Unrequited Love and obsession

Are you feeling the devastation of unrequited love?  We have all been there; a broken heart and the dreadful pain that ensues.  Sometimes, things can go terribly awry after our beloved denies us.  Is obsession a biological force within us? In the book, Unrequited Women and Romantic Obsession, Lisa states, "Animals denied an expected pleasure will bite or attack." Is obsession a normal biological response to unrequited love?  If so, what now?

Unrequited Love

My first breakup with a man was a nightmare. Chuck was my first boyfriend's name.  Chuck was so possessive. Chuck would get so angry if I even spoke to another man.  We were having a high school dance that night, and he told me that he did not want to go to the dance.  He did not want me to go to the dance without him.  Like a loyal girlfriend, I stayed home.  I received a call that night from a friend saying that Chuck is at the dance with another woman.  What happened afterward was not a pretty picture.  I went straight to the dance and made quite a scene outside the dance hall.  Screaming and yelling at him in front of others.  With a final crescendo, I threw his going steady ring in the grass and said I never want to speak to you again. I was mortified and humiliated.  I went home and threw up.  My mother said, "You are ridiculous to let him do this to you."  I had no idea what was happening to me.  I lost control. I could not stop thinking about him.  I couldn't sleep, and I couldn't eat.  Would somebody please tell me what is happening to me?

Unrequited Women and Obsession

Well, Lisa A Phillips does an excellent job explaining the reasons unrequited love can lead to obsessive love.  Lisa has recently written a book, Unrequited Women and Romantic Obsession.  Harper Collins just released the b on January 27th. In this book, Lisa beautifully weaves real life stories and research data to explain the trials and tribulations of unrequited love.

The stories of pain and anguish when the beloved denies his lover deeply resonated with me.  I felt such great compassion for those in these stories. Lisa describes it in her book, "There's an emotional honesty in these moments - the unwanted woman is doing something instead of sinking into despair.  She is swept up by instinct, by the profound human need for attachment, which the era of romantic practicality has tried to reduce to a game."

Romantic love is a powerful force in our lives.   Our culture celebrates passionate love.  Passionate love lights up the brain like cocaine.  Our culture doesn't celebrate cocaine use.  Should we celebrate passionate love so readily?

Our culture celebrates, even more, unrequited passionate love.  In movies and in books, unrequited love is much more romantic than mutual love. In the tv series Friends, Rachel and Ross and their unrequited love were much more interesting than their mutual love.