July 22, 2025 • 39 mins
In this episode, Tom Caravela welcomes Allison Trucillo to discuss the journey of overcoming self-doubt and the inner critic. Allison shares her personal experiences and provides tools and strategies to combat negativity bias and foster an inner champion. The conversation emphasizes the importance of recognizing negative thoughts and the role of daily habits and mindfulness in promoting positive self-talk. Practical advice is offered on incorporating routines and meditation to build confidence. The episode wraps up with reflections on the value of investing in personal growth.
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(00:01):
Hey, guys.
Welcome to the podcast.
Very, very special guest return guest, AlisonTrusillo, my dear friend.
Hi, Alison.
Welcome to the podcast.
Hi, Tom.
It's such an honor to be here again, and I amsuper excited about this topic.
This topic.
So, guys, today, we're gonna talk about how tosilence self doubt and create unstoppable
(00:23):
confidence, which is my freaking jam.
I can't wait to talk about this.
And Allison, as you guys know from priorpodcast episodes, she is an elite athlete,
like, serious, serious, wins triathloncompetitions, travels all over, like,
literally, like, top of the food chain when Iwhen I'm talking about athletes.
(00:47):
So she's really, truly, truly qualified to havethis conversation.
Before we get started, though, I do have toannounce that it's time to register for Fierce
Pharma Week, and that's coming up very quickly,September in Philadelphia at the Convention
Center.
You guys gotta go.
I'm gonna be there.
(01:07):
It used to be Mass East.
It's now called Fierce Pharma Week, and it'snot just medical affairs.
There's actually four different tracks thatinclude business development and licensing and
marketing communications, PR.
So you definitely wanna check this out.
Go to go to Google and just type in FiercePharma Week.
When you register, type in MSL talk, no spaces,all one word, MSL talk.
(01:33):
You'll get 25% off.
So I'll see you guys in Philadelphia.
Allison, where do we start?
Man, why don't we start with if you could shareyour personal journey with self talk and
confidence.
Let's start there.
Sure.
And, you know, I don't know how deep we wannago, but you asked where we wanna start, and I
(01:55):
say let's start at the beginning.
So Okay.
I'm just gonna be completely honest.
Negative self talk has been a part of myjourney for as long as I can remember.
And, really, I would say it goes back to mychildhood.
I always had insecurities growing up.
I mean, even as early as elementary school, Iwas teased.
I was bullied.
(02:16):
And I came to believe these hurtful things thatthat my friends were saying about me.
And, really, it this this inner voice that weall have to me became this never ending inner
critic.
And it's it's sad because I think back earlyon, I I didn't have a lot of positive self talk
(02:37):
and just this love that you and appreciationthat you should have for yourself and even, you
know, gratitude and, you know, for theblessings and the strengths that I have and
just, you know, had this feeling that I Iwasn't good enough.
I wasn't worry worthy.
I had, such low self esteem and just high selfdoubt that it kinda shaped the way I live my
(02:58):
life.
I became my own harshest critic.
I had to be perfect at everything I did fromschool to sports.
Essentially, it kind of developed into mypersonality.
I mean, I was a hyperachiever.
I was a perfectionist.
I was a people pleaser, you know, constantlyputting pressure on myself to be the best that
I could.
And and, really, the only way I knew how to getconfidence was through my external world of
(03:24):
achievements and really, you know, whatever Iaccomplished or my my wins.
And it wasn't really until this year that I'vehad this huge shift in my confidence and my
self awareness.
I've I've become a lot more self aware,grateful for who I am, and all that I bring to
to the table or to this world.
(03:44):
And, you know, sometimes it takes difficult to,circumstances or situations to make that
happen, but, I would say and I know you and Ihave talked about this probably at the
beginning of this year.
I just really was on this, like, journey ofpersonal growth, and I started to read books
and listen to podcasts on growth mindset,leadership motivation.
And for me, that was the game changer, and justspending time on self reflection, listening.
(04:08):
We will get into some of that, I'm sure, later,but Yeah.
Really learning more about myself.
I've come to appreciate my strengths so muchmore and also my weaknesses.
Like, where can I improve?
And through all this reading and, listeningthat I've done, I've I've learned a lot, like,
lot of tools that have helped me overcome thisinner critic.
(04:28):
Like, I don't know what I like to call my innercritic because it is always there.
It's just now I've learned how to silence it.
Well and it's just amazing to hear you say thisbecause I know how accomplished you are.
I know how much you achieved just not justathletically from what I've been following and
what I know about you, but professionally fromknowing your career and seeing you really
(04:52):
accomplish going from, like, MSL to MSLleadership to VP level and above.
And now you're telling us that you stillstruggle with this this, you know, self doubt
and inner critic, and that's just so hard tobelieve from someone so accomplished.
So I just I wanna set the tone, guys, to justsay that if you have a very strong inner voice,
(05:17):
inner critic, negative self talk, doubt thatcreeps in, you're not alone.
I mean, everybody deals with this.
I love hearing you say things like gratitudeand appreciation and self development and
personal improvement, knowing that that is whathas pulled you out and helped you.
(05:39):
Because we're gonna talk about that.
But I guess, why do you think so manyaccomplished professionals struggle with this
even when they're accomplished?
Yeah.
Okay.
So first off, everyone, and you said this,everyone struggles.
I don't care who you are.
This is it's it's reality.
(06:01):
There's a you know, there it's something youknow, we were talking about our inner critic or
this inner judge.
I've heard it called Chatter.
There's a book called Chatter by Ethan Cross,and I I won't get into, like, the details of
it.
But he says he's like, we all have thisinternal chatter, and it it can get the best of
us to where it becomes a curse, not a blessing.
And, basically, like, when we're listening toour inner voice, we're hoping that it's gonna
(06:25):
be this inner coach, but it's not.
Oftentimes, it's this inner critic.
And what what that leads to is that, especiallyduring, like, stressful and difficult times, we
ruminate about the past.
We worry.
We fixate on negative ideas and situations.
And, I mean, ultimately, this is it's torn itit torments us.
(06:46):
It becomes paralyzing.
I mean, we're sabotaging ourselves.
So, I mean, I think ultimately and then I likehow he describes it that your inner voice is
can be as helpful as this a helpful superpoweror destructive kryptonite, and it's so true.
But, you know, back to your question aboutaccomplished individuals, I think too
accomplished individuals tend to set the barreally high for themselves.
(07:07):
They expect nothing but the best.
They go above and be go above and beyond, andyou know, to achieve their goals.
And so, you know, just like everyone else thathas this inner judge, it it you know, this may
actually come out stronger for them internally,but they have learned how to recognize that
that's the negative self talk, and they'velearned how to silence it and overcome it and
(07:31):
and really put their inner champion to work.
I love that.
I mean, that that really because it's hard toit's really kinda hard to conceptualize when
you think it's just you, and then you start tohear that it's it's everyone.
And then you start to hear that it's eventhese, you know, the these highest performers
or highest more most accomplished people.
(07:52):
But knowing that it's where you set the barsometimes that can actually hurt or or trigger
maybe that that doubt that maybe even as goodas you are, as much as you've accomplished,
you're still not as good as hitting that nextgoal.
You're constantly chasing.
(08:12):
Do you feel like you're constantly chasing?
Yes.
Because you'll you set a goal, and you reachit, and then you celebrate it for, like, two
minutes.
A second.
Then you it's like, okay.
Where's the net it's like, you know, you neveryou reach the goalpost.
You need you know, it's like, k.
I gotta keep moving.
I gotta keep moving.
Because these big, you know, what we considerbig milestones or wins are just they're so
(08:34):
fleeting.
Yeah.
I I and I I think about this a lot.
For me, it's the journey.
It's really about the journey.
There's gonna be so many peaks and valleysalong the way, these little small wins.
Like, that's the you gotta appreciate thefeelings along the journey.
Yeah.
For sure.
So what does inner critic versus inner championmean to you, and how can someone tell which
(08:57):
voice is leading their thoughts and theirdecisions?
Yeah.
So, basically, your inner critic is this innerjudge you have.
It is the you know, your voice inside you thatis constantly kinda putting you down, judging
you.
It's it's like this self inflicted torture.
It's it's your mind sabotaging you.
And we all have these these negative thinkingpatterns.
(09:20):
There's a bunch of different books on it, butone that I liked in particular is called
positive intelligence.
The the author, Shardan Shami, describes themas inner saboteurs, and I love that term
because there's different types of inner judgesand inner critics that we have.
They're kind of depending on a personality.
I mean, I mentioned, like, hyperachiever,people pleaser, perfectionist, but someone can
(09:42):
be control there can be your controller, likesomeone that's overly controlling or some an
avoider or someone that's hyperrational,hypervigilant, restless.
So there's all of these different negativethoughts that people can have, and every person
typically has a few of these that are muchstronger than the others.
But, ultimately, your inner judge hinders yourpotential.
(10:05):
Mhmm.
They when you're thinking all these negativethoughts, you're you get you it's it causes
stress, anxiety, fear, frustration.
I mean, even self loathing.
You know, basically, we're not happy withourselves.
Yeah.
But they can be overcome, and that's where yourinner champion comes in.
And I just like to think of it as it's likethis is your own like, you should be your own
(10:28):
best friend, your biggest coach, your biggestcheerleader, where your mind is actually
serving you, not the other way around.
So, you know, you think about this kind of wiseself inside of you that you have that's it's
positive.
It's it symbolizes clarity, the creativity youhave as a person.
(10:48):
It brings you this inner peace and calm.
You respond, not react to difficult situationsor conversations.
And, yeah, I think, really, that's kind of thebest best way to describe it.
And, ultimately, I think you want your the goalis to have your inner champion overpower your
inner critic.
(11:08):
Yeah.
It's funny, but, I actually did a podcast awhile ago with a guy named Don Sandel, and it
was all about, the positive mindset shift.
And he we talked about how we're all born withnegativity bias.
Right.
(11:29):
We're born with it.
Yeah.
And what negativity bias is is and it's it'sit's come down from, like, literally our
evolution from cavemen that were, like,literally constantly fighting some challenge.
There everything was negative.
Getting food and dealing with predators and youknow, so everything was negative.
(11:49):
So now what happens is negativity bias is whenyou focus more on the negative circumstances
affecting you at any given time versus so thatinner critic versus the inner champion versus
actually listening to the inner champion.
So for example, if you come home from work andyour significant other says, hey.
(12:14):
How was your day?
What's the first thing you tell them?
It's usually probably something negative.
Yeah.
How was your day?
The first thing that pops in your head is whatwent wrong, what was negative, who was annoying
you, what was unfair.
When and I I've tried to reverse this in thatanytime someone asks me how my day was, how my
(12:37):
day is, I try to share something positive.
I don't wanna talk about the negative.
We're gonna hear it in our inner critic, but Idon't wanna talk about it.
I don't wanna verbalize it.
I don't wanna give life to it.
I don't wanna bring energy to it, so I don'twanna talk about it.
There are situations with me and my wife.
Like, my kids are grown.
They're out of the house.
So it's, you know, it's the two of us.
(12:58):
There are situations where she'll say to meshe'll find out something that happened.
And she'll go, you never told me that.
And I'm like, yeah.
On purpose.
And it's just something that I didn't want toverbalize.
I didn't want her to get involved in.
It was gonna be handled.
And then later, if she finds out about it,that's great.
But I don't have to share every negative thingthat happens.
(13:21):
And that's the difference between controllingthe inner critic, letting it out, and making
sure that you try to, at least to the best ofyour ability, let that inner champion kinda be
the dominant voice.
And that's we talked a lot about that on thatpodcast, and I wanted to kinda mention it
(13:42):
because that is something that I learned fromthat.
And I think that there's an awareness.
We're talking about this now.
I want everybody that's listening to thisrealize that there's an awareness.
Now you know now you know that there's thisthing called negativity bias.
You know that there's this self doubt, thisinner critic.
You know we're talking about it.
(14:03):
You're like, oh my god.
That's me.
You know, I I tell myself all these things.
Well, you can also tell yourself positivethings.
You can also be that inner champion.
So let me ask you, Allison.
Do you is your inner critic does it repeat alot of the same negative things over and over?
(14:26):
Or, like or does it depend on sort of, like,what are some of the common things
Yeah.
That you and I'm not asking you to get personaland tell me all of you know.
Like, what are some of the things that youthink are most prevalent with people when it
comes to this concept?
Yeah.
I mean, god, was gonna say, much time do wehave?
We've got there's so many.
(14:47):
And, yes, it still happens all the time.
But, I mean, it's as simple as I can't do that,or I'll never be able to accomplish that.
I can't become that role or that position.
I'm not good enough.
I messed up.
I totally failed at that task.
Allison, that wasn't your best.
God.
What a that presentation was so hard at best.
Or, you know, or you get into the comparisonof, I could never be as good as this person or,
(15:12):
you know, no one person no one reallyappreciates me.
Does anyone really listen to what what I said,or is is am I valuable?
You know?
I think it's yeah.
I mean, I like I said, I could go on and on,but I think it's this con like, thinking about
all of these small little mistakes and mishapsinstead of the kind of just the overall
progress someone makes over time.
(15:33):
But, yeah, there's there's definitely lots ofmessages I tell myself over and over again.
What are the red flags?
So as you're talking to folks who, again, areprobably all agreeing with this, when does this
get harmful?
When does this, like, really affect someone'sability to find happiness?
(15:56):
And and what's your advice for folks?
Because sometimes I think there are people justgoing through the motions, not even really
paying attention.
They're total I talked about awareness before.
I think they're totally they just think thatthis is the way life is.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it it it doesn't have to be.
That's that's the beautiful part about it.
But, I mean, I I think some of the red flags,it's you know, we're almost because of it
(16:20):
becomes a very uncomfortable physicalsensation.
Like, when you're anxious, when you're fearful,when that negative self talk becomes so
powerful that, like, you really are feeling badabout yourself, you're doubting yourself, you
don't believe in yourself anymore, you justdon't feel good about what you're doing.
(16:41):
And this that general, I think we all know wewere secure.
I mean, lack confidence.
But, I mean, to me, those are those are flagsright there.
Like Yeah.
That's not what we should be feeling, and wedon't have to feel that way.
And and, you know, you you asked about steps.
I mean, there's a lot of steps that you cantake to shift from negative self talk and self
(17:01):
doubt to a belief in yourself.
I mean, I'm gonna start with the simplest, andthis, you know, this has really worked for me
whether I in in my profession, like in meetingsor when I'm doing work or in triathlon or in
personal family situations, breathing.
Breathing is so important.
Just taking deep breaths, breathing out.
(17:21):
I do this a lot.
I did it before this podcast.
I just sat for a few minutes and just took verydeep breath.
Like, there's this thing called box breathing.
That's really helpful.
Just sitting down and spending a few minutesreflecting on yourself.
Maybe what's going on.
How are you feel like, really feel yourfeelings.
I mean, then you could take that to anotherlevel, meditation.
(17:42):
I actually just started doing that, like, twoweeks ago, and it's been unbelievable.
I mean, it's it's I never thought that becausemy mind braces constantly.
I was like, I can never silence my mind, but ifyou get a good guided meditation, it's really
helpful.
We talked a little bit about positiveaffirmations and gratitudes.
I mean, I wake up, you know, in the mornings,and that's part of my routine before I even
(18:05):
look at my phone or do anything else, is, youknow, saying prayers.
That's that's me.
I'm religious.
But then going into gratitude, you know,saying, you know, a few things that you're
thankful for each day.
But, also, what what you know, positiveaffirmations.
What do you like about yourself?
What's good about yourself?
We all have we're amazing people, and there'sreally great things that I I could say about so
(18:28):
many people.
It's hard to say nice things about ourselves,but that that's incredible.
Mel Robbins, she says, give yourself a highfive.
I do that every once in a while.
But then there's these other exercises you cando.
Like, when you really are thinking negativelyand you've got that inner critic going, use
this distant self self talk.
You know?
Almost imagine that you're talking to a bestfriend.
(18:49):
Like, what would you tell your best friend ifthey were feeling this way?
You know?
Or broaden your perspective.
You know?
Sometimes taking a step back, thinking aboutthe big picture, the whole forest from the
trees, that helps get, you know, get adopt theperspective of a a neutral third party.
That's also kinda taking a step back and, like,what would someone neutral say about this
(19:10):
situation?
If you have a an experience that you're feelingnegatively about, reframe it as a challenge.
Like, okay.
I'm gonna look to this as a challenge.
How can I overcome it?
And then there's, like I'm just thinking to,you know, like, racing and sports and stuff.
But a lot of people before they start a bigrace, they have a ritual they perform, or
there's some superstition.
That really helps.
Like, you can get into that or they visualize asuccessful race before.
(19:34):
I mean, you can do the same thing before ameeting or before you go into a give a
presentation.
I visualize what is gonna happen during that.
So that really helps.
And, you know, I I can't stand up reflecting onthose those wins no matter how big or small.
We've you know, I've shifted my what I do onsocial media and what I choose to listen to,
instead of, you know, kind of the typicalstuff.
(19:57):
I I follow people that, you know, kind ofleadership, pages, growth mindset, listen to
podcasts that are very positive and uplifting.
And then I I'd also say always say too,remember the importance of balance in your
life.
Like, the joy you get from your hobbies orpassions, those are so important to put things
(20:18):
into perspective and to get you out of thatnegative self talk and do something that you
really, really love.
Yeah.
Wow.
So much to unpack in there.
I know.
It's so funny.
That's why I love you, Allison, because, like,we're so much alike.
I mean, you just described all like, I Iliterally if I had to answer that question,
(20:39):
it's everything you just said.
And I think that to to sum it up or to to helpenforce the thought, in a nutshell, it's
habits.
If you can incorporate the right habits eachday, you can take control over your thoughts,
(21:02):
and your attitude and your mindset, but ittakes effort.
Like, you really have to work at it.
Recently, heard Daniel Amen.
I don't know if you've ever listened to him orheard him, but he's he's a mind expert, and he
talks about the fact that you have a consciousmind, a subconscious mind, and you have a self
image.
Yeah.
And the thing is, a lot of times, we don't evenrealize that we're programming our subconscious
(21:28):
mind just by the things that we're tellingourselves without even realizing that there's
gonna not gonna be any ramifications to it.
So before, for example, the alarm goes off andbefore we even hit the snooze button or get out
of bed, we're like, oh, I don't wanna wake up.
I don't wanna face the day.
(21:49):
This is gonna happen.
That's gonna happen.
And we start thinking whether we're verbalizingit or thinking it to ourselves.
We're programming our subconscious mind.
But when you get into the habit of controllingyour inner dialogue, so knowing that the first
thing you're going to think or say everymorning is going to be something that's going
(22:09):
to reprogram your subconscious mind.
Now, you're starting off in a completelydifferent way towards a different self image.
So I the first thing I say, and I'm spiritualtoo.
And the first thing I say before I do anything,right when I wake up is thank you, God.
And the reason is because I wanna begin my daywith gratitude.
(22:31):
I wanna recognize my creator and and and stepinto faith during that day, and it brings me
confidence.
So when we talk about positive self image andand and confidence, we have to work towards
bringing ourselves to confidence.
That's something that we get to take some levelof control over.
(22:55):
I was never really a big affirmations guy untilrecently.
Mhmm.
I also follow Joe Dispenza.
You know Joe Dispenza?
My gosh.
Love him.
I mean
He's the best.
He is unbelievable.
You know, your personality is your personalreality and this kind of a heart mind
connection.
He's he's amazing.
That I follow his meditations.
That's what I do.
(23:15):
We can we can spend a whole episode talkingabout Joe Dispenza.
And and I think that if you are going to startmeditating, I highly recommend that you
consider with Joe Dispenza's meditations, hisbooks.
His books are a little tough to read becausethey're so intense and they're so big.
(23:36):
Yeah.
You know?
I'm reading, breaking the habit of beingyourself right now.
And it yeah.
It's it's a it's pretty
In a nutshell, without getting it it too farinto the weeds, when you start to say things,
not not necessarily out loud.
I mean, you can if you want, but if, like, youknow, you're you're getting out of bed in the
(23:58):
morning or before you even get out of bed, juststart to say things to yourself that and and it
it it could be the same things over and overeach day.
But to realize that you can actually reprogramyour subconscious mind to pay attention to what
those they're like commands.
(24:18):
You're actually giving yourself commands thatwill start your day in the right way.
And that's a lot of these guys talk about that.
But if you don't incorporate it and it's ahabit.
Like, that is exactly what I'm talking about.
That's a habit.
If you don't incorporate that habit, it's nevergonna happen.
You you hit the nail on the head.
(24:39):
It's all about reprogramming reprogramming yourbrain, and they they say it over and over
again.
You have to re you know, refire and rewire.
You're forming new neural connections, and theonly way you can do that is just like building
any habit.
You have to do it over and over again to createthese new neural patterns.
(25:00):
And it works.
It does.
It totally works.
It totally works.
And and the challenge is that that when we getfaced with very difficult times, when we are
struggling with adversity, our brain tends tojust go into that direction.
(25:22):
It's it's it's think constantly in thoughtabout that thing.
Yeah.
And that's when the discipline there has to besome level of discipline to try to pull
yourself out of that.
And that's why you hear people talk aboutgratitude so often because your your brain can
(25:44):
only really hold one thought at a time.
So you can't be blessed and stressed at thesame time.
So if you're focused on what you're gratefulfor and you're focused on gratitude or if you
if you focus on prayer and meditation.
So if you're in prayer mode, that will keep youfrom being in the negative mode, in the self
(26:07):
doubt mode, in the self loathing mode, whateverwe're calling it.
So that's another technique to help overcomeand fight this battle, but you have to practice
it.
Yeah.
And it's all makes me think of is shifting fromthe amygdala to the prefrontal cortex.
(26:28):
A lot of people talk about this because when wehave fear, anxiety, stress, and we react, we're
in our amygdala.
It's our fight or flight.
It's our survival mode, and that's where thisinner critic comes in a lot.
But and when when you go you pause, breathe,you know, do some mental exercises, that's
where you shift to your prefrontal cortex, andit allows you to to process gratitudes and to
(26:54):
think about from a more analytical standpointand realistic standpoint that that these are
this isn't actually who I am.
You're clearly a a Mel Robbins fan because shetalks about that all the time.
That's, like, her
thing.
I mean, that feel like it's in all the books.
Like,
all Yeah.
It is.
Right.
It is.
(27:15):
I love Mel too.
She's the best.
She's awesome.
So what if alright.
So what advice would you give somebody that yousee someone who may appear confident or may
appear that they, you know, they are have, youknow, a lot going on, but at the same time, you
find out or you know that they're struggling.
(27:38):
What advice do you give that person?
On the surface, everything seems great, but youknow they're struggling.
Yeah.
I I mean, honest I would just say you're notalone.
Don't I mean, this is normal to feel this way.
Don't get discouraged.
Recognize.
Become more self aware.
Recognize when you're having these negativethoughts to acknowledge them, label them, and
(28:05):
then silence them and and turn towardsgratitudes, turn towards affirmations.
If you're externally confident, then you've gotconfidence, but maybe channel that inward, and
kinda let it fill you from within and use someof these tools that we've talked about to
silence that inner critic, so that really whatyou're exuding on the outside matches what you
(28:29):
feel on the inside.
But I think you've gotta tell yourself over andover again.
I mean, recognize great things about yourself.
Tell yourself those things, and you you can getthere.
It's you know, it just takes practice.
It's it really it's it's practice.
It's you if you're listening to this and you'relike, yes.
(28:50):
Tom, Allison, I'm on board.
Like, I I want to get better at this because Idon't feel good about myself all the time or
I'm sick and tired of feeling the way I feelabout myself or not being able to control this
and it's really making me feel sad or whatever.
You have to start to commit to doing dailyhabitual make something create a routine
(29:18):
Yeah.
So that you could start to incorporate this.
And I can give you just one quick hack, and Imentioned Joe Dispenza.
If you just go to YouTube and and type in JoeDispenza and just start following him and look
for some of the meditations.
Now, I'm going to warn you.
There are Joe Dispenza meditations out there.
(29:38):
They're like they could be anywhere from ten tothirty minutes long that are not him.
It's AI.
And it's it's it's just not him.
It's it's a recreated Joe Dispenza meditation.
It sounds like him.
It sounds exactly like him.
I gotta tell you, I do them all the time eventhough I know it's not him.
(30:00):
I don't care.
It's a guided meditation that's really welldone, that sounds like him.
And to be honest with you, I found some thatare spiritual.
They're faith based.
So for me, being faithful gives me confidence.
Being faithful overcome makes it just overcomesthe self self doubt.
(30:23):
Because that's one thing.
If you're a faithful person, you know, goddoesn't want you to walk around feeling upset
all the time.
That's not the way it's supposed to be.
So I feel like find something that you couldfollow, something that you can implement,
something that you can practice that's going toreplace, at least for a certain period of time,
(30:53):
that inner chatter.
Like and, Allison, you do the same thing.
Yeah.
Totally.
I'm it makes me think of one in particular, butit's just the, I guess, the broader
perspective.
You have to and this is speaking to your yourquestion about what would you tell someone
that, like, may have confidence on the outsidebut doesn't internally.
You have to visualize.
(31:13):
Like, there's a thought and an emotion that gohand in hand, and you have to visualize what
inner confidence looks like to you.
What does that look like?
I mean, literally visualize yourself tomorrowbeing having so much inner confidence, and what
feeling comes with that?
And that that connection is really rewiringyour brain to make it happen.
(31:38):
And it's, yeah, it's it's really powerful.
What you just said is if when you listen to allthese mindset gurus, they will all say attach a
posit attach the positive emotion that youwant, trigger that, put that like, it's not
(31:59):
just about, okay.
I want this.
Yeah.
If you're in thought or if you're writing downyour goals or if you're trying to get into
meditation, It's not just about theaffirmation.
It's not just about any of those things.
It's the emotion that you want.
Mhmm.
Because once you set that emotion and you startto feel that emotion or imagine yourself
(32:21):
feeling that emotion, that's where your brainwants to be where it's most familiar.
So if you're if you're most familiar with joy,then your brain's gonna continue to look for
joy.
If your brain's most familiar with fear, you'regoing to wind up migrating to being in a state
(32:42):
of fear more often.
And that's that's unfortunate.
That's the that's the unfortunate reality forsomebody that's negative all the time is that
they're just reinforcing the emotion ofnegativity, fear, doubt, whatever it is.
But you can do the opposite, but you have topractice it.
You have to take time.
(33:03):
You have to put the time in in order for yourbrain to really get pre reprogrammed.
Am I saying that right?
Absolutely.
100%.
And I love the last part where you have to puttime in because it's like anything let's say I
wanted to run a marathon.
And I'm equating this to right now what I'mdoing with meditation.
So I've really only done it for about twoweeks.
Would I train for two weeks and then go run amarathon?
(33:26):
Like, absolutely not.
I mean, you train for six months to a year.
Day in and day out, it's that consistencybefore you see results, you're able to actually
achieve that goal.
Same thing goes with any of these other littleroutines, you know, when you're trying to shift
your mindset.
It it's you have to practice, practice,practice, And it's not gonna be all, you know,
sunshine and rainbows.
(33:47):
I mean, I still have tons of thoughts that goin my head, but it's getting better.
Yeah.
Well but and and I I think that that rightthere guys, if you pull anything from this this
conversation is set aside time each day to bemindful.
That's what they call mindfulness.
Mindfulness is spending time Yeah.
(34:07):
Each day practicing mindfulness.
And that means whether it's meditation or justgetting deep into thought of of the emotions
that you want to experience that day,affirmations, whatever it is.
It could be fifteen minutes a day, thirtyminutes a day.
I would say do it a couple of times a day.
I would say you you try to incorporate fifteento thirty minutes in the morning and then maybe
(34:31):
sometime during the day, get in your car ortake a break from work or whatever, and then
try to do it before you go to bed.
Before you go to go go to bed, it's a reallygood time because that's when your mind becomes
most receptive and starts to reprogram for thenext day while you sleep.
Do you do that?
Do you do you meditate at night?
(34:51):
I haven't yet, and I'm I'm going to start.
But I do it in the morning because they sayit's, like, morning or evening.
Like, right after you wake up, your brain isstill in that mode, I guess.
You know, there's you're you're in a differentstate.
It's through a frequency or whatever.
Yeah.
And so, like, the alpha, you know, theta, allthat stuff.
And it's the same right before you go to sleep.
(35:13):
So you you you were right.
It's those are two critical times.
I haven't tried it yet.
I feel like I'm all so busy trying to
Well, you know, the problem with me is I'm sotired by the I get up super early.
So do you.
I mean and then and you're so busy and you'reso active.
And then by the time you go to bed, there'sthis you just I can't keep my eyes open.
So, but I'll I wanna share one quick story withyou when you were talking about practice.
(35:37):
Yeah.
And, some of you guys may know Ed Mylett is isone of my my coaches and mentors, and he's
someone that I follow.
His podcast is amazing.
And he I heard him tell the story recentlywhere he's a bazillionaire, and he his neighbor
is Adele.
Like, Adele the singer.
(35:58):
That's his neighbor.
So he said he didn't actually didn't realizethat she had I guess, maybe he wasn't realized
that she had moved in, whatever, but there was,they were having a party at this house, and
there was, like, karaoke going on.
And he said it was awful.
And he was walking over to tell them to stopbecause it was just it was awful, and it was so
(36:20):
loud.
And as he's walking over, Adele gets startssinging.
So now it goes from horrible karaoke to Adele.
So now he's like, I'm standing at the edge of,like, this property, and I'm, like, to the most
beautiful voice in the world.
He goes, I was about to start yelling, and I'mlistening to the most beautiful voice in the
(36:41):
world.
And it's so she sees him, and they start aconversation.
And he he says, like, you know, that was thatwas amazing or whatever.
She was, yeah, I have to start practicingbecause I'm going on tour or doing a residency
or whatever.
And he said, so tell me about your practice.
(37:03):
Like, what kind of practice?
What does it take to be Adele?
Now I'm thinking she's Adele.
She just freaking grabs the microphone.
She starts singing because she's Adele.
She knows the words.
Like, what do you mean practice?
She said, for me to get ready to go on stage, Ihave to put in four thousand hours before I'll
even go near the stage or something crazy likethat.
(37:25):
It might have been ten thousand hours.
Yeah.
And he was blown away by how much time, howmany hours she still works at her craft
Yeah.
To be the best.
And guys, it just goes to show you, if you wantto change your life, you have to dedicate time
(37:48):
to making the change.
If it's your mindset, if it's your career, ifit's your job search, if it's your weight, if
you're like, oh, I want to lose 10 pounds.
Okay.
Well, how are going to do it?
How much time are you going to put in?
What's your plan?
What's your routine gonna look like?
It's the same thing.
We're talking about reprogramming your mind andgetting better with negativity and negative
mindset and shifting that to positivity.
(38:09):
Okay.
How much time are you gonna put in?
And I think that that's that's probably themost important message I can give when it comes
to these types of situations.
What do you think, Allison?
I I totally agree.
It's like that saying you are your own greatestinvestment.
Mhmm.
Spend the time working on your I mean, there'snothing better than that.
(38:31):
You have to spend time working on yourself.
You're worth it.
Yeah.
You have enough.
I mean, you've got it in within you.
You just have to satisfy time.
And I think I said this on the last podcast,but I live by this.
You don't have to be consistently great.
You have to be great at being consistent.
It's all about being consistent and doing it ona daily basis.
(38:53):
I mean, is is that not the perfect way to endthis conversation?
Like, I can keep talking.
I know we're, like, way past our time normaltime, but, Allison, you're the best, man.
You are the freaking best.
Tom, thank you so much.
I feel the same way about you.
I mean, I just adore you, and I everythingyou've accomplished.
You're such a role model for so many.
(39:14):
I'm truly inspired by you always, and I'm justso grateful for our friendship.
And thank you for this opportunity, and I justhope it resonates
with you.
Man.
I I think we're changing lives here today.
And and, guys, thank you for listening, and youshould share this.
You should share this with everyone, not justMSLs, but anyone in your life because it's
really important stuff.
(39:35):
And I appreciate all your support.
Thank you all.
Love you guys, and we'll see you next time.
Thank you.
Hey, guys.
Welcome to the podcast.
Very, very special guest return guest, AlisonTrusillo, my dear friend.
Hi, Alison.
Welcome to the podcast.
Hi, Tom.
It's such an honor to be here again, and I amsuper excited about this topic.
This topic.
So, guys, today, we're gonna talk about how tosilence self doubt and create unstoppable
(00:23):
confidence, which is my freaking jam.
I can't wait to talk about this.
And Allison, as you guys know from priorpodcast episodes, she is an elite athlete,
like, serious, serious, wins triathloncompetitions, travels all over, like,
literally, like, top of the food chain when Iwhen I'm talking about athletes.
(00:47):
So she's really, truly, truly qualified to havethis conversation.
Before we get started, though, I do have toannounce that it's time to register for Fierce
Pharma Week, and that's coming up very quickly,September in Philadelphia at the Convention
Center.
You guys gotta go.
I'm gonna be there.
(01:07):
It used to be Mass East.
It's now called Fierce Pharma Week, and it'snot just medical affairs.
There's actually four different tracks thatinclude business development and licensing and
marketing communications, PR.
So you definitely wanna check this out.
Go to go to Google and just type in FiercePharma Week.
When you register, type in MSL talk, no spaces,all one word, MSL talk.
(01:33):
You'll get 25% off.
So I'll see you guys in Philadelphia.
Allison, where do we start?
Man, why don't we start with if you could shareyour personal journey with self talk and
confidence.
Let's start there.
Sure.
And, you know, I don't know how deep we wannago, but you asked where we wanna start, and I
(01:55):
say let's start at the beginning.
So Okay.
I'm just gonna be completely honest.
Negative self talk has been a part of myjourney for as long as I can remember.
And, really, I would say it goes back to mychildhood.
I always had insecurities growing up.
I mean, even as early as elementary school, Iwas teased.
I was bullied.
(02:16):
And I came to believe these hurtful things thatthat my friends were saying about me.
And, really, it this this inner voice that weall have to me became this never ending inner
critic.
And it's it's sad because I think back earlyon, I I didn't have a lot of positive self talk
(02:37):
and just this love that you and appreciationthat you should have for yourself and even, you
know, gratitude and, you know, for theblessings and the strengths that I have and
just, you know, had this feeling that I Iwasn't good enough.
I wasn't worry worthy.
I had, such low self esteem and just high selfdoubt that it kinda shaped the way I live my
(02:58):
life.
I became my own harshest critic.
I had to be perfect at everything I did fromschool to sports.
Essentially, it kind of developed into mypersonality.
I mean, I was a hyperachiever.
I was a perfectionist.
I was a people pleaser, you know, constantlyputting pressure on myself to be the best that
I could.
And and, really, the only way I knew how to getconfidence was through my external world of
(03:24):
achievements and really, you know, whatever Iaccomplished or my my wins.
And it wasn't really until this year that I'vehad this huge shift in my confidence and my
self awareness.
I've I've become a lot more self aware,grateful for who I am, and all that I bring to
to the table or to this world.
(03:44):
And, you know, sometimes it takes difficult to,circumstances or situations to make that
happen, but, I would say and I know you and Ihave talked about this probably at the
beginning of this year.
I just really was on this, like, journey ofpersonal growth, and I started to read books
and listen to podcasts on growth mindset,leadership motivation.
And for me, that was the game changer, and justspending time on self reflection, listening.
(04:08):
We will get into some of that, I'm sure, later,but Yeah.
Really learning more about myself.
I've come to appreciate my strengths so muchmore and also my weaknesses.
Like, where can I improve?
And through all this reading and, listeningthat I've done, I've I've learned a lot, like,
lot of tools that have helped me overcome thisinner critic.
(04:28):
Like, I don't know what I like to call my innercritic because it is always there.
It's just now I've learned how to silence it.
Well and it's just amazing to hear you say thisbecause I know how accomplished you are.
I know how much you achieved just not justathletically from what I've been following and
what I know about you, but professionally fromknowing your career and seeing you really
(04:52):
accomplish going from, like, MSL to MSLleadership to VP level and above.
And now you're telling us that you stillstruggle with this this, you know, self doubt
and inner critic, and that's just so hard tobelieve from someone so accomplished.
So I just I wanna set the tone, guys, to justsay that if you have a very strong inner voice,
(05:17):
inner critic, negative self talk, doubt thatcreeps in, you're not alone.
I mean, everybody deals with this.
I love hearing you say things like gratitudeand appreciation and self development and
personal improvement, knowing that that is whathas pulled you out and helped you.
(05:39):
Because we're gonna talk about that.
But I guess, why do you think so manyaccomplished professionals struggle with this
even when they're accomplished?
Yeah.
Okay.
So first off, everyone, and you said this,everyone struggles.
I don't care who you are.
This is it's it's reality.
(06:01):
There's a you know, there it's something youknow, we were talking about our inner critic or
this inner judge.
I've heard it called Chatter.
There's a book called Chatter by Ethan Cross,and I I won't get into, like, the details of
it.
But he says he's like, we all have thisinternal chatter, and it it can get the best of
us to where it becomes a curse, not a blessing.
And, basically, like, when we're listening toour inner voice, we're hoping that it's gonna
(06:25):
be this inner coach, but it's not.
Oftentimes, it's this inner critic.
And what what that leads to is that, especiallyduring, like, stressful and difficult times, we
ruminate about the past.
We worry.
We fixate on negative ideas and situations.
And, I mean, ultimately, this is it's torn itit torments us.
(06:46):
It becomes paralyzing.
I mean, we're sabotaging ourselves.
So, I mean, I think ultimately and then I likehow he describes it that your inner voice is
can be as helpful as this a helpful superpoweror destructive kryptonite, and it's so true.
But, you know, back to your question aboutaccomplished individuals, I think too
accomplished individuals tend to set the barreally high for themselves.
(07:07):
They expect nothing but the best.
They go above and be go above and beyond, andyou know, to achieve their goals.
And so, you know, just like everyone else thathas this inner judge, it it you know, this may
actually come out stronger for them internally,but they have learned how to recognize that
that's the negative self talk, and they'velearned how to silence it and overcome it and
(07:31):
and really put their inner champion to work.
I love that.
I mean, that that really because it's hard toit's really kinda hard to conceptualize when
you think it's just you, and then you start tohear that it's it's everyone.
And then you start to hear that it's eventhese, you know, the these highest performers
or highest more most accomplished people.
(07:52):
But knowing that it's where you set the barsometimes that can actually hurt or or trigger
maybe that that doubt that maybe even as goodas you are, as much as you've accomplished,
you're still not as good as hitting that nextgoal.
You're constantly chasing.
(08:12):
Do you feel like you're constantly chasing?
Yes.
Because you'll you set a goal, and you reachit, and then you celebrate it for, like, two
minutes.
A second.
Then you it's like, okay.
Where's the net it's like, you know, you neveryou reach the goalpost.
You need you know, it's like, k.
I gotta keep moving.
I gotta keep moving.
Because these big, you know, what we considerbig milestones or wins are just they're so
(08:34):
fleeting.
Yeah.
I I and I I think about this a lot.
For me, it's the journey.
It's really about the journey.
There's gonna be so many peaks and valleysalong the way, these little small wins.
Like, that's the you gotta appreciate thefeelings along the journey.
Yeah.
For sure.
So what does inner critic versus inner championmean to you, and how can someone tell which
(08:57):
voice is leading their thoughts and theirdecisions?
Yeah.
So, basically, your inner critic is this innerjudge you have.
It is the you know, your voice inside you thatis constantly kinda putting you down, judging
you.
It's it's like this self inflicted torture.
It's it's your mind sabotaging you.
And we all have these these negative thinkingpatterns.
(09:20):
There's a bunch of different books on it, butone that I liked in particular is called
positive intelligence.
The the author, Shardan Shami, describes themas inner saboteurs, and I love that term
because there's different types of inner judgesand inner critics that we have.
They're kind of depending on a personality.
I mean, I mentioned, like, hyperachiever,people pleaser, perfectionist, but someone can
(09:42):
be control there can be your controller, likesomeone that's overly controlling or some an
avoider or someone that's hyperrational,hypervigilant, restless.
So there's all of these different negativethoughts that people can have, and every person
typically has a few of these that are muchstronger than the others.
But, ultimately, your inner judge hinders yourpotential.
(10:05):
Mhmm.
They when you're thinking all these negativethoughts, you're you get you it's it causes
stress, anxiety, fear, frustration.
I mean, even self loathing.
You know, basically, we're not happy withourselves.
Yeah.
But they can be overcome, and that's where yourinner champion comes in.
And I just like to think of it as it's likethis is your own like, you should be your own
(10:28):
best friend, your biggest coach, your biggestcheerleader, where your mind is actually
serving you, not the other way around.
So, you know, you think about this kind of wiseself inside of you that you have that's it's
positive.
It's it symbolizes clarity, the creativity youhave as a person.
(10:48):
It brings you this inner peace and calm.
You respond, not react to difficult situationsor conversations.
And, yeah, I think, really, that's kind of thebest best way to describe it.
And, ultimately, I think you want your the goalis to have your inner champion overpower your
inner critic.
(11:08):
Yeah.
It's funny, but, I actually did a podcast awhile ago with a guy named Don Sandel, and it
was all about, the positive mindset shift.
And he we talked about how we're all born withnegativity bias.
Right.
(11:29):
We're born with it.
Yeah.
And what negativity bias is is and it's it'sit's come down from, like, literally our
evolution from cavemen that were, like,literally constantly fighting some challenge.
There everything was negative.
Getting food and dealing with predators and youknow, so everything was negative.
(11:49):
So now what happens is negativity bias is whenyou focus more on the negative circumstances
affecting you at any given time versus so thatinner critic versus the inner champion versus
actually listening to the inner champion.
So for example, if you come home from work andyour significant other says, hey.
(12:14):
How was your day?
What's the first thing you tell them?
It's usually probably something negative.
Yeah.
How was your day?
The first thing that pops in your head is whatwent wrong, what was negative, who was annoying
you, what was unfair.
When and I I've tried to reverse this in thatanytime someone asks me how my day was, how my
(12:37):
day is, I try to share something positive.
I don't wanna talk about the negative.
We're gonna hear it in our inner critic, but Idon't wanna talk about it.
I don't wanna verbalize it.
I don't wanna give life to it.
I don't wanna bring energy to it, so I don'twanna talk about it.
There are situations with me and my wife.
Like, my kids are grown.
They're out of the house.
So it's, you know, it's the two of us.
(12:58):
There are situations where she'll say to meshe'll find out something that happened.
And she'll go, you never told me that.
And I'm like, yeah.
On purpose.
And it's just something that I didn't want toverbalize.
I didn't want her to get involved in.
It was gonna be handled.
And then later, if she finds out about it,that's great.
But I don't have to share every negative thingthat happens.
(13:21):
And that's the difference between controllingthe inner critic, letting it out, and making
sure that you try to, at least to the best ofyour ability, let that inner champion kinda be
the dominant voice.
And that's we talked a lot about that on thatpodcast, and I wanted to kinda mention it
(13:42):
because that is something that I learned fromthat.
And I think that there's an awareness.
We're talking about this now.
I want everybody that's listening to thisrealize that there's an awareness.
Now you know now you know that there's thisthing called negativity bias.
You know that there's this self doubt, thisinner critic.
You know we're talking about it.
(14:03):
You're like, oh my god.
That's me.
You know, I I tell myself all these things.
Well, you can also tell yourself positivethings.
You can also be that inner champion.
So let me ask you, Allison.
Do you is your inner critic does it repeat alot of the same negative things over and over?
(14:26):
Or, like or does it depend on sort of, like,what are some of the common things
Yeah.
That you and I'm not asking you to get personaland tell me all of you know.
Like, what are some of the things that youthink are most prevalent with people when it
comes to this concept?
Yeah.
I mean, god, was gonna say, much time do wehave?
We've got there's so many.
(14:47):
And, yes, it still happens all the time.
But, I mean, it's as simple as I can't do that,or I'll never be able to accomplish that.
I can't become that role or that position.
I'm not good enough.
I messed up.
I totally failed at that task.
Allison, that wasn't your best.
God.
What a that presentation was so hard at best.
Or, you know, or you get into the comparisonof, I could never be as good as this person or,
(15:12):
you know, no one person no one reallyappreciates me.
Does anyone really listen to what what I said,or is is am I valuable?
You know?
I think it's yeah.
I mean, I like I said, I could go on and on,but I think it's this con like, thinking about
all of these small little mistakes and mishapsinstead of the kind of just the overall
progress someone makes over time.
(15:33):
But, yeah, there's there's definitely lots ofmessages I tell myself over and over again.
What are the red flags?
So as you're talking to folks who, again, areprobably all agreeing with this, when does this
get harmful?
When does this, like, really affect someone'sability to find happiness?
(15:56):
And and what's your advice for folks?
Because sometimes I think there are people justgoing through the motions, not even really
paying attention.
They're total I talked about awareness before.
I think they're totally they just think thatthis is the way life is.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it it it doesn't have to be.
That's that's the beautiful part about it.
But, I mean, I I think some of the red flags,it's you know, we're almost because of it
(16:20):
becomes a very uncomfortable physicalsensation.
Like, when you're anxious, when you're fearful,when that negative self talk becomes so
powerful that, like, you really are feeling badabout yourself, you're doubting yourself, you
don't believe in yourself anymore, you justdon't feel good about what you're doing.
(16:41):
And this that general, I think we all know wewere secure.
I mean, lack confidence.
But, I mean, to me, those are those are flagsright there.
Like Yeah.
That's not what we should be feeling, and wedon't have to feel that way.
And and, you know, you you asked about steps.
I mean, there's a lot of steps that you cantake to shift from negative self talk and self
(17:01):
doubt to a belief in yourself.
I mean, I'm gonna start with the simplest, andthis, you know, this has really worked for me
whether I in in my profession, like in meetingsor when I'm doing work or in triathlon or in
personal family situations, breathing.
Breathing is so important.
Just taking deep breaths, breathing out.
(17:21):
I do this a lot.
I did it before this podcast.
I just sat for a few minutes and just took verydeep breath.
Like, there's this thing called box breathing.
That's really helpful.
Just sitting down and spending a few minutesreflecting on yourself.
Maybe what's going on.
How are you feel like, really feel yourfeelings.
I mean, then you could take that to anotherlevel, meditation.
(17:42):
I actually just started doing that, like, twoweeks ago, and it's been unbelievable.
I mean, it's it's I never thought that becausemy mind braces constantly.
I was like, I can never silence my mind, but ifyou get a good guided meditation, it's really
helpful.
We talked a little bit about positiveaffirmations and gratitudes.
I mean, I wake up, you know, in the mornings,and that's part of my routine before I even
(18:05):
look at my phone or do anything else, is, youknow, saying prayers.
That's that's me.
I'm religious.
But then going into gratitude, you know,saying, you know, a few things that you're
thankful for each day.
But, also, what what you know, positiveaffirmations.
What do you like about yourself?
What's good about yourself?
We all have we're amazing people, and there'sreally great things that I I could say about so
(18:28):
many people.
It's hard to say nice things about ourselves,but that that's incredible.
Mel Robbins, she says, give yourself a highfive.
I do that every once in a while.
But then there's these other exercises you cando.
Like, when you really are thinking negativelyand you've got that inner critic going, use
this distant self self talk.
You know?
Almost imagine that you're talking to a bestfriend.
(18:49):
Like, what would you tell your best friend ifthey were feeling this way?
You know?
Or broaden your perspective.
You know?
Sometimes taking a step back, thinking aboutthe big picture, the whole forest from the
trees, that helps get, you know, get adopt theperspective of a a neutral third party.
That's also kinda taking a step back and, like,what would someone neutral say about this
(19:10):
situation?
If you have a an experience that you're feelingnegatively about, reframe it as a challenge.
Like, okay.
I'm gonna look to this as a challenge.
How can I overcome it?
And then there's, like I'm just thinking to,you know, like, racing and sports and stuff.
But a lot of people before they start a bigrace, they have a ritual they perform, or
there's some superstition.
That really helps.
Like, you can get into that or they visualize asuccessful race before.
(19:34):
I mean, you can do the same thing before ameeting or before you go into a give a
presentation.
I visualize what is gonna happen during that.
So that really helps.
And, you know, I I can't stand up reflecting onthose those wins no matter how big or small.
We've you know, I've shifted my what I do onsocial media and what I choose to listen to,
instead of, you know, kind of the typicalstuff.
(19:57):
I I follow people that, you know, kind ofleadership, pages, growth mindset, listen to
podcasts that are very positive and uplifting.
And then I I'd also say always say too,remember the importance of balance in your
life.
Like, the joy you get from your hobbies orpassions, those are so important to put things
(20:18):
into perspective and to get you out of thatnegative self talk and do something that you
really, really love.
Yeah.
Wow.
So much to unpack in there.
I know.
It's so funny.
That's why I love you, Allison, because, like,we're so much alike.
I mean, you just described all like, I Iliterally if I had to answer that question,
(20:39):
it's everything you just said.
And I think that to to sum it up or to to helpenforce the thought, in a nutshell, it's
habits.
If you can incorporate the right habits eachday, you can take control over your thoughts,
(21:02):
and your attitude and your mindset, but ittakes effort.
Like, you really have to work at it.
Recently, heard Daniel Amen.
I don't know if you've ever listened to him orheard him, but he's he's a mind expert, and he
talks about the fact that you have a consciousmind, a subconscious mind, and you have a self
image.
Yeah.
And the thing is, a lot of times, we don't evenrealize that we're programming our subconscious
(21:28):
mind just by the things that we're tellingourselves without even realizing that there's
gonna not gonna be any ramifications to it.
So before, for example, the alarm goes off andbefore we even hit the snooze button or get out
of bed, we're like, oh, I don't wanna wake up.
I don't wanna face the day.
(21:49):
This is gonna happen.
That's gonna happen.
And we start thinking whether we're verbalizingit or thinking it to ourselves.
We're programming our subconscious mind.
But when you get into the habit of controllingyour inner dialogue, so knowing that the first
thing you're going to think or say everymorning is going to be something that's going
(22:09):
to reprogram your subconscious mind.
Now, you're starting off in a completelydifferent way towards a different self image.
So I the first thing I say, and I'm spiritualtoo.
And the first thing I say before I do anything,right when I wake up is thank you, God.
And the reason is because I wanna begin my daywith gratitude.
(22:31):
I wanna recognize my creator and and and stepinto faith during that day, and it brings me
confidence.
So when we talk about positive self image andand and confidence, we have to work towards
bringing ourselves to confidence.
That's something that we get to take some levelof control over.
(22:55):
I was never really a big affirmations guy untilrecently.
Mhmm.
I also follow Joe Dispenza.
You know Joe Dispenza?
My gosh.
Love him.
I mean
He's the best.
He is unbelievable.
You know, your personality is your personalreality and this kind of a heart mind
connection.
He's he's amazing.
That I follow his meditations.
That's what I do.
(23:15):
We can we can spend a whole episode talkingabout Joe Dispenza.
And and I think that if you are going to startmeditating, I highly recommend that you
consider with Joe Dispenza's meditations, hisbooks.
His books are a little tough to read becausethey're so intense and they're so big.
(23:36):
Yeah.
You know?
I'm reading, breaking the habit of beingyourself right now.
And it yeah.
It's it's a it's pretty
In a nutshell, without getting it it too farinto the weeds, when you start to say things,
not not necessarily out loud.
I mean, you can if you want, but if, like, youknow, you're you're getting out of bed in the
(23:58):
morning or before you even get out of bed, juststart to say things to yourself that and and it
it it could be the same things over and overeach day.
But to realize that you can actually reprogramyour subconscious mind to pay attention to what
those they're like commands.
(24:18):
You're actually giving yourself commands thatwill start your day in the right way.
And that's a lot of these guys talk about that.
But if you don't incorporate it and it's ahabit.
Like, that is exactly what I'm talking about.
That's a habit.
If you don't incorporate that habit, it's nevergonna happen.
You you hit the nail on the head.
(24:39):
It's all about reprogramming reprogramming yourbrain, and they they say it over and over
again.
You have to re you know, refire and rewire.
You're forming new neural connections, and theonly way you can do that is just like building
any habit.
You have to do it over and over again to createthese new neural patterns.
(25:00):
And it works.
It does.
It totally works.
It totally works.
And and the challenge is that that when we getfaced with very difficult times, when we are
struggling with adversity, our brain tends tojust go into that direction.
(25:22):
It's it's it's think constantly in thoughtabout that thing.
Yeah.
And that's when the discipline there has to besome level of discipline to try to pull
yourself out of that.
And that's why you hear people talk aboutgratitude so often because your your brain can
(25:44):
only really hold one thought at a time.
So you can't be blessed and stressed at thesame time.
So if you're focused on what you're gratefulfor and you're focused on gratitude or if you
if you focus on prayer and meditation.
So if you're in prayer mode, that will keep youfrom being in the negative mode, in the self
(26:07):
doubt mode, in the self loathing mode, whateverwe're calling it.
So that's another technique to help overcomeand fight this battle, but you have to practice
it.
Yeah.
And it's all makes me think of is shifting fromthe amygdala to the prefrontal cortex.
(26:28):
A lot of people talk about this because when wehave fear, anxiety, stress, and we react, we're
in our amygdala.
It's our fight or flight.
It's our survival mode, and that's where thisinner critic comes in a lot.
But and when when you go you pause, breathe,you know, do some mental exercises, that's
where you shift to your prefrontal cortex, andit allows you to to process gratitudes and to
(26:54):
think about from a more analytical standpointand realistic standpoint that that these are
this isn't actually who I am.
You're clearly a a Mel Robbins fan because shetalks about that all the time.
That's, like, her
thing.
I mean, that feel like it's in all the books.
Like,
all Yeah.
It is.
Right.
It is.
(27:15):
I love Mel too.
She's the best.
She's awesome.
So what if alright.
So what advice would you give somebody that yousee someone who may appear confident or may
appear that they, you know, they are have, youknow, a lot going on, but at the same time, you
find out or you know that they're struggling.
(27:38):
What advice do you give that person?
On the surface, everything seems great, but youknow they're struggling.
Yeah.
I I mean, honest I would just say you're notalone.
Don't I mean, this is normal to feel this way.
Don't get discouraged.
Recognize.
Become more self aware.
Recognize when you're having these negativethoughts to acknowledge them, label them, and
(28:05):
then silence them and and turn towardsgratitudes, turn towards affirmations.
If you're externally confident, then you've gotconfidence, but maybe channel that inward, and
kinda let it fill you from within and use someof these tools that we've talked about to
silence that inner critic, so that really whatyou're exuding on the outside matches what you
(28:29):
feel on the inside.
But I think you've gotta tell yourself over andover again.
I mean, recognize great things about yourself.
Tell yourself those things, and you you can getthere.
It's you know, it just takes practice.
It's it really it's it's practice.
It's you if you're listening to this and you'relike, yes.
(28:50):
Tom, Allison, I'm on board.
Like, I I want to get better at this because Idon't feel good about myself all the time or
I'm sick and tired of feeling the way I feelabout myself or not being able to control this
and it's really making me feel sad or whatever.
You have to start to commit to doing dailyhabitual make something create a routine
(29:18):
Yeah.
So that you could start to incorporate this.
And I can give you just one quick hack, and Imentioned Joe Dispenza.
If you just go to YouTube and and type in JoeDispenza and just start following him and look
for some of the meditations.
Now, I'm going to warn you.
There are Joe Dispenza meditations out there.
(29:38):
They're like they could be anywhere from ten tothirty minutes long that are not him.
It's AI.
And it's it's it's just not him.
It's it's a recreated Joe Dispenza meditation.
It sounds like him.
It sounds exactly like him.
I gotta tell you, I do them all the time eventhough I know it's not him.
(30:00):
I don't care.
It's a guided meditation that's really welldone, that sounds like him.
And to be honest with you, I found some thatare spiritual.
They're faith based.
So for me, being faithful gives me confidence.
Being faithful overcome makes it just overcomesthe self self doubt.
(30:23):
Because that's one thing.
If you're a faithful person, you know, goddoesn't want you to walk around feeling upset
all the time.
That's not the way it's supposed to be.
So I feel like find something that you couldfollow, something that you can implement,
something that you can practice that's going toreplace, at least for a certain period of time,
(30:53):
that inner chatter.
Like and, Allison, you do the same thing.
Yeah.
Totally.
I'm it makes me think of one in particular, butit's just the, I guess, the broader
perspective.
You have to and this is speaking to your yourquestion about what would you tell someone
that, like, may have confidence on the outsidebut doesn't internally.
You have to visualize.
(31:13):
Like, there's a thought and an emotion that gohand in hand, and you have to visualize what
inner confidence looks like to you.
What does that look like?
I mean, literally visualize yourself tomorrowbeing having so much inner confidence, and what
feeling comes with that?
And that that connection is really rewiringyour brain to make it happen.
(31:38):
And it's, yeah, it's it's really powerful.
What you just said is if when you listen to allthese mindset gurus, they will all say attach a
posit attach the positive emotion that youwant, trigger that, put that like, it's not
(31:59):
just about, okay.
I want this.
Yeah.
If you're in thought or if you're writing downyour goals or if you're trying to get into
meditation, It's not just about theaffirmation.
It's not just about any of those things.
It's the emotion that you want.
Mhmm.
Because once you set that emotion and you startto feel that emotion or imagine yourself
(32:21):
feeling that emotion, that's where your brainwants to be where it's most familiar.
So if you're if you're most familiar with joy,then your brain's gonna continue to look for
joy.
If your brain's most familiar with fear, you'regoing to wind up migrating to being in a state
(32:42):
of fear more often.
And that's that's unfortunate.
That's the that's the unfortunate reality forsomebody that's negative all the time is that
they're just reinforcing the emotion ofnegativity, fear, doubt, whatever it is.
But you can do the opposite, but you have topractice it.
You have to take time.
(33:03):
You have to put the time in in order for yourbrain to really get pre reprogrammed.
Am I saying that right?
Absolutely.
100%.
And I love the last part where you have to puttime in because it's like anything let's say I
wanted to run a marathon.
And I'm equating this to right now what I'mdoing with meditation.
So I've really only done it for about twoweeks.
Would I train for two weeks and then go run amarathon?
(33:26):
Like, absolutely not.
I mean, you train for six months to a year.
Day in and day out, it's that consistencybefore you see results, you're able to actually
achieve that goal.
Same thing goes with any of these other littleroutines, you know, when you're trying to shift
your mindset.
It it's you have to practice, practice,practice, And it's not gonna be all, you know,
sunshine and rainbows.
(33:47):
I mean, I still have tons of thoughts that goin my head, but it's getting better.
Yeah.
Well but and and I I think that that rightthere guys, if you pull anything from this this
conversation is set aside time each day to bemindful.
That's what they call mindfulness.
Mindfulness is spending time Yeah.
(34:07):
Each day practicing mindfulness.
And that means whether it's meditation or justgetting deep into thought of of the emotions
that you want to experience that day,affirmations, whatever it is.
It could be fifteen minutes a day, thirtyminutes a day.
I would say do it a couple of times a day.
I would say you you try to incorporate fifteento thirty minutes in the morning and then maybe
(34:31):
sometime during the day, get in your car ortake a break from work or whatever, and then
try to do it before you go to bed.
Before you go to go go to bed, it's a reallygood time because that's when your mind becomes
most receptive and starts to reprogram for thenext day while you sleep.
Do you do that?
Do you do you meditate at night?
(34:51):
I haven't yet, and I'm I'm going to start.
But I do it in the morning because they sayit's, like, morning or evening.
Like, right after you wake up, your brain isstill in that mode, I guess.
You know, there's you're you're in a differentstate.
It's through a frequency or whatever.
Yeah.
And so, like, the alpha, you know, theta, allthat stuff.
And it's the same right before you go to sleep.
(35:13):
So you you you were right.
It's those are two critical times.
I haven't tried it yet.
I feel like I'm all so busy trying to
Well, you know, the problem with me is I'm sotired by the I get up super early.
So do you.
I mean and then and you're so busy and you'reso active.
And then by the time you go to bed, there'sthis you just I can't keep my eyes open.
So, but I'll I wanna share one quick story withyou when you were talking about practice.
(35:37):
Yeah.
And, some of you guys may know Ed Mylett is isone of my my coaches and mentors, and he's
someone that I follow.
His podcast is amazing.
And he I heard him tell the story recentlywhere he's a bazillionaire, and he his neighbor
is Adele.
Like, Adele the singer.
(35:58):
That's his neighbor.
So he said he didn't actually didn't realizethat she had I guess, maybe he wasn't realized
that she had moved in, whatever, but there was,they were having a party at this house, and
there was, like, karaoke going on.
And he said it was awful.
And he was walking over to tell them to stopbecause it was just it was awful, and it was so
(36:20):
loud.
And as he's walking over, Adele gets startssinging.
So now it goes from horrible karaoke to Adele.
So now he's like, I'm standing at the edge of,like, this property, and I'm, like, to the most
beautiful voice in the world.
He goes, I was about to start yelling, and I'mlistening to the most beautiful voice in the
(36:41):
world.
And it's so she sees him, and they start aconversation.
And he he says, like, you know, that was thatwas amazing or whatever.
She was, yeah, I have to start practicingbecause I'm going on tour or doing a residency
or whatever.
And he said, so tell me about your practice.
(37:03):
Like, what kind of practice?
What does it take to be Adele?
Now I'm thinking she's Adele.
She just freaking grabs the microphone.
She starts singing because she's Adele.
She knows the words.
Like, what do you mean practice?
She said, for me to get ready to go on stage, Ihave to put in four thousand hours before I'll
even go near the stage or something crazy likethat.
(37:25):
It might have been ten thousand hours.
Yeah.
And he was blown away by how much time, howmany hours she still works at her craft
Yeah.
To be the best.
And guys, it just goes to show you, if you wantto change your life, you have to dedicate time
(37:48):
to making the change.
If it's your mindset, if it's your career, ifit's your job search, if it's your weight, if
you're like, oh, I want to lose 10 pounds.
Okay.
Well, how are going to do it?
How much time are you going to put in?
What's your plan?
What's your routine gonna look like?
It's the same thing.
We're talking about reprogramming your mind andgetting better with negativity and negative
mindset and shifting that to positivity.
(38:09):
Okay.
How much time are you gonna put in?
And I think that that's that's probably themost important message I can give when it comes
to these types of situations.
What do you think, Allison?
I I totally agree.
It's like that saying you are your own greatestinvestment.
Mhmm.
Spend the time working on your I mean, there'snothing better than that.
(38:31):
You have to spend time working on yourself.
You're worth it.
Yeah.
You have enough.
I mean, you've got it in within you.
You just have to satisfy time.
And I think I said this on the last podcast,but I live by this.
You don't have to be consistently great.
You have to be great at being consistent.
It's all about being consistent and doing it ona daily basis.
(38:53):
I mean, is is that not the perfect way to endthis conversation?
Like, I can keep talking.
I know we're, like, way past our time normaltime, but, Allison, you're the best, man.
You are the freaking best.
Tom, thank you so much.
I feel the same way about you.
I mean, I just adore you, and I everythingyou've accomplished.
You're such a role model for so many.
(39:14):
I'm truly inspired by you always, and I'm justso grateful for our friendship.
And thank you for this opportunity, and I justhope it resonates
with you.
Man.
I I think we're changing lives here today.
And and, guys, thank you for listening, and youshould share this.
You should share this with everyone, not justMSLs, but anyone in your life because it's
really important stuff.
(39:35):
And I appreciate all your support.
Thank you all.
Love you guys, and we'll see you next time.
Thank you.
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