Navigating Life's Challenges using Human Design Insights and Bravery with Heather Vickery

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:09):
Gotta get up, get up Tell thewhole world you a winner, winner
vision of a star with amission in the cause what you doing,
how you doing, what you'redoing and who you are Flex yourself
and press yourself Checkyourself, don't wreck yourself if
you know me then you know thatI be knowing what's up. Hey, Stephanie.
Graham is nosy as WLPNLPChicago 105.5 FM Lumpin radio. Hello

(00:32):
Chicago, welcome to 2 o'.
Clock.
So happy to be here with youtoday. And we are joined with Heather
Vickery. Heather, welcome toLumpfin. Welcome to Nosy af.
I am so excited to be here.One of my favorite podcasters, one
of my favorite shows.
I'm so happy to hear that.Thank you, Malcolm. Jamal Warner,

(00:54):
are you a fan? Were you a fan?
Yes. It's devastating. And youknow what? I have to sadly admit
that I hadn't seen a lot ofthe really incredible stuff he's
put out in the last few yearsuntil he passed and now it's showing
up on my TikTok feed and I'mlike, wow, what a loss for the world.
Yeah, absolutely. I feel like.

(01:15):
And I'm.
It does feel like a cousin or.
I'm a Gen Xer. Right. So I didcertainly grow up. The Cosby Show.
Yeah, it's been a wild week.Yeah. And Ozzy Osbourne, I was super
sad about Ozzy.
That was not my, that was notmy music genre of choice. But I had
a lot of mad respect for Ozzy same.

(01:36):
I do remember one time on hisreality show, I love reality tv.
I forget where his daughterwas going, but he's like, do you
need money? And just pulledout and she's like, dad, I don't
need like thousands ofdollars. Like I'm going for. It was
some place she was going. Buthe's like all like moving slow. Like,
do you need money? And likeshe's like, why do you go anywhere?
Why do you have like all thatmoney in your pocket?

(01:58):
I love that. And then there'sme, my 12 year old's going to walk
around downtown Oak park andshe's like, do you have any money
for me? I was like, I can giveyou a 10. She's like, yeah, that's
good.
Right? Right. Some people aregetting 10, some people are getting
10,000. It's just all depends.Oh my gosh. Well, Heather, you have
so much going on. You are a.You are changing lives out here.

(02:21):
And you also do human design.
I do.
And please tell us all abouthuman design. I am overwhelmed. You
were so gracious to pull achart for me, but I just feel like
everybody and their mom istalking about it. So what is it?
Human design is really cool.It is a modern scientific self discovery

(02:44):
system based on severaldifferent ancient sciences and philosophies.
Chinese I Ching, Kabbalah,Buddhism, quantum physics, the chakra
system and astrology. Myfavorite thing about it is that it's
all about knowing yourself,trusting yourself and expanding yourself
from how you're designed to bein the world. Instead of, there's

(03:06):
nothing to fix, we can'tchange it, right? So when I read
somebody's human design chartand they're like, oh, I don't like
that about myself. How do Ifix it? Nah, babe, that's not how
that works. Like you need towork with this, but we can't work
with things if we don't knowwhat it is. It has become very popular.
Although sometimes I'll be insocial circles and they'll be like,

(03:28):
I don't know these words thatyou're saying, what is human design?
And I'm like, oh. Then I'mpulling up charts on my phone, which
is amazing. Every conversationI ever have.
It.
It's very easy to follow a lotof people on social media and learn
a little bit here and there.So you're going to find your, your
armchair experts of course onit. But it is a complicated system.

(03:51):
I have studied for years tohave the knowledge I have and I still
learn things. Yeah, I took afull certification course, a year
long program which was veryintensive. And I'll be super honest
with you, when I first startedit, I was freaked out. I cried the
first day. I was like, this ishard. I don't, I don't know these

(04:11):
words. I don't understand thislanguage. I had just been drawn to
it, which now that I knowhuman design was my splenic intuition
going, you need this, go dothis. And I was like, why am I doing
this? But you know, learningthat we call that your authority,
learning to trust your innerintuition, your inner knowing. And
everybody's is different andit's just this beautiful expansive

(04:32):
thing that's made me so muchmore patient with people, more curious
and less judgmental because Ican see so clearly how uniquely we
are all designed.
I see that was a lot.
And this is like speakingabout human design and I don't. Shut
up.
No, no, no. So wait, so withhuman design it's like, it's like

(04:53):
your zodiac sign. Like you'rea Libra at the right as soon as you're
born. Right. Like it doesn'tchange. It is who you are.
It does not change. Yes.Although astrology is only a small
portion of it. You're. Yourchart is pulled from the date and
time and location of yourbirth. And also. So that's your.

(05:13):
We call that your consciousdesign, your personality side. And
also 80. It is said that 88days before you're born is when your
subconscious patterning ispatterned onto you. So your. What
we call the design side, yoursubconscious side is pulled from
that 88 days before birth.

(05:35):
Wow.
Isn't that cool?
That's a lot of pressure onyour parents to have to know what
time you were born.
Well, it's on some birthcertificates. You can look it up
there it. That can be tricky.A lot of people who are adopted really
struggle. Cause we can't findthat out. Now there are things we
can do without knowing yourbirth time and we can get pretty
close. But some of my favoritehuman design, like little details,

(05:59):
like your best environment,how you should best consume food.
Seriously, your digestivesystem will process better things
like that. We call them that.Yeah, we call them variables. Those
come from the exact minute ofyour birth and they can change. And
I have had twins who were bornmore than a few minutes apart and

(06:19):
have their varials bevariables. Be a little bit different.
Wow.
And what draw you? What drewyou to wanting to.
Yeah, great question.
I feel like if it's beenaround so long, like how long?
Like it hasn't been aroundthat long. So I don't know how woo
your audience is. They'reeither gonna love me and to and really
be into me after this, orthey're gonna be like, this chick's

(06:41):
whack a doodle doo. So theactual story is that a man named
Ra oruhu in the 70s was on atrip, literally like a acid trip,
a mushroom trip in the forest.And all of this information was downloaded
into him. Now I've had peoplego, that makes me love it more. And
I've had people go, no, I'mout. I don't know, man. I don't know
how it works, Stephanie, butit works. I could pull a chart of

(07:05):
anybody, no matter what, ifI've never met them before. And I
could tell them things thatthey go, how the hell do you know
that about me? Like youcouldn't possibly know that about
me. I'm like. But I do becauseit's in your chart. And so I was
drawn to. I love to learn. Iam constantly learning which that
shows up in my human designchart. Also my profile lines, which
come from your variables. AndI was at a conference, a podcasting

(07:29):
conference, actually, with afriend of mine, and she mentioned
it, and I was like, I don'tknow what that is. And she was like,
oh, my gosh, Heather, you'regonna have to check all this out.
You're gonna love it. So justlike I mentioned, armchair expert.
I started following people onsocial media and learning a little
bit. And then I got an ad onInstagram. I'm not on Instagram anymore,
but I was then, and it waslike, human design certification.

(07:52):
And the. The woman teaching itis right up my alley. She's throwing
curse words left and right.She's breaking all the rules. She's
trying all these differentthings. And I just. I swear to you,
I immediately was like, oh, Ihave to take this course. And then.
And then I was like, wait, no,you. What? No, you don't. What are
you talking about? And I'mlike, no, I have to take this course.

(08:13):
And I did and changed my life.
Wow, that's awesome.
Thanks.
That is awesome. When you're,like, passionate about something
like that.
Yeah.
Cause it definitely feelsintimidating and it definitely feels
like everybody. Or everybody,everybody. And their mom is a human
design interpreter. Is thatwhat you would be?

(08:36):
I'm a human design coach and areader, so I don't know. Reader.
Reader. That's what it is.
Reader. It's interesting. Irecently had somebody who does a
lot of human design work and alot of subconscious reprogramming
work, and I mentionedsomething about, you know, where
we had been studying, and shegoes, oh, well, I'm actually just
human design informed. I'mjust NLP informed. And I'm like,

(09:00):
oh, that means self taught.And I'm not hating on self teaching,
but I think that it's trickyto teach if you haven't been properly
educated. So that worries mejust a little bit. Yeah, but not
everybody's supposed to teachit, Right?
Right. Yeah, that's real.Yeah. It seems like, okay, it is

(09:23):
good to look for thatcertification. You know my cousin
at the barbecue that's alwayspulling us aside to read our charts,
he told us not to worry aboutthe time. Just come on.
It will make a hugedifference. Yeah, that's bad advice.
Your cousin at the barbecue,you need the birth time or you're
telling stories because youdon't know the full facts. But that's,

(09:46):
you know, it's fun to doreadings, and then you can do basic.
I mean, anybody. I'VE everdone a reading for. They get the
bug and then all of a suddenthey're chatting it up with, you
know, so and so at the bar,and they're like, oh, I really want
to pull your chart. But I doreadings, custom readings, and they're
personalized from, like, youknow, $55 on to including, you know,

(10:06):
two hours of private coaching.So it goes up there, but there's
always something available ifyou want to really learn your own
chart and really learn how tolive into yourself without apology.
Have a professional do areading for you. Do not try to piecemeal
this.
Yeah, yeah. So, like, in yourcoaching, you know, you're all about

(10:28):
making folks feel brave.
And.
And, you know, nowadaysespecially, I feel like in this climate,
people are leaning into beingbrave, being playful, bringing joy,
you know. Why. Why the wordbrave? For your practice?
Yeah. Thank you. I. I love theconcept of turning things up upside

(10:53):
down, up on their head. Andwhen I first started my transformation
coaching business, I reallylumped. I got excited about this
idea of what, what is fear andwhat is bravery? And fear is this
normal, natural human emotion,and sometimes it can save our lives.

(11:15):
It's really important, andsometimes it holds us back. So why
I always say fear either ownsyou or empowers you. The choice is
really up to you. And. And theonly way to know the difference is
to be curious about it, to,you know, get to know your fear a
little and ask it questions.That's brave, right? And so sometimes
bravery looks like doingreally big, massive things. For me,

(11:38):
it included getting a divorceand coming out of the closet at 38
years old. It included closinga very successful event and wedding
planning business that I'd hadfor 18 years and transforming into
a coaching and speaker and,you know, author, all of that. But
sometimes bravery is likeslowing down just enough to hear

(11:59):
yourself think. It's askingyourself reflective questions. Sometimes
bravery is saying no,sometimes it's saying yes. But bravery
is always, always leading youtowards embodied joy. When you choose
bravely on purpose, you findjoy easier. You find things to be
grateful for easier becauseyou're redefining what that means

(12:22):
to you.
And I feel like that could be.Yeah, it could be overwhelming because
it's still like, evenlistening to you speak, I feel like
it could still be so vague,like, you know, absolutely. I don't

(12:42):
know. Can you give someexamples of bravery? I feel like
it's like, let me walk overand try to holler at this girl. That's
brave.
But it could be.
Ask for 10% off of the stained dress.
Okay. But you know what? Thosethings are brave. So bravery has
to be self defined, just likesuccess has to be self defined. And

(13:05):
what feels brave to you oneminute might not feel brave to you
an hour later or a week lateror a year later. What feels brave
for you, Stephanie, might notbe brave for me. And I'll. And I
will give you some examples.So I am on camera all the time. I
do not particularly enjoybeing on camera, and it took me years

(13:29):
to get comfortable. Nobodywould believe me now because I pop
on and off the camera all thetime, but years and years and years.
So getting my courage up toshow up on camera started out very
brave for me. It's not bravefor me anymore. But, um, because
I've. I've made that part ofmy regular routine. Certainly coming

(13:50):
out and getting a divorce wasbrave, but also, you know, telling
my.
Yes, it was.
Thanks. Asking for help. Youknow, we are in a podcast collective
together, and I have a bunchof really interesting, exciting things
happening in my business andI'm feeling the pressure of how to
get the message out. So thisfeels really brave to me to say to

(14:12):
people that I know and somefolks that I don't, hey, this is
what I'm doing. If you likewhat I'm doing, would you help me
spread the word? I thinkthat's brave.
Yeah.
You know, for some people,it's. It's sending an email or making
a phone call. It's tellingsomebody, no, no, you can't treat
me like that. It's setting aboundary. Or maybe it's saying yes

(14:33):
to your wildest dreams. MaybeI'm hosting a retreat in Costa Rica
in January of 2026. Maybe.Maybe the bravest thing you can do
is actually give yourselfspace and time to have fun, to relax,
to play, to hear yourselfthink for a second. Bravery looks
different for everybody.
Yeah, I'm trying to. I thinkI'm gonna sit with that this week

(14:55):
and even think like, okay, isthis brave? Is this brave? You know?
Cause again, there's. Theseare big words that people, I guess
they become vague to mebecause they are self defined. And
so when people say it, youdon't really know what they're talking
about.
It's different for everybody.So this is where I back to human
design and I'm trying toremember. I should pull up your chart.

(15:16):
Are you manifesting generator?Does that sound right? I'm gonna
pull it up.
I think so. Yeah.
Right now. So I think so also.And for a manifesting generator,
so for a manifesting generatoror a generator, you have a defined
sacral. And that gives youconsistent knowing, consistent access
to your intuition. So you havea. A heck yes or a no way. Like an

(15:40):
instant. Like it's a yes orno, a deep connection to that, and
it never goes away. So if youwant to go through your day, first
of all, I would say if itfeels brave to you, it's brave. Even.
What happens is our. Our mindsays asking for 10% off of this dress
can't possibly be brave.That's dumb. Get over yourself. Except
if. If you have social anxietyand that's a really hard thing for

(16:04):
you to do, you get to decidethat that's brave. Right? But trusting
yourself and trusting yourintuition, which is where human design
comes in, and I love that somuch help much more quickly. I'm
gonna find your chart. It'sright here. Pure. Oh, you're a pure
generator. You're not amanifesting Generator. Even better.
Okay, yes. Pure generator,yes. So pure means your sacral is

(16:26):
your authority, your decisionmaking. You really have a yes or
no. So I would urge you toalways process questions or things
you're going through with yesor no. Open ended is a not the way
to quickly get you to adivisive decision. Right. So you
could say that.

(16:47):
That. That makes sense. Huh?
Huh. So as you're doingsomething you could say is going
to this social gathering.Well, you could ask if it's brave,
but it doesn't matter. Is itfor me, is going to this social gathering
for a thing that I should bedoing. And if you just stop for a
second and listen, your bodywill be like yes, or it will say

(17:07):
no. And. And there's usuallya. A physical sensation that comes
with it. When I do VIPreadings with people, we practice
knowing what that is, and wehave all sorts of tips for that.
So you, you're a generator.Like you, you finish everything you
start. So make sure you'restarting things that are a yes, because

(17:29):
if you start things that are ano, you're miserable the whole time.
You don't do your best work,but you're still going to finish
it. And everybody's gonna kindof be unhappy.
That makes so much sense. AndI could see how now maybe how human
design could really be lifechanging when people start to really

(17:52):
dig into this for themselves.
Yep, absolutely. Becauseeverybody is different. Now if you're
a generator or manifestingGenerator, you will have your sacral
defined, but it might not beyour authority. There could be other
authorities, but you Alwayshave that knowing. So mine is splenic.
I won't get too far into this,into the weeds with people. But the

(18:12):
spleen is the oldest knownanthropological safety mechanism.
It's a life or death. This issafe or unsafe awareness. And when
I tell you that I wasscrolling through Instagram and I
saw this ad for a human designcertification, my spleen was like,
red alert, red alert. You needthis, you need to do this. But for
us, we get the knowing andthen it goes away. So if we don't

(18:37):
listen to it, then our mindgets in the way and starts manipulating
us with a defined sacral. Youalways know. So if you, if you make
unaligned decisions, you'revery well aware of the fact that
you have made unaligned decisions.
I see. Wow, that's fun.
It is fun. Yeah. No, it is.

(18:57):
Yeah.
You were cute when I did thereading for you. You were like, I
don't, I don't know.
Because it's so wild, youknow, I just, it seems like Instagram
is so wild. First of all,Instagram, I love jewelry and Instagram
was showing me reallyexpensive jewelry.

(19:20):
Of course it was.
And I, and I said to it, I waslike, can I see pieces? $100 or less.
And it did it. I just spokedirectly to my phone and it did it.
Tell me that's not terrifying,though. It's a little.
Yeah, it was terrifying. But Iwas like, I guess I should make this
work for me.

(19:40):
Well, that's true. I actually,this is not relevant or related at
all, but I just finishedreading the book Careless People,
which chronicles the earlyyears of Facebook and. Yeah, we're
just all being manipulated allthe time.
Yeah. Yikes. Yeah, I heard.And this also isn't related, but

(20:02):
I heard that they are. Youknow, I'm not gonna say which airline,
but certain airlines, they'regonna start going through your email
and it's. How can they dothat, adjust the price? I don't know,
but it's going to help adjustthe price of a ticket. So if you
have to, oh my gosh, I have togo to a funeral. They're going to

(20:23):
say, oh, we could charge themmore money to fly to Portland because
they really got to go.
I mean, if you're booking alast minute ticket, it's more expensive.
That's already the case. Ihope that's not true.
Right.
That feels like that shouldcross either. But the US doesn't
regulate anything like that.And if they sell your information,

(20:45):
they can mine it. That was alot of what this book was about,
man, I don't know. Sometimes Ijust want to go off the grid.
Listen. And that's why, justmeet me in Costa Rica. It's important
to come back to center andself define our bravery, our joy
and our playfulness and go on retreats.
Go on retreats and prioritizeyour self care and your self worth

(21:09):
and do things that make you happy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know,you've been influential in helping
folks change their lives andthe way they see things. Do you have
any stories of anybody thatmight stand out?
Oh, gosh, I have a lot ofstories. And it's funny that this
comes up. Elizabeth was one ofthe first people who signed on to

(21:33):
go to my Costa Rica retreat.She was a client years ago, a member
of a, of a group coachingprogram that I don't run anymore.
And when we first met, she,all she wanted to do, she has, has
a little VA business. All shewanted to do was make enough money
to cover their mortgage. Herhusband had a good job. But she's

(21:54):
like, it would reallyalleviate a lot of pressure if I
could just cover the mortgage.And I was like, okay. I feel like,
you know, where we talkedabout some finances and I'm, I'm
not a business coach. Cause Idon't want to be. Not because I can't
be. But we did some basicconversations about clients and you
know, there's some mathematicsinvolved there. And then we go about,

(22:15):
and we're doing all this work,all this coaching, and it's all about
taking radical responsibilityfor yourself. How you're showing
up in the world regardless ofwhat's happening around you. Who
do you want to be in thismoment? How do you want to behave?
All of that, like everything Ido centers around taking radical
responsibility for yourself.And we're about six months in and
I said to Elizabeth, how's,how's it going? Are you covering

(22:41):
the mortgage? And she goes,oh, I don't know. I'm afraid to look.
I was like, elizabeth, Elizabeth.
But how many people. We don't,we don't want to look at the bill,
we don't want to look at thetotal. We don't want to balance our
budget or we don't want to aska question from somebody because
we're afraid of the answer.Right? This is fear. It either owns

(23:01):
you or empowers you. Right?And so for her in that moment, going
through and balancing her Pand L was really brave. But guess
what? She found she haddoubled her mortgage. She was making
more than double her Mortgage.She had no idea because she was too
afraid to look. Well, whathappened when she finally did look

(23:22):
a Her confidence skyrocketed.She felt fantastic. She was able
to budget better. Their familylife dynamic shifted drastically.
So there's the information youneed, the feedback you need to do
those reflection things moreoften. So we're talking about money
for her, but it could beanything and just checking in with
yourself and reassessing andmaking sure you have the information

(23:45):
you need to make the decisionsproperly for yourself. And it really
could be, it could beanything. It could be how you feel
emotionally, yourrelationship. It could be work related.
It fits with everything.
But what if you're too afraidto get the information you need?
Yeah, well, if you're notwilling to put yourself into that

(24:08):
uncomfortable space, you'renot ready to work with me. Because
we've got to do the work.
But what if we can't work withyou anyway and we have to do the
work ourselves? What do we do?
I think that most people willdo it when they're ready to do it.
I always say that, you know,boundaries which include those that
we have with ourselves arelimits that define acceptable behavior.

(24:31):
Actually, the dictionary saysthat I say you get to decide what's
acceptable behavior. So mostof the time, when we're ready to
actually do the thing thatwe've been avoiding it is because
we are no longer willing toaccept the reality that's in front
of us. We want to shift it soyou can be scared and not take action
until you can't stand itanymore. And then you're gonna shift
it and you're gonna change it.And I would say start really small,

(24:56):
break it down really small,and I'll give you a very personal
example that I don't want todo. But I talk about people being
vulnerable and authentic. SoI'm going to do the same thing. I'm
50, I'm in perimenopause. Iwent to the doctor earlier this week
and for the first time ever,my blood pressure is high. Could

(25:16):
be due to a lot of reasons.And she's like, I need you to come
back in six weeks. And we'llcheck it again. And if it's still
high, then we need to talkabout treatment. I. I don't. I don't
exercise, Stephanie. I don'tenjoy it. I don't want to. I don't
like the way it makes me feel.It doesn't give me any boost. Just
makes me want to go back tobed. I'd rather do. I'd rather read.
I'd rather do anything else.But I know for a fact that doing

(25:42):
strength training lowers yourblood pressure. I'm like, I do not
want to go back in six weeksand have her put me on hypertension
medication. I do not want tobe on hypertension medication. So
I'm gonna do this thing and ithas been three days. I haven't done
it yet, but I am going to. I'mgonna do this thing that I don't

(26:03):
wanna do because I don't wantthe other result.
Yeah, yeah, I understand that.So that's where it's made you, like,
okay, is that radical responsibility?
I think it is. Yeah.
Yeah, take that radical responsibility.
And it really takes looking atlike, we can do hard things, all

(26:24):
of those things, like, whichresult do you want, you know? Or
what is it that you're. Isacceptable to you? What are you willing
to live with? And thensometimes we have to do the icky
parts, you know, I sent coldcall emails to all of the local health
and wellness practitioners sothat we could have a coffee and get
to know each other betterbecause I wanted to tell them about

(26:45):
my Costa Rica retreat and Ididn't want to. I don't want to cold
call these people. Thatdoesn't sound fun to me. I don't
like that. But I did. I did itanyway. And the worst thing that
could happen is they're allgoing to ignore me. I don't know.
I don't know what'll happen.Something, something, something good
will happen.
Which you could do. Right?
Right. I did the thing. I didthe thing I was afraid of doing and

(27:05):
now it's done and it's over.It's all fine.
It's Stephanie Graham on NosyAF talking with Heather Vickery.
We're taking a quick break.Break. But we'll be right back, so
stay close. This episode ofNosy I F is brought to you by me,
Stephanie Graham. Listen, Iwould love to know what you think
about the show. And in orderto get this feedback, I have created

(27:29):
a listener survey to help meshape what's next. What do you like?
What do you dislike? Whatthere. What should there be more
of? I would love to know. SoPlease head to nosy af.comslsurvey
to share your thoughts. It'sopen all summer and everyone who
fills it out will be enteredto win a 25bookshop.org gift card.

(27:50):
And the first 25 folks toleave a mailing address will get
a special thank you gift fromme. And listen, if you are Listening
after summer, that's cool too.I'm always curious. So visit nosyif.com
survey anytime but this summeris when I'm really trying to put
push these results so yourfeedback means everything. So okay,
that's it, back to theepisode. You're listening to WLPN

(28:14):
LP Chicago 105.5 FM Lumpinradio. This is nosy AF and I'm your
host Stephanie Graham and weare back with Heather Vickery. I
think we all want a resultthat's just going to keep us paid
and looking fly.
Right.
And keep us healthy, you know?
Yeah, yeah.
I mean whatever's going to getus there. I think personally.
Funny.

(28:35):
Let me talk speak about myself.
No, I think that's true. I waschatting with my 15 year old daughter
about this last night and shewas like, you know, but like why
do you want to live if yourquality of life is sucky? And I said
I think it's, there's, it's upto your perspective. She's like if
you can't eat the foods youwant to eat or travel or do whatever.

(28:55):
And I said that makes sense tome. You're 15, you want to be, have
it all exactly the way youwant. If somebody told me that I
could do some deadlifting orwhatever, I don't even know what
I'm doing yet or change mydiet and it meant I got to live to
see my children have children,yeah, I'm going to make that change

(29:18):
because being here to see themgrow and have their own children
is more important to me. Butwhen we're 15 we have a different
perspective and maybe whenwe're 70 we have a different perspective.
That's why younger peoplefight illness. And maybe when you're
older you're like eh, I had agood life, I don't want to. Yeah,
we shift our perspective and it.
Always, it's always changing, right?

(29:40):
Always.
It's always something. It'salways something.
It's always something. It'salways a moving target. Don't. Change
is the only constant.
When does someone say I need acoach? That's one question. And the
second part to that is itsounds so expensive.
That's a great question. Yeah,it certainly, it can be. Not necessarily

(30:03):
with me but it can be. Mostpeople find their way to me and I
can't necessarily speak forother coaches when what's happening
no longer feels acceptable orviable. Most of my clients look fairly
successful on paper. They'reprobably perceived as successful

(30:26):
by other folks but they don'tfeel like they're thriving. They
don't have, have their stufftogether on the inside. It doesn't
feel good to them. Right. Andso they, they come to me and they
say, I, I don't know what todo, I don't know where I want to
go, I don't know what theanswers are, but I don't want this
anymore. And that's when westart the discovery process to get

(30:48):
them the answers that theywant. And a really good coach, which
I think I am, doesn't give youthe answers. I hope you find the
answers. You have the answers.We've just got to get you there because
you know better than anybodyelse what's best for you. So I just
guide and pull and I have tipsand tricks and I'm, I'm certified
in nlp. Subconsciousreprogramming. So I have all kinds

(31:11):
of cool ways to help us solveproblems and get to where we want
to go. In addition to humandesign cost wise, I try to meet people
wherever they are because Ithink this work is for everyone.
I host free office hours everySingle Tuesday at 12pm Central. So
if people just want to comeand ask a question and get to know

(31:32):
me and, and obviously I haveto have some boundaries there because
this is my job and it's how Itake care of my family. But you know,
my very first, my very firstcoach who I love dearly and he changed
my life, he said, give, giveas much away as you can because nobody's
ever going to think this isall Heather has to offer. They're

(31:53):
going to think, wow, she cando this for me in 30 minutes. Imagine
what she could do for me if wework together twice a month. Right.
And so when people are ready,they want to do more work, I'm here
and I'm available. I have aclient right now who was just sort
of in my sphere for fiveyears, just in my sphere. She'd show
up to certain things, come tolive shows. You know, we'd chat on

(32:15):
social media. And then aboutsix months ago, she was like, okay,
I'm ready, let's go. Said,great, let's do it.
So then what advice would yougive to someone who feels stuck in
a life that looks fine onpaper but feels unfulfilling?
Yeah.
Like if somebody's writingright now and they're like, that's
me.
Yeah, that's you. I help. Iwould say, you know, and sometimes

(32:37):
this the answer to thisquestion, these things can be really
hard to do on your own, whichis why coaches are great. Because
we provide support andaccountability. We kind of hold your
hand a little bit through thehard stuff. But what you want to
do is reflect on, honestlyreflect on which parts don't feel
good, which things do you knowdo you need to shed or walk away

(32:59):
from? What are your choices oryour behaviors that aren't leading
to results that you like?Because again, we're taking radical
responsibility for ourselves.We're not blaming our partners, we're
not blaming our kids, we'renot blaming our bosses. They might
be a problem, but you can onlycontrol yourself. So you look at
all of these differentsituations and figure out where things

(33:21):
just feel off. And then say,what? Okay, what are my other options?
What else could I try? Whatelse can I do? And I take people
through this process reallythoroughly. But you can do this certainly
on. On your own. Gotta takeyourself through that reflection
process. And it can be verydifficult to hold your feet to the
fire on that, to hold yourselfaccountable. But I would say get

(33:42):
a. Get a notepad and a pen orif you're. You wanna do on your phone
or your computer or whateverand start just honestly listing all
the parts of your life thatdon't feel good, that don't feel.
I use the word aligned, butjust don't. They don't. They're not
for you and you don'tnecessarily know why. And then you
can investigate them one byone, but you have be really honest

(34:05):
with yourself. That is notalways an easy thing to do.
Yeah, that seems like thatcould definitely be a challenge.
But I do love a good list,right? I do love a good list. It
gets you started and it keepsyou in line intact, you know? So
then you have your BRAVEmethod. Can you walk us through the

(34:27):
Brave method and how it helpspeople reclaim their power?
The Brave method is mytrademarked coaching platform to
problem solve, dream design,build, and actually have a life that
you are madly in love with. SoBRAVE is an acronym in this case.
Why did I do that? Well,because that was my whole jam, right?
Bravery. I was like, okay, letme use these letters to get across.

(34:51):
And so I'm going to start withthe E because that's your result.
The E in the BRAVE method isexpansion and empowerment. That's
why you do the work. That'swhy you show up for yourself. That's
why you say yes. That's whyyou take the time. Nobody can expand
or empower you except you. Youare the only one that can do that.

(35:13):
And I call poppycock oncoaches or anybody who says I empower
People to X. No, they don't,because that's inside work. We can
coach and guide and mentor andhelp and support and cheerlead, but
you are the only one thatempowers your. When you choose yourself,
when you choose to do thiswork. So we go back. B stands for

(35:36):
boundaries, which we'vealready talked about a little. Okay,
boundaries. Change the game.The brave method I love because it
works in a360 manner in everysingle aspect of life. I've had people
use it for business. I've hadpeople use it as they're going through
the grieving process. Likeeverything across the board. Boundaries
we have the R R is what I callthe three Rs. Reassessment, Reframing,

(35:59):
and Resilience. So Resiliencyis the number one key indicator into
whether or not a person willbe successful. It's not skill. It's
your ability to look atsomething and create a shift or change
and show up again differently.That requires reassessment and reframing.
The three Rs is the mostpowerful tool any of us can have.

(36:25):
At any moment, whatever ishappening in your life, if you will
stop and reassess and reframeand get up and do it again differently,
it will change your life,period. We've got B R A is action
and accountability. Right.Because eventually we've got to get
beyond thinking about thingsand start doing things.

(36:45):
Yes, please.
Yeah, get it done.
Don't just talk about it, beabout it.
Yeah, you got to get it done.Right. So B, R, A, V is a vulnerability.
Because, you know, if youaren't honest in this space, if you
aren't vulnerable andauthentic, when you do this growth
work, you're letting yourselfdown. And I don't know if, you know,

(37:07):
this is really cool.Scientists were able to put. There
was a hyperbolic chamber andthey were measuring energies. This
is cool. I love science. Doyou know what energy had more force
than any other energy?
Ooh, What?
Authenticity.

(37:30):
Authenticity.
Authenticity is a force. It'san energy force. So we say people
can smell when you'redishonest or you're not telling the
truth or, you know, you kindof get that feeling like you can
tell when somebody isauthentic. That gives off more of
a good vibration than anythingelse. Most people will say, oh, is
it. Is it love or is it fear?Right. Because those are big. But
it's authenticity. People cantell. And you can tell if you're

(37:54):
doing this work, but you'relying to yourself. It's not gonna
work. Yeah. And Those thingslead to expansion and empowerment.
I love that. Yes. It is just astep by step framework. Yeah, I love
that.
Thank you.
How did, how long did it takeyou to come up with that?

(38:15):
Well, that's a great question.I had been playing with different
elements of it for a long timebefore I was like, oh, I think this
is actually like a framework.I would say a couple years before
I was, I was like, oh, ding,ding, ding. Like, this is. I could
put this together in a formatthat will really make sense to people

(38:36):
and help people.
I love accountability. I loveaccountability groups.
Me too.
I love, like, I think as anonly child, I love being able to
check in because, you know, Ididn't have anybody to check in with
when I was little, so I triedto make people to check in with.
Now as an adult.
Yeah, it's really important.There is some sort of like subversive,

(39:01):
patriarchal story that saysthat we should be able to just hold
ourselves accountable. And intheory, I get it, but it just doesn't
work because we're human withall of the other things happening
in our lives. So I also loveaccountabilities. I had a couple
years ago, actually severalyears ago now, I had what we called

(39:23):
a wins accountability partner.It was somebody I, again, I had met
on social media and we weregreat, great at telling people how
we screwed up all the time.That was so easy. Oh, I made this
mistake. What we were notgreat at was saying, I did this thing
really well. This was a win.It was great. So we started meeting

(39:44):
for five minutes every Fridayand all we were allowed to do was
list our wins. So what didthat mean? It meant throughout the
week I had to keep track of mywins so to pay attention. So I had
this list. So you slowed downbecause, you know, like, the more
you do of something, the moreyou have of it to do. And then we

(40:06):
had a rule that we were notallowed to disparage. So let's say
we'll just stick with socialmedia. Let's say that we were supposed
to post five times a week, butwe only posted three. We couldn't
say, well, I was supposed topost five times, but I only did three.
We could only say I postedthree times on social media. And
then the other person would belike, oh, my God, that's amazing.

(40:27):
Congratulations. It was awesome.
I love that. Yeah, that'sreally great. Listener, please send
your wins. We would love toand celebrate you. That would be
so great. I mean, yeah, I lovethat. I really love that because
you're Right. It only takes.It is. It is so easy to see, like,

(40:47):
what you don't do. Right.Instead of seeing actually what you
did.
Do a hundred percent, youknow. Yep. And that's one of the
things. When I am working oneon one with clients and even in my
Spark Collective membership,we check in weekly and say, like,
what's working? What's great?What are you celebrating? Because
the more you focus on that,the more of it you have to focus

(41:08):
on.
Yeah. I have a walking cluband we walk every, like, every few
days. And one. One memberwasn't there for a long time. And
so when she finally showed up,we're like, oh, my God, where have
you been? Like, let's walk.Like, catch us up. Like, this whole
walk is dedicated to whatyou've been up to, you know, and
she's like, I should have beenhere. I should have been here. But

(41:29):
really, it's like, look, youare here actually, you know, but
you are here today.
Yeah. We could spend a lot oftime and a lot of people do, beating
ourselves up over what we wishwe'd done differently, but it's done
now. So what do you want to do next?
So is that just sort of like,to stop that? Just like a catch and

(41:49):
reframe and like being aroundpeople that will catch and reframe?
Yes, absolutely.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm on a win lifestyle. I'mjust going to catch and reframe people
for the rest of the day.
Just remember, right timing.There's a way to do it that invites
people to feel welcoming aboutit and rather than, you know, like,

(42:12):
what.
Don'T tell me about this.Happy go lucky, right?
Yeah, but, yeah, it's lovely.I mean, I. I do that. I try to be
tender. Like, is there anotherway to say that I do gratitude with
my clients. At the end of eachsession, I'll say, okay, list 10
things you're grateful for andwhy. And first of all, almost everyone
was like, 10 things. I'm like,if you can't find 10 things you're

(42:32):
grateful for right now, yougot bigger problems than what you
came in here for. So we do the10 things. I had this one client
once who had come just comeback from a trip, and she said, I'm
grateful that the plane didn'tcrash. I'm grateful that my plants
didn't die. I was like, stop.Start over with what you're actually

(42:54):
grateful for instead of whatyou're glad didn't happen. And she
was like, oh, I'm glad Ilanded safely. I'm glad my plants
were still alive. Hear thedifference and feel the difference.
Yeah. 10 does sound like alot, though. I could do it, but then
I. I feel like when you try todo that, then you start making the

(43:15):
most, smallest things you canget to 10. But that still is a win,
right?
It's actually better. So microthings are remind us that we're not
stuck. That whatever ickything you're going through right
now is not the big picture.There's more. So I actually, if people
will start with, I'm gratefulfor my job. I'm grateful for my car.

(43:35):
I'm grateful for my house. I'mgrateful we have food, and those
are all awesome things. But Iwould say find 10 things about your
job you're grateful for. Find10 things about your house that you're
grateful for. I can do it. Orwhen you're feeling really overwhelmed
and stressed, stop, take a bigdeep breath, and look around you
and find things you can touch,smell, feel, or hear that you're

(43:56):
grateful for. So I'm gratefulfor the fan over there because it
is hot as Hades up in myoffice today. I am grateful for my
bookshelf, which I manifested.It took me 10 years to get this wall
of books, and I love it. I amreally grateful for the iced tea
I made earlier today because Italk so much it makes me thirsty.
I'm grateful for technologyallowing me to have this conversation
with you. Right. I could justgo on and on and on, and then we

(44:19):
feel good. Like, try it.Stephanie, give me 10 things you're
grateful for and why.
Oh, my gosh. I am grateful forthe Alley cat having kittens.
Yeah.
Because they are so cute. AndI see their little faces grouped
together. And I also wonder,does my neighbor know those cats

(44:39):
are back there? So that's one.Let's see here. I am also grateful
for the chai tea being on saletoday. That was a pleasant surprise.
And I got two. I love the chai concentrate.
Trader Joe's.
Great. No, it just went to theJewel. I should go to Trader Joe's.

(45:01):
Does Trader Joe's have a chai concentrate?
They do. They do.
Okay. A chai concentrate. Ilove saying chai concentrate. Oh,
my God. Because people think Ihave the. The tea bags and I'm doing
the whole ritual like. No,we're doing the concentration.
We use a powdered chai, but Ialso get that from Trader Joe's,
and I mix it with milk.

(45:22):
Okay. You know, every week,really quick. I am always. There's
a location in my neighborhoodthat would be perfect for a Trader
Joe's. And they have that formyou can submit. And I submit every
week.
Good for you.
I submit every week.
Get it done.
Yeah. Yeah. So let's see here.I am also thankful that I got a chance
to talk to my parents todayand that I got to see them yesterday.

(45:46):
Love that.
I am grateful for thisconversation with you, that we're
able to talk and you couldtell, you know, the listeners all
about human design. I am alsograteful for little Kim. I'm grateful
for the time we had withMalcolm Jamal Warner.
Oh, me too. See? You know, doyou see where you're going now that
you're going deeper with this?You see how you're finding these

(46:09):
joy moments?
Mm, yeah. Yeah, I see that.Okay. I'm gonna do a gratitude, you
know, a lot of the stuff Ihave to not be so against woo woo
stuff. But it's not even woowoo. Right. It's just saying what
you're grateful for. Well,gratitude isn't that big of a deal.
You need to pipe down.
Yeah. Human design is woo woo.Gratitude is neuroscience. So I am

(46:34):
certified in positivepsychology, and gratitude is scientifically
proven to increase overallhappiness, joy, and well being, while
decreasing stress, anxiety,and depress. And we know this because
you can do an MRI on somebodywho doesn't have a gratitude practice.
And then if they start listingthree things they're grateful for
and why for three months, andyou go back and you do another mri,

(46:56):
you can see that it haschanged their brain chemistry. Gratitude
works.
Get out. Okay. I also feel weneed tote bags that say gratitude
works in your tote bag. If yougo to, you know, like Heather, you
do all these wonderfulretreats with women and with people.
I feel like next time I wouldlove to give a gratitude works tote

(47:20):
bag with a chai cot and a bottle.
We should do an event togetherand. Sorry, I just bunged my microphone.
We should do an event togetherin Chicago and that. And we can put
those things in there. I'vegot a gratitude journal and a manifestation
journal. We could pick one ofthose. We could. That. I wrote those.
I love it.

(47:40):
And could put that in therewith some chai concentrate and a
gratitude works. I'm here forit. I want that bag, too.
Yeah. What? Yes. I love it. Iknow some screen printers. I'm an
artist.
Let's get it done to printthat thing. Oh, my God.
It could be an activity. Youcan screen print. Gratitude works
on your own tote bag. At our.
At our workshop.

(48:02):
That would be so fun.
Let's do it, listeners. Do youwant us to do this?
Okay. Yes. I love that. Andthen, you know, okay, so I.
Could take you through thebrave method. We can apply it to
your life. It'll be fun.
I think that would be a lot offun. I love that. Yes. Let's work
on that.
Please. Let's do it.

(48:23):
And hopefully I could take mygratitude works into the Trader Joe's
that is local to myneighborhood that I submit weekly.
Please.
We should. I could. You shouldstart doing a visualization practice
for it. Now that's Woo woo.But it also works. So as you walk
past that space, envision it.See, not just envision. What's it
gonna look like. Envisionyourself walking in, perusing the

(48:46):
aisles. What would you pickup? Okay, so here I can really. I
don't know how much time wehave left, but in. In.
We have time for this.
In 2021, the Nobel Prize forPhysics went to three scientists
who proved, scientificallyproved that the universe does not
locally exist, that we areexperiencing it like a hologram.

(49:10):
It's a. Peggy. It'll mess withyour mind. Okay, so take a deep breath
because I did just say that.What that means when you think about.
We know already. The speed oflight, the speed of sound, they originate
in one place well before weexperience them. That's how time

(49:31):
is. That's how the universeis. Right. So that's why manifestation
works, because it can bemanipulated. The next thing can be
shifted. That's why all of thestuff we've been talking about works.
Because you're changingsomething to create a different outcome.
So visualization is just sortof throwing different vibes out into

(49:53):
the energy. You can shift it.We are the. We are experiencing the
universe like a hologram. Itdoesn't actually exist. We're. We're
just in a simulation. I knowthat sounds crazy, but y' all can
Google that. ScientificAmerica will prove it. I did not
make that up. I am not aphysicist. But it does prove that
the work I do is gamechanging. So I was really excited

(50:16):
to learn it.
I love it. Yes. My dream is tohave a grocery store, so I just love
it.
You want to own a grocery store?
Yeah, I feel like myneighborhood needs one. But I still.
In the meantime, write toTrader Joe's. I think we need a Trader
Joe's.
This is right up your alley here.
Maybe Trader Joe's would get.Maybe Trader Joe's would gift it

(50:37):
to me and I can own it.
Maybe they would. They don'tdo Franchise. Okay. But wait.
Never know.
Here in Oak park, we have theSugar Beet co Op. And I know the
founder and I can introduceyou. So you know what she did? She
got really tired, this wasmany years ago, of not knowing where
her food came from and havinga thing. So she got a co op of people
together. And it's a co opcommunity owned grocery store called

(51:00):
the Sugar Beet Co Op. Andeverything's local. You could start
your own grocery store as a co op.
It's so funny you say that,because I was thinking it needs to
be a co op because I'm like, Idon't want to be tied to this grocery
store. Now there is aSouthside grocery store co op and
I wonder if they know her. Sothat can also be a thing too.

(51:22):
I'll introduce you.
And they could have a breakoutsection at the Gratitude works workshop.
No, but I just, I love all ofthis because this is. This is manifesting
manifestation in action. Thisis the brave method in action. This
is us declaring the thingsthat feel like, I mean, I want to
own a grocery store probablyfeels like a silly, crazy, wild hair

(51:44):
dream. You said out loud. AndI was like, actually, now that you've
birthed that idea, I know agirl, right? And this is how we change
our lives.
Wow. You have really changedmy outlook. You've made it simple.
Really.
Thank you.
Because it becomes so big.
Yes.
You know, and like, people,they pull out the cards and all this
kind of stuff and you're justlike, what? But this is. These are

(52:06):
simple actions.
Yeah, they're simple actions.Birth your ideas. Like, come. Come
with your biggest, craziest,wildest dreams and find. Find little
ways, little inroads to makingthem come true. Because you're worthy
of them. Everybody. Everybodylistening. You're worthy of whatever
your dreams are.

(52:26):
Everybody's worthy. Youcertainly are. And please don't sit
on your dreams because if theycame to you, you need to do them.
And we need them like it'simportant. Please do them. Please.
Oh, my goodness. Heather,thank you so much.
You're welcome. Thank you forinviting me onto the show. Yes.
Oh, my gosh. For moreinformation, go to vicaryandco.com

(52:49):
vickeryandco.com.
If you go to vicaryandco dotcom social media, it'll give you
quick links to all the thingsthat we talked about. But you can
go to the website.
Yes.
And there's more informationthan you would even know what to
do with there.
Thank you again to Heather forthat conversation. You know, I've

(53:09):
been thinking a lot latelyabout how much is shifting in the
world. Like, what is going on.There's this constant hum, this low
vibration I feel of peopletrying to figure out how to get the
world right, how to moveforward while things feel sideways.
I mean, even upside down, andeven when you've got your hands in

(53:33):
the work or, like, your headis down, like, doing what you need
to do, you still, like, feelthat, you know, there's chaos and
foolishness going on in thebackground. And I think that's why
I love conversations liketalking with Heather, because it's
one that asks us to pause andthat invites us to be honest with

(53:56):
ourselves. Not, like, in thiswhole, like, fix it quick kind of
way, but more like, sit withit. Like Heather said, grab your
pen and paper and payattention and check in. And I don't
know, but maybe it's just me.And actually, it's not just me. I'm.
I know it's lots of people,but I think maybe when someone passes,
especially someone who was somuch a part of our cultural fabric,

(54:22):
it makes you stop, for real.Like this recent passing of Malcolm
Jamal Warner. It's like, wow.You know, that hit me in a way I
did not expect. And it justreminds you of how fragile it all
is and how fast the years go.I mean, literally, on Saturday last
week, you're like, duh. Wewere celebrating my friend Nyla's

(54:47):
50th birthday. And then thenext day, you know, you find out
about Malcolm Jamal Warner. Ormaybe it was that Tuesday, but still,
it's just like, wow. Andthere's something about seeing someone
grow up on tv, someone whorepresented something, like, steady
and familiar, and then hearingthat they're gone. It just makes
you reflect on time and onlegacy and, like, on how we use the

(55:10):
time that we've got. And so, Idon't know, maybe that's the real
point of all of this. Youknow, this human design, the astrology,
the therapy, the church, thejournaling, whatever your thing is.
It's all just, like, trying tomake us feel at home in ourselves,
in the world, and with eachother. Especially those of us that
are, you know, culturalworkers, activists, you know, neighbors.

(55:31):
Look, all of us, you know, SoI don't know if today's conversation
sparks something in you. Ifyou're saying, I want to go to Walking
Club, please get in touch. Youknow, we met, what we said. We want
to hear about your wins. Youknow, we want to hear about what's
going on. We want to beaccountability buddies. We want to
be in community. You know, wehave to, like, band together out

(55:53):
here because it is wild. I'mso happy that you are here. Thank
you so much for spending thehour with me and Heather. And my
name is Stephanie Graham. Thisis Nosy AF on Lumpin Radio, and I
will talk to you next time.

All Episodes

What we talk about

Things We Mentioned

All about Heather:

Connect with Heather Vickery

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Stuff You Should Know

Dateline NBC

New Heights with Jason & Travis Kelce

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Navigating Life's Challenges using Human Design Insights and Bravery with Heather Vickery