March 26, 2025 • 35 mins
Grief is a deeply human experience—universal, yet profoundly personal. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a major life transition, or the quiet ache for how things used to be, grief touches us all. In this special episode of the Mindfulness Exercises Podcast, we explore the healing potential of mindful self-compassion for those navigating loss.
Rather than pushing grief aside or rushing through it, this episode offers a gentle, compassionate approach that honors the pain while creating space for healing. You’ll learn how to meet your grief with awareness, kindness, and a sense of shared humanity—the three foundational components of mindful self-compassion.
This episode includes a guided meditation to help you process grief with tenderness and courage, offering tools you can return to again and again.
What You’ll Discover in This Episode:
✔ Why grief is not something to "get over," but something to honor and hold with care
✔ How mindfulness helps you be present with difficult emotions without becoming overwhelmed
✔ How self-compassion can soften inner criticism and support your healing process
✔ The importance of common humanity in breaking the isolation of grief
✔ Practical mindfulness techniques like grief breathing, naming, grounding, and titration
✔ A gentle, guided meditation to support your grief journey with kindness and presence
This episode is for anyone—especially mindfulness teachers, therapists, and wellness professionals—looking to deepen their understanding of grief and how to integrate self-compassion into their personal and professional practice.
🌿 May this episode be a refuge and a reminder that grief, held with compassion, can become a doorway to deeper connection and healing.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Hello and welcome to today's episode where we explore
the powerful intersection ofgrief and mindful
self-compassion.
Grief is perhaps one of the mostuniversal yet deeply personal
experiences we face as humans.
Whether you're mourning the lossof a loved one, the end of a
(00:22):
relationship, a significant lifechange, or even the loss of how
things used to be, grief touchesus all at some point.
Many of us have been taught topush through grief, to stay
busy, or to simply get over it.
(00:42):
But what if there was anotherway?
A gentler, more nurturingapproach that honors our pain
while helping us heal.
This is where mindfulself-compassion comes in, a
practice that combines theawareness of mindfulness with
the warmth of self-compassion.
(01:02):
When we're grieving, our mindsoften oscillate between painful
memories of the past and anxiousthoughts about a future without
what we've lost.
Mindfulness helps us anchor inthe present moment, creating a
safe space to experience ourgrief without becoming
(01:23):
completely overwhelmed by it.
Meanwhile, self-compassionallows us to meet our suffering
with kindness rather thanjudgment or avoidance.
In today's episode, we'll firstexplore grief as a natural
process, one that doesn't followa linear path and can't be
(01:45):
rushed.
Then we'll break down the threeessential components of mindful
self-compassion and how eachspecifically supports the
grieving process.
We'll share practicalmindfulness techniques to help
you stay present with difficultemotions, followed by
self-compassion approaches thatoffer comfort during painful
(02:10):
moments.
We'll also address how grief canfeel isolating and ways to
reconnect with our sharedhumanity.
Toward the end of our timetogether, I'll guide you through
a compassionate meditationspecifically designed for
working with grief.
(02:32):
My hope is that by the end ofthis episode, you'll have
concrete tools to help youprocess grief with greater ease
and kindness toward yourself.
Not to bypass the pain, becausegrief deserves to be felt, but
to create a compassionatecontainer that makes the journey
(02:54):
more bearable.
Grief is not a problem to befixed or a condition to be
cured.
It's a natural, necessaryresponse to loss.
In our efficiency-drivenculture, we often mistakenly
approach grief as something tosolve, overcome, or move past as
(03:15):
quickly as possible.
But grief doesn't operate on ourpreferred timelines or follow a
predictable course.
One of the most important thingsto understand about grief is its
nonlinear nature.
The famous five stages of griefdenial, anger, bargaining,
(03:40):
depression, and acceptance,while helpful as a framework,
can create unrealisticexpectations.
Real grief rarely progressesneatly from one stage to the
next.
Instead, it moves more likewaves in the ocean, sometimes
gentle and barely noticeable,other times crashing over us
(04:04):
with unexpected force.
Grief manifests in countlessways, and each person's
experience is unique.
Some common manifestationsinclude profound sadness,
unexpected anger, physicalsymptoms like fatigue or chest
tightness, difficultyconcentrating, changes in
(04:26):
appetite or sleep patterns, anda sense of disorientation, as if
the world has suddenly becomeunfamiliar.
You might experience grief as afog that descends without
warning, making even simpletasks feel overwhelming.
Or perhaps grief visits you indreams, or in those quiet
(04:50):
moments when you reach for yourphone to share news with someone
who's no longer there.
What makes grief particularlychallenging is how it can arrive
in waves long after we thinkwe've moved on.
You might be perfectly fine forweeks or months, then suddenly
find yourself undone by a song,a smell, or an anniversary.
(05:17):
This doesn't mean you'reregressing or failing at
grieving correctly.
It simply means you're human.
When we attempt to fix grief, weoften create additional
suffering.
Trying to rush through grief,minimize its importance, or
(05:37):
distract ourselves from feelingit doesn't actually make it go
away.
It merely pushes it undergroundwhere it continues to affect us
in unconscious ways.
Our attempts to avoid grief canlead to emotional numbness,
strained relationships, or evenphysical illness.
(05:58):
The paradox of grief is that theway through is through.
Moving toward our grief withmindful awareness and
self-compassion, rather thanaway from it in fear, ultimately
leads to greater healing.
This doesn't mean wallowing orbecoming stuck.
It means allowing grief itsnatural expression and rhythm,
(06:21):
neither clinging to it norpushing it away.
Remember that grief is at itscore an expression of love.
We grieve deeply because we haveloved deeply.
The pain of loss is directlyproportional to the meaning of
the connection.
(06:42):
When we can see our grief as atestimony to the significance of
what we've lost, we can begin tohold it with more tenderness and
understanding.
Mindful self-compassion offers apowerful approach to grief by
combining three essentialelements that work together to
(07:03):
help us navigate our mostdifficult emotions.
Let's explore each of thesecomponents and how they
specifically relate to the griefprocess.
The first component ismindfulness.
At its core, mindfulness isabout present moment awareness
(07:24):
without judgment.
When we're grieving, our mindsoften oscillate between painful
memories of the past and anxiousthoughts about a future without
our loved one.
Mindfulness invites us to gentlyreturn to the present moment,
acknowledging our grief exactlyas it is right now.
(07:48):
Mindfulness doesn't ask us tochange our experience or feel
differently.
Instead, it creates a spacewhere we can observe our grief
with a sense of balancedawareness.
This might mean noticing theheaviness in your chest,
recognizing when thoughts aboutyour loss arise, or becoming
(08:12):
aware of the urge to distractyourself from painful feelings.
With mindfulness, we learn tosay, ah, this is grief visiting
me now, rather than beingcompletely overwhelmed by it.
This slight shift from beingfully identified with our grief
(08:34):
to observing it with gentleawareness creates a small but
crucial breathing space.
We're not trying to make thegrief go away, we're simply
developing the capacity to bewith it without being consumed
by it.
The second component is commonhumanity.
(08:55):
When we're in the depths ofgrief, we often feel terribly
alone.
Our suffering can seem uniquelyunbearable, as if no one else
could possibly understand thedepth of our pain.
The common humanity element ofself-compassion reminds us that
grief, while deeply personal, isalso a universal human
(09:18):
experience.
Throughout human history andacross all cultures, people have
loved and lost.
Millions of others have felttheir hearts break just as yours
is breaking now.
This recognition doesn'tdiminish your unique loss, but
it can help dissolve theisolating shell that grief often
(09:40):
creates around us.
There's a profound comfort inknowing that your pain connects
you to the broader humanexperience rather than
separating you from it.
The third component isself-kindness.
This is perhaps the mostchallenging aspect of
(10:01):
self-compassion when it comes togrief.
Our culture often subtly orovertly pressures us to be
strong, move on, or get over it.
We may criticize ourselves fornot grieving correctly, or feel
we should be handling it better.
(10:22):
Self-kindness asks, What wouldyou say to a dear friend who is
experiencing this same loss?
Would you tell them to hurry upand get over it?
Would you judge them for havinga good day followed by a week of
tears?
Of course not.
Self-kindness means extendingthe same warmth, understanding,
(10:45):
and patience to yourself thatyou would offer a beloved
friend.
This might manifest as smallacts of physical comfort, like
wrapping yourself in a softblanket when grief feels
overwhelming.
It might mean adjusting yourexpectations during difficult
(11:05):
periods or giving yourselfpermission to decline social
engagements when you don't havethe emotional energy.
Sometimes self-kindness issimply acknowledging this is
really hard right now, andthat's okay.
(11:27):
When these three components,mindfulness, common humanity,
and self-kindness work together,they create a compassionate
inner environment where griefcan be fully felt and gradually
integrated.
Rather than fighting against thenatural process of grieving,
mindful self-compassion helps uscreate the conditions where
(11:51):
healing can naturally unfold atits own pace.
Now that we understand thefoundational elements of mindful
self-compassion, let's explorespecific mindfulness practices
that can help you be presentwith grief without becoming
overwhelmed.
(12:12):
These practices aren't abouteliminating your grief, they're
about creating a safe space toexperience it fully.
The first technique I'd like toshare is what we might call
grief breathing.
When grief arises intensely, ourbreathing often becomes shallow
(12:33):
or constricted.
Instead of trying to push awaythese feelings, try placing one
hand on your heart and one onyour belly.
Take slow, deliberate breaths,allowing your belly to expand on
(12:54):
the inhale.
As you exhale, silentlyacknowledge your grief with
words like, I know you're here,grief.
This simple practice grounds youin your body while creating
space for the emotion to bepresent.
(13:16):
Another powerful practice is thesoles of the feet meditation.
When grief feels overwhelming,gently shift your attention to
the sensation of your feettouching the floor.
Feel the pressure, temperature,and texture.
(13:36):
This isn't about escaping yourgrief, but rather establishing a
stable point of awareness thathelps prevent you from being
completely swept away byemotion.
You can return to your griefwith more stability once you
feel grounded.
The practice of naming can alsobe incredibly helpful.
(14:00):
When waves of grief arise, trysoftly naming the experience.
Sadness is here, missing themright now, or simply grief.
This small act creates a tinybit of space between you and the
emotion.
(14:22):
You're not your grief, you'rethe awareness that can notice
grief's presence.
Creating a safe container fordifficult emotions is essential
in grief work.
One way to do this is throughwhat we call titration, allowing
(14:44):
yourself to experience grief inmanageable doses.
You might set a timer for threeminutes and allow yourself to
fully feel whatever arises.
When the timer sounds, shift toa grounding activity like taking
a walk or making a cup of tea.
(15:05):
This teaches your nervous systemthat you can enter grief and
also find your way back.
The compassionate body scan isanother gentle practice.
Starting at the top of your headand moving slowly downward,
bring kind awareness to eachpart of your body.
(15:30):
Notice where you might beholding grief, perhaps tension
in your throat, heaviness inyour chest, or emptiness in your
stomach.
As you discover these areas,send them a message of
acknowledgement.
I see you're hurting here.
It's okay to feel this.
(15:52):
Remember that mindfulness isn'tabout maintaining perfect
attention.
Your mind will wander,especially when processing
grief.
When you notice you've been lostin memories or worries, simply
acknowledge this with kindness.
(16:13):
My mind wandered, that's whatminds do.
And gently return to the presentmoment.
Many people find it helpful tocreate a daily grief check-in
practice.
Set aside five minutes each dayto ask yourself, How is my grief
today?
(16:34):
Allow whatever arises to bethere without trying to change
it.
Some days it might be rage,others profound sadness, and
sometimes, surprisingly, momentsof peace or even joy.
This practice honors theever-changing nature of grief.
The key to all these practicesis approaching them with
(16:58):
gentleness.
You're not trying to become anexpert meditator, you're
creating a compassionaterelationship with your own
suffering.
Start with just a few minutes ata time and remember that even
brief moments of mindfulawareness can provide
(17:19):
significant relief from theoverwhelming aspects of grief.
When we're grieving, we oftenbecome our own harshest critics.
I should be over this by now.
I shouldn't be this emotional.
I need to be stronger foreveryone else.
(17:40):
Self-compassion offers a radicalalternative to this internal
criticism, a way of relating toourselves with the same kindness
we would offer a dear friendwho's suffering.
Let's begin with compassionateself-talk.
Notice the language you usetoward yourself in grief.
(18:02):
Are you demanding that you moveon or get it together?
Instead, try speaking toyourself as you would to someone
you deeply care about.
When waves of grief arise, youmight say, This is really hard
right now.
It's natural to feel this painafter such a significant loss.
(18:28):
Or I'm doing the best I can inan impossible situation.
These statements acknowledgeyour suffering while offering
the understanding youdesperately need.
The words we use mattertremendously.
(18:49):
Rather than saying I can'thandle this grief, try I'm
supporting myself through thisdifficult experience.
Instead of I'm falling apart,consider I'm feeling my feelings
fully, which takes courage.
This subtle shift fromself-criticism to self-support
(19:09):
can profoundly change your griefexperience.
Physical self-soothing isanother powerful practice.
Our bodies often carry grief astension, heaviness, or
emptiness.
When you notice thesesensations, try placing your
hand gently where the grieffeels most intense, perhaps your
(19:34):
chest, throat, or belly.
Feel the warmth of your hand andsilently say, I'm here with you
in this pain.
Some people find it comfortingto cross their arms and give
themselves a gentle hug, or toplace both hands over their
heart.
(19:54):
These gestures activate yourbody's caregiving system,
releasing oxytocin and creatinga sense of being held in your
suffering.
Writing compassionate letters toyourself can provide remarkable
relief.
Start by describing your griefexperience without judgment,
(20:18):
then write from the perspectiveof a wise, unconditionally
loving friend.
What would this compassionatepresence say to you?
How would they acknowledge yourpain?
What reassurance might theyoffer?
Many people find it easier toaccess compassion through this
(20:42):
exercise because it creates asmall but significant distance
from which to view theirexperience.
Another approach is creating aself-compassion phrase or mantra
that resonates with yourparticular grief journey.
Examples might include, this toois part of being human.
(21:05):
I am holding my pain withkindness, or simply, may I be
gentle with myself today.
Repeat these phrases duringdifficult moments, allowing them
to become a refuge when griefintensifies.
(21:26):
The power of self-compassion ingrief lies in its courage.
Contrary to commonmisconceptions, self-compassion
isn't about bypassing pain orgiving yourself a false sense of
comfort.
It's about developing thebravery to turn toward your
(21:47):
grief with openness andkindness.
When we meet our pain withharshness, we naturally want to
escape it.
But when we meet it withcompassion, we can gradually
develop the capacity to be witheven the most challenging
emotions.
Remember that self-compassionisn't something you perfect,
(22:11):
it's a relationship youcultivate with yourself over
time.
Some days, simply remembering totake a deep breath before
criticizing yourself is an actof profound self-compassion.
Other days, you might engage inlonger practices.
(22:34):
The consistency of yourintention matters more than the
perfection of your practice.
Self-compassion gives uspermission to grieve in our own
way, on our own timeline.
It honors the uniqueness of ourloss while connecting us to the
universal experience of griefthat humans have faced
(22:58):
throughout history.
Through self-compassion, wediscover that we can hold our
grief without being consumed byit.
One of the most painful aspectsof grief is how isolating it can
feel.
When we're in the depths ofloss, we often experience a
(23:20):
profound sense of aloneness, asif an invisible barrier has
formed between us and the restof the world.
You might find yourselfthinking, no one understands
what I'm going through, or I'mthe only one who feels this
broken.
(23:40):
This perception of isolation canintensify our suffering
significantly.
Yet this feeling of being alonein grief, while completely
natural, isn't entirelyaccurate.
Grief is perhaps the mostuniversal of all human
experiences.
(24:01):
Throughout human history, acrossevery culture and continent,
people have faced loss andmourned those they love.
Right now, as you listen tothis, countless others around
the world are navigating theirown grief journeys, different
(24:21):
circumstances, but similaremotions.
This recognition is the heart ofwhat we call common humanity in
mindful self-compassionpractice.
Common humanity isn't aboutcomparing suffering or
minimizing your uniqueexperience.
(24:42):
Rather, it's about recognizingthat pain and loss connect you
to the broader human family.
Your grief, in all its personalspecificity, also makes you a
participant in one of humanity'sshared experiences.
When we truly understand this,something remarkable happens.
(25:06):
The walls of isolation begin tothin.
We still feel our individualpain, but we no longer carry the
additional burden of feelingabnormal or alone in our
suffering.
There's profound relief inknowing that your emotional
responses aren't signs ofweakness or failure.
(25:28):
They're evidence of yourhumanity.
How might we cultivate thissense of common humanity when
grief feels most isolating?
One simple practice is to placeyour hand on your heart and
silently acknowledge, this isgrief.
Many others have felt this too.
(25:51):
Notice how this differs fromthoughts like, I shouldn't feel
this way, or no one elsestruggles like this.
These small reminders cangradually shift your
perspective.
Another approach is tointentionally connect with
others who understand grief,whether through support groups,
(26:15):
grief counseling, or evenliterature about loss.
Hearing others express feelingssimilar to yours can be
incredibly validating.
Many people report moments ofrecognition.
That's exactly how I feel, thatbring immense relief.
(26:37):
Nature can also help us maintainperspective during grief.
Observing the cycles of seasons,the vastness of the ocean, or
the age of mountains reminds usthat we're part of something
larger than our individualexperience.
Some find comfort in spiritualor religious traditions that
(26:59):
have addressed grief forcenturies, offering rituals and
communities that acknowledge theuniversality of loss.
Even in profound grief, smallmoments of connection can
sustain us.
A brief exchange with astranger, caring for a pet, or
helping someone else in a simpleway reminds us that we remain
(27:23):
part of the human community,even when grief makes us feel
separate from it.
These connections don't eraseour pain, but they help us bear
it with less isolation.
Remember that acknowledgingcommon humanity doesn't mean
diminishing the uniqueness ofyour bond with whoever or
(27:44):
whatever you've lost.
Your specific relationship withall its private meanings and
memories remains singular andprecious.
Common humanity simply placesthat unique relationship within
the broader context of humanexperience.
(28:05):
When grief feels overwhelming,try whispering to yourself, This
is hard, but I'm not alone infeeling this.
Humans have found ways to carrythis pain before me, and somehow
I will too.
This isn't about rushing yourhealing or forcing perspective,
(28:26):
but gently reminding yourselfthat your path, though painful,
is one walked by many beforeyou, alongside you now, and
after you in the future.
Let's take a few moments now topractice a gentle, compassionate
approach to grief.
Find a comfortable position,either sitting or lying down.
(28:53):
Allow your body to be supportedand bring your attention to the
sensation of your breath movingin and out.
There's no need to change yourbreathing, simply notice it, the
natural rhythm of lifecontinuing even amid grief.
(29:16):
As you settle in, acknowledgewhatever feelings are present
for you right now.
Perhaps there's sadness, anger,numbness, or even moments of
peace.
Whatever you're experiencing,see if you can make space for it
(29:38):
without judgment.
This is mindfulness, the simpleawareness of what is happening
in this moment.
Now bring to mind your grief,the loss you're carrying.
You might visualize the person,relationship, opportunity, or
(29:59):
situation.
You're grieving.
Notice what arises in your bodyas you connect with this loss.
Perhaps there's tightness inyour chest, a lump in your
throat, or heaviness in yourshoulders.
Where you feel grief in yourbody, place a hand there gently.
(30:24):
As you touch this place ofgrief, offer yourself some words
of kindness, as you might to adear friend facing loss.
Perhaps this hurts so much.
Or simply, I'm here with you inthis difficult time.
(30:49):
Choose words that feel genuineand comforting to you.
Remember that countless othershave stood where you stand now,
feeling similar pain.
While your particular loss isunique, the experience of grief
connects you to humanity acrosstime and space.
(31:11):
You are not alone in thisjourney, even when it feels most
isolating.
Now, imagine your compassion asa warm, gentle light surrounding
you.
With each breath, allow thiscompassionate awareness to touch
(31:32):
your grief.
You're not trying to make thegrief disappear.
You're simply holding it withkindness and understanding.
As we close this practice, setan intention to carry this
compassionate awareness withyou.
Perhaps commit to placing a handon your heart when grief
(31:57):
surfaces, remembering to treatyourself with the same kindness
you would offer someone you lovedeeply.
Take one more deep breath,acknowledging your courage in
turning toward grief withcompassion rather than
resistance.
(32:19):
In time, this gentle approachcreates space for healing even
when the path seems unclear.
As we come to the end of ourtime together, I want to
emphasize that integratingmindful self-compassion into
your grief journey isn't aboutadding another task to your day.
(32:41):
Rather, it's about bringing aquality of presence and kindness
to the experiences you'realready having.
Start small.
When grief arises unexpectedlyduring your day, perhaps
(33:01):
triggered by a song, a memory,or simply washing dishes.
Pause for just a few breaths.
Notice the grief, name it if youcan, and offer yourself a moment
of gentle acknowledgement.
This is grief moving through meright now.
(33:25):
Consider creating simple ritualsthat honor both your loss and
your need for compassion.
This might be lighting a candleeach morning, keeping a grief
journal where you write withkindness about your experience,
or taking five minutes at theend of each day to place a hand
(33:46):
on your heart and acknowledgewhatever emotions have visited
you.
Remember the three components wediscussed.
Mindfulness helps you recognizewhen you're suffering.
Common humanity reminds you thatyou're not alone in your pain.
And self-kindness offers thetender care needed to hold
(34:09):
difficult emotions.
When grief becomes overwhelming,return to your body.
Feel your feet on the ground,notice your breath, and offer
yourself a soothing touch.
These simple practices cananchor you when grief's waves
feel too powerful.
(34:30):
Many of us have been taught thathealing means getting over our
grief or moving on from loss.
But mindful self-compassionoffers a different perspective.
Healing comes not from escapinggrief, but from developing the
capacity to be with itdifferently, with less
resistance and more tenderness.
(34:52):
Your grief reflects the depth ofyour love.
By meeting it with compassionrather than fear or judgment,
you honor both what you've lostand your own heart that
continues to love despite pain.
(35:13):
There will be days whenself-compassion feels
impossible.
On those days, simply notice thestruggle without adding
self-criticism.
Even the intention to be kind toyourself matters.
Remember that you don't need towalk this path perfectly.
The practice isn't aboutmastery, but about returning
(35:37):
again and again to this momentwith as much kindness as you can
muster.
Your grief deserves this gentleattention, and so do you.
Hello and welcome to today's episode where we explore
the powerful intersection ofgrief and mindful
self-compassion.
Grief is perhaps one of the mostuniversal yet deeply personal
experiences we face as humans.
Whether you're mourning the lossof a loved one, the end of a
(00:22):
relationship, a significant lifechange, or even the loss of how
things used to be, grief touchesus all at some point.
Many of us have been taught topush through grief, to stay
busy, or to simply get over it.
(00:42):
But what if there was anotherway?
A gentler, more nurturingapproach that honors our pain
while helping us heal.
This is where mindfulself-compassion comes in, a
practice that combines theawareness of mindfulness with
the warmth of self-compassion.
(01:02):
When we're grieving, our mindsoften oscillate between painful
memories of the past and anxiousthoughts about a future without
what we've lost.
Mindfulness helps us anchor inthe present moment, creating a
safe space to experience ourgrief without becoming
(01:23):
completely overwhelmed by it.
Meanwhile, self-compassionallows us to meet our suffering
with kindness rather thanjudgment or avoidance.
In today's episode, we'll firstexplore grief as a natural
process, one that doesn't followa linear path and can't be
(01:45):
rushed.
Then we'll break down the threeessential components of mindful
self-compassion and how eachspecifically supports the
grieving process.
We'll share practicalmindfulness techniques to help
you stay present with difficultemotions, followed by
self-compassion approaches thatoffer comfort during painful
(02:10):
moments.
We'll also address how grief canfeel isolating and ways to
reconnect with our sharedhumanity.
Toward the end of our timetogether, I'll guide you through
a compassionate meditationspecifically designed for
working with grief.
(02:32):
My hope is that by the end ofthis episode, you'll have
concrete tools to help youprocess grief with greater ease
and kindness toward yourself.
Not to bypass the pain, becausegrief deserves to be felt, but
to create a compassionatecontainer that makes the journey
(02:54):
more bearable.
Grief is not a problem to befixed or a condition to be
cured.
It's a natural, necessaryresponse to loss.
In our efficiency-drivenculture, we often mistakenly
approach grief as something tosolve, overcome, or move past as
(03:15):
quickly as possible.
But grief doesn't operate on ourpreferred timelines or follow a
predictable course.
One of the most important thingsto understand about grief is its
nonlinear nature.
The famous five stages of griefdenial, anger, bargaining,
(03:40):
depression, and acceptance,while helpful as a framework,
can create unrealisticexpectations.
Real grief rarely progressesneatly from one stage to the
next.
Instead, it moves more likewaves in the ocean, sometimes
gentle and barely noticeable,other times crashing over us
(04:04):
with unexpected force.
Grief manifests in countlessways, and each person's
experience is unique.
Some common manifestationsinclude profound sadness,
unexpected anger, physicalsymptoms like fatigue or chest
tightness, difficultyconcentrating, changes in
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appetite or sleep patterns, anda sense of disorientation, as if
the world has suddenly becomeunfamiliar.
You might experience grief as afog that descends without
warning, making even simpletasks feel overwhelming.
Or perhaps grief visits you indreams, or in those quiet
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moments when you reach for yourphone to share news with someone
who's no longer there.
What makes grief particularlychallenging is how it can arrive
in waves long after we thinkwe've moved on.
You might be perfectly fine forweeks or months, then suddenly
find yourself undone by a song,a smell, or an anniversary.
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This doesn't mean you'reregressing or failing at
grieving correctly.
It simply means you're human.
When we attempt to fix grief, weoften create additional
suffering.
Trying to rush through grief,minimize its importance, or
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distract ourselves from feelingit doesn't actually make it go
away.
It merely pushes it undergroundwhere it continues to affect us
in unconscious ways.
Our attempts to avoid grief canlead to emotional numbness,
strained relationships, or evenphysical illness.
(05:58):
The paradox of grief is that theway through is through.
Moving toward our grief withmindful awareness and
self-compassion, rather thanaway from it in fear, ultimately
leads to greater healing.
This doesn't mean wallowing orbecoming stuck.
It means allowing grief itsnatural expression and rhythm,
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neither clinging to it norpushing it away.
Remember that grief is at itscore an expression of love.
We grieve deeply because we haveloved deeply.
The pain of loss is directlyproportional to the meaning of
the connection.
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When we can see our grief as atestimony to the significance of
what we've lost, we can begin tohold it with more tenderness and
understanding.
Mindful self-compassion offers apowerful approach to grief by
combining three essentialelements that work together to
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help us navigate our mostdifficult emotions.
Let's explore each of thesecomponents and how they
specifically relate to the griefprocess.
The first component ismindfulness.
At its core, mindfulness isabout present moment awareness
(07:24):
without judgment.
When we're grieving, our mindsoften oscillate between painful
memories of the past and anxiousthoughts about a future without
our loved one.
Mindfulness invites us to gentlyreturn to the present moment,
acknowledging our grief exactlyas it is right now.
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Mindfulness doesn't ask us tochange our experience or feel
differently.
Instead, it creates a spacewhere we can observe our grief
with a sense of balancedawareness.
This might mean noticing theheaviness in your chest,
recognizing when thoughts aboutyour loss arise, or becoming
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aware of the urge to distractyourself from painful feelings.
With mindfulness, we learn tosay, ah, this is grief visiting
me now, rather than beingcompletely overwhelmed by it.
This slight shift from beingfully identified with our grief
(08:34):
to observing it with gentleawareness creates a small but
crucial breathing space.
We're not trying to make thegrief go away, we're simply
developing the capacity to bewith it without being consumed
by it.
The second component is commonhumanity.
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When we're in the depths ofgrief, we often feel terribly
alone.
Our suffering can seem uniquelyunbearable, as if no one else
could possibly understand thedepth of our pain.
The common humanity element ofself-compassion reminds us that
grief, while deeply personal, isalso a universal human
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experience.
Throughout human history andacross all cultures, people have
loved and lost.
Millions of others have felttheir hearts break just as yours
is breaking now.
This recognition doesn'tdiminish your unique loss, but
it can help dissolve theisolating shell that grief often
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creates around us.
There's a profound comfort inknowing that your pain connects
you to the broader humanexperience rather than
separating you from it.
The third component isself-kindness.
This is perhaps the mostchallenging aspect of
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self-compassion when it comes togrief.
Our culture often subtly orovertly pressures us to be
strong, move on, or get over it.
We may criticize ourselves fornot grieving correctly, or feel
we should be handling it better.
(10:22):
Self-kindness asks, What wouldyou say to a dear friend who is
experiencing this same loss?
Would you tell them to hurry upand get over it?
Would you judge them for havinga good day followed by a week of
tears?
Of course not.
Self-kindness means extendingthe same warmth, understanding,
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and patience to yourself thatyou would offer a beloved
friend.
This might manifest as smallacts of physical comfort, like
wrapping yourself in a softblanket when grief feels
overwhelming.
It might mean adjusting yourexpectations during difficult
(11:05):
periods or giving yourselfpermission to decline social
engagements when you don't havethe emotional energy.
Sometimes self-kindness issimply acknowledging this is
really hard right now, andthat's okay.
(11:27):
When these three components,mindfulness, common humanity,
and self-kindness work together,they create a compassionate
inner environment where griefcan be fully felt and gradually
integrated.
Rather than fighting against thenatural process of grieving,
mindful self-compassion helps uscreate the conditions where
(11:51):
healing can naturally unfold atits own pace.
Now that we understand thefoundational elements of mindful
self-compassion, let's explorespecific mindfulness practices
that can help you be presentwith grief without becoming
overwhelmed.
(12:12):
These practices aren't abouteliminating your grief, they're
about creating a safe space toexperience it fully.
The first technique I'd like toshare is what we might call
grief breathing.
When grief arises intensely, ourbreathing often becomes shallow
(12:33):
or constricted.
Instead of trying to push awaythese feelings, try placing one
hand on your heart and one onyour belly.
Take slow, deliberate breaths,allowing your belly to expand on
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the inhale.
As you exhale, silentlyacknowledge your grief with
words like, I know you're here,grief.
This simple practice grounds youin your body while creating
space for the emotion to bepresent.
(13:16):
Another powerful practice is thesoles of the feet meditation.
When grief feels overwhelming,gently shift your attention to
the sensation of your feettouching the floor.
Feel the pressure, temperature,and texture.
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This isn't about escaping yourgrief, but rather establishing a
stable point of awareness thathelps prevent you from being
completely swept away byemotion.
You can return to your griefwith more stability once you
feel grounded.
The practice of naming can alsobe incredibly helpful.
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When waves of grief arise, trysoftly naming the experience.
Sadness is here, missing themright now, or simply grief.
This small act creates a tinybit of space between you and the
emotion.
(14:22):
You're not your grief, you'rethe awareness that can notice
grief's presence.
Creating a safe container fordifficult emotions is essential
in grief work.
One way to do this is throughwhat we call titration, allowing
(14:44):
yourself to experience grief inmanageable doses.
You might set a timer for threeminutes and allow yourself to
fully feel whatever arises.
When the timer sounds, shift toa grounding activity like taking
a walk or making a cup of tea.
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This teaches your nervous systemthat you can enter grief and
also find your way back.
The compassionate body scan isanother gentle practice.
Starting at the top of your headand moving slowly downward,
bring kind awareness to eachpart of your body.
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Notice where you might beholding grief, perhaps tension
in your throat, heaviness inyour chest, or emptiness in your
stomach.
As you discover these areas,send them a message of
acknowledgement.
I see you're hurting here.
It's okay to feel this.
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Remember that mindfulness isn'tabout maintaining perfect
attention.
Your mind will wander,especially when processing
grief.
When you notice you've been lostin memories or worries, simply
acknowledge this with kindness.
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My mind wandered, that's whatminds do.
And gently return to the presentmoment.
Many people find it helpful tocreate a daily grief check-in
practice.
Set aside five minutes each dayto ask yourself, How is my grief
today?
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Allow whatever arises to bethere without trying to change
it.
Some days it might be rage,others profound sadness, and
sometimes, surprisingly, momentsof peace or even joy.
This practice honors theever-changing nature of grief.
The key to all these practicesis approaching them with
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gentleness.
You're not trying to become anexpert meditator, you're
creating a compassionaterelationship with your own
suffering.
Start with just a few minutes ata time and remember that even
brief moments of mindfulawareness can provide
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significant relief from theoverwhelming aspects of grief.
When we're grieving, we oftenbecome our own harshest critics.
I should be over this by now.
I shouldn't be this emotional.
I need to be stronger foreveryone else.
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Self-compassion offers a radicalalternative to this internal
criticism, a way of relating toourselves with the same kindness
we would offer a dear friendwho's suffering.
Let's begin with compassionateself-talk.
Notice the language you usetoward yourself in grief.
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Are you demanding that you moveon or get it together?
Instead, try speaking toyourself as you would to someone
you deeply care about.
When waves of grief arise, youmight say, This is really hard
right now.
It's natural to feel this painafter such a significant loss.
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Or I'm doing the best I can inan impossible situation.
These statements acknowledgeyour suffering while offering
the understanding youdesperately need.
The words we use mattertremendously.
(18:49):
Rather than saying I can'thandle this grief, try I'm
supporting myself through thisdifficult experience.
Instead of I'm falling apart,consider I'm feeling my feelings
fully, which takes courage.
This subtle shift fromself-criticism to self-support
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can profoundly change your griefexperience.
Physical self-soothing isanother powerful practice.
Our bodies often carry grief astension, heaviness, or
emptiness.
When you notice thesesensations, try placing your
hand gently where the grieffeels most intense, perhaps your
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chest, throat, or belly.
Feel the warmth of your hand andsilently say, I'm here with you
in this pain.
Some people find it comfortingto cross their arms and give
themselves a gentle hug, or toplace both hands over their
heart.
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These gestures activate yourbody's caregiving system,
releasing oxytocin and creatinga sense of being held in your
suffering.
Writing compassionate letters toyourself can provide remarkable
relief.
Start by describing your griefexperience without judgment,
(20:18):
then write from the perspectiveof a wise, unconditionally
loving friend.
What would this compassionatepresence say to you?
How would they acknowledge yourpain?
What reassurance might theyoffer?
Many people find it easier toaccess compassion through this
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exercise because it creates asmall but significant distance
from which to view theirexperience.
Another approach is creating aself-compassion phrase or mantra
that resonates with yourparticular grief journey.
Examples might include, this toois part of being human.
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I am holding my pain withkindness, or simply, may I be
gentle with myself today.
Repeat these phrases duringdifficult moments, allowing them
to become a refuge when griefintensifies.
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The power of self-compassion ingrief lies in its courage.
Contrary to commonmisconceptions, self-compassion
isn't about bypassing pain orgiving yourself a false sense of
comfort.
It's about developing thebravery to turn toward your
(21:47):
grief with openness andkindness.
When we meet our pain withharshness, we naturally want to
escape it.
But when we meet it withcompassion, we can gradually
develop the capacity to be witheven the most challenging
emotions.
Remember that self-compassionisn't something you perfect,
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it's a relationship youcultivate with yourself over
time.
Some days, simply remembering totake a deep breath before
criticizing yourself is an actof profound self-compassion.
Other days, you might engage inlonger practices.
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The consistency of yourintention matters more than the
perfection of your practice.
Self-compassion gives uspermission to grieve in our own
way, on our own timeline.
It honors the uniqueness of ourloss while connecting us to the
universal experience of griefthat humans have faced
(22:58):
throughout history.
Through self-compassion, wediscover that we can hold our
grief without being consumed byit.
One of the most painful aspectsof grief is how isolating it can
feel.
When we're in the depths ofloss, we often experience a
(23:20):
profound sense of aloneness, asif an invisible barrier has
formed between us and the restof the world.
You might find yourselfthinking, no one understands
what I'm going through, or I'mthe only one who feels this
broken.
(23:40):
This perception of isolation canintensify our suffering
significantly.
Yet this feeling of being alonein grief, while completely
natural, isn't entirelyaccurate.
Grief is perhaps the mostuniversal of all human
experiences.
(24:01):
Throughout human history, acrossevery culture and continent,
people have faced loss andmourned those they love.
Right now, as you listen tothis, countless others around
the world are navigating theirown grief journeys, different
(24:21):
circumstances, but similaremotions.
This recognition is the heart ofwhat we call common humanity in
mindful self-compassionpractice.
Common humanity isn't aboutcomparing suffering or
minimizing your uniqueexperience.
(24:42):
Rather, it's about recognizingthat pain and loss connect you
to the broader human family.
Your grief, in all its personalspecificity, also makes you a
participant in one of humanity'sshared experiences.
When we truly understand this,something remarkable happens.
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The walls of isolation begin tothin.
We still feel our individualpain, but we no longer carry the
additional burden of feelingabnormal or alone in our
suffering.
There's profound relief inknowing that your emotional
responses aren't signs ofweakness or failure.
(25:28):
They're evidence of yourhumanity.
How might we cultivate thissense of common humanity when
grief feels most isolating?
One simple practice is to placeyour hand on your heart and
silently acknowledge, this isgrief.
Many others have felt this too.
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Notice how this differs fromthoughts like, I shouldn't feel
this way, or no one elsestruggles like this.
These small reminders cangradually shift your
perspective.
Another approach is tointentionally connect with
others who understand grief,whether through support groups,
(26:15):
grief counseling, or evenliterature about loss.
Hearing others express feelingssimilar to yours can be
incredibly validating.
Many people report moments ofrecognition.
That's exactly how I feel, thatbring immense relief.
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Nature can also help us maintainperspective during grief.
Observing the cycles of seasons,the vastness of the ocean, or
the age of mountains reminds usthat we're part of something
larger than our individualexperience.
Some find comfort in spiritualor religious traditions that
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have addressed grief forcenturies, offering rituals and
communities that acknowledge theuniversality of loss.
Even in profound grief, smallmoments of connection can
sustain us.
A brief exchange with astranger, caring for a pet, or
helping someone else in a simpleway reminds us that we remain
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part of the human community,even when grief makes us feel
separate from it.
These connections don't eraseour pain, but they help us bear
it with less isolation.
Remember that acknowledgingcommon humanity doesn't mean
diminishing the uniqueness ofyour bond with whoever or
(27:44):
whatever you've lost.
Your specific relationship withall its private meanings and
memories remains singular andprecious.
Common humanity simply placesthat unique relationship within
the broader context of humanexperience.
(28:05):
When grief feels overwhelming,try whispering to yourself, This
is hard, but I'm not alone infeeling this.
Humans have found ways to carrythis pain before me, and somehow
I will too.
This isn't about rushing yourhealing or forcing perspective,
(28:26):
but gently reminding yourselfthat your path, though painful,
is one walked by many beforeyou, alongside you now, and
after you in the future.
Let's take a few moments now topractice a gentle, compassionate
approach to grief.
Find a comfortable position,either sitting or lying down.
(28:53):
Allow your body to be supportedand bring your attention to the
sensation of your breath movingin and out.
There's no need to change yourbreathing, simply notice it, the
natural rhythm of lifecontinuing even amid grief.
(29:16):
As you settle in, acknowledgewhatever feelings are present
for you right now.
Perhaps there's sadness, anger,numbness, or even moments of
peace.
Whatever you're experiencing,see if you can make space for it
(29:38):
without judgment.
This is mindfulness, the simpleawareness of what is happening
in this moment.
Now bring to mind your grief,the loss you're carrying.
You might visualize the person,relationship, opportunity, or
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situation.
You're grieving.
Notice what arises in your bodyas you connect with this loss.
Perhaps there's tightness inyour chest, a lump in your
throat, or heaviness in yourshoulders.
Where you feel grief in yourbody, place a hand there gently.
(30:24):
As you touch this place ofgrief, offer yourself some words
of kindness, as you might to adear friend facing loss.
Perhaps this hurts so much.
Or simply, I'm here with you inthis difficult time.
(30:49):
Choose words that feel genuineand comforting to you.
Remember that countless othershave stood where you stand now,
feeling similar pain.
While your particular loss isunique, the experience of grief
connects you to humanity acrosstime and space.
(31:11):
You are not alone in thisjourney, even when it feels most
isolating.
Now, imagine your compassion asa warm, gentle light surrounding
you.
With each breath, allow thiscompassionate awareness to touch
(31:32):
your grief.
You're not trying to make thegrief disappear.
You're simply holding it withkindness and understanding.
As we close this practice, setan intention to carry this
compassionate awareness withyou.
Perhaps commit to placing a handon your heart when grief
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surfaces, remembering to treatyourself with the same kindness
you would offer someone you lovedeeply.
Take one more deep breath,acknowledging your courage in
turning toward grief withcompassion rather than
resistance.
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In time, this gentle approachcreates space for healing even
when the path seems unclear.
As we come to the end of ourtime together, I want to
emphasize that integratingmindful self-compassion into
your grief journey isn't aboutadding another task to your day.
(32:41):
Rather, it's about bringing aquality of presence and kindness
to the experiences you'realready having.
Start small.
When grief arises unexpectedlyduring your day, perhaps
(33:01):
triggered by a song, a memory,or simply washing dishes.
Pause for just a few breaths.
Notice the grief, name it if youcan, and offer yourself a moment
of gentle acknowledgement.
This is grief moving through meright now.
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Consider creating simple ritualsthat honor both your loss and
your need for compassion.
This might be lighting a candleeach morning, keeping a grief
journal where you write withkindness about your experience,
or taking five minutes at theend of each day to place a hand
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on your heart and acknowledgewhatever emotions have visited
you.
Remember the three components wediscussed.
Mindfulness helps you recognizewhen you're suffering.
Common humanity reminds you thatyou're not alone in your pain.
And self-kindness offers thetender care needed to hold
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difficult emotions.
When grief becomes overwhelming,return to your body.
Feel your feet on the ground,notice your breath, and offer
yourself a soothing touch.
These simple practices cananchor you when grief's waves
feel too powerful.
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Many of us have been taught thathealing means getting over our
grief or moving on from loss.
But mindful self-compassionoffers a different perspective.
Healing comes not from escapinggrief, but from developing the
capacity to be with itdifferently, with less
resistance and more tenderness.
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Your grief reflects the depth ofyour love.
By meeting it with compassionrather than fear or judgment,
you honor both what you've lostand your own heart that
continues to love despite pain.
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There will be days whenself-compassion feels
impossible.
On those days, simply notice thestruggle without adding
self-criticism.
Even the intention to be kind toyourself matters.
Remember that you don't need towalk this path perfectly.
The practice isn't aboutmastery, but about returning
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again and again to this momentwith as much kindness as you can
muster.
Your grief deserves this gentleattention, and so do you.
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