Forgiveness Means Letting Go, Not Pretending It Didn’t Hurt (with Sharon Salzberg)

What if forgiveness didn’t ask you to forget, pretend, or minimize? We open a kinder door: releasing the grip of the past without erasing it, and training attention so old stories don’t run the show. Through a grounded, step-by-step loving-kindness practice with Sharon Salzberg, we move from caring for ourselves to offering warmth to a benefactor, a neutral person, and ultimately to all beings—showing how compassion can be both steady and discerning.

Sharon's website: SharonSalzberg.com

We start by reframing forgiveness as a shift in identification, not a wipe of memory. Then we teach a simple sequence of phrases—may I be safe, be happy, be healthy, live with ease—and explain why the power lies in sincere repetition. Wandering minds are expected; the core skill is noticing, letting go, and returning. That small return mirrors forgiveness itself: again and again, we choose presence over replay.

As the circle widens, we explore the ease of offering to someone who makes you smile, the surprising depth of wishing well for a neutral person, and the humbling recognition of our shared vulnerability. Life can turn on a dime; kindness helps us meet that truth without hardening. By the end, you’ll feel how goodwill does not negate boundaries or justice—it clarifies them. Remembering remains, but resentment loosens its hold, making room for steadiness, clarity, and a more generous way to move through the world.

If this practice supports you, follow the show, share it with a friend who could use some ease, and leave a quick review to help others find it.

Support the show

Add your 5‑star review — this really helps others find us.

Free Mindfulness Exercises: MindfulnessExercises.com

200 Guided Meditation Scripts: Scripts.MindfulnessExercises.com

Certify To Teach Mindfulness: Certify.MindfulnessExercises.com

Work with Sean Fargo: Sean.MindfulnessExercises.com/

Reduce Chronic Pain: Pain.MindfulnessExercises.com

Email: [e-mail]

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:50):
Forgiveness is not amnesia.
It doesn't mean you know you'rewiping the slate clean and that
what happened didn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
Maybe it matters quite a lot.
But again, it's a sense of beingconsumed, overcome, defined by
say either our own actions inthe past, if we feel we can't
forgive ourselves or uh someoneelse's actions, which we

(01:14):
actually cannot change.
If you want to sit comfortablyagain, close your eyes or not.

SPEAKER_01 (01:33):
Just let your energy settle into your body.

SPEAKER_00 (01:49):
And again, instead of resting our attention on the
feeling of the breath, in thispractice, we rest our attention
on the silent repetition ofcertain phrases.
And since the first recipient isourselves, phrases like, may I
be safe?

SPEAKER_01 (02:08):
Be happy.
Be healthy.

SPEAKER_00 (02:14):
Live with ease.
Live with ease means and thethings of day-to-day life, like
livelihood and family.
May not be such a struggle.

SPEAKER_01 (02:22):
May I live with ease?
People always say to me, Who amI asking?

SPEAKER_00 (02:31):
We're not asking anybody.
We're gift giving.
We're offering.
It's like you hand someone abirthday card and say, May you
have a great year?
May you be safe.
May I be safe?
So you can use these phrases orany three or four phrases that
make sense to you that are bigenough.
So you can make this offering toyourself and then to others.

SPEAKER_01 (02:56):
And just gently repeat them over and over again
with enough space and enoughsilence.
So that it's a rhythm that'spleasing to you.

(03:21):
You don't have to conjure up anyspecial feeling or emotion.

SPEAKER_00 (03:26):
The power of the practice is in the complete
whole hoarded gathering behindone phrase at a time.

SPEAKER_01 (03:37):
May I be safe?
Be happy.
Be healthy.
Live with ease of the Andrew,the skill set is the same.

SPEAKER_00 (04:22):
If your attention wanders, as it likely will, you
go to the past, you go to thefuture, you're all over the
place.
It's okay.
You realize that?
See if you can gently let go.
Just bring your attention back.

SPEAKER_01 (04:35):
In this case, to the phrases.

SPEAKER_00 (05:11):
Maybe they've helped you directly, they've helped
pick you up when you've fallendown.
Or maybe you've never met them,but they've inspired you from
afar.
Could be an adult, could be achild, could be a pet.
I've often these days used apuppy, actually.
Because my friends adopted apuppy, and it's a family, I see
they're much happier than theywere before.

(05:34):
But does tech say this is theone who, when you think of them,
you smile.
So is there someone who makesyou smile?
And if so, you can bring themhere.
Get an image of them or saytheir name to yourself.
Get a feeling for their presenceand offer the phrases of loving

(05:58):
kindness to them.
Even if the words don't seemreally perfect, they're carrying
the heart's energy, and sothey're serving us as a vehicle.

SPEAKER_01 (06:07):
May you be safe, be happy, be healthy.
Live with ease.

SPEAKER_00 (07:10):
Someone that you see now and then who serves a
function in your life.
And if somebody like that comesto mind, you can bring them
here.
You may not know their name, butyou could just get a feeling for
them and see what happens as youoffer the phrases of
loving-kindness to them.
Even not knowing their story oranything about them.

(07:33):
We can believe that everybodyactually wants to be happy in
the sense of a sense ofbelonging, a feeling at home
somewhere in this world.
We're not so different.
And everybody, while we don'tshare the same measure of pain
or suffering, we do share thiskind of incredible
vulnerability.

(07:57):
That life can just change on adime.
Look at where we are, you know,it's so insecure.
And so it's in that spirit thatwe offer loving kindness to this
person.

(08:37):
And then we're gonna have agathering, just whoever comes to
mind friends, family,colleagues, neutral people, just
see who pops up, puppies.
And we'll offer loving kindnessto the collective.

SPEAKER_01 (08:55):
May you be safe, be happy, be healthy, live with
ease.

SPEAKER_00 (10:33):
May all beings be safe, be happy, be healthy, live
with ease.