October 18, 2024 • 18 mins
In this episode of the Play Therapy Podcast, I respond to Nneka from England, a returning listener who recently transitioned from being a mobile therapist to setting up a permanent play therapy space. Nneka asks about how to handle the shift in dynamics when children are used to playing outdoors during mobile sessions but are now expected to remain in the playroom. I explain how to establish new expectations while maintaining the child-centered play therapy (CCPT) model.
I provide guidance on setting "pseudo limits" to help children adjust to the change, reflecting their feelings, and transitioning to play that remains within the playroom. It’s important to acknowledge the shift without making children feel like their previous experiences were wrong, allowing them to understand that the playroom is the new environment for their sessions moving forward.
Sign up for my exclusive newsletter at playtherapynow.com. Stay ahead with the latest CCPT CEU courses, personalized coaching opportunities and other opportunities you need to thrive in your CCPT practice!
If you would like to ask me questions directly, check out www.ccptcollective.com, where I host two weekly Zoom calls filled with advanced CCPT case studies and session reviews, as well as member Q&A. You can take advantage of the two-week free trial to see if the CCPT Collective is right for you.
Ask Me Questions: Call (813) 812-5525, or email: brenna@thekidcounselor.com
Brenna's CCPT Hub: https://www.playtherapynow.com
CCPT Collective (online community exclusively for CCPTs): https://www.ccptcollective.com
Podcast HQ: https://www.playtherapypodcast.com
APT Approved Play Therapy CE courses: https://childcenteredtraining.com
Twitter: @thekidcounselor https://twitter.com/thekidcounselor
Facebook: https://facebook.com/playtherapypodcast
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.
Your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.
Hi, I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks, The Kid Counselor.
This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get a master class in child-centered,
play therapy
and practical support and application for your
work with children and their families.
In today's episode, I am answering a question from Nneka in England
(00:23):
and I've actually answered a couple of questions from her before.
So she's a repeat emailer. So thank you for that.
And
I'm actually really excited to report an update a little bit.
So in the past, she had emailed about being a mobile therapist
and she had questions about setting up a
play room because she had only ever been mobile
(00:45):
and then also about setting up a room that is appropriate for teenagers
because she was going to be working with some teens and tweens.
So I wanted to let you know as an update. She says
it's me again. Greetings from England.
I work in
children's residential care.
I was once a mobile therapist around all of the homes and now I have a therapy house.
(01:10):
So, congratulations. I'm so excited for you.
And I feel like once we're able to kind of put our roots down. I'm air quoting that. But
once we're able to kind of have our playroom,
it grounds us and it gives consistency and predictability and stability and
all the things that CCPT really truly supports and believes in
(01:30):
So Nneka,
I'm so excited for you and I think that that will really just
help you to be the most efficient CCPT that you can be.
So
we all congratulate you on that.
And for those of you who have made transitions,
I know so many of you have and I know I've only
heard stories of a fraction of those when you've chosen to email me
(01:50):
for those of you that have been eclectic for those
of you that have been all over the place theoretically,
for those of you that went from mobile to
an in person playroom that is static and doesn't change
for those of you who switched supervisors because
you wanted someone that truly understood CCPT
you stopped midstream with kids and you said I'm all in on
(02:11):
CCPT even though I've been all over the place before
all of these changes that you all have made.
Here's a huge high five, here's a hug.
You are doing what you believe
is going to best serve your kids. That's what this is all about, this is advocacy
for our children.
This is doing what we believe is the
(02:33):
most appropriate and effective thing to help them.
And so I know it's not always easy
and I know sometimes it's scary and it takes work and it takes money.
So many of you have emailed me and said that you have funded your own play rooms,
you have funded your own materials.
You do not have support financially.
You don't have support clinically, you don't have support emotionally.
(02:53):
This is hard sometimes.
And when you all feel like you're alone and you're the only one
and no one gets it.
And is this even worth it?
First of all, you have an entire community of podcast listeners
that do get it and do understand and do value what you're doing and support you in it,
but also
it is absolutely worth it.
(03:15):
So
Nneka congrats, the rest of you, congrats
don't let that be lost on you.
The significance of making those professional decisions
and going in the direction that, you know, you need to go, even when
it's met with some challenges,
nothing that is worth doing is easy.
And the things that we do that are the hardest,
(03:37):
bear the most fruit.
So be encouraged.
I love you. This whole community loves you. We're all in this together.
So I just wanted to
make, you know,
that we understand the work that's being done and it's worth celebrating for sure.
OK.
So let me read a little bit of her email and then we'll kind of dive into this, I guess.
(03:58):
I should preface what we're talking about. So now that she has a
therapy house and is no longer mobile,
she's trying to adjust to the new environment and the new dynamics
and not really sure how to navigate that. So that's what this question is about.
So she says now that I'm stationed,
I have new dynamics to attend to and I could do with some advice.
(04:21):
I don't know if my predicament is about limit setting or choice giving or what
have,
has anyone encountered a situation where there's been a
change of environment that now affects choices and limits.
When I was mobile,
I was going into homes and because of the home setting and space available,
sometimes my sessions would go outdoors
if a child chose to go out in the back garden.
For example, when there's a trampoline or back to play ball games,
(04:45):
I worked with this in as much as it played a part in enabling a child to engage with me.
And it was also what was feasible for the child to have
a private space to not have their caregivers in neighboring rooms,
et cetera.
Now that I'm in the house,
I want to rein that in to eliminate the outdoor ball games like football,
basketball, et cetera.
I do have a garden, which for those of you that are not familiar with the UK,
(05:08):
that's what we would consider a yard.
So not like garden vegetables like a yard. Grass.
I do have a garden but I find outdoor ball games play no purpose in counseling
because it ends up feeling like a PE lesson or I'm just a child's play companion.
It's often felt that way. Perhaps I
have should not have worked like this in the first place.
(05:30):
But allowing this opened up opportunity for relationship building and provided
opportunities to connect when resistance phase occurred in the past.
So now how does one change these
types of situations without affecting the relationship?
I fear that it could communicate conditional acceptance such as I only accept you if
you choose to play in the sand or if you choose to play doctor,
(05:52):
et cetera, especially the fact that we've played ball games outside before
the children and their caregivers have seen me
do this with others before and my attempts to
turn that around to keep the play in the house in the playroom is met with,
but you used to play when you came around.
I get overwhelmed and it seems too much information to explain in brief encounters.
(06:13):
What are your thoughts?
Ok.
So Nneka
thanks very much for
having us talk about this.
I think this is really helpful and I obviously, not all of you actually,
very few of you will have transitioned from mobile therapists or in the UK Mobile.
So if you've been a mobile therapist and you are now in a home,
(06:33):
obviously, that's a very small percentage of you but here's what I do know
as we
become more adherent to the model as we evolve and
our careers modify as a result of the evolution,
as we learn things, as we grow, as we start to implement new things,
it creates change in our work with children.
So every single one of you
(06:54):
will have either already gone through or you are
currently going through or you will be going through
an adjustment where current clients
have
gone through the transition with you from one thing to another.
Maybe you move locations,
maybe you
have to switch playrooms.
So you're still in the same building, but you're in a new playroom.
(07:17):
Maybe you reconfigure your entire playroom and you get different toys and new
toys because what you had before was not adherent to CCPT.
So there are all of these scenarios where as we make adjustments,
how do we navigate that with kids? So Nneka I think this is a really helpful question.
I'm really glad that you emailed.
All right. So
this is how, in my opinion, the most effective way to handle this is
(07:40):
when there are new expectations
of any kind.
So in your case, it's, you're no longer a mobile therapist, you're now in a playroom.
So that is the new expectation that you
now have a new environment for your play sessions
for the rest of us, there's other adjustments that have been made,
but with new expectations come new limits.
(08:03):
Now, I wanna be really clear.
Let's go back to the three questions that we ask ourselves about setting limits
and the three unwritten rules. So true limits
are only about I have to be safe. Child has to be safe.
Toys and property can't be damaged on purpose.
It doesn't sound like
what you're describing, Nneka, is violation of any of those three unwritten rules.
(08:26):
However, the three questions that we ask ourselves
is this limit necessary? Can I consistently enforce this limit?
And if I don't accept, if I don't set this limit,
am I able to accept the child's behavior
unconditionally?
Ok. So
is this limit necessary? This is where this is going to fall
(08:47):
and for a truly child-centered playroom,
the entirety of the play session takes place in the playroom,
there are outliers, there are deviations,
there are children that do lobby sessions because
they refuse to come back to the playroom.
There are runners that 25 minutes in
before you even know what's happening.
(09:07):
They fling open the door and they dart out into
the hallway and then you're on a goose chase.
So there are things that happen where a child doesn't always spend
the full 50 minutes in the playroom.
But
the CCPT way is that the play room is where a play session is conducted.
So that does become a limit. However,
(09:30):
in your case, I would start with a pseudo limit
because
this isn't really the child is trying to violate a
boundary or is trying to be disobedient to a limit.
This has never been a limit before.
So what this really is in the early stages is setting expectations.
So we could start with a pseudo limit so that the child is aware, things have changed.
(09:55):
This is really important because one of the
things that we provide in CCPT theoretically
is predictability, constancy, stability
consistency.
We
that's a big component of what we do. That's why we say the same things every time.
That's why we have the same routines.
That's why the toys are put back in the same place.
(10:17):
That's why there's everything intentional
in what we do
because the child knows what to expect.
Well, by getting a new play therapy room in a house,
you have changed what they have come to expect.
So now new expectations need to be made known,
but that only requires a pseudo limit to start.
(10:37):
So the way that I would handle that is
you acknowledge the earlier situation.
So
Jack, I know that when I used to come to your house,
we were able to go out into the yard with the garden,
we were able to go out into the garden
and play football.
But now that I have
(10:59):
a playroom,
our time together is for staying in the playroom.
I didn't have a playroom before, but now I do. So our play time is for staying in here
OK, notice that all you've done
is
acknowledge what used to be, which is kind of the reflection of feeling,
but it's more a reflection of
(11:20):
history,
right? So I know in the past
when I came to your house, sometimes we would go out in the garden and play
and then you set a neutral limit,
but I didn't have a playroom before. And now I do.
So our play sessions are for staying in the playroom.
(11:40):
You're doing kind of the first two steps of limits,
which is why we're going to call it a
pseudo limit because it doesn't really require the choices.
It's just helping the child understand
this is how things have changed.
Now, if the child continues to ask to go outside,
you still don't even need to go into full limit setting.
(12:00):
You then start reflecting feelings.
Hm.
You're disappointed because you really liked being
able to go out and play football.
Oh,
it's frustrating that we're not going out to play basketball like we used to.
Ok.
So if the child continues to ask and continues to
say why and I don't understand why we can't.
(12:22):
And we used to,
you're just going to default to reflecting feelings, but then
going back to pseudo limit.
But now that we are now that we have a playroom, the playroom is our playtime.
Ok. So now all of a sudden child knows these are the clear expectations
and
I feel very acknowledged and validated
(12:44):
and I am disappointed and I am frustrated and I am annoyed and I am defeated
whatever the scenario is.
But the expectation is that our play time is for in the playroom.
Now,
if we get to a point where we have to
provide choices because the child is trying to leave,
trying to go outside,
trying to defy the new expectations.
(13:07):
So it's very clear the child is unwilling or unable to comply with the limit,
which is our play time is for staying in the playroom for the full 50 minutes.
And I know not all of you have 50 minute therapeutic hours,
but that's what we do at the center.
So that's my default.
But
when we have a child that's clearly struggling to comply
at that point, you would then add a choice. So this is where you can make it really
(13:33):
geared to what the child needs. So
if the child just
has a lot of energy
and just really wants to play with a ball,
make sure you have balls in the playroom and offer those as choices.
I have a small basketball hoop that hangs on my easel
and kids can play basketball in my playroom. I have a net goal.
(13:55):
Kids can play hockey and soccer
in my playroom. I have a soft football. Kids can throw a football
if the goal is that the child just really wants to play with a ball and have active play
offer that as a choice, make sure that you have those things in your playroom
or if the child really truly wants to go outside.
(14:18):
Remember your choices for limits always tie back to the original need, desire,
feeling or intent.
So
what does the child truly need? Do they wanna just play with the ball?
Do they actually wanna be outside?
There's all kinds of motivations for
inability to comply with the limit.
So in this case, if it's, the child truly wants to go outside,
(14:38):
you might say,
oh, you really wish that we could spend time playing.
But our time together is for the playroom.
You can choose to go outside for the last two minutes or
you can choose to go outside for the last one minute,
which do you choose?
And then the limit is we stay in the playroom for the whole time.
But if you really,
(14:59):
really have this burning desire to go outside the last two minutes,
that's not interruptive to the therapeutic hour.
And then the child is able to go out and do
what they need to do in two minutes or one minute.
Or you could even not give that as an option.
And you could say you can choose to go play outside when our time is up
if that's an option.
(15:19):
So there are ways to work around a child that is used to one thing and it has changed.
All we need to acknowledge is that things change
and then we reflect that sometimes change is
hard and you could even go into enlargements
after you reflect the child's feeling several times. Then you say,
mm it's hard when things change. Sometimes
(15:41):
you really like it when things stay the same
and it's hard that you didn't expect that this was going to be different.
So we still remain adherent to CCPT we still help
the child understand that his or her feelings are always valid.
They're always appropriate,
but there are new expectations and it's not even really a limit
(16:02):
until the child starts to be unable or unwilling to comply with the expectation.
So the pseudo limit will usually work in this case
and kids adapt, kids know that things are going to evolve over time
and they're clearly aware that you've moved into a playroom. Now,
(16:23):
they've already gone through that transition with you.
So they know that things are probably going to be different.
This is just like a child knows that the rules at home are different than the rules
at school are different than the rules at
sports are different than the rules at church.
Kids are very capable of recognizing that
things don't always remain consistent in every environment.
(16:46):
So when you went to their home, that was one environment.
Now they come to your playroom, new environment, new expectations.
So I hope that that's helpful for all of you.
I hope that as you are making changes and
as things evolve that this encourages you to address this
in helpful ways.
We just
make sure they're aware of the new expectations and they will adjust
(17:09):
and sometimes it's a couple of weeks adjustment,
but they will learn to understand what the new expectations are.
So Nneka in England,
thank you again for the email and I'm so
excited for you as you've finally built a playroom.
So I would love to hear more about that once you're doing that for a little bit longer.
All right, y'all, if you would like to reach out to me,
please do brenna@thekidcounselor.com.
(17:31):
If you want to leave a voice message question,
that's 813-812-5525.
If you would like to join our online community, you are always welcome.
It's so much fun every week. www.ccptcollective.com.
If you haven't signed up for my newsletter, go to www.playtherapynow.com.
There's so much going on. Y'all. Just stay in touch.
Make sure you know what's happening by the way,
(17:52):
this Friday 18th meet up in Atlanta,
gonna be a huge group of us.
We'll take pictures, we'll,
we'll give you updates that we're so excited about this meet up in Atlanta.
So
be mindful that
in the future, there'll be meetups probably coming to a city near you.
So
we're looking forward to getting to actually put faces to names and, and
(18:13):
give hugs and, and hang out in person. That's gonna be a lot of fun.
I really, really can't wait to do that with y'all. All right. Have a great week.
Love you. Bye.
Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr Brenna Hicks.
For more episodes and resources.
Please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.
You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.
Your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.
Hi, I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks, The Kid Counselor.
This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get a master class in child-centered,
play therapy
and practical support and application for your
work with children and their families.
In today's episode, I am answering a question from Nneka in England
(00:23):
and I've actually answered a couple of questions from her before.
So she's a repeat emailer. So thank you for that.
And
I'm actually really excited to report an update a little bit.
So in the past, she had emailed about being a mobile therapist
and she had questions about setting up a
play room because she had only ever been mobile
(00:45):
and then also about setting up a room that is appropriate for teenagers
because she was going to be working with some teens and tweens.
So I wanted to let you know as an update. She says
it's me again. Greetings from England.
I work in
children's residential care.
I was once a mobile therapist around all of the homes and now I have a therapy house.
(01:10):
So, congratulations. I'm so excited for you.
And I feel like once we're able to kind of put our roots down. I'm air quoting that. But
once we're able to kind of have our playroom,
it grounds us and it gives consistency and predictability and stability and
all the things that CCPT really truly supports and believes in
(01:30):
So Nneka,
I'm so excited for you and I think that that will really just
help you to be the most efficient CCPT that you can be.
So
we all congratulate you on that.
And for those of you who have made transitions,
I know so many of you have and I know I've only
heard stories of a fraction of those when you've chosen to email me
(01:50):
for those of you that have been eclectic for those
of you that have been all over the place theoretically,
for those of you that went from mobile to
an in person playroom that is static and doesn't change
for those of you who switched supervisors because
you wanted someone that truly understood CCPT
you stopped midstream with kids and you said I'm all in on
(02:11):
CCPT even though I've been all over the place before
all of these changes that you all have made.
Here's a huge high five, here's a hug.
You are doing what you believe
is going to best serve your kids. That's what this is all about, this is advocacy
for our children.
This is doing what we believe is the
(02:33):
most appropriate and effective thing to help them.
And so I know it's not always easy
and I know sometimes it's scary and it takes work and it takes money.
So many of you have emailed me and said that you have funded your own play rooms,
you have funded your own materials.
You do not have support financially.
You don't have support clinically, you don't have support emotionally.
(02:53):
This is hard sometimes.
And when you all feel like you're alone and you're the only one
and no one gets it.
And is this even worth it?
First of all, you have an entire community of podcast listeners
that do get it and do understand and do value what you're doing and support you in it,
but also
it is absolutely worth it.
(03:15):
So
Nneka congrats, the rest of you, congrats
don't let that be lost on you.
The significance of making those professional decisions
and going in the direction that, you know, you need to go, even when
it's met with some challenges,
nothing that is worth doing is easy.
And the things that we do that are the hardest,
(03:37):
bear the most fruit.
So be encouraged.
I love you. This whole community loves you. We're all in this together.
So I just wanted to
make, you know,
that we understand the work that's being done and it's worth celebrating for sure.
OK.
So let me read a little bit of her email and then we'll kind of dive into this, I guess.
(03:58):
I should preface what we're talking about. So now that she has a
therapy house and is no longer mobile,
she's trying to adjust to the new environment and the new dynamics
and not really sure how to navigate that. So that's what this question is about.
So she says now that I'm stationed,
I have new dynamics to attend to and I could do with some advice.
(04:21):
I don't know if my predicament is about limit setting or choice giving or what
have,
has anyone encountered a situation where there's been a
change of environment that now affects choices and limits.
When I was mobile,
I was going into homes and because of the home setting and space available,
sometimes my sessions would go outdoors
if a child chose to go out in the back garden.
For example, when there's a trampoline or back to play ball games,
(04:45):
I worked with this in as much as it played a part in enabling a child to engage with me.
And it was also what was feasible for the child to have
a private space to not have their caregivers in neighboring rooms,
et cetera.
Now that I'm in the house,
I want to rein that in to eliminate the outdoor ball games like football,
basketball, et cetera.
I do have a garden, which for those of you that are not familiar with the UK,
(05:08):
that's what we would consider a yard.
So not like garden vegetables like a yard. Grass.
I do have a garden but I find outdoor ball games play no purpose in counseling
because it ends up feeling like a PE lesson or I'm just a child's play companion.
It's often felt that way. Perhaps I
have should not have worked like this in the first place.
(05:30):
But allowing this opened up opportunity for relationship building and provided
opportunities to connect when resistance phase occurred in the past.
So now how does one change these
types of situations without affecting the relationship?
I fear that it could communicate conditional acceptance such as I only accept you if
you choose to play in the sand or if you choose to play doctor,
(05:52):
et cetera, especially the fact that we've played ball games outside before
the children and their caregivers have seen me
do this with others before and my attempts to
turn that around to keep the play in the house in the playroom is met with,
but you used to play when you came around.
I get overwhelmed and it seems too much information to explain in brief encounters.
(06:13):
What are your thoughts?
Ok.
So Nneka
thanks very much for
having us talk about this.
I think this is really helpful and I obviously, not all of you actually,
very few of you will have transitioned from mobile therapists or in the UK Mobile.
So if you've been a mobile therapist and you are now in a home,
(06:33):
obviously, that's a very small percentage of you but here's what I do know
as we
become more adherent to the model as we evolve and
our careers modify as a result of the evolution,
as we learn things, as we grow, as we start to implement new things,
it creates change in our work with children.
So every single one of you
(06:54):
will have either already gone through or you are
currently going through or you will be going through
an adjustment where current clients
have
gone through the transition with you from one thing to another.
Maybe you move locations,
maybe you
have to switch playrooms.
So you're still in the same building, but you're in a new playroom.
(07:17):
Maybe you reconfigure your entire playroom and you get different toys and new
toys because what you had before was not adherent to CCPT.
So there are all of these scenarios where as we make adjustments,
how do we navigate that with kids? So Nneka I think this is a really helpful question.
I'm really glad that you emailed.
All right. So
this is how, in my opinion, the most effective way to handle this is
(07:40):
when there are new expectations
of any kind.
So in your case, it's, you're no longer a mobile therapist, you're now in a playroom.
So that is the new expectation that you
now have a new environment for your play sessions
for the rest of us, there's other adjustments that have been made,
but with new expectations come new limits.
(08:03):
Now, I wanna be really clear.
Let's go back to the three questions that we ask ourselves about setting limits
and the three unwritten rules. So true limits
are only about I have to be safe. Child has to be safe.
Toys and property can't be damaged on purpose.
It doesn't sound like
what you're describing, Nneka, is violation of any of those three unwritten rules.
(08:26):
However, the three questions that we ask ourselves
is this limit necessary? Can I consistently enforce this limit?
And if I don't accept, if I don't set this limit,
am I able to accept the child's behavior
unconditionally?
Ok. So
is this limit necessary? This is where this is going to fall
(08:47):
and for a truly child-centered playroom,
the entirety of the play session takes place in the playroom,
there are outliers, there are deviations,
there are children that do lobby sessions because
they refuse to come back to the playroom.
There are runners that 25 minutes in
before you even know what's happening.
(09:07):
They fling open the door and they dart out into
the hallway and then you're on a goose chase.
So there are things that happen where a child doesn't always spend
the full 50 minutes in the playroom.
But
the CCPT way is that the play room is where a play session is conducted.
So that does become a limit. However,
(09:30):
in your case, I would start with a pseudo limit
because
this isn't really the child is trying to violate a
boundary or is trying to be disobedient to a limit.
This has never been a limit before.
So what this really is in the early stages is setting expectations.
So we could start with a pseudo limit so that the child is aware, things have changed.
(09:55):
This is really important because one of the
things that we provide in CCPT theoretically
is predictability, constancy, stability
consistency.
We
that's a big component of what we do. That's why we say the same things every time.
That's why we have the same routines.
That's why the toys are put back in the same place.
(10:17):
That's why there's everything intentional
in what we do
because the child knows what to expect.
Well, by getting a new play therapy room in a house,
you have changed what they have come to expect.
So now new expectations need to be made known,
but that only requires a pseudo limit to start.
(10:37):
So the way that I would handle that is
you acknowledge the earlier situation.
So
Jack, I know that when I used to come to your house,
we were able to go out into the yard with the garden,
we were able to go out into the garden
and play football.
But now that I have
(10:59):
a playroom,
our time together is for staying in the playroom.
I didn't have a playroom before, but now I do. So our play time is for staying in here
OK, notice that all you've done
is
acknowledge what used to be, which is kind of the reflection of feeling,
but it's more a reflection of
(11:20):
history,
right? So I know in the past
when I came to your house, sometimes we would go out in the garden and play
and then you set a neutral limit,
but I didn't have a playroom before. And now I do.
So our play sessions are for staying in the playroom.
(11:40):
You're doing kind of the first two steps of limits,
which is why we're going to call it a
pseudo limit because it doesn't really require the choices.
It's just helping the child understand
this is how things have changed.
Now, if the child continues to ask to go outside,
you still don't even need to go into full limit setting.
(12:00):
You then start reflecting feelings.
Hm.
You're disappointed because you really liked being
able to go out and play football.
Oh,
it's frustrating that we're not going out to play basketball like we used to.
Ok.
So if the child continues to ask and continues to
say why and I don't understand why we can't.
(12:22):
And we used to,
you're just going to default to reflecting feelings, but then
going back to pseudo limit.
But now that we are now that we have a playroom, the playroom is our playtime.
Ok. So now all of a sudden child knows these are the clear expectations
and
I feel very acknowledged and validated
(12:44):
and I am disappointed and I am frustrated and I am annoyed and I am defeated
whatever the scenario is.
But the expectation is that our play time is for in the playroom.
Now,
if we get to a point where we have to
provide choices because the child is trying to leave,
trying to go outside,
trying to defy the new expectations.
(13:07):
So it's very clear the child is unwilling or unable to comply with the limit,
which is our play time is for staying in the playroom for the full 50 minutes.
And I know not all of you have 50 minute therapeutic hours,
but that's what we do at the center.
So that's my default.
But
when we have a child that's clearly struggling to comply
at that point, you would then add a choice. So this is where you can make it really
(13:33):
geared to what the child needs. So
if the child just
has a lot of energy
and just really wants to play with a ball,
make sure you have balls in the playroom and offer those as choices.
I have a small basketball hoop that hangs on my easel
and kids can play basketball in my playroom. I have a net goal.
(13:55):
Kids can play hockey and soccer
in my playroom. I have a soft football. Kids can throw a football
if the goal is that the child just really wants to play with a ball and have active play
offer that as a choice, make sure that you have those things in your playroom
or if the child really truly wants to go outside.
(14:18):
Remember your choices for limits always tie back to the original need, desire,
feeling or intent.
So
what does the child truly need? Do they wanna just play with the ball?
Do they actually wanna be outside?
There's all kinds of motivations for
inability to comply with the limit.
So in this case, if it's, the child truly wants to go outside,
(14:38):
you might say,
oh, you really wish that we could spend time playing.
But our time together is for the playroom.
You can choose to go outside for the last two minutes or
you can choose to go outside for the last one minute,
which do you choose?
And then the limit is we stay in the playroom for the whole time.
But if you really,
(14:59):
really have this burning desire to go outside the last two minutes,
that's not interruptive to the therapeutic hour.
And then the child is able to go out and do
what they need to do in two minutes or one minute.
Or you could even not give that as an option.
And you could say you can choose to go play outside when our time is up
if that's an option.
(15:19):
So there are ways to work around a child that is used to one thing and it has changed.
All we need to acknowledge is that things change
and then we reflect that sometimes change is
hard and you could even go into enlargements
after you reflect the child's feeling several times. Then you say,
mm it's hard when things change. Sometimes
(15:41):
you really like it when things stay the same
and it's hard that you didn't expect that this was going to be different.
So we still remain adherent to CCPT we still help
the child understand that his or her feelings are always valid.
They're always appropriate,
but there are new expectations and it's not even really a limit
(16:02):
until the child starts to be unable or unwilling to comply with the expectation.
So the pseudo limit will usually work in this case
and kids adapt, kids know that things are going to evolve over time
and they're clearly aware that you've moved into a playroom. Now,
(16:23):
they've already gone through that transition with you.
So they know that things are probably going to be different.
This is just like a child knows that the rules at home are different than the rules
at school are different than the rules at
sports are different than the rules at church.
Kids are very capable of recognizing that
things don't always remain consistent in every environment.
(16:46):
So when you went to their home, that was one environment.
Now they come to your playroom, new environment, new expectations.
So I hope that that's helpful for all of you.
I hope that as you are making changes and
as things evolve that this encourages you to address this
in helpful ways.
We just
make sure they're aware of the new expectations and they will adjust
(17:09):
and sometimes it's a couple of weeks adjustment,
but they will learn to understand what the new expectations are.
So Nneka in England,
thank you again for the email and I'm so
excited for you as you've finally built a playroom.
So I would love to hear more about that once you're doing that for a little bit longer.
All right, y'all, if you would like to reach out to me,
please do brenna@thekidcounselor.com.
(17:31):
If you want to leave a voice message question,
that's 813-812-5525.
If you would like to join our online community, you are always welcome.
It's so much fun every week. www.ccptcollective.com.
If you haven't signed up for my newsletter, go to www.playtherapynow.com.
There's so much going on. Y'all. Just stay in touch.
Make sure you know what's happening by the way,
(17:52):
this Friday 18th meet up in Atlanta,
gonna be a huge group of us.
We'll take pictures, we'll,
we'll give you updates that we're so excited about this meet up in Atlanta.
So
be mindful that
in the future, there'll be meetups probably coming to a city near you.
So
we're looking forward to getting to actually put faces to names and, and
(18:13):
give hugs and, and hang out in person. That's gonna be a lot of fun.
I really, really can't wait to do that with y'all. All right. Have a great week.
Love you. Bye.
Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr Brenna Hicks.
For more episodes and resources.
Please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.