January 3, 2025 • 20 mins
Think your friends are the only ones who avoid talking about sex? Not here. In this “Girlfriend Edition,” Dr. Diane teams up with her friends Ruby and Sapphire for an unfiltered, no-judgment zone to discuss all things libido.
We get into the highs, the lows, and everything in between—how stress, emotions, and even productivity are tied to feeling sensual and alive. This episode is for anyone who wants to feel more connected to themselves and their partner (and maybe have a laugh or two along the way).
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to the libido lounge.
We focus on all things love, lust, and libido.
We believe that fabulous sex is important tohealth as exercise and good food.
Hey, everybody.
(00:21):
Welcome back to another episode on the LAU's.
I'm doctor Diane, your libido doc.
And I have a very special introduction and giftfor you today.
First of all, happy New Year, everybody.
For this New Year special, we have girlfriendedition.
So I'm gonna do a few of these this year,girlfriend edition of the libido lounge.
(00:42):
And, of course, because of that, I have acouple friends with me.
So we are gonna keep this episode super casual.
It's gonna feel like you're heading out of thelounge with us, talking to your girlfriends.
That's kind of the intention of today.
And so to introduce you to two of my besties,I'm gonna let you know a little secret, which
is that in my friend group, we have nicknames.
(01:06):
And so I'm gonna introduce you to my friends bytheir nicknames.
So here right behind me is Ruby.
Hi.
And then right next to her is Sapphire.
So we're gonna have this amazing talk.
Ruby's been on the show before.
We talked about her work with radicalembodiment.
Sapphire does amazing work with social justiceand works in the social justice field, and we
(01:30):
are here to just have a conversation aboutlibido.
So let's get started, ladies.
Okay.
So let's talk about healthy libido.
Tell me about when your libido has felt reallyhealthy and alive and what it has done for you.
Do you wanna start to sob, or you want me tostart
to start to sob?
(01:51):
Okay.
When my libido has felt really healthy.
Yeah.
But, like, how do you feel?
Like, when you notice that your libido isreally healthy, like, how Well, it's and
you I was saying you both are wearing beautifultracksuits because, I'm gonna get too much
information too, Cornette.
It's okay.
Well, a couple of us maybe did a Yoni steamlast weekend, and, we kinda casually joked
(02:13):
after our our bulb was originally watermelonblush color.
And I have to share that because what comes tome is I imagine is, like, thinking of my bulb
at this, like, flowering, beautiful, flush,soft area.
You know?
And so what that feels like though to me isthere's a lot of life force, a lot of vibrancy,
a lot of vitality, a lot of energy.
(02:34):
But I have a tendency in my system and my bodyto be really rigid and hold a lot of attention.
But when I'm really connected into my libido,that kind of thinking of that kind of
flowering, that softness helps my system dropdown and not be so rigid to try to hold myself
up or get something done.
And I
(02:54):
just feel more in flow.
I'm productive because I'm clear, but it's notcoming from, like, a do do do place.
Coming more from a connection and a desire likea
yeah.
So
what did he even notice then?
So, like, what you're saying then is whenyou're in that outer mouth, you know, that's
right.
That that's what I'm saying.
(03:16):
Oh, and the softness.
But yeah.
Right?
So when you're in the softness of that, it'slike it it's feeling like you're connected more
deeply to your libido.
So what's happening then if you're feelingrigid?
Like, do you
can you access your libido if you're feelingrigid?
Great question.
Yes.
I personally can most of the time, I can accessmy libido.
(03:40):
So how would I look?
What is maybe the pathway?
Is that kind
of what you're asking?
Yeah.
So so let's say you've had a hard day.
Let's say, like, you've had a day, you workedwith a lot of clients, and you're exhausted.
Let's say somebody is road raging you on theway home from your clinic day.
You have to say, hi.
Thanks.
And you're you get home, and you see yourpartner.
(04:02):
And all of a sudden, you're like, wow.
Like, your partner was maybe hitting on you,and you're like, okay.
I'm feeling like, do you ever have momentswhere you're feeling like,
I can't access that right now?
Usually, especially if it's after a full daywith clients, I need a little, like, fifteen
minute window when I come home to just go and,like, do my thing, which would first be, like,
(04:22):
unload all my stuff.
You know, do my whatever sorting because justhow my brain tracks and works.
Like, if I can just have that taken care of, ithelps me relax, and then I probably wanna go
shower or go I often will flash myself withrose water, just some sort of cleansing
something ritual, change my clothes, then I canshift in.
So it doesn't usually need, like, a longwindow, but usually I do need a little bit of
(04:45):
time if I've had a really long day of workingin a special building space to clients that, to
shift out of that.
And yeah.
Which would usually just be honestly managingthings, bringing my stuff in, storing laundry.
Right?
Like, very householdy.
Yeah.
But then would be tending to me of changing myclothes.
Maybe I put my oil on.
My rose definitely always always.
(05:05):
That spiritual.
Yeah.
I know that.
Ruby's fabulous.
Whenever we go to concerts and shows, shealways has her rose water with us, and it is
just delightful to camp and be sprayed withrose water.
I can't even tell you how much that opens up.
So and now we know it could signal our mediaexactly.
Each time you come to me, oh, and you're rosewater, I might just invite a little, like,
(05:30):
touching in with my, you know, knee, my vulva.
Mhmm.
Mhmm.
Well, that's So that's the trigger.
Right?
Because we can use those tactile triggers tokinda restinulate that feeling that we want.
So how about you?
Like, what do you notice, Sapphire, from astandpoint of, like, brakes, accelerators?
Like, what kinds of things are really the typesof things that are really revving your libido
(05:54):
up versus, like like, put it putting it
to a halt?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So with brakes and accelerators, I would say,something that really helps me feel like the
flow fluidity rhythm of my libido and myarousal is when I feel in deep connection with
(06:17):
my partner, when I feel seen and heard becauseI've been able to just share about how I am,
what's on my mind.
Maybe if there was, like, a worry or a concernthat's come up during my day and I wanna just
be heard in that, I noticed that that's a placewhere my body starts to really relax once I've
(06:41):
been able to just be met there.
And that is a real accelerator moving into moredesire, more, connection, more pleasure.
A break for me on the other hand is when thatdoesn't happen.
So for example, I've had the experience ofgoing out, being excited for a a date, a hot
(07:06):
date night, going out to dinner.
And as soon as I saw my man, I was like, ugh,he looks so good.
I feel so good.
This is a great night.
We're at this great restaurant.
And it just so happened that he was coming offa long drive with lots of traffic, and he had
been managing a lot that day with technologyand things, like, not working out.
(07:31):
And so he arrived really distracted Yeah.
And just in a different place.
Not wrong, not bad, just coming in with adifferent energy.
And so I noticed in my system that my, like,like, opening to him kind of starts dropping a
bit because our energy is not quite in theright place where I'm not feeling that sense of
(07:56):
being seen and heard and met.
Yeah.
And of course, we can find our way there, butit is something that's important for me to move
more into that desire.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're making me think of, like, one of thethings I talk about is this concept of desire
mismatch.
And oftentimes, I talk about it in the termsof, like, oh, it's more kind of like a a
(08:19):
chronic problem for people, right, where it'slike one person is way more turned on than the
other.
But what you're making me realize is I need tostart thinking about this even, like, short
term and talk about it more from a short termstandpoint.
Because in that moment, I would call that just,like, a short term desire mismatch, right,
where it's like, how do you manage?
Wow.
You are, like, in the pleasure and all theexpectations that go with, like, oh, we're
(08:42):
gonna have this perfect night.
And then he's having his own experience, whichis not wrong.
It's just his own experience at this day andwhere he's at, and then you miss each other.
Yeah.
So how did it go?
How did you how did you conquer this particularone?
Well, the that that time that I'm thinking of,I I just kind of sent I I kind of came back
(09:05):
into myself and and noticed what was a lie forme.
And we spent the night kind of having, like,one of my teachers calls it parallel play.
Like, we are connected together, like, givingeach other some space.
Yeah.
Because in my mind, and and checking in withhim, he he just needed like, when we got home
(09:29):
from our dinner, he actually said, like, couldwe just sit and meditate a little bit, like, so
that I can kind of ground?
And so that's where the night went thatparticular evening.
And I also was secretly glad because I wassuper tired.
And I was like, okay.
Well, let's let's go to sleep because there'salways the morning for my desire.
(09:49):
Like, oh, so, yeah, that night, it it just kindof shifted the way the night unfolded.
Mhmm.
And and that also felt fine.
You know?
I I felt like I one of the other things I wasgonna share, was just around this practice that
I learned from Jamie Thompson who's been onyour podcast around noticing an approval and
(10:12):
just noticing what's coming up in me.
And instead of creating a story around it,like, for example, oh, you know, he's
distracted.
It must be because I did something wrong whereI don't look right or some you know, and then
spinning out on the story and all of a suddenthere's this space between us and I'm totally
(10:33):
in this other place of being hard on myself,self criticizing.
That is a real killer.
You have libido for me that can actually spillover.
You know, I could go to sleep and wake up andbe in that same place.
So I really try to practice this noticing andapproval of like, oh, okay.
(10:54):
What's going on?
Oh, that's okay.
You know?
Oh, oh, we're in different places.
That's also okay.
You know?
And if I need something different, then I canreach out and talk about what I eat.
Mhmm.
Yeah.
People also Have you noticed that
for myself?
Relate to that.
Yeah.
I can relate to that.
I mean, even what comes to mind is a reallysmall example of being with someone and, the
(11:15):
dance of this was, like, in a new relationship.
And was I staying the night?
Was I not staying the night?
We both had very, very early mornings the nextday too, and it wasn't quite set.
And so, originally, I didn't wanna stay thenight.
But then once we were together and it was cold,I was like, oh, I wanna stay.
I thought I did.
Anyway, because I was it's so in my desire, andsomeone just wanted to cuddle and be together
(11:38):
and not hold.
And and, he wasn't just flat out saying stay.
He was he was being like, what what do youwant?
And I was just being a little like, I wannastay if you don't want me.
I was doing that dance, but I noticed it was,like, so good.
I was feeling so connected to him.
And what I noticed is my head wanted to go intostory.
(12:01):
I was able to pause it, but, like, like, I wasso felt so connected, so in desire and arousal.
And then my head went into this, oh, he doesn'twant me to stay.
I'm making so thick.
And it totally took me out of my body and tookme out even though I'm literally, like, laying
on top of him.
Right?
It was so interesting to just watch.
Mhmm.
It
was able to slow it down.
I was also a little, like, premenstrual, so Ihad some hormones.
(12:23):
You know?
That for me does make me more a little tendencyto not only be more sensitive, but a little
maybe quicker to have the potential of goinginto spiraling into story.
But, you know, was able to, you know, took somebreaths and then even checked in with myself,
which for me, I then needed to go to thebathroom.
(12:43):
And that just is helpful for me to not besubmerged and come into, okay.
Where am I at?
What am I feeling?
What do I need?
Actually, I need to go sleep alone.
Am I gonna look at better rest?
Mhmm.
Because I'm at 5AM.
But there was you know, I won't go to the otherstory of what I, you know, was coming up for
me, but it was interesting.
It did take me.
(13:04):
Yeah.
So I think that watching that story and notgoing into I love that languaging of go to see
say, an approval.
It's a great way to just language it and frameit.
And this was a little, I think, similar, but alittle different because I, wasn't so much, you
know, having an experience that I wasrejecting, but it was more of I thought I
(13:26):
wanted him to want me to I just needed him tosay that it was some other insecure, younger
part of me coming out.
Yeah.
You know?
It can be slight.
So It can be.
But it was such a for me, great thing.
I was like, oh.
Oh?
Yeah.
Yeah.
No.
Similar stuff too.
Like, I mean, my current partner, he is themost affirmative partner that I ever had as far
(13:51):
as words of affection and saying sweet things.
And, you know, I personally feel that it I dohave a responsibility myself to, like, self
affirm as well.
Right?
But it shouldn't always be on, you know, justmy partner.
But having, like, self affirming for any of theinsecurities that come up as well as then
(14:12):
having a partner who isn't afraid to tell meover and over and over again.
Like, it's never, you know, it's never too muchto say I'm beautiful, and he sees all the sweet
things about me and all of that.
I have found that that level of affirming hasbeen so helpful for adopting to me into my
sensual body as not popping
out of my body like Yeah.
Like you ladies are talking about.
(14:33):
Yeah.
So I know we talked about offline a few thingsabout, like, hard breaks.
Are there any other hard breaks besides that'sthat have puts the big stalker for
you guys on, you know, on intimacy?
Well, it
came when we were talking.
Yes.
I'm very sensual.
So since it's so important, smell, taste,environment, texture.
(14:59):
So if something is off, like breath,
that
is a good one.
That can, take me out of my experience forsure.
And until we tend to that thing or, you know,some things like scratchy.
Although now in this one moment, well,
I can't, like, drop into that, like, leg up.
(15:20):
But most of the
But scratching it back.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right?
But so most I will say if there's there'ssomething in the environment that is not
pleasing to to me and into my system, that cantake me out of my arousal experience for sure.
So what I'm curious about that is let's sayyou're in that moment where you've, like,
(15:40):
popped out of your arousal experience.
How do you manage that?
Do you say, oh, you sent my partner to orshould I be She said, yeah.
Good.
Or or if I'm just, like, desiring a little moresensual play and touch and feel, maybe I bring
in some oils with some really nice, like,essential oil blend in with them, so some
(16:02):
really beautiful smells that for me are reallycentral and turn me on.
Mhmm.
And and maybe I ask, can we just do five or tenminutes of massage?
Only that.
Yeah.
If I'm feeling a little you know, that canreally then help me have a way more pleasurable
experience.
Mhmm.
What I love about that too is I think it's oneof the things that I think is such a turn on
(16:25):
for women as well as for men is take what youwant and actually being able to drop into that
point of naming it and saying it in a waythat's clear with kindness, but also I mean,
how many of us, like, have walked around foryears, like, especially in earlier years, like
but I know many people for many years doingthings that are, like, not the things that
(16:48):
please your partner, you know, all of thosekind of things.
And you're just, like, naming that and gettingthat out of the way by saying, like, oh, I know
what my pleasure body wants, and I'm gonnastand for my pleasure body and communicate with
my pleasure body.
And, yeah, that's a really good recipe.
Yumminess.
I like to yeah.
Good recipe for yummy.
Yes.
Just get some essential oils, like, recipe fullof those so
(17:12):
you get to brush
your teeth.
Don't need to brush your teeth, and then do tenminutes of oil massage.
Well, ladies, thank you so much for joining meon this episode of the Girlfriend Edition.
And, everybody, we will have another girlfriendedition coming up.
So please do like this channel.
Please do share this.
(17:33):
Please go back and listen to Emily's previousepisode, and we'll put, you know, links to all
that and to her practice and her work withwomen and with humans on radical embodiments.
And that's really it for now.
Oh, and don't forget.
Yes.
The quiz of thank you.
Great.
Yeah.
Great resource through doctor d over here.
(17:55):
Really.
So one
of the other things we'll put in the show notesfor you guys, we're talking about things like
Sapphire was talking about around her emotionalbody and really needing to drop into those
emotions in order to actually experience turnon or when we're talking about Ruby and Ruby
talking about more of that sensual body andthat being an important part for turn on.
(18:15):
You can go and take my quiz to learn what sextype you are, and the sex types are basically
archetypes that help you guide you to yourunique style of what's most important to you
when it comes to your libido and your turn ons.
And they're super fun to do with your partnerbecause oftentimes what happens like, we talked
today about desire, miss, and that's, like,oftentimes what happens is we have an emotive
(18:36):
with a sensei.
You know?
We have these two different types of sexual exyou know, people that are prioritizing
different things.
And when we know that about our partner,
we can show up for them so much more.
So and, also, also wanna let you guys know thatwe're gonna be letting you guys know all month
this month that February, we are launching afour day better sex challenge, and I'm giving
(19:01):
this to you for free.
So it's four days.
You're gonna learn how to have better sex.
How do we conceive?
Just a bit.
What?
How to Yeah.
You
know, petition?
What What yourself?
No.
I mean, you could do that if you want, butthat's not what the challenge is about.
(19:22):
So so please yeah.
So it's, like, gonna be a jump start yourlibido over four days.
Please do sign up.
I'm offering that for you guys for free.
I said I want the
truth.
You might you might be competing against thisone, but it's not really a challenge.
Alright, everybody.
It's been a pleasure to have you for thisparticular girlfriend edition.
Thank you for being here.
(19:43):
We'll see you in another one.
Remember, always stay classy, always stay sexy,always be a little badassy.
See you next time.
Thank you for listening to the Libido Lounge.
Please don't keep me a secret.
Please share this with your friends.
You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, aswell as how to work with me at mylibidodoc.com.
Welcome to the libido lounge.
We focus on all things love, lust, and libido.
We believe that fabulous sex is important tohealth as exercise and good food.
Hey, everybody.
(00:21):
Welcome back to another episode on the LAU's.
I'm doctor Diane, your libido doc.
And I have a very special introduction and giftfor you today.
First of all, happy New Year, everybody.
For this New Year special, we have girlfriendedition.
So I'm gonna do a few of these this year,girlfriend edition of the libido lounge.
(00:42):
And, of course, because of that, I have acouple friends with me.
So we are gonna keep this episode super casual.
It's gonna feel like you're heading out of thelounge with us, talking to your girlfriends.
That's kind of the intention of today.
And so to introduce you to two of my besties,I'm gonna let you know a little secret, which
is that in my friend group, we have nicknames.
(01:06):
And so I'm gonna introduce you to my friends bytheir nicknames.
So here right behind me is Ruby.
Hi.
And then right next to her is Sapphire.
So we're gonna have this amazing talk.
Ruby's been on the show before.
We talked about her work with radicalembodiment.
Sapphire does amazing work with social justiceand works in the social justice field, and we
(01:30):
are here to just have a conversation aboutlibido.
So let's get started, ladies.
Okay.
So let's talk about healthy libido.
Tell me about when your libido has felt reallyhealthy and alive and what it has done for you.
Do you wanna start to sob, or you want me tostart
to start to sob?
(01:51):
Okay.
When my libido has felt really healthy.
Yeah.
But, like, how do you feel?
Like, when you notice that your libido isreally healthy, like, how Well, it's and
you I was saying you both are wearing beautifultracksuits because, I'm gonna get too much
information too, Cornette.
It's okay.
Well, a couple of us maybe did a Yoni steamlast weekend, and, we kinda casually joked
(02:13):
after our our bulb was originally watermelonblush color.
And I have to share that because what comes tome is I imagine is, like, thinking of my bulb
at this, like, flowering, beautiful, flush,soft area.
You know?
And so what that feels like though to me isthere's a lot of life force, a lot of vibrancy,
a lot of vitality, a lot of energy.
(02:34):
But I have a tendency in my system and my bodyto be really rigid and hold a lot of attention.
But when I'm really connected into my libido,that kind of thinking of that kind of
flowering, that softness helps my system dropdown and not be so rigid to try to hold myself
up or get something done.
And I
(02:54):
just feel more in flow.
I'm productive because I'm clear, but it's notcoming from, like, a do do do place.
Coming more from a connection and a desire likea
yeah.
So
what did he even notice then?
So, like, what you're saying then is whenyou're in that outer mouth, you know, that's
right.
That that's what I'm saying.
(03:16):
Oh, and the softness.
But yeah.
Right?
So when you're in the softness of that, it'slike it it's feeling like you're connected more
deeply to your libido.
So what's happening then if you're feelingrigid?
Like, do you
can you access your libido if you're feelingrigid?
Great question.
Yes.
I personally can most of the time, I can accessmy libido.
(03:40):
So how would I look?
What is maybe the pathway?
Is that kind
of what you're asking?
Yeah.
So so let's say you've had a hard day.
Let's say, like, you've had a day, you workedwith a lot of clients, and you're exhausted.
Let's say somebody is road raging you on theway home from your clinic day.
You have to say, hi.
Thanks.
And you're you get home, and you see yourpartner.
(04:02):
And all of a sudden, you're like, wow.
Like, your partner was maybe hitting on you,and you're like, okay.
I'm feeling like, do you ever have momentswhere you're feeling like,
I can't access that right now?
Usually, especially if it's after a full daywith clients, I need a little, like, fifteen
minute window when I come home to just go and,like, do my thing, which would first be, like,
(04:22):
unload all my stuff.
You know, do my whatever sorting because justhow my brain tracks and works.
Like, if I can just have that taken care of, ithelps me relax, and then I probably wanna go
shower or go I often will flash myself withrose water, just some sort of cleansing
something ritual, change my clothes, then I canshift in.
So it doesn't usually need, like, a longwindow, but usually I do need a little bit of
(04:45):
time if I've had a really long day of workingin a special building space to clients that, to
shift out of that.
And yeah.
Which would usually just be honestly managingthings, bringing my stuff in, storing laundry.
Right?
Like, very householdy.
Yeah.
But then would be tending to me of changing myclothes.
Maybe I put my oil on.
My rose definitely always always.
(05:05):
That spiritual.
Yeah.
I know that.
Ruby's fabulous.
Whenever we go to concerts and shows, shealways has her rose water with us, and it is
just delightful to camp and be sprayed withrose water.
I can't even tell you how much that opens up.
So and now we know it could signal our mediaexactly.
Each time you come to me, oh, and you're rosewater, I might just invite a little, like,
(05:30):
touching in with my, you know, knee, my vulva.
Mhmm.
Mhmm.
Well, that's So that's the trigger.
Right?
Because we can use those tactile triggers tokinda restinulate that feeling that we want.
So how about you?
Like, what do you notice, Sapphire, from astandpoint of, like, brakes, accelerators?
Like, what kinds of things are really the typesof things that are really revving your libido
(05:54):
up versus, like like, put it putting it
to a halt?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So with brakes and accelerators, I would say,something that really helps me feel like the
flow fluidity rhythm of my libido and myarousal is when I feel in deep connection with
(06:17):
my partner, when I feel seen and heard becauseI've been able to just share about how I am,
what's on my mind.
Maybe if there was, like, a worry or a concernthat's come up during my day and I wanna just
be heard in that, I noticed that that's a placewhere my body starts to really relax once I've
(06:41):
been able to just be met there.
And that is a real accelerator moving into moredesire, more, connection, more pleasure.
A break for me on the other hand is when thatdoesn't happen.
So for example, I've had the experience ofgoing out, being excited for a a date, a hot
(07:06):
date night, going out to dinner.
And as soon as I saw my man, I was like, ugh,he looks so good.
I feel so good.
This is a great night.
We're at this great restaurant.
And it just so happened that he was coming offa long drive with lots of traffic, and he had
been managing a lot that day with technologyand things, like, not working out.
(07:31):
And so he arrived really distracted Yeah.
And just in a different place.
Not wrong, not bad, just coming in with adifferent energy.
And so I noticed in my system that my, like,like, opening to him kind of starts dropping a
bit because our energy is not quite in theright place where I'm not feeling that sense of
(07:56):
being seen and heard and met.
Yeah.
And of course, we can find our way there, butit is something that's important for me to move
more into that desire.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're making me think of, like, one of thethings I talk about is this concept of desire
mismatch.
And oftentimes, I talk about it in the termsof, like, oh, it's more kind of like a a
(08:19):
chronic problem for people, right, where it'slike one person is way more turned on than the
other.
But what you're making me realize is I need tostart thinking about this even, like, short
term and talk about it more from a short termstandpoint.
Because in that moment, I would call that just,like, a short term desire mismatch, right,
where it's like, how do you manage?
Wow.
You are, like, in the pleasure and all theexpectations that go with, like, oh, we're
(08:42):
gonna have this perfect night.
And then he's having his own experience, whichis not wrong.
It's just his own experience at this day andwhere he's at, and then you miss each other.
Yeah.
So how did it go?
How did you how did you conquer this particularone?
Well, the that that time that I'm thinking of,I I just kind of sent I I kind of came back
(09:05):
into myself and and noticed what was a lie forme.
And we spent the night kind of having, like,one of my teachers calls it parallel play.
Like, we are connected together, like, givingeach other some space.
Yeah.
Because in my mind, and and checking in withhim, he he just needed like, when we got home
(09:29):
from our dinner, he actually said, like, couldwe just sit and meditate a little bit, like, so
that I can kind of ground?
And so that's where the night went thatparticular evening.
And I also was secretly glad because I wassuper tired.
And I was like, okay.
Well, let's let's go to sleep because there'salways the morning for my desire.
(09:49):
Like, oh, so, yeah, that night, it it just kindof shifted the way the night unfolded.
Mhmm.
And and that also felt fine.
You know?
I I felt like I one of the other things I wasgonna share, was just around this practice that
I learned from Jamie Thompson who's been onyour podcast around noticing an approval and
(10:12):
just noticing what's coming up in me.
And instead of creating a story around it,like, for example, oh, you know, he's
distracted.
It must be because I did something wrong whereI don't look right or some you know, and then
spinning out on the story and all of a suddenthere's this space between us and I'm totally
(10:33):
in this other place of being hard on myself,self criticizing.
That is a real killer.
You have libido for me that can actually spillover.
You know, I could go to sleep and wake up andbe in that same place.
So I really try to practice this noticing andapproval of like, oh, okay.
(10:54):
What's going on?
Oh, that's okay.
You know?
Oh, oh, we're in different places.
That's also okay.
You know?
And if I need something different, then I canreach out and talk about what I eat.
Mhmm.
Yeah.
People also Have you noticed that
for myself?
Relate to that.
Yeah.
I can relate to that.
I mean, even what comes to mind is a reallysmall example of being with someone and, the
(11:15):
dance of this was, like, in a new relationship.
And was I staying the night?
Was I not staying the night?
We both had very, very early mornings the nextday too, and it wasn't quite set.
And so, originally, I didn't wanna stay thenight.
But then once we were together and it was cold,I was like, oh, I wanna stay.
I thought I did.
Anyway, because I was it's so in my desire, andsomeone just wanted to cuddle and be together
(11:38):
and not hold.
And and, he wasn't just flat out saying stay.
He was he was being like, what what do youwant?
And I was just being a little like, I wannastay if you don't want me.
I was doing that dance, but I noticed it was,like, so good.
I was feeling so connected to him.
And what I noticed is my head wanted to go intostory.
(12:01):
I was able to pause it, but, like, like, I wasso felt so connected, so in desire and arousal.
And then my head went into this, oh, he doesn'twant me to stay.
I'm making so thick.
And it totally took me out of my body and tookme out even though I'm literally, like, laying
on top of him.
Right?
It was so interesting to just watch.
Mhmm.
It
was able to slow it down.
I was also a little, like, premenstrual, so Ihad some hormones.
(12:23):
You know?
That for me does make me more a little tendencyto not only be more sensitive, but a little
maybe quicker to have the potential of goinginto spiraling into story.
But, you know, was able to, you know, took somebreaths and then even checked in with myself,
which for me, I then needed to go to thebathroom.
(12:43):
And that just is helpful for me to not besubmerged and come into, okay.
Where am I at?
What am I feeling?
What do I need?
Actually, I need to go sleep alone.
Am I gonna look at better rest?
Mhmm.
Because I'm at 5AM.
But there was you know, I won't go to the otherstory of what I, you know, was coming up for
me, but it was interesting.
It did take me.
(13:04):
Yeah.
So I think that watching that story and notgoing into I love that languaging of go to see
say, an approval.
It's a great way to just language it and frameit.
And this was a little, I think, similar, but alittle different because I, wasn't so much, you
know, having an experience that I wasrejecting, but it was more of I thought I
(13:26):
wanted him to want me to I just needed him tosay that it was some other insecure, younger
part of me coming out.
Yeah.
You know?
It can be slight.
So It can be.
But it was such a for me, great thing.
I was like, oh.
Oh?
Yeah.
Yeah.
No.
Similar stuff too.
Like, I mean, my current partner, he is themost affirmative partner that I ever had as far
(13:51):
as words of affection and saying sweet things.
And, you know, I personally feel that it I dohave a responsibility myself to, like, self
affirm as well.
Right?
But it shouldn't always be on, you know, justmy partner.
But having, like, self affirming for any of theinsecurities that come up as well as then
(14:12):
having a partner who isn't afraid to tell meover and over and over again.
Like, it's never, you know, it's never too muchto say I'm beautiful, and he sees all the sweet
things about me and all of that.
I have found that that level of affirming hasbeen so helpful for adopting to me into my
sensual body as not popping
out of my body like Yeah.
Like you ladies are talking about.
(14:33):
Yeah.
So I know we talked about offline a few thingsabout, like, hard breaks.
Are there any other hard breaks besides that'sthat have puts the big stalker for
you guys on, you know, on intimacy?
Well, it
came when we were talking.
Yes.
I'm very sensual.
So since it's so important, smell, taste,environment, texture.
(14:59):
So if something is off, like breath,
that
is a good one.
That can, take me out of my experience forsure.
And until we tend to that thing or, you know,some things like scratchy.
Although now in this one moment, well,
I can't, like, drop into that, like, leg up.
(15:20):
But most of the
But scratching it back.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right?
But so most I will say if there's there'ssomething in the environment that is not
pleasing to to me and into my system, that cantake me out of my arousal experience for sure.
So what I'm curious about that is let's sayyou're in that moment where you've, like,
(15:40):
popped out of your arousal experience.
How do you manage that?
Do you say, oh, you sent my partner to orshould I be She said, yeah.
Good.
Or or if I'm just, like, desiring a little moresensual play and touch and feel, maybe I bring
in some oils with some really nice, like,essential oil blend in with them, so some
(16:02):
really beautiful smells that for me are reallycentral and turn me on.
Mhmm.
And and maybe I ask, can we just do five or tenminutes of massage?
Only that.
Yeah.
If I'm feeling a little you know, that canreally then help me have a way more pleasurable
experience.
Mhmm.
What I love about that too is I think it's oneof the things that I think is such a turn on
(16:25):
for women as well as for men is take what youwant and actually being able to drop into that
point of naming it and saying it in a waythat's clear with kindness, but also I mean,
how many of us, like, have walked around foryears, like, especially in earlier years, like
but I know many people for many years doingthings that are, like, not the things that
(16:48):
please your partner, you know, all of thosekind of things.
And you're just, like, naming that and gettingthat out of the way by saying, like, oh, I know
what my pleasure body wants, and I'm gonnastand for my pleasure body and communicate with
my pleasure body.
And, yeah, that's a really good recipe.
Yumminess.
I like to yeah.
Good recipe for yummy.
Yes.
Just get some essential oils, like, recipe fullof those so
(17:12):
you get to brush
your teeth.
Don't need to brush your teeth, and then do tenminutes of oil massage.
Well, ladies, thank you so much for joining meon this episode of the Girlfriend Edition.
And, everybody, we will have another girlfriendedition coming up.
So please do like this channel.
Please do share this.
(17:33):
Please go back and listen to Emily's previousepisode, and we'll put, you know, links to all
that and to her practice and her work withwomen and with humans on radical embodiments.
And that's really it for now.
Oh, and don't forget.
Yes.
The quiz of thank you.
Great.
Yeah.
Great resource through doctor d over here.
(17:55):
Really.
So one
of the other things we'll put in the show notesfor you guys, we're talking about things like
Sapphire was talking about around her emotionalbody and really needing to drop into those
emotions in order to actually experience turnon or when we're talking about Ruby and Ruby
talking about more of that sensual body andthat being an important part for turn on.
(18:15):
You can go and take my quiz to learn what sextype you are, and the sex types are basically
archetypes that help you guide you to yourunique style of what's most important to you
when it comes to your libido and your turn ons.
And they're super fun to do with your partnerbecause oftentimes what happens like, we talked
today about desire, miss, and that's, like,oftentimes what happens is we have an emotive
(18:36):
with a sensei.
You know?
We have these two different types of sexual exyou know, people that are prioritizing
different things.
And when we know that about our partner,
we can show up for them so much more.
So and, also, also wanna let you guys know thatwe're gonna be letting you guys know all month
this month that February, we are launching afour day better sex challenge, and I'm giving
(19:01):
this to you for free.
So it's four days.
You're gonna learn how to have better sex.
How do we conceive?
Just a bit.
What?
How to Yeah.
You
know, petition?
What What yourself?
No.
I mean, you could do that if you want, butthat's not what the challenge is about.
(19:22):
So so please yeah.
So it's, like, gonna be a jump start yourlibido over four days.
Please do sign up.
I'm offering that for you guys for free.
I said I want the
truth.
You might you might be competing against thisone, but it's not really a challenge.
Alright, everybody.
It's been a pleasure to have you for thisparticular girlfriend edition.
Thank you for being here.
(19:43):
We'll see you in another one.
Remember, always stay classy, always stay sexy,always be a little badassy.
See you next time.
Thank you for listening to the Libido Lounge.
Please don't keep me a secret.
Please share this with your friends.
You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, aswell as how to work with me at mylibidodoc.com.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.