April 15, 2025 • 50 mins
Who doesn't love a good animal story, especially when it involves blood, amputation, or death?
Yes, such heart warming tales (one of a missing tail) are brought to you in the format of an animal story contest. This is part II of our animal story contest that pits original broadcasts from the WLS world renowned Animal Stories from back in the 70s against our guests' own animal stories. We have two guests, Bruce King and Natalia Cooper, both of them experienced in veterinarian medicine, both willing to entertain us with their tales from the workplace. When this is published on April 15, 2025, it will be Bruces’s 64th birthday. Happy Happy Joy Joy to Bruce! Jimmy Ahmuhdoofous has been appointed sole judge of these stories and will be choosing a winner for each round of stories told. In part I, we had two rounds of animal stories.
If you haven’t listened to part 1, you’re encouraged to do that, so that you don’t miss any of the gore involved with pythons, flying fatty masses, and more. We’ve got four more rounds of excitement coming up.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:03):
Get your greasy little face up next to the radio because it's time
for America's favorite radio program, Animal Stories.
Okay, Boomer. Okay, Boomer.
Okay, Boom. Okay, Boomer. Okay,
Boomer. Ah, Animal Stories.
Who doesn't like a good animal story,
(00:25):
especially if it involves blood, amputation or
death? This is part two of our animal story
contest that pits original broadcasts from the WLS
world renowned animal stories from back in the 70s against
our own guests, animal stories. We have two guests,
Bruce King and Natalia Cooper, both of them experienced in
(00:48):
veterinarian medicine, both willing to entertain us with their
tales from the workplace. When this episode is published
on April 15, 2025, it'll be Bruce's
64th birthday. Happy, happy joy. Joy to
Bruce. Jimmy Amadoufis has been appointed sole judge
of these stories and will be choosing a winner for each round
(01:11):
of stories told in part one. We had two rounds
of Animal Stories. What's the tally so far, Jimmy?
Well, Bruce, our birthday boy, won round
one with his story about a cow who takes a bullet to the.
The WLS story about a pet parrot being cooked
and fed to a grandma won round two.
(01:33):
Natalia is still looking to get on the scoreboard.
If you haven't listened to Part 1 listeners, you're encouraged to
do that so you don't miss any of the gore involved with pythons,
flying, fatty masses and more. We've got four
more rounds scheduled for exciting entertainment coming
up. We'll start each round with a WLS
(01:54):
story and then alternate who goes first between Natalia and
Bruce. Here's round three, starting with
the WLS animal story. Okay,
Boomer, here's a great story from
Newberry Park, California.
Guy was pumping gas at his gas station when this car drove
(02:15):
in. Man got out with this big German shepherd.
Little Tommy said his dog was attack trained.
Unless a guy handed over the money from the cash register,
he was gonna order his dog to attack the guy. The guy wasn't
afraid, though. Tommy just punched the German shepherd in
the mouth.
(02:37):
Punched his German shepherd right in the mouth, chipped his
tooth and the dog ran away.
The robber got into his car and fled.
(02:58):
Kind of, kind of beat the attack. Dog to the draw.
I'll bet. I'll bet when that robber got home
and his dog came home later,
see, the guy just jumped in his car and deserted
(03:21):
his dog. His dog had to make it home by himself.
I bet when he got home, he was really mad at his dogs.
And that's the end of our professional animal story.
Professional. Those guys laughed at their story
a lot more. Than I did. They must have been smoking something
beforehand. Well, it was the seventies.
(03:43):
Bruce, what do you have for us? Yeah,
I got a great story about a canary. Actually, the story's really about a veterinarian.
And the office lady comes in and says,
Mrs. Smith is here to pick up her canary.
And so, you know, I have to describe. I have to go
further describing this veterinarian. I decided he kind
(04:03):
of looks like Lloyd Bridges
in the movie Airplane. Okay? He's got that gray
hair coming down over his eyes a bit and bad.
Day to quit heroin and that look.
Exactly. A little bit of sweat. He had glasses and
Lloyd Bridges with maybe an extra 150 pounds, who is a big
(04:26):
guy. And I'm gonna call him Dr. Newton.
Dr. Newton. This is what Dr. Newton sounded like because he already had a
cigar hanging out of his mouth. And the cigar was always wet
and dripping, and he might have smoked it in the morning.
And here he is with this cigar hanging out of his mouth, and he
goes, okay. He goes, just tell her
(04:49):
I'll get it right now. Come on back with
me and keep talking. We're in this exam
room and out comes the canary. And the canary
has got a bandage
around his leg. And so, you know,
doctor. I'm not calling him Dr. Newton because I can't use his real name,
(05:12):
Dr. Newton. He gets out. He gets
the scissors out. And you
know, this man, his fingers were
like sausages, and they
didn't, you know, they did not fit in a pair
of scissors. You could just. His fingernails were fitting in the
(05:35):
scissors. You know, kind of where this
is going. But the funny part is, you know, we're talking and
he's getting that canary and got this broken or
injured leg. And I'm looking down at the stainless steel exam
table, and all of a sudden, all I see is
a little canary leg flipping up.
(05:57):
And I'm not believing my eyes. And I'm looking,
and he's certainly
in disbelief. And he's got his little cigar
sticking out of there and it's dripping down his chin a little bit. And he
looks over his bifocals at me and he says,
sometimes they heal, sometimes they don't.
(06:21):
Sometimes. Sometimes you remove the bandage
clearly, and sometimes you don't. Oh, my God. Sometimes they
heal and sometimes they don't. All right, exactly what he
said. That was. That was funny. But not.
Apparently not to the lady, but I know that's part of the story,
but. Very nice, very nice.
(06:42):
Okay? The big fingered vet.
Wonderful. Natalia, you've got something that involves the Word.
Am I pronouncing it right? Enucleation.
Yep, enucleation. Tell us what the heck enucleation
is. It's the removal of an eyeball,
usually from like, damage. Could be like from an ulcer
(07:04):
or like a scratched cornea, leads to infection, basically, like just
removing the eye. Is it nucleation, which is,
you know. Gotta be fun, you know, hey, it's not a real party
unless someone gets an enucleation. Yeah. Being in this
field, like, you're. You. You should have a really strong stomach, not be too squeamish.
And I think, like, another thing like I wanted to like, just jump right into
(07:26):
is that like, this field is really hard, especially on like,
veterinarians. It's actually growing larger
and more. Just more increased with suicide rates with veterinarians.
Really, It. It's. Yeah. It is just unfortunate
that, like, throughout the years, I think the numbers are increasing.
It's just like a high. Like just. It's a high
(07:48):
pressure job. There's a lot of deaths. You have to deal with your patients,
stressful working conditions. You have just disgruntled clients.
Like, it's just. It's just not the field for operative. Sometimes they heal and
sometimes they don't. Exactly.
So unfortunately, you know, you're always just like, I.
Especially with me. And I have a sense of humor. And that's probably.
(08:10):
Probably why, like, I've always gotten along with your, you know, your older daughters
that like, we just. We have a sense of humor and we're always looking to
like, lighten the mood. And I think that's what I bring to this job is
just. Just always looking to find like a little bit,
maybe more of a fun outlook on it.
So in, like, in this case, finding out what people's
like, just kind of like things that creep them out, you know, Like, I'm just
(08:33):
always looking to, like, try and, you know, just mess with them, you know,
find out their weaknesses. And in this case, thought about
pranking my boss, which maybe was I looking to get fired
that day? I don't know. We. We never know. So I
was testing the limits. I knew that she was completely creeped out
with eyeballs. Whether they're prop toast,
(08:54):
which means that they're like, pretty much outside of the,
like the. The bone structure of the eye. Like, it's practically falling
out, but it's not completely removed. So got prop toast eyeballs and
then a nucleation when you remove it fully. I decided to take
that ey from the doctor that she thought I was
going to basically throw it in the, you know, discard bin. I dried it off,
(09:17):
got enough scotch tape that would stick to it, and I
connected it to the cabinet of where my boss sits.
And she usually reaches up above for basically like, you know, just any, like,
packaging tape if she has to take it to like, ups, blah, blah, blah.
So I taped this eyeball in the cabinet and I, like, left the
eyeball, like, sit on the ledge. And I taped the,
(09:41):
just like the, the, the trail of the eye. Like, I taped
it to the cabinet. So she opened the cabinet. When I asked,
like, hey, could you grab me some like, package packaging tape? She opened
the eyeball and she was sitting at her desk, looking up, grabbing the
cabinet door. It swung open and this thing like,
flopped down. And she immediately,
(10:04):
like, it was like one of those roller chairs. She scooched back,
started screaming, and then I was like, oh, gosh, this is it.
This is the end of my job. And then she started laughing because
I knew she had a good sense of humor. But I think, like, I really,
I really was like, is this the day that I get fired? I don't know
what. You know, so that, that's why I was basically just trying to keep a
(10:24):
little humor in the office. But I really, like. That was a day where I
didn't know if I was gonna make it home or not with still being employed.
Flying eyeball is coming in nice. Nice.
Yeah. Well, I'm thinking that maybe, you know, that's how you prevent suicide.
You have eyeballs flung at you once in a while. Keep things light.
(10:45):
Keep things light. Jimmy, what moved you more?
The German shepherd being punched? The unintended amputation
or the enucleation? Well,
as much as I enjoyed Bruce's impersonation of Dr.
Noton, Natalia had real eyeballs
used as a practical joke. Natalia's the winner here.
(11:09):
That brings us to a three way tie between wls,
Bruce and Natalia. I can't wait to see what
round four brings us. Okay, Boomer.
It turns out there may be a little panda on the way at
the Tokyo Zoo after all. Little Tommy.
That's can can and Lang Lang over there. Lan.
(11:32):
Lan is the female and they think she might
be pregnant. See, they mated last year and lan.
Lan was pregnant, but had a miscarriage in the final weeks of her pregnancy,
as you'll recall. But according to zoo officials in Tokyo,
they mated recently on a balmy spring morning.
Oh, in fact, it was so great. I guess they made it twice.
(11:55):
What better way to spend a balmy spring Morning.
Sure be breakfast.
Uncle Larry isn't one of those. Is just in love with the tire, right?
The, the. Well, that's boy panda. That's what they
said last week. But evidently
(12:15):
he, he got tired of the tire and decided to try something a little
more exciting. So.
Well, that's Uncle Lare and little snot nosed
Tommy. Natalia, you have a story about a coot.
Now, I've been called a coot before, an old coot. But your
coot is not that same type. Tell us
(12:38):
about your coot. So a coot
is a just a kind of like a mid size,
just like prehistoric, like little water. It's a
mid sized water bird, but they have very like prehistoric type feet.
And so again, bringing humor back into the office.
(13:00):
This is definitely something that I do throughout
the years. I've. I have some good ones and sometimes I don't.
This is one that I'm pretty proud of.
I do think that, like, even leading up to this, like, I've lost friends
pranking them. In all the years I've been through, like, veterinary medicine,
like, I put a, like a little tiny mass in someone's pocket and they
(13:21):
ended up leaving for the day because they're like, you ruined my jacket.
There's a spot of blood. I can't wear this again. And I'm thinking, like,
we get nasty stuff all over our scrubs every day. I don't know why you're
crying about this. And then I ended up becoming closer with one
of my other friends because I put a dog tail in her purse and
she found it like later on at home and she was dying laughing.
So, like, you just kind of have to pick who you're gonna mess around with.
(13:43):
And I think I've learned that later on in life, maybe a little bit too
late, you never know how a. Body part, A stray, A stray body part's
gonna affect somebody. Yes, exactly. You just never know who's
gonna, you know, receive that with like, like,
you know, just reaction.
Look in that freezer in your garage.
(14:05):
She's got, she's got a whole array of body parts
that she whips off. I have them all organized,
labeled. Serial killers.
Describe their early beginnings. You know, Bruce,
I don't want to like, admit this, but there's like literally six freezers in my
garage. But it's because we sell beef and pork. But now
(14:29):
people are going to really listen to this podcast and wonder what's really in there.
You haven't reached into that freezer for like a. You said that
your parents lived in your. It's getting.
Or do they, I mean, maybe they're in the freezers at this point. Creepier.
It's getting creepier. I'm so sorry.
Did you ever reach into the freezer for like a, what you thought was going
(14:49):
to be a pound of hamburger and you maybe you fried up some coot claws
instead? I wanted hamburger, not grandma.
There you go. I, I'll find this picture
too, but. So back to the
stories that I decided to prank one of my good friends at the time
(15:10):
and we worked with at the time and we
still do, actually. We work with a wildlife rehab. So I have seen everything
in my day from like, we've, I've set catheters on,
like, deer and we've had owls,
eagles. I even, like, have a picture of me holding a pelican,
which I guess I'm so naive I didn't realize that they migrate up north
(15:31):
only to back down south. So like, I literally, like, we had a pelican
come into the vet clinic in Wisconsin. I'm like, I just think it's crazy some
of the things I've seen. But we've seen
everything. So we have this coot come in, needs a toe amputation, which is removal
of a toe. And I'm thinking, like, I'm not gonna put this beautiful
little gem in the trash. Of course. Needs to go to someone.
(15:54):
It's got to go to someone. So I pick my good friend and I'm like,
I'm gonna tie some very long string to this and I'm gonna put
it in her car in the rear view mirror. So thankfully she
didn't lock her vehicle, went in there, tied it, and it's so long, like it's
almost scraping like the dashboard. Like, I, I,
it was very obvious. She thankfully
(16:15):
went on lunch break that day and had. She's like, I gotta do a few
errands. I'll be back probably in an hour. I gotta go to the bank,
I gotta go pick up lunch and I have to hit the gas station.
I'm like, this is gonna be epic. I will sit by my phone. She's gonna
either text me or call me. And I sat little
bit waiting. Nothing came about it. I'm like, this is wild. I can't believe she
(16:36):
didn't notice this. She comes back to the vet clinic,
walks in and she's like, oh, hey. And I'm chat. I'm like, how was your
lunch breakout? She was like, oh, it's fine, you know, like, I got all my
things done and I'm like, nothing else exciting happened. She's like, no, why? I'm like,
I have to take you to your vehicle. I walked her all the
way back out to the vehicle. She opens the door.
I'm like, how did you not see this thing?
(16:58):
It's a few inches long on top of the string, which is probably like,
like 8 inches. Like, how did you not see this? If you took the
corner, right, it would be swinging like a pendulum. And she's like,
I have no idea how I did not, like,
see this. She's like, I feel like so, like just unattentive. And I'm
like, you know what, though? But this was. It was totally
(17:21):
worth. Was the perfect prank.
She didn't give a hoot about your coot. Love it.
Good stuff. Yeah. More animal parts in various places.
Bruce, you had a vet in an unusual place, I think getting caught
in underwear. Is that right? A pelican
and a coot walk into a bar in Milwaukee.
(17:44):
I don't remember the rest of that joke, but yeah. So this
is a story about a
veterinarian of mine, a friend of mine who is a veterinarian.
And so this is his story, but it's.
So this veterinarian, he's a young, young new vet.
He's out in Nebraska. Warm summer day. And during the
(18:06):
days it was very hot and the
clinic was super, super busy. And this big customer,
this big swine customer needed these gilts tests because he needed to
move them to another farm, like in another state
or whatever. So it was kind of urgent that this
got done. There's no room on the schedule. So doc gets
(18:29):
up in the morning, decides to go out there first thing in the morning to
this farm, get blood from these 30 gilts, get it
done more, send it into the lab, and then he can go on about the
rest of his day, get it out of the way. And the other bonus would
be it'd be nice and cool in the morning while
he was doing that, and it'd be better for the animals and better for him
(18:49):
and so on. Well, these large farms
are bio secure, so you have to take a shower before
you go in the actual farm. And the way that happened was there's
an office with, you know, a men's side
and a women's side, and showers.
You would leave your clothing and, you know, all of your clothing
(19:14):
on one side. You'd shower and you'd step
out onto the other side and there would be several,
you know, a variety of sizes of underwear and coveralls
and boots and t. Shirts and whatever. Well, that day
Doc goes through the shower and there's
(19:35):
nothing there. And everything is
in the laundry from the night before. He was there real early in the morning
and he wasn't gonna, he wasn't gonna do the laundry, put in the dryer and
everything. So, you know,
on that clean, on the quote clean side, you know, you've got underwear and socks
and coveralls. Well, there was underwear, so. And the underwear, what kind
(19:57):
do you think it was? Boomer?
Yeah, some pink thong. The tighty whities.
Hanes Tidy Wine. He's cotton white. Tell you why
these. And so here he is, he's like, you know,
it's 5:00 in the morning. These guys
don't get here till eight and, or seven or
(20:21):
whenever. And so I'm just gonna go ahead and get
this done because I'm not gonna drive out here in the, you know,
mess up my schedule. And it's not going to take me that long anyway.
So here's this vet going down with his. And his tighty whitey's
in his boots, walking in the breeding
(20:41):
area where these gilts are. And to get blood you typically
run them in a crate or whatever. And so, and the way,
the way they got blood that way was they'd put them in a
crater and tie their nose or restrict their head somehow
and they would nick a little vein in their tail.
And then you would take a test tube and you'd collect the blood
(21:05):
from that little nick in their tail and go on and go on to the
next one. Well, that's messy. And you get blood on you. So,
you know, it's a nice warm day and the curtains are down. You can,
if you're outside the building and you can see inside and guess,
you know what else happens that early part of the morning.
Feed delivery comes the feed truck. And the guy
(21:26):
in the feed truck, you know, notice something weird in the
guild area. You know, he walks over and here's
Doc Tidy whiteies and boots. Got blood
all over. He's got blood all over his tighty whities and he's got two or
three gilts tied up. He's standing behind him and the
feed guy says, oh, Doc, he goes, don't let me interrupt my
(21:52):
day. That was it.
And there was never another meeting. But I'm
sure that story got circulated
throughout that little Nebraska town about the new vet in this
tighty white. It's bloody tighty whities behind tighty whities in cowboy
mood. It sounds like a playgirl centerfold.
(22:15):
Oh, my lord. Amazing.
Oh, yeah, that would be an eye opening scene.
The blood thrown in there for effect.
Real nice. Okay, well, hey, it's decision time
for our judge, Mr. Amadoufas. Who's our
winner? Is it WLS with Panda Love,
(22:37):
Bruce with tighty whities, or Natalia with
the rear view coot? I'm going with
the dismembered coot car ornament. I like that.
Natalia was sticking with the amputation theme.
That puts Natalia up by one here at the end of round four.
(23:01):
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Sent you.
Here's round five.
Guy from Ocean City, Maryland was out
surfing. He was paddling
(24:09):
his surfboard out there, you know, looking for the big wave.
He's gonna hang 10. Looked over to the side there
and there's this great big huge shark.
Oh, wow. He turned that surfboard. I bet he didn't
hang. He didn't hang
one, did he? It was a nightmare for him. Little time,
(24:30):
sounds like just about wet his pants. He turned that surfboard around
real fast, paddled as fast as he could,
ran up on the beach. Then he discovered the shark was dead,
just floating there, belly up. Yeah, but he
said it was still scary. Bruce,
you've got a story about a vet pulling a calf.
(24:50):
This is round five. You're up. Well,
this was another with a vet, only I was ahead of sales for this
company. I was riding with a, another rep in central
southern Missouri. So we're, this is out in the, in the sticks.
Right. So but we're, we're going out there and
(25:11):
the vet goes out to pull a calf. And it's kind of a little tiny
little dairy farm. And the vet goes out to pull a calf,
pulls the calf and the, the, you know, it's this dirty old barn and everything
we Walk out there and there's cats, Cats, cats,
cats, like an ocean of cats.
Like they were a nuisance for you to walk around
(25:32):
in this sea of cats rubbing at your legs.
It was just crazy. And, you know, we're in
this barn probably where they are all fed and everything. And so
the vet warns us before we go out there, he goes, well,
you know, you guys come out, but you know what? This guy's a hot head.
You know, he's got explosive anger. So,
(25:55):
you know, just be cool and. And, you know, don't. Don't make any
sudden movements and don't flash any shiny objects, and we should
all survive. And so we go out there and pull the trap and there's
these cats all over. All over cats. Yeah.
And the. The. The farmer says,
you know, doc, he says, as long as you're here, he goes,
(26:16):
can you. Can you just take care of those damn cats?
And so in our mind, you know, take care
of those damn cats. They're. They're. They're a vector for disease transmission
and this and that. So the vet begins, you know,
taking care of these cats. And so we give it
a pile of 20 cats or whatever. And, you know, if you
(26:37):
haven't figured it out, the vet is euthanizing the
cats.
The farmer comes like, doc, you're. Your bath.
Goes. He goes, how long.
How long before they wake up?
And the vet looks up, looks up at us, and he goes,
(26:59):
he's on back to the truck.
That was a story that we like to tell. Oh, my God.
How long of an awkward silence was there after he asked that question?
We're all thinking, oh, my. Well,
you know, you euthanize them up, there's a pile of dead
(27:20):
cats. Oh, funnier. Okay, Jimmy, how much?
What can be funnier than a pile of dead cats? So it's a
pile of dead cats. Better than a barrel of monkeys. Take care
of these docs. Take care of these damn cats. He wanted them
spayed or neutered. And, you know,
but we. If you're going to take care of somebody,
(27:40):
make sure that. That you're clear on what you really need.
Classic. The verbiage there was very unclear. Classic example.
Before they wake up, Doc. Classic. It'll be an
hour. Let me just leave, and then they'll be up in a little bit.
Yeah, yeah. One of them's got his eye open.
Let's ease him. Yeah, I'll be right back. They'll be up before
(28:03):
you know it. Oh, my God. That's wild.
Bruce. Classic example of never assume Right.
Wow. Yes, exactly. Oh, man.
But you've got a cop. Talk about assuming, though, you've got some
of that. Of that element in your story here. But a cop grabbing
some horns. Give us that one, Natalia.
(28:24):
So this is like one of those, like, perfect bar stories
to tell. Like, you know, just. It could be with anyone. It's just like,
this is gonna lighten the mood. But it's the best bar story because it
actually happened. It started at a bar. We were at the
local watering hole and just. It was like karaoke night.
Like, we. I don't want to say, like, we were drinking and we were like,
(28:45):
pretty much like, overserved. Like, we just had enough and we're gonna make it home
safely. But we got a text from our cousin who's a deputy.
He's a Warworth county deputy sheriff. And he had like,
that motor rose Motorola razor back then. So it like,
took forever to like, type a message, like, go like, two, two,
two. To get to, like, the, you know, number C. Like, he's like typing out
(29:05):
everything to. To my husband, and he's like, hey, like, your bison's
out again. And Kevin's like, oh, like it's one in the morning.
We've all of our friends surrounding us. Like, we'll just tell. We gotta go,
right? So we tell all of our friends, like, hey, guys,
unfortunately, this is the situation. Cops are on our property.
There's people, like, stopped in the middle of the road. The bison,
(29:27):
which is our one ton bowl with three female
cows, like beef cows,
were in the middle of the road. And so we're like, we gotta go.
Thinking that we were gonna, like, leave just like, you know, sneak out
and say goodbye to everyone was just completely like, that was just foolish
on our end. So everyone in that bar closed
(29:48):
their tabs, followed us about 12 minutes from
the bar, all the way to our property. We had
like a train of just like shit box trucks,
you know, trucks, and just like, just young people just getting in
their vehicle, following us. Like some that we didn't even know of.
Get to the property. You didn't even know.
I'm gonna go. I don't want to miss this farm crisis. We know some of
(30:10):
these people. We did not know them. So we're getting to the
property. And Kevin was like, because we didn't live on site
where the cattle were, we lived about 0.2 miles around the corner.
Kevin's like, hey, I'm going to the property with
the cattle where they're at in the middle of the road. I am
Going to talk with the police officers and my cousin. You go
(30:31):
to our house around the corner and grab. Which we had a mini bus
at the time. That's for like another story. But he said,
go grab the mini bus. It's big enough to block the road. Go get
that and meet me back here. So I get in the min,
I drive all the way back and I managed to block them where they're actually
across the road right now at our neighbor's property.
(30:53):
Mike is, which is our cousin. He's hiding behind a
tree and he's like, it's like three foot wide. Like it's not going to protect
him by any means. Like this bison will run through him if he needs to.
And he calls him like our murdering bison at the time because
he's so aggressive to get into a pen if you have to like throw feed
or anything. Like, if you can't like launch it over the fence, you literally
(31:15):
have to strike him with like a 2x4 just to get him to back up.
Like he's just all testosterone, like super aggressive. Nice.
He, he is behind,
like I said, like a, you know, three foot wide tree. His partner
Wayne is like, we need to get this, you know, we need
to get this guy across the road. Like, no big deal. I'm gonna go up
(31:37):
and I'm gonna grab him by the horn and show him how it is.
Like super cocky. He goes and grabs this one ton animal
and grabs him by the horn. Oh, man. And I cannot tell you,
I have seen this animal. Like we, we had him for years until he
finally passed away. But I mean this animal
had no patience for human interaction whatsoever. So when Wayne
(31:58):
grabbed his horn, I guess he just like, he just kind of
like, like it was cold out. He just kind of like snuffed out a bunch
of air and he's like, what is this? And he shook his like horn like
his head, got his hand off of him and just started chasing
his little ladies, you know, and not a big deal. I don't
know why he didn't throw him, why he didn't break an arm while he
(32:20):
didn't like get impaled. Like, I, I'm just, I'm still like
mystified by the. But I end up coming around
the corner with the mini bus and they managed to like chase
the bison and the three cows like across the road. And I'm
going down like our long driveway at this point,
and someone with a vehicle coming from like the east
(32:40):
side, like ended up like shooting them like across the
road. So like, basically like I'm parallel now with the mini bus and
I am driving them down this driveway
where like I'm like literally holding onto the steering wheel, looking to my right and
I'm looking this mother friendly eye like it was like, here it is like this,
this is it. He's either gonna like mess up the bus or he's gonna like
(33:00):
run something down. Because it is just like we're head for head right now trying
to get him into the property, into the pen.
And by the end of the, like where the, at the
end of the road stopped, I got out of the bus and
we're all like, what do we do now? And we're all like, let's hide behind
hay bales because we're smart people. Main guy,
(33:22):
like, I think he comes up again thinking that he's gonna do something.
And we're just like, dude, like get under something, hide behind something.
This is just, it is not gonna go well.
So we ended up like taking some like large like
two by fours that we had on hand. We ended up like smacking them together.
And then the female cows ran into the pen. The male
(33:42):
bison followed and we were able to lock it safely.
And again like just shocked that no one
died that night. I really, really am. A bunch of drunk, half lit
people. Drunk on her butt chasing a monster bison
back in the canal. You're lucky you had those females to entice them.
Yeah, exactly. We were very fortunate. Oh geez,
(34:04):
what a night. What a night. Well,
there's a clear winner here with a dead pile of cats.
Okay, Judge Jimmy. That puts Bruce and Natalia
in a dead tie. Two wins apiece, along with one
point for wls. Oh, the drama, the tension,
the competition as we head into our final round.
(34:26):
More fun than a barrel of monkeys or a dead pile
of cats. Here's round six. Starting with Uncle Lehr
and little Tommy. Okay, Boomer,
this is one of those stories that sounds too good to be true, but it
is a true story. The setting is a
dog show in Ohio. Uh huh.
(34:49):
The cast of characters, a woman and her 180
pound Great Dane Topper. Yeah,
and the plot is the woman needs to go to the bathroom
real bad. Okay, the scene
opens. I'm just reading this the way it's written in the paper here.
The scene opens with the woman heading toward
(35:12):
a portable toilet located near the show arena.
But one problem is that she can't find anybody to
hang on to her Great Dane while she uses the facilities.
And she's gotta go real bad. And she doesn't have time to mess around.
Well, it's one of those Johnny on the job things. Yeah.
So she does the only logical thing. She decides to hold the
(35:34):
Great Dane on the leash with her inside the
outhouse while her faithful companion Topper stands guard
outside. So she secures the leash by running an arm through
the loop end and has it crooked in her elbow, right? Yeah.
She enters the toilet and closes the door. She's inside,
the dog's outside, and all things are going
(35:56):
according to plan. Momentarily,
it is then that fate takes a nasty turn.
A man in the portable toilet next to hers decides
to leave. And as he does, he slams the door behind
him and it just sounds like a gunshot. This scares
the dog. Says Topper
(36:17):
bolts from his guard post, yanking his 100
pound mistress from the toilet seat.
The toilet shakes and suddenly the door bursts open and
with Topper straining frantically at the leash, his owner
is bodily dragged across the ground.
(36:37):
The woman is equally frantic. She has a huge dog.
See, this dog weighed 180 pounds. Yeah, she has a huge dog
tugging the leash in one hand, a roll of toilet paper in
her other hand. Portions of her clothing are
out of place. She is on her hands and knees ordering,
begging for Topper to halt.
(36:59):
Says passerbys caught up in this bizarre spectacle are
no help at all because they can't stop laughing.
Says the stampede finally ends several yards from
the portable toilet. And then it says the woman retained
her composure very well. She was very calm and held
(37:19):
the leash in her mouth while she put her clothes back on
and all these people are staring at her. And then she returns
to the portable toilet again and goes inside to put herself
back together. But jeez, is that embarrassment
or what? I mean, her dress is up and her pants
are down around her ankles. And here's this Great Dane dog
(37:42):
dragging her through the dust.
Another Sheltie story. Is it the same Sheltie that loses her tip?
It is the same family dog that has. You know,
you'll totally understand why she peed on the male. I mean,
it's gonna make sense at the end of this. But it is the same Sheltie.
(38:07):
Yeah. So. Does Sheltie
have a name? Yeah, it's our Liebchen.
Yep. It's what? Liebchen. It's actually
German. Of course it is. It's like, like pretty much
like saying, like, kind of like darling, like my darling in German. All right,
we wanted to personalize this so we get the full effect here.
(38:29):
Go ahead with Liepchen. Yep, that sounds Great. So.
So yeah, Schultz, they are like, I was explaining,
like, they're kind of like a smaller size of a collie.
They're very like, they can come in multiple
colors, but ours was all black. And kind of a trademark for
this breed is they have this beautiful white tip at the end of their tail.
(38:51):
Okay. So my sister and I, we were about 4 and 6
at the time. My mom had just started getting into like
the grooming industry. So we were very much like intrigued by
like almost idolizing our mom. Like, you know, you kind of want
to do what your mom or your dad does for a living. So anything we
could get our hands on, mostly stuffed animals. We were shaving,
(39:13):
trimming, basically just destroying these stuffed animals
just to show like our mom, like, hey, you got home from a hard day's
work. Look what we did. And it's probably not making her day any easier
because she had to clean up after us. But you know, we wanted to show
what we were capable of, right? Oh, yeah.
So we would dress this dog up in clothing. We would
(39:33):
cute, put like cute bows, like hairstyles on her,
you know, anything we could do. So at one point we
thought we should like decorate her beautiful,
like little white tail, right. So we put like hair ties on to attach
this beautiful bow and show my mom
at the end of the day. And it went great. It was super cute until
(39:55):
the point where, you know, we kind of forgot about those hair ties. I mean,
you know, the bow eventually fell off. But because she's a sheltie, if you guys
are familiar, like they have just very fluffy tails. Like you're
not going to be able to see these hair ties once they're like twisted and
around and around and around. You're not going to see them. Around and around.
Yeah. Around and around, around we go. So my brother's about 9 years
(40:17):
old at the time. He's just relaxing on the couch, you know,
like finally just, you know, able to just sit and just kind of take
in, you know, just an easy going afternoon.
Looked at my dog in the living room and he kind of just like,
you know, just kind of patted the side of the couch, like, hey, come here,
Lipshin. And she looks at him and just excitement. And you know,
(40:37):
she's like, oh. She just starts approaching him from across the room and
as she does so, she gets up, half the tail
falls off. I would probably say the entire white
tip is gone at this point, completely in the center of the room.
And she just goes directly towards him. And it's almost like
Just halfway. And what my brother likes to say is his flatters were
(41:00):
gasted because he just. He didn't know as a nine year old
what. What just happened. Where's the rest of her tail? He doesn't understand.
The dog almost had, like, this Eeyore reaction. Like,
oh, well, like it was. It was about to happen. Like, she was just like,
finally, like, this thing fell off. And he likes to say, like,
the only thing that was actually. Actually keeping the tail, which the bone
(41:22):
was already obviously gone. Like, it was completely, like,
completely, like the blood circulation was cut off. The only thing that was
keeping this tail attached was the other half of the tail's hair
that was just completely, like, engrossed with, like, crust and blood.
And it was just like the hair was, like, merging with the other part of
the tail that was, like, trying to fall off.
(41:44):
Ah, disgusting. Yeah. So. And my brother,
like, panicked because, like, he's like, I am the last
person to see this dog with a full tail in this
house. Like, I need to find someone. So he runs and screams
like, mom, like, you know what? What happened? He didn't know quite
what to do. But at that point, I mean, like, can you blame
(42:05):
my dog for peeing on the mail? I mean, she's gone through a lot.
It's the least he could have done.
Exactly. Natalia, let me make
sure I understand this clearly. You were in an attempt to
beautify this little innocent lipshin
sheltie named Lipchin and attempt to beautify it and make it look
(42:26):
glamorous. You mutilated it. You mutilated the
dog 100%. And I have a lot of guilt.
God. Explains a lot about you. It does.
It really does. I know. Not a. It's not like a bar story
like I would tell about the bison. It's just. That's something I keep, like,
deep down dark inside me, and I just share for a podcast for lots
(42:47):
of people to listen to. And did this require therapy
for your brother? No, thankfully,
no. Not. Not yet. So you don't think
he was permanently scarred with that? Oh, my God, no. Not after everything else
we've been through. Through kids. I think that was just like a icing on
the cake. I bet if you ever tried to dress him up, he said no.
(43:08):
I saw what happened to the lip. Yeah. Hard pass.
A hard pass. Oh, poor dog.
And that dog is the pelican. And the coot are still okay. Yeah.
Yes. Did the tip end up in somebody's pocket?
I wish we would have kept that. We should have kept that.
Oh, Like a little f. Family heirloomy pass from like down
(43:30):
from one generation to another. Yes, I've seen it hanging from
a mirror in the 90s, I'm sure. Yes, yes,
yes, yes. Bruce, you've got a story that
I've entitled Dirty bitch. Help me out.
Good friend of mine. So he goes into this
farm, farm calls on a pig farm,
(43:51):
Nebraska, in a nice small farm. And this old
farmer and his wife and pretty simple. And the
facilities are kind of bad. And they've got a
gilt which is a first time mother pig
having its first ever litter of pigs.
But gilts are very muscular and they have a small birth canal.
(44:13):
And so it's a winter. Husband and
wife have the vet out go in this heroin
house that's warmer, but still colder than
it should have been. And in
order to assist birth,
a pig having birth is, you know, guess what? The vet is going to put
(44:34):
a rubber glove on and go up the birth canal and
pull out the pigs because the mom hasn't got
enough strength to push each
pig one at a time down the birth canal.
And so the vet is,
is reaching in there and this birth canal is really tight.
(44:55):
He's really got to shove his hand up there and it's, you know, and it's
slippery. You got a rubber glove on. And these pigs are coated with
placenta and after birth and all
this slippery, slippery stuff. And so these pigs
keep slipping out. These pigs keep slipping out of this veterinarian's
hands. And he's there for a long time and he's pulling.
(45:17):
And this gilt has a huge high number
of pigs. Usually they again like that would have 8 or
10 or 12 at the time, but keep on like number 15
in his hand. He's so tired and he's hurt. The gilt's worn out
and it's getting cold in there. And he
gets this last peg to the edge and it slips back in,
(45:40):
it slips back in. And the third time, you know, the dock is,
is saying to the guild, he says, come on you dirty, help me
out a little bit, will you? And at that point the wife reaches
down with a pair of pliers, grabs that pig's leg and yanks it out
and knock. Is there a little bewildered like oh my God.
And, and the husband says, well, don't worry doc.
(46:02):
Sometimes I gotta talk like that to get anything done around.
Oh my God. That is classic.
Dirty bitch. Help me out.
Oh Lord. She jumps in with a pair of pliers
to help out. Reach right in there with it. Just jump Right in action.
(46:22):
I love it. He could have been done 20 minutes earlier if he'd used
that line earlier. Don't worry,
Doc. I gotta talk like that sometime. Ah, that is
good stuff. Good stuff. Jimmy. With things all tied
up between Natalia and Bruce, you've got a big decision between
Uncle Lair's story of the Great Dane who de pantsed his owner,
(46:45):
a tight birth canal, or the loss of a dog's
tail. Wow. These are all worthy stories.
I am, however, obliged to choose a winner and
do so with a WL Wls
story of partial nudity and public embarrassment.
(47:06):
Well, that leaves us with a tie and no clear Victor,
which means we can't award the grand prize, which was a
free weekend stay over at Jimmy's cabin down on the
river. Yep. That's a shame. Okay,
Boomer, I want to thank Bruce, you, and Natalia for
spending so much time with me sharing those stories. They were fun to hear.
(47:28):
A little disgusting at times. I think I may have to shower here in a
little bit to cleanse myself of some of the details
that are floating around my head. But I'm very appreciative of you
taking the time to share those with us was. I enjoyed it. It was a
good time. Nice meeting you, Natalia. And good talking
to you again, Tom. You bet. Yeah, that was.
(47:48):
It was a lot of fun. And I appreciate all the stories coming from you,
too. It's. It's nice to talk with someone else in the same field and even
just on, like, different time frames, it's interesting to see how things were
done and, you know, how they're moving forward. It's just things change,
so. Yeah, they do. And, Tom, I'm ready. I'm ready for summer. And.
And, you know, you talk about animal stories. I went kayaking last
summer with Boomer here, and we
(48:12):
got in the Hennepin Canal, and I borrowed
his kayak, and we were kayaking,
oh, maybe 100 yards down the Hennepin Canal
and up my leg is a snake crawling
out of that kayak that I borrowed from Boomer.
I'm almost certain at this point he planted. Put it
(48:34):
in there.
That's the animal story. What do you think of that, Jimmy?
Well, I heard Bromer tell about it. It's a true story. I know
where he keeps his kayaks. It was not in a good spot.
And what was amazing, though, Bruce, you being a
farm boy doll, you kept your composure, got that snake on the kayak
(48:55):
paddle and flipped it right into the canal like it was no big deal.
Well done. Yeah, that was Bruce's
first. His virgin kayak trip, Natalia. And he gets a
snake in the kayak. Yeah, Lots of good times.
That provided a little bit of excitement there for us on the Hennepin.
All right, you guys have a wonderful day, and thanks again for sharing.
(49:16):
Yep. Alrighty. Bye. Bye. Yeah, bye. Bye.
Shut up. And kids, don't forget to be
checking in with aroundpetetown.com. it's got
all the news that you can use. Stay hip,
stay class with around P town dot com.
And for you fellas that want that hip and classy look,
(49:40):
well, then you're gonna want to get your butt to Ben's barbershop
chair. That's right, Ben's barbershop. Look him
up on facebook.com. he's in Morrison.
You make an appointment. You're gonna love it. If you
enjoyed listening to Boomer here,
he'd appreciate it if you'd subscribe to his podcast. So you'd
(50:00):
get notifications of when the next episode's coming up,
maybe leave a rating on a review. But, yeah, go ahead and subscribe.
That helps the podcast grow, and it makes the little fella feel so
much better. And if you have any feedback for him, you know,
go ahead and contact him@ttaudioworksmail.com
Again, that's ttaudioworksmail.
(50:25):
Okay, I'll see you in the next episode.
Get your greasy little face up next to the radio because it's time
for America's favorite radio program, Animal Stories.
Okay, Boomer. Okay, Boomer.
Okay, Boom. Okay, Boomer. Okay,
Boomer. Ah, Animal Stories.
Who doesn't like a good animal story,
(00:25):
especially if it involves blood, amputation or
death? This is part two of our animal story
contest that pits original broadcasts from the WLS
world renowned animal stories from back in the 70s against
our own guests, animal stories. We have two guests,
Bruce King and Natalia Cooper, both of them experienced in
(00:48):
veterinarian medicine, both willing to entertain us with their
tales from the workplace. When this episode is published
on April 15, 2025, it'll be Bruce's
64th birthday. Happy, happy joy. Joy to
Bruce. Jimmy Amadoufis has been appointed sole judge
of these stories and will be choosing a winner for each round
(01:11):
of stories told in part one. We had two rounds
of Animal Stories. What's the tally so far, Jimmy?
Well, Bruce, our birthday boy, won round
one with his story about a cow who takes a bullet to the.
The WLS story about a pet parrot being cooked
and fed to a grandma won round two.
(01:33):
Natalia is still looking to get on the scoreboard.
If you haven't listened to Part 1 listeners, you're encouraged to
do that so you don't miss any of the gore involved with pythons,
flying, fatty masses and more. We've got four
more rounds scheduled for exciting entertainment coming
up. We'll start each round with a WLS
(01:54):
story and then alternate who goes first between Natalia and
Bruce. Here's round three, starting with
the WLS animal story. Okay,
Boomer, here's a great story from
Newberry Park, California.
Guy was pumping gas at his gas station when this car drove
(02:15):
in. Man got out with this big German shepherd.
Little Tommy said his dog was attack trained.
Unless a guy handed over the money from the cash register,
he was gonna order his dog to attack the guy. The guy wasn't
afraid, though. Tommy just punched the German shepherd in
the mouth.
(02:37):
Punched his German shepherd right in the mouth, chipped his
tooth and the dog ran away.
The robber got into his car and fled.
(02:58):
Kind of, kind of beat the attack. Dog to the draw.
I'll bet. I'll bet when that robber got home
and his dog came home later,
see, the guy just jumped in his car and deserted
(03:21):
his dog. His dog had to make it home by himself.
I bet when he got home, he was really mad at his dogs.
And that's the end of our professional animal story.
Professional. Those guys laughed at their story
a lot more. Than I did. They must have been smoking something
beforehand. Well, it was the seventies.
(03:43):
Bruce, what do you have for us? Yeah,
I got a great story about a canary. Actually, the story's really about a veterinarian.
And the office lady comes in and says,
Mrs. Smith is here to pick up her canary.
And so, you know, I have to describe. I have to go
further describing this veterinarian. I decided he kind
(04:03):
of looks like Lloyd Bridges
in the movie Airplane. Okay? He's got that gray
hair coming down over his eyes a bit and bad.
Day to quit heroin and that look.
Exactly. A little bit of sweat. He had glasses and
Lloyd Bridges with maybe an extra 150 pounds, who is a big
(04:26):
guy. And I'm gonna call him Dr. Newton.
Dr. Newton. This is what Dr. Newton sounded like because he already had a
cigar hanging out of his mouth. And the cigar was always wet
and dripping, and he might have smoked it in the morning.
And here he is with this cigar hanging out of his mouth, and he
goes, okay. He goes, just tell her
(04:49):
I'll get it right now. Come on back with
me and keep talking. We're in this exam
room and out comes the canary. And the canary
has got a bandage
around his leg. And so, you know,
doctor. I'm not calling him Dr. Newton because I can't use his real name,
(05:12):
Dr. Newton. He gets out. He gets
the scissors out. And you
know, this man, his fingers were
like sausages, and they
didn't, you know, they did not fit in a pair
of scissors. You could just. His fingernails were fitting in the
(05:35):
scissors. You know, kind of where this
is going. But the funny part is, you know, we're talking and
he's getting that canary and got this broken or
injured leg. And I'm looking down at the stainless steel exam
table, and all of a sudden, all I see is
a little canary leg flipping up.
(05:57):
And I'm not believing my eyes. And I'm looking,
and he's certainly
in disbelief. And he's got his little cigar
sticking out of there and it's dripping down his chin a little bit. And he
looks over his bifocals at me and he says,
sometimes they heal, sometimes they don't.
(06:21):
Sometimes. Sometimes you remove the bandage
clearly, and sometimes you don't. Oh, my God. Sometimes they
heal and sometimes they don't. All right, exactly what he
said. That was. That was funny. But not.
Apparently not to the lady, but I know that's part of the story,
but. Very nice, very nice.
(06:42):
Okay? The big fingered vet.
Wonderful. Natalia, you've got something that involves the Word.
Am I pronouncing it right? Enucleation.
Yep, enucleation. Tell us what the heck enucleation
is. It's the removal of an eyeball,
usually from like, damage. Could be like from an ulcer
(07:04):
or like a scratched cornea, leads to infection, basically, like just
removing the eye. Is it nucleation, which is,
you know. Gotta be fun, you know, hey, it's not a real party
unless someone gets an enucleation. Yeah. Being in this
field, like, you're. You. You should have a really strong stomach, not be too squeamish.
And I think, like, another thing like I wanted to like, just jump right into
(07:26):
is that like, this field is really hard, especially on like,
veterinarians. It's actually growing larger
and more. Just more increased with suicide rates with veterinarians.
Really, It. It's. Yeah. It is just unfortunate
that, like, throughout the years, I think the numbers are increasing.
It's just like a high. Like just. It's a high
(07:48):
pressure job. There's a lot of deaths. You have to deal with your patients,
stressful working conditions. You have just disgruntled clients.
Like, it's just. It's just not the field for operative. Sometimes they heal and
sometimes they don't. Exactly.
So unfortunately, you know, you're always just like, I.
Especially with me. And I have a sense of humor. And that's probably.
(08:10):
Probably why, like, I've always gotten along with your, you know, your older daughters
that like, we just. We have a sense of humor and we're always looking to
like, lighten the mood. And I think that's what I bring to this job is
just. Just always looking to find like a little bit,
maybe more of a fun outlook on it.
So in, like, in this case, finding out what people's
like, just kind of like things that creep them out, you know, Like, I'm just
(08:33):
always looking to, like, try and, you know, just mess with them, you know,
find out their weaknesses. And in this case, thought about
pranking my boss, which maybe was I looking to get fired
that day? I don't know. We. We never know. So I
was testing the limits. I knew that she was completely creeped out
with eyeballs. Whether they're prop toast,
(08:54):
which means that they're like, pretty much outside of the,
like the. The bone structure of the eye. Like, it's practically falling
out, but it's not completely removed. So got prop toast eyeballs and
then a nucleation when you remove it fully. I decided to take
that ey from the doctor that she thought I was
going to basically throw it in the, you know, discard bin. I dried it off,
(09:17):
got enough scotch tape that would stick to it, and I
connected it to the cabinet of where my boss sits.
And she usually reaches up above for basically like, you know, just any, like,
packaging tape if she has to take it to like, ups, blah, blah, blah.
So I taped this eyeball in the cabinet and I, like, left the
eyeball, like, sit on the ledge. And I taped the,
(09:41):
just like the, the, the trail of the eye. Like, I taped
it to the cabinet. So she opened the cabinet. When I asked,
like, hey, could you grab me some like, package packaging tape? She opened
the eyeball and she was sitting at her desk, looking up, grabbing the
cabinet door. It swung open and this thing like,
flopped down. And she immediately,
(10:04):
like, it was like one of those roller chairs. She scooched back,
started screaming, and then I was like, oh, gosh, this is it.
This is the end of my job. And then she started laughing because
I knew she had a good sense of humor. But I think, like, I really,
I really was like, is this the day that I get fired? I don't know
what. You know, so that, that's why I was basically just trying to keep a
(10:24):
little humor in the office. But I really, like. That was a day where I
didn't know if I was gonna make it home or not with still being employed.
Flying eyeball is coming in nice. Nice.
Yeah. Well, I'm thinking that maybe, you know, that's how you prevent suicide.
You have eyeballs flung at you once in a while. Keep things light.
(10:45):
Keep things light. Jimmy, what moved you more?
The German shepherd being punched? The unintended amputation
or the enucleation? Well,
as much as I enjoyed Bruce's impersonation of Dr.
Noton, Natalia had real eyeballs
used as a practical joke. Natalia's the winner here.
(11:09):
That brings us to a three way tie between wls,
Bruce and Natalia. I can't wait to see what
round four brings us. Okay, Boomer.
It turns out there may be a little panda on the way at
the Tokyo Zoo after all. Little Tommy.
That's can can and Lang Lang over there. Lan.
(11:32):
Lan is the female and they think she might
be pregnant. See, they mated last year and lan.
Lan was pregnant, but had a miscarriage in the final weeks of her pregnancy,
as you'll recall. But according to zoo officials in Tokyo,
they mated recently on a balmy spring morning.
Oh, in fact, it was so great. I guess they made it twice.
(11:55):
What better way to spend a balmy spring Morning.
Sure be breakfast.
Uncle Larry isn't one of those. Is just in love with the tire, right?
The, the. Well, that's boy panda. That's what they
said last week. But evidently
(12:15):
he, he got tired of the tire and decided to try something a little
more exciting. So.
Well, that's Uncle Lare and little snot nosed
Tommy. Natalia, you have a story about a coot.
Now, I've been called a coot before, an old coot. But your
coot is not that same type. Tell us
(12:38):
about your coot. So a coot
is a just a kind of like a mid size,
just like prehistoric, like little water. It's a
mid sized water bird, but they have very like prehistoric type feet.
And so again, bringing humor back into the office.
(13:00):
This is definitely something that I do throughout
the years. I've. I have some good ones and sometimes I don't.
This is one that I'm pretty proud of.
I do think that, like, even leading up to this, like, I've lost friends
pranking them. In all the years I've been through, like, veterinary medicine,
like, I put a, like a little tiny mass in someone's pocket and they
(13:21):
ended up leaving for the day because they're like, you ruined my jacket.
There's a spot of blood. I can't wear this again. And I'm thinking, like,
we get nasty stuff all over our scrubs every day. I don't know why you're
crying about this. And then I ended up becoming closer with one
of my other friends because I put a dog tail in her purse and
she found it like later on at home and she was dying laughing.
So, like, you just kind of have to pick who you're gonna mess around with.
(13:43):
And I think I've learned that later on in life, maybe a little bit too
late, you never know how a. Body part, A stray, A stray body part's
gonna affect somebody. Yes, exactly. You just never know who's
gonna, you know, receive that with like, like,
you know, just reaction.
Look in that freezer in your garage.
(14:05):
She's got, she's got a whole array of body parts
that she whips off. I have them all organized,
labeled. Serial killers.
Describe their early beginnings. You know, Bruce,
I don't want to like, admit this, but there's like literally six freezers in my
garage. But it's because we sell beef and pork. But now
(14:29):
people are going to really listen to this podcast and wonder what's really in there.
You haven't reached into that freezer for like a. You said that
your parents lived in your. It's getting.
Or do they, I mean, maybe they're in the freezers at this point. Creepier.
It's getting creepier. I'm so sorry.
Did you ever reach into the freezer for like a, what you thought was going
(14:49):
to be a pound of hamburger and you maybe you fried up some coot claws
instead? I wanted hamburger, not grandma.
There you go. I, I'll find this picture
too, but. So back to the
stories that I decided to prank one of my good friends at the time
(15:10):
and we worked with at the time and we
still do, actually. We work with a wildlife rehab. So I have seen everything
in my day from like, we've, I've set catheters on,
like, deer and we've had owls,
eagles. I even, like, have a picture of me holding a pelican,
which I guess I'm so naive I didn't realize that they migrate up north
(15:31):
only to back down south. So like, I literally, like, we had a pelican
come into the vet clinic in Wisconsin. I'm like, I just think it's crazy some
of the things I've seen. But we've seen
everything. So we have this coot come in, needs a toe amputation, which is removal
of a toe. And I'm thinking, like, I'm not gonna put this beautiful
little gem in the trash. Of course. Needs to go to someone.
(15:54):
It's got to go to someone. So I pick my good friend and I'm like,
I'm gonna tie some very long string to this and I'm gonna put
it in her car in the rear view mirror. So thankfully she
didn't lock her vehicle, went in there, tied it, and it's so long, like it's
almost scraping like the dashboard. Like, I, I,
it was very obvious. She thankfully
(16:15):
went on lunch break that day and had. She's like, I gotta do a few
errands. I'll be back probably in an hour. I gotta go to the bank,
I gotta go pick up lunch and I have to hit the gas station.
I'm like, this is gonna be epic. I will sit by my phone. She's gonna
either text me or call me. And I sat little
bit waiting. Nothing came about it. I'm like, this is wild. I can't believe she
(16:36):
didn't notice this. She comes back to the vet clinic,
walks in and she's like, oh, hey. And I'm chat. I'm like, how was your
lunch breakout? She was like, oh, it's fine, you know, like, I got all my
things done and I'm like, nothing else exciting happened. She's like, no, why? I'm like,
I have to take you to your vehicle. I walked her all the
way back out to the vehicle. She opens the door.
I'm like, how did you not see this thing?
(16:58):
It's a few inches long on top of the string, which is probably like,
like 8 inches. Like, how did you not see this? If you took the
corner, right, it would be swinging like a pendulum. And she's like,
I have no idea how I did not, like,
see this. She's like, I feel like so, like just unattentive. And I'm
like, you know what, though? But this was. It was totally
(17:21):
worth. Was the perfect prank.
She didn't give a hoot about your coot. Love it.
Good stuff. Yeah. More animal parts in various places.
Bruce, you had a vet in an unusual place, I think getting caught
in underwear. Is that right? A pelican
and a coot walk into a bar in Milwaukee.
(17:44):
I don't remember the rest of that joke, but yeah. So this
is a story about a
veterinarian of mine, a friend of mine who is a veterinarian.
And so this is his story, but it's.
So this veterinarian, he's a young, young new vet.
He's out in Nebraska. Warm summer day. And during the
(18:06):
days it was very hot and the
clinic was super, super busy. And this big customer,
this big swine customer needed these gilts tests because he needed to
move them to another farm, like in another state
or whatever. So it was kind of urgent that this
got done. There's no room on the schedule. So doc gets
(18:29):
up in the morning, decides to go out there first thing in the morning to
this farm, get blood from these 30 gilts, get it
done more, send it into the lab, and then he can go on about the
rest of his day, get it out of the way. And the other bonus would
be it'd be nice and cool in the morning while
he was doing that, and it'd be better for the animals and better for him
(18:49):
and so on. Well, these large farms
are bio secure, so you have to take a shower before
you go in the actual farm. And the way that happened was there's
an office with, you know, a men's side
and a women's side, and showers.
You would leave your clothing and, you know, all of your clothing
(19:14):
on one side. You'd shower and you'd step
out onto the other side and there would be several,
you know, a variety of sizes of underwear and coveralls
and boots and t. Shirts and whatever. Well, that day
Doc goes through the shower and there's
(19:35):
nothing there. And everything is
in the laundry from the night before. He was there real early in the morning
and he wasn't gonna, he wasn't gonna do the laundry, put in the dryer and
everything. So, you know,
on that clean, on the quote clean side, you know, you've got underwear and socks
and coveralls. Well, there was underwear, so. And the underwear, what kind
(19:57):
do you think it was? Boomer?
Yeah, some pink thong. The tighty whities.
Hanes Tidy Wine. He's cotton white. Tell you why
these. And so here he is, he's like, you know,
it's 5:00 in the morning. These guys
don't get here till eight and, or seven or
(20:21):
whenever. And so I'm just gonna go ahead and get
this done because I'm not gonna drive out here in the, you know,
mess up my schedule. And it's not going to take me that long anyway.
So here's this vet going down with his. And his tighty whitey's
in his boots, walking in the breeding
(20:41):
area where these gilts are. And to get blood you typically
run them in a crate or whatever. And so, and the way,
the way they got blood that way was they'd put them in a
crater and tie their nose or restrict their head somehow
and they would nick a little vein in their tail.
And then you would take a test tube and you'd collect the blood
(21:05):
from that little nick in their tail and go on and go on to the
next one. Well, that's messy. And you get blood on you. So,
you know, it's a nice warm day and the curtains are down. You can,
if you're outside the building and you can see inside and guess,
you know what else happens that early part of the morning.
Feed delivery comes the feed truck. And the guy
(21:26):
in the feed truck, you know, notice something weird in the
guild area. You know, he walks over and here's
Doc Tidy whiteies and boots. Got blood
all over. He's got blood all over his tighty whities and he's got two or
three gilts tied up. He's standing behind him and the
feed guy says, oh, Doc, he goes, don't let me interrupt my
(21:52):
day. That was it.
And there was never another meeting. But I'm
sure that story got circulated
throughout that little Nebraska town about the new vet in this
tighty white. It's bloody tighty whities behind tighty whities in cowboy
mood. It sounds like a playgirl centerfold.
(22:15):
Oh, my lord. Amazing.
Oh, yeah, that would be an eye opening scene.
The blood thrown in there for effect.
Real nice. Okay, well, hey, it's decision time
for our judge, Mr. Amadoufas. Who's our
winner? Is it WLS with Panda Love,
(22:37):
Bruce with tighty whities, or Natalia with
the rear view coot? I'm going with
the dismembered coot car ornament. I like that.
Natalia was sticking with the amputation theme.
That puts Natalia up by one here at the end of round four.
(23:01):
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Facebook. Make an appointment. Tell him, Jimmy, I'm a doofus.
Sent you.
Here's round five.
Guy from Ocean City, Maryland was out
surfing. He was paddling
(24:09):
his surfboard out there, you know, looking for the big wave.
He's gonna hang 10. Looked over to the side there
and there's this great big huge shark.
Oh, wow. He turned that surfboard. I bet he didn't
hang. He didn't hang
one, did he? It was a nightmare for him. Little time,
(24:30):
sounds like just about wet his pants. He turned that surfboard around
real fast, paddled as fast as he could,
ran up on the beach. Then he discovered the shark was dead,
just floating there, belly up. Yeah, but he
said it was still scary. Bruce,
you've got a story about a vet pulling a calf.
(24:50):
This is round five. You're up. Well,
this was another with a vet, only I was ahead of sales for this
company. I was riding with a, another rep in central
southern Missouri. So we're, this is out in the, in the sticks.
Right. So but we're, we're going out there and
(25:11):
the vet goes out to pull a calf. And it's kind of a little tiny
little dairy farm. And the vet goes out to pull a calf,
pulls the calf and the, the, you know, it's this dirty old barn and everything
we Walk out there and there's cats, Cats, cats,
cats, like an ocean of cats.
Like they were a nuisance for you to walk around
(25:32):
in this sea of cats rubbing at your legs.
It was just crazy. And, you know, we're in
this barn probably where they are all fed and everything. And so
the vet warns us before we go out there, he goes, well,
you know, you guys come out, but you know what? This guy's a hot head.
You know, he's got explosive anger. So,
(25:55):
you know, just be cool and. And, you know, don't. Don't make any
sudden movements and don't flash any shiny objects, and we should
all survive. And so we go out there and pull the trap and there's
these cats all over. All over cats. Yeah.
And the. The. The farmer says,
you know, doc, he says, as long as you're here, he goes,
(26:16):
can you. Can you just take care of those damn cats?
And so in our mind, you know, take care
of those damn cats. They're. They're. They're a vector for disease transmission
and this and that. So the vet begins, you know,
taking care of these cats. And so we give it
a pile of 20 cats or whatever. And, you know, if you
(26:37):
haven't figured it out, the vet is euthanizing the
cats.
The farmer comes like, doc, you're. Your bath.
Goes. He goes, how long.
How long before they wake up?
And the vet looks up, looks up at us, and he goes,
(26:59):
he's on back to the truck.
That was a story that we like to tell. Oh, my God.
How long of an awkward silence was there after he asked that question?
We're all thinking, oh, my. Well,
you know, you euthanize them up, there's a pile of dead
(27:20):
cats. Oh, funnier. Okay, Jimmy, how much?
What can be funnier than a pile of dead cats? So it's a
pile of dead cats. Better than a barrel of monkeys. Take care
of these docs. Take care of these damn cats. He wanted them
spayed or neutered. And, you know,
but we. If you're going to take care of somebody,
(27:40):
make sure that. That you're clear on what you really need.
Classic. The verbiage there was very unclear. Classic example.
Before they wake up, Doc. Classic. It'll be an
hour. Let me just leave, and then they'll be up in a little bit.
Yeah, yeah. One of them's got his eye open.
Let's ease him. Yeah, I'll be right back. They'll be up before
(28:03):
you know it. Oh, my God. That's wild.
Bruce. Classic example of never assume Right.
Wow. Yes, exactly. Oh, man.
But you've got a cop. Talk about assuming, though, you've got some
of that. Of that element in your story here. But a cop grabbing
some horns. Give us that one, Natalia.
(28:24):
So this is like one of those, like, perfect bar stories
to tell. Like, you know, just. It could be with anyone. It's just like,
this is gonna lighten the mood. But it's the best bar story because it
actually happened. It started at a bar. We were at the
local watering hole and just. It was like karaoke night.
Like, we. I don't want to say, like, we were drinking and we were like,
(28:45):
pretty much like, overserved. Like, we just had enough and we're gonna make it home
safely. But we got a text from our cousin who's a deputy.
He's a Warworth county deputy sheriff. And he had like,
that motor rose Motorola razor back then. So it like,
took forever to like, type a message, like, go like, two, two,
two. To get to, like, the, you know, number C. Like, he's like typing out
(29:05):
everything to. To my husband, and he's like, hey, like, your bison's
out again. And Kevin's like, oh, like it's one in the morning.
We've all of our friends surrounding us. Like, we'll just tell. We gotta go,
right? So we tell all of our friends, like, hey, guys,
unfortunately, this is the situation. Cops are on our property.
There's people, like, stopped in the middle of the road. The bison,
(29:27):
which is our one ton bowl with three female
cows, like beef cows,
were in the middle of the road. And so we're like, we gotta go.
Thinking that we were gonna, like, leave just like, you know, sneak out
and say goodbye to everyone was just completely like, that was just foolish
on our end. So everyone in that bar closed
(29:48):
their tabs, followed us about 12 minutes from
the bar, all the way to our property. We had
like a train of just like shit box trucks,
you know, trucks, and just like, just young people just getting in
their vehicle, following us. Like some that we didn't even know of.
Get to the property. You didn't even know.
I'm gonna go. I don't want to miss this farm crisis. We know some of
(30:10):
these people. We did not know them. So we're getting to the
property. And Kevin was like, because we didn't live on site
where the cattle were, we lived about 0.2 miles around the corner.
Kevin's like, hey, I'm going to the property with
the cattle where they're at in the middle of the road. I am
Going to talk with the police officers and my cousin. You go
(30:31):
to our house around the corner and grab. Which we had a mini bus
at the time. That's for like another story. But he said,
go grab the mini bus. It's big enough to block the road. Go get
that and meet me back here. So I get in the min,
I drive all the way back and I managed to block them where they're actually
across the road right now at our neighbor's property.
(30:53):
Mike is, which is our cousin. He's hiding behind a
tree and he's like, it's like three foot wide. Like it's not going to protect
him by any means. Like this bison will run through him if he needs to.
And he calls him like our murdering bison at the time because
he's so aggressive to get into a pen if you have to like throw feed
or anything. Like, if you can't like launch it over the fence, you literally
(31:15):
have to strike him with like a 2x4 just to get him to back up.
Like he's just all testosterone, like super aggressive. Nice.
He, he is behind,
like I said, like a, you know, three foot wide tree. His partner
Wayne is like, we need to get this, you know, we need
to get this guy across the road. Like, no big deal. I'm gonna go up
(31:37):
and I'm gonna grab him by the horn and show him how it is.
Like super cocky. He goes and grabs this one ton animal
and grabs him by the horn. Oh, man. And I cannot tell you,
I have seen this animal. Like we, we had him for years until he
finally passed away. But I mean this animal
had no patience for human interaction whatsoever. So when Wayne
(31:58):
grabbed his horn, I guess he just like, he just kind of
like, like it was cold out. He just kind of like snuffed out a bunch
of air and he's like, what is this? And he shook his like horn like
his head, got his hand off of him and just started chasing
his little ladies, you know, and not a big deal. I don't
know why he didn't throw him, why he didn't break an arm while he
(32:20):
didn't like get impaled. Like, I, I'm just, I'm still like
mystified by the. But I end up coming around
the corner with the mini bus and they managed to like chase
the bison and the three cows like across the road. And I'm
going down like our long driveway at this point,
and someone with a vehicle coming from like the east
(32:40):
side, like ended up like shooting them like across the
road. So like, basically like I'm parallel now with the mini bus and
I am driving them down this driveway
where like I'm like literally holding onto the steering wheel, looking to my right and
I'm looking this mother friendly eye like it was like, here it is like this,
this is it. He's either gonna like mess up the bus or he's gonna like
(33:00):
run something down. Because it is just like we're head for head right now trying
to get him into the property, into the pen.
And by the end of the, like where the, at the
end of the road stopped, I got out of the bus and
we're all like, what do we do now? And we're all like, let's hide behind
hay bales because we're smart people. Main guy,
(33:22):
like, I think he comes up again thinking that he's gonna do something.
And we're just like, dude, like get under something, hide behind something.
This is just, it is not gonna go well.
So we ended up like taking some like large like
two by fours that we had on hand. We ended up like smacking them together.
And then the female cows ran into the pen. The male
(33:42):
bison followed and we were able to lock it safely.
And again like just shocked that no one
died that night. I really, really am. A bunch of drunk, half lit
people. Drunk on her butt chasing a monster bison
back in the canal. You're lucky you had those females to entice them.
Yeah, exactly. We were very fortunate. Oh geez,
(34:04):
what a night. What a night. Well,
there's a clear winner here with a dead pile of cats.
Okay, Judge Jimmy. That puts Bruce and Natalia
in a dead tie. Two wins apiece, along with one
point for wls. Oh, the drama, the tension,
the competition as we head into our final round.
(34:26):
More fun than a barrel of monkeys or a dead pile
of cats. Here's round six. Starting with Uncle Lehr
and little Tommy. Okay, Boomer,
this is one of those stories that sounds too good to be true, but it
is a true story. The setting is a
dog show in Ohio. Uh huh.
(34:49):
The cast of characters, a woman and her 180
pound Great Dane Topper. Yeah,
and the plot is the woman needs to go to the bathroom
real bad. Okay, the scene
opens. I'm just reading this the way it's written in the paper here.
The scene opens with the woman heading toward
(35:12):
a portable toilet located near the show arena.
But one problem is that she can't find anybody to
hang on to her Great Dane while she uses the facilities.
And she's gotta go real bad. And she doesn't have time to mess around.
Well, it's one of those Johnny on the job things. Yeah.
So she does the only logical thing. She decides to hold the
(35:34):
Great Dane on the leash with her inside the
outhouse while her faithful companion Topper stands guard
outside. So she secures the leash by running an arm through
the loop end and has it crooked in her elbow, right? Yeah.
She enters the toilet and closes the door. She's inside,
the dog's outside, and all things are going
(35:56):
according to plan. Momentarily,
it is then that fate takes a nasty turn.
A man in the portable toilet next to hers decides
to leave. And as he does, he slams the door behind
him and it just sounds like a gunshot. This scares
the dog. Says Topper
(36:17):
bolts from his guard post, yanking his 100
pound mistress from the toilet seat.
The toilet shakes and suddenly the door bursts open and
with Topper straining frantically at the leash, his owner
is bodily dragged across the ground.
(36:37):
The woman is equally frantic. She has a huge dog.
See, this dog weighed 180 pounds. Yeah, she has a huge dog
tugging the leash in one hand, a roll of toilet paper in
her other hand. Portions of her clothing are
out of place. She is on her hands and knees ordering,
begging for Topper to halt.
(36:59):
Says passerbys caught up in this bizarre spectacle are
no help at all because they can't stop laughing.
Says the stampede finally ends several yards from
the portable toilet. And then it says the woman retained
her composure very well. She was very calm and held
(37:19):
the leash in her mouth while she put her clothes back on
and all these people are staring at her. And then she returns
to the portable toilet again and goes inside to put herself
back together. But jeez, is that embarrassment
or what? I mean, her dress is up and her pants
are down around her ankles. And here's this Great Dane dog
(37:42):
dragging her through the dust.
Another Sheltie story. Is it the same Sheltie that loses her tip?
It is the same family dog that has. You know,
you'll totally understand why she peed on the male. I mean,
it's gonna make sense at the end of this. But it is the same Sheltie.
(38:07):
Yeah. So. Does Sheltie
have a name? Yeah, it's our Liebchen.
Yep. It's what? Liebchen. It's actually
German. Of course it is. It's like, like pretty much
like saying, like, kind of like darling, like my darling in German. All right,
we wanted to personalize this so we get the full effect here.
(38:29):
Go ahead with Liepchen. Yep, that sounds Great. So.
So yeah, Schultz, they are like, I was explaining,
like, they're kind of like a smaller size of a collie.
They're very like, they can come in multiple
colors, but ours was all black. And kind of a trademark for
this breed is they have this beautiful white tip at the end of their tail.
(38:51):
Okay. So my sister and I, we were about 4 and 6
at the time. My mom had just started getting into like
the grooming industry. So we were very much like intrigued by
like almost idolizing our mom. Like, you know, you kind of want
to do what your mom or your dad does for a living. So anything we
could get our hands on, mostly stuffed animals. We were shaving,
(39:13):
trimming, basically just destroying these stuffed animals
just to show like our mom, like, hey, you got home from a hard day's
work. Look what we did. And it's probably not making her day any easier
because she had to clean up after us. But you know, we wanted to show
what we were capable of, right? Oh, yeah.
So we would dress this dog up in clothing. We would
(39:33):
cute, put like cute bows, like hairstyles on her,
you know, anything we could do. So at one point we
thought we should like decorate her beautiful,
like little white tail, right. So we put like hair ties on to attach
this beautiful bow and show my mom
at the end of the day. And it went great. It was super cute until
(39:55):
the point where, you know, we kind of forgot about those hair ties. I mean,
you know, the bow eventually fell off. But because she's a sheltie, if you guys
are familiar, like they have just very fluffy tails. Like you're
not going to be able to see these hair ties once they're like twisted and
around and around and around. You're not going to see them. Around and around.
Yeah. Around and around, around we go. So my brother's about 9 years
(40:17):
old at the time. He's just relaxing on the couch, you know,
like finally just, you know, able to just sit and just kind of take
in, you know, just an easy going afternoon.
Looked at my dog in the living room and he kind of just like,
you know, just kind of patted the side of the couch, like, hey, come here,
Lipshin. And she looks at him and just excitement. And you know,
(40:37):
she's like, oh. She just starts approaching him from across the room and
as she does so, she gets up, half the tail
falls off. I would probably say the entire white
tip is gone at this point, completely in the center of the room.
And she just goes directly towards him. And it's almost like
Just halfway. And what my brother likes to say is his flatters were
(41:00):
gasted because he just. He didn't know as a nine year old
what. What just happened. Where's the rest of her tail? He doesn't understand.
The dog almost had, like, this Eeyore reaction. Like,
oh, well, like it was. It was about to happen. Like, she was just like,
finally, like, this thing fell off. And he likes to say, like,
the only thing that was actually. Actually keeping the tail, which the bone
(41:22):
was already obviously gone. Like, it was completely, like,
completely, like the blood circulation was cut off. The only thing that was
keeping this tail attached was the other half of the tail's hair
that was just completely, like, engrossed with, like, crust and blood.
And it was just like the hair was, like, merging with the other part of
the tail that was, like, trying to fall off.
(41:44):
Ah, disgusting. Yeah. So. And my brother,
like, panicked because, like, he's like, I am the last
person to see this dog with a full tail in this
house. Like, I need to find someone. So he runs and screams
like, mom, like, you know what? What happened? He didn't know quite
what to do. But at that point, I mean, like, can you blame
(42:05):
my dog for peeing on the mail? I mean, she's gone through a lot.
It's the least he could have done.
Exactly. Natalia, let me make
sure I understand this clearly. You were in an attempt to
beautify this little innocent lipshin
sheltie named Lipchin and attempt to beautify it and make it look
(42:26):
glamorous. You mutilated it. You mutilated the
dog 100%. And I have a lot of guilt.
God. Explains a lot about you. It does.
It really does. I know. Not a. It's not like a bar story
like I would tell about the bison. It's just. That's something I keep, like,
deep down dark inside me, and I just share for a podcast for lots
(42:47):
of people to listen to. And did this require therapy
for your brother? No, thankfully,
no. Not. Not yet. So you don't think
he was permanently scarred with that? Oh, my God, no. Not after everything else
we've been through. Through kids. I think that was just like a icing on
the cake. I bet if you ever tried to dress him up, he said no.
(43:08):
I saw what happened to the lip. Yeah. Hard pass.
A hard pass. Oh, poor dog.
And that dog is the pelican. And the coot are still okay. Yeah.
Yes. Did the tip end up in somebody's pocket?
I wish we would have kept that. We should have kept that.
Oh, Like a little f. Family heirloomy pass from like down
(43:30):
from one generation to another. Yes, I've seen it hanging from
a mirror in the 90s, I'm sure. Yes, yes,
yes, yes. Bruce, you've got a story that
I've entitled Dirty bitch. Help me out.
Good friend of mine. So he goes into this
farm, farm calls on a pig farm,
(43:51):
Nebraska, in a nice small farm. And this old
farmer and his wife and pretty simple. And the
facilities are kind of bad. And they've got a
gilt which is a first time mother pig
having its first ever litter of pigs.
But gilts are very muscular and they have a small birth canal.
(44:13):
And so it's a winter. Husband and
wife have the vet out go in this heroin
house that's warmer, but still colder than
it should have been. And in
order to assist birth,
a pig having birth is, you know, guess what? The vet is going to put
(44:34):
a rubber glove on and go up the birth canal and
pull out the pigs because the mom hasn't got
enough strength to push each
pig one at a time down the birth canal.
And so the vet is,
is reaching in there and this birth canal is really tight.
(44:55):
He's really got to shove his hand up there and it's, you know, and it's
slippery. You got a rubber glove on. And these pigs are coated with
placenta and after birth and all
this slippery, slippery stuff. And so these pigs
keep slipping out. These pigs keep slipping out of this veterinarian's
hands. And he's there for a long time and he's pulling.
(45:17):
And this gilt has a huge high number
of pigs. Usually they again like that would have 8 or
10 or 12 at the time, but keep on like number 15
in his hand. He's so tired and he's hurt. The gilt's worn out
and it's getting cold in there. And he
gets this last peg to the edge and it slips back in,
(45:40):
it slips back in. And the third time, you know, the dock is,
is saying to the guild, he says, come on you dirty, help me
out a little bit, will you? And at that point the wife reaches
down with a pair of pliers, grabs that pig's leg and yanks it out
and knock. Is there a little bewildered like oh my God.
And, and the husband says, well, don't worry doc.
(46:02):
Sometimes I gotta talk like that to get anything done around.
Oh my God. That is classic.
Dirty bitch. Help me out.
Oh Lord. She jumps in with a pair of pliers
to help out. Reach right in there with it. Just jump Right in action.
(46:22):
I love it. He could have been done 20 minutes earlier if he'd used
that line earlier. Don't worry,
Doc. I gotta talk like that sometime. Ah, that is
good stuff. Good stuff. Jimmy. With things all tied
up between Natalia and Bruce, you've got a big decision between
Uncle Lair's story of the Great Dane who de pantsed his owner,
(46:45):
a tight birth canal, or the loss of a dog's
tail. Wow. These are all worthy stories.
I am, however, obliged to choose a winner and
do so with a WL Wls
story of partial nudity and public embarrassment.
(47:06):
Well, that leaves us with a tie and no clear Victor,
which means we can't award the grand prize, which was a
free weekend stay over at Jimmy's cabin down on the
river. Yep. That's a shame. Okay,
Boomer, I want to thank Bruce, you, and Natalia for
spending so much time with me sharing those stories. They were fun to hear.
(47:28):
A little disgusting at times. I think I may have to shower here in a
little bit to cleanse myself of some of the details
that are floating around my head. But I'm very appreciative of you
taking the time to share those with us was. I enjoyed it. It was a
good time. Nice meeting you, Natalia. And good talking
to you again, Tom. You bet. Yeah, that was.
(47:48):
It was a lot of fun. And I appreciate all the stories coming from you,
too. It's. It's nice to talk with someone else in the same field and even
just on, like, different time frames, it's interesting to see how things were
done and, you know, how they're moving forward. It's just things change,
so. Yeah, they do. And, Tom, I'm ready. I'm ready for summer. And.
And, you know, you talk about animal stories. I went kayaking last
summer with Boomer here, and we
(48:12):
got in the Hennepin Canal, and I borrowed
his kayak, and we were kayaking,
oh, maybe 100 yards down the Hennepin Canal
and up my leg is a snake crawling
out of that kayak that I borrowed from Boomer.
I'm almost certain at this point he planted. Put it
(48:34):
in there.
That's the animal story. What do you think of that, Jimmy?
Well, I heard Bromer tell about it. It's a true story. I know
where he keeps his kayaks. It was not in a good spot.
And what was amazing, though, Bruce, you being a
farm boy doll, you kept your composure, got that snake on the kayak
(48:55):
paddle and flipped it right into the canal like it was no big deal.
Well done. Yeah, that was Bruce's
first. His virgin kayak trip, Natalia. And he gets a
snake in the kayak. Yeah, Lots of good times.
That provided a little bit of excitement there for us on the Hennepin.
All right, you guys have a wonderful day, and thanks again for sharing.
(49:16):
Yep. Alrighty. Bye. Bye. Yeah, bye. Bye.
Shut up. And kids, don't forget to be
checking in with aroundpetetown.com. it's got
all the news that you can use. Stay hip,
stay class with around P town dot com.
And for you fellas that want that hip and classy look,
(49:40):
well, then you're gonna want to get your butt to Ben's barbershop
chair. That's right, Ben's barbershop. Look him
up on facebook.com. he's in Morrison.
You make an appointment. You're gonna love it. If you
enjoyed listening to Boomer here,
he'd appreciate it if you'd subscribe to his podcast. So you'd
(50:00):
get notifications of when the next episode's coming up,
maybe leave a rating on a review. But, yeah, go ahead and subscribe.
That helps the podcast grow, and it makes the little fella feel so
much better. And if you have any feedback for him, you know,
go ahead and contact him@ttaudioworksmail.com
Again, that's ttaudioworksmail.
(50:25):
Okay, I'll see you in the next episode.
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