Crashing Weddings and Creating Art: Conversations with Ayana Major Bay

Episode Transcript
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(00:02):
Hey, friend. Welcome. Andwelcome back to nosey AF conversations
about art, activism and socialchange. My name is Stephanie and
I'm your friend and host. Andtoday's conversation is with Ayana
Major Bey. Ayana's an actor, amentor, a podcaster, and she's an

(00:23):
all around creative force, youknow, And I first found Ayanna through
the women of color podcasterscommunity, which is a. That I joined
to, you know, connect withmore women of color that podcast.
And as soon as I saw her faceand her podcast, I'm like, oh, my

(00:46):
God, another black womanartist with a podcast. I think I
just found my new best friendbeside you, of course. And I was
like, oh, my gosh. I just,like, went wild. But, like, after
I geeked out and had thatlittle, like, parasocial moment,
I was really curious aboutAyana because I'm like, wow, she's

(01:08):
acting, she's mentoring, shehas all this stuff going on. And
on top of that, a podcast,which is not an easy project to take
on. And so I'm just like, wow,I wonder what keeps her going, you
know, like, how does she fitit in? How does she see the work
that she's doing? And so we'redigging into that. She's made so

(01:29):
many pivots in her career, andit's so funny that I say the word
pivot because her PODC iscalled the artist pivot. But we get
into all of this, what itmeans to show up for your art. And
also, and also, Ayanna crasheda wedding. So let's get into the
theme song. Let's get into theconversation. I am so happy you're

(01:51):
here. Welcome to nosey af.Gotta get up, get up to the whole
world. You will win a winner.Vision of a star with a mission in
the cause. What you doing? Howyou doing? What you're doing and
who you are. Flex yourself andpress yourself. Check your. If you
know me, then you know that Ibe knowing what's up. Hey, Stephanie.
Graham is nosy as Ayana.Welcome to nosey af.

(02:18):
Hi.
Thank you so much. I'm excitedto be here.
Yes. I love listening to yourpodcast, the Artist Pivot.
Oh, thank you.
Yes.
I enjoy producing it.
Yes, I know you do. It's sosuch a great resource for folks that
are thinking, should I dosomething else? I thought we could

(02:39):
start with foolishness in. Oh,let you crashed a wedding.
Yes, I.
Please, please tell us allabout crashing the wedding.
Oh, I'll be glad to. Here wego. Story time, friends. So this

(02:59):
was. Oh, gosh, maybe 10 yearsago. At least 10 years ago. No, probably
more. I'm trying to decide wasit before or after I went to grad
school? I don't know, but it'sat least 10 years. It may be 12 years.
Yeah. So my mom is a doctor.
Okay.
And my sister and I happenedto go with her to this event, right?

(03:21):
Like it was her hospital. Orlike the. The conglomerate was throwing
a. Basically a gala for thedoctors, right. To be like, thank
you, we love you, you workhard. Let's dress up and like, feed
you.
Right?
So my sister and I attend thiswith her and we're, you know, it's
a. It's cute. Like, it's oneof those. I was like, we got to dress

(03:43):
up. It was nice, but the foodwas terrible at this particular,
like, hotel. We were like,who's the chef? Cause this is bleh.
Right?
But then next door was anIndian wedding, and it was on and
popping, right? Like, therehad to be about 400 people there.
Wow. And clearly they had thefood, right. Cause that's where the

(04:04):
smells were coming from. Wewere like, but we want to be over
there.
Yes.
With the Indian wedding, like,what was happening. So luck would
have it. I call it a blessing.I call it a God happenstance. Luck
would have it, child. Therehappened to be a fire alarm pulled
that night. Yes. Something setoff the fire alarm, so we all had

(04:26):
to evacuate the building, mindyou. Okay, hold on, let me back up
a step at my table. Sitting atme was a doctor named Dr. Patel and
his wife, who were Indian, andmy mom knows him. So we were chit
chatting, talking it up,laughing, yada yada. And he was like,
we should go into that Indianwedding. And his wife was like, you're
crazy. And she was like. Hewas like, I'm Indian. So, like, we

(04:48):
can blend. Like, we're alreadydressed up. We can blend in. And
I'm sure we know somebody inthere. And his wife was like, you're
crazy. I'm not going. So thenback to the fire alarm happens. Fire
alarm happens. We're outsidechit chatting, and Dr. Patel is like,
hey, when we go back in, doyou wanna go into the wedding with
me? I was like, yes. He waslike, great, you're now Mrs. Patel.

(05:12):
I said, done. And his wife waslike, child, go ahead, go with him.
Go like, no, I'm not. I'm notdoing his foolishness with him. I
said, that's fine. I'll beMrs. Patel for five minutes walking
around the wedding.
I know that's right.
Okay. And mind you, we'redressed up. We're at a gala, so I'm
not like, out of place. I haveon a gown.
Right, right. Yeah, you fitthe part.

(05:33):
I fit the part. So what do wedo, Stephanie? They let us back in
the building, and me and Dr.Patel surely do salter right into
the wet.
Wow.
We saw to insha. He said,okay, grab yourself a plate. Cause
the. Mind you, the buffet wasopen. They didn't close it down.
Cause they had to evacuate. Sohe said, okay, make yourself a plate.

(05:56):
I'm gonna do a circle aroundthe room and see if I know anybody.
Okay, great. So I surely do.Make me a little plate. I got me
some chicken. A little. Alittle naan. A little. I said, oh,
let me. I'll push. He did puton my plate. He was like, okay. He.
So he did his little roundright? Like, I waited in the corner
for him after I got my plate.So I didn't leave because people
were still coming back in. Andhe goes, okay, we're sitting at table

(06:17):
46. He said, I know a coupledoctors over there. So if anybody
ask you, we're at table 46.But what we're going to do is we're
going to eat out here. Becauseright in front of the doors were
like, little cocktail tables,reception tables. So they had this
little, like, loungy spaceright in front of the ballroom. So
we stayed in a little loungeyspace. I ate my food. He said hi

(06:39):
to a couple people he knew.And then he was like, okay, let's
leave and we'll circle backfor dessert.
Wow.
So we walk back into ourballroom. We're there for like half
an hour. And then he's like,okay, I think they're serving dessert.
So what do we do? Walk rightback out, grab dessert, and we're
in that little loungeysection, right?

(06:59):
Yes.
And this is the part where hewas like, okay, I think we have to
leave. Because these doctorsthat he knew came out, started talking
to him, and they were kind ofgiving me a side glance, like, who
is she? Because they know hiswife, right? Like, I'm not his wife.
And so now. Now thinking backas an older woman, I'm like, oh,

(07:20):
did they think that, like.Like something was going on or like.
Cause you're like, that's notyour wife, Bruh. That's not Mrs.
Patel. Are you. Did you bringyour side piece to a wedding? Right.
Like, right. Nowadays, I'mlike, o. That's what those looks
were about. And so after thatthen we left and went back into our,
like, gala. But, yeah, girl, Icrashed the wedding. That food was

(07:43):
good.
Yeah. You know, that's whatyou gotta do. You know, it's like,
I'm not gonna eat bland food.I'm gonna. You deserve so much more.
Thank you. I appreciate that.I do deserve more than that bland
food. And thank you, Dr.Patel. Shout out. My mom left that
hospital a while ago, so Idon't know where he's at in the world,
but thank you for helping mecrash a wedding.
Yes. That's so fun. And thenalso, yeah. People putting two and

(08:05):
two together. Like, who isthis? Y' all not sitting at table
46. You feeding her out here,like, what is going on?
Uh huh.
Uh huh.
And you just. You just enjoyyourself, looking beautiful, eating
girl.
I'm serious.
So they're probably like, thischick is having a good time, right?
They're like, who are you?Cause you're not his wife.

(08:25):
Wow.
But you're over here snacking.I think that, like, again, now that
I'm like, oh, yeah. Oh, that.
Oh.
That's why he was like, Ithink we gotta go. I think it's our.
I think our time is up.
Like, rotate, people. Probablysaw his wife the next day, like,
in the grocery store justshaking her head like.
Be like, oh, if you only knew.

(08:47):
He only knew what I know.
What I know. And then shewould probably be like, no, I know.
I told her to go with him.Right, right.
Looking a little bit. I betshe won't do that again. I bet she'd
go with her husband.
Hello. Okay. All right.
Oh, my gosh. Thank you so muchfor sharing that. Because there was

(09:07):
like a. There used to be thisreality show where couples would
hire, like, improv troops tocome and crash the wedding.
Really?
It was like on I'll have to.It was like either Lifetime or tlc.
But they would go in theseweddings and act a fool. Like, peek
through the gifts at the gifttable, and you saw the bride's uncle

(09:29):
would walk up, be like, go sitdown. But if you walk back up to
this table again, it's gonnabe a problem. This is my niece's
wedding. It's gonna be aproblem. Or they would, like, start
making out, beinginappropriate on the dance floor,
just all sorts of stuff. Andthen at a certain point when people
would sit down, the bride andgroom would come out and be like,
you all have been punked,essentially. And then everybody would

(09:50):
laugh because people werelike, these people are just so outrageous.
My God, it was such A fun, funshow. Ayan, on your podcast, you
talk about folks pivotingtheir careers. And you've pivoted
your career, right? You'vedone, like, musical theater. I wouldn't
say, like, musical theater toacting, but, like, is that is like

(10:12):
musical theater and acting.That's the same.
It's the same.
Would you call it the same?
Okay, it's the same. It's justchoosing what lane under the acting
umbrella you want to. Right,Yeah. I fortunately have the skills
to be in musical theater.
Right.
Like, that's my first love.But I've also done TV and film and
commercial.
Right.
That's all acting. But you'reunder. Everybody's under the same

(10:35):
acting umbrella. But what laneare you choosing?
Right?
Because I've met TV and filmpeople who are like, oh, I wish I
could do musical theater.They're like, I got two left feet.
Yeah.
Yeah. Because I was going tosee, like, is what's that like to
go back and forth like thatfrom, like, the different mediums

(10:58):
of. You know, I know in film,people will say, oh, they're a TV
person, you know, likedifferent crews. They'll be like,
oh, they work on TV shows. Oh,they work on movies. Oh, they work
on commercials. Like, and itseems they have, like, a different
flavor of each. Is theredifferent flavors like that as you,
like, go across the. Would itbe like. I want to say mediums, but.

(11:18):
Yeah, you know, they arecategories or.
No, you're right. Mediums,Categories, One in the same, right?
Yes, there are. And I thinkit's. It's the. I say putting on
your different skill set hats,right? So you need different skill
sets for each medium. Andparticularly musical theater is the

(11:39):
medium that I've been in the longest.
Right.
Like, that's how my careerstarted in the arts and kind of basically
what I was doing up until thepandemic. And so those are the skills
of me being able to takesomebody else's work and, you know,
transmute it.
Right?
And like, oh, I'm playing thischaracter. What did this person write?

(12:02):
What is the intention behindit? Or, like, what are my intentions
behind this character? Andbeing able to pick up choreography,
right. I'm learning. We call,you know, musical theater the first
day of rehearsal. We call itthe first day of school.
Right?
Okay.
Cause we're like, we have somuch to learn. And it's usually typically
in regional theater. Broadwayand bigger shows have a little bit

(12:24):
more time. Cause especially ifthey're going through workshops.
But regional theater, you mayhave two weeks, three Weeks max to
learn the show, and then itgoes up, then you're running, right?
And so it is having that skillset of being able to learn music
quickly, learn choreographyquickly, learn lines quickly, and

(12:46):
then put it all together.
Right?
And it's a very quick process,but rewarding, Right. Like, once
the show is open, then youkind of coast. Then you can make
different choices. Then youcan, like, okay, I learned what was
written on the page musically,but now I wanna put in a little flair.
But, you know, you have thefoundation of what the composer and

(13:07):
lyricist wrote. And now Icould put an Ayanna flair on it,
right?
Yeah.
But in those first couple ofweeks, you have to, like, put on
your. Put on your student hat,right. Like, I am literally in school.
I have to get this informationfrom the page into my brain.
Right?
Okay. And I wish. Sometimes Iwish osmosis I could do that. Like,
just put the script to my headand, like, let it soak in. Cause

(13:30):
I'm like, what? Go back? Whatwas that again? But that's a special
skill set, right. For musicaltheater. And I would say TV and film
commercial again, depending onwhat you. If you're a series regular,
I would think it's a littlebit different. I haven't been a series
regular. I want to be. I'mpraying and manifesting that.
That would be great.
That would be amazing. ButI've been more of, like, a guest

(13:53):
star, day player, co star. Andthat's more being in the moment,
right?
Okay.
Because you may not get yourscript until the day before or the
day of, or they may changesomething. And you're learning lines
while you're on set. You'relearning lines while you're in the
makeup chair. You're learninglines while you're in wardrobe. And
it's. To me, it's about beingpresent in the moment. Just kind

(14:17):
of like live theater. So oncethe. Once the show has opened and
you're in the show, it feelsthe same. Like being on set. Because
it's like, I have to bepresent and in this moment right
now, because I'm not gonna getit again.
Right.
Even though TV and film andcommercial is recorded so you can
watch it back. But in themoment, it's like, oh, I have to
train that skill of being inthe moment, being present, trusting

(14:41):
my acting ability. I'velearned these lines. Now let me be
with my scene partner. Becausethe camera is so close, it's gonna
tell when you're disconnected,when you're not present.
Right.
And so I'd Say that's thatskill set as well. And then with
voiceovers, which is you cankind of relate it to acting a bit,

(15:03):
which I think has actuallyhelped me in the voiceover world
because I had so much trainingin musical theater before that it's
being present.
Right.
But it's giving yourselfpermission to play, because I'm the
only one in the studio. Sowhen I'm on calls with the artistic
director or director orclient, they're like, just play.

(15:25):
And we get scared. But whatyou mean play? I need direction.
I need the script. I need.They're like, no, no, no. You have
the script in front of you,but I need you to play. And so for
me, voiceovers is the skill oftrusting your instinct. I'm gonna
make the choice, because guesswhat? If they don't like it, they'll
say, I record it again. Okay,do another take. Okay, do. So it's
like, oh, no, I havepermission to play in this because
I can do another take of this one.

(15:46):
Yeah, yeah. Two things thatcome to mind listening to you talk.
One, how do you memorize this?Like, to just the average person,
such as myself and thelistener, how can we just be better
at memory? I guess, like, doyou have a good memory?

(16:06):
I actually have a very goodmemory. I have a photographic memory.
Yeah. Okay, nice.
Yes, I do have a very goodmemory. So for me, I will say that
I can see things, like,especially music. If I'm trying to
recall something, I'm like,okay, looking at the sheet music
in my head, trying to find the note.
Right.
Or try to find the lyric sothat for me, I can pick it up that
way. But my memorization, overthe years, I found the best ways

(16:32):
to do it is. And I know peopledon't want to hear this, but it's
repetition. It's likerepetition to a nauseating level.
Right.
And so I found that, ofcourse, highlighting your lines in
the script.
Right?
Yeah.
But understanding that youhave to go back and forth. You have

(16:54):
to oscillate between your lineand your partner's line, and whoever's
line is next.
Right.
So you kind of also have tomemorize theirs so you know what's
coming. Cause you have tounderstand you're responding to something,
right?
Yeah.
The scripts are aconversation, so you're responding
to what that person saidbefore. So a lot of times your next
line, you have to go, oh, no,I'm responding. So what did that

(17:14):
person say before? Oh, theysaid the sky was blue, but the clouds
are coming. Oh, the clouds arecoming. You're right. Like, your
line's always a response tosomebody else. And so for me, memorization
has been writing it out mylines, like I'm journaling.
Right.
Okay. Like literally writingout the lines or looking at the script.

(17:37):
I'll take another piece ofpaper and cover the lines and just
test my memory. What is thisline? Okay, great. Did I get it?
Look. Nope, go back. What'sthe line? Yeah, okay, great. Did
I get it? Nope. Okay, go back.And then you just keep going down
the script, your line by yourline, trying to memorize.
Right.
But also, rehearsals help thatwhen you're with your scene partner,

(17:59):
it's like, okay, what's myline again? Great. What's my line?
But also, let's be very clear,sometimes I forget lines in shows.
Like, I've done the show, it'sput up, I'm doing it for six months,
and then I go, what? Yeah, Mybrain just stops and I'm like, what's
my line?
Oh, oopsie, oops, oops.
But in rehearsal, thank Godfor stage managers. We are able to.

(18:23):
If I'm in the scene with youright now, Stephanie, and we're talking,
da, da. And I just blank. I goline. And the stage manager will
call it out.
Right, Right.
So we could keep the scene going.
Right.
But memorization, for me, Itell people, y', all, it's. It's
repetition to a nauseating level.
Yeah. Because especially whenyou say school. Like you're in school
all day.
Yes.
So it's like if you'respending all day working on memorizing

(18:47):
lines before you can even putyour ayanna flair to it, like, yikes.
Yes. But also it's themovement, because you'll be. I would
typically say you get a read through.
Right.
The first day. Let's say we'regoing with musical theater. You get
a read through the first dayand the next day the choreographer.

(19:08):
Because dancing takes thelongest to polish. So they'll be
like, okay, and we are gonnago to actually the end of Act 1.
Let's do the closing number ofAct 1 to learn the choreography.
Yeah.
And you're like, okay. Butthen after lunch, you'll have a rehearsal
and the director's like, let'sgo to scene one. And you're like,
but I just learned thechoreography to the closing. Oh my

(19:31):
gosh. So we actually. Itdepends on the director and depends
on the show.
Uh huh.
You may not learn it in ordereither. You may not learn it in order.
Yeah, you may. Yeah. You'relike, okay, I'll take Hairspray,
for instance.
Right?
I've done that show six times.
Okay.
Without fail. Without fail.The director, the choreographer,

(19:54):
especially the choreographer,he's like. Or she's like, we're learning.
You can't stop the beat, whichis the closing number of the show
first, because it's so long.It's a marathon number. And they're
like, yeah, we're doing itfirst. You're like, what? And then
guess what? They move on. Andyou're like, great, learn it. Your

(20:16):
job to memorize it. And we'vedone all the different pieces. And
now you're like, oh, we have astumble through of the show, is what
we call it. So now you have torecall everything you've done and
put it in order. It's fun.It's fun. But that's a skill, right?
Like, I literally have learnedhow to do that.
Yeah.
That is. I am. That is mytrade. I have learned how to do that.

(20:37):
Yeah. It's. You know, when I.I feel like I start to get a newfound
appreciation, obviously for,like, films and maybe films and tv
probably. Mostly when you seecharacters going back and forth and
you're like, man, they areacting. They are acting, you know?
Cause it's like how they'redelivering all these lines and with
such passion. And, you know,it also makes me think of cringe.

(21:05):
Like, you know, I don't know,just like dancing in front of people
and delivering these lines.Like, do you ever get embarrassed?
Like, yeah, like, I feel likeI'm like my body is like tensing
up as I'm talking about.
Just because I can watch you out.
I can see myself, like outthere doing like five, six, and I'm

(21:25):
like, oh, my God. It's justso. To me, it feels like embarrassing.
Even though I know what you'redoing is not embarrassing.
Right.
It's a performance. It's likea reason. It's telling a story. But
I guess if you could. Couldyou speak to cringe? Because I'm

(21:45):
sort of going in a differentway. But I think of, you know, like
folks with TikTok or evenmarketing your own creative work.
Like, the performance neededin that, um, it's, you know, it.
I. I'm resistant to that.
To that.
Yeah.
And so I guess, like, youknow, since you're the professional
here, we got you here. Justany random thoughts of that? Because

(22:08):
I know that's sort of out theblue question, but yeah, that's what
I was thinking of because Iwas picturing you, like, performing
and I'M like, oh, my God, Ican never do that.
Got you. I got you. Well, youcan do that. Yeah, you can if you
think you can.
Yeah, yeah.
You can if you think you can.
Yeah.
That's actually a two partquestion because performing on stage
and performing. I'm puttingthat in air quotes, Y' all on TikTok

(22:29):
are two different things,okay? So on stage, for me, I'm a
natural born performer, right?Like, I've been performing since
I was a little kid. I was theone making up shows in the living
room, forcing my parents, mysister, my family and friends, whoever
was over that day to watch myshow, right? So that's just. That
is who I. That is where Ilive, who I am. That's the pot I

(22:53):
live in, right? So for me, theaspect of being on stage, now, mind
you, this is all in our head.This is all mental. But that fourth
wall, that the audiencedoesn't exist. We literally know
y' all are there. But we arein our own world, right? Like, we're
in our own world. You'rewatching us. In our world, there

(23:15):
is a fourth wall. Unless it'swritten that the character talks
to the audience, then you'refully aware of it. But we're like,
no, no, no. We're presenting ashow to you. Welcome to our world.
Right?
Okay.
And so for me personally,there's a safety in that, right?
Like, of course I don't wantto mess up. I don't want to trip
and fall and, like, you know,ruin the show or injure myself, right?

(23:40):
Or, like, mess up a note. Buteven with that, it's live theater
and nobody's gonna rememberthat messed up note, right? So I
think for me, it more thenervousness comes from that of like,
oh, I don't wanna. I don'twanna mess up, right? I don't wanna
be embarrassed that way. Butto perform, no, I do not feel embarrassed
or, like, cringe to perform infront of people in a musical theater

(24:00):
sense, because it's like, Ihave safety because I'm in my own
world. I'm in this musicaltheater world. Yeah, y' all are just
watching us in our world, right?
We would be here regardless.
Exactly. Bingo, bingo, bingo.We would be here whether y' all are
here or not, right? And so forme, that's how it feels where I'm
like, no child. Welcome to myworld, right?

(24:22):
Yeah.
But then nowadays, with this,you know, social media and TikTok,
that performance is different,right? It's different because I don't
even like it yeah.
Oh, right.
I don't, I don't, I don't. I'mlike, no, no, no. Because a lot of
people are not actuallyauthentic, right? Because I. Within

(24:49):
the form of acting, there hasto be authenticity behind it. Even
though I'm playing a characterthat I might not relate to. It could
be a black woman who's fromEngland. I'm not from England.
Right.
She could be a mother. Shecould be all the things that I am
not. But what I relate to isher humanness.
Right.
Her being a human being andmen within that. How can I relate

(25:12):
to her? Okay, well, we areboth black. Okay, well, we all. We
both may have Caribbean roots.
Great.
I'm not a mom, but I'm. ButI'm an auntie.
Right?
Like, I'm a big cousin. I am amother figure to younger people in
my family.
Right.
So trying to find theauthenticity in that. But the performance

(25:32):
of social media is not reallyauthentic. People are trying to come
off as authentic, but it'svery much performance based. And
that makes me cringe where I'mjust like, but you're not being a
real person. You're givingthis polish thing. You're giving
this, like, oh, well, look atwhat I'm doing. And it's like, but
what are you really doing?

(25:53):
Right?
Like, there's a craft behindtheater and TV and film. There's
a craft behind that. There'snot a craft behind TikTok or Instagram
or any of the social feeds.
Right.
It's more for attention andalso it's more for validation.
Right.
Like, a lot of people will doit for validation, which I've also

(26:14):
learned to validate myself asa person, but also as an artist and
not have to wait on somebodyelse to validate me to do what I
want. And I have found that Ido that with my mentees.
Right.
And the people that I alsohelp as artists. Because I'm just

(26:34):
like, you have to validateyourself. And it doesn't help that
the casting directors now willbe like, well, how many TikTok followers
do you have? How manyInstagram followers do you have?
And I'm like, why does thatmatter? Because guess what? Acting
as an art form is still gonnabe here once TikTok and Instagram

(26:54):
aren't.
Yes.
And you're gonna need theactors who know how to actually act
and be in their craft.
Yeah.
Right?
So that makes me. Social mediamakes me cringe too. And I'm just
like, I'm gonna put out what Iwant to put out on Social media and
people. Oh, your personalbrand. You're this. I'm a person.
I'm a human being. I am not abrand. Yeah, I am a person. And however
that's gonna affect me ishowever that's gonna affect me. But

(27:17):
what I will know is that mycraft and my talent is gonna be here
once social media is it.
Right? Yeah. I feel reallycomforted by that phrase. You're
in my world. Because I thinkeven in my own art, I do have characters

(27:38):
that I'll play or I'll createdifferent scenarios of which I'll
put myself in. And that issafe for me because I'm doing it
behind the lens by myself,make my space up. And then when I
put it out, I don't have tonecessarily be. Now it's out. I don't
have to necessarily interactwith or be live with it. And knowing

(28:02):
that, that's okay. Cause I'vehad this. I had this one project
called Steph Talks Proper,where it was like this amateur rapper,
and she just thought it wasbasically like a critique to how
anybody just thinks that theycan do these creative crafts. Like,
I have friends. I'm sure youhave friends that have been musicians
for years, working to just,like, continuously amplify themselves.
And then people just sort ofcome out the blue, like, oh, I can

(28:24):
rap, too. And it's like, well,you know, let's just wait a minute
here. But in the studio visitsI have, people would be like, oh,
you should do this live. Like,do this live. And I'm just like,
I don't wanna do it live. Andthen I would make up a reason of,
like, well, no, no, no. Cause,like, the character can't perform
live, you know, because thenshe's not good. You know, she's not
a good rapper. She doesn'tknow what she's doing, so she has

(28:46):
to live behind the camera. Butalso it helps me because I'm like.
I just get so maybe, like, shyor embarrassed, like, perform out.
So it's like, in that sense,even hearing you talk, it's like.
Even shows how. How myperformance shows up in a different
way. Because I'm not, youknow, like, I'm like art actor versus,

(29:10):
like, you know, big actor withcapital A. Like you, you know. Yes.
Yeah, yeah. But that makes methink about. It's the vulnerability,
I think, is what may betripping you up.
Right.
Like, performing is vulnerable.
Right?
Yeah.
Asking for what you want is vulnerable.

(29:30):
Yes, it is.
Bringing up a hardconversation with someone you love
is vulnerable.
Right.
It's all about, how do Imanage this?
Right.
And with you, it's like, well,what do I want to say? Okay, this
is what I want to say. Andwould I be saying this without an
audience? Yes. Well, how can Isay it with the audience?
Right.
Knowing that that vulnerablepiece is there? And it's, again,

(29:53):
because we're human. We'relike, will somebody judge me? Will
they like it? Will they not?And you have to get to the point
where it's like, it doesn'tmatter. Yeah, it doesn't matter.
Right.
Like, I'm just blessed to beable to share my talents and my voice
and what I want to say. Andremembering that people are going
to have their opinions eitherway. Whether you do it or you don't

(30:16):
do it, they're going to havetheir opinions, well, you shouldn't
have done it, or why didn'tyou do it? People gonna have their
opinions either way. So dowhat you want.
Absolutely. That's such a goodreminder to do what you want. What
do you think of, you know, thefolks out there? That's like, I connect

(30:37):
too. I connect too. I have,like, family members, friends, like,
oh, Steph. Yeah. You be in themovies. Put me in a movie. I act.
I act. And then you could tellthey get their own idea of what acting
is, because you could be like,oh, great. You know, I have this,
actually, this project where Iwant, like, a father to be crying
like, no, no, no, no. And it'slike, well, I thought you acted.

(30:59):
I thought she was an actor.
Yeah, I thought you were an actor.
How come when people sayactor, thespian. How come.
Why? When folks say, I'm anactor, I'm a thespian, how come they
make that mocking like that?Actor, thespian. Why do they do that?
Where did that come from?
Honestly, I don't know, but itmay. I mean, it may come from, like,

(31:21):
Shakespearean times or, like,you know, those times, but, like.
And I know people mean to doit as a degrading situation, but
we on the other side are like,no, no, no. I'm a thespian. I'm an
actor. We reclaim that. No,that air of I'm an actor. Right?
Like, this is my trade. And Idon't know. I don't know. I don't

(31:43):
know what you have to sayabout it.
Right.
Period. It's a period.
Right.
And so for those who say, oh,I could be an actor, there are many
ways I can. I can answer this.So the immediate. The first thing
that comes to mind isdisrespect right? You're. You're
kind of disrespectful becausethey don't understand. Again, this

(32:07):
goes back to the craft that isbehind being an actor. Denzel Washington
started as a theater actor. Heis a thespian, okay? He knows how
to act on a stage. He knowshow to do Shakespeare, iambic pentameter,
Right. And break down themusicality of these old writers.

(32:28):
Right.
And not saying that that's theonly thing that makes you an actor,
but it does make you, like,able to break down any script.
Right.
Viola Davis started on thestage, Right? Like, there is a craft
behind us. So when someonesays, oh, I could be an actor, they
don't understand the craftthat is behind this.

(32:49):
Right.
All they see is the celebrity,which, again, Hollywood has made,
social media has made. Buteven without celebrities, there'd
still be actors.
Yeah.
Still be actors.
Right.
99% of actors are actors.We're not celebrities.
Right.
We like this because we likethe craft. And this is how we choose

(33:11):
to make our green coupons inthe world, Right? Like, we want to
make it doing something welike. And so for those people who
are like, well, I could be anactor. I mean, you could. You could
take acting classes. You coulddecide to jump into this world and
understand how it works. Andit's crazy, right? You can see. But

(33:34):
I bet you, you quit. Cause youdon't get it. You don't get how many
auditions you don't get in thealmost 20 years, how many nos I've
gotten and had to keep going.I had to go, okay, well, audition
for this next one or auditionfor this next one. And like, you
don't know the first thingabout getting agency representation.

(33:55):
Yeah.
You don't know the. Like, it'slike, you could. You could be an
actor. Yes, absolutely. But why?
Yeah.
My question to them would be,why? Because you see the famous people.
Because you see what they'redoing. Well, let's. If you actually
knew what their livesentailed, you wouldn't want to be
them.
Yeah.

(34:16):
If you knew all they had to gothrough, all the people they have
to pay, the full team behindthem. Right. The pressure that is
on them daily, you actuallywouldn't be able to handle that.
Like, why. Why do you want tobe an actor? Because you like the
craft. Because you want totell stories. Most actors do it for
that, but the ones who want todo it because they see the limelight

(34:38):
and the red carpets and the.This baby, you wouldn't last two
seconds to make it to that red carpet.
Geez. Yikes.
You wouldn't make it. Yeah, Imean, that's my opinion. You just
wouldn't. You wouldn't make it.
Yeah, you better put your work in.
That's the thing. You have toput the work in. Everybody thinks
it's easy. Yeah, it's easy.It's not. We make it look easy because

(35:03):
we love it. And I think that'sthe part that people are like, well,
I could be an actor. But welove it. Yeah, we love it. And I
think as artists, we're doingour best now to advocate for ourselves.
Right.
And to not take crap frompeople. But we do it because we love

(35:24):
it and we have the craftbehind it.
Right.
And it's just something wecouldn't imagine not doing.
See, cousin. See, cousin. Youcan't just be an actor.
You can't just be an actor.
It's not that simple.
It's really not, though. It'sreal. I enjoy it. But it's not that
simple.
So, like, you produced yourown cabaret.

(35:45):
Yes.
Right. So it's like, you know,similar to a bunch of other art.
Art mediums. It's like yougotta make. You're a part of other
productions, but then you haveto make your own as well.
Yeah.
So can you talk about that?Like, geez, you're setting all this
stuff up, you know, you'redoing the music, doing lights, and

(36:05):
then you're doing all of it sothat you can place yourself in front
of it, you know, which is I.Which I can't even think about where,
you know, it's like working oncrew on stuff, so I can just worry
about my part.
Yeah.
And then that's it, you know,like, you would have asked me to
be there for the light, youknow, whatever. But for you to have
to be in those conversationsand then also put yourself in it,

(36:26):
you know, it makes me think ofin Beyonce's documentary, She's like,
no light on me.
You know, like.
Or do this on me.
Yes, yes.
So it's just like, geez, that.It just is so overwhelming. You go,
girl.
Thank you. Thank you.
Go, girl.
Thank you so much. Iappreciate that. Thank you.
Yeah. Yeah.
Because it got to the pointwhere it was overwhelming.

(36:49):
Yeah.
My best friend looked at meand said, are you okay? And I said,
no. He was like, okay, whatcan I do for you? Because it is kind
of like that Beyonce, like,documentary, but on a smaller scale.
Right.
Cause I wasn't touring it. Iwasn't sure I was in one location
for one night.
Yeah.
But I learned so much from it. So.
Yeah, like, why'd you even.Why do your own cabaret?

(37:11):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.So, because I got to the point where
I finally gave myself permission.
Oh, okay.
I got to the point where itwas like, I have to stop waiting
for people to cast me, right?I still do audition, but I have to
stop waiting for someone tocast me, to validate me, to say,

(37:32):
oh, you have permission to nowdo this, right? And so I'd been wanting
to do my own cabaret for awhile, but I just didn't know. I
was like, I'm not sure what Iwant the premise or the storyline
to be or what have you. So Iwas actually speaking with my therapist
and it was one of those thingsof like, well, Iyana, what are you
in pursuit of right now? Like,just as a person, right? And I was

(37:54):
like, joy. Like I'm just, I'min pursuit of joy in my everyday
life, right? In making my cupof coffee, you know, buying a certain
syrup or something. Or Ibought a milk frother so I can froth
the milk on my coffee, right?Like, like finding joy, like making
my own salad dressing for mysalad, right? Like eating lunch outside

(38:17):
or. Or like just things thatreally like fantasizing about your
life, right? And making itjoyful. Just the things you do every
day. And so I was like, yeah,I'm in pursuit of joy, right? And
so then I was like, wait, thatcould maybe be my cabaret, right?
Cause I've been toying with acouple ideas, but nothing stuck.

(38:39):
And I'm a firm believer of notforcing anything. And so this one
felt right in the moment. Iwas like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm in
pursuit of joy, right? And sothen I said, okay, so what does that
look like past Ayana, right?Like, what is. What, what, what joy?
What. What were you doing inpursuit of joy? For different things.

(39:01):
And so then I started to thinkabout, oh, I remember like Whitney
Houston, like listening to herwhen I was little and like seeing
her and Brandi on the firstCinderella that, you know, the TV
musical movie, the two. Youhave two black women leads. Like
what? Like my. How old was I?I think my. My 10 year old brain

(39:23):
was like, like I couldn'thandle it, right?
Yeah.
And so that was in the show.And it was a show literally about
in being in pursuit of joy andthe songs and the different portions
of my life that these songsbrought joy to. And so there was

(39:44):
the whole Whitney Houstonsection. I called the Whitney Houston
rabbit hole because I wentdown all of that with Whitney Houston.
Then I did musical theatersongs that bring me joy, right? They're
characters that I've eitherplayed or want to play that bring
me so much joy, right? So Ihave, like, Angelica from Hamilton,
Dolores Van Cartier fromSister Act. I forget the character's

(40:05):
name. But Shucked fromShucked. What's the character's name?
I'm independently owned andoperated. But that character who
sings that, okay. And then Idid a show called After Midnight,
and I loved that show so much.I loved it. And I sang the song called
Women Be Wise. So I put thatin the show, right? And then there

(40:28):
was the family barbecue. So Ithought about when I was young, the
family barbecues dropped.Brought me joy, right? Like, and
you. If. You know. If, youknow, you know, right? You know,
you know, And I set up thewhole thing. I was like, so y' all
just imagine you're at afamily barbecue. The fish is frying,
the Mac and cheese just cameout the oven. You got the kula. The

(40:48):
kids is running around,running amok. You got the uncles
on the domino table. You got.You know it.
Yes.
So what's the music that wasplaying during that time?
Right?
So that's when I. Then I had alittle. I did a little Chaka Khan.
I had some Stevie Wonder.Like, just putting in the music of
that time. That brings you joy.
Yeah.
And so that's kind of wherethe idea came together. And within

(41:11):
that, then I was like, oh, Ihave to produce this, right? So I
wore so many hats that I'velearned so much, right? Like, I want
to produce another one, butI've just. I've learned so much of,
like, delegating and trying tolet people in in the beginning, But
I think I had to do it firston my own so I could understand what

(41:32):
I can delegate from thebeginning, right?
Yeah.
I sang 15 songs.
Whoa.
Which I will never do tomyself ever again. I don't know why
I did that. And I also didn'tgive myself an intermission. That
was so dumb.
Jeez.
That was so. I don't know. Imean, because it was just my first
one, and I was like, I'm gonnado it.
Yep, you're trying to. You'retrying to teach yourself, right?

(41:54):
I'm trying to teach myself,right? Oh, I learned, honey. Oh,
I learned. The lessons weretaught. But wearing all those hats,
right? It was hard. I wasstressed. I was a little overwhelmed.
I am so grateful with theresult of it. And everybody left
singing. People are still,like, when's the next one. Like we
wanna see it.
Right?
But it was. I was so used tobeing just the talent.

(42:17):
Right.
Just learn the songs. Done.Which I was doing. I was with my
voice teacher learning thesongs. Great. But I was also the
stage manager. I was also theproducer, trying to. Am I, Am I on
budget? Am. I had to contactmy photographer, the videographer.
I had a full. I didn't do thissmall. I had a full band. I had a

(42:37):
piano, drums, guitar. I hadthree backup singers. So try to coordinate
their schedules, scheduling,rehearsal, making sure everybody
get paid. Like I was bookingthe studios. Mind you, I'm learning
all of this. And also,Stephanie, I'm still producing a
podcast. I'm still mentoring.I'm still the co chair of an artistic
program. I'm still auditioningfor voiceovers. I still had self

(42:57):
taught, like balancing all ofthese things while producing my own
show and even getting theprograms right. I made the digital
program. That's when my bestfriend was like, what can I help
you with?
Yeah.
So it was like, design it, goto Staples, pick it up so people
can scan the QR code. Great.Can you do that? Perfect. I love
you. But like managing all ofthose things, right, like, it was

(43:21):
a lot. And I've had someproducer friends who are more on
the TV and film side. They areproducers, but they're like, girl,
we're producers. We can helpyou. Like we can't help you learn
the music because we don'tsing. So that's your voice teacher's
job. But we are actualproducers. Girl, we can help you
produce your show.
Right?
So like having my girls comeand being like, so when's the next

(43:43):
one? And we're gonna help you.
Yeah, that's really nice.Yeah, that's really nice.
Yeah.
Thank God for them.
Thank God for them. Thank Godfor them. Because it was a lot. And
again, I don't regret it. Ilearned so much and I'm so thankful.
Right?
And it helped. And it helpedyour. And it helped you in your own.
In your own acting career.
It added to my.

(44:04):
Yeah. Added to you.
To my artistic ecosystem.Added to my. My artistic. Someone
said this the other day and Iloved it. My artistic currency.
Ooh, yeah. Yeah, I like that.
I was like, ooh, I'm gonnaborrow that. My artistic currency.
Right?
Like, I've now done a show. Inow also have proof of concept.
Right?
Yeah.
Like, my friend was like,great, now we can run with this.
We can then see if we can getit. Get this thing sponsored so you

(44:26):
don't.
Have to pay for it, right?
Yeah.
And I'll keep track of thebudget. Great. Because, girl, make
sure my musicians get paid.Make sure the backup singers get
paid. I also costumed myself,Right. I did my own hair. Luckily,
I did have a makeup artist, soshe came in. But it was. And then
ticket sales, Right. Like, ifsomething was wrong with the ticket,
somebody came to me because,again, it's. And I was like, I need

(44:47):
other people to handle those things.
Yes, Yes.
I have learned that I have topay other people to handle those
things.
Things. Yeah. Because itreally takes a village, doesn't it?
Yes, it takes a village.
And it's like, everybody's jobis really important, you know, like,
so important. I would tell PAsthat they're like, I don't want to
be, like, the coffee person.It's like, no, that is important.

(45:07):
You know, these people areworking all day, right.
It's very important.
They want to, like, a refresh.You know, it's really great for the
craft service person actuallybe coming around with yogurt cups.
Okay.
Because that's a blessing.
Listen, me and craft services,crafty. I be like, God bless y'.
All. Yes. And there's thecraft. The craft service people will
come around with snacks. Therewas even one time a lady washed grapes

(45:30):
and just put on a bowl andwalked around, and everybody was
like, yeah, actually. Becausenobody could stop and go get themselves
grapes. Now, maybe that'sanother thing about capitalism, like,
whatever, you know, but, like,during a take, you know, if you can
just. If you'll just hand megrapes while we're waiting for this
take, like, and as soon as wecut, we can all have a little snack.
Thank you.
Thank you. Appreciate it so much.

(45:53):
Yeah, I love that you're gonnahave help for your next cabaret.
Cause I was gonna ask if youwere gonna do that again. You know,
I've had questions come on thepodcast before about, like, you know,
producing your own thing. AndI'm like, I think it is beneficial.
You know, it is. It might be alot of work, but like you said, you
learn so much. You know, whatyou wanna do, what you don't wanna
do. And you add to yourartistic currency.

(46:17):
You add to your artistic currency.
You know, everything that yousaid is like, gives more reason.
Because, you know, seeing thatyou did that and seeing, like, how
glamorous and how beautiful itlooked, it's just like, wow. You
go, that's awesome. That'sawesome. Cause one thing to take
a picture, I feel like, again,it's probably even A lot for myself
that I don't take intoaccount. You know, I'm like, oh,
I'm setting up the camera, I'msetting up the lights. I'm gonna

(46:39):
go dress myself, I'm gonnaposition myself, take the picture,
check it and go back and forthwhere, you know, maybe if you have
a crew, it goes faster, youknow, or.
Yeah, well, whatever. But, Imean, you're your own director. You're
your own creative director,right? Like, with that, setting up
the camera, taking a pictureof yourself doing that, you should

(46:59):
just be able to show up astalent, right?
Yeah.
And not saying, here's thething. I also loved the autonomy
that I had because I'm like, Ican make the decisions. I think that's
also one of the reasons I waslike, I want to do my own show because
I can make the decisions.
Right.
I could there a couple daysbefore I told my musical director,

(47:19):
hey, can we cut this song? Canwe cut this? Can we put these two
together? Can we make thismore of a medley? Great, thanks.
And he was like, sure, you gotit. Like, I had the decision power,
which I love. I love that partof, like, I want to be able to make
the decisions about my own artand what I put out there. But I do

(47:39):
need help. Like, I would loveit if I could email someone. Hey,
I need you to schedule allschedule this rehearsal.
Right?
Like, there were seven peopleI had to figure out schedules from
and then get a rehearsal together.
Right.
Like, and I did that multipletimes. And so it's like, yeah, I
was the coordinator, theproducer, the stage manager, the

(48:01):
costume designer, the, like.And then talent. And then I had to
learn 15 songs, which again, Idid to myself. This next one, there
might be about 10 songs, maybeeight. But I also wanna feature,
like, maybe another artistduring intermission. Cause I'm giving
myself an intermission.
Yeah.
Right.
So. But learning that, like,no, I like being able to decide this

(48:23):
is what I wanna put out in the world.
Yeah.
But I need help. And all ofthe positions are valuable, right?
Like, the picture, themusician, everybody. Cause that's
also what I like abouttheater. And live performance is
the community that's made.
Right.
And it happens on set too.
Right.
But it's that liveperformance, the coming together,

(48:44):
the culmination of it, that islike, oh, yeah, this is all worth
it. And I'm so here for peopleproducing their own work. But it
takes a lot. Like, I just,like, people need to know that it
takes a lot and that you cando it. You just have to get through
the rough patches when youwant to just throw your computer

(49:05):
to the side, right?
Absolutely. Yeah. And I lovethat, like, the folks who were a
part of your cabaret, too,that they took it seriously. Like,
you know, I worked on afriend's independent film project,
and I just love that everyonewas showing up. You know, everybody
was doing their part. Nobodywas getting paid. But, you know,

(49:25):
we all, like. We know thatthat's their goal, was to make this
film. And so we all showed upand took it seriously. Even if it
was for an independentproject, it's still holding it just
as serious as, like, a bigbudget, like Hollywood film or, you
know, $8 million independentor whatever. Even if it's just like,
hey, guys, I got, like, I didthis with three grand. Like, everybody

(49:47):
still treating it as if it is,you know, a bajillion dollar project.
Absolutely. Absolutely. Andthat goes to one. You taking yourself
seriously, right? When you'reproducing your work and your art.
Like, no, this is a project.I'm putting it out in the world.
I am taking this seriously. Sothen I think that's that same energy.
You have to find the peoplethat take it seriously.

(50:07):
Right?
Like, I was very aware of thepeople I asked to be my backup singers.
They were my friends. Butthey're very talented performers
who I know are true to this,not new to this. Amen. And that would
be the phrase my friend wouldsay to me. Cause I'd be like, ah,
da da da. She's like, girl,you got the right people. Because
we're all true to this. We'renot new to this. I've worked with

(50:31):
every one of them in adifferent show. They've been in this
industry with me on the sameride, right?
Yeah.
Over a decade, almost twodecades in, I knew who to ask, right?
They were my first string. AndI had a second string just in case
some of them weren'tavailable. Cause they had booked
a show or were out of town. Ihad a second string of people to
ask. But again, they werepeople who I knew respected me as

(50:54):
a person, respected me as anartist, and would take this seriously,
right? Even though I wasn'tpaying them. I couldn't afford to
pay them, like, their rentmoney, right? Like. But I gave them
something. I was like. And Iwas very transparent. I was like,
hey, y', all, it's my firstcabaret. Here's the budget I have
for backup singers. This is arehearsal like this. And they were
like, girl, of course I do itfor you, right?
Yeah, that's true.

(51:14):
Cause they're also literallyjust my friends, right? Like, I'd
go call them and have brunchwith them. Any one of them, right?
Like, yeah.
And the musicians who I nowknow actually came to me. The musicians
I didn't know, but they cameto me off of referrals from other
people. But again, I thinkthat's also why people want to work
with people they know. Peoplewanna work with people they respect.

(51:36):
People wanna work with peoplewho are kind human beings whose reputation
precedes them in a good way.Like, I got the musician referral
from someone who knows me andwas like, oh, she's a great person.
You would probably wanna workwith her. I didn't know any of my
musicians, but they ended upworking out and they were amazing.
And now they're in my Rolodexto call. But it was because I knew

(51:59):
somebody, right?
And also, thinking of yourbackground singers, it was almost
goes back into your thing wewere talking about at the beginning
where you're like, this is ourworld, you know? So they're like,
of course. Because this is our world.
Literally.
So it's like, y' all might betogether on brunch singing, but,
you know, instead we're gonnabe here this night and we're gonna

(52:19):
be singing these songstogether. And this is our world.
Boom.
And I got you. And I love that.
Boom. Exactly. Cause with anyof those people, I probably will
be at brunch singing. So just.Because we'll break into a random
song, right? Which I have, andone of them. I was actually in her
cabaret in Germany. So when Iwas in grad school in Scotland, she

(52:41):
called me and was like, hey,can you fly to Germany? Yes. Because
the ticket was, like, $78.What? If y' all haven't done.
Oh, yes. There.
Yeah, I was in Scotland. I wasalready in. In. Well, technically
the uk, but Europe. I wasalready over there. So I was like,
yeah, girl, I could fly. Icould fly to Germany for the weekend.
Because it doesn't. It's lessthan $100 round trip. Yes. I could

(53:02):
come. So, like, I was in hercabaret, right? So it's like she's
kind of returning the favor, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I love that so much. I lovethat so much. Oh, my gosh. That could
probably be like, a wholeother conversation about, like, grad
school, out the country vibes.Like. Yes. I get into these, like,
bits about grad school. Like,you know, every few months, I'll

(53:24):
be like, I'm gonna go to gradschool, and then I'll like it'll
fall away.
But yeah.
Yeah.
We don't have to ask yourselfwhy, though. I'm gonna bring it up.
Why?
Yeah. You know, I think it wasfunny. The. The reason I've been
on it now is because I waslistening to an artist. An artist
talk, and they said somethinglike, you know, I knew I would be
making work for the rest of mylife, so I figured I'll just go to

(53:46):
grad school. And I'm like,that's actually, like, really smart.
Because now they had thisfocused time.
Yeah.
To just be in critique andmaking work.
Yeah.
And then that's what startedmy spiral. Like, I love that. Yeah.
I'll be making work for therest of my life, so I might as well
go to grad school.
Right.
That's what made me think.That's what. That's what made me,

(54:08):
like, that's what's making mein this current time think about
grad school. But I'm only. I'monly interested if it can be like.
If it's like a paid for gradschool girl. Cause I'm not interested
in taking on any more bills.Absolutely not. It's absolutely out
the question.
Because the way these studentloans are hounding me from grad school.

(54:30):
And let's be very clear, I donot regret it. I do not. I had some
great training in Scotland.I've made lifelong friends. I just
had experiences I would havenever had if I didn't go to grad
school in a different country.
Right.
Yeah.
So I don't regret it. But, myGod, those student loans.
Yeah. It was actually artistand designer Norman Teague.

(54:52):
Okay.
I believe that was who he waslike, oh, y' all wanna. If y' all
ever wanna go to grad school,y' all should consider going out
the country.
Mm.
And I'm like, oh, yeah, right.Why not? Cause even now, when I'm
talking about grad school,folks are, like, mentioning, you
know, universities in Chicagoto go to, and I'm just like, no,
if I was gonna do it, I wouldreally do it. You know, like, really,

(55:13):
if I wanna make work for therest of my life. Life, why not take
this period into a whole otherworld, part of the world and then
make work and see what comesof that, you know, and break out
of my shell. But, yeah, butwe'll see. But, you know, winding
down, I want to ask you aboutyour mentorship stuff. So on top

(55:37):
of, as you were saying, youwere doing all this stuff with, you
know, producing your cabaretwhile also producing your podcast,
taking care of Yourself andmentoring. Mentoring. Let's talk
about mentoring. So being, youknow, a teaching artist, how does
that inform your own acting?And I ask this because that's sort

(55:59):
of like a controversial thingabout folks being like a teaching
artist, about being a teachingartist. People are like, it might
take away. It's another thingto do. And I wondered, what do you
think about that? Like, doesit help in your own artwork? You
know, obviously you're,obviously you're pouring into somebody
else's talent, but how does ithelp yours?

(56:22):
Yeah, it's a reminder to me.
Right, okay.
Like, I just wrapped up amentorship cohort session, if you
will, with the program that Imentor with. And it was very refreshing
to see my mentee, like, bloom.

(56:43):
Right.
And she had a show thatpremiered in the New York Fringe
this year.
Oh, very cool.
And I was so proud of her.
Right.
And like, talking her through.No, no, no. Like, you need to be
proud of yourself.
Yeah.
This is a big deal. Becauseshe would go, oh, it's just this.
Oh, it's just we don't do just anything.

(57:06):
Yeah.
Darling, you have a one woman show.
Wow.
In the New York Fringe. Like,let's just, let's just sit in that
for a second.
Right? Yeah.
So for me, mentoring has beenrefreshing and a reminder because
I'm also the co chair of acareer guidance program. Right, okay.

(57:27):
And so we, we don't call themmentees, we call them boosters because
we're kind of giving you likea boost to your career.
I love that.
Yeah, yeah.
And it shows like, that couldbe around any age. Any. At any. At
any age. Anytime you can needa boost, boom.
And that's it. We justacquired that you've been in New
York. It's a New York basedprogram, but we require that you've

(57:47):
been in New York for at leasta year. Like minimum a year pursuing
the arts. But it's like youjust need a little boost.
Right.
And we call ourselves the Coolaunts of off the Lane because we're
there to give you a little reminder.
Right.
We are artists as well, goingthrough this. And you have to understand
that it's a marathon.
Yeah.
And I think mentoring for mealso reminds me that it's a marathon.

(58:12):
Right.
Like, but this marathon looksdifferent than the typical 9 to 5.
It looks different than peoplewho have that security. Right. And
I put it in quotation marksecurity because welcome to 2025
and nothing is secure. Right.So I'm putting that in quotation

(58:34):
marks. Child. That's a wholenother Conversation.
Okay, yeah.
Whole nother conversation. Butfor me, it has informed my art because
I have to remember, just likeI'm validating my. The artist that
I mentor, I have to validatemyself. I have to remember that I

(58:55):
have the permission to createthe life I want. I have the permission
to create the art that I want.
Right.
And I try to inform that andinfuse that into the artists that
I talk to and mentor and givea boost to. Because it's like, I've
been there, and I understandwhat it feels like. If you're just
like, well, I haven't booked aBroadway show yet, or I haven't done

(59:18):
this yet. And it's like, why?Because you're waiting for that validation.
Because we were taught thatthat validation would then open doors.
Not necessarily true. I'veknown people who have been on Broadway,
one Broadway show, and that'sit. But they thought it was gonna
open these magic doors, right?
Yeah.
And I'm not saying that I'mnot still like, I wanna be a leading

(59:38):
lady on Broadway. I'm gonna bea leading lady on Broadway. But I
had to understand that my pathto that is gonna be different than
what I think it's gonna be.And I also understand that from mentoring,
of, like, listen to whatyou're also telling these mentees.
Right?
It's a reminder to myself of,like, no, no, no, you can do it.

(01:00:01):
Can't isn't in yourvocabulary. And like, my. I remember
telling my mentee, like, so Isaw this on Instagram. It was a reel.
I can't tell you whose it was,but the lady was basically like,
just remember, if you can't,you can't. If you. Oh. If you. If
you think you can't, then you can't.

(01:00:23):
Right?
But if you think you can, thenyou can. Right? So I was telling
my mentee that. She was like,oh, my God, that's so great. I'm
like, I have to remind myself,ayanna, if you think you can, you
can. And then guess what? Iwas out for my birthday at a restaurant,
and guess what was on the backof a menu. It literally said, if
you think you can, you can.
I love it.
Oh, my God. All right, I heardyou. I heard you.

(01:00:46):
I love that. I also lovewhat's on the back of the menu. Like.
Like, yes, you can do thisbrownie a la mode.
You can't. You can do thisbrownie. You can.
If you think you can.
If you think you can, you can.I said, okay, fine.
I love that. Yes, I Had afriend who would, like, she was giving
me advice about things to doat my, like, photography and all

(01:01:08):
that. And I'm like, this isall great advice. She's like, you're
welcome. I love telling peopleto do things I should be doing myself.
And I'm like, see? Yeah.
See? Yeah, that's it. It's areminder. It's a reminder, but also
alignment.
Right.
Last thing I'll add to that isalignment, because I think, again,
capitalism. You lightlytouched on it.
Yeah.

(01:01:28):
Capitalism will make me makeus think that we have to turn everything
into something that makes us money.
Yeah.
Right.
So I think it's also lookingfor alignment. And when I'm mentoring,
I'm like, right, what's inalignment with you, Ayanna, and what
you want to do? Because someof these things could just be hobbies.
Right.
Like, I'm the go to eventplanner for my friends and family.

(01:01:49):
I love to plan an event.
Right.
I love. Let's. Let's do it.Give me the spreadsheet. Give me
the. The mood board. Give methe color palette. Like, what? I
love it.
Yeah.
I don't want to turn that intoa business.
Yeah.
That's a hobby. It's a hobbyfor me.
Right.
And I don't mind it being ahobby. And that also fills my life.
Right.
Like, I'm a yogi. I've beendoing yoga for how many years? My

(01:02:10):
friends are like, you shouldget a yoga certification and do what
with it? Because I'm like, whydoes everything have to be to make
money? It doesn't. That'swrong, y'.
All.
It's capitalism that has toldus that everything you do. No, these
are skills, but also justhobbies. Things I enjoy.
Right?
Yeah.
And so finding alignment,remembering. Remembering alignment

(01:02:35):
for your life has also been akey in my own mentoring. Like, Ayanna,
you're telling your mentorsyou have to remember that too.
Right? Right? Yeah. That'sreally good. That's really good.
Yeah.
Oh, my gosh. Thank you so muchfor our conversation today. You know,
I want to end by saying whatyou ask your guests at every episode

(01:03:00):
on the Artist Pivot. And maybeas I'm about to ask it, it's like,
oh, I see how this can maybebe in the front, but. But I'm just
curious, how are yourhydration levels? And if you were
to send an emoji of how youare feeling for the day, which emoji
would that be? Ooh.

(01:03:21):
Oh, I love it.
I love it. Okay, so myhydration levels. Okay. You see,
I have my water bottle here.
Yes.
My Equinox water bottle. I wasa member for two days.
Come on.
Equinox.
I got a two day pass toEquinox and then won this water bottle
in a raffle. And I was like,great. I was an Equinox member for
two days.
Yes.
Because that's a veryexpensive gym. It's very nice. It's

(01:03:42):
very nice.
Yes. But that's a flex with,with the water bottle.
Okay, people?
That's a flex.
People like, are you Equinoxmember? Well, I was. I just go. I
was.
Yeah, girl.
I was a member for two years.
Is there a reason. Yeah, youcould be like, is there a reason?
You're asking, Right.
Is there a reason you walkoff? Right? Yes. You see, my Equinox
water bottle is. Anywho,that's something I'm manifesting
and praying about too. BecauseI'm like, I really like the discount

(01:04:05):
I would get through my union.Actually isn't bad. But I'm like,
that's just not a bill I wannaadd on right now.
Right.
Like, in the grand scheme ofthings, especially the way I take
care of my body, that actuallyisn't too bad of a cost. It's just
that in these times, I'm notadding that bill to my life. So.
Yes, to answer your questionoff on a tangent, my Equinox water

(01:04:27):
bottle, my hydration's okaytoday. I think I have finished one
of these today and I try to dothree. So this is my second one because
this is a 25 ounce water bottle.
Okay.
So that's. Yeah, 75 ounces ifI do three. So I'm on my second one,
which is good. Okay. I stillhave some time. I still have some
time to. To chug two more.

(01:04:48):
Yeah.
So I'm doing okay with myhydration and then the emojis. I
would send you today. Okay.The first one I'm thinking about
is I would send you the lips.The little like kissy lips. This
is one of my favoritelipsticks that I'm wearing today.
Yes.
I love it. So I'd be like thelittle lips.
It looks good. You look good.Thank you. Yeah, thank you.
I would probably also send youa sunshine. Like the sunshine. Because

(01:05:12):
it's sunny today and thatreally makes me happy. And then I
would send you. I wouldprobably send you a cup of tea because
there's like, you know. Causelike outside of this life, be life,
Ed. And like, I'm one of thosepeople who like, when I have family
drama going on I'm the one inthe corner with the popcorn and the

(01:05:33):
tea sipping.
Right?
Cause like, the group chat wasgoing off last night and I was sitting
over my tea like, ooh, chile,what's happening?
Oh my God.
So I probably send you a cupof tea. I'm like, girl, the tea that's
over here in my life chatthese people crazy.
I love this so much. Family isso bizarre. Like, sometimes I'll

(01:05:54):
be at my own family partiesand I'm like, you know what? Wow,
this person. If we were notfamily, I would not know you. But
yet you knew my grandma.
Facts.
And like, you were at her funeral.
Yes.
And like, you know my parents.
Yeah.
And like, it's just so weird.
Yeah.

(01:06:15):
It's like, whoa. Like, ourgrandmas are sisters.
Yeah. Uh huh. Yeah.
That's crazy. Uhhuh. Right?
You're like, how did we gethere? I mean, that's a whole another
rabbit hole. Me and my sistersometimes are like, how did God,
how did you choose the familythat we get into?
Listen, that's a goodquestion. I'm definitely going to
ask him that. Like, how didyou figure this out?

(01:06:36):
Like, bro, I got questions. Orsis, I got question. Listen, I'm
at the point where I'm like,God, is she. They. Them. Her.
Come on.
The creator, the most high. Igot questions.
Yeah, absolutely. Oh, my God.This has been another episode of
nosey af. I'm your host,Stephanie Graham. What did you think

(01:07:00):
about today's conversation? Iwould love to hear your thoughts.
Head over to the nosey AFwebsite for all the show notes related
to this episode. You can alsofind me on Instagram. Stephanie Graham,
what would you know? Oronline@missgram.com where you can
sign up for my newsletterwhere I share exclusive updates about
my studio practice as well asthis podcast. Until next time, y'

(01:07:23):
all stay curious and takecare. Bye. Sa.

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