323 | What to Do When Time Is Up But the Child Isn’t Regulated Yet

In this episode, I respond to a question from Crystal, a school-based clinician in Minnesota, about how to end sessions when a child is emotionally dysregulated. Especially in settings like schools, where transitions can be abrupt and expectations are high, it can be tricky to support a child who’s deeply engaged in therapeutic work but needs to return to class.

I walk through the importance of a decompression process and share how we build transition time into our sessions through rituals like handwashing and snack choices. I also talk about clinical judgment—recognizing when a child might need a few extra minutes or a gentler route back into their day—and how we can advocate with caregivers and teachers to protect that emotional space. If you’ve ever faced the challenge of ending a session while a child is still “in it,” this episode offers validation, strategy, and a clear CCPT-aligned approach.

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Common References:
Cochran, N., Nordling, W., & Cochran, J. (2010). Child-Centered Play Therapy (1st ed.). Wiley.
VanFleet, R., Sywulak, A. E., & Sniscak, C. C. (2010). Child-centered play therapy. Guilford Press.
Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge.
Landreth, G.L., & Bratton, S.C. (2019). Child-Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT): An Evidence-Based 10-Session Filial Therapy Model (2nd ed.). Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781315537948
Benedict, Helen. Themes in Play Therapy. Used with permission to Heartland Play Therapy Institute.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks,
your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.
Hi,
I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,
The Kid Counselor.
This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get
a master class in child-centered play therapy
and practical support and application for your
work with children and their families.
In today's episode,
I am answering a question from Crystal in Minnesota.

(00:23):
I think I've had a few other Minnesotans
write in because I remember talking about the
really cool trip that we took to Minnesota a couple of years ago.
So hello to you Minnesotans,
Minnesotans,
and I want to dive into this email.
This is actually a really helpful question.
So Crystal,
thank you.
I'm gonna read parts of it and we will tackle it together.

(00:45):
I'm a clinical social worker currently working in a public school
and have discovered a love for play therapy.
I'm moving into a group practice and I found your podcast
absolutely invaluable in honing my skills as I make the transition.
I'm so glad,
Crystal,
that's why I do it.
It has been wonderfully affirming to know that
non-directive child-centered play therapy is a thing.
Indeed it is.
Your podcast is helping me learn how to articulate why

(01:08):
I'm doing the way things the way that I do,
especially since the schools are very directive environments.
Yes,
a battle worth waging,
but for sure a struggle for school-based CCPTs.
I'm wondering how to end sessions
when ensuring the child is emotionally regulated and safe.
Today I was working with a 5 year old with a known trauma history.
He was doing some really intense processing around power and control and safety,

(01:30):
and at the end it was clear that he was not regulated enough to safely return to class.
I always give 5 and 2 minute warnings,
and he often struggles to leave at the end.
Today he was reluctant but willing to leave,
but he ran from me in the hallway,
pushed other children,
and in situations in the past
I've introduced a regulating activity like breathing,
rhythmic movement,
etc.
but I'm not sure what to do now that I've committed to the non-directive way of life.

(01:54):
Oh,
you know,
once you've come to the light side,
you're never gonna go back,
Crystal,
so we'll,
we'll figure it out together.
So here's what
is going on in a scenario like this,
and even if you are not school-based,
there are inevitably children that the time is up and you know that they are
not regulated and you know that walking out to the lobby and greeting parents,

(02:15):
caregivers,
whomever is likely going to be difficult.
So this is a very universal scenario.
We've given 5 minute warning,
we've given 2 minute warning,
and the child wraps up and we know that there is still
that
dysregulation.
There's still the charge,
there's still all of that going on for the child,
and that is tricky to navigate.
So this is a really helpful question.

(02:37):
I'm glad we're diving in.
All right,
first and foremost,
you need to have decompression
scenarios worked into your process.
So for us,
the child chooses where to wash hands as they leave the playroom.
And then they choose a snack.
So we're kind of engaging different
aspects here.
So first of all,

(02:57):
we're killing some time.
This is why we have a 50 minute therapeutic hour
because we have a 10 minute turnaround.
So Crystal,
I'm not sure what your schedule is like in the schools
and for those of you that are not in private practice,
I don't know what the governance is over how
long you have and what your turnaround time is.
If you have any control over that whatsoever and or

(03:17):
maybe a more helpful thing to say is.
You need to ensure that you have governance
over some of these things in any environment
in which you work.
You need to have built in decompression
turnaround.
In other words,
what can you do
that will engage some senses
that will take the child out of their deep feelings,

(03:39):
that will give them some time and space,
that will allow them to kind of recalibrate,
potentially take care of some of the somatic stuff that's going on.
And if you think about it,
if a child
walks somewhere,
washes hands,
walks somewhere else,
chooses a snack.
Consumes,
said snack.

(04:00):
And then goes out to the lobby.
Now all of a sudden there's some built in
time for the child to kind of come down
and now the body is engaging in other senses and other experiences we've
changed environments we've focused on several
different things we've made some choices.
Now all of a sudden

(04:21):
we're kind of getting out of therapy,
internalized stuff and we're into more decision making and externalizing things.
That is the goal of the turnaround.
So Crystal,
for you,
I don't know if you maybe you're on.
I know a lot of times school-based people have 30 minutes,
so I don't know if maybe that means that you have a 25 minute

(04:42):
therapeutic hour and then you use that 5 minute turnaround time to work this out.
That's very important.
Another component is
there are times when you have to make a clinical judgment call.
That
you
allow the child to remain with you a little bit longer,
even if that means that you go over time a little bit.
So we have the work in

(05:04):
where we have the snack and the hand washing and then walking out to the lobby.
Sometimes that isn't even enough.
So sometimes
we have an extra 2 or 3 minutes.
Before we even leave the playroom,
time is up,
but we kind of give that extra pause
for kids to really kind of
come back down from whatever it is they're working on.

(05:25):
Sometimes we
take an extra few minutes in the snack area before we go out to mom or dad or whomever
because we need to make that clinical
decision of does this child seem regulated enough
to be able to handle going back into a different
environment that's going to be a shock to the system.
And whether they go back to a classroom in a school,

(05:47):
whether they go back to caregiver in the lobby.
The people that have been waiting,
so teacher and and peers in the classroom,
parent and siblings in the lobby,
whoever has been waiting for the child,
they are oblivious
to the depth and the burden and the heaviness
of what that child has just been processing.
So inevitably what happens,

(06:08):
they go out and they're still carrying the weight of it.
They still feel the burden of that,
and whoever greets them.
It's like,
hey,
did you have fun?
Oh,
you're back.
OK,
let's jump into math.
And it's,
it's oblivion,
not
in any kind of critical way,
but there's like a lack of awareness and there's oblivion and ignorance

(06:29):
to
what that kid has just been put through
during that play session.
And so sometimes it's also a psychoeducation aspect
of helping parents,
teachers,
whomever
understand
what expectations are.
Look,
there's going to be times when your child comes out
and they just,

(06:51):
they're quiet,
they're just regulated,
they're a little bit disengaged,
they're a little bit withdrawn.
And
we have to be sensitive to that.
We don't want to respond in certain ways.
We don't want to ask if they had fun.
We don't wanna ask what they did.
We don't want them to have to dive right into something real fast.
We kind of need to honor their process.

(07:12):
We need to respect where they are
and sometimes it's gonna take a little while
for them to recalibrate.
So often it's conversations with teachers,
with school counselors,
with parents,
caregivers,
whomever.
Why?
Because they don't know,
you don't know what you don't know,
but we can see it and so we have to advocate on behalf of the child.

(07:34):
That allows us to help parents and other people
have expectations of what is normal and appropriate
and therefore how they can respond differently.
So when you said that he was willing to leave but reluctant,
that is a clinical awareness that we had,
oh,
he's probably not
fully capable of,
of heading back yet.

(07:54):
So I'm wondering if in your scenario if you can
walk the
long way to the classroom.
I wonder if you could have him go on an errand with you.
I need to go drop this off at Miss So and So's office,
so I wonder if you'd like to come with me,
and that'll kill an extra 2 minutes before he's actually
engaging in the hallway with peers and other children.

(08:14):
You have the luxury and the ability
to
make decisions on behalf of the child.
That's the whole premise of CCPT.
It's child led.
We recognize where the child is and we meet them where they are.
We sit in the pocket
of whatever it is that they're going through.
And so when he goes into the hallway and pushes other kids,
it's no wonder.

(08:35):
And so maybe it's about accommodating that and coming up with an alternative
that will still allow him to transition back to class,
but in a more favorable way.
And again,
this is about setting
the scenario up for success.
We want the child to be successful.
We want
the adults to be the stakeholders,
right,
the parents,
the caregivers,
the teachers,

(08:55):
the principal,
whomever.
We want them to feel that it's successful.
We want to feel that things are successful
and sometimes it's setting expectations and providing different alternatives
to accommodate the need and it's not an every week thing.
There are going to be some weeks,
actually probably most weeks,
where he is fully capable of transitioning back with the regular process,

(09:17):
but every once in a while
we make that clinical call where we realize,
you know what,
I probably need to give this kid an extra couple of minutes.
And that is justified clinically.
That is a professional instinctive reaction
that we are able to implement as a result of knowing kids
and knowing where they are and knowing what's happening for them.

(09:38):
So
I'm actually very happy to hear that you
have abandoned your breathing and rhythmic movement process
and I understand the why,
I understand what the intention was behind that,
but we have to recognize that
children learn to self regulate,
children learn to self control,
children learn to recalibrate themselves.

(09:59):
And
if they're learning it themselves instead of being told to do an activity.
That serves them long term in every scenario
rather than just here and now in this moment,
I'm breathing to calm down.
That does not give them the longitudinal outcome
of I know how to get myself under control and I know how to regulate when I get upset.

(10:20):
That's the goal and through the four
universal outcomes through all of our interactions,
obviously
that is the facilitation of
those outcomes.
So.
Crystal,
thank you so much.
I hope that that's helpful and
struggle across the board for us
when we know a kid is in the thick of stuff and time is up.
I mean,
it's almost like we,
we feel it with them,

(10:41):
like,
oh gosh,
like they need to be in here longer.
So we,
we make little tweaks along the way to do our best to accommodate that.
All right y'all,
I love you.
Hope you have a great week.
We'll talk again soon.
Bye.
Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr.
Brenna Hicks.
For more episodes and resources,
please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.