March 3, 2025 • 23 mins
What if women’s pleasure was a priority, not an afterthought?
In this provocative episode, Dr. Diane sits down with Leah Spasova, a psychologist, sex and relationship expert, and founder of Life’s Explicit, to explore how society, censorship, and cultural conditioning are keeping women sexually unfulfilled.
They uncover why so many women feel disconnected from their own pleasure, how corporate interests profit from dissatisfaction, and what happens when women start reclaiming their sexuality. Plus, we discuss how your sex life impacts your mental health, relationships, and even your career success—and what you can do to change the script.
If you've ever felt like your pleasure has been sidelined, this conversation is a must-listen.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to the libido lounge.
We focus on all things love, lust, and libido.
We believe that fabulous sex is important tohealth as exercise and good food.
(00:20):
Hey, everybody.
Welcome back to another episode on The Lounge.
I'm your libido expert, Doctor.
Diane, and I have a great treat for you today.
Psychologist and sex and relationship expertand new friend of mine, Leah Spassova, is on
the show with me today, and we're gonna talkabout pleasure.
We're gonna talk about society programmingaround pleasure, about prioritization of
(00:43):
pleasure, and what truly is happening to us ashumans when we just pass over pleasure.
And it's just this afterthought that we don'tattend to.
And we're gonna get into the nitty gritty ofwhat that actually means for your health, your
wellness, your relationship, your happiness,and so much more.
So, Leah, welcome to the show.
So happy to have you.
And tell us a little bit about yourself andjust your journey.
(01:07):
How did you get introduced into the sexologyworld?
You have a great website that we'll put in theshow notes called Life's Explicit.
How did you create that?
Just kinda give us the background if you would,please.
First of all, thank you for having me.
It's a pleasure to chat with you again and,create with you as well.
(01:30):
And the the long story short is that I was justvery lucky to grow up in a sex positive family
and grow up having questions about sex andrelationships just like every other kid, and my
questions were always answered as a matter offact.
Nothing to be a big deal.
I was never made to feel shame or guilt aroundit, by being asked, like, where did you hear
(01:56):
this?
Or who told you that?
Or you're too young to know or any of that.
So, I just, you know, grew up curious andlearning and became the sexpert for all of my
friends from a very early age because I wasnerd as well as to where I am, learning about
these kind of, topics from people, from books,from, nongovernment organization that I joined
(02:22):
when I was 14, and they took us on trainings onhealthy relationships, toxic, domestic abuse
and violence, drug use and abuse.
All these things I've been learning since Iwas, like, that young.
And when I went into the psychology field,mental health field, I still found myself
(02:42):
answering phone calls and text messages fromfriends from back when I was a teenager saying,
oh, Leah, how do I deal with this, and whathappens when I do x, y, zed?
All about sex and relationships.
And at a crisis in my, work when I was workingin mental health, which is atrocious in The UK,
I just realized I needed to listen to myselfand to the people, around me, what I'm good at
(03:09):
and, going to that.
So I ended up going into sex and relationshipsand, opening my private practice.
And years later, as you mentioned, the Life'sexplicit website, I have a full practice.
I keep getting great referrals.
And, quite a lot of the time, I have a waitlist because people are so keen on working with
(03:34):
me, when they hear and see the results that Iachieve.
And I'm like, hey.
There's such a need for us sex and relationshipprofessionals.
And, I just want everybody to be able to accesssex and relationship support.
So, that's why I created Life's Explicit, and Iinvited colleagues to join the website to be
(04:01):
promoted on the website and found by theirideal clients because I don't have all the
expertise.
You know?
And I want people to find what they need.
Yeah.
I love your story.
It's like in in many ways, this professionseemed like it just found you through your own
interest and knowledge and just, like, thedirection of you just learning about sexology
(04:26):
and and studying the the art of sex and peopleasking you.
So I love that I love that it found you in manyways.
And let's jump into our questions today.
So my first question for you is is somethingthat we talked about briefly offline, which is
censorship.
Right?
And and I'm sure I imagine I shouldn't say I'msure, but I imagine that you've experienced
(04:49):
what I have in being a sexologist is thatthere's a lot of censorship that happens even
in just, like, promoting our work in the world.
Right?
So there's so much censorship around what youcan say on social media and what you can
advertise online.
And how does the level of censorship that we'reseeing, how does it actually influence us from
(05:13):
a standpoint of healthy sex and being able totalk about it?
And what do you feel like would happen if wereally started having better policies around
this?
So what would, like, say, future generations ofof women, of humans experience if we really
took away some of the this intense censorshipthat's going on?
(05:34):
The censorship is brutal.
I mean, I keep saying comedians have morefreedom of speech to talk about getting laid
and getting, you know, sucked off or whatever,than than we do when we open our mouth and
start talking about healthy sex andrelationships and and how people can have them.
We get banned, and people don't know aboutthis.
(05:57):
That's one of the reasons why I createdLifeExplicit so that it's a censorship free
space where you can actually find resources byprofessionals.
And when it comes to the future of it, thefuture is bleak considering, the the world
going far right and more polarized.
(06:17):
I was just talking to, another, podcaster.
She's a sex worker and a content adult contentcreator.
And I said to her, these companies, the worldof consumerism does not profit when you're
happy.
They profit when you're insecure, when you'redetached, when you're full of horrible things.
(06:42):
You know?
That's when you're the best consumer.
That's when you're gonna buy this next thingthat would make you feel better for, like, an
hour or a night or whatever it is.
We're when we are happy, we're having a picnicthat costs nothing, with our loved ones.
We're making love all night long.
We show up joyful, and we're not doomscrolling.
(07:05):
You know?
We're not shopping.
And people need to realize that if we are tohave a future without censorship, everybody
should be clued in on why this is happeningbecause it's not for your protection.
It's for their profits.
And, to make sure that people understand how dothey avoid censorship.
(07:26):
How do they stay connected to us?
And how would a world look like if we had nocensorship, no oppression?
Well, it will be more, like, closer to utopiathan the dystopia that we live in.
People will be connected.
People would have a lot of pleasure in theirlife and joy.
(07:51):
A lot of women would enjoy their bodies.
They will be healthier.
They will have a lot more sex because in asociety where we talk about sex and
relationships, men and women are interested inpleasure rather than due to sex and are
actively pursuing, connecting, and havingpleasure.
(08:15):
Right now, it's just like, oh, let me just havea quickie and and be done.
I'm like, are you kidding me?
Like, you can have a full night of pleasure.
People's idea of sex is so limited.
And I'm like, oh, it's like going to a buffetand staying in one corner of it and think,
(08:38):
yeah, that's all the food there is.
Well, it isn't Exactly.
Look up.
Yeah.
I think that's where, you know, people getbored so much and, you know, with sex and just
throw in the towel, and it becomes just, likeyou said, this, like, three minute experience,
and everybody gets in their sexual script thatI do x, you do x, he does x, she does x, they
(09:01):
do x, and, like, then it's over.
Right?
And it's just like it's just this script thatjust gets repeated over and over and over
again.
And and, frankly, like, you know, if, like,you're staying in the buffet like you said, if
you're in that one corner and all you eat ischicken salad, it could be really good chicken
salad.
But if you eat it and that's all you eat, Idon't care how good it is, you're gonna get
bored with it.
(09:22):
So that's a really, really great analogy.
And another thing you're making me think aboutas you're you're chatting is this, like, human
tendency for moving either towards pleasure oraway from pain as, like, motivation.
And when you're talking about, like,consumerism and and all that, like, what I hear
in a lot of your saying is, like, oh, yeah.
(09:42):
We we capitalize oftentimes around most humansare more motivated around running away from
their pain, around, like, getting out of painthan the other motivating factor, which can be
towards pleasure.
So what do you think would happen in, you know,in a society where we started really
(10:03):
prioritizing pleasure, where we really, like,put it as a priority, where we say motivated
ourselves, not just away from pain because noneof us wanna suffer, of course, but if we really
also added on top of that that drive topleasure and prioritize that, like, how do you
think, like like, things would change forpeople, like relationships, health, you know,
(10:26):
just especially for women, like, where wouldhow would their their lives potentially change
if they reoriented this way?
I would I would have to start a little bitfurther back.
Yeah.
To to the back to the consumerism.
And I wanna highlight, if people haven't read,two classic books, 1984 by George Orwell and
(10:49):
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley, they shouldread them.
Because I feel like governments of today haveread these books that are dystopians, that
depict a horrible world and have gone, that's agreat manual to create the world by.
Right.
Who should read these books?
The reason why I'm saying this is, yes, peopleare motivated to run away from pain.
(11:15):
They are still motivated by pleasure, though.
So, buying something from Amazon or or Gucci oror wherever, it still promises pleasure, and
you still have satisfaction by getting it.
So we are sold pleasure and satisfaction, butthese are fleeting.
We are sold confidence that's, in a dress or ina car.
(11:39):
It is not part of us.
This is not the real us.
So the reason that I highlight sex is, youknow, used to sell everything from a perfume to
a bag to a car to fucking Marmite.
Alright.
Honestly, if you haven't seen the Marmiteadvert that's so sexualized, you should.
(12:04):
But the reason why they use sex is because theyknow the power of sex.
Because through sex, we get so much connection,confidence, pleasure, sense of identity even of
someone who's loved and respected and cherishedand appreciated.
(12:25):
Even if it's a one night stand, you still feelappreciated for whatever happened that night,
with, you know, all they thought I'm sexy.
Good.
You know?
So whatever it is, they sell everything throughsex because they know that sex is the one thing
that can give us all of those feelings.
(12:46):
All of these desires get fulfilled through sex.
But they don't want us to experience sexbecause then we don't buy the car, the dress,
the blah, the blah.
So they do sell us what we want, except it'sfleeting and it's fake.
And if we are to live in a actually pleasurefilled life, and and world, you would have far
(13:14):
less stuff in your house.
You would have a lot more relationships.
You would have a lot more time off from work.
This is where I'll plug in another book calledCivilized to Death, and it's, by Christopher
Ryan.
It's definitely worth reading.
But the point is we keep buying things andconsuming because we're unfulfilled.
(13:40):
Imagine being completely unfulfilled.
You have the the comforts of your life, youknow, your house, your car, etcetera.
But now you have more connection with thepeople in your life because they have social
skills, because they have relationship skills,because the intimacy between you is great.
(14:01):
You're more likely to, as I keep saying, grabthat blanket, grab a book, go sit on the beach,
listen to a podcast together, discuss it, youknow, get home, make love, have dinner.
You know?
Keanu Reeves has this tiny video of, like, whatis the perfect world, perfect day for him.
(14:24):
And he says wake up, have sex, have breakfast,go for a motorcycle ride, have sex, have lunch.
And that's the whole, And I'm like, yeah.
Because when you have your basics and you havethe connection, you will have a lot of pleasure
in your life.
You will be more connected.
(14:45):
And I'm not talking about, you know, addictionto sex or anything like this.
This is a completely different topic.
I'm talking about when you're connected, whenyou're at peace, and when when you're not
paying off yet another thing or credit card,you have the capacity to enjoy your body, to
enjoy your your partner, and to have betterrelationship because you would work on
(15:09):
yourself, and you they would do the same.
I appreciate that so much.
It's such a important awareness of thatconnection of, you know, what are we trying to
fill ourselves with if we are devoid of that?
I said, and like you said, we're on Amazon.
We're buying this, and it's cool for a second.
We get a dopamine hit.
Like, it feels exciting.
(15:29):
It's it's like hanging that really great newpicture on the wall in the first week.
It's awesome, and it makes you so happy.
And then a week later, it blends into the wall,and you don't even notice it really.
Exactly.
You know?
So it's like that that fleeting type ofpleasure.
What about, like, other things you've noticed?
Like, have you noticed that when people focuson more pleasure, have you noticed anything in
(15:50):
their health or in their career improve orchange?
Yeah.
Oh my god.
Massively.
I a while back, a couple of years ago, I wasinvited to speak to CEOs and entrepreneurs in
Oxfordshire in The UK where I lived.
And I held a talk about the return oninvestment when a company invests in their
(16:18):
employee's sex and relationship well-being.
And I I started with some rhetorical questions.
I was like, have you ever had such an amazingconnection and a sexual and intimate experience
with someone that you felt like you can conquerthe world, that you felt full of zest, full of,
(16:38):
you know, positive vibes and and desire to justdo stuff because you felt so capable and
confident.
And people are, like, nodding their heads.
Right?
And I'm like, okay.
Well, have you had those other moments whenyou're absolutely disconnected and upset with
your partner and you had a role and you go tothe office, and the whole day you're just
(16:59):
thinking how else you could have shut them downor told them off or whatever.
And you are definitely not productive one bit.
And they laugh, and they're like, yeah.
Yep.
Exactly.
Like, so do you get me now when I say if youinvest in your employees' sex and relationship
(17:20):
well-being, when they show up at work becausethey have been connecting with their partners
at home and it's being healthy and good, theycome recharged and happy.
If if there's drama at work and they have asupportive partner at home, that drama, they
would deal with it way better.
Mhmm.
(17:40):
Rather than drama at work, drama at home,nothing gets done.
And I keep saying there's a lot of power insexuality and being connected to yourself,
serving yourself, being compassionate toyourself, and allowing yourself that pleasure
and being, quite brutal even with who you letin your life.
(18:04):
Yeah.
Because the person that's next to you as apartner or if you're a programmer is the
people, they will create a huge percentage ofyour life's experiences.
Mhmm.
There is benefits when it comes to work.
You will be more connected, more, full of zestand and capable.
(18:30):
Health wise, oh my god.
You know how much of our health is dependent onus being healthy Yeah.
In our relationships.
And not only that, but biologically, sex makesus fitter because it's a physical exercise.
(18:50):
Best form of exercise, if you ask me, isbenefits in terms of your mental health as
well, because you're not feeling disconnected.
You're not feeling sad.
Depression is gonna stay away.
I genuinely believe that if we we handle betterrelationship skills and better intimacy skills,
(19:15):
so depression and anxiety will be way, way, wayfar away from us.
Yeah.
There's I'm not a medic, but I see it.
There's a massive connection between beingsexually fulfilled and having a healthy
relationship and being healthy in body, mind,and spirit.
(19:36):
Yeah.
That's beautiful and well summed up and I thinkthere's a lot of just awareness to the large
amount of benefits from this around and and theimportance of getting the censorship out.
Right?
Because I think people do truly think of sex asjust this moment.
Oftentimes, that happens maybe once a week,maybe once a week a month, maybe once a year,
(19:58):
last a few minutes, and then, you know, andthen moving on.
And it really is a part of health and happinessas much as, you know, good water, good food,
all those kinds of things.
So I know we're at time today.
I wanna make sure everybody knows how to getahold of you, and you have a free gift for our
audience.
I wanna make sure to talk about that.
(20:19):
And and also to remind everybody that,remember, in in 2025, we're doing the same
thing that we did in 2024, which is that we arepaying attention to whoever gets the likes most
most likes, downloads, etcetera, across all ofour channels, and that person will be invited
back in December for a deep dive on their topicwhere we can go a lot deeper.
(20:42):
You can submit your questions ahead of time,and and we can have a lot more fun.
So please do spread the word for Leah.
Download her episode.
Share it around because I know I would love tohave you back.
And but before we say goodbye, please tell usabout this this gift you're giving us as well
as how people get ahold of you.
The gift is, an ebook, called the three secretsto a pleasure filled life.
(21:09):
And, it's available on my website.
You can find me on Life's Explicit, or if youjust Google my name, I'm very Googleable.
You can approach me in on my website or onlife's explicit.
It doesn't matter.
And I encourage you if what we've been talkingabout here and what Diane has, you know, to
(21:32):
teach you in every single episode, And you'rethinking, oh, I I need support with this.
Please seek support.
The world depends on us building those skillsand having, those intimate connections that,
you know, fill us with joy and prevent us fromputting yet another, I don't know, painting or,
(21:53):
unneeded watch on the credit card.
We need more connection in the world.
And if you need help, I would definitelyrecommend people to go to Life's Explicit to
find me, to find you, and any otherprofessional and resource they may want to to
check out.
So that's my my closing.
(22:14):
Like, you deserve pleasure.
You deserve great relationships.
Don't deny yourself a single day anymore.
I love it.
What a great conclusion.
And and we'll have all these links, everybody.
We'll have all these links in Leah's show noteshere.
And, you know, sometimes I ask people to tellabout their opt in, but I think your opt in is
(22:34):
very clear.
Like, three big secrets to a pleasure filledlife.
Like, I want those secrets.
I imagine everybody else does too.
So please go find out what those secrets are,what steps you can do right away to get that
yourself moving towards that pleasure freelife, please do check out Leah's website.
And, again, all of that will be in the shownotes.
And thank you everybody for listening today.
(22:55):
It's such a pleasure to be with you once again.
And this is doctor Diane signing off herereminding you to always be classy, always be
sexy, and always stay a little badass y.
We'll see you next time.
Thank you for listening to the Libido Lounge.
Please don't keep me a secret.
Please share this with your friends.
(23:16):
You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, aswell as how to work with me at mylibidodoc.com.
Welcome to the libido lounge.
We focus on all things love, lust, and libido.
We believe that fabulous sex is important tohealth as exercise and good food.
(00:20):
Hey, everybody.
Welcome back to another episode on The Lounge.
I'm your libido expert, Doctor.
Diane, and I have a great treat for you today.
Psychologist and sex and relationship expertand new friend of mine, Leah Spassova, is on
the show with me today, and we're gonna talkabout pleasure.
We're gonna talk about society programmingaround pleasure, about prioritization of
(00:43):
pleasure, and what truly is happening to us ashumans when we just pass over pleasure.
And it's just this afterthought that we don'tattend to.
And we're gonna get into the nitty gritty ofwhat that actually means for your health, your
wellness, your relationship, your happiness,and so much more.
So, Leah, welcome to the show.
So happy to have you.
And tell us a little bit about yourself andjust your journey.
(01:07):
How did you get introduced into the sexologyworld?
You have a great website that we'll put in theshow notes called Life's Explicit.
How did you create that?
Just kinda give us the background if you would,please.
First of all, thank you for having me.
It's a pleasure to chat with you again and,create with you as well.
(01:30):
And the the long story short is that I was justvery lucky to grow up in a sex positive family
and grow up having questions about sex andrelationships just like every other kid, and my
questions were always answered as a matter offact.
Nothing to be a big deal.
I was never made to feel shame or guilt aroundit, by being asked, like, where did you hear
(01:56):
this?
Or who told you that?
Or you're too young to know or any of that.
So, I just, you know, grew up curious andlearning and became the sexpert for all of my
friends from a very early age because I wasnerd as well as to where I am, learning about
these kind of, topics from people, from books,from, nongovernment organization that I joined
(02:22):
when I was 14, and they took us on trainings onhealthy relationships, toxic, domestic abuse
and violence, drug use and abuse.
All these things I've been learning since Iwas, like, that young.
And when I went into the psychology field,mental health field, I still found myself
(02:42):
answering phone calls and text messages fromfriends from back when I was a teenager saying,
oh, Leah, how do I deal with this, and whathappens when I do x, y, zed?
All about sex and relationships.
And at a crisis in my, work when I was workingin mental health, which is atrocious in The UK,
I just realized I needed to listen to myselfand to the people, around me, what I'm good at
(03:09):
and, going to that.
So I ended up going into sex and relationshipsand, opening my private practice.
And years later, as you mentioned, the Life'sexplicit website, I have a full practice.
I keep getting great referrals.
And, quite a lot of the time, I have a waitlist because people are so keen on working with
(03:34):
me, when they hear and see the results that Iachieve.
And I'm like, hey.
There's such a need for us sex and relationshipprofessionals.
And, I just want everybody to be able to accesssex and relationship support.
So, that's why I created Life's Explicit, and Iinvited colleagues to join the website to be
(04:01):
promoted on the website and found by theirideal clients because I don't have all the
expertise.
You know?
And I want people to find what they need.
Yeah.
I love your story.
It's like in in many ways, this professionseemed like it just found you through your own
interest and knowledge and just, like, thedirection of you just learning about sexology
(04:26):
and and studying the the art of sex and peopleasking you.
So I love that I love that it found you in manyways.
And let's jump into our questions today.
So my first question for you is is somethingthat we talked about briefly offline, which is
censorship.
Right?
And and I'm sure I imagine I shouldn't say I'msure, but I imagine that you've experienced
(04:49):
what I have in being a sexologist is thatthere's a lot of censorship that happens even
in just, like, promoting our work in the world.
Right?
So there's so much censorship around what youcan say on social media and what you can
advertise online.
And how does the level of censorship that we'reseeing, how does it actually influence us from
(05:13):
a standpoint of healthy sex and being able totalk about it?
And what do you feel like would happen if wereally started having better policies around
this?
So what would, like, say, future generations ofof women, of humans experience if we really
took away some of the this intense censorshipthat's going on?
(05:34):
The censorship is brutal.
I mean, I keep saying comedians have morefreedom of speech to talk about getting laid
and getting, you know, sucked off or whatever,than than we do when we open our mouth and
start talking about healthy sex andrelationships and and how people can have them.
We get banned, and people don't know aboutthis.
(05:57):
That's one of the reasons why I createdLifeExplicit so that it's a censorship free
space where you can actually find resources byprofessionals.
And when it comes to the future of it, thefuture is bleak considering, the the world
going far right and more polarized.
(06:17):
I was just talking to, another, podcaster.
She's a sex worker and a content adult contentcreator.
And I said to her, these companies, the worldof consumerism does not profit when you're
happy.
They profit when you're insecure, when you'redetached, when you're full of horrible things.
(06:42):
You know?
That's when you're the best consumer.
That's when you're gonna buy this next thingthat would make you feel better for, like, an
hour or a night or whatever it is.
We're when we are happy, we're having a picnicthat costs nothing, with our loved ones.
We're making love all night long.
We show up joyful, and we're not doomscrolling.
(07:05):
You know?
We're not shopping.
And people need to realize that if we are tohave a future without censorship, everybody
should be clued in on why this is happeningbecause it's not for your protection.
It's for their profits.
And, to make sure that people understand how dothey avoid censorship.
(07:26):
How do they stay connected to us?
And how would a world look like if we had nocensorship, no oppression?
Well, it will be more, like, closer to utopiathan the dystopia that we live in.
People will be connected.
People would have a lot of pleasure in theirlife and joy.
(07:51):
A lot of women would enjoy their bodies.
They will be healthier.
They will have a lot more sex because in asociety where we talk about sex and
relationships, men and women are interested inpleasure rather than due to sex and are
actively pursuing, connecting, and havingpleasure.
(08:15):
Right now, it's just like, oh, let me just havea quickie and and be done.
I'm like, are you kidding me?
Like, you can have a full night of pleasure.
People's idea of sex is so limited.
And I'm like, oh, it's like going to a buffetand staying in one corner of it and think,
(08:38):
yeah, that's all the food there is.
Well, it isn't Exactly.
Look up.
Yeah.
I think that's where, you know, people getbored so much and, you know, with sex and just
throw in the towel, and it becomes just, likeyou said, this, like, three minute experience,
and everybody gets in their sexual script thatI do x, you do x, he does x, she does x, they
(09:01):
do x, and, like, then it's over.
Right?
And it's just like it's just this script thatjust gets repeated over and over and over
again.
And and, frankly, like, you know, if, like,you're staying in the buffet like you said, if
you're in that one corner and all you eat ischicken salad, it could be really good chicken
salad.
But if you eat it and that's all you eat, Idon't care how good it is, you're gonna get
bored with it.
(09:22):
So that's a really, really great analogy.
And another thing you're making me think aboutas you're you're chatting is this, like, human
tendency for moving either towards pleasure oraway from pain as, like, motivation.
And when you're talking about, like,consumerism and and all that, like, what I hear
in a lot of your saying is, like, oh, yeah.
(09:42):
We we capitalize oftentimes around most humansare more motivated around running away from
their pain, around, like, getting out of painthan the other motivating factor, which can be
towards pleasure.
So what do you think would happen in, you know,in a society where we started really
(10:03):
prioritizing pleasure, where we really, like,put it as a priority, where we say motivated
ourselves, not just away from pain because noneof us wanna suffer, of course, but if we really
also added on top of that that drive topleasure and prioritize that, like, how do you
think, like like, things would change forpeople, like relationships, health, you know,
(10:26):
just especially for women, like, where wouldhow would their their lives potentially change
if they reoriented this way?
I would I would have to start a little bitfurther back.
Yeah.
To to the back to the consumerism.
And I wanna highlight, if people haven't read,two classic books, 1984 by George Orwell and
(10:49):
Brave New World by Aldous Huxley, they shouldread them.
Because I feel like governments of today haveread these books that are dystopians, that
depict a horrible world and have gone, that's agreat manual to create the world by.
Right.
Who should read these books?
The reason why I'm saying this is, yes, peopleare motivated to run away from pain.
(11:15):
They are still motivated by pleasure, though.
So, buying something from Amazon or or Gucci oror wherever, it still promises pleasure, and
you still have satisfaction by getting it.
So we are sold pleasure and satisfaction, butthese are fleeting.
We are sold confidence that's, in a dress or ina car.
(11:39):
It is not part of us.
This is not the real us.
So the reason that I highlight sex is, youknow, used to sell everything from a perfume to
a bag to a car to fucking Marmite.
Alright.
Honestly, if you haven't seen the Marmiteadvert that's so sexualized, you should.
(12:04):
But the reason why they use sex is because theyknow the power of sex.
Because through sex, we get so much connection,confidence, pleasure, sense of identity even of
someone who's loved and respected and cherishedand appreciated.
(12:25):
Even if it's a one night stand, you still feelappreciated for whatever happened that night,
with, you know, all they thought I'm sexy.
Good.
You know?
So whatever it is, they sell everything throughsex because they know that sex is the one thing
that can give us all of those feelings.
(12:46):
All of these desires get fulfilled through sex.
But they don't want us to experience sexbecause then we don't buy the car, the dress,
the blah, the blah.
So they do sell us what we want, except it'sfleeting and it's fake.
And if we are to live in a actually pleasurefilled life, and and world, you would have far
(13:14):
less stuff in your house.
You would have a lot more relationships.
You would have a lot more time off from work.
This is where I'll plug in another book calledCivilized to Death, and it's, by Christopher
Ryan.
It's definitely worth reading.
But the point is we keep buying things andconsuming because we're unfulfilled.
(13:40):
Imagine being completely unfulfilled.
You have the the comforts of your life, youknow, your house, your car, etcetera.
But now you have more connection with thepeople in your life because they have social
skills, because they have relationship skills,because the intimacy between you is great.
(14:01):
You're more likely to, as I keep saying, grabthat blanket, grab a book, go sit on the beach,
listen to a podcast together, discuss it, youknow, get home, make love, have dinner.
You know?
Keanu Reeves has this tiny video of, like, whatis the perfect world, perfect day for him.
(14:24):
And he says wake up, have sex, have breakfast,go for a motorcycle ride, have sex, have lunch.
And that's the whole, And I'm like, yeah.
Because when you have your basics and you havethe connection, you will have a lot of pleasure
in your life.
You will be more connected.
(14:45):
And I'm not talking about, you know, addictionto sex or anything like this.
This is a completely different topic.
I'm talking about when you're connected, whenyou're at peace, and when when you're not
paying off yet another thing or credit card,you have the capacity to enjoy your body, to
enjoy your your partner, and to have betterrelationship because you would work on
(15:09):
yourself, and you they would do the same.
I appreciate that so much.
It's such a important awareness of thatconnection of, you know, what are we trying to
fill ourselves with if we are devoid of that?
I said, and like you said, we're on Amazon.
We're buying this, and it's cool for a second.
We get a dopamine hit.
Like, it feels exciting.
(15:29):
It's it's like hanging that really great newpicture on the wall in the first week.
It's awesome, and it makes you so happy.
And then a week later, it blends into the wall,and you don't even notice it really.
Exactly.
You know?
So it's like that that fleeting type ofpleasure.
What about, like, other things you've noticed?
Like, have you noticed that when people focuson more pleasure, have you noticed anything in
(15:50):
their health or in their career improve orchange?
Yeah.
Oh my god.
Massively.
I a while back, a couple of years ago, I wasinvited to speak to CEOs and entrepreneurs in
Oxfordshire in The UK where I lived.
And I held a talk about the return oninvestment when a company invests in their
(16:18):
employee's sex and relationship well-being.
And I I started with some rhetorical questions.
I was like, have you ever had such an amazingconnection and a sexual and intimate experience
with someone that you felt like you can conquerthe world, that you felt full of zest, full of,
(16:38):
you know, positive vibes and and desire to justdo stuff because you felt so capable and
confident.
And people are, like, nodding their heads.
Right?
And I'm like, okay.
Well, have you had those other moments whenyou're absolutely disconnected and upset with
your partner and you had a role and you go tothe office, and the whole day you're just
(16:59):
thinking how else you could have shut them downor told them off or whatever.
And you are definitely not productive one bit.
And they laugh, and they're like, yeah.
Yep.
Exactly.
Like, so do you get me now when I say if youinvest in your employees' sex and relationship
(17:20):
well-being, when they show up at work becausethey have been connecting with their partners
at home and it's being healthy and good, theycome recharged and happy.
If if there's drama at work and they have asupportive partner at home, that drama, they
would deal with it way better.
Mhmm.
(17:40):
Rather than drama at work, drama at home,nothing gets done.
And I keep saying there's a lot of power insexuality and being connected to yourself,
serving yourself, being compassionate toyourself, and allowing yourself that pleasure
and being, quite brutal even with who you letin your life.
(18:04):
Yeah.
Because the person that's next to you as apartner or if you're a programmer is the
people, they will create a huge percentage ofyour life's experiences.
Mhmm.
There is benefits when it comes to work.
You will be more connected, more, full of zestand and capable.
(18:30):
Health wise, oh my god.
You know how much of our health is dependent onus being healthy Yeah.
In our relationships.
And not only that, but biologically, sex makesus fitter because it's a physical exercise.
(18:50):
Best form of exercise, if you ask me, isbenefits in terms of your mental health as
well, because you're not feeling disconnected.
You're not feeling sad.
Depression is gonna stay away.
I genuinely believe that if we we handle betterrelationship skills and better intimacy skills,
(19:15):
so depression and anxiety will be way, way, wayfar away from us.
Yeah.
There's I'm not a medic, but I see it.
There's a massive connection between beingsexually fulfilled and having a healthy
relationship and being healthy in body, mind,and spirit.
(19:36):
Yeah.
That's beautiful and well summed up and I thinkthere's a lot of just awareness to the large
amount of benefits from this around and and theimportance of getting the censorship out.
Right?
Because I think people do truly think of sex asjust this moment.
Oftentimes, that happens maybe once a week,maybe once a week a month, maybe once a year,
(19:58):
last a few minutes, and then, you know, andthen moving on.
And it really is a part of health and happinessas much as, you know, good water, good food,
all those kinds of things.
So I know we're at time today.
I wanna make sure everybody knows how to getahold of you, and you have a free gift for our
audience.
I wanna make sure to talk about that.
(20:19):
And and also to remind everybody that,remember, in in 2025, we're doing the same
thing that we did in 2024, which is that we arepaying attention to whoever gets the likes most
most likes, downloads, etcetera, across all ofour channels, and that person will be invited
back in December for a deep dive on their topicwhere we can go a lot deeper.
(20:42):
You can submit your questions ahead of time,and and we can have a lot more fun.
So please do spread the word for Leah.
Download her episode.
Share it around because I know I would love tohave you back.
And but before we say goodbye, please tell usabout this this gift you're giving us as well
as how people get ahold of you.
The gift is, an ebook, called the three secretsto a pleasure filled life.
(21:09):
And, it's available on my website.
You can find me on Life's Explicit, or if youjust Google my name, I'm very Googleable.
You can approach me in on my website or onlife's explicit.
It doesn't matter.
And I encourage you if what we've been talkingabout here and what Diane has, you know, to
(21:32):
teach you in every single episode, And you'rethinking, oh, I I need support with this.
Please seek support.
The world depends on us building those skillsand having, those intimate connections that,
you know, fill us with joy and prevent us fromputting yet another, I don't know, painting or,
(21:53):
unneeded watch on the credit card.
We need more connection in the world.
And if you need help, I would definitelyrecommend people to go to Life's Explicit to
find me, to find you, and any otherprofessional and resource they may want to to
check out.
So that's my my closing.
(22:14):
Like, you deserve pleasure.
You deserve great relationships.
Don't deny yourself a single day anymore.
I love it.
What a great conclusion.
And and we'll have all these links, everybody.
We'll have all these links in Leah's show noteshere.
And, you know, sometimes I ask people to tellabout their opt in, but I think your opt in is
(22:34):
very clear.
Like, three big secrets to a pleasure filledlife.
Like, I want those secrets.
I imagine everybody else does too.
So please go find out what those secrets are,what steps you can do right away to get that
yourself moving towards that pleasure freelife, please do check out Leah's website.
And, again, all of that will be in the shownotes.
And thank you everybody for listening today.
(22:55):
It's such a pleasure to be with you once again.
And this is doctor Diane signing off herereminding you to always be classy, always be
sexy, and always stay a little badass y.
We'll see you next time.
Thank you for listening to the Libido Lounge.
Please don't keep me a secret.
Please share this with your friends.
(23:16):
You can find me on YouTube, on Instagram, aswell as how to work with me at mylibidodoc.com.
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