October 8, 2024 • 39 mins
Ep 58: Hosting with Heart: Breaking the Rules of Traditional Entertaining
“The heart of hospitality isn’t about impressing others but making them feel welcome.”
— Saanya Ali
Summary of the episode
Welcome back to episode 58 of nosyAF!
In this episode of nosyAF: Conversations About Art, Activism, and Social Change, host Stephanie sits down with Saanya Ali, founder of Soiree, to discuss how she is hosting with heart and redefining hospitality through her creative and joyful approach to gatherings. Saanya shares how hosting can move beyond stress and formality, focusing instead on connection and generosity. From her international upbringing to her passion for food and community, Saanya highlights how hospitality can be as simple as pizza on the floor with friends, emphasizing that the experience is about people, not perfection.
Topics discussed:
🍜Hosting with heart means prioritizing connection over perfection and making everyone feel valued and at home.
🍕A dinner party doesn’t have to be elaborate. It can be pizza on the floor—the connection matters," says Saanya.
🍽️ By breaking down the barriers to hosting, Saanya shows everyone can create memorable experiences, no matter the setting.
🥂Hospitality is about generosity and bringing people together, whether at a lavish event or a casual get-together.
All About Saanya:
Saanya Ali is a storyteller, writer, self-trained chef, and community-builder. She founded SOIRÉE, a platform that simplifies hosting for a new generation of entertainers. Born in Switzerland to South Asian parents and having traveled to over 65 countries, Saanya is fascinated by how food connects people across cultures and traditions. For her, a shared meal is more than just food—it's a way to break down barriers, tell stories, and bring people closer to their roots and communities.
After graduating from NYU's Gallatin School with a focus on Mixed Media Storytelling and Human Rights, Saanya worked at Well+Good before leaving in 2022 to focus full-time on SOIRÉE. The platform offers playful, practical solutions for Gen Z hosts, prioritizing authenticity, creativity, and accessibility over perfection.
At heart, Saanya is a curious third-culture kid who passionately believes in the power of food and connection. Her journey, from her multicultural upbringing to her extensive travels, has reinforced her belief that food is a universal language that can bridge cultural gaps and foster meaningful connection.
Resources mentioned in this episode
- SOIRÉE Website
- Sign up for the Saanya’s newsletter: SOIRÉE
Noteworthy quotes from this episode
“We dont need a run of show!”
"Food is a universal language—it brings people together, and that's what hospitality is all about."
"The heart of hospitality isn’t about impressing others but making them feel welcome.”
Connect with Saanya
Instagram: @justsoiree
Website: https://www.justsoiree.com/
Connect with Stephanie
Instagram: @stephaniegraham
Email: stephanie@missgraham.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hey, welcome. And welcome backto Nosy AF, the podcast where we
dive into the lives of people who
are shaping the world in their own
creative and unexpected ways. I'm
your host, Stephanie. And today we're
exploring something close to my heart,
hospitality. But not just in a traditional
sense. I'm talking about the art
ofgathering, connection, and generosity.
Lately, I've been researching pageantry
and hospitality, looking at everything
from, like, the royal family to debutante
balls, proms, and for years, I've
wanted to host my own dinner parties.
Imean, they're just such a great way
to connect with people because let's
be real, we all have to eat. Like,
literally, we all have to eat. So
when I was introduced to Sani Ali
through my network of friends, I
was thrilled. Her company soiree
isreally redefining what it means to
create experiences that are generous,
thoughtful, and full, full of care.
So in today's episode, we're going
todig into Sonia's approach to hosting
and why it's so much more than just
throwing a good party. But first,
yougotta play my theme song. So let's
get right into it. And welcome to
no Taf, my friends.
(01:16):
Gotta get up, get up tell thewhole world you a winner, winner
vision never saw with a mission in
the cause what you doing, how you
doing? What you doing and who you
are flex yourself and press yourself
oncheck yourself don't work yourself
ifyou know me then you know that I
be knowing what's up, Stephanie Graham
is nosy as.
(01:41):
Okay, so let's get this partystarted. Sonia, welcome to nosy Af.
Hi, Stephanie.
So happy that you are here. SoI love your platform soiree. I think
it is so helpful. And the first question
I have for you is, did you create
itout of frustration of maybe going
totoo many dinner parties that just
weren't done to where you think,
tolike your specifications?
(02:12):
No, I am not picking. A dinnerparty can be pizza on the floor if
that's what's called for. First of
all, thank you so much for having
me,and I'm so glad you liked the platform,
but essentially it came out of a
few different things. So number one,
I have a very international upbringing.
Iwas born in Switzerland, moved to
France, moved back to Switzerland,
grew upin DC around a lot of internationally
mindedpeople, south asian family. And one
thing thats the ultimate connector
isfood. No matter where you are in
the world, no matter where youre
from, everyones got to eat. And so
this idea of connection and community
around food is something thats always
been cored to who I am and how I
think about the world and its so
interconnected. Food and culture,
foodand fashion, food and art. Theres
somany ways into it. But I saw this
need, especially during pandemic
wherethe generation undermine my generation.
AndGen Z wanted to host and wanted to
build these communities and connections.
Butthe idea of throwing a dinner party
or any sort of themed event, whatever
itmay be, was intimidating or inaccessible
oryou were met with these. Well, one
day, or when I make this much, when
I have this space, when I have a
matching set of plates, when I learn
how to cook, when I know there were
all of these impediments to doing
it,and I was thinking about it, I'm
like, it can be pizza on the floor.
And that's a big party. It's food,
friends and fun. That's all you really
need. And so created soiree as an
answer to the stress. So soiree is
dedicated to simplifying the stress
ofhosting. And it could be the most
elevated. We threw a surrealist ball
and it could be a slumber party with
your girls. Whatever it may be. Making
something an occasion is fun. Making
new friends over sharing a meal is
fun. All of these things shouldn't
be.There shouldn't be barriers to entry.
(04:19):
Yeah. And it does feel likeI'm really, like, I follow a bunch
of, like, homemakers on Instagram,
andthis is like, not the tradwives.
That'slike a whole other role of, like,
homemakers. But it seems like, similar
to the art world. There's like, different
worlds, like, inside, you know, different
art worlds. And maybe there's, like,
different homemaking, but it does
feel, like, not accessible. It does
feel overwhelming.
(04:44):
It's very removed from theidea of homemaking, and I think that
lives in its own separate world.
Butthe idea of hospitality and generosity
ofspirit is different. You don't have
to cook to have a dinner party. You
don't have to have people in your
house to have a dinner party. So
there's such a spectra. I think there
are a lot of these internalized ideas
of like, oh, a dinner party means
twoforks on either side, and I need
tohave this space and I need to have
five courses and all of that. But
it doesnt. You could have a dinner
party at a restaurant and you rent
out the room, you could have a dinner
party. I had a 40 person italian
riviera themed picnic in Central
park.It can be anywhere. And I think also
the idea of a dinner party is kind
of poo pooed a little bit where it's
like, okay, whatever, it's a party.
It's a party. Well, there's a whole
industry around events. And so that's
part of the consulting that I do
is working with different brand startups,
individuals sometimes, but more often
companies, to figure out how to host
an event that combines elegance and
play in a way that aligns with their
KPI's. So they have a goal that they
want to get out of whatever event
we're pulling together. What do we
need to do to get there? What are
the right questions to ask? How can
we make this different from every
other pr event marketing event that's
happened and make it fun and still
memorable, but very goal oriented?
Sothere's a whole spectrum. It can
gofrom hosting at home to hosting a
launch for a new app.
(06:28):
Yeah, yeah. How did you getinto hosting and being interested
in this,besides the travel? Like, you had
this great life of traveling, but
that's still, you know, you still
didn't have to be into dinner parties.
That is a great question. Ithink part of it is my dad always
calls me a coconut brown on the outside,
white on the inside. And I growing
upin Switzerland, in the US, that is
an insecurity of mine, where I very
much connect to the european side
ofmy upbringing more than the desi
side. But one thing that I'm so proud
of about my brown heritage is the
hospitality and the generosity and
the way that the Miis and like, it's
more than etiquette, it's caretaking
andrespect, and I want to make you feel
at home and anything that's mine
isyours. That's something that I so
value and admire and respect from
mycultural heritage. And I think especially
when you're a third culture kid.
SoI born in one place, live in another
from another, you have to have your
little touchstones that you're like,
this is my way in to how I connect
tomy culture and that level of hospitality.
And just true, like, my home is your
home feeling is something that I
really latched onto. And then seeing
my mom host and my grandparents host,
and then in a very technical way,
working in the wellness industry
for along time and going to every pr event
and every restaurant opening and
every launch event, which a lot of
them, some of them were good, but
they get to feel quite technical
andperformative. And the old school
elegance of how to carry a room,
leada room, hold a space, felt lost where
it kind of felt like you were in
school. Someone's like we're going
togo through the run of show for the
evening. We don't need to run a show
or do the next step and we'll follow
along. Or like I'll be your point
person for the we don't need a point
person. No point. People like, you're
the one to greet me at the door and
you do so warmly with no stress and
I don't know that you've sweat putting
the work into this. I will assume
thatyou're the head. So I think yeah,
part of it was by cultural heritage
andpart of it is just kind of feeling
abit frustrated with the, the technicalness
ofevents now. They're just kind of
like, do you.
(09:17):
Think hosting is like a lost art?
That was one of the firsttaglines of sorry, it was reviving
thelost art of entertaining. So 100%
you took the words out of my mouth.
There's an art to making do with
what you have and figuring out creative
ways, especially like living in New
York. If youre in a studio apartment
andyou cant fit your twelve best friends
there, there are ways around this.
You can do things elsewhere. So the
idea of kind of finagling and making
do with what youve got, but the barrier
to entry in terms of like well im
at a fancy work dinner and I dont
know what fork to use or how to introduce
my boss to this contact that they
need to meet all of those little
intimidations thats the goal is to
make that not scary because for so
long the idea of etiquette or any
of these skill sets were so reserved
forone group of people and that ostracizes
everyone else. That makes everyone
elsefeel a little bit dumb. And thats
notfair because if youre not in the
room where the lessons are being
taught, why would you be expected
toknow them? And no one has the time
to go do all of the reading. So in
this case I'm doing the research.
Idefinitely can't call myself an expert
naturally, but doing the research
andthen putting it in bullet points
andmaking it a little witty and satirical
and hehe and young, I could see like.
(10:50):
A sort eight charmed school,finishing school or whatever, but
maybe even like thinking about your
philosophy then that a dinner party
can be pizza on the floor. Maybe
weshould ban this idea of charm school.
I just had a conversationabout this because we were at one
of my dear friends houses in the
UKand we were talking about the idea
of etiquette and I am the mom friend
of the group and forever have been,
have gotten mothers, had Mother's
Daytext since I was 15. I love. I. I
don't even know if I want kids, but
I'm very maternal. The idea of etiquette
and manners and that's how things
aredone. If there were to be anyone
atthe table that wants that and values
that, it would be me. That said,
Ithink there's a line between having
good manners and having respect for
your elders and carrying yourself
withgrace at that. And only sip out of
the same corner of your glass or
put your napkin on your chair with
the left hand, like whatever. All
of these little rules that are meant
to ostracize versus little additions
thatare meant to show respect, those
are different.
(12:05):
I feel like there is nice tohave those rules, but then you're
right. I guess rules are made to
be broken as well.
Yeah, I think there's balance.I very much do some of them, but
some, I think, yeah. It's just so
rooted in white class system.
Yeah. It makes me wonder whatother countries might think of, you
know, etiquette, that's.
(12:29):
The other thing where the verystereotypical english etiquette,
like thecharm school etiquette, completely
different from etiquette in Japan
oretiquette in Bangladesh, depending
onwhere you are, down to the amount
offood you should leave on your plate,
should you leave one bite to show
that you werent famous? Should you
finish it all to show that it was
really good? Should you leave a little
bit of everything to show that you
tried everything? The rules differ
from place to place, but this kind
of western ideology is the one that
has become.
(13:00):
Yeah, thats terrible. So thenyouve traveled all over then, have
you, with soiree, youve maybe put
together your own style of how you
do things, of picking little pieces
of.
Each place a little bit, Ithink. I mean, when it comes to etiquette,
it's kind of take it or leave it.
I'm not going to enforce any part
ofit, but when it comes to tablescaping,
forexample, I just spent a lot of time
in these beautiful gardens in the
UK, and using fresh flowers is something
that I would do there when you have
access to them. That said, in New
York, when a bouquet of hydrangeas
is $28,probably not going to get three of
them. And so here it's going to be
like, oh, well, I can get an orange
and dry them in the oven and have
that as part of the tablescape and
then go scour the housing works across
the street and find really cute little
teacups that are all different and
use that. So using different learnings
from different places and definitely
different cooking styles, that's
something. I love food history and
food science. And the kitchen is
my flow state playground. Will everything
work out every time? No, but it is
where I play and experiment and learn
and is my favorite. Just swat about,
put pinches of things in different
potsand I love it. So all of the different
learnings come together in the design
of the event and in the food, for
sure.
(14:34):
Majority of the work you do,you have soiree, which is your brand,
and then you have the newsletter,
whicheveryone should subscribe to. It
is really, really helpful. And it's
very funny, it's very witty.
Thank you.
And, like, actionable.
And actionable. Part of what Ido. I've been a writer my entire
life.That is first and foremost what I
am as a storyteller. A writer. But
my newsletter, oh, my God, if I could
do that all day, please, everyone,
subscribe to the newsletter. So I
could do that all day.
(15:04):
Yeah. And then you will doevents for folks. Cause you just
said you had the Italian Riviera.
I wasjust gonna say, like, did you fund
that or was that like a corporate
event?
Good question. So, yeah, asyou mentioned, soiree is the overarching
brand, and the three buckets that
fall under it are the content. So
that's the newsletter, the website,
andthe social platforms of all of the
how tos, how to feed a big group,
howto seat people, how to introduce
people,how to tablescape a la la, then the
consulting, which we talked about
before, is just very goal oriented,
numbers focused, how to host elegantly,
productively, and then the supper
clubwe brought in last November. And
Irealized that initially. So I was
building entirely in the tech space,
first as a SaaS platform, then using
a lot of AI, and I found myself click
clacking behind a computer for so
long that I wasn't putting the, I
wasn't practicing what I was preaching.
And so the supper club, we really
pushed the boundaries of design and
experimental costumes, decor, just
make it really fun and an escape
fromreality. So sometimes I work with
mydear friend Claire, who's an incredible
chef based in Brooklyn, and sometimes
with different brands. So we have
had a bunch of brands come in as
gift bag sponsors or decor sponsors,
andthen also with other startups and
companies. So the Italian Riviera
themed one was in collaboration with
this company called Matchbox, which
is essentially a matchmaking software.
And everyone got to know each other.
Chitter chatter throughout the course
of the evening. And at the end of
the event, they got a text with their
most compatible match at the event.
Sothat was. It was fun. Everyone had
a really good time. But in terms
offunding it, all of the supper clubs
are ticketed, so tickets range from
$75 to $200 per person. But you're
getting food and drink and true experience,
and I think people, especially boys,
want an excuse to get dressed up.
The most recent one that we hosted
wasa Gatsby themed event, and all of
the girls, they understood the assignment.
No questions were asked. Everyone
hadfull rented flappers, dresses, pearls
galore, black tie. Amazing. I had
nine of the boys message me in the
three days prior being like, would
itbe weird if I wore a tuxed? Can I
wear this? Can I send you a picture
ofwhat I'm thinking of wearing? People
want occasions. People want somewhere
towear. They're like, oh, I have nowhere
to wear that whatever it is thing.
They want to play, they want whimsy,
they want pomp and circumstance a
little bit, because that's so no
one dresses for the theater anymore
or dinner.
(18:05):
Yeah, people really do likehaving places to go, don't they?
Like, yeah, pandemic where wedidn't have that. And now my friend
Julie was over yesterday, and we
were talking about how we're activity
people who want to date activity
people.We're looking for someone that wants
to not like, oh, let's just, fine,
bea homebody. But let's watercolor.
Let's be.Let's play a game. Let's do something.
Oryou live in a world, go out and see
it. Go meet strangers and do things.
SoI think there's this want for activity,
this want for occasion that there's
somany companies working to meet right
now, which is really amazing.
(18:44):
So if me and my listeners wantto be little soirees, is there a
toolkit that you think. Cause I feel
like this is all very fun to you.
Like, I feel this is your play. I
love that you said you wanna marry
elegance and play. I'm like, okay,
you are my kind of girl. So if I
am working and I know when I have,
like, my own version of a supper
club,what's like a little kit or something,
Icould have a quick little recipe
thatyou have as a go to for a nice evening.
(19:15):
Yes. So on the website, I havetwo sections. I have one. Actually,
three. I have one that's hosting
calendar. So it'll tell you if you're
planning something far in advance,
whatto do two weeks before, a week before,
an hour before, the minute before
people arrive. And you can take off
all of the steps as you do them.
There's also a section next to it
called the Procrastinators Guide,
where it has just a list of all of
the resources you could need if you're
trying to do it. A pinch hitter dinner
party. So places to order food, order
flowers, Amazon things that will
ship the next day, everything. That's
if you procrastinated. And then I
have, like, a guide of do's and do
nots, kind of a cheat sheet for hosting
all on the site, but also one of
the most popular newsletters. I think
this was the third or fourth was
called the art of a shitty dinner
party. And dinner parties, like we
were talking about before, have this
reputation of opulence and excess
andperformance, which I love. That's
whyI do what I do.
(20:24):
Of course.
Of course. The shitty dinnerparty has its place. And that means,
number one, you're wearing your bodega
clothes and you're telling your friends
that are coming over. Bodega clothes
are the clothes that you can wear
inyour house. In your house. So to
your nearest bodega. So however many
blocks it is to get your bacon, egg,
and cheese, yes, they probably have
holes in it. There's probably a track
t shirt from high school. So bodega
clothes. Number two, if you want
toask someone to bring something, let
them. That's okay. If you. You don't
have to clean your bedroom. No one's
going into it. There are all of these
little things that get in the way
of hosting a dinner party that are
part of the art of a shitty dinner
party. People are allowed to help
clean up at a shitty dinner party.
Youcould do it all together, say, mamma
mia, make it fun. If you want to
have quiet time afterwards and not
play a game or a sit around and finish
the bottle of wine, having some serious
conversation about art or politics,
scroll through phones together, that's
fine. There's the idea of having
somany rules. Sometimes you have to
give yourself the occasion for which
to break them, and the rules have
their time in place. If you say,
this is shitty dinner, they all go
out the window. Not for all the time,
but for that.
(21:45):
Yeah, I like that. I likesaying shitty dinner. Do you host
alot? Like, since now this is your
business, do you still find yourself
hosting or.
Good question. So the supperclub, we try to do once or twice
amonth, and that is just an adrenaline
high.
Go, wow, that's a lot. Twice a month.
Wow, it's a lot. It was onceand now there's more interest, excitingly.
So now we're trying to scale it up.
But when it comes to hosting, hosting,
Ido, I think I allow myself more allowances
with it. Where, like I said, I'm
the mom. And so instead of oftentimes
meinviting people, people will just
say like, hey, I'm in the area and
I'll check find friends on my phone.
I'm like, you're not. You just want
to know what's for dinner. And so
people will just come over and we'll
have more casual. And if we want
todo a little bit of a tablescape,
a littlebit of pomp and circumstance, sure.
But it's much cozier and homeier.
Yesterday I made three kinds of fish
just because my best friend was coming
over. And that was my activity for
the evening. And we got to enjoy
thattogether and sit and chat for 5 hours
straight, which was lovely. But I
think when the supper clubs are so
produced, the dinner parties are
less produced. That said, like I
mentioned, I was back in the UK with
some of my dear friends and I was
cooking for 14. And in that case,
Ienlist my friends to make a little
bouquet for the table or lay it nicely,
pick a nice wine, whatever that may
be, because I'm like, okay, if I'm
putting in a 14 people of cooking,
we'remaking this an event and that makes
it fun as well. That's part of the
spectacle and the holiday of it all.
And we all love, we all love sharing
meals.
(23:43):
Yeah, that's really nice. Ifeel like, dang, if somebody told
methey were over, look, they're just
gonna get some Popeyes chicken.
Like I said, this is my play.
Yeah, yeah.
I wouldn't say is my play.Hosting is kind of what I feel a
little bit is my calling. Like it
combined my maternal instincts and
my love of coziness and warmth and
hospitality. But cooking, not my
calling. I am not a natural chef.
Ilove cooking and I'm not bad at it,
but I like being good at things.
Butit's so, that's so relaxing for me.
It's cooking and running are the
two times in my entire existence
where Ican actually stop thinking and I
deal with a lot of mental struggles.
Andif I have the chance to stop the
racing anxieties and come up with
areally lovely seed tuna afterwards,
so be it.
(24:47):
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.That's what I'm talking about. If
you are calmed by such a glamorous
activity, running.
This is not glamorous, though.
Okay, yeah, maybe running.Maybe running. But y'all look really
cute out there, though. All the runners
I see, y'all look really cute out
there. So with the dinners, it feels
like you're like, sort of building
community. Does the community just
stop there after dinner? Or like,
what have you seen in terms of community
building with the dinners that you're
creating? I think specifically with
the soiree dinners versus the brand
stuff. Well, they kind of go hand
inhand. Like, we have brands come in
to be a part of the Suaree dinners.
Theyget really good content out of it
as well. But that's not all the time.
It's just sometimes. But we have
found, especially more recently,
wherepeople are buying tickets and coming
alone. Whereas initially it was like
a friend of a friend of a friend.
Soyou have some sort of connection
tosomeone else there. Now it's a lot
of strangers that come by themselves
andwith the intention of making friends
and meeting people. We've seen people
after the dinner all be like, oh,
should we go to a jazz club? Should
wego to a comedy show? And then a friend
group is formed, or people have asked
in the Luma invitation being like,
can you make a group chat for everyone?
We talked about XYZ, or can you connect
me to so and so? It's a lot of the,
like, the starts of friendships,
thesefriendship meet cutes. That's another
one of the friendship and non friendship
that was one of the newsletters that
I wrote was supper clubs are replacing
swipe culture because people want
tomeet. People want to meet cute, they
want to meet in real life. And this
gives the occasion for that to happen
in a very unintimidating way. It's
not someone approaching you at a
bar. It is someone that bought a
ticket to be at an event that is
dedicated to meeting people. And
there's a level of safety, there's
alevel of intentionality where it's
like, we're all here for the same
reason. So, yeah, the communities
that areformed, it's also there's some guests
who I met through Soiree or started
following me, and we became Instagram
friends, and they've come to every
supper club since. And that's just
amazing to have the recurring people,
your regulars. The regulars, exactly.
Ilove that. I love that. That's really
cool. So I feel like we sort of covered
this, but I'm still going to ask,
what do you find? Is I have two questions
in this is what do you find is the
most rewarding part of, like all
ofsoiree, of all of your brand? And
then I was wondering if you could
maybe share like a personal highlight
that, like hosting, like this part
of. I see it as like community building.
Like hosting community building has
been a part of your life.
(27:38):
Well, the joke answer to thefirst one was the title of the first
youth letter, which was the stuff
wedo for validation. And there's. This
is just a common thing amongst hosts,
and just like a very hehe. Response
isthe validation it feeds you. It's
amazing. And I think more realistically,
it'sgiving people a sense of play and
occasion and a space where you can
let your guard down because you're
notat a cocktail event, you're at a
dinner party, you're all gonna be
eating together. It's going to feel
more intimate when you're in that
space. And the connections that are
made are going to be more true than
if you're just meeting at a bar.
Sothe most rewarding part for me is
the kind of curating a space for
connection. My favorite part of what
I do is the writing and shooting
theevents of used to be a photographer,
and sofinding creative ways to portray
atablescape or a meal is always fun
for me. And then the. What was the
second question?
(28:57):
My second question was like,if you could share a personal story
that highlights the impact of hosting
and community building in your life.
Yeah. The one, the most recentone is the one that immediately comes
to mind. And this was after the Italian
Riviera themed picnic, which was
amatchmaking picnic, but it didn't
feelmatchmakery. It was cool and fun.
And it was through this software
thatwas created. The most common response,
both at the end of the evening and
in the messages that I got afterwards,
washow unintimidating it felt and everyone
really valued. I think one thing
thatis very core to me, and any event
that I have hands in at all, is when
you're greeting people, they'll match
your heart rate when they're walking
in. So if you're frazzled and if
you seem like, oh, these are all
things that are going wrong, and
this is so stressful, and this was
so hard. Well, if this is that hard,
why'd you put it on? If you are instead
calm and collected and graceful and
I. Maybe on the inside it's all crazy,
but you have that heart rate. They've
come in from commuting from wherever
after a long day of work, they'll
matchyour heart rate. And the other part
is instead of, hi, nice to meet you.
My name is, or who are you? Or what
do you do? Oh, my God. I'm so glad
you made it. Thanks so much for getting,
like, you start halfway into the
conversation as if you already know
the person that puts them at ease
sothey don't have to. It's not an interview.
They don't have to prove themselves
andwhy they're there. You're just excited
that they're there. You can learn
their name in a few minutes, and
you can learn what they do in a few
minutes or through the course of
the evening, if that feels right.
Butsetting people at ease initially
issomething that's so integral and
Ithink is so easy to lose when you
have to check people off a list at
the door or you have that sort of
technicalness to it. That can happen.
That will happen. Just let people
settle into the space. And so I think
people recognizing that and really
valuing it, which in my head, it's
asecret. I don't realize that people
notice those things, but they were
like, this could have been so awkward
and this could have been so intimidating
anduncomfortable and forced, but you
were greeted with an aperol spritz
inCentral park and complimented on
an outfit and made to feel like everything's
okay and with a hug, as opposed to
like, hi, who are you?
(31:49):
Yeah, hi, who are you? What doyou do? I hate that.
Why are you here? What are youdoing here? What brings you? It's
a lot.
Relax.
Relax and learn later. There'sa whole event ahead of you. So, yeah,
that I think people recognizing that
and then maybe the next time that
they host something, whether it's
awork meeting or a birthday party,
maybe that will pass on. And you're
putting people at ease implicitly
later on.
(32:19):
So what is your dream forsoiree? Is it to teach us how to
have our own soirees?
Participate in you?
Like, what's your dream forit? I don't even to answer for you,
you're like, dream big of it.
That's a good question. So I'mvery much an ideas person, and that
is, I would love to build Soiree
andhave it kind of be a self running
machine at some point and then get
back to just hosting for myself.
But Ithink for Soiree, one of the core
things that I would love is to have
that. I would never call myself an
expert, but have that be my area
ofexpertise where I create tiktoks
andInstagram reels of fun ways to host
fun condiments to buy creative things
to tablescape, have those kind of
quick, quippy video lessons, have
the newsletter beverage monetized,
andhave that be kind of a claim to fame
for Soiree and what it is. I would
love to write a book. I have a few
that have been in the works for seven
years now, and I would love to have
that. So it's really just building
thebrand awareness around what Soiree
isso that the avenues of social newsletter
and hopefully publishing can be opened.
One idea that I'm incorporating is
creating sort of cheat sheets for
very specific mock dinner parties.
Sowe're talking about homemakers. Like
if Nora Smith were to host a dinner
party, this is what she would do
if Taylor Swift were to host a dinner
party, this is what she'd do if Michelle
Obama were to, whatever it may be,
creating these kind of mocks and
putting those on the paid side of
the newsletter so that you can just
copy the guide. But yeah, I'd love
to live in the space of dinner party
content and food content. Yeah. And
writing. Yeah.
(34:28):
If I'm coming home, could yougive me like a quick little tablescape
Icould do or like something I could
have on hand?
Yeah, tablescape. The easiestthing that you can do is everyone
hasvegetables in there. I fridge to
some extent, fruit or veg. So pick
acolor. So for example, I'm looking
atan orange candle right now, so I'll
pick orange. If you have some oranges,
if you have time to slice them thin,
put them in the oven, dry them, you
can scatter those about or put one
on each plate. If you don't, put
some oranges in a bowl or put them
down the center of your table. And
then there's this thing that we did
at the surrealist party where instead
of having flowers in vases, we had
carrots with their big green stems
coming out and it seemed a little
absurd, but in the coolest way. So
put some carrots in a vase, put celery
in a vase, put radishes in a glass
soyou can see the colors of the different
radishes. There's so much creativity
andarthem and curiosity to play with
innature, especially when it comes
tofood, that there's so many things
thatyou can do with what you have and
not have to go buy circus themed
tablescape you can play. The easiest
thing is to pick a color and then
also shop your own home. That's one
of the lessons that I have in the
newsletter where if you go into your
makeup drawer, you probably have
some sort of products that are orange.
If you just go full maximalist and
put those products out and then put
the things that you find in your
kitchen out and then maybe these
things. There was one time I made
napkin holders just with vintage
booksand put the napkins inside.
(36:14):
Oh, okay. I like that. I seewhat you're doing. I see what you're
doing.
Yeah. It's just playing withwhat you've got, I think. Yeah. And
also having less time and having
a,like, trying to do something in a
pinch does force you to be more creative,
both with food and with decor. And
what it unlocks in your mind is this
kind of, like, game show challenge.
Oh,like, what can I find?
(36:40):
I love that. Thank you forthat, because, yeah, it's nice to.
I wouldn't even have thought of that
because you think of, like, z gallery,
like, you know what I mean? Like
table runner, matching plates or
whatever. But this, I love, it gives
us, like, you know, it does give,
like, a maximalist, eccentric vibe,
you know, right off the bat, which
isalready gonna create a different
environment than folks might genuinely
expect. Thank you. Thank you, y'all.
Isn't Sanya just the sweetest? I
truly enjoyed talking to her. I mean,
anyone who can blend elegance with
playfulness, we love to see that.
Welove to see that. Sonia's business
foraye is like her personal canvas.
Sheteaches us how to host, throw dinner
parties, and entertain with creativity
andcharm through her whimsical writing
andphotography. Plus, she gave me a
much needed correction separating
theideas of homemaking and entertaining.
Idefinitely, definitely, definitely
appreciated that perspective. One
big takeaway from Sonia is this,
forget the rules and just have a
good time. I could have talked to
her for hours. And who knows? Maybe
we'll continue the conversation.
There's justso much more to explore. I was really
curious about her hosting don'ts,
though. Or maybe a story about being
a bad host. But maybe she'll share
that on her website soon. And if
you have those stories, I'd love
tohear them too. Maybe I'll even share
a few of my own in a bonus episode,
because I definitely have stories
ofbad hosting. What is wrong with y'all?
Y'all don't read soiree. I love that
Sonia has such a passion for hosting,
cooking, and being a mom to her friends.
I'm so happy that she extended that
warmth to all of us. What a dream.
What a true treat. We even played
withthe idea of having a sorry in Chicago.
Or, hey, maybe she can come to. Your
city or even your country. I'm looking
at you. South Africa, y'all. I got
listeners in South Africa. You better
hit her up. I hope you enjoyed this
conversation as much as I did. This
has been another episode of Nosy
aF.I'm your host, Stephanie Graham.
Whatdid you think about today's conversation?
Iwould love to hear your thoughts.
Headover to the nosy AF website for all
the show notes related to this episode.
You can also find me on Instagram.
Whatwould you know? Or online@missgram.com
where youcan sign up for my newsletter, where
I share exclusive updates about my
studio practice, as well as this
podcast. Until next time, y'all stay
curious and take care. Bye.
Hey, welcome. And welcome backto Nosy AF, the podcast where we
dive into the lives of people who
are shaping the world in their own
creative and unexpected ways. I'm
your host, Stephanie. And today we're
exploring something close to my heart,
hospitality. But not just in a traditional
sense. I'm talking about the art
ofgathering, connection, and generosity.
Lately, I've been researching pageantry
and hospitality, looking at everything
from, like, the royal family to debutante
balls, proms, and for years, I've
wanted to host my own dinner parties.
Imean, they're just such a great way
to connect with people because let's
be real, we all have to eat. Like,
literally, we all have to eat. So
when I was introduced to Sani Ali
through my network of friends, I
was thrilled. Her company soiree
isreally redefining what it means to
create experiences that are generous,
thoughtful, and full, full of care.
So in today's episode, we're going
todig into Sonia's approach to hosting
and why it's so much more than just
throwing a good party. But first,
yougotta play my theme song. So let's
get right into it. And welcome to
no Taf, my friends.
(01:16):
Gotta get up, get up tell thewhole world you a winner, winner
vision never saw with a mission in
the cause what you doing, how you
doing? What you doing and who you
are flex yourself and press yourself
oncheck yourself don't work yourself
ifyou know me then you know that I
be knowing what's up, Stephanie Graham
is nosy as.
(01:41):
Okay, so let's get this partystarted. Sonia, welcome to nosy Af.
Hi, Stephanie.
So happy that you are here. SoI love your platform soiree. I think
it is so helpful. And the first question
I have for you is, did you create
itout of frustration of maybe going
totoo many dinner parties that just
weren't done to where you think,
tolike your specifications?
(02:12):
No, I am not picking. A dinnerparty can be pizza on the floor if
that's what's called for. First of
all, thank you so much for having
me,and I'm so glad you liked the platform,
but essentially it came out of a
few different things. So number one,
I have a very international upbringing.
Iwas born in Switzerland, moved to
France, moved back to Switzerland,
grew upin DC around a lot of internationally
mindedpeople, south asian family. And one
thing thats the ultimate connector
isfood. No matter where you are in
the world, no matter where youre
from, everyones got to eat. And so
this idea of connection and community
around food is something thats always
been cored to who I am and how I
think about the world and its so
interconnected. Food and culture,
foodand fashion, food and art. Theres
somany ways into it. But I saw this
need, especially during pandemic
wherethe generation undermine my generation.
AndGen Z wanted to host and wanted to
build these communities and connections.
Butthe idea of throwing a dinner party
or any sort of themed event, whatever
itmay be, was intimidating or inaccessible
oryou were met with these. Well, one
day, or when I make this much, when
I have this space, when I have a
matching set of plates, when I learn
how to cook, when I know there were
all of these impediments to doing
it,and I was thinking about it, I'm
like, it can be pizza on the floor.
And that's a big party. It's food,
friends and fun. That's all you really
need. And so created soiree as an
answer to the stress. So soiree is
dedicated to simplifying the stress
ofhosting. And it could be the most
elevated. We threw a surrealist ball
and it could be a slumber party with
your girls. Whatever it may be. Making
something an occasion is fun. Making
new friends over sharing a meal is
fun. All of these things shouldn't
be.There shouldn't be barriers to entry.
(04:19):
Yeah. And it does feel likeI'm really, like, I follow a bunch
of, like, homemakers on Instagram,
andthis is like, not the tradwives.
That'slike a whole other role of, like,
homemakers. But it seems like, similar
to the art world. There's like, different
worlds, like, inside, you know, different
art worlds. And maybe there's, like,
different homemaking, but it does
feel, like, not accessible. It does
feel overwhelming.
(04:44):
It's very removed from theidea of homemaking, and I think that
lives in its own separate world.
Butthe idea of hospitality and generosity
ofspirit is different. You don't have
to cook to have a dinner party. You
don't have to have people in your
house to have a dinner party. So
there's such a spectra. I think there
are a lot of these internalized ideas
of like, oh, a dinner party means
twoforks on either side, and I need
tohave this space and I need to have
five courses and all of that. But
it doesnt. You could have a dinner
party at a restaurant and you rent
out the room, you could have a dinner
party. I had a 40 person italian
riviera themed picnic in Central
park.It can be anywhere. And I think also
the idea of a dinner party is kind
of poo pooed a little bit where it's
like, okay, whatever, it's a party.
It's a party. Well, there's a whole
industry around events. And so that's
part of the consulting that I do
is working with different brand startups,
individuals sometimes, but more often
companies, to figure out how to host
an event that combines elegance and
play in a way that aligns with their
KPI's. So they have a goal that they
want to get out of whatever event
we're pulling together. What do we
need to do to get there? What are
the right questions to ask? How can
we make this different from every
other pr event marketing event that's
happened and make it fun and still
memorable, but very goal oriented?
Sothere's a whole spectrum. It can
gofrom hosting at home to hosting a
launch for a new app.
(06:28):
Yeah, yeah. How did you getinto hosting and being interested
in this,besides the travel? Like, you had
this great life of traveling, but
that's still, you know, you still
didn't have to be into dinner parties.
That is a great question. Ithink part of it is my dad always
calls me a coconut brown on the outside,
white on the inside. And I growing
upin Switzerland, in the US, that is
an insecurity of mine, where I very
much connect to the european side
ofmy upbringing more than the desi
side. But one thing that I'm so proud
of about my brown heritage is the
hospitality and the generosity and
the way that the Miis and like, it's
more than etiquette, it's caretaking
andrespect, and I want to make you feel
at home and anything that's mine
isyours. That's something that I so
value and admire and respect from
mycultural heritage. And I think especially
when you're a third culture kid.
SoI born in one place, live in another
from another, you have to have your
little touchstones that you're like,
this is my way in to how I connect
tomy culture and that level of hospitality.
And just true, like, my home is your
home feeling is something that I
really latched onto. And then seeing
my mom host and my grandparents host,
and then in a very technical way,
working in the wellness industry
for along time and going to every pr event
and every restaurant opening and
every launch event, which a lot of
them, some of them were good, but
they get to feel quite technical
andperformative. And the old school
elegance of how to carry a room,
leada room, hold a space, felt lost where
it kind of felt like you were in
school. Someone's like we're going
togo through the run of show for the
evening. We don't need to run a show
or do the next step and we'll follow
along. Or like I'll be your point
person for the we don't need a point
person. No point. People like, you're
the one to greet me at the door and
you do so warmly with no stress and
I don't know that you've sweat putting
the work into this. I will assume
thatyou're the head. So I think yeah,
part of it was by cultural heritage
andpart of it is just kind of feeling
abit frustrated with the, the technicalness
ofevents now. They're just kind of
like, do you.
(09:17):
Think hosting is like a lost art?
That was one of the firsttaglines of sorry, it was reviving
thelost art of entertaining. So 100%
you took the words out of my mouth.
There's an art to making do with
what you have and figuring out creative
ways, especially like living in New
York. If youre in a studio apartment
andyou cant fit your twelve best friends
there, there are ways around this.
You can do things elsewhere. So the
idea of kind of finagling and making
do with what youve got, but the barrier
to entry in terms of like well im
at a fancy work dinner and I dont
know what fork to use or how to introduce
my boss to this contact that they
need to meet all of those little
intimidations thats the goal is to
make that not scary because for so
long the idea of etiquette or any
of these skill sets were so reserved
forone group of people and that ostracizes
everyone else. That makes everyone
elsefeel a little bit dumb. And thats
notfair because if youre not in the
room where the lessons are being
taught, why would you be expected
toknow them? And no one has the time
to go do all of the reading. So in
this case I'm doing the research.
Idefinitely can't call myself an expert
naturally, but doing the research
andthen putting it in bullet points
andmaking it a little witty and satirical
and hehe and young, I could see like.
(10:50):
A sort eight charmed school,finishing school or whatever, but
maybe even like thinking about your
philosophy then that a dinner party
can be pizza on the floor. Maybe
weshould ban this idea of charm school.
I just had a conversationabout this because we were at one
of my dear friends houses in the
UKand we were talking about the idea
of etiquette and I am the mom friend
of the group and forever have been,
have gotten mothers, had Mother's
Daytext since I was 15. I love. I. I
don't even know if I want kids, but
I'm very maternal. The idea of etiquette
and manners and that's how things
aredone. If there were to be anyone
atthe table that wants that and values
that, it would be me. That said,
Ithink there's a line between having
good manners and having respect for
your elders and carrying yourself
withgrace at that. And only sip out of
the same corner of your glass or
put your napkin on your chair with
the left hand, like whatever. All
of these little rules that are meant
to ostracize versus little additions
thatare meant to show respect, those
are different.
(12:05):
I feel like there is nice tohave those rules, but then you're
right. I guess rules are made to
be broken as well.
Yeah, I think there's balance.I very much do some of them, but
some, I think, yeah. It's just so
rooted in white class system.
Yeah. It makes me wonder whatother countries might think of, you
know, etiquette, that's.
(12:29):
The other thing where the verystereotypical english etiquette,
like thecharm school etiquette, completely
different from etiquette in Japan
oretiquette in Bangladesh, depending
onwhere you are, down to the amount
offood you should leave on your plate,
should you leave one bite to show
that you werent famous? Should you
finish it all to show that it was
really good? Should you leave a little
bit of everything to show that you
tried everything? The rules differ
from place to place, but this kind
of western ideology is the one that
has become.
(13:00):
Yeah, thats terrible. So thenyouve traveled all over then, have
you, with soiree, youve maybe put
together your own style of how you
do things, of picking little pieces
of.
Each place a little bit, Ithink. I mean, when it comes to etiquette,
it's kind of take it or leave it.
I'm not going to enforce any part
ofit, but when it comes to tablescaping,
forexample, I just spent a lot of time
in these beautiful gardens in the
UK, and using fresh flowers is something
that I would do there when you have
access to them. That said, in New
York, when a bouquet of hydrangeas
is $28,probably not going to get three of
them. And so here it's going to be
like, oh, well, I can get an orange
and dry them in the oven and have
that as part of the tablescape and
then go scour the housing works across
the street and find really cute little
teacups that are all different and
use that. So using different learnings
from different places and definitely
different cooking styles, that's
something. I love food history and
food science. And the kitchen is
my flow state playground. Will everything
work out every time? No, but it is
where I play and experiment and learn
and is my favorite. Just swat about,
put pinches of things in different
potsand I love it. So all of the different
learnings come together in the design
of the event and in the food, for
sure.
(14:34):
Majority of the work you do,you have soiree, which is your brand,
and then you have the newsletter,
whicheveryone should subscribe to. It
is really, really helpful. And it's
very funny, it's very witty.
Thank you.
And, like, actionable.
And actionable. Part of what Ido. I've been a writer my entire
life.That is first and foremost what I
am as a storyteller. A writer. But
my newsletter, oh, my God, if I could
do that all day, please, everyone,
subscribe to the newsletter. So I
could do that all day.
(15:04):
Yeah. And then you will doevents for folks. Cause you just
said you had the Italian Riviera.
I wasjust gonna say, like, did you fund
that or was that like a corporate
event?
Good question. So, yeah, asyou mentioned, soiree is the overarching
brand, and the three buckets that
fall under it are the content. So
that's the newsletter, the website,
andthe social platforms of all of the
how tos, how to feed a big group,
howto seat people, how to introduce
people,how to tablescape a la la, then the
consulting, which we talked about
before, is just very goal oriented,
numbers focused, how to host elegantly,
productively, and then the supper
clubwe brought in last November. And
Irealized that initially. So I was
building entirely in the tech space,
first as a SaaS platform, then using
a lot of AI, and I found myself click
clacking behind a computer for so
long that I wasn't putting the, I
wasn't practicing what I was preaching.
And so the supper club, we really
pushed the boundaries of design and
experimental costumes, decor, just
make it really fun and an escape
fromreality. So sometimes I work with
mydear friend Claire, who's an incredible
chef based in Brooklyn, and sometimes
with different brands. So we have
had a bunch of brands come in as
gift bag sponsors or decor sponsors,
andthen also with other startups and
companies. So the Italian Riviera
themed one was in collaboration with
this company called Matchbox, which
is essentially a matchmaking software.
And everyone got to know each other.
Chitter chatter throughout the course
of the evening. And at the end of
the event, they got a text with their
most compatible match at the event.
Sothat was. It was fun. Everyone had
a really good time. But in terms
offunding it, all of the supper clubs
are ticketed, so tickets range from
$75 to $200 per person. But you're
getting food and drink and true experience,
and I think people, especially boys,
want an excuse to get dressed up.
The most recent one that we hosted
wasa Gatsby themed event, and all of
the girls, they understood the assignment.
No questions were asked. Everyone
hadfull rented flappers, dresses, pearls
galore, black tie. Amazing. I had
nine of the boys message me in the
three days prior being like, would
itbe weird if I wore a tuxed? Can I
wear this? Can I send you a picture
ofwhat I'm thinking of wearing? People
want occasions. People want somewhere
towear. They're like, oh, I have nowhere
to wear that whatever it is thing.
They want to play, they want whimsy,
they want pomp and circumstance a
little bit, because that's so no
one dresses for the theater anymore
or dinner.
(18:05):
Yeah, people really do likehaving places to go, don't they?
Like, yeah, pandemic where wedidn't have that. And now my friend
Julie was over yesterday, and we
were talking about how we're activity
people who want to date activity
people.We're looking for someone that wants
to not like, oh, let's just, fine,
bea homebody. But let's watercolor.
Let's be.Let's play a game. Let's do something.
Oryou live in a world, go out and see
it. Go meet strangers and do things.
SoI think there's this want for activity,
this want for occasion that there's
somany companies working to meet right
now, which is really amazing.
(18:44):
So if me and my listeners wantto be little soirees, is there a
toolkit that you think. Cause I feel
like this is all very fun to you.
Like, I feel this is your play. I
love that you said you wanna marry
elegance and play. I'm like, okay,
you are my kind of girl. So if I
am working and I know when I have,
like, my own version of a supper
club,what's like a little kit or something,
Icould have a quick little recipe
thatyou have as a go to for a nice evening.
(19:15):
Yes. So on the website, I havetwo sections. I have one. Actually,
three. I have one that's hosting
calendar. So it'll tell you if you're
planning something far in advance,
whatto do two weeks before, a week before,
an hour before, the minute before
people arrive. And you can take off
all of the steps as you do them.
There's also a section next to it
called the Procrastinators Guide,
where it has just a list of all of
the resources you could need if you're
trying to do it. A pinch hitter dinner
party. So places to order food, order
flowers, Amazon things that will
ship the next day, everything. That's
if you procrastinated. And then I
have, like, a guide of do's and do
nots, kind of a cheat sheet for hosting
all on the site, but also one of
the most popular newsletters. I think
this was the third or fourth was
called the art of a shitty dinner
party. And dinner parties, like we
were talking about before, have this
reputation of opulence and excess
andperformance, which I love. That's
whyI do what I do.
(20:24):
Of course.
Of course. The shitty dinnerparty has its place. And that means,
number one, you're wearing your bodega
clothes and you're telling your friends
that are coming over. Bodega clothes
are the clothes that you can wear
inyour house. In your house. So to
your nearest bodega. So however many
blocks it is to get your bacon, egg,
and cheese, yes, they probably have
holes in it. There's probably a track
t shirt from high school. So bodega
clothes. Number two, if you want
toask someone to bring something, let
them. That's okay. If you. You don't
have to clean your bedroom. No one's
going into it. There are all of these
little things that get in the way
of hosting a dinner party that are
part of the art of a shitty dinner
party. People are allowed to help
clean up at a shitty dinner party.
Youcould do it all together, say, mamma
mia, make it fun. If you want to
have quiet time afterwards and not
play a game or a sit around and finish
the bottle of wine, having some serious
conversation about art or politics,
scroll through phones together, that's
fine. There's the idea of having
somany rules. Sometimes you have to
give yourself the occasion for which
to break them, and the rules have
their time in place. If you say,
this is shitty dinner, they all go
out the window. Not for all the time,
but for that.
(21:45):
Yeah, I like that. I likesaying shitty dinner. Do you host
alot? Like, since now this is your
business, do you still find yourself
hosting or.
Good question. So the supperclub, we try to do once or twice
amonth, and that is just an adrenaline
high.
Go, wow, that's a lot. Twice a month.
Wow, it's a lot. It was onceand now there's more interest, excitingly.
So now we're trying to scale it up.
But when it comes to hosting, hosting,
Ido, I think I allow myself more allowances
with it. Where, like I said, I'm
the mom. And so instead of oftentimes
meinviting people, people will just
say like, hey, I'm in the area and
I'll check find friends on my phone.
I'm like, you're not. You just want
to know what's for dinner. And so
people will just come over and we'll
have more casual. And if we want
todo a little bit of a tablescape,
a littlebit of pomp and circumstance, sure.
But it's much cozier and homeier.
Yesterday I made three kinds of fish
just because my best friend was coming
over. And that was my activity for
the evening. And we got to enjoy
thattogether and sit and chat for 5 hours
straight, which was lovely. But I
think when the supper clubs are so
produced, the dinner parties are
less produced. That said, like I
mentioned, I was back in the UK with
some of my dear friends and I was
cooking for 14. And in that case,
Ienlist my friends to make a little
bouquet for the table or lay it nicely,
pick a nice wine, whatever that may
be, because I'm like, okay, if I'm
putting in a 14 people of cooking,
we'remaking this an event and that makes
it fun as well. That's part of the
spectacle and the holiday of it all.
And we all love, we all love sharing
meals.
(23:43):
Yeah, that's really nice. Ifeel like, dang, if somebody told
methey were over, look, they're just
gonna get some Popeyes chicken.
Like I said, this is my play.
Yeah, yeah.
I wouldn't say is my play.Hosting is kind of what I feel a
little bit is my calling. Like it
combined my maternal instincts and
my love of coziness and warmth and
hospitality. But cooking, not my
calling. I am not a natural chef.
Ilove cooking and I'm not bad at it,
but I like being good at things.
Butit's so, that's so relaxing for me.
It's cooking and running are the
two times in my entire existence
where Ican actually stop thinking and I
deal with a lot of mental struggles.
Andif I have the chance to stop the
racing anxieties and come up with
areally lovely seed tuna afterwards,
so be it.
(24:47):
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.That's what I'm talking about. If
you are calmed by such a glamorous
activity, running.
This is not glamorous, though.
Okay, yeah, maybe running.Maybe running. But y'all look really
cute out there, though. All the runners
I see, y'all look really cute out
there. So with the dinners, it feels
like you're like, sort of building
community. Does the community just
stop there after dinner? Or like,
what have you seen in terms of community
building with the dinners that you're
creating? I think specifically with
the soiree dinners versus the brand
stuff. Well, they kind of go hand
inhand. Like, we have brands come in
to be a part of the Suaree dinners.
Theyget really good content out of it
as well. But that's not all the time.
It's just sometimes. But we have
found, especially more recently,
wherepeople are buying tickets and coming
alone. Whereas initially it was like
a friend of a friend of a friend.
Soyou have some sort of connection
tosomeone else there. Now it's a lot
of strangers that come by themselves
andwith the intention of making friends
and meeting people. We've seen people
after the dinner all be like, oh,
should we go to a jazz club? Should
wego to a comedy show? And then a friend
group is formed, or people have asked
in the Luma invitation being like,
can you make a group chat for everyone?
We talked about XYZ, or can you connect
me to so and so? It's a lot of the,
like, the starts of friendships,
thesefriendship meet cutes. That's another
one of the friendship and non friendship
that was one of the newsletters that
I wrote was supper clubs are replacing
swipe culture because people want
tomeet. People want to meet cute, they
want to meet in real life. And this
gives the occasion for that to happen
in a very unintimidating way. It's
not someone approaching you at a
bar. It is someone that bought a
ticket to be at an event that is
dedicated to meeting people. And
there's a level of safety, there's
alevel of intentionality where it's
like, we're all here for the same
reason. So, yeah, the communities
that areformed, it's also there's some guests
who I met through Soiree or started
following me, and we became Instagram
friends, and they've come to every
supper club since. And that's just
amazing to have the recurring people,
your regulars. The regulars, exactly.
Ilove that. I love that. That's really
cool. So I feel like we sort of covered
this, but I'm still going to ask,
what do you find? Is I have two questions
in this is what do you find is the
most rewarding part of, like all
ofsoiree, of all of your brand? And
then I was wondering if you could
maybe share like a personal highlight
that, like hosting, like this part
of. I see it as like community building.
Like hosting community building has
been a part of your life.
(27:38):
Well, the joke answer to thefirst one was the title of the first
youth letter, which was the stuff
wedo for validation. And there's. This
is just a common thing amongst hosts,
and just like a very hehe. Response
isthe validation it feeds you. It's
amazing. And I think more realistically,
it'sgiving people a sense of play and
occasion and a space where you can
let your guard down because you're
notat a cocktail event, you're at a
dinner party, you're all gonna be
eating together. It's going to feel
more intimate when you're in that
space. And the connections that are
made are going to be more true than
if you're just meeting at a bar.
Sothe most rewarding part for me is
the kind of curating a space for
connection. My favorite part of what
I do is the writing and shooting
theevents of used to be a photographer,
and sofinding creative ways to portray
atablescape or a meal is always fun
for me. And then the. What was the
second question?
(28:57):
My second question was like,if you could share a personal story
that highlights the impact of hosting
and community building in your life.
Yeah. The one, the most recentone is the one that immediately comes
to mind. And this was after the Italian
Riviera themed picnic, which was
amatchmaking picnic, but it didn't
feelmatchmakery. It was cool and fun.
And it was through this software
thatwas created. The most common response,
both at the end of the evening and
in the messages that I got afterwards,
washow unintimidating it felt and everyone
really valued. I think one thing
thatis very core to me, and any event
that I have hands in at all, is when
you're greeting people, they'll match
your heart rate when they're walking
in. So if you're frazzled and if
you seem like, oh, these are all
things that are going wrong, and
this is so stressful, and this was
so hard. Well, if this is that hard,
why'd you put it on? If you are instead
calm and collected and graceful and
I. Maybe on the inside it's all crazy,
but you have that heart rate. They've
come in from commuting from wherever
after a long day of work, they'll
matchyour heart rate. And the other part
is instead of, hi, nice to meet you.
My name is, or who are you? Or what
do you do? Oh, my God. I'm so glad
you made it. Thanks so much for getting,
like, you start halfway into the
conversation as if you already know
the person that puts them at ease
sothey don't have to. It's not an interview.
They don't have to prove themselves
andwhy they're there. You're just excited
that they're there. You can learn
their name in a few minutes, and
you can learn what they do in a few
minutes or through the course of
the evening, if that feels right.
Butsetting people at ease initially
issomething that's so integral and
Ithink is so easy to lose when you
have to check people off a list at
the door or you have that sort of
technicalness to it. That can happen.
That will happen. Just let people
settle into the space. And so I think
people recognizing that and really
valuing it, which in my head, it's
asecret. I don't realize that people
notice those things, but they were
like, this could have been so awkward
and this could have been so intimidating
anduncomfortable and forced, but you
were greeted with an aperol spritz
inCentral park and complimented on
an outfit and made to feel like everything's
okay and with a hug, as opposed to
like, hi, who are you?
(31:49):
Yeah, hi, who are you? What doyou do? I hate that.
Why are you here? What are youdoing here? What brings you? It's
a lot.
Relax.
Relax and learn later. There'sa whole event ahead of you. So, yeah,
that I think people recognizing that
and then maybe the next time that
they host something, whether it's
awork meeting or a birthday party,
maybe that will pass on. And you're
putting people at ease implicitly
later on.
(32:19):
So what is your dream forsoiree? Is it to teach us how to
have our own soirees?
Participate in you?
Like, what's your dream forit? I don't even to answer for you,
you're like, dream big of it.
That's a good question. So I'mvery much an ideas person, and that
is, I would love to build Soiree
andhave it kind of be a self running
machine at some point and then get
back to just hosting for myself.
But Ithink for Soiree, one of the core
things that I would love is to have
that. I would never call myself an
expert, but have that be my area
ofexpertise where I create tiktoks
andInstagram reels of fun ways to host
fun condiments to buy creative things
to tablescape, have those kind of
quick, quippy video lessons, have
the newsletter beverage monetized,
andhave that be kind of a claim to fame
for Soiree and what it is. I would
love to write a book. I have a few
that have been in the works for seven
years now, and I would love to have
that. So it's really just building
thebrand awareness around what Soiree
isso that the avenues of social newsletter
and hopefully publishing can be opened.
One idea that I'm incorporating is
creating sort of cheat sheets for
very specific mock dinner parties.
Sowe're talking about homemakers. Like
if Nora Smith were to host a dinner
party, this is what she would do
if Taylor Swift were to host a dinner
party, this is what she'd do if Michelle
Obama were to, whatever it may be,
creating these kind of mocks and
putting those on the paid side of
the newsletter so that you can just
copy the guide. But yeah, I'd love
to live in the space of dinner party
content and food content. Yeah. And
writing. Yeah.
(34:28):
If I'm coming home, could yougive me like a quick little tablescape
Icould do or like something I could
have on hand?
Yeah, tablescape. The easiestthing that you can do is everyone
hasvegetables in there. I fridge to
some extent, fruit or veg. So pick
acolor. So for example, I'm looking
atan orange candle right now, so I'll
pick orange. If you have some oranges,
if you have time to slice them thin,
put them in the oven, dry them, you
can scatter those about or put one
on each plate. If you don't, put
some oranges in a bowl or put them
down the center of your table. And
then there's this thing that we did
at the surrealist party where instead
of having flowers in vases, we had
carrots with their big green stems
coming out and it seemed a little
absurd, but in the coolest way. So
put some carrots in a vase, put celery
in a vase, put radishes in a glass
soyou can see the colors of the different
radishes. There's so much creativity
andarthem and curiosity to play with
innature, especially when it comes
tofood, that there's so many things
thatyou can do with what you have and
not have to go buy circus themed
tablescape you can play. The easiest
thing is to pick a color and then
also shop your own home. That's one
of the lessons that I have in the
newsletter where if you go into your
makeup drawer, you probably have
some sort of products that are orange.
If you just go full maximalist and
put those products out and then put
the things that you find in your
kitchen out and then maybe these
things. There was one time I made
napkin holders just with vintage
booksand put the napkins inside.
(36:14):
Oh, okay. I like that. I seewhat you're doing. I see what you're
doing.
Yeah. It's just playing withwhat you've got, I think. Yeah. And
also having less time and having
a,like, trying to do something in a
pinch does force you to be more creative,
both with food and with decor. And
what it unlocks in your mind is this
kind of, like, game show challenge.
Oh,like, what can I find?
(36:40):
I love that. Thank you forthat, because, yeah, it's nice to.
I wouldn't even have thought of that
because you think of, like, z gallery,
like, you know what I mean? Like
table runner, matching plates or
whatever. But this, I love, it gives
us, like, you know, it does give,
like, a maximalist, eccentric vibe,
you know, right off the bat, which
isalready gonna create a different
environment than folks might genuinely
expect. Thank you. Thank you, y'all.
Isn't Sanya just the sweetest? I
truly enjoyed talking to her. I mean,
anyone who can blend elegance with
playfulness, we love to see that.
Welove to see that. Sonia's business
foraye is like her personal canvas.
Sheteaches us how to host, throw dinner
parties, and entertain with creativity
andcharm through her whimsical writing
andphotography. Plus, she gave me a
much needed correction separating
theideas of homemaking and entertaining.
Idefinitely, definitely, definitely
appreciated that perspective. One
big takeaway from Sonia is this,
forget the rules and just have a
good time. I could have talked to
her for hours. And who knows? Maybe
we'll continue the conversation.
There's justso much more to explore. I was really
curious about her hosting don'ts,
though. Or maybe a story about being
a bad host. But maybe she'll share
that on her website soon. And if
you have those stories, I'd love
tohear them too. Maybe I'll even share
a few of my own in a bonus episode,
because I definitely have stories
ofbad hosting. What is wrong with y'all?
Y'all don't read soiree. I love that
Sonia has such a passion for hosting,
cooking, and being a mom to her friends.
I'm so happy that she extended that
warmth to all of us. What a dream.
What a true treat. We even played
withthe idea of having a sorry in Chicago.
Or, hey, maybe she can come to. Your
city or even your country. I'm looking
at you. South Africa, y'all. I got
listeners in South Africa. You better
hit her up. I hope you enjoyed this
conversation as much as I did. This
has been another episode of Nosy
aF.I'm your host, Stephanie Graham.
Whatdid you think about today's conversation?
Iwould love to hear your thoughts.
Headover to the nosy AF website for all
the show notes related to this episode.
You can also find me on Instagram.
Whatwould you know? Or online@missgram.com
where youcan sign up for my newsletter, where
I share exclusive updates about my
studio practice, as well as this
podcast. Until next time, y'all stay
curious and take care. Bye.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy And Charlamagne Tha God!
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.