martin (00:00):
Steve, Hello everyone, and welcome to Mind
your mental just a reminder thatthis podcast is not meant to be
a substitute for a relationshipwith a licensed mental health
professional. I know they arehard to find, and I get that I
have a bunch of resources on mywebsite if you need them, but I
am not your clinician. I am apsychologist, but I am not your

(00:21):
psychologist. So if you need anyspecific help, please look for
the help of a licensed mentalhealth professional. Learn all
you can learn from the podcast.Enjoy the episode. What's up
everyone? Welcome to mind yourmental podcast today. We have
Jessica Rose, content creator,entrepreneur, entertainer,
podcaster, writer, all of thatamazing stuff. I wish I would
have grabbed your cup, one of myfavorite cups in this house that

(00:43):
I love to drink from whilestaring my husband dead in his
freaking eyes. It says, babydaddy. And I actually, I can't
even, like, I had to be verymindful, because I drink from
the cup all the time. I had tostop, like, recording while
drinking from the cup, becauseeveryone would just be like,
where's the cup? Where's thecup, and I'd be like, girl

Unknown (01:04):
and I, I had cut it, I know it's back, though it's
back, though she is back. That'swhy, when

Dr. Raquel Martin (01:10):
you said, when you said, when I saw the
post, I was like, Listen, thisis what y'all have been asking
for. Yeah? My God. Like, yeah,that cup stares right in his
face. I

Unknown (01:21):
love it. That's my favorite. My favorite is when
it's legit. Married people,like, people, you know what I
mean? Like, it's, it's a novelto get it's a gag. You know what
I mean, it's a gag cup.

Dr. Raquel Martin (01:34):
Like, I appreciate this up there, baby
daddy. Plus, when I first did apost who was drinking from it,
people were like, Are you, like,messaging me? Are you okay?
Something on my stories, like,Y'all, y'all do know, y'all can
just support people right? Like,right people like, what's,
what's wrong with y'all? Well,it's because the

Unknown (01:51):
reason that I do what I do on the internet is kind of,
like, to break this overall,like, stigma of words like baby
mama and baby daddy. So you seehow messed up people's like,
mind states are over theconcept, because it's like, in
shambles. Like, oh, like, Ithought you were married. What's
going on, baby daddy? Like,
it's not, did
you leave him? Yeah, it's deep.People, it's not that deep. And

(02:16):
people, people make it thatdeep. But thanks for having me.
I'm super excited to be here andbe on the podcast.

Dr. Raquel Martin (02:23):
Thank you for being here. I am. I feel like I
found your stuff and Amber Wongstuff at the same time, okay,
and the throes of just likepostpartum, exhausted, randomly
scrolling, and then your accountand her account were typically
the ones I would look at, and Iwould look at, and I would just
know I would have a chuckle thatday. But she came on the show

(02:45):
too. Like, oh yeah, because, youknow, ain't nothing funny about
this child is eating again andI'm exhausted, but like, I could
count on, like, scrolling andbeing like, Yeah, funny so

Unknown (02:55):
and Amber. And it's funny because I feel like Amber
is in the earlier trenches. Youknow what I mean? Like my
daughter is 10 now, so I'mexperiencing the the later
portion, portion of that, whichis she just is just not fun to
be around, but she like wipesher own ass. You know what I
mean, like that. So I have

Dr. Raquel Martin (03:19):
a five year old and a two year old, because
my youngest is kind of aroundthe same ages. Is he a little
bit older than wild I don'tknow, but the other day, I kid
you not, this boy iscomplaining. He's in the
bathroom. He's complainingbecause he has to wipe his own
butt. Yeah, and he's saying,like, I don't want to wipe my
own butt. And then my husbandscreams across the room. It's

(03:42):
like, I don't want to wipe iteither. We're not wiping your
butt. Get over it. It was justlike, and I'm just sitting here
like, it's like, 7am bro, right?

Unknown (03:53):
It's too early. It's

Dr. Raquel Martin (03:54):
too early for this. Who wants to start their
day like that? Like, I would saythat's the hardest. I would say.
I really have to regroup,because every day I'm being
woken up without my consent. Mm,um, that's if I sleep through
the night, and it's just verydysregulate into and it's never
been my routine to start off theday with so much ish, like, to

(04:15):
me, starting your day should bevery chill, but that's that's
not how it's been for a minute,like it's just starting off the
day with screaming and crying,and I'm gonna eat this and not
eat that, and I really gottawork to make sure that's not how
the rest of my day goes. Like, Ireally have to be intentional
about not being a butt justbecause my child happened to
wake up at three because hisradio, basically his radio
turned off,

Unknown (04:35):
yeah, the

Dr. Raquel Martin (04:37):
sleep music and and just being like, Okay,
well, I kind of have to, like,regroup so I'm not a jerk every
single morning. But like, yeah,Nile

Unknown (04:48):
is at the age where she's actually getting in her
like, I don't want to get get upbag for, like, school, and so
for me, I have to try tointentionally wake. Up earlier,
yep, and just to have some timeto myself, because I know that
I'm about to have to go in herroom and in 10 different ways,

(05:09):
say, Get up, and that it's justgoing to be a fight. So we're in
the Good morning. I hate yousay, you know, like I don't want
to do anything, I don't want togo to school. I'm moping around,
you know, then get to drop heroff now that we're not
homeschooling anymore, and I canjust, like, send her somewhere

(05:30):
every day. How'd you

Dr. Raquel Martin (05:31):
decide to go away from homeschooling? Because
I actually, recently, my son wastelling my my husband about,
like, I guess it was a schoolshooting drill, very scary. But
he's five, so he was just just,he was telling him, like, oh
yeah, no, we had to hide andthis. And, you know, he's saying
it like a five year old. So, youknow, luckily, my my husband's

(05:54):
like, real Southern, like, verycalm dude. Me, I would have
been, like, internal, Iinternally scream all day, but
we didn't even know. They didn'teven tell us they were doing
this drill. And also, like, Istruggle with like, he's at a
school that has morerepresentation, but a lot of
times before it just wasn't asmuch representation. Some of the
schools are more stringent thanI'm like, than you need to be

(06:15):
like, I, my, my, even as apsychologist, I'm just like, you
know, nobody learns this way,like the way that they try to
force you to do it's just like,so I don't like stringent
environments, but I also am notpaying for private school. How'd
you decide to do homeschooling,which I don't know how you did
that, and then also decide totransition outside of it,
because it's a big commitment.Hey, everyone, just a reminder

(06:40):
that mind, your mental is notjust a podcast, it is also a
amazing community. If I do sayso myself, it's phenomenal. I
mean, you get more access to me.What more could you want in this
life? So if you want to join thecommunity, if you're not already
on the community, go to mysocial media. My social media is
the same Raquel Martin, PhD andDM me the word community, so you

(07:03):
can get details on joining thisamazing, flipping community. You
get more access to me. Y'alllike, I'm a delight. All right.
All right. Hope to see youthere,

Unknown (07:14):
yeah. So I initially decided to homeschool because
when we were in school, justwhat I do with like content
creation being entertainment,there were little things that
were coming up here and therethat just weren't working out
with the school schedule all thetime, including wanting to

(07:35):
travel and go places. And Ithink that we had been through
almost like an entire schoolyear, and Nyla had missed like
11 days of school, which ismaybe one to two times of like,
not being there every month. Butthe letter that I had got from

(07:56):
the school district, from LosLAUSD said something along the
lines of, like, If thiscontinues, you may be fined or
subject to home visits. And Iwas so irritated that it was an
impulsive thing. I tend to dovery impulsive things that I
just kind of went up there andI'm like, Look, I'm checking her

(08:17):
out because I don't know, Inwhat world it's normal to not
have one to two days a month,even if it was just her not
having it to go to school, likementally or for whatever reason.
But to me, the school system hasalways very blatantly been

(08:39):
socializing children to becomeslaves for other people. And
like, the most blatant way thatI can say it, I'm like, there.
What is the reason? You know,there's nothing substantial that
she's missing. For one, when Iwas homeschooling during the

(09:00):
time that I was we were coveringeverything that we need to do
within need to do within a oneto two hour span. So the idea
that if she misses a day or two,a month of a drawn out eight
hours filling the seats forfunding for the schools kind of
set up and system that she wassomehow really like something's
gotta be going on at home. But,you know, a single parent too.

(09:20):
Like, if she got sick, I wouldget sick. And then if I'm sick
and she's better, I'm still theone that has to take her to
school. There are so manydifferent, you know, legitimate
reasons for someone to notattend. And then the traveling
between that and not like,liking that kind of a system,
and then also my desire to kindof travel. I was like, You know
what? We're just gonna go forit. So I pulled her out, got all

(09:40):
the curriculum was reallyinvested in it at first, but
then slowly, but surely,realized what a mistake I had,
had surely made. I don't, youknow what I mean, I don't, you
know like, I don't have thatkind of patience. I don't have
that kind of capacity. To be Iam not even the mom that plays

(10:02):
right and not to jump too earlyinto to that topic, but it was a
part of the reason that I feltlike I drank so much early on in
mothering was because it waswhat allowed me to, like, get on
the floor and play Barbies theway that she wanted to play
Barbies. Because if I really getinto it, then you tell me I'm
not playing the right wayanyway, and that's annoying,
too, so yeah, I just didn't havethat kind of patience. And I

(10:26):
also realized that some of theseconcepts, I mean, fifth grade
math, fail me out. I'm not, youknow, and I was really having to
sit there and walk it just endedup being way more time consuming
than I thought. And but itworked while we were traveling,
because when we were traveling,I decided that I wanted to be a

(10:46):
digital nomad. So, you know, Isold everything that I own
within a month period ofdeciding this, and booked a one
way ticket to Costa Rica with mykid. And the homeschooling part
helped with that, and we did theconcept of world schooling. So
we did like Mexico, we did CostaRica, we did Brazil. And that
kind of learning had I been ableto consistently maintain that

(11:07):
felt more valuable to me,especially as a creative and
entrepreneur, than a standardschooling system. But I
personally still lacked thecapacity, because, I don't even
want to say lack the disciplineor the capability, literally
just the capacity to continue tomaintain what was needed for her
to have an educationalfoundation that would have her

(11:32):
and leave her with the toolsthat she would need to operate
in society and pass tests, youknow. But is she well traveled?
Can she navigate around adangerous city on her own, if
need be. Yes, like very valuabletools, like cooking classes and
art and all of those amazingthings that contribute to the
overall being. But yeah, andthen I just wanted to be alone

(11:52):
too. I was with her 24/7 youknow, it's in, I

Dr. Raquel Martin (11:56):
can't imagine. It was a

Unknown (11:58):
lot. And so we came back to Los Angeles after me
realizing that again, I didn'tnot want to be in Los Angeles. I
just literally was depressed andanxious and that was going to
follow me anywhere that I wentin the world with less resources

(12:18):
and no babysitter at all. Socame back to Los Angeles,
started doing more of the work,also exploring sobriety
throughout this entire time,just not, not a good time to
homeschool sobriety, travelingaround the world, and then came
back with a more kind of seriousanalysis and diagnosis of
bipolar, so just figuring a lotof stuff out so she can just

(12:42):
have somewhere that she goesevery day for a couple hours.
And that's just how it's gonnahave to be. But yeah, like, I
loved it until and when Ididn't. And so, yeah,

Dr. Raquel Martin (12:53):
you had a lot of changes. You also just got
engaged. I

Unknown (12:56):
just just get engaged. I'll be all over the place.
Actually came back. I hadstarted talking to my partner
when I was in Brazil, on hand,because I knew that I was
heading back for LA and thenwhen I came out here, very
queer, very you Holly, you know,met in person 10 days later, was

(13:18):
asked to be in a relationship.And then we just kind of like,
leveled and leveled and leveleduntil like, eight months, and
now we're engaged. I think thatwe're talking about doing like,
a year of engagement beforemaybe even then still kind of
very queer in U haul, I just gointo the courthouse, no need for
like, a huge maybe, like a partyor something. But yeah, I found

(13:38):
the person that I'm that I'mdoing life with so lots of
changes in that way for Nyla aswell, and so that is that's been
a theme of motherhood for methat I've never experienced
before. Is I always told thisjoke as a single mom for the

(13:59):
past 10 years, really, thateveryone always responds to me
being a single mom, like, oh mygosh, I can't imagine. And then
in my head, I'm just like, youhave kids, and then you have
someone you have to, like, sleepwith at the end of the night
after and cook for and do allthese things. And then here I am

(14:19):
cooking and cleaning and andmothering and partnering and
doing all the things. And while,you know, I have support, and my
partner is a very supportivepartner, it is now the constant
maintaining of multiplerelationships at once. And it
is, it's very It's hard work.It's work for it to be as

(14:39):
healthy as we want it to be, andfor us to know that we're both
always feeling heard, it'sconstant conversation and
constant work in a new role formy partner as a parent, who was
like living a bachelor life andthen met a sober single mom,
fresh off a plane. Um, but,yeah, it's been a lot of

(15:01):
changes, but I think that we arenavigating them through as much
transparency and just likeconvert conversation as
possible, but lots of changes.And yeah, I told you, I can just
go one way, one question, andyou're gonna get an answer full.
I

Dr. Raquel Martin (15:21):
always, I, actually, I always feel like I
say this all the time when itcomes to, like, partnerships,
but I, I am married because ofthe person I'm married to. Yeah,
is no way, because I believe inthe institution of marriage.
Like I'm married because of myhusband, yeah? But like, we had
this conversation, like I was,like, a month ago, and he was
like, what would you what wouldyou do? We, we were no longer

(15:42):
married. Would you get marriedagain? I said, No, I don't care
if we, we not married or not.You was my husband the
institute. I don'twholeheartedly believe in the
institution of marriage. I don'tknow, yeah, being married to
you, but like the scholar in me,marriage is just sometimes. It
just has its moments. And also Iwas just like and just being
honest. I know, and I have nodesire to be as committed and

(16:04):
learn more or build that much ofa relationship with anyone else.
And it may sound lazy, but it isvery much lazy, because to build
a relationship with a person, toknow the ins and outs, to be
considerate, to be an adult, Igenuinely cannot stand being an
adult. Some days, sometimes Ijust want to be like, I care
about your opinion. I boughtthat thing because I wanted that
thing. I don't know We ain'tagree on that thing, but I

(16:25):
wanted that thing, and I had tobuy so, like, I'm buying it.
That's not a healthy marriage.Like, so, like, it's just like,
I have no and I no desire to beas committed or respectful to
another person as I have been toyou. And I don't care how it
sounds. I genuinely don't careit takes, yeah, to be
respectful. And, you know, wedon't fit anything unless you

(16:45):
guys both agree on it. So it'sjust like we both have to agree
to get something. And you know,like, I have no interest in
doing that with another personthat

Unknown (16:56):
shows up a lot in the conversation, of like to eat out
or to eat the food in thefridge.

Dr. Raquel Martin (17:03):
It's always the food in the fridge, yeah.
That's

Unknown (17:06):
really always the answer. That's always the
answer, yeah. And then

Dr. Raquel Martin (17:12):
on the My husband is a why person, I am a
why not person. Like, I'm alwaysjust like, I mean, what's the
worst that's gonna happen? Like,yeah, well, I can't request off
this many days. Well, quit. Youshouldn't be

Unknown (17:24):
in a place makes you feel like you can't do that.

Dr. Raquel Martin (17:28):
Because I genuinely am just like, No, if I
don't vibe with like, if there'ssomething, I'll be like, Oh, I'm
not doing this. Yeah. Well, whatabout the money? I'm always
going to have money. I'm anindependently licensed
psychologist. If I wanted todeal with the headache of
content creation. I'm sure Icould find an agency and then
just suck, yeah, and make, makethis content all the time. The

(17:48):
only reason why I enjoy content,I think the way I do is because
I in no way expect to ever getpaid for it. I can talk about
what I want to whether it'sPalestine or certain brands,
because I'm not going to losethe brand deals. I can do posts
that are 6090 seconds, and wearwhatever I want, because I'm not
trying to cultivate any like,specific thing my algorithm or

(18:09):
my my my grid can look liketrash because, like, I'm a
professor who cares. Like,

Unknown (18:14):
I yeah,

Dr. Raquel Martin (18:15):
I think I enjoy it, and I tap in and tap
out and be like, I mean, if Idon't like it anymore, I'll
stop, because I in no way expectto ever get paid. A part

Unknown (18:25):
of that, though, makes the things that come to you that
much more aligned and authentic,though. Oh, you know what I
mean, which makes them 10 timesmore valuable than the perfect
person that that's perfectlycurating every step to ensure
that they have thoseopportunities. So

Dr. Raquel Martin (18:40):
yeah, because if you're working with me, it
has to be, I used to always hatewhen people would talk about
stuff and they would be like,this isn't an ad, because my
automatic thought would be like,if I'm following you, I trust
some aspect of you and youropinion, and so if it was an ad,
so what? Like, I trust you tohave the wherewithal to be like,
yeah, not just taking everysingle ad. So I hate that. But
it's also like, anything thataligns with me. I'm like, oh

(19:01):
yeah. I mean, it's an ad, andit's something that I truly
believe in. Because I don'tthink people really realize the
amount of like, ridiculousemails we you can really
advertise for anything. Like, ifyou, if that's like, what you
you, if you said yes toeverything, oh, 100% fill the
need. I'll be over here with theQVC

Unknown (19:19):
shop behind me. Listen, I

Dr. Raquel Martin (19:21):
would be like, outfit and LTK, yeah,
like, you know, and they, theymake it money, you know, like,
like, I could,

Unknown (19:29):
but you get a fan, you get a toaster, you get a plate,
you get a cut, you get a hype

Dr. Raquel Martin (19:33):
in a review. And just be like, Oh, if you
have any questions aboutanything behind me, comment
question for the you know, like,you could easily do that, but I
hate the fact that, like, it'slike, I don't know you don't
trust the people that you'refollowing enough to just be
like, I think they have someintegrity and like, what like
they're not just doing.

Unknown (19:52):
I think when people question that, though there's a
little bit of like, projectionon it not being something that
they're capable of doing. We.All know that whether it's
stated at the beginning or not,things that are ads have a lower
engagement because people don'tlike being sold to even though
the entire concept of everythinghappening online is being sold

(20:12):
on something in one, one way oranother. So I think that when
it's just more blatantly beingdone, people start to feel like,
well, why? Why should I I'm athome working my job. Why should
I? Oh, you're gonna make $5 offof a commission. Link. Like,
why? Why do you get to makemoney off of my money? What?

(20:33):
Like, why do you care? Why? Youknow, especially if it's
something that you enjoy or thatI put you on to, there is all
these different conversationsthat happen on the threads app
now, and I think one of themthat I saw was these people
talking about how, when they seethat creators use affiliate
links, they will go out of theirway to see what they're
recommending and then go look itup themselves in the app so that

(20:56):
they're not getting thecommission. And it's like, why
do you it's like, people seesomeone doing something, and
then in some way they want to,like dim that, even when they do
support them, it's like, no,you're just here to entertain
me. Because being a contentcreator or being someone with
visibility online, it shouldn'tbe real. There's that idea for

(21:17):
the people that aren't doing it.It's like, Oh, like that. That's
not real. There's all this to beand it's in every industry,
whether it's someone that's notin creation or entertainment at
all. You know, people inentertainment versus content
creators. I recently worked onan ad where the people that were
there were actors and actresses.And I know that I'm not, you

(21:39):
know what I mean, but I wasthere because, you know, but I
was there because my likenesswas being used from my
visibility, regardless ofwhether or not I'm good at
remembering lines. There's justall of these different like,
points of friction betweencontent creators and people
trying to say, like, what is andwhat isn't real. But it's like,
very real that I can get onlineand make money from it,

(22:06):
sometimes more than what you'resitting in front of a desk
making all day doing. But thenthere's the consistency part as
well, which is why I talk allthat shit to have gone back to
corporate, which is anotherreason that I kind of put Nailah
back into full time schoolinstead of home school, because
it just helps with the balanceof things, because it's a remote

(22:27):
job, it's in a field that Iappreciate. I'm not being
micromanaged or clocked likethat, but it does still take
structure to get the things donethat I need to so now I'm in a
place where just like how youfeel, I like the stability of
being able to do what I want todo, talk about the things I want

(22:51):
to talk about, without that hugefear of, ah, this isn't gonna,
ah, this isn't gonna go overwell, because you have to. I
want to get to a place of doingthings because I want to instead
of need to. And having a regulara nine to five allows me to show
up in that way, in contentcreation. But the goal is always
going to be to make some money,period, because I have

Dr. Raquel Martin (23:12):
no time. That's a

Unknown (23:14):
monetize.

Dr. Raquel Martin (23:15):
It's a job like I I've always I can't
believe people go out of theirway not to that's crazy. Isn't
that crazy? I'm

Unknown (23:24):
sure that you can look up on threads the the discourse
around it. It's wild. People arelike, yeah, why would why would
I use an affiliate link? Itdoesn't make any sense that
you're making money off of thiswhole thing. Like, it's dollars
you wouldn't have even

Dr. Raquel Martin (23:42):
known about it if you didn't look at my
page. So like, what's exactly?What's the big deal? And you
don't get charged anydifferently? Yeah, that's nuts.
That sucks, because threats, Ifeel like has been more chill.
I'm gonna have to go over thereand see Damn. People are I don't
want to say people are nuts, butI know for a fact they are. This

(24:03):
isn't new to me. It's my wholepurpose, you know, like, it's
just like, Right? Which is, andyou know, most of the time,
like, I get asked about, like,you know, therapy, and it's
like, what do you see most ofthe time? And I say, I feel like
the biggest thing I see peoplestruggling with is like, people
just don't feel seen. Like, notfeeling seen. Links to like, so
many different issues and like,you know, doing things to be

(24:25):
seen, or doing things or theyfeel like they're seen too much,
or they want to disappear. Man,I would love to see the mindset
of the person who decides that,like, you don't want to click
that. Like, what is it like?What's like that? I

Unknown (24:35):
think it's exactly that. It's they probably don't
feel seen. So why is this otherperson get to being seen or
making money? Yeah, everythingis a projection, you know, and
I'm learning that a lot too, inin relationship like this, like
I'm engaged with this is myfirst ever, like law. Long term,

(25:00):
which is insane because it'sbeen eight months, but fully,
fully, fully committed, investedrelationship, day to day living
first person I've you know,joined lives with my child at 10
years old, too. So being inconstant relationship like this
is a constant mirror. So I feellike it's a constant mirror of

(25:23):
all those things that do comeup, and I've experienced that in
content creation, never to thepoint I think the difference
that with me, though, is I knowwhen I'm experiencing a level of
insecurity because of somethingthat I'm seeing online, and it
will never cross over the bridgeof being a hater and not

(25:43):
clicking on someone's wing, or,you know, like getting in the
way of stopping someone when,like, I may see someone doing
something that I feel like,dang, I should be doing that,
but it's not going to stop mefrom being like, go off, do your
thing. Like, I'm proud of you.And that's healthy, yeah. But
inside, I'm like, what the damnyou know? I know that. I know

(26:06):
that check cleared. I've had oneof those checks before. Let me
see, you know, like, when is mycheck coming?

Dr. Raquel Martin (26:12):
I don't know. I feel like one of the things I
got asked about, what are thebenefits and negatives of social
media? I get asked that all thetime, and I'm just like, you
know, lately I feel, I feel likea lot of people are, but I feel
exhausted by the rampantconsumerism on social media. It
very much is in I will say thisa million times. I don't care
how many times y'all have heardme say this. Quote, the fact

(26:33):
that people are buyingcontainers to put the berries
in, when berries come in theirown freaking containers, will
always irritate the crap out ofme. I'm sorry, but, like, I very
much, it's so pretty though, yougotta buy something to put it in
something, and then you feellike you're behind. I had a 12
year old over here talkingabout, they have to get their

(26:54):
skin routine together. You havepeople thinking that individuals
actually look this way, in termsof, like, the filters and stuff,
you know, like, it's, it'speople will be like social
media. What are the bads? AndI'm just like, but it's not
social media as a whole. It'smore so I think about it like
consumerism. I think about itas, like, you know, links, hated
hair, honestly, with capitalism,because capitalism is comparison

(27:17):
and it's competition and it'sproductivity over and it has to
be consumerism, because if youfeel like you have enough, why
would you work more to purchasethings to make more money that
you know? Like, it's very much.Yeah. Like, so I see all this
consumers, and I'm like, youstressed out because you keep
following these people with allthis extra stuff that you feel
like you have to have. You needa a 12 step regimen when you was

(27:37):
doing just fine with withNeutrogena, but now right,
following this person, and nowyou the

Unknown (27:41):
Doug barn soap. The Doug barn soap does the job, but
I need the $70 Tatcha skinmoisturizing cream because
that's what I saw in my ticktock feed, and her skin was
giving not the thumbs up, AI iscrazy, but it's it's so true,

(28:02):
and I participated in that. NowI'll preface what I'm about to
say with the fact that I've beendoing content creation since
2017 there's nothing that I'veever talked about online or
tried to sell an idea about thatI myself hadn't executed or felt
well versed in in in my own way,and been transparent about that,

(28:26):
but I completely stopped withthe public selling of my two
ebooks that I did last year,which is about content creation
and content monetization. Lastyear financially was probably
one of my best years ever, whichis one of the reasons I thought
I could just take off and drivearound the country on a whim.

(28:47):
Right now, I was able to sellover $150,000 worth of digital
products that I was sometimesletting go for five to seven
bucks each. I was selling 1000sand 1000s of these digital
products. Now why I stopped wasbecause I realized that the only
way that I was ever able toreally convert was with the idea

(29:08):
of, look at my life. Don't youwant this? Right? What is it?
What's that one tick tock sound.Everybody wants this. You know,
don't be silly. Everybody wantsthis, right? So it's like, do
you want to be a contentcreator? Do you want to get
brand deals? Here are contracts.Here's how much money I've made.

(29:30):
You can make this money too.Whole time, brand deals were
drying up for me, and so I wasleaning more into that. And I
was making money from selling topeople about how to make money.
Is my information not of valuejust because it was dry season
for me? No, absolutely not. Butif I was still continuously
making 1015, $25,000, branddeals, I wouldn't have cared to

(29:54):
be cranking out three to fourvideos a day to tell people
about how to do it forthemselves. I. Wouldn't care if
other people were forthemselves, you know. And so I
stopped doing that, and I seethat that's kind of and
sometimes I'd be punching theair a little bit because I have
some Hollies, and I see themstill doing it, and they cashing
in. I'm talking about, get onlive 500 to $1,000 every time.

(30:17):
Like, that's good. That's good,fast money. You know what I
mean? Like, I've as someonethat's a high school dropout,
single mom in my early 20s, youknow, has faced housing
instability living in LosAngeles my entire life. I was
that was amazing, yeah, but at,but at the cost of, of what
being completely unaligned fromwho I know my actual audience

(30:41):
is, right, which is black,single moms that want to laugh.
And also kind of scaring off alot more brands than I needed to
with just telling all thebusiness all the time, you know?
I think that transparencybetween creators, you know, I
think we've even had discussionslike, oh, like, you know, I'm
about Yeah, I

Dr. Raquel Martin (31:00):
would straight up be like, Yo, is this
a bad deal?

Unknown (31:04):
And I think that we, and I think that there's, like,
a a level of that, but like, itdoesn't need to be the public
last thing, because now I have abrand pulling up my page, and
they're like, well, dang. Like,we don't want everybody to know
that we pay $15,000 for onething, and while I wasn't, you
know, specifically saying brandslike you become known as

(31:25):
something very quickly online.So I had to clean that up,
because it was perpetuating thatyou always need more and do
more. And then a part of it isalso, I can tell you all day
about what I'm doing, but I alsoknow I have the reach. I also
know that I'm funny. I also knowwhat I'm capable of. So a lot of
people buy and then spend theirmoney. I mean, there were times
that there were people tellingme, yeah, I have my last $20 but

(31:48):
I bought your ebook. I do itlike, maybe I don't think that
was the right choice. Do youknow what I'm saying? That's not
a fiscally responsible decision.That wasn't a responsible
decision here, but I think thatjust was increasing the volume
on the voice in my head thatsaid, like this, ain't you know,
you selling people a dream, andI'm not even believing in a
dream for myself right now. So Istepped away from that, and it's

(32:11):
been a huge drop to the income,but I've stabilized it with
things like having a nine tofive in marketing, but then
trying not to lean too far intothe other side, because then I
was like, let me ferociously paydown credit card debt and get a
job as a social media specialiston top of that. So this whole
time, for the past four or fivemonths, I've been working a
remote job, pushing out content,mothering, being somebody's

(32:32):
fiance, having a dog, and thenalso running three different
social media accounts for a PRagency, all in the name of
money, because of capitalism,and this idea that you keep
needing and wanting more andmore and more and you want to
outsource, but even the cost ofoutsourcing doesn't make sense,
because people are aware of thefact that their time should
equate, you know, being able toafford things and be paid a

(32:55):
livable wage, but livable wagesare hard to pay as An individual
entrepreneur, and it just, youknow, it's just, it's a, it's a
slippery slope of depression,and as long as I'm not ending
the slope in a bottle of winethese days, I'm good. I'm like,
say, doing

Dr. Raquel Martin (33:11):
all that and like, and you are maintaining
your sobriety. Like, that's alot. Yeah, I remember having
this time where I had noticedthat I had been, like, buying
wine more often, and it wasright in the midst of, like, one
of the most stressful time withthe boys, and every single night
before their bedtime routine, Iwould have, like, a huge glass

(33:32):
of wine to kind of, like, try tojust numb myself, just enough to
not be as stressed out. And itwould help me regulate my
emotions better because, like,I'm also very much aware of,
like, you know, yeah, don't haveemotion regulation. So I
regulate myself. So I so I couldco regulate them, and it's way
easier for me to regulatemyself. And I'm moving slower,
yeah, when I like, so even justknowing that, and I remember

(33:56):
just being like, I had gottenwine, it was like this. It was
like, we got to do way too manygrocery trips, and it was like,
the second or third time. And Iwas just like, what the flip is?
Like? Because it was justridiculous. Y'all like, I was
like, how am I buying wineagain? Yeah, did I? It becomes a
habit? Yeah, it becomes a habit.And I would just realize that

(34:16):
I'm just like, yeah, the sameway I I steer this all the time.
But like, I one of the biggestthings I'm always going to deal
with is, like, sometimes I justmedicate with food. Like, I just
say, instead of dealing with mymy coping skills that I'm in
therapy too, but sometimes it'seasier for me to medicate with
food. So instead of me, like,processing why I'm stressed out,
asking for additional support,doing all these extra steps that

(34:37):
are possible, or, you know, oreven just dealing in the suck,
like, some things just suck, andjust realizing, yeah, period is
going to suck. I'll be drinkingwine or I'll be eating like
trash, and sometimes I'll be tooI just didn't feel like it.
Sometimes I don't feel likebeing healthy, because the same
way, like having a healthyrelationship, like, it's work,
but it's worth it. Like, youknow, making decisions with two

(34:57):
people, like, Oh my God, that'sgreat, but I. Yeah, sometimes
being healthy is just veryfrustrating. Sometimes it is
more fun to just have the pizzaand have the wine and be like,
I'll do this tomorrow and andsomehow we're in December.

Unknown (35:09):
Yeah, exactly, yeah. I think, you know, there's so many
levels to it too. I mean, forlike, the quickest context if
possible, I have a very troubledyounger past, everything from
like, you know, one of my firstboyfriends was a pimp and a drug

(35:32):
dealer, and so in my earlyteens, I was participating a lot
in cocaine, ecstasy, drinking asa very normal thing, my entire
brand in business is she reallyhad a baby, because these are
all things that were left behindme. But anyone that would come

(35:52):
across me finding you knowmyself coming into motherhood,
would say, oh, Jessica, shereally had a baby. Like I was
turned up, yeah, turned up amess, and probably then
struggling a lot more withalcoholism and addiction than I
did in motherhood, or at leastit looked more chaotic, because

(36:17):
that time period didn't, inretrospect, look much different
than the level of abuse that washappening just because it was
wine and I was at home bymyself, right? So when I first
started realizing, Oh, I have aproblem, it was just from the

(36:38):
concept of anxiety, I started tofeel like, Oh, let me unlock my
personality with alcohol. Andall that did was me, a very
extroverted, full of personalityperson already would at some
point in time, cross a line,cross the boundary with somebody
you know, or just look a mess orregret any and everything that I

(37:03):
did, and then deal with losingdays after that, right? I was
the person that would say, I'mnot throwing up, I'm not too
drunk, and I wasn't even reallyoutside that much. So if I was
somewhere social, I would overindulge. Where my problem
resides is I always go back andforth between whether or not I'm
an alcoholic or I'm an addict.In fact, a part of my journey to

(37:23):
sobriety was starting by goingto NA meetings, even though I
have not used in well over adecade, 10 to 15 years, a hard
drug. I had to get real withmyself about the fact that, you
know, there's things about me asa person that I am addicted to.
I'm addicted to food when I wasconsuming, you know, harder

(37:43):
drugs, it was a habit and aroutine and anything that I do,
especially pertaining toalcohol, sure, can I not do it
for a week or two? Yes, but whenI do it, I binge, and that's an
issue. I think that we thinkthat alcoholism or addiction is,
you know, wake up at 7am and youcrack the beer, and that's just

(38:04):
how you get your day going, andyou drink all day. No, like a
problem is also your inabilityto have and maintain a healthy
relationship with something. Idon't care how often it is,
that's a problem. So knowingmyself and then also my brother,
who is in recovery, I juststarted going with him to
meetings, and so I haven't wentto meetings in a while. For me,

(38:26):
NA and AA, I've been to bothmeetings in the year and a half
that I that I've been sober.They've always felt really like
white, male dominated, whichsucks, but I found plenty of
resources online, and, you know,trying to create communities of
support for myself, beingtransparent about feelings that

(38:47):
I have with my my own therapist.There's still work to do. And,
you know, I just think that it'svery easy in motherhood to make
something like alcohol or winelook like, like, Oh, it's just
that. But it's like, no, it was,you know, I was putting myself
and my daughter in questionablesituations. Like, I remember

(39:08):
being embarrassed that at thetime having a following that I
was on live stream on Instagram,clearly drunk online with my
baby in the Jacuzzi. Like Iwasn't even thinking, like, you
know what I'm saying. Like,just, like, what if something
would have happened and shewould have needed me to be
quicker in response than I thanI was, you know, thankfully
nothing happened, but thinkingabout all the times that it had

(39:30):
to be a thankfully nothing,thankfully for what like so I
feel good about The fact thatbeing sober has taught me that I
am capable of having disciplineover things for an extended
period of time, and so I've justbeen sitting with the raw
dogness of experiencing life thepast year and a half, and yeah,

(39:57):
and hopefully soon being able toplay apply. That same discipline
that I know that I have tosobriety to the other areas of
my life, like my health and myfitness. You know, I do
overextend myself when it comesto eating. I don't put enough
energy into physical activity.You know, me and my partner and
my fiance have even explored theidea that I may be addicted to

(40:18):
the concept of stress becauseI'm with a very supportive
partner, and I still felt theneed to be working three jobs
and doing the laundry andwashing the dishes, and it's
like, hey, why don't we havesomeone come in and clean once a
week? You chill out a little bitand really figure out why you
feel like you absolutely need tohave this other job because you

(40:40):
don't like, it's nice, but youdon't have to do this. So
slowly, trying to figure out allthe different ways that the
concept of addiction is showingup and breaking that down. But
it's hard. It's hard and it'srough be because having kids is
annoying and it sucks. Being

Dr. Raquel Martin (41:00):
like the thing is, being in any you know,
as a mother, as a parent, likeas a romantic partner, as a
human, like people, people as awhole, are just irritating. I
irritate myself at times, like Iyeah, sometimes I'll be
overthinking, and I'll be like,This is so annoying. I lose them
all the time. I get irritated aswell, you know. And for people
to feel like parenthood is goingto be is going to insulate you

(41:23):
from that. It's absurd. Iremember someone looking like I
was the worst mother in theworld when they had shared that
they do everything for theirchild, and I said, I absolutely
do not do everything for mychild. That is very that is a
very odd statement to make. Andalso like saying like, Oh yeah.
Like, my child, sometimes theywant hugs. Sometimes I don't.
It's gonna be a no. I'm sayingthat, like, I've met my limit.

(41:47):
It don't mean that I say I saidI met my limit and I threw them
in a closet. It's like, evenjust the aspect of being open
about your experience, sometimesthat's an issue, and I feel like
one of the biggest issues thatwhen parents are just so
unsurprised or so surprised bythe process, in addition to the
fact that no one you know youdidn't used to have as much
access to transparentnarratives, it's just like

(42:08):
people are entering intoparenthood without informed
consent, and like in multipleways. But if there are, if there
are four options, there are fourtreatment decisions, we have
informed consent. If you knowabout all four. One of the
reasons why informed consent isalways something that I research
a lot in terms of, like, as ascientist, because black with
black patients are actuallyknown to be given less informed

(42:29):
consent. The doctor will decidethat, like, I'm not going to
talk about all four options,because they probably can't
afford all four, or they may notbe able to do no option number
three, or their pain is fine, soI'm not going to give them
option number two, so you onlygive them two of the four
options. And we think that we'remaking a decision, but that's
still not informed consent.Informed consent is is being

(42:49):
given option four options andchoosing option one, not being
given two, and choosing optionone. And I think that happens a
lot with parenting. I think it'san aspect of not talking about
the full spectrum of it. I thinkthis whole thing shaming
individuals who are child free.I think this whole realm of not
even talking about the healthconcerns with like, there are
aspects of me that will never bethe same. I get afraid every

(43:12):
time I sneeze For God's sake,you know, like, right after I
had my baby, I'm like, right,okay, you know, like, it's just,
but I think people don't talkabout that, and I think people
aren't entering into parenthoodwith informed consent, and it
doesn't mean that when itdoesn't make you any less of a
good parent. We're humans.Things are annoying. Being
around anyone, 24 hours isannoying. There are plenty of

(43:34):
times where I'm sure people areannoyed by themselves. Like,
man, why did? Yeah, you know. SoI just Yeah. I think one of the
biggest issues is I wish morepeople I try to share all the
time about like, oh yeah, Iwanted to rip my freaking face
off today. Oh yeah. This these,they have lost their freaking
mind. I'm not here to help themfind it. I'm gonna go read, read
a book in the library. Like,this is just really annoying,

(43:57):
and people just being like, Ohmy goodness. Like, I thought it
was just me. No, I've been I'mtouched out. I don't want to be
touched, so I luckily able toleave, or I'm exhausted and I
don't have the ability to leave.So like, it's going to take way
more for me to just be presentfor my kids, because I'm
annoyed, you know? And say oneof your ways to regulate
yourself is to take a break. Butso many people don't have that

(44:19):
option. You don't know what'sgoing to happen. There are many
times people are like, Oh, well,you know, I'm sure we'll be fine
when, you know, when we havekids, your partner is not the
same as the person who has thechild. Like, that's you don't
know how parenthood changes.People, oh, 100% I've never been
100% I get touched out all thetime. I never I used to consider

(44:40):
myself a very affectionateperson, but now it's just like,
you know, there's an emotionalthere's a responsibility, having
to care for someone else, andthat's a lot, and you don't know
how someone will be as a parent,for good or bad, like they could
pleasantly surprise you, or they

Unknown (44:58):
you could just be like, dang, yeah, I think. The cool
thing about you being like that,though, is like you're you're
instilling your child's abilityto have those boundaries for
themselves, right? So I feellike when I love was earlier in
in age, I had similarapproaches, and now I have to

(45:20):
check myself when she respondsto me that way. Yesterday, I
picked her up from school, andshe got into the car and she had
these, like, almost like mochistyle, boxed treats. And I
immediately was like, let mehave one of those. And she's
like, Oh, no, I won these atschool. These are for me. I
said, Oh, I uh, okay, all right,you know. But like, I love that

(45:46):
for her, because I don't wanther to grow up and feel like, if
someone asks her for something,that she has to give it to them.
Because the girl you don't, youknow, I love books, one of my
boundaries for in adulthood thatI reclaimed is if you come over
to my house and you're like, oh,girl, can I borrow a book? No, I

(46:07):
don't care if I read it, what?Go get your own book. But I
think that you realize thatpeople are comfortable asking
for anything, and if you don'timplement in yourself or your
child, the ability to say no,people will continue to ask you
for the rest of your life forthings that you don't want to

(46:28):
share or you don't want to do,and that's okay to not want to
share or to not want to do them.So I fully support that

Dr. Raquel Martin (46:34):
small parenthood too. I think, yeah, I
remember I did a post aboutlike, you know, I can't believe
I forgot this, but children aredesigned to take like, it's,
it's how they survive. Youdecide what you're going to say
no to, right, like you're goingto you decide what you give but
to think that like, oh, youknow, they keep asking for stuff
and asking for stuff. Of coursethey do. Yeah, what do you mean?
Tell them no. You know, childrenare designed to ask for thing it

(46:58):
helps them to survive. Like, Iremember even just letting
children know that, like, justbecause I'm an adult doesn't
mean I should just have accessto your body. Doesn't mean that
I get to just tell you thingssomeone who trained in trauma,
the number of times I have totell had to tell people like
it's a really dangerous place tobe where children feel like they
just have to say, yes, justbecause of an adult, no matter

(47:19):
how it makes them feel in theirbody, whether, no matter whether
or not it's uncomfortable,whether or not it hurts them,
physically or emotionally, theyjust are told never to question
anything, right. Like, Iremember Russell, I could, I kid
you not. I probably didn't forlike, a significant amount of
time. I probably I didn't get aget a kiss for six months,
because I always ask for a kiss.Like, oh, can I have a kiss, or

(47:41):
can I have a hug? And for like,a significant time, the answer
was always no, yeah. It was justno. And I would just be like,
Okay, I always joke, like Iwould cry in the corner like an
adult, but like, you know, like,I would just say, Okay, did it
suck? Yes. Like, listen,reciprocal thing is, you act
like a monster, but in return,you give me a freaking hug. That

(48:03):
is the deal. Like that justmakes me feel less like, Okay,
this child is insane, but hegave me a hug, and now I forgot
about it for like 10 minutes.You know, that is our day, yeah,
you know. And now that's like

Unknown (48:13):
with I love yous too. That's like with the concept of
I love you, I tell Nyla I loveyou every single morning and
every single night, maybe every37th time I get one back.

Dr. Raquel Martin (48:29):
And you know what? That's amazing, because
she doesn't feel pressured to belike, Yeah, you, you know, you
can just how awkward,

Unknown (48:37):
yeah, I want her in, in, dating or, you know, and
whatever that weird, you know,situation is on, on prom night,
or the first time she comesacross it, and they're like, I
love you. And she's like, Okay,

Dr. Raquel Martin (48:52):
thank you for sharing that with me.

Unknown (48:54):
You know what I mean? Like that doesn't impact how I'm
about to show up,

Dr. Raquel Martin (48:58):
no, because it can be a form of an emotional
manipulation. I remember when Idid that post talking about not
getting a kiss for my son,people being like, oh yeah. And
I'll just, you know, I would getupset, and I would, like, cry or
whatever. And I was like, well,that's actually emotional
manipulation, which you'retelling them is like, you know,
like your feelings is moreimportant than theirs. I know my
children said I cried in thecorner, but like, I'm like, No,

(49:19):
I just said, okay, and that'sit. You shouldn't be told. You
shouldn't make them feel like,okay, I just gotta rev it up a
little bit more, and that meansthat I'll get what I want. And
the number of people who don'trealize that, and they don't
realize it, because it's the waythat they operate, it's the way
that it was operated on themlike, oh, well, I don't want to
do this, but they asked me totwice, so I'm going to do it.

(49:40):
Yeah, what? Yeah, they seem likethey wait back to me, no, me,
no, honey. I it's not going tochange for most of the, a good
chunk of my life, the answer,the first answer was always no,
um, yeah. People always wantedanswers quickly. I'm doing
second masters PhD, gettingmarried, having kids, the answer
is likely going to be no, andthey. Would want answers

(50:00):
immediately. So I'd be like,nope, and then if I get back
honestly,

Unknown (50:05):
a sense of urgency, a sense of urgency around an
answer is usually indicative ofthe fact that it needs to be a
no, because what is that there'ssomething that I'm being
protected from if it needs to bethis rush. I mean, this is

Dr. Raquel Martin (50:18):
very close thing, like, I feel like you're
trying to play me like, oh,well, I need an answer now. Oh,
well, thanks for making thateasier for me. Now, no, right?
Now, before it was, let me thinkabout it, and it might have been
a no, yeah, but now it's a no.Thank you for making that easier
for me. I appreciate that. Thankyou for taking it off me.
Because, no, it's ridiculous,but okay, no, I feel like we

(50:39):
talked about a bunch of things.

Unknown (50:41):
I told you, I can get to Gavin. This was fun. This is
our for our first chance, kindof like Kiki,

Dr. Raquel Martin (50:51):
I know I typically, I typically just send
you the messages like, This iscrazy. Yo. Are they trying to
scam me with this price? Youknow, like, honestly, yeah,
which is very indicative of me,because it's just like, I'll
send somebody a message, or Ithink I will, and then I'll get
bad at not having a reply. It'sjust typed in a box. Yeah, it's

(51:15):
just typed in a box. Like, Itell everyone, like, I got a
five year old and two year old,I'm barely making it, please,
yeah, please, yeah, please,

Unknown (51:27):
yeah. You're great. You, you've inspired me. It
hasn't worked all the time, butyou know, I enjoy your content,
and you've inspired me to startasking for nothing less than
that 15 it's worked a coupletimes.

Dr. Raquel Martin (51:42):
And honestly, it's, it's, I've deals. I would
say I'm walking away from thedeals, but they basically walked
away from me because they werelike, no. I was like, Yeah,
freak, yeah. Well, that's aweird concept. It's a good
attempt. The thing is, theamount of, like, the one. It's
also a thing where, like, Ican't budget like that. Like, I

(52:05):
can't, right? I can barely

Unknown (52:06):
budget with money on time. I can barely budget if the
money's here before it happens

Dr. Raquel Martin (52:11):
and it's causing me stress. Like, it was
just causing me so much stressto be like, you know, Okay, I
gotta, I recorded the content,but like, we gotta wait until
the post is in the end. Butlike, it would just cause me so
much stress that I'm just, like,stress that I'm just like, I
can't, I can't do this anymore.I just can't do it. Yeah, I'm
not organized. Some people arevery organized. I'm not
organized enough to do it. Like,to remember, hey, you're 10 days

(52:33):
late on my payment, instead ofjust knowing that, like, No, I
gotta wait 30 days. It's easierfor me to be like, yeah, we're
on day 15. Yeah, yeah. And thereare people with pretty big
there's a speaker who gets theircheck when, right before they
get on the stage. So if theywant to, they would, I think
they just like, oh, Listen,honey, you're not big enough for

(52:55):
me to, yeah, we're not about to,you not tab at the brown honey.
We're not about to, you know,like you, you not, you not big
enough for us to take these. No,we gonna say this is the policy
every time. Because I definitelybelieve that if Viola Davis said
that 15 Yes, ma'am, no, right?It's not the policy. It's that I

Unknown (53:16):
wrote something on threads about this, like, also,
let's normalize the idea thatnet 15, or whatever my payment
terms are, mean that that is theday that I should have my money.
Do not make me feel like becausethe day before you sent me a new

(53:40):
form that I need to fill out.Or, you know that, oh, it's
sent, but it could take sometime with the bank. If you even
think it's going to take sometime with the bank, then you
should have sent it seven daysbefore, because it's due on this
day. I'm just another reason Iwent back to corporate. Like, my
check is there on the first ofevery month for my salary job.

(54:02):
Yep, like, I

Dr. Raquel Martin (54:02):
could be honest. Be honest, I get nervous
when the money isn't early.Every single time early. If

Unknown (54:08):
the payment is not early, I am already expecting it
to be late, and then then I endup following up a day or so
early as a reminder, and thenlooking nuts, but always knowing
that if it did come like,there's something about me
reminding them, like, why are wechasing our money? Oh, yeah,
because chasing our money.

Dr. Raquel Martin (54:28):
Sit on time. I did all these little updates.
I added your clunky link that noone is going to click because
you can't click the link. I dideverything you asked. Just,
they're just dumb, tired, it'sridiculous tired. But thank you
so much for coming on the show.Tell everybody where they can

(54:51):
find you. I feel like you talkabout so many amazing topics.
You can find a little bit ofeverything on your page with
sober, black girls.

Unknown (55:00):
Yes, I actually just interviewed on their podcast.
Like

Dr. Raquel Martin (55:04):
silver black girls is pretty amazing. Yeah,

Unknown (55:08):
so I follow that page, but yeah, if you guys want to
find me, I have my own podcastas well that I'm trying to rev
back up. It's called, she reallyhad a baby. You can find me on
Instagram and tick tock at thisis Jessica Rose, and you can
also support me on cheerleaderbaby.com I sell baby daddy tears
cups, and I bought this with mychild support tote bags. Yes,

Dr. Raquel Martin (55:31):
my mom too. Like that, like it's just my fun
dad stuff. So irritated, but whocares? You know, yeah, women
walk around with a simmeringrage all the time and all the
stuff that deals with us. Youcan be

Unknown (55:44):
mad exactly, but yeah, I'm, I'm a little bit of of
everything everywhere, so I'mtrying to figure it out right
now. But happen with me? Followme. I'm excited about, actually,
just am starting this Friday anewsletter called
unapologetically audacious,which is going to be coming out
on every Friday. It's like alittle series about me kind of

(56:07):
reclaiming the journey to tryingto get back to a full time
income with content creationthat isn't necessarily dependent
on selling and teaching aboutmonetization. I think that I
know things, and I'm alwaysgoing to teach and I'm always
going to sell, because at theend of the day this business,
but just trying to get back upto a place of of even figuring

(56:31):
out how to, like, still bemyself and like me and my
partner were talking about theidea of, like, Disney humor,
trying to still make my samejokes and maybe just like,
blatantly, it not be an abortionjoke, you know, because, like,
Okay,

Dr. Raquel Martin (56:52):
be like, Adult Swim,

Unknown (56:54):
yeah,

Dr. Raquel Martin (56:55):
you know, Steven verse, it can be like,
yeah. Like, it can be, I need

Unknown (56:59):
to watch Steven Universe. I need to watch Steven
Universe. But, yeah, I'm allover the place. I'm constantly
trying to figure out I'm abipolar single mom living in Los
Angeles. So if you want to laughand watch me, try a little bit
everything, just tap in with me.Because

Dr. Raquel Martin (57:13):
I like when content, I'm able to actually
just like, not I think, for aliving, sometimes I want to just
laugh and think like, yeah, makeme laugh and think you're
always, yeah, I'm always goingto be there. And if you find a
way to make sure make yourcontent work for you, let me
know. Because, like, I very muchlove content creation, but the
way that the deals go, and theway that, like people, there's

(57:34):
just not autonomy, it's invalid.

Unknown (57:36):
It's it's invalidating in a lot of ways. But yeah, I'm
looking for

Dr. Raquel Martin (57:40):
that content deal that I was like, this was
the most important. Empoweringdeal I've ever done. I was
listened to. They trusted myvision, and I was able to share
an amazing resource, orsomething I haven't gotten yet.
Like, I've done some contentdeals with Crown, the Crown Act,
which was amazing, because,okay, like, Oh, I didn't know
about hair discrimination, thatwas fantastic. But that's not

(58:02):
many deals like that come along.To be honest, not a lot of
people are doing content stufffor legislation, right? So maybe
I need to just start. I don'tknow. Yeah, I've kind of just
let that dream go. I think whenthe perfect deal comes, it'll
come, but it'll come to you whenpeople are like, Well, how do
you my students were very muchlike, well, you know, you can

(58:23):
monetize. I said, for whatthey're like, Well, you have so
many followers. I said, yeah.But like, what do you what do
you think they're gonna pay meto talk about, like, what stuff
do you see me using, unless it'sfor a bookstore? They're like,
well, and with them, with mystudents, like, their whole
thing is just, it's like, themoney. They're like, Well,
Doctor Moran, you could bemaking so much money. And I'm

(58:45):
just like, Y'all gotta realize,y'all like, it's not my I'll be
honest, my integrity has gottenme in more problems than
anything. If I could just lowerit, yeah, yes, that value, yeah.
It's just annoying. Like, what'sgetting your way? You say, Well,
I just felt integrity. I'm gonnaname this. Like, what's

Unknown (59:03):
the one quote? What's the quote? It's something about
to be awoken, to be angry orsomething. Yeah,

Dr. Raquel Martin (59:13):
whenever, whenever people used to try to
come at Amanda's seals, I'mlike, You know what? I can't
possibly imagine being smarterthan most people, and then being
told that I should just actYeah, that would piss me off as
well. Just being like DoctorMartin, just, I mean, is Doctor
a stage name? Just shut up andwatch your kids. We don't, we
don't want

Unknown (59:33):
to know. There's also a way to weigh in on what other
people are doing without justcompletely, I don't know. It's
very rare that I've beenscrolling on my timeline and
seeing anyone doing anything,and me feeling the need to start
arguing with them. So

Dr. Raquel Martin (59:52):
I but you know what? That's a different
breed. Because I genuinely like,oh, I don't agree with that.
Swipe away, right? Unless.Something like, egregious, like
this podcast name that I need tostop posting about, but like,
unless it's like, absurd whereI'm like, Oh, this is something
you guys need to learn about.You need to learn about why
stereotypes are so important andwhy, like, you perpetuate then

(01:00:12):
why you need to do better. It'snot about apologizing. I need
you to apologize and read afreaking book. Because sometimes
I think these decisions, atthese these podcastable moments
that are terrible, becausethere's just so much of a desire
to be on these bigger platformsthat you will let them do
whatever. You will let them saythat it goes against you,
because you think this is goingto be the thing that takes you

(01:00:34):
to the next step. And we reallyneed to talk about the way we
lionize that like, you know,even one of the clips with shits
and gigs or whatever, you cansee that they're visibly
uncomfortable. There's one, theaspect of freezing during
stressful times. But there'salso the aspect of it doesn't
count as freezing. If you'retrying to protect your career.
That's a conscious effort. Yeah,freezing is like, but knowing

(01:00:56):
that like, if I say somethinglike that, it may tank my
career. What kind of career Doyou have? We I have creators
that are huge creators, and theycan't talk about things that
really are important to them,like Palestine, or they would be
able to, they would lose theirmortgage. How much? Yeah, of a
How is that like, if we say it'san influencer, how much could
you influence if you talk aboutthe things really important to
you, that's weird. Yeah, it islike, it like it's not freezing,

(01:01:22):
if you're just, well, I gotta,if I say, you know, like it to a
certain extent, but a lot oftimes they're making conscious
efforts to make sure I'm gonnaprioritize my career over this,
and if worse comes to worse,I'll just send out an apology
video. It'll be fine.

Unknown (01:01:38):
Yeah, super cringe. You know what I think is, I don't, I
don't know what, what yourstance on this is, but I think
it's like one of the things thatI've stopped doing, because at
the end of the day, I'm verymuch in align with who I am. I
feel like I've posted thingshere and there about, like, my
support for Palestine, Gaza andeverything, and like, I think
there's a general understandingof where my where my support

(01:02:02):
lies on what side. And so withthat being said, one of the
things in like, my daily lifethat I've just stopped doing is
I've just, I'm in LA, there's somany coffee shops, like, I just
don't go to Starbucks anymore.It's like a thing that was
blatantly loud and visible, andso I just don't go. So to me,
it's like, you know, every day Istill see people with that, and
I still don't feel called toargue with them or call them

(01:02:25):
out, right? Like I don't I'mI'm, like, I believe in the
revolution, but at the sametime, like, I literally don't
care about anything enough to,like, go at it with people on
the internet. Yeah, whose mindsyou just simply, I'm not going

(01:02:48):
to teach you anything. Theinternet is so simple

Dr. Raquel Martin (01:02:52):
and shame. I've never been called anyone to
healing. People try to shame.Shame has never compelled anyone
to heal. Somehow, it works, justlike, education doesn't, you
know, honestly, education is thefirst step, but education
doesn't really change. Doesn'tconvert to action most of the
time

Unknown (01:03:06):
either. Yeah,

Dr. Raquel Martin (01:03:09):
people need steps. So, like, I educate
people all the time, but thebiggest thing is, like, here's
the education, here's how you dobetter, yeah? But I've never
that's just, but, you know,that's just not our style. I
very much. I'm just like, Imean, okay, like that. That's
how I am on a lot of things,like, I mean, it's not for me.
Everything's not for me. But alot of times people don't

(01:03:30):
realize, yeah, this piece ofcontent doesn't really resonate
for me. It wasn't for me. Yeah,everything's not for me. And

Unknown (01:03:38):
you never know what's real or not, because then you
got people like me trying to hitbonuses on the internet, and I
raid and more randomly pretendthat my fiance is my sibling.
What was happening was peoplekept stitching it, and the more
people were stitching it onTiktok, the further it was
getting away from my audience,and the more and more millions
and millions of people wererecognizing me in my partner's
face as just being siblings andtaking it out of the context of

(01:03:59):
the joke. And at that point itjust stops being worth it. I
already got my payout. You knowwhat I mean? I mean, I hope that
doesn't

Dr. Raquel Martin (01:04:05):
impact your payout, but you already got your
payout.

Unknown (01:04:08):
Oh, it's good. I it not. It's like, I don't even
think people realize, like, why,how much I doubled up on that.
Like, not only did I get theInstagram payout, but in Tiktok,
you can do a work with artiststhing, so they'll have like, a
max payout of, like, usually,anywhere from 800 to $1,000 if

(01:04:29):
you hit a certain like ViewThreshold. So I and all you have
to do is put the audio in thevideo. So it was the New Cold
Play song, and I just added thatin, and I made 800 bucks without
that one tick tock from puttingthe cold place on there. I'm
sure that Coldplay was lookingat that pitch that like that did
that well, and it was just mepretending that

Dr. Raquel Martin (01:04:51):
is cracking up when I saw that, when I saw
that, I was like, Did I did Icome and get that money?
Hilarious. I think I'm. Had acomment to get that money.

Unknown (01:05:02):
And then it was even funnier. Was, like, the fallout,
like, like, waking up, like Iwas down, like, 4005 was like,
damn people, really, though,because Exactly, exactly

Dr. Raquel Martin (01:05:18):
that, that was a like, that's just your
humor. You know, I'm saying,like, it's not, yeah, I
literally saw that. It was like,Is there a bonus or something?
Yeah, but they barely followyou. That's, that's the thing,
though, like, it was a funny

Unknown (01:05:34):
thing. It wasn't, but that's how it got expansive. You
know what? I mean? Like, onInstagram by itself, it was
like, 13, 14 million. And I waslike, Jesus, you know what I
mean. And so like me and mypartner, we've had times now,
within like the past month orso, we'll be out and we'll have
a bad experience like thatlater. Was kind of mean, huh?
Like, well, we don't know ifthey're having a bad day or

(01:05:55):
whether or not they think we'refreaking siblings banging

Dr. Raquel Martin (01:06:02):
that money, and I noticed the people who
actually knew knew you, becausepeople were cracking up, like,
just, yeah, come on. Yeah. Somuch for coming on the show.

Unknown (01:06:15):
Thank you for having me

Dr. Raquel Martin (01:06:17):
everywhere she really had a baby. Hopefully
I look forward to any, any Ihope there's a bonus coming up
soon, because I would love tosee some more absurd content. I
live for you. I'm

Unknown (01:06:30):
a chill. I'ma chill. I chill for

Dr. Raquel Martin (01:06:33):
you. Know what you I mean, you could chill
for free. You know, I'm sayinglike, that's

Unknown (01:06:37):
true, that's true. This was really fun. I appreciate
you. I'm sorry. I know Irescheduled a couple times. I
appreciate you. It's always

Dr. Raquel Martin (01:06:49):
interesting to me when there are like,
parents who are like, uptight,because I'll be like, how, how
you live like this as a parent?Oh

Unknown (01:06:57):
yeah, right. You know, I

Dr. Raquel Martin (01:06:59):
had a doctor's appointment with my
youngest, with my oldest, wholeday, knocked out, ruined. I was
in a doctor's appointment forhours, and the day was just
shot. And it's like, gone. It'sjust gone. Like, being a parent
and not being able to be chill,I'd be like, what, you got a lot
of support, or something, like,right with your kid or
something. This is weird, right?Because, right, my experience,

(01:07:21):
parents have been the most like,oh yeah, no. I understand he
Yeah. Get it messed up his pantson the way here. I just happen
to have another pair in the car,you

Unknown (01:07:28):
know, like, as a parent, as a parent, like, I try
my best to stay ready, but I'malways like, kind of thankful
when someone's like, we can't dothat anymore. Cool. Get it. I
understand. I'm

Dr. Raquel Martin (01:07:39):
about to I'm about to listen. I don't even
try to reschedule. I alreadytook off my bra. Yeah, we'll
see. But yeah,

Unknown (01:07:46):
this is a perfect time to end the Downtown LA sounds
are making their way throughlove, love the city, love the
fire trucks and the policesirens and the homelessness and
the gentrification all justcombusting into one sound.

Dr. Raquel Martin (01:08:01):
Well, everyone. Thanks again.
Listening to mind you mentalpodcast. Remember to be kind to
yourselves. Two steps forwardand one step back. It's still
one step forward. That's justmath. Y'all have a good rest of
your day.