July 15, 2025 • 17 mins
In this episode of the Art of the Session series, I focus on a key moment that sets the tone for every CCPT session: the exact phrase you say when entering the playroom. While it may seem like a small detail, how we introduce the session either preserves or undermines the model’s clarity, predictability, and integrity. I share the fully adherent phrase I use, why it matters, and what unintended consequences can happen when we add, change, or over-explain.
I also walk through common wording mistakes I see during video reviews—like saying “there are no rules” or “you can do anything you want”—and why these phrases send the wrong message to children. This episode is a reminder that in CCPT, every word matters. Even the way we open a session is intentionally crafted to protect freedom, autonomy, and the therapeutic relationship.
PlayTherapyNow.com is my HUB for everything I do! playtherapynow.com. Sign up for my email newsletter, stay ahead with the latest CCPT CEU courses, personalized coaching opportunities and other opportunities you need to thrive in your CCPT practice. If you click one link in these show notes, this is the one to click!
If you would like to ask me questions directly, check out www.ccptcollective.com, where I host two weekly Zoom calls filled with advanced CCPT case studies and session reviews, as well as member Q&A. You can take advantage of the two-week free trial to see if the CCPT Collective is right for you.
Ask Me Questions: Call (813) 812-5525, or email: brenna@thekidcounselor.com
Brenna's CCPT Hub: https://www.playtherapynow.com
CCPT Collective (online community exclusively for CCPTs): https://www.ccptcollective.com
Podcast HQ: https://www.playtherapypodcast.com
APT Approved Play Therapy CE courses: https://childcenteredtraining.com
Twitter: @thekidcounselor https://twitter.com/thekidcounselor
Facebook: https://facebook.com/playtherapypodcast
Common References:
Cochran, N., Nordling, W., & Cochran, J. (2010). Child-Centered Play Therapy (1st ed.). Wiley.
VanFleet, R., Sywulak, A. E., & Sniscak, C. C. (2010). Child-centered play therapy. Guilford Press.
Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge.
Bratton, S. C., Landreth, G. L., Kellam, T., & Blackard, S. R. (2006). Child parent relationship therapy (CPRT) treatment manual: A 10-session filial therapy model for training parents. Routledge/Taylor & Francis Group.
Benedict, Helen. Themes in Play Therapy. Used with permission to Heartland Play Therapy Institute.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks,
your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.
Hi,
I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,
The Kid Counselor.
This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get
a master class in child-centered play therapy
and practical support and application for your
work with children and their families.
In today's episode,
(00:20):
we are continuing with the
Art of the Session series.
And this has been our summer series.
Thank you for those of you who have reached out
and shared with me your thoughts and your comments on,
on the series.
I'm glad that so many of you are finding it helpful.
And today we are talking about walking into the playroom.
(00:42):
So I'm hoping that you're following along,
you're seeing that there's a progression here,
you know,
Method to the madness we're
we're starting from the get go and actually
moving toward actually getting into the session now,
walking into the playroom.
Last week it was about making sure that you are providing choices while
heading to the playroom.
(01:04):
Before that,
the lobby interactions before that,
setting up the playroom.
So as you can see,
we're we're kind of inching our way.
Today,
we're going to talk about as soon as you cross the threshold of the playroom.
What happens then?
What are the things that we are saying and maybe more specifically,
what are the things that we are not saying?
So
(01:25):
Oh,
before we dive in,
sorry,
I,
I digress.
I just wanted to make you all aware.
I have two spots left for my Play Therapy Professional coaching group
that will begin on August 21st.
So just a little bit more than a month away.
It will be on Thursdays at 12 Eastern.
And if you are interested in a 6 month coaching
(01:48):
program with me and a handful of like-minded folks,
please go to playtherapynow.com to schedule a discovery call with me.
We can talk through it,
make sure it's a good fit and get you plugged in.
There are 2 spots left for Thursdays at noon Eastern,
so please make sure you're aware of your own time zone
starting on August 21st.
All right,
so.
(02:08):
When we get to the playroom.
What I've been seeing a lot of lately in video reviews.
Is that
in our attempt to set the stage for what's about to take place
and to provide freedom and autonomy
and to make it clear that the child has responsibility
and to have that air of
(02:31):
hey you're the boss in here.
We're saying all kinds of phrases in all kinds of ways
that are completely up for misinterpretation.
There is a very prescribed intentional way that we are to
begin each session.
So I want to be real clear
that there is purpose
(02:52):
in doing so,
and if we deviate even in the way that we start the session.
We're setting ourselves up for failure we're setting the child up for failure,
and then we might run the risk of having to backpedal
and that can be perceived as a breach of trust.
So it's just so much more helpful
to make sure that we are presenting
(03:13):
with a very specific phrase
so that the child knows exactly what to expect.
And,
and let's go back to the why,
no surprise.
We have to be mindful that nowhere else
in the child's world.
Is there consistency
like there is with us.
(03:33):
Nowhere else is there predictability.
Nowhere else is there stability.
You see,
the relationship we have with the child,
our interactions with the child,
the playroom.
That the child gets to come into every week.
It is a very unique
scenario for a child
(03:55):
where everything else in their life
is up in the air and unknown and unpredictable.
So there's a lot
of intention
in our communication in our process,
in the way that we interact,
especially even in the environment of the playroom.
That's why we want the toys in the same place.
(04:16):
That's why we want them to be arranged the same.
That's why there's
a scenario where everything feels inviting,
ready to use.
They know where to find it and yes,
every once in a while something is buried underneath something else or
something gets left in the sand and a kid really wants it.
This isn't about perfection.
It's just about the aura
(04:37):
of having things the same.
Sameness is powerful in CCPT.
And likewise,
what we say to the child at the start of every single session,
it should be exactly the same.
do we feel and sound like a broken record?
Yes.
Do children sometimes cut us off and say,
yes,
I know,
just like when we give them empowerment choices.
(04:58):
Yes,
but it does not stop us from doing so.
So our phrase,
without fail every single time at the start of the play session.
I
OK,
child's name.
This is our special playtime.
You can choose to play with all the toys in most of the ways that you want.
(05:20):
Every single time
that specific phrase
name.
This
is our special playtime.
You can choose to play with all the toys in most of the ways that you want.
And then we are no longer
governing anything that happens in that session.
That's our last hurrah,
if you will,
(05:41):
for having any kind of need to say or do anything,
it's establishing expectations for our session.
And that phrase matters because here's what I'm seeing in sessions a lot lately.
Therapists saying things like,
you can do whatever you want in here.
Yikes.
You know,
you know,
(06:01):
Family Feud,
where they get the answer that is not on the board and there's that
terrible sound and the big red X shows up on top of the screen.
That,
that's what I feel like doing on,
on sessions like that,
like with a massive red X.
No,
no,
no,
no.
Not because I'm
being a dictator,
because you are gonna get bitten in the butt so fast with saying something like that.
(06:23):
Lord,
help us.
You Do whatever you want.
No way,
never
should a child be told they can do whatever they want.
Lord,
help us.
We're gonna have
painted handprints on the wall.
We're gonna have ripped up carpet.
We're gonna have shredded curtains.
We're gonna have bloodied lips and bruised faces and oh my gosh.
And here's the thing,
(06:43):
as soon as we say you can do whatever you want.
And then the child literally does whatever they want.
The second we try to set a limit.
It's a fracture and it's a rupture in the
relationship and the kid's going to say and feel,
you said I could do whatever I wanted in here.
Yikes.
(07:04):
There's purpose in our phrases.
We know this.
That's why we say our reflection of feelings exactly the same way every time.
That's why we give choices exactly the same way every time.
That's why we set limits exactly the same way every time.
Everything that we do in CCPT has purpose.
There's a phrase associated with every single skill.
(07:26):
That's why I harp on adherence,
y'all,
trust me,
look.
I,
I've thought about this so many times and I've actually never said this out loud.
It's just been my internal dialogue,
but here I am pouring it out into the airwaves for all eternity.
Look,
transparency is valuable.
You don't know how many times I've thought to myself,
never said out loud.
If I could just
(07:46):
wave a wand
and have every CCPT
fully adhere it at all times,
forever and ever,
forever and always,
amen.
My life would just
right itself.
I mean,
I've thought and felt that so many times.
Why?
Because all day,
every day
I'm going,
OK,
so let's let's say this a little bit differently.
(08:07):
Let's tweak this a little bit differently.
That's not fully adherent.
Let's let's adjust that.
And I am happy to do it.
I am grateful to do it.
That's not a complaint.
That is,
I know how hard it is.
To phrase things and be fully adherent
and have those skills so ingrained
that they flow without thinking about them
(08:29):
and the words matter.
The the minute we make a tweak,
the second that we change even one word,
sometimes it derails the whole thing,
and now all of a sudden we've said something that we don't actually mean.
So,
although I often think,
man,
I wish that everyone would just be fully here all the time,
(08:50):
this is,
this is the battle worth fighting,
all of us.
I showed a video clip of myself last week in the
in the Collective
where
she finished her,
we were playing the game Cootie if you're not familiar with that,
you make little bugs.
So she finishes her bug,
I finish my bug,
I look at the clock and time is up and I go,
you finished your bug,
(09:10):
perfect timing.
Now
I talk all the time
about not using value laden words in sessions,
and there it came out of my mouth,
perfect timing.
Now I didn't praise her with a value laden word.
I didn't say good job on your bug,
but I said perfect timing and perfect is
unequivocally a value laden word.
(09:32):
And I was like,
and there I am fighting the battle of making sure that my phrases
and the skills are fully adherent and that there's purpose behind them.
I know
that we avoid value laden words in the playroom,
and there it came out of my mouth.
So there is no expectation of perfection.
But we need to understand why we say the things that we do.
(09:54):
Why do we say this is our special play time.
You can choose to play with all the toys in most of the ways that you want to.
Full
autonomy,
full freedom,
full control.
But sometimes limits are needed.
So the most of the ways that you want
is our way to bring in a limit if it is necessary.
(10:18):
Without saying that,
as soon as we try to set a limit,
kid bristles because we told them that they had complete freedom.
Most of the ways that you want to implies every once in a while
you might choose to do something
that needs a limit.
The
phrase is so
purposeful,
y'all.
(10:40):
Very carefully constructed
to do exactly what we want it to do.
It doesn't make a child feel that there are all kinds of rules.
It doesn't make a child feel that they have constraints all over them.
It actually makes them feel the opposite.
I can play with all the toys.
Wow.
In most of the ways that you want.
OK.
(11:01):
Another thing that
therapists say a lot is
you can do anything you want in here.
No,
you cannot.
Not even close.
Because the second
that you whack me in the face with nunchucks,
there's going to be a limit set.
The second that you try to color on the carpet
(11:21):
with permanent markers in my playroom,
there's going to be a limit set.
The second that you start breaking my arrows
that go in my crossbow over your knee,
there's going to be a limit set.
You cannot do anything you want in a playroom.
You cannot do whatever you want in a playroom.
(11:43):
We need to make it real clear
that if needed,
there are limits.
That's where the most comes in.
Now,
let me go to the opposite end of the spectrum.
Often,
therapists will say,
you can choose to play with all the toys in most of the ways that you want,
and if there's something you can't do,
I'll let you know.
(12:04):
Oh,
OK.
Let's,
let's backpedal there.
Now I'm an authority,
I'm in charge,
and I get to decide what's OK and what isn't,
and you're at the mercy of my decisions and what I think is OK.
Mm.
That that doesn't need to be added on.
You can play with all the toys in most of the ways that you want.
(12:26):
There's already an implication
that you might need to set a limit.
We don't need to preemptively tell the kid that we're going to
set a limit if they're doing something that they can't do.
Just by saying if there's something you can't do,
we're in charge.
That flies in the face of CCPT.
Another thing I hear all the time.
(12:47):
There are no rules in here.
Why do we even need to say that phrase?
We don't even need to bring up the word rules.
As a matter of fact,
we should never say the word rules in a playroom.
Why?
Because there are no rules.
Sometimes limits are needed,
but there are no rules in a playroom.
(13:08):
And we certainly don't need to say that there aren't
any rules because really by saying there are no rules,
that kind of implies that we're focusing on the rules.
What we want the child to focus on is that they can play with all the toys
in most of the ways that they want.
There's freedom,
there's abandon,
there's lack of inhibition,
(13:29):
you're in charge,
you get to decide,
you choose.
There's freedom and power in that.
As soon as we say there's no rules.
Now all of a sudden,
we're seeming very legalistic.
That's not what we want.
Another thing I see all the time.
You can play with all the toys in most of the ways that you want,
(13:51):
but I have to be safe,
you have to be safe,
and nothing can be broken on purpose.
OK.
Are those the unwritten
and unspoken
elements of the way that we make sure
that the environment is appropriate in the playroom?
Yes,
but kids never hear that.
That's what we know.
(14:13):
That's our
barometer
for when we know if we need to set a limit or not.
Am I safe?
Is the child safe?
Is something getting damaged or broken on purpose?
Those are the reasons why we set limits,
but the child never hears those phrases.
(14:33):
Those are for us so that we have a test internally
of,
OK,
I probably need to address this now because this is not safe,
or I need to address this because things are getting broken and damaged.
So do you see how with
knowledge,
with intention,
with everything that we believe about CCPT
(14:55):
we can still say things that change the dynamic slightly.
Sometimes it changes significantly.
And the goal is
that when a child walks in,
they hear the same exact thing every single time.
Name,
this is our special playtime.
Some people say welcome back to the playroom,
by the way,
so you can,
you can add that one in there.
(15:17):
Welcome back to the playroom name.
This is our special playtime.
You can choose to play with all the toys in most of the ways that you want.
And we leave it at that
that says everything we need to say.
It doesn't get misunderstood it doesn't get misconstrued.
There's no lack of clarity,
child knows exactly what to expect and when you say it every time
(15:40):
they start to get to a point some kids start to get to a point where they interrupt you
and they're like,
I know,
I know,
I know.
So another way around that is.
Hi so and so.
Welcome back to the playroom.
As you know,
This is our special playtime and you can choose to play with
all the toys in most of the ways that you want.
As you know,
(16:01):
it's just a gentle reminder and I'm still gonna say it every single time,
and I know you know and you know that
you know,
and you know I know you know,
but I'm still going to say it every single time.
Why?
Because it's part of our routine.
Because it's consistent and predictable and stable and that's what
kids need from us and they thrive under those conditions
(16:22):
and it's setting everyone up for success
because if a limit is needed
we fall back on the most of the ways that you want.
But that's all that needs to be said.
So be very guarded.
Tame your tongues.
We were talking about that on a Collective call earlier.
Someone was like,
(16:43):
I just need to stop talking.
I was like,
well,
within reason,
yes,
we have to tame our tongues.
Only say what is necessary
and say something that has intention and purpose,
and it is intentionally crafted.
To get the goal,
which is child feels freedom,
but we're able to set limits when needed.
(17:05):
So that is what you're going to say when you walk into the playroom.
From that point forward,
child is in charge.
And then you're into all of the skills of the model.
So we'll continue with this series next time.
Shoot me an email.
I'd love to hear from you,
brenna@thekidcounselor.com.
I love you all.
We'll talk again soon.
(17:25):
Bye.
Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr.
Brenna Hicks.
For more episodes and resources,
please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.
You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks,
your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.
Hi,
I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,
The Kid Counselor.
This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get
a master class in child-centered play therapy
and practical support and application for your
work with children and their families.
In today's episode,
(00:20):
we are continuing with the
Art of the Session series.
And this has been our summer series.
Thank you for those of you who have reached out
and shared with me your thoughts and your comments on,
on the series.
I'm glad that so many of you are finding it helpful.
And today we are talking about walking into the playroom.
(00:42):
So I'm hoping that you're following along,
you're seeing that there's a progression here,
you know,
Method to the madness we're
we're starting from the get go and actually
moving toward actually getting into the session now,
walking into the playroom.
Last week it was about making sure that you are providing choices while
heading to the playroom.
(01:04):
Before that,
the lobby interactions before that,
setting up the playroom.
So as you can see,
we're we're kind of inching our way.
Today,
we're going to talk about as soon as you cross the threshold of the playroom.
What happens then?
What are the things that we are saying and maybe more specifically,
what are the things that we are not saying?
So
(01:25):
Oh,
before we dive in,
sorry,
I,
I digress.
I just wanted to make you all aware.
I have two spots left for my Play Therapy Professional coaching group
that will begin on August 21st.
So just a little bit more than a month away.
It will be on Thursdays at 12 Eastern.
And if you are interested in a 6 month coaching
(01:48):
program with me and a handful of like-minded folks,
please go to playtherapynow.com to schedule a discovery call with me.
We can talk through it,
make sure it's a good fit and get you plugged in.
There are 2 spots left for Thursdays at noon Eastern,
so please make sure you're aware of your own time zone
starting on August 21st.
All right,
so.
(02:08):
When we get to the playroom.
What I've been seeing a lot of lately in video reviews.
Is that
in our attempt to set the stage for what's about to take place
and to provide freedom and autonomy
and to make it clear that the child has responsibility
and to have that air of
(02:31):
hey you're the boss in here.
We're saying all kinds of phrases in all kinds of ways
that are completely up for misinterpretation.
There is a very prescribed intentional way that we are to
begin each session.
So I want to be real clear
that there is purpose
(02:52):
in doing so,
and if we deviate even in the way that we start the session.
We're setting ourselves up for failure we're setting the child up for failure,
and then we might run the risk of having to backpedal
and that can be perceived as a breach of trust.
So it's just so much more helpful
to make sure that we are presenting
(03:13):
with a very specific phrase
so that the child knows exactly what to expect.
And,
and let's go back to the why,
no surprise.
We have to be mindful that nowhere else
in the child's world.
Is there consistency
like there is with us.
(03:33):
Nowhere else is there predictability.
Nowhere else is there stability.
You see,
the relationship we have with the child,
our interactions with the child,
the playroom.
That the child gets to come into every week.
It is a very unique
scenario for a child
(03:55):
where everything else in their life
is up in the air and unknown and unpredictable.
So there's a lot
of intention
in our communication in our process,
in the way that we interact,
especially even in the environment of the playroom.
That's why we want the toys in the same place.
(04:16):
That's why we want them to be arranged the same.
That's why there's
a scenario where everything feels inviting,
ready to use.
They know where to find it and yes,
every once in a while something is buried underneath something else or
something gets left in the sand and a kid really wants it.
This isn't about perfection.
It's just about the aura
(04:37):
of having things the same.
Sameness is powerful in CCPT.
And likewise,
what we say to the child at the start of every single session,
it should be exactly the same.
do we feel and sound like a broken record?
Yes.
Do children sometimes cut us off and say,
yes,
I know,
just like when we give them empowerment choices.
(04:58):
Yes,
but it does not stop us from doing so.
So our phrase,
without fail every single time at the start of the play session.
I
OK,
child's name.
This is our special playtime.
You can choose to play with all the toys in most of the ways that you want.
(05:20):
Every single time
that specific phrase
name.
This
is our special playtime.
You can choose to play with all the toys in most of the ways that you want.
And then we are no longer
governing anything that happens in that session.
That's our last hurrah,
if you will,
(05:41):
for having any kind of need to say or do anything,
it's establishing expectations for our session.
And that phrase matters because here's what I'm seeing in sessions a lot lately.
Therapists saying things like,
you can do whatever you want in here.
Yikes.
You know,
you know,
(06:01):
Family Feud,
where they get the answer that is not on the board and there's that
terrible sound and the big red X shows up on top of the screen.
That,
that's what I feel like doing on,
on sessions like that,
like with a massive red X.
No,
no,
no,
no.
Not because I'm
being a dictator,
because you are gonna get bitten in the butt so fast with saying something like that.
(06:23):
Lord,
help us.
You Do whatever you want.
No way,
never
should a child be told they can do whatever they want.
Lord,
help us.
We're gonna have
painted handprints on the wall.
We're gonna have ripped up carpet.
We're gonna have shredded curtains.
We're gonna have bloodied lips and bruised faces and oh my gosh.
And here's the thing,
(06:43):
as soon as we say you can do whatever you want.
And then the child literally does whatever they want.
The second we try to set a limit.
It's a fracture and it's a rupture in the
relationship and the kid's going to say and feel,
you said I could do whatever I wanted in here.
Yikes.
(07:04):
There's purpose in our phrases.
We know this.
That's why we say our reflection of feelings exactly the same way every time.
That's why we give choices exactly the same way every time.
That's why we set limits exactly the same way every time.
Everything that we do in CCPT has purpose.
There's a phrase associated with every single skill.
(07:26):
That's why I harp on adherence,
y'all,
trust me,
look.
I,
I've thought about this so many times and I've actually never said this out loud.
It's just been my internal dialogue,
but here I am pouring it out into the airwaves for all eternity.
Look,
transparency is valuable.
You don't know how many times I've thought to myself,
never said out loud.
If I could just
(07:46):
wave a wand
and have every CCPT
fully adhere it at all times,
forever and ever,
forever and always,
amen.
My life would just
right itself.
I mean,
I've thought and felt that so many times.
Why?
Because all day,
every day
I'm going,
OK,
so let's let's say this a little bit differently.
(08:07):
Let's tweak this a little bit differently.
That's not fully adherent.
Let's let's adjust that.
And I am happy to do it.
I am grateful to do it.
That's not a complaint.
That is,
I know how hard it is.
To phrase things and be fully adherent
and have those skills so ingrained
that they flow without thinking about them
(08:29):
and the words matter.
The the minute we make a tweak,
the second that we change even one word,
sometimes it derails the whole thing,
and now all of a sudden we've said something that we don't actually mean.
So,
although I often think,
man,
I wish that everyone would just be fully here all the time,
(08:50):
this is,
this is the battle worth fighting,
all of us.
I showed a video clip of myself last week in the
in the Collective
where
she finished her,
we were playing the game Cootie if you're not familiar with that,
you make little bugs.
So she finishes her bug,
I finish my bug,
I look at the clock and time is up and I go,
you finished your bug,
(09:10):
perfect timing.
Now
I talk all the time
about not using value laden words in sessions,
and there it came out of my mouth,
perfect timing.
Now I didn't praise her with a value laden word.
I didn't say good job on your bug,
but I said perfect timing and perfect is
unequivocally a value laden word.
(09:32):
And I was like,
and there I am fighting the battle of making sure that my phrases
and the skills are fully adherent and that there's purpose behind them.
I know
that we avoid value laden words in the playroom,
and there it came out of my mouth.
So there is no expectation of perfection.
But we need to understand why we say the things that we do.
(09:54):
Why do we say this is our special play time.
You can choose to play with all the toys in most of the ways that you want to.
Full
autonomy,
full freedom,
full control.
But sometimes limits are needed.
So the most of the ways that you want
is our way to bring in a limit if it is necessary.
(10:18):
Without saying that,
as soon as we try to set a limit,
kid bristles because we told them that they had complete freedom.
Most of the ways that you want to implies every once in a while
you might choose to do something
that needs a limit.
The
phrase is so
purposeful,
y'all.
(10:40):
Very carefully constructed
to do exactly what we want it to do.
It doesn't make a child feel that there are all kinds of rules.
It doesn't make a child feel that they have constraints all over them.
It actually makes them feel the opposite.
I can play with all the toys.
Wow.
In most of the ways that you want.
OK.
(11:01):
Another thing that
therapists say a lot is
you can do anything you want in here.
No,
you cannot.
Not even close.
Because the second
that you whack me in the face with nunchucks,
there's going to be a limit set.
The second that you try to color on the carpet
(11:21):
with permanent markers in my playroom,
there's going to be a limit set.
The second that you start breaking my arrows
that go in my crossbow over your knee,
there's going to be a limit set.
You cannot do anything you want in a playroom.
You cannot do whatever you want in a playroom.
(11:43):
We need to make it real clear
that if needed,
there are limits.
That's where the most comes in.
Now,
let me go to the opposite end of the spectrum.
Often,
therapists will say,
you can choose to play with all the toys in most of the ways that you want,
and if there's something you can't do,
I'll let you know.
(12:04):
Oh,
OK.
Let's,
let's backpedal there.
Now I'm an authority,
I'm in charge,
and I get to decide what's OK and what isn't,
and you're at the mercy of my decisions and what I think is OK.
Mm.
That that doesn't need to be added on.
You can play with all the toys in most of the ways that you want.
(12:26):
There's already an implication
that you might need to set a limit.
We don't need to preemptively tell the kid that we're going to
set a limit if they're doing something that they can't do.
Just by saying if there's something you can't do,
we're in charge.
That flies in the face of CCPT.
Another thing I hear all the time.
(12:47):
There are no rules in here.
Why do we even need to say that phrase?
We don't even need to bring up the word rules.
As a matter of fact,
we should never say the word rules in a playroom.
Why?
Because there are no rules.
Sometimes limits are needed,
but there are no rules in a playroom.
(13:08):
And we certainly don't need to say that there aren't
any rules because really by saying there are no rules,
that kind of implies that we're focusing on the rules.
What we want the child to focus on is that they can play with all the toys
in most of the ways that they want.
There's freedom,
there's abandon,
there's lack of inhibition,
(13:29):
you're in charge,
you get to decide,
you choose.
There's freedom and power in that.
As soon as we say there's no rules.
Now all of a sudden,
we're seeming very legalistic.
That's not what we want.
Another thing I see all the time.
You can play with all the toys in most of the ways that you want,
(13:51):
but I have to be safe,
you have to be safe,
and nothing can be broken on purpose.
OK.
Are those the unwritten
and unspoken
elements of the way that we make sure
that the environment is appropriate in the playroom?
Yes,
but kids never hear that.
That's what we know.
(14:13):
That's our
barometer
for when we know if we need to set a limit or not.
Am I safe?
Is the child safe?
Is something getting damaged or broken on purpose?
Those are the reasons why we set limits,
but the child never hears those phrases.
(14:33):
Those are for us so that we have a test internally
of,
OK,
I probably need to address this now because this is not safe,
or I need to address this because things are getting broken and damaged.
So do you see how with
knowledge,
with intention,
with everything that we believe about CCPT
(14:55):
we can still say things that change the dynamic slightly.
Sometimes it changes significantly.
And the goal is
that when a child walks in,
they hear the same exact thing every single time.
Name,
this is our special playtime.
Some people say welcome back to the playroom,
by the way,
so you can,
you can add that one in there.
(15:17):
Welcome back to the playroom name.
This is our special playtime.
You can choose to play with all the toys in most of the ways that you want.
And we leave it at that
that says everything we need to say.
It doesn't get misunderstood it doesn't get misconstrued.
There's no lack of clarity,
child knows exactly what to expect and when you say it every time
(15:40):
they start to get to a point some kids start to get to a point where they interrupt you
and they're like,
I know,
I know,
I know.
So another way around that is.
Hi so and so.
Welcome back to the playroom.
As you know,
This is our special playtime and you can choose to play with
all the toys in most of the ways that you want.
As you know,
(16:01):
it's just a gentle reminder and I'm still gonna say it every single time,
and I know you know and you know that
you know,
and you know I know you know,
but I'm still going to say it every single time.
Why?
Because it's part of our routine.
Because it's consistent and predictable and stable and that's what
kids need from us and they thrive under those conditions
(16:22):
and it's setting everyone up for success
because if a limit is needed
we fall back on the most of the ways that you want.
But that's all that needs to be said.
So be very guarded.
Tame your tongues.
We were talking about that on a Collective call earlier.
Someone was like,
(16:43):
I just need to stop talking.
I was like,
well,
within reason,
yes,
we have to tame our tongues.
Only say what is necessary
and say something that has intention and purpose,
and it is intentionally crafted.
To get the goal,
which is child feels freedom,
but we're able to set limits when needed.
(17:05):
So that is what you're going to say when you walk into the playroom.
From that point forward,
child is in charge.
And then you're into all of the skills of the model.
So we'll continue with this series next time.
Shoot me an email.
I'd love to hear from you,
brenna@thekidcounselor.com.
I love you all.
We'll talk again soon.
(17:25):
Bye.
Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr.
Brenna Hicks.
For more episodes and resources,
please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.
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