How Self-Compassion Turns Perfectionism Into Presence

Perfectionism says mindfulness must be done “right.” We flip that script. In this conversation, we share an everyday approach to mindfulness designed for overwhelmed and neurodivergent brains—one that starts with safety, honors choice, and turns presence into something you can actually enjoy.

We begin by grounding in self-compassion and a simple reframe: rather than labeling thoughts and feelings as right or wrong, notice whether they feel pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral. That shift softens inner criticism and reveals the body-level signatures of judgment—tightness, holding, disconnection—so you can meet them with care. From there, we build a practical toolkit: mindful walking to anchor attention in the feet, mindful standing to steady posture and breath, and short breath check-ins you can use while moving, working, or speaking.

Because novelty and play boost engagement, we add choice-based micro-practices: spot five colors, listen for five sounds, or savor a quick tasting of chocolate or different waters, paying attention to texture, aroma, and aftertaste. These pleasant, low-stakes exercises train present-moment awareness without triggering the pressure to “meditate perfectly.” For days that can hold more intensity, we fold in compassionate phrases and gentle touch, always letting you opt out, scale down, or switch anchors.

Throughout, we emphasize trauma-sensitive mindfulness: consent, titration, and external anchoring before deep internal focus when needed. We highlight resources from leaders like David Treleaven, Christopher Germer, and Willoughby Britton to help coaches and practitioners stay attuned to safety. By the end, you’ll have a flexible menu to reduce overwhelm, loosen perfectionism, and make mindfulness a supportive part of daily life—no incense, cushions, or hour-long sits required.

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:50):
I need help coaching people in terms of everyday
mindfulness, sprinkling it intothe routine.
So people who are overwhelmedand especially neurodivergent
who create this wall ofperfection or obsession in order
to do it right.
Yeah.
So in terms of coaching peoplewith everyday mindfulness and

(01:12):
who are overwhelmed orneurodivergent, I think so,
first of all, safety is reallyimportant for people who feel
overwhelmed or who areneurodivergent or who are
perfect perfectionists.
Honestly, I would probably startwith self-compassion practices.
You know, and mindfulness isself-compassion in the sense

(01:36):
that we're tending to ourselveswith gentle care if we're
feeling a sense of stress,tightness, control,
self-compassion, and you know,mindful self-compassion can kind
of help us to soften and tonotice sense of right or wrong,

(01:56):
good or bad.
You know, mindfulness is notabout judging things to be good
or bad, right or wrong, butrather we learn how to kind of
reframe it in terms of saypleasant or unpleasant.
So noticing judgments of good orbad, right or wrong, and can we
feel like the say the harshnessof judgment itself?

(02:18):
Like, oh, yeah, there's a senseof tightness or disconnection
that happens when there'sjudging.
Can I reframe it into likesensations of judging being
pleasant or unpleasant?
Or what are the sensations ofright or wrong, tightness,
disconnection?
What's the underlying fearunderneath it?

(02:40):
Because usually there's a fearthat leads us to judging.
So I would start with a varietyof self-compassion practices to
help people soften a little bit.
Mindful walking is such awonderful practice where it's a
very valid form of meditationwhere we sense into the bottoms
of our feet touching the ground.

(03:02):
Heel arch toes, heel, arch toes,heel, arch toes, and really just
connecting with the actual feltsensations of the bottoms of the
feet as we walk.
Can I feel the socks?
Can I feel the padding of theshoes?
Can I feel the gravel?
Can I feel mud?
You know, like whatever it is.

(03:23):
Like, can we feel the pressure?
Am I a little bit walking on theoutside of the foot or the
inside?
Am I kind of up on the toes alot or the heels?
Is it a pounding or is it kindof a soft, fluid walk?
Am I upright?
Am I leaning?
How is my breathing comparedwith each footstep?

(03:44):
So mindful walking is usually agreat way to integrate
mindfulness into daily life.
Same with mindful standing.
Again, connecting with thebreath.
Usually can't go wrong with thebreath.
So sensing into how we'rebreathing as we walk, as we
talk, as we sit here.
And that, you know, giving themchoice.
Here are five practices that youcan choose, you know, what you

(04:07):
want to do today or in thismoment.
Which one feels juicy, exciting,interesting, your favorite?
You know, people usually likechoices.
Like, oh, I want to do thattoday.
I want to try this right now.
That seems kind of interesting.
And offering practices that arelike pleasant, like, you know,

(04:36):
like five things I can see, fivecolors I can notice, five things
I can smell.
Those are kind of likeinteresting, usually.
You know, self-compassionpractice tends to be a little
bit unpleasant, even though it'slike based in care.
The premise is that there's someform of suffering to be

(04:56):
compassionate for.
So that can be unpleasant, butit also can be really juicy and
interesting at the same time.
But anyway, having sort of avariety of practices, like some
somatic, some heart-based, someair ear or nose or taste-based.
Like here's three pieces ofdifferent kinds of chocolate.

(05:17):
Let's bring mindfulness tochocolate tasting.
Or here's top water, here'ssparkling water, and here's
fancy water.
Let's do mindfulness of tastingwaters.
You know, finding kind of fun,interesting things to do that
help us to cultivate presentmoment awareness.
Those are just a few ideas.

(05:37):
But I do encourage a lot oftrauma sensitivity with the
populations that you're talkingabout.
And we do offer a traumasensitivity course, co-taught by
David Trelevin, who wrote TraumaSensitive Mindfulness, and
Christopher Germer, who was theco founder of the Mindful Self
Compassion Program.
And Willoughby Britton, who isone of the researchers of at

(06:05):
Brown University, of the sort ofadverse side effects of
mindfulness on certainpopulations.
So I hope that's helpful.